#numb coping mechanism

[ruminate88]

When you come out of the “numb feeling” and allow yourself to actually feel the pain: Healing Song 🎶

so I had a ex ghost me and while I knew he was probably capable of doing something like that, some reason it still stunned me and I was surprised at how much it affected me…. I guess I didn’t think that it would bother me as much as it did. However, I was numb inside for so long. I was a walking zombie. I walked on without him because I felt like that person did not want me in their life. That rejection alone caused me to think that I’m a nobody. It made me feel like I am nothing. That’s a lie, though… coming out of the numbness is giving me opportunity to heal myself and to grow as well! This is legit growing pains at its finest. I wrote a song to express the journey I’m on. May the song help whoever needs it 🙏🏻❤️‍🩹

My song:

Lyrics: Verse 1. To hurt or to heal Either way I hate how I feel Don’t ask me what hurts more all this pain just seems unreal

But there’s growth in the rain and beauty brings you pain how beautiful is it if you can’t feel a thing

Hook. Though it hurts to feel it hurts more when you can heal

Chorus It hurts to heal that’s when you know that you can feel You’re not running from the pain But confronting what is real

You’re facing your fears no longer holding back the tears I know it’s hard to go through But it’s all that you can do To hurt or to heal

Verse 2. Beneath all your scars, a new hope is born And with each tear drop shed, it’s mending what is torn

I know you feel a sadness, that seems to last so long But It won’t always linger, believe that you are strong

Hook 2. I know it hurts to feel But it hurts more to heal

Chorus.

Bridge. It hurts to heal Now that you feel You’re getting through their lies Accepting what is real

You’re not alone But walk on your own The battle is in your mind And you’re not made of stone

You’re not made of stone

Chorus.

[ruminate88]

I’ve been here 😳 One minute you’re numb then suddenly someone says something and inside of you , you’re just like “HOLD IT TOGETHER” cuz the flood gates opening wide…. Here comes the water works buuuut you manage to breathe up your nose and hold it all in lol

reminder: crying is good ❤️‍🩹🫶🏻 for so long I couldn’t cry cuz I was numb but when you feel it, let it happen 🙏🏻🥺 but I do it alone so I can scream and really release it

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Oh we are so BACK

When I tell you I saw this and died. HELLO?????

I keep hiding my face lahshjsdhjgfsaf HE HAS NO RIGHT. NO RIGHT AT ALL BEING THAT SEXILY INTENSE AAAAAAAAAAA

Anyway, I should probably try to make some attempt at describing the event since. If I don't I'll just be barking/crying/hiding my face for the next twelve hours.

Basically--and I'm not sure this is going to be across the board, but it held true for Napoleon and Sebastian at least--each suitor has a birthday event this year instead of a separate story. Comte's won't be released until tomorrow, but they have posted a preview.

From what I gather, he talks a little bit about himself and reveals parts of his past that haven't come to light in the game yet. There wasn't really enough to convey a coherent narrative beyond attending a party, but the line displayed here does get across the larger theme:

Comte: (I don't need momentary pleasure or ephemeral affection any longer. Now that I know love, there's nothing but you.)

He talks about how the aristocracy have thrown parties and extravagant celebrations for his birthday for most of his life. But none of it has ever really made him happy, largely because he knows that they are attempts to strengthen and broadcast power relations within high society. While I don't think he means it's entirely devoid of well wishes, I do think he sees it as a nexus of influence--and thus, by nature, impersonal. And honestly, I don't think he's wrong about that; the higher the echelon in social standing, the more it requires performance to maintain the position.

That being said, there is a fascinating flashback where he remembers a pureblood telling him about how falling in love with a human is an experience of another caliber entirely. My understanding is that Comte was still a fairly young vampire at the time, so he didn't really understand what the person was getting at. It seems like the other pureblood was trying to convey the difference in feeling, perhaps the fact that humans are more grounded in accordance with how they live--the reality and necessity of change.

After reading this--and the recent 5th bday story--I can absolutely see how change is something Comte has a complicated relationship with. He's known a certain way of life for so long, has constructed a sensibility of distant, rational maturity. After all the heartbreak of his youth, and two very acute traumatic events in his life, I can see why he'd be so afraid of broaching any kind of proximity with another person. Because on some level it's so much easier not to put your feelings on the line, to never have to fear devastating loss. And that's to say nothing of the worry of being unable to measure up on behalf of another person, of letting them down.

I'm so excited to see the rest of the contents, but something about the preview made me equal parts giddy and enamored (all I do is kick my feet with excitement LOL). I think what gets to me with Comte is that he truly does love companionship as a place to rest, a place where he can be honest about himself and his feelings without fear of ridicule (and the same goes for MC). In a world increasingly obsessed with surface level performances of power, status, and emotion, it's hard not to feel his exhaustion to the core.

Also, because these lines at the end more or less destroyed me in the best possible way:

MC: ...The you who had nowhere to belong no longer exists. In much the same way...Abel, I belong to you. Comte: ... Comte: I wish I could say to myself all those years ago, the me who kept indulging in such paltry things. Comte: Until you meet MC, you will never know love... The warmth of MC in my arms filled me with such joy I was near tears. (I don't need momentary pleasure or ephemeral affection any longer. Now that I know love, there's nothing but you.) The moment my lips found hers, the sweetness lit a fire deep in my body. Comte: These cute lips that melt against mine, the heat of your skin, the love that envelops me in your embrace--always leaves me so deeply in love with you.

[just-an-anxious-mess]

[birb--birb]

Does Astarion know the difference between the ache of hunger and the ache of grief? After so many years of suppressing both, would they just eventually feel the same? Can he distinguish the sharp gnaw of hunger from the crushing ache of sadness, or are they just the same pain at this point.

[alurite-l]

If you wanna see a loser bitch get mad as hell tell a fanfic writer to PROPERLY tag their fic as rape. Not just write "noncon" in the post but go into the notes and actually tag it as "tw rape" because they get mad asf when you call them out on it. How the fuck am I supposed to find good smut fics when each and everyone of yall are sexualizing and romanticizing rape and using the excuse that it's "dark content" no nigga you're fucking weird. You're a weirdo with a rape fetish and you're projecting it through a fictional character who has nothing to do with that and you refuse to tag it because you want notes and interactions with more people who say shit like "Omg X character nonconning his darling is sooo hot 🥺💗🎀🌸".

Don't get mad at me for calling you out on it because if you didn't write it in the first place, and if you actually tagged it I wouldn't have to see it at all.

[innalheid]

Feeling very Ascension by Gorillaz ft Vince Staples at 2:18

[katsy-kitty]

I'm up-to-date with my notifs, but I may not respond right away.

I do read what you write, though.

And everyone has been so kind to me it makes me feel seen and heard and yes I let you know me see me I gave you a rare gift

and you did want it :3

tee-hee

sorry the sillies got to me

but I'm still sad so

oscillating between just sad and the other thing, but I'm still NOT an active risk so no worries

[bosspigeon]

boutta be me at my dad's funeral

[ruminate88]

When you’ve learned to become “numb” to pain: You have learned to go “numb” as your brain’s way of protecting you from all the pain… You don’t really understand it, at least I didn’t. When my ex, Cody ghosted me, that was the 1st time I ever experienced feeling “numb” and “detached” from the world. It was the darkest time of my life. I was a dead person walking… Then I allowed myself to “feel” again when I met a guy named Andrew. I had spent 5 months in the dark and was ready to try again. However, I was wrong. I was betrayed, lied to and crushed by Andrew. Wow, how do I possibly trust myself again??? I had my final suicidal scare in the fall after walking away from Andrew and prayed to God to change my life. I met my husband right after but Andrew came back to mess with me again. I had to block his number and it hurt soooooo bad. Words can not explain it!!! I cried over Andrew for a short minute but knew that had to upset my new man/husband… to respect my new relationship, I had to make myself shut off feelings for Andrew but they never went away.

Years later, I’m still angry, sad and confused. I learn what emotional abuse is and I start to make sense but now I’m even more angry and sad!! I’m married so I feel guilty and ashamed of myself, so, I put on a mask in front of my man. I keep the feelings tucked away. I’ve lost more people in my life. Friends, uncles, people I looked up to and my mind wants to go into “numb” mode but this past week, I finally recognized it and told myself “that’s not a way to grieve. You HAVE to feel sad. It’s part of death.” Wow 🥺❤️‍🩹 you can’t become a robot. I know it’s easy to do. I think it helps me understand my ex Andrew better cuz he was a robot whenever I broke up with him. Although was he a robot cuz he’s sad or cuz he’s guilty and didn’t wanna take accountability for the abusive relationship??? Did he know he was being abusive or is it just his personality to manipulate to get his way??? He seemed too smart not to understand what he was doing to me…. No matter the truth, God knows the truth and God keeps dropping me all these signs to forgive Andrew and release his energy but it’s hard 💔❤️‍🩹 cuz I have to “feel” everything now I can’t be numb or cold anymore. Stepping into the light and growing up.

Growth and maturity is painful but necessary!! It’s OKAY to cry and hurt. It doesn’t make you weak or helpless. You want to be strong for those around you and you still can!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 The shame is a lot but God can take the shame. Don’t run from it all cuz I did for too long. 😳🥺 I even confessed to converting to Christianity yet felt like a hypocrite for holding on to all these things of my past but years I didn’t understand it and now I’m facing it all head on. It’s a LOT but it’s ok!! Don’t let the voices in your head lie to you and say you failed or you are a liar. You can still heal, grow and learn 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 ONE DAY AT A TIME ❤️‍🩹

[okamiz36]

Its 5am, and honestly I wanted to make something I could read over and over, my friends been trying to help me a lot and I’ve been doing sketches to cope with somethings, I’ve never really made a vent post or anything and I don’t fully intend to. But, I felt like this one was ok to share, feeling void is an experience, and well, it’s not a fun one. Sorry for the sketches and bad hand writing

[lexaprolexicon]

I spend so much time in a numb kind of depression and can't cry about my own trauma or problems. Yet I can let out my emotions by watching something sad. I will cry for the entirety of the movie Lilo and Stitch, but I can't cry over anything relating to myself because I've distanced my own issues so far from my being. Sometimes, when my chest feels extra heavy, my partner picks out one of those movies that makes me cry and gets me snacks and a cozy place to curl up, and I just cry and cry. And to normal people, this may seem silly, but when you let those emotions build up yet can't seem to access them, using something to stimulate those feelings can really help.

[hisintentions]

all these "traumatic" experiences and not one has given me something interesting what the fuck.. "i dont understand how you dont care. i wish you did. you dont care about fucking anything and you dont try to care. what is more important to react to then the worst night of your life like you always scream about?" fuck u mom idk why i dont care jack ass

[meowmeowiemeow]

how do people do boring things like how to do things you dont really want to do but you have to for idk future ????

[shiutsu]

I actually wanna write up something about this topic and I quite wanna know how many percent are each the column.

The 2nd option means that even if you got traumatized,you pay no attention to it and you pretend that it has never happened and don't even display any signs that you've ever had it. You could say it's one of those that go like "My trauma made me stronger!!"

PS: These are the types of trauma responses that I have registered so far, I actually never found something official (from doctors or someone close to that),so don't yell at me.

Please share until it expires 💓

[the-prophecy]

A year ago if u told me i wouldn't be using tumblr as a coping mechanism i would've laughed on ur face