#one panic attack later
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having one of those stay-up-ridiculously-late-to-make-sure-we're-not-dying type of nights
#my mug i drank like 2 sips out of smelled like mildew#so i think there mightve been mold growing inside of it 😬#nothing appeared wrong on the outside but I'm wondering if it has holes in it that cant really be seen and water got trapped inside of it#anyway theres really no logical way for me to have consumed a harmful amount of mold#like. at all.#i took 2 sips before realizing something was off. my tea tasted fine. it was the mug that smelled bad#and yet here we are at 4 am#one panic attack later#'if i survive 3 hours without anything happening then im fine' type logic#ocd 😀#i guess i can blame my ocd for this idk#whatever who cares#im doing better just sleepy now#// unsanitary#is that how you tag triggers#idk#just felt like i needed to add that#because personally reading this kind of thing is enough to make me freak out/extremely uncomfortable#off topic (but not really) but damn i wish i properly knew what having ocd and anxiety meant when i was 10.#i wish little kid me had the words for how she was feeling#i wish i was diagnosed with ocd much earlier in life#but i couldnt have known any better#mine
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Tim *on his 68th hour of no sleep trying to finish the cases he stole from the cave after being banished to titans tower because of red hood, fully believing he's all alone there*: ok but what if we blow up the tower, fake our deaths, and take a 3 week vacation? Way more effective than just sending me here and hope for the best with the unhinged murderer fixated on me.
YJ *worried about their team leader and annoyed at their mentors, actually considering*: sure, why not?
Bart: I'll go get the explosives.
Kon: but how will they know we died here?
Tim *fully invested now*: the cameras don't have audio, we have a bunch of our blood and we can drop a bag of our teeth plus some kryptonite to make it convincing.
Kon *shrugs*: close enough.
#an hour later jason gets to the tower fully intending to “clip the replacement's wings” or wtv and is just in time to see it all go up in#flames and a weird green color that reminds him of the pit#thirty minutes later batman and nightwing show up to find the red hood without his helmet on in a full blown panic attack#and wait is that jason? omg jay! hold on did you blow up the tower?#the whole thing is enough to snap Jason out of the rage and like actually talk things out with his family#Bruce is conflicted on the one side he has his precious boy back and healthy. no the heads in a bag are irrelevant#but also he lost another one and it was his fault tim was even there to begin with#and then Tim returns rested and like nothing happened and Bruce doesn't know whether to yell at him or hug him for bringing back Jason#and Tim is just like ??? I left a note? (he didn't)#batman#batfam#tim drake#bruce wayne#titans tower#jason todd#red hood#i don't actually know what this is
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something so extremely loser-core about not one single ghost being present when Cap died. Like they could have known how he died all 80 years ago but somehow literally all of them missed it😭
#i just imagine them walking into the house HOURS later and#and caps probably sitting somewhere having a panic attack or smth#and they walk in like. huh whats this guy still doing here#and ofc cap hears that and just. screaches upon seeing the lot of them#and the others are like OH? OH? he can see us? wh- Since WHEN do we have a new guy here????#And then they kinda start arguing with each other who is to blame that they missed the new arrival which is so bizarre to watch-#-that it takes Cap's mind of the perhaps worst day of his life.#its easier to forget what one went through when theres this group of scoundrels who seriously need to be brought to order#bbc ghosts
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if aradia's death was just in-character for a long roleplay, what's the deal with tavros and terezi's disabilities? did vriska have anything to do with them?
She Did Do Those Things. vriska no!!!!!!
#im insane that vriska is a roleplayer#its so funny to me i love roleplaying jokes#for those not in the know: 'i was just acting in character' is a common phrase used by people Behaving Badly#vriskas like OOOOOOHHH you want me to break the carefully crafted and lovingly acted personality of marquise spinneret mindfang? you monste#listen!!! im playing as my spidersona!!!!! its what she would do shes a spider you want me to not act like a spider???#vriska. you threw the boy off a cliff screaming and cackling to yourself FLY PUPA FLY#thats not '''''''in character''''' marquise spinneret wouldnt have fucking done that you bitch!!! you just got bored and started#causing problems!!!!#her glasses details had to be shifted around because vriska saying to terezi 'its harder for me. i lost 7 eyes you only lost 2' is so fucki#oh my god vriska no. NO. VRISKA#but yeah she did still do those things. i wasnt sure how to handle this but i decided to go this way. a vriska is a vriska#vriska#homestuck#bugstuck#vriska serket#One time I got a death threat in the middle of an in-person roleplaying game. That underclassman just looked at me with hatred in their eye#a panic attack#then later after THAT they began openly weeping.
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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DP x BNHA Prompt
I've read many fanfics where danny comes into the bnha dimension and encounters aizawa and he adopts him (his erasure works on his ghost power, etc.) now that gave me an idea
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danny phantom and bnha is in the same universe
and america has different rules, lets say people can get certificates to use their quirks for their jobs and the fenton's make their children get the certificates to help them in the lab
danny had cryokinesis until his accident when he was like 10/11, then he got his ghost powers ad ghost half, this fused with his quirk and keeps him alive
jazz has some emotional based quirk like emotional construct, like her emotions dictate what she can do, due to the ecto-contamination she can also communicate/influence ghosts
the main reason i had this idea was with aizawa uses his powers on danny in ghost form, danny flops down and dies, aizawa must live with having killed a kid
i have already written a start
After finishing her first semester in University Jazz decided to return home for a surprise visit to her family in Amity Park. It has been a few days since Danny contacted her and she was a little bit worried, but if something bad had happened he would have told her.
After parking her car in front of the building FentonWorks, she made her way inside. What stroke her as strange was that no one was in sight. She could not even feel the ghosts that would normally enter her sights.
That should have been the first red flag, that something wrong was going on.
Having figured that her brother was probably out with his friends and her parents downstairs in their lab, she decided to go see her parents first.
What she saw when she arrived at the lab was something she never would have imagined ever seeing. There in front of her were both her parents in full on safety gear and their hazmat suits, hunched over a metal table in the middle in the room. On the table strapped down was her little brother with a hoarse voice, no doubt from crying loudly for hours, silently begging them to stop that he was still alive. Only seconds after the door closed behind her did she see what was really happening her parents had their hands in her brother open chest. They must have touched something extremely vulnerable as her brother gasp sharply and his head turned to the side, seeing her. Jazz could see his eyes that were almost completely dull from hopelessness and terror, fill with tears and hope upon landing on her, her figure reflecting in his eyes.
#danny phantom#boku no hero academia#dp x bnha#jazz fenton#aizawa shouta#danny was attacked by his parent#jazz saves him#they move to japan with help from vlad#he is good in this#one day danny has panic attack in a crowd#he hides in an alley and writes jazz sos with gps#his body goes ghost to heal mentally#his ghost still saves people#lets say there was a villain attack nearby and danny uses his ice to make a shield so people can escape not more#later when the heroes are there he tries to flee by flying#feels jazz nearby#tries to fly to her can even see her but at that moment aizawa uses his quirk#danny feels this his eyes show it jazz sees it#he flops to the ground jazz is livid
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Texted the guy I like after we’ve hung out a few times in person and it’s been 4 hours. Good on him for using his self preservation skills and not responding but it hurts all the same.
First my goat “dies” and now this. I AM DONE
is this the type of guy i would write angst fanfiction about or the type of guy that i would write hate comments about? i think i can guess but go ahead and answer anyway
maybe he was so awe struck that he died
#one time i texted the person i liked and then two minutes later i had to turn off my phone so i didn’t have a panic attack#i also drove around this girl i was in love with for 8 months and as soon as she got her car she never talked to me again 😛
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tease tidbit tuesday 🫧
hi friends, i'm procrastinating doing my fema courses in favor of watching season 4 <3 have a lil bit of eddie vs the hoa
It’s just—Buck is big and it kind of drives Eddie a little crazy. Like? God, okay. He’s a little stupid over it. You’ll have to forgive him. He is so big, right, larger than Eddie and Eddie isn’t a small guy. He’s filled out since finishing his probationary year, settling in his career and getting comfortable in the life he chose for himself and Chris. He’s more functional muscle than big gains; his stomach’s soft, protected by a sweet layer of fat, but his core’s solid and his arms are twice the size they used to be when he was twenty-seven. See? He isn’t small. But, like, Buck’s just bigger, wider and broader and thicker, and there’s something so delicious about having somebody that large at his mercy, at his every beck and call. Buck has this quality about him, no matter his size, like he’s always ready to drop to his knees and let himself be taken care of, and it has Eddie’s head buzzing in a way that most definitely isn’t from the beer.
tagged by @wikiangela, @jeeyuns, @devirnis, @disasterbuckdiaz, and @daffi-990 <3
tagging @spagheddiediaz, @puppyboybuckley, @evanbegins, @honestlydarkprincess, @exhuastedpigeon, @thewolvesof1998, @theotherbuckley, and @monsterrae1 if any of you wanna share!
#i've got 4 tests to take/procedures to read#and you know what? watching jinx eddie is one of my favorites but i don't think we talk about bobby and eddie's dynamic enough#what the fuck do you MEAN mr eddie told bobby word for word 'i'm not over her' in reference to shannon when they were#discussing ana and then a few episodes later eddie has a panic attack because somebody assumed ana was his wife?#eddie's story with grief (over shannon and himself together and separate) is so quiet and so glorious and so beautiful#i can't get over it? he loved shannon so much and god. GOD. he tried to move on and he wasn't ready but he had fun#he had so much fun with ana until it wasn't anymore and then. and then GOD. GOD?#i'm gonna have a little fit if i'm not fuckin careful?#and the way eddie's like 'you of all people should understand' and bobby's like 'i do that's why i'm telling you'#the bobby and eddie parallels here my god :)#also buck running and falling after brian the impersonator is never not going to make me laugh#mwah#tag games
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(mgv) thinking once again about wilson being kind of creeped out when house comes back from mayfield and he's like. more decent. making food, doing housework, even if he's going about it in a houseian way, it's still very out of character. it's nice but mostly just disturbs wilson because the shift in personality of a character as. notable. as house is ends up just makes him worry he was sent to the one hospital that still does lobotomies
then it turns out house is just going into heat after having been administered suppressors during his stay at mayfield (and there was some stuff he did take to heart in there but shhh) and his hindbrain defaulted to a more "traditional" approach to try to appeal to wilson as if to show off his potential as a Good Mate
#mgv#house md#house mgv#hilson#disclaimer i still haven't even gotten to that part so this is subject to tweaking later on#i just really like the idea of house changing 'for the better' and wilson going hrm. no#bc if house is better then he won't need wilson#and if he doesn't need wilson then how can they have their insane symbiotic toxic would-be situationship??????#wilson can sabotage his best friend's progress too. house isn't the only one#(then there's the humor of it actually not being THAT serious and undeserving of the panic attack wilson gave it)
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A bit of shirt shopping with Ellis
youtube
I can’t properly deal with the way he went from I to [] like he got BROAD
#I was absolutely NOT kicking my feet through that video no no way#Maxies little barks and yips 🥹🥹🥹#I love how physically touchy Miles is with everyone#ciao ciao bye#Im having a panic attack 😂😂 (he so knew that was a trick question and tried not to step on any toes)#Not Miles getting absolutely distracted by every shirt and forgetting about the questions 🥹#Not Miles loving that white Italian shirt (7:12) but hating the name on the back and then#literally using basically the exact same design for his own Mod/italia clothing line 🤣🤣#Miles becoming absolutely awkward when meeting Baggio is so adorable cause usually it’s just us all bashful and overwhelmed#but he’s the exact same when meeting his hero and being a bit embarrassed about himself is so sweet#of course he’s a John Cena fan boy 🥹🥹#Youtube#not Miles repeatedly mentioning he’s 38 now so he gets to make old man noises and behave like one 🥹🥹🤣#also how cool is it that a few footballers of that Greek club came to his show and gave him the shirt#also not him buying that Italian jacket and not even two weeks later also buying the official EM italia retro jacket 🤣#love his adhd ass#absolutely unfocused shopping eyes#but still always managing/remembering to answer all questions despite some delay
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peach (my cat) is having a full-day vet appointment to scan and possibly remove some teeth (the perks of only being allowed wet food)
completely unrelated, but anything regarding peach’s health or her being somewhere else or anything even mildly off with her routine or behaviour is probably by biggest anxiety and panic trigger
#not an exaggeration. peach stuff is more likely to give me panic attacks and entire breakdowns than anything else#like i have one other contender that’s a proper severe phobia. like panic attacks where i am completely convinced that i’m dying#but luckily that’s very situational whereas the peach anxiety is always there (because the situation of having her is always there)#i was gonna say the peach anxiety is also severely complicated by ocd but that’s probably more true for the other phobia i have so nevermind#but i will say. related to the ocd part. the fact that i am posting about this is a step forward for me#which i might talk about later once she’s home#hopefully they don’t need to extract any teeth and can just clean them#the last thing i need is for her to have trouble eating for a while#for context she had kidney stones a few years ago and basically each time she had about a 60% chance to survive#and there was NOTHING they could do other than just keeping her on fluids and hoping she passed them#(or $15k surgery to put in tubes to bypass her existing tubes. whatever tf the kidney tubes are called. which we couldn’t afford)#and whenever she had a new stone she would start by throwing up anything she ate or drank then stopping eating and drinking entirely#soooo i get stressed about stuff lmao 🙃🙃🙃🙃#anyway this is a good reason for me to be nocturnal so i can be asleep while she’s out rather than stressing#personal
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this photo is all I need in order to die peacefully
#otp: hey—watch the suit#faves: lu#loonatics unleashed#ace x lexi#acelexi#ace bunny#lexi bunny#LIKE ARE WE KIDDING ??????#his hands on her shoulders IM DECEASED#how is no one talking about this#he cares about her the most I said what I said#they are so cute omg#AAAA#ace is protective of the loonatics but ESPECIALLY LEXI#OKAY ?!?!#he’d be the one to snap her out of her panic attacks#on god#ok gn merry chrysler#update: i cant get over how cute this is#this is me 5 mins later btw#IM JUST SO IN LOVE WITH THEM#I need to make gif sets I NEED TO BUT I ALSO NEED TO SLEEP I HAVE TO GO TO MY MOTHER-IN-LAWS TMR#crying anyways
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Having a terrible time, part 2 electric boogaloo
#pencil sketch#pmq!quint#white void au#sorry buddy#one man's older brother is another man's panic attack#actually this was inspired by a scene even later#so ig its more like#one man's home dimension is another man's panic attack
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#gonna do a little throwback and vent a bit here lmao#I may have pushed myself a lil far by doing a couple impact scenes and then wandering thru a bunch of crowds to watch the fireworks 💀#felt incredible on sunday night had a bad panic attack last night and haven’t been right today I just feel so down and strange#idk if it’s cause we got to discussing trauma and mental illness or if I’m just a lil depressed but I’m in a very pre-medication headspace#and then I rly feel bad cause he walked me home so he was out later than me and then soon after he got home there was a shooting near where#we were. and he’s the one who gets nervous about being out at night I’m always flippant about it#n I feel stupid and careless keeping him out so late just making sure I was alright#idk idk. hoping this is all part of coming off all that adrenaline and I’ll be normal in a couple days#I didn’t anticipate it at all cause the pain was pretty light. but it was all insanely good so maybe it’s more about how high up you get lol#idk! advice welcome if you’ve had a similar experience hdjfjsj
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kitten really. really. really. needed that win. instead i had to experience the most stressful hour of my life at work with a smile on my face and didn't even get to feel good abt hockey.
#incoherent turtle noises#ive been edging a panic attack for like 45minutes. its… mostly over now. the stress i mean.#i just have to count the cash like none of that affected me in the slightest so. ok cool.#Really. really rly rly rly needed that win. ohhh well…….#im almost done w my shift. im still coming down like i cant breathe right. motherfucker… cant even get relax later cos my mom’s at home.#god. god. crosby.. man… i really needed that. sorry. i have to take it out on sum1 it was mcdavid last time ur not the only one.
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Being raised by adults who never apologized for their wrongdoings and always blamed their behavior on extenuating circumstances or someone else or their mental conditions really messed me up huh. Like all I asked was for you to apologize for yelling at me for asking you to hand me something because you thought my tone was wrong. But instead of an apology, I'm the one in the wrong because after all my tone was hostile to you and I need to remember that due to your ADHD you can't control your emotions. Nevermind the fact that I had carefully rehearsed the question in my head over and over again because this is not the first time this has happened. And I'm clearly a manipulative person for crying after being yelled at. Doesn't matter that I was thirteen, after all, I should've known better.
#sorry for the vent post#im just not in a good headspace lately#i just keeping going back to this#because i think it was my breaking point#kinda the moment i realized nothing was gonna change#because it didnt matter how hard i tried#and the fact that even now eleven years later when i explained to her how hurt i was by this interaction#it still gets brushed off and i still don't get an apology#like you wont apologize for the big problems you wont apologize for the small problems#it doesnt matter how much i explain how i was hurt i dont get an apology#id even settle for an insincere one at this point#and now being adult and recognizing how bullshit that behavior was#but being expected to carry on like usual because after all it was never that bad#nothing really terrible ever happened so why should i hold onto the past#idk man like 18 years of constantly walking on eggshells and carefully selecting every word and controlling my tone fucks a person up#and i dont wanna go back to that#nevermind the fact that my anxiety disorder got ignored and brushed off time and time again#nevermind the countless signs and panic attacks and weird behavior#mental health mattered until it was something you didnt have or inconvenienced you#then it was all in my head and i just had to grow a pair and act my age
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