#anyway i kinda feel like i should have a panic attack or a breakdown or something | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cinnamonest · 3 years ago

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You know when it comes to Yanderes I'm pretty lenient. Like, yeah you can tie me up to bed and make me never speak to other people again, just don't be boring and I'll be fine, i certainly won't appreciate the murdering of my close ones but it's kind of unavoidable sometimes with them.. no matter how much you convince them that you love only them it's not gonna be enough and they'll still be jealous... and if there's absolutely nothing i can do about it, then might as well accept it. If anything, if you have a pretty face, or just... pretty in general.. then i might not complain at all, you know what i mean?? 😝😆

But. As lenient as i am.. There's this one thing. The only thing that I'm absolutely terrified of is the thing we call pregnancy. Absolutely terrifies me. A-and much to my dismay, i can tell that most of genshin men (hell all of them) probably have a raging breeding kink and i certainly can't stop that😔🥲

So! If you don't mind answering, how do you think genshin men will react to a darling who has massive Tokophobia, which is, indeed a fear of pregnancy and childbirth? Like, full-on breakdowns about it and probably even slewer-side attempts, so it's not easy to ignore at all

(also i really really like your blog, thank you for posting and feeding my deranged brain💕💕)

Ahhh yes same honestly, the thought of it irl freaks me out so much I hope I never get pregnant 😓😓 Also, !REMINDER! to all that when it comes to fears, insecurities and stuff like that, I write it being handled very poorly on their part, often manipulative and controlling or making the problem worse, rather than actual good comfort, due to the nature of my writing. I'm just always cautious in case to make sure people know that before reading especially newer followers who might not know. If someone wants like true fluff comfort, this is probably not the place to go 😅 Our boys are toxic and awful <3

Pretty much all of these have themes of forced impreg/pregnancy, toxicity, guilting/shaming etc so it's below a cut. Also some graphic/crude descriptions of things being joked about that may be bothersome depending on severity of your sensitivity.

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There are some that handle it well, namely Venti. Venti would be so sweet about it, he's very non opinionated on the matter so he'll just kinda go with what you want. He doesn't need anything but you, so he's perfectly happy as it is and would never verbally try to pressure you into it.

The only issue, you see, is that your insides feel amazing and it's like, super duper hard to pull out or wear protection of any kind. And while he tries to, sometimes he just... forgets. He can't really afford meds of any kind, so... it may turn out to be an issue nonetheless. In which case he really does try to be comforting, and thankfully he's rather good with words... but really, he tries to be distracting. You can't be worried if you're not thinking about it! So basically he puts a ton of effort into taking your mind off the matter entirely, making you think about anything else, which is more of less trying to be avoidant, which he can only manage for so long. He's bad at managing panic attacks, because it just makes him start to panic, too, but he really does try.

Kaeya is fine with it, namely because he has a lot of... negative thoughts regarding the idea himself. Sure, having a kid wouldn't be bad per se, but the thought of you putting so much time and energy and affection into something that isn't him, right in front of him, starts to get under his skin. He's one of the most likely of our boys to actually kinda avoid it entirely... not in a way that would force him to give up pleasure or anything, no, it would have to be hormonal medication for you to take or something like that. He takes good care of you, so it's only fair!

However, should you get pregnant anyway, he's not the best at comforting you about it, namely because he's actually panicking a bit too, and frankly, he knows full well there is no way to comfort you that wouldn't be a blatant lie because, to be honest, he has no idea what to do. He can't get anyone to help, he doesn't trust someone to help him and not go to authorities about the situation. It's not like he can just so would you by chance know how to assist birth haha to a coworker at random, either. Expect a lot of nervousness on his part, which will inevitably make it a lot worse for you by extension. ...Nervousness about how this will affect him and how he'll lose a lot of your attention, of course.

He pretends to be fully confident to dismiss your worries, though, in an effort to try and seem put-together in hopes it'll make you less worried. Nah, it's not a big deal, really! You can't help but notice he seems to move around a lot and avoid eye contact whenever it comes up.

Kazuha... is somewhere in the middle. He's so sweet! He's comforting and reassuring and calm. He understands. Everyone is afraid of something! He goes on with the comfort for a while actually, telling you he totally gets it and he will always support you, it's not your fault, he understands why you'd be afraid.

...It's not until several minutes in you realize, of all the comforting words, he hasn't outright said he's okay with you not having kids, though. Just that he loves you, supports you, will always be there to help you get through it.

So after a minute you finally gather some courage and outright ask so it's okay if we don't right? And then you see his eyes widen, his soft smile falls. Oh... you mean you... don't want to? He thought you were just saying you were scared, which was hard to deal with considering obviously you want him to put a baby in you. After all, that's the natural way love works, so if you didn't want his babies, you must not love him... but you do love him, right? He asks you with a grip on your shoulders so firm and eyes so unblinkingly wide and empty you know far better than to say no. Okay, so if you love him, it shouldn't be an issue right? Because if you love him, you want to. He can't comprehend how you wouldn't. He would push through any fear for your sake... of course, he trusts you would do the same for him... the thought that you might not want them, and thereby don't love him, does linger in the back of his mind and bother him for a while, but he tells himself that's just more of a reason to get you knocked up sooner. That way you'll realize how much you want it, and then he can help you get over this fear of yours.

Xingqiu is also pretty in the middle, but pretty annoying about it because he has read exactly one (1) book on pregnancy and believes he is the Expert™ and knows more than you. On the bright (?) side, you will actually be in top-tier care because his family will just hire people who know what they're doing, including a therapist that is supposed to "help you get over it" because they genuinely believe in the "if you have a phobia just try not being scared :)" mentality.

In the end though you're not getting out of it. Need for heirs and all that, it's like, literally your responsibility. He's also extremely infuriating because he too has the mindset that ah, you'll get over it. Just you wait and see, a few months from now and you'll totally be over this silly little fear of yours and be super happy and excited about it! Until then, he can reassure you it'll be okay.

Diluc and Albedo dig themselves deeper and deeper into a hole with their words.

Diluc understands what you're experiencing a lot better, he gets the concept of a phobia unlike some others, but he's still awful at comforting. He's too practical and thinks he's helping when he's just making it worse, will say things like "well my mom said it wasn't that bad, she only had (insert the worst experience you've heard of in your entire life) so you'll be fine too", and when that only backfires into making you cry and panic (must be those pregnancy hormones?), he has to find one of the maids who has had kids and try to get them to reassure you. At least talking to them helps a little bit.

However, it gets worse as time goes on because unfortunately, what makes him especially awful for this situation is that he gets paranoid and panicked, which in turn certainly does not help you. He starts mumbling about how maybe he should call a doctor, he senses something's not right or something is abnormal, and that just makes you panic so much worse. And then he starts talking in what-ifs and that just sends your mental state into a downward spiral. Ugh.

Albedo has the same problem, but it sounds even worse with the way he talks about it. "Well statistically, the number of people who sustain injury during childbirth is only--" and then flinch at your interrupting reaction because he genuinely thought saying that would bring you some comfort. Okay. It's certainly not his field of expertise, but he has an anatomy book shoved away somewhere that he had for the purpose of chemical makeup of various parts of the body, but it has a section on pregnancy. See, here's the diagram showing you how--

Okay, so that... made it worse. You're panicking and breathing so fast, that can't be good. He knows he's not the best with words, but he wasn't expecting you to react that badly. Well, no worries. He's actually alright with it... sort of. In theory. He can just... make a kid on his own with your DNA. All organic and gestation-free. Like a plant.

The "in theory" part, however, similar to Venti, comes from the fact that while he can accept not impregnating you as a concept, in practice... well, no way is he going to put you on anything hormonal. Tons of negative side effects, you know (such as a decrease in sex drive, for one!). And pulling out is just... I mean, consider it logically, how would you like to have the best part of orgasm taken away from you? That's right, of course not. And condoms are awful, you literally can barely feel anything. No he's not exaggerating. Here, put this glove on, notice how you can only vaguely feel anything? See, that's what it's like. And cycle tracking... that would have to mean going some days without sex, and it is factual that he needs you as a means of stress reduction, you make him more productive, and you wouldn't want him to fail at his job right? So yes, he nods his head when you mention the fear, it's fine if you want to not get pregnant... he just will take absolutely no measures to prevent it from happening. But no worries. If you're panicked once again when you find out, he can always break out the diagrams again, maybe it will help this time...

-----

Then we have the worst. Razor, Xiao, and Gorou. For Razor, it's a complete lack of understanding the very concept of a phobia and horrible communicative skills, for Gorou, it's the freakish pregnancy itself, and for Xiao, it's both of those things.

First of all, you will get pregnant. It is only a matter of time. There is no avoiding it. They all have strong breeding instincts and can't be bothered to use any form of protection -- why would you ever pull out when it feels so good? What kind of torture is that? And those things you tried to get him to wrap around his dick feel awful, no thank you. And as for Gorou, well, it's not a choice, he literally can't pull out when he's knotted deep inside you, and condoms don't fit around said knot. Besides, it doesn't matter, they reason, they all try to tell themselves that although you're like this now, once you're bred and knocked up you won't be so panicked.

...Okay, so maybe you are still panicked. Well, that's... not good. Xiao and Razor are basically in the same camp where they genuinely do care and don't want you to be afraid, but also think a simple "it will be okay. You'll be fine" should be enough to eliminate said fear entirely, and will be confused why you're apparently still upset. He just told you it's fine?? Do you need to be told a second time? A third time? Why is it not working... what is it that you do not understand...

But what makes them really bad is that they choose the absolute worst ways to "help". You finally convince Xiao to allow a medical doctor to have a look at you because you're getting sick with paranoia over your health... but it backfires when the doctor tells you he's fairly certain there's more than one, more than two even, causing you to panic and say something about how you're going to have tons of babies... but Xiao decides to reassure you that there is no worries. Tons? It's only like five or six. Not tons of them. The only downsides are the massive amounts of adeptal energy that will probably make you super sick, but he will be there for you and you two can what's with that look on your face why are you crying--

Likewise, Razor decides the best way to help you deal with this fear is by example to show you that it's not bad at all. Thankfully, one of the wolves is pregnant too, so when she gives birth you can come watch. You shake your head and dig your heels into the ground, but since he knows it'll be helpful, it's okay to pick you up and carry you by force, it's for your own good! You'll watch at a short distance, of course, but still close enough so you can see everything in great detail. See, it's not that bad! Look at how happy she is! After a little while he realizes you haven't said much ever since the first one came out, looks over and sees your eyes are closed and you're all slumped over, so he gives you a shake... huh, must have gone to sleep...? Well, that must mean you feel better about it now.

Gorou is on another level in terms of how much he wants it to begin with. Please. Please let him knock you up. Please he promises it'll be fine and there's nothing to worry about and you can carry four puppies just fine and okay maybe he shouldn't have added that part, anyway, please just--

He will literally hump you and whine and whimper about it, if he gets desperate enough. He's far more understanding and considerate of your feelings than the other two, but that makes it honestly a bit worse for him because he wants so badly for you to be happy and love him -- but you just don't understand. You can't understand how bad his need is. He wants nothing more in the world. Maybe, just maybe, he thinks, if he can just... get you into that state... you'll stop being so afraid, maybe?

He's also so apologetic about it the whole time, too. He knows that once he shoves the knot inside you it's more or less a done deal and irreversible, so he keeps mumbling apologies while he ruts into you, thinking that will make up for it. He hates to do something that will make you afraid, but can you really blame him...?

#lena's asks #q #tw: pregnancy

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jiminrings · 3 years ago

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just wanna say: stemkoo + yoongs redemption arc. yoongi finally acknowledging jungkook as a love interest to oc and accepting it and jungkooks kinda confused because what now? is he safe alone with yoongi? are they brothers? and yoongis just "yeah kid you're here now and I see you but I'd still give you a knuckle sandwich anytime if u even breath wrong next to my baby soulmate"

cold senior!y/n x stem major!koo masterlist :D

stem koo has a breakdown over driving alone for the first time, and it just so happens that yoongi's the only one there for him. alternatively, it's koo and yoongs' redemption arc :-)

warnings: mention and descriptions of a panic attack

jungkook will not cry

not right here, in an emergency bay that's just five meters away from a bustling gas station where there's a convenience store and a couple of food chains and cafés he can go to in order to clear his head

not right now, in his brand-new car that his parents excitedly bought for him once they caught the news that he's already obtained his driver's license. he's admittedly already used to a lofty lifestyle, but somehow guilt settled in when he remembers telling his parents at night, and the next morning, his dad's calling him to come out of his dorm to see such a big purchase they didn't think twice in buying

jungkook already drove before. countless of times!!

tried it the first three times in his hometown with his dad on the front seat and his mom at the back, a little amused yet more frantic because this is perhaps the most frustrated state he's put his parents in

he's also took 30 hours in driving lessons during break and the happiest that he's been during the whole time is the part wherein he gets home by foot, relieved that he doesn't have to shared a confined space with his instructor that's far too chatty and intimidating at the same time

most importantly, jungkook drove endlessly and ultimately learned from you, jin, and yoongi!! he remembered mentioning in passing that he doesn't have a driver's license yet and he could distinctly remembering the three of you arguing about who'd teach him first

of course it was you whom he picked first, and it became a driving lesson that racked immense pressure and comfort from him

you taught him how to properly control his gas and brakes and then did jungkook only learn that he's a little too heavy-footed with the pedals, mistakenly thinking that he should press his wHOLE foot instead of just atleast a fourth of it

he learned how to accelerate without making the car jump and brake without making a god-awful screech!! also learned how to pull up the handbrake with ease because his wrist's too tensioned the first time around

seokjin taught him how to turn and park smoothly. how to actually command the wheel without his hands getting wrung and just nailing commando with like tHREE maneuvers max!!! max!!!

also jin taught him (reluctantly) how to reverse while looking back and holding headrest of the front seat bc jungkook read from somewhere that people apparently (read: you) find it attractive

and well... yoongi?

yoongi taught him everything

jungkook was a lil scared when he realized that it was yoongi's turn to teach him, but surprisingly, and uh well nO offense to his parents and instructor and girlfriend and girlfriend's friend,, but yoongi is the best teacher he's ever had

he taught him how to actually drive-drive if that's supposed to explain everything

he taught him how to not grip the steering wheel a little too tight and heavy. to be relaxed enough that he drives his car and not the other way around, but not too relaxed that the car feels too light in his command

yoongi taught him how to overtake and counterflow when necessary and how not to be a push-over and let every car pass even if it's him who has the right of way

jungkook was taught how to not squirm and be shy with honking because it's literally tHERE to be used!! yoongi taught him not to cower when there's a huge 4x4 with the truck horn that's aiming to squeeze in between lanes and just drive like normal

he learned how he shouldn't trust the mirrors at all times because it's not the accurate depiction of how far he is from backing into a tree and instead, open the window to see it for himself

yoongi taught him about the gearbox so eASILY that jungkook almost cried in realization that he finally managed to comprehend it fully without feeling the need to search in between stops

...

yes, jungkook did drive countless of times.

but this is the first time ever that jungkook drove alone and by himself; no company at all to tell him how he's going a little too fast or a little too near to the vehicle in front of him

he's alone. driving. in his own car. and now he's parked by himself near the gas station and the radio's playing a little too loud.

in second thought?

jungkook will cry

you're not there to console him as soon as you see his bottom lip tremble and his eyes freeze because you're someplace else

you're on a road trip with seokjin because it's his niece's first birthday and his whole extended family would be there and he doesn't know if he can actually handle that by himself ://

his family already knows you anyway and they're awarE of how their own relatives could be so now jin's immediate kim family is relying on you to be also their breather <3

the whole reason that jungkook decided to go onto this mini roadtrip by himself in the first place was to surprise you!!

he heard you over movie night once that you wanted to try these famous donuts from this shop that's an hour and a half drive away, and from your descriptions alone, yoongi and jin aND jungkook decided that they also wanted to try

and kook's just being a loving boyfriend and friend (?) that he made the collective decision that while you and jin were out, while yoongi's in the dorm — he's driving by himself for an hour and a half to get the donuts

but no, he hasn't even reached the donut place yet because he's an hour away still

he suddenly felt that his legs froze and he couldn't move at all because he realized that he's holding a wheel in his hands and the consciousness of it all makes his eyes widen, feeling the smooth leather go heavy within a blink

it was his sudden fear that the car's driving him and he doesn't have any control of it even if he has the means to do so, his mind too far in that he swerves to the right-most lane without his blinkers on and without checking his side mirrors

and even more concerningly, jungkook's still thinking about donuts even if he's in a state in which he's feeling a little dizzy and his chest is tight, having trouble breathing with his tummy aching that he feels he want to throw up

he can't think nor breathe straight and it physically pains him, the only thing registering in his hazy mind being his phone, the lockscreen that's set to you being the first thing that greets him

his fingers tremble as they move on their own and he doesn't realize it, only being jolted when his phone silently rings on his palm because even he doesn't know how nor whom he called

he's already removed his glasses to rub his eyes but they just blearily ache when he tries to see the name on his phone, his eyesight being blurred by the tears he's trying to keep at bay

jungkook's phone stops ringing until it finally connects, pressing his phone to his ear as confused as he is because he can't even remember who he called

"hello? why are you calling me, kid?"

it's yoongi.

jungkook breathes a sigh of relief that of all the people he's accidentally called — it's yoongi

he immediately welcomes the gruff voice, a sob racking through his entire body that he didn't even realize he was holding back

"y-yoongi! oh my god, yoongi! i-it's you!"

yoongi was merely napping when he felt his phone ring beside his pillow, an unfamiliar ringtone reaching his ears that he felt compelled to check it

his tone couldn't have been more abrupt but it's greeted nothing but warmly, the voice from the other side of the line making him focus concentratedly

jungkook greets him so eagerly and panickedly that it worries him, the large gulp of air convincing him that it's not just his airconditioner that's turned all the way up

"what happened to you? are you okay?"

jungkook whimpers at the question, stuttering over words that haven't even formed as he looks frantically left and right to see if his spot at the emergency bay is bothering anyone

there isn't anyone approaching him and-

"h-hazard! i-i need the hazard on."

all the red he's seeing reminds him of his hazard lights, remembering your words to keep them on if you're a potential hazard on the road

yoongi's remaining sleepiness dissipates as his eyebrows knot, overwhelmingly alert as he stands up from bed and find a shirt to put on before he even knows what's going on

"hazard?" he parrots, trying to see if he's slept through some urgent texts from any of you that could make him put the pieces together. "i need you to calm down for me, jungkook."

jungkook's busy eyes snap in one place at the mention of his name, blinking owlishly at the recognition of what yoongi's saying

"i-i forgot how to drive. the wheel — the wheel b-became too heavy on my hands," he stammers, looking at the circle that's in front of him that feels and now looks foreign to him. "i-i drove alone because-"

yoongi's heart pangs at the observation that jungkook's voice is breaking and desperate, turning off his fan before he scurries outside his bedroom and double-checks to turn off everything

"yeah, jungkook? come one, you can do it. you drove alone because?"

he once again affirms jungkook by reminding him of his own name to try and ground him, slipping on his shoes with a vague outline of a plan in his mind

"donuts. i-i heard — y-you all wanted these donuts and the uhm, t-the three of you had a bad day last week, right? i-i think. i'm not over there and you're the only who's home and i-i figured that-" his voice gives out at the end, unable to keep his tears from falling at this point. "help, hyung."

yoongi blinks once, twice, before he finds his voice

"i'm still proud of you, jungkook. good job," he rummages through the bowl of money the three of you drop your change into, dumping the entirety of it as he hopes it's enough to tip the cab driver he's gonna tell to drive as fast as he could. "now can you tell me what you see? can you tell me where you are? where you're parked? hyung will help you."

...

......

it takes yoongi a total of fifteen minutes to reach jungkook at the emergency bay by the side of the road.

his car's pristine and intact and it calms him to no end, immediately calling jungkook to tell him he's there so he wouldn't have to startle him with a knock

yoongi enters the driver's seat and his eyes immediately whip to jungkook who's already transferred to the passenger seat, his face teary and blotchy as he shakily grins at him through it all

"hyu — yoongi! h-hi!! oh my god, you're here."

he nods and softly smiles, adjusting the seat to accommodate his preferences that it makes kook put his seatbelt out of reflex

he's beyond happy to have another person in the car with him, enough to make him feel surrounded and reassured that he can't hear his breathing echoing in his vehicle

he's already mostly regained his breath but it picks up when yoongi doesn't drive straightly like what he thought he would — instead, yoongi drives five meters ahead and turns to the gas station, wordlessly finding a parking spot

"... b-but the donuts. y-you guys wanted the donuts, right?"

he purses his lips at the inquiry, shaking his head somberly

he can't even begin to gRASP why after all this, he's still focused on the donuts that he meant to get for the three of you — still beyond desperate to secure what was meant to cheer everyone up despite having gone through a new driver's version of hell

"how about we grab a bite first and then we could get the donuts after? my treat."

jungkook was about to politely say no and apologize for imposing, the words being caught on his mouth when yoongi reverses into a parking spot swiftly and gets out of the car before he can put a word in, already having him opening the door on his side

he looks up at him as if he's seen a ghost, a slow tick of a minute on his mind reminding him that yoongi's here for him

yoongi looks down to see the younger guy that still looks very much like what he's been through just minutes ago, making him spring into action

he wordlessly combs his hand through his hair like he does with you when you have a fever and cannot be bothered to keep up with appearances, pushing it back neatly

he grabs jungkook's glasses that are muddled with dried tears and fingerprints from the console, cleaning it with the end of his shirt before handing it back to him

"bite first, then we'll get donuts. i promise."

oh my god

is he having an out of body experience

jungkook can walk but he doesn't feel like it because now his steps are toO light, feeling as if he's gliding through air with ease

he follows yoongi's shadow and stares at the back of his head, the newly-dyed pink of it gleaming underneath the morning sun that he tries to focus on it instead of his raging thoughts

yoongi walks into a serene café that's only the calming kind of busy; people here and there in their own conversations, blenders humming and silverware clinking

it's not until yoongi tells jungkook to pick a spot as he lines up to order that it trulY hits him what's happening, picking the comfiest spot his eyes laid on

there's no build-up to the moment because unlike their previous interactions where it's only the two of them, there's no score in the background.

there's no tension nor ill intent and the only thing that's there between them is a comfortable silence, one that jungkook's insistent to break this one time

"i-i'm sorry i called you. you were probably busy. i didn't know what i was doing and-"

"no," he cuts him off, sheepishly putting a hand on his nape. "i called you, jungkook."

"huh?" he couldn't hold back the audible surprise that left him, making him backtrack instead of continuing his sentence

yoongi thinks that the truth wouldn't hurt, leaning to his chair as he relaxed to put the guy across him at ease somehow

"you did call me, but you dropped it in less than two seconds," he admits, drumming his fingers on the armrest. "i called you back."

jungkook visibly awes at that, head tilting as the confusion he has in his head doubles over and starts crawling on four limbs

"w-why did you that?"

was that it?

was that why he felt so confused when he could barely see a caller ID? it was ringing out for him to answer and not the other way around

yoongi's the one perplexed this time but he doesn't blame him, answering sincerely

"because i look out for you too."

there's a pregnant pause between them and yoongi could clearly see the way jungkook's shoulders slump, making him lean forward out of instinct because he thought he was gonna break down again

"i'm sorry," he looks up at him with glassy eyes, wide but not threatening to cry out of despair. "i'm sorry, yoongi."

he knows by that tone that jungkook's not talking about the call anymore, making him raise his hand to wave it off lightly

"we don't have to do this right now, kook. the both of us probably haven't even had breakfast yet."

the much-awaited talk between them has been set far enough for the perfect timing but the bulk of everything just points to now, only getting more strengthened when jungkook breaks the silence again. "but i mean it."

"i was so stupid back then and i didn't know how much i hurt you through y/n," he reflects back to how distraught and angry yoongi looked at him, not to mention the fact that seokjin told him how yoongi didn't sleep at all for a week because of how he was kept up just thinking and trying to protect you. "i-i know it must've hurt to see your soulmate hurt because of me and that she forgave me still. a-and made me her boyfriend, even."

his mouth dries because the younger boy recites his previous heartaches almost word per word, taking his time to digest each one

"i did hurt, jungkook."

there's no denying that. no cover-up of jin as he tries to boost everyone up can ever hide that. no lies to how tae, who barely even knows yoongi, felt his chest tighten when he came over one morning to deliver the cookies and see yoongi sitting outside your door with his ear pressed to it — trying to hear if you were crying while holds his own.

there's no denying either the truth that reflects why exactly yoongi made a cab driver break almost every traffic law to man just to get to jungkook faster.

"but y/n's not hurting anymore — i'm not hurting anymore," he enunciates. "i'm not mad at you anymore, jungkook."

the guy in question looks alarmed, sheepish even at the words he's been wanting to hear but couldn't believe now that they're being uttered

"you should be."

yoongi snorts because jungkook reminds him of you so so much, an uncanny resemblance between the guilt you've always tried to live with before trying to acquit

"i'll hold it over your head if it makes you sleep at night or remind you when you decide to act up again," he chuckles but he's met with jungkook's frantic no's, waving him off when he realizes that his egging's truly working. "but i don't have it in me to be mad at you for any longer."

it's the truth. it's the truth that yoongi always tried to refute because for the past weeks, all he's done is try to find the most miniscule flaw to try and make him hate jungkook

he's only thought once in his lifetime that he'd ever forgive jungkook, but now did it become crystal clear

"you've proved yourself enough, even jin said so," he admits humbly. "but i know you're not doing all of this to prove yourself to us or to me, kook."

he looks up at from his hands to train his gaze on his girlfriend's soulmate, listening attentively

"i know you do it from the heart."

he feels like crying but only this time is it for an entirely different and positive reason, a leap on his chest heightening tenfold

"as much as you rely on y/n — you can also rely on me too, jungkook."

the two of them hold eye contact and neither of them shy away from it, a silent fact in the air as they know that it's not only you who's linking them at this point, but rather because they're somewhat brothers at this point

"i forgive you."

"y-you forgive me?"

he feels his ears ringing in happiness as he tries to dodge the waiter who's blocking his view of yoongi with the way he's putting down the meals, frantically looking for confirmation

yoongi finds it cute, laughing as he throws his head back

"you're the one who does the quizbees. why are you making me spell it out?"

then he knows.

"you forgive me," he parrots, repeating it once more to himself

the two of them eat throughout thoughtful conversation, stemming from the inquiry of how yoongi made a thirty-minute drive into only half of it, until it bloomed to how kook claims to be forgetful but remembers a whisper about bread from a week ago

"tell me if you want to try and drive to the donut place," yoongi turns to him as he settles the bill, watching jungkook finish the last of his food as he throws him a sheepish smile — much like how you do

"i'll be watching over you, koo. don't worry."

how r we feeling bffs </3 i'll have to speak into the mic and say that this is perhaps the drabble i hurted the most while writing :O

as always, lmk what you think!! i love answering asks :D what do you want to see from the lunchbox lovers next? send them here <3

#stem koo #stem koo misc.#jungkook imagine #jungkook oneshot #jungkook oneshots #jungkook angst #jungkook x reader #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x you #jungkook au #jungkook scenario #jungkook fanfic #yoongi oneshot #jeon jungkook oneshot #bts jungkook imagine #yoongi angst

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tasteofdeathao3 · 2 years ago

Note

The height of angst in the ABI universe in my opinion is Izzy magically ages back up but can kinda remember being a baby and having Ed and Stede look after him and he doesn't know what to do with that

no because I had the EXACT SAME IDEA and I cannot stop thinking about it!!!!!!

like okay I imagine it would happen in the same fashion he turned into a baby in the first place - literally just in the middle of the night to the shock of everyone. like by the time it happens honestly he's probably about two or three and then all of a sudden a fully grown Izzy is waking up in a little race car bed and absolutely freaking about.

Stede and Ed wake up, because honestly Izzy's practically mid panic attack and is nowhere near quiet and right where their little baby boy should be is Izzy, back and whole and crying so loud he's choking on the noise.

It's kind of awful - not that Izzy's back, of course not, just that it had taken so long to properly 'mourn him', and just when it had felt like it was all over he's back and all those awful fucking feelings are right back with him. not to mention that now the infant they'd raised technically doesn't exist anymore. Ed is, of course, absolutely elated, falling down beside Izzy and weeping with him as he wraps him up in arms, as is Stede, but then there's this huge unanswered question of where to go next? what are you even expected to do?

they talk, of course, because Stede believes it's important, and make sure that Izzy's not on the verge of any mental breakdown.

They take him back to his apartment because 'his' room is all decked out for a three year old, he has no clothing other than what he spawned back in wearing, and it's all wrong. It's completely untouched (it had felt wrong to throw out all his belongings, especially when they'd had no idea when he might return. Stede had been more than willing and had more than enough funds to keep up with the rent, close to 500 a week, nothing for him, and hire a cleaning service to keep the place free of rodents for just in case he happened to come back. Which he did) and his clothes are all still folded in their places in his tall boy, his dishes are still in the cupboards, his pictures are still on the walls, but it's not his home.

He moves back in anyway, because the guilt of stealing Ed and Stede's baby away is eating him alive. They offer to help him out, seeing as the transition was so sudden, but he refuses. he's a grown man, he can live on his own for fuck sake.

Except- he can't. He keeps sleeping in for hours because he forgets someone isn't coming in to wake him up. He keeps waiting for someone to give him dinner before he remembers he has to do that for himself now. everything is forgotten until something reminds him that he isn't a baby anymore, he has to bathe himself and feed himself and wake up and go to sleep on time.

another peculiar thing is that he can't quite seem to shake off all his childish behaviours. He has to shamefully buy a nightlight because he's been getting so scared of the dark he can't sleep. He sits down and tries to watch one of his favourite shows and it's terrifying - he's seen worse, he's done worse, but it's scary enough to almost bring him to tears before he can turn it off. Even his writing is affected, like chicken scratch compared to his neat cursive from before.

with all these grown up responsibilities he's exhausted now, and if that wasn't the case, he still wouldn't go into work just in case he'd see Ed.

It's weird, because Ed has always been his best friend, but now whenever he see shim the first stupid think his mind goes to is 'Baba', and he just can't deal with that. it's even worse when he has to try to remind himself that Bonnet isn't 'daddy' whenever he sees his stupid fucking face. It's awful, because he still hates Stede, still thinks his an outrageously pompous prick, but whenever he tries to remind himself of that fact he just remember his daddy, his dad, who woke up to cuddle with him in the middle of the night even when he was far too old for that, cut up his food, carried him around even when his arms would've hurt like hell. it's confusing. it's awful.

He remembers. of course he does. how could he forget? he doesn't remember much of his actual childhood, awful as it was, but he can remember waking up in that tiny crib, every time Stede or Ed came to hold him when he cried, every time Stede gave him little smacking kisses on his chubby cheeks and every time Ed giggled when he strapped him into a little baby carrier at his chest.

For Ed and Stede, it's hard. Their house is literally full of children items. like. completely full. their cupboards are all childproofed, their bedroom has more than half of Israel's toys and co-sleeping crib, his clothes still get caught up in their laundry. It's like mourning - or even just missing someone, because every time they look at Izzy it's just like there baby is almost there. whenever they do occasionally manage to meet up - when Izzy isn't avoiding them - they manage to do something stupid like offer to cut his food or offer him some juice or call him Israel, and then everything is awkward and sad until the next thing comes along

#what happens next I dont know #I dont want them to be sad though #this is such a long fucking post #but I had so many thoughts I had to #sfw #ofmd #izzy hands #stede bonnet #ofmd stede #edward teach

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sanders-sides-fic · 3 years ago

Text

A hole of your shape in my heart

So… My brain went to war with me today. So I wrote some Anxceit-centred angst to cope. Consider yourself warned, this will hurt. I do hope you'll enjoy it regardless, though.

Trigger warnings: implied depression, mentions of panic attacks, self harm, fainting, memory loss

If I forgot a trigger or there is something you would like to be added to that list, please go ahead and tell me. You can do so anonymously as well.

It wasn't that bad at the beginning. A bit of a cold shiver, running down his spine. Ice that seemed to settle in his lounges. A dull ache. Nothing serious, really. He knew that it wasn't good to ignore it, he knew that from the start. And yet he couldn't help it.

They were happy. That was all that mattered to him then. Remus and Janus were happy. That was more important than a bit uncomfortableness. He was used to having panic attacks, mental breakdowns and the sudden urge to cry anyways. This didn't make such a big difference.

Except that it did.

You see, Remus was born without a soulmate. He just didn't have one. Janus, on the other hand, had an accident when he was younger. There was a nasty scar on the left side of his face, which he had covered up with a tattoo of a snake later. Ever since that accident, he'd been soul-blind. Colourblind for soulmates. He did have a soulmate, he just couldn't feel the bond anymore. Oh, it was still there, alright. He could feel that much. But he just couldn't tell anything beyond that. So he'd given up on finding that soulmate.

That's how Remus and Janus had gotten together in the first place. And that was wonderful. It was great. They made such a nice pair. They were happy and in love and sweet and… And it had come as a blow to the face to Virgil.

The three of them had been friends for years. When they'd become teens, Virgil had finally realised what the bond had been telling him all the time. The pretty sparkles around Janus, the glitter in the air that portrayed his emotion in colours, the warmth around his heart that reminded him of Janus. Janus could only feel that warmth. He wondered what it felt like to him. What he felt like to him. Because Janus was Virgil's soulmate.

Virgil had been a bit happy and a bit sad about that. Happy because he liked Janus and he knew him and that was fine. Sad because Janus couldn't tell that they were soulmates.

And that was why he kept telling himself that he'd tell Janus. For sure. But somehow he always ducked out the last moment. Something always happened. Just little things, but things that were bad enough to make him retreat into his shell.

He should have known. When Janus said he would give up on searching for a soulmate he couldn't even tell apart from the rest of the world, he should have known. And yet he hadn't expected Janus to start dating people. Janus was his soulmate, his. He didn't even consider the possibility that he might see other people. How very stupid of him.

He had almost told Janus that day. They were eighteen then, and he had bought a yellow nasturtium, Janus's favorite flower. It was inside a black pot that he'd made himself. He'd always liked to do pottery, it calmed him down. This was the best one he made so far, he thought.

He also wrote down what he wanted to say. How much Janus meant to him, how badly he wanted to be with him, that they were soulmates, that he didn't even mind that Janus couldn't tell and that he was sorry he hadn't said anything before. That it was okay if Janus needed time because this was so sudden, but that he hoped he'd give Virgil a chance anyways. Virgil had used his favorite paper. It was a bit fancy, but not over the top. And it smelled like Lavender, which always calmed him down. He'd wasted quite a bit of this paper because he kept starting over, but that was worth it. Janus was worth it.

But Janus had already told him that he wasn't waiting for his soulmate anymore. And when Janus arrived at his apartment that day, it was with his hand in Remus's.

"He asked me out earlier. I can't believe I said yes, the way he did it was terrible, really." But Janus had smiled, and Remus had laughed, and Virgil had been late.

He knew Remus wasn't to blame, and neither was Janus. They were happy right now. Remus hadn't been happy or confident when it came to the topic of love in forever. Janus had suffered because he'd always been so, so scared of his soulmate rejecting him for not being able to tell. And now they were happy and it was without him.

It hurt. A lot. But he didn't want to ruin their happiness. It was only his fault. He was to blame, for hesitating. For not wanting to ruin their friendship. For being selfish.

So he secretly took the letter and hid it in the bottom of his desk drawer. And he wished them the best.

After that, they started to drift away. Remus and Janus had a lot of date nights. And Virgil drifted away from them because he couldn't stand seeing them. It hurt too much, was all. Whenever Janus would smile at him, whenever Janus laughed, whenever Remus sighed and told him about a cute thing Janus had done, whenever they shared a milkshake, whenever they were so there, so with each other.

Whenever Janus insisted Virgil come as well, saying he missed him. Because Virgil knew, he knew that was because Janus could still feel the soulmate bond. But Janus didn't know, and Janus didn't see him that way, and that was just cruel. Why did fate do this to him? Why did it hate him so much?

After a while, when Virgil couldn't take it anymore, he begun to initiate fights. Janus was too much of a liar, he was too anxious to trust him. Remus was creepy and gross, he couldn't understand why he would say something like that. In the end, he became more and more of an asshole to the two of them. Their days were either spent apart or fighting, and Virgil would cry himself to sleep, pain and cold emptiness gnawing away at his soul.

After a while, he had pushed them so far away that he barely saw them at all anymore. And by then he was so used to it that he could just pretend everything was fine during the day. Sure, he couldn't bare to take off his hoody even in scalding hot summer. Sure, his panic attacks got worse and more frequent. Sure, he had started to wear black eyeshadow purely to hide the bags under his eyes. Sure, he woke up to dried tears on his face every single day. But it was fine. He was fine. He could take this, if it meant that the two most important people in his life were happy.

Patton, the soulmate of Remus's brother, had somehow ended up noticing how he was alone all the time now. And he'd adopted him into their friend group.

Roman and Remus were on bad terms with each other, so he barely knew them. It was kind of a fresh start, even if it was a rocky one. Remy and Roman were the least accepting of him. Roman because "A, he is the type of person Remus would hang out with. And, B, he hurt Remus with his sudden bullshit. Believe me, if you knew the things I learned through my brother…" and Remy just because he didn't want to breath the same air as him. Apparently.

Remy didn't hang out with the group if Virgil was with them. They meet up without him, which was a solution everyone was fine with. Besides, Remy had always liked to suddenly disappear and appear according to his mood. At least that was what his soulmate, Logan, said.

Roman, on the other hand, couldn't stay away that much. After all it was Patton who stuck to Virgil like friendly glue made out of puns, and Patton was Roman's soulmate. Both of them were extremely clingy too, apparently. So the two of them exchanged sarcastic comments and rude nicknames, but they didn't outright hate each other. At least Virgil didn't hate Roman.

Logan was nice to talk to. Almost as good at debates as Janus. They didn't have debates about philosophy, though. Those were reserved for Janus, and it felt like betraying him to have such a debate with someone else. They soon got to a point where hanging out was almost enjoyable, where they kind of liked each other.

And then, suddenly, it got a lot worse. A lot worse. So bad, Virgil couldn't get up in the morning. He couldn't eat anything, couldn't stop crying, could barely breath. About four panic attacks and one night of terrible, terrible loneliness later, Roman, Logan and Patton showed up at his door.

He couldn't help himself. He was so lonely, and he felt so worthless, and Patton was the only one who really wanted him around anyways. So he shrugged their concerns off, taking a sip from his hot coffee - the only acceptable hot beverage in August - and saying: "Well, I just… assumed you didn't want me around. I mean, you don't like me much anyways, so."

Patton had gasped in offence and horror, and Virgil couldn't help but smile at that, though the hole in his chest was still too much to bare and he couldn't look at them. "Yeah, yeah. Except you, Pat."

He'd been wrong. Logan drew up an entire chart to prove how much he contributed to their friend group and how much he provided. Even Roman told him that he was wanted, needed even. It was nice and wholesome, and to his surprise, it made him feel so much better. For just a moment, the hole inside his chest wasn't as icy and cold.

They ended up watching Disney that evening, with a bowl of popcorn and too much comments to actually concentrate on the movie. Later at night, Virgil even confessed that he knew his soulmate. A sore subject he didn't want to touch normally. They asked him why he was single, of course, whether it didn't work out between the two of them, whether that was even possible. And Virgil had shrugged. "I wouldn't know. We never tried, he already has someone." Then he'd chuckled. "I guess that was why I was such an asshole to Re and Jan when they got together, too. Kinda made me feel jealous and… lonely. Don't tell them, though. They don't even know that I already met my soulmate."

Janus would have been proud of him, for how well he had managed to lie to his new friends. Well, not lie directly. But a lie of omission, right?

There were many days like this after that. Days where everything got too much. His new friends understood that he sometimes had bad days. Patton would sent him videos of cute dogs and cats when he let them know he was out of order for that day. Roman would send him memes and Logan would tell him fun facts. It was precious of them, and it made Virgil feel a lot less lonely. The cold was still there, layered around the soulmate bond, the hole was just as gaping as always, but he didn't feel as lonely. And that was good enough.

Other days he could almost pretend that things were fine. He would be around his new friends for as long as his little, introverted heart allowed him. Then he'd listen to music, get stuff done, worry about dead lines and the world instead of Remus, or Janus and his absence in Virgil's life. Sometimes he would read, too. Or do pottery. He didn't do pots anymore though. Or flowers. Just art or tableware.

He didn't even mean to do it the first time. Really, it was an accident. He was just tired, and he did the dishes and then he accidentally cut himself with a knife. But as the blood trickled down his finger, the pain outside kind of overwhelmed the pain inside. So he sat down and watched his finger bleed. Because his hand was wet, it looked like more blood than it actually was.

He thought about that moment often after that, whenever the pain got too much to bare and he could barely hang on. And he did try to fight it, really, he did. But in the end, it was too tempting. Just a few cuts at a time, at first. Somewhere where no one would notice. With the hoody, that wasn't even that hard, actually. He always put on gauze, too, to make sure it didn't get infected.

It got a bit more when he heard from Roman that Janus and Remus had broken up. Apparently Janus felt weird dating Remus. They suspected that it was because Remus wasn't his soulmate - because Janus was Virgil's, his, he was supposed to date him and he wanted to yell it at Janus already, telling him the truth, finally holding him and kissing him and filling this Janus's formed hole in his heart - and Remus fully understood it. Things were a bit awkward between the two of them, but they would keep being friends.

And it got even more worse when Patton was Patton and decided to use this opportunity to get Virgil to make up with the two of them. It was nice of him, but the thing was that Janus was still Virgil's soulmate and didn't know about it.

He and Janus didn't get along too well. He made up with Remus way faster. And Roman didn't like Janus too much either, but once again Patton insisted on adopting the man into their friend group and Roman was too clingy to avoid him. But Janus made it, in the end. Of course Janus made it. He was dazzling and charismatic like that.

Only Virgil couldn't help keeping his defences up. If he let them down, he would tell him the truth. And he couldn't do that, not now, not until he made everything okay again. But he couldn't do that, not without letting his defences down and that just killed him on the inside.

And then he had a bad day. But he wanted to see Janus, so he got up and met up with the others. It helped. Seeing Janus there helped. Hearing him and Patton talking about Kant, watching him smile at Logan and joke around with both Remus and Roman… It helped. And yet it made him so much more aware of what he was missing.

Remus and Roman drove home together. Logan was supposed to meet Remy, so he had excused himself earlier. Patton worked in the café they'd been in, and his shift started after their meeting. So that left Virgil and Janus to walk out together.

Janus smelled like coconut, and his lips were a little chapped. Early winter, he always got chapped lips this time of year. The light made his skin glow, and from this angle with the way the light hit them his left eye looked a lot more golden than brown, unlike the right one.

It hurt. He wanted to grab Janus's hand, he wanted to kiss those lips, he wanted to hug him and never let him go, he wanted to grab him and hold him close until the smell of coconut would transfer to himself as well. He wanted, he wanted, he wanted so bad.

But how was he supposed to do any of it? How was he supposed to tell him?

In the end, he decided to just get it over with. Like a bandaid, just ripping it off. Straight out with it. But just when he was about to, had already taken a breath and opened his mouth…

"I missed you." Janus's melodic voice sounded way too sad. Virgil didn't like it. "Why did you just leave us behind, Virge? I missed you, but… You were acting so strange. You still are. Are you mad because I never texted you?"

He didn't say anything. Couldn't, even though he wanted to.

"If that's it, then I'm sorry. But, Virge, I… I did miss you. And you acting so cold to me really sucks. You're getting along fine with Remus now, so why not me?" He stopped and looked Virgil in the eyes, looking like he was searching for something. What, Virgil didn't know. But he didn't find it, judging by the way he averted his eyes. And that hurt, too. Everything hurt. He just wanted to go now. "I thought we were friends."

"No. I don't think we ever were supposed to be friends." Virgil took a deep breath. Now. He had to tell him now. Bandaid, remember? Just tell him. Virgil opened his mouth, looking at Janus.

Right. Just out with it. "The truth is we're soulmates. I'm sorry I never told you, I was scared. But I love you, Janus." Right. That was all he had to say. Just three sentences. Go on, do it. Please, just get them out already. It's been years now. You've known since you were sixteen, you've known for four years now. He deserves to know, too.

In the end, he shook his head. "Sorry. I didn't mean it like that, I…" couldn't say it again. He ignored the tears gathering in his eyes as he turned away from Janus's hurt look. "I'm not feeling that good."

And he ran. He ran away, like he always did. God, he was such a coward. And for what?

At home, he pulled out the letter from last year. Then, he screamed. He couldn't take it anymore, he just screamed and sobbed. And he knew that it wasn't fair, that he'd done this to himself, but he was in so much pain. He just couldn't take it.

But he'd done this to himself. By hesitating, by not giving the letter, by ruining what little relationship he had with his soulmate, by pushing him away, by lying, by not saying what he wanted to. And what for? A fleeting happiness, a failed relationship, a churning ball of fear in his stomach?

Virgil didn't mean for it to get that bad. He meant to stop earlier. He didn't mean for the wounds to be that deep either. But they did, and he didn't, and he only really realised when he got dizzy at standing up. Oh. Oh, that was a lot of blood. And he was still bleeding. Damnit, he needed help. But who would…? Who could…

He grabbed his phone and called the first number in his contacts. It was Remus's voice that picked up after the second ring. "Hey, Rem. It's me." He winced at how weak his voice sounded. "I, uh… I did something stupid. And I know I've been an asshole, but I really, really need your help."

"Janus said you didn't feel so good." Remus sounded genuinely worried. And was that Janus's voice in the background? It was, wasn't it? Tears sprung to his eyes again.

"Yeah. Hey, tell him I'm sorry for me? I wanted to say something, but I didn't again, and… yeah." He couldn't understand the response he got. Blinking, he tried to stay awake. Falling asleep was bad, right? Oh, right. Remus. "Listen, Remus, I… Did something stupid. There's a lot of blood. I think I need to go to the hospital."

"Blood? The hospital? Virgil what did you do?!"

He flinched at the panicked voice. That didn't suit Remus at all. Wait, wasn't that Janus? Had Remus put him on speaker? Well, it didn't matter, really. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." He said instead. And then: "I'm scared."

"Okay. Okay, shit. We're almost there. It's alright, we're almost- Take a left, Re, that's faster. We're almost there, okay Virge?"

"Okay." He hesitated, lump in his throat. He thought he could feel tears running down his face, but he was a bit too out of it to be sure. "Thank you."

They kept their word. He could hear Janus's shocked cry and Remus's cussing before the darkness took over.

❖

When he woke up, he was in a white room. Around him, he could see a bunch of people. One with dirty blonde hair and freckles, holding hands with a brunette with glasses. Next to them sat a man with similar glasses and black hair. On the other side was a man much like the first, but with one strand dyed silver and the rest chestnut brown. And another man, who stole the breath right out of his lunges.

Long, golden hair, tied up to a bun, pale skin, warm eyes somewhere between gold and brown, and a snake tattoo on his left cheek. He wore black, with yellow and gold accessories, and he was absolutely stunning. Around him there were weird fireworks, almost like glitter. Did the others see that, too? It was blue, and something inside him told him that that was worry. The same part clenched around his heart, demanding to make the worry go away.

But… "Who are you?"

They all gasped, looking at him. "Virgil?! Oh my god, you're awake." That was the voice of the man with the dyed hair. What was his name? He couldn't quite remember.

"I don't… Who are you? Where am I? Do I know you? I think I know you, but…" He trailed off, regretting having said anything when hurt crossed the stunning man's face. "Sorry."

"Oh, no, you don't… I'm sorry. I should've noticed you were hurting." He sighed, putting on an obviously fake smile as he grabbed his - Virgil's? His name was Virgil, had the man said, right? - hand. "We are your friends, Virgil. That's Logan, Patton, Roman, and Remus. And I am Janus." Janus. Yeah, Virgil though, that fit him. But somehow, Janus looked like he was steeling himself for something. He took a deep breath, smiling more, tears in those wonderful eyes. "I'm you soulmate."

"My soulmate?"

Janus nodded, clutching a purple piece of paper in his hand. "Yes. It's a bit complicated, but, I am. We're soulmates."

Virgil nodded, looking around. There were a lot of people around him. And they all looked so happy to see him awake. His friends and his soulmate, huh? Virgil looked back to Janus. "There's a lot of people here."

"Do you want us to go, kiddo?" That was Patton who'd said that, right? He sounded sad at the idea, and Virgil didn't like it much either. So he shook his head.

"No. I was just thinking, there's a lot of people caring about me."

He got a few sad smiles in return. "Of course, Virge. We all love you very much. And don't you dare to forget that again, you hear?" Janus clenched Virgil's hand in his and put it to his forehead, almost desperately. "Don't you ever dare forget that I love you. You idiot."

General taglist🖤: @gattonero17 @alias290

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sittin-on-the-rooftop · 3 years ago

Text

Would ya look at that! Iss a captain x reader fanfic!

Pairing: Captain X Reader

Genre: Angsty Fluff (Prepare to cry in a good way)

Fandom: Tankmen AN: ignore the misspells its 2am

TW: A lot of swearing. Yea.

Why tf am I doing this

Anyway just stargazing fluff w captain. I fucking hate my life. I didn’t wanna finish the end lol so suck my cliffhanger dick.

You always had a hard time sleeping since you joined the army. You always had so much to think about. Recent encounters with the enemy, philosophical paradoxes, and… the douche that was captain. You’d go to the gym to exercise your thoughts away, but you decided, fuck it. You went up to the roof of the building, gazing up at the sky. One of the only things that stayed the same throughout the chaos that is war. A clear night sky was quite rare! You looked up at the stars, trying to distract yourself. From everything. The pain of war, the meaning of life, and your past struggles with love. You had quite a few encounters with the latter emotion, and none served you well. But here you were again. You were just another run of the mill soldier. How could you even have a chance with goddamn CAPTAIN of all people. All the thoughts were just too much. So much shit was flooding your head at once, because all the thoughts you suppressed just came flooding back to you all at once. So like any normal person, you went as far away from the dorms as possible, and started fucking screaming. About everything. Venting to whatever god was up there, begging it to have mercy. As you took another little break to sob, you heard heavy footsteps up the metal stairs. Fuck. Who’d you piss off this time? You hid behind a duct opening and prayed to Christ that it was Steve. All the other soldiers would fuckin kill your ass, so would Ted, and well, the worst case scenario- you couldn’t even complete the thought as the aforementioned worst case scenario started talking. Whelp, I guess the duct wasn’t the best place to hide. There you were curled up in a ball, ready to get a right scolding for waking up captain himself. But what he said next was enough to reinduce the sorry state you were in before having to hide with bated breath. “Are you ok, kiddo?” Two years ago. The last time you were asked that question, just before you joined this fucking shithole of an army. And here you were. Crying like a baby, as captain tried desperately to check you for injuries. “I heard you screaming like a fucking sissy, you good man?” In a desperate attempt to get you to cheer up, he was just throwing insults in a panic. Steve once told him that ya probably shouldn’t insult an injured person, and told him to first ask this, if there was any distress. “Mental, or physical pain? Do I need to take you to the infirmary? Should I carry you?” Panic is an understatement. You were ofc having a mental breakdown on the floor screaming “I DONT EVEN KNOW ANYMORE!” He didn’t know what to do, so, he asked a simple question. One his mom asked him whenever he cried. “Do you want a hug?” As those words came out of his mouth, you tackled him in a hug, pushing both of you onto the ground. Still trying his best not to upset you more, he started to pat you on the head, trying to calm you down. Feeling completely and utterly useless and weak. Infront of your crush? What luck. You felt utter despair. He’d never like you in this state. At that moment you realized just how sus this was. Yikes. You. Were. Cuddling. With. CAPTAIN! As you continued to drift into despair, Captain, in the most awkward tone you have ever heard, said “uhhhh, y-ya like stargazin?” “Kinda, yea…” You try to look up at the stars, trying to gain control over all your thoughts. The moon. The stars. The Big Dipper. Orion’s Belt. Andromeda. You felt an invisible weight on your back lift gradually, as you mumble out a tired “Thank you so much, sir. For calming my stupid ass down.”

“Well, ya damn near woke everyone up so it was probably best that I calm you down.” “Yea. Sorry for the trouble sir.”

“Wanna talk about it? Or would you like to simply sit in silence.” He took your silence as an affirmation for the latter. Minutes later, you asked John, “how about you, ya like stargazing?-Ah shit crap sorry, shouldn’t be that informal, sir“ “You using me as a pillow is informal enough, but I guess I’ll let it slide since you literally just had a mental breakdown right infront of me. … about stargazing, I never really had time for it. Ya know, army business.” “Want me to show you some constellations?” As you pointed out the stars, all your worries melted away. Having laughs about the constellations he guessed wrong. Time passes fast when you have fun. You checked your watch. 3am. As you laid on his chest, you started feeling quite sleepy. As you fell asleep, you mumbled a near inaudible “I kinda… like you…” Little did you know, Captain was wide awake.

———————————————————

You woke up to someone shaking you violently. Gunshots can be heard in the distance. “HEY MAN, WAKE UP, WE’RE AT FUCKING WAR. FUCKING SURPRISE ATTACKS! THEY'VE SEIGED THE BASE, SOME GOT IN. HEY YOU WITH ME, KIDDO?” You vision starts blurring. You can feel Captain hoist you up onto his shoulder.

“INCASE I DIE, JUST KNOW THAT I FEEL THE SAME WAY. YOUR COURAGE AS A SOLDIER IS NEAR THE SAME SIZE AS MY MAGNUM DONG. IVE SEEN YOU OUT THERE, YA FEARLESS FUCKO! RUN OF THE MILL SOLDIER MY ASS. NOW LETS GO BEFORE WE GET FUCKING BLASTED!”

With each step he took the black spots in your vision spread, until…

#tankmen captain #tankman x reader

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unadulterateddreamgiver · 2 years ago

Text

I think on of my friends just killed themselves.

I've been sat crying and reading messages for about 5 minutes but I'm starting to calm down now.

When they have late night panic attacks or breakdowns, they tend to text me, but even after everything they are usually fine, even if they are plagued with suicidal thoughts.

I've always wanted to be ther to stop them from doing something stupid, but last night I didnt reply to any of their texts, I was already 1/2 asleep and pretty tired. I figured everything would be fine, because it usually is.

They did an all nighter with one of our friends last night. Our friend fell asleep and they had a panic attack. They kept texting me throughout the night. On and off, some real dark shit. How they felt numb, and how things felt predictable. They were just so tired of getting shit from people.

They texted me, and our group chat at 4am. I'm sorry, they said. I feel like they've done something stupid. I cant reach who they was on call with. I'm trying to charge my computer to get on discord. I dont wanna tell others in case it was another misfire, because it has been in some other times. It's just those times I've been able to call them.

Its 9am. And I should have been there and said something. I shouldn't be mourning. I dont think I can face their funeral. I miss them. I have for a while. They've been struggling and they dont trust cahms.

I wonder if I really could have ever done something for them. Was it inevitable? They've never had an idea of the future, and recently dropped out of high school. They have always had anxiety and depression, and felt like the world was against them. I just dont know what I could of done. I just kinda wish I could've been there. That I had at least tried to comfort them. That might sound morbid. I dont know.

I have to go downstairs, and act like nothimga wrong, and wait for confirmation. Or at least for someone else to say something. The only friend who knew them and is awake rn I dont wanna scare. She doesnt take this stuff well. Plus it might be just a false alarm.

But it doesnt feel like a false alarm. They dont usually go on for hours. Or have morbid shit to say. And they have access to sharp objects. At 4am, no one would find them, at least until mornin, and they would be well gone.

So, this might be the death of a friend, or it might not be. I'm still shaking anyway.

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dodo-begone · 4 years ago

Note

Loyal here, and back from the dead! Had some health issues and family drama, but I should be completely back now! I hope this all makes sense, I had to take Benadryl so I’m kinda out of it at the moment.

——

For those who have been interested in the idea of a reader from Undertale, I’m so happy! Anon who went into detail with how y/n might be forced into bringing out their soul? *chefs kiss* I love it. And with Ranboo or Techno doing it on accident because of the voice(s)? Then, when they snap out of it and see y/n begging this ‘Frisk’ person for mercy? AAAAAAA YES P L E A S E. I live for the angst and that concept quenched my thirst for it. When it comes to the resets, I think that most of what happened during them felt like dejavú to y/n when going through the Underground, making them give reactions similar to the monsters who seem to recall certain things when you play the game again. However, when it comes to the genocide route, I feel like they don’t remember anything. At least...not until they’re put under extreme stress, panic, trauma, etc., or if they’re in an intense life or death situation. Only then would they remember. But it’s messy when they do. They get thrown into a memory and basically have a mental breakdown. Whether they remember it once they calm down or not...? Up to you. Anyway, here’s some of my own ideas based off all this!

- In Ranboo’s case, I feel like he’d know who Frisk is and quite a bit about y/n’s world. He just seems like the type of person you could tell anything to and he’d listen. Because of this factor, I can see y/n having either already shown him their SOUL, or having planned to in the near future. He’d recognize the situation—a panic attack—and do everything in his power to calm y/n down. He isn’t the type to pry, so he wouldn’t mention the reader’s SOUL unless it seemed to be in really bad condition. He’d rather y/n come to him and open up on their own.

- It’s a cry fest. They’re both tearing up and telling the other not to cry. Y/n knows it wasn’t Ranboo’s fault and doesn’t want him hurting himself over it, especially because his tears hurt him. They forgive him, it’s okay. Ranboo feels incredibly guilty for what he’s done. And seeing them crying over what he did and the trauma he accidentally brought onto them? He’s crushed. You know those sappy movies where the main characters are comforting each other, crying but letting out choked/hiccuping laughter? Not because they find the situation funny, but because they both react the same way and just want what’s best for each other and it’s all around adorable? That’s them.

- But, if it’s yandere Ranboo? He’d probably see this as proof that y/n is far too fragile for this world. Clearly, they need someone to protect them. He’d most certainly feel guilty about what he’d done, but he may play it up a bit to get as much attention/sympathy/whatever from them.

- For Techno, unless he was there when y/n initially woke up in the SMP, I don’t think he’d believe them. So he probably doesn’t know shit (or, he at least knows the basics), unless he found out from someone else. That’s just my opinion tho. Either way, I believe he’d think it’s all bullshit. However, he wouldn’t force an encounter to prove his point. He has at least some decency. No he doesn’t. I feel like he’d remind y/n of just how hostile monsters Underground were in the beginning, so they’d be weary around him. (I’m doing flat out yandere for him from now on bc that’s all I can think of rn)

- If he doesn’t know who Frisk is, I see him being slightly insulted that they think of some random stranger—as far as he’s aware—who clearly hurt them. He’d never do that! He—oh shit, he kinda sorta did do that...

- If he does know who Frisk is and is romantically interested in y/n, he’d probably be peeved that they’re basically referring to him as their sibling. He gets that they’re going through a traumatic episode but c’mon! He’d end up pushing the thought aside to help them. However, he may be slightly petty for the next few days.

- Keeping on the romantic yandere side, I see him possibly making the situation worse even if it isn’t his intention to. Whether he’s told by y/n or someone else, he at least knows what their SOUL is and what it stands for (even if he didn’t believe it till now). So here’s his little darling, all curled up and clutching their SOUL to their chest like it’s their lifeline. Oh, wait, it is. Sure, he’s surprised that it’s real, but any shock he would’ve felt is replaced by awe and he can’t help but notice how mesmerizing it is. So, he forcefully gently pulls their arms away from their chest, cooing at them and saying that everything’s fine, and removes their hands from the entity so he can get a better look at it. He watches as the (color) heart bobs slightly up and down, and can’t help but be surprised by how warm it feels against the palms of his calloused hands when he cups it. Any whimpers and pleas from y/n begging for their soul to be returned are blocked out. All he can focus on is the SOUL in front of him, the very culmination of their being, and how small it is. This little thing, that takes damage whenever their body does, that physically appears whenever they are in a fight, is what keeps them alive? That won’t do. Not at all. This land is far too dangerous for them! They better get used to his cabin, for as far as Techno’s concerned, it’s their new world home.

——

And Tommy forcing them into an encounter because he thinks it’s all bullshit? That would definitely happen. He’d feel so guilty once he sees the look of betrayal in y/n’s eyes and the disappointment that shows on the faces of anyone who had seen the forced encounter. As if they too weren’t curious. He noticed that no one stopped him. Let’s be honest. Most would be too curious to interfere.

- Y/n probably falls to their knees, cupping their SOUL in the palms of their hands. They know that Tommy wouldn’t actually hurt them, but they can’t help but feel as though their boundaries have been pushed aside, as though one of their only requests meant nothing to everyone. Tears slip and it takes watching the glowing heart, being lost in their own world as they mentally count every rhythmic bob to ground them. Once their breathing calms and their sobs turn into hushed whimpers, they push their SOUL back into their chest and stare at the ground, unsure of what to do next.

- Tommy definitely acts a hundred times more mature in the following moments. Depending on when in the DSMP timeline this occurs, he’d either be confident—and rightfully so—in his ability to help someone during a panic attack, or be hesitant, unsure of what to do, fumbling with his words and motions, but trying his damn hardest to help nonetheless. Either way, I see y/n appreciating it. Y/n literally come from a world where they would befriend creatures ten seconds after they genuinely tried to kill them and their sibling. I don’t see them holding a grudge. They’d most likely be slightly weary in the following twenty to thirty minutes, but get over it. After all, they’ve always chosen MERCY. Can’t say the same for their sibling, though. Tommy’s extra cautious about what he says or does around them after that.

- I feel like after a few weeks or months, y/n may bond enough with Tommy to want to show how much they trust him by bringing out their SOUL. Especially if they’re there through all the hell that Tommy goes through story-wise. To them, it’d probably be their way of telling him that they trust him with their life, and that they’ll always be on his side.

- Yandere or not, he does everything in his power to protect y/n if they remain weary of encounters. He’ll either find a way to avoid a fight, not wanting to hurt y/n by doing anything that would make him gain this supposed LOVE that comes from their world, or he’d do enough damage to allow them to escape without anyone or anything dying.

- If y/n discovers that they’re able to befriend the monsters of this world like they could their own, regular Tommy would respect that. He may be a bit antsy if the encounter drags on or if y/n sustains some damage, but he knows that they know what they’re doing. As previously mentioned, he’ll get involved if things go south, but he won’t kill anything. At least, not in front of them. Gotta get bones, blaze powder, and spider eyes somehow. But even then, he does it sparingly out of respect for y/n’s wishes. That, or he’ll have someone else get materials for him.

- Yandere Tommy wouldn’t risk shit. You can’t just talk to mobs, you idiot! You’ll die if you do that! And you’ve only got one life! He’d threaten to kill mobs right in front of y/n if it’d get them to stop trying to play house with disgusting monsters. That, or he may force y/n into killing. Their HP, AT, and DF increase when their LOVE increases, right? So they have to if they want to survive!

——

I agree with the anon that Dream and Vilbur would definitely force y/n into an encounter. Yandere or not. If yandere, they’d probably become obsessed with the concept of SOULS and constantly pressure them into bringing it out. They use it as a nightlight JKJKJK.

- Ya know how in Deltarune, Kris yeets their SOUL into a cage? Well, imagine that, but it’s forcefully taken by Dream. He’d put it in a glass container and show it off like some damn trophy. That, or he hides it away where no one can find it. Vilbur would do the same but keep the SOUL on his person at all times. That way no one forgets who y/n belongs to. To him, it’d show power and ownership. Much to his pleasure and mostly everyone else’s disgust.

- I’d also add Schlatt to the list of people that force an encounter, as well as yandere Sam. Schlatt would pull it out in front of everyone to show how much power he can hold ever someone, or, to use as a shield when he thinks Pogtopia will attack. They wouldn’t want to hurt an innocent person who’s got a little sibling waiting for them at home, would they? With Sam, he’d do it to make sure that y/n is in perfect health. Can’t risk there being any cracks or the SOUL being dim! Following Tommy’s death and revival, he’d probably do the same as Vilbur, keeping their SOUL with him and never letting it out of his sight. However, instead of doing it out of a show of power like Vilbur, it’s out of paranoia. He can’t lose you too. He has to know that you’re okay!

——

For some fluff, here’s who I think y/n would eventually trust enough to show their SOUL:

- Tommy (as mentioned earlier)

- Ranboo (also mentioned earlier)

- Tubbo (he reminds them too much of Asriel to not trust him with their SOUL)

- Captain Puffy (same as Tubbo, but for Toriel)

- Ghostbur (he’s just so nice!! How could they not? Besides, he sometimes reminds them of Napstablook! They probably call Ghostbur Blooky a lot on accident and the ghost just learns to roll with it LOL)

- Karl! (After hearing about this person who comes from a world with timelines and basically time travel, he can’t help but be interested. He’s losing so much, he needs someone who might possibly understand. They both share a similar hatred towards the concept of time travel/resets and the amount of pressure it puts on a person’s shoulders. That, and the lack of memories, even if they‘be both been effected by this in different ways)

- Bad (before he’s corrupted by the egg, of course. He’s so sweet omg. Besides, his personality gives me Toriel vibes)

I personally don’t see them trusting Philza enough, no matter how much he reminds them of Asgore. Then again, the King of Monsters is the one who basically put a bounty on their SOUL. He also refused their MERCY and forced them to FIGHT. Besides, when they hear from others—or see it for themself—that Philza kills his own son? I don’t think they’d ever forgive that. No matter what happens. You should refuse death, because there’s always another option. They’d know first hand, after all. With having their SOUL broken in half and pieced back together thanks to their own sheer will to live. To protect their sibling and save their friends. The battle against Asriel taught them so much, and they’d never take life for granted again thanks to it. “Asgore, though I may not stand by his methods of taking the SOULS of innocents—children, no less—I understand why he did it. He lost both of his children, his pride and joy, at the hands of humans. The real monsters of this w—of my world. He would have given anything to get them back. And you, you just throw your son’s life away? How could you?! Do you know how many beings, Monsters and humans alike, would sacrifice everything just to see their loved ones one more time? To take their place? To save them from a brutal death by the hands of those who want your SOULS? To see their small body covered in blood and burns or spears. Only for their death to have been meaningless, for their SOUL had shattered before it could be collected and used? When it should have been you, their big sibling, to take their place?” Yeah... they’ve definitely got some issues they need to deal with LOL. I personally headcanon that even if Frisk wasn’t able to reset, their soul would have been useless when it came to breaking the barrier because that thing shattered into PIECES. What would the monsters do? Use gorilla glue and hope the damn thing stays together?

——

Imagine how different characters, Yandere or not, would react to y/n’s soul shattering. Especially if it’s because y/n took a hit for them.

ALRIGHT THATS IT AND IM GOING TO SLEEP LOL

Omg that’s so much. It’s all so fucking good but I am just overwhelmed by how much is here because I want to answer it all but,,,

IT’S SO GOOF NIGHTLIGHT SOUL JANSJS PLEASE HAHA that’s just hilarious.

Also putting the soul in cages? YES THAT’S SUCH A GOOD CONCEPT TO BRING UP!!! Vilbur wanting to own while Sam wants to protect. Both lead to a similar end. An emotionless reader with no care for themselves or others. Just a rogue being. A zombie, I’d you will. But not dumb. Oh not dumb at all.

Also putting the soul in a jar??? I ca see DreamXD doing the same, if not similar. Ooo maybe he wears their souls on him? Trapping it in a piece of jewelry to display your “loyalty” and “love” to him.

I’m sorry I’m just not feelin too good.

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uwuwriting · 4 years ago

Text

Kuroo, Asahi and Tsukki dealing with a breakdown

Request: hi love ! may I request sum Kuroo, Asahi and Tsukki calming the reader from a breakdown? Life’s been p sucky lately ngl so i would appreciate this a bunch 🥺💗 hope you’re well !✨. -🍑

I haven’t done a Haikyuu request in a fat while. Did yall see Kuroo in the latest chapter? I mean if he asked he could be my baby daddy but oh well. Love ya.💖💖💖

rules

warning: panic attack, fluff/comfort

Kuroo Tetsuro

-I believe that when he was younger Kenma used to have panic attacks all the time and the only person who was there for him was Kuroo.

-So he kinda knows what to do to help.

-Don’t get too close.

-Give her space.

-Don’t touch her unless she lets you.

-Give her time to breathe.

-I legit believe he has a small list on his phone with what steps he should follow if you have a panic attack.

-It breaks his heart though.

-He will obliterate whoever triggered you and if it’s an inanimate object he’s gonna hide it.

-While you’re having the attack Kuroo is the sweetest boyfriend out there.

-His voice becomes very soft and calm, dropping to a whisper as his boyfriend voice takes over and that sassy know-it-all attitude flying out the window.

-He will crouch down to your level only reaching out to brush some strands of hair out of your eyes.

-He knows he might be breaking the no touching rule but he can’t help it.

-His fingers don’t graze your skin as he moves your hair.

- “Kitty cat can you look at me please? Yes baby me focus on me. There we go.”

-He would give you one of his softest smiles.

- “Can I hold you kitty? I’m here no matter what.”

-When you nod he takes you gently into his arms, his hand running through your hair as the other rubs circles into your back.

-He would kiss your forehead repeating how much he loves you and how happy he is to have you in his life.

-As your trembling subsides he will scoop you up asking you to wrap your legs around his waist to hold on.

-He will go around your apartment gathering blankets and pillows, throwing them on the couch.

- “Y/N, sweetheart, what do you want to eat?”

-He will order your favorite take out and cuddle you on the couch.

-He will ask if you want to tell him what triggered you.

-If you do tell him he will try to help you prevent this from happening in the future.

-Whether it’s avoiding a particular subject or straight up crossing off people from your friends list, he will do it.

-Nothing hurts his baby and gets away with it.

-If you don’t want to talk about it, he won’t push it.

-On the contrary he will just hold you closer to his chest and will try to get your mind off of things.

-He will talk about anything and everything, telling you bad jokes just to get you to smile.

-If you giggle he will puff out his chest in victory, showering you with kisses for gifting him with that beautiful laugh.

-He hates seeing you so broken.

-If he can prevent it trust me he will.

Asahi Azumane

-Um king of mini heart attacks.

-He used to have them too and he still does but he has grown to know how to handle them.

-Just like Kuroo he will get you as far away from the source as possible, leaving everything and everyone behind just to get you to breathe.

-His stuttering is gone.

-His confident and strong self is out of the box.

-He is ready to take charge.

-His baby needs him okay?

-His anxiety will not get in the way of protecting you.

-He knows not to overwhelm you although the first time you had an attack in front of him that knowledge flew out the window.

-He swore to never make that same mistake again.

-Talks you through the whole attack, his voice being your anchor to reality.

-He soothes your nerves with his words, coaxing your breathing to go back to normal.

-After you are calm this surprises you beyond belief, your shy socially anxious boyfriend is so good with words?

-Who could have thought.

-Anyways.

-Just like Kuroo he will ask to touch you after he has calmed your breathing and you are not hyper ventilating.

-Will wrap you up in one of his gigantic hoodies, his scent comforting you as he rocks you back and forth while kissing your forehead.

-When you reciprocate his hugs and leave some kisses of your own on his cheek he knows that it’s mission accomplished.

-He still kinda hovers over you just in case something happens and you go back under.

-You will insist on thanking him with some take out but he refuses.

- “Angel I’m the one taking care of you tonight.”

-He settles you on the living room couch, joining you shortly after and pushing you backwards to lay on his chest.

-Cuddle session activated.

-He will chase your demons away with cuddles.

-He keeps whispering reassurances and praises.

-How happy and lucky he is.

-How in love with you he is.

-How proud of your accomplishments he is.

-Just the right things to make you feel better.

Tsukishima Kei

-Almost has one himself.

-The moment he feels your trembles and sees your terror stricken look, the panic settles in.

-His normal attitude behavior is gone replaced by deep worry.

-He just stands there observing you for a fat minute, the only thing he can do is stare as your breathing becomes more erratic.

-Then he kneels down, his hands mere inches away from your form.

-But he is afraid.

-Afraid he’ll make things worse.

-Afraid he wouldn’t be able to help you.

-Afraid he’ll break you.

-But then he hears a really small and muffled Tsukki coming from you as you dig your fingers in your hair and he lunges forward.

- “Shh princess I’m here. Nothing’s going to hurt you while I’m here.”

-For a moment your trebling worsened because of the sudden contact but when Tsukki’s scent invaded your panic stricken mind you let him hug you.

-He is at loss here.

-He doesn’t know what to do.

-No one had had a panic attack in front of him before and he didn’t know what to say to make you feel better.

-It’s the only moment he wishes he was more like Yamaguchi.

-He would know what to do, his caring nature would have been a bonus.

-But he was not Yamaguchi and he didn’t have time to think like that.

-You need him at that’s the only thing that matters.

- “Baby listen to me, I need you to follow my breathing. Yes..yes just like that baby, just like that. Breathe with me.”

-Like that he steadies your breathing and his next target is your trembling.

-His hands will rub cricles on your back, arms, stomach or he will run them through your hair massaging your scalp.

-When you eventually calm down fully he won’t let you out of his embrace.

-Like legit goes around the house with you in his arms like a koala bear.

-So many kisses that it gets weird.

-Tsukishima has never been a specifically affectionate partner so seeing him so soft and caring is off putting.

-But you don’t complain.

-He will ask you to tell him what helps you when you have the attacks and will write them down for future use.

-He will ask what triggered you but won’t push it.

-He will never tell you this but it breaks his heart into a million pieces seeing you cry like that.

-He hates it with his whole being.

-And will do anything to never see it again.

TAG TEAM AY:

@iwaqchan @the-arcana-fan-fic @angelwritings @axerrri @reinyrei @dnarez

#kuroo #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo x y/n #kuroo x reader #kuroo fluff #kuroo x you #asahi x y/n #asahi x you #asahi x reader #asahi azumane #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima x you #tsukishima x y/n #tsukishima #tsukishima kei #haikyuu #haikyu x reader #haikyuu!!

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pl-panda · 4 years ago

Text

The vines that bind us - Chapter 4

Chapter 1 || Previous || Next

She was now back in Gotham and it was time to start acting like it.

The break came sooner than expected. Mari might have actually missed it if not for the text from Chloe that they are on their way. Mr. Drake locked the doors to his office from the inside to made sure nobody interrupted him unless Batman started skateboarding in the lobby (his words). She really didn’t know what to think about the young CEO. So far their interactions were limited to the brief moment of panic before meeting Luthor, followed by this brief moment when he locked the doors.

When she arrived in the cafeteria, Chloe was already waiting for her with Ethel. They took over a table in the corner and already littered it with various documents and folders.

“Um… Hi?” Mari greeted them.

“Oh, Mari-bear!” Chloe grabbed the girl by the wrist and dragged her to the table. When she was seated, several papers were put in front of her.

“So! Ethel and I read through the contract and we have good and bad news? Which first?”

“Let’s get the bad out of the way.” Mari nodded.

“You’re stuck in that job for half a year.”

“What!?”

“Don’t worry.” Ethel palaced her. “It’s not as bad as it looks. The whole deal was that you could be hired at any point of your internship for a period of six months, after which there would be a revision of your contract to either terminate it or make it more permanent.”

“Who does that kind of thing?” The girl shouted a bit louder than necessary, but nobody paid them any mind. Alya and Lila were clearly visible at the other side of the cafeteria with a large crowd around them.

“It’s practically never used. I mean now you have all the benefits of being Wayne Enterprises’ employee. Plus you will actually have a salary. And Sarah’s salary was nothing to scoff at.”

“But… What about school!? I know we were allowed to leave for two months, which by itself is crazy if you ask me…”

“Given that our headmaster is an idiot that bends under whoever throws money at him and our teacher should never be allowed to be in the same room as any child…” Chloe muttered in French.

“Yeah. I get your point. But I can’t just leave school for six months!”

“Puh-lease!” Chloe waved her hand dismissively. “We both know you could’ve graduated in the middle of last year if that Chienne and Connard allowed you. And you would have the perfect scores. Hey! I’m sure you can sit SATs in Gotham while you work here.”

“And my commissions?” She looked at the blonde. “Marigold Désign et Création is only starting to get some popularity. I can’t just close the store! Oh no! What about my Flower Shop in Paris? The girl I hired was supposed to work there only for like… three months best! I can’t just suddenly… Oh no! You know Sang hates being away from me! And what if Bleue outgrows her pot? And don’t get me started on Rouge! He is…’

Mari suddenly felt two hands on her shoulders. “Goldie! You’re spiraling again.” Chloe stared in her eyes. “And your eyes are showing.”

That finally calmed Mari. She usually tried to suppress her natural look in favor of how she used to appear. Her iridescent green eyes were kept blue and dark-blue hair muted to the point it seemed black. Plus her skin was not green unless she was using her powers. She was not sure where that skill came from and she was ninety percent certain her mother couldn’t just mute her green skin and fiery red hair. Still, she was glad that she did not have to look like an Akuma 24/7.

“Thanks, Queeny. I’d probably have a breakdown if not for you.”

“You have a Flower Shop in Paris?” Ethel asked curiously.

“My… It used to be a bakery before I inherited it. Since I like plants more than bread, I turned it into my own greenhouse. I used to only have a small garden on the rooftop, but then I kinda… filled every room with plants.” Mari suddenly blushed.

“Whoa. You sure do love plants. Are you sure you’re not related to Poison Ivy?”

Chloe half-expected Mari to start trying to deny it or babble.

“And what would make you think that?” The girl joked instead. “Just because my plants don’t wither at my touch, I am related to a villain?” It might have come harsher than she wanted, but her bright smile and pearly voice made it clear that she had no hard feelings.

Ethel laughed. “True. I’m sorry about the commissions and the store. I really wish there was something WE could do, but our hands are tied.”

“How am I supposed to be a personal assistant? I have like zero experience or even theoretical knowledge!”

Ethel opened another folder and read something. “Well, you were class representative, ran your own small business, kept up with school work, met with clients, and babysat several kids. That’s pretty much what you have to do now. Just make sure that the baby is doing things on time and organize his time.”

“Ha ha ha.” Chloe deadpanned. “Why not ask Nathalie? She liked you well enough.”

“I can’t just call her and ask her to teach me!” Mari protested. “I mean she must be very busy!”

“We can go find the disaster boy. He can definitely convince her.”

“I can’t just use Adrien like that! And besides, we don’t need to look.” She pointed at where the Blond boy sat next to Lila. He was clearly very uncomfortable with his situation, but they both knew that he couldn’t go against his father’s orders. Apparently, ‘Lila was good for business’.

“Then we can go now. Thank you, Ethel.” Chloe said as she grabbed Mari and started to drag her toward the group.

“Stop it! Queenie! You know…”

“Hush! I will deal with the idiots if they try anything.” The blonde silenced all protests.

The two approached the group just as Lila was finishing a ridiculous tale about how she was on good terms with the bat-family. Alya was of course recording the whole thing and streaming live. When the class spotted girls approaching, Kim and Ivan quickly turned into bodyguards blocking them from joining.

“What do you two want this time?” Sabrina asked with venom.

“Like I would lower myself to dealing with the common rabble. I came to speak with the only person here who doesn’t have a negative number of brain cells, so be kind enough to let us pass. Or just pry Adrien from Lila and we will leave you to your fantasy world.” Chloe stared down at her former follower (they were never really friends).

“Nobody asked you!” Rose shouted.

“Sabrina did.” Mari pointed out. She was not sure why, but she felt much more confident in her dealing with the class now that they were in Gotham. Maybe it was because they were now on her own turf, maybe because there was no Akuma risk, or maybe she was just done.

“Shut up you bully!” Alix shouted. “Adrien doesn’t want to go with you anywhere!”

Over half of the WE employees disperse, not wanting to be pulled into the drama. The ones that stayed were just looking between the two groups.

“Actually,” Adrien started, surprising everyone, Lila included. Why was her boy talking? She didn’t order him to talk. “I’m curious about what they want. The break is almost over anyway so we should probably get going back to work.” He said diplomatically.

“Whatever!” Alya put her phone down.

When the class and the spectators dispersed, Adrien sighed in relief. “Kwami I hope Gerard gets here soon. He usually tries to at least limit the Liar somewhat. Then again, he won’t be coming to WE…”

“It’s a tall building. I’m sure that we could make it look like an accident.” Chloe grinned.

“We are not killing her!” Mari protested.

“Spoilsport.” The Blonde deadpanned.

“Anyway, is that a social call or do we have some situation? Please tell me it’s not an Akuma.”

“Not that I know of.” Mari quickly checked her phone, but so far no messages.

“Mari here got hired.” Chloe did not bother with subtlety.

“Congratulation!” The boy beamed. “I knew you would do great here. We should go to celebrate on Friday!”

“Except I have no idea how to be a personal assistant.” Mari moaned.

“Oh! That’s no problem. Let me just call Nathalie.” Before the girl could protest Adrien already had his phone out and dialed his Father’s PA. “Nathalie?” He asked when the face appeared on the screen.

“Adrien. I’m sorry but your father is not here. He left Paris and won’t be returning for some time. He will be supervising the acquisition of new resources in China.” She informed him.

“Oh. That’s no problem. I actually wanted to speak to you.” He smiled brightly.

“Huh?” She asked surprised.

“My friend Marinette found herself in a peculiar situation of being hired as a personal assistant. Would you mind giving her some pointers?”

“Sure. Please forward her my personal number so she can call me in an hour. I will be free by then.”

“Thank you, Nathalie. You’re the best.” He waved the woman goodbye and hanged up. “See? No problem at all.”

“Um… Okay… Thank you so much!” She hugged him tightly.

“Sure. That’s what friends are for. What about the Friday celebration?”

“Well, I can give you all a Marinette tour through Gotham…” Her smile grew a little mischievous “Or you can get Marigold style trip.” They all laughed before scrambling to do their respective works.

Mari got into the elevator and pressed the top-floor button. Slowly, the doors closed and it went up. When she arrived, she looked around to check if anyone was looking for her before walking to her desk. Out of nowhere, a blade pressed itself to her neck.

“Who are you and what are you doing here?” A low voice asked from her right, slightly to her back. Immediately, she tensed.

“I work here if you must know. Now I apologize for the delay if you needed something, but I was trying to sort out a certain problem. Do you have an appointment with Mr. Drake?”

“Tt. I’m not in a mood for games.”

She smiled slightly. Acting faster than would be expected, she grabbed the blade in a monkey grip and pushed it away. The attacker then tried to swing it at her, but she managed to side-step. Doing a quick lunge she managed to punch his hand and make the blade move to the side while walking into the guard. She delivered a strong punch to his face, followed by a low-kick to the back of his knee, forcing him on one knee. The daze caused him to loosen the grip he had on the sword. Mari kneeled on his legs, pinning him down and at the same time stole the sword and threw it away. Before he even had a chance to explain anything, she delivered another punch to his head, making the boy see stars before everything turned black.

She gathered herself and walked to the sword. It was rather simple ninjato that she stored under her desk. There was a tablet with the WE logo on it that she promised herself to check later. The intercom had at least two dozen buttons. They were all labeled with some shortcuts she did not understand, so instead, she picked the security number from her WE employee handbook and called.

“Um… Hello?”

“Hello. What’s the problem miss?”

“Yes. My name’s Marinette. I’m the new PA to Mr. Drake. When I returned from break some boy attacked me with a ninajto. I managed to knock him out, but I would appreciate if someone came here to…” She didn’t get to finish because a burst of loud laughter came from the other side. She stayed silent for a few moments, baffled at the reaction. Finally, she had enough. “Good to know the fact that someone almost chopped me with a Ninjato is funny to you, sir, but personally I do not find the situation laughable and I would appreciate if you showed at least some concern over the terrible breach of security that is firstly bringing the sword to the building and secondly trying to kill an employee!” She screamed loud enough to make her cup of (now cold) coffee shake. Only now she realized that her hands were trembling.

“Um… of course, madame. I will be sending someone up right away… madame.” He hanged up. She still heard that he was on the verge of laughing.

Mari collapse into her chair and stared angrily at the boy on the floor. She was afraid to walk to him. She was definitely getting some plants here tomorrow. That would make her feel safer. Nervously, she started to design. She didn’t even notice that she was using the boy that attacked her as the base.

After a few minutes, the doors of the elevator opened and two guys in suits walked in. As soon as they saw the unconscious boy they broke into a fit of laugher. Mari stared at them before recognizing one of them as Grayson, who was giving them the tour earlier.

“Oh! My! God! She actually knocked Demon Spawn unconscious!” The other one said through tears. Mari decided she didn’t like him either. They were supposed to be helping her, not laughing more.

“Excusez-Moi! I was attacked here! During the tour, I was led to believe this is a respected company,” she made a jab at Grayson, who only laughed more. “In respected companies employees are not attacked with a sword when they come back from the break. So can someone explain to me what the actual fuck?!” She swore.

“This is gold. I’m calling B. Wait! I need a picture or he won’t believe me!” The not-Grayson kept rambling, completely ignoring Mari. Angry, she picked a pencil from her desk. Taking a few seconds to aim, she threw it. The impromptu projectile sailed through the air until it hit the elevator button, making the doors open. This finally got their attention, especially since the pencil passed not-Grayson by an inch from his ear.

“What the…?” He was interrupted when the girl stormed past him and entered the elevator. She was now holding the ninjato through a tissue. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“To HR. Maybe they will help me.” She answered simply and sent them a glare. “It’s clear that you two dumbasses aren’t doing anything.”

Grayson held the button, stopping the doors from closing “Hey! Aren’t you supposed to be French?” Dick asked, confused by her strong Gothamite accent that showed itself.

“Aren’t you supposed to be helping?!” She shouted at him.

“Ugh… My head…” A groan came from the floor.

“Aww… I didn’t get any pictures.” Not-Grayson grumbled.

“Tt. Shut up, Todd.”

“How is the view from down there Demon Spawn?”

“I don’t have time for games. There’s some intruder on this floor. She claimed to be Drake’s personal Assistant, but we all met Sarah.”

“Um… Baby D, did no one inform you about the french class coming for an internship starting today?”

There was suddenly a glimmer of realization in the boy’s eyes. “Oh…”

“Oh?” Mari screamed. “that’s all you have to say?!”

Her would-be attacker jumped at the sound of her angry voice. When their eyes met, the two had a staring contest. It continued for a moment, neither wanting to leave it be. Dick and Jason observed with amazement how that little girl was able to rival Damian’s glare and not wither immediately as most would.

“While I enjoy seeing the two of you fight for dominance, can someone explain to me what exactly happened?” Todd finally broke the silence. Mari immediately turned her eyes at him. He briefly noted that her blue eyes had a green tint in them that he did not notice before.

“What happened is like I said. I after I returned from break that imbécile attacked me with the sword. I had some self-defense classes, so I managed to disarm him.”

“Some? You had ‘some’ self-defense classes and you disarmed Demons Spawn?”

“Okay, I’ve been practicing since I was five. Happy? It doesn’t change the fact that he attacked me!”

“You’re the one that attacked me. I was merely ensuring you were no threat.” Damian tried to argue.

“By pressing a sword to my neck?” She asked/shouted. “Please! This is Gotham.”

“She has a point.” Dick decided to intervene. “Okay. We will make sure that Damian won’t bother you anymore… and maybe add some bonus to your next paycheck for the trouble he caused. Our father will definitely hear about this.”

“Your father…?”

“Bruce Wayne.”

“Oh… Fine. But I’ll be keeping the ninjato for now.” She said in no-arguing tone. It was clear that Damian wanted to argue, but his brothers pushed him into the elevator while Mari walked to her desk. She put the sword under the desk and mentally added some hooks to her shopping list. If that rich idiot thought he would get away with attacking her with a sword, he was sorely mistaken.

The tablet turned out to have a complete calendar with all planned meetings, a ready to-do list, and access to inter-department chatrooms. There were more apps that she decided to look up later. For now, she opened Mr. Drake’s schedule. He had quite a lot of office hours, but she also noticed that there was a press conference set on Friday, several meetings throughout the week, and a few other stuff. Definitely much cleaner than Adrien’s schedule that she already knew by heart.

As the hour was mostly up, she knocked on the office doors to see if her boss needed something done. He shouted a barely-audible ‘busy’ and she did not try to intrude. Probably some important stuff. She pulled her phone and called Nathalie’s number that Adrien sent her earlier.

“Hello, Marinette.” The woman greeted her.

The next several hours were spent on the crash course about everything that being Personal Assistant boiled down to. Ethel was right. Her work as Class Rep, babysitter, and the business owner gave her quite a few necessary skills. What nobody mentioned (because nobody knew) was that her obsessive Adrien stalking also came in very handy. Most of what she practiced with Nathalie was about dealing with people and applying her skills in the new job. By the time her work was ‘over’, she had a bit more confidence. Mari was still panicked over the amount of responsibility that befallen her and the additional work and reading that she would have to do after hours. It was a pure blessing that this day was empty. Nathalie also gave her an incredible amount of pointers about how to deal with situations when the Boss is absent most of the day. She could guess that Gabriel kept dumping more work on the poor woman as he locked himself away to design. The last thing before she entered the elevator was to pull out the drawers in her desk and hide the ninjato behind them. It fit perfectly and the drawers didn’t seem that out of place. She suspected the boy would try to take it back when she was gone.

As she was leaving the elevator to meet with her class, she spotted Chloe talking lively with Ethel. Madame Bustier came through the main entrance. Once the class gathered in one place, she gave some speech about how proud she was of them and thanked Lila for the opportunity. Mari used that time to check on the class. Some looked quite happy, others had sour moods. Adrian managed to sneak away from Lila and was hiding behind the girls.

Just as they turned to leave, the front doors burst open and several guys (and one woman) in green suits with purple question marks walked inside, followed by a man in a similar suit. He carried a cane with a question mark on top and a green bowler hat with a single question mark in the center. Mari resisted the urge to gag. The fashion disaster that was Riddler entered the house. Seriously! Who mixes deep green with neon purple? And not to even mention the Hawaiian shirt she could spot under his suit. Whoever dressed that guy deserved to be shot. And it had to be a custom job, because what store would dare to sell such monstrosity!? She also noted that people got on the ground so she did the same. Her senses tried to reach to nearest plants for some comfort, but all of them were fake. Why does no one keep real plants in this building? Then again, Mr. Drake had and they were almost dead.

“Well, hello Wayne Enterprises!” He greeted them. “Riddle me this: It belongs to you, but other people use it more than you do. What is it?”

“Name,” they heard a voice say from the back.

“Yes.” Riddler seethed. “And I really don’t like it when someone uses mine in their ridiculous stories. Now, which of you can tell me where I can find Lila Rossi?

#maribat au #maribat #Mother!Ivy #miraculous lb #miraculous ladybug #miraculous #batman #dc #MLB

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daincrediblegg · 3 years ago

Note

Hey if you need a place to vent about trauma (especially if it involves an f/o) then tumblr is absolutely the place to do it. There's so many people here who understand because we're similar types of people. ❤

Thank you nonnie, I really appreciate that.♥️♥️♥️

I mean… like… I only got like 5 hours of sleep total at best yesterday each in 2 hour increments- with a kind of similar experience the day before which is 😬😬😬 just generally not the best place for my head to be at and the stuff that I was feeling then was definitely getting blown way out of proportion by that. Like… I know better 99% of the time. But lol the factors of 1) not having left the house all day to do anything that I normally do and 2) ironically being unable to sleep despite being so tired to the point of headache and knowing the breakdown was going to happen but not getting to bed at an earlier hour anyway (in part because of med scheduling unfortunately)… and that being reminiscent of a lot of the panic attacks I had because of the pandemic??? Yeah. Perfect storm.

And the thing is I kinda managed to rationalize and pull myself out of it. But it’s… kinda still going to be an issue. One that I might seriously have to talk to my therapist about honestly because it’s… kinda something that I don’t see going away. It’s a whole thing but the tl;dr of it is: I’ve been having a hard time coping with the Hamish thirst lately because of my career choices. Like… idk my brain is already predisposed to fantasizing about romantic scenarios but I never want that to be attached to an actual actor because like who knows!!! I might work with them some day on something! And the problem with Hamish is like I want to like I’ve put him up on my official potential cast board for god’s sake and it’s hard musing over the dude like that while also having an f/o at the same time because well things are bound to mesh and take me to a weird place that I wouldn’t want to be in should any of this (long shot though it is, honestly) should come to pass- like as a professional I don’t want to have any expectations going in to working with the fella and it’s an attitude I’ve been trying to cultivate since I decided I was going to do this stuff like professionally… but my god watching the entire haim filmography is making that difficult to do and???? It’s kindof affecting how I see Father Paul/John Pruitt my beloved as a result. Because god I love having him as an f/o but I don’t want to get to the point where I confuse my love for the character for my love for the actor who portrays him and???? I think I’m getting close. Idk I think maybe I should just focus on midnight mass stuff for a while for that reason. Get to the root of the thing and find love in that again.

And of course I know all of this is such bs and my mind just running away from me because lmao realistically I don’t think I would if I ever got to the point that he was standing right the fuck in front of me. But like. Yeah. Sometimes my great brain is a tired and fickle little bitch who wants to make me believe in these odd fucking things that just aren’t true.

#lol sorry for like… dumping all this on y’all 😅😅😅#it’s a lot. it’s weird. i’m gonna go crawl into a little hole now #personal #delete later #maybe??? lol now I’m getting embarassed venting about it again oh jeez

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i-need-air · 5 years ago

Text

Meeting small Hawks.

Pairing: Hawks x Reader.

Summary: HCs about what would happen if you're sent in the past (thanks to a villain quirk) with Hawks and meet tiny Hawks.

Notes: Love the "Their kid came from the future because of this quirk thingy and now they meet their daddas" so I thought what would it be if we reversed it. Hope you enjoy! ♥

× you coincidentally ran into each other (which happened often) when you were both patrolling

× he's always so smug and flirty with you but today he was extra about it

× like holy shit this man knows how to compliment but whatever, no big deal

× the thing is you're just at the point where you kinda lowkey are realizing you have feelings for this smug idiot but you're also kinda denying it because Hawks screams trouble, also you don't trust him; does he flirt like this with anyone??? why is he teasing you so much????? he's too hot to be real???????

× he was praising you because you reached Top 20s when someone screamed for help

× a young kid recognized you both and told you that there's a robbery he escaped from, explaining there are some guys at a jewelry store near-by so y'all just rush there

× well you kinda fell behind cuz he's like already in front of the store talking to the masked robbers like they're just chatting about the weather, although he was just negotiating and telling them casually to let the employees and the civilians inside the store out

× so when he sees you tho, he winks at you and in a blink the robbers were on the ground

× so you just alright then fucking show off 😒 because he waited for you to see him be a little shit

× so while everything is settling, you both going inside the store to check on everyone, he twists his head fastly towards you then rushes to your frame, grabbing you while you turn just in time to see another masked robber (seems he was hiding) that was about to touch your shoulder. although Hawks pulled you to him just in time, so he was barely tapped on the cheek instead of you

× and then you see white

× so when you can finally see again around you, a sensation of dizziness running through your body, you notice Hawks hugging you like really, really tight

× also... did the villain teleport you? both of you were in what seemed a random office building or sumthn

× he brushes it off but you can see that he's worried because y'all fucked up man

× he's scolding himself, he should've paid more attention but you were there, existing, so stunning and the way you rolled your eyes at him? gorgeous, like pls do it again he's a simp for u & now he's paying the price for it like boy–

× anywho! he looked around and sent some feathers to just map the place while you were trying to figure out wth was going on

× meanwhile Hawks was just noticing stuff; he knew these halls, he knew that three doors from there, he'd take Hero History class, he knew the floor below them was a training ground, he knew the door just behind them was where he–

× so you were confusion to say at least, looking at the plain white walls, searching for something, anything actually

× doors had signs on them but very vague, like that one door with the letter K on it, the others labeled C1, C2 and C3, everything spotless and dead looking

× "Sorry, dove, hate to interrupt that cute and intense thinking face of yours but we have to bolt" he said, pointing at the cameras

× so y'all just hide, you thinking without purpose but he was actually leading you somewhere, that somewhere being a floor below

× "we've been seen here and we shouldn't be" or more likely this place should have been destroyed years ago he thought but dreaded the thought of the Commission finding another kid like him

× you question where you're going but he just smirks at you

× there's no people anyway but you avoid places where cameras are pointing at so it makes you feel suspish, but you trust #2 Hero's judgment; he was #2 for a reason, right?

× you reach a door with a sign saying Surveillance and you ooooooooh real smooth for a second, big bird brain there

× and he has no difficulty unlocking it with two of his feathers (him winking at you again, show off pt. 2)

× you're basically ordered to look-out mainly cuz he didn't want you to catch a glimpse at the cameras; if the commission was doing this again, it should be Top Secret

× but what he doesn't fucking expect is to see you on the screen, legit full in the middle of the camera view (pls he cries inside why did u guys avoid all the cams–) and a tiny frame approaching you

× mainly same energy as And I OOP– plus moment of realization

× back to you: looking around super-sneaky until you hear a noise and you decide to explore around the corner but when you find nothing you turn around

× "Uhm, who are you?" you hear a tiny voice behind you and you jump in place because holy shit it was so quiet and now someone's there and you almost die of a heart attack

× turning around, ready to fight, you just find a tiny human being

× adorable human being with... weird similar eye-markings like Hawks and tiny, fluffy, adorable red wings

× you die in the spot cuz???????? adorable child cosplaying the guy you like?????????????? wait what? like? uhm bad brain bad

× so you just crouch down to his height and smile at the baby while he looks at you with big confused yellow eyes that are waaaaay too similar to Hawks'; and that freaks you out, did the mf have a love child or something because they're copy-paste

× "Are you my new teacher?" he asked again, small smile on his features and hnnnggg ♥

× but you shake your head, telling him you're just passing by

× he looks a lil disappointed but nods, fidgeting with the Endeavor in his hands, to which you laugh quietly

× "so you're a Hawks fan I see?"

× he blinks at you, golden eyes wide with confusion and he asks "who?" and u OOP–

× the kid knows who Endeavor is or at least has a plushie of him but is cosplaying as Hawks and never heard of him like??? unless??????? you calm yourself and chill because maybe he didn't know who Endeavor is and he thought it was a random toy and the cosplaying you had no actual excuse for but even worse when he just:

× "but I am a big fan of Endeavor, see?" he said, small excitement coming from him, toy still in his hands now raised in front of your vision, smol chubby hands hounding it safely but proudly

× hnnnngggg ♥ ♥

× "what's your name, little angel?" you ask him as you really try to connect the dots here

× "I'm Takami Keigo and I just moved here" he smiled at you so softly "I'm here to become a hero like Endeavor"

× you'd have to search for Hawks now because this was very, very suspicious but for now you just loved the little kid, deciding you wanted one (maybe you should snatch him 👀)

× and talking about your favorite winged hero, he was having a mental breakdown in the Surveillance room, no biggie; he figured it out while looking at the rooms on the screens, specially the training area, and then at his mini-self talking to you

× so he sends some feathers to you to drag you back to him discreetly

× nothing can be discreet with you because as you were telling smol Keigo that he's gonna be the best hero ever and so on, a feather tapped you on the back and you just screech cuz WHO DAT, you turn to see the feather and feel your soul coming back into your body

× but tiny Keigo sees it too and he's thrilled because look look i can do that too! but with smol feathers and your soul just departs from your person yet again

× because that ain't a cosplay

× that is Hawks.

× while you stop functioning as way-too-adorable-baby-Hawks uses his feathers lift the Endeavor toy to your hands, you just take it and stare

× "did you like it?" golden eyes shining proudly at you; hnnnggggg ♥️♥️♥️

× snapping out of it, you compliment him telling him he's the coolest while taking the toy from him and try to catch one of his feathers jokingly, making him do a cute giggle

× and Keigo, this time big boy Keigo is waiting behind the corner because he really doesn't want to be seen by himself? one feather waiting on the key set to delete all video footage, prepared to bolt the shit out of there yet... he was just waiting for something, not even knowing what himself

× yet he knew as you made mini-him (?) (he's still having an existencial crisis) laugh again his heart squeezes, but he doesn't have time to savor it anymore

× "Keigo, where did you go?" a male voice startled the 3 of you and you p a n i c™

× but not as much as big Hawks tho, he sends all his feathers to drag you away instantly

× the last image on smol baby Hawks is him being startled as he tried to reach for you as you were forcefully yanked away, a suited up man appearing, catching a glimpse of you for a second then alarms blowing everywhere

× Hawks had it all planned as he yanked you to his body, rushing towards an opened window, commanding his feather to delete the security footage and going back to him

× and when he jumped, you in his arms, you saw white again

× you both appear in the same location that you vanished from, just in the middle of the jewelry store as cops were walking around, secluding the zone

× Congrats, you gave the cops a frighten; good times 💕

× so you're in his arms (a g a i n but nobody's complaining 👀)

× and he just smiles down at you so tenderly you almost shiver in place, never seeing that face on him before and it makes you feel Things™, he just runs his hand on your shoulder blade as he wraps his wings closer to you two, cops just startled and confused but none of you cared

× you wanted to touch his cheek as you're finally embracing your feelings after what just happened

× you're looking at Takami Keigo

× so you move your hand and something falls out of your embrace, since y'all are high on adrenaline it spooks the f outta both

× looking at your side you see the Endeavor toy, a small, fluffy feather stuck in its small toy belt

× and you panic because yOu basically just fucking stole a toy from a little kid and you're about to tear up and he just looks at you with his brows raised cuz my boy wasn't expecting that

× "Hey, hey, it's okay" he says through a chuckle, stop being so adorable

× but no it's not okay? the smol baby loved Endeavor and you took the toy and you keep calling mini-keigo smol baby and Hawks' heart is playing heavy metal in his chest and he has this goofy stupid adorable smile on his face and

× he leans down to kiss you

× soft, sweet, he breathes you in yet keeps the smile on his lips

× "Mini-me didn't mind, I'm sure" (white lies, white lies)

× but you, all flustered, just panic again because AAAAA and you just give him the toy, telling him you're some years later but it's his to which he sees ✨ ✨ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ✨ ✨ in his mind around you while you ramble and talk and blush and oh god he loves you– wait what.

× "Well, little dove, I think I have some explaining to do" he whispered above your lips, taking in your flushed face (was living for the moment ngl) "How about we talk about it while we grab lunch? Hmm?"

× "I'd like that, Hawks."

× "Oh, when we're alone, you know what to call me." he whispered in your ear then turned to the police officers that just witnessed everything...

× wait, is that a crowd of people outside with their phones out?

× oh fu–

Look at this smol babey! LOOK!

Art is made by the amazing @kadeart, I'm surprised I found out about them just now, they're amazingly talented. Check out all their stuff!

#keigo takami #bnha headcanons #hawks x reader #keigo takami x reader #Bnha #Mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #my hero x reader #Bnha headcanons #Bnha scenario #Hawks #Bnha hawks #time travel #Noire writes

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holylulusworld · 5 years ago

Text

Ms. Bodyguard - Past always catches up

Summary: Jensen is used to be the hero on his show. He’s not a coward, not at all - but when he gets attacked by an unknown man the studio insists on a full-time bodyguard. Specialist in protecting people while living with them - you agree to protect Jensen, but he doesn’t like the fact a ‘small’ girl shall protect him. Will you be able to protect the unwilling actor?

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Bodyguard!Reader

Characters: Jared Padalecki, Clif Kosterman

Warnings: angst, mentions of blood/torture (nothing graphic), slow burn, language, comforting, mentions of suicide (nothing happens), investigations, conspiracy, panic attack

A/N: This is a gap filler to get to know more about the mysterious man, the readers grudge against him and her past.

Ms. Bodyguard Masterlist

“He can’t be here…I…I killed him…”

Clif doesn’t know how to react to your breakdown or rather panic attack. He never saw you like that before. “Y/N, look at me.”

It’s getting harder to breathe when you must watch Jensen run after you only to find you on your knees, panting like he did when he got the call. “Y/N? Terminator. Shit, sweetheart…” Kneeling Jensen grasps for your hand, tries anything to help you breathe right.

“Look at me, Y/N. In and out, Terminator. Breathe with me.” Meeting Jensen’s eyes you nod, hating he sees you weak. “I know it’s hard to concentrate but you need to focus on my voice, baby.”

“I…I try…” Choking the words out you grasp for his hand, squeezing it tightly. “We…we need to go inside. He’s out there…”

Jensen can see the fear in your eyes, and he knows, whoever is after him even frightens you. “We will, Y/N. Just calm down first and we will barricade within these walls if you want me to, promised.”

Nodding you follow Jensen’s words, try to calm your racing heart while you can’t wrap your mind around the fact ‘he’ is alive. “Impossible. I…I saw him dying…”

“Do you know about whom she was talking about? I mean, she’s usually tough and self-confident but those two words let her lash out.” Jensen watches you down a drink in one go. “Jesus, she can drink…”

“I got no clue, Jay. Honestly, everything, before she trained me to become a bodyguard, is top secret. I know she worked for the government, took over dangerous missions but Y/N never talked about anything according to her former job.” Clif rubs his neck nervously, not liking the way you act.

“I am fine, Clif. Stop staring.” Turning around you are your usual grounded self. “We need to change the plan, I guess. He’s not after you Jensen.”

“I don’t get it, Y/N. Why should someone from your past attack me? We didn’t even know each other until Clif…oh-I get it.” Jensen groans.

“Exactly, sweetheart.” Smirking your pat Jensen’s cheek. “You’re not just a pretty face, smart too. The man, he’s after me.”

“Okay, this is some serious shit and I need a drink,” Jared exclaims before he walks toward the bottle of Jack. “I can’t listen to more horror stories while being sober.”

“I can’t tell you anything, Jared. Clif, I want you to drive him home. We’ve got to keep Jared and his family out of this shit.”

Offended Jared looks at you. “Listen, it’s not that I do not trust you, but if I tell you more about this man, you’ll be in danger. Go home, forget about what happened today and kiss your wife…”

“Will you tell me about the guy?” Finally, alone you lock the door, taking a deep breath. “Y/N, I have the right to know who tries to kill me. Don’t tell me crap like it’s top secret.”

“This can never leave this house, Jensen. If you ever tell anyone about my former job, I have to kill you and the person you talked to.” Your features harden when you face Jensen. “This is not a joke. I am dead serious about this.”

“I swear to all that’s holy, even on my mother’s life if I have to.” Pouring Jensen, a drink you take another deep breath before you hand him the glass.

“Good.” Falling onto the couch you place your gun next to you, a smirk on your lips. “I don’t drink and shoot, sweetheart. You can drink, I’ll guard your ass.”

“Now you are the one hiding behind jokes. I am listening if you are ready to talk about it or rather him.” Jensen gives you a soft smile and you return it before you close your eyes.

“It was a job like any other back then. We got a mission, we made our way through the enemies, always the target in sight but then…” Your eyes open and you give Jensen a cracked smile. “Everything went downhill faster than I could blink.”

Jensen remains silent, only sipping at his drink he watches you get up to nervously pace around the room.

“I have to tell you about the man who’s after you first. The way he killed the poor girl, that’s his style. Fast. Efficient. No pain.” Jensen shudders at your words but he doesn’t dare to say anything.

“But…” Clearing your throat you stop in your tracks to face Jensen again. “What he did to you, that’s his specialty. He likes to play with his targets. If we had the mission to let a death look like a suicide, they would send him as…”

“The people killed themselves after he made their lives living hell?” Nodding you give Jensen a cracked smile. “Got it…”

“Sometimes, we had to take a target out fast, silent, and precise but…” Rubbing your forehead you sigh. “When we got the orders to let the person look like he or she was crazy or out of control, he, the shadow, would take over.”

“The shadow? Stupid name,” Jensen grumbles. “I like Terminator more, or guardian angel.” Again, you smile at Jensen, but it fades when you step closer to sit on the couch again.

“Anyways. He was hard, fast, and deadly. Something I liked back then so we kinda…”

“Fucked?” Snickering you nod at Jensen. “Lucky bastard…”

“It wasn't love or even friends with benefits. We let out steam and that was that. There was no connection or any feelings on both ends.” Clarifying your relationship with ‘the shadow’ you rub your hand over your thighs.

“Fast forward. We had a few missions together, teamed up and I must admit, we were a perfect team. I trusted him with my life, that was a mistake, an almost deadly one.”

Getting back up you turn around to lift your shirt. “You remember the scar, the story of the little girl?”

“Yeah…” Choking the words out Jensen glances at your back. “Sorry for not believing you back then- I was stubborn and stupid.”

“It’s fine, Jensen. Let me tell you more to understand why I did what I did to him.” Jensen watches you struggle before you talk again. “We had the order to find the girl, bring her to the headquarter to...well force her father to…I don’t know what they wanted from him.”

“You saved her…right?” Nodding you grasps for the gun to have anything to hold onto. “What happened?”

“The order changed in the middle of the mission. Our boss decided it’s not worth to risk two agents to save a child in a land no one cares about. I…I refused to terminate the mission. We were so close.” You place the gun onto the table to take a swig from Jensen’s glass.

“I assume your partner was not amused?” Jensen huffs when you shake your head. “Asshole then…”

“Exactly my words. I told him to fuck off if he doesn’t want to help me. There were only three kidnappers, so I could’ve easily sneaked in, take them down, and free the girl.” Your hands shake when you close your eyes.

“He left and…” Shuddering you meet Jensen’s eyes. “All hell broke loose. They were waiting for me as my partner sold me to those bastards. It was him - the scar.

The order didn’t change to leaving the girl behind, the new order was to kill the girl, take a picture and leave. He knew about my rules. No collateral damage, no children.”

“That bastard.” Teeth gritted Jensen jumps up to throw the bottle of Jack against the wall. “He would’ve killed a little girl to accomplish his fucking mission?”

“I told you we did things I am not proud of but, I have rules. I never crossed that line.” Jensen nods, glancing at the shards on the floor.

“He wanted to make it look like the kidnapper tortured me for information, kill the girl and…dunno. When he believed I was unconscious he left the room and the girl, that poor soul was so frightened, but she grasped the knife and cut the ropes holding me open.”

“Smart girl, brave too…”

“I was weak but somehow I got up on my feet, grabbed the guns they took from me and my bag. I lead the girl outside, into the jungle and we survived…” Your voice cracks when you recall that night in the jungle.

“The girl helped me as good as she could. Cleaned my wound and pressed a band-aid to it. We found our way to her father and he hid me.”

“What happened to the kidnappers?” Your eyes narrow and a dark grin appears on your lips. “Y/N?”

“The shadow took care of them for letting the girl and me escape. I assume he believed that I didn’t make it. The blood in the jungle, the clothes we left at the river. Perfect deception…” Jensen nods, swallowing thickly when you slide your fingers over your gun.

“I called the agency, told them what he did and they, well let’s say I was out, he was still in. After that I hid in the shadows to find him. It took me months but, I succeed.

What I don’t understand is, that I killed him, Jensen. I was there, in his hotel room and took care of him the way he did with me. I checked his pulse, he was dead.” Grasping for his drink Jensen downs it in one go.

“I guess messing with you is a bad idea.”

“Sweetheart, I wouldn’t dare to lay a finger on Dean Winchester. Your fans would kill me.” Snickering you get up to squeeze Jensen’s shoulder. “The knife pierced his heart, Jensen. There was no chance to survive, but he did…”

“…and now he’s after me. But why?” Looking up at you Jensen licks his lips when you lean closer to slide your fingers through his hair. “Y/N?”

“My fault, Jay. I was untouchable as long as I was in Saudi Arabia. I guess he knew about my connection to Clif and that if anything like that happens to you my friend would call me. It was a long shot, but Shadow knows I never let a friend down.” Panting Jensen glances at your lips, wishing he could just kiss you.

“I’ll protect you and kill that bastard. There is no way I’ll let him win, not again. If he wants to hurt you, he has to bring me down first, sweetheart.”

Jensen nods, not listening to your words as he’s busy to cup your face, waiting for his chance to press his lips to yours.

Ms. Bodyguard Tags

@healojane, @bitchwhytho, @marvelouslysherlockedhunter, @mimzy1994, @couldabeenamermaid, @abbessolute, @vicmc624, @fantasydevil2002, @bobbie3939, @mamooska8, @winchestergirl82, @winchester-wifey

-------------------------------------------------------

SPN Forever Tags

@donnaintx

@screechingartisancashbailiff

@fallen-wolf22

@sister-winchesters99

@mogaruke

@the-is13

@helloitsmeamie203

@sandlee44

@strayrosesbloom

@notyourtypicalrose

@thewinchesterco

@marvelfansworld

@hobby27

@gh0stgurl

@flamencodiva

@jay-and-dean

@voltage-my2dlove

@spnhollis

@chonisberonica

@wittysunflower

@supernaturalenchanted

@shikshinkwon

@yolobloggers

@hhiggs

@laxe-from-outer-space

@ilovefanfic86

@linki-locks11

@eggingamazinglove

@trumpettay

@fandom-imagines1

@thenamelesschibi

@waywardbaby

@straycuties9

@drakelover78

@stuckys-whore

@zxph-yr

@i-love-superhero

@nepeta-leijon1618

@deepmuffinspymaker

@katsav17

@heyitscam99

@fandom-princess-forevermore

@neii3n

@exo-nova

@cocklesbelli

@echoesofpassion

@shatteredabby

@deanmonandnegansbitch

@sea040561

@lemondropirwin

@lonewolf471

@wronglanemendes

@juniorhuntersam

@helpmeluci

@goodgodimaweirdperson

@shadowkat-83

@alltimesamantha

@officialmarvelwhore

@meganywinchester

@miraclesoflove

@maniacproffesor

@hollymac79

@kayla-2000

@gracefultrenchcoat494

@babygirls-fav

@spnwoman

@amiquette

@stormchasingchick32

@geekofmanyforms

@jessica-marsh09

@spnficgirl

@shut-themoonscone

@thequeenreaders

@countrygal17a

@atomicfandombomb

@kteelou

@soryuwifeyxx

@defenderrosetyler

@shortwinchester

@maybesomedaygayyyy

@octobereids

@sabascio

@that-place-called-middle-earth

@the-broken-angel-13

@bunnybaby89

@pandabiiissh

@maddiedott

@lilulo-12

@theoneandonlymelol

@mblaqgi

@clawsandshotguns

@justsomedreaming

@cassiopeia-barrow

@its-the-timey-wimey-winchesters

@mscarter213

@jo-like-josette

@mep6811

@prettydeaneyes

@rvgrsbrns

@deanwanddamons

@tearsforhan

@waywardbabie

@certaindeanwinchesterforcastiel

@belovedcherry

@amandamdiehl

@emaanjffri

@sycochick

@nickyrose3123

@abeautifuldiaster124

@matsumama

@rynabarnesrogers-reading

@homeorbust

@emoryhemsworth

@lunaticgurly

@sofiiamdeansgirl

@xxlikeheavenxx

--------------------------------------

Dean/Jensen Forever Tags

@spnfamily-j2

@supernatural-bellawinchester

@negans-lucille-tblr

@deans-baby-momma

@thefaithfulwriter

@squirrelnotsam

@roonyxx

@neerness

@deansgirl-1968

@spn-dean-and-sam-winchester

@butifulsoul125

@lyinginthegingerlocks

@neen-illustrates

@janicho88

@woodworthti666

@thevelvetseries

@dreaminemz

@akshi8278

@midnightsilver16830

@mrspeacem1nusone

@ria132love

@caligraphee

@the-witch-in-silence

@justanotherwinchester

@multisuperfandom

@jason-todd-squad

@jadesupernatural

@psychicforest

@luciathewinchestergirl

@magssteenkamp

@palefiregiver

@tranquility-or-chaos

@jxackles

@michellemxndes

@addictedtofictionalcharacters

@gabifernandessn

@waywardrose13

@team-free-will-you-idjiot

@myopiamystical

@rintheemolion

@isthatabutterfly

@bluecornflowers

@rosalynshields

A/N: If your name is crossed out Tumblr won’t let me tag you.

#Ms. Bodyguard - Past always catches up #angst #Jensen Ackles #jensen ackles fanfiction #jensen x reader #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles series #Supernatural fanfic #Supernatural RPF #spn rpf #RPF #jensen ackles x you #jensen x you #jensen x y/n #jensen ackles fanfics

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sanderssides-springfling · 5 years ago

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hello! this gift is for @sanderssnoots! i had. so much with this ngl, may have gone a little overboard but aaa. i tried to incorporate all three of the prompts and hopefully this turned out ok haha. i really hope you enjoy this dude ^^

summary: after moving to a new school in an old city, virgil meets remus, a particularly attractive fellow who seems familiar somehow...

TW: Panic attack, Remus, threats, homophobia, curing

"Breathe for me," a muffled voice said.

Virgil closed his eyes, wishing for everything to just stop.

"C'mon, count with me," the voice said, clearer now. It was soothing, calming, real. Not like the other voices Virgil was hearing.

The voice began to count and Virgil attempted to copy it in his head. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

Wait. He knew these numbers. He was supposed to breath, wasn't he? That's what the voice had told him to do.

He continued to count and tried to get a steady breathing pattern whilst doing so. In for four. Hold for seven. Out for eight. In. Hold. Out. In. Out.

He opened his eyes and his big brother was there besides him. Virgil collapsed into Remy, burying his head in his chest and breathing softly. Remy gently wrapped his arms around Virgil, circling his hands over his back in a comforting pattern.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Remy asked.

Virgil shook his head.

"Was it school again?"

Virgil did nothing, seemingly indicating to Remy that it was indeed school.

"It's okay, Virge. You'll be out of there soon."

~*~

Virgil leant his head against the window, feeling the vibrations as the car sped down the road. They were moving, finally. Moving to a new city - or an old city, really, back to where Virgil had grown up. He guessed that his family finally realised that things in their new city weren't going great, or maybe things weren't going great for them. Either way, Virgil was more than happy to be returning to his real home.

He glanced over at Remy, unable to decipher whether he was sleeping or not - despite it being close to midnight and not even summertime, Remy was still wearing his sunglasses. But Virgil noticed the side of Remy's lips tip up into a sort of smirk, so he assumed that his older brother was awake, and watching him.

The street lights blurred in front of him, casting neon lights into the air. It wouldn't be long until they were at the new house, and then soon after a new school, and maybe everything would go back to normal.

~*~

Virgil peeked into the classroom, glancing around to find the least threatening person there. It was half way through the year, so he imagined that there wouldn't be many options anyway, but he could try.

Somebody barged past him, causing him to stumble to the side. After that, he was pushed into the classroom by whoever followed, and forced to stand awkwardly at the front. Brilliant.

"Hey," a voice said from the front row, "are you lost?”

Virgil glanced down at the person sat there, trying not to show them any emotion. "No, I..."

"Oh, are you new?" they asked.

Virgil nodded.

"You can sit with me," they said, patting the seat next to them. "My desk-mate just left."

Not wanting to argue any further, Virgil quickly took the seat besides them. He let out a breath. Front row seat wasn't... ideal, but at least he wasn't intruding on somebody else. This person had wanted him to sit with them, right?

"I'm Patton," they introduced, grinning at Virgil.

Virgil offered a small smile back. "Virgil."

"Oh! My friend Logan always goes on about a poet with that name-"

Patton went on to talk to Virgil about their friends, and about the school, and Virgil allowed himself to kick back and listen. He supposed they already had their own friends, their own life, and that was fine - Virgil wasn't really planning on making loads of friends, only planning to not make a complete fool of himself and end up making loads of enemies. And maybe Patton couldn't help with the friend situation, but they could certainly protect him for a little longer, at least for this hour...

"I'm sure they wouldn't mind you sitting with us for lunch, either," Patton said.

Virgil blinked. What? "Really?"

"Of course! Unless you have other friends, that is."

"I wouldn't want to intrude."

"You won't be intruding," Patton said, laughing. "I'd certainly be happy to have another friend around!"

Christ. This person was too friendly for their own good.

"Alright, then," Virgil said anyway, "thanks."

Patton grinned. "No problem!"

~*~

Virgil threw his backpack to the floor as he entered his new house, stepping into the living room only to be ambushed by Remy and tackled onto the sofa. For a moment, his body went into shock, before his reflexes kicked in and he kicked Remy off the sofa.

"Hey!" Remy protested.

Virgil stared at him, mouth open wide. "You're the one who tackled me onto the sofa!"

"You didn't have to kick me, though!" Remy scrambled back to his feet and sat on the sofa besides Virgil.

"That kick was utterly deserved," Virgil said, determinedly.

Remy sighed. "Well. Maybe you're right."

Virgil smirked. "Of course I'm right."

"How was school?" Remy asked, immediately changing the conversation.

Virgil shrugged. "Okay. Better, I think."

"Made any friends?"

"Kinda?" Virgil hummed. "Sat with a couple people at lunch. One's in my classes - Patton, their name is."

"Patton?" Remy considered that for a moment. "Sounds nice."

"Yeah." Virgil leant back. "You?"

"Oh, you know me," Remy said. "I'm already the most popular guy in my year."

Virgil rolled his eyes. "As if. Tell me the truth."

Remy looked kindly offended. "Hey! I'm good at socialising!"

Virgil raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"Okay, maybe I'm a bit of a disaster," Remy admitted. "But! I did meet up with some friends from before and I think I'll be able to reconnect with them."

"Oh! That's good!" Remy's life really was well more put together than Virgil's. He'd managed to stay in contact with his friends from before, something that Virgil had tried but ultimately failed to do. Of course, it would have helped if he had any good friends from before, or even just somebody who did more than just tolerate him. But it was whatever. Most people probably didn't recognise him now, let alone remember him.

"Well," Remy said, "maybe you can invite some of those new friends round."

Virgil laughed.

"What? I'm being serious!"

"I barely know them!" Virgil argued. "We're not on inviting-each-other-to-our-houses terms yet."

"Mom and Dad would get a kick out of it, though."

"They don't care," Virgil said. "As long as I'm emotionally stable, they won't care. Or, like, not on the verge of a breakdown."

Remy ruffled Virgil's hair. "They do care! I care, at least." He smiled. "I wanna meet them!"

"Absolutely not." Virgil crossed his arms.

Remy groaned. "Fine! I'll find them, though."

"How are you gonna do that?"

"I have connections."

"Like what?"

"I just made friends with this guy called Roman," Remy said. "He knows everybody."

Virgil giggled. "Well, good luck, then." He stood up. "Don't come in my room."

"You can't stop me!"

"I can!" He retreated upstairs.

~*~

Virgil glanced at a guy from the other side of the cafeteria. He had bleached blonde hair with the tips dyed a neon green, and wore a black denim jacket covered in band patches and pin badges. And Virgil couldn't stop staring at him.

"Who's that?" Virgil asked, turning to Patton. He had been sitting with them for a few days now, and was beginning to get the courage to actually talk to him.

Patton frowned. "Who?"

"Him," Virgil said, pointing to the guy and leaning in to Patton.

For a moment, Patton stared at the person too, before biting his lip. "Don't talk to him."

Virgil blinked. "Why?"

"That's Remus," Patton said. "Logan knows his brother. He, uh, well..." Patton hummed. "He's probably a nice person, but Logan's heard that he gets up to some... stuff."

"What kind of stuff?" Virgil wondered.

"Stuff that I probably shouldn't talk about in school," Patton said. "Just... I'd stay away from him, if I were you."

Virgil glanced down to the table, not really sure what to make of that. On the one hand, he somewhat trusted Patton, at least enough to believe their judgement, but on the other hand the guy didn't seem so bad. He looked like somebody that Virgil would get along with. Maybe someone he could get some fashion tips from.

But if Patton said he was bad, then maybe Virgil should listen. He had friends now, anyway. Things were gonna be okay.

~*~

"Hey," a person said, sitting down next to Virgil in the library. Virgil glanced at the newcomer, looking them up and down. They wore somewhat simple clothes - plain yellow t-shirt, black jacket, and a black beanie covering their natural blonde hair. Virgil noticed a few pin badges stuck to their jacket, including the bi flag and the nonbinary flag. He couldn't seem to stop staring at their eyes - one a light brown and the other a sickening shade of green.

"Hi?" Virgil whispered back, just slightly uncomfortable.

"You can call me D," they said, simply.

"...okay?"

"I saw you staring at Remus last week," D continued.

Virgil blinked. "Oh."

"If you have a problem with him, then that goes through me, okay?"

Virgil frowned. "I don't have a problem with him."

D glared at him. "Why else would you be staring at him?"

"I..." Virgil shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't mean to. I just liked his jacket."

D didn't seem to know what to make of that. "Oh. So... you're cool with him?"

"I guess?" Virgil looked away. "I mean, I don't know him, exactly. But I have no reason to dislike him."

D hummed. "You're friends with Patton, right?"

"Kinda?" Virgil tapped his fingers on the table. "I've been sitting with them. They haven't been mean to me."

"Huh." D sighed. "Well, whatever." They stood up. "Stay away from Remus. You made him kinda uncomfortable."

Before Virgil had a chance to ask what D meant, let alone say goodbye, they were gone again.

~*~

Virgil walked into the kitchen to find his brother and... another person burning some pancakes. He didn't recognise the other person, but assumed he was in the same year as Remy. He wore a floor length red dress and an almost perfect smile on his face, despite the fact that the stove was very nearly on fire.

"Jesus Christ, Remy turn the heat down," Virgil said, rushing over to the stove and turning the heat down. "You're gonna burn down the house."

"No we’re not," the guest said. "If we cook at a higher temperature than the recipe says, the pancakes will be done quicker."

Virgil breathed in, deeply. "That- That isn't how cooking works."

"Of course it is!"

"Sorry, Virge," Remy said, taking the pan off the stove and turning it off completely. The pancake - or, at least, what could loosely be described as a pancake - was burnt to a crisp. "Roman and I were curious."

Virgil hummed. "Roman?"

"My friend," Remy said, grinning.

"He seems like a bad influence."

"Hey!" Roman exclaimed, looking highly offended. Virgil smirked a little, as it reminded him of his own brother.

"Who taught you how to cook?" Virgil asked.

"I did," Roman said, proudly.

Virgil snorted. "Well. Maybe get some actual lessons." He sighed. "I'll make the pancakes. You two stay far away from the stove."

Apparently not wanting to argue any further, Remy and Roman retreated to the table, whilst Virgil took over cooking, throwing out the burnt pancake and starting to make a fresh one. As he cooked, he half-listened to the conversation behind him, not really paying attention until-

"-my brother, Remus-"

"Remus?" Virgil repeated, glancing back.

Roman stared back at him. "Do you know him?"

Virgil hesitated. "We, uh, assuming we're talking about the same Remus, I haven't spoken to him, but I've heard about it, and seen him around..."

He put the final pancake onto the pile and moved them to the kitchen table, moving to grab three plates and a few toppings for the three of them to eat.

"Remus would probably like you," Roman said. "From what I've heard from Remy at least, it sounds like you two have a lot in common."

Frowning, Virgil replied, "Really?" He dragged a pancake onto his plate and drowned it in maple syrup.

"I mean, you listen to a lot of the same music," Roman said, shrugging. "He likes horror games. He dabbles in stage makeup."

"I don't dabble in stage makeup," Virgil said, noticeably not disagreeing with the rest.

"Oh my God, Roman, you should have seen him when he was fourteen," Remy said, leaning over the table closer to Roman. "I swear to God, I've never seen somebody wear so much eyeliner-"

"Shut up," Virgil said through gritted teeth.

"Honestly," Remy continued, "I don't think he's ever fully come out of his emo phase, but at least he's learned how much eyeliner is generally acceptable."

"I'm right here, you know."

"Oh! You should've seen Remus a couple years ago!" Roman chuckled. "He was very much falling with the eyeliner as well. And everything else. I had to teach him everything just so he wouldn't go out looking like a complete idiot."

Remy asked. "Wait, maybe you could give Virgil some tips!"

"I don't need any tips," Virgil said, dragging the plate of pancakes closer to himself so the other two would find it harder to reach them - a tiny act of revenge.

"Oh my God, I'd actually be so down to teach him, though! I could go through some cool eyeshadow stuff, like different colours and stuff, Remus and I did some pride flag ones a couple years ago when we went to a parade-"

Virgil stood up. "Okay, I guess I'll leave since you guys already think I'm not in the room." He made his way back to his bedroom, taking the plate of pancakes with him.

~*~

Virgil couldn't stop staring at Remus. He seemed to see him every single day, always walking in the same places, almost as if they were following each other. And Remus never caught him staring, but sometimes Virgil felt like he was staring back, even if Virgil himself couldn't see him in the area.

Patton and Logan stopped taking notice. For a while, they would ask Virgil about it, continuously warning him that Remus wouldn't be good for him. But soon they stopped. Maybe they realised that Virgil wouldn't stop.

And despite the fact that the two had never interacted, Virgil found himself completely obsessed with Remus. It almost scared him.

One day in Spring, a month or so after Virgil joined the school, he was standing alone in the hallway, waiting for Patton to leave their class, when somebody bumped into his shoulder. Adrenaline immediately kicked in as his brain told him that it was going to be exactly the same as last time, that the safety he was beginning to feel at this new school had been shattered, but then he saw who it was and he froze.

Remus stood a few steps away from Virgil, glancing back and smirking. He began to slowly walk down the hallway, glancing back every few seconds, almost as if he was expecting Virgil to follow.

He did. Virgil stalked behind him, still a few metres away. Remus sped up, and Virgil copied, following him until they had made it out of the school and round the corner, to a small garden behind the school. Remus sat down on a bench and looked Virgil in the eyes, patting the seat besides him. Frowning, Virgil went over and sat down.

"Hey," Remus said. "What's your name?"

Virgil blinked. "Uh, Virgil."

"Virgil," Remus whispered. "Huh. Roman mentioned a Virgil..."

"He- what?"

"Oh, nothing." Remus hummed. "Have you been following me?"

"What?"

"I see you everywhere," Remus said. "D has, too. They were starting to get concerned-"

Virgil glanced down. "D spoke to me ages ago. They told me to stay away from you."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Oh, did they? And yet you still continued to follow me everywhere?"

"I haven't been following you," Virgil said, truthfully. "I actually thought you were following me."

Remus laughed.

Virgil frowned. "What's funny about that?"

"Well, other than the fact that it is a tiny bit true, I just think it's funny that we both thought we had stalkers."

"I didn't think you were stalking me," Virgil said.

To that, Remus just smirked at him. Virgil tried his best to avoid his gaze.

"I know you from somewhere," Remus claimed.

Virgil fiddled with his fingers. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." He hummed. "I can't... I've been trying to figure it out but can't for the life of me. You are new at this school, right? Like, you weren't just hiding?”

Virgil breathed in. "I'm new. But I lived in this city when I was younger."

Remus' eyes widened. "Wait, shit, are you Virgil Sanders."

Virgil glanced at him. "Yeah?"

"I'm Remus Prince," Remus said.

Virgil blinked. "Okay?"

"We... You went to Saint John's Elementary School, right?"

Virgil's eyes widened. "Wait, Duke?"

Remus held his arms out. "The one and only."

"Oh my God!" That's why Virgil couldn't stop staring at Remus. They were... God, Remus was...

~*~

Virgil didn't have many friends back in Elementary School. Well, he didn't have many friends period, but at least in Elementary School he had the fantasy gang.

He wasn't exactly friends with anyone in the fantasy gang. They would just play together during the breaks. He wasn't even sure on all of their names - none of them were in his classes, so he only ever spent around twenty minutes with them every day.

There weren't a lot of them. There was Virgil, playing the Knight, and the others - the Princess, the Dragon, the Queen and the King.

And then there was the only one that Virgil was particularly close to - the Duke.

In the fantasy world the six of them had created, him and the Duke spent a lot of time together, as both of them set off on the quest to save the Princess. They would often fight the Dragon side by side, and during scenes with just the royals they would both sit to the side and chat, with no real reason for them to join in on the action.

He remembered that the Duke liked swinging on the trees. There was one tree in the corner of the playground which had branches low enough to climb, so the Duke would make his way up there and hang upside, mostly just to make Virgil laugh. Maybe he realised that things weren't going great for Virgil, and that by doing that Virgil would gain a tiny bit of happiness. To be fair, it worked. Virgil himself never wanted to climb the tree, for fear that he might fall down, but that was fine - he enjoyed sitting at the bottom and watching the Duke from afar.

They never talked much about themselves, but sometimes Remus would mention his older brother, and Virgil would talk about his older brother too. A lot of the time, though, they'd just sit together under the tree as they watched the rest of the fantasy gang play, waiting for their own turn.

One day Remus leant his head on Virgil's shoulder, and that was the day that Virgil realised he had made a friend.

~*~

"We have a problem," Roman said, shoving Remy's school books out the way and sitting on the desk in front of him.

Remy looked up, looking slightly annoyed. "I was doing that, y'know."

"Okay, but I have tea," Roman said.

Remy immediately refocused his attention onto Roman. "Spill. Now."

"My brother has a crush," Roman began.

Remy hummed. "Yeah, not surprising."

"On your brother."

Remy slammed his hands on the table. "No way."

"Yes, way." Roman grinned. "Remus and Virgil are in love and they're both too dumb to realise it."

"How do you know?" Remy asked.

"I'm an expert on romance, obviously."

Remy rolled his eyes. "Seriously. Has Remus said anything?"

"Well, no, not exactly, but-"

"We've gotta be sure," Remy interrupted. "I wouldn't... Virgil's already been through so much."

"I'm sure that Remus likes him. He won't shut up about him," Roman said. "I was reading some of his writing the other day, and I swear to God one of the characters in it was some sort of fictional version of Virgil. The love interest, as well."

Remy raised an eyebrow. "Your brother writes?"

"He does murder mysteries," Roman quickly said. "He doesn't really like me reading them, but he's always stealing my sketchbook so he can't really say anything." He breathed in. "Anyway, I'm certain that Remus is into Virgil."

Remy hummed. "I'm not sure if Virgil is, though."

"No, he definitely is," Roman said. "I have a friend - well, not really ‘friend’, but we're in the same theatre company. His name's Logan. And he's also friends with Virgil, I think..."

Remy nodded. "Yeah, Virge mentioned a Logan at one point."

"Right. Well, I was talking to Logan, and he told me that Virgil is always staring at Remus. Like, an unhealthy amount." Roman sighed. "I'm just... why else would Virgil be staring at Remus?"

Remy pursed his lips. "We should set them up."

Roman gasped. "Oh my God, yes!"

"I don't know how, though. Convincing Virgil to leave the house would be a nightmare."

Roman smirked. "I have an idea."

~*~

He was in his kitchen. Why the fuck was Remus in his kitchen?

"Oh, hey Virge," Remus said, ignoring Virgil's puzzled expression as he raided the fridge.

"Who let you in my house?"

"Oh, my brother is hanging out with your brother and I'm not allowed to be in the house by myself," Remus said, as he took out a salad - Virgil's salad that he was saving for later - and began to eat it.

"And now you're stealing my salad," Virgil sighed.

Remus blinked. "Oh, shit, is this yours?" he asked, shoving it towards Virgil.

"Well." Virgil smacked his lips together. "It was. But I can make another." He climbed onto the table and sat on it cross legged, as Remus took a chair and placed the salad in front of him. "So. Why aren't you allowed to be home alone?"

"That's... a long story."

Virgil shrugged. "I'm not doing anything."

Remus eyes lit up. "Well. I'd imagine it has something to do with that time I almost burnt the house down trying to find out what would happen if I put eggs into the microwave."

Virgil blinked. "How- How did you almost burn the house down doing that-"

Remus grinned. "Well, the microwave exploded 'cause I put, like, ten eggs in there, and then it set fire to the curtains in the kitchen, and long story short, the fire engines didn't take long to arrive."

Virgil breathed in. "Was everything okay?"

"Yeah, it was fine. The curtains are just a little scarred." He hummed. "Although, it could also have something to do with the fact that I attempted a blood sacrifice in the living room..."

"You what?" Virgil exclaimed.

Remus laughed. "I was, like, ten, okay? And I didn't get very far. I found a dead rat in the street and thought that if I used that as a sacrifice I could summon a demon, which would be so cool, y'know?"

Virgil chuckled. "I mean, I guess that would be cool."

"Right?" Remus shook his head. "My parents, however, did not think it was cool."

For a moment, the two just stared at each other, smiling softly, because Virgil finally said, "I missed you, y'know?"

Remus blinked. "Huh?"

"When we... Well, you were just about my only friend," Virgil said. "And I know we didn't hang out much, but we always had such a good time."

Remus smiled. "Yeah. The fantasy gang was great."

"I didn't care about the rest of them," Virgil said. “Just... Just you."

Remus fell silent. "Oh."

"And when we did move away, I didn't really have anyone else. I mean, I had Remy, but..." He glanced down, fixing his eyes on the table.

"Did you... not make any new friends?" Remus wondered.

Virgil plastered on a smile. "I've never been one for new people."

Remus hummed. "You made friends with Patton pretty quickly, though."

"They didn't really give me much of a choice." Virgil sighed. "Things... weren't great at the new school. I mean, they weren't brilliant back when we were friends, but... at least we were friends."

Remus smiled, staring at Virgil for a moment longer with fondness in his eyes. "How come you didn't speak to me sooner?"

Virgil blinked. "What?"

"I mean, you saw me weeks ago, right?" Remus said. "Like, you could've spoken to me then."

"I wanted to," Virgil admitted. "Not because I recognised you, but because... I don't know. I felt drawn to you, I guess." He fiddled with his fingers. "But Patton told me not too. And then D told me to stay away from you. So..."

Remus reached over and grabbed Virgil's hands, squeezing them a little too tight, but Virgil didn't protest. "Don't listen to them. I... felt drawn to you too, I guess. I still do."

Virgil smiled.

~*~

"Oh my God," Remy moaned, stepping back into his bedroom, where Roman waited sprawled across his bed, after having spied on Virgil and Remus.

"What's going on?" Roman asked, immediately jumping up and readjusting his skirt.

Remy collapsed onto his bed. "They're being insufferably cheesy. And they haven't even realised that they're in love yet!"

"What are they talking about?" Roman asked. "Tell me everything."

Remy sighed. "They're, like, talking about how they used to be friends or something, and how they missed each other, and then they start saying that they're drawn to each other. Like, what does that even mean?"

Roman grinned. "It means they like each other, Remy. They're soulmates."

“Soulmates aren’t real, Roman.”

“Shut up, they totally are.” Roman clapped his hands together. “Maybe we should talk to them. Help them to realise.”

Remy hummed. “They won’t confess today, will they?”

“Unless we can talk to either of them in private,” Roman said.

“I’ll talk to Virgil after school tomorrow,” Remy decided. “You talk to Remus?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

~*~

When Virgil walked through his front door the following afternoon, he stopped in his path as he saw Remy leaning against the wall, a smirk upon his face.

Virgil blinked. “What have you done now?”

“So.” Remy pushed himself off the wall, stepping towards his younger brother. “You and Remus, huh?”

Virgil frowned. “What… What about us?”

“I heard you two are pretty close,” he said, raising an eyebrow.

“I mean, we’re friends, I guess?” Virgil attempted to walk further into the house, but Remy blocked him.

“Just friends?”

Virgil blinked. “Wh-What else would we be?”

“Well, what do you think of Remus?” Remy asked.

“I- I don’t-” He breathed in. “Wait, do you think I like him?”

Remy hummed. “Perhaps.”

“We’re just friends,” Virgil said. “He’s a nice guy, I guess. We were friends when we were kids, and now we’re friends again.”

“Hmm.”

“What?” Virgil sighed. “Is this because I stare at him a lot? It’s not my fault that he has such an amazing fashion sense. And a beautiful white strip of hair always falling over his eyes. Beautiful eyes, actually - have you seen them? They have, like, little green specks in them.”

Remy giggled.

“What?”

“Just, the way you’re talking about him is proving my point.”

“I’m not…” Virgil’s eyes widened. “Shit.” It made sense, actually. It explained why he was so drawn to Remus, why he couldn’t stop staring at him, why he couldn’t get him out of his mind. “Fuck, maybe I do like him,” he whispered.

Remy’s giggling grew louder, until he turned around and walked upstairs.

“Remy, wait, I-”

Remy slammed his bedroom door, leaving Virgil alone with his thoughts.

~*~

Virgil stared at Remus across the cafeteria. Watched him laugh with D, play with his food, just be an absolute dork, and Virgil couldn’t help but be mesmerised by his every action. Remy’s words from the day before circled around his head, the revelation that he had since come to accept as the absolute truth. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep this up for.

He stood up.

“Virgil,” Patton said, “are you-”

“I’ll be right back,” he said, walking away from the table despite Patton’s protests.

He came up besides Remus and placed his hand on the table next to him, ignoring the glares he got from D. Remus looked up at him, a little alarmed.

“Uhm, can I-”

“Come with me,” Virgil said, grabbing Remus’ wrist and dragging him from the scene. Remus followed willingly, but Virgil didn’t let go of his wrist. Virgil led him out of the cafeteria and around a corner, to a corridor devoid of students.

“Virgil, what-”

“I know we probably shouldn’t be talking right now,” Virgil said. “Since D and Patton probably aren’t too happy. But…”

“It’s okay,” Remus said. “D won’t mind. And if Patton says anything I will fight them.”

“You absolutely will not fight them,” Virgil said. “Patton may be wrong about you, but they’re still a good friend.”

Remus shrugged. “Okay then. But what did you want?”

Virgil breathed in. “Okay, so, I’ve been thinking an awful lot lately, and I’ve realised that…” His hands were getting sweaty and his heart rate was beginning to increase. “I, uh…” Why had he thought this would be a good idea?“

Remus frowned. "Are you okay? You look a little pale.”

Virgil cleared his thought. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He breathed in again. “Um, basically, I…”

“Let me guess, you’re madly in love with me,” Remus joked.

Virgil glanced down, avoiding Remus’ gaze.

Remus blinked. “Wait, shit, was that right?”

Virgil smiled nervously. “Uh… maybe?”

Remus laughed. “Seriously?”

Fuck. Remus thought it was funny. That… That must mean he didn’t feel the same way, right? That must mean that Virgil had majorly fucked up somehow. Shit - what if Remus wasn’t even gay? He did have a rainbow pin in his jacket, but he was also friends with D so maybe that was just to show his support. Virgil didn’t remember Remus ever mentioning an attraction to guys.

God, why had he just jumped into like that? Under any other circumstances, he wouldn’t have. Under any other circumstances, he would have stood back and thought about it, made sure that he wouldn’t ruin his life by acting upon his impulses.

What if this meant that Remus would stop being friends with Virgil? What if he thought it was weird? What if it made him uncomfortable? What if Remus hatedhim because of this? What if?

Remus stopped laughing. He placed a hand on Virgil’s shoulder, now looking serious. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Virgil used all of his willpower to stop himself from shoving Remus’ hand off. “I’m sorry. I… You don’t feel the same way, I get it. I shouldn’t have sprung that on you. And, um, if it makes you uncomfortable-”

Remus snorted. “Sorry, if it makes me what?”

Virgil blinked. “I- If me liking you like that is, like, weird? I mean, I get it. You’re not gay, or whatever, and we’re just friends, so…”

That made Remus laugh even harder.

Virgil tried to steady his breathing. “Wh-What’s so funny about that?”

After composing himself, Remus shook his head, a massive grin across his face. “Sorry, I just… I’m offended that you’d even think that I’m straight.”

Virgil blinked. “You’re… You’re not straight?”

“Are you kidding me?” Remus closed his eyes. “I am a massive homosexual. I don’t know why anybody would think otherwise.”

Okay. So he was attracted to men. That was at least one good thing. “But…”

“And I don’t find it weird,” Remus continued. “At all. I mean, I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought about kissing you on multiple occasions.”

Virgil’s eyes widened. Did… Did that mean…

“I guess what I’m trying to say,” Remus said, taking Virgil’s hands, “is that I feel the same way.”

Virgil looked back up, making eye contact with Remus, and smiled.

“I’m fact, if it’s something that you want, I’d be honoured to be your boyfriend,” Remus announced.

And in that moment, Virgil was sure that he would cry.

~*~

“We need to talk,” Patton said, as Virgil left his final class. The two began to walk down the hallway and out the school, Virgil’s anxiety beginning to kick in.

“Am I in trouble?” he asked.

Patton frowned. “No? Why would you think you’re in trouble?”

Virgil shrugged. “I don’t know. Why else would you want to talk to me?”

“You’re not in trouble,” Patton promised, eyes darting around. “I’m just… concerned.”

“About what?”

Patton pursed their lips. “You talked to Remus earlier, right?”

“Yeah,” Virgil confirmed. “He’s an alright guy, actually.”

They stepped out the school, Virgil adjusting his backpack slightly.

“I know you and Logan have something against him, or whatever, but…” Virgil shrugged. “I knew him when we were kids. And we’ve reconnected, I guess. I promise he’s an alright guy.”

Patton glanced at him, skeptically, but apparently gave in. “Well, alright. Be careful, though. If he hurts you, tell me.”

Virgil faked a smile. “Yeah, of course.”

Patton nodded. “Well. Take care.” They smiled, and then ran off to join Logan on the other side of the field, leaving Virgil to walk home alone.

~*~

“Remus,” D said. “Are you even listening to me?”

Remus tore his eyes away from Virgil and looked back at D. “Huh?”

D sighed. “I was saying that you seem a little distracted lately. So I guess that proves my point.”

“Yeah, definitely,” Remus said, eyes drifting back towards Virgil.

“Remus,” D said again, more forcibly. “What’s going on?”

Remus blinked, and returned his attention to D. “Oh, I have a boyfriend.”

D frowned. “You do?”

“Yeah,” Remus said. “Sorry, did I not mention?”

D glanced to the side, trying to follow Remus’ previous gaze. “No, actually, you didn’t.”

“Oh. Well. Now you know.”

“Who is it?” D asked.

“Just some guy, you wouldn’t know him,” Remus said.

“Remus.”

“Okay, okay.” He breathed in. “His name is Virgil.”

D gasped. “As in, Virgil the stalker?”

“He’s a stalker!” Remus defended. “If anything I’m the stalker.”

“I thought we decided that you should stay away from him,” D recalled.

“Yeah, well, me and him go way back, okay?” Remus sighed. “I know what I’m doing. Virgil is good for me.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” D said.

“I’m not gonna get hurt.” Remus smiled. “If he ever breaks my heart, I give you full permission to murder him.”

D raised an eyebrow.

“Actually, no,” Remus decided. “You can’t murder him. Because I like him. But if he hurts me you can definitely fight him.”

D smirked. “Wow. No murder. You must really like him this time.”

“Shut up,” Remus said, chuckling.

~*~

Virgil rested his head on Remus’s shoulder, as Remus absentmindedly stroked through Virgil’s hair. They were sat on Virgil’s bed, trying their hardest to ignore the noise from Remy and Roman next door. It was nice like this. Just the two of them.

Turning his head to the side, Virgil stretched his neck out and pecked Remus on the cheek, something that he’d been wanting to do for a while. And although Remus tried to play it off, Virgil caught his cheeks turning a light shade of red.

Virgil snuggled further into his side, slowly wrapping his arm around Remus’ back and beginning to draw invisible circles on his arm. He listened to Remus humming in appreciation, and Virgil allowed himself to melt into his body, feeling perfectly content.

After a few more moments of pure bliss, Remus twisted his head down to look at Virgil. He leant down, so close that Virgil was able to feel his breath on his face, and then their two lips interlocked, and Virgil’s heart burst.

It wasn’t quite how he imagined, but that was okay. Somehow, it was even better. Remus was passionate, and daring, and didn’t hold back, and Virgil couldn’t have been more happy about that fact. Virgil himself was timid, and he knew that, and it was a part of him he was willing to accept, but having Remus here… well, it made him feel alive. Made him feel like he could do anything.

Like, for instance, it made him feel as though he could kiss Remus back. Still connected to Remus, Virgil pushed himself up so he was no longer slouched on Remus’ body. He pushed Remus against the wall, kissing back harder. At first, Remus seemed a little surprised, but he soon caught on and kissed back, sending the two into battle.

A battle to see who’s love was stronger, who’s passion was larger. And there wasn’t a winner, exactly. Or a loser. Just the plain, simple evidence that the two’s hearts were better as one, that they were meant to be.

They danced around each other, wanting more and more, and never wanting to stop.

They were happy.

~*~

Remus nudged Virgil’s shoulder. “You’ll have to tell them eventually, y'know.”

Virgil glanced down. “I… I know. It’s harder with them.”

“They do know that you’re gay, right?” Remus checked.

Virgil nodded. “Well, yeah, of course. Who doesn’t?”

"So what are you so afraid of?”

Virgil breathed in and out. “Look, Patton’s having a hard enough time wrapping their head around the fact that you’re my friend, let alone boyfriend.”

Remus backed off a little after that statement. “Ah. That would be an issue.”

“Yeah.” Virgil shoved his hands in his pockets. “I just… I need to wait for the right time. I’m sure they’ll come around eventually.”

“Why do they hate me, anyway?” Remus wondered.

Virgil shrugged. “No clue. Apparently Logan told them something. They won’t tell me what.”

“Oh.” Remus hummed. “Logan is friends with Roman, I think. Wouldn’t be surprised if Roman has told him horror stories, or something. Either way, they’re probably not true.”

Virgil laughed nervously. “Probably?” he repeated.

“Well, I have done some shit,” Remus admitted. “Nothing dangerous.”

Virgil raised an eyebrow. “Anything illegal?”

Remus thought for a moment. “I mean, probably.”

“Oh, shit, am I dating a criminal mastermind?”

“Would that be a problem for you?”

“No, no.” Virgil chuckled. “Actually, I think I’d be pretty into it.”

“Oh, in that case, I do in fact break laws daily,” Remus said. “I’m wanted in all seven continents and constantly on the run. Crime is my favourite thing to do.”

Virgil laughed, not even attempting - or wanting - to hold it back.

“I’m all seriousness though,” Remus said, “I haven’t broken any serious laws. I haven’t done any of the drugs and I haven’t murdered anyone just yet.”

“Should I be concerned about the yet part?” Virgil asked.

“Honestly if I were dating me, I’d be a little concerned in general.” Remus grinned.

Virgil smiled back. “But if you haven’t done the drugs or the murder yet, what have you done?”

“Oh, y'know. The usual.” He shrugged. “Pirating. Underage drinking. A little light shoplifting.”

“Eh. Who doesn’t do that?” Virgil shook his head. “I mean, asides from the shoplifting, I don’t think many people do that, but if it’s from a large corporation and you need the stuff I don’t really see the issue.”

Remus smirked. “So… you don’t mind?”

Virgil shrugged. “Be gay, do crime, am I right?”

“Oh thank fuck.”

~*~

Virgil sat at the dinner table, feeding himself spaghetti and trying to ignore his fathers gaze.

“So,” his mother said, looking expectedly at Virgil, “how come you never invite your friend around when we’re home.”

Virgil frowned. “What friend?”

“Y'know, that friend,” his mother repeated. “The one that’s always around.” She turned to his brother. “Remy, dear, what did you say his name was?”

“You mean Remus?” Remy offered.

“Remus! That’s it.” His mother turned back to Virgil. “He’s come round a few times now, hasn’t he?”

There was a brief silence as Virgil sucked up his piece of spaghetti, mostly to avoid the question. “He’s a friend,” he finally said.

His mother smiled, but it seemed somewhat bitter. “I’m glad you’re making friends, Virgil, but it just seems odd. You’ve never really invited anyone over before.”

“Oh. Well.” Virgil shrugged. “He’s my boyfriend. So I guess that’s a little different.”

His mother giggled. Remy glanced at Virgil, looking alarmed. His father just stared harder.

“What?” Virgil felt his shoulder tense up. “I’m not joking. Remus is actually my boyfriend.”

His mother snorted. “Yeah, real funny Virgil. We know you’re not… that.”

Virgil frowned. “Actually, uh, I am. I’ve known that I’m gay for a while now. So.”

His mother stared at him. “You’re not joking, are you?” she said, sounding serious.

Virgil locked his eyes on the table. Why the fuck had he done that? He… He should’ve known that his mother would react that way. The family always tended to shy away from that kind of stuff - asides from Remy, of course, supportive as ever - so why would he even think that his mother would be okay with any of this?

Remy raised a hand. “Uh, if it’s any consolation, I’m also gay. And I’m pretty sure Dad’s bisexual, not gonna lie.”

His father glared daggers at Remy, and Remy lowered his hand.

“Okay, maybe he isn’t bi, but I am actually a massive homosexual.”

“Remy, you’re not helping,” his mother said, through gritted teeth. She turned back to Virgil, plastering on a fake smile. “How long have you been like that?”

Virgil frowned. “Well, I’d imagine my whole life, but I realised when I was, like, thirteen? Fourteen? Some time around then.”

His mother shook her head. “No, that can’t be right. I mean, you haven’t had any… any boyfriends before, have you?”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “I haven’t really had any friends period. I’m just nowstarting to get friends and the fact I also just happen to enjoy kissing one of them doesn’t change that.”

“Don’t talk about kissing boys at the dinner table,” his mother chided.

“If I was talking about kissing girls would you think differently?”

His mother spluttered, not able to get any words out.

“Thought so.” Virgil stood up. “I guess I’ll just got talk about kissing boys somewhere else.” He left the kitchen, taking his spaghetti with him.

~*~

There was a gentle knock on his bedroom door. Assuming that it was his mother, Virgil wrapped his blankets tighter around him and tried to wipe away his tears and steady his breathing. Maybe if she thought he wasn’t in here, she would go away.

He heard the door open, footsteps creeping towards his bed, and felt somebody weigh down on him, sitting on the end of his bed. He buried himself deeper into his mattress, trying his very hardest to disappear. The person placed a hand on Virgil’s back - or his duvet, really - and rubbed gently. Virgil wanted to swipe the hand away, until he heard a voice.

“Hey, Virge.” It was Remy. Just Remy. “I’m… sorry about back there. I know Mom can be a little intense.”

Virgil turned over, unwrapping his blankets slightly so he could see Remy. “That wasn’t intense. That was just…”

“I know, I know.” Remy sighed. “She’ll come around.”

Virgil closed his eyes, trying to stop his tears. “I don’t think she will.”

“She will,” Remy promised. “And… if she doesn’t, if it gets any worse, I’ll just take you away. We can get our own place and you can have as many boyfriends as you want. I mean, I’m assuming you just want the one, but you know what I mean. We’d never even have to see her again.”

“And Dad?” Virgil wondered. “He didn’t even say anything.”

“He’ll come around too,” Remy promised. “They both will. Things will get better.”

Virgil lifted his blanket over his head again.

“If it makes any difference, I’m happy for you,” Remy said. “You have an amazing boyfriend, and being gay is just about the best thing you can be.”

Virgil huffed, smiling a little.

“Do you want me to stay here?” Remy asked.

“No, it’s fine,” Virgil said. “You go back to bed.”

“Okay.” Remy patted him. “I’m next door if you next anything.”

~*~

Virgil felt himself get pushed against the wall. He had just left his class before lunch, and turned into an empty hallway when the attacker stuck. His heart rate increased, brain screaming that things were going back to the way it was before, but then the ‘attacker’ pressed against his lips, kissing him, and Virgil realised what was going on. He relaxed a little, kissing back.

Eventually Remus pulled away, and smirked at Virgil. “Oh my God, you should’ve seen your face then.”

Virgil breathed in. “That wasn’t funny, Remus. I was genuinely afraid for a second.”

“What did you think I was gonna do?”

Virgil sighed. “I dunno. Punch me. Kick me. Threaten me with a knife.”

Remus seemed a little upset about that. “Why would I do any of that?”

“Usually when people push me against a wall, it means one of those three things are coming,” Virgil said, through a smile. He began to walk down the hall again, towards the cafeteria.

“Has… Has that happened to you before?” Remus asked, jogging a little to catch up.

“Well, asides from the knife part.” Virgil shrugged. “I mean, you know about my last school, right?”

“I know you said you had a hard time there, but…”

“Well, that was what I was talking about.” Virgil shoved his hands in his pockets. “I mean, not just that, of course, but that was a big part of it.”

“Virgil,” Remus said, softly, “I’m sorry.”

Virgil shrugged. “Eh. It’s in the past. Nothing bad has happened at this school yet. And I’ve got you to protect me.”

“Still.” Remus wrapped an arm around Virgil’s shoulder. “You never should’ve had to deal with that. I’m… I’ll find everyone who did, and threaten them with a knife.”

“You really don’t have to do that,” Virgil said.

“They did it to you.”

“Nobody threatened me with a knife.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t threaten them.”

Virgil smiled. “Okay, well, thanks anyway. I don’t… I don’t really think any of them deserve to be punished for what they did, but…”

“Of course they do,” Remus said. “They hurt you, Virgil.”

“Yeah, and I’d never want the same to happen to them.” Virgil sighed. “We were young and stupid. They probably didn’t know any better. I just… hope they learn something from it. Hope they grow out of being massive dicks.”

Remus hummed. “Well. I won’t dig any further, then.”

They reached the cafeteria, and split off, Remus going to join D and Virgil going to join Patton and Logan.

~*~

Virgil laid in his bed, holding his phone up in front of his face. It was now or never, really. He had to tell someone about Remus, especially after what went down with his parents a couple nights previously. He was fed up of keeping this a secret from his friends. But it was harder than it looked.

He read over his message one more time:

hey guys, so i know this may come as a shock to you, buuuuut i just so happen to have a boyfriend. and i’ve been meaning to tell you for like ages but apparently can’t bring myself to say it to your faces. so yeah uhhh please don’t hate me thanks bye

Cringing a little but trying his best to ignoring his brain, he closed his eyes, pressed send, and threw his phone to the side. He brought up his hands and covered his face, taking deep breathes. His phone buzzed about fifty times, but he ignored it, scared to see what the others would say. Eventually, the phone started ringing.

He glanced over, seeing Patton’s name pop up on the screen. He groaned. Really wasn’t in the mood to talk. Texting was one thing, holding a conversation was another.

He let the call go to voicemail, then picked up his phone, reading through the messages in the group chat.

Patton: :O

Patton: Virgil!

Patton: that’s awesome!!!

Patton: who is it?

Logan: Oh, that is great news Virgil. If the reason you were afraid to tell us is because of the implications of having a 'boyfriend’ rather than a 'girlfriend’, I’d just like to let you know that I support you regardless of that fact, and I assume Patton does as well. I’m sure you’re aware of Patton’s pansexuality and my own homosexuality, so really no issue. That being said, I’m very happy for you.

Patton: tell me everything!!!!!

Patton: oh yeah Logan’s right of course we accept you v

Patton: Virgil? You there buddy?

Patton: Virgilllllllll

Virgil breathed in, and quickly typed out a response.

Virgil: yeah, uh, thanks guys. i mean i wasn’t afraid about the whole gay thing anyway but i’m glad to know that y'all accept me and shit.

Virgil: anyway. uh.

Virgil: i’m dating remus.

~*~

The next day at school, all six of them sat together for lunch. Patton invited Remus and D over to their own table, which Remus quickly accepted and D more reluctantly accepted after heavy persuasion from Remus. After texting his friends the night before, Virgil had managed to convince them that Remus was good for him. Upon explaining that he was in love and all that, Patton was pretty quick to accept it all. And Logan didn’t really need much convincing - he never really had that much of a problem with Remus in the first place, only knowing what Roman had told him.

But he and Remus were together now, and nothing could stop that. Maybe his mother hadn’t spoken to him since that dinner, but Virgil didn’t care too much about that - it wasn’t as if she spoke much to him before. Same with his father. He had Remy, at least, still supporting him from the side, and Roman now as well he guessed.

Remus and Virgil held hands under the table as they ate. And that was fine. Everything was fine now.

~*~

Virgil collapsed against Remus’ body, closing his eyes. It was after school, and neither particularly wanted to go home, so they sat together on the school field, watching the clouds float by. Remus wrapped an arm around Virgil’s shoulder, pulling him in tight.

“Thank you,” Virgil whispered. “For being here.”

Remus began to stroke Virgil’s hair. “You don’t need to thank me.”

“But this is exactly what I needed. After all the shit that went down in my last school,” Virgil said.

Remus shook his head. “You don’t need a boyfriend because of that. You need a support system, and you have it. I’m just glad your friends don’t hate me anymore.”

Virgil giggled. “Yeah, I guess that’s a plus.”

“I’m glad you came back,” Remus said. “I missed you so much.”

“Well.” Virgil smiled. “I’m never leaving again.”

They kissed, all of their worries fading away into the air around them.

#dukexiety #tw panic attack #tw cursing #tw homophobia #tw threats #spring fling 2020 #submission

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onlyfortheplot · 4 years ago

Text

This is Me

Hey, I know requests are closed but this ones kinda an emergency. Feel free to not take it though, I'm kinda not important anyway. But I was wondering if you could do either Hinata, Oikawa, Sugawara, Nishinoya, or Kageyama (can be all, can be just some, can be just 1) helping you through a panic attack, and you coming out to them as non-binary? I could use some comfort :( I just came out to my best friend (well I guess former best friend now), and she dropped me, said I was weird. Thank you <3 - Anon

Synopsis:

Coming out to your boyfriend as non-binary, after one of your friends rejects you for it.

Pairing: Oikawa Tooru x reader, Sugawara Koushi x reader

Song: “This is Me” ---- The Greatest Showman

Warning: Cissexism, Bullying, Implied Panic Attacks

A/N:

Hello Anon!!! I hope you know that you do matter, and I was more than happy to write this for you! (I left out certain words I wasn’t sure that I could use such as:babe or baby) Let me know if there is anything, on my side, I could do to help you! Remember my Dm’s and ask boxes are always open for you! Thank you so much for trusting my in writing this <3 REQUESTS CLOSED (excluding emergency requests) reposting because of tags

MASTERLIST

Your hands were wrapped around your throat as you stood in front of the bathroom mirror. Oh god, you hated yourself right now.

Your eyes darted to the phone on your bathroom counter, to your face, tears streaming down it.

The phone buzzed, the vibration moving it slightly. You couldn’t look at it. You knew what she would say, anyway. But, there was something —something from deep inside you that believed, maybe just maybe your friend would understand.

You let go of your heart, instead placing your wet palm on your chest. You could feel the great pounding of your heartbeat. You clenched at your think shirt.

You closed your eyes, quickly tapping the notification. Please, don’t say it. Please don’t say it. Please don’t—

BFF <3

What? Umm? Okay, that’s kinda...

BFF has blocked you.

You felt your heart jump in your throat, your hands dropping to your sides as you stared at the message. S-she doesn’t...

“Why is this so different?“ You stared at your hands, looking for any difference in your skin. There was nothing. Nothing. You were the same weren’t you.

If anything... weren’t you better. After years of being uncomfortable in your own skin. After years of knowing that something was off... you had found it.

“Is being non-binary such a bad thing?“ you whispered to yourself, as tears dropped onto your skin. You tried to hold back a sob.

“Love?“ You flinched at the sudden knock on the door. Oh crap, you had forgotten you weren’t alone. You sighed, pushing your hair back as you rubbed your tear-streaked face with the sleeve of your hoodie.

“Tooru?“ you said, forcing your voice to stay level. To hide all the emotions you were feeling.

“Open the door, please?“ He sounded so sweet and innocent, and you could almost see his puppy dog eyes as he continued to murmur soft words.

You leaned over, clutching the handle. But, you couldn’t open it. There was something in you that stopped.

“No,“ you whispered to yourself at thoughts began to swamp your head. No. There was no way.

But, what if... he left you like she did. What happens if he were to think you’re weird. You wouldn’t be able to take it. The physical pain would be to real. To intense. You clutched at your chest again.

Oh no.

You dropped to your knees, your arms quacking as you stared at the bathroom floor. Your head was spinning and you could feel your stomach clench tightly.

“Y/N, Y/N!“ He was pounding the door now. The sounds only mixed in with the loud screeching in your head. It was as if you had lost control of your body.

“Y/N,“ The door slammed open, crashing against the wall as Oikawa shouted, gasping for air as he looked at you.

“Tooru?“ you whimpered as he stared at you confused.

“Y/N?“ his voice trembled as he spoke, his hand slowly reaching towards you. “Are you okay?“

“No,“ It was an instinctive answer. You weren’t okay. How could you be. You’re best friend, former rather, dumped you. Because you accepted yourself. Accepted who you were.

“Y/N, you want to talk about it.“

No. You didn’t want to talk about it. The physical pain you could feel from her rejection. But, you had too. He had the right to know. You were dating him after all.

“Tooru, can you sit down,“ you didn’t look at him, “Please.“

He shuffled closer to you, slowly lowering himself down beside you. He pressed his knees into his chest as he looked up at you curiously.

“Tooru,“ you took a deep breath. Oh god. Your hands were shaking. You were scared. What happens if he breaks up with you. What happens if he —

“Y/N?“ he grabbed your hands, bringing it to his lips, you flinched at the contact “Tell me, Y/N, it’s okay.“

“Tooru,“ you swiped your hands from him, “I’m...” You struggled to find the words. Never in a million years had you thought you would come out to your boyfriend in a bathroom. After a breakdown.

“I’m non-binary.“ The words were out before you knew it. You lowered your head, tucking your chin in as tears started to form. You braced yourself for his harsh words.

“Non-binary?“ he repeated, he grabbed your shoulders and shook you a bit, “Y/N, can you look at me, please.“

You didn’t want to.

But, you did,

“I don’t know much, so you’ll have to explain, but...“ he trailed off as the tears overcame you. You sobbed as you lunged at him, grabbing his sweater.

“You don’t mind?“ you croaked as you hugged his neck.

“Of course not, Y/N, why would I?“ he rubbed soothing circles on your back as you continued to sob into his neck.

“Rita, thought it was...weird,“ you confessed. You felt the soothing rubs stop.

“Ignore that idiot.“ he hissed into your ear as he pulled you in.

“You really don’t mind.“ It was like a weight of your shoulders.

“Of course not, I love you.“ He almost sounded surprised that you would even assume that, “I love my amazing, significant other.“

You smiled through your tears as you cuddled into him

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad, after all.

You didn’t know what to feel after that conversation. How was one to feel after being dropped by someone you knew for most of your life.

You curled into a ball on your bed, tightly squeezing your knees. You closed your eyes, willing the tears to stay put and to not come out.

It was, all in all, a pretty horrible conversation. You hadn’t expected it to go this bad. It hurt it really did. You didn’t think being non-binary made you any different.

You were still the same loving, caring person from before. If anything, you had just come to terms with who you were. But, apparently he didn’t think so.

The disgusted look etched in his face had scared you. He had looked completely appalled with you. He had given you a scornful look, as he chucked a soft drink at you.

You were, still, wearing the soaked sweater. You were sure Koushi was going to scold you for soaking the bed, but you didn’t care. You couldn’t care. It was almost as if you were numb.

It hurt, it really did. Even if you didn’t want to accept it. It hurt being treated like that. Like you were an alien, in a human’s skin. You had been before. Before coming to terms with being non-binary. But, now you couldn’t help but feel lost.

“It’s probably 5.“ you mumbled into your knees. Koushi should be home by now. You sighed. You didn’t want this. You didn’t want to be hated for who you were. You didn’t want this. At least Koushi—

Your heart stopped. Koushi.

What happens if he didn’t agree with you. What happens if he thinks the same way he did. What happens if he breaks up with you.

“No, no!” you hissed at yourself.

There was no way, Sugawara would do that. Would he?

You could feel it start. Your fingers trembled, unable to even hold your knees together. Your heartbeat elevated, at the terrible thoughts that flooded your brain.

“No, no,no.“ It was a chant now. As huffed breaths. You could’t even feel yourself draw in any air. No. No. No. No. No...

“Angel?“ there was a soft rap on the door. You squirmed in your spot. You couldn’t move. You couldn’t breath.

You must have been screaming. Your voice was hoarse, there was no sound. It was blank. But, your mind roared. No. No. No...

“Y/N,“ Sugawara frantically draped a blanket over your shoulders, drawing you into his arms.

“Koushi,“ you muttered. Or at least you thought you did,

“Y/N,“ he rocked in his arms, moving slowly. “Look at me, look at me.“

You turned your head towards him, resting it upon his shoulder. He was nervous. You could tell from his eyes. It was a stormy gray, much darker then his light silver.

“What happened.“ You thought he would scold you for your wet attire, “Tell me, angel, what happened?“

“Suga, can I tell you something.“ You weren’t ignoring his question. Not really.

“Yes, love.“ It was now or never. Now or never. Now...or never. Now.

“I think...No. I know I’m non-binary.“ he stilled his movements. You wriggled in his grasp. Was he...Did he...

“Okay, Y/N,“ he whispered into your ear, as he continued with the rocking motion.

“You—you don’t mind?“ your voice cracked at the last word, as your dam broke, tears flooding his neck.

“Of course not, my love.“ he pressed a kiss onto your hair.

“Really?“ You couldn’t believe it. It was a hard thing to believe after all that.

He hummed a small ‘yes’. As he tucked you closer, drawing the blankets in, pressing it against your body.

You felt your eyes close, from relief, as you let go of your worries.

Of course not.

He love you. No matter what.

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