#of detachment from myself. like i don’t want to be me i want to be a completely different person and maybe it just seems gender is the way
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milolunde · 1 month ago
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We all know Timmy is Wanda’s mama’s boy but we need to keep in mind he’s still Cosmo’s kid too and that Cosmo would love him just as vehemently as Wanda
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#fairly oddparents#not that anyone has portrayed him different#certainly not distance he loves Timmy he probably says it the most in the show and in fanon#but still- watching New Wish there felt like there was a disconnect with Cosmos character-like he wasn’t as well defined as he was in OG#that’s in part due to them toning him down from being an idiot plain and simple but I feel like it wasn’t fitted with something else it was#simply taken away#just to say he didn’t have as much of a presence to me in New Wish as Wanda did and I crave spinning Cosmo around in my brain#I want to see Poof being his Dad’s Boy yknow and I want to see cosmo doting and I want to see when he gets like. parental rage for the sake#of his kids#yknow? Yknow? part of him feeling detached in a new wish has translated into him not wanting to get as close to Hazel as he did Timmy-#to try and play it more like godparents are supposed to- just a presence for a couple months#but also because like. he got SO attached to Timmy and he’ll never regret it and he’d never do anything different#but idk. if it were me I wouldn’t have the capacity to go through losing my godkid again after becoming that attached#that’s not even mentioning that they don’t HAVE to be in hazel’s life the same way they were in Timmy’s because Timmy was going through#neglect and Hazel has loving family and friends all around her at all times- her blocks are mental#in that way cosmo and Wanda just have to do the Typical Godparent Job of aiding her- not becoming people she desperately needs in life#which also bleeds into why I think Peri was having such a. difficult time#godparents aren’t supposed to be attached the way his family was to Timmy and that how he learned it#but his first godkid is Not Easy and lends immediately to the issues Timmy was having where he HAS parents he HAS things (though . Timmy#was not rich and would sometimes not be fed… dev’s dad also forgets to feed him but dev is still able to eat you know)#and how he grew up with his parents as godparents and how he’s been taught are conflicting and it’s nature vs doing a good job quoteunquote#I didn’t mean to ramble so damn much in the tags I’m really sorry#told myself if I had more to say I’d write it down and post it later but I must be heard.
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fuckdamn · 6 months ago
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everytime i’m faced with wild overt misogyny that’s just platformed like it’s nothing i remind myself that people don’t actually have to feel this way about women. men are fully capable of treating women like human beings and viewing them as such. “but socialization but male fantasies but patriatchy speaks through us even when we don’t recognize it” sure but actually regardless there exist men who are fundamentally not raging misogynists and they generally seem happier and better adjusted. misogyny to me isn’t disappointing because “oh i can’t believe Men, as an essentialized category of person, are like this” it’s disappointing because people make the choice to be like this. “it’s my biological imperative as a man to dominate you” okay well it’s my biological imperative as a freaky bitch to dominate you so what now. what biological imperative is making you comment “onlyfans detected opinion rejected” on every picture of any attractive woman. i think i will always be understood by most people as a woman and i’m learning to accept that and trying to like it but misogyny makes me feel very trapped of course. but misogyny is a choice. which means some people make the choice to be misogynistic which is profoundly frustrating. but many other people choose not to be actively misogynistic and i believe anyone could choose not to be actively misogynistic if they wanted. so it’s a whole thing
#lotte.txt#womanhood is a fun thing to participate in with women who do not hate women. otherwise it’s very stifling and starts to not be worth it 4 me#for other girls — cis and trans btw — i think relishing in womanhood still feels worth it even when it’s very difficult and i admire that#but apart from my fashion sense and bloodlust i feel very detached from womanhood as like this primal animate Essence#but i don’t really want to be a man either. i like being a Weird Girl i like being a Hot Weird Girl#i’m more of a Hot Weird Girl than a Hot Weird Boy and i’ve discovered that through trial and error#and calling myself nonbinary/fluid accurately describes my experience in a lot of ways. but i also sometimes feel like the label doesn’t..#serve me? if that makes sense#like i got really into kibbe in 2020 and it was like oh shit i’m a soft dramatic. how cool that there’s something that describes my body#but after a while i got exhausted with kibbe because yeah. by the logic of the system of course i’m a soft dramatic#and i operate with that knowledge in the back of my mind. but also so what. i am aware of the shape of my body now#and now i feel the label has very little left to offer me#like if you’re asking? sure i’m a kibbe soft dramatic. but i don’t hold kibbe’s system as law or view it as crucially important#that is very much how i feel rn about calling myself nonbinary#like if you want me to think about it? yeah i don’t strictly conform to the gender binary#but i don’t believe gender itself is useful for my growth - i don’t hold the institution of the gender binary sacred - why bother#why draw attention to where i exist within the system when i’m tired of defining myself in terms of the system at all. yk#aUghj. anyway
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itspileofgoodthings · 6 months ago
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also it’s interesting because. my family is deeply unsentimental (in a very powerful way) and society is divided into the pretty heartless or the pretty sentimental (generally speaking) and I’m sort of this walking heart wound of emotion trying to straddle these lines (and having a hard time of it!) but one of the things that does guard me from being more sentimental than I am is the secret cruelty and unfairness that lurks at the bottom of all sentimentality.
#like. schools are just such an interesting example#because they HAVE to combat the cruelty of the world#and there has to be love and warmth and support#especially if the school is a good one or trying to be and especially if the staff cares (which good teachers do)#but all the awards and the celebrations and trying to make things feel special can breed bitterness and resentment and a certain#stale weariness almost?#and yes some of that is just the human condition#it doesn’t mean you should do away with all of them just because you can’t please everyone#some of it is just the nature of the game of it all#but there is something where it becomes cloying very quickly#when wanting to celebrate students becomes detached from quality or high expectations#and even when it is united there is something I don’t like about the continual celebration of one student over another#of the kind of instinctive favorite picking schools do in terms of like ‘these are the golden kids’#and I get it I get it we need things to keep us going too. something to celebrate someone who appreciates us#but it’s just. on some level no! no kid above reproach no kid beyond redemption#because that’s life but it’s also just kids!!!#the only real safe space for me to interact with them is teacher / student and they are allllll my students#and I have a job to do by all of them not just the ones who love me#and many of them do and i love them in return!!#but just sort of letting the love hang in the air without immediately sinking it back into the work#or using it to redirect them#and at some point just stepping all the way back#to see and remind them that my job is to be a door and a guide into something bigger than me#isn’t good. it makes it sour more. and also in some way is me hurting people more#like this senior class is special to me. they just are. and yet to dwell too much on that in my speech (a temptation) actually has all sorts#of pitfalls attendant on it.#including exposing myself to the scorn of the kids who are like ‘who’s that lol’#which is funny and balancing in itSELF#but even if the whole class is on board the wave of sentimentality it actually shuts me off more from the students I currently teach#making that somehow seem less because they are not my ‘favorite’
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eternal-reverie · 6 months ago
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got the posting anxiety bad tonight
#click clack#ok a peak into my thought process and anxiety here we go#ok so the art is almost done and up to standard I would post onto my art blog#BUT for some reason the thought of posting art of my ocs there scares me#because even tho it’s my art blog in my mind it’s the equivalent to a art gallery that demands being detached????? from the art#like once I share it there it’s no longer ‘mine’ but to the public#and my ocs (plus the stories that go with them) are like the closest to my heart and relinquishing them feels like a lot#a part of my imagination that I spent so much time with developing over the years to be placed up for judgement…#so then the solution could be to put it here on my personal! the online space cozy enough and filled with other posts that could easily bury#the original posts I put here#but there goes my other dilemma. i don’t want them too associated with my personal for if one day i do muster up something for publication#my big fear is that ppl will find this space and go thru everything. the fear of being perceived and judged 😵‍💫#all the hypotheticals and anxiety for something that may not even happen#dumb mind problems my head made up 🙄#anyway writing it out helped lol I’m posting it to my art blog I decided 👍#I have to work on getting that blog to be comfortable space to post… i should lower that silly self imposed standard I set for myself#and be whatever about ppl being aware of my online presences#maybe… [grinding my teeth] I should post my messy sketches onto my art blog…#I should take my friends suggestion and make a website to feature my ocs…🤔#idk my only other solution that doesn’t feel viable to mitigate the anxiety is to slowly introduce my ocs in the background of setting art#just a slow drip until they are in the forefront#bleghhh whatever much ado about nothing it’s like I never posted my ocs ever when I have indeed posted them before on both places ( º_º )#I’m realizing it happens too when I post too much fanart in a row… I have curator disease??? 🫨#or something I used to be very particular about what order I reblog stuff like it used to be by color and content balanced out#I still do to a lesser degree… but it used to be pretty bad#post order compulsion????#the fear of being abrupt and incohesive in between posts…#if you read this far thanks you can now see how much this consumes me 🙃
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lilworms · 1 month ago
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sometimes i remember traumatic moments in my life and i’m kind of stunned by how detached i am from them now
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lightblueminecraftorchid · 3 months ago
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it’s not fair that so much of my memory and cognitive function is tied up in something I cannot control or reasonably prevent
#blue chatter#EMDR therapy is genuinely helpful#but I’m starting to hate how much it impacts my ability to function afterwards#I don’t wanna feel like my consciousness is detaching from reality like a moist sticky note after every session#I don’t want to have gaps in my memory for hours afterward#it’s not fair that other people inflicted all these traumatic experiences onto me#and now I have to process them and suffer the consequences#I told my therapist today that I’m angry at myself for not being able to spin enough plates#that if I had just been more attentive and had more energy and worked on my homework like I should have#I wouldn’t have suffered nearly as much from the deep distrust and constant surveillance academically#and if I hadn’t been so easy to manipulate and groom#my parents wouldn’t have had a good reason to violate my privacy and read all my text messages and browser history#I’m angry that I never earned my right to privacy#and I’m angry at my brain now (even though I know it’s unfair)#why can’t I just process this like a normal person#why do I have to have all these new scary symptoms I’m not used to#why can’t I just get therapy and face my traumas and anxieties and get over it quickly#and I know that’s unfair. and I’d never say that to somebody else.#I just want this all to be over with. I want a life where I don’t just stop functioning once a week.#I hate having to write off the rest of the day after a session because nothing gets done#and my brain turns into goo and I feel floaty and spacey and strangely unable to move or think#it’s not usually like I can’t respond at all. or pay attention. it just takes so much effort. and my body and brain feel strangely heavy#and clumsy. like I’m walking in a mech suit or something.#I want my brain back.#but I know that getting it back means doing this work now#which sucks and I don’t like it. esp since I don’t know for sure that this will ever go away.#it’s scary to lose memories of important events and lose chunks of time and feel like I can’t trust my own version of events#how can I know if I’m being gaslit if I cant trust my memory already? it terrifies me that I’m so vulnerable#anyway. rant over. sorry y’all.
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pepprs · 1 year ago
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my depression is getting really really bad. like it’s been bad before but this is like… consistently really bad. like a long unending stretch for several weeks (and tbh months) now. to the point where no inoculation actually sticks (and im isolating myself from most of my inoculations anyway and feel unable to stop doing it even though i know it’s self destructive). im either helplessly unbearably miserable or numbing out on video games. i just don’t feel like it’s going to get better for me and i KNOW that is factually untrue but the feeling is louder than the knowledge and it’s just utterly immobilizing. ive been sinking in quicksand for 2 years.
#purrs#longer than that too ofc but i think ever since i moved to campus in 2021 and shit started hitting the fan my life just started snowballing#and picked up speed majorly when i moved back home and ive been stuck in this horrible limbo ever since. like im scaring myself with how#deeply profoundly unhappy and unwell i am. i am just detached and scattered and bewildered by everything. and the only way to break free is#to fight it but i don’t even have the strength. like in order to fight it i have to have the strength and it s exactly the thing that is#being stolen from me. and i work really really hard to suppress it when im around people so no one can tell but on the inside im being eaten#alive and every day that goes on the pain gets harder to bear except im numb most of the time so i can’t tell except for when i can#one of the things that makes me saddest is ive pushed everyone away either by ghosting them or scaring them. when what i want and need the#most is love and comfort. but then when i get it it isn’t enough. idk. im not explaining it well i just feel like. horrible. unbearably#i think i need to go on meds like i truly cannot go on like this not even in a s*i cidal way it’s like i just can’t take living like this#delete later#i know im causing the people who love me pain by being unable to accept that they do love me and that’s the worst fucking part. is hurting#people by being like this. scaring people by being like this. and being so disconnected from myself#and feeling completely and utterly beyond help like nothing ive tried has fixed it but also there are a lot of things i haven’t tried but i#feel so terrible or my freedom is limited so i can’t. idk.#also the crushing knowledge / sense that i have lost the most precious important years of my life both bc of the lockdown and bc of mental#illness lol. except that’s not true bc of all the stuff abt how your best years are always ahead of you and you can make them. but it doesnt#feel like it for me and then i beat myself up bc my job is literally to exude that belief and help other ppl feel it and i increasingly cant#i remember in high school having the thought that one day i could be depressed and being conscious that i wasn’t and now i look back on that#and am like… how. and will i ever not be. i don’t think so. it just feels unending
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t4tstarvingdog · 5 months ago
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i think i have to become more transgender
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imdressinguplikeacat · 1 year ago
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i genuinely need someone to beat the fuck out of me
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kavehater · 17 days ago
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Jaw dropped what.
#ppl are entitled to feel how they feel bla bla bla ik the drill#dora daily#I actually don’t exactly feel salty rn bc I’m trying hard to be detached like who cares if nobody will ever like me ndieows !!! who cares if#I’m not lovable !!!#OK affirmations over basically like girl ….#you get everything#even took my friend from me what 😭#and you say no one likes you NDOWWKA#someone literally made an artwork for you for free as a present fyi#like yesterday 😭#girl I don’t even get ppl sending me things that remind them of me bc no one cares 😭#wdym no one cares about you#if I had a speck of what you had I’d feel so loved#at least you don’t need to make up imaginary people who can love you PFFTTTT#I’m laughing at myself not her#but yeah#like I only got something sent to me once or so and it was an ayato fanart that they thought I’d like#pls I treasured that so hard what and that artwork wasn’t even made for me#it was an artist who drew it and someone sent it to me bc they remembered I liked ayato a lot 😭#that’s so sweet I still am so grateful 😭#the bar is in hell#istg ppl like her make taking drugs and being an alcoholic sound divine bc what 😭#if your existence is miserable then mine is so much so I deserve to be dead ok#you go to concerts and I’m holed up in my room unable to go to the shop near my home which is in walking distance …#I can’t even go to uni without updating my mum every two steps or else she’ll go ballistic#once I forgot to tell her I got on the train after she took me to the station im 99% sure she took me to the station#and started calling me and leaving voicemails#IM SCREWED !!!#you go to concerts on your own …#you can dress how you want without your mum picking every outfit for you ….
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urbanfiltered · 2 months ago
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:-)
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sweetmodel · 2 months ago
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How I became a master shifter (+ why methods aren't working for you)
Hello! I’ve been seeing a lot of disinformation lately, and I’ve noticed that some people might need help, so I wanted to chime in. I can shift whenever I want, and I see a LOT of limiting beliefs—but I understand because I was once on the other side.
Disclaimer: This is all based on my personal experience with how I became a master shifter. You’ll want to read everything—it’s important.
I first shifted around March 2022. I would always use methods. I would affirm, tell myself I was detached from this reality, and so on. During my very first shift, I literally affirmed all night long (if this sounds familiar, it’s because I used to have another blog here, lol). You know, really complicated stuff. Then... things changed. I couldn’t shift anymore. I kept using the same methods, but they didn’t work!
That’s when I started questioning everything about shifting and consciousness. Why was it that I could be in another reality where things like magic exist, but then suddenly I couldn’t shift anymore? Why were the methods, like lucid dreaming or the void, seemingly more powerful than the act of switching realities itself? Why, when I shifted from my Desired Reality to my Current Reality, all I needed to do think of my CR to shift back—but it didn’t work the other way around?
None of it made sense! And I’m sure many others have asked themselves these same questions.
I came up with two theories:
This reality has something unique compared to the infinite other realities. To shift from here, you need something extra, like a method.
There’s something else at play, something unrelated to the realities themselves.
I dismissed the first option. There’s nothing inherently special about this reality. So why do we use methods here but not in our DRs?
Then, I thought back to how I used to shift... detaching from my body, affirming until I shifted. It all aligned with my subconscious beliefs. The method didn’t work because that’s how shifting works, but because it made sense to my subconscious. Of course I would shift if I did these things—because that’s what I believed shifting required.
Well... kind of. As I said, it made sense because it aligned with my beliefs. So when the method failed, I wasn’t letting myself shift.
Did you catch that? I didn’t let myself shift. Of course, it wasn’t the method. At what point do you actually shift? Is it when you affirm? Do you really think the universe is just waiting for you to say the right thing enough times before it switches you to your DR?
No. It’s you.
So, you have two choices:
Find a method that truly aligns with your beliefs, or
Change your subconscious beliefs.
Changing your beliefs might seem hard, but I’m going to explain why it’s not as difficult as it feels.
All your life, you’ve had certain beliefs, but those beliefs came from somewhere. You weren’t born thinking you need methods to shift—it’s something that developed over time. Which means it’s not set in stone. It can be changed.
I realized that every reality holds the same weight. There’s NOTHING you can do in this one—no intrusive thoughts or negative emotions—that can stop you. Why? Because those thoughts and emotions are products of this reality. Shifting is simply changing what you’re aware of. That’s literally it. Anything outside of that can’t stop you.
Yes, we’ve all seen those posts saying things like, "Oh, you’re not focused enough" or "You spend too much time on X, Y, Z" or even "You don’t go outside enough" (I legit read this on here—y'all are wildin’). Are you in your DR thinking "Oh, I thought about failing to shift, it means I won't :("? Of course you aren't! But nothing can stop you from shifting. Nothing can stop you from being aware that you are a master shifter.
So, how do you become aware of that?
I started affirming throughout the day. I would tell myself these things:
I’m pure consciousness. I create my reality, and everything around me is just what I choose to perceive.
I’m a master shifter. I don’t need methods. All I need to do is choose to shift, think of my DR, and it happens.
Nothing in the 3D can stop me from shifting, because I’m in the 4D and pure consciousness.
I told myself these things constantly, and I truly understood what I was affirming. What being pure consciousness and being a master shifter actually meant. I stopped using methods. I stopped acting like this reality was special compared to the ones I wanted to be in. And then... it happened.
I shifted. During the day. I simply thought of my DR, told myself, I want to shift, and there I was—in my DR. It happened because, as I said, my subconscious beliefs changed and then manifested in my reality. The same way they did when I believed I needed methods.
Naturally, I stopped using methods. I stopped trying to shift. I no longer thought, Okay, tonight I’m going to shift, and I'm going to use X method. Because that’s not how you think or act when you’re a master shifter. I let go—why would I bother using a method before sleeping when I could just stand up, think about my DR, and be there? Why would I bother doing a method before falling asleep when I knew I'm a master shifter?
I allowed myself to shift. It was me! When people ask, What method did you use? What did you do to shift?—do you really, truly believe it’s the method that makes you shift? Of course you do, because you live in a reality that seems logical, and you apply that logic to shifting. But shifting isn’t logical! It just happens! I have no idea why—it’s literally just magic to me—but that’s how it works.
So, you need to understand: You make it happen. That’s a good thing, right? It means you don’t need methods, and you don’t need to keep searching for “the key.”
Anyway, I hope this helps someone. (Also yes, before you tell me, I know this is basically Law Of Assumption. But I wanted to explain it in more of shifting terms)
(Also if someone wants to post this to another social you have my permission- especially reddit since I was active in that community but I deleted my acc lol)
Edit: Hey guys there are some additional notes in the comments that might be useful!
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heirloommtomatoes · 1 year ago
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literally so miserable 😀
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f1amour · 1 month ago
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✧˚ · . make me juno
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pairing | max verstappen x popstar!reader
word count | 2.3k
content warnings | some social media au, established relationship, smitten max, light dom!max, oral (f receiving), dirty talk, multiple orgasms, fingering, brief choking kink, praise kink, squirting, HEAVY BREEDING KINK, cock warming, teasing, unprotected sex — 18+ only, minors do not interact
authors note | happy belated birthday to max #1 certified cat lover <3
navigation. | requests — open | main masterlist.
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yourusername juno out now available to download and stream! happy birthday baby 💋🤍
tagged — maxverstappen
comments below…
user1 MAX MUSIC VIDEO DEBUT
user2 begged for a cameo from max and we got a whole ass film 🧎‍♀️
yourusername my man is too hot for only a small cameo. made sure to showcase his actor side>>>
landonorris i did NOT have to watch an 8 minute film of you and max being horny. disgusting.
yourusername the first minute of the video was horny you could have exited but you watched the whole thing. our biggest fan 🥹🫶🏼
landonorris fuck off
maxverstappen1 wanna say that again?
landonorris 🏃‍♂️💨
user3 max trying to be serious through the video but breaks into a smile anytime y/n would sing to him 😭
user4 they just broke the internet with this video
user5 never thought i would see max and y/n horny on main in 2024
user6 did you guys not listen to her latest album? girl gave us a whole ass ovulation album. GIVE HER A BABY MAX!
maxverstappen1 i’m trying
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being with max for five years now you’d grown used to knowing his likes and dislikes; both in & out of bed.
especially in bed.
“have you always been this keen on having kids? even before me?” you manage to spit out while sitting on max’s lap, his lips prepping kisses all over your neck and chest.
you had just spent the day celebrating his birthday on a yacht with all of yours and max’s close friends and family so he had been extra needy arriving home since he couldn’t have his way with you all day with everyone surrounding both of you.
his lips detach from your neck looking you in the eyes full of love, “i’ll remind you any chance i get when it comes to that, you are the reason i want a family. the reason i see myself being your husband and father of our children before you i never saw that with anyone else.” max would take any chance to remind you how ready he was to be your husband and have kids with you.
“i don’t want to wait anymore. not for the wedding or the babies…i want it now.” you whisper desperately clinging onto max. his eyes widen at your statement, “now?”
“we’ll have the wedding after the baby is born. we can go to to the courthouse this week and make it official just us two. don’t you want that, maxie?” sitting on his lap grinding against his hardened cock make it even more difficult for him to say the words.
“yes…fuck yes of course, baby. i don’t want to wait any longer to have you as my wife. gonna fuck you so full of my cum tonight and make you a mommy. god i can’t wait any longer.” his hands cupping your face and pulling you into a hungry and messy kiss. both of you quickly removing your clothes off each other desperately needing to feel as close as possible.
you start getting on your knees but max pulls you back up, “as much as i want you on your knees stuffed with my cock in your mouth, i need to taste you.” his words immediately taking affect on your core.
“b-but it’s your birthday…w-w-wanna gi—.” your words stutter out, after placing you on the bed hovering over you his lips meet your neck down to your stomach before he situates himself between your thighs.
“getting to taste you is the best gift i could ever get.” your legs squeeze his head, thighs keeping him close to your pussy as he licks, laps, and sucks until you're close to the edge.
"’m so close, max, so close," you feel like you're in a trance as his fingers hook inside of you brushing your g-spot. he presses his palm into your lower tummy, applying gentle pressure as you nearly thrash under him from how intense the buildup is.
"cum for me, baby. make a mess all over my face," he growls before you feel yourself snapping as your orgasm flows through you. max rides you through the orgasm, tongue lapping at your core as your legs are left shaking.
“max…” you gasp out of breath as cleans you with his tongue, your fingers slowly caressing his hair. he
"you are so perfect, baby." he cooes, thumb resting on your lip as you part your mouth and bite down on it. you feel him stiffen under you, "ik hou van je. (i fucking love you)" he groans under his breath as you wrap your lips around his thumb.
"my fingers look so good shoved in your mouth," he purrs, hearing you whimper as he massages your pelvis. you can feel yourself growing wetter, the heaviness in your mouth feels comfortable before his lips are on yours.
"shit," he hisses, "i’m done waiting…i’ll take my time with you later.”
he doesn't give you a chance to speak before he's fisting his cock, lining up with your entrance, and pushing in "fuck, fuck," his voice is low and raspy, the feeling of him sinking into you, whispering out a various dutch words as he sinks deeper and deeper into you.
"this," he thrusts, slamming the headboard against the wall,"is what l've been fuckin' cravin. can’t wait to see you round and full." his thrusts are deep and slow before he can't hold back and he's fucking you into the mattress, loud moans and skin slapping are the only sounds filling the room.
your walls flutter around his cock and you're coming for the second time that night, "gonna have you cum a few more times, baby. keeping us up all night and make sure i get you pregnant." he snaps, bed in shambles as it creaks and squeaks before his own thrusts are growing sloppy.
"gonna fill you up," he moans, "fuck, you're gonna be so fuckin' stuffed. looking so perfect carrying our babies." his breathing is laboured, chasing his release before it hits him and he’s spilling inside you.
you stay close together for a brief moment before you both are desperate for another round, trying to rock your hips because he's still hard inside of you, "max…," you plead. "need more. please, please, please.”
he chuckles deeply at your desperation, "yeah?" he switches your positions, flipping over, lying on his back as you're straddling him and you fall into his chest because he’s impossibly deep, you were sure you’d come right there once again just from that position
you rock your hips, steadying yourself over his chest as he groans, "that's my good girl, you feel so fucking good like this. my soon to be wife. mother of our babies. i love you.” he’s lost himself in you, unable to form a coherent sentence as you lose yourself in the feeling of riding him like never before.
his sweet words and whines coming from his mouth have you quicken your movements, "you feel so good, max," you mumble, "all yours, baby. i’m all yours," he groans, digging his fingers into your skin as he meets your thrusts.
“how you doing, baby? you okay?” despite being deep inside you he slows down checking on you. he was starting to feel the exhaustion catch up to him but he was still hard as a fucking rock with your cunt clenching around him.
you nod giving him a smile, “m’ okay…getting sleepy,” you mumble out before pulling him closer to you (if that was even possible), “fill me up one more time, maxie. then we take a nap…and go again.”
despite being completely exhausted from the hours of fucking you wanted max to ensure you were pregnant by the end of the break. you were ready to become his wife and now have his babies as soon as possible.
his thrusts are deep and slow while you two conversed until your last sentence he can't hold back and he is fucking you senselessly now giving deep and rough thrusts, your moans filling the room chanting his name.
"come on, baby. cum 'round my cock, yeah…fuck," he hisses when you wrap your legs around his waist, locking him inside of you as he comes inside you once again.
catching your breaths you lay on top of him now, his cock buried inside you, “can’t believe we’ve been awake all night.” you chuckle against his chest while his hand plays with your hair.
“i have a month of uninterrupted free time with you and i’m gonna take advantage of that.” max kisses your head and you close your eyes getting comfortable in his arms.
“remember when we first met?” you ask him, knowing he’d go on a yap session about it. he would talk about it to anyone who asked and you loved him so much for knowing the small things just from the first moment you met.
“do i remember? how could i forget when you assumed i was a mechanic instead of the driver? oh and your perfect smile—.”
2018
meeting at the united states gp in austin the year of 2018 you were just 19 years old on your first world tour of your singing career. you had a concert on the first day of the race weekend so you met a few of the drivers and you tried your best to remember their names but there was so many.
max had been watching your performance with a huge smile on his face, he was in a meeting causing him to miss the introductions most of the drivers had with you. but here he was waiting for you at the side of the stage to introduce himself. he had grown to be a fan the last few months and when he found out you’d be performing at the austin gp he was counting down the days.
“hi i’m max…i’m with redbull—.”
you had gotten off stage ecstatic with the crowd cheering you on to be meet with a slightly taller guy dressed in some jeans and a white jacket paired with a redbull hat. the redbull hat made you assume he was a mechanic for the team so you cut him off, “oh nice to meet you! i’m y/n, how is it like working on the cars for redbull? you’re a mechanic right?”
max was confused at the question many things did not make sense when you asked but he assumed you didn’t know much of the sport (which was very true). he decided to go alone with it appreciating the chance to speak with you just for a few minutes before you were pulled away again for some interviews.
few weeks later he got your number from lewis who had been a mentor in your life for awhile now being in the limelight at a young age he took you under his wing. after checking with you first he gave max your number sending you a text and getting his full name you search him up on instagram realizing he wasn’t a mechanic but a goddamn driver for redbull racing.
lewis couldn’t help but laugh at your cluelessness when it came to the sport only sending him messages if he won not caring for any other drivers; until now.
after many apologies through the phone and max waving it off as something to laugh about. you grew a close friendship with him for the next year waiting patiently for him to ask you out.
PRESENT
“i had to wait a year before i got the balls to ask you out and then—oh.” he chuckles stopping mid sentence looking down at you realizing you had fallen asleep. he gives your head a kiss and falls into some much needed sleep alongside you.
you had woken up a few minutes ago with your back against max’s chest settling between his thighs. he had been playing with you hair until his hands started wandering down your body, “max…” you sigh contently feeling his finger play with your clit.
when two fingers slip through your folds, an obscene moan runs through you before they're filling you up. "that's my good girl, look at how well you're taking my fingers," he cooes, fingers curled deep inside you.
"that feels good, doesn't it, baby?" he taunts, you nodded your head, eager to feel his fingers moving some more as you rocked your hips in sync.
the pressure building up made you squirm, max was edging you and now you were nearly in tears, “oh…oh god,” whispering as you beg him to let you cum.
"that's it, my pretty girl," he hummed, “love hearing your moans, love feeling you cum, baby. squeezing my fingers with your tight pussy. gonna have your pussy squeezing my cock after this.”
"fuck," max groans, your orgasm gushes out of you; soaking his hand and bed sheets. you pant trying to catch your breath, "think we need to get ready for the day...we can't stay in bed forever. i wanna take you to a cat cafe--."
"just one more for me, schatje, one more and then we go to all the cat cafes we want," he smiles sweetly, kissing your neck finding your sweet spot and getting a moan out of you. how could you deny him?
pulling you in for a passionate kiss he flips you around and looks you in the eyes filled with lust, "wanna try another position?" he mumbles against your lips and you nod, not having to tell him the one you wanna try because he knows it's your favorite.
with your face pressed into the bedsheets and ass up in the air he gives you a soft slap before sliding his cock deep inside your aching cunt, "fucking christ...shit," he groans with each deep thrust your walls squeeze him.
"not gonna last, max..." you whine, your hands grip the sheets as he gives you a rough slap on your ass, "me neither, baby. you gonna cum with me? come on, schat. gonna fill your tight pussy with my cum and make you mine forever." his thrusts growing faster and sloppier, but his words have you pushing back against him meeting his hips.
"yes, yes, yes...wanna have your baby please fill me up, maxie," he pushes you up against his chest his hand wrapping around your throat squeezing it lightly. it was more than enough for you to ride out yet another orgasm, "that's it, baby. make a mess all over my cock." he groans feeling your walls flutter around him, with a few more thrusts his cum fills you up.
your heavy pants fill the room, feeling him pull out of you after a few minutes making sure each drop of his cum filled you up he flips you over laying you down and grabbing a warm towel to clean you up, "doing okay, my darling?" he smiles down at your loopy grin.
"so good. i love you." you tell him once he finishes cleaning you up and settling in bed for a few minutes before you go and shower. "i love you more. best birthday ever." max tells you, and he meant it being the best birthday especially if you do end up pregnant.
you run your fingers along his jaw, "think you made me juno yet?" you smile sheepishly at him and you both break out into a fit of laughter, "well if that didn't, we'll just have to keep on going until you are."
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yzzyhee · 2 months ago
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love bite — sjy
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bf!jake x gf! reader
warnings: established relationship, suggestive (minors dni), kissing/making out?, biting, marking, grinding, hair pulling, petnames (baby) , smallcases written work
wc: 930~
synopsis: your boyfriend’s collarbone makes you give dracula a small run for his money
a/n: i actually wrote for a second time. wow. it had to be done… anyway! genuinely don’t know what i did nor do i want to know anymore 😃 but this is mainly for myself bc i can’t either bite his or my wife’s collarbone so @ja3yun, angel, this one is for you. i wish to do to u what yn did to jakey 🙂‍↕️ or i just want jake idk anymore send help but anyway feedbacks are appreciated 🧛
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“stop staring.”
“hm?”
“yn.”
you smile innocently at your boyfriend as he gives you a pointed look. to be honest, you have been staring at him — specifically his collarbone that is currently peaking from under his hoodie.
“can you please focus?”
oh, right. jake’s been trying to explain to you the material from the latest physics class but you seem to lose your focus. and how could you not? his pretty, kind of — definitely — suckable collarbone is just sitting there, waiting for you to bite on… you’re just a girl after all.
“let me bite you.” you say suddenly and for a second your eyes widen, surprised that you actually voiced your thoughts.
jake tilts his head and looks at you with a curious look. you’re not usually the dominant one in the relationship, always letting him to take the lead in your intimate moments.
although his focus should remain on the task at hand, your outburst has diverted him into your way of thinking and now his thoughts are filled of your soft lips on his skin and the way you look at him sends a small shiver down his spine as heat courses through his veins.
he leans back against the headboard of his bed, his hoodie somehow slipping a little further down his shoulder, exposing more of that collarbone you’ve been eyeing so intently.
“you want to bite me?” he asks, voice low, almost teasing.
you bite your bottom lip and nod, feeling confident now that you sense the desire in his voice.
“just a little bit.” you murmur, a mischievous smile spreading across your lips as you move closer to him and let your fingers brush against the fabric of his hoodie, tugging it down more to expose that tempting, just so tempting skin of his.
jake’s breath hitches as he watches you. it’s not like you to be so forward and that contrast between your usual shyness, submissive attitude versus this sudden boldness is making his heart race. he doesn’t stop you when you press your lips to his collarbone, slowly kissing the exposed skin. your teeth graze him without notice and he feels a jolt of electricity run through him.
“yn…” he breathes out, his hands instinctively finding your waist, pulling you closer as your lips work their way along his collarbone. the softness of your lips kissing, tongue peaking out to lick at his skin and the nip of your teeth is driving him insane, each touch of yours going straight to his dick as he feels himself getting hard.
you’re so focused on him, lost in the sensation of his warm skin beneath your mouth that you barely notice the way his hands tighten around you, pulling you into his lap and making you straddle him.
you let out a small gasp, feeling his hard on pressing into your core. his hands make their way to your back, lowering you completely on him.
you detach yourself from his collarbone and move to look at him. your breath halts as you see him looking at you with darkened eyes and slightly parted lips. he drops his gaze on your glossy lips, touching them slowly with his thumb. you part them, biting down on his finger.
his eyes seem to darken even more, his lips crashing against yours, hungry and demanding. his hands find the hem of your shirt and he doesn’t even think twice before he pulls it over your head.
he breaks your kiss to look at you and you suddenly feel a bit shy under his gaze as he’s taking you in, staring as if you’re the beautiful thing he’s ever seen.
you take advantage of him staring at you and you take control to reach the zipper of his hoodie, your fingers brushing against his chest as you pull it down, revealing more of the skin you’ve been craving.
you lean in, pressing soft, open-mouthed kisses along his collarbone, revelling in the way his breath comes in short gasps and the way his grip on your waist tightens.
“baby, you’re driving me insane…” he groans, his voice strained and filled with a kind of desperation that feeds into your ego and makes you start rocking back and forth slowly on him.
you smile at his words, enjoying the effect you have on him. “i like driving you insane.” you whisper against his bone and feeling brave, you give him small kitten licks along it.
he swallows thickly as your kisses move slowly higher, settling on a spot just near his pulse, feeling it pounding. you let your lips part against his skin as you begin to suck gently, your tongue flicking against him and teeth biting into as you work on leaving him with your mark.
jake moans again and bucks himself up into you. the sound spurs you on and you suck and bite a little harder, feeling his heartbeat quicken. as you pull back you’re greeted by the sight of a dark mark blossoming on his skin and you smile in satisfaction.
his hands glide up your back, fingers threading into your flowing hair. with a firm grip, he gently tugs, tilting your head back to expose your neck and the curve of your chest, barely covered by your bra. he leans closer, his warm breath hovering over your skin. his lips graze your collarbone, pressing a slow, lingering kiss before his tongue begins to trace along the delicate ridge.
“my turn to bite," he murmurs with a cheshire-cat grin, and you've never been more grateful for giving voice to your desires.
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pepprs · 2 years ago
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not doing good. at all
#purrs#today and yesterday ive been unspeakably depressed. and no one knows what to do with me and i don’t know what to do with me. but ivs been ge#getting absolutely SHIT sleep bc of my siblings staying up late and my sisters ocd stuff which is probably part of it. I now im wide awake a#and it’s 2 and im miseravle and can’t sleep and already did sleep for 2 hours and it didn’t help and im hungry and weak#i truly don’t n kw what’s wro ng with me. i want to be happy and normal but every day i have long moments where im trying so hard not to cry#and i think most ppl would excuse themselves to go cry or take a break or like. speak up and ask for help if they’re miserable but i don’t d#do any of that. i just hold it all in until i get so tired it disappears. and then when i do snap im too miserable and ashamed to actually b#be honest about how anyone can help me which only makes me cry more. atp idk what will help. im in therapy now im about to have some time of#km eating food i like even though it’s not the healthiest ive tried resting and getting sleep and whatever. maybe im just not cut out for#any of what im doing and i just need to detach myself from reality even harder than i am already doing apparently. idk nothing im typing is#making sense i just can’t fall asleep now and im so pissed at my siblings and im pissed at my whole family for not giving a shit that im mis#miserable and easily overstimulated by noise bc i could’ve had ghe room downstairs and im still being held hostage by redacted and being#shaken awake to redacted like last night and work is killing me for the dumbest reasons. i literally cannot keep living like this#delete later
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