#bear in mind here i’m not asking anyone else to come in and support me or do anything for me

[fingertipsmp3]

Have we learned nothing. Have we truly learned nothing.

[emmyrosee]

are u down 4 sum lil angst?? well, i'm just curious how would it be being the famous star volleyball player, Sakusa Kiyoomi's TOTGA?

YOU HAD N O RIGHT MATE

ok so fun emmy history, back when I was a wee child and before the miya twins were even a thing, i wrote a self insert that I’m still weirdly proud of today so congratulations, you scratched that memory HHEISBSOSN-

Hey! Future Emmy here. so... major tw; kiyoomi is very mean, extremely toxic, and i for sure went overboard, but there's a lot of blaming and yelling and just. ugh. this piece hurt my own heart smh.

-

But listen. You slipped into Sakusa Kiyoomi’s life surprisingly. He wasn’t expecting you or even just to date at all, you were just at the right places in the right times where he finally felt at ease in your presence. You just understood who he was beyond surface level, and he’d never had that in someone before.

You loved him before he was cool, before he was anyone other than a top ace in Japan. You were the first to tell him it was okay to mess up, do something other than eat drink and sleep volleyball, even if he wants it to take up most of his time.

Time, he no longer has, when he gets injured.

It wasn't like it was an inopportune time- though, as a college athlete, there really is no good time to get injured- if anything, it was spontaneous and had he not had dreams of making it big, he'd never think twice of it.

But he gets injured. Junior year of college, just as his name starts to grow in the industry, and he gets injured. Bad ankle, it’s actually a former injury from his childhood that apparently didn’t heal right.

There’s articles that spread about Bokuto Koutarou, how he’s climbing the ranks and how Miya Atsumu, the same little rat who bothered him in high school received an offer from god knows what team, and he’s fuming.

That should be him and his setter getting those offers and climbing that ladder, it’s been him and him alone for years, and he knows it's bitter to hate people for their successes, but its not fucking fair, he deserves more than this.

He deserves more than doctors trying to encourage surgery to heal at the sacrifice of volleyball, he deserves more than flowers and cards of best wishes, more than Miya Atsumu texting him to see if he's okay, he deserves more than any being on earth could give him.

And that includes you.

"Baby, did you finally call the surgeon?" You ask, coming in with a water bottle and a cup of his meds.

Apparently, that's more than enough to set him off.

"I don't need surgery."

He hears you sigh, "the doctor says the tear is too big just for physical therapy, you'll need the extra support-"

"In case you forgot, I was fucking there."

His breath becomes hot, and he can't peel his eyes from the commercials playing on the tv. The room suddenly feels suffocating, and of he could will himself to do it, he'd apologize and tell you he loves you, he's just tense and hurt, and he's grateful you're here, and-

"I'm the one who's life is going down the tubes. Fun fact."

The other thoughts in his mind are static. merely an incoherent buzz. You're his victim now, to his ugliest sides that therapy and his family prodded back years ago.

There's no one to prod it back now.

"I... I didn't mean any harm, I promise-"

"You really shouldn't talk to me right now," he snarls, rage bubbling and clawing away at his soul. There's a bubbling of tears that rip at his waterline in a demand to fall, but he's blinded to anything else.

He hates his life. He hates his ankle. He hates his doctors for telling him it may not heal right ever.

He hates you.

"Kiyoomi, please-"

He bears his teeth like a dog in an attack, and you flinch back slightly. "If you hadn't fucking distracted me, this never would've happened." He hears you whine in your throat.

he ignores it.

"I was fine," he barks. "I was happy before you. I was strong, I was powerful, I was a damned force to be reckoned with." He crawls closer to you on the couch, and when you cower to try and get away, he chases your body with his torso.

When you stand up, he does too. His leg lights every single nerve up in a blaze of agony, but he's too gone in his own rage to think about it.

"I... I know you're mad, but please, sit down Kiyoomi-"

You're right.

"Shut the hell up!"

Even on one foot, he towers over you threateningly. You bring your hands up to try and force distance between you both; your touch does ground him slightly, but not enough to stop his scorn.

You sniffle softly, clearly uncomfortable, "you're just mad... and that's okay. Please stop shouting at me, we can make this work, kiyoomi."

Now, his eyes are scalding with furious tears.

"I want this to work, oomi... please, stop shouting-"

“It doesn’t matter if you want it to work,” he snaps. “I’ve got a plan to stick to that’s already been screwed because of us, AND IT'S YOUR GODDAMNED FAULT!"

When you sob and crumple to your feet, there’s a small part of kiyoomi that comes to, the words suddenly sour on his tongue. He feels… confused, he doesn’t know where it came from inside of him, but the way your eyes water from his words snaps him back to reality.

“I’m… im ruining your plan?” You choke, and god kiyoomi wants the floor to engulf him whole. Because duh, of course now you’re not he’s just the scum of the earth, you’re all he can think of wanting in this shitty life, but he can’t say that, not when your hands cover your mouth in distress and horror, tears slipping over your fingers. He feels the blood leave his face when you take a step back, followed by another, then one as you turn on your heel to leave.

“Wait-“

“No, Kiyoomi,” you snap, and its his turn to feel your rage, your head whipping to look at him in betrayal. “No. I’m officially done waiting for you.”

And despite the fact that he wants to chase you, wants to gather you in his arms and pin you to the wall and demand you listen to him, listen to why his plan has changed and how you’ve completely ruined all of it in the best ways, he can’t. His leg throbs at the mere idea.

He just. Stands there, frozen for god knows how long, staring at the long slammed door, wondering if you’d come back for something you’d forgot in your exit. Something dumb, like a charger or a water bottle, something easily replaceable but you wanted from him just as a last chance makeup.

But you don’t. And once his good leg starts to cramp from standing there, he slowly moves his way to his bedroom.

And he’s fine. Honest!

Sitting by himself in the cold of night gives him more time to think about the future. The one without you, of course. Limping around the dorm on crutches makes his arms ache and knees weak, and the backpack on his shoulders making him fall forwards is plenty to make his elbows strengthen up (they’re withering away) and his breathing circulate (he’s breathing back tears of pain and frustration.)

He can’t… he can’t do this without you.

Call him selfish, but his life was not only easier with you around, it was better, it was fun to love you and have you scream his name from the stands, but now that seat is occupied by someone else when it should be yours and yours alone.

He’s tried to get over it. He’s tried to get everything in line, get you the hell out of his mind but he can’t.

You’re different. He hates you for it. There’s something about you that refused to leave his mind and soul. Every time someone is interested in him, he feels disgusted because every crush is based on appearances now; it never was with you. Every time someone laughs, his first thought is how much he misses yours. When one of those stupid fast food commercials comes on in the late hours of night, he smiles sadly as he remembers the way your eyes would meet his and you’d beg him for some fries at ungodly hours.

He has to move on. It’s been fucking years. Why hasn’t he moved on?

Any sane person by now would have moved on, passed through his heartbreak and try to find another, but he’s so emotionally unavailable at this point. Every thought and every reminder that plagues him continues to hit like a ton of bricks every time.

Maybe it's guilt.

No, its definitely guilt.

He loved you, more than you could imagine, he appreciated you more than he can express, and to show you how much you mean to him, he blamed you for his failures.

No wonder he deserves to be alone.

And just when his exhaustion can't grow, his self destruction and crumbling self worth can't get lower, he gets thrown in another circle of hell that he seems to find himself in; this time, in a coffee shop he frequents. Not too many familiar faces, just a couple blocks from the train, and up until that point, only having known him as an alias.

Until today, when the Gods decide to torture him a bit more.

“Name?”

“Sakusa,” he says, not even thinking as he scrolls on his phone. There’s a high pitched gasp from the girl, and it makes his eye twitch.

“NO WAY!!! Oh my gosh, you’re THE sakusa kiyoomi?! Oh my gosh, wait, hold on- can I get a picture? No, wait, you’re not into those- can I get an autograph? I knew you looked familiar, my sister and I watch you play all the time! I’m such a fan!-“

“Uh… thanks. Can I have my tea-“

The girl doesn’t answer, instead, she calls for her co-worker who barrels out in equal excitement.

On any normal day, kiyoomi would snap. He’d scold and snarl about how rude they were, how he’s still a fucking person who just so happens to be good at volleyball, but he’s like a deer in headlights. He’s too surprised at his own stupidity of not using his usual alias, how damn tired is he?

There’s a weight that feels like a ton of bricks that settles on his chest once he hears the line behind him complaining about how long it’s taking, then people behind the register flashing pictures that have him blinded and asking him questions he doesn’t want to answer, he just wants his tea for God’s sake and-

“HEY!” There’s a snap from someone at a table, and it breaks up the small, impromptu paparazzi at the front. “People are trying to work here, and not get a damn seizure from your damn pictures!” He feels all that anxiety break on his shoulders once they cower away. “And shame on you all!” They continue, the line slowly parting to let them continue shouting. “He may be famous but he’s still a damn person! Make the fucking drink and GO!”

Kiyoomi doesn’t want to look. Even if he’s eternally grateful for them, he knows that scold and he knows that bravery to call out random people for their shiftiness.

Because it’s the same thing you used to do all those years ago.

He winced and pulls the mask higher on his nose to keep himself concealed- as if he’s not a 190.5 cm monster. But you don’t say anything about anything that just happened, you must be deep in your work to not process just exactly who you were defending.

He gets his tea with a quick apology from the baristas, and he heads to the door to leave.

….

…right?

He’s gone. He’s on the bus, headphones in and heading to practice, audiobook putting him in a new world where his only current connection is the hot tea in his hands.

Right?

There’s always been a table on the bus, a table he rudely stalks up to, where you’re sitting and typing away furiously at your laptop and massaging one of your temples, too engrossed in your work to notice the outside hitter standing just in front of you.

“Uh…” he chews his lip nervously. You don’t look up.

This is the chance Komori’s been talking about. If he doesn’t take it, he’s going to hate himself forever.

“Thank you for standing up for me back there.”

“You’re welcome.”

He sighs staggered, “can I… uhm… repay the favor?”

To his extreme relief, you offer him a small chuckle, “maybe you can recommend a coffee shop where random cele…” your voice drifts off when you look up at him, jaw frozen open and eyes wide and dancing all over his face. You’re both just staring at each other, breathing ragged and tense, and his brows furrowing to try and hide the guilt and absolute need he has for you to continue the conversation.

You clear your throat, “your uhm… your foot healed uh… well.”

He wants to, but can’t, fight the snort that sneaks past his lips because that’s about the last thing he thought you’d say. But he sees you crack a smile too, and it’s worth it.

“Yeah,” he says after he clears his throat. “Yeah, I’m playing professionally now. Minor aches here and there, but nothing unusual.”

“So you got to stick with your plan,” you hum sadly, and his heart stops. “That’s wonderful, Sakusa. Im glad to hear it-“

“But my plan never felt complete,” he interrupts, and he sees your nostrils flare in annoyance. “I-I-I thought I knew what I wanted, but god, I didn’t. I don’t, I’ve always only wanted you.”

You offer him a shrug, “Kiyoomi, I was an intruder in your life; I can’t blame you for that, I shouldn’t have been there-“

“I wanted you there.”

“Clearly you didn’t,” you snip, and finally, he sighs in defeat. “You made it just fine without me in your plan.”

Fuck it.

If he’s here, he’s gonna lay all his cards, give you every last thought of his and leave you one more time to pick up your shattered pieces.

“I miss you.”

You freeze, but there’s a glazing of your waterline before you slowly, tensely, turn up to look at him.

“Don’t,” you snap. “Don’t do this, Sakusa.”

“I can’t help it,” he says, own voice twinging raw. "I hate it too. I hate that I've had to carry this weight with me for all these years, years I should've been with you, kept you safe and happy, and I couldn't even do that."

"You shattered what we had. Don't ever forget that."

"I never have been able to."

There's another silence surrounding you both, suffocating and hot and thick, and he gets flashbacks of a scenario not too dissimilar, where you're looking up at him with those same, betrayed eyes.

But your gaze doesn't last. It crumbles before you let out the breath you'd been holding, a sign that you're not going to waste your energy on him anymore, "you're too late, Kiyoomi. You don't get to miss me anymore."

When your hands shift to close your laptop, he sees it. The massive, heavy rock on your finger, glimmering under the soft lights of the coffee shop.

Kiyoomi feels sick. He could faint right now if his pride would let him. Instead, he swallows the bile in his throat and grits his teeth, giving you a smile and a casual scratch of the back of his head, "that's... that's awesome! I'm happy for you."

"Don't be," you smile sadly.

"Why?"

You shurg, "you don’t have to be happy for me. I’m happy for me. He's a friend of Bokuto-San's. Set us up not long after we broke up." Then, you sigh shakily, "I'm just here for work, I won't taint your coffee shops for much longer." It was an attempt to break up the heavy silence.

He could puke right now if he didn't feel completely defeated. He could strangle Bokuto in devastation.

In his younger, naïve efforts to drive you away, he drove you straight to someone else's arms.

He nods and chokes out a small "alright," before spinning on his heel away from you

He makes move to leave the coffee shop, but before he does, but before he can, he turns back to face you, trying to get one final look at you, soaking in your presence and soul before you vanish from his life forever. He calls your name, and you look at him one more time with that big, beautiful gaze.

"Do you believe in the one that got away?" he asks, and you process his answer before slipping your computer in your bag.

"Yeah. And I believe I'm yours- but you were too worried about losing volleyball. Now, I guess we all got what we wanted."

His veins turn icy as he tries to blink back the hot tears searing his waterline, turning his head to dodge your knowing eyes.

Everyone got what they wanted.

Except for his broken heart, of course.

[archiveikemen]

Xeno Main Story: Chapter 3

This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection; expect mistakes, grammatical errors, and some creative liberties. All original content and media used belongs to Cybird. Please support the game by buying their stories and playing their games. Reblogs appreciated.

Read this before interacting

Rina: Excuse me, Xeno-san. I’m here to clean. 

Xeno: I don’t need it. 

An unhappy response was heard from the other side of the door, but I refused to back down. 

Rina: That won’t do. Didn’t you say so yourself, Xeno-san? Since I’ve decided to be a housekeeper, I should be flawless at my job.

Rina: This is part of my job… please.

After waiting for a short while, the door opened without a sound. 

Xeno: … Come in. 

Rina: O-okay! 

…

(Wow…) 

On one side of his room, there was a luxurious sofa and television; on the other side was a large bed. 

It was my first time entering Xeno-san’s room that was larger than mine. 

(… But there’s not much stuff in here. Despite the refined look of the room, it doesn’t have a lived-in feel.) 

(While it does kind of match Xeno-san’s aesthetic, it feels rather lonely for some reason…) 

The sight of his figure standing alone in the chillingly desolate room reminded me of the moment he left the living room just now. 

Rina: Are you okay, Xeno-san? You had an argument with the others earlier on… 

Xeno: Mind your own business and focus on cleaning. 

Rina: … Okay.

He went to sit down on the sofa after saying that. His attitude was strict, and the air in the room felt awfully heavy. 

Judging by the open computer and reading materials spread across the table, he was likely busy with some work. 

(… Anyway, let’s get to work.) 

(Although there doesn’t seem to be much for me to do here.) 

The room looked spotless to begin with and there wasn’t much furniture around, it wouldn’t take long to finish cleaning.

In the completely silent room, the sound of me cleaning was especially loud. 

(T-this is awkward…) 

Perhaps I was nervous because of Xeno-san’s cold presence, to the point whereby it felt hard to even breathe.

(I wonder what kind of work Xeno-san’s been busy with…) 

Surrounded by piles of documents and books, he looked really serious while typing on his computer. 

Rina: … That’s a lot of reading material. Are those for another job? 

I asked, unable to bear with the heavy atmosphere much longer. I thought he would lash out at me, however…

Xeno: That’s right. I’m working on the plan for our next concert.

Unexpectedly, he answered my question.

(Being a self-produced idol group is exe Creed’s selling point.)

(The stage production for concerts was definitely done by Xeno-san.) 

(I was also told that the discussions with the artist whose concert exe Creed performed as guest performers were done by Xeno-san as well…) 

Rina: … You really are amazing, Xeno-san. 

Xeno: What? 

When doing my research on exe Creed, I watched many videos of their concerts. 

Even the general public could tell that their performances were truly spectacular, not to mention their songs and dancing. 

(Their innovative themes and flawless formations highlighted each member’s strengths…)

Rina: You must be the mastermind behind all of exe Creed’s amazing stage performances.

Rina: Moreover, the idol industry is so highly competitive… 

(I can’t imagine how tough it is for him.) 

Xeno: I was wondering what you were trying to say… this is to be expected of me because it’s my job.

He spoke matter of factly, his eyes not leaving the computer screen for even a second. 

(His serious nature is the root of exe Creed’s perfect stages…) 

(Maybe that’s why he got that angry at Finn-san.) 

(This man is more serious about his work than anyone else.) 

… But it’s exactly why I’m worried about him.

(His schedule is packed to the extreme and he stays up all night working without sleeping. Will he be alright if he keeps this up?)

Rina: Um, please try not to overwork yourself. I might be overstepping boundaries by saying this, but I’m worried about your wellbeing. 

Xeno: … You really love poking your nose into my business. I don’t need you to worry about me, I know myself best. 

Rina: But…

Xeno: Busybody. I see you have a lot of time to be saying nonsensical things, are you done cleaning?

Rina: Oh! Y-yes, I am. 

Xeno: I see. Then get out.��

Xeno: I don’t have time to rest. Mind your own business and stick to your own work. 

… And so I was thrown out of the room.

…

Rina: *sigh*...

(I’m being a busybody, huh… I was indeed too pushy.)

As a super idol, Xeno-san carried a large amount of responsibility on his shoulders while working. 

For me to say such things to him, I might’ve sounded as though I was trivialising his efforts. 

My sigh echoed through the empty living room. Everyone had already gone back to their rooms to rest for the day, so the penthouse was quiet.

(Xeno-san’s still awake, I guess.)

Through today’s interactions with Xeno-san, I understood one thing. If I want to gain his recognition, I can’t be half-hearted. 

(Even if I were to forcibly interact with him, he definitely won’t pay attention to a single word I say.) 

(And so I should do as Xeno-san says and focus on doing my own job well first.)

(This goes for both my job at the company and at this condominium. I must put in even more effort…!)

…

Although that was my resolution, actually putting it into action was a whole new level of difficulty. 

(I feel like Mori-san and the others became even harsher towards me than before. I’m so busy with my assigned tasks, my head is spinning…) 

…

(Another day of unpaid overtime work… I got home late again.)

If I started doing a little housekeeping now, it would be midnight by the time I was done.

Maybe it was because that had become more or less what my situation was like every day, the accumulated fatigue caused my body to feel heavy…

…

After I was done cleaning, Xeno-san had me redo it. I did twice the amount of cleaning I did yesterday.

(As expected, he’s insanely strict…I spent so much time cleaning.)

Xeno-san was exactly as he proclaimed to be, seeking perfection in terms of work. If he wasn’t satisfied, he’d make me do it again and again. 

Jace: He works you till this late at night, huh. You two are like maid and employer. 

Finn: Isn’t a maid the same as a housekeeper? 

Hugh: Housekeeper-san… is your work tiring? 

Jace: Rather, it’s Xeno who’s being too harsh on her. If she were designated to my room instead, I’d definitely be much kinder. 

Finn: Do you think she’ll flee before she does her presentation? I dare to bet that she will. That guy has always been like this. 

Rina: Ugh… that’s…

Even though my job only consisted of the usual everyday household chores, it was still hard for me to perform them like a professional overnight. 

(Besides, being around Xeno-san makes me nervous, so I often fail…) 

Ivy: Don’t say that. 

Ivy: It’s inevitable to face troubles doing a job you’re not used to. Moreover, you’re doing it after you come back from work at the advertising company. 

Ivy: It was said at the start that it’s fine to just do some simple cleaning. You ‘ve never once complained, and you’re doing a great job.

Rina: Ivy-san…

Jace: Yup. Let me comfort you. Come here, Aegis-chan. 

Rina: Eh!? N-no. It’s fine. 

Finn: Geez, it’s not like we’re bullying you. Come on. 

Rina: Wahh, Finn-san!? My hair will get messy…! 

Hugh: … Rest. Want to drink hot chocolate together? 

Rina: Hugh-san… no thank you. I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m really okay. 

Just then, Xeno-san passed by.

Ivy: Xeno, you’re being a little too harsh on her. Eito already said to go easy on her on weekdays, you should be more lenient. 

Xeno: Lenient? She chose to do this. If she hates it, then she can go ahead and resign anytime for all I care. 

Xeno: Aegis, do a better job tomorrow. 

Rina: … Got it! 

Xeno-san left just like that, most likely to lock himself in the lesson room again. 

Ivy: Goodness… are you okay? If you find it infuriating, I’ll lend you a hand too. 

Rina:  No, this is my job after all. 

I replied appreciatively. 

(Like Xeno-san said, this was my own decision. In order to do better, I must try harder…) 

…

My days went on being as busy as always. Maybe it was because I didn’t get much sleep every night and was thus unable to fully get rid of my exhaustion, my head felt like it weighed a ton… 

(I had leftover work today so I brought it home with me. If I don’t complete it after cleaning…) 

…

Rina: Oh, it’s you guys…!

It was the members of exe Creed’s junior group, Gem Cuddle. 

Miu: Huh? You’re that girl from back then…

Nagi: I’ve heard about it, but you’re seriously living here, huh. 

Hitaki: We haven’t seen each since that night. 

Rina: Good to see you again after so long.

Miu: Not at all! 

Rina: Huh?

Miu-san approached me, grabbed my wrist, and forced me to sit on a chair. 

Rina: W-what are you doing? 

His face drew closer, leaving me puzzled. 

Miu: Hey, did you find out any of exe Creed’s weaknesses? Why didn’t you report anything to me? 

Rina: Weaknesses…? I never had that intention to begin with. 

Miu: HAH? How dare you act so arrogant and talk back to me. If you don’t act according to MY plans, then there’s no use in you staying here. 

(How can someone be this selfish!?)

I glanced pleadingly at the other two members, hoping someone would come to my rescue. 

Hitaki: I’ve mentioned it before, right? You have the ability to see through exe Creed’s weaknesses, I’m very interested in your observation skills. 

Hitaki: I’m curious about what kind of effect you’ll have on them. I hope to see it soon. 

Nagi: What’s all that about weaknesses? You guys shouldn’t keep thinking about using such roundabout methods. 

Nagi: We’ll beat exe Creed with our capabilities. We don’t need this girl’s help. 

(Oh no, they only care about saying their piece. No one’s intending to help me at all!) 

Miu: Anyone who doesn’t work for me is useless. What an eyesore. 

Hitaki: In that case, what do you think about making her our designated housekeeper to be useful? 

Nagi: I don’t need a housekeeper. … But having someone to run errands for me doesn’t sound half bad. 

(What’s the deal with these guys!?) 

Right when I felt like I had enough of them… 

Ivy: Enough. 

Rina: Ivy-san!

Ivy: Stop bullying her. She’s already having a hard enough time working for Xeno on our side. 

Miu-san let go of my hand the moment Ivy-san walked in. 

Miu: You’ve worked hard, Ivy-san! No way we’re bullying her, we’re just having a little chat~ 

The instant switch in his personality left me utterly speechless.

(He’s like an entirely different person…) 

Hitaki: Yeah, I didn’t expect us to be mistaken for bullies. 

Nagi: Exactly. 

Miu: Well then~ good luck to you! I’ll be rooting for you ♪

While I stood there baffled, the three of them scurried out of the room.

Ivy: Goodness… sorry about that, they’re a peculiar bunch. 

Rina: It’s fine, thank you. 

Ivy: Hm… you don’t look so good. Maybe you haven’t been sleeping enough, are you okay? 

Ivy-san peered into my face and frowned worriedly. 

Rina: I’m okay. 

Ivy: That’s good, but don’t overwork yourself, okay? 

While there were many people who mocked me, Ivy-san was the one person who would always treat me with kindness. 

(Not only does he care for the members, he cares for me too. He’s really a good person…) 

Ivy: You’re heading to Xeno’s room after this, right? Can I ask you to bring some food for him? 

Ivy: That guy has been cooped up in his room without eating. 

Rina: Got it. 

…

All of exe Creed’s meals were pre-cooked food full of all the nutrients they needed. 

After preparing the food, I made my way to Xeno-san’s room. 

…

Like the other days, he was buried in work today too. 

Rina: Xeno-san, I brought you food. 

Xeno: Leave it over there. 

He responded without looking up from his computer screen. 

(Still as cold as always… I’ve gotten slightly used to it, though.) 

I did as he said and placed the food on the table before getting to work. 

…

(… That should do it.) 

I finished my cleaning and walked towards him to let him know. 

Rina: I’m done—…!? 

— At that moment, I felt my head spin and my vision shook. 

Rina: Ah…! 

Xeno: Oi!? 

Just as I thought I was about to fall…  Xeno-san caught and held me tightly in his arms. 

Strong arms supported my weak body. 

Rina: … I- I’m sorry. I… 

His long, slender fingers touched the area between my eyes. He thought for a moment and—

Rina: !

Xeno-san’s stern face came closer and closer, until it was right in front of my face. 

Rina: Eh…? 

Unable to peel my eyes off him, I could only stare… 

[kexing]

Its so wild to see how openly and aggressively people hate forcebook and their work. Iknow bl opinions are so varied but other than the odd 'this is not for me' i never really come across hate for pairings on here (maybe its different on twitter idk) so its so insane that when it comes to fb people just stop being considerate to fans or even look to bother them actively. there are some actors who get rightly criticized for awful behaviour but with fb it just seems like its the one pairing that people are allowed to shit on and thats why they do it? bc what's the worst they've done? not act the way you would want them to or take part in a show you didn't like?? why would people then focus so much on them rather than focus on the stuff they do like? its so baffling i truly wonder if its just 'playground join in with the bully' behaviour. sorry thats been on my mind as someone who only filters into bl every now and then, its so strange.

hi there!

RIGHT????? before them, i had never seen hate for pairings on this level. i knew about some problematic actors and pairings that had broken up so most people had moved on but actual gratuitous hate??? was unknown to me.

i used to think we all minded our business with our faves and everyone lived in peace. at least it was like that here on tumblr for my first years of bl. i do think twitter is different and probably worse, but the way their behavior has been poisoning tumblr as well is concerning.

truly. i don’t KNOW what’s with forcebook that people seem to enjoy hating on them. they’ve been on the public eye for nearly two years now, they have zero rumors, zero scandals, zero accusations, work hard, just do their thing, openly support the lgbtq+ community, all their coworkers like them, for fanfest in japan geminifourth, joong and phuwin went to force’s room in the middle of the night to hang out because their adore spending time with him, their previous directors adore them, p’film considers forcebook his actual children and p’new opens his arms for book to bear hug him whenever he sees him.

hell, even their old classmates from school came forward to say they were really nice people back then. that force was popular because he was friends with everyone and book was quiet but sweet.

when there’s actual deeply problematic actors out there. people who get accused of unspeakable things EVERY SINGLE DAY. and fans still defend them and give them 937482848384 chances.

it just doesn’t make sense to me. WHY would you be so obsessed with someone you don’t like? focus on your faves instead of complaining about other people just doing their job!!!!!!!!!!

i do usually call it “hate train” because it seems like everybody’s hopping on it just because it’s going around a lot.

but STILL. i see some criticism that’s just baffling. the way people will take forcebook’s words out of context and attack them with it, invent shit saying they’re nepotism babies (they are not). some even use forcebook’s friendship against them which is????? surreal. jobless behavior. go find a hobby or something else to do???? WHAT ARE YOU GAINING FROM ALL THIS?????

force and book are very open about their friendship and how it’s not perfect because they like being honest with us instead of painting a false image of their relationship, it’s not for people to turn it into weapons!! the disrespect is just so infuriating!

i’m not asking for everyone to start loving forcebook, just RESPECT THEM. or even ignore them. but don’t ruin things for them 😭😭😭 and us fans who are just trying to support them.

it’s okay! i wonder about the same things every single day. and i sincerely don’t know if i’m just too biased or something but i have never understood the amount of hate and still don’t because i would never do this to anyone. i never expected things to become like this.

but oh well :/

[lathalea]

It sadly seems many in this fandom don't even know Thorin at all. He's a traditional man who would never agree to any of the modern quips of today. He would be in a committing relationship with one woman, if he were to ever have one, and there's no way that him or any of the dwarves would agree to strange gender ideologies and gay pride. This group of beings from middle Earth would know nothing about this stuff and if they found out about it, I'm sure they wouldn't agree to it. The issue is, too many people are flooding your ask with these strange questions, being completely alright with retconning their favorite Tolkien characters with modern day tactics. It just doesn't make sense. Do you ever wonder how weird this stuff can be?

Dear Anon,

Thank you so much for your ask! 

There is a lot of information to unpack here and quite a few questions to reply to, so bear with me while I do it. In the meantime, have a nice and hot Thorin pic:

(If you hear a sigh, it's Lathalea swooning.)

“It sadly seems many in this fandom don't even know Thorin at all.”

The Tolkien fandom is a huge group of people from all over the world united by the love of JRR’s works. There are hardcore fans and casual fans. Some of them only read the books, some saw only the Rankin/Bass animated version of Hobbit or the 1985 Soviet television play, and others fell in love with Peter Jackson’s movies. I’m sure you know that in all these adaptations, Thorin’s character is portrayed differently from the book. You can argue whether these adaptations were close to the source or whether they served the purpose, but that’s not the point here.

It works similarly when it comes to Thorin fans. Some of us prefer one version over the others, and others create a completely new interpretation of this character in their minds. And some of them put their ideas on paper (umm… computer screen). Even if this or that specific version of Thorin is not 100% the Thorin you or I like, it doesn’t mean it shouldn’t exist.

Various versions of this really inspiring character fulfil each person’s specific needs. Personally, I don’t think there is anything sad about making people happy this way. When I read a fic or an imagine where Thorin does not act in the way I prefer, I simply stop reading and move on. Someone wrote a story that made them happy, someone else liked it, and that’s fine. Not every work of fiction has to cater to everyone's needs.

The same goes for writing asks or requests about Thorin – if someone feels the need to be comforted or supported by a specific version of their favourite character, I’ll be happy to create a story about it if I can. We are living in crazy times, some of us are directly influenced by war, health issues, abuse and so on — and that is the least I can do to help.

(Here Lathalea makes simping sounds.)

“He's a traditional man who would never agree to any of the modern quips of today. He would be in a committing relationship with one woman, if he were to ever have one…”

If we are talking about the canon version of Thorin, I agree with you here. If he was to survive BOTFA, he would most probably marry a Dwarf-woman of childbearing age, mostly to strengthen the line of Durin and provide the heirs to the throne of Erebor, plus to secure some alliances with another large Dwarf house by the way of marriage.

Of course we can also say that he would not marry anyone because he is a Dwarf focused on his craft — and that would also be valid, especially since he has Fili and Kili as heirs (if we’re assuming they survived BOTFA as well). If you read my stories, you have most probably noticed that the first version is the one I choose most often – because I like my fics to stay as close to canon as possible, and I imagine that the Dwarven culture draws from the early mediaeval traditions (plus the Scandinavian culture because we know that Tolkien was partially inspired by it when creating Aule’s children). But that’s my own private headcanon and it’s okay if you see it differently.

(Here Lathalea dreams of combing his hair.)

“...and there's no way that him or any of the dwarves would agree to strange gender ideologies and gay pride. This group of beings from middle Earth would know nothing about this stuff and if they found out about it, I'm sure they wouldn't agree to it.”

What if I were to tell you that for Tolkien’s people of Men in Middle Earth, Dwarves most probably had “strange gender ideologies” too? Some examples:

— People of Men thought that there are only male Dwarves in existence and that their children were “born” out of stone. — Dwarves respected their women greatly and considered them extremely precious (while people of Men often treated women as subservient to men).

— Both Dwarven men and women had beards and wore similar clothes in the outside world, so they all looked like men to the outsiders. Among the people of Men, it was the opposite — and women often had a limited amount of roles to fulfil in their lives.

Having said that, if we were to follow Tolkien’s canon, we have no way of knowing exactly how the gender dynamics or ideas look among the Dwarves. This was the race not created by Eru, but by Aule, in secret, and therefore they are different from the Children of Illúvatar. We only know the Dwarves are very secretive and there are many misconceptions about them. We don’t know what they would think about any concepts we take for granted in our modern societies :)

The same would happen if we invert the situation: for someone raised in, say, the USA, in modern times, the various concepts of gender that have existed in our world throughout history (for example in the North American indigenious cultures, in the ancient Mesopotamia, Egypt, Greece, India, and so on) will probably feel strange, too. And it is totally understandable, mostly because we weren’t raised in those cultures. The same goes for the world of Tolkien. You probably know of his times, his background and worldview that influenced his writing, so I’ll skip it and go straight to fanfiction.

When it comes to fanfiction that is less focused on staying in line with canon, anything can happen there. It is every writer’s creative playground. Some even say that it is both its greatest blessing and a curse ;) But, as such, this playground gives every fan an opportunity to experience certain concepts and ideas in a safe, controlled environment. To experiment. To think out of the box. There is nothing wrong with playing around with different ideas if one feels inclined to do so. That’s how great stories and classic pieces of literature came to be. And there are many great fics that deviate from Tolkien’s writings at the same time being inspired by them.

But of course if those kinds of stories are not your cup of tea, that’s totally fine, too. One of the basic rules of fanfiction says “don’t like it, don’t read it”, after all, and I follow it every time I read anything new.

(This is the scene where Thorin kills Azog and survives and lives happily ever after and Lathalea will die on that Ravenhill. See what I did there? ;) )

“The issue is, too many people are flooding your ask with these strange questions, being completely alright with retconning their favorite Tolkien characters with modern day tactics. It just doesn't make sense. Do you ever wonder how weird this stuff can be?”

I hope that what I wrote above explained my point of view. And if you read Thorin's my replies to these asks, you have most probably noticed that I imagine Thorin as a person firmly set in his times and having completely different concepts and worldview than the one many modern people have.

I completely understand that the ideas offered by many Thorin simps that stray from canon don’t have to make sense to you, and that’s okay. My headcanon of Thorin is also close to Tolkien’s canon and being a writer, it makes me happy to explore this character within those bounds. Each of my “iterations” of Thorin in every of my fics is slightly different from the others and yet I try to follow the path staked out by Tolkien to the best of my ability.

There are, however, many writers or artists who choose different paths and interpret our beloved Thorin in other ways — and that's okay, too! They are very much free to do so as long as they are having fun! The possibilities are endless and so is our imagination.

We all have different definitions of “weird stuff”. There are probably many people saying that my fics are weird because, for example, I don’t write Bilbo x Thorin romance. It is all relative. I don’t feel qualified enough to judge others. I just believe in unrestricted creativity and say ‘no’ to gatekeeping.

Thank you for coming to my Thorin TED Talk ;)

(Thorin's brooding skills are legendary. But it's not surprising. He's a very skilled dwarf, is he not? 😈)

Tagging all the Thorin simps, including @fizzyxcustard @linasofia @xxbyimm @legolasbadass @middleearthpixie @i-did-not-mean-to @shiinata-library @frosticenow @sweetestgbye @onlywifetothorin555 and everyone else who adores our majestic dwarf :)

[merrivia]

Hi, do you have any head cannons for post kings rising Laurent and Damen? Your posts are always so interesting!

Hi! This is such a nice question to ask me, thank you!

Did you also know I’m so new to fandom I had to double-check what a headcanon was before I posted this lol.

Okay so specifically post-KR ideas….I have so many! I want to weave some into some fic ideas into the future I think.

Here's a small selection though 😊

Laurent is going to meet more of Damen's friends/supporters, because Damen is so likeable and Nikandros might be his best friend but there's bound to be more of them, right? Of the ones who survived Kastor's reign :( I feel one or two actually might get released from where the dungeons they had been imprisoned with Damen becoming king. Anyway, cue Laurent having to socialise with a bunch of his Akielon childhood friends, that are kind of the equivalent of a rambunctious Olympics sports team (bear in mind some will be highly intelligent, but that's the general vibe). This is going to worry Damen a lot, because our little Laurie isn't the best with people, but by the end, they will all platonically adore him and be arguing over who should help him down from his horse and coming to him for relationship advice, aka the vibe of this kind of photo, only with them not touching him. Or Laurent smiling. They'll just be standing near him, but the vibe will be similar, okay? Nikandros will be rolling his eyes a lot through this, in case you were wondering, but will also refuse to let anyone else teach Laurent to wrestle but him.

And when Damen is like to Laurent, aren't there any friends you want to introduce me to at all? And Laurent is like actually, yes but my uncle had them exiled, I'm inviting them back to Vere and they'll arrive soon. And Damen gets excited, though a bit jealous, and on the day Laurent is like, here he is 😊 and Damen turns...and it's this tiny wizened old man called Scolace who was Laurent's natural philosophy tutor , and Damen is like oh... but gamely tries to get to know him anyway, even though he is very deaf and keeps mistaking Damen for a servant and calling him by outdated Veretian slurs for Akielons.

What else...

Well, on a more serious note, on the slave ship in Captive Prince, one of the consignment of slaves tries to raise the fact that they don't have access to "the usual means of preventing pregnancy"; as a result she is given what sounds like poisonous herbs intended as an abortifacient and her stomach is "beaten with rocks" 😔 I could be wrong, but I think Akielons have better contraceptives, or Vere is refusing to trade in them? I wonder if it's possibly, some version of the herb silphium!

Which if you haven't read about is actually so interesting (here is an article) as it was a tasty herb AND possibly the first ever effective form of birth control (though probably not also). It basically became extinct (but they might have found it again!).

So I think that will spread and will be one of the steps in destabilising the taboo against heterosexual relations amongst Veretians, along with access to/mingling with Akielons who don't understand the taboo- but it will take time to disappear. I don’t think that bisexuality as a norm will ever change but there will start to be more flexibility around heterosexuality/homosexuality as a choice. Eventually the taboo around bastardry might become less intense too, as a result.

I think that Laurent will pass a law, and sixteen will become the new age of consent for pets. There’ll be new protections in place for children, with greater punishments attached for child based crimes. Laurent will also raise a statue for Nicaise, to honour what he did 🥺

The culture around pets will change in few years, too. No more rings, or public sexual entertainment. Laurent won't explicitly ban it, but there won't be one at his palace with Damen, so it falls out of fashion as the Veretian courtiers, after the worst of the Regent’s supporters are weeded out, will be looking to Laurent and Damen for the latest trends and in an attempt to curry favour. It’ll affect clothing and food etc, but I actually think the model of Damen and Laurent’s monogamous same-sex relationship will be the thing that influences many the most, long term. I also think there will be short-lived trend of Veretians hiring Akielon-looking pets, as a kind of tawdry celebration of the unification and a few will even go for big, dark muscular men and put them in chitons. Damen will find it very disconcerting and annoying to keep bumping into these fake-Damens all over the place, though Laurent will secretly find it quite amusing.

Eventually, I think the use of pets or high class prostitutes will become less public and more discreet. I wonder if the use of surrogates will become more common or of adoption, when it comes to the issue of heirs also.

Ooh and I also think Ancel will approach Laurent out of the blue and basically demand that everyone in society ought to be taught how to read and it’ll turn out that Laurent and Damen have already started to work on how to spread free education/schools across the unified country! Yay for universal literacy! On that theme, I think that after a while, as Akielos-Vere becomes a more peaceful nation, there will be less emphasis on militarism in both places and more on education and philosophy, and this will lead to the establishment of more/universities and a new flourishing of art and literature. Paintings might start to gain artistic ascendancy over tapestries and sculptures.

There will be definitely be a new currency, with a twinned portrait of Lamen on one side, and a new herald of a lion and a starburst, on the other.

Oh and lastly, I do believe (like a lot of readers) that Laurent will eventually top Damen! *throws the glitter of sexual satisfaction up into the air*

I think that it will go like this:

Damen will have been mulling it over for a long long time, and some conversations with Akielons like Pallas will have him brooding over it. I think in the beginning, it will be out of a want to give Laurent anything he wants and a fierce desire to be Laurent’s first in that way and to erase any memory of the Regent if he can, as opposed to out of a true sexual curiosity or want to do it. He’ll be deeply uncomfortable but sees it as a self-sacrifice.

I think Laurent will rightly absolutely refuse the first time he raises it, based on that. But over time, with research and reflection, Damen will start to undo certain mores and patterns within himself and together with Laurent, discover something he’s going to find new and liberating- and another dimension to his love for Laurent.

And that's it for now! Thanks for asking :)

[transsexualhamlet]

I’ve never been part of an ask game before and cannot currently remember what any I’ve seen looked like — probably because that information would be useful rn, do I just type the emojis out like this? Can I do multiple? Idk, but uh — thank you for this, I like your questions they’re really nice, and also here

💔👁️🏛️👋

Thank you again, sorry if I’m doing it wrong, or if this was for a specific group of people and I missed that (I’m just gonna stop typing now, bye ^^ thanks again)

No worries at all! Ask games are for anyone who wants to participate. If you want to receive asks about these as well as asking them, all you have to do is reblog the post so people know you're interested.

tma ask game !!

💔- I have already answered this one, but my answer as to which fear would create the most datable avatars I would say either the vast or the buried, depending on if you prefer heights or small spaces. They don't have any traits that would immediately make them immediately unbearable and I sort of see the romance in both. Maybe I am a little bonkers but yk...

👋- What characters that don't meet in canon would you like to see interact?

Obviously Jon and Gerry did technically meet, but not while Gerry was alive. I've seen people say this before of course but it's such a shame, I think they could have been a really good really supportive duo for each other.

In seriousness though, Alice and Tim. This is the answer for me, because the problem is neither Tim nor Alice have anyone in the office that can match their freak to the slightest. My god they would have gotten on so well. They would have been insufferably catty besties, why do they have to live in different universes...

🏛️- How do you think you would fare as the Archivist?

I honestly think I'm more qualified for the position than Jon, at least I have job, volunteer, and college experience with libraries and archival. However the problem is that it has very little bearing on the actual job because your actual job is trying not to die hardcore all the time.

I think I would make... similar decisions to Jon for the most part, other than not being as much of an asshole to Martin. Jon's not much less of a wimp than me, so at least I wouldn't do *worse* physically. However because of the fact that I am largely tiny and powerless, I would... hesitate a lot less to take on avatarhood, because to me the moral quandry just goes out the window when the other option is "people are trying to kill me and everyone else painfully". So what if I get a little nosy. Admittedly I would also think it's cool as fuck.

👁️- Do you have any experiences you'd like to make a statement about?

I've had several low-key encounters that have baffled me over time, and if I had to place them into TMA categories most of them would have been spiral aligned, but the one that comes to mind first is... weird?

This was back last year, either during Thanksgiving or Winter break, I was out on a walk in the woods with my brother on a vacation up north and we kept hearing these extremely faint repeating strings of circus like music. I know, I know, however this occured before I had listened to TMA or had any associations with circus music. Looking back on it, though, if I had to correlate it, it felt almost more in tune with music related to the slaughter than the stranger. But so at first, only I could hear it and my brother was like... you're crazy, and then it sort of trickled away after a little bit and I was like yeah I must have just imagined it because we were in the MIDDLE of the WOODS. But then it came back again and it was the exact same like, four measure sequence but slightly different? That time my brother did hear it, but it disappeared again. We continued to walk quite a ways thru the woods on the path we had already planned on going, and we forgot about it for a while, but eventually it came back, no easier or harder to hear despite the fact that we were quite far away from where we had originally heard it. It came back a couple more times, always just slightly fucking Wrong in a really weird way, never exactly the same but never part of any like, real conceivable song, just a string of notes that most definitely came from instruments and not natural phenomena, and as soon as we left the woods we didn't hear it again. The only thing we could think it might have been was like, the college band practicing, since we were like... kind of closeish to a state school campus, but it was during a holiday when college was most definitely not in session, and the only part of campus we were even remotely close to was the science and medical sector which would obviously not have a band practicing, not to mention outside and loud enough to be heard a mile away. Even if for some reason there was a band practicing there, there were unreasonably long periods of silence in between the repeating music (I know how band practices go, they don't sound like that) and neither does it explain why the music couldn't be tracked to any location and sounded the same nearly a mile apart.

Not terribly *frightening*, really, especially since I was not alone and it was like, 4 PM, so it wouldn't make very good Archivist food, but certainly something that I keep thinking about.

Thank you for asking again!!

[adminbryantsaki]

Emotional support and body issues

Luna! Naga! Hizashi Yamada x  Alpha! Werewolf! Shouta Aizawa.

(I do not own Hizashi Yamada/Present Mic or Shouta Aizawa/ Eraserhead. Horikoshi Kohei does. If this isn’t your cup of tea, blend of spices or brew of coffee, move on. Reader discretion is advised.)

TW: Negative body image,hate on self-image. ABO scenario, pregnancy, dude being pregnant (I couldn’t think of Mpreg at the time. roll with it.)

Wc: 664

Hizashi was looking at his bump in the mirror as it had grown larger.

He was resting back against his tail against the wall to relieve pressure on his lower back.He was frowning and examining how large it had gotten over the past few months. He had been told at work that he should lay off the feeding bag and maybe hit a gym. All the other teachers knew that he was pregnant and this person didn’t. this new person was someone knew that was coming to the school temporarily to gain some experience in a school environment as a teacher’s aid as they were attending college. One of the other teachers told them Hizashi’s situation and they backed down and apologized. But the comment got into his mind. His thoughts were swirling as he was staring off into the mirror until his train of thought was interrupted by Shouta knocking on the door.

“Hey, Dinner is ready. Are you okay?” He asked as he entered the room. “I’m a little upset about something the new teacher’s aid said today in the office.” He spoke. “What did they say?” He asked as he approached his husband and pulled him close. “They said I should not eat so much and go to a gym.” He spoke and felt tears roll down his cheeks. “Did anyone say something to them? If not, I’ll go talk to them now.” Shouta spoke and went to take his capture weapon off its hook that it rested on when he wasn’t wearing it. “Yes. I think Cementoss said something to them and they backed off and apologized. But what they said got to me. Am I really that big? I feel like I shouldn’t be this big at eight months.” He spoke and looked back to the mirror. Shouta put his scarf back on the hook and walked back to his mate, wiping away the tears from his eyes. “Don’t forget, you’re carrying a giant egg and not just a baby and some fluids.” He told him and put his hand on his bump. “I know. It’s huge for only one baby.” He spoke and looked at it again in the mirror. “And that’s fine. Did they say anything else to you?” He asked. “No… But I have been having thoughts that you might leave me or I’d be alone when I give birth.” He spoke. Shouta cupped Hizashi’s cheek and kissed him softly. “I’m not going anywhere. I hope I’ll be there when you give birth it depends on where and when your labor hits. Which will be in a few weeks and our little one will be here.” He told him and held his hand. “Dinner is going to get cold. Lets go.” He added and led him out of the bedroom. Hizashi stopped at the door and leaned against the doorframe. Shouta looked back at him. “Can we eat in the nest? I don’t think I can manage sitting at the table tonight.” He asked. “Of course. I’ll bring the food to you. Go get comfy.” He told him and walked off to the kitchen. Hizashi went to his nest and waited for Shouta to come back. Soon, he came back bearing the fried chicken and ice cream he had requested for dinner. Shouta handed the food to Hizashi and sat down outside the nest with his own bowl of soba noodles since that was one of the things that didn’t make Hizashi want to vomit and they ate together in peace. The end.

[unravellinginyourarms]

And So It Is

Thursday, 02.23.23 at 2:19am

Yesterday, I had a really bad day at work, mostly during the afternoon. A great deal of adrenaline that was fuelled by my anger had accumulated in my body. It felt like I was losing my mind. I just wanted to run around and scream and cause as much distress as I was feeling internally. That is the difficult thing about having such a destructive spirit like my own. I do my best to sound as relaxed as possible, but my extremely shaky hands often gives it away. In the end, I don’t want to project onto others, they don’t deserve it. It is up to me to manage the way I feel. But it can be soooooo fucking hard sometimes. 

I’m really moved by the act of restoring justice. I believe in advocating for those without a voice. I believe in advocating for myself. Unfortunately, there are moments in my life where sticking up for myself can be perceived by others as “aggressive” or “overreactive”. The truth is, I’ve lived so much of my life cowering in fear of what other people may think when I pushed back. I hated being labelled as a “mean” / “angry” girl. It felt very invalidating, as if people were certain that my reaction had no reasonable source or merit. I do not get angry for no reason, that’s just ridiculous. As an adult, I had learned to lean into my beliefs and use my voice to convey them. Regardless of who it is, I will say what I am thinking and feeling. I will take the time to really consider what it is that I was going to say, but in the end, I do not wish to hold back. I believe that when my time comes and I must die, I will be glad to know that I said everything I wanted to say, the moment I got the chance. I believe that speaking and enacting my truth, will never lead me down a bad path. It’s true, sincerity can be scary, but ultimately, I believe that it is worth it. 

I get annoyed when people deem the truth as “ugly” or “frightening”. I find the truth to be the most liberating thing a person can experience. If anything, it’s those who can comfortably remain dishonest that make me feel uneasy. I will not fall into this category simply to put other people at ease. I’m not here to coddle anyone. That doesn’t mean that I’m going to go out of my way to be rude or aggressive. I will, in fact, be working on reducing those things. However, I am not going to lose sight of what is important to me. I am not going to let anyone think that I will take their disrespect and do nothing about it. I will fight for myself every single time. Please note that I’m not saying I will refuse to be wrong. If anything, I’m actually super comfortable with admitting when I am wrong or have made a mistake. Those moments are the basis of learning. 

I am not infallible. I am a person, just like everyone else. If my worth was drastically affected by every mistake I made, then I don’t think a single person would like me. I believe that this passion I have is rooted in my early experiences. Growing up, I thought that people’s love for me was conditional, on the basis that I did everything “right”. If I was smart, well mannered, talented etc . . . then I was worthy of being loved. This mindset made me a chronic perfectionist for many years. I suffered greatly because I was afraid to be honest, to ask for help when I needed it most, to receive support in general. I did everything on my own, I couldn’t bear the thought of relying on anyone else. If what I did was not “good enough”, especially in terms of test / assignment marks, then I had no value. I was a meaningless piece of flesh, an absolute waste of life.

When I got to University, I faced a great deal of “failure” / “rejection” and it was tough. Eventually, I came to learn that approaching every obstacle with a feeling of defensiveness or insecurity, would then inhibit my ability to perform and make the best possible decisions. Instead of looking at everything as a challenge that will give me a hard time, I should instead look at every obstacle with an open minded and learning centred approach. I have to believe in my own abilities and accept that even if I am not perfect, I am (at the very least) trying. Effort + the ability to apply what I have learned as quickly as possible are the key factors in becoming a successful person. At least, that’s what I think.

And so it is. Tonight, I am writing this post as a reminder that it is okay to make mistakes. It is okay if you don’t get what you want. Rejection is not a final sentence. If anything, rejection is typically a sign for redirection. Or as Thomas Jefferson once said:

“If you want something you've never had, you must be willing to do something you've never done.”

I came across this quote this week and it really resonated with me. I’m going to continue to fight for my causes, to remain flexible, patient, kind, and resilient. I will encourage myself to do more than before. I will try things that I had not considered previously, and my life will become far more abundant this way.

I’ve been feeling quite optimistic about the future. I hope my gut feeling is correct. May this passage remain as another artifact of my personal reflections and growth.

– Isla

[nullified-404]

I haven’t journaled in a while, but I needed to rant, so here we go…

How are you feeling? Did you manage to talk to other friends?

I hope you did. I don’t like seeing someone suffer in silence. If you have other people you could confide to in person, whether it’s friends or family or mentor, that’s good! But otherwise, I’m here as a backup support system.

Please talk to anyone, please.

I thought about my past experience and it was subconsciously suffocating me when I tried to solve everything on my own, you probably already felt that too these few weeks.

But I had a friend who was a good listener and forced me to open up even when I didn’t want to. It wasn’t easy for me either at first, but I really believe you are capable of that change.

I thought a bit more about these few days and I think some of the stuff I said was a bit harsh considering you were in a fragile emotional state. I apologise. I forgot that sometimes the matter of the heart can’t simply be addressed with logic, I didn’t think long distance was a problem for me but I never thought about how it would affect the other person as well.

But, when you thought about the distance being an issue, did it cross your mind that you wanted me to come visit?

Oh, who am I kidding. You are a deliberate and insightful person. So of course yes, you have thought of it. But you probably didn't say it either out of consideration for me OR that you didn't think it would address the problem.

If it's the former, you should've asked. I would be more than happy to come to you. I'm not as heartless as to leave a loved one struggle alone. All I wanted to know was whether you wanted me to be there. If you did, there are compromises we could make.

And if it's the latter, then the problem must be me. It's either you don't think I am capable of treating your vulnerabilities with care, or you don't think I'm someone you want by your side as you walk through the journey. Or... you didn't want me to see you struggling.

But honey, that's the point of a relationship. To bear struggles together. I would like nothing more than to overcome challenges and grow together with my partner. Literally nothing else gives me more joy than walking through an issue with my partner. A relationship is a commitment I make out of love, it's not a shallow contract. I want to do this for my partner, I'm not offering it out of obligation.

So the fact that you don't think it will address the problem, means that I am the problem.

And if so, I will accept my shortcoming. And it does suck. It sucks to know that you think I'm not able to help you go through this. It sucks to know that you'd rather do it alone than have me by your side. It sucks to realise that you couldn't see my more supportive and gentle side.

I still don’t think leaving you alone was a good idea, maybe if I didn’t try to act mature and serious, that would’ve made you relax more.

I guess it felt frustrating, you know how in medical field, the horrible feeling of not being able to save someone? Something like that. It felt like we could’ve built something beautiful but we couldn’t overcome one problem and just gave up.

We didn't even really discuss a proper conflict resolution.

I had a fault in this, I admit, because I gave you two choices. The fact that you gave up means I wasn't worth fighting for. And it sucks.

I didn't want to argue, but the worst case scenario happened instead. It sucks.

I should've just been more openly indulgent. My affection is shown in the way of consideration, and it's my mistake that in showing consideration for your time and space, a rift between us was created as well. In honesty, I noticed something was up with you, but I don't know what, and when I asked, you didn't tell me. So I thought I should give you more time. Obviously, that wasn't the right choice.

Over these months, you have become an important part of my life. Even if you came into my life quite suddenly, it doesn't matter. I'm someone who doesn't like to half-ass things. When it comes to things that are precious to me, I put my heart and soul in it. And naturally, it's not easy to cut off something so close to my heart just like that. So I needed a logical way to rationalise this situation to accept it and move on.

Please speak up and say how you feel, never mind how clumsy you sound the first few times, because resentment builds up when you let things slide, keeping you from being more conscious in your decisionmaking, which is the fundamental skill required to build and keep relationships that are good for you.

I still don’t know if this is right for us. I don’t know you well enough to know whether you have enough supportive friends at your side to help you ride through the pain. I hope you do, of course, but it doesn’t seem like it, considering how long you’ve been struggling. Now I’m questioning your definition of friends for you because frankly I’m still trying to make sense of everything. If you said you’ve had feedback of others feeling an invisible wall with you, why haven’t you done anything about it? Do you not want true friends? To me if a pair of friends cannot be supportive, open, and a bit vulnerable with each other, they’re not friends. They’re acquaintances.

Is it because you don’t see them as capable of handling your problems? You yourself said you appreciate different viewpoints, so what gives?

And to me, it makes even less sense that you are not willing to take my hand, because I can be one such true friend, I am someone who can have a healthy, understanding communication with my friends and families. And this is not a brag, I am confident in my support skills, if given the chance.

My friendships didn’t go smoothly without conflicts of course but I’ve been able to resolve most things so far by mature communication. So why do you not trust me to be able to do it with you as well?

People, especially men, always like to say that they suffer in silence, but meanwhile I think it’s everybody else around them that bears the brunt of their emotions. It’s reflected on the way they treat people. And this time, this was an expensive lesson (emotionally) for you.

In the end, this is the decision you made. I am someone who respects the others party’s decision, so if you didn’t ask, then I won’t force you. We’re all adults, I think I’ve made it quite clear that I want to be there for you. And this last question of mine will answer “but do you want me to be there?” And since you said no, then I’ll need to respect that.

[aemonds-sapphire]

Coffee Run - Hawks x Reader (Smut)

Summary: Hawks simply wanted to enjoy his coffee in peace, but you had needs of your own, especially knowing he was entering his rut. You know what they say... be careful with what you wish for, because you just might get it.

Warnings: NSFW. Rut!Hawks. Feral Hawks. Public sex. Breeding kink. Pregnancy kink. Lactation kink (brief mention). Featherplay. Slight overstimulation.

Word count: 3.7k

Hawks was nearing his rut. That much was clear. Keeping up an easy going appearance was what he excelled at, until he hit that particular time of the year. Until he was forced to take that medication that would suppress his primal instinct to breed.

But rarely anything in this world came without bearing unpleasant consequences.

“I’ll just have the usual. Thanks.”

The young waitress then turned to you expectantly. “And you, miss?”

You pondered for a second as you eyed the pro hero sitting in front of you. To anyone oblivious to the changes occurring in his body they might think he was just not a morning person.

An idea popped in your mind all of a sudden.

“I’ll have a strawberry lollipop,” you finally said, causing Hawks to briefly lift his eyes from the phone in his hand. “What? I have a sweet tooth.”

The waitress nodded and walked away. He was still glaring at you, one fuzzy eyebrow slightly arched.

“Just that? It’s not a proper breakfast.”

“Neither is coffee, yet here we are.”

He shrugged at your response, shifting his attention back to his phone.

Coffee was his personal mood booster. It was dangerous to demand anything from a rutting Hawks until he had drunk an unhealthy amount of it.

The sun was barely out, and that was exactly why he’d choose this café. Only a few people would be there, which meant he wouldn’t have to deal with loud fans walking up to him and asking for selfies or autographs... or even hugs. It was perfect to hide from everyone how moody and snappy he could get in times like these.

But you figured he still wasn’t taking the medication. He always dreaded it because of how groggy and lethargic it’d leave him.

“You okay?”

He had his index finger flicking up and down on the screen. “Sure.”

But what Hawks didn’t know was that... well... you knew what why he was acting so unlike him.

Soon after, the waitress came back with a large cup of coffee and your lollipop that you promptly snatched from the tray with a smile.

Hawks mumbled a quick ‘thanks’ and you watched him take a few gulps of the hot beverage, while you removed the wrapping.

He sighed in pure relief as his huge wings vibrated from the instant pleasure. “I really needed this.”

You also reckoned he needed something else.

Sliding the round candy in your mouth, you propped your chin on interlaced fingers, regarding him quizzically.

“Is that all you need?”

The apparent innocent question had his golden eyes meet yours. However, you needed them to travel south, so you parted your lips seductively and dangled the lollipop from one corner of your mouth to the other with your tongue.

Bingo.

Hawks’ eyes dropped to your mouth in an instant, taking in the sight of you skilfully twirling the stick while letting out some lewd wet sounds.

“Stop it.”

“Stop what? I love sucking...” you said innocently.

The cup in his hand cracked lightly from his tight grip, and a faint frown settled on his beautiful face.

“You sure you okay?”

For someone who was able to maintain an wavering smile not matter the circumstances, Hawks really was falling behind his reputation. Maybe it wasn’t wise for you to keep pushing him like this. All the innuendos and teasing would eventually get him to snap.

You kept on sucking and licking the hard candy happily, eyeing your boyfriend with utmost interest.

He took another sip of his hot coffee, and you noticed his pupils were slightly dilated. Undoubtedly, the visual of you sucking on something was a enough to spark his arousal.

“Hmm... this tastes so good...” you moaned softly, fluttering your eyes shut for a brief moment. “Want to taste it?”

When he didn’t reply, you decided to take it up a notch. You kicked off your shoe and moved it to touch his leg.

He arched an eyebrow.

Slowly, you began sliding it up his leg and only stopped once you’d reached his inner thigh.

“Stop...”

You let the round candy caress your bottom lip, making sure he could see strings of your saliva sliding down to coat your tongue. Mustering a bit more courage, you dragged your feet until it reached his crotch.

Hawks was hard as a rock.

“You’re so warm...” you whispered, rubbing your foot against his cock.

You could tell he was about to snap.

“Hawks? Honey, look! It’s Hawks!”

You quickly turned your head to look at a young couple that was approaching your table. It couldn’t be avoided. Even in the early hours there would always be someone who was a fan of Hawks.

Hawks was forced to regain his composure, and you figure it was taking every single fibre in his body to produce his trademark unwavering grin.

The woman seemed a little hesitant at first. “Are we interrupting something? I’m so sorry... we are big fans.”

“You are such an inspiration to us,” the man added with excitement.

“Thank you!” Hawks beamed, his beautiful features never betraying what was going on under the table. “Want an autograph?”

She quickly nodded, rummaging through her purse to get a pen. “Our baby will love you, too. We’ll make sure of that.”

Hawks visibly swallowed. “Baby?”

“Yes! We found out we’re going to be parents last week.”

You side-eyed him closely. Inwardly, you started cackling in delight, knowing far too well this was one of Hawks’ most intimate triggers. It was far too obvious that being in his rut made it all much worse for him

“Congratulations! How is everything going?” you inquired sweetly, applying gentle pressure on his covered erection with your toes.

He shifted in his seat, doing his best to cope with the sudden stimulation coming from you.

The woman seemed taken aback by your kindness and quickly bowed her head while handing the pen to Hawks.

“Oh, the morning sickness can be quite draining, but otherwise I can’t complain.”

Her partner handed Hawks a copy of a magazine that had him on the cover. He blushed awkwardly. “She keeps it in her purse in case we run into you so we can get an autograph.”

“That’s awesome,” he said genuinely, his voice slightly strained as he drew his signature on it. “Thanks for the support.”

The couple retrieved the magazine and bowed to both of you before walking away.

“That is so cool...” you said, twirling the lollipop stick in between your thumb and index finger. “I wonder what it feels like being pregnant.”

Hawks moved your foot away from his crotch. “Bathroom. Now.”

Your mouth fell open at his sudden outburst, sliding your foot back into your shoe. “Why?”

He rose to his full height as his red wings quivered slightly. “I’m done with you.”

Placing the hard candy back on its wrapping, you gulped as you followed his lead. The café had started to get more clients, and some of them shot a few glares at the winged hero.

The waitress was eyeing both of you. “Is everything okay?”

Hawks shot a brief smile. “She’s not feeling well.”

He certainly had a way to have things go his way.

She looked at yo worriedly. “Should I get help?”

Hawks hurried you into the bathroom, before adding. “She’s with the number two pro hero. I’m all the help she needs.”

Point taken.

Hawks pulled you into a small cubicle, shutting the door with a kick. You heard the lock rattle and you took the opportunity turn around to face him. His massive wings struggled to fit inside the confined space, which caused him to look more menacing as they coiled up against his body.

“You’re rutting.”

His pupils were fully blown and you briefly saw something flash in his eyes. “Of course you know.”

“I know a lot of things,” you cooed, dragging down one hand to squeeze him through his pants. “You’re not taking your medication.”

You’d been dating Hawks for a few months now, and you found out that he went through a rut every year by mere chance. It didn’t take long for you to connect the dots after hearing a phone conversation between him and someone from the commission — you assumed it was a doctor —, who insisted that Hawks had to take the hormonal suppressant medication to lessen the effects, allowing him to function properly.

“I don’t fucking need it,” he snarled at you through gritted teeth.

“I think you do... if you’re so willing to fuck me in a public bathroom,” you whispered seductively, giving his cock a gentle squeeze. “I wonder what made you snap... was it the conversation about pregnancy... or—“

Hawks had had enough of your running your mouth, and with little effort on his part, he flipped you over so that you were now pressed against the bathroom sink, a tall mirror capturing your surprised expression along with his feral one.

“No, little bird...” he growled, hooking his gloved fingers in the belt loops of your pants. “I am not gonna fuck you. I’m gonna breed you.”

It was a dark promise, and one you knew he could keep. After all, that was the purpose of a rut: to breed. Every single cell in his body was prepared for this, and you couldn’t bring yourself to pretend this sudden shift in Hawks’ demeanor didn’t make your pussy clench.

Your hands were supporting your weight by gripping the edge of the cold material of the sink, and you tentatively leaned forward in an attempt to brush against his crotch.

Hawks slid one hand to your front, effectively undoing your pants. “You’re ovulating... fuck...”

That caught by surprise. “What...”

He shifted his body on top of yours, so he could nuzzle your neck, capturing your scent.

“I can smell it... fuck...fuck... you need to be bred...”

In one swift motion, he yanked your pants down. Hawks was usually so much more gentle with you during sex; this was definitely something unexpected, but that you couldn’t stop yourself from yearning.

On the other hand, you considered his words for a moment. Did he really mean it? Did he really want to knock you up, or was this just his hormones talking?

Either way, this was turning you on beyond belief, and you decided to egg him on.

“You want to breed me?”

He was nipping at your neck, causing a few of his moans to be heard. You could feel the hard print of his cock pressed against the curve of your ass, and as you bucked your hips instinctively you felt his own meet you halfway, setting a slow rhythm.

“I need to knock you up... I need you tummy all swollen with my baby,” the young man kept mumbling more to himself than to you, but you couldn’t get enough of it. “I need your... your...”

A gush of wetness leaked out of your pussy as you felt him fumbling with his belt. Through the reflection in the mirror, you could see a faint blush settling on his face, increasing his handsomeness by a tenfold — you didn’t even know how that was possible.

“My what...” your voice came out in a low mewl, keeping your hips swaying at a steady pace.

Hawks undid his pants at once, and gave your ass cheeks a few slaps with his leaking cock.

He gripped your hip tightly. “Let me see your tits...”

You kept yourself balance on one hand as the other dragged the fabric of your shirt up, rolling it just above your breasts. Hawks released his cock, bringing his hips forward to have it slide between your round cheeks; you could start to feel the wetness coating your skin and standing your panties as he kept humping you. His free hand moved to grasp your bra, jerking the material down and finally exposing your hardening nipples.

Hawks heaved a deep breath, resting his chin on your shoulder as he looked at your body through the mirror.

“Can’t wait until they get bigger... full of milk... leaking for me...” he brushed his gloved thumb across your sensitive nipple, causing it to harden even more. “I bet it will taste so good... so sweet... you know I love sweet things.”

Your mind was going blank from all the pleasure being delivered to you at once. From his cock slowly fucking your ass cheeks all the way to the way he was glaring at you through some public bathroom mirror while spitting out the filthiest things you had ever heard him utter.

He snapped his hips hard for a split second, almost causing you to lose balance, forcing you to grip the sink with both hands, eyes still fixed on the way your breasts bounced softly along with each shove from him.

Slowly, he dragged his hand to your lower abdomen, massaging it with spread fingers. “Fuck... I need to feel it getting swollen... gonna knock you up so good.”

Streaks of precum were sliding down your cheeks, leaving wet trails behind and sending jolts of pleasure running down your spine.

“Sorry, but I’m gonna make you cum fast,” he suddenly said.

You weren’t really sure why he was apologizing for that, or even how he intended to achieve such feat. Hawks was more than capable of pleasuring women, but even the most skilled man certainly had his limitations when it came to how fast they could make a woman reach her high.

Even so, apologizing for giving someone an orgasm probably ranked up high with the likes of “Sorry, but I’m going to give you a new house” or “Sorry, but I’m going to give you an unlimited supply of money”. Out of all the things he could feel sorry for — like desperately banging you in some public bathroom, for example—, that one should be the least of his concerns.

As if reading the skepticism splattered across your face, he gave you a knowing smile, and before you could even wonder what he meant by that you felt something poking your covered clit.

What the...

“Hawks!”

You didn’t expect desperate Hawks to play fair, but this was on another level. The fabric covering your soaked pussy was being pulled to the side, and in no time a velvety object started proving your pulsing clit.

He was using his feathers.

Now you knew what he meant by making you cum fast, the bastard. The sensation was overwhelming, and you vaguely wondered why he had never tried this before.

“Shh... I need you to cum first, so I can have your pussy milking my cock,” he pressed a kiss on your neck. “Be a good girl and keep your voice down.”

With one hand still caressing your tummy and the other squeezing one breasts softly, you tried hard to bite back your moans as his feather kept stroking your clit as he commanded.

You started panting heavily, drunk in pleasure. “I... I... Hawks...”

Seeing that you weren’t going to be able to keep quiet, he brought the hand on your breast to clamp it over your mouth.

“You’re so ready for me... I can feel the vibrations through my feather... you’re throbbing so much for me, baby...”

And it was the absolute truth. Your were absolutely sure his feather was already drenched in your juices, but you didn’t care at all. A few more flicks and strokes sent your hips into auto-pilot, trying to get more friction.

Long and drawn out moans erupted from your throat only to be muffled by his gloved hand.

You could feel something in your core swirling and shifting and through the haze of passion, you could tell it was the tension building up inside you that was reaching a dangerous peak.

“Good girl... t-that’s my girl... getting ready for me to breed her...”

His dirty talk served as the perfect incentive for you to get closer and closer to the edge. You saw your vision begin to tunnel and suddenly you fell headfirst into the explosion of pleasure that had your arms and legs shake violently, and you thanked the heavens that Hawks’ body was pressed against yours, or you’d have sunk to your feet.

But before your pussy could stop contracting around nothing, you felt your body being pushed forward and in one quick slide, his cock was buried deep inside you.

Hawks’ hips faltered for a second as he adjusted to your tightness. “Fuck!”

The feather brushing your clit stopped its ministrations, and as your field of vision started clearing, you saw it hovering in front of your face. It was completely covered in your juices and a few droplets dripped onto the sink. His hand fell to grip your hip, and your lips immediately parted in a silent scream as overstimulation took over.

“Keep it open... lick... lick it...” he groaned, his voice strained and shaky as his cock endured your contractions.

You extended your tongue out, allowing is feather to drag along it, pooling your wetness on your tongue.

Hawks’ reflection shivered before your eyes at the newfound source of pleasure. “F-fuuuck... just like that...”

His wings fluttered as so did the feather stroking your muscle, and even though your orgasm had already subsided, the never ending stimulation from his thick cock hitting deep inside you was just too much.

“I’m gonna lose it! Fuck!” he nearly cried out, ad you could only pray that no one could hear him outside.

Your knees bucked weakly as he snapped his hips into you once, twice and again closing in on his own release, but the moment you ran your tongue over the sensitive extension of his body you knew he was done for. He bucked up to meet your hips in an especially sharp thrust and you could feel the hot gush of his cum deep inside you, coating your trembling walls, mixing with your own juices.

He hadn’t lasted long, but you weren’t at all surprised, considering how much the vast array of different stimuli that he was subjected to in such a sort amount of time.

A few seconds ticked by, and he finally began pulling out, you pussy reflexively clamping around him as if to make him stay.

“Stop clenching like that before I get hard again...” he warned, giving your ass a soft smack as he slid out completely with a loud slurping sound.

You whimpered softly as emptiness filled you instead. As you were about to straighten yourself, you felt a blob of cum threading to spill, and Hawks promptly kept you leaning forward.

“I didn’t just fill you with a big load for you to waste it all,” and with that, he dragged the tip of his cock along your leaking pussy and pushed it back inside. “There you go... all stuffed again.”

The head of his cock didn’t stay inside you for long, and once he slid out you reached for paper from the dispenser hanging on the wall.

He grabbed your arm. “No.”

“I need to clean myself...”

“No, you don’t,” Hawks whispered sweetly into your ear, and you felt him tug at your panties before letting the fabric slap your over sensitive clit. “You’re gonna be a good girl and keep it all in.”

Your eyes widened in shock. Certainly, he didn’t mean that....

“Hawks... I can’t walk around with your cum dripping from me,” you stated as a matter of fact.

You saw his reflection in the mirror; he had a devious smile dancing on his lips, making your insides coil in sudden realization.

“Didn’t you want me to breed you? Then keep my cum inside your tight pussy,” he began, planting soft caring kisses on the side of your neck in between. “Think you can do that for me, beautiful?”

Feeling your panties sticking to your swollen lips with the aftermath of both your juices and drops of his cum made a shiver run down you entire body.

You nodded once.

Suddenly, he bent over slightly to grasp the waistband of your pants, quickly dragging them up your thighs.

“Time to go,” he huffed as one of his gloved hands brushed along his unruly golden locks of hair. “This was just meant to be a quick coffee run.”

There was a faint smudge of pink crossing his nose and resting on both his cheeks. He looked positively less tense, with his blush being the only indicator that he had just emptied his balls deep inside you.

He unlocked the door and exited first, but not before shooting his Hawks-like smile at you. “I’ll be going ahead to pay and deal with the fans.”

You chuckled as the door closed, and turned to look at your reflection in the mirror while adjusting your clothes. “Well... don’t look at me like that. He’s impossible to resist, especially like this...”

After you were done washing your hands, you took a few steps immediately feeling a few drops of cum dripping onto your panties. You clenched your pussy hard in the hopes of preventing more from spilling.

This was not going to end well.

Taking a deep breath, you walked out and were met with the waitress. “Oh! Are you alright now?”

Yeah, I just got fucked hard and I have cum leaking from me. “Yes! Thank you, and sorry for leaving like that... I really wasn’t feeling well.”

She nodded in understanding, stepping aside to let you walk into the lobby only to see a loud commotion of people piling up around something. Big massive turfs of scarlet feathers quickly gave it away and you smiled fondly.

Hawks.

A few girls standing nearby were giggling to each other, catching your attention.

“Oh my... he’s so much more handsome up close,” one said with a dreamy sigh.

“His wings are so pretty...” the other murmured.

Yes. Hawks had that effect on nearly everyone he crossed paths with. In one way or another, people had the tendency to fall fo him and be drawn by his quirky personality. Even if at the end of the day, once he got home, you could see the wearing effects of having to keep up with this society’s standards.

As the crowd began to disperse, he waved a hand at you.

“It was so nice to have you here, Hawks,” the young waitress blurted out as you two made your exit. “Please come again!”

The number two pro hero bowed his head and gave her a thumbs up. “I’m sure I will. Very soon,” he winked at you.

Very poor choice of words.

-

Masterlist

[katnissmellarkkk]

A small drabble about from Peeta's perspective if he'd been the one rescued and Katniss in the Capitol?

You asked for a small drabble and I wrote a long long reverse situation oneshot 😭😭😭😭. Well anyways I hope you don’t mind.

Warning : this is in Peeta’s point of view and I’m still new to writing anything in his perspective so. Be gentle please. 🤗🥺.

Okay I hope anyone who reads really does genuinely enjoy it and has a good time. Thank you for all the support you’ve blessed me with. Thank you so much. ♥️♥️♥️♥️

Summary : Peeta was rescued instead of Katniss and is in Thirteen with Gale and co. when Katniss’ interview with Caesar comes on television.

-

The stew feels overly slimy in my mouth during lunch, even more so than in the weeks previous. I can’t tell if my tastebuds are being affected by the crappy morning I’ve had or if the lunch crew screwed up the batch yet again but one way or another, my appetite dies by the time I’ve swallowed spoonful number four.

“Here,” Gale gruffs, shoving his glass of murky water in my direction.

I eye it suspiciously though, before raising an eyebrow at him. “Did you already drink out of it?”

I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone roll their eyes harder in my life. Besides Katniss, of course. Besides the girl with the braid who rolled her eyes at me in her sleep and sometimes scowled the moment she woke up.

Thinking about her only makes it hurt worse. Thinking of her pretty face as she slept and her upturned eyes that never looked as intimidating as she believed and her self-conscious laughter that filled the small moments when we didn’t have to play pretend for a nearby camera, only serves in further suppressing my appetite.

I try to hold onto the image of her, on-screen, sitting opposite Caesar Flickerman, looking entirely bored out of her mind and absolutely furious and completely healthy.

That image is all I have right now to keep me going. That image represents just about the last shred of sanity I still have left inside, after two hunger games, a lost limb, the destruction of my home, the death of my entire family in one fell swoop and a now raging war.

She’s okay, I chant to myself silently. She’s unharmed and she’ll stay that way until we can rescue her out of the Capitol in time.

I have no immediate idea of when that’s happening. No guarantees that it even ever will. But I can’t bear to let myself consider — even in the privacy of my mind, even just to myself and no one else — any alternative outcome.

She has to be alright. There’s no other option.

Gale fixes me now with an irate glare before murmuring, “you think we’re close enough to share germs now, Mellark?”

But wit has always been my native tongue and with no family here in Thirteen and no one in the world besides Delly and Finnick — I will not so much as speak to Haymitch, even if my life depends on it — to really be myself around, there’s little self-control left inside me. “So I take it you didn’t like the friendship bracelet I made you.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” he immediately shoots back, shoveling his bowl of stew into his mouth while still speaking. “I’m wearing it right now as an anklet.”

“I can’t wait for you give me mine.” After an entire childhood sharing a single room with two obnoxious brothers I don’t miss a beat before replying either.

“I’ll drop it by your door tonight.”

“I’ll be waiting on baited breath-“

“Okay!” Delly exclaims from her spot on my other side, looking unusually aggravated by our exchange. “Can you two just stop for one single meal?”

The entire table falls silent then. Finnick shoots me a small smirk, indicating he was enjoying the entertainment our exchange provided. Haymitch on the other end of the table, as far from me as he can get, even chuckles lifelessly.

His black eye, bruised ribs and broken nose though make such an action rather difficult. And it’s cruel, it’s uncharacteristic, it’s something downright reminiscent of my mother, but I can’t stop myself from feeling a hint of satisfaction at his discomfort.

And after the way he betrayed me and Katniss with lies about the rebellion, after those same lies left me and her in the dark and ultimately resulted in her capture by Snow, I am satisfied that he’s in pain. I’m even more satisfied that I’m the only who put him in pain, on the hovercraft. Evidently I’m a whole lot stronger than my mentor ever gave me credit for. And, when properly motivated, a lot more violent.

I am, after all, my mother’s son.

I must not be as subtle as I think because Gale effortlessly follows my line of thinking. He raises his brows in a dismissive gesture towards Haymitch, as if saying you deserve it, before pushing his water glass back in my vicinity again.

“Drink this while you eat the stew, Mellark,” he says in a flat voice. “It helps wash down the slime.”

“Thanks but I’m not hungry.” I wave off the suggestion, preparing to stand from the table and head towards my scheduled District Thirteen class. The stamp on my arm tells me it’s supposed to begin twenty minutes from now.

“If you don’t eat, you won’t get stronger. No matter how hard you train,” Gale states, his voice rather matter-of-fact. I almost want to argue his point, just to rile him up. I suppose after a lifetime as the youngest sibling and never being allowed to stir the pot without receiving harsh consequences, being a pest is ingrained deep inside the core of my being. Being the youngest must vexatious a core personality trait.

But then again, are you even still a sibling if both your brothers are dead and burned to ash? There’s a word for when you lose both your parents — orphan — but no one ever invented the word for losing your siblings. As if such a reality wasn’t plausible. As if no one ever lost their siblings.

The thought of my brothers immediately sobers me and I accept Gale’s offer willingly this time, gulping the water down in under three seconds.

“That’s not how he told you to drink it,” Posy Hawthorne, Gale’s baby sister says, her eyes growing big with worry. She glances at my bowl of stew, sitting before me, still nearly untouched. Her tiny dark eyebrows knit together as she imagines me going hungry without the ability to wash the bowl down with water now.

And she looks so much like Katniss did when we were kids that it’s almost painful to meet her frightened face. But I force myself to. I force myself to look at her with the calmest expression I can mange.

Because she’s still just a little girl, who doesn’t deserve any of the hardships life has already managed to throw at her.

“Don’t worry, Posy,” I say with a perfect false assurance in my tone. I scoop up a large glob of stew and shovel it into my mouth, just like her big brother did. “I’ll finish my lunch just fine without it.”

“He’s a big boy, Posy. Peeta can feed himself,” Finnick says, giving her a playful, genuine smile, eliciting her tiny laugh.

Gale shoots me a look from across the table but for once it’s a look of gratitude. I’m not surprised. Just like Katniss, his little sister is his soft spot.

Delly starts telling Posy that she likes her hair, that her mother, Mrs. Hawthorne, did it especially nice today. I’m about to join in and compliment her as well when the television screen that resides above the cafeteria tables suddenly flickers to life.

And Katniss’ face fills the screen without warning.

My first reaction is to stare in surprise at the image in front of me, of the beautiful girl who overtakes my thoughts day and night, of the person who President Coin is so desperate to turn into a martyr for her cause.

But after the initial shock of seeing her on-screen wears off, horror overtakes every part of me that’s still able to feel.

Katniss doesn’t look like the girl I saw on the television no more than a handful of days ago. How many has it been now? Five? Six? The number of days separating the two broadcasts don’t make sense. It’s not possible the Katniss on screen is the same Katniss who appeared unharmed and disinterested only a few short days ago.

Her face is inarguably thinner, her eyes look gaunt and unnaturally wide open now and her shoulders have a hunch to them that I’ve never seen before. She’s lost at least fifteen pounds, developed a severe tremor in her hands and is covered in thick makeup, a shade too pale for her olive skin.

I can’t even form words. Staring at her forces my throat to close up in the most pitiful way possible. Not even as a child, when my mother used to berate me until I cried, when she lost her temper and would smack me with a breadboard, when my father drank himself into a stupor, did I feel quite like this.

Staring up at Katniss now feels like my heart is being ripped to shreds, right on sight.

And then she starts speaking.

I can barely understand her. Her typical melodic tone is hoarse and muted and raw. I doubt anyone in this room really understands the first few minutes of her interview. She’s mumbling and shaking and biting her lip until it looks like it’s about to crack open and bleed.

“She…” Finnick starts before hesitating. No one prompts him, too focused on the girl before us, the girl who once set the nation on fire — me included — but now looks as if she were burned by her own embers. But Finnick still finishes his thought, even without being cued. “She looks small. Young and small.”

It’s Haymitch who replies first, surprisingly enough. “She is young and small.” I can see, burning within his gray eyes, that he’s filled with regret for not better protecting the girl he just claimed was young and small.

But I’m still angry with him. I’m still so uncontrollably angry, to the point that I feel unhinged just by thinking again about what he did to us. So I don’t care if he’s dying of remorse. I don’t care if Haymitch chokes on his own guilt. I’ve washed my hands of him.

Katniss clears her throat, abruptly sitting up as tall as she can make herself appear before opening her mouth and staring right into the camera lense.

“Peeta doesn’t know what he’s doing,” she asserts but she was never an actress, as hard as she may have tried, and I can see the truth behind the sentiment just by looking into her glassy eyes.

“And what about the way the rebels are using you as their symbol?” Caesar asks, his usual vigor evaporated from the interview. He appears to be enjoying this interaction as much as she is right now.

“They’re using me. Obviously,” she says, too quickly to be convincing. Her voice waivers again as she adds more. “They’re trying to… to whip up the rebels. Neither me nor Peeta have any idea what the rebels are up to.”

“Does Peeta know what’s at stake?” Caesar quietly prompts after a beat of silence, as if Katniss forgot one of her lines.

“No!” Her voice raises in volume but it cracks. On the one syllable word she manages to utter, her voice cracks. “Peeta doesn’t know anything about the rebels or what they could do. I mean,”she stumbles again and corrects herself erratically. “He doesn’t know what damage they could do to the country.”

“And is there anything else you wish to tell Peeta while on the air?” Caesar asks evenly, nodding like he’s giving her a hint.

She takes a deep breath and nods, still staring right into the camera. She’s still so beautiful, I think to myself, feeling as paralyzed as she appears at the moment. I want more than anything to rescue her from Snow, even if I die in the process. I want more than anything to go back to that last night in the Quarter Quell and never let anyone separate us, never let Beetee and Finnick and Johanna pressure us into splitting up.

I’d do anything to take those last few minutes back. Reverse our positions and put me in the line of fire in the Capitol. Let me take her place, no matter the cost.

Katniss opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out. There’s a long pause, where whoever is operating the camera waits for her to recite her spiel. When she fails to do so, Caesar begins to redirect the interview back towards him speaking and her merely nodding.

But Katniss is nothing if not a fighter and however terrified and choked up she may be, she doesn’t let it stifle her entirely from what she’s determined to say.

“Peeta, don’t trust President Coin or the rebels. You can’t!” She urges, lurching forward so that she’s right up on the camera, giving herself an involuntary close-up.

Her bright gray eyes still shine so bright, like stars in the sky. Even sparkling with tears.

“Do not trust anyone, Peeta! Just get my family and run! Listen to me! Coin cannot be trusted! Coin is just as bad as Snow-“

As soon as the words slip out of her mouth, the screen goes instantly black. The seal of Panem flashes across the screen. And then an eruption occurs within the room.

But I’m not here. I’m not here, mentally speaking, inside this cafeteria.

I can’t listen to any of the commotion unfolding before me. My body isn’t even within my control in this moment. I hurriedly stand from the table, in a trance that I couldn’t snap out of even if I wanted to. And I don’t. I don’t want to feel anything. I don’t want to hear anything. I don’t even want to think.

My legs propel me forward, out the doors to the hall and down the corridor. I don’t know where I’m headed and, frankly, I really don’t care.

Because I already know how this will play out. Coin has the option of either claiming Katniss is a traitor to the rebels or she’s a captive girl who is saying what she needs to survive.

And I can already guess which alternative she’ll choose.

I don’t know how far I make it before Gale catches up to me. I’m almost to mine and Finnick’s quarters before he grips my shoulder with a forceful hand.

He of all people should know better than to grab someone who fought in two hunger games like that. Before I can reason with myself, my body instinctively swings around and aims a jab at his left cheek.

Luckily he ducks just in time.

“Good reflexes,” I retort in a sarcastic tone, not in any mood to fake pleasantries towards Katniss’ best friend.

But Gale is, as per usual, all business. “Mellark, we have to get to class. Okay, we need to focus and train now more than ever.”

I shoot him an extremely dirty look. “Training isn’t going to save Katniss from whatever Snow’s doing to her at this very minute.” The images flashing behind my lids every time I close my eyes is enough to make me sick.

But it would seem Gale is already prepared for my dismissive response, as if he predicted it already. Which is odd, considering how little time we try to spend alone together. “You said yourself days ago that the more we train, the harder we work, the closer we are to getting Katniss back.”

“Hawthorne, she was fine days ago. She was unharmed.”

“And now she just made herself an enemy to both sides of the war. She just stuck a target on her own back.”

“Why do you think I had to escape?”

“Peeta,” he finally addresses me by first name. But it doesn’t have the desired effect over me. My brain is still swirling with images of Katniss being beaten, tortured and killed in insane and unusual ways. Going to a class to learn about assembling beginner bombs and then running five miles around an indoor track just doesn’t sound productive to me anymore. “We need to get ready. She doesn’t have much time left,” Gale says.

He’s referring to the mission we’ve only spoken about a small number of times. The mission to extract Katniss, no matter the cost, if it looks like Snow is about to kill her.

Of course, we have to consult Coin and Boggs and all the other high ranking soldiers on the president’s payroll before we even have a chance of attempting the rescue mission. But the first priority is to learn all we can in as short amount of time we can possibly manage.

It’s not a terrible plan at all. It’s downright logical, strategic, simple and it results in Katniss’ escape from Snow.

I of all people should think it’s good though. Considering I’m the one who came up with it.

But the image of Katniss on Caesar’s talkshow is still burned inside my mind and I don’t think I can focus on anything else quite yet.

“Just go train by yourself,” I snap when Gale begins pressuring me again.

“You need to be there too,” he barks, having lost all sensibility now, just like me.

“Oh, I think class will proceed just fine without me today.”

“Not in training, you idiot. I’m saying on the rescue. You need to be there.” There’s a glint in his eyes now that looks outright furious. It takes me half a second to realize he’s furious that I’m making him admit this.

“I need to be there?” I repeat, my voice no kinder than his now.

“Yes.” There’s a long, awkward pause as he carefully contemplates his next words. “Mellark, she needs you. Alright, you need to keep working here so you can go on the mission and get her. Katniss needs you.”

“Nobody really needs me.”

“I do. I need you.”

“Katnis needs you,” he repeats again, sounding no happier about it than before. “She needs you and that means you have to be ready to go-“

“Okay,” I cut off, my voice shockingly collected. “Okay. I’ll go to training. I’ll learn as much as I can.” 

There’s a long, pregnant pause before we start moving. Neither of us are enthralled to be together but we both know the other is necessary to our overall goal.

Because Katniss needs her family. And Gale is a part of that, now and forever.

And she needs me. She said so herself on the beach. She needs me.

I take a deep breath and use that admission as my motivate to keep going. My motivate to keep working until I can find a way to Snow’s mansion, until I can find a way to break her out of there, until I can find a way to get her here in District Thirteen safely.

I just hope that when I do find her, she’s still alive.

-

[mypoisonedvine]

𝗹𝗶𝗯𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 || (very dark) 70s!Bucky x reader

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: he tried to be sympathetic to your cause, he really did, but he couldn’t just let you get away with disrespecting him like that.  

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 2.4k

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: smut (noncon, plus breeding kink and tons of degradation, like very heavy degradation, and multiple orgasms/overstimulation), misogyny, a bit of dumbification, housewife kink, ‘sir’ kink (brief), choking, implied anal, spitting (not on the reader, unfortunately lmao), quite a bit more than period-typical sexism, awful awful awful this fic is absolutely awful

                            Brooklyn, 1970.

Bucky’s mornings were sacred.  He had his rituals: showering, cooking breakfast, reading the paper and having his first drink and cigarette of the day, all before he left for work.

But throughout this entire week, his mornings had been ruined by the stupid fucking protest in the park just outside his window.  And to think he’d actually paid more for an apartment with a view of the park— he hadn’t realized then that the “view” was gonna be a bunch of hippies creating awful music and an unbearable smell that left his whole apartment reeking of reefer if he dared to open his window.

Attempting to ignore it for a week only made him more resentful with each passing day.  Each time he figured the crowd would surely leave soon or at least be quiet for the night, they seemed to somehow get louder just to spite him.

He probably should've waited until he was a bit less agitated to go down and try to bargain with you, but he stormed down there instead and tapped you on the shoulder when his presence alone wasn't enough to distract you from your incessant chanting.

“Would you consider being quiet?" he asked firmly.  "I have to work in the morning and—”

“We won’t be quiet until women have equal treatment under the eyes of society and the law,” you interrupted to explain condescendingly, shocking him with your icy tone.  He could hardly believe your attitude, in fact he couldn’t remember any woman speaking to him that way in his life: so far, he wasn’t enjoying it.

“I just thought you could be a little more respectful,” Bucky shot back, even more stern.  “You’re not making anyone wanna support your movement by acting entitled and inconveniencing everyone.”

“I’m sorry the revolution is inconvenient for you,” you replied, but it didn’t sound much like an apology. 

He wanted to say more but you blew him off and disappeared into the crowd, leaving him confused and irritated and livid.  Up until now he had been quietly skeptical about all this talk of liberation but now he saw it for the poison it really was.  A girl like you— who could've been a real looker with some willingness to try and a better attitude— talking to a man like him with so much hate and over what, a polite request?

This could not be tolerated; he couldn't let you get away with acting like that.  And lucky for you, he was exactly the guy you needed to teach you your lesson.

The good thing about hippies high on shrooms is they aren’t the most observant.  When he returned to the demonstration area the next night, he was able to grab you roughly and pull you back from the crowd with almost no trouble at all, dragging you into an empty alley and clamping his hand down over your mouth as your eyes went wide and your throat vibrated with silent screams.

“Shh, shh,” he soothed against your ear, “whatcha fightin’ for?”

He liked the way it felt to have you squirming against his grasp, using all your strength and not even getting close to escaping.  

“How does it feel to know I can do anything I want to you?” he growled against your ear.  “C’mon, sweetheart, can’t you put up a better fight than that?  I thought you believed in equality… you should be able to get away if you’re as strong as I am.”

He felt your warm tears trailing down around his fingers which held your face tightly, the struggle of your limbs slowing and weakening slightly.  His cock was already getting hard as he imagined the moment you would finally give in.

“You remember me, don’t you?  You didn’t need to be so rude, darlin’.  You could’ve just been nice and none of this would be happening.”

Your elbow shot back into his ribs and he exhaled sharply but didn't let go, grabbing your wrists and holding your arms to your chest as he pinned you to the wall.

"Oh, that's not gonna work, babydoll.  I'm so much stronger and bigger than you, all you're gonna do is make me angrier.  Is that what you want, sweetheart?  To make me angry?" he asked mockingly, leaning in to lick the shell of your ear as you tried to turn away.  “Pretty girl like you would make a great wife, why would you want anything else?”

Ignoring your struggle, he reached into your shirt and purred as he groped your chest, your nipples hardening when he pinched them.  “Maybe I can get behind this bra-burning thing if it means having easier access to your tits all the time,” he grinned.  “How am I supposed to keep my hands to myself when I can see them through your shirt?  Shouldn’t be showing ‘em off if you don’t want any attention.”

As fun as it was to play with your tits, he had bigger plans, so he reached lower to start tugging down your jeans, your legs uselessly kicking as he exposed your ass and thighs.

His cock was already rock hard as he hastily opened his fly and pulled it out with one hand, leaning back to spit on it quickly.  He spread the fluid with a few strokes over his length, figuring it would be enough to get inside you even if he didn’t really care if he hurt you.  

Your eyes went wide and your head bucked wildly as he poked the head of it against your opening, your body fighting a little harder once again.  The irony of that, though, was that you were already plenty wet in spite of what he had expected; it was so much funnier to watch you struggle now that he knew you were not-so-secretly enjoying it.

“Don’t be so dramatic," he chuckled darkly, "I bet you can take a cock real easy since you believe in all this ‘free love’ bullshit.”

He groaned as he pushed into you, impressed by how tight you were— so tight that it made his cock throb right away, your walls pulsing and rippling around him as he filled you to the brim.

“Oh fuck, there you go…” he hissed, smiling as you sobbed harder and struggled a bit more before finally relaxing into his tight embrace.  "You're gonna take it all, baby, every fuckin' inch of me."

A hard sob choked out of you every time he slammed himself to the end of you; he could feel the hatred radiating from you, the way you would kill him in a moment if only you weren't so weak.  But he could feel your reluctant acceptance, too, and the way it was slowly turning into euphoria— you were finally starting to like how it felt to be helpless to him, it was obvious with the way your pussy gave him such a warm and willing welcome while your pretty tits got even harder.

You clearly wanted to hate him, but your body knew better.

"You think I'm a sexist pig, I'm sure," he chuckled, "but I'm really not— I love women!  And you know what I love most?  Huh?"

He felt you nervously shake your head behind his hand and he laughed.

"I love the way you get so dumb when you get a cock in you.  All those useless little thoughts leaving your head when you're finally getting fucked right."

Your cries got louder even though they were still muffled by his hand, your sweet little pussy giving him a squeeze of encouragement.

"It's okay to like it, babydoll, it's what you were meant for.  Made to be my brainless fucktoy… born to serve me," he growled.  “You really should learn to appreciate," he grunted between brutal thrusts, "that your only purpose is to keep my dinner hot and my cock warm.”

Your eyes rolled back in your head and he felt your walls bear down on him tightly, wetness seeping down around him.

"Oh fuck, are you coming?  Shit," he moaned.  "Looks like you really needed to be put in your place, just needed to be used... god, you made a fuckin' mess, too, you soaked my cock…"

Your little hands tightened into fists, pushing against where his arm held them back, but he stayed steady as he pumped into you, letting himself get a bit lost in the feeling of you while he buried his face in the crook of your neck.

It felt so damn good to have a cunt coming around him, but it was even better knowing that you were fighting it and still couldn’t stop it, completely helpless to how good he was making you feel.

You almost screamed under his hand when he reached down to quickly rub your clit, your back arching to try to run away from his touch; poor thing, you were so sensitive it probably hurt you, but he was having too much fun watching you realize you were going to come again.

"Yeah, gimme another one, slut," he grinned, your legs quivering as waves of slick coated him and started to even drip down your legs.  "Can't stop coming like the dirty whore you are, huh?  Bet nobody's made you come like this before— cause nobody's given it to you right.  Nobody's shown ya what it's supposed to be like when a man takes you and makes you his."

From the way you moaned softly, teary eyes fluttering shut, he knew you liked the sound of that.

"Yeah, wanna be mine, baby?  Wanna be my little slut?  Or do you want me to pump this pussy full and leave you here on the ground for any other man that comes by to use you if he needs?"

You groaned softly, a weak little noise, and he felt his cock flex; as much as he wanted this to last as long as possible, he couldn’t hold back anymore.

“M’close, honey,” he breathed.  “I’m gonna come.”

He laughed breathlessly when you shut your eyes, like you were trying to go somewhere else in your mind, trying to pretend this wasn’t real.  But it was real, and he wasn’t going to let you forget that.  He was elated to make your nightmares come true.

"I sure wouldn't mind pulling out and covering that pretty face you've got,” he hissed.  “It'd be funny to see you go back to your little march and show them how owned you are.  But not today, babydoll, I think there's only one way you're gonna learn your lesson."

Another muffled gurgle from you, and this time it didn’t even sound like protest.  Maybe you were just too tired for that at this point, but it gave him hope that you could finally behave.

"I'm gonna take my hand away from your mouth and you're gonna beg me to come inside you, is that clear?" he grunted, feeling you nod vigorously.  "You're not gonna scream are you?"

You shook your head, and he slowly pulled his hand from your mouth as you gasped for air.  "Please— come in me," you panted.

"Address me as 'sir'," he instructed.

"Please, sir, I— I want you to come," you whined.

He chuckled right against your ear, feeling you shiver in his grasp.  "Honey, I don't give a fuck what you want."

To think you ever resisted your natural desire for submission was absurd now, considering the way that statement made you openly moan, your walls fluttering around him.

“Gonna fill you so fuckin’ deep you’ll never get it outta you, sweetheart.”

One more orgasm washed over you, making him laugh darkly while he watched you bite your lip to attempt to stay quiet; but that was impossible once he fucked you harder just to spite you, having to hold you tight to make sure he got as deep in you as possible.  Your whole body shook as he slammed into you, and he laughed at how dumb and helpless you looked.

"Bet you're on those new birth control pills," he grimaced.  They really weren’t that new, but he still hadn’t gotten used to them.  "Makes me sick to think you're letting a perfectly good womb go to waste.  Betcha want me to breed you nice and deep, yeah?  Wanna get knocked up?  You don't even care that I'm a stranger, you wanna get your pussy filled by any random man's come so you can have any random man's baby, ain't that right?"

At first he had worried that you would scream or cry for help, but now his concern was more that your moans would be too loud and somebody would catch the two of you in this alley.  Even if it was obvious now that you wanted it, public indecency was still a crime.

Good thing he had a new way to shut you up: his hand tight around your throat, silencing your sobs to blessed silence.  It was so hot to have you entirely at his mercy like that, to feel your pulse beneath his fingers, that he couldn’t stop himself from speeding up his thrusts suddenly.

"Fuck, I’m gonna come,” he gasped, “fuck, y-you… little whore…”

He had a habit of running his mouth when he was right on the edge, and the way your pussy was milking him for all he was worth made him spit out whatever filth he could think of.  

“Stupid fuckin' bitch," he mumbled under his breath as he fucked you as fast and rough as he could, chasing his high with no regard for your pleasure or your pain.  "Dumb whore, fuck, you stupid— ah, shit— stupid fucking cunt!"

He cried out as he filled you, groaning loudly with every pump of his seed into your waiting body.  Only when he was sure every drop was inside you did he release his grip on your neck, a loud gasp coming first before a few coughs and chokes that only made his cock harder despite having just filled you.

You started to struggle again, and he couldn’t believe it— after everything, did you still not know your place?

There wasn’t much time to relax and enjoy the afterglow when you were already trying to get away, and so he had to hold you tight again while he smiled exhaustedly.

“N-no,” you stammered, and he covered your mouth again as he pulled your head back to rest on his shoulder.  Clearly he hadn’t done enough yet to fuck that word out of you.

“Where ya goin’, sweetheart?” he panted against your ear, still catching his breath, his chest covered in a thin layer of sweat where it was exposed by his shirt.  “You’ve still got another hole to fill.”

[scuttling]

Stay at Home DILF

Fandom: Criminal Minds Pairings: Aaron Hotchner/Female Reader Word Count: 5,863 Tags: 18+, NSFW, Dad Bod Hotch, Insecure Hotch, Oral sex, Fingering, Unprotected sex, A little angsty by accident Summary: Aaron retires from the BAU when the new baby is born, but a year later the lack of structure, sleep, and time for himself means changes to his body he's not very proud of. When the thought of having another child is brought up, how will he and his wife work through his insecurities to make the perfectly imperfect, happy family? *Requested by anon Link to A03 or read below! “Honey, I have to get going—do you need me to drop Jack off at school, or are you good?” Professor Hotchner slides her foot into a flesh-toned pump, leaning against the kitchen table for support and stealing a grape from Jack’s fruit salad. He narrows his eyes, then sticks out his tongue, and she does the same. “Do you want me to starve, Jackrabbit?”

“You won’t starve. Get your own grapes.” So full of sass, that one. Seven is such a fun age. She decides to blame the mixture of Aaron’s genes and Haley’s, and she pulls out her phone to send Haley a quick text.

Your son is a menace in the morning.

Haley: Gets that from his dad.

Aaron enters the kitchen, holding their one year old daughter Mia, and he sticks her in her highchair, puts her breakfast in front of her, and leans toward his wife.

“I’m good, I’ll take him,” he says, and kisses her lips. “Mia and I will take big brother Jack to school, won’t we?” Mia is obsessed with Jack—her first word was Jack, or rather, Ack, which was super cute—so she giggles happily, and her mother can’t help but smile. Their little family is absolutely perfect.

She leans in for another kiss from Aaron, and then another, and then maybe one more...

“You’re getting distracted,” Jack says, and she looks over at him with a raised eyebrow, then back to Aaron. He shrugs.

“It was on one of his vocabulary sheets.” Figures.

“Well, maybe I find my boys distracting. Let me give you kisses and we’ll find out!” She launches herself at him, kissing his head and his cheeks, and he laughs, and she knows she’s going to be late for work, but she can’t pass up moments like these, she just can’t.

She gives him a hug and tells him to have a good day, then she kisses Mia, and then she puts her arms around Aaron’s neck and kisses him goodbye. Before she pulls away, something comes over her—the warmth of this perfect morning, the overwhelming love for both of their sassy, silly kids, or maybe the fact that they’ve been too busy for sex lately and she’s constantly horny for him—and she looks up at him and whispers, “we should have another baby.”

Aaron grins immediately.

“Yeah we should.” They kiss a few more times, quickly, smiling against each other's lips, and he pats her hip because he knows she has to go. “We’ll talk more later, but yes. I want to. I love you.” He takes her face in his hands and kisses her deeply, and she sighs, grabs her bags, and heads out the door. Work is work; as the youngest professor in the English department, her schedule is jam packed with classes, lectures, morning office hours, but despite all that, it seems that Aaron is having the more difficult day.

They both love that he was able to retire from the BAU early to be a stay at home dad when Mia was born—he does consult for them occasionally, but has no official title, doesn’t have to travel—and he’s amazing at it, but she knows her baby can be a handful even on a good day. The texts she’s been getting all morning only solidify that knowledge.

Aaron: FYI - Mia hates bananas this week.

Aaron: What do they put in this applesauce, crack? She’s tearing around here like a bat out of hell.

Aaron: Okay, she’s your child, I officially renounce her. I put on The White Album and she started crying.

Maybe she prefers Abbey Road?

Aaron: No. Unlike her mother, she has taste.

You wound me, Hotchner.

She works through lunch, grading papers on The Call of the Wild, but when Aaron’s name lights up the display on her phone, she puts her pen down and smiles, puts it on speaker.

She’s sorry she did, because Mia is wailing in the background, and it’s very clearly her, I’m exhausted, asshole, leave me alone, cry, which makes her wonder why she’s not taking a nap. She knows she resists Aaron sometimes, doesn’t want him to leave her alone in her room, which is so sweet and also so, so annoying.

“Hi, sweetheart. Are you having a little trouble over there?” He takes a deep breath and sighs.

“She won’t go down, baby, even if I sit in the rocking chair beside her. It’s been twenty minutes.” Wow. He put up with it longer than she would have.

“Put her in her crib with Stuffy Bear and just let her cry; I know you hate that, but she’ll give up eventually.” He groans softly.

“I can’t; I feel so bad.”

She smiles. Her warm-hearted man.

“She does this because she knows you’ll give in and do whatever she wants. I promise you, she’ll be happier for it; she sounds miserable.”

“I don’t know…” he says, and she can tell he’s not going to do it. She picks up her pen and skims the paper she abandoned.

“Are you tired?” She doesn't wait for an answer, because she knows he is: Jack had a bad dream last night and woke them both up, and Aaron went to lay with him until he fell asleep because he knew she had an early morning. It was almost time for her alarm when he made it back to bed. “If you want to try to nap, she’s going to have to nap. Do it for her, yourself, me, a combination of the three of us. She won’t be mad at you; she won’t even remember.”

“What if I give her abandonment issues?” he presses, and she closes her eyes for a moment.

“Aaron, I love you so much. You’re such a great dad, and our kids are lucky to have you. But you have to loosen the reins just a little, especially if… if we are going to have another baby.” The thought makes her smile, and she can tell he’s smiling down the line, too.

“Right. Loosen the reins. Just put her in her crib,” she can hear that he does that, “and give her Stuffy Bear, and let her cry.” He blows out a breath, and she can hear the door click shut behind him as he leaves her room. She’s proud of him, but she also knows he’s going to sit in front of the video monitor and watch to make sure she falls asleep, and that he’ll probably work on laundry after that and not actually take a nap of his own.

He insists he’s doing fine when she brings it up, but the way he sacks out like a corpse when they get into bed doesn’t exactly have her convinced.

“I love you, and miss you,” he says when it’s slightly quieter, though she can faintly hear the cries through the monitor. “It made me really happy this morning when you said we should have another baby. We make perfect babies, have you noticed?” She hides her grin behind her hand, because if anyone walked by her office they’d think she’s insane with how widely she’s smiling.

“I have noticed, but since we only have the one and I can’t take any credit for Jack, I figured we should probably make another. Maybe the same way we made Mia…” They’re both convinced it was a weekend when Jack was at Haley’s and the two of them went to town on each other, true marathon sex where they only stopped for food and water and she coaxed him to hardness so many times she felt like a damn sex goddess.

“Hmm. I remember that with fondness, and would love to do that again. You know Haley said she’d take Mia on one of Jack’s weekends if we ever needed her to.”

Her life is pretty damn perfect, with her gorgeous, caring husband, and her two awesome kiddos, and a job she loves, but the most unexpectedly sweet part is that Haley is so comfortable with her, and that she and Aaron were able to get past the ugliness of their divorce to eventually become friends again. It’s not something they take for granted.

“Maybe we should take her up on it this weekend,” she says, trying to sound a little sultry. “We’ve both been so busy; it’s been a while since you pet my kitty.” For some reason, this particular phrase makes Aaron blush and get insanely horny, and she’s hoping to tease him so much the rest of the week that their weekend is one neither of them ever forget, so she’s pulling out the big guns.

“It’s been far too long, and I’m sorry. I can’t wait, baby. I’ll call her here in a few; I know you have to get to your next lecture.” She looks down at her watch, and it is about time to clean up and head over. She sighs happily down the line.

“Okay, I love and miss you; try to take a power nap. I promise, she’ll be fine.”

“I will.” He won’t. “Talk to you soon.” When she gets home, Aaron has dinner ready; she told him to hold off, that she’d help when she got there, but he has always been an overachiever.

Mia is already in her high-chair, waiting patiently for once in her little life; she kisses her forehead, breathes in her sweet baby smell, and then makes her way to her husband.

“Looks good, honey,” she says as he sets the table, and she leans up for a kiss, but when she presses her hand to his stomach like she always does, he pulls back a little. “Is everything okay? Did you have a bad afternoon?”

“No, it wasn’t bad after the nap fiasco,” he responds, but he sounds distracted. Maybe he was asked to look at a case, or something, and that’s still on his mind? She leans against his shoulder, puts a hand on his back and attempts to push up his t-shirt, to skim her hand up along his spine, which always comforts him, but again, he shifts away from her touch. She sighs and steps back.

“You're going to give me a complex, Aaron. If I did something to upset you, please tell me so I can apologize and try to make it better.” He turns to look at her face, and his formerly tense jaw softens a little; he presses his lips to hers, just a peck.

“No, you didn’t do anything. I’m just a little tired, that’s all.” He smiles softly, and she’s sure he is tired, but this seems like something more.

“You’d tell me if something else was bothering you, right? You know I’m here for you.”

“Of course I would, and of course I do. I love you,” he breathes against her mouth, and then he goes in for a longer kiss and she gets, as Jack said earlier, a little distracted. When the kiss breaks, she sighs happily.

“I love you. Missed those lips,” she murmurs, and then she runs a hand over his hair. “If the kids wake up again tonight, I’ll get them. You need to rest.” He shakes his head.

“You have another full day tomorrow,” he counters, and it’s so sweet that he keeps up with the schedule she has posted on the fridge, but still. She puts her hand on her hip.

“And you don’t? It’s my turn. Let me help.” He looks like he wants to argue, but she gives him the glare he knows means she will talk about this all night if he doesn’t agree; she’s not the sponsor of the university’s debate team for nothing, and even his prosecutorial ways have nothing on her.

“Okay,” he sighs, and she smiles and kisses him and then goes to get Jack and make sure he’s cleaned up for dinner.

That night when the two of them are getting ready for bed, she’s surprised as hell when he stops her from pulling one of his t-shirts—her typical sleepwear—over her head. She sets it down, arches her brow, and he guides her back onto the bed with a grin and puts his hands on her hips.

“What’s happening right now?” she asks, because before Mia, sure, Aaron would treat her to all manner of orgasm-inducing behavior at random, and she would do the same, but since Mia—especially in the last six months or so—their sexual encounters have been few and far between. It’s no one’s fault, and they’re both very clearly still attracted to each other; it’s just one of those things that falls by the wayside when you have a new baby and a hectic life and you don’t get enough sleep.

Needless to say, she is a little confused by this turn of events.

“I’m attempting to worship my gorgeous fucking wife,” he murmurs, and he leans up and kisses her stomach, licks a long line up from her belly button. Her breath hitches. “Gonna put another little baby in here—but it’s always beautiful.” He slowly moves his lips higher, over her ribcage, and holds her there. “You’re perfect, you know?”

“Aaron.” Her fingers come up to sweep through his hair; her heart aches with love and tenderness. He moves up, presses open-mouthed kisses to each of her breasts, then covers them with his hands and squeezes. She’s a panting, dripping mess, and more than anything she wants to strip him naked, pull him closer, get him inside her.

“I love you just as you are; I want you just as you are. Always have, always will.” He smooths his hands up over her throat, and brings her mouth to his for a deep, soulful kiss. She hadn’t even realized she’s been feeling repressed, but his touch tonight makes her feel so beautiful and special… It's incredible how close she is from only that.

“Make love to me,” she whispers, and he kisses her again, but then he slides back down her body.

“Want to taste you,” he says instead, and he gets his hands on her hips again and his mouth on her pussy, looks up at her while he licks and sucks like he’s gone without for ages—which he has, she figures, but it’s blowing her mind, her fingers scratching at the sheets, her neck arched. He massages her hips as his tongue works, as he grinds against the bed, and she comes with a whimper, because her body is so overwhelmed by how good she feels that she can’t even properly vocalize it.

Aaron comes up, just a little, rests his head on her stomach, and she smooths her hands over his hair and his shoulders, since that’s all she can reach.

“Come up and let me touch you—or you can come inside me.” She will happily take either option, but he just kisses her belly and shakes his head.

“No, I’m good. Just really tired.” She frowns, can’t recall a time in her life when they didn’t both get off during sex; he catches her expression and runs his hands up her body. “Really, I’m okay. I just wanted to do that before I passed out.” He smiles, and she doesn’t like it, but he climbs off of her and goes to the bathroom, and she pulls on the t-shirt and crawls into bed. Two days later, she’s sitting in her office grading tests when she hears a knock at the door. She looks up, and it’s Aaron, of course, looking so gorgeous in a black polo and jeans.

“Hey, what are you doing here? Where’s Mia?” she asks with a smile. He leans against the doorframe with his arms crossed.

“She’s with her Aunt Penelope for a few hours.”

“Why? Is everything okay?” Penelope is at work, she knows, because she texted her earlier about something unrelated and she’d mentioned that she and Spencer were having coffee and that he said hello.

“Everything‘s fine,” he assures her, and he enters the room fully, closes the door behind him… and locks it. “Can’t your husband come visit you during your super secret not-really-office-hours?” She raises an eyebrow, both at his question and the fact that he locked the door. What exactly is he planning to do, she wonders?

“You can, but you don’t. I guess I’m just surprised.”

“Well today I decided to. I missed you so much.” He walks around her desk and leans over her for a couple of kisses. “Have you missed me?” She rolls her eyes, smiles.

“Of course I missed you. I miss you every second I’m away from you.” She reaches out, wants to hug him, pull him closer, but he takes a step back and crooks his finger, encouraging her to follow him.

He’s being really weird, but he’s also being really hot. She decides to play along.

She stands, walks over to him, and he carefully clears a spot on her desk, knows she has a system and doesn’t like a mess; when she’s within reach, he puts his hands on her waist and lifts her up onto it, her ass where a stack of tests had just been. Fuck.

“I want to get this dress off of you,” he says, voice low, and he takes her face in his hands and kisses her, rough and deep. “Can I take it off, baby? Can I make you come?”

Everything is happening so fast her head is spinning—it’s not like him to just show up at her office, to try to have sex with her there, especially when their dry spell has been, up until recently, like the damn Sahara.

He must sense her confusion, her apprehension, because he kisses slowly along the side of her throat, down the v-neck of her dress, making her eyelids flutter.

“The door’s locked, and no one even knows we’re in here. Can I take it off?” She pants, thinks about this for a second, but then he slides a hand over her thigh, pushing her skirt up, and she gets a little distracted. She nods, and he kisses her hard and unties the sash of her wrap dress, pushes it off her shoulders. She’s glad she wore a matching set of bra and panties, because this is like prime fantasy material and she wants to try to remember every detail.

He kisses her mouth, soft and sweet, then tugs the straps of her bra down her shoulders, pulls the cups down so her breasts fall out of them. She moans, a little startled, and he dips his head to mouth at her nipples, rests one hand on her lower back and one on her stomach—probably because she looks like she’s about to slide off the desk and onto the floor like a blob of jelly. She knows that’s how she feels.

When he’s gotten her thoroughly worked up, almost trembling with the need for more, he pushes her panties aside and presses a finger into her, and she whimpers, wraps her hand around his neck for support when he starts to pump it deeply inside.

“What has gotten into you?” she breathes, and her hips chase the pleasure he brings; the hand on her back moves to her ass, squeezes it.

“I love you and I want you. I want to make you happy, I want you to feel good.”

“Me—me too,” she gasps as he moves faster, staring right into his eyes. “I love you, want you. Want to make you happy, feel good.” She cards her fingers through his hair and stretches for a desperate, eager kiss. “I want you so badly, baby, please.”

“I’m right here. You have me,” he murmurs, but that’s not what she means and he has to know it. Just in case he doesn’t, though, she makes herself loud and clear; relationships are all about communication, after all.

“I want you to put your cock in my pussy, I want you to come in me. I want you to fucking ruin me, Aaron, I want you to shove your dick in me and keep shoving.” She sounds unhinged, but she can’t stop.

He adds a second finger—not what she wants—and roughly gropes her breast—it feels so good, but it’s not what she wants. Why won’t he give her what she wants?

“Shh, just come on my hand, it’s okay. I’ll fuck you later, in our bed, baby,” he promises. “Just come now, okay? Right here, right now for me.”

She does, because even if he’s being unnecessarily aggravating, it’s still Aaron. She’s desperate for him, always has been, always will be. She comes loud and high and she clutches him tightly and he kisses her and coos words of love and affection into her ear. She gets cleaned up, and they go for lunch, and they can’t take their eyes off each other.

Something’s very wrong, and she can’t quite put her finger on it.

That evening when she gets home, Aaron is feeling guilty. She’s not sure why, but he’s executing all of his patented guilty trademark behaviors: he offers her a glass of wine, runs her a bath, rubs her feet, even though he’s been the one home with the baby all day. She’s tempted to ask if he’s cheating on her, as a joke, but that’s never funny, especially when she knows he’s being shifty and weird about something.

When they’re laying in bed, he sets down his book and looks over at her.

“I meant to tell you, Haley isn’t able to take Mia tomorrow. Maybe the weekend after, we can have our special alone time.” She won’t say she’s not disappointed, but she doesn’t want to inconvenience Haley, when she’s already being so great. She smiles softly, covers his hand with hers.

“That’s okay. It was short notice, anyway. I’ll still enjoy my weekend, with you and Mia.” He smiles too, but it doesn’t quite touch his eyes.

The kids sleep through the night, but she doesn’t. On Friday, she picks Jack up from school and takes him to Haley’s, who sends him to wash up so she can make him a snack. When he’s gone, she smiles warmly and invites her into the kitchen for coffee; she takes a cup, and they make pleasant small talk like they always do.

“Are you sure you don’t want to bring Mia over?” Haley asks after a few minutes. It sounds like she’s double checking. “It’s really no trouble.” She frowns, sets her cup down.

“I thought you weren’t able to watch Mia this weekend. I thought… I thought that’s what Aaron said. I must have misunderstood him.” That’s the only logical conclusion, because Aaron wouldn’t lie to her. He wouldn’t.

“He was being a little weird on the phone the other day. He asked me if I would watch her, and I said yes. He told me about your plans,” she says with raised eyebrows, “and then I told him, you know. That he better treat you right, because you just had a baby not that long ago and you might be a little self-conscious about jumping back into the sack like that; not that you should be, because you look amazing.” She racks her brain for the first time he started acting strangely, pulling away from her, and it would have been after his conversation with Haley. She asks, just to confirm.

“Is that when he got weird?”

“Actually yeah. He changed his mind, said you might not need me to watch her after all, but I told him the offer stood. He was pretty quick to get off the phone after that.” She would sip her coffee, but she’s pretty sure her hands are shaking. Why would he lie about that?

“You know, I should go. I’m sure Aaron’s pulling his hair out with her, she’s been a devil today. Tell Jack I love him and I’ll talk to him tonight, will you?”

“Of course. If you change your mind about Mia, just let me know,” Haley says, and she gets into her car with tears stinging her eyes.

When she gets home, Aaron is playing with Mia on the living room floor. He looks up at her with a smile that abruptly falls when he takes in her facial expression.

“What’s wrong?” She composes herself, takes a deep breath. They vowed a long time ago not to argue in front of Jack or Mia. She tries to sound conversational.

“You lied to me. You said Haley couldn’t take Mia this weekend.” He swallows and looks properly guilty. She’s not sure how he was able to lie to her in the first place; he’s never been any good at it.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have. I just didn’t know how to say it.” She looks up, shakes her head, wills her eyes not to water while she’s trying to have this conversation.

“You didn’t know how to say what? What is it that’s made you distance yourself from me?” She recalls him physically pulling away, then doing a complete 180 and initiating sex, but never penetrative sex, never letting her touch him or return the favor in any way. “Haley told me about your conversation. So do you think I’m unhappy with my body, or are you unhappy with my body?” He has the nerve to look confused, gets Mia set up with some toys she can play with safely on her own and stands up, comes close to her. She’s not sure she even wants his touch right now, which is saying something; when she’s unhappy, that’s usually all she wants.

“Neither of those things. I swear to god. I love you and I love your body; you’re so beautiful. Too beautiful for me, you always have been.” He’s looking down at her so seriously, and she wants so badly to believe him, but how could she, when faced with the evidence?

“Okay. If it’s neither of those things…” Her voice is small when she says the one option that hurts her most. “Did you change your mind? Do you not want to have another baby with me?” He sighs, deflates, and she takes a deep, shuddering breath.

“No, listen to me. It’s not that I don’t want that; I want that more than anything, but it will… further complicate, things...” He trails off, and she tries to follow what he’s saying. “The problem isn’t you in any way. It’s me.” She huffs, squeezes her eyes briefly shut.

“You? How can it be you, when you’ve been the only man to catch my eye for years? From the moment you set foot on my campus looking for your bad guy, I’ve been attracted to you, aroused by you, wrapped around your finger. You’re so perfect for me: perfect husband, perfect dad, perfect lover. My best friend. Never a day has gone by where I haven’t wanted you.” He wets his lips, sighs.

“Surely you’ve noticed that since I quit my job and started staying home with Mia, I… I don’t look the same. I’ve… let myself go.” His brows are deeply furrowed, and he’s clearly struggling with this; she reaches for him, no longer angry—at least for the time being—puts a hand on his arm.

“I’ve noticed that you don’t quite look the same. Doesn’t mean you’ve ‘let yourself go,’ or that I’m not still attracted to you; you just have a dad bod now instead of an ‘FBI guy who punches people for a living’ bod.” Her other hand hovers, then comes to rest on his stomach, and she smiles. “I’m actually really into the way you look now. I’ve been fantasizing about it for ages. I wish I’d known you were feeling self-conscious.”

“I’m not used to feeling… self-conscious, vulnerable,” he breathes, but he presses into her touch, so she considers that a good thing. “I didn’t know how to handle it.”

“I get that baby, I do, but this is me. I would have done anything I could to make you feel better. You didn’t have to hide it from me. You didn’t have to lie. We could have talked about it.” She moves the hand on his arm to his face, guides him down for a loving kiss. “We’re equally to blame, because I know you haven’t been getting good sleep, and I know you barely have time for yourself, and I didn’t step in; but you never let me help. If roles were reversed, and it was me staying home with Mia, you would never expect me to do all the cooking and cleaning and homework and bath time without your help. So you need to let me help, Aaron, please.” She looks up at him, eyes warm and sincere, and he nods, bends to press a kiss to her lips.

“I’m sorry. I still don’t feel great about… myself, but maybe I could. If I let you help. If I took some time for me.” She nods and wraps her arms around him—finally—for a hug.

“I love you so much. Just like this. Big, cuddly papa bear, taking care of our babies, making our home a safe and happy place for them. How could I not love the body that brings me so much happiness? That makes me excited to get in my car and come home at the end of every day?”

They kiss some more, deep, healing kisses and soft, sweet kisses, but she doesn’t get distracted by them. She’s very focused, caresses him and brushes loving fingertips over his chest and arms and sides. But speaking of distractions…

“Were you doing all those sexy things to try to distract me from wanting you to get all up on me?” she asks, pulling back, and at least he has the decency to flush.

“Kind of? I figured if it was sex you wanted, you’d be happy to get off however it happened; it was great for me too, don’t get me wrong, I just didn’t really want to be touched, feeling the way I felt.” She frowns, rests her head against his chest and holds him tighter.

“That makes me sad. What I wanted was an intimate moment with my husband, and while yes, what you did for me was great, because you’re super hot and very capable,” she says, leaning back in his embrace with a soft smile, “it’s not what I’ve been wanting. I want you all naked and sweaty and heavy on top of me, going to pound town.” He presses his lips together and raises his eyebrows.

“Pound town? What are you, twelve?” She grins, shoves his chest, and he laughs.

“I’m surrounded by college kids all day, please forgive me. I think it got my message across though.” She touches his cheek, looks up into his eyes, and sighs. “Can we take Mia over to Haley’s and give it a shot? I’ll do anything to make you feel happy and comfortable, any position that makes you feel better—though what I’d really like most, if you’ll trust me, is to suck your dick, and then hop on your dick, and then later when we’re ready to go again, we do the pound town thing and make another goddamn baby.”

She’s so serious, and he looks so serious, and then he kisses her and says yes and they pack up their kid and take her to his ex-wife’s so they can get it on, which sounds so much crazier than it actually is. She gets him out of his clothes, doesn’t move slow or spend lots of time focusing on what he thinks are flaws; instead, she proves how desirable he is by practically tearing his pants off and pushing him against the bed and swallowing around his dick just so she can hear all those delicious moans she’s been missing.

After that, she rides him hard, kisses him harder, plants her hands on his chest and stomach and moans and groans against his mouth. “So fucking hot, seriously so fucking hot, Aaron—if I saw you across the room today I wouldn’t change a goddamn thing, I would still pursue you, I’d make you blush like I did back then. I’d be so forward because I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about how good this would feel.”

She’s rocking his world, no doubt about that; it’s written all over his face, in the hardness of his hands on her hips as she grinds down on his cock, in the way his chest is heaving despite not actually doing any of the work at all. He comes first, and then rubs her clit while she continues to fuck him until she finds her own orgasm; she scratches her nails down his stomach, and he leans up and grabs her face for a rough, perfect kiss.

They take a break, cuddling and kissing and enjoying the feel of bare skin, comfy bed, soft lips. Aaron touches her cheek, tells her how much he loves and appreciates her.

“I’m so sorry I’ve been keeping this inside, and not being truthful. It’s hard, when you’re as perfect as the day I met you, and I’m…” She presses a finger to his lips, shushes him, kisses him.

“You’re as perfect as the day I met you, too. More perfect, even, because every day since then you’ve chosen me, and our family. I could not ask for a better man. Simply could not, Aaron. And if you want me to come home early so you can go to the park to run, or to the gym, then that’s what I'll do, but if you look like you do right now, forever, I’ll be happy with that too. Whatever makes you happy.”

They snuggle and kiss and talk and laugh, and then laughing becomes sex in that way everything becomes sex when you’re genuinely obsessed with the person in your bed.

He gets her on her back, kisses all over, teases her—“mmm, rubbing your kitty, baby, how does it feel?”—and then puts her legs over his shoulders, plants his hands, and fucks, taking every ounce of his pent-up frustration out on her, and it’s incredible.

“Yes, Aaron, yes, baby, oh, god.” Her head is thrown back, and she’s torn between laughing, because she’s been wanting this for months and it’s exactly as awesome as she’d dreamed it would be, and crying, because she fucking loves him, so much it puts a lump in her throat.

“Fuck, baby,” he groans, speeds up, sweaty and gorgeous and smiling. “You’re going to come with me—not just for me, but with me, so my come gets deep inside, so it works and we get another perfect baby who never lets us fucking sleep.” She nods frantically, presses her hips against his, and it’s not simultaneous, but it’s a near damn thing, when they both come groaning each other’s names. A little less than a year later, they have Mason. Aaron is at home in his dad bod, Mia doesn’t cry at naptime, Jack is still a menace in the mornings, and their perfect little family got a little more perfect. Taglist ❤️: @arsonhotchner @mrsh0tchner @ssahotchie @sleepyreaderreads @mintphoenix @meghannnnnn @disgruntledchowchow @azenpal @g-l-pierce @my-rosegold-soul

[luimagines]

Perhaps them being protective over you(the reader)? Mostly platonic but hints of romantic(if you get what I mean?) Like, the relationship between them has been platonic and they’ve only really seen it has platonic, but someone(the Heroes) might be catching feelings. Also if it isn’t too much trouble do you think you could keep this in the same timeline? Like, your other scenarios had the same reader and felt like these all happened at some point, can you do the same for this one? I hope this isn’t too much trouble, really love your blog!💖💖💖

Masterlist

Ok, I think I get what you mean. The Hero is protective with a hint of feelings they haven't come to terms with. They're crushing but they don't know it yet.

I don't know what you mean by the same timeline though. It wasn't supposed to be the same reader for all of them but hey! It be like that sometimes, I guess! Especially if they're just friends.

The Reader is also set to be the same age as Wind for his scenario.

Warrior's got longer than intended and there is some catcalling in that one. FYI

Scenario under the cut!

Legend

"You can be seriously going out in that." Legend couldn't help but snap. The group had been dropped into a snowcapped mountain in the middle of a blizzard. The only luck they had on their side was a nearby cave where they all but ran to in an attempt to weather the storm and get their bearings.

But someone still had to scout and you were planning to take Wild and Twilight with you since they were the only ones who could both brace the cold and most likely find their way back.

He, however, didn't like the idea of you going out there period.

Even less so when he found you severely underdressed compared to your companions.

It seemed however, that you saw no problem with it, even going as far as to tilt your head and look down at what you were wearing at his comment. It sparked something in Legend's chest that he wasn't willing to decipher at the moment.

"What's wrong with it?" You asked.

"Are you serious right now?" Legend scowled. The top you wore was tight around your chest and the cloak that clasped at the front billowed around you ever so slightly from the wind at the front of the cave. There were thin layers of furs under your linen over shirts that matched the fur lining your boots outlining your figure and silhouette in a way he found irritating.

The light that barely peaked through the clouds lit up your form gave you a halo of light over your head and made you look more of a hero than he ever would have pictured you.

It didn't sit well with him.

"That doesn't nearly look warm enough. If you plan on going out in that then you'll freeze within the first ten minutes." He crossed his arms and stared you down, willing you to disagree, to challenge him, keep you here longer so one of the others can pick up the lack and go instead.

"It's bear fur Legend." You reply instead with an easy grin your face. He elected to ignore it because he was trying to stay mad and irritated at the lack of care you seemed to have for your own safety. Why weren't the others backing him up?! Wouldn't Twilight have said something by now?! Or Time?!

Why was it just him?

How dare you smile like that? And at him no less! He's trying to make a point, darn it! It's hard to concentrate when you look so... innocent and bright and happy and-

Focus Link.

"I actually have four layers on as well." You continue and peel back what you can to show him what your clothing looks like. Unknowingly giving him a great look at your figure beneath said layers. "Two layers of wool and two of fur and I still have my clothes under here as well. Without enchantments like Wild, it's probably the warmest thing here. I'll be alright."

He can't bring himself to believe it.

He grits his teeth and continues to look at you, not bothering to spare a glance at Wild or Twilight when they eventually join your side, both now ready to head out.

"Honestly Legend. I know it doesn't look like much but I grew up around snow and ice and mountainous storms. If anyone knows what they're doing here, it's me."

He knows this. You told him. He knows that he knows this.

Why can't he believe it?

His hand forms a fist with a tight grip and he gets an idea.

Before he can fully think it through, he's marching up to you and snatches up your hand before you can protest.

You haven't put on your gloves yet so it's skin on skin.

He can't think much of it or he'll lose his nerve and he's already gone too far to go back now or he'll only be making a fool of himself.

Legend all but rips the most powerful ring he has on his person and shoves it onto your own. It's a protection ring, it'll shield you if anything tries to hurt you.

He's not entirely sure why he cares so much, just that he does, and this is all he can do if no one is going to back him up and stop you from going.

"I want this back." He says. He knows it sounds meaner than he's intending but then you let him put it on, take your hand back and marvel at it for a moment.

"I'll protect this with my life." You flex your hand, testing out how it feels and wonder what magic it must posses for Legend to not only give it up but deem it worth for the storm outside.

"Thanks Vet." You grin brighter and Legend finds himself floundering for a moment at the intensity of it.

The tips of his turn red, he knows this and he forces himself to distance himself or else the others would notice.

Your trio disappears into the white and he sits down by the fire made for the smaller ones of the group. He hasn't made eye contact with anyone since you left and he makes the mistake of trying to casually play it off by looking up.

Time is watching him with a knowing smile on his face.

"What?" Legend barks and scowls at the attention.

The older man just laughs a bit to himself and shakes his head but he doesn't say anything.

Legend thinks back on his actions a little sooner than he thinks he should and glances at his hand. The hand that grabbed yours.

Despite the journey, your hands were so soft.

He can't help but smile.

Time

Time was watching the over the group for the morning shift, his hand over his sword and his eyes watching... well you.

You intrigued Time.

Out all the heroes of courage on this journey, you weren't one of them. You weren't a Link and yet you seemed to fill a gap the group didn't know it had.

He couldn't figure out why or how but he found himself wanting to know what made you tick, why did you work so well with the others, what your world was like, and how did it mold you to be so....

He had trouble finding a word for it.

As the boys rough housed and played around, he found himself relaxing. It was a quiet morning and he had the added support of Wolfie on look out for any monsters.

He put his sword down and and walked over to where you were.

You were sitting with a book in your lap, something he found you doing often. But this time you were ignoring the book, laughing at Wind's and Wild's antics as they blasted each other with their Deku leaves. Wind continuously knocked the Champion around but neither of them seemed to mind.

If anything, it appeared the were doing on purpose and were trying to see how far he'd go.

Boys.

He could feel the smile on his face as he made his way toward you.

"Enjoying the theatrics?" He spoke up.

You jumped with a small yelp, something he found endlessly entertaining.

"You're the biggest guy here! How are you so quiet?!" You yelled in his face with a pointed finger and hand on your chest.

Time chuckles and sits down next to you, sitting just close enough for your knees to brush. "Sorry. It's not always intentional, I promise."

"So you admit you do it on purpose!!" You turn to face him fully. Book absolutely forgotten.

Time finds himself pleased by the change.

"Occasionally." He grinned.

"Oh, and I so happen to be your favorite victim then?" You crossed you arms and leaned closer to him. Your words were biting but the smile on your face was teasing and the glint in your eye was knowing.

"Of course."

"You're impossible." You shove him away. "You're only like this because no one will ever suspect you."

"Is that so- LOOK OUT!" Time had noticed a second too late but in the seconds Time stopped paying attention to them, Wind and Wild had stopped launching each other and started launching objects.

Such objects like coconuts and hard wooden barrels.

Like the ones heading in your direction.

With no time to act, he grabs you and rolled out of the way, pressing you into his chest. The huddling objects bounced off of your spot, some exploding on impact while the rest crashed into the nearby trees and bushes.

It looked like a war zone.

Time held onto you for a second after the damage passed, waiting for any else to come your way. When nothing appeared, he began to let you go, looking down on you to see your reactions. "You ok?"

You had curled yourself into his chest, continuing to press yourself close to him even after he let go.

Time finds himself pleased by this as well.

"Well..." You took a deep breath and slowly looked up and around. "That was exciting."

"Are you hurt?" He asked again. You looked fine, if only a little shaken, but he wanted to hear you say it.

"I think my leg got scratched in the chaos."

Time forces himself to stay calm and to not show any reaction. A scratch is better than getting hit head on. You'll be fine.

"What about you?" You look up to him again, eyes wide and bigger than he remembers and they were such a lovely color-

"I'm more concerned about you." He says, cutting his own thought process off. Time proceeds to get up, being as gentle as he can with you still in his arms. "I did just happen to grab you."

"Well, I'm sure it would have been worse if you hadn't." You grin at him and push yourself away.

Time now finds that he misses the feeling of you there but isn't able to focus on why when the two culprits are running up to you at break neck speeds.

"Are you two ok?!" Wind reaches you first.

"We're so sorry, we miscalculated the angle and it went wildly off our target." Wild continues and helps you to your feet.

Wind hovers near Time, unsure of what to do or how to help.

Time looks over to where you are, breathless but smiling dazzlingly. "We're ok." You tell Wild. "Just thrown around is all, we're fine."

Time sighs and stands up, putting his serious face on. "You boys better have a good explanation for this."

They could have hurt someone. They almost hurt you. His only consolation is how they squirm under his gaze.

Good.

Wind

"What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What is this place?!"

Wind looked over his shoulder from the fight over to where you were, the monster he was fighting falling before him. It was a great thing in his eyes to no longer be the youngest of the group. Not only for there to be someone of his age to talk to but also get the group off of his back for some of their more dramatic attempts at keeping him safe.

Wind was having a blast.

Everyone had found a dungeon in the sense that they fell into it against their knowledge and will and had happened to land with partners.

He hopes so anyway.

But on his end, he's with you!

And he's loving it!

You've never judged him and you've always thought that his stories were great and this was a great opportunity to show you how cool he is in a fight without the others trying to stop him from doing all his cool stuff.

And as an added bonus, he loves spending time with you!

Wind was close to wishing on stars for more time to spend alone with you. The others were always around and always in his business. How lucky that it seems he got his wish without doing that little kid stuff, like star wishing.

He didn't take into account that this might be your first dungeon though.

...Guess you didn't have those in your world...

But that's fine! He'll just walk you through it. They're easy once you get a groove going, and as dungeons go, this one is old hat for him.

The enemies around you fall within minutes and you're a little more shaken up than he likes.

"You ok?" He puts his sword on his back and walks toward you. You're staring at the fallen enemy in front of you with your own sword still raised. There's a slight cut on your arm, a red line going across and down, but Wind is almost certain that the cut is across...the blood is just going down your arm.

Wind takes a moment to quiet the sudden and unexpected rage. The monsters are lucky, he thinks, that they're already dead.

He grips his wrist tightly at the sight and places his other hand on your own. You gulp slightly and look at him tearfully. "Wind, where are we?"

You're scared, he realizes.

Scared, and alone and you don't know what kind of place this is.

There's another cut just above your eye and there more blood going down your face.

Wind feels himself fill with determination. He has the experience you lack to make it through here. He has been in more fights than you have. He knows what he's doing.

He's going to make sure you get out of here without being afraid anymore.

"Come on." Wind lets himself go and places his hand on top of yours, gently pushing the sword down and make a small effort to lace your fingers together. His other hand grips his sleeve and he begins to swipe it across your face, trying to clean the blood the best he can. "We're going to find the others, ok? We just have to keep going and if we're lucky we'll find a map, maybe a compass and it'll help us get out of here. We'll be back with the others in no time!"

You gulp and nod, tightening your grip on his hand and let him lead you through the unknown. Your voice is quiet and soft and Wind finds that he wants to hear it more often like this...just not laced with fear. "Ok. I trust you."

Wind nearly preens at your words, a large smile overtaking his face.

He'll protect you and you won't have to be afraid, not while he's here.

"Just leave it to me. I got this."

Warrior

"Whatup, Captain?" Warrior feels a weight be thrown on his shoulder at the call of the voice.

He looks to the side where it is and throws an easy smile on his face.

It's you! And you're grinning fabulously in his direction.

"Nothing in particular. Just checking our supplies, we might need to make a supply run in the nearest town for potions if we're lucky enough to find one but..." He looks at the bag in front of him with slight distain.

Truthfully, the group is low on a lot of stuff. Food, medical and magic supplies, someone is going to have to buy the Veteran more sewing supplies as well with how much battery all your clothes have taken on.

It would have to be a big buy....

A small town probably won't have half the stuff they need. And he doesn't know what kind of budget he's working with either.

But he's dealt with worse with less.

The group will hold on for a little longer if nothing drastic happens.

But Warrior doesn't want you to know that. If he had things his way, he'd let you think that everything was ok. That everything was fine and under control.

He's used to having to keep dire news from the troops so that they can keep fighting the good fight.

Lying to you though feel wrong. Dirty.

He finds your complete trust in him endearing and your willingness to help him with any and all loads on his shoulders means more to him than he'd ever be willing to tell you to your face.

You brighten and throw a thumb in the direction behind you. "We're in luck then. There's a town, that-a way according to Wild's weird telescope from his slate. I was planning to go check it out regardless but was in need of a partner. Wild can't because Twilight benched him after last fights stunt. Maybe we can kill two birds with one stone?"

That idea sounds fantastic.

"I'd love to." He says easily. "Got anything to do before we head out?"

"Nope. Ready to leave immediately." You get off of him and he follows after you without missing a beat, quickly falling into sync with your steps. It's a habit he has trouble breaking, but if he can focus on matching your stride instead, he can stay by your side for the walk.

"We're getting supplies from the town. Be back soon!" He calls out to Time and the group as you walk by.

Time raises his hand in acknowledgement and goes back to pinning Wild down with his stare alone. Warrior doesn't feel sorry for him.

With that taken care of, you both pick up your speed and quickly leave the range of your little camp. Jokes are traded easily between you two and Warrior finds himself relaxing.

It's a strange feeling but one he knows that he can share with you.

You put him at ease and there's something about you that calls for his attention.

Maybe it's your attitude. Maybe it's your determination. Maybe it's the way you fight and the grace you carry yourself with.

You're a good fighter, a good team mate, and a good person.

You take care of the others. You take care of him.

He doesn't know how to thank you.

Warrior notices that you both reach the town in record time, the conversation seeming making time a useless way measure distance.

You both walk in and begin with Warrior's shopping list since it has a higher priority than simply exploring.

Warrior makes a promise to himself to find something for you.

A small gift, if you will.

He's not entirely sure what you like just yet but he thinks you deserve something nice and if he's here to buy nice things, then why shouldn't you get something as well.

The trouble is getting it without you seeing him buy it, or figure out his plan.

You were always able to read him like a book.

"Lookin' good sweetheart!" A voice calls from the side. A loud and obnoxious voice followed quickly by multiple cheers and whistles.

Warrior instantly has a spike in irritation and he forces himself to not shout back. He's used to this. It happens sometimes back home. He's not surprised it can carry elsewhere. There's pigs everywhere.

He ignores them.

"Why don't you leave your boy toy and come find out how a real man can treat you darlin'?!" Another one comments. More cheers and howls.

Boy toy?

That's new.

Warrior looks in their direction and comes to a startling discovery.

They're not looking at him. THEY'RE LOOKING AT YOU.

Now... Warrior likes to think he's a rational man. He's good at keeping his head on straight in tough situations. He's good under peer pressure and under stress.

He takes one look at you and sees your smile gone, your head is down and your face is red in shame, anger and embarrassment.

But you don't say anything in reply and only shuffle closer to him, trying to get in front of him so he'll shield you from their gaze.

Warrior is a rational man.

Many would agree with that.

He wants to tear their heads off.

"Come on baby, don't be that way! As easy as your back is to watch, we want to get a good look at your pretty little face!"

Warrior turns suddenly and faces them all head on. "Thank you for the compliment doll face! I'm new in town and just passing through but maybe-"

He starts walking towards them as sultry as he can manage, pulling on every acting cell he has in his body.

Which is a lot if you ask him.

The tactic works as he wants it to. Warrior knows he wasn't their target and the idea of him responding instead throws them off their rhythm.

"No, no, wait-" One of them holds a hand up and takes a step back. "Not you."

"Who else darlin'?" He mimics their drawl and smirks at their instant discomfort. "You want a good time?"

"I'm leaving." One of them says after a second of horror shows on his face and not so subtlety turns on his heel and leaves. The third follows without saying anything and it just leaves Warrior and the first caller.

Warrior likes these odds.

He drops the act and lets his murderous intent shine on his face. "Got anything else to say?"

Warrior reaches for his sword and the idea finally gets through the guy's head. Leave us alone or else.

"...No." He says and finally leaves as well, not looking back at either of you.

Warrior nods at his retreating form and returns to you, a little ashamed by how long it took him to react. For your sake.

His head is low when he reaches you and he scratches the back of his neck instead of making eye contact.

"Um... What do you want to do now?" He asks lamely. By Hylia, he wants to kick himself into oblivion.

A small snort catches his attention and he snaps his head up.

You're looking at him, hand over your mouth and crinkled eyes giving away your not so hidden smile. Your shoulders are shaking and it only grows as he stares at you.

You're not mad? He has trouble believing it because he's still furious.

A small bark of laughter escapes without your consent and it's the last wall to break as the dam flows out. You're laughing hysterically and it's beginning to scare him a little.

"D-Did you see their faces?!" You nearly scream. "Oh my god, Warrior, I love you. That was amazing."

Warrior shakes off the shock and feels himself blush. "It wasn't that special..."

"Wasn't that-? Oh boy, I wish Wild was here. I would have loved to get a picture! Warrior that was awesome. I'm so glad that you agreed to come with me." You walk beside him and grab his hand, beginning to drag him through the town. "You know what? I owe you. I have some rupees and we're not expected to come back to camp yet. You want something? I'll get it for you. My treat. Anything you want."

Warrior begins to flounder, and he's uselessly dragged behind you while your grin grows with every second that you talk.

While this all happens and you talk about the ways you plan to treat him, Warrior starts to think that he might just do anything for you.

Hyrule

Hyrule was busy enjoying the scenery of their most recent trip. He had managed to sneak away from the group and walk around the area without having to worry about the others for a moment.

The quiet was nice and familiar. The place was new and begging for him to explore what it had to offer.

Hyrule... found himself wishing for companionship, weirdly.

Well, as long as his travel companion is you.

He supposed Wild would have been just the same....but he found himself wanting to be with you instead.

He just... he doesn't know why. It doesn't bother him.

There's just.... He has trouble finding the words.

You're warm and gentle and it reminds him of casting his Life spell on himself before he met the others. There's a sense of safety, of calm.

A cool breeze on a warm summer's day.

A smile creeps on his face at the thought of you. Hyrule knows that he does it often but he still can't bring himself to care about it.

"Oh my- NO! HEY!" He hears your voice. Panicked, frantic and shrill.

And it gets cut off.

It's a bucket of ice water dumped over him. His heart launches into his throat and his stomach drops to his feet. His feet are moving in the direction towards you before he even realizes it.

Hyrule has reached a full on sprint and has to continue to run when he fails to find you. He takes a moment to be grateful for his stamina and how he's used to running but you're not.

At least he doesn't think so.

But he hopes this isn't where he finds out.

He trips over something. A sharp pain cuts across his shin as he falls to the ground, palms barely sustaining damaged thanks to his armor.

Hyrule gets up and sees something even worse than what he thought.

It's your sword.

You don't have your sword.

You're unarmed and alone.

Hyrule picks himself up and your sword and continues running at an even quicker pace.

He reaches you eventually and feels unadulterated rage flood through his system.

There's a pig monster over you, cheering and dancing in victory. There's only one. He thinks it's one of Wild's bokoblins but he calls on his magic and sends his sword straight through the monsters beating heart.

There's no black blood as it falls.

He sprints even more in your direction and begins to cradle your head, gently checking for blood any injuries.

He lets the healing spell move through his fingers to catch whatever he might be missing, whatever he can't see or get to without hurting you further.

He can feel what areas need the attention the most and can almost reconstruct the attack.

There's a large bump on your head, most likely the hit that knocked you unconscious.

Your arm is scratched and multiple pieces of skin have been torn off but it's a graze more than anything, it's not bleeding and doesn't goa any deeper than that.

Probably the hit that knocked your sword out of your hand.

There's a bruise blossoming on your knee and on your stomach and he has trouble figuring out what came first. They could have come from your fall or the beast could have simply hit you again.

The magic works its way through your system and subsequently heals him as well from his own minor injuries.

There's no way you can wake up fast enough and it leaves his heart pounding in his chest.

Hyrule knows when there's nothing left to heal and has to force himself to stop before he overexerts himself. The uncertainty is killing him. Just when he was hoping to spend time with you alone, this happens.

You groan and begin to sit up, your hand going to your head before realizing that it doesn't hurt and that you're not alone.

"Hyrule...Hey." Your voice is soft and a smile overtakes your face. You looks around and sit up straighter when you catch the dead body of the monster not two feet from you. "Guess that's your doing?"

Hyrule nods and moves to give you space, reaching his hand out for you to take. "How are you?"

"Good, all things considered...." You shrug and pick up your sword. Hyrule didn't even notice that he dropped it. "I was looking for you."

A mix of emotions fills his heart. Guilt at being the cause of it. Relief that at least you're together again. Happiness, strangely, at the thought of you thinking about him.

"Well I'm not lost, just..." He nervously looks up to you, his hand coming to scratch the back of his neck. "Got left behind."

"We noticed." Your smile fills with mirth and it's borderline a smirk.

Hyrule is not prepared by the realization that he finds that incredibly attractive.

"Thanks for coming to my rescue." You say, wrapping your arm with his. "The rest of the group is over here by the way."

"Yeah... Yeah ok." He grins and tightens his grip around your arm. "Let's meet up with our friends."

Yeah....friends...That's just what friends do.

Why does he feel weird about it?

Twilight

"On a scale of one to ten, how hard is it to learn how to ride a horse?"

Twilight looked around Epona's form, pausing his motion in brushing her to see you leaning up against her, a hand on her neck and brushing ever so slightly.

"Some people are more natural than others I suppose..." Twilight responded, an idea forming in his mind. "But it's not difficult."

You nodded in response and continued to pet the best girl around.

"I can show you how... If you want that is." Twilight grins to himself, leaning closer to Epona so you don't notice. The thought makes him giddy in a childlike way and he doesn't want you to be put off by his overexcitement.

You snap your head in his direction, a bright and excited smile on your face. "Really? I've always wanted to learn but I didn't want to impose."

Oh.

Out of everyone who could easily show you how to ride a horse, you came to him.

Well... doesn't that do something to his heart.

I mean, he is the only one with the horse but -DETAILS!!

He doesn't care for them.

"Here. Get on." He walks around and holds the reins, gesturing for you to get on Epona's back.

"Right now?" You're surprised, but delighted.

Twilight thinks it a good look on you.

"Sure. We're not going anywhere just yet and Epona can use a walk to stretch her legs." He says and helps you get up. Twilight is quick to follow after you and sit behind you, your back pressed up upon his chest.

"Ok, here's what you're going to do." He gives you the reins and places his hands over yours, leading you and Epona to where he thinks is a good place to go for a small trot.

It's effortless for him to lead you both through the trail.

Your trio actually pass by the group who are resting for lunch and wave to them as you go. Twilight catches the smile Time has on his face and is quick to put together that he knows something he doesn't. He'll ask Time about it later.

Twilight talks to you about how to hold the reigns, how to kick the horse into gear, how to steer and anything that he can think of that means safety for both you and the animal.

"Hey Twilight-" You mention suddenly and point just beyond the distance. "-Should we be concerned about that?"

Monsters, also on horses.

An arrow wizzes by suddenly, imbedding itself in Epona's side.

Shocked by the pain and scared by the suddenness of it, Epona takes off in a sudden sprint. Encouraged by the reaction, the monsters give chase.

Twilight notices that they don't have as much control over their chosen transportation.

He has the advantage.

Epona's first instinct is to run back to the group, back to the numbers and safety. Twilight knows better though, he can't lead the monsters to the group, even if he has a sizeable lead on them. He quickly turns her away, a plan forming in his mind.

You don't have weapons or back up, so this is going to get interesting.

"TWILIGHT!" You scream and throw yourself against him, covering your eyes with one and and gripping him tightly with the other. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Trust me!" He yells over the rushing wind. "I think I have a plan!"

"YOU THINK? You're crazy!" You reply, directly into his ear. "But I trust you... so I guess I am too!"

"That's the spirit!" He grins. Twilight knows Epona won't be able to do much more without injuring herself further and he doesn't want to make any reckless decisions with you right next to him.

He'd hate for you to no longer want to ride a horse over this bad experience.

"Hang on tight!" He finds himself yelling, adrenaline in his veins and he pushes Epona to go a little bit faster.

There's a cliff nearby, a ledge that if he can Epona to go fast enough, she can jump it.

The monsters may try to follow but Twilight is riding heavily on their lack on control and the horses will to stay safe.

Epona reaches it and jumps.

There's a moment of weightlessness and Twilight's heart floats up to his throat. You gasp, and fling yourself around to press your face into the crook of his neck.

Twilight takes one arm off of the reigns and wraps it around you, pressing you tightly into his chest.

Epona makes the jump, landing on the other side with a little more turbulence than Twilight is used to, but he'll blame her shot.

He slows her down and looks to the other side of the ledge.

The monsters do in fact try to follow but Twilight's gamble and intuition pays off. The horses stop just by the edge and several monsters fly off of their backs and down below. The other monsters who can't get by, stop in anger and scream from the other side.

But it appears they lost their archer to the abyss.

So you're safe.

"Oh my goodness..." You gulp and remove yourself from him. "Holy cow... You did it. You mad lad, you did it."

Twilight chuckles nervously and begins to lead Epona back to the camp, gentler and a little more aware now of how she's moving, how much she's been hurt.

"Is Epona ok?" You try to look around him and spot the injury, but there's not a lot of space on the saddle to manage that. He does it for you and sees that it's mostly blocked by the saddle itself, the arrow imbedded deep into the side, just missing the both of you.

Epona most likely only has a scratch and was more startled if anything.

Twilight's not happy about his girl getting hurt but knows that she's taken worse hits. He'll tend to her later, he's worried about you too.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, but Epona?" You insist.

"She's fine. It mostly hit the equipment. They were terrible shots." Twilight grins easily, taking the lead in steering Epona and leans into your back.

You laugh breathlessly and turn your head directly into his. It gives him a great view of your eyes and how they seem to glow in the light. He finds himself entranced and almost misses what you say completely.

"You're incredible, you know that?"

He nearly preens and he pulls himself back. "You think so?"

"Incredibly reckless." You snort. "You've lost your privileges' for yelling at Wild. You're just as bad as him."

"I-..." Twilight starts but can't finish.

"But hey, at least we're ok." You lean back and make yourself comfortable against him. "That could have been worse."

Twilight doesn't move a muscle while you're there, if you're comfy against him, then he'll keep you comfy. "Yeah. Sorry about freaking you out back there."

You go quiet for a moment and he wonders if he's ruined something. Twilight doesn't know if there's something to ruin actually, and he doesn't understand the thought now that he's had it. He doubts you'll stop being friends because of this, so that's not at threat. Monster attacks are not something new. But...

He wants to do this with you, for you.

He doesn't like the idea of you turning him down.

"I don't know..." You say eventually. "Maybe you can make it up to me by continuing these horse riding lessons. Maybe I'll forgive you then."

Twilight doesn't look at your face, he doesn't turn to look at you. He's afraid he'll give too much away on his face if he does.

"If you're still up for it?" It's question. It wasn't supposed to be a question.

You nod and fully relax, your heartbeat gently beating against his own. "Maybe less monsters next time?"

"Agreed." Twilight grins. "Not until after you learn to go out on your own."

"How about... No."

Wild

"Wild. I. Have a question." Wild looks up to your approaching form, tensing up in anticipation.

"Yeah, what's up?" He tries to grin naturally. Wild feels his heart start to beat faster and his face heat up. He gets nervous around you even if he wants to be by your side, but he doesn't know why.

He knows you're friendly and sweet and nice and incredibly smart and there should be no reason that you do this to him and yet he wants to impress you so bad....

But he doesn't know how.

"Your slate has that crazy inventory right? So you carry a whole bunch of stuff on you at all times?" You try to stand tall but you dip your head and thread your fingers through your hair.

You're nervous.

Now you really have his attention.

"Yeah. I might have enough stuff to rival the Veteran and he's known as the Collector as well." Wild sits back and tilts his head at you. "What's up?"

"I..." You start and bite your lip. Wild's eyes land on it and he focuses there for longer than he thinks is appropriate. "I just wanted to ask if I could borrow a sword if you had extra... Mine's about to break and I don't want Smithy on my case about it, since I don't have what I need to fix it. But....um...You know what, nevermind. It's not a big deal, I'll manage, I'll-"

"No! It's fine!" He shoots up to his feet and grabs your hand to keep you from leaving. "Got anything in mind? I've got claymores and short swords, elemental weapons and sheikah blades. I've got some cool boomerangs or clubs from monsters if you want those."

While he's talking, he brings up his slate and begins sliding through the pages and icons, bringing it up to your faces so you can get a better look at what he had to offer. He's quick to point out what weapon can do what and how he has one story for each of them.

He takes a look over to your face and is overjoyed when he sees that you're looking through the screen with as much fervor and excitement as he did when he first came into contact with his world's weapons.

"..." He sees your eyes lock on one of them and voice comes out in a giddy giggle. "This one."

"Which one?" He leans over and places a hand on your shoulder. You let him, or you don't notice but the fact that you don't shove him away makes in happy in a way.

You point to it and he has a brief moment of panic when he sees the one you want. It's one of Robby's creations, a sheikah chainsaw so to speak. It's one of the biggest weapons he has.

"OK." He gulps and takes it out. He presses the activation button and watches your face when it lights up the blade.

A large grin over takes your face when you see it and stare at it for a moment. The light is bright in your eyes and you let out a giggle that's borderline hysterical.

"This is awesome!" You make grabby hands at it and he hesitates to give it to you.

He likes that you like it....but he's suddenly not all to convinced that he should. Wild knows that he's reckless and that he gets hurt a little more than anyone appreciates but... What if you get hurt? With his weapon, no less?

The thoughts scares him a little more than he'll admit.

Maybe you should have that one.... Maybe a more... normal weapon would have been better?

You step away and give it a few experimental swings and his heart launches into his throat.

"Ho-ok!" Wild frantically opens his slate again and takes out a another weapon, a normal iron sword. "Take this one as well actually."

"One is enough Wild. Thank you but-"

"We don't want the others to get jealous, now do we?" He lies. "This way it'll be easier to explain...so maybe save that one for emergencies?"

"Alright." You press the button and stash the weapon away, taking the other sword from his hand. Your fingers brush and he tries to not jerk his hand back and make it awkward.

"For the others sake." You grin, and there's a glint in your eyes that makes him think that you're on to him.

But you don't mention it.

He won't plan to mention it either.

He'll gladly share anything else with you though. You just have to ask.

Four

"RUN! WE HAVE TO RUN!"

Four's head snaps up and he doesn't have the time to register why before you run past him and grab his hand, dragging him behind you.

"WHAT?!" Four yells next to you and matches his stride to your easily. "WHY ARE WE RUNNING?!"

"THEY'RE AFTER ME!" You cry and continue running, taking a sharp turn. "NO TIME TO EXPLAIN!"

Four isn't prepared for the level of rage and concern for your behalf as he begin to reach for his sword and turns around to fight whatever has you in a panic.

"Don't!" You pull his hand harder and nearly throw him off of his feet. "It's not worth it. Just run, maybe we can find a place to hide."

"What's after you?" He asks instead. How bad did it have to be that you didn't even want to fight back? Was it monsters? Did they have numbers on their side? Was it the weapons they had? Were they infected?

He'd gladly fight them for you.

But if it's bad... it's bad and he knows that infected monsters take more effort then they should and they're not something he can do alone.

"Here!" A smile appears on your face and with another sharp turn to press him close to your body and squeeze into a small space. There's no space between you two, it's chest to chest, completely up against each other and Four suddenly has a hard time concentrating.

Four says your name in an attempt to distract himself from your body and eyes the hand you press against his mouth in response.

"Shh..." You look outside the hidey hole and snap back in.

Familiar voices ring with mirth and exhaustion but they are not dangerous. Four finds it in himself to be a little miffed at there not actually being any danger but he keeps quiet at your request.

"Where do you think they went?" Wind has a grin in his voice.

"I don't know. I think they actually lost us." Wild replies in kind. "But they can't be far. It's not like they can out run us."

"You take the right and I'll take the left?" Wind offers and Four has to wonder what they want with you.

You keep your hand over his mouth for a moment longer before slowly retreating.

Four gulps and takes a breath. He's immediately assaulted by how you smell. It's weirdly not just sweat, but apple blossoms and some kind of herb that he's having trouble pin pointing.

It's intoxicating and despite the lack of personal space, Four thinks that this is the most comfortable place he's been in a while.

"Ok. I think they're gone." You turn and begin to shimmy out of the hole. "Sorry about that. They want me to do something dumb with... an item of mine and I don't have the heart to tell them no. So I ran... Which didn't really work because they followed."

Four follows out of the hole and brushes the front of him off. He places his hands on his hips and fixes you with a stare.

"And then I ran into you and I didn't want to explain everything but you're a good guy and you'd just tell them where I went because you wouldn't know and I didn't want to risk leaving you behind-"

A good guy?

"So you kidnapped me?" Four raises an eyebrow. "That was your solution?"

"Well... How else do I get your attention?" You mimic his position and look him in the eye.

Four's about to retort with something that you could do before he stops himself. It's... not something one would just say to a friend. But he finds the idea very appealing for a moment before being disgusted with himself for thinking that about you.

He rolls his eyes to change the conversation outwardly but he continues thinking about it. "There are easier ways to get my attention. One of them, for example, say my name."

"Hard to do, if all of you have the same name." You grin.

He smiles back.

Truthfully, now that he's thinking about it, a lot things that you do catch his attention.

The way you move your hands when you talk. The way you move when you fight. The sound of your laugh. The color of your hair and your eyes.

"Um..." You laugh nervously and scratch the back of your neck. "Would you mind staying with me for a moment longer? I uh- Don't know the way back and I don't want to risk running into either of them just yet But.. I did kidnap you, so if you have something better to do-."

Oh yeah, he'll stay with for for longer. He doesn't mind one bit.

Sky

Sky yawns and rubs at his eyes for a moment before turning his gaze back into the fire.

It's early.... like, stupid early. He hates getting up before the sun and would have gladly stayed in his bedroll... but it's his shift.

Admittedly, he doesn't mind being on watch.

But it's the whole concept of being up before the very time keeper in the sky that miffs him. His body wants to fight it and he typically has to put his whole bed roll away when it's his turn or else he'll be tempted to go back to it and sleep the rest of the night time away.

The only bonus, he supposes, is the chance to watch the sunrise.

It's so different on the surface than on Skyloft, there's more colors and it's not as blinding. He can't to experience more when he reaches his own time again.

The other bonus, he supposes, now that he's thinking about it, if the chance to watch over his new friends and that includes you.

You... Are just as mesmerizing as the sunrise, he thinks.

There's something about you that he finds completely captivating. Your endless colors and arrays of simplistic beauty keep his attention in ways he wouldn't have thought possible. Bringing peace and tranquility to the group when they need and being a signal to start the next leg of the adventure.

And yet, he can admit that it's nothing extraordinary.

You're not trying to impress anyone. It comes naturally to you.

Like the sunrise.

Sky smiles to himself and....he's mature to admit that he's glad he met you, and he think he'll miss you the most when this is all over.

When Sky comes back to the present instead of being trapped in his own head, he realizes that he's been staring at you for a while.

You're still sleeping.

He takes a breath. That wouldn't have been awkward. He prides himself on not being a creep, thank you very much.

You turn in your sleep and a sound escapes you.

Sky sits up a little straighter and watches you again. He knows that everyone has their fair share of demon to fight even when they're asleep. It wouldn't be all that surprising to learn that you had your own battles beyond daytime.

You move again, lifting your arm to fight whatever your brain says is in front of you and a gasp comes through.

Sky shoots up again begins to make his way over to you. He's careful not to wake the others but if he kicks Wind's on the way over, he won't mention it... It's not like that woke him up anyway.

When he finally reaches your side, you're shaking and moving side to side without knowledge of what is happening outside your own mind.

Sky nearly growls and kneels next to you.

"I wish I can fight those things for you..." He says out loud as he begins to gently shake your shoulder. "How dare they still plague you. They're not even here. Who gave them the right?"

You give out a small scream, something in your mind terrorizing you and it prompts Sky to shake you by both your shoulders until you wake up.

Your eyes shoot open with a gasp. You're covered in a cold sweat and breathing heavily. It takes you a while to realize where you are and who's in front of you but in the meantime you try fighting Sky off, still not fully aware that you're awake.

"Hey, hey, it's me." Sky takes a step back in hopes of calming you, even if it's the last thing he wants to actually do. "You're safe now. It's ok."

You finally stop and look at him, staring for a moment until he can see the moment when you see him. "...Oh..."

"You ok?" Sky takes the step forward. "That seemed rough."

"I... Um..."

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." He takes another step forward and places his hands on your shoulders. You're still shacking but instead of answering him you launch yourself into his arms.

Sky doesn't hesitate to hold you and lets you cry into his shoulder for as long as you need. He makes a vow to himself right then and there.

He's going to do his best to protect you... and the others. So that even if things get hard, maybe you'll have less nightmares to deal with.

If you'll let him, that is.

For now, he's going to hold you and be there for you when you need him.

It's... really all he can do.

[9tzuyu]

closest to me

prompt: coming out to natasha as nonbinary

note: totally meant to write this months ago, but whateverrrr. and yes, i am aware that not all nb people use they/them, this was just my own little work :p.

warnings: being scared to come out to ur sexy redhead russian of a gf :[

i’d tag but i also don’t want to somehow trigger someone :[

thank u moli for proofreading i love u to the moon and back.

. . .

you’d come out to two of your close friends, ones you knew wouldn’t judge you. they’d taken it just as expected, but that was no surprise when you’d known them your entire life. your shared opinions and thoughts were what brought you together in the first place. 

your friends immediately began using your correct pronouns, and you’d never felt more right in your life. it was refreshing to hear yourself being referred by they/them rather than she/her. their constant support made you feel normal again. after so much struggling, things were finally being put into place.

but there was one person, one very important person whom you hadn’t come out to yet, and that was your girlfriend.

natasha.

the thought of having the conversation alone with her was terrifying. granted, you knew she’d never be anything but supportive, but all the what if’s came flooding through with each attempt you made. 

your fingers trembled as you fiddled with the silver chain around your neck, a nervous habit you’d seemed to form over the years of wearing it. 

god you wanted to tell her so bad.

but as you stood in the kitchen, natasha’s hands around your waist, you began to panic all over again. the familiar fear of judgment wrapped around your throat. 

you didn’t know natasha the majority of your life like you did with friends, so you weren’t really sure what her exact opinions on different pronouns were. sure, she was part of the lgbt community, and of course she was supportive of trans people, but it still made you wonder how she’d feel about pronouns that weren’t he/him or she/her. 

“what’s on your mind, baby? i can practically hear the gears turning in your head.” 

you sighed. natasha always knew when you were lying, so you couldn’t make something up off the top of your head. she wouldn’t force you to talk either though. she’d give a push, but nothing more until you were certain you were ready — or in some cases, when she knew it was becoming too much to bear on your own. 

“just dumb stuff. i’ll get over it soon.” 

natasha nodded against your back, containing her concern for now. “you know i’m here.” she whispered, taking one of your hands away from your necklace.

“want to go downtown? we can look at some of the new shops that just opened up” 

you smiled, “sure.”

for the next few weeks, you weren’t seeming to find any relief though, and natasha picked up on it. she tried her best to make things easier for you, but none of it seemed to work. 

time and time again you reassured her that nothing was wrong, that things would clear up on their own, but another month down the road and natasha could still sense that something was eating away at you.

it’d gotten a little more obvious now. you didn’t go out as much with her when she was with her friends. the constant referral to you as something, or someone, you weren’t was a steady reminder of how outcast you’d originally felt when coming to terms with who you are. 

“she/her” felt like a slap in the face every time you heard it. the words were exhausting, damn near agonizing to hear. but day after day you tried to suck it up out of fear of being rejected by one of the very special people you loved most. 

it wasn’t until one sunday night when natasha came home to you crying in your shared bed when she’d finally had enough. her worry was through the roof and seeing you struggle so much pained her. 

she dropped her keys on the nightstand and crawled into bed behind you, securing her arms tightly around your figure. 

“talk to me. whatever it is, i want to hear about it.”

but that only made you cry harder. you couldn’t help but feel more alienated than you already felt. why were you crying over such a stupid little thing? you could already hear the false words slip from natasha’s lips.

“hey, baby. shh, shh, you’re okay.”

you turned your body to face natasha, teary eyes looking into hers. “you might hate me, or think i’m weird, or a freak, or that i’m just confused.” 

your girlfriend gently combed through your hair with her nails. “i could never think those things about you. please tell me what this is about because i have no idea and i just want to help.”

her steady hand movement rubbing your arm while the other twirled your hand between her fingertips eventually brought you to a more reasonable state. 

“you know how trans people typically go by their opposing pronouns?”

“mhm.”

“well... i don’t- i just- god this is so frustrating!” you frowned, unconsciously grasping at the chain around your neck.

“are you trying to tell me you’re trans?”

“no, no, it’s not that. well, i don’t think so, depends on who you talk to. some people like me consider themselves to be classified under the trans umbrella, but not everyone.” 

natasha hummed once more while tracing small shapes against your skin. 

“what do you think of nonbinary people? like, you know, those who don’t use she/her or he/him?” 

she shrugged, and your heart sank for a brief second before she spoke. “i don’t have a problem with it. why?”

“i don’t like being referred to as she/her. my pronouns are they/them. i’m not a man and i’m not a woman... will that ever bother you?”

a smile broke out across the redhead’s face. “doesn’t bother me one single bit. i love you for you, y/n. not for who you think you’re supposed to be.” 

relief was all you could feel. as cliche as it sounded, the weight of the world felt like it had been lifted from your shoulders. you didn’t have to worry anymore, not while natasha was around.

“is this what’s been bothering you for so long?”

you reached over and grabbed a loose red strand, it was your turn to play with her hair. “yeah. i knew you wouldn’t judge, but-”

“what if.” she confirmed and you nodded. 

“does anyone else know?”

“just my two friends i grew up with.”

“no one else?” you shook your head, looping a red curl around your finger. “nope.”

“is that why you stopped hanging out with me, tony, clint and the rest of them? because everyone referred to you as she and her?”

“yeah, felt like a punch in the stomach every time i heard it. made me feel weird, not normal i guess.” you mumbled, almost embarrassed by the confession.

natasha placed a long kiss on the top of your head, rubbing your back for extra support. “they would never judge you, i’d cut them off in a heartbeat if they did. if it helps any, i can ask how they feel about it? poke around some and let you know what they say? then when they don’t have a problem with it, which they won’t, you can come out when you’re ready, yeah?”

you nodded again, although it was slightly hesitant. “sounds good.”

“forgive me if i mess up a couple of times. i’ll try not to make a big deal out of it and just correct myself.” another kiss was delivered to your head.

“oh! last question. promise.”

“yes?”

“when im around other people and you’re not with me do you want me to use they/them? i don’t want to out you when you’re not ready.”

“i swear you’re perfect,” you giggled. “but you can use they/them both when im with you and when i’m not. just try to keep it casual? please?”

“anything for you, sweetheart.”