#ocd 😀
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having one of those stay-up-ridiculously-late-to-make-sure-we're-not-dying type of nights
#my mug i drank like 2 sips out of smelled like mildew#so i think there mightve been mold growing inside of it 😬#nothing appeared wrong on the outside but I'm wondering if it has holes in it that cant really be seen and water got trapped inside of it#anyway theres really no logical way for me to have consumed a harmful amount of mold#like. at all.#i took 2 sips before realizing something was off. my tea tasted fine. it was the mug that smelled bad#and yet here we are at 4 am#one panic attack later#'if i survive 3 hours without anything happening then im fine' type logic#ocd 😀#i guess i can blame my ocd for this idk#whatever who cares#im doing better just sleepy now#// unsanitary#is that how you tag triggers#idk#just felt like i needed to add that#because personally reading this kind of thing is enough to make me freak out/extremely uncomfortable#off topic (but not really) but damn i wish i properly knew what having ocd and anxiety meant when i was 10.#i wish little kid me had the words for how she was feeling#i wish i was diagnosed with ocd much earlier in life#but i couldnt have known any better#mine
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Glad I’m starting therapy so soon after moving out ☝️ I am already feeling the helplessness and loneliness
#vent#<- slightly? not that strongly? this is a pretty chill post like. I feel pretty chill#but also :( sad#I miss my family and friends at home#I haven’t really talked to my roommates#including the one who’s been my friend since high school bc she’s been sick (?) for the past few days#and this semester is definitely going to be A Lot#I got accepted into another choir but I’m most likely not joining bc my schedule is so packed#but the main thing is#I FEEL LIKE A BABY#my parents never really made me cook or clean and I just feel kinda useless#I’m just gonna have to force myself to learn which is fine#and my parents have offered to walk me through stuff over the phone when they can#but idk I just feel really immature bc like. damn I am 20 and don’t know how to cook Anything#I’m gonna go grocery shopping either tonight or tomorrow and get some sandwich supplies and other non-cooking stuff#so we are not completely doomed lol#also I need to do laundry tomorrow.. which. I can do and have done before. but I’m still gonna call my mom for guidance 😅#idk I think the main thing that’s stressing me out is spending money on food vs. groceries#and trying to eat at least some protein and fruits/vegetables etc. while also not spending exorbitantly#bc I am SOOOO irrationally anxious about money. I hate hate hate spending money#so the whole idea of grocery shopping is just kind of filling me with dread 🥲#but I will do it bc I need to Adult at some point#I just. idk I guess most students do this and I’m being whiny about it bc I’m not used to it??#but it just feels like So Much to be taking five classes and doing a bunch of extracurriculars and living on my own for the first time!#like! ahhh! too much at once!#😰😰😰#and I need to get an internship soon 😀 and if I don’t get one this semester I need to at least get a job so I can stress less about money 😀#but I always stress about money regardless 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 even though I have scholarships savings etc 😀😀 ocd things! 😁 (🥲)#thank god for my meds and the thought that I’ll be starting therapy in the next week or two#and also my mom for being like the sweetest wver
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don’t mean to be a stranger,,, just have a lot of things going on rn
#one of the many problems is me realizing how much trauma i actually have as i read jennette mccurdys book#never realized how unhealthy my ocd or observance could be until i saw how she addressed it so#now i’m just 😀
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i dont get to front for over an entire month so when I finally get half a chance to do anything in front, i make the most of it*
*drawing skeevy robot x human bullshit
#its TAMEEE#its so tame. but i dont have enough time to actually get good at anything lmfao#so i make the most with what I've got lol#look man nobody else here does any interesting shit. the host has moral ocd or some similar shit so we never do anything interesting lmfao#i gotta exorcise the demons or whatever by drawing nasty robot fucking or guro bs lmfao#its a lot better than five billion other things i could be doing and I don't post this anywhere anyways so it's fine#plus its so painfully tame lmfao i wish i could get good at anything but SOMEBODY doesn't let anyone else front 😀😀😀#-chase#roundtable posts
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my ocd goes on a rampage every time i write anything for butcher. specifically when it comes to the abbreviations to make it sound more like him like “ya’” or “m’sorry” or like taking the g off of words like “fuckin” or “somethin” whatever you get the gist. anyway, i always convince myself that i over do it so his sentences don’t make any sense or i haven’t done enough so it doesn’t even sound like him. im literally sitting on a chapter of my new fic because i keep obsessing over this and im borderline in tears and i genuinely need to seek some sort of council/therapy
anywho i hope everyone’s having a good day😀
#billy butcher#the boys#billy butcher x you#billy butcher fic#billy butcher x reader#billy butcher x female reader#billy butcher brainrot go brr#the boys tv#karl urban#the boys billy butcher#billy butcher the boys#the boys amazon#karl urban brainrot go brrr
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i had intended to come back since the life threatening emergency had resolved perfectly, but i guess your own mental state does get kinda fragile after something huge and just 1 small thing happening was enough for my ocd to kick my ass. badly 😀😃. so i was gone from here again
odious person i had preemptively blocked deleted and remade, and i only found out after 1 interaction with a post of mine going around, which led me to compulsively scroll to see if they and the people they interact with really suck and yuuuuup they suck. and that kindof did a number on my brain lol. heres to ocd induced doomscrolling fucking me up
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https://www.tumblr.com/quinnysnursery/763903666095865856/how-do-you-not-understand-emetophobia-is-it-not?source=share
I didn't see this until right now for some reason but 1. Sorry if I came off rude (and for sending that p*ckle intervention attempt a while back i didn't realize how severe it was 😭) 2. I'm so proud of you for being clean! You got this 3. I'm currently talking about my emetophobia in therapy and jesus christ is it hard and I haven't even uttered the word "emetophobia" at all I just keep saying "fear of germs" cuz my OCD mind tells me if I say words relating to IT, IT will happen to someone or myself.
I've never cried in therapy before but these last two appointments are the first time I've been hella close 😀
But we coolin we gon be alright 🫶
dont worry about it!! it’s honestly a really rare phobia to have so tons of people think i just mean i dislike them😭 honestly i get it!
2. tysm!! its been a really tough journey but i am so proud of myself😌😌
3. im so proud of you for taking the first steps to talk abt it though!! never be embarrassed to cry in therapy, if we’re being honest i’ve cried the past four therapy sessions (grief got my ass in a chokehold)
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its been a bit since i've talked about all my headcanons.
And I wanna go into depth within them. So I will. Because I love acting like i'm correct /hj
HORRID HENRY HIMSELF!!:
Trans Man (⊙ˍ⊙): Yeah who's surprised at this one??? Look at how his great aunt treats him, look at how his parents treat him, look at how even his classmates treat him. forced fem on him at every chance given.
Extra gender things: I also think he could be demiboy and use he/it. Yes he feels very masc but i also think theres still this disconnect within him. And yes It/Its pronouns cus idk being treated like he's sub-human probably makes him feel connected to those pronouns :P
Gay: You think he likes girls? Hell no! First Ralph /hj. second have you seen that one clip of him watching a superhero tv show and how he looks at that MAN?? GAYASS BITCH FR! Also he's quoting the lines from the superhero's love interest (a girl) instead of the superhero himself.
Atleast aroace spec (greyromantic & demisexual): of course he is, I don't even wanna explain WHY. He's always disdained romance and stuff like that ESP in the valentines' episode. Of course he's not completly removed from it, it just seems like its very rare for him. Also he seems like the type to only be able to engage in intimate stuff when he has that emotional connection because I SAID SO :3
Other info: I like to headcanon him with heterochromia (blue & green eyes) cus people couldn't decide and those colors fit him very well.
His averge height is 5'8. Yeah I don't think he would be a shortie, he tall like his dad. Even his mum seems averge height and not short.
Of course this child gotta have a bunch of mental illnesses 😀:
Depression (of course a classic, why wouldn't he have it?), Anxiety (a underrated choice if I don't say so myself, this and depression go hand and hand.), ADHD (look at my neurodivergent boy), C-PTSD (well yknow... getting abused probably did it for him), and BPD (i've done more researched since I first thought of this for him and I can comfirm it 100% fits him)
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THE RUDEST BOY OF THEM ALL!!!:
He's a cis boy. Sorry if you expected more. He COULD be demiboy but idk?? I think he does gender expression but idk he just seems just cis to me lol
Bisexual: YES SIR!!! He be liking ladies and flirting with them and hooking up with them LMAO but yknow... theres something also there for the gentleman (henry) don't you worry. There isn't AS much canon evidence of him also liking men but like.. come on, thats a bisexual man you can't tell me otherwise. As a bi I can confirm he's one of us fr!!
He's also 5'8 cus I can see it. They're the same height cus fuck height differences I am spiteful UWU
He got them hazel eyes cus look at that pretty boy!! :D
He's probably a little fucked in the head, got no clue what tho.. maybe he also got adhd idfk.
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OOH we got a perfect boy (or girl) here with us today?:
Gender...: Oh damn.. idk. Greatly spans from cis boy to trans girl. vastly different. like my feminine boys but being a girl works too.
Sexuality: idk why. It just kinda makes sense. He likes girls, he likes boys. is there so much to understand? Also he would he aroace spec or just fully asexual.
blue eyes because of course (pretty sure thats canon anyways)
Of course this child gotta have a bunch of mental illnesses 😀:
OCD (because I do and I just see it in him), Anxiety (look at him), C-PTSD (same reasons as Henry), Autism (look at my neurodivergent child), He could have Bipolar??
Fucking shortie (5'4)
#horrid henry#i was high writing this#...no i wasn't but i felt like I was#idk maybe not sleeping for uh... 14 hours (WHAT???) is doing it#headcanons#long post#🎸🦖 posts#horrid henry headcanons
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OCD + fictionkin = having intrusive thoughts about.. yourself??? 😀.... LIKE HUH?!!??!?!#&*@((×[
who wants to swap brains?
#fictionkin#fictionkin community#actually ocd#actually obsessive#cw intrusive thoughts#cw ocd#death sounds appealing bro ngl
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which is to say completely unrelated to my other posts from earlier ooooooobviously but my therapist did give me the homework this week of starting on some ocd exposure and response prevention techniques. yay 😀 <-- DYING
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for the fanfic ask game!!!
2 (What fanfic do you wish you got more response on?) and 9 (What’s your favorite line(s) or scene(s) that you have written?) please (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*.✧
2. What fanfic do you wish you got more response on?
I'm generally happy with how all of my fics have been perceived. That being said, I did kind of hope for a bit more of a reaction on Someone like you - even though I do get that, being a bonus chapter to a 83k fic, it may seem off-putting to read. I still had a blast writing it (bc sometimes you just need them to be happily married and stupidly in love and taking care of babies) and @wormdebut, who I gifted it to, loved it, so I'm counting it as a win. ❤️
9. What’s your favorite line(s) or scene(s) that you have written?
Ugh, why is this one so hard??? 🤣 I probably loved writing around 95% of all I've published.
But if I had to choose something?
The end of chapter 3 of Hic sunt dracones springs to mind (aka the big reveal that every single reader saw coming from three miles away and that still completely blindsided Steve 😀).
It was one of the first things I had for this fic, and then I waited for SO long to write it (I always, always, ALWAYS must write chronologically, I'm a bit ocd like that) and it was so great to finally be able to do it. And if I look at the number of readers who come crashing into my comments screaming the last line of dialogue in the chapter back at me, I think it turned out quite nicely. 😏❤️
Send me more!
#steddie#steddie brainrot#steve x eddie#steve harrington x eddie munson#steddie fanfic#fanfiction#fanfiction writer#fanfic#my writing#fanfic asks#asks and replies
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Hello Vic! How are you doing? 🫰🏼
I need a little help from you - I do not think I have ocd, but I do obsess over washing hands and keeping things hygenic. Tidy? No, my house is always messy, but I wash my hands toooooo often to the point where if strong hand creams didn’t exist I would have shed several skin layers by now 😀 My immediate problem rn is that i am on a vacation with my family - even worse, I am sharing a room w my parents - and let me tell you, their lack of hygiene just get on my nerves. My mom has definitely noticed I struggle w this and it’s kinda easier to voice my anxiety over hygiene with her. My dad on the other hand has no idea and isn’t the most open minded person, I doubt he has even heard that some people struggle w stuff like this. I can ignore some stuff but when after 3 days of being here I hear my dad ask my mom which one was the soap (my mom had lots of other products on counter) I knew I wanted to pass away ! My mom asked “you haven’t washed your hands yet?” Don’t think he even replied which I am afraid means that yeah he hasn’t. Sounds so comical and ridiculous but it is really bothering me.
Thing is, before, I lived w them for 18 years and nothing happened, never occurred to me they wouldn’t even wash hands considering I was tought basic hygiene. So I wish I could just switch my brain to that state but can I.
Idk how I do not lose my mind. I do not think that something bad will happen if I don’t follow these hand washing obsession BUT it just irks me to know somebody is so unhygienic let alone someone who doesn’t wash their hands for so long 🥲🥲🥲 even if I didn’t have this problem it’s natural to be upset about my dad being ultra white person. So idk how to 1. Deal with people I am sharing the room with not being as hygienic as me 2. One of them not even following basic hygiene (would have been better if I had spoken up the 1st time I found out abt this- but I hate confrontation, especially with family I guess)
Vacation ends in 10 days but knowing they have touched my phone and my belongings and that I cannot just exist in a sterile world or in a world aWay from them does not make me happy. I know I have to address the root cause of hand washing obsession but this is the situation I am dealing w atm. So idk how to remain calm, ignore this, because voicing my anxiety and asking them to follow basic hygiene just seems ridiculous. :(
Sorry for such a long text 🫠
hi 🌟 i'm doing good, but i've been sleeping so fucking shit the past days i feel like a little snail around the house zzz
assuming you don't have ocd (you can look into the pure o subtype and reflect a bit over the cycle of obsession > anxiety > compulsion > relief > obsession. sometimes it isn't the belief of something bad happening it can also be an intense discomfort or a "sense" of something being off/wrong/not right); if it's a general annoyance and discomfort of lack of hygiene, keep your belonging on you, get a mini hand sanitizer if you can from a kiosk or store, air out, store your food away from theirs in the fridge and try to handle it yourself. it's up to you if you want to/are ready to express this discomfort/boundary with them, but it isn't ridiculous or unfounded. it's quite a fair request of the people you're in near proximity to, to exercise regular hygiene, such as washing their hands - and you aren't responsible for their reactions, though i understand you will be around them. i hope the next days will be better for you!
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New Introduction!
Gooooood evening Ladies, Gentlemen, and all who may identify otherwise! My name is July, and I will be your host for this evening
About me:
I am the Cactus Mage.
More specifically, I'm a girlflux transfem with Autism, OCD, Depression, and Anxiety.
Pronouns: Some combination of She/Her, They/Them, and It/Its (when in doubt, use She/Her)
I am a minor.
DNI:
People and blogs that are: NSFW, LGBTQ-phobic, Racist, Sexist, or any/all other forms of Bigotry, kindly do not interact 😀
Thank youuu!
About me (continued) and more under the cut
About me (continued):
I am a stage performer! (i.e. I'm a raging theatre kid)
I am also an organist and a percussionist. (For those who don't know what "organist" means, that means I play the pipe organ. For those who don't know what that is, you're too young to have a phone, let alone access to tumblr. For those who do know what that is, it's about time you were put into a retirement home.)
I also speak German! / Ich spreche auch Deutsch!
I make music! Check it out over @twiligh7-skies!
I made really cool trans flag art once. That's my only big accomplishment in life. (The related post is on my blog somewhere.)
I'm Myrsexual. To put it simply, my asexuality is constantly in a state of quantum superposition (i.e. I experience most of the acespec at the same time. Sound confusing and contradicting? Trust me, it is.)
What I do on tumblr:
Great question! I don't know. I'll probably mostly just be reblogging stuff, but maybe I'll post something from time to time. Who knows 🤷♀️
Feel free to ask me stuff though!
I also like to bug @mushroom-soup-is-my-religion sometimes 🌵
Tags I use:
#the cactus mage - this is used for anything that I post or for things that directly involve me
#the cactus speaks - for asks
Other platforms I'm on:
Discord: twiligh7.skies
That's all, folks! Remember, the world is a stage. Break a leg!
Oh, wait, before you go, one question.
Would you like a cactus? I promise you won't regret it 😀🌵
#the cactus mage#the cactus speaks#Twiligh7.Skies#Twiligh7.Skies_Music#Twiligh7.Skies Produces#Twiligh7.Skies Talks#intro post
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Wearing my grippy socks!!!!
Did anyone else keep theirs? I have like 5 pairs.
I also wore all of them for two months 😀(OCD man)
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https://www.reddit.com/r/Transgender_Surgeries/s/kzF0DRWLpV
And lesbians are supposed to be attracted to this?😀
damn that post punches you in the gut like 10 times
sour and pungent, like off-milk, and the taste is bloody and sour
the taste is so distinct and kind of "chalky" in texture
expired milk and bitter yogurt with a very strong odor
I can smell it even with her clothes on
A friend of ours also smelled it
Sometimes her discharge is slightly yellow or orange
also, making your female partner, who apparently has "OCD and generalized anxiety", perform oral on you and any time she brings it up "it ends in tears and both of us crying and trying makeup sex which makes me panic because I'm convinced something is wrong" while refusing to do anything about your disgusting self is undeniably male behaviour, ain't no surgery changing that
#radfem#girl get up and leave!!!! if my partner had a room they kept that disgusting and smelly i'd leave them#let alone their body parts
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ocd moment where you fear doing something for weeks and when you finally build up the courage to do it the thing you feared happening absolutely did happen 😀
#not relationship related or anything#i hate being afraid to speak up for myself bc people are always like#oh colin you never stand up for yourself! hey man maybe its because when i say something about it people always get fucking mad .#bc im typically the background character#typically the funny little guy in the replies#the moment im like Hi there. Um. So this happened#im punted like a damn football#shit sucks bro
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