#if your existence is miserable then mine is so much so I deserve to be dead ok

[kavehater]

Jaw dropped what.

[hyuckkaiji]

loyal she began, so she remains - sebastian x f!reader

summary; he waited too long to hold you in his arms again. he waited too long to give up now. you are his, and he will have you. pt.3

word count; 4.3k

warnings; 18+, explicit content, some physical violence, porn with a plot, mentions of cheating/infidelity

note; and they lived happily ever after. One for the Seb girlies hehehe. last last part to this little unofficial series. pt.1, pt.2, pt.3 Ominis

Sebastian twirled his wand with deft fingers, staring at the cold fireplace, listening, waiting.

It had been almost three months since he saw you. One would think three months would feel like nothing in comparison to eight years, but they would be wrong.

He longed for you, he dreamt of you, bided his time until he could hold you in his arms again. And the day came, you were there, his beautiful girl, you were in his arms after all that time. But when he awoke, you were gone, and that hurt him more than anything another wizard could ever do to him.

These months have been the worst of his life. To know where you are and not be able to claim you, it was tortuous. He doesn't blame you, he doesn't know how Ominis has messed with your head because clearly Ominis has messed with your head, there's no other explanation for you leaving his side and crawling back to that bastard.

He knows you don't love the auror, you could never love him. So what made you go back? He needs answers. He would have gotten them sooner, gotten you sooner, had it not been for your pest of a husband.

His old friend had been tracking him like a blood hound since the afternoon after the night he shared with you. But Ominis underestimated him, his skill, his intelligence. Ominis thinks he is the predator.

The door creaks slowly open, the hinges old and rusted. "You were a fool to come back here, Sallow." Ominis stood in the doorway, the grey light of the cloud filled sky seeping in behind him.

The auror took a few steps forward, letting sagging wood slowly groan as it fell shut. "You should have stayed away, I gave you your freedom, and you wasted it by trying to come back for her."

Sebastian leaned back, watching Ominis with a lazy gaze, his fingers still fiddling with his wand. "Of course I came back for her. You thought I wouldn't?" Sebastian tsks, "Truly old friend, you should have known better."

Ominis shrugs, "Your mistake, fugitive. They've already got your cell in Azkaban waiting for you."

"Have they?" Sebastian let's out a breathy laugh, Ominis' lips twitch in irritation.

"You never could take anything seriously."

"Ohh, you've caught me." Sebastian throws his hands up in mock surrender though he knows the auror cannot see the gesture.

"You've cornered the big bad fugitive. Haven't you, Gaunt?" Sebastian stands, Ominis points his wand at the abrupt action. "I cared about you once, Sallow. I have allowed that past affection to cloud my judgment. I have allowed you to walk a free man. No more."

"Free?" Sebastian sneers, "You keep saying that word, you must have forgotten its meaning for I have not been free in eight years."

"I have lived alongside the rats in sewers, I have starved, I have survived off rotting scraps. I have done much and more just to keep myself alive, and you call that freedom. What did I do to deserve that -"

"You are a murder, Sebastian!"

"I just wanted to save my sister! She was in unending pain, all I ever wanted was to help her! And you and my uncle tried to stop me! Only one person truly supported me!" Sebastian's breathing was ragged, his chest rising and falling with heavy huffs.

Ominis features twisted in disgust, "My wife is not yours to claim. We are no longer children, and it has been many years since she was yours. If you had just accepted that, if you had just stayed away. The miserable existence you created for yourself would be no concern of mine."

"But alas Sallow, here we stand. All things must come to an end, you are no exception."

Sebastian barks out a laugh, "Do you plan to kill me, Gaunt?"

"You do not matter enough for me to soil my hands in such a manner."

Sebastian hums, "I only matter enough for you to personally track me for months."

"Only because you came near my wife."

"My point still stands, and I did more than just go near her."

Ominis' grip tightened on his wand, his knuckles draining of color. "Of course you would take pride in that little indiscretion. I'll have you know that my wife does not. That's why she came back home to me. She is waiting for me at home this very moment, swelling with my child."

A ball dropped in Sebastian's stomach, nauseous at the thought of you pregnant with the Aurors child. "You didn't."

A satisfied smirked pulls at Ominis lips, allowing himself to enjoy the blow, for a moment he pays no real mind to Sebastian. But a moment was all Sebastian needed. He lunged.

Sebastian's hand wrapped around Ominis', yanking his away his wand. Tossing it, where it hit against the stone corner of the fireplace, landing with the sound of wood cracking.

Sebastian couldn't explain what came over him, to fight like a muggle, to abandon his wand in the face of a fight. All he knew was he needed to feel his fists collide with Ominis face, he needed to feel the impact, hear the crunch of bone as he landed blow after blow.

He didn't know how long it went on, but when he pulled back, breathing ragged, fists covered in Ominis' blood and knuckles raw and cracked, Ominis wasn't conscious, the only sign of life was his chest rising and falling with shallow breathes.

Sebastian stood, grimacing at the scene before him. Silently thanking the gods, he hadn't lost himself enough to kill someone he once loved. He wasn't dead, and at the very least, Sebastian was grateful for that. He had done terrible things in these past years, but there were still things he could not bring himself to do. Things he could never forgive if he did. Not again.

This was for the boy he was, the boys they were. Sebastian left the auror there, a silent prayer that their paths never cross again.

When he stepped out of the worn down cottage, rain was falling, showering down on him, soaking through his clothes, washing away the blood that clung to him, washing away his sins.

He breathed in deep, closing his eyes. Letting the smell of fresh wet earth permeate his senses. He strolled through Feldcroft as if he owned it, as if he belonged, as if it was his home and his wife he was heading towards. As far as he was concerned, it was.

You are his home, his life, his everything. And only the thought of having you again got him through those long years. He had laid out his path, his future, your future. All that was left was collecting that which he loved most.

His hand wrapped around the handle, cold metal biting into his skin. He could feel the magic that was surrounding the house, protection charms on top of protection charms. But these charms were not meant to protect but trap.

Sebastian pulled his wand out, casting counter charms, breaking down layer after layer. It was not quick work, and truthfully not something he would have been able to do if not all that he had learned on the run. The magic he was using to break down the barriers is something others would call dark. Sebastian just calls it a different kind of magic, a necessary kind.

He finally broke through, the knob turning in his hand, the door sliding open to welcome him into the warm cottage. The smell of cinnamon toast was wafting through the air, nostalgic and inviting.

"You're back husband." Your voice was meek, docile. You came out from around the corner that led down the hall, your bare feet padding softly against the carpets you had laid out around the house.

"Sebastian." You stopped in your tracks, hands at your side, fists bunching into the fabric of your skirts. "Where is Ominis?" Sebastian's lip twitched in irritation at the question. "Gone."

"Y-you-" A gasp escaped, your hand coming up to press the tips of your fingers to your mouth in shock.

"For merlin's sake, I did not kill the man. He just happens to be ... indisposed." Sebastian waved a hand in the air. "But he'll come back to an empty home, you're coming with me."

You walked towards him, steps slow and cautious. Reaching a hand out to caress his cheek once you stood before him. Feeling him, in the flesh, your skin against his, that was your breaking point. You lauched yourself into his arms.

Violent sobs overtook you, your body shaking with the force of them as you clung to Sebastian. You held onto him as tight as you could, readjusting your grip to try and tighten it every few seconds. You crumpled in his arms, he allowed you to, sinking to the ground so you could sit in his lap. Arms around his neck, face buried in his shoulder as he cradled you.

"I'm sor-ry, I-m sorry, s-orry." You mumbled almost incoherent apologies into his shirt in between hiccups. "My sweet girl," he cooes, "you have nothing to apologize for." One arm holds you as the other hand runs through your hair in an attempt to soothe you.

He holds you, whispering soothing words and sweet nothings until you calmed down. "I shouldn't have come back ... I felt so guilty for betraying Ominis ... I-I," you shook your head, trying to articulate your thoughts.

"He supported me for so long, I felt like I owed it to him to come back. My own happiness be damned but ... he ... I've been trapped in this house for months, Sebastian. All this time, all I could think of was you," you brought a protective hand up to rest on your stomach, "and our child."

"Our?"

"This life that grows inside me, it could only be yours, my love. The thing about contraceptive potions ... you can make them for one person. The ones I brewed only kept out Ominis. It worked for years, I know it didn't just suddenly stop. This is your child, Sebastian, our child."

His lips are on yours in a hearts beat, soft and needy. His tongue swipinging over your bottom lip as his hand tangles in your hair. It felt like home, it was a feeling he longed for during the countless nights alone.

You moaned into the kiss, allowing yourself to finally relax, to feel safe in the Sebastian's arms. His fingers had come up to clumsily undo the buttons of your blouse, never breaking your kiss.

You pulled away, taking over, discarding your clothes in a rush, your fingers precise where his had been ill practiced. He did the same, tossing his clothes aside without a care before pulling you back into him, savoring the feeling of your skin against his.

"I am going to ruin this house the same way I ruined you." He pressed a kiss to your temple, fingers leaving a trail of goosebumps down your skin. "I'm going to fuck you over every surface of this house." He pushed you up against the nearest wall, a gasp escaping your lips at the sudden impact . His lips traveled down, warm kisses along your neck making a shiver run down your spine.

"I'll not leave a single room unspoiled for that insecure twat." He kissed his way down your torso, settling himself between your legs, pulling a leg over his shoulder to expose you to him, you sucked in a breathe as his breathe fanned over you.

"Fuck, you're so wet already. This is all for me, pretty girl?" His tongue swipes slow and torturous over your sopping cunt, flicking over your bundle of nerves at the end. "So fucking sweet."

He looking up at you with hungry eyes, every puff of air he breathes out hitting your clit, making you shiver above him but he make no move to continue. "Sebastian, please." Your words are breathless and a hand tangles in his hair as you attempt to push his face right where you need him.

"Beg."

"Sebastian." You throw your head back in frustration. You couldn't find the words to describe how you want him if you tried. "Stop playing games with me."

"I'm not." He leans just enough to let the tip of his nose graze the sensitive bub, "I just wanna hear you say it. Come on, just once." He presses a kiss, you sigh at the feeling.

"Please, Sebastian, I need you, please touch me."

Those words, the slight whine in your voice, sent a jolt to his already hard cock. He has one hand supporting your hip and leg over his shoulder, the other arm supporting your back and pushing you closer to him.

His mouth is pressed back against you, sucking, nipping, licking away as you grip his hair. You had always felt pleasure with Ominis, wanted him even but not like this.

Though the physicalities of it all were much the same, it was different, in your heart, in your soul. No other could make you feel the way he did, the way you felt right now.

Your legs tensed, attempting to close around his head. His arm dropped from your hip, wrapping around your thigh to pry your legs back apart, never stopping his ministrations against your throbbing clit.

Your orgasm racked your body, your head thrown back in pleasure. Sebastian stayed kneeling, peppering kisses along your inner thighs and hips. Chuckling to himself as he listened to your pants, your body trying to regulate itself again coming down from your peak.

Your legs wobbled as he stood, allowing you to plant both legs on the ground once again. He leaned in kissing you, allowing the taste of your cum to settle on your tounge.

"You're all fucking mine, now show where your bed is sweetheart." You lead him to your bedroom by his hand.

"How does your husband normally fuck you?" You hummed, crawling onto the bed before flopping onto your back, bringing your knees up just enough to give him space to join you, as Ominis normally does.

Sebastian clicks his tongue against his teeth with a tsk. "Everytime?"

"Near enough. Would you like something different?"

Sebastian walks over to you, bringing his hand to wander over your breasts, pulling a pert nipple between fingers. Twisting and pulling at the nub, earning a soft moan from you. He lets his fingers wander, trailing over your ribs, scratching his nails lightly over your stomach.

He stoops just below your hips, giving a quick tap. "Come here." You crawl back off the mattress, slightly uncertain in your movements. You stand before Sebastian, feeling even more exposed though nothing has changed.

He examins you, letting his eyes follow his hands path as it trails. He gathers your hair in one palm, pulling it behind your shoulders and letting it fall loose.

His fingers graze your collar bone, the way he's looking at you makes you feel like a piece of art, something that exists only for him to admire. Running his fingers over every curve and crevice like he's trying to understand how you were created. You shiver under his scrutinizing gaze.

He grips your chin between his thumb and forefinger, softly, just enough to bring your eyes to his. "Bend over." His voice is soft but commanding, leaving no room for argument. And you don't need to be told twice.

You gather all your pillows, pulling them to your chest to prop you up a bit as you lean over the mattress. The anticipation alone making your clit throb.

Sebastian brings a rough hand up to further feel as he looks you over, the sight almost rivals looking up at you from between your legs, almost. He grips the flesh of your ass, gods how many times did he have this exact dream?

"You are the most beautiful thing I've ever set eyes on, do you know that?" He let his hands settle in a firm grip on your waist, leaning over you, his hard cock pressed into your bottom as he pressed kisses into your spine, whispering as he went.

"I promise I'll make you happy, I'll give you anything you want or need. I'll give you a life you deserve."

He lined himself up with your dripping entrance, "You ready?" Letting his cock sink in slowly after you nodded your approval.

He groaned at the feeling of the wet warmth wrapping around him, quickly falling into a steady place. Sliding in and out of you with deep stokes, allowing the tip of his cock to bully your cervix.

You could feel the coil in your gut winding tighter and tighter with every stroke, so close to tipping you over the edge. You buried your face the mattress, muffling your cries and tangling your fists in the blankets.

"Oh no baby, I wanna those pretty little moans." Sebastian wrapped your hair in a fist, using it to pull you up into his chest. The grip of his other traveled from your hips to your stomach, pressing down just below your naval. The grip he had in your hair moving to keep a firm grip on your throat, keeping you pressed firmly against him.

This angle allowed him to fuck you at depths you'd never felt before, depths that had you tipping, the coil snapping inside you as you spasmed around him. Throwing your head back in pure ecstasy as another orgasm over took you.

Sebastian nuzzled his face into the exposed crook of your neck, sucking and biting in a fresh pink mark. His hips slowing their pace but continuing enough to draw out your pleasure.

"You didn't finish." You were panting, your skin covered in a sheen of sweat. You continued to clench around him, your body overwhelmed but still mindlessly chasing the pleasure only he could give you.

"I didn't want to yet." You could feel him smile against you."You're not satisfied yet, you animal?" You let out a breathy laugh but Sebastian only hummed bringing his fingers down to rub harsh circles into your swollen bud.

"I'll never be done with you." He pulled out, letting you lean against him, almost pure dead weight, unable to keep yourself standing.

He leads you to the kitchen on unsteady legs, arm around your waist supporting you the entire way. "Keel for me, love."

A good obedient girl, all his, only his. He smiled down at you as you struggled to fulfill his request, looking up at him through your lashes once you succeeded. "So pretty." He muttered, in awe of the sight before him.

You wrapped one hand around the base of his shaft guiding him into your waiting mouth. Your tongue wrapping around the underside of his shaft as you bob around him, your hand stroking what you can't fit. "Good fucking girl." Sebastian practically growls the words.

One hand shooting out to tangle at the roots of your hair, he uses the leverage to push you further down. You let him, your own hands gripping the flesh of his bottom, blunt nails digging in as you gag around him. Sebastian let's out a low hiss, enjoying the slight mix pain and pleasure.

He uses his grip to hold you in place as he thrusts, the tip of his cock abusing the back of your throat. Drool is dripping down your chin and tears well in your eyes but you let him use you, the sight of him with his head thrown back, eyes screwed shut, and teeth biting so hard into his bottom lip you think he might make himself bleed, it's too lovely a sight for you to try and pull away.

His thrusts become erratic before burying himself so deep you gag around him as your nose presses against his pubic bone. Tears finally falling free as his warm, salty cum shoots down your throat, he holds you there until he's sure you've swallowed all of it.

When he finally pulls free with a soft pop from your mouth, your lips are puffy and swollen with a line of drool still connecting the two of you.

He pulls you to your feet, still using your hair as his personal tool. He pushes you up against the table, your hands falling to grip the hard wood and steady yourself. Sebastian doesn't wait before dipping his head to the valley between your breasts, his tongue darting out the catch the drool that had slid down your skin, his tongue following the wet path up the collum of your throat ending at your lips.

His kiss is feral, possessive, all tongue and teeth nipping at your lower lip. His hands wrap around your thighs to hoist you up onto the wood. "Merlin, I need you like I need air." He speaks the words against your lips, his eyes falling shut as he presses his forehead to yours, a shuttering breath falling from his lips.

"I love you, Sebastian." You whisper back to him, using the back of a hand to rub against his cheek softly. He smiles at you, a man captived by what he never truly thought he would have, never thought he deserved. Truthfully he's not sure he does deserve this, deserve you. But he'll be damned before he lets anyone else have you.

He's using his tip to gather the slick from your still seeping hole, rubbing it over your clit, making you shudder. When he feels he's gathered enough he pushes back into you, making you gasp.

Your legs wrap around his waist and your arms around his neck, letting your head fall against a shoulder. He splays one large hand over your lower back and uses the other to balance against the table. His hips stutter at first, still sensitive from his orgasm, but he find his pace.

You had never realized how loving sex can feel, how his pace alone could convey that. The way his fingers dig into your skin with every thrust, every pant and groan that escapes him. You knew, all of it told you, this is a man that worships you, a man that has been enamored by you since he first met you. And though he may tell you, you're his, first and foremost, he's yours.

It didn't take long for either of you to reach another orgasm, both your bodies still so sensitive. You clung to him as your third orgasm overtook you. His grip on you was brusing as his hips jutted rhythmless against you, he muttered incoherent praises into your skin and his seed shot into you.

You stayed like that for a moment, just holding each other as you came down from your respective highs. "My sweet boy, my Sebastian." You mumbled against him as you stroked your fingers through his hair, the words made him cling tighter to you, part of him worrying if he lets you go this time he'll never hold you again.

"Promise you won't leave me."

"Oh my darling," you coo at him, bringing him up to face you, to look you in the eyes, "you have my heart, you carried it with you all these years. I couldn't leave you if I tried for I am yours, mind, body and soul. I think our love could transcend lifetimes."

∘₊✧───── ─── ─────✧₊∘

Epilogue;

"I am not, you insatiable beast." You giggled pulling your hands out of the soapy water you had just been using to wash dishes.

"You satiate me, love." He turns you to face him, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. "Beautiful." He mumbles, bringing a hand up to rest on the swell of your stomach. "Me or the baby?"

He hums, "Both. The most beautiful beings to every grace this gods forsaken planet."

You shake your head, "Well, you can't put another in me until this one is out. And we still have some time yet so I think you should focus on the here and now and go get ready for work."

You brush his curls out of his face, stroking a thumb over his cheekbone. He hums, smiling at you, "Yes, you are ever correct, wife."

"Husband." You give him a quick peck on the lips.

"Brother, it's mine!" The shrill voice of your five year old daughter echos through your house, followed by the mischievous giggle of her younger brother.

"Hey! Hey!" Sebastian calls out, rushing over to the running toddler in two quick strides, scooping the child up in his arms. The boy giggles wrapping his arms around his father. "We don't steal, my boy. Play nice now, you lot cannot be stressing your mommy while she's pregnant. It's not good for the baby."

He kneels, pressing the stolen stuffed rabbit back into his daughter's hands. She smiles quickly at him before scampering away, toy in hand. He shoos his son shortly after before turning back to you.

"What's the max?"

"I was thinking this might be the final one." You leaned against the counter, watching him with a glint in your eye.

"I was thinking at least one more." He responded.

"Aye perhaps. I could never say no to you." You walk over to him, throwing your arms around his neck.

"How do you think the muggles do it?" You asked.

"I don't think they do, bet they cry themselves to sleep wishing they had a silencio charm."

"Seb!" You scolded with a playful slap to his chest.

When Sebastian was young he thought himself the master of plans, thought himself brilliant even but nothing will ever top this, this success. The best plan he ever wrought, whisking you away to America. Muggles know nothing of him, nothing of you. His life is sweet, a dream come true. And he is most grateful.

[silenttale22]

THERE FOR YOU |JJK|

Idol!BestFriend!Jungkook x Reader Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, hurt/comfort Warnings: Only Swearing Note: Hi sweetheart, thank You for being here! Let's celebrate for our lovely clingy bf Jungkook and his new song (stream SEVEN btw) Mv made me even more delulu than I was… Damnn, okay, hope u will enjoy! Both - my shot and song ;)

“She broke up with me. I just can't fucking believe it,” you jumped on the couch at the sudden voice filling semi dark flat.

Your eyes widen, as you raise your head above a bowl full of ramen to see your best friend drop - he literally drops his leather jacket on the floor and heads toward the kitchen. You could have heard the boy slam the door of YOUR fridge right before the sound of the can opening reached your ears. You scoffed to yourself, knowing it was probably the last pear beer left that was so rare to get, perfect for those evenings after hard hours at work. And for a while, you could think about when and where you are going to buy the next one.

You got up from the sofa, still holding the bowl, tears pouring into the corners of your eyes from too much spicy noodles. You approached the intruder in the kitchen, scrubbing your slippers on the floor and muttering countless curses under your breath. As soon as you stepped through the door, you noticed black hair on the table. The white shirt contrasted with the hair color, and the hands covering his head with rolled-up sleeves emphasized the tattoos, almost every one of which you could easily recall from memory.

You'd be making eyes at him if it weren't for the mixture of wrath and irritation running through your veins right now. You always thought he was lovely on the inside as well as the outside. Even though many people believed he was just a pretty face, yet how much he did for you, made you think otherwise. And it irritates you not once how the "fans" objectify him. Jungkook appeared in your life pretty out of the blue and it wasn't a friend from childhood or something like that.

You bumped into him about five years ago while looking for your high school journey group. The trip to London was one of the best you've ever experienced, and who'd have thought you'd accidentally fall into someone's chest - especially someone famous - in the middle of Trafalgar Square when you walked out of The National Museum, terrified of being late. That day, you thought one of his bodyguards, who almost seized you by the collar of jacket, would literally toss you to the ground, but Jeongguk stepped in and helped you, and it was the first time when seeing him made your heart beat faster.

He quietly asked for your phone number, saying he'd undoubtedly get in trouble but doesn't care. That was the first time you heard him laugh, and you saw a lovely smile. Yeah, the one where his nose wrinkles with joy, has been your favorite ever since then. From then on, despite multiple fights, you never even thought of leaving him on his own. You both promised to stay by each other side.

Jeongguk in fact showed up at one of your toughest moments. A trip to London was meant to provide brief comfort and let your hair down but it brought you an extra angel with you. Yes, even though the boy hated this word as it always led to an argument - if I'm an angel, you're mine as well - but you couldn't call him anything else. Your family life was a disaster, and the funeral of the most important person in your life, along with a failed effort to save him, drove you to despair. The days were filled with void, so you became cold and distant as a result.

After disappointing everyone, you believed that no one needed you anymore, that your existence was so miserable that it didn't deserve to be continued. Boy made you feel far more comfortable, and you could even say he made you feel loved. Thanks to his support, the dark fog that wrapped around your eyes slowly disappeared into thin air, allowing you to see again - see how colorful the world is, how much is still ahead of you, and, most importantly, how much you deserve.

That's what it was about him. He would help everyone around him, support whomever he could, only to eventually lock himself away with all his problems alone. After a whole day of smiling at everyone and extending a helping hand, boy would end up on the couch in his apartment - often crying because he was afraid to ask for support. He considered it somehow weak, however, just for his own sake.

You had a tough task explaining to him that there was nothing wrong with seeking help. He couldn't understand at first that more drinks or beers drank wouldn't suddenly make all problems disappear. You were one of the few people - besides, the members of the group he belonged to - who knew how boy's life was outside the curtains and bright lights. Sometimes you also had the impression that the fans forgot he was only human just like them, forget that he also deserved rest and, most importantly, privacy.

There were already too many times when boy hid panicked with spasms of crying in your arms, saying that again thousands of pictures were taken of him when he was at the gym, or that it's hard for him to leave the studio because he's surrounded by crowds. And yes - he's famous, he should realize that this is how it's going to be - but there are limits.

Boundaries that are too often crossed, often threatening his life.

From one conversation, when you told your boy that you were always there for him and he could come to you with any problem, the visits became more frequent than you could have imagined. He was able to come at different times of the day, in different moods, more than once dragging you out of bed and begging you to make him something to eat. The number of times you wanted to curse your friend for feeling too comfortable is now uncountable.

The moment when he just so happened to start taking the extra keys so he wouldn't have to wake you up or distract you because of the fact that you were working from home, was pretty groundbreaking, and you probably wouldn't have found out it if not for the one time you broke your key in the lock trying to lock it down from the inside. The other pair wasn't on the permanent hanger so you started to panic and called none other than Jungkook, who turned out to have the key with him - announcing it to you as if nothing ever happened.

You had a fight with him that day and maybe you were selfish, or maybe not because you are also entitled to a moment of peace, the silence between you lasted a week. A sense of guilt began to eat you alive inside, but nevertheless, your inner struggle continued - it would have been different if he had asked for those keys, but no - he had just taken them like that, without permission. It was a whole long week when you focused on nothing else but Jeongguk, yet you were prideful enough not to call or ask if he was okay. Only one day he came alone, sobbing, breaking your heart into millions of pieces. He apologized to you then, promising not to do it again.

And you believed him, because, after all, he is your friend.

“You must be fucking kidding me right now” you grunted, seeing on the counter already opened packages of jellies, which were for worse of worst occasions “When did you take my second pair of keys to the apartment - again. I thought I clearly told you to not take them and burst here whenever you want ”

“Yeah, yeah” quiet murmur gets to your ears making you even more mad. You threw the bowl on the counter, and with frustration painted on your face, you looked at the boy.

“Jeon Jeongguk stop acting like a child - again. What's happening to you? What was that with the jacket? There was only one day, one freaking day when you weren't here over the past two weeks - and it was because your mom called to meet with Bam! And I'll make sure you buy back everything you've eaten out of my fridge this week.” He groaned , got up from his chair and out of spite poked you with his shoulder, to get walked past you.

You were about to speak again when boy picked up his jacket from the ground to place it on hangers, but his heavy body falling on yours and his arms wrapped around your waist immediately took your speech away. The gentle cologne got into your nostrils, and boy's nose snip made you sigh softly and embrace him. Jeongguk curled up in your arms, appearing tiny - if that's possible for someone who's almost 1.80 and has steel musculature.

And that was it, his arms that could turn the greatest anger into blissful silence and peace. You could have started arguing again, however, what was the point? He would come here anyway, and you could only wonder why.

Yes, you offered it to him when he needed support or a break from the world without being left alone, but boy almost lived with you. You had already thought more than once about renovating the second room, which theoretically stands empty, to make a bedroom for him. Jeongguk, however, would insist on sleeping on the couch in the living room, or on a chair in your bedroom when he was afraid of being left alone, but still not invading your space. You adored him, you could say you even loved him. But his behavior wasn't the behavior of an ordinary friend, especially a friend who has a girlfriend - had a girlfriend.

“You better have an amazing explanation for all of this Jeon Jeongguk” The boy groaned frustratedly burying his head strongly in the crook of your neck.

“Stop calling me by my whole name. It makes me feel even worse,” you roll your eyes at his words and tried to pull him away from you to look at his face but he stuck to you again, not letting you free from his grasp. “…please stay, I'm sorry, I shouldn't but I have nowhere to go. You're my only safe place. I'm sorry” You stopped wiggling and sighed quietly, hugging the boy back. Stroking him reassuringly, you felt his body relax in your arms

“What happened Googie…” you could feel his small smile at the nickname, but you just rolled your eyes again waiting for the story.

“I had a fight with her. As always happened anyway.”

“We're fighting too yet I never kicked you out - maybe I should?”

“NO! It was…kind of different type of fight. I mean, you, we, ugh…when you usually start a fight it's because you want what's good for me and for you, it's like - you're always right, but with her I dunno. She said I don't have time for her.” and now you groaned because uh, he's an idol, he's not going to spend every second with you…

“But she knows how tight your schedule can be…” he hummed and there was a moment of silence “And you met with her pretty often these days”

“Yeah, but she said that I talk too much, too much about you, I mean, But…I don't think it's true, tho. I mentioned once or twice about our going outs and about how you always play with Bam, and how you sing with me when no one wants to, and this when you get up at night to run and help me in slippers when I called that my apartment is on fire - you remember? When I was drunk then and it was only the projector with fireplace. And how you always put my favorite move when I'm sad, also how you cooked for me every time in the middle of the night - not kicking me out because I woke you up and I know you just like Yoongi hyung when someone wake you up - but you never even shouted at me, never when I needed you.” you listened to him and your heart just beating faster

“Kook, that's definitely more than once or twice”

“She said that she knew from the beginning.” You furrowed your eyebrows and looked at the boy, brushing his hair away from his face to finally look into his doe sparkling eyes. His cheeks were flushed, dark brown irises shimmered like the night sky and you felt like you were looking at the entire universe. “That I always think about you. That I never imagined her when it was necessary. But I didn't, you know, think she, she would just break up with me like that. I expected I don't know…something, different. And when I came here downright, filled with wrath I couldn't understand why - because she broke up with me or because she was right. ”

Your heart once again pounded faster when Jeongguk's gaze wandered over your face, still supporting you steadily with his hands. You, however, fled with your eyes, and for the first time in his presence, you felt so flustered.

You never acted differently in his company, most of the things boy mentioned you often did impulsively - but he was right, you didn't do that towards everyone.

Sometimes you had a hard time getting out of bed to do something easy for your own family yet you were able to make a plate of pancakes for him at three in the morning. You never paid attention to how well you filled each other out, how many things you had in common, or how often you understood each other without words - this was your Jeongguk - your stupid bunny friend who got on your nerves like no one else, but just that - he was yours. Always was.

“Listen, I don't know what should I say…” you started but still flustered in your words, you shut down

“And that's something new, let me admire it for a while” he chuckled quietly when you send him a death glare, and again pull you closer to him.

“Oh, shut up rabbit or I'll kick your ass already” you huffed but he only laughed again, and smiled at you wider - if that's even possible. The wrinkles on his nose were visible, which made you smile as well. That meant he was happy. “As for someone who just get the brush from his girlfriend, you're pretty happy”

“Fuck the girlfriend when I have my whole universe in hands now” You could feel your cheeks turning hot and thousands of thoughts running through your head. You melted under his touch, his voice calmed you like no one else, and his scent was addictive like the best drug.

“Stop it!” You slapped his shoulder when again tried to snuggle into the crook of your neck, which only boggle him and by the expression on his surprised face you almost burst out laughing.

“Who gave you the right to slap me?” He sent you a puzzled look, which turned into a sneaky smirk a moment later. Not a second passed when the boy picked you up to carry you out of the kitchen and attack you by tickling you on the living room couch.

“Naa-haa, Koo, stop, shit…” you laughed along with him, trying to fight, coming up with the idea already to attack him with the fluffy pillow “Revenge bitch!” you shouted and smacked him again, making him die with giggles until he grabbed his own pillow to hit you back.

“Thought you could win pretty one” he smiled down at you when you lay tired on the couch.

Messed up and tangled hair was sticking a bit to your forehead through sweat, but for Jungkook it apparently didn't change anything when, with the same softness and love in his eyes, he gently brushed it away so that he could look into your eyes and moments later nuzzled his nose against yours making your heart leap with joy.

You couldn't count the number of times you mentioned to Jeongguk that the love of your life should do that with you once you managed to find that someone.

And here you found, as it turned out, five years ago, only you yourself didn't realize how much affection grew inside your chest every time you saw him. Only now you were thinking back to how happy you were, still living in your hometown, when he would text you every moment or how you spend hours on video calls when your boy's schedule wasn't so busy. At first, you didn't even hope that this friendship could last - such a long distance between you looked like a challenge, but when you managed to move to Seoul after 2 years of finding a job, things might have seemed easier. And indeed it was at first, but when you start spending a lot of time together and arguments started because one wanted better for the other. Now you could have thanked those fights because they nevertheless showed that you both cared.

“Lost in words again, what am I doing to you, hm?” The boy squeezed in next to you on the couch, trying to arrange himself so that you were both comfortable. You, however, only rolled your eyes and looked at him again, looked into your private universe, and almost stopped yourself from sighing - he was right, what was he doing with you…

“I think you exactly know what you are doing - wishing for death from my hands”

“From yours? Sure I can take that, as long as it's you, then fine”

“Koo we cannot do this” you murmured, making the boy groan

“Why not? We know each other for so long.” yeah, of course, you do but it's weird for you, the longing for him and being scared to lose him was ripping your chest apart.

“We were friends for so long it's…it's weird” boy hummed with agreement, but it didn't stop him from stroking your hair gently “And it's not I, I don't feel anything, I'm just scared. What will everyone think?”

“They will think that you are the best girl ever. Because you are.” you gasped, reaching out your hand to stroke Jeongguk`s cheek "And we will take it slow, I promise. Not that everyone around us didn't already love you."

“Fine. But slowly.” He send you the prettiest smile in the entire world again and with his nodding head hugged you tighter.

“My family is thinking that we are together anyway” he whispered, making your eyes widen

“Jeon Jeongguk!”

The quiet music played from the small radio standing on the countertop as you were swinging with your hips, mixing the ingredients while making the lunch. Humming quietly the sounds from the speakers, you were about to grab some seasonings when a sudden loud bang echoed through the apartment, making you jump and burn slightly your hand that was still stirring the soup.

A hiss left your lips, and you tried to rub down your hurting palm, as you made your way to the living room from where the sound was heard. And all you saw was one of your plants lying on the floor, all together with the dotted dirt and parts of the pot. Now it was a crying whine that left your lips, as you quickly came back to the kitchen to grab the small broom.

“Jeon Jeongguk you are fucking dead to me!” you screamed, as you came back to the living room and popped a squad to sweep off the residue of your lovely plant.

But firstly, as an answer, the muffled bark came to your ears altogether with the subtle tapping of paws. It took seconds as the long tail was wigging next to you, hitting you slightly and the wet nose start to tickle your face. You sighed quietly, knowing that Bam is always the first one to calm you down or protect you whenever you were together but this time even this couldn't help.

“I'm fine baby, your dad is just driving me mad today.” you huffed, petting the dog's head as he let a muffled bark again. “Jeon Jeongguk!” you yelled again, as whole dirt was on the spatula. This wasn't the first time singer got a smack in the head, as he unusually gets into trouble from hour to hour since morning, starting by kicking you out of bed and a while before that hitting your face while sleeping.

“Oh for fuck sake, it wasn't me!” he yelled back, coming back to the room but as soon as he appeared, Bam let out a growl standing right next to you. You patted the dog with your free hand, but it did nothing as he still was sizing Jungkook as if he could do something more than leaning on the doorframe.

“Yeah, then who this time? Because if I'm not mistaken you were the only one playing here and jumping around when you couldn't shoot the right one point in game.” you squinted your eyes, putting a hard expression on your face.

“It was Bam,” the boy said confidently, and when you looked up at him and then at the dog who was constantly walking around you, still protecting you from getting hurt, you come back with your glare at the boy and snorted as you knew perfectly well that the dog was lying on his bolster, observing you, until you left the kitchen.

“It was you, my baby wouldn't do that.”

“Did you just choose my dog over me?” you scoffed at his words and as the boy was trying to come closer, Bam barked making Jungkook stop immediately with confusion drawn over his face

“Didn't I a long time ago? Besides, he was with me the whole time, you liar.” you looked with a raised eyebrow, to which the boy just rolled his eyes

“Then maybe marry him and not me” he snapped suddenly with a groan which only made you scoff again

“I'll think about it and you better look for the same pot to buy it back” you added leaving the kitchen with the spatula and Bam, who escorted you to the kitchen and took his place again on his bolster.

“I've always known this dog likes you better than me, but to growl and bark at me?” Jungkook said, walking into the kitchen and leaning against the countertop right next to you, when, after throwing away the dirt and the remains of the plant, you returned to cooking the soup “Unbelievable” he snorted, sending a death glare to Bam, to only meet with another bark.

“If you had been nicer and more careful then maybe this wouldn't have happened, but you decided to kill my Felix” you tempted, pushing him slightly to get some seasoning that was stored in the cupboard behind his back

“You should stop getting your plant's names”

“You should stop playing your games unless you tie down your ass to the couch”

“You should…” he stopped suddenly, which made you look at him but it took a second when your hand was in his, closely looked out “When did that happen?” Boy pointed to a burn covering the whole side of your palm, making you just roll your eyes

“I get startled when the plant has been knocked down, I was taking some ingredients and my hand just touched the pot” you recalled with a shrug of the shoulders, though, the boy didn't take it so lightly and quickly disappeared behind the doorframe to return with an entire first aid kit filled with all sorts of medicines and supplies “Kook I don-…”

“Nah, shut up and give me your hand” he interrupted you right away, pushing you gently away from the stove and turning down the gas after which he sat you on a chair and began to apply some kind of burn lotion on your hand, then wrapping it in a bandage. “You should be more careful”

“Said who” he groaned at your words, but said nothing more

“I'm sorry okay” he mumbled, putting the supplies back into the first kit after a long silence

“Still want my pot back” he pouted but you only chuckled and get from the chair to pinch his cheek “But I love you, you ass”

“I love you too” he answered, hugging you from behind as you get back to the stove again and stealing a quick peck from your lips

“But blame our baby one more time, and you'll get your head snapped off” he groaned something under his breath again, keeping his head hidden onto the crook of your neck which muffled his words, but apologized at the end

As an apology Jungkook helped you also with finishing the meal, proposing meanwhile to spend together the whole evening watching tv series, and as at first, you weren't so up to it knowing how many books is waiting for you to read, you agreed at the end being a sucker for his doe eyes.

And now you've been watching him, hiding behind the frame door as he was getting ready the couch with thousand of pillows and some plushies he get from your shared bedroom. Head leaned gently against the wood, and your eyes followed every move with adoration while listening to the popcorn in the microwave burst out with more grains. It was not long after Jungkook's throwing of plushies was joined by Bam trying to grab flying objects in his teeth, and you just laughed at every shout from the boy who approached the dog to pick up a toy or pillow he caught but only ended up wrestling with him on the floor. These were the carefree moments you loved so much.

Your gaze dropped down onto your right hand, and the ring resting on one of the fingers brought tears to your eyes. You never expected that you could end up in this place. Engaged to your best friend, on top of that, an idol you couldn't get rid of for years to come. A smile painted itself on your face, but the sudden silence in the room, which only moments ago had been filled with screams and the occasional woof of a dog, forced you to raise your eyes to meet it with Jungkook, who was still grabbing the pillow held by Bam with one hand.

You sent him a brief smile, which he was probably planning to return if not for the stronger pull of the Doberman, that caused boy to land on the ground, and an uncontrollable laugh escaped your lips, to which only your boy groaned, and the dog happily ran towards you dropping the pillow under your feet.

"Of course. You guys are always laughing at me, betrayers." Jungkook muttered under his breath, which made you laugh again and pick up a pillow from the ground to toss it in the boy's direction but you didn't think that Bam would run right after it, crashing impetuously into the sufferer sitting on the ground "For fuck sake Bam, could you move your ass from my face please" you just nodded in disbelief at the howled words and disappeared into the kitchen to put the already made popcorn into the bowl.

You came back into the room a moment later, seeing Jungkook still fussing with the dog like two children on the floor, but the moment you set the bowl on the table and your body slumped on the couch, hardly a second had passed when Bam curled up next to you, leaving no space for the boy what was a reason of a loud whine escaping his lips.

“You must be kidding me right now. This is my wife, not yours!” he complained, trying to push the dog from the bed

“Not wife yet”

“Shut up Mrs. Jeon, that's an argument between me and our child.” you rolled your eyes and took the tv remote to choose something to watch, completely ignoring the wrestling happening right next to you, as it is your everyday life for years.

In the end, Jungkook made it and squeezed in next to you, holding your waist tightly and sticking out his tongue which made the dog bark at him. And you only rolled your eyes, shushing them both down as you already put the series on the tv.

“Come here baby” You patted the small space that was between you and the backrest of the couch, and couldn't even wait long to Bam take his spot, half on your legs.

“I swear, you love this dog more than me” Jungkook mumbled, tightening his grip on your waist but you left a sigh, and with one hand now you were petting Bam, and the other one was stroking the boy's hair.

“And what with that? You both behave like big babies I have to look after.” you said quietly, hearing how both of them let out a loud huff “That's what I'm talking about, but I guess like father like son”

“But we are always there for you, loving you, and caring as well, so don't complain and watch what you choose” You let out another sigh, but agreed quietly to the boy's words, and leaned your head against his, listening to how his steady breathing with his arm still wrapped around you brought a sense of safety. A warmth you thought you would never experience was filling your chest with each passing moment.

And before you met Jungkook, you always wondered about what love actually means. Watching all those relationships shown in books or movies, they seemed literally unreal to you. You never thought something similar could happen in real life, and sometimes you even hoped they didn't happen. Love may be beautiful, though never simple. It's not just a feeling, if you find that other soul coming on the same frequencies, it's something much bigger. And before your boy, you thought that something like destiny simply couldn't exist, that nothing can be written in the stars, and that a happy ending doesn't really happen. Yet, it all hides in different corners and shows up at the right time, as it turns out, and love itself keeps trying multiple times, if not this time then the next.

Jeongguk came into your life at a moment when you did not expect it to happen at all, but that is how it goes. He appears out of nowhere, slowly filling your inner being with warmth, wrapping you in stable arms of security and endless trust. And how could you have known that your heart would choose this person and not another? You couldn't, because you never know who will show up for you at the right time. We never know with whom our soul, lost in the vast world, is connected.

[someonesrealityshifting]

I just- I need to rant and it’s not about shifting so y’ain’t gotta read. It’s also some heavy topics so trigger warnings for sexual abuse

I haven’t spoken to my sister in years, probably since I was 14 or 15. My brother and her bf are friends on instagram and he just had me follow him so I could get better music to listen to (he does have excellent taste lol). When i searched up my brother, her bf came up, and she’s all over his page.

She’s had two kids, P & R, I’ve never met them. She- she fucking got married. She’s married. She’s beautiful. And I don’t know what I did. I don’t know what I did to her.

She’s lying to everyone who loves her, she’s created this castle of untruths and it will crumble around her. But he looks so happy. She looks so happy. I used to take joy in knowing that she would be miserable like she made me, but now I don’t want that. She’s my big sister. I want her to be happy. And as much as I want to be a part of that happiness, I can’t be near her without being around our father.

She’s apologized for his actions (which include but are not limited to rape and pedophilia, one of which leading to my fucking existence and the other leading to quite a lot of trauma on all of our parts, me, her, and our brother) and said “all people make mistakes.” Raping your mother repeatedly and molesting you and your siblings is not a mistake, it’s a choice you make and have to live with the consequences of. But of course he doesn’t, he’s around her kids all the time. Luckily, my brother’s girlfriend and her kid are never around him because she doesn’t trust him (rightfully so).

My sister is a horrible person. She deserves hell and worse. She has tortured our mother, abused us, literally attacked my mom while she was pregnant. She’s awful.

But I love her as much as I hate her. I miss her and I miss what we could have had. I want a sister. Cos I sure as hell can’t talk to my mom about all my shit, my brother doesn’t talk much, and I will not force my younger siblings who have nothing to do with my bio dad to deal with my trauma, even the trauma from their father (which is more than from mine, which is sad). I will not let them lose him like I did.

That’s probably a massive part of why I’m shifting, I think. To have a sister. To have a functional family. I only have one in a few DRs lol

[starfall-spirit]

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Ancient Myths Retold Masterlist

Summary: An irksome trip to the Summer Court on matters of business and assistance against a threat at sea takes an interesting turn when Rhys discovers the solution to Nostrus' problem no longer lies with his army, but a female sacrifice, bound at high tide in hope of appeasing the beast terrorizing Nostrus' shores. He certainly never predicted the rescue mission would result in an accepted mating bond.

AN: This strep throat and eye infection is kicking my ass, so I thought I’d give us all something special today.

At least I get a snow day from work, so, that’s an upside.

Chapter III: What I Claim

Feyre

Feyre truly tried to resist the pull. But then that wasn't so easy when she woke up wrapped in the safety of her mate's arms, his long fingers running through her hair from her roots all the way down to her tangled ends. She groaned as his nails softly scraped over her scalp, instinctively nuzzling against him. "Good morning, darling. Sleep well?"

"Like a rock," she murmured. She didn't think she'd ever felt a softer mattress. "You have a very sexy morning voice." She froze as he chuckled. What the hell had just come out of her mouth? "I don't have much of a filter before breakfast," she stuttered, blushing brightly and keeping her face buried in his neck.

"Interesting," he purred. "I wonder how much trouble that's going to get you into." She sucked in a breath, itching to explore the promise beneath his jesting.

Hesitation? Hesitation was not the feeling fluttering around inside of her now. Rhys shifted enough that the silk sheets over them yielded to gravity's drag, exposing the entirety of his upper body as he took her in in equal measure. Tattooed, golden-brown skin fit over trained muscle. It was entirely unfair that her mate looked like some divine being every hour of the day and she was just—

"What did I ever do to deserve a female like you? What did I do to deserved someone so fucking perfect?"

"Perfect?" She scoffed. Elain was perfect. Nesta was too in her own strange way. Feyre was the youngest daughter and the greatest nuisance. The wild one, if you listened to the whispers. Not quite groomed correctly when there were two perfect daughters before her. Useful, yes. But no one had thought her perfect. "Your biased regardless. I'm not the girl people want to—"

"I told you, Feyre, here you are not a showpiece. Not a showpiece or a puppet or a pawn. You are mine."

His. She could get used to hearing that.

"Do you know what it means to belong to the Heir of Night?" he crooned into her mind.

She didn't know, but she wanted to. Desperately. "What does it mean?"

He grinned fiendishly, tracing his nose against her fluttering pulse. What would it feel like to have his mouth there instead? To have the heavy weight of him above her, his hand threaded in her hair while the other slipped past her waistband. "It means, darling, that you set the standard of perfection. And if your subjects choose not to meet it then I will enjoy ending their miserable existence early."

She gnawed at her lip, letting that vow settle in her mind before she spoke again. The vulgarity of the oath should disturb her and yet she was feeling something on the opposite spectrum at the moment. "You certainly have a high opinion of your authority here," she remarked cautiously.

"Some say the only limit to one's power is their moral compass. I say the heart of the matter more often lies in their fear. You will get nowhere in life if you can not first claim what you know belongs to you." She swallowed the startled sound that tried to break free when Rhys lifted her by the hips, flipping their position so he leaned back against the headboard, hands anchored to her waistline. One shift forward and she'd be able to feel what was waiting for her after they accepted the mating bond. "You don't want to be a puppet, but you haven't chosen the freedom you're due. Tell me something, Feyre. Tell me what belongs to you."

Dozens of things belonged to Feyre. Hundreds, even, if she counted every book and knickknack and trinket she had at her parents' residence. And yet, if you asked anyone what the law said, those things were her father's belongings, not that Feyre could pretend that's what her mate was asking her now. "What do you claim for yourself?"

"What do I claim?" He raised a brow, waiting for her to make her choice. Are you bold enough, that little twitch asked. She swallowed, holding his eyes. His hands hadn't moved an inch up or down, but as she'd softened to him he’d begun to trace his fingers in slow, soothing circles at the small of her back. “I claim…” Feyre leaned forward, resting her forearms on his shoulders. “I claim my life. I claim my power.” Another centimeter and their noses would brush. “I claim what was born to me, what was given, what I deserve to take. I claim my future.”

Those final unspoken words lingered on her tongue, taunting them both. The next time her lips parted those words ebbed away, interrupted by a harsh knock against the door. “Hey, lovebirds, save it for the cabin. We’re still having a girls’ breakfast.”

Ducking her head, Feyre smiled. “Give me a minute. I’ll be right out,” she called.

“You’d better.”

Once Avy’s footsteps faded, Feyre turned back to her mate, cocking her head slightly. “Cabin?”

He grimaced, twirling a lock of her hair between his fingers. “It’s better for newly-mated couples to remain isolated if they can. At least until the frenzy fades. How I reacted with Nostrus, well, that wasn’t the worst of the protective nature that will start showing soon when it comes to you. If you aren’t ready for that—the frenzy—I understand.”

It would be difficult, but he’d wait for her. She smiled, leaning in one last time to kiss him. Her decision was made and they both knew it.

She tried not to lose herself in it. But it would be so easy to become entirely unmorred in the ecstasy of it. The touch of his lips, his hand coming up to her face as the other tightened around her hip. The low groan that left him sent a shiver down her spine. One kiss and she could undo the male beneath her. It was positively heady. She never wanted to pull away. Never wanted to feel anything beyond the heat of his body under hers. The slant of his lips, soft, yet sure. It was a claiming in its own way. One minute longer and she’d never make it downstairs.

“Rhys,” she breathed.

“Hm?”

“Breakfast. Downstairs.”

“Hm.”

He kissed her again.

“Your mother is waiting. I really don’t think we’re on close enough terms for me to comfortably explain my tardiness yet. And your sister would take far too much pleasure in teasing me, I’m sure.”

He pulled back with an exaggerated sigh. “Fine. Two hours, then you're mine.”

Giving him one last peck, she smiled. “Deal.”

~~~~~

“Sorry I’m late. I was…” Feyre cleared her throat, sitting. “Sorry.”

“You must be Feyre!” Looking away from Victorie, Feyre met the bright eyes and wide grin of a blonde female whose plate was already piled high with fruit and pastries. “I’m Mor,” she offered, already appearing just as bubbly and bright as Avyanna.

“She’s our cousin,” the younger girl offered. “The relation is distant, but we’re all very close.”

“I tend to pop in and out. Even if I’m not a resident of Hewn City anymore, I have to spend a lot of time there.”

“Hewn City. That’s the capital, isn’t it?”

“The capital and the inspiration of every horror story you grew up hearing about the big bad Night Court,” Avy confirmed, twirling her fork between her fingers. “You’re the only person from outside of Velaris to learn about it since… Well, since Mother did, I suppose.”

“This is hidden? I thought I had just forgotten some of my geography. How do you keep a place this big away from prying eyes?”

“Wards tied to the magic of the High Lords. My father’s and those before him. One day it will be Rhys’ duty as well. There is cruelty within our borders. That’s why protecting Velaris is so important. If we can keep one utopia…”

“I can understand that,” Feyre murmured. Because Velaris, she had a feeling, was everything she’d wished for as a girl. A place where she could do as Rhys suggested, reclaiming her own values beyond social expectations. Velaris was a fantasy. A sliver of paradise that suddenly made being a future High Lord’s mate seem like less of a burden. “I want to see it all. To learn. But first, I need to cut some ties.”

“No one can find you here, Feyre.”

She forced herself to smile at Victorie’s attempt to comfort her. But she had seen her parents' faces when they told her about the betrothal. Whatever was in play that tied her to Spring wasn’t going to be brushed under the rug. “Even if no one knows about Velaris, Nostrus already knows about the bond and it won’t be long before the news starts crossing borders. I won’t be seen as someone who hides from my problems. I have an opportunity to officially cut ties and I’m going to do so.”

“Before or after your mating ceremony?” Victorie asked. “You can still give yourself a safety net. There’s no shame in that.”

“I know. I didn’t realize there would be an actual ceremony. I thought it was just…”

“Just the bond acceptance? Some couples prefer things that way. We’re a bit more traditional. And honestly, the order of things doesn’t really matter in this day and age.” She gave Feyre a smirk that all but screamed I want grandchildren soon. “But this is something to celebrate, Feyre. Unless you have some aversion to a ceremony?” She shook her head slowly. “Excellent. Now, like I said last night. I want to hear everything about you.”

“Well…”

~~~~~

Rhysand

That evening Rhys was just settling in to relax when Feyre returned to their room. Though he had teased her with a two-hour limit, he saw the confusion in her eyes at his mother’s warm tone the night before. The hope there. She had needed that time to open herself to them and no matter how desperate he was to sweep her away and keep her to himself, he’d never forgive himself for holding her away from the simple things that could heal her.

“Hello, Feyre darling.”

She shut the door behind her, a wide smile on her face. “Hi.”

“Did you enjoy yourself today?”

“Even more than I expected to,” she confirmed, grabbing her clothes and slipping into the bathroom to change. “We talked for hours. Even after your mother left, your sister and cousin took me out into the city.” She was still smiling when she walked out of the bathroom. “The Rainbow… It was amazing.” He couldn’t help but frown a bit. “What? Was I supposed to stay inside? Or come back after breakfast?”

“No.” He took her hands, stopping her from wringing her fingers. “I was teasing about the two hour limit. I’m thrilled you enjoyed spending time with my family. I just… I was hoping to show you the Rainbow, is all,” he admitted sheepishly. “It’s okay. It’s not the end of the world and I sincerely doubt you saw everything anyways, so I’ll still have a few special hideouts to show you.”

She hesitated a moment, but didn’t try to apologize as she curled up in his lap. “How was your day?”

“A bit stressful,” he admitted. “My father’s in a mood since he can’t lecture me about my actions in Summer. He was in a similar boat with my mother.”

“He saved her?”

Rhys sighed. “Illyrians have some very backward customs regarding gender. Males are trained as warriors, females, to build and manage a home. They enforce that standard through wing-clipping. My father was visiting the camps when my mother was due to face hers. He misted the males holding her the moment the bond snapped. It’s the only reason she can fly these years later. When I take over, customs like that…”

He grimaced. His father was just on the other side of the house and he was speaking like he had the power to fix the bastard’s mistakes. “There’s nothing wrong with planning your method of leadership, Rhys. Just because your father won’t hear you now doesn’t mean your beliefs will never hold power.”

He pressed a kiss to her hair. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

She preened, snuggling closer, to his amusement. “How amazing?”

“Extraordinary,” he whispered in her ear. “You are extraordinary.”

And all his.

~~~~~

Taglist: @lulling-night-sky // @edgyellie // @shallyne // @the-lonelybarricade // @darling-archeron // @goddess-aelin // @the-lost-changeling // @faeriequeensuriel // @pandavelaris // @s-uppertime // @elentiya-whitethorn // @acotar-fanns // @jealousveronya // @acourtofwips // @reverie-tales // @gwynkyrie // @corcracrow // @thelovelymadone // @rosanna-writer

[caapsiizzereads]

Are you taking Keeley requests??? Because she gets no love on here and I’d love to see something where they’re trying to keep their relationship on the DL and reader accidentally shows up to work wearing keeley’s jacket or something and it’s so obvious that it’s Keeleys style that everyone goes crazy

YES YES YES she deserves all the love in the world and i will give to her myself if i have to.

You and Keeley are both getting ready for work when you stand behind her to give her a kiss on the cheek while she’s finishing her makeup.

“Do you mind if I borrow your jacket?” Your outfit is lacking a statement piece.

“Sure, babe! Take your pick!”

You notice a few eyes on you as soon as you walk into the office. You know why they are looking. The pink jacket with red hearts on it just screams Keeley Jones, especially in contrast with the neutrals that you usually wear. And it was an absolutely intentional choice.

Keeley wants to keep your relationship private for now, workplace relationship and all that stuff, and you respect her wishes, even if you don’t really see what’s the problem there. So what if the CEO and the COO are fucking? You’d say it’s a win for women all the way. But whatever, if Keeley wants to keep it lowkey, you’ll play along. And you will have your fun with it along the way.

One of your favorite entertainments is incorporating all kinds of innuendos into your business talk and watching Keeley blush (she also choked on her drink once, and you had to take it down a notch after that).

You exploit the hell out of people’s reluctance to acknowledge the existence of queer women too. You can hug Keeley publicly, you can kiss her on the cheek, give her all kinds of suggestive compliments, go out for lunch every day in broad daylight, and people will still see you just as two close girl friends. They have no idea exactly how close you are. But you two know, and it makes each of these interactions so much more fun.

And now you get to stride through the office wearing your girlfriend’s jacket. Because close girl friends share their clothes with each other. Especially if they have such impeccable fashion sense.

“You know that everyone can totally tell that you’re wearing Keeley’s jacket, right?” Barbara says to you when you join your little boss ladies meeting. She is one of the few people who knows about you and Keeley.

“You did that on purpose, didn’t you?” Keeley pretends that she doesn’t find it amusing, but you both know she gets as much kick out of it as you do.

“Relax, everyone thinks that I just borrowed a jacket from my totally platonic bff,” your last words are laced with sarcasm.

“Actually, Ben from accounting suspects that you’re sleeping with each other,” Barbara chimes in.

“It’s ‘cause he’s gay,” you state.

“I thought he’s married?!”

“Yeah, to a man,” Keeley chuckles.

“My gay radar is super off.”

“No shit,” you and Keeley laugh.

After you discuss all the work related matters, Barbara leaves the two of you alone. Keeley tints the glass of the office walls, and you sit on the table in front of her.

“I overbooked my four o’clock,” she whines miserably.

“Yeah, that’s why I already handled the copyright claim thing,” you smirk at her.

Keeley’s face instantly softens. “What would I do without you?” she smiles sweetly at you.

“Suffer,” you deadpan. No, literally, before Jack hired you for the firm, Keeley was drowning in things she needed to do, when in reality what she actually needed was a good COO. It just turned out that you were good at more than just your job.

“Wanna go out for dinner tonight?” she offers.

“I’ll get us a table at that Thai place you like.”

“You’re so fucking hot when you get things done,” Keeley grins excitedly.

“Getting things done is literally my job,” you say with a fascinated smile.

“And you’re always so fucking hot,” she leans in closer to you, and you bend down to give her a kiss.

“I’ll meet you at mine?”

“Mhm,” she nods happily. “Maybe I can borrow something of yours to wear tomorrow too?”

“That can be arranged,” you wink at her on your way out.

[vano6105]

I welcome all guests, subs and fans.

Thank you for appreciating my fan art, including my designs! 😉👍

But, you know, such interest to me could be caused by aesthetics, drawing (close on the level of Sonic universe) and my characters abroad of course, as in many countries are trying to survive as they can various crises and changes. Independent creative people are starting to flourish, presenting various original projects to all comers. - but NOT in MY HOMELAND [Russia]. When the collapsed country was unusually able to rebuild itself again, for me the effect of presence was only amplified outside of Russia.

You may have heard more than once that many countries wanted to completely isolate my country [Russia] repeatedly because of crises and war. However, these attempts failed miserably when Russia started to raise industry and take action on its own, while improving relations with some eastern countries like China, Vietnam, India, and others. So far things are going full steam ahead, but alas, against the backdrop of these situations, for some reason corrupt personalities and some dubious products so called "russian labels" have dramatically appeared. These people "deserve fame" on TV, in Russian platforms, which later will easily serve the population as the best examples. And the "labels" are like answers, killers of something/someone, which then fall apart in their hands when used.

Toxicity is REALLY off the charts!!! Although my homeland [Russia] tries to give the population opportunities to invent, create, establish something so that the population can have a good life - but I think it all feels superficial. In fact, indie projects, initiatives, developments, inventions MY COUNTRY, where I live, does NOT ALWAYS REALIZE them FULLY. "Russian labels" for many has long been an "easy" way to justify the realized projects. At worst, they turn out disgusting.

I'm really sorry if you have to hear this:

I'm a fixated Sonic fan, a SEGA fan since early childhood, really distant from the communities. I live alone, I have a completely different perspective on certain world events that happen. I may really love idols and cultures, but I don't often interact with communities AT ALL.

I'm a Russian fan artist, I've been drawing since 2017 (when FIFA 2018 championship was approaching). The real start was drawing a bunch of characters from different foreign cartoons and video games. There was a massive leap in 2020, and the drawings changed over time - got better, but in many fandoms was more like nobody, hostage and outcast, accumulated a lot of pain. Mostly did outsourcing (helping others), I have almost NOTHING of my own to show others. Local people, when they look at my creations, reject me and go to "selling" personalities (there are many of them in Russia, you understand, they want money). Because of toxicity and aggression, I get frustrated and feel bad when my fan creations are automatically thrown to the dump and forgotten for a long time. I might notice a similar thing after a while. Not much left from supporting former foreigns (until the 2020s) and after a good emotional experience (especially the trip to Moscow in 2023) . My universe (Sora the Hybrid Cat) has existed since the 2020s, old drawings are proof of that.

I'm sad whether the toxicity and aggression (Russia is no exception) will be cleaned up completely or not, anyway I'll be drawing fan art for novelties, indie projects - absolutely anything that can fall out. I'm really grateful to local fans and fan artists from different countries (many of them Japanese) for finding something atypical. I will make content at all costs to make it a new holiday for them. It's quality, not quantity, that's very important to me. In the future, I'm going to mine new technologies and I'm going to learn them, gaining experience. If possible, I will try to adapt to foreign completely, if there is someone willing to do it.

☺ Thank you all so much for your adoration and support of my activities! ☺

If you have something to say, if you are interested, please, you can in comments, you can in ask, you can in direct message (DM)! 🖍

Thank you! 🌸🌊

[yellowtiebite]

Reading through your blog and your comments, I was reminded of a feeling I haven't had in a very long time. I still remember that feeling though, so I wanted to give my support. Maybe one day you'll be past this feeling, on to a new brighter one. Or maybe you'll still have that feeling with you. Either way, you deserve the freedom to really and truly be yourself in whatever way you feel comfortable. I also apologize if it's a bit of a ramble, I talk a lot.

The world is not cut and dry, black and white, do or don't. Even if it is, you shouldn't have to treat it that way. Even though many people in power (both personally and world powers) want you to think that you are just a cog in a machine, you are so much more. This goes both for gender, for art, for writing, for whatever other thing humans have been doing freely for millennia.

I wanted to touch on gender first, since I feel like it's more in my wheelhouse. Almost a decade ago I branded myself as miserable and loveless. Unable to truly feel, because I would be locked out of what I thought was true love, a man loving another man. However, what I was able to realize after freeing myself from this notion that I could not change, is that I could feel that love.

I didn't do it all at once, I took my time with it. I changed my pronouns online, used more masculine descriptors and even used a more masculine online name. The online world is just so vast and mostly faceless, that I felt free to change myself, mold myself into what I wanted to show the world.

Now, this isn't to say that you have to do exactly this, or that you have to do anything at all. But gender is quite fluid, there's not too many rules about it. If you feel more comfortable identifying as a man, you can do that. But if you also want to use she/her pronouns you can do that! You can even be a man that uses multiple pronouns like he/she.

Another freeing thing about gender, is that just because you change your identity doesn't mean you have to change your presentation. You can be a masc/butch woman who uses she/her or he/him. It's been a documented thing that stone butch women exist, and are a respected part of the community.

You also don't have to use a specific identity if you don't want to. You don't have to identify as cis or trans or non-binary or any other thing. You can just call yourself a woman or a man or a person that uses she/her or a person that uses he/him.

This isn't giving you permission to identify as a certain way or to tell you to identify as a certain way. I'm more giving you a skeleton key, opening up multiple pathways for you to choose from, whenever or wherever you want. And that if you choose to use she/her pronouns, I would be happy to be amongst the people that use those for you.

(I'll have to wait a bit before writing in about art, I've been struggling with mine lately too so it'll take a second for me to put it into words)

Again respect to the trans. You all did more than I ever could. I know I want to be a woman but I don't think it is because I am trans. I just hate my vile personality that being someone else would change it. I mean lets be honest I am not unlovable because I am a man. I am unlovable because I am horrible and sick to talk to or witness. I never had a partner and never will but I will never blame anyone but my own ill breed mind.

[tellusbane]

— NTH LOST LETTER. ( excerpt from a collection of letters scattered around eorzea. author unknown )

          Brother, again I write another sordid letter that you will not read. Countless of these have failed to reach you, and this one will likely be met with the same defeat — not that I had ever hoped to succeed in these meager attempts — but what else is there for me to lose when you've taken all that I was when you had left? I have no means to measure the betrayal that holds me. If there's aught for me to learn from this — from the many years you've decided I deserved not a place by your side — it's that it has kept me tighter than you ever will.

          I had thought that as the days went on that I will come to forget that you've abandoned me. That I will open my eyes after a peaceful sleep and not be frightened of anyone else leaving my uneventful life the same you've had. That I could hold others and cherish their importance to me without distruting them for all the good my believing in you has done me. Does it entertain you to know that I've not improved? That I am still the same kit who relies on you for even the smallest of guidance? Regardless, what reason is there to speak these miserable words? To write all the scorn I suffer from in the wake of your absence?

          It's not any different than screaming against a wall. My voice will thin and my anger for you will know no surrender, but a wall will remain a wall still.

          In my mind, you refuse to leave. In each moment that I saw you in these little daydreams that I’ve had, however, you've become more faint. So faint I could no longer recall the details of your eyes. So faint that your smile and your laughter no longer rings my ear. Once again, it begs questions — questions that we both know not the answer to: what becomes of me when all traces of you follow in your footsteps? What else can I cling onto, if not your fading memory? To whom must I share the beauty of these lands, the endless bounties, the joyous sunrise and the soothing sunset? The sound of a cackling fire isn’t the same now becase you are not here. You would have loved being here, brother. I know this very well because so do I.

          We could've counted the stars in the distant skies together. We could’ve lived and endured it all. I had strength because I had you. I had thought we’ve shared this as we did with everything. I did not think that I would be alone in it as much as I am now.

          So tell me, brother of mine. Tell me and do not lie through your teeth. From the bottom of your heart and by Wood Mother, was I truly such a burden to you? Have I, sincerely, inconvenienced your way life that you’d rather live your days pretending that we do not exist to each other? If so, you have killed me without even raising your hand. 

          You didn't have to stay. You just had to say goodbye. 

[thescrapbookingscientist]

Bimonthly Media Roundup

- Jojo's Bizarre Adventure (Anime) - As a celebration of multiple successful years of our weekly anime nights, my friends and I have decided to rewatch the anime that started it all, JJBA (or at least the first few parts). I'm actually surprised on how much insane stuff I forgot from Parts 1 and 2 given it's really the later parts that start to get truly out there but I guess it's Jojo's bizarre adventure for a reason, even part 1 is a pretty different experience than a normal anime. Admittedly I drifted in and out of Part 1 when Dio wasn't on screen, but Part 2 is carried by having the charismatic and lovable Joseph Joestar as it's protagonist, so that' been a blast. In general it's nice to watch something that has fun and doesn't take itself too seriously sometimes.

- The Umbrella Academy (TV) - Wow okay well I'd heard that this season was bad but man that sure was rotten huh? While I thought Season 3 was weaker than the previous two, it did still have it's moments, namely some fun bonding time between the siblings, Umbrella's famous musical numbers, some neat set-pieces, and a nice little wedding to close out the season. This season had none of that, and even in the first episode it was obvious that the charm had been completely sapped away. A lot of the criticism I've seen points towards the notably awful moments of the season, like Five cheating with Lila, the powers being inconsistent and lame, the overly contrived marigold stuff, and the everyone dies ending, which I agree are all bad, but I'm more disappointed by the lack of any good moments rather than the outrageously bad ones. The whole season was just so bland and depressing, the characters were all miserable caricatures of themselves, the comedy was gross/awkward/ and wholly unfunny, the only memorable musical moment was an annoying as hell one, and everything going on in the plot was contrived nonsense that didn't fit at all with the previously established canon. Obviously ending your show themed around adults dealing with the aftermath of child abuse with "actually it is your fault that your loved ones are suffering and actually your abusive father had kind of a good reason for what he did and the only way to fix things is for all of you to erase yourselves from existence completely as there's no other way to break the cycle" is thematically the worst thing you could possible do, though the anatomy of the season has drained me of any will to be mad at the ending so much as just apathetic towards it. It's pretty sad to see it go out like this, while TUA was never a top 10 favorite of mine I did have fun with it, it sucks that the last 4th of the show was bad enough to taint the product ass a whole. Though to be honest, I can't remember the last live action show I watched that didn't end in some flavor of disappointment, maybe stopping in the 2nd season is just the way to watch TV now.

- Cowboy Bebop (Anime) - Continuing our journey into the top rated anime of all time, my sister and I have now blown through Cowboy Bebop. While I would still say it's a little overrated, it's prestige at least partially the result of nostalgia and lack of variety at the time, unlike Steins;Gate I do think it at least deserves to be remembered fondly, it really is a solidly good show, and great in many aspects. The Show's standout trait is certainly it's style - the art, aesthetic, and world of Cowboy Bebop is beautiful and unique with detailed lived in backgrounds of it's various grungy Sci-fi cities, lovingly detailed spacecrafts, post-apocalyptic environments, and thoughtfully designed background/side characters that help the world feel grounded and charming. The 4 leads are also all solid, with great designs, interesting backstories, and enough variance from their standard character types to be interesting on their own. I do wish they had more instances of working/hanging out together, as while they do definitely all have a notable dynamic with each-other they spend the majority of the show by themselves, either on individual adventures, flashbacks, or even just hanging out alone on the Bebop. While they are interesting on their own, most of the comedy, charm, and emotionally hard hitting moments of media come from intro-personal relationships, so the show does suffer a bit by not having those be as strong as they could be, particularly near the end. That being said I do miss the episodic story telling of the show that's missing in most modern media, while not every episode is a hit most of them are pretty entertaining, and it's nice to see so many different stories play out in this environment. Faye's backstory in particular is pretty strong, as is slowly gets unraveled and has you going "oh yeah, this would definitely happen in a future created by humans", and while her outfit confounds me I do quite like her 90's anime woman femme-fatale design, it's nice to see adult characters that look like adults in animation. Spike's is less interesting to me as while I like the character fine enough (His fighting style being a standout) I don't think the show does anything interesting enough with his ex-con backstory to separate it from the multitude of other media with neigh identical plots, and it leads directly into the rather lackluster ending of an otherwise solid show. I think that's a controversial take on my end, so I'd like to clarify that it's not the tragedy of the ending that bothers me, it's the pointlessness of it. No it doesn't remotely compare to something as bad as TUA Season 4, wherin the pointlessness comes from the writers incompetence, but I just don't jive with the philosophies being presented. I'm more of a "There is no intrinsic meaning to existence so live as freely and cringely as you can as there will always be new opportunities for connections and joy" girlie rather than a "Your past may haunt you but you can give your life purpose by confronting it even at the cost of your future" girlie, you know? It would be fine if the pointlessness was intentional or the tragedy was a reflection of the inherent evils of capitalism or the human soul or whatever, but as it is it's just kind of a bummer. Oh well, honestly it's only a small portion of an otherwise great show. I'd be remiss not to mention the soundtrack before ending this, which is also quite charming with it's heavy western influence. I'd say charming is my main takeaway from the show overall, there's a lot of attention to detail in the character animations, setting, and writing that make for a very pleasant watching experience, I'd reccomend it as a whole.

- Jujutsu Kaisen (Anime) - Yup.

- Malevolent (Podcast) - Been on and off with this as my work has gotten a little hectic and I don't always have time to pay attention to a story heavy podcast, but overall Season 3 has been fun. I'll save my thoughts for later but its nice that we are getting some relevant secondary characters and John and Arthur admitting they care about eachother as a baseline is progress.

- Persona 5 (Video Game) - Thinking of maybe going back and finishing this as I've seen some fun fan material and remembered how much I like the games cast, style, and play-style. Too bad the anime is notoriously bad or I'd put it on as background chill time.

- Trash of the Count's Family (Webcomic) - Caught up with the newer chapters after taking a couple months hiatus. I am enjoying it,though I don't know if this is the fault of the adaptation or what but the pacing feels way too fast lately. It's cool that the cast gets to travel to exotic fantasy locations and meet odd new people but when they spend less than a chapter with each one it really feels like a missed opportunity. The underground perma-night Elf Death city seems so fun, can we please explore it a little - especially since they apparently got to spend a whole week there that we weren't allowed to see? I like Cale, and I want to like this huge found family he keeps collecting, but rarely do any of the characters get any real focus outside of how they'll be a future asset to Cale. Let them participate more in the story please, give them a chance to be more than a loose collection of character traits.

- Cult of the Lamb (Video Game) - This has been a fun time, I've blown through the base game and had a great time growing my cult and unlocking all the fun new things my little cultists can do, like the tailor, breeding, and alehouse. The graphics are very cute and the absurdity of some of the requests and situations make it fun to play and talk about, so huge props there. I've slowed down since reaching the post game, though there's still plenty of content left there for me to get into. Overall I'd recommend the game, it's cute, fun, and has a good bit of lore that's fun to discover. That being said, I will say that the dungeon crawling aspect of the gameplay can get a little tedious after awhile due to lack of any real variety, as the different fleeces and weapons don't really change the play-style up significantly enough to feel distinct each run in the way Hades or Persona games tend to. This isn't a huge problem for a shorter game, as I can't say there's no fun in fighting, but the switch version of the game can get pretty glitchy and will occasionally crash your progress, making going back to do a run pretty frustrating. It's still worth your time, but it may be better to go for the PC version.

- Genshin Impact (Video Game) - Yup.

Listening To: Good Luck Babe, Red Wine Supernova, My Kink is Karma, Casual, and HOT TO GO! by Chappell Roan, Harpy Hare by Yaelokre, The Main Character by Will Wood, Dial Drunk by Noah Kahan, Save a Horse, Ride a Cowgirl by Chloe Breez and Annapantsu, Too Sweet, Lunch, Bitter, and Stick Season covers by Reinaeiry, Tounges and Teeth and Metaphor by The Crane Wives, Espresso, Taste, and Please Please Please by Sabrina Carpenter, Like a Prayer by Madonna.

[cookiejarsandbrokenhearts]

My ????!!?!?? Therapy - Last Minute

I think about that night, more than you can imagine, for the first time we were together, alone. I wish I you had told me how you felt, I could have looked back in those moonlight eyes of yours and told you, Well, there′s no going back, this is the pride before the fall.

I have always liked those cheesy movies, and I have always hoped that my life might be an iridescent reflection of the couple that dances in the downpour, with only their love flowing within their veins. I would have taken you by your hand with The rain drops on our back, tonight we're dancing in a storm

I think about that night, when it was just us and if I knew you had hid tears in your eyes and the truth in your heart, I would have told you that I’d stay and that I′ll be the one that will make you smile. That I will be beside you and hold you in my arms, away from the footsteps, despair, dust of old memories, and we'll Collapse in the darkness as we wait for a while. 

Honestly I should have waited, that you meant more to me that the time I’d lose. All I cared about was For you to get better so tell me now. Just tell me, and I will listen, tell me everything, all of the remembrance you keep in the box beneath your bed, the rage that you hold in your palms, tell me, All the breakdowns you've restrained.

Well, Oh no I ruined my life again, I guess this is my fate, to repeat the mistakes that make up who I am till none remain. I’d hoped you would have changed me, but who am I kidding, I know the miserable mess I am. For someone so broken, I didn't think I could have this much pride and I won't lie, won′t admit I am broken.

And For the weirdest reason I have just been thinking about you so much these past few days. It was probably because I saw you again for the first time in a while. Seeing you, everything came back to me, and I knew it as This feeling I can't resent. I know I may not have the privilege of loving you in this life, but grant me the hope that it may not be written in stone. At the end of the day, It's your call, I'm right here, just standing by.

When will you ever learn that, no matter how much love you give, Everything is wrong, you're not enough to save it all. So do it all for you, but you would tell me that there is no such thing as reasonable selflessness.

Well, here we go, I will spend this life of mine, counting the Skylights on New York Rooftops, The stars under the skies of Khatib, the number of cans Deanna has left, the cigarettes I have lit in honor of Renjin, and the tears stained in sorrow of Katherine. I will welcome death’s embrace and tell her all about the sorrow within the beauty that I have seen in your eyes. 

You live life like a fantasy, All the stupid horoscopes keep telling me. If you ever asked me why I try to achieve so much, the answer will always be to give you that. Isn't so pathetic, that I come up with insane business plans, commit tax fraud, take all of the disrespect,  have a will to live, just so that I might be able to give you the life that you deserve one day, so that I may be the one to see you for who you are and love you anyway?

Won't it be such a waste? To try so hard, that the only thing that pushes you is something that doesn't exist? Sometimes in my heart, I know no matter how hard I hold on, no matter how many moments I get from the sidelines, I know I'll never live to see the end. So many have tried to prescribe me God, they tell me that theres a plan, but where was he when I begged for hope, when I only knew nothing but the blood held within the jeans I tore that summer night, so tell me how can I believe that God sent me to a world of mistakes. 

And before I go ahead and do it all over again, I think about what Renjin tells me, that all of this, the carpark rooftops, the empty badminton courts and the laughter that I don't hear anymore, it was all meant for me, 

because, as he would put it, 

This is my fucking therapy

[thebluereptile]

I still can't believe how you cannot be sorry for using me, taking me for granted and abandoning me over absolutely nothing while I innocently kept feeling so wronged over your faults and mistakes. I still had the courage to tell you what it is immediately when I felt off (unlike you) and even after you got to know how deeply everything you did hurt me (and still does), you cannot apologize to me from your heart or acknowledge how much I had to fight myself to continue or be grateful that I did. How many times have I told you I'm grateful for you yet you cannot tell me that once. I mean you fucking kept leading me on, using me while knowing you were going to abandon me?! How fucking cruel are you?! How can you not be sorry NOW, after knowing how wrong you were?! If it wasn't for me taking initiatives, you wouldn't have done anything at all! You don't have the courage to do anything, you're so dead inside that all your life you went with the predefined ways rather than carving your own. You misunderstood everything and still do. You have no idea the pain you induced in me over absolutely nothing, your emotional threshold is non-existent, you don't deserve a soul, I practically own yours at this point.

How can a person be this heartless, in denial, incapable of emotional understanding and so ridiculously small minded? We were so fucking beautiful God I miss that woman so so so so much, the one who actually was trustworthy and magical. But then again, it was all coming from me, I realized you don't have your own magic so you just reflected some of mine & felt like you were all that. I overestimated you greatly. The first time in your life you felt magic was because of me. It was your shallow and incorrect assumption that fucked it all up and I had to deal with something sooo big that I didn't cause when I was already in the middle of a massive problem wrt my career. WE WERE BEAUTIFUL WE WERE SO BEAUTIFUL. I can't believe how much you took all of that for granted when I was nothing but a delight to you, God I saw you in such pure and angelic light before you turned out to be an infidel and a traitor (which you're so incapable of seeing). Romanticism and mystery hold no meaning to you. Meanwhile you cannot even understand how deeply you hurt me (till this day) so you get triggered KNOWING what you did was wrong which is something you don't want to accept or you'll have acknowledged that you fucked everything up for nothing (which is something you've gotten away with time and again because of your avoidance/confrontational issues & sad ass projections). Your focus always being on how I react to your messed up actions rather than how you treated me shows me how badly you've manipulated me simply because you cannot take accountability.

God I wish you actually had some emotions & not some mechanical approaches to love but now I realize making you understand anything is like knocking on a deaf person's door. Your own feelings have no meaning to you let alone mine, you operate out of passiveness, dismissiveness, fears, projections, past experiences and practicality for something as magical as love. You've been desensitised to beauty & emotional understanding, over your lifetime. You treated a fantasy with 'rules' of reality for no reason (when your delusional 'push' came to shove and your faith was tested you failed so miserably). You really felt that this was all that was there for us? And you didn't even wanna make sure before you fucking abandoned me?! You would've been a Goddess had you simply spoken to me about this instead of assuming something so wrong & then taking an irreversible set of actions! Didn't even fucking apologize to me afterwards until we parted ways. It took ALL that for you to simply think about your actions and not conveniently say 'its in the past' ?!?! How fucking common how fucking pedestrian and generic you are, you showed it when you betrayed me over nothing. I see the respect for me that you had at that time. You're not an artist either, something I should've known. You had me, an UNGODLY artist in your life which will be the first and last time you're seen as a muse and look what you did. You have no regard for greatness, you could've literally had it all. We had everything going for us and you so easily left it all for another miserable nobody like you with loose morals. You never had to take accountability for your actions in your life before I can tell.

It was basic decency to not take advantage of me or take me for granted and you did both KNOWING you were abandoning me for nothing! I was the one fucking person who you got along with, who loved talking to you, who you loved talking to, who absolutely STILL relishes your voice and face, who showed you magic, who made you experience a fantasy, gave you confidence, got you out of depression and helped you in times you needed later on too! And even if not that, the least I deserved was a simple question about how things are instead of this giant and incorrect assumption you made, upon which you took irreversibly wrong actions time and again for a whole month! For God's sake it was easier for you to sleep with me than to talk to me?! It was easier for you to have an affair WHILE sleeping with me than talking to me?!?! How the fuck is this alright to you?! Shows me the kind of 'love' you've been a part of in your whole life. The least you could do was just talk. You threw us away over nothing, God you are such a fuck up. You think turning your back on me was fine. You strung me along, lead me on for no reason and when we were beautifully closer than ever, you chose some lowly instant gratification over divinity because you were too afraid to simply speak! I was left so fucking abandoned like wtf did I do to deserve this?! Now I know I did nothing to deserve it and you still cannot tell me that, yet you could tell the other guy, you double-timing backstabber. Yeah you are a pathetically disappointing weak spirited spinless sheep person with a fucked up sense of morals and priorities who has absolutely no courage to step up. Even after all this, for months I witnessed you just be passive and go away in times I needed you, simply because of your assumptions. You'll always be a follower in every aspect of life, always. I saw you exactly as who you are, time and again but I was blinded by how deeply I admired your presence. No wonder afterwards I felt like how can one person be so less especially seeing how easy it was for you to not take accountability for your deeds & leaving me the second I'd display even a little bit of my pain for how you treated me. But honestly you're right, its all my fault, I genuinely overestimated you in every single way, I thought you were a somebody, an individual with your own directions, your own beyond who was capable of being with me, someone I could look upto & celebrate & admire (from up close and from afar). My bad. You abandoned me a week after we were singing Old Devil Moon together how could you....so fucking wrong so evil

God it sucks soooo much when you want to love somebody with all your heart, when you are somebody who has a boundless capability of getting lost within love, yet you can't because this 'somebody' is just too limited in every single way. Time and again you've shown me how you're incapable of change. Thats why you could never keep up with me and it was me who had to slow myself down sooooo much just to stay. I don't mind that honestly but I need to feel like I'm held by you too! You didn't let us grow organically, then couldn't accept you fucked it up & now you're surprised that I get angry over this behaviour of yours? You just had to hold on coz God knows how badly I held on despite it all and how badly I wanted to see you, hold your hands and dance with you every night. You could never see I wanted to celebrate you but you always let your projections get in the way. All these and more, and yet you think its wrong when I get livid over the way you are....so unfair so unjust you're so bad.

Again, so much to say, yet as always it falls on deaf ears. I wish I could take your hand & make you look into my eyes, you'd see everything, all the fire. Tell me we're okay, we were so so so happy why did you have to....ugh. I hate when tenderness turns to bitterness, I hate it. God just do something PLEASE I'm helpless. The thing is if you physically come into my arms, I'd just say lets start again lets get to know each other again and lets do it right because I know you have gone through so much too honey and I'm sorry you weren't your best for so long either regardless....

[heeswifetypeshi]

UNCONDITIONALLY

SVT: JOSHUA

" And I always have, and always will. Love you unconditionally.

I could still fight with myself, still ponder upon how I even met you. 

I saw you at the science fair at school. You caught my eye. I was barely interested in this event but when I saw you, I wanted to become a scientist just to impress you. I know it might be an exaggeration but trust me, I myself don't know what drove me too far. 

I came over to your booth and saw your experiment. It was simple yet it deserve to get an award. I wanted to get close to you in a instant because you were the only person who put in the effort to explain it to me according to my dumb standard.

I forced my friend to shift our both next to yours, just for you. And even though you didn't win the award, all I could feel was sadness because you deserved it, fuck it, you deserved more than that puny award. Yet you weren't as dejected as me. You were happy and encouraged the others and even congratulated the winners even when I was a witness to them cheating. 

You even came and talked to me, congratulating me saying that I did well when i obviously did not. 

You were like the only light I ever had in my life. You filled in a void which no one else could. Not even the friends I had nor my parents. You made my miserable life alive from back then. You still do.

We studied in the same college and oh, boy I couldn't have been happier at the sight of you there. College suddenly seemed much more better for me just by your presence next to me. 

Yes, you dated two guys. Yes, you've obsessed over other men except me but I promised I would never leave you. I never would, even now.

The only thing I was ever grateful for in my miserable life was you're existence itself. The fact that you were with me, by my side, made me happier in life. 

You were my sole reason of existence and happiness. And even now, it hasn't changed. 

Even after college, you managed to make your way into my life and I couldn't ask for anything better. I felt like I didn't deserve you. I don't know what I did to even know you. 

Yet, here you are. Making me feel like I'm worth being loved when I never was loved or devoid of such a feeling.

You were patient with me, you helped me every step of this life when I was so close to giving up.

You saw so much in me when I couldn't see it myself. When I couldn't feel it myself. The way you touched me, assured me everytime just made me want you all to myself. 

You were the only good thing in my life and you still are, my love. 

And this. This is why I'm not apologising for being on one knee and asking you to be mine. I'll never apologise no matter what cause I never regretted you being in my life and trust me I'll never start. 

So Y/N, will you make me the happiest man on this earth and be mine? After so many years of waiting for you, will you love me just like I've loved you for a long time? Will you add on to the reason of my existence and be with me? " He said with tears streaming out his eyes as there he was, standing there on one knee, holding out a ring that held stars in it's diamond.

She already was a crying mess. She even had to turn around. She didn't know he felt the same way. But upon knowing this, she felt her life being complete and she couldn't ask for anything better herself. 

"Yes, Joshie. Of course." She said, still crying with a smile on her face. 

He smiled like it hurt so much that he slid the ring on her finger. He lifted her in his arms and twirled her around, finally fulfilling his mission in life. To love her.

And he'd love her unconditionally.

A/N: WELP THIS WAS SHORT SO HOPE YOU LIKE THIS 

[hazzypisce]

Jegulus mini One-Shot

Regulus Black died and James wishes it had been him instead.

Light Angst, Regulus Black Deserves Better, Regulus Black Dies, James Potter Loves Regulus Black, Love Letters, right person wrong time.

667 words

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45871564

Kinda like a love letter/confession for someone that already knows you love them and is also dead.

It’s a very short story actually, and maybe someday I will make it bigger, but i just wrote this bc i don’t want to study for college right now.

ps:English is not my first language so sorry :)

Every single day until death comes for me too

My memories with you used to be filled with happy moments studying together, lavender fields, coffee beans and tea all over the table, the moon and the stars decorating the dark sky over us, but since you were gone all i can think about is how the same moon that watched us kiss for the first time, lighted your crying eyes that day.

I can't even fathom how to describe the way I feel about you, about your rare smile, about how my happiest days were by your side and how much I wish I had been me instead.

Some might say that you welcomed death with open arms, but I know how much you fought against her your entire life.I watched her rip you apart, take your most precious moments away, make you the most miserable of them all.First it was by giving you such vile mother in an unloving family, after it was by separating you and the only person you counted on, your brother, and if that wasn’t bad enough, destiny helped her by making you sacrifice yourself in order to make it easier to defeat the dark lord, but only to be seen as the enemy.

You deserved all the good things in this horrible world.

And I should've worshiped you while I could.Tell you how much I thought you deserved all I could give and more, kiss all your scars, make you forget about all your worries, make you my whole life.

No, you already were my whole life.Without you I can't breathe, I can't bring myself to live, to be happy or to move on.

So, it should have been me who died.I should have sacrificed myself, that way you could’ve started a new life with your brother and friends and maybe, just maybe you would have been genuinely happy this time.

With either of us dying, we were never going to be together, but I would rather see you alive than me.My whole existence is worthless compared to yours and even more if you are not existing by my side.

Just like they say, right person wrong time.Although it wasn’t in the wrong time, it was in the wrong life.I don’t know if I will ever see you again, maybe in the afterlife or in the next one, but I just wish i could’ve hugged you one last time.

Now I sit here, in the graveyard, reading Regulus Arcturus Black written on the slightly tilted stone.

Over and over.

Again and again.

Every single day until death comes for me too.

I feel like a coward with nowhere to go, because while you fought to live, I am thinking about joining you, but I know I can’t bring myself to do it.There are still people that for some reason need me and I don’t consider myself not brave because I don’t have the will to exist, but because I had the opportunity to give you my life and wasted everything instead of saving you.

I would never expect you to forgive me, since you did what you did for me, but the blame will always be mine no matter what anyone says.

Now I reach for the small box inside my pocket and see what the future could have saved for us.I can even hear you say yes in your soft low voice that I loved so much.

The moon and the sun engraved in what was going to be our wedding rings will forever be a symbol of our love and souls.

While the winter wraps me with its deathly cold wind and I feel myself getting colder by the minute, I ask the most important question of my life and a part of me still waits for a response.

“Regulus Arcturus Black will you marry me?”

After that the only sound by that grave was of my body falling on the floor and the little box rolling away.

[melancholy-vampire]

reflection

untethered, purposeless at the end of it all

attempted reconnections fail time and time again

a brief distraction but i always return back to my bad habits

the façade only lasts for so long

try to move past you but i’m met with a wall

couldn’t get arounds yours or mine

i’ve condemned myself to a miserable existence always longing after you

trailing after you like a puppy following its owner

but you’ve neglected me time and time again

can’t really blame you, but i know i deserve better

even if i don’t actually feel that i do

even if i secretly believe that it’s normal for men to not want to be with me

i’m all hard edges and harsh words

who would want to be with that?

how can i better myself when i feel so stuck?

i’m comfortable in my rut but she gives me strength to get out of it

if she’s suffered so much yet continues to pull herself up, why can’t i?

why do i allow myself to lay in wait for you to contact me and shake me out of my misery?

why do i use you as a crutch for happiness when i could be seeking it out on my own?

everything’s beginning to blur

i’m too hard on myself

[bookloveravenue]

Lionheart Academy (book 3): Regretting You by T. Ashleigh

Tyler- Some days I wish I’d never met Gregory Baldwin. Then there are days when I feel like I’ll die if he’s away for too long. It’s like I’m addicted to him. Addicted to the attention he gives me and what he does to me in secret. He has lips made for sin and a body I can’t keep my hands off of, but mostly, I know he has a heart. That’s what keeps me coming back. Now he’s cruel, malicious, possessive… nothing like the boy I once knew. And yet, deep down, I know that guy is still there under this bad boy exterior. He has to be, or everything we’ve been through is pointless. Being with him feels like dying and surviving all at once. It’s wild, manic, and soul-crushing, but it’s us. He’s all I’ve ever had and the only thing I’ll ever want. Because even when I hate him… I love him ten times harder.

Greg- I’m broken beyond repair, too fucked up to be saved. My mind fights demons daily, while the shattered organ in my chest only causes me pain. I wish I could just end it all. Say goodbye to this miserable existence. Only, to leave this life would mean leaving him, and that’s not something I can do. Once I made a promise to a boy that I plan on keeping. The years may have dragged us apart, and I know he hates me now, but that’s okay. I don’t blame him; I hate myself, too. Regardless of the animosity, one thing remains the same: Tyler. He’s the constant in a haze of self-destruction. The one who somehow, after everything, is still there for me, no matter how badly I mess up. I don’t deserve him. I never did, but I’ll never let him go either. He is mine, and I am his.

Betting You is the third book in The Lionheart Academy series. It's a full length, new adult high school novel with material that may be difficult for some readers. It’s recommended for 18+ due to language and sexual situations. Please read trigger warnings before proceeding.

June 18, 2023

My Review: 5/5 Stars

We finally get Greg and Tyler's story! I've been looking forward to this one. We've seen so much negativity from Greg, I really couldn't wait to see what was going on in his head and see why he was the way he was. And ugh. Be ready for the hurt. This story is pretty heartbreaking for Greg and Tyler as they find their way back to one another. Greg and Tyler became friends when they were kids and Greg's mom was like a second mother to Tyler when his own family was anything but. Both were happy and unknowing to them, slowly falling in love. But everything changed the mom Greg's mother unexpectedly died. Greg was devastated and hurt and scared and he did the one thing he could think of to avoid feeling like this ever again. Pushing away the one other person he loved more than anything: Tyler. But pushing him away was the last thing he should have done because the pain of his loss has only grown worse over the next three years. And things are about to crack. Tyler never forgave Greg for pushing him away and hurting him. He can't understand how he can love and hate someone the way he does Greg. He doesn't want to open himself up to him again just to get hurt, yet he can't help himself. These two hit a point and next thing they know, they are hooking up in secret through their senior year. But there are still so many unresolved issues between the two of them. Things that need to be said. And it's only a matter of time until they'll have no choice. Loved this final story in this series! All the feels. Your heart will ache for the two of them and knowing how much pain they both are in. I just wanted to shake the two of them and demand they just tell the other everything they are feeling. Their story is heartbreakingly beautiful and so worth the wait as they figure themselves out and break down and build themselves back up. Such a beautiful series and I'm so sad to see it end!

I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review.