#/was not about him at all and was a misunderstanding + the teacher even apologized later)

[crescentmp3]

so what you are telling me is its that bad.

[nikkento-writes]

Rub You the Right Way - Part 3

Part 1 | Part 2

Pairing: Choso x f!reader

Rating: Explicit – MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

Word Count: ~3.0k

cw: female reader, 2nd-person POV, explicit language, explicit sexual content, smut – cunnilingus, use of sex toys, cum eating, PIV sex (missionary), breeding and pregnancy kink

Summary: You and Choso are next-door neighbors who are very much smitten with one another. After a month of dirtying up third base as much as possible, the both of you are finally ready to hit it out of the park. 

Author’s Notes: Baseball euphemisms because why not LOL? Thank you for reading! I love these dorks so much! This is the final installment of this teeny tiny series, so thank you all so much for the love and support on this, it means the world to me! Likes, reblogs, and/or comments are not expected but always appreciated. Thanks for reading! Divider credit to @/fic-dumpster.

“Damn, that was good!” Yuji exclaims, licking off the last of the chicken katsu curry from the rim of the bowl. He leans back on one hand, rubbing his belly with the other, a loud belch escaping his mouth. “Oops, sorry,” he apologizes, only a little bit embarrassed.

You giggle, stacking his empty dish on top of the others, standing up to place it in the sink. “I’m so glad you liked it. I couldn’t have done it without your brother, though. He’s a really good teacher.” 

“See, I told you, didn’t I?” Yuji smirks, pleased with himself. 

“It’s not hard to make, especially with the boxed curry mix.” Choso’s voice is bashful, downplaying the praise from both you and his brother. Still, you can sense the tiniest hint of pride in there.

“He’s too modest.” You return to the table to sit next to him, nudging him playfully.

Yuji rolls his eyes. “I know! It’s so frustrating! Seriously, you’ve got to give yourself more credit, bro. You’re awesome.” The blush on Choso’s cheeks are adorably obvious now as he continues to wave off the compliments. 

“Yeah, you really are,” you reiterate, resting your hand on top of his thigh, squeezing him gently. With the table obscuring his view, Yuji can’t see this small gesture, nor does he notice the subtle way Choso reacts, flustered and slightly aroused. He’s been wanting to touch you all night, but not in front of his precious baby brother, who remains clueless to the extent of your relationship. Before you can pull away completely, not wanting to rattle him any further, he hooks his pinky with yours, his grip unyielding. You smile to yourself, the two of you linked together while you chat with Yuji about your plans the rest of the night, which consists of Choso teaching you how to make a lovely castella cake, amongst other not-so-innocent activities. For the sake of Yuji’s virtue, you decide to leave that part out. 

It's been over a month now that you and Choso started your relationship after that unfortunate package mix-up, which ended up not being unfortunate at all. By total accident, you unboxed his brand spanking new Cock Sucker 3000, and in a bizarre attempt to alleviate any awkwardness from the situation, you proceeded to use your own sex toy in front of him while he demonstrated his, resulting in the hottest night of your life. Two days following that, after another ridiculous misunderstanding, the both of you realized your feelings for one another and decided to give this a shot. 

You’ve learned so much about him, most importantly that he’s quite the fragile soul, often distrusting of strangers right off the bat. The last thing you want is for him to lose his trust in you, so taking it day-by-day, little-by-little, is what works the best for the both of you. The two of you have remained on third base when it comes to sex, which you’re not complaining about one bit, considering how voracious you’ve been with each other. You’re waiting for the right time to finally hit that home run, a grand slam at this rate. It could happen tonight, tomorrow, maybe even a few more months from now. All you know for certain is that you’re happy with Choso, and he’s happy with you. That’s all that matters.

However, you’d be lying to yourself if you said you weren’t fantasizing about it already. You can’t help yourself when you’re with him. In front of others, he’s usually more reserved, timid. Alone with you, his confidence unveils. His touches are assured all over your body, an expert at all the big and little ways to make you moan in pleasure. The range of expressions he’s willing to show you, from unabashedly needy to absolutely feral, make your body tingle just thinking about it. And that voice, sweet and soft when he’s coaxing you, then to that sexy, gruffy tone as he ravishes you, whether it’s with his fingers, his mouth, his firm grip on the vibrator. It’s no shock that you’ve imagined the perfect way he’d slide into you, filling you up to the brim with his massive cock. Hell, you’ve admitted it to each other several times already, how badly you both want it, how good it’d feel to be bounded together as one. You keep reminding yourself to be patient, because when it does happen, it will be well worth the wait. 

The three of you hang out a while longer until Yuji announces that he’s leaving to get ready for a party with his friends. Choso gives his brother a big hug, handing him a small bag of leftovers to take with him back to his university apartment. “Don’t party too hard this weekend,” he warns him sternly, sounding like a protective parent. “Behave yourself. Don’t make Fushiguro take care of you and Kugisaki again.” 

Yuji beams at him. “Megumi likes taking care of us! That’s his idea of fun!” He looks at you, a mischievous grin on his face. “You two behave yourselves too, alright? Don’t forget to use protection.” 

Shit. Okay, so maybe he does know.

Choso stiffens, an uncomfortable noise gurgling in his throat, clearly stunned by Yuji’s remark. You let out a loud and nervous laugh, desperately trying to play it cool, though you two idiots couldn’t make this any more obvious. “We’re just making castella cake, remember? We’re not having sex at all! Just some good clean fun here, nothing naughty! Right, Choso?” You’re so frazzled that you accidentally kick your boyfriend a tad too hard in the ankle, enough for him to yelp. “Right, Choso?!”

Sweat beads on your forehead while he bumbles incoherently now, failing to his explain your bizarre reactions to his younger brother, who just stands there, very pleased with himself. “Oh, I meant oven mitts,” Yuji smiles innocently, completely unfazed. “You know, for your hands.” He turns on his heel to see himself out while Choso continues to gape at him. “See you two lovebirds next week!” he calls out from over his shoulder, waving until he’s out of sight.

Choso unclenches to close the door while you bury your face in your palms, ashamed of yourself. “I can’t believe I just did that.”

He surrounds you in his sweet embrace, relaxed and actually laughing. “At least you said something. I just stood there like an idiot.”

You peer up at him, pouting at him. “You’re not an idiot, take it back.”

“I take it back,” he relents, giving you a kiss on the forehead. 

Nuzzling your nose to his, you mention, “I guess that was our way of telling him, right?”

“I had a hunch he already knew,” he responds. “Yuji’s no dummy. He was already telling me stuff a few weeks ago.”

“What did he say?”

“Well, he was the one who told me to be friends with you. He’s even the one who first suggested inviting you to our family dinners.”

Your heart swells in your chest. “Really?”

He nods, a kind smile on his face. “Yeah. Yuji is a sweet kid, so I figured he was just being polite. But maybe he sees you and me being…y’know.”  

You smirk, giddy to hear the rest of his sentence. “What?”

His voice is quiet, shy from the sudden vulnerability he’s displaying. “A good fit? I don’t know, what do you think?” Despite all that’s happened between the two of you within a month, Choso still has his doubts, his insecurities. The last relationship he had ended because he caught his ex cheating. From then on, he’s been reluctant to let his guard down and trust someone with his heart again. You don’t blame him for being so cautious when it comes to love, so you do everything in your power to validate his emotions, reassure him that you care for him just as much as he cares for you. 

You hold him close, your heart thumping at a rapid pace. “I think we’re a perfect fit.” 

He swallows down whatever nerves were tightening in his throat, relieved to hear you say it, even though he’s never doubted your true intentions. Hearing it in your voice, seeing it in your kind eyes gives him the strength to tear down all the walls he’s built around himself to let you in. Inching closer, voice still quiet, he asks, “Can we…?”

You don’t let him finish his thought as you lean forward to press your lips to his. His arms squeeze you in a tighter embrace, nearly lifting you off your feet as he kisses you passionately. Your mouths move seamlessly together, his hands gliding smoothly along your waist, yours gently caressing his face, proving that the two of you are the perfect fit indeed. There’s dishes in the sink waiting to be washed, a castella cake waiting to be baked, but who are you kidding? This is what you need right now, to have Choso’s body on yours, to taste him, to devour him, completely lose yourself in him. And that’s exactly what he needs too. 

The two of you make your way inside his bedroom, not letting the other go for even a second, kisses sloppy now, all tongue and spit. He’s quick to undress you, palms moving evenly beneath your blouse. You stretch your arms up, letting him remove it completely, his eyes fixated on your breasts, still covered by your bra. He squeezes at them, his grip firm, thumbs brushing across your nipples. Desperate to feel him without this extra layer of clothing, you turn around, wanting him to unhook the clasp, which he does. His lips graze you, peppering soft kisses along your shoulder while he pinches at your nipples with the perfect amount of pressure to have you moaning. “You love it when I play with your tits like this,” he whispers, mouth hot on your ear. It isn’t a question; he says it with confidence, bordering on cockiness with the way he smirks at every little whine that escapes you. You love this switch from shy and sweet to bold and unashamed, always eager to fulfill his sexual appetite for you. 

“I do,” you answer breathlessly, his cock hard and throbbing between your ass cheeks as you grind against him. “You know I do, baby.”

“Fuck, I love it when you call me that,” he groans, sucking on your ear lobe. One hand travels past your navel, tugging at your waistband. 

Your crane your neck to meet his lips. “You’re my baby. You’re all mine, Choso.”

He moans into your mouth, lapping at your tongue. “Yeah, I’m yours. I’m all yours.”

You slide out of your pants, leaving your panties on, the silk ones he adores on you. On the bed, you lie on your back, watching him strip the rest of his clothes off while he towers over you, licking his lips when he positions in his head between your spread legs. He’s been indulging in this recently, eating you out through your panties, getting them soaking wet with his spit and your slick. His gaze meets yours, those typically kind eyes hiding something feral brewing inside him. He’s masterful with his tongue, spreading it wide on your clit, puckering his lips around you until you’re squirming. You grab hold of his head, grasping strands of his soft hair as he devours you. 

As if this wasn’t enough for him, he hums into your skin, pointing at the bedside drawer. He doesn’t have to say it; you already know what he wants. You’ve made it a habit now to keep a few of your sex toys at his place, including your most favorite vibrator, the same exact one you demonstrated for him when all of this first started. It soon became his favorite too. You pass it to him shakily, already at the edge, ready to burst any second. He takes it, holding the tip to your covered clit, the fabric properly drenched now. The vibrations start instantly as he pushes the button, causing you to jolt from the sensation. “Fuck!” you cry out, toes curling, knees wobbly. “Please, Choso.”

“Please what?” he teases, stroking his cock with his free fist. 

“Please take them off,” you beg, writhing below him.

He smiles wickedly, hooking the waistband of your underwear, slowly peeling them off you. “That’s my good girl.”

You kick them off frantically, immediately spreading yourself for him once more. “Hurry, baby,” you whine. 

With the vibe still buzzing in his hand, he leans down, giving you a wet smooch on your clit, then presses the fluttering tip to it. Pleasure radiates from your core to every limb of your body and you eventually reach your first climax of the night. 

“God, I love how fucking wet you get,” Choso moans, licking up and down your slit, savoring your orgasm. “So fucking sexy. Makes me want to come.” Precum leaks from the tip of his dick as he jerks himself faster, lips coated in your arousal as he continues to use the toy on you while drinking every drop of you up. 

“Fuck, you’re going to make me come again,” you say, trying to catch your breath. It’s both too much and not enough. The vibrations are relentless on your clit, his tongue hot and wet on your pussy. You’re drunk off this, head light as air, vision getting hazy. Drool spills from one side of your lips, losing control of your composure as you succumb to yet another orgasm, this time, with two of his fingers inside you. 

“So greedy,” he grins, his cock stiff against his abdomen. He takes his digits out of you, spreading your cum on his shaft. “You want more, sweetheart?”

You reach for his cock, desperate to have him fully inside you. “I want all of you.”

His demeanor changes at this, almost like you’ve said the magic words. He swallows nervously, stopping the toy and setting it aside. “Are you serious?”

You smile, nodding at him. “I want all of you, Choso. But if you’re not ready – ”

“I’m ready.” It stumbles out of his mouth in a rush, as if he’s been meaning to say it for a while now. “I want you. I always want you.”

“You have me.” You tug him towards you, wrapping your arms and legs around him, nuzzling your nose to his. “You’ll always have me.” 

He kisses you, humming softly against your lips. “You’re amazing,” he whispers, tapping the tip of his dick on your swollen clit. 

You twitch at his touch, already sensitive from earlier, but still so needy to be filled by him. “Hurry,” you beg him, gyrating your hips, losing your patience. 

“Condom,” he mutters, reaching towards your nightstand, eyes focused on how close his cock is to being inside you. 

You snap yourself out of whatever dangerous desires are playing through your head and nod in agreement, stretching your arm out to open the drawer, blindly retrieving the box of condom wrappers and small bottle of lube. With trembling fingers, he unwraps the condom, rolling it over his cock, coating a generous amount of lube on it. He eases inside you, both of you moaning as you stretch around him perfectly. When he’s to the hilt, he stays still for a moment, kissing you fervently, so happy to finally be connected with you like this. “Is this good?” he asks, always adorably concerned about you. 

You giggle, hugging him tighter. “It’s amazing baby.”

Reassured, he starts thrusting, pulling out ever-so-slightly to pound right back inside you. You squeeze every inch of him as he fucks you deeper, fighting the urge to come on the spot. It’s so damn good, too fucking good, like he’s on this euphoric high, impossible to come down. He can’t believe how incredible this feels, even with the condom on, and it makes him want to burst thinking about the near future when he’ll have a chance to do you without it. How pretty you’d look with his cum spilling out you. That fucked-out expression on your face as you beg him to breed you. The gorgeous belly when you’re pregnant with his baby...

Choso has to physically shake his head to rid these obscene fantasies from his thoughts. He really can’t help himself when he’s with you. Grunting with each thrust, he resists the temptation to pull this condom off to give it to you raw, reminding himself that patience is a virtue and that the two of you have all the time in the world.

It doesn’t take long for the both of you to come. As soon as you’re right at the edge of your third climax of the night, you cry out, “Right there, baby! Fuck me right there!” holding him tight as you spill all over his cock. He comes as soon as you finish, certain that if you weren’t using protection and assuming you’re currently ovulating, he’d surely get you pregnant with how fucking intense this load was. Choso pulls out, carefully pulling off the condom, taking a couple of seconds to marvel at all the cum you managed to draw out of him. You laugh, watching him as he ties the open end to toss into the nearby trash bin. “Is it a lot?”

He snuggles up next to you, nuzzling his nose to your neck, back to his precious puppy-dog cuteness. “If we weren’t using protection, it would have definitely gotten you pregnant.”

You joke, “And is that a bad thing?”

He rests a hand on your stomach, his touch tender and sweet. “Not at all. I wouldn’t mind raising a little baby with you.”

Normally, you’d freak out. Normally, Choso would freak out. But for some odd reason, the idea of sharing a future together, of raising a family together, seems right. And while it’s only been a month, you’re both confident that the two of you will be spending a long, healthy, loving life with each other. 

Choso’s phone vibrates on the nightstand, rousing the two of your from your post-coital snuggle session. When he reads whatever notification he’s received, he chuckles, turning the screen towards you, displaying a text message from Yuji:

So…how’s that castella cake? ;)

He types up a quick reply before putting his phone on silent to spend the rest of the night cuddling you uninterrupted. 

Absolutely perfect.

[luv4fushi]

HEYYY🦅

I really likes your megumi drabble. HE SO CUTE😭😭 i kinda wish you write more megumi 🩷

megumi fluff (?) and angst at your service! sorry it took FOREVER i had 478274 exams these past few weeks ughhh sorry & ily thx for the req ~~~

he likes me, he likes me not

jjk fushiguro megumi x fem!reader

all megumi fushiguro does is apologize when he rejects you. everything changes because of your confession.

content: angst, fluff if you squint, all characters aged up to 17-18!!!, misunderstandings, confessions, eventual relationship!, megumi is so bad at feelings, ooc megumi a little sorry, takes place at jujutsu tech high school and shibuya has NEVER happened so life is good, yuji and nobara are your besties

wc: 5.1k

click on my masterlist for more!

“i like you.”

for a moment, the world stills. everything comes to a halt.

megumi is sitting across from you at your favorite cafe, just down the street from tokyo jujutsu high, the school you’ve been attending for nearly two years now.

in that short amount of time, you’ve grown into a person you think the past you would’ve liked. you’re taller now, more fit and lean. you’ve got bounds of experience from your missions piled on your shoulders, the unwavering burden of being a jujutsu sorcerer making itself at home.

you’ve grown in other ways, too. you’re stronger now, you’ve got a good hold on your emotions. you haven’t seen your parents in months, but the sting doesn’t hurt anymore. you’re wiser. older. you’ve got a handle on your feelings.

then there’s megumi fushiguro.

oh, how enamored you’d been.

he’d spared no glance when he first met you. you had trudged into the classroom, eyes darting at the unfamiliar faces. gojo satoru, the undeniably handsome teacher of yours, introduced you brightly albeit the low energy of the room.

you had weaved your way into the jujutsu world, just as you had been able to slither your way into the lives of your newfound friends.

but megumi, oh, megumi fushiguro.

it had taken you laborious months to befriend the raven haired boy. his uninviting attitude hindered your relationship with him for some time, and you had half-heartedly decided to pursue something else, but your near death experience during a particularly difficult mission with him had sent him reeling. he had held onto you the entire time you cried for your mother.

you don’t talk about that day. he doesn’t mention it, either.

“what?” his eyes, dark blue, blink in surprise. his lips are parted slightly. “what did you say?”

your throat constricts. then, the words flow: “i’m in love with you.”

love. it’s too strong of a word. you’re not even quite sure what it means, or if what you feel is actually love.

the cafe begins to bustle with life again. the barista from behind the counter steams some milk—almond—and she glances up at a customer approaching. the music from the overhead speakers filters it’s way softly into your ears. it’s a cheesy love song, and you can’t help but feel like it isn’t the right time for that.

“are you serious?” he says, almost spitting out his drink.

“i mean,” you shrug, “yeah? i wouldn’t bring you all the way out here to fuck with you.”

he blinks again. his lashes flutter perfectly. it’s annoying how perfect he is. there’s a slight hue of pink to his cheeks, but not enough to confirm anything—just speculation.

“i’m sorry,” he begins, breathing it out all in one go. “i’m really sorry.”

if you’re being honest with yourself, you’d seen it coming from a mile away; megumi fushiguro is different. he’s got the composure of a brick wall. the perpetual frown on his face never, ever leaves, not even when he’s with you. he doesn’t crack, doesn’t shake. his soul is hardened from things that he’ll never speak of with you.

“it’s okay,” you say, but it’s not.

you’ve changed—grown into a person you’re proud of, but you’re still stuck sometimes. you’re still a pushover. still just a small shrimp in the vast ocean. still apologizing for your existence.

“i’m sorry,” megumi repeats.

you know he’s apologetic, that he really means it, just from the way his brows furrow slightly. you know him too well for your own good. you don’t think he can say the same about you.

“it’s fine.” your voice breaks. you duck your head in embarrassment. rejection has never hurt you this badly. “you don’t have to apologize for not liking me back. it’s not your fault.”

you wonder why you’re comforting him when he’s the one who has ripped your heart out completely.

“i’m gonna head back,” he mumbles out, hesitating to reach out and dab away your tears with the napkin he’s been wringing around his thin fingers. “you… should come, too.”

you shake your head. “i think i’m gonna finish my coffee.”

he offers a smile. “you can finish mine as well, if you’d like.”

“nah,” you say, scrunching your nose through watery eyes, “black coffee isn’t really my thing.”

“yeah.” his laugh is soft, almost forced, but you can tell it’s genuine. “i know.”

oh, you think. it really hurts.

he knows.

something inside you snaps. your lungs feel itchy. your ribs squeeze. you think that it would’ve been easier to never say anything at all.

megumi leaves the store. the jingle of the bell above the frame rings through the air. you’re left with your cold cup of coffee and megumi’s cup across from you.

the barista gives you a look of pity. you chug down your drink and chug his, too.

it’s bitter.

-☆

megumi arrives to his dorm exactly five minutes after four pm. he slips off his sweater and changes into a pair of sweatpants and a loose t-shirt. his mind is blank, except for the image of your teary eyes.

he swallows nervously. maybe he’ll sleep it off.

“yo, megumi.” yuji slams himself against the door impatiently. “how’d it go?”

megumi sighs, the irritation swiftly making its way into his fatigued body. he opens the door and yuji tumbles in without an invitation.

“what are you talking about?” megumi mutters with another sigh.

“the confession,” yuji says matter-of-factly.

megumi stares. “you knew?”

yuji’s smile slowly removes itself from his lips. “…yeah? it was pretty obvious.”

“what was obvious?”

“that she likes you…?” yuji tilts his head. “and you like her back, right? so i figured you guys would be all cuddled up in here.”

megumi doesn’t say anything. the gears in yuji’s head begin to turn as he looks around the room, noticing the comfy attire megumi has on.

“you said that you liked her back… right?” he raises an eyebrow. “because it’s not a secret that you do.”

“i left.”

“you left her there?!”

“i didn’t know what else to do.”

“so you said ‘yes, i’d like to be your boyfriend’ and then dipped out on her?”

“i didn’t say yes.”

yuji pauses. he looks at megumi, then at the made bed, then back at megumi.

“for fuck’s sake,” he groans, running his hands through his pink hair. “i’m gonna go.”

megumi stands there, appalled. the door is shut harshly and the hinges squeak. he’ll have to scold yuji about that later. for now, he wants to take a nap.

maybe he’ll feel better about everything when he wakes up.

-☆

on the other side of the building reserved for dorms, yuji crosses his way into the girls’ section. it still feels wrong no matter how many times he’s made this trip before.

he meets you on the way there. you’re dragging your feet, headphones strapped on your head, and lips quivering.

“hey,” he calls out, tapping your shoulder. “you okay?”

he waits until you hang the silver headphones on your neck. they’re megumi’s, he realizes as he sees the fading stickers on the metal plate.

“hm?”

“you okay?” he asks again. his eyes scan you for any signs of distress, and he can practically see it radiating off of you.

“yeah,” you hum, “i’m cool.”

“want me to grab nobara?” he suggests with a grin.

“sure,” you say.

the sun feels hot on your back. you hate the way the school is so widespread for having such a small population.

“i can grab some ice cream,” yuji rambles. “and i’ll get us a notebook so we can write shitty things about megumi.”

you pat him on his back, but his sturdy body almost sends you flying backwards. he catches your wrist just before you fall, and he’s laughing at your expression with glee.

“you’re so funny,” he says through his fit of laughter. “you’ve gotten scrawnier. you needa eat more! i’ll get us snacks, too.”

you pout. “shut up, yuji. not everyone can be as buff as you and todo.”

“oh, todo is a whole different story.”

“tell me about it,” you say, playfully rolling your eyes. “i’ve seen him beat you up into a pulp.”

“hey! in my defense,” yuji says, his hands coming up to the sides of his ears, “i couldn’t do much against him!”

you’re nearing nobara’s dorm, which is right across from your own. you like how homey hers is compared to yours. she’s got a knack for interior design, or so she claims.

she swings the door open the moment you reach the inside of the building. you’re halfway down the hall when she sticks her head out from the frame of her room. her black roots are showing more than usual.

“how was it?” she asks once you’re close enough so that she can whisper.

you want to tell her that there’s no point in keeping it a secret. you had told yuji about your feelings far before you even mentioned to her, mainly because yuji had been your first friend at jujutsu high. megumi isn’t here, either, so there’s no reason to whisper when everyone knows.

“bad,” is all you reply with.

her eyes soften a considerable amount, an expression you’ve never seen on her face before. she takes a small breath and pulls you into her room by your arm.

you’re met with her fragrances, vanilla and strawberry—a nobara kugisaki signature scent. she had begged gojo to buy her shelves to place her k-pop albums on and sure enough, the white furniture stands proud at the far corner of the room. there are fake vines hanging from her ceiling right above her desk, where she has an organizer messily places over a few books.

“you wanna dye your hair?” she jokes, looking back at you. “my roots are coming in so we might as well dye yours while we touch up mine.”

“is orange all you have?” yuji’s nose twitches. “i don’t think she’d look good in orange.”

“gee, thanks,” you sarcastically respond.

“sorry.”

nobara clicks her tongue. “wanna unpack?”

“kinda,” you say, your body going limp once you’re at the foot of her bed. you sprawl yourself on the silky sheets and stare up at the ceiling.

“get out, yuji,” nobara demands. she doesn’t even acknowledge his downturned lips.

“i know everything already!” he whines. he shuts the door behind him with much more care than he had with megumi’s.

“still!” she insists. “i wanna have a girls’ talk.”

“i’m one of the girls.” he crosses his arms.

nobara’s shoulders sag. “fine, but you need to go buy ice cream.”

“was planning on that already,” yuji replies. he taps quickly at his phone, presumably asking gojo for his credit card.

when yuji leaves the room, he promises that he’ll get your favorite flavor. once nobara senses that his presence is completely gone, she turns to look at you.

“i’m sorry for making you confess,” she whispers. her tone is comforting, genuine, soft. she takes you into her arms and squeezes your shoulders. “i really thought he liked you back.”

“it’s not your fault,” you reply earnestly. “i chose to do it out of my own selfish feelings.”

“you can cry,” she says, patting your head. at times like this, nobara seems years wiser than you are. her touch is warm.

you bite your lower lip. “don’t wanna. i think i’ll be fine.”

“okay,” she says, and you feel her chest vibrate with the word. “you’re allowed to cry, though. megumi would’ve been a shitty boyfriend, anyway.”

all you can do is let out a watery laugh. you don’t tell her that he would’ve been an amazing lover. he would’ve taken you out on dates at your favorite places because he’s observant like that. he would’ve known your favorite foods, though he knows them even as friends. he would’ve kissed you tenderly because that’s the type of boy he is. he’s the type to love carefully, like he’s afraid he’ll lose someone forever if he doesn’t.

“i’m up for dyeing your hair,” nobara pipes up after the silence that penetrates the room. “yuji’s right, though… i don’t think orange would suit you… ha.”

you giggle. “let’s just touch up yours, yeah?”

yuji’s footsteps can be heard from outside the door when you’re a third of the way done with nobara’s roots. she complains about how long he’d taken, but there’s no real malice in her voice. he explains that he had ran into trouble obtaining gojo’s card (“i had to beg him for it!”).

the ice cream is all melted. it’s gooey and delicious and makes you smile. as you look around your friends, your crinkled eyes say more words than you ever could.

“you’re welcome,” yuji says into your ear. “you don’t have to thank us for any of this.”

-☆

the next morning comes by quicker than you want it to. you mentally prepare yourself for seeing megumi in class at eight in the morning. you haven’t made a mistake as bad as confessing your dying, unrequited love on a wednesday afternoon quite like this before.

nobara had suggested walking with you the night before, but you’d sternly told her that you could handle it. looking back, maybe you should’ve agreed with her offer.

megumi isn’t in class when you come in. he’s usually there at least five minutes before gojo starts teaching. something inside you tells you it’s because of yesterday—as much as you hate to admit it.

he walks in through the sliding doors a few minutes late, but gojo pays him no attention. megumi has privileges like that—at least, with gojo. he’s practically your teacher’s son, and though you’ve never heard of the full story, you’re well aware of gojo’s slight favoritism.

the class is short. all jujutsu sorcery classes are. they mainly consist of typical real school lessons, only because under the law, jujutsu tech is still a high school. the other, much bigger portion of class with gojo is focused on maintaining cursed energy and providing yourself with the best possible victory in battle.

when it’s over, you don’t know if you should be relieved or upset. you won’t be able to see megumi after this, assuming that he’ll avoid you for a good month or two. however, you think you’d rather die than attempt to make conversation with him.

“don’t do anything stupid,” gojo warns, signaling the end of class.

you hear yuji snicker quietly and say, “yeah, nobara.”

the bickering brings a smile to your lips. from the corner of your eye, megumi shifts in his seat.

you decide that it’s best to let the feelings marinate, as stupid as it sounds. it’s an infinitely better choice than moping around and begging megumi for a chance. you may be soft, but you’ve got pride.

“see you guys,” you announce, more to yourself than to anyone.

“alright,” yuji calls after you, “see you later.”

you can’t help but feel a little disappointed with the lack of clinging when it comes to you. your absence doesn’t seem to cause a ruckus like it does for most people. you wonder if it had been yuji retiring early; would everyone else ask him to stay a minute longer?

that’s how life is for a while.

you attend class, spar a little, and sleep. some days you go out into the city with nobara. you avoid the cafe, even though it’s your favorite. perhaps it’s because you’re still embarrassed by megumi’s rejection. on other, slower days, gojo takes you all on outings because he’s basically everyone’s replacement father.

it’s still as tense as ever between you and megumi.

the boy doesn’t make any effort to reach out. you don’t blame him, though you should. he steals small glances at you, particularly when you’re smiling and forget to cover your teeth with your hands. that’s all he takes from you, and he can’t be the only guilty one, because that’s all you give.

on this day, gojo takes you all out to the fair. it’s annual, taking place in the beginning of summer, and it’s a great way to practice forming barriers and such. the fairs always bring out a few nasty curses that need to be exorcised—the four of you are already used to being dragged out here for that sole purpose.

as if gojo knows, he sends you out in pairs. of course, you’re paired with megumi fushiguro. at first, you open your mouth to reject gojo’s demand, but you notice the way megumi doesn’t seem to care and your resolve hardens.

“it’s really awkward around you guys.” gojo pretends to act busy, flicking something from his nails. he’s got his sunglasses on and the ladies around him fawn.

“huh?” you and megumi look at him with accusing glares.

“is something going on between the two of you?”

“no,” you say almost entirely too quickly.

“right,” he drawls, a smirk forming on his face. “anyway, good luck out there. get rid of the little ones and then—i don’t know/-meet up with yuji and nobara if there are gross ones that’ll kill you.”

megumi nods. “okay.”

“this was what i was talking about,” gojo mutters as he walks off. “it’s soooo awkward…”

megumi gives you an apologetic look. “for the record, i don’t think it’s awkward.”

“it’s fine,” you say. you find that you’ve been pardoning him quite a lot. “you don’t have to lie.”

his face flushes. “i’m not.”

“i confessed to you and you don’t like me back, so there’s really no need to tiptoe around it anymore,” you rush out. “just treat me like normal. i don’t really care.”

he looks hurt, and you want to laugh.

you discover that, in those days of being alone, you’d rather megumi treat you like a friend again than be completely ignored. at least then, you’d have a part of him. at least then, he’s not slipping through the cracks of your heart, becoming a distant memory.

you want him to be anything but a memory.

“you want me to treat you like normal…?” he repeats your words. he paces himself just a few steps behind you when you begin to walk away from the conversation. “what does that mean?”

“i think you know what being friends is like,” you attempt to joke, but it comes out harsher than intended.

the fair is getting more crowded by the second. the shopkeepers are yelling out cheap deals and there are children that snake in and out of the lines of people. paper lanterns are hung at the front of tents to attract foreigners—it seems to be working because there are more people surrounding shops with lanterns than without.

megumi takes a breath. “how could i do that?”

your steps falter. “what do you mean?”

“how can i go on to treat you like normal,” he says softly, “when i know you’re in love with me?”

you bite the inside of your cheek and taste blood. “i don’t know. you’ve done it before without knowing my feelings. you can do it all over again, right?”

you look over your shoulder to see his lips part. he’s given up on the cool-guy persona. his vulnerability begins to show through the dents in his personality.

“you’re saying that you’ve liked me for that long?”

“yeah,” you admit. something about this is more freeing than you could’ve imagine. “i think i always have.”

a man shoves himself into you. he’s older with a beer belly and a scruffy beard attached to his face. he barks at you to move out of the way as he drags his young daughter through the sea of people. megumi’s warm hands come to rest on your waist, pulling you aside and closer to his toned chest.

you do your best to ignore your beating heart.

“i’m not,” megumi starts shakily, “lovable. i don’t know why you like me.”

your body goes cold. it's even worse than when he'd rejected you.

“curse,” you say, detaching his hand from your body. “i feel it around the back alley.”

the night ends. nothing is solved. you go to bed and curl into yourself.

-☆

loving megumi is weird. there’s an odd sense of comfort to it, like you’ve known him for longer than you actually have. he makes you feel safe even though he's gruff and a little mean about it. maybe that's just part of his charm, though, because it makes you love him even more.

he seems to have taken your words seriously; he starts to treat you like normal again. he doesn't avoid you anymore, and the obvious tension surrounding you two has disappeared for now. he lets you take a few of his sweaters when you forget to do your laundry and he buys you your favorite snacks sometimes.

it gets to be too much. you almost wish he'd go back to ignoring you. the grass is always greener on the other side.

summer goes by slowly. it's the prime time for bad feelings to manifest into curses. you push away your lingering feelings, convincing yourself that you've gotten over it. it's been more than enough time now, coming up on two months since you've confessed. you don't want your resentment, if you can call it that, to form any bad curses—you'd hate for them to be attached to megumi. that'd be a burden too hard to carry.

a few missions involve partnering up with megumi. gojo thinks you two work well together; there's a sort of synergy that you have with each other that is hard to come by sorcerers nowadays. you don't mind the compliments, or at least you pretend you don't.

the missions aren't difficult, but maybe that's because you've grown stronger. megumi has, too.

summer passes. it still hurts.

"you're confusing me," you whisper.

you and megumi are shopping for a surprise birthday party that gojo is forcing you guys to throw for nanami kento, a good coworker of his. you've met him more than once, and you're not really sure if he'd appreciate such a last minute party. regardless, you and megumi are tasked with finding enough balloons to fill the poor man's office.

megumi doesn't allow you to hold any of the bags. he lies and tells you that it's out of habit—nobara makes him carry her shopping bags every time they go out—but you know he's doing it just because he wants to. you're perfectly strong enough to carry a few paper bags, and he doesn't carry nobara's bags like he claims he does. megumi doesn't even go shopping with her unless yuji's there and even then, yuji holds the bags.

"sorry?"

"why are you doing this?" you refuse to look at him.

"doing what?"

"this," you say, gesturing at the two of you. "why do you act like we're close enough to do this?"

you cringe at yourself, aware of how hypocritical you're being. you had wanted this, wanted him to go back to being a friend, to treat you like he had before you went and ruined everything. why are you angry? why do your eyes well up with tears as he steps closer to you?

"we aren't close?" he asks. his arms fall to his side.

passerbys give you curious glances. he takes off his sweater, the one he always wears depsite it being humid out, and wraps it around you. the paper bags filled with confetti and paper plates are set down by your feet. he pulls the hood over your head to hide your wet eyes.

"we are," you mumble out sorely, "but not like this."

"i'm sorry," he says, and you're brought all the way back to the day you had told him about just how much you liked him.

"'s not your fault." you sound like you're trying to convince yourself and not him. "i'm being an asshole. you can forget about this."

you don't want him to feel guilty. he can't help how he feels, after all. you don't want him forcing himself to love you.

"what you said that day," he coughs out. the bags crinkle as he lifts them from the pavement. he continues, "what did you mean by 'always'?"

you squeeze your eyes shut and he pauses next to you. you can feel his soft gaze on you and you're glad you can hide behind his sweater, the cloth draping over you like an oversized blanket.

"i don't know..." you tilt your head up to look at him. he looks like the boy you think you'll always love. "i think i was doomed from the start."

"doomed?" he says, a little amused. "loving me is dooming? how sweet of you."

you need to remind yourself that he's not playing with your heart; this is how he copes—and how you cope, too. he must know you better than you had thought.

you nearly scoff. "it's because you're you. you're so good at being you that it hurts."

megumi slows. you hadn’t even noticed that he'd been guiding you down the sidewalk the entire time until now.

"i think it applies to me, too," he say quietly.

"what?"

"'always' applies to me, too." the clarification does nothing to settle your nerves.

"i don't understand," you blurt.

he gives you a look, as if to say, "really?", but he keeps talking, "i think i'm used to this feeling because it's always been there."

"what feeling?"

he shrugs. "you pissed me off when i first met you. you're really stupid, you know?"

your face morphs into an irritated expression. "thanks. you're pretty great yourself."

he laughs and it sounds like music to your ears. "i wasn't finished, dummy."

"sorry."

"you're pretty... a lot more than you think you are," he admits shyly, "and i guess that annoyed me because i kept feeling all weird around you. i got used to it, i think—that weird feeling. but it's always been here. it never left."

you stumble, tripping over your feet at megumi's statment. you don't want to interpret it the wrong way, but with how he's looking at you, you can't help but maybe think that he likes you too.

"this isn't how i wanted to tell you, but," he breathes in sharply, "i don't like it when you cry."

it's awkward. perhaps a little funny, if you really look at it, but it's megumi and you can't hate him. you'll never find it in yourself to truly hate him.

nanami's surprise birthday party isn't much of a surprise. though gojo nor nanami say it, you all know yuji is a favorite of theirs, and no one is surprised when yuji says that he had accidentally revealed the party a few hours prior.

gojo has fun. even shoko, who never shows up to any of these events because of her busy schedule as a doctor, seems to enjoy herself. nanami pretends like he's not entertained, but he has on a fond smile that looks weirdly similar to the way megumi smiles. you're all old enough to party now, as gojo puts it, so it's a little less like a classroom celebration and more like a familial one.

it's the third of july, nearly two months and a half after your confession, when megumi hints that he feels the same way about you.

you don't know what to make of it.

-☆

"i like you."

you're in the middle of getting ready to go out with nobara and her favorite upperclassman, maki, when megumi tells you he likes you back. your eyes widen and the mascara you've just finished putting on smears on your lid.

megumi hands you a makeup wipe as if he's done it a million times before. (he hasn't, but he just knows.)

"w-what?" you stutter out, your breath catching in your throat.

"it took me a while to figure that out," he says.

he's flat on your bed, covering his face with his arm. his t-shirt rises with each of his nervous movements. according to the rules set by gojo, he shouldn't even be here in your dorm. he shouldn't be on your bed and listening to your playlist through your shitty speaker gifted to you by yuji.

"are you joking around?"

"what?" he sits up and turns to you, frowning. "why would you think that?"

"is this you pitying me?"

"i just," he sighs, frustrated, "i needed to tell you before i chickened out. i meant what i said the other day, you know?"

"about you getting 'used to' the strange feeling?"

he nods and then slouches back against your pillows. if it had been any other day, you would've felt shy about sleeping in his scent.

"yeah," he says, running his slender fingers through his jet black hair. "i really did mean it. i think i just—i don't know—pushed you away because i was afraid."

you've given up on applying your makeup by now. your hands are shaking too much, anyway.

"i'm scared sometimes, too," you reply, catching his eyes in the reflection of your vanity mirror.

you see the side of his lips turn upwards. he looks as handsome as ever. he's gotten older since the first time you met him, and it hits you harder now that he's on your bed, his features sharp and his body lanky and tall. there's a sort of intimacy that you sense between the two of you.

"i'm not afraid anymore." his legs swing over the bedframe and he easily reaches the ground even though your bed is raised. "i'll be brave for the both of us."

oh.

"what do you think?" he tilts his head.

you stay home that night.

-☆

"so are you guys dating now?" yuji exclaims.

you both freeze.

"fuck off," megumi says instead of answering the question.

"god," yuji huffs out. "finally! all those peptalks and you don't even tell me that you got the girl?"

megumi blushes from beside you. neither of you had expected yuji to be awake to witness you two watching the sunrise on the hill beside the school.

"you know," yuji grumbles, "it took a lot of convincing to have you realize that you've been in love this entire time, megumi. the least you could've done was tell me."

megumi ignores him and snuggles further into you.

"why are you up so early?" you ask, shuffling underneath the blanket that is covering you and your boyfriend.

"instinct." yuji's shoulders drop, defeated. "'k, i'm gonna leave you guys to be romantic and shit up here. have fun explaining this to nobara later."

nobara almost wrings your neck out when she catches megumi holding your hand that saturday morning. she tells him that he needs to make up for the months he left you feeling sad. he says he's already forgiven, and he's not wrong (because you're weak when it comes to him, just like he's weak when it comes to you).

you think that you would've chose to love him no matter the outcome. loving him is easy like that.

a/n: oh my god. this was a word dump and not proofread. i am so sorry this took forever to come out but i ended up changing the plot like a billion times cus it wasn't good enough.. LOL. hope u enjoyed this!!! thx for making me write more megumi because i love writing him (he's been my fave character since the anime came out three years ago hehehe). ngl it was kinda rushed bc i wanted to get this out but i think it turned out fine!!!! ok thx once again ily muah xx

[severus-snaps]

Densaugeo and Hermione and Snape

So, once again I find myself reading through Snape reddit threads but I don't really use reddit and they're years old so I'm importing it here. I'm tripping into Snape apologism territory here but also sort of not - yes, a teacher insulting a 14yo girl's appearance would be devastating and inexcusable irl but it's not irl - and it's these potential theories I'm interested in :P

Is it out of character for Snape, who never anywhere else in the books touches on people's appearances, to insult Hermione's appearance?

How likely is it that it's a misunderstanding or deliberate double entendre (aka he appears to be insulting Hermione's appearance but is actually saying to Harry/Ron, you just did the same thing to Goyle)?

And do we think it was part of his cover to be more cruel than usual in front of Draco, either by deliberately choosing a sentence to be interpreted either way, or intending it to sound mean?

I've covered some of my workings below the cut, but I don't reach any conclusions other than he probably was being more cruel for practical reasons, rather than for his own amusement, in this scene. As always, I just like talking to people about these things so if anyone wants to drop a comment then I'm here for it :P

I started with Snape is really at his worst in GOF but touched on a few others, too. Some of the arguments I've seen that interested me were these:

Snape has only once in seven books made a remark about anyone's appearance, which was following the teeth hex with Hermione

Snape was mocked in school for his own appearance - and mocked again in PoA by the Marauders Map for being an ugly, abnormally large-nosed slimeball etc, and mocked at home for being weird-looking (e.g. by Petunia). Harry/Sirius/others fairly regularly comment on Snape's unpleasant appearance, from his hair to his teeth to his skin. In short, he's not really set up to be in a position to be commenting on other people's appearances - and indeed, he generally doesn't

Snape tends to show his enjoyment when he enjoys an insult - he smirks, smiles, etc, when he's insulting Harry sometimes, or James, and even Umbridge for example you get the idea he's having a good time with the ironic bow - but he didn't here. He's described as looking at her 'coldly'. Usually he just ignores her until she speaks out of turn in class

It was potentially a misunderstanding? He's saying "I see no difference" to Ron's insistence that Draco did something wrong, when Goyle's just been sent to the hospital wing looking like something out of a book on poisonous fungi. Neither Slytherin nor Gryffindor get points docked until Ron and Harry start shouting (probably swear words) at him.

This post (or one of the comments in it) also argued that it's out of character; Snape insults Harry's character several times, but usually he's insulting people's abilities, intelligence, or behaviour, not their appearance (since he values those things, but not necessarily his/others' appearance)

Karkaroff says "It’s [the Dark Mark] been getting clearer and clearer for months" at the Yule Ball, and so is Snape's "Karkaroff’s Mark is becoming darker too" [emphasis mine]

Densaugeo-gate happens in mid-November, so Snape knows Voldemort is likely to return by this point, with several months' warning

The teeth incident happens in front of a few children of known DEs, most notably Draco Malfoy, whose father will hear about this - probably several times:

PS: “But this is servant stuff, it’s not for students to do. I thought we’d be copying lines or something, if my father knew I was doing this, he’d—” CoS: "… everyone thinks he’s so smart, wonderful Potter with his scar and his broomstick — ” “You have told me this at least a dozen times already,” said Mr. Malfoy, with a quelling look at his son. ... “The teachers all have favorites, that Hermione Granger — ” “I would have thought you’d be ashamed that a girl of no wizard family beat you in every exam,” snapped Mr. Malfoy. "I expect you’d have Father’s vote, sir, if you wanted to apply for the job - I’ll tell Father you’re the best teacher here, sir" POA: “God, this place is going to the dogs,” said Malfoy loudly. “That oaf teaching classes, my father’ll have a fit when I tell him —” GoF: Malfoy, whose pale eyes were still watering with pain and humiliation, looked malevolently up at Moody and muttered something in which the words “my father” were distinguishable.

Everything - from Hermione's grades to Harry's antics, up to and including the teachers' behaviour, punishments, and classes - is reported back to Lucius Malfoy, especially as it relates to Harry. A scenario in which Draco and Harry duel one another in the corridor and that isn't met by sufficient retaliation from Snape will make it back to Lucius, whether he cares to hear about it a dozen times or not. Lucius already knowing about all of Hermione's exam grades is interesting - how did Draco know? Did Snape tell Lucius directly when asked? I can't see Draco asking Hermione; I can see Hermione bragging talking about it. I'd love to know.

So what does it matter if Lucius hears about this incident? Well, he's widely known by Arthur Weasley and his kids, and therefore probably plenty of other people, as being in Voldemort's 'inner circle' as early as CoS:

“And when You-Know-Who disappeared,” said Fred, craning around to look at Harry, “Lucius Malfoy came back saying he’d never meant any of it. Load of dung — Dad reckons he was right in You-Know- Who’s inner circle.” (Fred, CoS)

Snape obviously knows; Lucius was probably the one who got him involved. Lucius probably had some level of influence or control over Snape even back when Snape was in school, or in his early DE days:

OotP: “Tell me, how is Lucius Malfoy these days? I expect he’s delighted his lapdog’s working at Hogwarts, isn’t he?” (Sirius)

lapdog: a small pampered pet dog | a person or organization that is influenced or controlled by another

Snape as a pampered pet:

I've seen some metas discussing this in terms of Ancient Roman society and patrons, in terms of 'fagging', and in terms of Lucius shaping Snape from a poor, jerky, twitching teen to a poor, jerky, twitching man who tried to hide it beneath a soft-spoken, well-spoken, cool air - modelling himself after Lucius. Snape was almost literally taken under the wing of Prefect Lucius Malfoy the moment he was Sorted. He probably learnt from his "old friend" to affect membership in the Pureblood/upper class - and did so well enough to shock Bellatrix when she first saw Spinner's End (and she never insults him for being half-blood, which she does to Harry, despite hating Snape).

In any case, Snape probably owed a lot to Lucius. He likely had a level of control over Snape, both through his existing personal relationship with him as a mentor-mentee ("old friend" at best) or abusive ("lapdog" at worst; see 'fagging') relationship. Until the end of CoS, Lucius had a hand in running the school on the Board of Governors, and had enough power/fear with the rest of the Board to remove Dumbledore, never mind mere mortals like Snape if he stuck a toe out of line. And even when Lucius was gone from Hogwarts, he retained strong ties in the Ministry, sharing a Quidditch box with Fudge, and evidently having at least a few conversations with Umbridge:

"I expected better, Lucius Malfoy always speaks most highly of you!"

So we can infer that Lucius thinks Snape is as dedicated to The Cause as he is. Even Draco remains convinced of this in later books, before Snape has cemented his position by killing Dumbledore, but even after Snape has usurped Lucius' position as Voldemort's right-hand man:

"[Snape's] a double agent, you stupid old man [Dumbledore], he isn’t working for you, you just think he is!"

[Draco likes/trusts Snape] “much less since his father has lost favour. Draco blames me, he thinks I have usurped Lucius’s position.”

Prior to Lucius' demotion/imprisonment era, Lucius clearly outranks Snape. Lucius is one of the most trusted DEs during VW1; only Lucius and Bellatrix are trusted enough to keep his Horcruxes safe (Lucius the diary, and Bellatrix the cup). Lucius was also supposed to be in charge of the battle for the department of mysteries, Voldemort's year-in-the-making plan, but obviously... that didn't go to plan, in the end.

But there's quite a rushed trajectory of Lucius' fall and Snape's ascent. The battle happens in late June 1996, Lucius is imprisoned, and not released for another year - during which time, Snape is rising, until he ultimately kills Dumbledore and is at the top. Still, he's not trusted with too much information; despite being at Hogwarts, he doesn't know the location or existence of the Horcruxes (unlike Lucius and Bellatrix, even if they didn't know what they were), and Voldemort doesn't allow Snape to see him enter Dumbledore's tomb.

Anyway, what with Bellatrix and other DEs not trusting Snape:

"Where were you when the Dark Lord fell? Why did you never make any attempt to find him when he vanished? What have you been doing all these years that you’ve lived in Dumbledore’s pocket? Why did you stop the Dark Lord procuring the Sorcerer’s Stone? Why did you not return at once when the Dark Lord was reborn? Where were you a few weeks ago when we battled to retrieve the prophecy for the Dark Lord? And why, Snape, is Harry Potter still alive, when you have had him at your mercy for five years?" ... "You can carry my words back to the others who whisper behind my back, and carry false tales of my treachery to the Dark Lord!"

What has Snape been doing all these years that he's lived in Dumbledore’s pocket?

Well, tormenting Gryffindors, for one. Tormenting Harry Potter and to a slightly lesser extent, his friends. Not all of it was tied to his cover - Snape was just a bitch with a bad classroom manner, no love of children, high expectations, and a short fuse. But if it helped, in the early months of his Mark darkening again, to become a bit more cruel to Muggleborns and Harry, then why wouldn't he - especially in front of Draco? He knew that soon - whether it be in a few months, a few days, or even a few hours, he was going to have to walk back into Voldemort's fold and pray to god he wasn't killed on sight for abandoning the cause. With others whispering behind his back - bold of them, since the ones left to whisper are largely people who escaped Azkaban, but it's a crab bucket being a Death Eater - he'd need a benefactor. A trusted servant, like Lucius, to back him up. "No, no, Snape's been tormenting Potter for years - Draco says so. He'll tell anyone on the Board who stands still for long enough how useless Potter is. Oh, he says he's Dumbledore's man, but when the old coot's back is turned, he insults that Mudblood Granger."

It wouldn't be much use to Snape if his Occlumency said one thing (I'm still a loyal Death Eater) but his actions said another (he's perfectly jovial to all students), especially as Snape is just not...a jovial person to begin with. He's got a nasty streak as a teen that Voldemort probably would've encouraged in the Dark Arts. Half of the Order were Gryffindors and half (or more than half) of the Death Eaters were Slytherins.

Also Lorrie Kim's books has some really nice observations about how his behaviour (in terms of his personality, loyalties, how he appears) really starts to contradict his core values in GoF especially.

Anyway, once again I don't have a conclusion, I just had thoughts, based around these again:

Is it out of character for Snape, who never anywhere else in the books touches on people's appearances, to insult Hermione's appearance?

How likely is it that it's a misunderstanding or deliberate double entendre (aka he appears to be insulting Hermione's appearance but is actually saying to Harry/Ron, you just did the same thing to Goyle)?

And do we think it was part of his cover to be more cruel than usual in front of Draco, either by deliberately choosing a sentence to be interpreted either way, or intending it to sound mean?

i feel like i've set anyone who read this far along homework :P one foot of parchment, on my desk by Friday

[f1byjessie]

A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS ━━ LN4.

sometimes the right words are hard to come across, and sometimes everything you need to say can be captured in an image.

( lando norris x photographer!reader )

━━ part eight.

The thing is, you pride yourself on being stubborn.

Your parents hated it━ loathed that you wouldn’t give in when they demanded you find some other career path, something stable like finance or business. They hated that you moved out instead of submitting to their whims, and you imagine they hated even more that you declined every call and never answered any of the messages they sent for months afterwards until they gave up.

You’ll be the first to admit that it’s not a particularly marketable trait, nor is it very favorable in the eyes of others. It pisses people off more than anything, especially when they badger and push and prod and all you do is stand your ground. An old boss early into your career once nearly burst a blood vessel when you resolutely refused to take pictures at a private event━ threw a fit when you stuck by your morals to uphold the privacy of the athletes involved. But it’s a feature of who you are and it’s managed to save your ass more times than you can count.

Nonetheless, you also know that there’s a time when you have to swallow your pride and give in. Garrett and his threats to your career had been one of those times. A teacher in primary school and an argument about an uncompleted assignment had been another.

The situation with Lando, however, is not.

And just because Oscar is weirdly perceptive and creepily wise for his young age doesn’t mean you’re about to change things.

Why should you be the one to talk to Lando? Why should you reach out first to clear up the misunderstanding? He’s the one who misunderstood in the first place, and he’s the one that blew up without ever even thinking to give you a chance to explain what was actually happening.

If Lando wants you to talk to him again, then he’ll have to suck it up and apologize to you first. It’s the least he could do after implying the whole world thinks you’re a slut. It’s his fault you two aren’t talking in the first place, and the fact that he has the audacity to think you’ll just lay down and take it? That you’ll hear everything he had to say and just be fine with it?

Just thinking about it has you gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles the entire ride back to your flat.

This isn’t the first time the two of you have fought. It’s not even the first time Lando has been the one in the wrong. Beyond the disagreements the initial tension had caused in 2019, your worst spat was in 2021, following his crash at Spa during the qualifications for the Belgian Grand Prix.

The crash itself wasn’t the problem. You’d never get upset at someone for something out of their control, and Lando had hydroplaned because of track conditions and nothing else. But he’d been so nonchalant about it all, brushing off the medical staff with an “I’m fine,” and a “nothing’s wrong.” That, in and of itself, is not uncommon among Formule One drivers or even athletes in general. A lot of them disregard their own bodily limits and the damage they take if it means getting to do what they love, and Lando isn’t any different.

He’d had bruises all along his chest from his seatbelt and had needed to get a precautionary X-ray taken, but there hadn’t really been anything wrong. Even still, you’d fluttered about asking if he was okay, asking if medical had anything to say, asking if he thought he’d be well enough to race on Sunday. You’d understood that he’d probably been asked those same questions a few dozen times already in that hour alone, but he’d scoffed at your worry and told you to leave him alone.

So you did, after scoffing right back at him and snapping that you were just concerned and he didn’t need to be a bellend about it.

You’d ignored him for the rest of the weekend and stuck close to Daniel. Lando had had to corner you on the plane to finally apologize, and you’d jumped right back into the swing of things afterwards, laughing and joking around like none of it had ever happened.

That short fight seems like a cake walk in comparison to what’s happening now.

Deep down, there’s a desperate need for it all to go back to how it was before the winter off-season━ back when you and Lando would get drunk in each other’s hotel rooms on cheap wine while watching shitty reality TV, when you and Lando would make up stupid games in the airport waiting for your flights, when you and Lando would gossip like a couple of school girls about all the messy drama on the grid and around the factory.

But without Oscar’s infuriatingly mature outlook on everything, and his stupidly healthy way of perceiving relationships and the people involved in them, that same desperate need to have Lando in your life is buried down beneath your rekindled anger and a very justified pettiness.

Your flat is cold, dark, and empty when you push the door open. The sound of your keys clattering against the counter when you toss them echoes, as does the thud of your bag as you let it fall to the floor by your shoes.

You need to eat, shower, and sleep━ preferably in that order━ but when you open the fridge you divert your path from the tupperware of leftovers and reach for the pack of beers you never got around to finishing awhile ago.

Lando brought it around and you’ve never been much of a beer drinker, but he’d insisted you try it, so you had. The bitterness had clung to the inside of your mouth and you only made it halfway through your first bottle before handing it off for him to finish it for you. The rest of the pack had been allocated to your fridge for when he came over next, but that had never happened.

The fact that it’s beer is annoying enough, and the fact that it’s Lando’s beer pisses you off even more, but this is one of those moments where you have to push your stubbornness aside because you don’t have anything else and all you really want to do is get drunk and watch sad movies on your couch to forget about how upsetting your own life is at present.

You can’t cry over Lando if you’re already too busy crying over a fictional character.

It’s not particularly healthy, and you can imagine Oscar with his creepy omnipotence giving you a look for it, but you don’t really have the energy within you to bring yourself to care and Oscar isn’t actually there to judge you for it anyway.

The first half of February carries on similarly. You don’t get drunk every night, but you don’t talk to Lando either and Oscar’s heaving sighs and blatant exasperation whenever he third-wheels the frigidity between you and his teammate is explanation enough to what his opinion is on your choices.

But you’re standing firm.

It doesn’t matter that your phone sits heavy in the pocket of your trousers, searing into you like a hot coal with the knowledge of how easy it would be to just make a few swipes, press a few buttons, and end this whole thing━ to give in first.

The reality is that Lando did something shitty and you aren’t going to give him the impression that he has the ability to do similar shitty things in the future and get away with them.

So you cling to your hurt and your stubbornness, and you use every mildly annoying and slightly frustrating thing to keep the flame fueled within you.

Garrett helps, too.

You’re in Woking now, which is just over three and a half hours away from Manchester. Between the distance, your new schedule packed full with preparations for testing in Bahrain and the start of the season, and Garrett’s busier schedule with the resumption of the Champions League, neither of you have been able to find the time to be able to meet up for another staged date.

And it’s making Garrett fidgety. He wants results and he wants them now. Footballers always seem to have an inability to be patient, probably comes with the fact that they’re always on the move in one way or another, and this━ his reputation━ is no exception.

He sent you a bouquet of flowers for Valentine’s Day, which you posted on your story with a sickening amount of heart emojis, and you’d both made disgustingly sappy Instagram posts about the day and how hard it was to be apart for the sake of maintaining the illusion of being smitten with one another in your fledgling romance.

Since then, he’s been hounding you about when you’re free and reminding you rather unkindly about just what he’ll do if you even think about using your schedule to get out of the agreement the two of you have.

He doesn’t seem to understand that you’re contractually obligated to travel the country for the next ten months, and even if you wanted to spend time with him and pretend to be his perfect little girlfriend, you can’t.

It makes your mood even worse, and when you accidentally snap at a poor intern who’s only crime was asking you the same question twice, you decide you have to do something.

“Y/N!” Jack’s voice crackles over the phone, and the way he says your name alone━ the excitement and seemingly genuine joy laced in his accent━ makes you smile. “I thought you’d forgotten about me already.”

Much like Garrett, it’s been hard to stay in touch with Jack as well. Not as hard, because at least you like Jack and it makes it that much more motivating to put in the effort to reach out even when you’re exhausted from a day’s work and faced with hundreds of images you still need to sort through and edit, but still hard.

You message occasionally about the big things. He knows you leave for Bahrain in a few days to begin set up for pre-season testing, and you know that he got “White Girl Wasted” in Copenhagen after the team’s win. He also knows, from the few times you’ve called him tipsy and crying, anything and everything about the fiasco with Lando and just how deep it goes.

“As if I could possibly forget you, what with your amazing DJ skills,” you tease back, a bit self-consious of how your voice carries in the otherwise silent bathroom.

Jack laughs, deep and hearty. “Right. I’m a proper expert now, the lessons are paying off.”

“So what I’m hearing is now I’ll have to book you in advance to make sure you can play at my birthday party?” You dig the toe of your shoe against the tiled floor.

He hums, pretending to think on it. You can almost imagine how his face looks, eyebrows scrunched up and lips pursed to stop himself from smiling, like he’s having some intensely philosophical internal debate with himself. “You know,” he says after a moment of contemplation, “as a VIP customer, I think I can squeeze you in.” You can hear the grin in his voice. “But really, me and the lads all miss having you ‘round. I imagine a lot of them don’t like coming in anymore when they ain’t got a pretty face to look forward to.”

“Grealo, you flatterer,” you laugh. “I thought we agreed it was your job now to be the pretty face? You’ve got the cheekbones for it. And the hair.”

He heaves a dramatic sigh. “The lads just don’t appreciate me like you do.”

“Figures,” you murmur in mock commiseration.

Jack chuckles again and then clears his throat. “But real talk, though. What’s going on?”

You gnaw on your lip, worrying it between your teeth for a few seconds of baited silence before it’s your turn to heave a very real and very stress-induced sigh. “I don’t know,” you start, “I’m just stressed outta my mind and I can’t really talk about it with the people here, which makes it worse. I snapped at an intern and then lied to her about why I was stressed which made me feel doubly as bad.”

“Not fun,” Jack replies.

“Not fun at all.”

“What’s got you so stressed?”

“Everything,” you groan. “Garrett won’t leave me alone about trying to schedule another outting, but I can’t just leave and spend the day in Manchester with him on a whim. The factory is really hectic with everyone getting ready to go, and I’m included in that. But he seems to think I’m doing it on purpose, just to spite him, and if I wasn’t genuinely swamped with work then maybe but that’s not the case this time and he just won’t listen.”

You run your hand down your face, pinching at the bridge of your nose to try and alleviate the ache behind your eyes.

“He’s threatening me again, and I’m trying to explain to him what’s going on, but he’s a prick as you know so of course he isn’t listening. And on top of that,” you squeeze your eyes shut, “Lando’s still ignoring me. And because Lando won’t talk to me, Oscar thinks I should talk to him, except I still don’t think it’s too much to ask for a simple apology.”

Jack hums. “You’ve got a lot on your plate, sounds like.”

“Yeah,” you grumble. “Tell me about it.”

“I think, that you shouldn’t have to talk with Lando until he apologizes. Outside of work, at least,” he starts. “What he did, what he said, hurt you a lot and you’re entitled to that hurt. And if this Oscar guy keeps pushing you to talk when you obviously aren’t ready and don’t want to, then he doesn’t sound as wise as you said he was.”

You make a noise. “No, he’s like freakishly wise, Jack. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I’m doing the right thing by sticking to this. I’m like, if he, of all people, is telling me I should talk with Lando, then maybe I should. Except I’m not. Because I’m pissed off.”

“And you’re entitled to being pissed off,” he says.

“It’s just messy,” you whine. “And I hate messy when it’s my life and not pretty people on TV or random logistical folks from the offices that I don’t know the names of because they never actually go to races.”

Jack hums again, “I feel you there. You just gotta take it one at a time, yeah? One foot in front of the other, and all that.”

“You got that from Rudolph,” you snort.

“Yeah,” he laughs, “and he’s a reindeer with a glowing nose and that’s pretty fucking cool so sue me if I pick the lad as one of my inspirations.”

You really do miss Jack. If Oscar plays the role of your little brother, then Jack takes the spot of the older one. His laughter is warm and friendly, familiar in the way that feels like coming home after a long day of work. From the day you walked in and found him waiting for you in your office, he’s always looked out for you.

Back at Etihad Campus, whenever the guys were telling stories, he’d always be sure to elaborate and explain who everyone and what everything is so you could feel included in it all. He was the first to take the plunge and invite you out the group dinners and hangouts, including you with the boys even when he didn’t really need to. You were a temporary addition to their team, and not even all that important, but he’d taken you under his wing and seemingly made it his mission to make you feel wanted.

He always just seems to know what to do.

“What do I do, Jack?”

“Well,” he drawls out, “with Garrett, I think you just gotta lay it out for him. Show him a screenshot of your crazy full calendar if you have to. He’ll listen eventually, you just gotta smack it into him sometimes. As for Lando…”

Jack sighs, “I think you’ve got two options here. You either keep waiting it out and hope he realizes how much of a total fucking muppet he’s being and apologizes, or you take the first step and start the convo.”

“What happened to making him jealous using Garrett?”

He makes a noise. “I don’t think you ever really wanted to make him jealous.”

“You’re right,” you mumble. You pull at a loose thread on your shirt. “Is it stupid that I think I’m still in love with him even after all this?”

“No,” Jack says. “I think if you weren’t still in love with him then you probably weren’t in love to begin with. It makes us do crazy things, things that hurt us sometimes.”

You both fall into silence.

“I wish I could go back in time and never even answer Garrett’s call,” you huff, hoping it hides how your voice cracks with emotion.

“I know you’ve already said it’d be too risky, but if you wanted to break things off with him, me and some of the other lads are all still willing to stand up for you if he tries to start any rumors,” Jack answers.

You shake your head, not caring that he can’t even see it. “It’s been too long now. If he comes out with some misconduct rumor he could just as easily make something up about the times me and him spent alone on our dates. Not to mention, with the way my comments and inbox was flooded with death threats just because I started dating him, I don’t want to imagine how bad it’d be if he purposefully weaponized his fans against me.”

You take a deep breath, “Even if my career somehow managed to survive, I don’t think I would.”

━━ tags: @maih23 @urfavnoirette @leclercsluv @f1luvur @formulaal @a-disturbing-self-reflection @starlightpierre @chezmardybum @marshmummy @405rry @sideboobrry11 @d3kstar @mcmuppet @happylittlereader @casperlikej @5starl1ght @bellezaycafe @whentheautumnleavesfall @mess-is-my-aesthetic @ssprayberrythings @landosgirlxoxo @lifelessfan @81ja @wcnorris @a-disturbing-self-reflection (CLOSED).

━━ a/n: i have not gotten around to editing this, so i do sincerely apologize if there are any mistakes. it's nearly 5AM and i pulled a crazy amount of consecutive all-nighters while keeping up with the pre-season testing, so my brain isn't functioning as well as it probably should be, and that's also why it took me a little longer than normal to get this out. i'm running on four hours of sleep from last night and my hopes and dreams! so, alas, if there are any grammatical errors, that's why. anyways, i hope you enjoy! i'm very excited to begin working on the next part~

[deathmetalunicorn1]

Heyy. I would like to request an angst to fluff if that’s possible.

So Reader is a human and in her lifetime, she had depression and even wanted to end her life. In her afterlife, she met (love) and everything seems to went good until there was an misunderstanding between them. Reader fell into her depression again but in the end, (love) found out the truth and he did everything for reader as an apology.

Love interest: Buddha, Poseidon, Hades, Thor, Qin Shi Huang, Lü Bu, Nikola

+ Adams reaction when he found out that reader tried to end her life because of that

I hope you’re comfortable with these kind of stuff. If not then just ignore this because I know that many people don’t feel comfortable writing this.

-You had always felt like you didn’t belong in Valhalla, as those who had been brought here died as heroes, in one way or another. You didn’t die a hero, you took the cowardly, in your opinion, way out, by ending your life yourself, no longer wanting to be burdened with your sad heart.

-It was hard for you to adjust being here in Valhalla, trying to plead with Brunnhilde that you didn’t belong here, you didn’t deserve to be here!

-Her words were the first thing that shocked you, “You fought your battle for years, fighting against your own opponent, you showed that you were strong enough to continue to fight until you couldn’t any longer.”

-You hadn’t thought about it in that way before, that you had been fighting for so long, not willing to give up until that last ‘battle’. It was a surreal feeling, but your guilt still gnawed at you, still feeling unworthy.

-That is, until you met (Love), who was taken by you, you were warm and kindhearted to others, despite struggling yourself, as you didn’t want others to feel the way you did, and you were willing to do whatever you could to help them.

-(Love) was the person who helped you, teaching and helping you that you deserved happiness as well! He taught you that you were a kind and gentle person, one that deserved to be there, because you were doing so much good!

-As years passed, being with (Love), your depression now a thing of your past, as he helped you so much and you opened up, blossoming into a wonderful person, well liked by all, something you never had thought possible, if it hadn’t been for (Love).

-That changed one day, when you saw another woman in (Love’s) arms, misunderstanding the situation as you ran off, hearing (Love) calling out for you.

-That dark cloud that you hadn’t seen in years quickly reappeared, enclosing upon you, making you once again feel trapped as you sobbed quietly, hidden away from all, including (Love).

-Your heart couldn’t bear it, it was like all those years ago, when you couldn’t fight against it any longer, your heart ached, and you wanted the pain to go away.

-(Love) searched for you, high and low, wanting to explain the situation, as he had been working on a surprise for you! When he finally spotted you, overlooking a tall cliff by the seaside, looking down at the water, he sprinted to you and took you into his arms, pulling you back as he shouted out your name.

-You had gasped, completely stunned to see him there, as you had felt like you were in a fog, completely dazed at everything around you as he was panting hard.

-The tears quickly rose to your eyes, but you didn’t fight him as he hugged you close, seeing your tears, quietly begging you not to leave him.

-He knew that dark cloud that plagued you, and with the misunderstanding, that cloud he had worked so hard to help you with was back.

-(Love) explained himself, “That woman you saw was a teacher, I wanted her to teach me how to dance, so I could dance with you.” Your eyes went wide, hearing the misunderstanding as he looked a bit embarrassed, explaining himself, but you were confused, “Why did you want to dance with me?” He scratched his cheek lightly, his cheeks a bit red, “I was told that dancing is romantic, and I wanted to plan a romantic surprise for you, complete with dinner. I could still surprise you, if you want?” You couldn’t help but giggle, thinking he was adorable as you hugged him around his neck, apologizing for running off, and for almost jumping and he held you close, “You don’t ever have to do that. Just come to me and we will talk and work through things, together.” You nodded into his shoulder as he sighed softly, relaxing as he had you back in his arms, where you belonged.

            -Hades, Nikola, Buddha, and QSH

-He wanted to yell at you, wanting to know why you would try to do something so reckless and dangerous over a misunderstanding, but that was the thing, he knew the truth, you didn’t. He calmed himself as he held you, threading his fingers through your hair, a soft sigh leaving him, “Y/N that woman was… I won’t lie to you- she was a dancing teacher. I wanted to do something unique to surprise you, and Aphrodite told me to dance with you, but I… I didn’t know how to dance. That woman you saw was teaching me.” you pulled back, not fully believing him, something he saw as he was red, looking away from you, embarrassed and you could see that he was being sincere, “You did that for me?” he looked back at you, a weak smile on his face, as he didn’t really want to admit it, but for you, he would do anything and he watched the smile on your lips grow as he nodded and you leapt into his chest, sending him to his back as you thanked him. He chuckled softly, seeing that you were happy, and he wanted to keep you like that, he never wanted to think about what you could of have done ever again.

-Poseidon, Thor, and Lu Bu

-When Adam found out what had almost happened, he was furious, glaring at (Love), wanting to blame him first, but you explained that it had been a misunderstanding on your part, and you were the one who acted rashly. Adam pinched and pulled your cheeks until they were red and throbbing, scolding you for being so reckless, “Next time just come to me! I don’t want to think about any more of my children being lost when I could have helped!” you took your scolding well, as you know that you had been quick to jump the gun, before Adam held you close, letting you feel how much he cared about you, while he glared at (Love), thinking he could have done more to avoid the misunderstanding.

[miss0atae]

Random Thoughts about High School Frenemy (EP 7 – 8): Reconnecting and healing.

Wow so much happened in those two episodes, I don't even know where to start. I regret a little a bit wanting to do my random thoughts of two episodes at the same time, but I will try my best to highlight what I liked about those episodes. So the school was really set on expelling Shin because of the fight and mostly because they needed a scapegoat. They think they are doing to end the school bad blood and the violence, but their attempt feels meaningless. Of course, they seem to be incapable of imagining any good solution and we can only rely on Jan and Sung to have empathy for the students of Class 2. Unfortunately for Class 2 students, they are poorly regarded and even if they do nothing, most of the school staff still believe they are doing something wrong. Of course, Saint wants to save Shin, but the feud they have is getting in between. Saint confessed about what he did to Shin and make a deal with him: he will stop going to school and lose the chance to be around him. The idea is that Saint would lose the most important thing in his life, just like he did to Saint when he stole his dream by hurting him. Some of his classmate and the two main teachers of Class 2 did their best to make Saint change his mind, but only Shin could do it. They are not friends again, but they are on the path of healing.

I think the story is really compelling and it set a very difficult question to answer: can you forgive someone who hurt you and can you both reconnect after? From episode 1 to episode 6, we've seen how Saint regretted what he did to Shin and apologize profusely. His attempts were never well-received by Shin who claimed that they weren't friends anymore and that he hated him. We knew something bad happen, but we never really understood how it could have happened. When you see how Saint is around Shin, you can't understand why he would hurt him. The way he talks about their relationship, the love he has for him and all his behavior were showing how much important it was for him to be a friend of Shin. I have to admit (and I didn't watch the OG version) I thought maybe it was a misunderstanding and Saint had a "good" reason… Why would he suddenly become angry at Shin and hurt him to the point of breaking his legs and robbing him of his bright future as a professional football player, if the reason wasn't good? It was Shin's dream and Saint has always acted like what Shin wants is the most important thing and he should get it. Unfortunately, his reason was so dumb and so stupid. Shin wanted to leave the gang and Saint couldn't accept it and he hurt him just to prove a point. So disappointing. Everyone can understand why Saint is so resentful to Shin.

Saint was too proud of his “Tsunami” persona and he felt like Shin was leaving him and not just the gang. He hurt Shin and then he disappeared from his life. Who would want to be friend with someone who hurt them?! I've read some reviews of other viewers and many of them seem to think that you can't go back from this situation. Even if Saint is really remorseful, Shin has every right to reject him. However, there is something that Shin must free himself from and that's the pain and hurt he still has from this. It was a very traumatic event: losing his dream and also losing his best friend at the same time. This kid needs therapy, but instead everything keeps reminded him of this incident: his mother's attitude, the fact he took for himself the nickname “Tsunami”, the fights with Udon Phithak campus, Jeng's gang and of course, Saint's actions too. He never had the chance to heal from what happened. The resentment, bitterness, and sometimes pure rage are slowly eating him up. I guess that's why he didn't really care about being expelled. What does it matter, when you can't seem to free yourself from emotions that consume you, slowly, until you are nothing but the memory of your overwhelming, righteous fury.

I still think forgiving is the best option for Shin. Of course, he will always remember what happened and that will be a way of setting clear boundaries. At the end of episode 8, Shin seems to have taken this decision to let go of the rage and determine what he needs. It's different for everyone. Sometimes the answer is to walk away, but in Shin's case, it seems that HE wants to keep Saint around him. Maybe we wouldn't do this, if we were in the same situation, but it's not so weird that you would want to keep someone around you, even if they hurt you in the past. You just need to determine what are your needs and when you find them, you can start healing and forgiving. I think most people around Saint don't understand clearly what happened and can't imagine themselves in his shoes. His classmates, even if they had the best intentions in mind, they weren't really understanding. Especially Peeta: I think it was a bit tactless what she said to Shin. He isn't sulking, he is hurting and that's not the same thing. What Shin needs is to accept that what happened, happened. Then, he can choose to find at least some understanding for Saint's actions, and then decide if it's in his best interest to let it go and move on. I think he already made his mind and even if we wouldn't do it ourselves, it doesn't mean it's a bad choice. It's his choice! Finally, Shin can make a choice and not go through the choice that someone made for him.

As for Saint, his hurt was co-dependent of what Shin would choose. Saint's remorse are true, but he needed to let Shin's put the boundaries he needs after what happened. It won't be easy for them to reconnect because the relationship will never be the same as it was. He will also have to accept that sometimes the memories of this event will resurface. It's inevitable. Over the time, it will be easier for Shin to deal with them, but Saint must accept it. At least, at the end of episode 8, they are on the path of healing. Both of them, needed it. Even if what Saint's did was terrible, I felt empathy for him. I wonder if the fact that he choose to disappear from Shin's life after the incident was because he already felt guilty and was avoiding him as a way of punishing himself. I think I'm not so far from the truth because when Saint and Shin were locked in the gym Shin said something like: “You gave up on me a long time ago”. Now that Shin has decided to start on healing from what Saint did to him three years ago, Saint only has to accept the boundaries he is setting. As for now, Shin doesn't see Saint as his friend, but just as his classmate and Saint has accepted it. He wants to be what Shin wants. Saint will only heal if Shin is also healing. Otherwise, he won't be able to do it. His guilt is too deep. I also think he would need a great therapy.

So is it possible to reconnect with a friend who hurt you? I don't know if there is a good answer. We are all so different, but Shin and Saint, they maybe are able to reconnect. We'll see how they are going to make it. As for me, I want to believe they will be friends again. This work they are going to do on their relationship will make them grow as a person and perhaps find a deeper meaning in the relationship itself.

[whateverimcurrentlyobsessedwith]

ABO!au

Suryong is an omega in both lifetimes. But, of course, Suryong isn't your typical omega.

The stereo type omega smell sweet and is very docile. Suryong on the other hand does not smell sweet and is not afraid to pick fights with alphas.

Due to his atypical behavior there are a lot of misunderstandings. After all, suryong is a rude alpha that can't control his instincts to fight with other alphas that seems slightly threatening to him.

And then he goes into heat. Now I imagine heats aren't that bad in the dirty factor till their mated, just fucked up hormones and pheromones.

He has tried asking multiple times on the procedures around heats with teachers but has been shut down repeatedly 'because why should an alpha like you get to know that?' Not to his face of course, but it does leave him very confused and frustrated. So when he wakes up in heat he resignes himself to going to work in heat.

His students however are aware of his omega status. Getting a whole lecture about the importance of nutrition after forgetting breakfast ones(1) will do that. When they noticed their teacher was in heat they could anticipate the chaos about to unfuld at the academy and made their way to school as fast as possible.

At the academy Suryong had met up with his grandfather who sadly couldn't say he was to surprised to see his grandson come to work in heat. He knew most thought he was an alpha, mostly because they were prejudiced so he had to admit he was looking forward to those sexists get punched in the face.

He was however aware of his grandson's beauty and the effect his pheromones would have in some alphas. He knew Suryong could handle himself but he would keep an eye out just in case. This resolve was strengthened by Suryong complaining about being harassed on the way here as if it were an inconvenience that happened to take place multiple times in a row.

At lunch Suryong is fed up with all the stater he's getting. When he complains about it, his friends inform him that most including them thought he was an alpha at first. Yeonho knew he was an omega but that's because they traveled together for a while and received a death glare when he suggested they take a one bedroom at the inn. Back to the current situation.

Suryong stares at them for a few seconds and then yells 'WHAT MADE YOU THINK I WAS AN ALPHA?!?' They don't know how to reply to that without sounding incredible rude and sexist. It is one of the other teachers who answers.

'You don't exactly act like an omega.'

Suryong looks at them with an eerie smile that doesn't reach his eyes. 'And how should an omega act'.

When the other teacher is about to reply when in principle intervenes. He apologizes to Suryong for the misconception and offers Suryong to stay home during his heat. But Suryong being a petty bitch in heat refuses. So now the azure dragon academy gets to deal with a Suryong high on heat hormones.

Meanwhile, Namgoong Su is avoiding Suryong like the plaque. He had known for a while that Suryong was on omega. Mainly because his alpha side wouldn't shut up about a worthy mate. He does not know why he does that, Suryong is one of the most infuriating people he ever had the displeasure of meeting.

Stilll, no matter how hard he tries, instincts rarely listen to reason. He can ignore it most times but now Suryong is in heat and at work every single day. His instincts getting hard to control when he catches even the faintest traces of that hypnotizing scent.

He's sure he isn't the only alpha effected. After all, suryong looks like he came straight out of a painting, no that would still be an understatement.

He looks like a god of beauty come down from the heavens. He's like a glass crystal so beautiful yet so fragile, except it's not glass it's diamond, a crystal so strong yet beautiful and clear it could pass as glass. Only this crystal is unbreakable. His every movement flowing like water yet able to strike any time. And his scent so mesmerizing he couldn't place it even if he tried it's as if Suryong's scent itself represents deathly beauty. It is as if-

Okay what the fuck alpha brain. Why is he suddenly being so poetic. He had hoped his alpha would eventually calm down and get over it but it seems Suryong's heat had intensified it instead. So he avoids him best he can but it is kinda hard with the way Suryong's acting.

The next month is filled out with Suryong being overly dramatic, death glaring anyone who doesn't take care of themselves, trying to castrate anyone who tries to touch him, dragging his grandfather into his nest to snuggle(he knows Suryong can't control it so he let's him be) when his father arrives a few days later he alternates between the two. Maybe next year he'll drag his students in too but but this heat it'll just be his direct family.

When his heat is over the whole academy briefs a sigh of relief. Suryong is not sorry for anything although. He does however want confront Su on why he had been avoiding him so relentlessly....

[jamneuromain]

Wishful Thinking Chpt. 8

Andy Barber x You (Reader), no use of Y/N

Alternate Universe - College AU

Summary: A new semester. A new task. A new boyfriend, your previous professor, Andy Barber. Everything seems to be going on the right track. So why didn't it?

Warning: Angst, possessive behavior, inappropriate teacher-student relationship, power imbalance, age difference, cheating, explicit language, TW: mention of assault and violence

A/N: This fic has some disturbing themes, and discusses potentially upsetting topics. Please read through the warning before engaging with the fic. As I have said, the fic has mentioned a number of (potentially) triggering and heavy topics, you don't have to engage further if you feel uncomfortable about one or more topics.

Wishful Thinking M. List Dancing in the Daydream M. List

Someone calls your name when you are gazing into your coffee.

“Oh hey, Marta, didn’t see you there.” You nod to Marta, noticing her presence before replying.

Marta looks a bit hesitant, “There’s an ‘Andy’ at the door, that says he’s your boyfriend and wants to talk.”

The image of Andy apologizing last time flashes into your memory briefly. You try your best to bury them back in your brain, forcing a smile, “Did you tell him that you’d come and get me?”

“No, silly.” Marta heads over to the fridge and closes the fridge door with a can of cherry soda in her hand, talking as if she’s proud of herself, “I said I just moved in and I don’t know my roommates yet. Said I’ll go check whether the person he’s talking about lives here. If you want him gone, I can tell him you moved out.” She adds very quickly, “Or call the cops.”

Her suggestion brings a smile to your lips.

As ridiculous as the suggestion sounds, you are grateful that Marta didn’t let slip that she knows who you are and where you are.

You leave your coffee mug on the kitchen table, “I’ll just … talk to him. Thank you, Marta.”

Marta slurps her soda, coughing when she has too big a gulp, “no-no problem!”

Every step you take, feels heavy on your heart.

You don’t want to talk to Andy. You want to stay in a confined dark little corner and cry your eyes out.

Yet you have no tears. And you have to be a grown-up and tell him, that you decide to break up with him.

End things. Once and for all.

See, although you like happy endings for stories, whether the ones you read or the ones you write, but you also know that fairytales don’t happen in real life, and there is no magic, nor some Gaston to miraculously help you solve whatever misunderstanding that lies between the two of you, and leading to a happily-ever-after end.

Not to mention, it’s not a misunderstanding.

Andy cheated.

He cheated on you when having a wife. Or another girlfriend. Or whatever Laurie Fucking Barber is.

Even if Laurie is lying about it, for your own safety, you wouldn’t want to be around Andy Barber, in case Laurie jumps out of nowhere and slaps you in the face again.

It is a reasonable decision.

The right decision.

But does your heart want it that way?

No.

Your heart drains every ounce of your strength, telling you to hold on to him, after such a terrible mess. Your heart rattles the cage you’ve custom made for it. Making loud noises, tearing you apart.

Your heart tells you what it wants. What you truly want.

You want him.

Which adds to the sadness and pity you feel about yourself.

A man that lied to you, hurt you, and refused to share with you about himself. So many red flags almost scream “RUN” and you successfully ignored all of them.

Love makes you blind. Love makes you foolish.

So you are going to stop loving him.

As hard as it sounds, you are certain time will take care of it.

It’s raining a little outside. Andy came to your door with his suit jacket damp and hair ruffled. He pants, but nothing can subdue the burning down his lungs for running from the parking spot to your place.

A thin line of smiling raise on the corner of his lips, before seeing you. Before actually looking at you. Before taking in your expressionless face and every sign of your body language that says “you are tired”.

And he certainly did not expect the first sentence that you say is a line for break-up.

“We’re done, Andy.”

Maybe he expected it a little, when he pictures Laurie hitting you. Leaving you scared on the floor. Maybe Laurie hit you so hard that you fall to the ground. Maybe you are devastated. Maybe you cried.

Now that seeing you without tears. Without sobbing and sniffing. A dark voice in his head tells him that you want him for the sex, not for the trouble.

Deep down, he knows any reasonable person in your position would be asking for a break-up. However, the demonic voice nags him into doubting. Into suspecting that you are not feeling a thing.

He’s a horrible person. Andy suddenly realizes when the dark thoughts creep inside his head. And he’s hoping you would be as horrible as he is so that he wouldn’t feel half the guilt he has right now for not telling you about Laurie.

He could do nothing than utter a few words. Words, pale and weak. The words almost every cheated man would come home and tell his wife, “Let me explain…”

“There’s nothing to explain about.” You shake your head.

Is that disappointment? Or just boredom? Andy isn’t sure.

A chilling spark runs up his spine. He has to do something. This, Andy is sure. He knows he either do something right now, or he could lose you forever.

“I’m divorcing her. It started six months ago.” It was five but who cares at this point, “She’s been holding a grudge. It was before we met and knew each other, I swear.”

Forget the “not speak ill of your ex” rule. Andy could speak a lot of ill about Laurie. Only that he did not choose to. For one, he didn’t want you to think he’s the type who will criticize his past partner. For another, he is ashamed to admit Laurie. Laurie, as his wife, cheated. Resulting in a huge dent in his self-esteem. He was afraid you would think there’s something wrong with him. That caused Laurie to flee.

He wouldn’t want that.

You’ve heard of husbands starting to date other women before the divorce got finalized. It wasn’t against the law. Nor was it morally incorrect. You didn’t think the same would happen to you. Simple as that.

“You could’ve…” Emphasizing on “could”. “Could’ve told me. Could’ve shared. Hinted, even. About …this. About Laurie.” You whisper in a small voice. Your eyes avoiding his determined gaze. Your gut tells you he’s lying, again. Or your paranoia. You can’t distinguish one from another these days.

“Please. I’m sorry. I fucked up. I know I did. Please-”

Don’t leave him.

“I’m sorry, Andy.”

You are not some puppy who will run back to its master on first call. This isn’t who you are. You expect a relationship, a functional one.

Whatever this is, it isn’t functional.

“We’ve been dating for two, three months now,” you state the obvious, “You know everything about me. About what I eat, what I don’t. You know I prefer drinks more than water. You know I’m deciding about whether to look for a job or continue my studies. You even know the scar on my arm was because of an accident.”

“I-” Andy looks as if he is about to interrupt.

“And I know nothing about you.” Which was fine, at the start. You thought you could ease into things. Get him to open up, little by little. You don’t mind sharing about yourself. You have some issues, of course, that you would rather keep to yourself and work them out. The real problem is, Andy never shares anything. “You seem to go to the gym a lot. You like scheduling. You like having order and control.”

“That’s something about me.” Andy wants to explain.

“Really?” You toss the question back to him, “I don’t know your favorite exercise. Do you swim because there’s an aquatics center within walking distance? Or you like swimming? Or you swim just to keep fit?”

His words grow weaker by the second.

“Why you like having order?” You bring up another question, “I’ve told you before that I like my care-free lifestyle and procrastination because of my inability to make decisions. I’ve told you about my writing. And when I asked you about your writing when you were a teen, what did you say?”

His memory clicks, retracing a dinner date from a month ago.

“I said-” Andy closes his eyes for a brief second, almost painfully, repeating his words, “I wrote some.”

“Some.” You recite, “and then you asked me about something else.”

“I’m sorry. I understand you’re upset.” Those words fly out of his mouth. His apologies are bland. Robotic. He couldn’t find better words. He didn’t know where to start.

Almost everytime, every date. She would try to get to know him more, and only resulted in him knowing her more. As if putting out a question, to him, is similar to a shield, blocking him from her interest.

Your nails dig into the palm of your hands. You are way more than upset. Crossing your arm, you remain stoic, “This isn’t working. You and me. Just leave, Andy. It’s over.”

“You’re mine-” He sounds fragile, hurting, on the verge of shattering, “you promised. You said that. You promised.”

“I promised you nothing.”

You promised him everything. You promised him… you. You entrusted your heart and your soul with him and now this?

“It’s over. We are over, Andy.”

“No.”

For a moment, your brain isn’t able to process that Andy, the kind, gentle, sweet Andy, actually said “no” to your breakup.

“Excuse me?” You narrow your eyes, looking at the man whose head is hanging. An invisible dark mist pulls into a swirl behind his back, almost as if some ridiculous comic book.

Andy raises his head and repeats, “No.”

He’s not going to let you ruin the possibility of “you”. He’s not going to let you get away too.

“I said no.” He has one hand on the door frame. Knuckles white. Clutching the wooden piece. His tone has never been firmer than he is now, “I’m not allowing it. I’m not letting you choose the ‘easy’ choice just because it’s the way you deem appropriate. Because you chickened out.”

“Ex-fucking-cuse me??”

Oh. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that last one. But pure blinding rage covers his mind and his body. As soon as his lips part, some more escape his mouth with ease, “You're just like everyone else who walked away from me when things got tough. I guess you're no different, scaredy cat."

“Andrew Barber!” You shriek, “I’m not the one withholding a damn WIFE! And I’m fucking breaking up with you! You prick!”

He couldn’t stop himself, “Sure. Because you’re perfectly capable of making decisions on your own.”

Words turn into sharp knives. It hurts to be mean. Though he feels like a big boulder getting off his chest when he watches tears gathering in your eyes. Sad tears? Angry tears? Doesn’t really matter.

“The hell do you mean?”

He shrugs, “Like I'm not the one who recommended you to apply for internship. Like I’m not the one who pulls the strings to make sure you get in. Like I'm not the one who helps arrange your life into shape. Like you don't need anyone to help you - you fake it, sweetheart, you pretend you're strong but you're not. You need – I know what you need. You need control, you need someone else to have control over you so you can hide behind a rock and be worry-free about not needing to take responsibility for your life. Wakey wakey, sunshine,” his tone turns mocking, “You are a grown-ass woman and you are afraid to act like one. Good luck at finding someone who’s willing to put your life into one-piece.”

This was how it was supposed to go.

Him breaking your heart. Stomping on it. You cry and leave.

A giant hole ripped open in the middle of his heart. Crawling with ice. He instantly feels good about making you cry. He is sorry about being mean. However, if this could hurt you, he would say it again. To make you feel something. Feel his wrath and his frustration.

But leaving. That’s what you all do. He only helps speed up the process.

He’s all alone again. He soon will be.

“Go to Hell, Barber.” With a final word, you slam the door in his face.

“Yeah well, you’ll beat me to it!” He yells back.

That’s what he deserves. Andy agrees in silence, looking at the concrete ground.

And now he’s alone again.

Taglist: @geminiflanagansblog@wintasssoldier@sapphire-rogers@nouk1998@sarahdonald87

[youtubeyouniversitytherapy]

#1 Check in // July'24 - F1nn

Finn didn’t mind therapy. He was surprised so many of his peers found it to be the worst torture this place could inflict on them. It was just therapy! He doesn’t mind. His therapist was nice and they helped her keep up with his HRT…

Dean Tat was patient and tolerant, and she helped them find words he didn’t know where to even start looking for them. She has her happy little hour every week to talk to the therapist about whatever she wants. A captive audience to whatever info she had to dump. Every thought she had held back, jokes she couldn’t say to certain people. She could package them up and save them for these weekly talks. Get it out and have a good laugh with her. It was very cleansing. 

“I love hearing you had fun with your friends this week, Finn.” She looks at her with a smile and gives a little nod before she goes on. “I know you have quite a few we talk about often, but what about the new students? Have you been… welcoming to them.”

“Of course I have! I love the new girls. Jaiden has always been cool but Tara, the new Alpha, she’s…” He trails off feeling his face go hot and adjusting so he sat up straighter, pushing his hair back from his face. “She has been very nice, which I’m glad because new girls in the house can be very scary.” He makes a face but purses his lips and looks to Tat, who is reading a note she wrote earlier. 

“Does it worry you more that new women enter the house than new men?” She asks looking back to them.

“Yeah, I guess. When girls are mean it hurts way more.” 

“Is it because it feels like the rejection is more personal?”

“Maybe. They just know how to hit where it hurts in a way guys don’t unless they really know you.”

“Does it have anything to do with the fear they’ll reject you as a woman?” Finn looks at her like he didn’t know who he was talking to all of a sudden like his real therapist had just burst in the door to tell him she was an imposter. “You’ve expressed you concern about not being seen as a girl.”“Seen as a girl, seen as one, not- not accepted as a woman. That’s different- thats-!” Dean Tat puts up a gentle hand as a quiet apology and it is quick to calm Finn down.

“I’m sorry to misunderstand.” She looks at them like she was calming a startled animal. “I’m trying to understand you the same way you are trying to understand yourself, but I have much less information than you.” She gives a sympathetic smile and Finn gives a nod. “With that said we’re coming to the end of our session and I’d like to ask you something we went over before but in case the answer has changed I’d like to present it, is that okay?”

“Yeah sure.” They shrug and sit forward, ready to get up and leave. This week has suddenly become a lot heavier than usual. 

“Most of your peers and teachers call you Rose, would you like us to also call you Rose? It would be no inconvenience.” She assures him but is met with a disgruntled expression and a shaking head. 

“Ew, I’d hate that.” He dismisses it and stands but shows that he wasn’t bothered with a chuckle and smile. “It be so weird don’t you think? I’m still Finn, you all know me.” He gives a shrug. “I don’t need people who know me to call me anything different. It wigs me out.” 

“Do your peers and teachers not know you?” 

Finn freezes and sits back down for a second, then immediately stands back up. 

“I’m not ready to talk about that yet.” He squeaks out and gives a polite nod before getting up and head to the door. “See you next week, Dean Tat.” He hears her slightly disappointed sigh but nods sympathetically as she gives a wave. 

“See you next week, Finn.”

[ur-local-demon1]

The Fake Confession Scene

This is a love letter to my favourite scene in the anime + manga, the scene that sold Hananene to 14 year old me, and got me reading the manga after 3 long years of forgetting about it. Let it be known, no words are able to express my love for this scene, but that doesn't mean I won't try.

.

I am obviously not fully blaming Hanako or saying the misunderstanding was fully on his side, but he still apologised because impact > intent. Hanako hung out with Yashiro long enough to know that love is a big deal to her, and when he sees her cry, the gravity of his actions finally sink in. He realised not only that he made a girl cry (headcanon of old fashioned Hanako is thriving right now), he just ruined Yashiro's first time being confessed to.

Knowing what we know now, it's obvious Hanako doesn't care about his friends as much as he does in the recent chapters. Not only that, he is a very prideful person (despite hating himself), so for him to be so ashamed of himself and his actions in that moment really adds more weight to it. His apology is more heart warming and sincere than his fake confession, and not to sound like a broken record, but seeing how he was so ashamed he couldn't even look Yashiro in the eyes makes it a thousand times better.

.

This is an eye-opening moment for Yashiro as well, and a defining moment in their relationship, since she begins to see Hanako in a new light. This vulnerable, gentle side of him made her want to learn more about him. Her opinion of him has changed so drastically not only because he took off his hat (which alone is a constant reminder that he comes from a different time), but she saw him feel shame, regret, human emotions. A big part of what makes us human is our sensibility which can also make us recognise our mistakes and learn from them, thus evolving (is it obvious my favourite subject in school is philosophy ?)

Yashiro is reminded that before being "Hanako-San of the toilet", he was a person, just as alive as her. This was shocking enough on its own, but what really shook her to her core is learning from Tsuchigomori later on that dying so young was never his fate. Despite being in a dark place during his childhood, Amane had a bright future waiting for him. Had he not altered his fate, "Yugi Amane" would have just been her science teacher, not the eternally 13 year old boy that she desperately wanted to know more about.

.

While this is the first time those two share a heart to heart, there is still something between them, literally and figuratively. Figuratively, we're talking about a friendship/romance between a living girl and a ghost, it is bound for heartbreak. Literally, when Hanako pulls Yashiro in to hug her, the gate separates them. Hanako remains inside the school grounds he is confined to, and Yashiro has already crossed the threshold to go outside into the world of the living, and Hanako is holding her back.

This parallels a moment in the picture perfect arc when Hanako comforts Yashiro and promises he would save her. While his words are sweet and he is comforting her again as she is crying, he is hugging her through the bars of the cell he put her in. Hanako is putting a distance between the two of them, both voluntarily and involuntarily.

They both intrigue each other, and this is the moment that starts it all. Yashiro's curiosity and Hanako's inexplicable concern/affection for Yashiro would only grow into something else from this point onwards, and there was no need for it to be put into words (ignore that this is exactly what I just did)

;

[bengiyo]

Minato's Laundromat Ep 2x05 Stray Thoughts

Last week, Shu experienced jealousy from misunderstanding Asuka’s relationship with his friend; Asuka was pretending to be her boyfriend to get another guy to back off. Meanwhile, Minato panicked when he didn’t think Shin wanted him around the school, so decided to upgrade his look in the hopes of being more worth for Shin. Of course, Shin is a simp, and didn’t want Minato around his school because he’s worried some other college kid would fall for him. Shu decided to talk to Shin about some of his issues, which has now confused Asuka. We left with Minato seeing Shin receiving physical affection from a different older man, who is a cameo we’re very excited about.

Welcome to Minato Shouji Coin Laundry, Takeda Kouhei. Lovely seeing you again after Old Fashion Cupcake.

Excited to see Minato consider that Shin could be drawn to someone else and leave.

Dr. Kirihara is rather physically affectionate. Love that he’s about to make both of them jealous.

I think this is the first time they’ve been introduced as boyfriends to someone.

The food matches Minato’s shirt. Too bad he’s still holding on to the closet.

Oh, Shin, this man is not going anywhere. He’s all yours.

Shin, I don’t know if all the things you rattled off about Minato are necessarily his best traits, but go off! It’s his turn now!

Trust is an interesting component alongside this form of possessiveness Shin has been expressing.

I’m feeling an ache for Asuka. He doesn’t even understand everything going on.

Despite this fight, Shin still brought him water. I’m thinking about the post @jemmo made about how the crux of their fight is how each perceives childishness in the other.

He really divided the damn dining table, too! All he can do at breakfast is fuss about the fan? That doesn’t make you more mature or responsible than Shin, baby boy.

Shin is just going through it. First Shu makes him touch his chest. Then he describes chest pain. Now he’s mooning over Asuka. Shin doesn’t even like Asuka enough to care about another grown man being unable to process his feelings!

Shin may have been kind to Shu, but he’s still going to refer to Asuka only by his family name.

Oh, Minato, don’t let your insecurities run away with you. Shin is not messing around with his teacher. Commit to the hamburgers and the apology!

I’m having such a good time with this show. I really like seeing a couple with some major challenges work through them. The staying together part is so much more complicated than romance is usually willing to tackle. This has been such a strong season for me, and I’m looking forward to the Minato-Kirihara conversation the most next week.

[sweetcloverheart]

Clover Rants Miraculously: Power Of Love (Not) So Strong

I think I (and many others) complained about this already, but it annoys me that the show hypes up how being a good person means being a loving, empathetic person and how love can overcome evil selfish intents...only then to proceed to punish the characters for being loving empathetic people and rewarding evil selfish intents

Marinette realizes she was in the wrong for humiliating Lila like she did as Ladybug and apologizes? Lila becomes her greatest enemy in and out the mask.

Adrien accepts Felix's apology for tricking his friends and tries to be friends with him again? Felix uses it to help screw over his partner and give their main enemy a huge power bonus.

Marinette tries to empathize with Chloe and give her a chance to be good? Chloe betrays her to Hawkmoth and the resulting events of this cause Marinette to lose Fu as a mentor.

Adrien accidentally causes someone to get Akumatized because he lies about his and Ladybug's relationship status? Ladybug takes the blame for this.

Gabriel controls and manipulates his son at every turn? Just a man who loves his family. Clearly a misunderstanding on Adrien's part. Can't he see how much his father loves him!

Adrien realizes telling Marinette to let Lila be was a bad move and tries to help her convince Alya and Nino something's off? He's immediately dismissed and is claimed to only be saying that because Marinette's his girlfriend.

Marinette helps Chloe almost humiliate Kagami at the movie premiere to try and break her and Adrien up? She gets rewarded with being allowed to sit next to Adrien (Sorry Mari but that was absolutely bad on you)

Nathalie realizes Gabriel doesn't give a damn about anyone but himself anymore and quits? She still continues to let him commit crimes and doesn't even try to give the heroes a hint on how to find/capture him

Bustier recognizes Chloe clearly has something going on at home and tries to be kind to her? She's presented as wrong for doing this and gets fired later on

Andre continuously enables his daughter's (and wife's) worse behaviors and uses his position as mayor to aid in her torment of the city and her classmates as he prevents her from facing consequences? He's given a brand new sparkly undamaged daughter to dote on as he abandons his position to live out his abandoned dreams of being a director.

Chloe secretly gives Bustier a birthday gift to make up not initially getting her one? Bustier throws in back in her face to try and emotionally browbeat her during a teacher-student meeting.

Felix helps his uncle become even more dangerous and powerful and leaves Marinette with tons of trauma from the act? He's given immediate forgiveness despite never apologizing and allowed to keep his miraculous (that he had previously used to commit mass genocide with mind you), despite his identity being known to everyone and others on the team being bench for less

Chloe makes an attempt to actually be nice (by threat of Adrien ending their friendship)? She has to be threatened into keeping it up the whole time by her butler with Mr.Cuddly, and then is humiliated when the toy is exposed to everyone

Audrey constantly neglects her family and insults her children to their face? Presented as just Normal Parent Things™

Lila is finally exposed as a liar and revealed to have nearly messed up everyone's future class schedules/graduation forms alongside Chloe? Doesn't hurt her a bit! In fact, now she can go sneak off into one of her fake IDs and cause more trouble, and Chloe pretty much gets a slap on the wrist for what she did.

Bustier gets Akumatized over being fired and the fake video of Andre, and is clearly not in her right mind as she hunts down the mayor? Ladybug and Chat lead her straight to him and all but help her demand Andre resign (IDGAF he did so willingly that scene was not a good look for anyone involved) and Bustier is given the title of mayor, qualifications be damned!

Chloe gets used by Gabriel, Lila, and Tomoe to terrorize the city in a way that clearly couldn't have been done by her alone and is made obvious there's another party involved? She takes the full blame and is taken away to be abused by her mother forever in New York while the actually masterminds get away scotfree

Marinette decides to sympathize with Gabriel despite everything he's done to her, Adrien, Kagami, and the city and tries to convince him to work with her to find a way to save his wife? Gabriel not only backstabs her, but uses his control "shared love" of Adrien to manipulate Marinette into hiding the truth about what he's done as Hawkmoth as the show rewards his obsession "love" for Emilie by letting him make the wish in his final moments and getting him praised as a hero to all of France!

[penissirius]

Seo Changbin VS Feelings

Seo Changbin x male reader

SUMMARY: Changbin isn't the best at feelings and emotions. Misunderstandings happen because he's stupid lol.

ALTERNATIVE TITLE: 3 aussies and a devil bunny fight dwaeki over golden retriever child

SPECIAL THANKS TO: @ldrei Thank you for encouraging me to finish this! This is dedicated to you!💕

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: AJ is my OC and he's used as the M/n of this story! Miyeon is my partners OC, she is AJ's sister, and is dating Felix. I actually have 2 full stories one a AO3 chapter story and the other a non-idol social media AU that ill post here. If you'd be interested, please let me know so i know at least someone is looking forward to those stories T-T

AUTHORS NOTE: So, I wrote the beginning of this for my English essay and it was the only essay I've gotten an 100% and a good comment on so I went to Tumblr and my partner asking if I should finish it and publish it because I liked it and my teacher loved it (her Not knowing it was a Stray kids fanfic I wrote just for the essay lol) after some convincing I finished it and now here it is. I would like to apologize because this was finished in December, and I promised I would post it after it was done and never did. I hit a really big depression block in my life, and I didn't want to do anything but now I'm back! Just a heads up I wrote this for my Victorian Drama Essay so don't hope too hard for a so happy ending lol. Have fun reading!

WARNINGS: Arguing, Angstish Ig, Insecure thoughts, breakdowns, panic attacks, yelling, violence, bAd WoRdS

FEMALE ALIGNED PLEASE DNI <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AJ was on his way to the JYP Entertainment building to meet up with his boyfriend? Close friend? Friend with romantic benefits? AJ didn’t know but Changbin had said he had something seriously important to talk to him about, AJ had hoped this was when Changbin would finally ask him out for real. Oh, boy was it the opposite of that. AJ texted his best friend and sister, Miyeon, that he was on his way to JYPE and that if she needed a ride home then he could give her one. When he was done texting her he speeded off eager to see the man he loves, he also had serious but good information to share with him. 

    Meanwhile, at JYPE, Changbin is pacing back and forth in his studio panicking and talking to the one person he could for love help, Hyunjin, which honestly wasn’t that good of an idea but he was better than the rest of their friends. “God Hyunjin do something! Give me advice or something idiot!” Changbin says finally standing in one spot facing his group member while tugging on his own hair. Hyunjin stood pushing Changbin into the seat behind him, “First of all sit-down and get your hands out of your hair. You’re stressing yourself out and the stylist will be pissed if you pull any of your hair out.” Changbin took a deep breath and put his hands on his lap. “Now I can’t really help you seeing as this is your own very stupid plan. Everyone in the group is dating someone in some way or another. Why are you purposely putting yourself through this? Even Chan has someone. Chan has more game than you!”

    Changbin sat in silence for a few seconds before looking at his tall dramatic member. “I don’t want to take any chances, what if it’s not what he expects and leaves me? What if we date and get found out? He’s not an idol. He’d get way more hate and things like that! I couldn’t do that to him.” Hyunjin just shakes his head. “So instead of letting him make that decision, you decided to break his heart and make the decision for him? Well-”, Hyunjin started walking to the door, “You do that but don’t expect me to help protect you when the three Aussies and Lee know find out what you did. Even tho I think your stupid for giving up a guy who does so much, some that you don't even know, for you. I kinda understand why you're doing it. You better not hurt him, he’s the sweetest when it comes to his friends. So don’t make it worse than it has to be.” That's all Hyunjin said before walking out. 

    The shorter man is left sitting in an empty studio by himself, left with thoughts, “Dammit! I didn’t even think about the AJ protection Squad™️ that would be after me! If AJ doesn’t kill me himself they sure will.” Just then his inner voice said ‘Remember you used to be one of them, but now you’re about to shatter his heart just because fans and other companies believe it's wrong for you to date.’ Changbin shakes his head arguing back, “It’s more than that. Us being together could damage the careers we both worked so hard for! If people were to find out he’d get non-stop hate! I’m just protecting him!” He would definitely sound crazy if anyone else was around to hear him argue with his self-consciousness. He shut up quickly when he heard his phone ding with a message from AJ saying he was on his way up to the studio. 

    When AJ got inside the studio he hugged the shorter man happily before sitting in the armchair that Hyunjin was previously sitting in, looking towards Changbin with a bright smile. “Hi, Hi Baby Binnie!” Changbin swore that AJ’s beautiful smile would be the death of him one day. Changbin gave a nervous smile back, “Hey AJ” “So what serious thing did you want to talk to me about?”AJ tilted his head confused, still smiling. The idol was starting to panic not knowing how to talk about it without hurting AJ’s feelings. “Didn't you say you had good news? You should go first!” AJ laughed, smiling less than before, “Well whatever you wanted to talk about seems to be making you stressed and upset so maybe you should go first and I'll tell you the good news when you're feeling better!” Changbin sighed, AJ was right it's better to rip the bandaid off now rather than give himself more time to think it over and panic. 

    “Alright, please promise that you won't take this personally and you won't get mad at me.” That brought a small nervous giggle from AJ, “I've never gotten mad at you before, I'm sure it's not that bad!” Changbin took a deep breath and finally said, “I don't think we can be a thing anymore- we should just stay friends…” It was silent for a minute before Changbin looked up at AJ and saw that he no longer had a smile on his face. AJ paused, it was like his whole world stopped when he heard Changbin say those words. Changbin had never seen AJ speechless or that upset in the year that he's known him. AJ sat paused and baffled, Changbin didn't want to be with him anymore let alone be officially together. “AJ?-” Changbin was cut off when the taller one turned to him blank-faced and asked, “Why?” The idol was confused and because of all the panic earlier his brain was no longer working. 

    “Why what?” Changbin asked stupidly. AJ scoffed, still looking at him with the same blank face that Changbin had never seen before, likely none of his friends other than his sister had seen him with a blank emotionless face, that just wasn't him. “Why all of a sudden do you not want to be with me? How long have you been waiting to tell me? You let me believe this whole time that you actually liked me and there was a possibility that we could be together. So WHY is my question?” Changbin took a moment to gather his thoughts before replying. “Us being together would be a risk. It’s not that I don't like you, because I do! It's just that our careers could be ruined if anyone were to find out. I know that being an artist and dancer is very important to you. I don't wanna be the reason that all falls plus if I get any scandals I might damage everyone in Stray Kids' careers as well.” 

AJ stood angry but still pretty much blank. “Alright, guess it’s my fault for thinking that you were different and didn't care about what everyone else thought. I'm sorry for thinking that maybe we would be able to be together and happy like my sister and Felix. And more importantly, I'm sorry that I went through all this trouble for you. I stepped out of my comfort zone and went through so many panic attacks for you. Turns out it’s not enough. Guess I'll see you around Changbin.” AJ slammed a piece of paper down on the desk in front of Changbin before storming out to go find his sister and then go home. Changbin, saddened and confused, tried to call after AJ but he was already gone down the hall and into a different part of the building. Changbin got up and looked at the paper that AJ left, it was crumbed and there was a corner torn off at the bottom. It was a printed-out picture from JYPs staff to AJ saying that he passed all the auditions and was officially a JYP trainee. Changbin stared at the paper in shock, feeling more like an asshole than he originally did.

AJ walked from Changbin’s studio downstairs to the practice room that he knew his sister and Felix would be in and slammed the door open, way harder than he meant to, and looked at his sister. “Oh, hey AJ- What's wrong? Who did it? WHO hurt you? Whose ass do I have to beat?” Miyeon immediately noticed the difference in her brother's face despite his trying to act like his normal self. “Nothings wrong, I'm just ready to go home.” AJ said, walking over to them. “Nope, something is clearly wrong, sit. Sit your ass down. Family Circle.” Miyeon said, looking up at him from where she and Felix were sitting on the ground. “Since when did we still do Family Circle? And how is it Family Circle if it’s just me, you, and Felix?” AJ said, sitting in the half circle they formed. “Shut up now tell me who hurt you, imma beat their ass!” Miyeon said. “We beating ass? Should I call Chan?” Felix said, pulling out his phone. 

“There is no reason to call Chan. Don’t call him, I said I was okay!” AJ said trying to reason with the two Aussies but trying to do that is like talking to a wall. “Call him!” “I’m calling him!” Miyeon and Felix said after staring at AJ for a sec. AJ groaned defeated, leaning back on the floor still sitting with his legs crossed. After a couple of rings, Chan picked up the call. He put the call on speakerphone.  “Felix? What’s up dude, I thought you and Miyeon were practicing, what’s up?” “You need to come to the Micheal Jackson dance room!” Miyeon said over the owner of the phone's shoulder. “Why did something go wrong?” Chan said and you can hear shuffling on his side of the phone he gets up grabbing some stuff. “Nothings wrong Hyung, they're just being dramatic!” AJ yelled from his spot laying on the floor. “Someone hurt AJ. We’re trying to find out who so we can beat their ass.” Felix said into his phone. 

“Really? Why didn’t you start with that! I’m on my fucking way. Should I get Lee Know? I’m gonna get Lee Know.” You hear Chan set his phone on his desk and open his door screaming down the hallway in the dorms. “MINHO! LET'S GO WE GOT A CODE GAY DOWN!” AJ turns to them shocked “You guys have codes for this shit?” Felix looked back at him, “Yes. We are the AJ Protection Squad and we take our job very seriously.” They heard stomping before they could hear Minho’s voice clearly. “A code gay down? Whose ass am I beating? Where’s my child?” “At the Company let’s go.” You hear them both shuffle around before Chan turns to his phone. “We’ll be there in 5.” Chan says before hanging up. “The dorms are 15 minutes away!” AJ said, still confused about everything going on. “As Felix said we in the AJPS take our job very seriously.” Miyeon said looking at her brother, still bothered by the fact that someone made him upset. 

AJ decided to no longer ask questions and stared at the ceiling sadly still thinking back to what Changbin had said. Miyeon and Felix just looked at each other and at him knowing that something was wrong and they were determined to get to the bottom of it. In 5 minutes exactly there comes a worried and already angry Chan and Lee Know burst through the door. ‘If they are already pissed before knowing what happened, how will they be after?’ AJ thought, still staring at the ceiling, not moving. Lee Know and Chan move to join the makeshift ‘Family Circle’ before they all turn to AJ. “Alright now what’s wrong and who did it? And no bullshit answers AJ or I swear to god.” Lee Know says. They all looked more calm and worried rather than angry so AJ just decided to tell them, also because they probably would never leave him alone until he told them and it would feel better to talk to them about it. 

AJ took a deep breath before sitting up and looking at all of them suddenly feeling shy when he realized that they were all staring at him. “Well, this morning Changbin texted me saying that he wanted to talk and that it was something serious so we agreed to meet at the studio. And I don’t know why but a small part of me was hoping that this was when he’d finally ask me out or something, after all the mixed signals he was giving about whether we were in a relationship or not. But I should’ve known that wouldn’t have happened.” AJ looked down at his lap holding back tears, now that he was saying it all out loud the sadness and rejection is hitting him in waves. “I was gonna tell him the good news after he said what he needed to say but when he said what he did I was no longer in a happy mood. It felt like my whole world shattered-” By the time he got that out he had already started crying letting the tears fall into his lap. 

“He had said that he doesn’t think we should be a thing anymore and that we should just stay friends. And that hurt! It hurt so much but I still hadn’t processed how much it hurt until now, all I felt was anger. All I could think of was to ask why. Why did he let me believe that there could ever be something between us? Why did he let me get my hopes up just to crush them? Why had I been stupid enough to believe that he would like me back and wanna be with me? And he spouted some bullshit answer about how he actually did like me but us dating was a risk and that because I wasn’t an idol if our relationship was found I’d get so much more hate and shit. That it could ruin the careers we both worked so hard for. That he didn’t wanna be the reason I couldn’t be an artist or dancer anymore. And that if he got any dating scandals he could possibly ruin Stray Kids' career as well.” 

At this point, AJ was ugly sobbing and barely getting his sentences out correctly. Lee Know moved until he was directly behind AJ pulling the younger into his lap and wrapping his arms around him, setting his chin on the crying boy's shoulder. Felix and Chan moved to each side of him, Felix grabbing one of AJ’s hands and Chan setting his arm on his thigh. Miyeon moved to sit in front of her brother holding his other hand. The only thing on all four of their minds was comforting their youngest yet tallest friend and beating the shit out of Changbin later. AJ, although a pain in their ass some days, was their baby, the maknae of the friend group, and the only one who could get Minho to be this soft and cuddly by will. Not even Jisung had that pleasure. Hell even I.N. loved the younger and gave him affection. He was always happy and had something stupid or sassy to say, always there to make them smile on their worst days, and to see him crying aggressively over something one their friends did really pissed them off. 

AJ took some shuddery breaths trying to calm down to no avail before speaking again. “All I could think of in the back of my head was that I wasn’t good enough. That I’m still not good enough. That he was just trying to protect my feelings by not telling me that he didn’t like me that way. I'm not an idol so I’m not good enough. That I was stupid to think that just because all my friends got their happy ever after that I could get mine! I’ve tried so hard! I did so many things and it still wasn’t good enough! The amount of panic I’ve gone through during this whole audition process, the way I’ve unhealthily thrown myself into school and practice so I could get a better shot of getting accepted. The stupid strict diet I let that staff member put me on cause they thought it would make me look better. Because I wanted to be better! For him! I wanted to look better, dance better, rap better, be better. All for him. Just to find out my efforts were for nothing. That I’ll never be good enough!” 

At this point, AJ was working himself into a panic attack and Felix and Miyeon were thankful they grabbed his hands earlier because they know how bad his attacks can be on himself. They were all shocked none of them knew about the things he said. Miyeon knew about the school and practice thing and would try to pull him away whenever she could but that’s because she was used to him being a workaholic and thought that it was because of the constant auditions, not Changbin. Felix knew about the panic attacks because he’s helped him calm down from a few but none of them knew about the diet. He already has a bad relationship with food so the diet might have made it worse. AJ started falling deeper into panic and Lee Know pulled him closer whispering calming words in the boy he saw as his little brother's ear. They all huddled closer hugging the younger, letting him cry, and doing little things they knew calmed him down. 

Eventually, AJ calmed down and his cries turned into small hiccups and tears. He was so thankful they made him talk about this rather than him bottling it up and telling no one until he exploded and had a much worse breakdown. When AJ finally felt calm enough he lifted his head and everyone pulled away. Although he was squeezing Felix and Miyeon’s hands, leaning onto Chan’s shoulder, and refusing to get out of Lee Know’s lap, he was a lot calmer than before. He was very tired from so many emotions and crying. He was half asleep in Lee Know’s lap and leaning on Chan still. There was a long moment of silence before Miyeon spoke up. “You know I’m gonna beat his ass right?” The other 3 hummed in agreement. “Please don’t do that. I know I can’t stop you from talking to him but don’t do anything irrational. That’ll just make it worse.” AJ said in his broken sore and half-sleepy voice. “Can’t make any promises little Bro” Miyeon said, already standing up. 

“Just don’t do anything to have to go to jail, I don’t have bail money” AJ said before falling asleep fully. Miyeon leaned down and kissed her brother's forehead whispering, “later we will talk about that diet stuff.” She stood and turned to the other boys “Alright I have a Pig to slaughter and it won’t be the first time. Who’s coming with?” Lee know whipped his head to her, “you’ve done what?” “You heard me” was all she replied. “We all want to come but I don’t think it’s right to leave AJ alone so 2 of us should stay and the other 2 go.” Chan said, looking at AJ sleeping on his shoulder. “Alright, we’ll who’s coming with me?” Miyeon said. “I’ll stay with AJ, I will take him back to the dorms so he can rest and make sure he doesn’t try to do any work when he wakes. I also don’t think I’d be able to stop myself from fighting Changbin.” Chan said. Minho looked at the sleeping curly-haired boy and up at Miyeon. “I’ll go.” Lee Know reluctantly handed over the sleeping boy, putting him in Chan’s lap. “I’ll go to the dorm with Chris and make AJ’s favorite food and dessert.” Felix said from his spot on the ground. Chan handed Lee Know the car keys since they rode together and he and Miyeon would need to get back to the dorms. 

“We’ll drive AJ’s car to the dorm since I’m the only one other than Miyeon he lets drive it. And He was Felix and Miyeon’s ride home anyways.” They all nodded before Miyeon and Lee Know left the room storming up to the studios. Felix gathered his and AJs stuff while Chan picked AJ himself up. When they had everything they walked down to the parking lot and looked for AJs car. It wasn’t that hard to find with the obnoxious bright light blue color of it. Felix sat both of their bags on the floor in the backseat and got in on the right side. Chan set AJ on the left so he was leaning on Felix while sleeping. Chan got in the driver's side and started the car checking on the two younger ones in the back before driving off towards the Stray Kids dorm. 

Back at the company, Changbin is panicking. He feels so many emotions at once, he feels like an asshole, he’s upset about having to break AJs heart like that and overall he’s scared. He’s terrified because he knows that it’s only a matter of time before Miyeon or someone else shows up to beat his ass. He paces back and forth like earlier when Hyunjin was with him. “Fuck man what am I gonna do? I mean if I leave now there’s a possibility I can start running before they catch me- but where would I go? If I run, they're gonna be expecting me at the dorms and attack me then! I’m better off just staying here-“ As he finished saying that there were loud stomps and banging on the studio door, Changbin was glad he locked the door earlier. “COME OUT CHANGBIN YOU CAN'T STAY IN THERE FOREVER!” While Miyeon was shouting at him through the door, Lee Know looked through the keys Chan gave him and was happy to find a key to the studio amongst them. 

He pushed Miyeon slightly over and proceeded to unlock the door. Changbin visually panicked now, it was all happening so fast! He quickly ran to the other side of the couch and sat between it and the wall, knowing damn well his muscled ass was not gonna be able to hide fully back there. The two angry friends stormed in and Lee Know walked over to Changbin not knowing whether to laugh that he thought would work or just stare at him before he grabbed him by his arm and pulled him up to face Miyeon. The rapper looked at the angry sister in fear, the two scariest members of their friend group were currently mad and it was directed at him. Changbin should’ve said bye to his family when he had the chance. He opened his mouth to say something that would spare his life but before he could Miyeon delivered a hefty right hook to his face. ‘Damn that hurt like shit’ Changbin thought, grabbing his cheek. For a 5 foot girl, she sure does pack a punch but that’s to be expected from her seeing as she and AJ got into fights in high school. 

Lee Know gawked at how hard she hit him, not that he didn’t deserve it but goddamn he could feel that punch and he was behind Changbin still holding his arm. “You have exactly 5 minutes to explain why you did and said what you did to my brother and if it’s not a good reason I’m gonna punch you again!” Changbin quickly replied with pretty much the same thing he told AJ and Hyunjin, he was honestly terrified and looked everywhere but at her. When he was done Miyeon took a deep breath before punching him again in the face. Poor Changbin is gonna end up with bruises on his cheek and eye. “It’s a good thing we’re on a break right now. If we weren’t idols I’d leave more bruises than she did.” Lee know said smacking Changbin hard on the back of his head. 

“Listen I don’t care if you thought you did what was best or anything. You broke my brother. I’ve never seen him cry so hard he sent himself into a panic attack over someone. He loved you. He did everything for you. Originally I was supposed to be the only one auditioning and when I tried to talk him into it I stopped because I knew it would be too much pressure for him. But he did, why? Because he wanted to be closer to you.” Miyeon was raising her voice as she talked, her accent getting stronger, and the fact that the studio is soundproof definitely helped. “Do you know what I found out in the last hour? No? Then let me enlighten you. My brother worked himself into the ground with school, dance, and practice for you. He thinks that he’s not good enough. He let one of the staff members put him on some stupidly strict diet because she said it would help him look better! Why? Because he wanted to look better for you!”

Miyeon looked at him disgusted, “I trusted you with my brother's feelings and you broke him more than anyone had in the past. If you like him so goddamn much why didn’t you just date him! Instead, you lead him on. You’ve been all lovey with him, cuddling with him, taking him on dates just to outright turn him down and make him feel like he’s not good enough for you! Felix and I are dating and there’s no problem! Hell half of JYPE is in a relationship! Why are you the only one who is thinking so hard about your career and not the man right in front of you who would and has done literally anything for you! AJ is perfect and if you can’t see that then I don’t know what the hell to tell you. If this is how you're gonna treat anyone who has any interest in you your whole life. Then have fun being single and friendless because clearly, your career is more important.” 

Lee Know moved to stand next to Miyeon, rubbing her shoulder before saying, “We’re giving you one shot to make this better. If you fuck up even more so help me god Seo Changbin, Miyeon and I will not be the thing you need to be afraid of. You’ll have his parents and Chan after you at that point. You better make this up, but at this point, I’d be surprised if he even talks to you again let alone still loves you. If I were him I sure as hell wouldn’t.” Changbin looked at the ground in shock, sadness, and pain because damn those punches hurt. “I will make it better, I really do love him and I hadn’t realized how much pain I’ve put him through. Or how I was only really thinking about myself and my feelings and not his.” Changbin said, nodding. “Good, you have a week, and if he decides he never wants to speak to you again or doesn’t want to be with you. You can’t get mad because you fucked that up for yourself.” Lee Know said, looking at him. 

“I know and I take full responsibility. I definitely deserved the punches because I was stupid. And I wouldn’t blame him if he no longer wanted to be with me” Changbin looked up at them. “Not just stupid. You were a dumbass and full-on idiot. Now I’m gonna go back to the dorms and check on my brother. You are not allowed to even look at him until you’ve decided how you’re gonna fix your huge fuck up. Do you understand me?” Miyeon glared at the short rapper. ��Yes ma’am” Changbin nodded firmly. “Good now sit and think about your mistakes” was all Miyeon said before storming out of the room to the car. “You really did fuck up and it’s hard to understand whatever stupid logic you thought you had but hopefully you make this right because he seems happiest when he’s with you and that’s all we want for him” Lee Know said looking towards the chair Changbin sat in. “MINHO!” Miyeon yelled down the hall. “That’s my cue to go. Don’t fuck up Seo Changbin” He said before he left the room. And so there Changbin sat left with his thoughts of how much of an idiot he is and how he’s going to fix it. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I really hope you like it! If you did leave likes and comments! reblogs help as well! If you wanna read more of my shitty works you can follow me on AO3 @/penissirius ! If you’d like to see more of AJ and Miyeon and their Interesting Adventures in life in Korea and Becoming JYP trainees well you’re just in luck because the whole story of them is being written and made. Tho I will not post it until I have the whole thing finished which will be a while but I have a few chapters now! So be on the lookout for that! I will be posting a Social Media AU that is completely unrelated to that story so let me know if you wanna be on the tag list for it! Byeeeeee~

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Do Kakashi and Gai ever have any major fights in GOS? Like not a misunderstanding, or a one sided argument based off Gai not realizing Kakashi is not mortal, but a legit two way disagreement/ spout/ argument they have to get through?

I know in Prince Gai's life, Gai had that moment he was mad at Kakashi for "leaving him," but I was wondering if there was a time the two get mad at each other, and have to dish it out . Maybe even a yelling match as they both get heated.

(I think there could have been a lot of opportunities for fights/ disagreements in his dragon life time, personally, both before and after the dragon. XD;)

I just like the idea of both of them getting so frustrated sometimes, even when their power levels are so vastly different. That Gai is not just a smitten worshipping human, but can stand up to a god even when said god is pissed and holds all the power to vaporize him in a second. Yet he never actually fears him and feels comfortable dishing it out with Kakashi. While Kakashi, even with a few millenia of experience and time to learn to control his temper and see the bigger picture, still has slip ups and gets frustrated with Gai, lowering himself to a human level and getting into a squabble... only to cool down and still come back to Gai, even after the hurt, to make up with him and spend what little time they have with one another.

I dunno, just... a little conflict that pops up now and again, but the two always choosing each other over anger.

Ohhh, a fun one!

I think Kakashi and Gai have many arguments throughout the lifetime, varying from ‘slight annoyance’ to ‘full blown shouting match’ and it really depends on the situation

Kakashi often gets upset with Rogue Gai, for instance, because he feels like he’s doing stupid risky things he doesn’t have to do, and Gai reminds Kakashi that some of them have to actually live in this broken system and if they want it to change they have to force that change. Which is of course true but doesn’t mean Kakashi’s willing to stand by and watch someone he loves run head first into death (even if he would do the same damned thing if it was him). It devolves into a pretty bad screaming match and Yamato getting between the two of them and telling Kakashi to go catch his breath before they continue this argument.

Probably also results in the first time Kakashi gets tonopenly tell Gai how much he means to him, since he has been so reserved about his feelinge in Gai’s past lifetimes. He comes back a few days later, apologizes and explains to Gai that the thought of heing forced to watch him die hurts his heart. That it’s a hurt he doesn’t want to have to face again. Gai kinda tries to lighten the mood by telling Kakashi that ‘it’s not like you’re losing your special mortal. I’m just a rogue’ and then he see’s this deep sadness in Kakashi’s eye and the way Yamato just shakes his head, and it all clicks into place.

He’s not going to be any more careful because he does have a goal he’s trying to achieve for the betterment of his village, but he finally comes to understand just why Kakashi is so afraid of losing him and stops trying to downplay his death as being ‘just another end to a mortal life’

Another fight they would probably have is in Gai’s teacher lifetime when Gai expresses interest in having kids and Kakashi just kind of gently (at least he tries to be gentle) shut the idea down. Gai is understandably upset and storms away, and Kakashi doesn’t chase him because he knows this is a big hit that Gai has to process. This time it’s Gai’s turn to come back and apologize first because he realizes why Kakashi wouldn’t want more lives in this world that he’s probably going to have to outlive, at which point Kakashi reminds Gai that he does have kids. He has a whole school of kids that adore him, some of which look up to him like a father figure.

And the fights they get into when Kakashi is a human XD none of them are screaming match bad, but they have quite a few arguments where they have to step away and come back later to apologize and hash things out.

[sjhanny2000]

Hidden Within the Arrangement (9/?)

A/N: Hi everyone, sorry for such the long break between chapters! I have recently joined an exercise class three days a week and along with my full time job as a teacher, I've simply been exhausted. It doesn't help that I've been experiencing some the worst writer block in my life. It's just been hard to feel happy with the work I've been churning out lately. With that aside, please enjoy the extra long chapter as an apology for my extended absence!

Word Count: 8.87K+

Warning(s): mentioned/referenced couples violence, mentioned/referenced child death and abuse, angst, some foul language, misunderstandings galore, arranged marriage, etc.

Taglist:  @tsukihimeyfan  

~~~

 From a young age, Hashirama knew he was never the sharpest kunai. In fact, many over the years considered him to be intellectually challenged, having always been far more interested in helping tend to the gardens or play games rather than learning from musty scrolls from even mustier elders. Father never was pleased to learn that Hashirama had skipped yet another lesson to swing from the trees, nor when he slacked off in his training, but for some reason unknown to his young self, he had no interest in what others around him deemed important. All he wanted to do was explore, make flower crowns with baby Touka, snuggle in mother’s lap beside the hearth, and run around in his grandmother’s cabbage patch. He had been happy and content until one day, in the midst of the leaves turning, Hashirama noticed that his mother’s lap was growing smaller and her stomach larger, hard and firm. When he had asked her why, the Hatake woman paused in her knitting and gifted him with a fond smile, placing  a tender hand on her swollen belly. 

  “Well, sometime in winter, I will be having a baby,” Mother gently took hold of his tiny palm and placed it against the taut surface, his chocolate irises growing wide at feeling something briskly skim the skin beneath her stomach. “And you, my little sapling, will have a little brother or sister to play with.” 

 Though it was years ago, Hashirama could remember how excited he had been to be a big brother, an anija as his mother dubbed him during one of the cold winter nights he had been allowed to sleep with her and father. He toddled after his mother everywhere, asking question upon question and offering her flowers he had picked from the nearby meadow so they could decorate the bedroom before the baby came. Often, he even found himself talking to his unborn sibling whilst mother slept or while she knitted, telling his otouto or imouto everything he had done throughout the day and more. Touka sometimes joined in his mindless chatter when they had playdates or her mother needed to attend to something without juggling a far too curious toddler like she was. The two of them together would learn about what needed to be done before a baby arrived and everything that came after their arrival, including how to hold one, that it needed far more sleep than they did, and that they wouldn’t be ready to play games with them until they were a bit older. Still, Hashirama was excited and far too young to understand the weight his mother had been under at the time. 

 He understood it quite well when he found her sobbing over a bundle of white mere hours after his new sibling had been delivered. It had been early in the morning that very day when he crawled out of bed, sleepily rubbing his eye whilst stumbling messily into the kitchen where mother should have been making breakfast, only to find his grandmother, aunt, and various other women of the clan bustling about in an anxious hurry. Before he had been able to even question what was going on, his father was upon him, stern faced and unforgiving, guiding his three year old self away from the women and onto the back engawa where various men, including his uncle and the male clan elders, lounged about, cups of sake poured and thick smoke slinking leisurely from their pipes. Hours must have gone by before Hashirama asked where his mother was and when he did, Touka’s father came to pause in his recent whittling project a few feet away, a playful laugh escaping the shinobi as an eager grin on the man’s face. 

  “No one told you, boy? Your mother is having the baby you have been obsessing over!” 

 How excited he had been, hearing that his new otouto or imouto would finally be arriving after so long! What would they look like? Would they like him? Would they like plants like he did? Would they also dislike eating pickled herring? Oh he had so many questions to ask! 

 As dusk approached, high pitched cries echoed from deep inside, cheers of triumph and celebration escaping the group of men surrounding him, prompting him to cheer as well though he had no clue as to why. Pipes were relit, cups refilled, and the joy flowing from the men was contagious, so much so that Hashirama hadn’t caught the look of displeased hatred fixed upon his father’s face as he appeared on the engawa. The man made no move to stop the moment he stepped over the threshold, passing the men without a word whilst they followed him with questions of their own, leaving his young self all on his lonesome. 

 Grandmother eventually came out to fetch him, her dark eyes holding an emotion he had been unable to put a name to as she led him into the house, her aging hand grasping his youthful one. Just as they reached the door, he could hear his mother crying, which prompted him to panic simply because mother never cried-! 

  Moving to cradle his earth-toned cheeks in her calloused palms, grandmother kneeled down to meet him at eye level, face stern yet comforting. “Your mother needs you to be strong right now and not ask questions, Hashirama. Can you do that for her?” 

 If his mother needed him, then he would do anything for her and he had told the woman adamantly so! With his fiery admission, grandmother let out a sigh he couldn’t tell was out of hopelessness for his grandson or out of relief and moved to open the door, quietly guiding Hashirama inwards without another word except “hush.” Knowing better than to make the old woman cross, Hashirama did as he was told, but it was hard to do so when he came upon the scene set before him. Clearly exhausted, his sobbing mother sat in the center of the room, a bundle of pristine white cradled protectively against her hardly clothed chest whilst she rocked back and forth. 

  “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry! Amaterasu, Raijin forgive me!” 

  “Mama?” 

  He had been unable to stop himself from speaking at the moment, so confused and scared at the situation at hand because wasn’t everyone supposed to be happy for the new baby? Father had spoken various times how he would finally have the precautionary heir he had been waiting for and mother had never spoken badly about the baby, not once! Never had Hashirama realized at that age just why his mother had been crying and his father furious, the remaining adults still present being sullen and hesitant to speak. However, he knew something  was wrong the second his mother’s reddened eyes met his own, to see just how distraught the unshakeable kunoichi was. Fear clouded those obsidian irises, an emotion Hashirama had never seen in his mother’s eyes, and he couldn’t help but toddle over and plop down right beside her, not saying another word. After a few long seconds of quiet, the smallest, palest hand Hashirama had ever seen appeared from the snowy bundle in his mother’s arms, a tiny, adorable squeak following soon after. 

   While Hashirama wasn’t the sharpest kunai ever, he did have enough common sense to realize that his mother was holding the new baby, his new imouto or otouto, and a rush of giddy excitement had filled him with a gasp. “Is that the baby?!”

  In an instant, his mother’s fearful apprehension seemed to melt away, a weak but ever present smile growing on her cracked, pale lips whilst she adjusted her hold on the bundle. “It is. Would you like to meet them?” 

  Nodding vigorously, Hashirama was practically vibrating with excitement, only for such a feeling to be eclipsed by that of utter awe the moment his mother pushed away a bit of the blanket to reveal the person he had been waiting to meet for months now. Chubby, rosy red cheeks contrasted perfectly against the baby’s skin that was pale as a ghost, wild tufts of pearly white covering the top of their tiny head, so pure and beautiful. 

  “Hashi, I want you to meet your new otouto, Tobirama,” Hashirama’s already racing heart began to sprint faster upon hearing he had a baby brother, just like he had wanted! “Tobirama, this is your anija, Hashirama. He’s been so excited to meet you, little one.” 

  With wide, awe-filled eyes, Hashirama couldn’t help but smile, moving to stand on his tippy toes to gain a better view of his new brother. “Hi otouto, I’m Hashirama, I’m your anija!” 

  The rosy cheeked infant let out a hardly audible coo, one soft as downy feathers and sweet as permission jelly, and Hashirama couldn’t hold back the gasp that escaped his lips at seeing alabaster eyelashes flutter open. They opened just enough to reveal neverending pools of merlot, the young boy’s irises of freshly toiled earth searching the tiny ones of his brother with curiosity; he had never seen anything or anyone like him, especially amongst their fellow clansmen. Tanned fingers cautiously snuck across the bundle of snow, the toddler watching in wondrous anxiety as his right index finger came to gently poke the flesh of Tobirama’s tiny palm, hoping to garner some reaction from the newborn. Chubby, pearly white fingers clumsily curled around Hashirama’s extended digit mere moments after the older boy made contact with the younger, a smile as bright as the summer sun blooming on the toddler’s face. Turning his attention to their observing mother, who watched on in relieved fondness, Hashirama couldn’t help but beam. “Did you see, mama?! Otouto is holding my finger!” 

  Mother let out a soft chuckle, the Hatake woman moving to hold his brother out to him, a knowing look in her dark eyes. “Would you like to hold Tobirama for yourself, sweet sapling?” 

  “Yeah!” 

  “Hold still, now. There you go.” Careful in ensuring Tobirama was held correctly within Hashirama’s arms, mother set the hours-old infant into the toddler’s lap with a smile. 

  Hashirama could only gaze down at his otouto in wonder the moment he was settled into his arms, taking in all his peculiar and tiny features because how couldn’t he? His baby brother was perfect. 

  “Hashirama.” 

  Earth colored irises met desperate, stern obsidian, mother never breaking eye contact with him. 

  “You must promise me, Hashirama, that no matter what may occur between the two of you, you will protect Tobirama from harm.” Brushing strays locks of chocolate from Hashirama’s line of vision, the woman remained steadfast in sobering seriousness, lips thin and unforgiving. “He will be your greatest ally and dearest friend, even in times of turmoil and strife, so you must take care of him and treat him well. Do you understand?” 

  Not truly understanding what their mother was asking of him, Hashirama had had no issue in replying in the way he did. “I promise mama! I’ll protect Tobirama, no matter what!” 

  He would have never made that damn promise if he had known just how difficult Tobirama would make for him to keep his word. From birth, Hashirama and Tobirama were opposites of one another in everything that seemed to matter, whether that be looks, intelligence, personality, and so on. Whilst Hashirama was loud and messy, Tobirama was quiet and calculated even as a baby, and while he himself was a healthy, robust child, the white haired child was frail and sickly throughout the beginning of his childhood. Due to such frailty, mother would spend most of her time tending to Tobirama, ensuring he was well fed and clothed at all times and spending countless hours with the boy that she failed to spend with Hashirama, reading him a plethora of scrolls that bored the brunette to the core. It left Hashirama to play on his own, which wasn’t supposed to be the case anymore because Tobirama was to be his new playmate, the otouto that followed him everywhere and loved to play in the garden and get dirty! Every time Hashirama tried to roughhouse like he had seen other brothers do within the clan, mother or one of the house maids were upon them in a flash, scolding him thoroughly whilst plucking Tobirama up from the tatami floor with stern glares. 

   “What have we told you about playing roughly with Tobirama?! He-!”

  “-can’t handle it!”

  Yes, physically, Tobirama was quite feeble as a small child, but it was evident fairly on into his life that he was an intellectual prodigy in the making. The pair of them had been playing on the engawa with their mother hanging laundry nearby, Hashirama nursing a few bruises from training while he showed his otouto his newest technique for flower crowns. The one that had been present on his cheek must have caught the freshly turned six month old’s attention somehow because before the toddler realized what was happening, Tobirama was crawling towards him with worry in those vibrant merlot irises of his and much to Hashirama’s surprise, the baby jerkily placed a comforting hand over the aching flesh. It was only moments later that mother was upon them, a rare grin of admiring pride on her lips whilst she pulled a quiet Tobirama into her arms, cooing obsessively over how smart her little Tobi was and not paying a shred of attention to him. Such behavior only continued as Tobirama continued to grow, his otouto standing at the mere age of eight months while Hashirama had been eleven months, the albino’s first word of “Hashi” following just a short month later. While he should have been excited to have his otouto’s first word be his name, Hashirama hadn’t been able to stop the bitter jealousy filling his veins, such a feeling only increasing when mother praised the baby for his accomplishment. 

 Even with these feelings, Hashirama loved his otouto, his joy in spending time with Tobirama doubling when mother was nowhere in sight and he had the free reign to do as he pleased. Whenever he was free from training, such free time having steadily been shrinking following Tobirama’s birth, Hashirama was with Tobirama, telling him about his adventures with the other clan children or how father had been particularly rough during training that day. By the time Tobirama’s first year was rolling around, the pair of them were venturing the garden together and watching the koi play in the pond within their grandmother’s courtyard, Touka often joining them on their endeavors with her ever serious attitude. Moments spent cuddled together on hard nights when father made mother cry and bleed or with Tobirama riding on his back whilst they once again ran away from a flock of angry chickens ate away at the feelings of jealousy, the two of them slowly growing closer with the passing of time. Grandmother would call them two peas in a pod, a strange emotion in her eyes every time she uttered it, and how eager he had been to finally have the otouto that did as he did, not obtaining all of mother’s attention and being interested in following him wherever he went. They were exactly what Hashirama imagined when it came to being brothers, attached at the hip with a bond that could never be severed. His child self was too optimistic for the bloodthirsty world they lived in.

   “Again!”

  As the seasons changed and the two of them grew, Hashirama found his shinobi training intensifying, such changes becoming even more evident following his fifth birthday. Butsuma was a strict and unforgiving taskmaster, eager to tear Hashirama down at any given opportunity and never hesitating to beat him into a sobbing mess of quivering submission. Any time spent with Tobirama dwindled during this period of their shared lives, Butsuma having no interest in interacting with the bright eyed toddler that he steadfastly proclaimed was not his own blood, one of the many excuses he spouted endlessly when he beat their mother black and blue. Still, Hashirama found himself feeling unhappy and unfulfilled, never excited to learn how to properly throw a kunai or how to kill an enemy in one move; he would have much rather been playing with Tobirama and Touka or running through the woods in search of adventure, enjoying everything nature and the world had to give-. 

  “You stupid boy!” 

  A loud crack filled the air the moment the back of father’s hand struck Hashirama's left cheek, the force behind the strike sending his small and gangly self sprawling to the ground with a cry. In an instant, Hashirama moved to clutch the aching flesh within his palms, tears blurring his vision whilst he looked up at the monster of a man standing before him. 

  Senju Butsuma, in all his snarling glory, gazed at him with eyes identical to his own, a maddened rage consuming the clan head’s dark irises whilst he loomed menacingly above the young boy. “Tears are for the weak, Hashirama, and I’ll be damned if my heir is seen weeping like a goddamn infant! Get up!” 

  “I’m sorry, father! I’ll do better, I promise,” Unable to stop the tears from falling, a yelp escaped the five year old as Butsuma’s cold, calloused hand took hold of his arm, forcefully yanking Hashirama to his feet. “Let go, father! Please!” 

  “ENOUGH!” Butsuma’s free hand wheeled backwards for another harsh slap, the crazed clan head frothing at the mouth. With his body being held in place by the man’s tight grip, all Hashirama could do was screw his eyes shut and wait helplessly for the scarred limb swung to strike him once again. 

  *Shing* 

  “Argh!” 

  In a disorienting blur, the hand gripping Hashirama’s arm was gone, sending the five year old sprawling to the ground with a cry of surprise, roughly falling backwards onto the dusty training field on his behind. Dark eyes snapping open at neck breaking speeds at the sudden change, Hashirama hurriedly glanced around, only to see Butsuma clutching his right hand against his chest, the appendage weeping a steady stream of crimson from the kunai that was now lodged through his palm. Before Hashirama could even react, a small figure white as snow stepped between the two of them, their thin and gangly frame swamped in Hashirama’s hand-me-downs. What absolute terror filled his veins when his brain finally caught up with the situation set before him, to see two year old Tobi standing between him and Butsuma, arms spread out and feet parted in a protective stance, placing himself in the crossfire. 

  Only to add insult to injury, Tobirama in all of his craziness stood his ground against the man that was triple his height. “Leave anija alone!” 

  “Tobi no,” Hashirama moved to stand but it was as if time was in slow motion, reaching his hand outward to pull Tobirama away from harm.

  Butsuma let out a growl of a monster, the aging brunette taking hold of the kunai’s hilt with murderous intent in those hellish eyes of his. “You little bastard, I’ll slit your throat-!” 

Time slowed to a painful crawl as the man pulled the weapon from his palm and moved to step forward, wielding the kunai with the intent to kill Tobirama, sweet, brilliant Tobirama. He couldn’t let his otouto die-!

  Protect otouto…

  The kunai was within Tobirama's exposed throat when suddenly, the momentum behind Butsuma’s cowardice act came to an abrupt stand still and the air surrounding them grew silent. No one was able to speak, Hashirama and Tobirama out of shock but Butsuma? A thick branch gagged the monster of a human standing before them, vines wrapped around the horrified man’s limbs in an unforgiving hold of steadfast restraint. Hashirama had been unable to do anything but silently cry, something unfamiliar and powerful coursing underneath his skin as he had watched plants erupt from the ground beneath Butsuma’s feet and restrain the clan head in a matter of seconds, hand outreached and shaking. 

  “Anija.” His attention snapped to the left to see a worried Tobirama kneeling beside him, the toddler clearly having moved at some point in the chaos. Tobirama wasted no time in grabbing his extended arm with surprisingly gentle hands and lowering it into his lap, voice leveled and comforting to Hashirama’s ears. “You are safe, anija. I am here.” 

  That was the first of many times that Tobirama would step in-between their father and Hashirama. It was also the first time Hashirama’s mokuton awakened, a development that proved to be both a curse and a blessing for him over time. After that day, their father deemed Tobirama old enough to train much to their mother’s utmost displeasure, the woman pleading with Butsuma until a harsh slap silenced her pleas. 

 From that day on, the two of them were trained alongside one another and much to Hashirama’s gradual envious horror, Tobirama repeatedly proved himself to be the better shinobi in every way that matter. Ninjutsu, taijutsu, genjutsu, you name and Tobirama was excelling in it, his otouto facing Butsuma’s arduous training regiments and scathing words without a single tear and a kunai in hand. With the awakening of the mokuton, Hashirama’s training doubled and many times, he was forced to face Tobirama in combat practice, which almost always led to him collapsing in defeat and the albino standing victorious. Butsuma would verbally and physically beat Hashirama for every defeat he met at Tobirama’s skilled hands and every time his otouto stepped in to defend him, the boy would promptly be beaten as well. Every time this happened, Hashirama’s promise to his mother echoed loudly within his mind and his frustration with the younger boy would grow because he was the one that was supposed to be protecting, not Tobirama! His envy for Tobirama only grew when Butsuma would falsely praise the albino for his accomplishments to rub it in Hashirama’s face, and when their mother would coddle him with kisses and dusty scrolls and simply treat Hashirama’s wounds and hand him his study materials without a spoken word, her dark eyes conveying her desperation for him to do his work. Neither of his parents ever truly understood how hard school was for Hashirama, having been so full of energy and his attention so short that he was set up for failure from the very beginning, and neither were forgiving when they found him playing rather than studying. 

   “I paid for the finest tutors and what do you do?! Daydream and make flower crowns?!” 

  “Hashirama, please, just do your work! The faster you complete your lessons, the sooner you can join Tobirama and Touka in the courtyard-!” 

  While he knew their mother never meant to do it intentionally, her protectiveness over Tobirama would subtly place an ever growing wedge between her two eldest sons.    Said wedge would grow larger with the arrivals of Kawarama and Itama, followed by Madoka’s birth and her and mother’s subsequent deaths, and Butsuma’s constant jeerings that seemed to always hit their mark no matter what Hashirama did to ignore it like Tobirama said to. His frustration and disdain for the war between their clan and the Uchiha grew with this wedge, Hashirama becoming far more resisting and combative because there was no point to the bloodshed the two clans were creating. He would complain to his otoutos about the stupidity of it all and all Tobirama would do is stare at him with suddenly unfeeling, dim merlot irises and tell him to be realistic and resume their training, settling his attention back on Kawarama and Itama’s stances. Tobirama had been the one to insist their two otoutos train so excessively, Butsuma watching on with feigned indifference while he watched his four sons fight one another in sadistic glee, and Hashirama did everything in his power to show the two young boys that the world had more to offer than crusty, old scrolls and war. Their opposing ideologies clashed far more often than Hashirama would care to remember, Tobirama acting if he was the all-knowing mother in a vain attempt to fill the hole left behind their poor mother and kami it angered Hashirama to no end, especially when Itama and Kawarama chose him over their eldest anija. At times, the envy Hashirama bore on his shoulders took shape in harsh words and brutal hits on the training field against the white haired boy; Tobirama, was a prodigy after all, he could handle himself in battle, even if the older boy accidentally snapped one of his bones amidst the chaos out of anger. 

  Their toxic relationship continued onwards as the war with the Uchiha worsened, Butsuma’s attitude following suit much to the four brothers’ chagrins simply because it meant even harsher training and far more beatings. Tobirama bore a brunt of the beatings by the age of nine and his twelve year old would keep his promise to their mother by healing the boy when his injuries were bad enough or when Butsuma took it a step too far. Aside from that, Hashirama lived out his days in search of some reprieve from the doom and gloom that came from the war and in that seemingly hopeless search, by the grace of the Kami, he came upon a raven haired boy skipping rocks on the opposite side of the Naka River. 

 Madara, as he would come to learn through playful teasing and mindless chats, was everything he had been looking for in those bleak days, their meetings being one of the few reasons Hashirama willingly rose from his futon every morning. They spoke about everything under the sun it seemed, from hobbies to their favorite foods, often skipping stones or adventuring up and down the Naka without a care in the world. Tobirama, ever the astute and nosy otouto that he was, of course had to notice the change in Hashirama’s overall attitude but much to his relief, the younger boy never had time to question him about it due to his mission load and his duties in the home. Hashirama would never openly admit it, but there were times that he thanked the Kami that Butsuma had saddled Tobirama with the responsibility of caring for Kawarama, Itama, and their household, simply because it meant he had more time to spend with Madara by the peaceful riverfront. Touka would berate him for abandoning Tobirama in said duties but such grievances disappeared from the front of his mind every time he saw Madara patiently waiting for him, that feigned look of indifference on the boy’s face. Outside of his studies, training, and the battlefield, Hashirama made himself scarce, aiming to avoid Butsuma’s foul temper and Tobirama’s nags in hopes of experiencing the freedom he had so desperately craved for years now. Then, in one of the worst battles between the Uchiha and Senju to date, Kawarama’s life was taken from them with the throw of a single spear and Hashirama could only wish he had spent more time with his otouto whilst he watched the dirt hit the surface of his brother’s far too small casket. 

 Kawarama’s death, no,  murder , pushed Tobirama almost to the brink of madness and Hashirama could only watch on in silent, grieving aggravation as his otouto attempted to pretend he was smothering poor Itama in attention and protection like their mother once had done for the albino, yet he allowed Butsuma to speak so ill about his freshly buried son! Tobirama’s possessive behavior encouraged a wedge to appear between himself and Itama, the young boy clinging to Tobirama’s side like a leech instead of his like he should have, and all Hashirama could do was watch on in envious turmoil. Tobirama continued to be the perfect brother and the ever perfect cousin in Touka’s eyes, their lone surviving cousin looking down on Hashirama in disdain whilst placing oh-so-perfect Tobirama on a pedestal. 

 The same oh-so-perfect Tobirama who had garnered everyone’s attention on and off the battlefield, both good and bad, the one who seemed to slaughter countless lives without a single regret and carried on with blood soaked hands that dripped an endless trail behind him. His death count by the age of ten was in the hundreds and much to Hashirama’s utter horror, he followed every one of their father’s orders silently, cold and reserved like he had been since he was a baby.

   “The wraith of the Senju, that is what your brother is, Hashirama-sama.” 

  “That   thing  is incapable of love, all demons are.” 

  “The only reason why I keep that demonic bastard alive is because of your continual failures, not only as a shinobi but as a man! A soulless, defective being serves as a better son than my own flesh and blood and all within the Land of Fire knows this!” 

  His friendship with Madara was the only thing that kept Hashirama sane in the months following Kawarama’s untimely demise. Topics of the world around them were banned and conversations about peace and harmony bore fruit between them, childish hope and fading innocence present. In a surprise show of emotion and vulnerability, Madara spoke of the people his family believed to be Amaterasu’s descendants, of how revered and well-loved the Blessed were because they were someone’s soulmate, of how he wished he could have been fortunate to have such a perfect person in his life. He had been so enraptured in the very idea of soulmates existing, Hashirama brought forth the question that would ruin everything. 

   “How do you tell the difference between who is a Blessed and who is not?” 

  Individuals born with skin and hair white as freshly fallen snow and eyes as red as spider lilies. Madara’s answer made Hashirama’s stomach curdle and his blood boil, his emotions clashing so dangerously within that he hadn't dared to speak in fear of saying something he couldn’t take back. He was forced to sit there and listen quietly as Madara went on and on about finding his Blessed, of meeting the one the Kami had fated him to fall in love with and take as his eventual spouse, someone that looked exactly like Tobirama. Hashirama never mentioned anything of Tobirama after that, refusing to even take the chance that Madara would discover that his otouto was one of his people’s sought after Blessed, that the boy was the one his best friend had thought about unknowingly for years. Tobirama had taken enough from him already, he wouldn’t allow him to take Madara from him as well. 

 Such a greedy mindset must have angered the Kami, so much that soon after the first anniversary of Kawarama’s passing, Itama joined their brother, mother, and sister in the Pure Lands. Itama’s death left the two remaining brothers broken and what little remained of Tobirama’s heart seemed to vanish from existence, the freshly turned eleven year old remaining silent in existential grief that couldn’t be remedied no matter what Touka and Hashirama did to do so. He was forced to watch perfect Tobirama slowly fall apart with each passing day and all Hashirama could do in his own grief filled mind was give the younger boy space to heal on his own. In his mourning of yet another brother dying, Hashirama numbly ventured to the river and Madara arrived not long after, and it was that day that they vowed they would create a place of peace and prosperity, a life in which their younger siblings deserved. 

 As their friendship continued to deepen and their training segments grew more advanced with every passing week, Hashirama found the will to at least attempt to salvage what little remained of his and Tobirama’s fractured relationship. The albino met him with initial skepticism but with time and smiles, the wedge between them shrank bit by bit; it had nearly been a decade since Hashirama could remember not feeling upset just by being in Tobirama’s presence. They trained together, ate together, soothed one another when the nightmares became too overwhelming, their relationship was finally what Hashirama had dreamed for all those years. Tobirama followed his lead and only corrected him when needed, acting as Hashirama’s rock and council in stressful times on and off the battlefield. Tobirama and him were finally brothers in more than just blood and how foolish he had been to believe that such developments had been without an ulterior motive. 

 Tobirama was Butsuma’s loyal, little soldier after all. 

 Within a day, a two year long friendship was burned to ashes, all because of his heartless monster of an otouto. Utilizing Tobirama as an innocent mean of spying on Hashirama, Butsuma learned of his friendship with Madara, and in turn came to know that the boy he met at the river was the eldest son of Uchiha Tajima, the clan head of the Senju’s mortal enemy. The truth of his best friend’s familial origins was something he had subconsciously suspected, seeing how Madara was able to use ninjutsu, genjutsu, and taijutsu, but seeing the truth set before him with Butsuma glaring at him and Tobirama hanging his head in submission like a dog made everything real. All of it turned to hell when Butsuma, in all his homicidal madness, ordered him to follow Madara and if he grew suspicious of Hashirama, to kill him, that very order sealing the fate of Hashirama and Madara’s friendship for good. 

 If Tobirama had just kept his damn mouth shut for once. 

 The next river rendezvous between Madara and himself was the final nail driven into the coffin that was his and Tobirama’s relationship, the hammer falling deafeningly against the head of the nail the moment Butsuma and the boy he once vowed to protect appeared with the intent to kill the Uchiha teen before them. Hashirama and Madara were forced to watch Uchiha Tajima and Izuna do the same, their father’s and brother’s blades meeting without mercy, the intent to kill their foe heady and suffocating. Then, without an ounce of regard or care for the children they brought into this world, each clan head threw their chosen weapon not at one another, but at the two young boys fighting below them. Both teens reacted without hesitation, neither wishing to witness yet another brother die even if there were misgivings between them, and the rocks they had once skipped out of play swiftly turned into weapons with a swift and precise flick of their wrists. Their dream died that day, as did their friendship, and with the awakening of Madara’s sharingan came the bitter reality of what Tobirama had done, of the utter betrayal he had committed simply because Butsuma had demanded. 

 It was that day that Hashirama silently decided he no longer had a brother, just a fellow Senju that lived under the same roof as him and fought alongside him. He played the role of the doting anija and once Butsuma was graciously killed, he wore the title of clan head to finally gain advantage over the boy for the first time since his birth all those years ago, something he wielded against Tobirama with ease. Yet, even with his harsh words and questionable actions, Tobirama stayed by his side and supported him, even drawing up extensively detailed blueprints for the village Hashirama continued to dream about night after night. A part of him had wondered whether how he treated his brother was wrong, that Tobirama perhaps had been conditioned into the mindless killer he had become, but every time Hashirama attempted to look him in the eyes, all he could see was the perfect shinobi he could never be. So, they lived with each other in tense but bearable conditions, which improved with the arrival of beautiful and graceful Mito, the Uzumaki princess being everything that Hashirama wanted, needed, and more. Better yet, she acted as the much needed buffer between the two Senjus, thankfully becoming one that assisted in dealing with Tobirama when he forgot to eat and sleep for days on end so Hashirama could tend to other matters. 

 Time flew by after Mito’s arrival in the Land of Fire and suddenly Hashirama was twenty-years old and facing off with Madara once again on the battlefield, their respective brothers having a battle of their own nearby. If they were truthful with themselves, everyone knew these battles were for show, used to continue on the war none of them wished for in hopes of the opposing side caving in and their clan reigning supreme. That specific day in history was the day that the tables of long winded fate were turned and the few embers of hope remaining within Hashirama’s heart grew into a fiery blaze, all because Tobirama had nearly spilt Uchiha Izuna’s blood on his already blood soaked hands but in a rare show of humanity, chose not. Tobirama’s actions that day set off a chain reaction amongst their peoples and as Hashirama sat across from Madara amidst peace concessions they both had longed for, a tiny part of him dared to acknowledge that the younger Senju heir had finally done something good in his life.  

 The Uchiha delegation's final requirement for concession, however, silenced that thought without hesitation. How could Madara want to marry Tobirama of all people, all because he was somehow one the “Blessed” simply because of his outward appearance?! Hashirama had tried to object, asking the Uchiha clan head whether this course of action was truly necessary, only for the bane of his existence to speak for him. 

   “We agree to the terms you lay before us.”

  Just thinking about the moment made the hokage’s toes curl in disgruntled disgust, because how dare he steal Madara away again-?!

  The sound of his office door slamming against the wall adjacent to it sent Hashirama flying upwards in surprise with a cry, the jarring feeling echoing through his right knee the moment it clashed mercilessly against the wood of his desk. Subconsciously moving to grasped the injury area whilst his mind reeled, Hashirama moved to see just who had been the culprit of the slamming of his door, only to see a tan hand marked in white scars come into his field of vision, calloused fingers unforgivingly grasping the collar of his hokage dress. The unexpected motion ripped a grunt from the hokage, Hashirama suddenly finding himself eye to eye with a seething Touka, his cousin’s dark eyes alight with barely contained rage. 

 “Where. Is. He?!”

 Hashirama grimaced at the kunoichi frigid tone, trying to pull away from the woman in hopes of being spared from her unforgiving anger. “Touka! What are-?!” 

 “Don’t play dumb with me Hashirama,” Touka all but roared in face, pearly white teeth gnashed together with sharp canines out for all to see. “WHERE IS HE?!” 

 “I don’t know who you’re talking about!” In an act of primal instinct, Hashirama pushed his cousin away from himself, glaring at the kunoichi because what in the world was she talking about?! 

 His admission only seemed to worsen Touka’s ire, the fellow Senju stepping forward with her naginata primed and ready to strike. “Don’t play dumb with me, you-!” 

 “Touka.” 

 Manicured fingers curled around the width of Touka’s weapon, his beautiful Mito appearing in all her prim glory, face lacking any negative emotion and voice even-keeled as always. 

 “Mito, my sweet, thank goodness you’re here! Touka’s gone mad-!” A wave of relief swept over his confused person, Hashirama moving to embrace his lovely wife-.

 Just mere inches away from wrapping his arms around the Uzumaki, Mito raised a hand of warning into the air, painted lips turnt downwards in utter seriousness. “We do not come here on a social visit, my husband. We are in search of Tobirama.” 

 The edges of his field of vision grew green with envy, his words dripping with jealousy as they slipped from his suddenly dry lips, arms falling unceremoniously at his sides, “Oh, is that all?” 

 Priming her naginata to strike once again, Touka took a threatening step forward with a deep snarl. “Is that all?! You bastard-!”

 “Hashirama!” 

 In an instant, Hashirama’s attention was snapping over to the doorway of his office, his earth toiled irises meeting Madara’s charcoal ones, his best friend standing there with a hint of concern on his face. Behind him stood a weary Izuna and frowning Hikaku, the three Uchihas watching the scene before them unfold with cautiousness, Madara’s gloves hand clutching the doorway in a near death grip. “Where is he, Hashirama? Where is Tobirama?!” 

 Truthfully, the Uchiha clan head’s queries threw the Mokuton user off kilter. Wasn’t it just yesterday that Madara came to his office complaining of his brother’s poor decorum, expressing how stressful their arranged marriage had become for him? 

 “You! You have no right to ask where he is, you spineless bastard of a human!” Touka spun on her heel in a blur, projecting her rage onto the Uchiha without mercy. “None of you would be here if Mito and I hadn’t intervened and questioned you about Tobirama’s whereabouts!” 

 “You should be glad that we agreed to assist in your search for the Senju Demon! I only came along because the village’s peace treaty depends on this scam of an arranged marriage,” Izuna growled, the younger of the two Uchiha brothers glaring at the Senju kunoichi from his place beside Madara, Hikaku placing a stilling hand on the nineteen year old’s shoulder. 

 “That is enough, Izuna-sama,” Mito’s words silenced the boy in a second, the Uzumaki princess turning her scathing glance onto Izuna, deep plum colored irises swelling with concerned seriousness. “Now is not the time for petty arguments, nor name calling. If you truly wish to maintain peace amongst our peoples, you should learn to quell your hatred and listen for once. Such a change of behavior would do you some good.” 

 Mouth agape in surprise, the Uchiha teen could only stare at Mito whilst the woman moved to settle her unnerving gaze back unto Hashirama’s unsuspecting person yet again. “Hashirama, please tell us, where is Tobirama?” 

 “Why is there such an urgency to find him? Did otouto do something wrong again,” Hashirama wordlessly noted how everyone in the room tensed just a fraction, even Mito, the queen of prim, stoic perfection. Something was wrong, very, very wrong. “Mito, just what is going on?” 

 Her painted lips moved to speak, but as the first word began to slip out, Madara stepped forward with surprising steadfastness. “We believe Tobirama may have been injured. Upon entering his lab, your dear cousin and wife found it in disarray, as well as a pool of blood on the floor.” 

   “Hashirama!” 

  Glancing up from his current plant obsession of the week with a jump at the slamming of the screen door, Hashirama found himself meeting Touka’s panicked gaze, his typically stoic cousin clearly in distress. “It’s Tobirama, hurry!” 

  Out of nowhere, a teary-eyed Kawarama appeared, one small hand clutching onto the silky fabric of Touka’s kimono. “Father beat him, anija, he beat Tobi!” 

  Hashirama hadn’t realized he was running until his hand came to grapple the wood of the doorway of Tobirama’s room, dark eyes hurriedly searching the room’s contents until-. He thrust himself forward in a blur, Touka right beside him as they came to kneel at the bloodied, broken body of a contorted Tobirama, Kawarama yanking a sobbing Itama from their dying brother with desperate urgency. Ragged, wet breaths were the only thing that kept Hashirama from believing his otouto was already, his state of being lying only inches from death’s door. The younger boy’s legs were a sickening sight, his left tibia bent unnaturally underneath Tobirama’s battered skin; he nearly vomited at the jagged, alabaster bone jutting from the albino’s right leg, flesh torn and weeping thick rivets of crimson from the puncture wound.

  Reaching out a shaking hand to cup Tobirama’s split skull as thick globs of salty tears began to pour down his tan face, all Hashirama’s voice could muster in his horror was a weak mutter. “Tobi, oh Kami what on earth did he do to you?!”

  The pool of blood beneath the young boy’s body was a gruesome sight Hashirama knew he would never forget. 

  “What do you mean he may be injured? He was perfectly fine when I met him for his mission debrief this morning,” Hashirama cried, panic beginning to sprout within his chest, earth-colored irises snapping to the left to search his wife’s serious features. “Are you sure it’s even his blood?!”

 “I am afraid so; the blood contained Tobirama’s chakra signature.” Mito refused to break eye contact with him, the redhead resting her hands upon his broad shoulders whilst she gifted him with an imploring look. 

 “That is why we must know, where is Tobirama?” 

 Tongue having suddenly grown heavy, Hashirama found himself stumbling over his words, the brunette unable to look away from his wife. “I-I, he requested to undertake an S-Rank assassination mission in Lightning Country and since he’s been instigating fights with Madara lately, I gave it to him, no questions asked so they could spend some much needed time apart! I didn’t know he was hurt-!” 

 “Whether you realized he was hurt or not means nothing now, Hashirama.” Mito’s manicured nails pressed into the muscled flesh of his shoulders, forcing him to stop mid-panicked ramble. “What matters is his time of departure and his target, nothing else. Now, when did he depart and who is his intended target?” 

 His target? Who was it again? 

   “Raikaku has been reported to be traveling throughout the steppes between here and Lightning Country,” Hashirama pointed to the map of the elemental nations set before the two brothers on his desk, gesturing to the unmarked territories marked on the general vicinity. “You are to observe first, and when you see the right moment-.” 

  Tobirama wasted no time in cutting him off, gifting him with a callous nod, far more stoic and aloof than he usually was. “Understood. I will not fail you, anija.”

  Oh, fuck. 

 His chest grew heavy at the damning, frigid realization spilling into his veins, eyes growing wide and mouth going agape, desperate to deny the reality set before him. “There’s no need to get so upset, Tobi can handle himself after all-!” 

 Touka took another step toward him, dark eyes narrowed in impatient suspicion. “Where did you send him?!” 

 “He, he’s headed towards the lands between Fire and Lightning Country,” The Senju clan head wanted to vomit, his stomach thrashing madly within his core at soberly realizing he had sent his brother, his lone, remaining brother, whether he acknowledged him as one or not, to his possible death. Had Tobirama been injured like they said, and if so, why hadn’t he noticed-?

 Gloved hands unforgivingly grasping the collar of his uniform jerked Hashirama from his spiraling thoughts, charcoal irises digging into his brown. Madara’s seething face was suddenly a mere inch away from his own, the Uchiha tightening his grip on Hashirama’s clothes whilst aggressively shaking his upper body. “Who is his target you, dimwit?! Who did you send Tobirama to assassinate?!” 

 “Raikaku, his target is Raikaku!” 

 The second the name of the Scribe of Raijin escaped him, he found his back meeting the wall with a jaw aching slam, uniquely patterned, swirling irises of scarlet and obsidian belonging to the one and only Uchiha Madara searing into his flesh. “What in the hell is wrong with you?! You and I both know that going after Raikaku without additional support is suicide! Are you trying to get your brother killed?!”

 “Of course not! Don’t you think I told him the same thing?!” Grasping Madara’s wrist, the Mokuton user tried to shove his best friend away to no avail as he attempted (and failed) to provide logic to his decisions, the Uchiha’s grasp only tightening. “I tried to convince him to take Touka or Izuna with him but he wouldn’t listen! He just kept saying that he was fully capable and that he didn’t need to put anyone else he cared about in harm's way and then he left!”

 “And you didn’t think to stop him?! You’re the goddamn Hokage, you imbecile!” Madara roared with a menacing scowl, Izuna and Hikaku rushing over to pull the frothing Uchiha off of Hashirama. “We all know that when Tobi makes up his mind, there’s no arguing with him! You of all people should know this, you’ve complained about it constantly!”

 “Enough!”

 “Quarreling amongst one another is going to do nothing in helping Tobirama-sama!” With a vicious tug of Madara’s arm, Hikaku placed himself between the two of them, the look on his face deadly as the jellyfish toxin Mito ingrained into the finishing of her senbon needles.

 Touka gave a reluctant nod of agreement, pointing the blade of her naginata at the pair of them. “The Uchiha's right, we’re wasting time. We need to catch up to Tobirama before it’s too late. Now shut the fuck up, you pieces of shit!” 

 “For once, I agree with you, Senju,” Izuna quipped readily beside her, only to garner himself a threatening finger being pointed his way. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten about you, you scheming weasel! Your treatment of my cousin is just as despicable as theirs and I’ll be damned if I don’t beat you within an inch of your life like you fucking deserve the moment Tobirama is safe!” 

 The threat promptly had Izuna shutting his mouth with an audible click, to which Mito took as a sign to speak. “If we have any hope of stopping Tobirama before he reaches Raikaku, we need to leave immediately.” 

 “Hikaku-san, Izuna-sama, you will remain here in the village in case a situation occurs. Touka, Hashirama, Madara-sama, and I will be pursuing Tobirama en route.”

 Settling her damning plum irises on the three shinobi, the Uzumaki princess spoke like a true war leader. “Gather everything you will need for the journey ahead and rendezvous at the northeastern entrance within five minutes. Be late, and we will leave you behind.” 

 Madara let out a grunt, the Uchiha sending a poisonous glare towards Hashirama. “I will be ready in two.” 

 With that said, the dark eyed man disappeared in a flash of smoke and fluttering leaves, leaving the remaining five shinobi to their own devices. Izuna and Hikaku wasted no time in abandoning the office as well, shunshinning after Madara most likely, who was in the most peculiar of moods, even for the Uchiha clan head. Hashirama moved to speak with a solemn Mito, only for a seething Touka to block his path, his cousin glaring at him with fiery eyes. “If Tobirama dies because you, know that you’ll be the first one I’ll be killing, you being hokage be damned.” 

 “Touka, I’m-.” 

 “If you are done threatening my husband, dear cousin,” Mito sidled against Hashirama's right side, gifting the taller kunoichi with a warning glance. “You should be preparing yourself for the road ahead.” 

 “You’re lucky your wife is terrifying, Hashirama, or your ass would be mine. Remember that.” Sending one last glare his way, Touka pulled away and shunshinned with the swift signing of her hands. 

 “Hashirama.” 

 The twenty year old shifted his gaze downwards to meet Mito’s, the redhead meeting him with a face of little to no emotion. “If Tobirama does not return home with us unscathed, I will not stop Touka from beating you within an inch of your life.” 

 “Mito, I-!” 

 “Silence,” Hashirama paused mid objection, knowing far better than to test his wife’s patience. “I am thoroughly disappointed in you, husband. In fact, I am appalled by your behavior. I have every right to divorce you and remove Tobirama from your care, since you clearly care so little about him to begin with.” 

 Not waiting for Hashirama to respond, the Uzumaki kunoichi stepped away, her gaze never leaving his. “Ready yourself, we leave in four minutes.” 

 She was gone in a puff of smoke, the scent of sea salt wafting through the office air, leaving Hashirama to bear the weight of his mistakes all on his lonesome. 

   “You must promise me, Hashirama, that no matter what may occur between the two of you, you will protect Tobirama from harm. He will be your greatest ally and dearest friend, even in times of turmoil and strife, so you must take care of him and treat him well. Do you understand?” 

  “I promise mama! I’ll protect Tobirama, no matter what!” 

  The young man was unable to stop his stomach from heaving its contents outwards at the guilt-drenched memory, the burning bile scorching the inside of his throat with shame while he expelled what little remained of his breakfast in a nearby pot. After a few moments of unsuccessful dry heaving, Hashirama pulled away with a pant, wiping the bile coating his lips on the back of hand without a care in the world. He wasted no time in rising to his feet and stripping himself of his hokage attire, slipping his armor onto his shaking form and shunsinning to the northeastern entrance. 

 Hopefully the others would still be there when he arrived.

 ~~~

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