#kento nanami angst

[mahgyu]

Ex-husband!Nanami who even after so much time since the divorce, can only empty his balls with the memory of you.

Unconsciously, he opens that specific folder on his phone titled "my dear love" and scrolls through the numerous photos and videos of you until he finds the same video he always uses to relieve himself. Surprisingly, it's nothing obscene, but just a video he recorded of you while you were spending a homemade afternoon together. Your eyes so bright as you look directly at him instead of the camera lens, your subtle smile gradually growing along with the blush on your cheeks as his voice echoes in the background of the video.

Nanami already has his hand around his semi-hard cock, a weak sigh escaping him as he squeezes the tunnel formed by his hand around the pink head and slides down without loosening the grip, letting out a moan that sounds almost gasping. With the phone in his other hand, he doesn't take his eyes off your image, admiring every pixel on the small screen as if you were truly in front of him.

Nanami always feels his heart will leap out of his chest when he hears the same words that always push him to the edge: "I love you, Kento. And you don't need to record me saying this, you silly. We have a lifetime together for me to repeat this to you as many times as you want." Warm, viscous, and whitish jets stream down Nanami's abdomen where his now soft cock rests. He struggles to regulate his breathing and start to stare at the ceiling after putting the phone down beside him with the video already ended.

And even though the guilt for doing something so dirty with your image overwhelms him as he comes down from his peak, the greater guilt that Nanami truly feels is not having fought harder to keep you by his side. Only Nanami knows how much he would be willing to face the world just to hear you say those things to him directly once more.

Yeah, I have a certain arousal for depressed men AND SO WHAT?? Just a brief pause in the smut + audio series to post this thought I had. It's not corrected so please ignore possible errors.

Your interaction is very important to me, reblogs and comments are always welcome 🫶🏻💕

[pseudowho]

we're all after Nanami Kento for the daddy and the hands and the husband material and the slammin' body, but may I remind you of the core of the man--

-- this furious, righteous, jaded, bitter UNIT against the sick establishment, and THIS IS why I fell for him, it was the RAGE, the unadulterated spitting RAGE of this man.

Not the devastating 'daddy Nanami' scene. Not the Headcanons about him bringing us flowers. Not the countless 'mean Nanami with his little baby girl' smutfics. It was the ANGER.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[fumiliar]

birthday wish- kento nanami

✎...pre-established relationship, kento nanami is head over heels, fluff, angst, post shibuya, nanami is the sweetest bf, no pronouns mentioned

kento is a punctual man. he is never ever late. he hates procrastinating, he get everything done as fast as possible.

for every birthday in the 3 years while you were together, his presents always came on time. he intricately prepares months beforehand, every single gift perfectly encapsulating your wants.

in your first year, you were in shock. he showed up at your doorstep, ringing the bell exactly at 00:00. as you opened the door half asleep, you were fully awakened with kento's presence. there he was, in front of your doorstep with flowers, your favourite cake flavour and a box full of gifts, he even wore those paper party hats with a party blower in his mouth.

"hewphy bwithdey y/n *priutt*," the party blower in his mouth prohibiting him from speaking properly, his compromise was to spit the paper blower out, earning a giggle from you. "give me another chance," he closes his eyes as he mentally prepares himself. "happiest happy birthday to you, my beloved y/n," a soft smile crept on his face as he brought the cake closer to your face. "make a wish."

you closed your eyes to make a wish, i wish that kento and me would last forever. you opened your eyes and blew the candles. "what did you wish for?" kento asked. "i won't tell you or it won't come true!" you giggled, swiping the frosting on the cake on his nose.

on your second year, kento was staying at your place. you didn't expect anything the night before, as he had already sent you an invitation to your birthday dinner at some fancy restaurant. but, you were so wrong. as the clock striked 00.00, you were sitting on the sofa watching a movie while kento was in the toilet, or so you thought. he came out of your hallway with another cake, a money bouquet and another box of gifts.

"happiest happy birthday y/n," he learnt from last year, no party blower, but the same paper hat was still on his head, as crooked as ever, it looked like he was in a rush. he walked over to the sofa, setting down the box filled with your presents. "make a wish."

you closed your eyes once more, i wish that kento and me would last forever. once again, you opened your eyes and blew out the candles. "what's your wish this year?" kento asked once more. "again, i won't tell you or it won't come true!" you fixed his crooked party hat, giving him a kiss. "thank you ken, you are truly the best boyfriend anyone could ever hope for."

on the third year, you had lived in the same apartment. deciding to take the next step in your relationship, you knew he was the one. over the following months, you've tried spying on kento, trying to see what surprise he had for you. but, you always failed, he would always catch you in the act.

this year was the same as any year. as the clock struck 00:00, a doorbell rang. kento was asleep on the couch, so you had gotten up to answer the door. as you answered the door, there was nobody. you looked left and right but there was nothing. you were about to close the door, but then you saw the gift on your doorstep. another box of gifts with flowers on the side. as you turned around to wake up kento, he was already behind you with a cake. "happiest happy birthday y/n," a content smile was present on kento's face. he pulled it off once more, surprising you again. "make a wish."

you closed your eyes to wish once more, i wish that kento and me would last forever. you opened your eyes and blew out the candles. "are you gonna tell me your wish this year?" kento prodded once more, maybe the third time would work. "so curious ken," you pulled him down to give him a kiss on his cheek. but when you were finished, your grip did not falter, instead your head slowly moved to land near his ear. "i wished that you and me would last forever," you whispered in his ear earning a chuckle from the man. "i hope the wish comes true y/n."

on the fourth year, you had laid on your empty couch. as the clock striked 00:00, the doorbell rang once more. as you opened the door, you saw a box full of gifts and a bouquet with a postcard and a box. as you took the postcard and the box in your hands, it was kento's handwriting. "i promise to stay by your side forever," you opened the box and there it was. the prettiest ring you had ever seen, it was all your pinterest boards combined into one masterpiece. you turned around to thank kento, but he was not there.

he wasn't there. he wasn't in your living room, neither your kitchen, nor your bedroom, he wasn't in your shared apartment. no, he's not in your world anymore.

your hands trembled as the box dropped to the floor, salty tears escaped your eyes. kento is gone, he has been gone for the past 3 months. all these presents you've received, but the most important one was gone, kento.

you never cared for these gifts, all you ever cared for was kento. so why was he not here? why has he gone to the other side. why would he make a promise he couldn't keep. why is there a gift on your doorstep but not him in your world. oh how you would trade anything for kento to surprise you once more, but no, the world is a gruellingly cruel place. oh how you wished to turn back time, oh how you wished you didn't tell kento your wish, maybe just maybe it would've came true.

[gojonanami]

ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD - NANAMI KENTO

✴︎ summary: aka nanami is totally fine and alive. after shibuya, nanami lets you tend to his burns and have an honest discussion about what happened there and what it means for your future. ✴︎ contents: hurt/comfort, fluff, spoilers/discussions of what happens to nanami in shibuya, and of course he survives, he's fine (copium), nanami being a girl dad (b/c you know he would be the best dad - i mean he is already). ✴︎ wc: 1,469

Refusals came first when it came to Kento. 

“Ieiri can take care of it—” 

Especially when it came to taking care of him. 

“But I want to, Kento,” you say softly, burn kit prepared by you and Ieiri in hand, your fingers curling tighter around the handle, “I don’t want to push you to do something you’re uncomfortable with, but I want to help,” for all of the times that you couldn’t. 

It has been a month since Shibuya. A month since Gojo had been sealed. A month since all hell had broken loose. 

How has it only been a month? 

And it had been only two weeks since Kento had been allowed home, to rest, allowed to be extracted from Shibuya from Shoko’s treatment area. His eye was unsalvageable — destroyed in that octopus special grade’s domain, and his body — burned severely by that volcano special grade. He would have to wear an eyepatch for the rest of his life. And reverse cursed technique only did so much, but they couldn’t heal burn marks.

Half of his body is wrapped in bandages — if you hadn’t been lucky enough to get Kento out of that situation with the curse you now knew as Mahito — you don’t know what could have happened. 

You were lucky. Lucky to have found him after being split off. Lucky you knew how to get to Shoko quickly. Lucky that she was able to save him. 

Luck. Luck. Luck. 

Was this really luck? To make it out half burned and half alive? Was it luck that you saved him or would it have been kinder to leave him? But you couldn’t. You wouldn’t. You were selfish — you needed him, you wanted your future with him, you wanted him to live. 

You couldn’t let him go. Not yet. 

It wasn’t time. It wasn’t his time. 

He only sighs at your words, “Okay,” he relents, sitting up on the bed. 

“First we have to remove your bandages, and then I’m going to inspect the burns to make sure they haven’t been infected or—” 

“You don’t have to tell me everything, sweetheart, I know what you have to do,” he says softly, and you swallow thickly, nodding.

Your fingers are gentle as you undo the bandages, first starting with his hand and arm, before moving to his shoulder, and then finally his face. Nasty raised burns marred his skin, raised and ruined marks that clawed over his smooth flesh. The marks ravaged half of his body — the other half he was barely able to protect with cursed energy. 

You hid your frown as you looked at them — why was it him? That question kept replaying in your mind. It was pointless to ask. It was asking why tragedy struck one person rather than another — it was chance, it was happenstance, it was fate. 

But you wished fate had chosen another — hell, you wished fate had chosen you. 

Your hands are washed and gloved as you examine him for any signs of infection — discharge, abnormal discoloration, and the last sign — warmth, “I’m going to just check some areas of your skin for any warmth — okay?” and Kento nods, his gaze downward. Your fingers are gentle — a featherlight touch as you check, fingers tracing his hand and up his arm, across his shoulder blade and back, until you reach his neck and face. Your fingers end up caressing his face, cupping it as you stare at him. 

He’s so beautiful. 

Each scar is a reminder of how hard he fought — even against monsters beyond any of any sorcerer’s imaginations, defended his comrades, protected students, and somehow had never given up. Even when it would have been understandable to do so. He still stood on his two feet, unwavering in his determination to live — and it wasn’t even for himself. Sorcery was an individual sport, sure, but sorcerers pass the baton all the time, and they choose to fight for one another, as well as themselves — if only to make the next fight easier for their fellow sorcerers. And you knew he was fighting, fighting to come home to you. 

How did you ever get so lucky?

“I understand,” Kento says, drawing you from your reverie, “I understand if you feel differently about my appearance — it will be harder for me to be mobile, the burns could constrict me and my eye as well. I understand even, even if it changes how you feel,” his tone was forced evenness, but he couldn’t hide the slight waver from you — Kento only ever wavered when it came to himself. 

You pause for a moment, “It does change how I feel,” and his eye slides to meet yours, hardened and accepting, “it makes me only love you more,” and Kento blinks, ocean blues filled with water, “Kento, these scars, your injuries, they show how much you fought to come back to me — how much you fought to protect our students — how much you sacrificed just to keep fighting,” your voice cracks, “how could I ever see you as less than for that? I love you so much, Kento — I just wish I could have done more for you,” 

His fingers find yours, curling around them, “Done more? You saved my life—” 

“Did you want to be saved?” and your question makes him pause, and your words tumble out of you, a confession you never wanted to make, “Yuji heard you — heard you say how tired you were — asking yourself if you’ve done enough, did I just put you in more pain by making you stay—” 

And he’s covering your mouth gently with his palm, making you stop, your tears streaming across his knuckles as you cried, “I never wanted to stop fighting to come home to you. I’m grateful you saved me,” he said softly, “every moment of pain is worth it, worth it because I get to be here with you. I get to have more time with you, with Itadori, with Ino, with everyone else,” he gives a terse chuckle, “I am tired, tired of jujutsu, tired of risking my life, tired of seeing those I love risk my life — but I came back for a reason, and I came back for you,” his lips curl into a smile, “and you, I could never be tired of.” 

You can’t stop crying now, tears falling from your eyes, as you wipe them, “I’m going to have to change my gloves now,” and he laughs, pressing a kiss to your gloved hand. 

“Change them, I’ll be here,” and you have to hold yourself back from hugging him — you need to put his ointments and lotions on and then bandage him up, and then — then you could hug him. But for now you settled with pressing a kiss to his cheek, and then cupping it. 

“I love you,” and you didn’t know, but he knew, he knew then, more than ever, that he wanted to marry you. And he would ask — but not now. 

So he smiles instead, “I know, I love you too.” 

“We’re going to be late!” you wait outside, arms crossed, “Kento?” 

“Don’t worry, we’re here,” and he’s stepping out, daughter in his arms, as you raise an eyebrow, “Mio wanted me to carry her.” 

“You’re going to spoil her rotten,” you roll your eyes, walking over to your husband and one year old daughter,  “she’s going to be daddy’s little princess at this rate — aren’t you, baby?” you kiss her cheek, as Kento watches you. 

“Like mother, like daughter,” and you gape at him, as his lips curl, as he carries his daughter to the car to strap her into her carseat, “are you coming?” 

You step over to the car, standing as he finishes buckling Mio in, and he turns to face you — the scars on his body remained, but healing with each day — his other eye hidden away under an eyepatch, but he still looked just as handsome the day you met him at Jujutsu High for the first time, if not more so (it was definitely more so, you often teased him, that emo haircut was definitely not attractive). 

“Sweethe—” he raises an eyebrow, before you lean up to kiss him, wrapping his arms around his neck, and he melts into the kiss, brow furrowed as you pull away, “what was that for?” 

And you shrug, “Just because, now come on,” you climb into the seat beside your daughter. 

“If we’re late for this meeting at Jujutsu Tech, it will be because of your kiss,” he warns, catching your eye with a smile in the rearview mirror as he starts the car. 

You only grin back, as your fingers find Mio’s tiny ones, “Don’t worry, we have time.” 

And you did — you had all the time in the world. 

✴︎ a/n: so this is some hardcore copium that @laneysmusings claimed i owed after the five times nanami fic. and who am i to deny? but also nanami is fineeeee. just a little scratch.

✴︎ tag list: @ghost-with-a-teacup, @itsseaberri, @himboelover, @sampam0260, @tiredkitten, @angelltheninth, @kateshappyplants, @neon-crow, @akaashi-todorki, @juniperjunpei, @what-the-stories-have-foretold, @purplecandygerl, @trenchcoat-idiots, @crimsonstarrr, @tirouxdreemurr, @dazaifungus, @the-apple-rose, @just1nee, @weirdanddorkyrambling, @goatlings-world

[tsukimefuku]

blunt trauma ♰ nanami kento

summary: your mission is to execute a curse user. the issue? said curse user is nanami kento, your former high school classmate and the man who you still secretly love.

tags and cw: dark content, no use of y/n, sorcerer!f!reader, villain!nanami, +18, explicit smut (mostly rough with tender moments hate/love sex), unprotected sex (wrap it, ppl), masturbation, oral (f receiving), pv, from enemies to enemies who fucked 👍, drama and angst (i’m a latina who grew up watching telenovelas), mentions of death, canon-typical violence, ptsd, cursing, hurt/no comfort, this man is saltier than the sea and turned it into everybody else's problem. 

wc: 7.5k

notes etc.: somehow it became a character study. this is my rendition of what i think gege would make nanami to be like if they followed their original plan and had nanami be a villain. inspo list is so huge i had to make a playlist, i got carried away.

writing/reading soundtrack: playlist link ; main songs → way down we go (kaleo) and daylight (david kushner).

disclaimer: i do not in any way approve of (or encourage) the relationship depicted here. it is toxic and bad for all parties involved. this is fictional and should stay that way.

oh, father, tell me ♰ do we get what we deserve?

It felt like the air had been beaten out of your lungs by the very one and only blunt blade you ever knew when you heard the news from Gojo.

Of course the first thing he did when he finished wrapping things up was calling you. If roles were reversed, and this had been Geto, he wouldn't expect any less from you.

During the School's Exchange Event, Jujutsu High was attacked by multiple high grade curses and curse users.

One of them was your former best friend from high school, Nanami Kento. 

"Are you certain it was him?"

"Absolutely," Gojo replied on the other side of the line, "there were traces of cursed energy from his cursed technique. He was also spotted by one of MeiMei's ravens."

"And how many students did he…"

"Two students from Kyoto."

Your head instantly felt dizzy.

"He also killed around a dozen assistants and people securing cursed objects underground."

"Shit… shit," you muttered, forgetting for a few seconds what words were and how to form a coherent sentence. Following suit, your stomach dropped with a sinking ache the moment you made the obvious realization, uttering the most painful thing you had to say in your life — even worse than he's gone, so many years before.

 "This will earn him a death sentence, won't it?"

Gojo was silent for a few moments.

"Hey…"

"Tell me. I can take it."

After a bated breath — from your end, mostly — he confirmed your worst fears.

"Yes. It will."

Ever since Geto's and Nanami's defection, you and Gojo had a special type of shared sorrow over each other's failures to save the people you both loved the most. Call it trauma bonding or codependency, but you developed an unwavering sense of loyalty towards one another.

For that reason, he already knew what you were about to ask him, and you only would because you knew he wouldn't find it in himself to refuse it.

"When it happens, please, have me be appointed as the executioner."

"Of course."

Sitting with a glass of whiskey while gazing out of the window in an understated house just by the outskirts of Sendai, Nanami couldn't say he was fulfilled, unable to grasp the concept of feeling in any way elated ever since his teenage years. However, he was definitely satisfied that this plan had worked.

He managed to put a dent into Jujutsu Society, aiding Geto — or, at least, someone that looked like him, not that Nanami truly cared about it by this point — in retrieving multiple cursed objects that would be used for their inevitable fallout.

There had been a few casualties, though.

Two students and many personnel died — or rather, met their fateful end by the edge of his blunt blade —, but some deaths should be expected if Jujutsu Society was to be brought to the ground, down to its last brick.

Ever since that fateful day when he was nothing but a tall child sitting beside the cold corpse of his best friend, Yu Haibara, Nanami had simmered what would become a cauldron of absolute venom-dripping rage against Jujutsu Society.

To hell with saving other people — what about them? What about the teenager that would never grow to be a sorcerer, who became an inanimate nothing before ever getting the chance of making something out of himself? 

That face… Nanami could never forget it. It haunted his dreams, even a decade later. Such a stark contrast between the light-spirited smiles and this cold, gray monolith that laid in the morgue.

They had no right to rob their students from their youth, much less from their lives, but that's exactly what Jujutsu High did when they didn't even bother to check the mission appropriately before dispatching Haibara and Nanami to a certain death.

Nanami escaped, but just barely, by the skin of his teeth. Haibara, however, wasn't blessed with the same luck, and drew the short straw when his hitched final breaths met their end against Nanami's shoulder. Nanami, who carried his best friend on his back, desperately tried to win a losing race against death. 

Help was late to arrive.

They were too late for Haibara.

And, in a sense, they were too late for him, too.

The worst part, though, was when they were finally being transported all the way back to Jujutsu High. As he glanced over Haibara’s cadaver, now covered by a body bag, one particularly insensitive assistant very rudely stated, “at least there is a body to be buried.”

At least

There is a body 

To be buried

Those words echoed in his head for what felt like eternity. Was that the best they all had to hope for? To at least have remains left behind for the mourning?

In any case, that was why, even though he had to kill, Nanami never mangled any of his human victims — something not easy to do, given how his technique worked and how easy it was to split someone in half.

You had noticed this perverted benevolence while looking over the necropsy reports, a realization that just added insult to injury.

Let there be something for the funeral, I suppose, was what he told himself.

In his own twisted way, Nanami figured this was a kindness very few sorcerers received at their tragic ends, and decided he'd definitely be more compassionate than what Jujutsu High put their sorcerers through. 

In his eyes, those from Jujutsu High who died under his will were the ones granted a truly merciful death.

His peace was disturbed by the sound of the entrance door being brutally kicked in, flying its way across the living room. He pulled his blunt blade from the side of his armchair with his free hand, but quickly put it down when realizing it was you that had just barged inside.

He knew you very well — well enough to be certain you wouldn't come swinging at him immediately.

"I can see you still have a temper. Destroying the door wasn’t necessary, I would've opened it for you," he stated, sipping on his drink.

"I don't care," you retorted, "I guess you already know why I'm here, in any case."

"I do. You're here to carry out my death sentence," he stated, completely unbothered, as if talking about the weather.

As if he was just mundanely stuck in his ways. 

You huffed, placing your hand over your sword's handle.

"Precisely."

"We haven't spoken in a long time, why don't you take a seat?" Nanami inquired, pointing at the armchair right in front of him. "I want to finish my drink."

You glared at the curse user, as he, unfazed, kept gulping on his whiskey. Nanami was wearing a black buttoned shirt, black pants and black oxford shoes, and you couldn't help but see him as a grim reaper — this was a somber look, fitting for the equally somber man who carried it.

For a second, you took in his features — you hadn’t seen Nanami for a few years after the last time you crossed paths.

His shoulders had slightly broadened, and he still bore the same chiseled face, framed by his sand-blond hair neatly slicked back.

Nanami’s eyes traveled over you quickly, apparently doing the very same thing.

Time had left its marks. It was evident you both had grown up — and apart.

You knew this was a shit idea, but entertained it enough that you actually walked towards the chair and sat down. There were definitely things to be talked about, and you just about had a million questions for him.

Most of them, however, boiled down to what you immediately asked.

"Why did you do it?"

Nanami put his glass on the coffee table right in front of you.

"It was a necessary means to an end."

His words came with frost-bitten coldness, his voice embodying the monotone you once loved, but eventually, grew to hate.

You scoffed, incredulous at his reply, involuntarily clenching your fingers around your katana's handle as it laid on your lap.

"Necessary means to an end? Nanami, you killed teenage sorcerers!"

"As I said, and I don't like repeating myself," he interjected, "it was a necessary sacrifice for a greater cause."

"You're such a hypocritical, self-righteous ass!"

Nanami sighed, clearly displeased.

"We have always been able to keep some semblance of respect for each other, despite our… differences. Do not use that foul language with me."

You laughed bitterly, no amusement or fun in your voice as you did.

"Do you think I can still have an ounce of respect for you after what you did? You murdered my people! They were all sorcerers. You killed students, Nanami! Jujutsu High's students! Just like Haibara once was!"

He shot his eyes at you, and the aura of his cursed energy grew sinister at your words. 

"Don't say his name."

Yu Haibara, arguably the glue that kept the trio together. You were hot headed, Nanami was intransigent, and Yu was the conciliatory ray of sunshine that kept you two — but you, particularly — from constant quarreling as classmates nearly every day.

But back then, you'd argue with Nanami with love.

This wasn't the case now.

Not entirely, at least.

"He was my best friend too, the three of us were! Do you really think this is what he would've wanted?!" you questioned him, equal parts hurt and enraged.

"I'm not one to ponder on could've or would've been's. Haibara is gone."

"I'm not a would've been!"

You could still remember it. The day you realized why dealing with Nanami and hearing his sharp comebacks riled you up so intensely. 

You finally understood you were in love with him.

Ever since the first day you met Nanami, you envied the way he'd be able to keep his feelings in check when you constantly felt like falling apart. You felt jealous at how he was considered a greatly competent individual, regarded by all as the best of your class, while you were basically viewed as a ticking bomb nearing explosion. And finally, it made you livid the way how everyone treated him like the informal leader of the trio when the three of you were out on a mission together.

However, those were the same things that got you to admire your friend and, eventually, fall in love for him.

That day, you asked Nanami to meet you outside after class by himself — much to Haibara's dismay —, because you had something to tell him. It was a Tuesday afternoon, and the unforgiving sun of summer was already setting, casting an orange glow through the leaves of the tree you were both under.

After confessing your feelings for him and bracing yourself for being shot down, because why the hell would Nanami Kento, the brilliant, competent, and mature second-year, have any interest in the chaotic, hot headed mess you were, you realized he actually looked surprised. After taking a few moments to collect himself, Nanami told you how he had thought you actually hated him.

At last, somewhat nervous — but definitely intent on not letting it show —, he confided he had affectionate feelings towards you as well.

Your first kiss was awkward, as it would be expected out of two inexperienced people such as you and Nanami were at that age, but it carried the sweet taste of a blue spring marked by teenage years' innocence.

It felt like a promise.

Unfortunately, such promise was unmercifully cut short the very next day, when Nanami and Haibara were dispatched to their life-changing mission.

What an irony it was that, in the end, you were the one to actually mature over Haibara's death, growing up to be an upstanding sorcerer, loved and admired by peers and students alike, and Nanami was the bomb to blow up in everybody's faces.

What a cruel irony.

"I was there too, and I'm still here, having to pick up the pieces of what you deliberately destroyed!" you rasped, angrily.

"You weren't a 'would've been'? Where were you when we needed you? When I needed you?" his voice didn't conceal the tinge of hurt that those questions carried.

What a fucking low blow.

"Nanami, that's not fair. There wasn't anything I could've done in that situation, and you know that!"

You blamed yourself for a while for not going on that mission with them, until you realized that you too would probably have died if you were there. From the three, Nanami was the only one strong and fast enough to pull off an escape like he did.

He diverted his gaze back to the window.

"You were the one to bring up hypothetical scenarios. Let's indulge in them for a minute, shall we?" 

Nanami glanced back at you, and his next words brimmed with bitter resentment, even if his voice sounded more calm and collected than ever.

"You see someone you supposedly love slowly sinking into darkness. What do you do?"

"Don't you dare, you condescending prick! I asked you so many fucking times what was going on. You were the one who shut me out!"

Your voice carried a decade-old pain that resonated from the depths of your soul.

It came from all the times you entered his dorm room with his favorite sandwich after he had cooped up in there for days on end, and he didn't even bother to eat it. Every time you asked him to talk to you, said you were there for him, and was met by a vacant stare.

And, at last, the time when he cruelly blamed you for not being there when Haibara died.

The way he coldly told you about Haibara's last words.

According to Nanami, Haibara said he wanted to speak to you one last time, at least to bid you farewell.

And you weren't there.

Oh, the viciousness with which he blamed you, and decided you owed him something for this perceived failure. 

The next time Nanami talked to you, he asked you to leave Jujutsu High with him, just like Geto did, and swore to destroy them. You tried, pleaded, implored for him to reconsider and stay, but the very following day, you were met by an empty room where the person you once loved used to be. 

That emptiness had, paradoxically, filled you wholly with grief.

Gojo once told you that nobody could save someone who didn't want to be saved.

You still thought you should've tried harder, in a childish attempt at giving yourself an illusory semblance of control over that clusterfuck of a situation.

This is the gap inside our psyche that feeling guilty tries to fill, isn't it?

We can only feel guilty about the things we could've changed, right?

Your voice sounded decades older than yourself, burdening the weight of multiple lifetimes of hurt and grief. Your soul was too old for your own good.

"How can you find it in yourself to blame me for this?! No… This is a prison of your own making. You built the house of cards that is tumbling down on your head as we speak entirely by yourself."

He huffed intensely through his nostrils — Nanami’s version of a snort —, looking the other way before proceeding, each syllable hitting you with the deadly precision of his cursed technique.

"You abandoned us, leaving me and Haibara to fend for ourselves, just like Jujutsu Society did."

By that point, you began yelling, and your voice reverberated all across the room.

"The hell I did!"

You had to take a deep breath before proceeding.

"I just couldn't get behind this dumb idea that we should become curse users and bring down Jujutsu Society."

"Why didn't you come with me?" he finally asked, in an amalgam of pain, sadness, longing, anger, and stinging resentment. "I would have followed you to the deepest recesses of hell if you asked me to."

You huffed, laughing angrily in between your teeth, before thrusting your words like thorns against him.

"Funny you should say that. You'd go anywhere for me? How about staying? Why couldn't you have stayed for me, then?!" 

Perhaps that request was egotistical, but you didn't care. If only for a moment, you wanted to give yourself this small privilege — to want in a world of duty.

"I was the one actually left to fend for myself, right inside the belly of the beast, and you couldn't have cared less."

He stared at you, nothing in his eyes other than the void left behind after his spirit got killed with his best friend so many years ago.

"I didn't stay because… Because," Nanami stated, with a grave finality, "and you're the one who chose to stay. You're still actively choosing to, just like you did back then."

"That's not a good enough answer," you replied with a bad taste in your mouth.

"It's what you've earned," he coldly replied, "but in case you change your mind-"

"Enough," you interrupted him, incredulous that even after everything, this man had the nerve of suggesting you'd ever be interested in running away with him. "It appalls me you would even consider I could… After what you've done? No, never."

Nanami sighed, and for a brief moment, seemed to be actually disappointed under his resigned, polished visage.

"Well, then. Let's get this over with, at once."

In a split second, you pushed your chair on the ground, falling on your shoulders and rolling on your back, dodging his lightning-fast attack. It left a crater behind, right where you were seconds before. Nanami jumped over the fallen armchair, and you dodged him once again, spinning on your heels, unsheathing your sword as you did so, to deal a beheading blow on the back of his neck.

However, right before impact, you faltered, slowing down your movement.

Your own body held you back from taking his life.

He didn't seem to notice.

Nanami bent down just in time to avoid the blow, and swung his blunt blade towards your kneecap. You were quick on your feet, and jumped back, putting a good distance between the both of you.

"I can see you're actually fighting to kill," he noted, getting up on his feet.

"Of course. That's what I came here to do," you spat in his direction.

"You were never the practical one."

You scoffed.

"Guess I learned something from you."

He smiled at the irony of that, but his eyes didn't follow his expression. 

Nanami lunged at you, but while you thought he'd deal his next blow in your direction, he hit your footing, having you fall on the ground. Abruptly, his blunt blade descended in your direction, but you were able to catch it and have it slip to your side using your katana supported by your hand behind it, sending a sharp, loud sound around the vicinity, trembling against the bones and flesh of the house.

You rolled on your side when he struck a new hit in your direction, leaving another gaping hole on the floor, and you jumped yourself up. 

Before you could attack him, however, he took you by surprise, and you lifted your sword to defend yourself. Nanami hit your katana with his blunt blade, breaking it near where the handle and the steel met, launching your body back on the wall.

The impact knocked the air out of your lungs, and you fell to your knees, unable to recover yourself as you got up. Instantly, you heard his quick, steady steps sprinting their way in your direction.

You were cornered.

This is it.

You braced yourself for the impact, closing your eyes. You remembered his technique perfectly.

Precise, just as he was.

Deadly, just as he was, too.

You were to die at the hands of the man you loved, who had become a murderer and only a distorted, broken version of whom you used to truly love.

This seemed like an oddly cruel way to go.

However, the impact never came.

His blunt blade stopped as it was about to hit your stomach, and you opened your eyes, just to see his face mere inches apart from yours. His mountainous form blocked your view from anything else behind him, and Nanami, at that moment, actually looked like the menace he truly was. 

“Why were you appointed as my executioner?” Nanami asked, much to your surprise.

“I asked to be,” you answered, holding his gaze as something went through his eyes. A hint of anger, most likely, and some sense of betrayal, certainly. 

“So, you want to kill someone you once loved? You were always prone to self-penitence, so it stands to reason you’d do something idiotic like that.”

You scoffed, grimacing at him, feeling your entire body incandescent with rage.

“I fucking hate you, Nanami.” 

He inched his face even closer, brushing your noses against one another, eyes stone-cold and hauntingly vacant.

“I hate you as well.”

For a moment, you wondered if he had really stopped his blade before impact. You didn't expect it, but hearing those words felt like you just had been hit, victim of a blunt trauma, at how much they tore you apart. 

The same blunt trauma that severed the Nanami you once knew — the teenager with bangs, who'd always be carrying around a few spare changes to get soda cans from the vending machine for you and Haibara, in his own understated kindness — and this empty monster looking back at you.

"Good. Finish me off, then, and get your revenge for a crime I never committed. Being unfair and an all-around self-centered asshole certainly suits you, fucker."

His hand made its way up your neck, and you were pressed against the wall. The grip was firm, but not enough to choke you — it came more as a warning than anything else.

"I already told you to stop using that foul language with me," he ordered, low voice simmering with genuine irritation.

"Then make me," you challenged him, hoping for this torture to be over as fast as possible.

Just fucking kill me already.

His blunt blade fell with a thud on the floor, and you were confused for a moment, wondering if he really wouldn't give you the kindness of a quick demise. Did he plan on choking you to death?

Did he hate you that much?

His other hand came up, but before you could do anything to try to resist — which would be nothing but a futile attempt at survival, given that Nanami was physically much stronger than you —, his fingers snaked their way through the back of your hair, tugging it at the roots. 

His mouth clashed against yours, all teeth, tongue, anger, and hunger, and instantly every nerve in your body flared up with a raging fiery ember you hadn't felt in years. All the pent-up resentment, hurt, and desire you had for Nanami swirled together in your gut, guiding your hands up his hair, as you also pulled on it intently, robbing him of a gasp.

You intertwined your tongue against his, and he unceremoniously bullied his own inside your mouth, leaving no crevice unexplored, as his hand on your neck descended towards your waist, where he clenched his fingers with a vicious grip. You whimpered against his lips, and he grunted in return, pushing his body on yours. His throbbing growing cock could be felt, even through both of your clothes, as he pressed it right against the edge of your pants.

When you finally parted after what seemed like a not-long-enough eternity, you huffed and panted, and albeit less than you, he was panting too.

"I fucking… hate you…" you gnarled, glaring into his eyes. The hazel-brown gaze you once adored was now clouded and dark, like the muddy waters of a deep lake.

"Shut the fuck up," Nanami groaned back, strongly cupping your cunt with his large hand. You whimpered in surprise, and he pulled you in harshly for another kiss, letting go of your hair and sex to sink his fingers on the backside of your thighs, pulling them. You immediately jumped up and threw your arms around his shoulders, as he manhandled your legs to have them hooked around him.

He quickly took you both inside the room, and tossed you on the bed, having you gasping in surprise. Before you could catch your breath, he climbed his way on top of you, pressing your body down, and clashed his mouth against yours again, making you actually lightheaded from a lack of air.

You pushed against his chest, grunting uneasy, and surprisingly, he parted his lips from yours.

"What?"

You panted heavily, nearly hyperventilating, and mindlessly rested your hand on his cheek.

"C-can't breathe…" was all you mustered up to say, trying to replenish oxygen back into your system.

His eyes softened so discreetly you nearly missed it, and his cold-ivory enclosure slightly cracked under the affectionate touch he didn't expect.

Nanami had no idea how much he had craved it ever since you parted ways, and hated himself, just a little, for how much such an innocuous gesture stirred his old feelings up, throwing his heart against his chest in a fluttering rush.

I should be over her by now, dammit.

Nanami also brought his hand up your face, and ghosted over your cheek for a second before sliding his fingers delicately down over it.

You also weren't prepared for that, and your chest tightened all over your heavy heart as you remembered your first kiss.

The way he'd cup your face in his hands.

 So delicate, so lovely.

This touch, at this very moment, felt like a painful reminder of everything you had lost.

"Kento…" you cooed, voice strained in your throat, with all the things you were sure you'd never say.

He hummed your name in return, and kissed you while sinking your body against the mattress. This kiss was different, as his lips brushed gently over yours, and his tongue tenderly teased over the seam of your mouth. You welcomed him in, and you both explored these deep waters tentatively, as he upped the intensity after each stroke of your tongues against each other.

He tasted like whiskey, and bread, and the tainted love left behind as nothing but a reminiscence of less grueling days. You couldn't help but feel robbed by him.

You both had been missing out on this for all these fucking years.

"Why did you have to go?" you asked, pulling back from him, a tinge of anger to your cadence, and another of pain in your face.

"Why did you have to stay?" he spat back at you, equal parts saddened and resentful.

His mouth made its way to your neck, and you gasped with the sensation of his warm breath mingled with saliva against your skin, as he licked and bit his way around.

You couldn’t find it in yourself to push him away, and your eyes burned with the prickling sensation of tears that wouldn’t come. You were starved for his touch, his smell, his body, even if this was the murderer of your students, of your friends.

In your head, you felt like digging a hole and throwing yourself in it, to wallow in the misery of realizing that you were about to fuck the murderer of people you loved, and that it felt good.

A pool of heat and fire shot down your insides as your heartbeats throbbed in between your legs.

You hated yourself, and on top of it all, hated Nanami. 

Hated that you couldn't help but still love him, even after all he had done.

This was the setting tension in between the both of you, the two extremes of hate and love pulling against each other, all while the tug of war rope refused to snap to either side.

He pulled your shirt over your head, tossing it aside, and you undid his shirt, unzipping his pants. He unzipped you too, and quickly enough, took off your pants along with your panties with a single sharp tug.

Back to rough, but not entirely, it seemed.

His hand glided against your thigh and his fingertips slipped over your entrance, getting completely glazed by your already dripping arousal. He grunted, a guttural and intense sound deep in his chest, giving you another bite on the soft skin of your neck.

"Hate me?" Nanami asked, teasing his digits over your cunt, "doesn't seem like it."

You managed to scoff at him, which would prove to be a mistake.

"Go fuck yours-"

Before you could finish your sentence, he dove two of his fingers inside knuckle-deep, without any hint of a warning, forcefully stretching your walls around them. You immediately let out a whimper so pitiful you wondered if that was really your voice.

He seemed satisfied at that. Perhaps, even elated.

"Good girl," Nanami whispered right beside your ear, nibbling against your earlobe with his teeth, sending shivers down your spine. He began sliding his fingers in and out, and you bucked down against his hand while moaning and mewling, walls sheathing his digits as he finger-fucked your cunt, neglecting your clit as punishment for calling him a condescending prick earlier.

His palm rucked against your dripping folds, echoing wet slaps all throughout the room, as your arousal kept pooling on his palm.

He mumbled softly against your skin, bringing his mouth up to brush against yours, "hate… you still love me."

You instantly drew one of your hands to slap him in the face for this hurtful teasing, but he had quick reflexes — quicker than yours. He dodged himself back as your hand hit the empty sheets, and edged his fingers to hit against your soft spot, pressing it so violently, you let out a strained cry from the shooting overstimulation pain.

"Ah- Shit!" you shouted, face all scrunched up.

"Can't you behave for once?" he chided, "why is it so hard for you to j-just-“ 

Nanami’s breath hitched in his throat as he grunted, unable to finish his sentence.

You shut him up the only way you could think — grabbing his cock harshly over his boxers. It was extremely effective, and he immediately humped his length against your hand, while lowly groaning.

With trembling hands and a violent snap, you haphazardly pulled his boxers down to his mid-thighs, as his fingers kept mercilessly bullying their way inside you, sending vibrating waves all throughout your body with every thrust.

“Stop… telling me… ah-aaah-“ you rolled your eyes back with a loud moan, struggling to keep a train of coherent thought, gnarling your next words,  “what to… ah- do!”

His cock sprang out, slapping against his belly. The tip was already flustered red, leaking with pre-cum, and had a long, prominent vein on the underside.

To punish him back for the roughness, you grabbed his length with one hand, and with the other, pressed the middle of your palm against his flushed tip, glistening his arousal around it with enough force to jump across the divide between intense pleasure and painful overstimulation.

Nanami cursed with a feral voice through his teeth, immediately biting the side muscles of your neck with no semblance of restraint, making sure to leave a purple remnant of pain etched on your skin.

“Ah- ouch! Fuck!” you spat out, tightening your grip around his cock, but weakened enough to release the tight pressure against his tip, letting him fuck into your hand. His hips bucked erratically, and his lips pressed a quick kiss right where he had previously bitten.

He couldn't help it.

Suddenly, Nanami stopped his rutting fingers to press his thumb against your already throbbing clit. That instantly had you seeing stars as you cursed loudly in between moans and grunts, drawing your free hand to his head, ferociously tugging at his hair, as heat pooled in your lower abdomen like fiery embers of coal.

He grabbed your arm, pulling it away from his shaft, and removed his fingers from your walls, having them clenching around nothing at such a sudden emptiness. You began complaining, only to have your voice cut short by his tongue slipping its way inside your mouth, in a sloppy, wet kiss. 

Parting from you, Nanami’s eyes were glassy, and you were absolutely sure your gaze must’ve looked just as hazy as his.

In a brief moment, before you realized it, he slid himself down, and unceremoniously lapped at your already sensitive clit with his warm tongue, hot breath tickling against your sensitive skin.

Both of your hands descended towards his hair, brushing over his golden and now messy locks more tenderly than you expected. Nanami suddenly shivered and moaned into your cunt, edging his tongue down your folds and back, eyes fluttering shut the moment he tasted you entirely.

He felt a tinge of pain clench at his chest, realizing this was the taste he had missed out on for all that time — your taste, which would surely ruin him forever.

Nanami’s pain, however, was quick to turn into outrage, as he began sucking on your clit relentlessly, eliciting the most animalistic sounds you had ever uttered.

You instinctively tried backing away, and he pulled on your thighs, holding them with such a violent force that his hand was sure to leave an engraving of his digits over your plush skin.

Nanami was intent on dragging this orgasm out of you by any means necessary.

You had never given him anything he wanted from you — be it the company to fight against Jujutsu High or the same unwavering loyalty he had for you. So this was something he’d take.

If you wouldn’t be by his side, then the least you could do was to cum for him so fervently, he’d be sure to ruin you just as much as he felt like you had ruined him. You owed him that, or so Nanami thought.

“Aaah-- Kento! S-slow d-… fuck!”

You came with a thunderous shout, jolting your hip forward as your thighs tightened with inhuman strength to the sides of his head. Nanami made sure to deliciously lick your way down from your high, applying such a precise and perfect pressure on your clit that you could’ve wept from sheer satisfaction.

After your legs went limp, he slowly climbed his way back to you, pressing kisses all over your body, leaving a ghost of heat wherever his mouth traveled. When Nanami finally reached your face, he put his forearms against your sides, hands over your shoulders, caging you in, as he pressed his mouth against yours in a slow kiss.

You were floating in a calm sea, salty waves caressing your body every time they passed through, and it felt cozy. Inviting, even. As he parted his lips from yours, Nanami gazed into your eyes in the way he used to.

For a second, you got catapulted into the past, and the orange sun that warmed your cheeks through the leaves as you kissed for the first time seemed to shine its rays over again.

With his arms around you, the nonsensical feeling of being protected washed over your heart.

“Come with me,” he whispered with a sultry, husky voice. 

“Kento…” you cooed, sighing, wanting nothing more than for this moment to extend for infinity.

But it couldn’t.

You didn’t go with him, so many years ago.

And wouldn’t go now, either.

That wasn’t how it worked for the both of you.

Nanami understood it, and what seemed like another crack against his unwavering walls had formed the moment his brows furrowed above his eyes.

“Fine, then,” he said, with a tinge of genuine hurt to his voice.

You parted your thighs to accommodate his hips, and he obliged, guiding his hand down to align his cock against your entrance. You bent and hooked your legs around him, pulling him in, and as the tip of his length got pressed against your dripping cunt, he gasped slightly over your lips.

Nanami sunk in slowly, going through your already relaxed ring. However, it apparently wasn’t relaxed enough, or perhaps he was just too big, because you could feel every inch of stretching his cock made against your walls as he slowly bottomed out inside your cunt.

His mouth fell open and you exhaled a moan into it, breaths mingling together. You two drank each other in. Nanami pressed his forehead against yours, and you both held each other’s gaze, as he pulled your left wrist above your head, holding it there, pushing you down the mattress by your waist with his other hand.

After a moment for you to take him in, Nanami began rolling his hips into you, while his hand kept bruisingly pressing your wrist against the mattress. You could feel his balancing act of trying to love you and wanting to hurt you at the same time.

You weren’t so different from him in that sense, though. Your nails got dragged down his back with abrasive force, and for a second, you considered drawing blood from him. He grunted, and you saw the spark of cold-hearted anger flash through his now dimmed eyes.

You both wanted to love each other just as much as you wanted to hurt each other.

In a more forgiving universe, perhaps, he’d hold your hand tenderly, intertwining his fingers in yours. Maybe you two would be in the kitchen as he showed you one of his favorite bread recipes, and share quiet moments of understanding companionship when remembering those who had left this world too soon.

But this wasn’t that universe, unfortunately.

He was to die, and you were to carry out his execution. 

Except you couldn’t, because even if you still tried to cling on to any sliver of morals, even if his life was something yours alone to take, the mere thought of a world without Nanami was far worse than the reality of a world in which he was a murderer.

You insisted on fighting a losing game, and much to no one’s surprise, you lost. 

Good riddance to me, I suppose.

His grunts came hitched and stuttered against your mouth as he was now rutting himself into you, biting your lower lip hard enough to almost pierce the skin with his teeth. You moaned loudly, dragged around with pain and pleasure, the combo that seemed to summarize the gist of your relationship.

He let go of your wrist and descended his hand without a warning towards your already overworked clit, glazing his thumb against the ring of arousal you were leaving around him before starting to make circles around your nub. Your moans came out cracked and faltering, as you tried to resist the instinctive urge of fleeing that the overstimulation was eliciting.

“Give me… one more,” Nanami groaned lowly against your cheek, planting multiple kisses down the side of your face and your chin. His hair — which had already fallen from its usual slick arrangement — brushed against your fluttering eyelids, momentarily weaving golden sand colors over your your vision, and you drove both your hands to the back of his head, pulling him in for another kiss. 

You could kiss him like this forever. 

You actually wanted to, at that moment.

To his request, you nodded, and this was probably the first time you acquiesced to any request Nanami had ever made to you. 

Fulfilled, his thrusts and his finger over your clit became increasingly erratic, as he was now moaning your name against your mouth. You pushed your tongue over his, sliding your hands up his head to tug at his roots, and that was all it took to tip him over the edge.

Nanami came with a muffled groan, having your tongue still pushed inside his mouth, and kept pumping himself inside you trying to keep the comedown at bay. His thick, white cum got glazed all over inside you, and the slaps of flesh and skin began sounding ever more wet than they already were.

You weren’t so far off, with your walls fluttering around him, and he noticed it, keeping his now trembling thumb pressed and circling intently over your clit. With one perfectly applied nudge on your sensitive bud, Nanami finally pulled you over the edge along with him.

Some tears began pooling on the edges of your lashes, and all your emotions — anger, sadness, grief, longing, and a particular brand of despair you cultivated during the last decade — came crashing down as he wrenched your second orgasm from you.

Your body convulsed under him, fluttering walls expelling his softening cock out, as you shouted and grunted into his mouth. You didn’t know if you were more furious at yourself for still loving him, at him for loving you, or at Jujutsu Society for jumbling you both like pawns to be tossed around until you two were broken beyond repair.

Angry at them for sending the young out to have their spirits crushed too soon. For all the deaths no one got to mourn because there was too much work, too little time, and the wounded were always left behind to fend for themselves.

Just like you were.

And just like Nanami was.

You sat at the edge of the bed while putting your shirt back on, and looked back at Nanami, who had his buttoned shirt open over his chest.

“Are you still resolute on your decision of not coming with me?” Nanami asked, with a tinge of eagerness. Or maybe it was just your imagination.

You pondered for a moment, and knew exactly what the answer to that question was.

“Yes. I’m not coming with you.”

For a second, you caught the faintest glimpse of the person he used to be. Something aching to genuine disappointment.

The longing that flashed through him, unfortunately, was quick to go, as he began buttoning his shirt down, averting his gaze elsewhere.

“Why?”

“Because I’d hate myself for the rest of my life if I did,” you stated, sighing before continuing, “and it’s not because I can’t kill you or because I love you that I don’t despise you. You crossed an uncrossable line.”

He pursed his lips, and almost felt regretful for the path he chose.

Almost, since regret now would come ten years too late.

“You can’t go back. They will know you let me go,” Nanami remarked. Be it from him or from looking around this house, Jujutsu High would surely hold you accountable for this — for willingly letting the curse user and murderer, Nanami Kento, escape their wrath.

“I know that,” you replied, a tad bit more defeated than you expected, “that’s why I’m fleeing to Hokkaido.”

He sighed and looked at you. You held his gaze, feeling a little hint of anxiety at what he seemed to be simmering under the surface.

With a warmer expression — or as warm as he could muster it up to be  —, Nanami spoke again. 

“I truly want you to come with me. You’d be safer. We’d… be by each other’s side.”

For a moment, you faltered, open lips with no sound coming out of them. Blinking yourself back to Earth, you asked, “you mean together?”

Nanami kept silent, but nodded, waiting for your response.

He wasn’t just asking for you to come with him, but to be with him.

You wanted to. You did. Something Nanami never knew was just how much you wanted to follow him when he asked you the same thing, so many years ago.

But even though you wholeheartedly loved him with every minute part of your being, your loyalty lied elsewhere.

Not with him, but with the people he had killed.

Well, at least that was the comfortable lie you were capable of living with.

It would destroy you to realize the loyalty you had for the murderer of the people you loved. 

In the end, even if you weren’t a teenager anymore, you were just as much a hostage to your feelings as you had always been.

The ticking took a long time, but the bomb eventually went off.

With a decade’s old delay.

“I… just can’t. I can’t.”

Nanami reclined himself against the wall over which the bed rested, closing his eyes as he supported the back of his head on it. 

He never told you, but this moment broke his heart all over again.

He felt pathetically small.

Guess we get what we deserve, after all.

“You really do have a taste for penitence,” Nanami noted, his voice barely concealing the bitterness that tainted those words.

You scoffed, getting up on your feet, ready to leave as the first rays of sunshine began bleeding through the thick curtains that covered the bedroom’s window.

“Go to hell.”

He chuckled, a sound you hadn’t heard in a very long time. However, it sounded off-key. Wrong.

Sad.

“We’re already here.” 

At the end of it all, he wasn’t wrong.

You were doomed to always keep leaving each other.

If only the world had been a little kinder.

But kindness, it seemed, wasn’t in the cards for you.

End notes: I’m silently screaming. Oh my, this one took way longer than expected, but I enjoyed the writing process during every step of the way (I mean, if that wasn’t evident already from the fact that I made a playlist for this 😂). I forgot how much I was a sucker for gut wrenching angst. Hope you enjoyed it too! 🦉

-

Tag list: @actuallysaiyan @diogodxlot @jadedjane @redlikerozez @voiceless9000

@marvelousfanfictionbitch @kentocalls @ohhheymessa @magical-girl-b @simp-manhwa

@codenamesongbird

[megumiluvv]

Junpei wasn’t well liked. He knew that. Yuji knew too, after knowing him. Even if it was for a little while. He didn’t have many friends, took the brunt of the bullying for them too. He was a nerd, obsessed with horror movies, no matter how cheesy, obviously he was going to be targeted in some high school.

When his mom died, he felt truly alone. Terrified of the finger of Sukuna one of his classmates supposedly placed, and vengeful that someone would do that to his mom. Mahito had a way with words.

After he died, Yuji didn’t know what to do. He failed to save him. He failed to even get rid of Mahito. He cried in the backseat of Ijichi’s car on the way back to Jujutsu Tech. Nanami and Ijichi listened in silence.

“He deserves a funeral.” He manages to get out once he stops crying.

“Itadori, there isn’t a point for a funeral.” Nanami replies.

“No, I don’t care if there’s a point, he deserves to be mourned. He had friends, teachers, a family that’s gone now, he needs-”

“You can’t have a funeral for each person you fail to save, Itadori, it’s impossible.”

“I know that, okay?! I know…” Yuji sighs and looks down. “I can’t save everyone, and I can’t mourn them all, but haven’t you failed to save someone? Someone who was really important at the time?”

Nanami sighs, thinking back to that mission where he lost Haibara. The anger he felt at himself, the pain, the feeling of “if only”. He looks at Yuji, knowing he’s feeling that.

“…We can’t buy a headstone for him.”

“I know.”

“Grab something you can remember him by.”

Yuji runs to that basement where Gojo made him watch movies, and grabs the Human Earthworm collection. He runs back to Nanami.

“…Okay. Let’s go buy some flowers.”

They walk to a flower shop, Nanami buys two bouquets containing lilies, pink carnations, and white chrysanthemums. He doesn’t explain why he bought two. He leads Yuji to a field near Jujutsu Tech.

They stop at the top of the hill and Nanami digs a hole deep enough for Yuji to place the movies. The pink haired boy pats the dirt back into the ground. Nanami places a bouquet over it and places the second one nearby.

“…In my first year, I had one other classmate. His name was Yu Haibara. He was a lot like you. Bright smile, kind heart, eager to help others and join the fun.”

Yuji tilts his head and just listens, watching the older male reminisce.

“We had a mission. It was supposed to be simple. Exorcise a curse. It was assumed to be around our expertise of the time, but was graded incorrectly. He died and I barely survived. Like how you died earlier this year. Sadly, my classmate wasn’t a vessel for a curse that could bring him back.”

“…You were alone through all of high school? The only one in your class?”

“Not exactly alone. I had Gojo and Ieiri as my upperclassmen, they bothered me a lot but it was always an attempt at making me smile. Ijichi was in the year below me. But I was the only Tokyo student in my year.”

“I see.”

“I was unable to bury him, so I chose this place, we always talked here and it meant a lot to me. I grabbed something of his and buried it instead.”

Yuji now understands. He bought the second bouquet for Haibara, someone he failed to save like Yuji did Junpei. He watches Nanami kneel to the other bouquet and whisper something he can’t hear before standing back up.

“Well, I shouldn’t bother him. Hope he and Yoshino will get along. We should head back.”

“…Yeah.” Yuji gives a lingering glance to the hill.

Nanami walks ahead. “I will come with you if you wish to visit more often, I’ll buy fresh flowers too.”

“Okay.” Yuji seems more relieved and walks with Nanami back to the school.

After a few times returning to the hill, he returns alone, three bouquets in hand, the cologne Nanami used in his pocket. He buries the cologne close to Haibara’s bouquet, placing a second one over the cologne. He then places Junpei’s bouquet and sits on the hill, watching the sun set.

“…Thank you for everything, Nanamin.”

Masterlist

[sqtorux]

7 minutes, not in heaven just yet but still heavenly

“after death the human brain lives on for seven minutes to replay its best memories”. nanami can't help but think about what his last seven minutes would look like.

nanami had recalled you telling him about a silly trend going around about people making videos of what their presumed 7 minutes just before their complete death would be like.

as reluctant as nanami was to think of either of you dying, he finds himself pondering upon two questions: what would your and his last seven minutes look like?

one of the question was answered by you a few seconds later. “hm mine would probably be all with you, and some with my family… maybe our colleagues as well.”

at that time, it warmed his heart immensely even after knowing full well his best memories were with you too.

the other question however, wasn't answered. it was in the form of a revelation.

nanami was tired. his body and mind just barely holding onto the thin string of his duties he told himself to finish before succumbing into the lure of resting.

he was sure he was in an underground train station fighting and slashing disfigured humans with the little strength he has left but why did it also feel like dancing?

dancing? ah yes gliding through the air under the warm sunshine in … a beach? a beach in malaysia yes you had always wanted to go there with him.

the grainy sand beneath his feet and the cool air blowing through his clothes and into his skin made nanami feel like he was in paradise, just not yet though because you weren't here.

you weren't here.

suddenly he wasn't in a beach anymore. the grainy sand turned into hard concrete and the warm sunshine was replaced by luminescent artificial lights. he was no longer dancing but grasping into his cursed tool, the blood of hundreds dripping down from it.

and yet you were here. the distress and horrified expression on your face made his heart ache. nanami observed you panting in exhaustion, you must have ran.

and finally there were tears flowing from your eyes, all the way down your cheeks and onto the hard concrete floor. he wishes he could wipe them away and hold you tighter than he ever did before.

but he couldn't bring himself to move. a hand was on his shoulder, the hand of the cursed spirit who was responsible for the numerous disfigured humans he had forced himself to kill.

he called out to you meekly observing how your body forces itself to look into his eyes despite freezing in place.

“i’d always save the last dance for you.” he hears himself say. he wanted to make things right and apologize profusely for ever letting you cry so painfully like this, especially over him.

“i don't think i have 7 minutes.”

mahito’s idle transfiguration would've allowed some level of consciousness to the humans he disfigured but nanami wasn't just a human. he was a sorcerer and neither was he disfigured.

“... 7 seconds.” and then he was gone.

the world was never fair. it was always ruthless and ugly but amidst that, it was also kind. kind enough to let you meet nanami.

but in a moment like this it felt like the world was purposely allowing you to feel this way, just so it could chew you up and spit you out only to step on you and laugh at your misery.

nanami’s last 7 seconds were with you, his beloved. perhaps returning to the sandy beach with warm sunshine, playing blissfully in the sea water, its currents pushing you both a little more closer, falling in love a little more deeper.

wrote this in a haze i need u all to suffer with me. i miss kento sm i will curse gege to no end </3

[actuallysaiyan]

Thank you for opening requests!!! I desperately needed some Nanami fluff (with slight angst, blame my hormones) 😔❤️

Reader is carrying Kento's first child, however the whole pregnancy was difficult, even putting reader's life on the line at times. Needless to say he's been quite supportive but during labor there's nothing he can do as he sees countless doctors rushing in the room.

warnings: angst, mentions of hospitals, mentions of abortions, difficult pregnancy, pregnancy, giving birth, probable mentions of blood, mentions of death and loss, happy ending!!!, breastfeeding, lots of crying word count: 1.3k pairings: Nanami Kento x Fem!Reader summary: your pregnancy was tough and though you were determined to carry your child to term, it didn't come without a few bumps in the road. now faced with the prospect of losing you, Kento sits and waits in what he believes must be his own purgatory. a/n: Thank you for this amazing request!!! I hope you enjoy!!! Also please note I've never given birth nor been pregnant, so if things seem off, then that's why.

He’s nearly tearing his hair out of his head as he sits near the door to the hospital room where you are. You’re in labor, yet he’s not allowed inside the room. The pregnancy had been so difficult, and even with your beloved doing everything in his power to support you, the coming of your child was something that needed much more medical intervention than previously thought.

Tears sting his eyes as he watches so many doctors enter the room you’re in right now. Kento thinks about how beautiful you looked when you first became pregnant. You were absolutely glowing, and you were very much excited to carry your first born to term. Things got complicated within the second month, the doctor finding a few anomalies. Yet he had told both of you that it wouldn’t be anything to worry about. Turns out ‘nothing to worry about’ is a lot to worry about. The next ultrasound proved to be nothing but a lot of bad news. The doctor had even suggested terminating the pregnancy and to try again, but Kento had pushed for this one to keep going.

You had agreed. The doctor promised to do everything in his power to ensure that you’d be fine. Lots of bedrest, no stress and all kinds of vitamins. Lots of doctors appointments. Kento had been there with you the entire time as well. He’d leave work early most days just to be there with you at the apartment. You slept most of the day, but Kento was sure to help you with anything else you needed to do on a daily basis.

The last doctor’s appointment had been a tough one. You and Kento received the news that the birth could be extra complicated. The doctor warned about how it could potentially put you in a very rough spot in terms of health after this. He had told Kento that he’d probably need to take up most of the parental role at the beginning. Once you were allowed to go home after the birth, you’d be most likely on bedrest once again.

Kento looks over at the door of the room, his eyes still so cloudy with tears. He’s gripping the plastic of the chair, wanting nothing more than to burst into that room and hold your hand. From time to time, he’d hear the doctors calling out to one another. He heard little bits and pieces, and his heart rate escalated as he heard one of them talk about saving the baby over you. Kento wished he could go into the room and tell them not to do that.

He can’t help himself anymore. Tears spill from his eyes, and Kento removes his sunglasses. He reaches into his pocket for the monogrammed handkerchief to wipe his tears. His heart is in his throat and feels sick to his stomach. His hands shake as he reaches for the phone in his pocket, wondering who he should call just to talk to in the moment. He’s scared and he’s never been more scared in his entire life right now. Kento feels small and insignificant. What kind of husband is he if he can’t even be with his ailing wife right now?

The minutes drag on and on and on. It’s beginning to hurt him deeply. Like tiny little cuts all over his heart, breaking open and tearing the muscle to shreds. His breathing is shaky as he watches less and less people go into the room. His mind wanders; the worst possible outcomes rushing through every little thought. You’ll be dead before he can even come into the room and see you. He’ll never get to see your beautiful smile again. Kento thinks of all the times he was graced with that angelic smile. It hurts so deeply, he swears he’s going to be sick.

Then, a miracle happens… he hears the cry of a baby. His baby. His heart skips a beat and comes back thumping like a hummingbird. The baby was alright. But were you alright? Did you make it out of it in one piece? Kento knows he doesn’t care if he has to take care of your little one for the rest of his days if it means he gets to have you in his arms again. He’ll gladly be the best dad to your little baby and give you all the time you need to rest.

A few minutes later, one of the nurses slowly approaches him. She has a tiny little bundle in her arms, and the tears begin to well up in Kento’s eyes once more.

“Nanami-san?” She calls out to him, and he gets up from his chair and approaches her.

“It’s me…I’m Kento Nanami.”

She unveils the little bundle and Nanami begins to cry when he sees his little daughter. She’s crying a little, and he sees that she has his eyes. His heart feels so full for  a moment, then he begins to think back to you. The nurse hands him the small baby and soon she’s looking up at her dad.

“Your wife needs a little more care. She’s lost a lot of blood—”

Kento’s eyes widen, “Will she be okay?!”

The nurse smiles patiently, “Your wife will be okay. She just needs a little extra care. The doctors have stopped the bleeding. I just thought you’d like to see your little one.”

Kento sighs a breath of relief. His heart feels full again. And then he hiccups softly when he feels his little baby reaching out to him. She’s so tiny and so soft and so cute. Her eyes look just like his own. She has your nose and your smile. And she has his ears, which makes him laugh.

“If you’d like to come with me, I can get you situated in a comfortable room and we’ll bring your wife in when she’s ready to be in the recovery room.”

Nanami nods happily; he’s at a loss for words. He follows the nurse to a recovery room that was set up for the baby and the mother. He’s seated in a very comfortable chair, the little daughter still safely nestled in his arms. The nurse tells him she’ll be back with his wife once she’s ready to be in recovery.

At that moment. Kento begins to fall in love all over again. His little baby is really here in his arms. She coos and coughs a little, still getting used to being outside in the world. She’s so tiny and so precious. More tears slide down his cheek as he leans down to press the softest little kiss on her forehead.

“Hi my sweetness…you’re a part of the Nanami family now. Yes you are, my little angel.”

His words surprise him a little, but he’s been waiting for this moment for so long. It felt agonizing to watch you go through the worst pregnancy ever. It’s all worth it to finally be able to hold this little bundle of joy. He presses another kiss to her forehead and he begins to relax a little more.

After an hour, the nurse knocks on the door. Then she opens it, and she and another nurse are wheeling in his wife on a gurney. You look at Kento and you see the tears in his eyes. He’s so relieved to see you well enough to be here with him. Kento gets up as the bed is settled into the right position.

“You did it, my love. You gave birth to our little angel.” Kento says as he begins to settle the sleeping baby into your arms. She fusses a little and you undo your hospital gown top to let her feed from your breast.

“I’m so grateful, Ken. I didn’t know what was going to happen…and I…” you hiccup softly. Your little girl latches onto the nipple and you feel your heart filling with joy as she begins to suckle.

“Shhh…it’s okay, my love. We’re okay. You’re okay.” Kento reassures you.

He looks at you feeding your daughter, and he knows nothing will ever take either of you away from him. Nothing.

[logoleptic-since-06]

Dad's Best Friend!Kento

Pairing: Kento Nanami x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Age Gap, Angst, Rejection, Canon!Nanami, Fem!Reader, Not Proofread

MDNI

Dad'sBsF!Kento whom you’ve known for almost all your life.

Dad'sBsF!Kento whom you’ve always had a little crush on, which only seems to grow as the years go by.

Dad'sBsF!Kento who isn’t dumb, he notices when you start to subtly make advances at him. Sitting a little too close on the couch, touching his arm while speaking, batting your lashes a little too much.

Dad'sBsF!Kento who brushes off all of these actions, making you wonder whether he’s actually oblivious or is he just being dismissive.

Dad'sBsF!Kento with whom you finally decide to shoot your shot once you’re finally 18.

Dad'sBsF!Kento who visits your house as he usually does a week after your 18th birthday. You walk up to him with a smile, one he politely returns. You start stirring up a casual conversation as you begin to lean forward.

Dad'sBsF!Kento who gently grabs your wrist when you try to cup his face.

“You don’t think I know what you’re doing?” he asks. You give him your most innocent look.

Dad'sBsF!Kento who tells you how whatever you’re doing is utterly inappropriate and if you think he would ever reciprocate such actions, you couldn’t be more wrong.

Dad'sBsF!Kento who promises that he will not be telling your parents about this as long as you promise him to let this go and be with someone who isn’t your father’s age.

Dad'sBsF!Kento who tells you he will be here for you whenever you need guidance, not partnership.

A/N: This is absolutely no hate to anyone that enjoys age gap fics, I do too to an extent, but I genuinely believe Nanami in canon would not pursue someone significantly younger than him. I will aways find it much more attractive when the older one dismisses the younger one's advances and decides to be the more matured one, if that makes sense.

[juniperdugong]

Let's leave a message...

Pairing: Nanami x GN!reader Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst CW: post death Nanami, mentions of death WC: 800

Day 5 of To Halloween with Love Event

A/N: Am I sorry that the first Nanami fic I make is angst? Nahhhh

You were shaking - so absolutely terrified of any result that would come out of your little endeavor tonight. If it didn't work then you'd just be left feeling as empty if not more so than before. If it did work then... well you didn't know what would happen but any way that this went you'd probably be left crying.

---

The last time you and Nanami spoke was over text. You waited outside the bakery that you both had wanted to go to since its opening. It's been months since the actual opening date but your schedules never aligned perfectly for anything more than a date-night-in since then.

Shifting in your clothes you leaned up against the wall. Neither of you minded if the other was ever late, things happen and at least you both would be able to spend time together no matter how small. Your phone vibrates in your pocket, must be a text from Kento letting you know he'll be there soon.

[6:48pm] Sorry, my love. Got called in. Looks like I'll be working overtime, don't wait up for me. Just get yourself something sweet on my card.

You can't deny that you felt a tinge of disappointment but more so than that you felt sad. This was one of the only nights you had off for a while and you'd both talked about how important it was to make time for each other amidst the chaos of work.

Dragging yourself back to the subway station after grabbing whatever pastry caught your eye, you try to hide the small tears that dare will themselves out of you. It really shouldn't surprise you - Nanami's job was important, you didn't understand just how important... but important enough to forgive him when it came to moments like this.

Another dinging vibration comes from your pocket,

[6:59pm] I love you so much, y/n.

And your heart pangs with hurt - a sinking feeling that overwhelms you as you step onto the crowded train car.

"Announcement: All lines bound for Shibuya station have been suspended. Please make the necessary transfers to get to your intended destination. For help please visit..."

---

And you would've said it back had you known what would happen that night. The unforgivable pain that that night and the days after would bring you. The memory of having to identify a half-burnt body lying on a metal table in front of people you know have a hand in making him go to Shibuya that night. Those colleagues and supervisors who, above all, kept a straight face as you wailed and failed to comfort you by telling you off stories about their history with Nanami that you could care less about after the death of your fiance.

But now there was a chance, however slim, of redemption. A board in front of you as you held a planchette to your heart in silent prayer that you hoped the man you'd once dreamed of calling husband could hear.

You made sure everything was perfect, even going as far as getting professional opinion on the session from a psychic - Of course ignoring the bit about never attempting to contact someone you once knew or doing the session alone. This was important enough that such a warning meant nothing in your mind.

Gathering your courage you finally placed the planchette on the board, "Nanami Kento... if you are here with me- God, I hope you are- If you are here please move the piece towards 'YES' on the board"

And you waited. Repeating yourself after 4 minutes. And then again at 3 minutes later. And once more after a full 10 minutes had passed. By now your confidence had dwindled enough to think this was a completely stupid thing to try. About to take your hands off the board the clock struck 7pm.

Your hands begin to move and for a second you think it's your subconscious trying to make up for all the sadness in your heart so that you won't fall deeper into despair and depression. "YES", it led you.

"Who is this?"

K-E-N

You couldn't handle it. Tears overcome you as your body quivers from the emotions flooding your system and you hope to whoever was on the other side of this board that this wasn't a sick game.

"Hey, K- Ken..." You sobbed between speaking, "How have you been?" And you smile weakly - In the moment forgetting procedure and letting your hands fall from the board to wipe your tears.

O-K M-Y L-O-V-E

Your eyes bulge out of your skull as the planchette moves on its own instinctively backing away speechless you gasp as you hit something behind you. A cold chill enrapturing your body.

"Lovely, I hate seeing you cry..."

A/N: Oh to be haunted by ghost Nanami... wouldn't be afraid of those peeping eyes for sureeee, this took longer for me to write because of how I wanted to approach it. Honestly could be a fic.

Please Reblog and Comment (They act as power-ups for me)

JJK Taglist (OPEN): @iluvmattyb

[junosmindpalace]

kento thinks you’re pretty.

your appearance doesn’t stick out in any drastic way, but the sense of stability you bring with simply a kind smile and gentle voice make kento think, from the moment he first stood in front of you as you introduced yourself as awkward teenagers, that you were pretty.

he sees you mostly in passing, and he always bows his head respectfully in response to your small grin and accompanying wave. you weren’t bouncing off the walls or getting yourself into whatever sort of mischief his other upperclassmen typically did that warranted frequent violent scoldings from yaga, and in a way it was comforting. perhaps because you presence was grounding amidst the world of chaos he lived in. it's a world that doesn't suit him very well.

it’s a hot summer day and he notices you sitting against a tall tree and basking in its shade. the heat makes his thoughts go a little awry and his eyes linger on you for a little longer than what can be considered a passing glance. you take notice of him and wave with a small chuckle, and kento thinks you’re really pretty.

too pretty to be hanging out around the juveniles he calls upperclassmen, having to tolerate their nonsense on the daily. but also way too pretty to be hanging around someone like him.

you’re too pretty for the society this school trains you to contribute to. with every passing glance, with every month that goes by they the two of you grow closer, with every conversation you hold with him and every kind act you perform, he’s more and more sure of it.

he confesses this to you as if you held pliers to his mouth and threatened to yank his teeth out if he didn’t, when in actuality your arms were wrapped lovingly around his waist and you stared up at him in confusion.

it’s been years since your high school days now, your features more mature and your souls a little more hardened and having taxes that needed to be paid, and kento still thinks you’re pretty.

he’s no longer a student, and he no longer wears his hair in that god awful side part that you used to tease him for, but he still finds himself staring at you and thinking that you’re too pretty for this god awful world. with every meal you share in your apartment, with every late night conversation prompted by some ridiculous thought you had, with every lingering hug and kiss before you two head off for work, he continues to be more and more sure of it.

it’s reaffirmed to him time and time again, and it kills him. maybe out there there is a world worthy of your beauty, that’s as beautiful inside and out as you are. but it’s certainly not the one you two currently live in.

but you reciprocated his feelings at eighteen and gave him time at twenty two and didn’t hesitate to happily accept when he asked you to move in with him at twenty five. you helped bandage him up when he got hurt and brought his favorite bakery treats on your way home from the school.

your own beauty made his world a little prettier.

you told him you’d like to see the world outside of your norm someday. maybe malaysia, you thought to yourself aloud as you drifted off to sleep in his arms the night he asked you what you had in mind.

and so he will do everything in his power to bring that dream to fruition, perhaps even create a world that’s as pretty as you.

[itsfairly]

10:22pm // Nanami Kento x gn!reader

word count: 1.4k

cw: gn!reader, fluff, slight angst if you squint, established-sh relationship, basically yall are dating but not publically, alcohol mentions, death mentions (no one dies).

summary: you're out drinking with other staff at jujutsu high when you decided to step out. when nanami comes and joins you, small talk gets you two thinking.

a/n: i wrote half in a bathroom stall when drunk, what was i even doing? i was supposed to meet no people not pin over my fictional husband. anyways, yeah, took an impromptu break but hey, if i wasn't feeling like writing, i wasn't gonna push it. but here i am again, wanting to write, so here is this!

“What are you doing here?”

You turned around, looking at Nanami standing a few feet before you. You sigh, your breath creating a small fog against the cold of the night as you lean against the bar’s entrance by the window.

“It was too loud.”

“And it’s too cold.” He responds, taking off his blazer and wrapping it around your shoulders.

You chuckled, clinging to the warmth of the fabric. “They are gonna know if they see us like this. They are all right there and we are right on sight, you know?”

Nanami walks beside you, looking at the street before you two. You were right. Considering that the two of you seemed like just coworkers to everyone else but something else between you two behind the privacy of whatever space you could find, seeing you two together like this with his blazer around you was going to raise some flags. And yet, he couldn’t help but search for you when he noticed you were gone for a longer time than his liking.

“Gojo is keeping them busy, trying to get them to play his game of saying why they like him for them to even notice we left.” He looked through the window, where, sure enough, a sober Gojo was determined to get those reasons out of the either drunk or tired rest of the table. It didn’t seem like it was successful despite Gojo’s huge energetic grin.

“Is that the real reason why you stepped out?” You smirked, teasing at his rather push-and-pull dynamic with the white-haired sorcerer. “Because you didn’t want to play that?”

“I can have multiple reasons why I stepped out. Maybe that’s one of them, but seeing you in the cold was another one.” He looked down at you, his voice softening as he saw how you were gripping his blazer closer to you. “A big one at that.”

You chuckled, looking with a warm smile that made the cold become much more bearable even when standing outside the bar well past sunset. “Aw, what a gentleman.”

“You deserve one. I want to be one for you.” He said, his eyes on the street before the two of you.

If you didn’t know better, you would say he’s quite flustered. Despite his composed demeanor, he was not looking into your eyes when he said such genuine and affectionate words, but rather towards the street in front of you two. It was almost like a confession despite how many times the two of you have gone on dinners together, or grazed each other’s hands when others weren’t looking, or the soft “be safe” whispers whenever either of you went on a mission. Yeah, those acts were confessions within themselves and you were fine with them, knowing that he wasn’t the most vocal about his feelings upfront. But hearing such feelings come from his lips into a soft and gentle tone meant a lot. Those nine words meant that he was opening up to you more and more.

You furrow your brows, however. It didn’t matter how direct his or your words were or their frequency, being a sorcerer wasn’t the best job to fall for your coworkers. Death lurked in every mission, reminding you of how dangerous it was and how painful it would be if either of you would just be gone. Never again to tease him about how buying books was his hobby rather than reading them, never again for him to feel your hands on his shoulders as you insists on helping him relax as you massaged them, never again to see each other’s eyes full of life and the possibility—the yearning of being more. The longing to not be restricted of being together because you didn’t know how much you had left.

It may be the alcohol that got you thinking about this, but it was always a thought you wanted to push away whenever you saw him, wanting to feel the happiness of what you were experiencing rather than feeling the pain of what-ifs. You wanted more, to be closer to him. Sometimes, you could see how he ached for the same despite his wish to not burden you—or anyone for that matter—with the uncertainty of his safety.

But one thing was certain, not only tonight as he accompanied you outside with your breath puffing into the air while the rest of the group drank the night away for some escape of the jujutsu world, but every day since the distance between you shortened by the day.

He never burdened you with the uncertainty of his love for you—because it was certain and it was visible in the most beautiful way. His longing for you, his worry for you, his inability to completely adhere to his idea of staying single while a sorcerer, his goddamn devotion towards you that it made you wonder how no one has even caught on that you two are a thing. He loved you, loves you in the smallest ways that, when put together, are the biggest act one has ever done for you.

“You are.” You whisper, not even realizing the words escaped from your mind and were spoken into existence until he turned to look at you. Now that you had his attention, you stood a little straighter and said with much more conviction, “you already are.”

Nanami takes a second. His eyes looking deep into yours, unable to look away as if he is trying to read them. His brows mirror yours, knitting together ever so slightly. He was taken back by how much softer you looked in this moment despite the cold tensing your body. The warm light from the bar spilled outside and kissed your skin with a yellow, gentle glow. It was hard staying away from you, which is why it was a no brainer to follow you when you stepped out. It wasn’t just because he wanted to check on you, but because you always managed to pull him closer to you without even trying. You felt so close, but he wanted you closer.

It felt natural the moment he grabbed your hand, entwining his fingers with yours without giving it much thought of his own. He was tired of thinking anyway. He didn’t want to gather more reasons to stay away from you when the feeling on his heart weighed too much for them to hold water against it. He didn’t want to love you from afar, to have you in an arm’s reach but never hold you for the world to see. He didn’t want you to be like the books that sat on his shelves, gathering dust that taunted him with the fact he bought them and had yet to read them. He didn’t want that with you. He wanted to read you like a book. To go as far as to highlight his favorite parts of you, to read you over and over until he could recite you from memory to the world. He wanted you to be his favorite book in that sense.

“Then I’ll make sure to be more than just a gentleman to you.” He adds, his thumb moving against the back of your hand to warm it up.

Without skipping a beat, you take a deep breath before repeating your words, “you already are, Kento. More than that even.”

As your hand squeezes him and your eyes shine as if they were reflecting the moon themselves, things become certain for him as well. You loved him. Through the teasing and the burden of what could happen to either of you, you loved him with such a confidence and fulfillment that the feeling would stay the same for a long time and your actions would follow. You wanted to close that distance and hold him in your hands with such care and warmth that would shelter him from the stress of his everyday life. To cherish his skin, his hair, and every crook and cranny that he allowed you to see and touch until your fingertips burned with his feel as if you were to draw a map of him from memory. He was your favorite sensation in the world. You wanted to protect and nurture that sensation called Nanami Kento.

“I guess we want the same thing then.” Nanami softly spoke, taking a deep breath and squeezed your hand back.

“You guess right.” You answered back, nodding slightly with a smile.

Nanami nods back, holding your hand and guiding you back to inside the bar and back to your coworkers. This time, when you get near the group, he doesn't let go of your hand and you don’t let go of his.

[pseudowho]

When Nanami Kento was just a little boy, his mother, father, and Danish grandfather took him on holiday.

It was hot, and sunny, and Kento pretended he was exploring the jungle in the depths of darkest Peru, in his shorts and little sunhat. He hunted for leopards, and other wild beasts of great renown.

The days were long and full of laughter; he threw his shoes off up the sand to splash in the water, flicking it at his chuckling grandfather with tiny hands and feet.

"I shall retire here!" His grandfather warned, in Danish, "And then, at whom shall you flick water, hmm?"

His mother took him shopping at the little market; dinner was plenty of seafood, piping hot on the sandy hearth of their little cabin. His father read him long stories, with all the voices, and Kento always begging for another chapter, just one more before bed.

When little Kento thought nobody was looking, he would spin where the waves lapped the shore, with his arms thrown wide and his eyes squeezed shut and his head tipped back, breathing deeply of the salt and the sun and the dizzy dizzy dizzy.

He remembered this place, always, when his childhood was stolen away just a few short years after. Most of all, in his final moments, he remembered the sunsaltsea euphoria, the bliss of sandy-toed bedtimes, the soft embrace of old yellow pages.

He could almost taste it, just on the tip of his to--

[sexlapis]

# TAINTED FLOWERS

nanami x student!sorcerer!reader

synopsis: you were fed misleading details about the mission you were given. nanami is late to the scene.

gender neutral reader, angst, death (not of reader or nanami), hurt/comfort, descriptions of death, blood, dead bodies & gore, protective nanami, mentions of haibara, can be read as platonic or romantic

wc: 2k

a/n: in a sad mood, i miss nanami & i wanted to write something a little dark so here ^_^

posted on ao3 here

masterlists

*

uneven gasps leave you mouth, your chest heaving heavily with each breath. blood soaks the blue colour of your uniform as you sit on your knees, staring at the aftermath of the chaos which ensued minutes before.

what once was lavender-coloured, fragrant flowers and fresh, verdant grass, were now painted crimson, tainted and sodden with the blood of your ally, who lay mere feet away, still, limp and unmoving.

regretfully, you look to where she lay, hoping that by some miracle, she is fine and well and victorious.

the sight of your friend has you heaving.

well, what remained of your friend.

whatever lower body she once possessed, was gone. ripped and essentially disintegrated. what it left is a deep puddle of red that pools around her widely. her patent, mary jane shoes stand in the puddle and her ruffled, previously white socks rest in them, dripping and soaked in her own blood.

her face. her face. her face.

it was barely recognisable. it was hardly even there-

acid falls out of your mouth and onto the grass on the ground, burning your throat and mouth. your clammy hands grip your thighs as the last remnants exit your body. droplets of sweat litter your forehead as you quiver, your limbs weak. they feel weighed from the battle and the fast loss of adrenaline.

you have the instinct to check on her. to make sure she’s dead or to check she’s alive, you don’t know.

but you know. deep down, you know.

mushy, salmon flesh is sprayed upwards from where her head is, the most is piled up at her “skull”, like a mountain of slush. an eyeball bulges in the middle of it all.

tears stream down your face before you even realise it, in shock, fear, despair, anger and disbelief.

low risk mission, they said.

it won’t be too dangerous, they said.

you will both be able to handle it, they said.

lies. lies. lies.

you hear faint shouting, your mind far, far away from earth at this point as you look at what was a friend of yours.

you hear running on the grass, and the yells becoming louder and louder, the ringing and screeching in your ears coming to a closing halt as you finally hear who is calling out for you.

“_____!”

nanami.

turning your head to the side slightly, you watch nanami sprint towards you, the fastest you have ever seen him go, stopping a few metres away from you, weapon in hand ready to fight. you look back to your friend.

nanami stops, breathing steadily as he takes in his surroundings. he spares a glance at the body of your peer, now not even a body - just flesh waiting to be consumed by the birds of death, who clean away the morbid remains of the dead and let the cycle of life repeat itself.

the way she died, the way her body is, reminds nanami of-

he brushes such thoughts away quickly, focusing his intentions on you.

when ichiji had rushed up to him, stammering and panicking over two fairly new fourth grade students who have somehow accidentally been sent to a handle a first grade curse, nanami prepared for the worst.

and the worst it was.

you jump and twitch uncontrollably, not even acknowledging nanami’s presence. you gulp, mouth dry and lips cracked and sit on the ground, clothes now sure to be stained with soil and grass markings at the knees.

nanami approaches you carefully, not wanting to startle you when you are in a clear state of consternation and distress.

“_____,” he whispers, kneeling down beside you. he reaches out, wishing to examine you for injuries but you flinch wildly, yelping, almost falling over yourself.

“hey!” nanami stables your, putting both hands on your forearms, “it’s just me. nanami. your mentor.”

that seems to snap you out of your lost stupor a little. you blink at him.

he sees blood splattered on your face and doesn’t know if it’s yours or not. you don’t know either.

nanami takes the opportunity to scan your body for any serious injuries and comes up empty, only seeing your blood-coated uniform and hands. he finds your eyes, red and watery.

“are you alright?” he asks. he knows it’s a stupid, stupid question as soon as it leaves his mouth, but he’s not sure what to say at this moment, to someone who just watched their friend be killed by a monster right in front of their eyes.

heavy breathes leave your mouth along with incoherent mumbles, looking around almost frantically, you’re on the edge of hyperventilating before you find his kind eyes again.

you blubber, going to turn your head to your friend’s body. “she-she’s..she’s-” you gasp in crescendo, words unable to leave your mouth, still in shock.

nanami turns your head back to him delicately, “don’t look at her.” you don’t want to see that more than you have to, he knows that well enough.

nanami waits, letting you fumble and stutter and trip over your words, still holding your arms, before you’re falling forwards into his hold, crying and weeping into his blazer, screams muffled by the fabric which you will most definitely ruin.

nanami starts at the sudden action, shocked but at the same time, knows that your behaviour is not surprising.

he was prepared for dead bodies, blood baths, life-threatening, powerful curses that he had battled before.

but somehow, nanami was not prepared for this. to comfort a person who has just lost their friend in a slaughter.

you head lay solid on his chest, wetting his clothes, but he doesn’t even bring himself to care about that. nanami envelops you in his arms, pulling you closer, cradling the back of your head as he holds you to his chest. the soft gesture simply makes you sob harder, wrapping your arms tighter around his waist as he rocks you gently.

“it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s over now.” the words tumble out of his mouth, like he knows what to say in this situation, like he’s being the person that he himself needed. “shh, shhhh, it’s okay, it’s okay.”

the sky is inked with marigolds, the tender, honey colours of the clouds and sun shine a contrast in the mood and what you have just experienced.

blood glitters on the grass and flowers, shiny and slick.

you and nanami stay there just like that for a long while. long enough to where you bawls, screeches and grieves turning into sniffles, whimpers and hiccups.

nanami moved back a short distance, still holding you. “we need to leave, now.” he states. he inspects your face and body once more, “can you stand?”

you don’t respond for a few moments and nanami is patient. with a weak nod from you, nanami begins to rise from his kneeling position, clasping your hands in his own as he helps you to your feet. your legs are shaky, unsteady like a new-born lamb.

he supposed that’s what you are in a world like this. a lamb who had no idea what they were walking into.

you stumble a little and nanami holds your hands tighter.

licking your lips, you glimpse behind you, back to the deceased. “wh..what about h…her?”

“…someone will come to get her.” there’s no gentler way nanami can put that.

you hum and nod again.

arms crossed and still quivering in your bones, you blink away tears. you just want to go home.

then, nanami is shrugging off his suit jacket, and placing it around your shoulders, the size of it dwarfing you, the fabric warm and comforting, protecting you from the harshness of the world and reminding you of the protector that nanami is.

he wraps an arm around your shoulders, guiding your forward and away from the bloodbath.

footprints of vermillion are left in your wake.

*

the journey back is quiet.

when arriving at the car, ichiji goes to say something, but is silenced with a quick glare from nanami.

nanami opens the door for you, helping your inside and sits in the back with you. he puts your seatbelt on, securing it around your body before doing his own.

you’re looking down, at your hands that are dry and splotched red, occasionally snivelling and breath hitching. you felt cold for some reason, even in nanami’s jacket and the summer heat your leg bounces continuously.

as nanami looks at you in the corner of his eye, an unconscious but truthful thought floods nanami’s mind.

even after all these years, after all his time away from jujutsu society and slaving away in the grand rat race, one thing has always been clear.

nothing will ever change. and nothing he does will change anything in the grand scheme of things. he could dedicate his whole entire life to serving jujutsu and it wouldn’t even crack a dent in the system.

haibara’s smiling face and bronze, crinkled eyes come to mind. then follows, the reminder of his untimely, brutal death, how he died because of a mistake an adult who should have known better made, how his death meant nothing then and means nothing now, how his bloody torso was all that remained of him and how he lives on only in nanami’s memories.

nanami groans.

why did i even come back here?

he hears you sniffle and clear your throat. you let out a breath and he looks down at you. you’re still staring ahead, but he can tell you’re about to say something.

“will…will i..be in trouble?” you croak out, a small sob escaping your mouth. “i..i did everything, i-” more cries interrupt your sentence, images of minced, pink flesh coming to mind once again, and you cover your face, gasping as your shoulders shake.

nanami is reminded of your youth, your inexperience and desire to please the adults around you with that question alone. you, who just witnessed the death of a friend, are afraid of disappointing an adult who you probably do not even know of.

his heart beats a little faster and he exhales a little, not angry at you, but at the inevitable circumstances that this “job” has on one so young and, for lack of a better word, innocent.

“_____,” he sighs, quite a sad sound. he removes his goggles and leans down a little to get a look at your face. you continue to cry. “look at me, please.”

you whimper and do as he says, your face clearly hot, eyes drowned in tears, the skin around them matted with wetness, and nose running and sniffling. your eyes had a far away, distanced look, one of devastation, destroyed childhood dreams and a permanently changed life.

“you are not in any trouble, _____” he tells you, his brown eyes filled with sympathy, reassurance and another trait that you cannot quite place. “and you will not be in any trouble. i won’t let that happen.”

you hum sadly in response, closing your eyes and shaking your head as a few more tears fall from your eyes.

nanami cups your face with one broad, gentle hand, catching one of your tears with his thumb and erasing it into the soft skin of your cheek. he caresses your shoulder with the other. “i won’t…” he trails off, speaking more to himself than anybody else.

choking on a cry, you shuffle closer to him, resting your head on his chest, ruining his blue shirt even more. he doesn’t hesitate to hold you in his arms, something that seems so natural and familiar to him.

nanami thinks this is so unlike him, to comfort a student so closely, but he does not stop. you need this. it reminds him of why he took this job in the first place and why he left and why he came back once again.

why he keeps going, going, going when he is more than able to just stop.

“i won’t…”

*

next week, you are appointed to third grade sorcerer level and your eyes are blank and your heart is empty.

a/n: this turned out darker than i expected tbh lmao 😕😕😕

[svgvru]

✮ 𝗡𝗢𝗡𝗡𝗜𝗘 𝗔𝗦𝗞𝗘𝗗: idk if you'll accept this request, but some jjk men x male reader head-canons of them taking care of depressed!reader? (they're secretlyin love with him) maybe a gf or friend died or smth and they notice reader is becoming depressed?

𝗗𝗨𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗔𝗖𝗧! ꒰ gojo, geto, nanami, yuuta / m!reader ꒱: mentions of death,depression, weight loss, panic attacks, ptsd, and anxiety. angst, hurt/comfort, these hcs are alot take caution.

𝐁𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀 𝐉𝐔𝐉𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐔 𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐑 isnt for the faint of heart, but sometimes there is no choice. and something that comes with the price of being a sorcerer is that death constantly surrounds you. whether or not your partner is a sorcerer or not, they could be killed at any moment. and you were aware of that, but in the moment pain unlike any other struck. it hurt, it burned, it made you want to throw things, fight, anything to relief the pain. they watched when you brutally killed the cause of your partner's death, anger and grief coated on your face. it hurt for them to see you like this. so broken, unlike how you are normally. when they wished they were with you, that you didn't already have someone, thi sis not what they meant. so they do everything in their power to help you feel better.

SATORU GOJO

꒰ satoru would be the man to give you some space. whether it was him during his teenage years or him in his adult life. he understands how it feels to lose someone, and to grief. so at first he gives youspace, offering help to you if you need it, carefully keeping watch on you while sticking to a distance. and after a while, bandage or blindfold, he could tell something was wrong. you stopped talking, stopped eating, your uniform didn't quite fit anymore. he didn't notice it until he thought about the times youpushed away his generous offers of sweet treats. he noticed the eyebags, and the dullness of your once bright eyes. he had to help.

꒰ the regret (PTSD) that he wasn't able to save his best friend years ago still stuck to him. he mentally punished himself for missing the signs that something was wrong, that suguru needed. there was no way, he was going to let the man he loves so much reach the level that suguru went to. he quicklyand desperately lunged to help. he reached out hishand and no matter if you pushed him away, cursed him out, threw something at him, he'll drop infinity and wrap you in his gargantuan arms and gave you ahug you desprately needed. he gives you the intimacy you pushed away from. he lets you cry on intimacy you pushed away from. he lets you cry on his shoulder, just holding you, no matter how long it takes, he'll hold you until you fall asleep in his arms. he'd never put you down, he probably wouldn't say a word.

꒰ talk? he'll listen. need to punch something? he'll train with you. his hands were gentlewith you, they wipe away your tears and hold you close, giving you the warmth you so desperately need. and slowly but surely he'l encourage you. he'll delicately push you to hang out with him and shoko once in a while. he'll hand you small meals that get abit bigger after a certain time. he'l give you his sweets and ever so carefully slide his hand intoyours. and if you jerk back he won't get mad, hell be hurt, but he understands. he respects your boundaries. but if you let him hold your hand, you'll see the happiest satoru giggling about some prankhe pulled on nanami. he'l slowly do somewhat romantic things, or he'll plan things that force you to socialize.

꒰ would carefully test the waters with you throughtout the years. he never wanted to be too soon with making his feelings known, so he was patient and waited until you looked much healthier. he waits until you finally start choosing to social,choosing to smile, to go on missions again. satoru gojo loves you, he always will, even if you don't love him back. but he'll always make subtle tries. whether it be jokes or slight touches, testing what he can and cannot do. regardless, he's there for you. no matterwhat. he might not be the best at communicating his emotions, or comforting your own. but he lets you know he's there, waiting with a free hug. as afriend or boyfriend. and if he gets to call you his husband? that's even better.

SUGURU GETO

꒰ suguru would also be someone who tries togive you space, but he just doesn't. like most jujutsu sorcerers do, he understands the pain of losing someone. and he knows what happened to himself after amanai's death. he never wants you to go through the same struggle he went through. so while he'l let you grieve how you do, he's paying close attention to and sticking to you, making sure youdon't decline. he'd do anything for you to make youheal correctly instead of just temporaryily stapling the wound like he did. whether that be sitting fully clothed in the bath with you, or being the big spoon and holding you for hours. if you just couldn't keepup with your hygiene like you used to, he'l cut your hair for you, help you brush your teeth. if you really need help bathing, he'll help with that too. he'll just remain extremely concerned for your wellbeing.

꒰ when i say watches you, i mean watches you. there's no "summer stress" excuse with him. (i think) he's one to be gentle with you, while be firm. he's not one to yell at you, but will use a stern voice to encourage you if need be. if you are one to have panic attacks, the first time it happened, it freaked him out. he pretty much didn't leave you after that. however, he learned how to calm you down, how to help. its hurts him to see such a strong man so ruined, and the curse that harmed your partner was by far one of the worst tasting ones. but no matter what, he'll hold you. your back to his chest and his arms wrapped securely around you, encouraging you to take deep breaths, attempting to ground you in any way he could.

꒰ this experience is probably one where the two of you get closer. he'd never, push you too far, or even try anything intimate with you unless you let him. the farthest he's ever gone is maybe a hug that he got a nod of approval for. but if you need it, he'll cradle your head to his chest and likely hum to get you to fall asleep (something he used to do with nanako and mimiko). after a while, his humming isone of the only ways to get you to fall asleep. and he'll do it everytime without fail. suguru wants you, he does. and every night he hums to help you sleephe wishes he could hold you and kiss your foreheadhe wishes he could provide more intimate comfort, he wouldn't dare ask for. however, when your eyes bags start to disappear and your no longer looking as ifyour lugging around your limbs he finds the tiniest bit of hope. but no matter what, suguru is a man of consent. and he'll wait, and wait. carefully takingcare of you, treating you like glass, while hee ncourages you do things. he'll wait until he can finally hold your hand. the time suguru geto would wait for you never has a limit. he'll always wait for you, whether it be with a comforting hug or a kiss.

KENTO NANAMI

꒰ who better to understand you than him? kento nanami who lost his other half, Yuu Haibara, at the age of 16. he understands perfectly, which is why he doesn't leave you alone. if you explicitly ask for space, he'll give it to you. but otherwise, he's not leaving you be at all. he knows your a strong man, he's seen you fight. but nothing could break a man more than losing the person he loves. and he saw you lose your person and his heart broke along with yours. this man cannot stand seeing you sad ordepressed. the second he notices signs that go beyond the five stages of grief, he interferes. like suguru, he's one to be gentle while using a firm tone. he'll hold you like you're glass, but he'll also drag youalong to supervise gojo's students. he'll let you pour your feelinga out on him, but he'll tell you eat a quarter, then a half, then three-fourths, then the whole meal. he won't be aggressive, but he'll still be like.."eat" (gradually over time though! he doesn't want to push you that rough).

꒰ now he coped by being a workaholic, if your that type he has to dive into hypocrite mode and tell you to sit down for once. if you don't cope that way, but another negative way, he will do anything in hispower to stop you. if something he does in particular comforts you, then he'll keep doing it. he'll speak to you calmly, and let you rest your head on hisshoulder despite not being a touchy person. if need be he'll let you sleep over at his apartment and personally cook you breakfast. and despite how annoying gojo may be, kento does recognize that he often raises the atmosphere of the room to being more playful, so he does suggest hanging out with gojo and his students a lot.

꒰ now he's not an intimate person, and i don't think he'd ever try anything intimate with you. he understands that loosing a part of you hurts, and he would never accidentally hurt you by trying to be bold. he'salso not a physically intimate person. so yes, he does love you, so much. he'd do anything for you, but he'd never outright say or show it, especially after your tradegy. even years later, he'd likely not say much about his feelings. someone like gojo would have to convince him to say something to you or else he'l be stuck with the feeling unrequited love till the day he dies. but regardless, he respects boundaries and doesn't try to be as risky. if you don't like him, he'll have to deal with that. if you do decide to give it atry, he's literally ecstatic, but only in his head. he'll give you one his rare smiles and maybe hold yourhand.

YUUTA OKKOTSU

꒰ (OH GOD). yuuta's almost sharing the experience with you. he's re-experiencing what he went through, and he hates it. not that he would regret his relationship rika, but rather he hates that he has to experience you going through what he had to. hes so scrambly and worried. his mind is constantly running through different thoughts and how to help you. he likes you, so of course hell help you. but how? he gets anxious that he's bothering you, thathes making the process worse as he tries to stick toyou and let you talk about it him. (oh, its over for him if your an angry griever). regardless, yuuta has good ears. as in he's a good listener. he'd let you ramble, scream (he'd jump), cry, anything. he'd listen to youand validate your feelings. if you'llet him he'd carefully play with your hair and tell you he understands, he'l tell you how he'll do anything to help. i also think he's fantastic at hugs. to matter how jittery or anxious he may be, if you need a good hug and shoulder to cry on, he's right there.

꒰ when it comes to your physical health, he doesn't play. he's still kind of nervous when it comesto encouraging you. but if he starts to notic eeyebags, or loss in your weight (trust. hell notice), he immediately does everything in his power to help you. and he tries to be as happy as he can, thinking that maybe his happiness would eventually spread to you, or at least boost your attitude. he'd run to youwill a meal the both of you can share so you don't feel intimidating by having to eat a whole meal again, if you stopped. he'd suggest the both of you getting haircuts together if you let your hair grow too long. when it comes to stuff like that he suggets doing it together so you don't feel alone, so you don't feel like your terrible for letting this happen. if your hygiene got bad he'd never ridicule you or anything. yuuta would tell you its okay and like i said, offer getting haircuts for the both of you, offer getting clothes together, he'd try and encorperate your schedules together without being too pushy.

꒰ yuuta would be very nervous when it comes to the fact that he still loves you. the last time he was remotely in love with someone, he got hit by car and he accidentally cursed her. he's never really experienced healthy romance, or a a healthy life. he never really desired love, with the assumption rika would always come in between, preventing him from having healthy human interactions. but when it came to you, he's never wanted a relationship so bad. and he still wants you, but in understanding what its like to lose someone you love, he never pushes. he never tries to touch you too intimately or suggest intimate things. he's patient, he'll wait for you if he needs to. even if you don't like him like that, he'll always be available to you as someone you can go to for anything. he'd be in pain just like he was when you started dating someone else. but he knows its painful and hard to come back from losing someone so important. if you do heal, if you do want him like he wants you, he'd probably cry. but for right now he'll just remain someone you could trust and talk to.

꒰ n: repost from my original acc! i still hope i did this, and their characters, justice tho. ꒱

[tsukimefuku]

4 a.m. ☾ nanami kento

summary: nanami is your ex and calls you just before dawn to hear your voice. wc: 1.5k cw: gender neutral reader. very much angst. this takes place the night before the shibuya incident. notes etc.: song is 4 am, by taeko onuki.

lord, give me one more chance ☾ is this the last one, I wonder?

“Nanami?”

Your phone’s ringing would’ve jolted you awake from your dreams — that is, if you had been able to sleep. The life of a sorcerer was plagued by nightmares, it seemed, and you made sure to sleep as little as possible to achieve dreamless nights during most of the week. 

“Yes, this is me.”

Definitely his voice, alright.

It was 4:00 AM, and you feared for a moment when his name lit up on your phone’s screen that you were receiving that dreaded witching hour phone call.

However, this was considerably more unexpected, given that he was the one to break things up with you years ago and never contact you again. 

“Are you okay? Has something happened?” you tried your best to keep your voice from cracking, an awkward pit of... something gnawing at your chest. 

The silence reigned solemnly for a few seconds, only muted breath coming from the other side. 

“Nanami?” 

“I just...”

You knew his voice. He was definitely inebriated. The way his syllables were breathier and dragged over the tone was unmistakable. 

“Nanami... what is it?” your voice came labored with a sigh, part in concern, part in discomfort.

“I just wanted to hear your voice. I’m sorry if I awoke you.” 

“You know very well you haven’t,” you replied, half in jest, trying to ease the mood. It had been a minute since you two last spoke — since he had broken up with you, “but...”

Your words died on their way out. 

“I... I apologize, I shouldn’t have bothered you,” Nanami said on the other end, more for his benefit than yours, seemingly coming to terms with whatever entity had taken hold of him, guiding his fingers towards his phone and dialing you up. 

“It’s fine, it’s okay,” you offered, uncertain, “it’s... nice hearing your voice. It’s been a while.”

You lifted yourself from your sofa, picked up the glass of red you had resting on the coffee table, and made your way towards your apartment’s window, being met by Kyoto’s nightscape.

You heard him sigh, a sound heavier than you would have expected from Nanami, and his uneasiness was palpable, even through the phone. 

“You didn’t think this through, did you?” you playfully inquired, knowing full well that if Nanami did think this through, he would've stopped himself from reaching his phone. 

“I did not,” he offered in earnest, and you couldn’t help but wonder where he was right now. Was he at home? Sitting by his table still in his work attire? Laying on his bed in a t-shirt and sweatpants? 

You wanted to ask, but held your tongue as quickly as the thought came.

That wasn’t how it worked for you two, not anymore. 

“How have you been? Are you alright?” you genuinely asked. You truly, really wanted to know how your unwavering man — “your” solely in dreams from the past — was doing. Was he fine? Did he leave Jujutsu High again? What had he been up to? 

The aching desire to peek into a life you weren’t entitled to anymore was enticing, even if a painful reminder of the door that had been permanently shut. 

“Still pushing the same boulder uphill everyday,” he replied, and you heard some icy, glassy clacks on the other side, followed by a sip sound. 

He was drinking. Probably a glass of whiskey with the same exact three ice cubes he always put in it.

“Is the hill getting taller and the valley deeper, too?” you asked him, a distinct smile to your voice.

He huffed, amused. 

“One could say so.” 

“Nanami-“ 

“Kento,” he cooed in the same husky, deep voice he used to caress your skin every time he whispered to you something in a crowd, leaning against you in a way only a lover would, or when he undid you just to build you up back up over and over every night you spent together.

The voice he would only use to love you.

It hurt. 

“Nanami...” you repeated in the same beat, the concern and warning in your voice mingling around the uneasiness that now clenched at your chest, too. 

“Just... for tonight. Please.”

He rarely asked you for anything, and whenever he did, you caved.

Just like you caved at that very instant. 

“Fine.” 

“Thank you.” 

You exhaled, trying to ease the forceful flattening sensation tying around your lungs. 

“Kento, why are you calling me now? I mean, we have been broken up for so long... after you broke up with me.” 

Some of your last words came out with a tinge of bitterness, and even through the phone, you somehow knew he’d be looking away after you said that.

“I... I really just wanted to hear your voice. And if there is nothing to be said, I’d like to stay on the line with you for a while, even if in silence. I... I want... I want to share this quietude now with you,” he offered, an explanation of sorts, but not enough.

This was the issue — nothing was neat, calculated, mathematical enough for him. Waiting for the precise moment, life had passed you both by. 

“Why? Why did you... break up with me? For real?” you asked, fully aware this might be the last time you spoke to Nanami for a long while, if ever. 

He inhaled on the other side, as if picking apart his words to answer you with the perfect building blocks to fit the hole he knew he’d left behind. 

“This life, our life... is not suited for romantic relationships. I couldn’t bring myself to step out the door and do what I do — what we do — knowing I could leave someone at the wake of my demise any day. In this life, we should die alone.” 

You sighed and sipped on your wine, leaning against the edge of your dinner table.

“Don’t preach to the choir, Kento. I know how this gig goes, but I think you’re lying to both of us right now.” 

“I... I don’t know,” he remarked. His voice sounded lost, strained, decades older than himself, and he pleaded for a light, if you could ever so kindly offer him one.

“I think...” you began, trying to be as unfiltered as possible, “you ran away from me, just as you ran away from Jujutsu High years ago. You were afraid just the same. Somehow, you surpassed the fear of dying any day on the job, but are still to surpass the fear of risking loss again, of lov-“

You bit your tongue before finishing your sentence, but he noticed it. 

“Please, continue. The fear of what?”

He knew. 

“Of loving.”

Nanami kept silent for a while, the only telltale sign the call hadn’t ended being the sound of his drink’s ice cubes clinking against the rim of his glass.

His voice came back, a deep, husky tone cutting through the silence like a silk thread. 

“I want to see you.” 

“Kento, you’re drunk.” 

“Yes. And I want to see you, I have thought about it for a long time, and I believe you have too, just the same.”

He was right. Oftentimes, in the silent hours of the night, after the thud from your shoes falling in the entryway subsided leaving a void of sound behind, you missed his warmth, his arms wrapped around your waist, the feeling of his body pressing against your back. There had been others, but no one could compare to him — to Nanami.

How many others there had been for him? Had they measured up to you?

You shoved the thought away, trying to not dwell on it for too long. 

“I have,” you answered honestly. 

“We could try again. We could...” 

“Kento...” you cooed, realizing this was the same voice you’d use whenever you purred at him when you were enveloped under the covers, sharing your own tiny private sliver of the universe. 

“Please...” his tone came strained, pained in response to how you called his name — the way only his lover ever did. You. 

“It’s 4:00 in the morning, we... let’s talk this over dinner. We have the time. Moving around tomorrow will be terrible because of Halloween, but we could... after tomorrow?”

You felt the faintest hint of butterflies around your chest, something you hadn’t felt in a long time. Not with anyone else but him.

He sighed on the other side, equal parts intrepid and relieved. 

“Okay. I’ll come to Kyoto after tomorrow so that we can have this conversation properly. In person.”

You tried to exhale away your own disquiet, quivering in anticipation for seeing Nanami again after so many years. 

“It’s a date, then.”

He huffed the faintest chuckle. 

“It is.”

You clicked the big red button on your phone’s screen, and the call ended.

—

End notes:

You already know... Had The Big Sad™️ and decided to turn it into everybody else’s problem. This is an adaptation of a HiguNana piece I posted on AO3 (but if you want to read the fic like reader is Hiromi, I won’t try to stop you 👀).