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dragonlorelover replied to your post “The fact that when Madara gives his ‘kill yourself or your brother’…”

Is this from a fic if so who is the author.

It’s from canon, in the scene where Hashirama beats Madara and tries to convince him to come back and help him found Konoha. 

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What I need people to understand is that getting out bed is not easy.

Leaving the house is not easy.

Talking to people is not easy.

Ordering food is not easy.

Making phone calls is not easy. 

I need people to understand, that just because something is easy to them, it may not be that easy to others.

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Everyone who reblogs this will get the title of a book to read based on their bio/posts.

Everyone. I mean it.

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Comparing Pets

Tapastic. Twitter.

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My bros I have been doing a lot of reading about Wacky WWII Hijinks lately and I want to tell you a story because I love it okay

once upon a time there was a dude in Spain named Juan Pujol Garcia. Pujol was a chicken farmer. Pujol hated him some goddamn fascists.

See Spain had recently ended its civil war, with the fascists taking power. So when WWII broke out in Europe, Spain technically remained neutral but in practice was buddy buddy with the Nazis. Juan Pujol Garcia thought this was pretty bullshit

so soon after war breaks out Pujol travels to his local British embassy and goes “hey I wanna spy on the Nazis for you”

“who the fuck are you?” say the British, and kick him out

but Pujol is not deterred! He still wants to dunk on some fascists, so now he goes to his local German embassy instead. “hey” he says, “I wanna spy on the British for you, I sure do hate them”

“yeah okay” say the Germans “that seems pretty legit”

and just like that Pujol now officially works for the Abwehr, the German intelligence agency. They hand him some spy gear (invisible ink and such) and instruct him to travel to Lisbon, and from there make his way into the UK. So Pujol heads to Lisbon, and a little while later writes to his German handlers telling them he’s made it to England

Pujol had not made it to England. He had, in fact, made it to the Lisbon public library, where he checked out a number of English guide books and set about just wholesale making shit up

this is slightly complicated by the fact that, for example, he completely did not understand British currency and all his expense reports were basically gibberish. He also reported things like bribing Scotsmen, because the people of Glasgow would “do anything for a litre of wine” (an actual quote) because, hey, people in Spain like wine so that’s probably the same right?

Here is where it starts to get really crazy, because the Abwehr loves this. “wow this dude is a great spy” they say, because apparently none of them had ever been the England either. In fact, they are so pumped about this new awesome spy that the British start to get worried

you see, by this time the British had cracked German’s supposedly unbreakable Enigma code and were totally dunking on the Nazis by reading basically all of their ~super top secret~ radio transmissions. And, crucially, they’d become so good at breaking and reading traffic that there were literally no German spies in England. The Germans would set up a spy drop (usually dropping dudes in by parachute in the middle of the night), the British would intercept the message and then just scoop the dudes up as soon as they landed in a move that must have been SUPER embarrassing to the spies

so there are no German spies in the UK because they’re all sitting in a prison run by MI5 (although some are being run under supervision as double agents, feeding Germany bullshit). But suddenly MI5 is picking up all this traffic from the Germans talking about their super great spy- a spy the British do not have in their jail

“oh shit” says MI5, and starts rereading all the transmissions they have to and from this mysterious super spy.

“hey wait” says MI5, upon actually reading the shit the spy was sending. “someone is playing silly buggers, pip pip cheerio”

At this point, Pujol, still in Lisbon, had actually been approaching the British embassy again, repeatedly, but apparently “I am literally an Abwehr agent and would like to offer you my services” wasn’t interesting enough, because he was repeatedly turned away, again. It wasn’t until MI5 started asking around that one of the embassy staff was like “oh yeah we know that guy”

so in 1942 the British finally make contact with Pujol and he officially becomes a spy for MI5. They move him to London and assign him a case officer so he can start making up even better bullshit

and he does. Once actually in London, Pujol reports to the Abwehr that he’d recruited a whole slew of informants- from a bunch of Welsh Aryans to disaffected army officers. He ends up with a network of 20+ sub-spies, all feeding him information from around the UK

none of these people actually exist

Pujol just straight up invented like 20 people, keeping careful track of their fake personalities, names, and activities. With the help of MI5, the information he sends becomes even better- a mix of true but ultimately useless facts and actually important intel timed to arrive in Germany just slightly too late to be of any use. He and his “spy network” become the Abwehr’s most trusted agents

Pujol, now codenamed Agent Garbo (for his acting skills), ends up playing a huge role in the run-up to D-Day, where the Allies mounted a huge intelligence campaign to convince Hitler that the planned site of attack was going to be Calais and not Normandy (this was Operation Fortitude and you should absolutely look it up for more Wacky WWII Adventures). Obviously you know how this ended

crazily enough, the Abwehr never figured out that Pujol was a double agent. After the war he received both the Iron Cross Second Class (which require personal authorization from Hitler), and a Member of the Order of the British Empire (from King George VI)

unable to resist being totally fucking ridiculous, Pujol turned down MI5’s post-war offer to continue spying, but this time against the USSR. “no,” he said “just help me fake my own death and then I’m moving to Venezuela”

and that’s exactly what he did. Juan Garcia Pujol died in 1988, at the age of 76

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I just cannot stress enough how much i fUCKING LOVE MERMAIDS

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How to deal with street cats

Be nice to them. They’re doing an important job. Do not chase them, grab them or harass them. 

Always bring some food with you, it’s just polite. 

Approach them slowly, and let them come to you. Sometimes you might have to sit on the ground and tap it a few times. This is what you brought food for. 

At some point after you have managed to touch the cat it will turn and sprint away. This is when you start following it.

Cats do not want you to get lost, but they can be fast. Never lose sight of them, you should stay with it until your return. This might still look like your usual street but you are in a liminal space already. Try not to get lost. 

(NOTE: do not follow cats with mismatched eyes. You can pet them, but the moment they run away you should immediately turn your back to them and walk in the opposite direction.)

Black cats:

Follow black cats into the floor-level vents. Don’t worry, there are many spider webs but there aren’t any spiders.

Do not lose sight of them in the dark.

When you emerge, you will be in the same street you were before, but there will be no people to be found.

Do not stray, follow your cat. Sometimes it might want to just catch a bird and go back. Do not stay longer just to explore.

 If you hear the sound of a crowd in the distance do not try to follow it. Your cat will never lead you there.

You can take anything with you but you cannot take pictures or record video or sound.

Orange cats:

Orange cats hang around train stations for a reason. Follow them into the next train. You will not need a ticket.

If the cat wants you to scratch its ears during the trip, do it.

The landscape will not look like the area around your town.  Do not panic - this is normal.

The people in the train will not speak a language you understand or recognize, but they will have clothes and devices similar to yours. They are usually nice.

Get down at the same stop as your cat. You will not understand the name of the station, and no one will get off in the same station as yours. You should follow your cat, but it will never leave the station. Follow it into the next train to get back home.

Never stay in the train. Never wait for the last stop.

White cats:

White cats live on the edges. They will take you to many places but at the same time they will never take you anywhere.

If you meet them during the night-time, the sun will start rising, regardless of the time. If you meet them during the daytime, the sun will start setting. It will stay like this for the duration of the trip.

Follow them to the edge of a forest that smells like honeysuckle. You will hear the song of birds and the flow of water. You should never stray and enter the forest on your own. Your cat will not follow.

Follow them to a building where a fancy party is being held at. Through the windows you can see the food and the champagne. The guests will ask you to join them, but your cat will keep walking. Do not accept the invitation, and never eat the food or drink the champagne.

Follow them along the edge of a swimming pool. People will be bathing, playing and laughing. It will be hot, regardless of the season. Do not step too close to the edge, because they will try to grab your ankles and pull you into the water. Keep walking.

Once the sun finally sets or rises you will be back home. Never enter your house until you are completely sure the sky is changing.

Calico cats:

Calico cats are the safest. They will follow you instead.

Walk around your town and you will see everything is the same, but you will not be able to make the connections between the streets.

If you want to go to a certain place you will find it is no longer where it used to be.

You will not recognize anyone. Every single person in the street will be a stranger. They are not dangerous but do not look them directly in the eyes.

Never try to find your house. Because you will find it.

When you want to come back take the cat back where you found it. This might be more difficult than you expect.

Remember to always take some food with you, something make of iron, and comfortable shoes.

And remember to always be nice to the cats!

[if you like my writing consider buying me a coffee? your girl works night shifts ;u;]  @senshi76 gave me the suggestion for this one!

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Sometimes there are no words

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Dragons look like minerals!

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Lemon sharks may occasionally get possessive of divers giving attention to other sharks, and try to chase off any tiger sharks of whom the lemons might be jealous. 

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oh my gdO CAN YOU DRAW GODZILLA MOMMA CARRYING LIKE A HUNDRED LIZARD BABIES ON HER BACK FOR TAKE YOUR CHILD (lizard) TO WORK DAY

oh SHOOT well i cant swing 100 but how bout

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art by upoyk

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those 2 seconds felt like 2 hours

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Buttmunch wildshape shenanigans