#nothing more nothing less and nobody cares

[silencedminstrel]

THE PATRIARCH OF THE PSI-BEING ORDER AND HIS CYBORG LIFE PARTNER SCHEDULED TO MEET THE WATCHERS

Ah, this sure feels like a vacation, James...! Yep, nothing like having dinner in some busy backstreet somewhere in Xian Gan Prime, Ted! At least the wonton's still pretty nice, albeit pricier now than before, heheh! Yeah, kinda makes you think how would things be if we're still two indie engineers/mercenaries doesn't it? Working in the seedy underworld

Nobody knows or cares who we are? And also never finding out that I have a brother? Yeah well now that's one thing we wouldn't trade in for anything, James! We couldn't have gotten far without him...! Yeah, true...! So the Watchers have started combing the galaxy looking for the couple who stole from them, and that they'd wanted to meet us

Here for questioning...! Why can't we do it back at the monastery, James? Our people have suffered enough, Ted; the presence of Watchers might unnerve them even more...!Yeah, you're right, James! Things have been tumultuous these past two years, some of these monks just wanted to be left alone...! True that, Ted! Ever since that failed invasion

Things have been less than peaceful...it's a hard life living as a Psi-Being, especially when you'd feel trouble coming long before the rest of the galaxy would...! And the fact that we still need to raise The Golden Horde despite having no more enemies to fight against? Here's your wonton, gentlemen! Ah thank you, Mr Lee! Well Ted, bon appetit...!

[lupinqs]

CHAPTER TEN ━━ The Introduction

❀ ━ pairing: paige bueckers x oc (jo jacobson)

❀ ━ word count: 5.9K

❀ ━ warnings: allusions to sex, alcohol consumption

❀ ━ links: my masterlist, nobody gets me masterlist

❀ ━ author’s note: hehe

IT’S FRIDAY, December 2nd, and UConn just annihilated Providence. Jo played out of her mind, as she always does. Of course, Paige is proud. Of course she is. But both her performance and the team win can’t really make this might feel like a victory for Paige to bask in. 

Currently, she’s standing in Nika’s kitchen, staring down at the cup full of Everclear in her hand. The liquid inside is dangerous, too strong for her, and yet she’s already downed three or four shots. She doesn’t even like it. In fact, she usually avoids this shit like the plague. But tonight, it’s the only thing she can think of to numb her, the only thing that might be able to quiet the anxious, suffocating storm inside her chest.

It’s almost laughable, really, how predictable she is. How every time Jo does something—breathes, laughs, smiles—Paige feels like she’s suffocating just a little more. It’s insane. They’re best friends. They’ve been living together since May. She’s seen every side of Jo—the silly, the serious, the completely ridiculous.

Well, every side except the one she shares with Asher.

Because Paige still hasn’t met him.

She’s seen all the pictures, of course—the one’s on Jo’s Instagram, the one that Jo has as her lock screen, the one framed in Jo’s family’s house back in Boston, the one perched on Jo’s desk in their apartment. She hears about him a God awful lot, too. She’s seen Jo text him, call him. She’s listened to Jo gush about him and their future while Paige is just… there. Watching Listening. Seeing Jo get lost in that perfect, fairytale love that Paige will never be a part of.

The rest of the team, on the other hand, have already met the damn boy. Back in October, while Paige was in LA rehabbing, he’d come up to visit Jo, and they’d met him. And, of course, they all informed Paige of how kind and charming and absolutely perfect for Jo he was.

And, tonight, it seems that Paige has finally met her dues. Because he’s coming to Ted’s with Jo, to hang out with the team.

Okay, it’s not that Paige wants to hate Asher. He hasn’t done anything to her, not really. She just doesn’t want to see it. Doesn’t want to see the joy and adoration in Jo’s eyes when she’s with him. Doesn’t want to see her look at someone else the way she’ll never look at Paige.

That’s why she’s standing here in Nika’s kitchen, holding the cup of Everclear like it’s a lifeline. She’s downed drink after drink, trying to numb herself before the night really starts. She needs something to take the edge off. Anything to make the world feel a little less sharp, a little less raw.

So, Paige reaches for the bottle again, pouring herself another cup, her hand unsteady from the alcohol already coursing through her veins. She doesn’t even care that she’s probably about to get way too drunk to function. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. Not when she’s about to experience first-hand the perfect, romcom, movie-like romance of Jo and Asher.

As Paige pours the drink, she doesn’t even hear Caroline approach. It’s not until the sophomore’s hand wraps around her wrist that Paige jerks back, spilling some of the alcohol across the counter. “Bro!” she exclaims, frustration creeping into her voice as she whips her head to glare at Caroline. “What the hell?”

Caroline narrows her eyes, and the look she gives Paige is one of irritation, not amusement. “What are you doing?” she demands, voice tight. “You’re gonna be wasted before we even get to Ted’s. Besides, you don’t even like this shit!” She gestures to the bottle of Everclear in Paige’s hand, her gaze pointed.

Paige rolls her eyes. “Nah, don’t do that with me, Carol,” she says, her voice flat and cold, the words rolling off her tongue like venom. “I’m older than you. If you wanna mother someone, go find the freshmen.”

Caroline doesn’t flinch at Paige’s outburst. Instead, she just rolls her eyes back, her expression practically dripping with exasperation. Then, with one swift motion, she gives Paige a quick shove on the shoulder, a mockery of affection that’s meant to get her attention but only serves to make Paige more frustrated. “No,” Caroline says, her tone laced with that same tired edge. “I’m gonna mother because clearly you need it!”

The words land like a slap, stinging more than Paige expects. Yes, she knows she’s not being entirely responsible, but also—when has she been? It’s sort of in her nature to be irresponsible, so she’s not sure how this is any different. But is is. And she doesn’t even know why.

There’s a long pause. Too long. It stretches between them like a chasm, and Paige can feel the moment hanging in the air like it’s about to swallow her whole. She thinks Caroline might be done. She thinks the conversation might be over.

But it’s not. Caroline is not finished.

“Look,” the brunette says, her voice gentler now, but still firm. “I know you’re, like, totally in love with Jo and all, but please, Paige, get yourself together.”

Almost instantly, Paige stills. It’s as if the entire world falls silent in an instant. The sound of her pulse fills her ears, louder than anything else. Her mind goes blank for a moment, and then the words slowly filter through. Caroline knows. Paige has been so careful recently to pretend, pretend, pretend. But Caroline’s still seen through it.

Fuck.

“Wha—? How did you know that?” Paige’s voice comes out high-pitched, more frantic than she wants it to be. She feels like she’s suffocating, like she’s about to drown in the truth that’s just been laid bare. “Did Azzi tell you? Aubrey?” The thought of anyone else but the two of them knowing, of anyone else seeing what she’s been trying to hide, is bad. It’s what Paige imagines standing in front of a crowded room, naked, while everyone stares at her would feel like.

Caroline gives her a look. “No, dumbass,” she deadpans. “I figured it out myself. You’re not very subtle.”

As if it were possible, Paige’s stomach seems to drop even more at the simplicity of it all. Because Caroline’s right, just as Aubrey and Azzi both had been. Paige isn’t subtle. She never has been. The way she looks at Jo, the way her face burns every time Jo smiles at her, the way she seems to track everything Jo doesn’t without even meaning to—none of it is subtle.

She groans, a frustrated sound that escapes her before she can stop it. She leans forward, her palms flat against the counter as she rests her forehead against the cool surface. She’s so tired. Tired of pretending, tired of fighting the feeling that never goes away. And now, with Caroline’s words hanging before her, she knows it’s probably only a matter of time before Jo figured it out, too. Before Jo realizes what Paige has been hiding, and everything goes to shit. Jesus Christ, she’s gonna have to transfer.

Caroline doesn’t let the silence linger for too long, though. “Okay, yeah,” she says, her voice softening a little. “I know it sucks. I get it.” She takes a deep breath, and Paige can hear the sympathy in her voice, the understanding. “And I’m sorry you have to see Jo with Asher while you like her. But, please, get yourself together. Because she’s so excited for you to meet him, and if you’re drunk off your mind when you do, you’re probably just gonna embarrass yourself and her. Do you wanna do that?”

Caroline’s right. Of course she is. Paige can imagine herself meeting Asher, entirely wasted, and saying some stupid shit that would have him grimacing at her and Jo flushing with embarrassment over the fact that this drunk girl before them is supposed to be her best friend. It would be wrong and selfish to do that. But it’s gonna be so hard to do it and act normal. She knows she swore she would take Jo in whatever way she’ll give her—and she still stands by that—but that doesn’t mean she has any desire to meet her boyfriend. Because she just doesn’t. She’s truly not sure she can. 

She doesn’t respond right away. Instead, she just stays there, head pressed against the counter, trying to will sway the stupid, hot tears that begin to form in her eyes. She can’t cry here. It’s fucking stupid.

Eventually, after blinking the tears away, Paige begrudgingly shakes her head. “No,” she mutters under her breath, the words barely audible. “I don’t wanna do that.”

Caroline pats her on the back. “That’s what I thought.”

PAIGE LISTENS. She’s being good. She’s only slightly tipsy, every so often taking sips of her Dirty Shirley. She’s doing her best to integrate herself into the team’s conversation around her, despite her uncharacteristic anxiousness. She tries to will her gaze to stop flicking toward the door. It doesn’t work; her mind is already rehearsing every possible scenario when Jo and Asher walk in.

“Aye, JoJo just said they should be here any minute!” Ice says loudly, reading a text off her phone. The rest of the team, half-fueled by the alcohol running through their bloodstream, lets out a few cheers.

Azzi, who’s across from Paige and who Paige can tell is almost entirely sober, meets her eyes. She title her head, giving her a look as if to say you good? The blonde gives her a tight nod. She will be good. She’s gonna keep it together, it’ll be fine. It’s just one night, one introduction. After that, she can pretend none of it matters. She doesn’t need to be anywhere near Asher.

But even as she tells herself that, her pulse begins to quicken, the seconds ticking by too slowly as she waits for the pair to walk through that door. And, when they finally do, it’s not the way she thought it would be. She expected her heart to sink, her breath to catch, but what happens instead is worse. Her skin tingles, and her chest feels too tight, like her ribs are being squeezed, her lungs struggling for air. Jo walks in first, her laugh ringing out across the bar like it’s some beautiful melody that Paige can’t stop hearing. And then there’s Asher, in the flesh, right behind her. His arm is casually draped over Jo’s shoulder, and the two of them look so natural, so right together that it makes Paige feel like she’s been hit with a sucker punch to the gut.

They’re happy. It’s blatantly obvious in the way they move together, the way Asher’s hand rests lightly on Jo’s shoulder, the way they share that easy, carefree smile, as if nothing in the world could ruin this moment for them. Paige’s vision sharpens, the edge of the bar blurring as the urge to shrink away into herself rises up like an overwhelming tide. She wants to leave, to disappear, to drink so much she blacks out and dies.

But she doesn’t. Obviously.

Jo and Asher head straight toward the team, where they stand in the back corner. Paige forces herself to appear nonchalant like always, her back pressed against the bar wall, her fingers gripping the edge of her drink. The others begin to greet the pair quickly, all laughing and chatting with him so easily and fast it almost gives Paige whiplash. Within a minute, he already fits in so seamlessly—and Paige hates if. She hates the way he’s making them all laugh, the way he’s charming without even trying, the way everyone seems to like him so easily. Things would be so much easier for Paige if he was just some shitty douchebag boy.

But then Jo’s eyes find hers, that smile spreading across her face, and all thoughts of the boy flee for a short moment. It’s that smile only for her, only for Paige. She’s reserved it.

Paige feels her heart leap, an automatic reaction that she can’t stop, especially with alcohol in her system. She doesn’t know if Jo can see it, the way her face softens at the sight of her, but Paige knows her smile is already in place, even if it feels a little strained, like her cheeks might crack under the pressure.

Paige watches as Jo grabs onto Asher’s wrist, pulling him so they’re both face to face with Paige. “Paige! This is Asher!” she exclaims excitedly, and it’s adorable, it really is, the way her doe eyes shine at Paige, twinkling.

With some effort, the blonde forces her gaze from Jo to the boy beside her. “Hey, bro,” Paige says, her voice coming out a little higher than she intended, but she doesn’t let it show. She forces the words out, the greeting she’s practiced a thousand times too many.

“Nice to meet you,” she adds. It’s a lie. Of course.

Asher nods, his hand extending to shake hers. It makes everything inside Paige write. He’s not just some asshole she can dismiss; he’s the guy who makes Jo happy. And in the face of that, what does Paige have to offer? Absolutely nothing.

“Yeah, you too,” Asher replies, his smile wide, genuine. Fuck, he really is likable. It makes everything worse. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Stupidly, Paige can feel her heart skip a beat. He’s heard about her. Jo’s talked about her. The thought of it makes her skin flush, and she glances at Jo, who’s standing just a little too close to Asher, her eyes sparkling. There’s a faint blush on her cheeks, just enough for Paige to notice.

Hm.

Jo’s talked about her. Jo’s talked about her. It’s an absurdly stupid thing to obsess over, because, yes, it would only make sense that Jo has talked about her. They’re roommates, for God’s sakes.

But then, just as quickly, it all comes rushing back—the overwhelming knowledge that it just doesn’t matter. Because Jo has Asher.

Paige’s hand in tightens slightly around her drink, and she forces her smile to stay in place. “I bet,” she says, before gesturing to Jo. “She’s a yapper.”

Asher’s grin widens, and he nods in agreement. He glances down at Jo for a moment, and Paige can see the faint sparkle in his own eyes. It makes her sick. “Yeah, she is,” he chuckles. Of course he would know that. He knows everything. Certainly more than Paige (except how to make a girl cum—though, at this point, she supposes it can’t even apply to the situation). But he’s been there. For everything. Since the fucking sandbox days. It’s not something Paige can even remotely compete with.

She needs another drink.

JO SITS awkwardly in the booth at Ted’s, wedged between Asher and Paige. It’s not even that the space is tight—there’s room enough for the three of them, probably room for one more—but the proximity feels off, almost claustrophobic. She shifts in her seat, feeling the edge of Asher’s knee against hers, and Paige’s shoulder brushing lightly against her own. All of it—the heat from their bodies, the weight of their presence—is somehow making her feel small, like there’s no space for her in this conversation.

Asher, ever the extrovert, is holding court with Paige, talking on and on about college football rankings and how Penn State (where he goes to school) is sure to win their bowl game. Jo tries to listen and engage, but the topic doesn’t interest her. Basketball is far superior to football. But she still follows along, because Asher’s so into it, so excited to share his thoughts, and Paige—who, as usual, is completely unfazed by the world around her—responds with that ease that always leaves Jo wanting more.

Jo feels herself sinking lower in the booth, staring at her drink. It’s a cranberry vodka, something that feels sweet on her tongue. She takes another sip—maybe too quickly—and feels the alcohol warm her from the inside out. It helps dull the growing discomfort, but it doesn’t erase it. The tightness in her chest persists, a strange, insistent thing that makes her shift again, trying to find a way to make herself comfortable.

She doesn’t know why she feels this way. She should be happy. She should be enjoying this. After all, she’s the one who was so eager to introduce Asher and Paige, so excited to see her favorite people meet and get along. So why does it feel… wrong now? Why does it feel like she doesn’t belong?

It’s not jealousy. No, not even close. She’s fine with Asher and Paige talking. She’s good with it. She wants them to like each other. She’s been waiting for this, hoping for it. But still… the weight of their conversation feels like it’s too much for her to hear, even if she can’t articulate why. It’s the way they’re so at ease with each other, like they’ve known each other for years, and Jo feels like she’s just a spectator, stuck in the middle. Paige is talking about football like she’s always been passionate about it, and Jo wonders if she even really cares or if she’s just being her usual, charismatic self, making everyone around her feel like they’re the most important person in the room.

She doesn’t know why this feels so weird, so odd. It’s almost as if the booth is too small for the three of them, like either Asher of Paige needs to move out of it so Jo can finally breathe again. She just doesn’t get it.

Asher keeps talking, oblivious to the tension knotting in Jo’s stomach. She can tell he’s enjoying himself, that he’s happy to be here, happy to be connecting with Paige. He’s wanted to ever since he’s realized how close she and Jo are, not to mention the fact that he’s a big fan of Paige’s game—which, valid. And Paige, of course, is just as nonchalant as always. She’s good at this—at making people feel seen and heard, like she’s the only person in the room that matters.

Jo tries to keep her smile in place, but she knows it’s not quite reaching her eyes. Every time Paige laughs, it hits something inside her she can’t explain, some quiet ache. Every time Asher leans in closer to Paige, every time they lock eyes, Jo feels a small, gnawing discomfort in the pit of her stomach. Not jealousy, just… something else. Something she doesn’t want to name.

Paige’s voice cuts through her thoughts, and Jo snaps back to the moment. “I’mma go get another Shirley,” the blonde says easily, pushing herself up from the booth. Jo watches her walk away, feeling a strange sense of relief mixed with the sudden urge to grab Paige’s hand and pull her right back. So weird.

Asher’s voice suddenly cuts through the murmur of chatter, causing Jo’s head to snap toward him. He’s looking at her now, his brow furrowed in that way he gets when he’s concerned. “Babe, you good? You been kinda, like… quiet?”

Jo forces a smile, the expression coming easy enough but feeling unnatural on her lips. It doesn’t quite reach her eyes, and she can feel it, can feel the way he’s watching her, sensing something is off. Why am I being like this? She doesn’t know.

“Yeah, let’s go dance,” she says, the words sounding too breezy. Asher doesn’t seem to notice, though, his smile brightening. He takes her hand in his, tugging her up from the booth.

They make their way to the dance floor, and Jo feels the heat of the crowd, the heavy bass that vibrates in her chest. She tries to lose herself in it, tries to let the rhythm take over. Asher’s hands find her waist, guiding her gently, pulling her closer as they fall into the music. She moves with him, tries to feel the warmth of his body, the comfort of being with him. It’s weird, though, because the steps feel a little too quick, like she’s trying to make her body fit the rhythm of something that feels off.

Her gaze drifts without meaning to. It’s not even something she consciously does, it just happens, as her eyes scan the room, taking in the crowd of people. And then, they land at the bar.

Paige is there, talking with someone Jo doesn’t recognize at first. But when she squints her eyes, trying to make sense of the redhead leaning over the counter, she realizes it’s Celeste. She watches, captivated for reasons she doesn’t understand, as Celeste leans in closer to Paige, her fingers brushing along Paige’s arm. Jo doesn’t really like that. She should stop watching.

But she doesn’t. And the longer she stares, the more that strange feelings gnaws at her. She can’t tear her gaze away, even though she tries. It’s weird and wrong, Jo knows, watching her best friend cook up her nightly fuck—because, surely, that’s what this is.

And then, just as if she’s been caught, Paige’s eyes meet here. Jo feels her heart skip a beat. Her cheeks instantly flush, her gaze jerking away from Paige’s with an awkwardness she doesn’t understand.

Bur when she dares to glance back, she finds Paige still looking at her, her gaze steady, unwavering. There’s something about the way Paige is staring, like she’s waiting for Jo to react, to do something, anything. Jo feels herself shift uneasily under that gaze, her skin heating as though she’s been caught in something she shouldn’t have been.

She looks away again, closing her eyes briefly as she tries to focus more intently on the movement of Asher’s hands on her hips, on the way he’s leading her in a slow circle. She tries to focus on the feel of his body close to hers, tries to drown out the memory of Paige’s eyes. But Jo’s thoughts are all scattered, her focus slipping like sand through her fingers.

The music changes, the beat shifting, becoming more sensual, slower. Asher leans in closer, his lips brushing against Jo’s ear, and he whispers in that low voice that always makes her shiver, “You wanna go back to yours?”

Jo nods automatically, because, yes, she really needs to leave this place.

As they move through the crowd, heading for the exit, Jo sneaks one last glance at the bar. She’s hoping for something—she doesn’t even know what—but Paige’s attention is elsewhere, focused on Celeste now. Jo feels a pang, but it’s fleeting, and she brushes it off with a shrug, tightening her grip on Asher’s hand.

“I’MMA GO get another Shirley,” Paige says, pushing herself out of the booth before either Jo or Asher can respond. She’s already halfway out by the time the words fully register with them, and she doesn’t wait to hear what they might say. For obvious reasons, talking to Asher has drained her. They’ve been going on and on about football, and it just got to a point. Not to mention the fact that Jo was between them, the whole right side of her body pressed against Asher, his arm casually slung over her shoulders.

Paige tries not to think too hard about it. She’s fine. She’s so fine, in fact, that she decides she needs another drink.

The bar is crowded, but Paige carves her way through the bodies easily. She leans against the counter, resting her forearms on the sticky surface as she flags down the bartender. She orders another Dirty Shirley, and then a shot of tequila because, well, it’s just one of those nights.

Paige exhales and lets herself sink into the moment—the crowd, the pounding bass of the music, the buzz of alcohol in her system. She tries to think about anything but the happy couple she’d been forced to hang out with for far longer than she’d planned.

Her drink arrives, the tequila shot placed next to it. She picks up the shot glass without hesitation, throwing it back quickly. The burn hits her immediately, sharp and biting, but she welcomes it. She needs it. The glass clinks against the bar as she sets it down, and she picks up her Shirley, sipping it to chase the tequila’s lingering heat.

“Hey, P,” a voice says from beside her, catching her off guard.

Paige turns, her brown furrowing for a split second before her expression smooths out. It’s Celeste. Of course.

“Hey,” Paige says casually, as if the sight of the redhead doesn’t throw her a little off balance for a moment. She’s not surprised Celeste is here—she’s always around. She’s also not surprised when Celeste slides closer, her lips curving into a smile that Paige knows all too well.

“You celebrating the win?” Celeste asks, her voice light, flirtatious. Paige has to give her credit, if she’s honest, because, really, this girl never gives up, no matter how hot and cold Paige is.

And, if Paige is even more honest, Celeste looks good. Better than good. She’s wearing some kind of black corset top that pushes her tits up in a way that’s impossible not to notice, her bright red hair perfectly blown out, and her makeup flawless even in the hazy lighting of Ted’s.

“Something like that,” Paige replies, her words accompanied by a small shrug. She takes another sip of her drink, letting the alcohol settle over her like a warm blanket.

Celeste doesn’t waste any time. She leans forward, her hand brushing against Paige’s arm in a way that’s calculated. “You looked good on the bench tonight. I posted a couple shots that the cameras got of you,” she says lowly.

Paige nearly snorts at the words—you looked good on the bench tonight. That’s what she’s been reduced to, a pretty bench-warmer, too injured and useless to be anywhere but on it. But she doesn’t laugh. Because she knows exactly what Celeste is doing. And under normal circumstances, she might be annoyed—Celeste has a habit of getting too attached, of acting like there’s more between them than there really is. But tonight, Paige is a little drunk, a little tired, and more than a little tempted to let herself fall into the distraction Celeste is offering. She was already planning on fucking someone tonight, and Celeste? Well, she’s right here, looking like that. Why not?

So, Paige smiles, tilting her head just slightly, enough to give the redhead the impression that she’s been hooked. “Yeah?” she says playfully, teasingly. “Didn’t know you were paying that much attention.”

Celeste laughs a little, leaning even closer, and Paige can feel the way her fingers linger on her arm. She plays along, letting herself fall into the conversation, the push and pull of flirtation. It’s easier to think about other things.

But, of course, somehow, her focus still seems to slip.

Over Celeste’s shoulder, Paige catches a glimpse of the dance floor. Her eyes find Jo and Asher almost instantly, like she was looking for them without even realizing it. They’re dancing, their bodies close, their smiles easy. They look happy. They look like they belong together. And it makes Paige want to puke.

She tries to look away, tries to focus on Celeste, on the warmth of her hand still on her arm, on the sharp curve of her smile. But she can’t. Her eyes keep drifting back to Jo, drawn to her like a moth to a flame.

And then, suddenly, Jo looks over. Their eyes meet across the room, and Celeste blurs into the background beside Paige like she was never even there. Paige should look away, should stop staring. But she doesn’t. Her eyes stay locked on Jo’s, rooted there.

But then Jo breaks the connection, her gaze shifting away, and Paige is left staring at nothing. She feels an idiotic pang, and forced herself to take another sip of her drink.

Celeste seems to notice, her head turning to follow Paige’s line of sight. Her eyes land on Jo and Asher, and she tilts her head as she turns back to Paige. “Is that Jo’s boyfriend?” she asks.

Paige nods. “Yup. His name’s Asher.” She forces her voice to sound calm and unaffected, even though saying his name feels like she’s choking on something too sharp to swallow.

Celeste hums slowly in response. She pauses for a moment, and Paige can feel her gaze, sharp and curious, boring into her. “So… you and Jo are, like, best friends, right?” Her tone is casual, but there’s something suspicious laced beneath it, like she’s fishing for something Paige doesn’t want to give.

Paige nods again, slower this time, turning her head to glance at Celeste. “Yeah…” she says, the word dragging out of her like it takes effort to say. She wonders where this is going.

“Well,” Celeste begins, tipping her shot glass back and setting it down with a faint clink. “I ask her about you sometimes, and she never really gives me a clear answer. I can tell she tries to be nice to me, but it doesn’t really seem like she likes me much.”

Paige raises an eyebrow at that, her instinct to defend Jo kicking in automatically. “Nah, Jo likes everyone,” she says, waving Celeste off with a dismissive hand. And it’s true—Jo does like everyone.

But Celeste shakes her head, her red hair catching the light. “I don’t know,” she says thoughtfully. “For a while, I kinda thought you and her were a thing.”

The words hit Paige like a slap, and she chokes on the sip of her Shirley she just took, coughing as she sets her glass down hard on the bar. “What—?” she manages to get out, her voice rough and disbelieving. Her heart is pounding so loudly in her chest she’s sure Celeste can hear it.

Celeste shrugs, her expression almost too nonchalant, like she knows exactly what kind of chaos she’s causing. “Yeah. I mean, I guess I just kinda got that vibe. But if she’s got a boyfriend and we’ve fucked a couple times recently… I guess I was wrong.”

Paige blinks at her, wide-eyed. “You definitely were,” she says quickly, the words tumbling out too fast, too eager to set the record straight. Her face is flushed, and she can feel the heat crawling up her neck. “We’re just friends. Nothing more. At all.”

The words feel heavy in her mouth, bitter and thick. They’re not a lie, no matter how much Paige sometimes wishes it could be.

She doesn’t miss the way Celeste studies her, her green eyes narrowing slightly, like she’s trying to figure out if Paige is telling the truth. Paige hates how exposed she feels, like someone on the outside—someone as far removed as Celeste—can somehow sense the mess of feelings she’s been trying so hard to bury.

She forces herself to take a large gulp of her Shirley, the alcohol doing little to ease the tightness in her stomach. When she glanced back at the dance floor, her eyes automatically searched for Jo, she realizes that she’s—and Asher—are gone from their previous spot.

Her gaze flickers around the bar, scanning the corners, but they’re nowhere to be found. Probably went to go fuck, she thinks bitterly. Even though she has insight now that Asher is basically terrible at it, the idea still makes Paige want to die.

But she doesn’t. Obviously.

Instead, she finishes the last of her drink, turning her attention back to the girl next to her, forcing her signature smirk back onto her lips. Jo’s gone, busy with him, and Paige doesn’t owe anyone anything.

She leans into the conversation, matching Celeste’s flirtation with her own, their banter growing looser and bolder with each drink they down. The alcohol is certainly doing it’s job, blurring the edges of her thoughts, making everything feel distant and less painful.

Unexpectedly, Paige ends up in Celeste’s bed. And, also unexpectedly, she thinks about brown hair and doe eyes during the entirety of it.

JO LIES tangled in the sheets with Asher, her head resting on his bare chest, his arm wrapped around her back. It’s around four, she thinks, and the world outside feels impossibly quiet at this hour, the kind of stillness that comes only in the dead of night. Asher’s fingers trace slow, lazy patterns along her shoulder, his touch featherlight and soothing.

The haze of the night has mostly worn off now—the alcohol burned away by time, replaced by a comfortable clarity that feels almost foreign after hours of noise and chaos. It’s just the two of them now, alone in her room, their breaths in sync, the moment easy and weightless and familiar.

Jo closes her eyes, letting herself drift in the warmth of his presence, but her mind doesn’t quiet as easily as her body does. It’s almost like something beneath the surges won’t let her fully settle. It’s not unease, exactly. Not suspicion. Just… something. A restlessness she can’t name.

“Okay, I gotta piss,” Asher says suddenly, breaking the silence.

Jo snorts, her eyes fluttering open as she turns her head to look up at him. “Way to ruin the moment,” she teases, though her voice is laced with affection.

Asher grind down at her, unapologetic as he shifts, moving to sit up on the edge of the bed. “Nature calls,” he jokes. He starts to stand, but Jo catches his wrist, tugging him back down for just a second.

“Put some clothes on first,” she reminds him. “Paige got back a little bit ago.” She’d heard the door open, the quiet shuffle of footsteps as Paige made her way to her room. It was probably a half an hour ago, maybe less, and Jo had listened, wondering how Paige’s night had gone, whether she’d been alone or gone back with the team or left with Celeste.

Asher groans playfully, leaning down to peck Jo’s lips. “I will, I will,” he promises, his voice low and warm.

Jo rolls her eyes but can’t help the soft laugh truth escapes her. “You’d better,” she says, swatting lightly at his bare chest.

He smirks before gathering his clothes from the floor. Jo watches him for a moment, her head propped on her hand, a faint smile tugging at her lips despite herself. He looks good, his hair messy, his lips still swollen pink from all the kissing. And he’s here—he’s always been hers. She knows she should feel lucky.

When he leaves the bedroom to disappear into the bathroom, Jo sighs and sits up, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. The cool air against her skin makes her shiver, so she grabs the first things she can find—a T-shirt and a pair of sweatpants from her drawer. She pulls them on quickly, then settles back on the bed, folding her legs beneath her as she waits for Asher to return.

The sharp buzz of a phone notification catches her attention, the sound loud in the quiet.

Instinctively, Jo reaches over to the nightstand, assuming it’s hers. She picks up the phone without thinking, the screen lighting up in her hand—and stops short.

The message isn’t hers.

Her heart stills in her chest, her breath halting for a moment as she stares at the screen. Without thinking, she presses on the contact, scrolling and scrolling and scrolling, unraveling everything she thought she knew in an instant.

She doesn’t notice the sound of the bathroom door opening, doesn’t register Asher’s footsteps until they’re right at her bedroom door.

And then she hears his voice, soft and unsuspecting. “What’s wrong?”

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi sex witch! I (a teen) was talking with my friends (also teens) about sex, specifically hookups with people you aren’t necessarily romantically involved with. They said that as a teen that’s a bad idea, since hormones or whatever fuck with uour brain and cause an unhealthy obsession or smth we watched rocky horror immediately after and I forgot the details. Is that true? That sounds not true, teens have sex and oftentimes have sex with people they aren’t in relationships with, and I’ve literally never heard anything like that before they said it. Anyway, as a horny teen who wants to engage in some no-romance hookups I’d like to know if this would idk turn my brain to mush or whatever

hi there, friend,

listen: there is no existing age where sexual and romantic entanglements don't put people at risk of getting their feelings hurt if things don't go the way they hoped. that's not something you grow out of when you're done being a teenager; it comes free with being a person. a hot tip that nobody wants to talk about is that this also isn't exclusive to sexual and romantic relationships; caring about your friends or your family or your neighbors or your pets or anything at all comes with the potential to get burned because giving a shit is inherently vulnerable. and yet, we do it anyway! isn't that beautiful?

teenagers have a reputation for having very high drama relationships because most teenagers are experiencing a lot of firsts - first crush, first date, first relationship, first kiss, first partnered sex, first heartbreak, etc - and firsts are exciting and scary and engender a lot of big feelings. your that's quite understandable; everything is more stressful when you haven't done it before. as I'm shuffling towards 30, I find that the times I feel youngest are when I'm most uncertain and out of my element, because such a big part of being young is having a very limited frame of reference and no idea how to cope with a great deal of things.

(conversely, getting older mostly involves mellowing out because you know how to handle way more situations and solve way more problems than you did when you were younger.)

a lot of moralizing panic around teenagers' sexuality tries to paint teenagers being sexual as A Bad Thing Always, No Exceptions, and try to push the idea that teenagers just shouldn't be permitted any form of sexual exploration. I think that's bullshit, partly because it's impossible to actually enforce and mainly because denying sexual expression is deeply cruel, and also because the teen years are a really important window for practicing for adulthood. including intimacy! great time to practice intimacy, and I sorely wish every teenager had the space and security to comfortably explore with support from their guardians.

when I caution young people about sex, it's just to say that, yes, sex can sometimes cause new problems and new feelings that you don't know how to deal with. fear or anxiety or insecurity can make people say and do things that hurt them and others all the time, especially in intimate relationships, so be careful and do your research to cut down on the risks you can control (for instance: following safer sex practices, keeping your body clean and healthy, talking to partners about boundaries and emotional well-being). not every sexual or romantic partner has to be forever, but partnering with people you like, trust, and know how to talk to will make it easier and less scary to figure out what to do together if/when unexpected problems do arise.

being a thoughtful and communicative partner is GREAT skill to start practicing as early as possible, trust me - I get plenty of very grown adults in my inbox who are still figuring out how to do it.

in conclusion: there's nothing inherently dangerous about sex with someone who's not a romantic partner, just make sure you're picking people wisely and looking out for everyone's safety.

[love-byers]

I feel like Mike’s confused on his feelings for El in s4 not because he doesn’t love her but because he can’t love her. The whole conversation in El’s room after the rink incident is Mike trying to prove to El that he does love her without actually having to say it. He’s telling her that she this incredible person (who wouldn’t love you) and that she’s being ridiculous for thinking anything less of herself. Saying “you know how I feel about you” instead of actually saying it. Saying “You’re a superhero and they’re nobody”. Later on in the van with Will we find out that Mike also sees himself as a nobody and I think it’s cause of how he sees himself with El. When El says ‘you don’t love me anymore’ Mike hesitates and stutters for moment like he’s trying to find it in himself to say those words but he can’t and I think because of that he feels inferior, he feels less than. He does care about a lot. He’s just utterly confused with himself like this amazing, incredible girl (with super powers for crying out loud) is right here and I don’t love her!! WHY!? How could I not love her? What’s wrong with me? She’s everything he SHOULD want and more and it stresses him out that he can’t love her. He wasn’t this stressed out s3 when she broke up with him. He was chilling on the couch eating chips thinking he did nothing wrong but this season he’s constantly in his head thinking about his feelings for El and feeling so down on himself and confused because he can’t love her how she should be loved. I think in s3 when he blurted out that he loved her I think it was a heat of the moment kind of thing and maybe he did think that he did love her then because if I care about her this much I must love her, right!? but when it actually came down to it he couldn’t write it in letters to her and couldn’t say it to her face when she needed him to.

yes i agree! mike is definitely very confused and i feel so bad for him. he's only 14 and he's being pressured to figure all these things out and do what others want of him. i think thats why he opens up to will and speaks ambiguously when he does it, he's hoping will, who has always understood him without words being necessary, would figure it out for him. but will just says he can say what he didn't say, and mike doesn't like that answer.

what triggered the change from his nonchalant s3 behavior to his s4 behavior is for sure the s3 epilogue. earlier in the season he says he loves el, then he tries to say it to her face and gets interrupted. he wants to say it, he wants her to know. he thinks he loves her. then in the epilogue, el does the hard part for him. she confirms that she loves mike, despite mike never saying it. he should be overjoyed. but he's not, because el reciprocating the feelings he thought he felt has made it all too real for him. el saying i love you made him realize he's dug himself in a hole that's gonna be hard to get out of. he's realizing this doesn't make him feel good, this isn't what he wants.

what does he want?

"--changing. And I guess...if I'm being really honest...that's what scares me. I don't want things to change.

So I guess maybe thats why i came in here. To try to maybe...stop that change. To turn back the clock. To make things go back to how they were."

he wants to go back.

mike is scared because he's realizing he doesn't want the things he thought he did. he thought he wanted to grow up and get a girlfriend and let his childhood go, let his friends go, let will go.

"What did you think, really? That we were never gonna get girlfriends? That we were just gonna sit in my basement all day and play games for the rest of our lives?"

"Yeah, I guess I did. I really did."

but now he's being faced with that reality. taking the next step with el, being in love with her openly and having her feel the same way. and all he can think about is will. all he yearns for is to go back to how things used to be, when he was happy and carefree and things weren't so complicated. he yearns for will. he yearns for the exact thing he implied was silly and outlandish and impossible in the rain fight. he wants to be in his basement playing dnd with will.

and i will say, a lot of mlvns think this is bad because its encouraging them to be childish, which is stupid. will confirming that he wants to spend the rest of his life playing dnd in mike's basement doesn't literally mean that's what he wants to do with his life. its coded conversation, it's a metaphor. he wants to spend his life with mike. when he's with mike, playing dnd in his basement, he thinks "i want to be here forever" because he's with mike, who he loves. mike, who is struggling with his feelings and internalized homophobia, has been conditioned to think that his relationship with will is childish and something he must grow out of, even if its what he wants. because after puberty you can't be all close and touchy with your male friends, you're supposed to start liking girls. his relationship with will is something he must let go of. he assumes will has thought the same, but he hasn't. this coded convo continues into the epilogue

"Woah, dude, that's the donation box."

"I know. I'll just use yours when I come back. I mean, if we still want to play."

"Well, yeah, but...what if you want to join another party?"

"Not possible."

mike is insecure that will is going to move on from him when he moves. will, however, never intended to. he is intending to come back to mike, to reserve mike's place in his heart. mike says "well, yeah" because of course he still wants to play with will, of course he still wants will, that's not the problem. he's worried that will is going to move on from him, that will is going to replace him. will puts this to rest. he doesn't want to play dnd if it's not with mike. he only wants mike, he never considered moving on from him or replacing him. it was mike who was insecure about that.

and this whole conversation happens right before the mlvn scene. mike and will just resolved the rain fight, agreed that they both intend to come back to each other indefinitely. then el comes in between that, makes that impossible. she loves him. old people say that to each other, people who have committed to each other for life. that's what mike is realizing he's in for. and he doesn't want that. he wants to turn back the clock. he wants will. and it scares him. he's not supposed to want that over a life with el. he's been gifted her love on a golden platter, so why doesn't he want it?? why is he yearning for the past??

so i think mike gets stuck in a weird limbo where he pulls away from will, but not fully, but also won't fully commit to el, aka avoiding the word love. he doesn't know what to do, or what he's supposed to want. he's insecure and afraid of his feelings. "We're friends! We're friends!"

then he's confronted by el about not saying love, and the s4 escapade of will essentially convincing mike to say i love you begins. at the very least, mike knows that if he says that, then it'll be a lie, and he doesn't want to lie. but he feels like if he doesn't say it, el will see no reason to keep him around. he feels like he has no worth outside of being her boyfriend. then will swoops in and tells him how great he is, and we all know what happened after that...

holy shit mike just kiss him on the mouth it would be so much easier than whatever this shit is

[desire-mona]

more as someone who made that switch last year on my own:

- i know being a hater is fun or whatever but i really really do need to emphasise how not at all important it is. all being mean publicly will get you is people being even more mean except its at you

- ^ more on this, the anon function looks sooooo appealing, i know it does and i understand. but 99.9% of the time nobody at all will think youre cool or in the right for sending anon hate

- you dont need to have a moral reason for not liking things! things can just piss you off!

- for you page means nothing at all and there's no tag for it, people will find your post if you tag it with what its about

- listen to music while you scroll if you want that audio visual scrolling experience

- tag games are the closest equivalent i can draw to playing with filters u see on ur fyp, join them if you want cuz a lot have open tags AND NOBODY CARES ABOUT A STRANGER JOINING A TAG GAME

- your mutuals WILL move on to other fandoms at one point or another, unmutualing over fandom change isnt as much of a thing over here so dont sweat it if you change yours as well

- block tags and search terms liberally, i know that feature didnt work on tiktok but it does here. USE IT. you have the power to not see something if you dont want to.

- people. love. asks. you will never ever be weird for sending one and if you send enough for long enough then people will send them back to you. if you want an interaction then you need to initiate it

- notifs of people liking and reblogging your reblogs isnt as annoying as the same repost notifs on tiktok i PROMISE

- please have fun with your layout

- the ads suck shit and they will make the experience so much worse but you can revel in the fact that there is no tiktok shop

- scroll the tags! do it! scroll your fandom tags!!! sort by recent and look through!! you are not confined to the for you page!!

- backing up op, post cringe. please post cringe. people are much less likely to be mean to you on here (in my experience) than over on tiktok. post it even if its bad ESPECIALLY if its creative. please. please.

- no saving posts option on here, take advantage of the fact that you can see all the things youve posted under a tag and set up a system.

For any relocated TikTok users

you can say sex and kill its fine

If you don't have a profile picture people will assume you're a bot

theres barely an algorithm, if you want to see cool shit reblog things instead of just liking them

follower count doesnt matter

tumblr fame gets you one thing and it is Yelled At

no one knows what the fuck the nsfw policy is

block anyone that annoys you even a little bit

And most importantly:

post cringe

[rexfordus]

*I'm back with a snack. Before I get to their headcanons, all three of them were created and unknowingly left behind on the field they were "born" on.

Now to the essay of headcanons!↓

-Paperjam is the first to be created. He was made before any semblance of peace was established between Ink and Error.

-He's able to create just like Ink, but because he's far younger, it's an unrefined ability, and often has small mistakes, such as tears in papers or holes in unmade parts of an object. They're also unable to make larger objects yet.

-They never got much of a childhood, being born onto the aftermath of a battlefield at an estimated 6 years of age and inadvertently being forced to learn how to exist safely and healthily all on their own. They ended up finding Gradient on a battlefield 9 years later and raising him as their own.

-Paperjam actually has a crush on someone, but you guys don't get to know that yet (⁠◠⁠‿⁠◕⁠)

-The ink blob acts as a bag of holding and he can store items in there , as long as it can fit into it.

-He calls his little brothers his "kids" for simplicity. He doesn't care about the weird looks he gets occasionally.

-Bro makes fake money to buy things while universe hopping bc he's too busy to ever make any legitimately. Nobody ever finds out.

-He HATES Ink and Error. It's a non-moving grudge that won't ever budge until somebody gets close enough to help him.

-He tried alcohol once and hated it, vowing to keep his "kids" from ever trying it because it was so gross.

~~~

-Gradient was made after the peace between ink and error was established, but was still a product of battle. Ink had ended up pissing Error off too much and it turned into a heated battle.

-He takes after error in the notion of crashing at extreme emotions. He less freezes in place and more experiences fainting, but more painful and unpleasant. He gets very overwhelmed and he just ragdolls.

-Pj ended up being very lenient towards Gray in developmental years, which ended up with him turning out socially stunted and awkward. He is too used to his comfort zone to ever check out new opportunities unless forced to, or actually interested in it.

-He listens to MCR and thinks it's the deepest band ever.

-While growing, he gains the short fuse of his older brother and the destructive tendencies of his Father, and ends up destroying aus for no regard of balance, and more experimenting on how timelines will freak out before disappearing. He's kind of unsettling.

-He draws a lot, usually on a digital medium. He focuses on landscapes and settings rather than people or characters.

-Their special interest is technology, and they know how to do practically anything thanks to the code manipulation.

-Code manipulation is his main ability rather than destruction, but he uses it in very creative ways. He can theoretically use it to be very overpowered, but he doesn't because he's a forgetful teenager who doesn't even leave his room. Let's never remind him he has free will🙏🙏

~~~

-Bluescreen was created between a fun sparring match turned angry battle for life between Swap and Error. The battlefield was abandoned quick after, and bluescreen formed at around ~4 years of age.

-It cannot be understood by anyone who doesn't know how to read binary. Gradient can understand, Pj can only get a word or two, and everyone else hears nothing but noise, leading to much frustration.

-Before Screen had control of his magic when he grew a little, he couldn't touch any living thing without corrupting it's code to the point of turning into but a silhouette of an actual bluescreen message and a piercing screech. (leading to much future anxiety)

-On the topic of anxiety, if he were to ever have an anxiety attack within a lone au, it would crumble. His code, as a born glitch, is far too unstable and when tested, it quickly corrupts all nearby code, which spreads indefinitely unless directly interfered with or reflected.

-He likes chicken Alfredo a lot :33

-He hides his deformed leg and arm due to being shy, but they're very limited in mobility. When being adopted by PJ, he gets braces.

-Screen had to raise himself and learned how to write and sign in MSL all by himself through unpredictable jumps through aus/timelines and watching others exist.

-He's friends with Hate, and sees him like a parental figure, (will give drawing and story later lol I'm lazay.)

~~~

Psst, have a bonus picture for reading this far!

-pj belongs to 7goodangel

-gradient belongs to askcomboclub

-bluescreen is shared by 7goodangel and askinfresh

*btw can somebody help tell me who made these shipchildren originally I've used them for rps for so long I don't even know anymore. This goes for a lot of the characters I draw, I just draw for myself 😭😭I need to adjust to Tumblr etiquette pls I'm trying

[sof1eee]

A rant/defending Cho Sangwoo actions

I love him so much he's such a complex and good written character, and this is basically just me ranting about my babygirl

So the first thing that i want to clarify is the reason why he joined the squid game, many people just immediately assumed that he wanted the money all for himself which is wrong. Personally, i think he DID joined the game for the money (obviously everyone did) BUT he also wanted to win the money for his mother. He wanted to show his mom that he is actually successful and to make her proud (obviously his mom is already so proud of him, but he doesn't know that). Also he literally was being hunted down by the police because he embezzled money from his client, so he definitely needed the money to pay all of that money off and bail himself out of jail. Obviously by the end, he kind of got money hungry, I won't deny that. I also want to remind you guys that the squid game is literally a last resort for EVERYONE in the game.

I feel like this is one of the big reason why people hate him which is, he killed Sae-Byeok and Ali. Even though I'm a Sang-Woo fan, i still BAWLED my eyes out when Ali or Sae-Byeok died, but i feel like it is understandable why he killed them both. Now let's start with Ali first. He doesn't even know Ali THAT long, he had only known him for LESS THAN A WEEK. So the fact that he betrayed Ali and took all of the marbles, i wouldn't really say that it's "selfish". Let's try to put on Sang-Woo's perspective for a second, "you're in a Life or Death game in which if you LOSE, you're never gonna see the light of day ever again, and you're playing against this guy, you've known him for 5 days (?) and he is WINNING, this is NOT good, obviously. If he does win, you'll die. You start to think of your mother back at home, who would take care of her? She's old and she's can't take care of herself, you're her only family left. You can't just leave her alone right? You're in this game because you wanted to help her, make her live a comfortable life without worries about money or food on the table. You CAN'T just die right now. No. You NEED to live. You need to WIN. For her. For your mother. And lucky for you, your opponent seems to be gullible, maybe you can win this afterall. I mean yeah, you're gonna indirectly kill him but... he's just a nobody. You've known for like what.. 5 days? He's not as important as your mom, right? Sure, he probably has a family but that's his own problem. Everyone in this game have a family, everyone wanted to survive. So, you betrayed him, sure u do feel guilty, but hey, it's the battle of the strongest right?" So basically, would you choose a random stranger you just met or your family? If you really think about it, Sangwoo was being very reasonable here.

Okay so now about Sae-Byeok's death, okay so let's be realistic for a second. Sae-Byeok's would've died from blood loss either way if Sang-woo didn't kill her. A glass shard literally stabbed her in the stomach and there was no way in hell the guards or the frontman were gonna treat her for it. There was only two options for her, dying slowly from blood loss or getting killed by Sang-woo, which was much more faster. Sang-Woo's reasons for killing her was that if Sae-Byeok and Gi-Hun voted to leave, they'll be the majority it need to stop the games. So I could definitely see where he's coming from, i mean imagine you literally just saw HUNDREDS of people died, you already killed 2 people, you ALMOST died and you haven't showered or eaten a proper meal for almost a week, ALL FOR THE 45.6 BILLION WON BUT THEN TURNS OUT YOU'RE PROBABLY JUST DID ALL OF THAT FOR NOTHING BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA GET OUTVOTED BY TWO PEOPLE. So basically you just got a whole lot of trauma, YOU'RE STILL BROKE, the police are coming to get you and you can't see your mom because you're ashamed of yourself. Like damn, i would've done the same ngl....

"He didn't tell Gi-Hun what the second game was even though he knew!" Okay so yes i do agree with this, i think he should've told Gi-Hun about it! But if you hate Sang-woo for that reason then Gi-Hun deserve to be hated too, he did the exact same thing with the old man in the marble game. He lied and let the old man lose so he could have the advantage and win. THIS JUST SHOWS THAT THE GAME WAS DESIGNED TO BRING THE WORST OUT OF PEOPLE!!!! EVEN GI-HUN, OUR MAIN CHARACTER, LIED AND INDIRECTLY KILLED SOMEONE! (obviously the old guy didn't die but Gi-Hun didn't know that).

"Sang-woo didn't care about his mother." First of all, NO????? WHERE THE HELL DID U GET THAT FROM??? Like i said from the beginning, his mom was ONE OF THE REASON why he joined the games anyway! He didn't want to go back home and be a disappoinment to EVERYONE. Literally if you guys remember, his mom and Gi-Hun wasn't the only one who keeps bragging about him attending SNU, EVEYONE IN THE TOWN LITERALLY CALLED HIM "The genius of Ssamun-Dong". Further-more, his LAST WORDS were literally "Gi-Hun.... take care... of my mom.." WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE NEVER CARED FOR HER????

"He didn't feel guilty or remorseful after what he'd done." Okay so... did u watched the show with your eyes closed? Look i know he killed some people but he's still HUMAN. He FLINCHED when he heard the gunshot that shot Ali. His mental state was getting worse day by day. Right before he stab himself in the neck, he said "Hyung.... I'm sorry.." and I think he said that not only because he was apologizing for killing Sae-Byeok but also to just say sorry for every single thing he had done up until that moment. The guilt was obviously eating him alive.

The reason why he killed himself. He was already suicidal from the beginning, in episode 2, he tried to kill himself. He thinks living is just not worth it anymore, he has lost hope in humanity. Squid game was his last resort to try and fix his mistake. Maybe he can finally be the son his mother was proud of. The only reason why he killed himself at the end was because he trusted Gi-Hun. He trusted him to take care of his mom. He knew he couldn't live his life with the guilt of killing his childhood bestfriend. He knew Gi-Hun is a nice guy and would help his mother. He knew Gi-Hun would use the money to do something good. Like i said, he trusted him. At that point, Sang-woo thinks this was the best case scenario, him dying and Gi-Hun living. So in that moment, he chose to kill himself.

______________________________________________

Erm so I might've yapped a little too much but it's about Sang-woo so who cares am i right? 😂

Please actually read all of it 💔🙏🏻

TL;DR: Sang-woo is a complex and good written character that the dummies can't handle xx 💕

[femmenature]

nobody gets me, you do

Pairing: Ellie Williams x f! reader (ofc)

Summary: where your ex Ellie can't spend another day pretending she doesn't still love you.

Warnings: Inappropriate language.

-

you usually appreciated this kind of nights. Where you don't have to work and you can watch a series or put more effort into the food, and not just make a simple white rice. You used to appreciate it in Ellie's company. Now you prefer to keep your head busy, work, study, do some gardening even though you know perfectly well how horrible you are at it. And that your head will probably play tricks on you and remind you of how Els laughed for a week because a damn cactus dried up on you. A sigh escapes your thoughts. “See, this is what happens when you're distracted,” you say to yourself, leaning against the kitchen counter. But your relaxed posture didn't last long, as someone knocked on your door. Strange, knowing that you didn't order anything to eat and didn't invite your friends. You walked to the door and opened it with your eyebrows furrowed, you were going to open your mouth but it was her, and you just stood with your hand on the door frame and your heart in your mouth.

Ellie looked at me and blinked rapidly, as if checking that this was not a dream. Her heel rested on the floor, leaving the toe of her slipper raised nervously. “hey” she let out in a sigh, which she seemed to have been holding back for quite some time.

“hey…” my voice betrayed me and trembled as I said something as small as a greeting. Though I guess it only matters who you're saying it to, and having her in front of you isn't easy, more so when you've had no contact for the past five months.

“I know it's weird, knocking on your door knowing we're not together” she spoke fast on the last words, wanting to cover up the fact that you guys are apart, because it hurts her more than anything else in this world ”but I'd rather you see me as a freaking weirdo than keep this to myself any longer. Altough you know I'm weird, I mean, you know me better than anyone else and-” she stopped talking, knowing she was getting distracted.

“do you want to come in and we can talk inside?” even though you're scared to death and more uneasy than ever, you acted calm so she would be too. She nodded and you invited her in, closing the door behind her. “so…why are you here?” you don't act disinterested, not excited either, Even if you are. You disguise the fireworks in your stomach as you smell her perfume when she walked inside. As if your house is complete again.

“uhm, these five months” she licked her lips nervously as she looks away remembering the days she spent without you ”were the worst months in the world. And it's just pathetic to tell you knowing that you're the reason I had such a hard time. Or the absence of you. I was with a part of you, with your ghost that haunted me everywhere I went reminding me that it wasn't going to be the same without you, and the worst part is that even though it wasn't really you it was all I had left to not feel completely alone in the world. So somehow I didn't want it to go away” her eyes finally met mine, softening ”our pictures are still in my room, even our saved game from the last time we played Life is Strange together. I didn't touch it waiting for you to come back, in that stupid hope that you'd show up and we'd forget our stupid fight. But I guess our pride won us over once again.” she moves a little closer, slowly, as if she's afraid the floor beneath her will crumble ”and for the first time in my life I couldn't care less about my pride because I know you're on the other side of the scale. And the love I have for you compares to absolutely nothing I have or will ever be able to have.”

your eyes become crystal clear, you think this is not real, you imagined so much that this moment would come, you made so many scenarios with Ellie and that she will come back into your life, but not like this. She is practically showing you her heart like never before, in a desperate attempt to get back to being everything she loves and still loves. You were going to say something, but she cut you off, she had more to tell you, more to show you how much she misses you.

“So I'm here. I'm not going to lie to you and pretend that I don't expect you to answer me, that I'll be able to wait for you to think and answer me without falling apart from the anticipation of not being able to hold you in my arms again. I don't even know how I could endure these months without you” finally closes the immense distance and gently caresses your hand tenderly ”do you know how desperate it is that no one understands you, that the only one who knew how to calm you down was miles away from me in body and soul?”

her eyes are desperately searching for yours and her voice is begging you “the only person who could do that was you and it killed me to know that you didn't want to see me when all I wanted to do was kiss you as if the world would end after that. Nobody gets me, you do. Nobody can beat your eyes, your touch, your voice, your jokes, your love. I couldn't even look at another woman because I knew no one was worth it, no one is worth it. No one can look at me and know when I'm anxious, or how much I love space. They would see the stuffed dinosaur I have in my room as a simple stuffed animal, when you took the time to know which one is my favorite and buy it for my birthday and when I would give an explanation of that dinosaur and why I have that damn stuffed animal the only thing I will think about is that I lost you forever and and-"

you approached her and gave her a sudden kiss, knowing that if you let her talk anymore, anxiety would eat her up. The kiss is tender, desperate for time apart, but at the same time soft and romantic. Her hands brought your hips closer to hers while you caressed the back of her neck. After a few seconds you separated and rested your foreheads without taking your hands off where you had them

"I hope you never have to explain to anyone why you have a dinosaur in your room because I'm not going to lose you again" Ellie smiled and hugged you, hiding her face in your neck "I wasn't planning on doing it anyway. I was going to die without you then I wouldn't give myself the chance to have another girlfriend" you laughed caressing her hair "I missed you, Els" she kissed your neck tenderly without letting go "I missed you too baby"

-

I'M SORRY if it's not well written, I don't speak English and it's hard for me not to get lost!!! Enjoy <333

[coffee-master]

Nothing special today. Just some aroace meme from sonic that I found on pinterest.

[a-dash-in-the-middle]

i don't know if i am horrible at communicating when i want a little attention or when i feel forgotten, or if people just in general never think it is about them because in their mind all of our needs are met and i am venting about everybody else?

[cuteniarose]

Sometimes I wish I had more people interested in my creations, but then I get hit by thoughts like “Imagine the outrage you’d be faced with if your Avatar Suiren AU was more popular. This is the fandom that still cannot ‘forgive’ Korra for SOMETHING THAT WAS DONE TO HER, calling her the worst Avatar for losing the connection to her past lives (which came about because she HAD RAAVA LITERALLY RIPPED OUR OF HER) and acting like that is somehow a worse offence than, say, inaction leading to genocide. The hate you’d get for intentionally making Suiren the last Avatar would be IMMEASURABLE” and go “… actually, I’m glad that for the most part it’s just @katkastrofa and I–”

(Though then again… would it even be an AU by yours truly if it didn’t contain at least one cancellable offence? 😁)

[kushamisaru]

Been seeing way less people talk about shit republicans are doing in their quest to demonize democrats (shut up for five minutes, this post ain't about them and I already know why you're mad at them, I am too). And I don't think people are taking the fact that republicans will have majority in EVERY branch of government seriously come January 2025. Anything that gets passed has to go through them, whether democrats help or not. So maybe try remembering you have two feet to step on two necks. Just some food for thought.

[nihiltism]

hell with it new url might change it later. honestly surprised this one wasnt taken

[theplatypusblue]

time and time again i'm impressed by like. the multitudes of smugness expressed in the umineko soundtrack. Like, it's not just that certain songs "sound smug" or whatever; it's that they'll sound smug in a very specific, describable way. I don't even know that much about music, but I'm tempted to just list off tracks that stand out to me and write about them in depth or something.

[sevenhundred721]

I know that film analysis on YouTube has always been pretty bad, but I'm irked that one of the big trends for obnoxious hack YouTubers right now is to find a bad movie and then show a bunch of clips while doing the worst and most shallow observational comedy. There are a few YouTubers who do a lot of interesting or funny reviews of poorly made movies, but you can tell with them that they actually care about the art of film making. They pay attention to the plot and don't misrepresent how bad the movie is because they paid enough attention to have something clever to say. I love movie reviews and I enjoy videos that exist to make a bunch of observational jokes about movies. Which is why I'm upset that a million of the unfunniest and least creative people in the world are jumping on the bandwagon and clogging my recommendations. There's no passion in it. You can feel the cynicism oozing from this kind of video within seconds of it starting. I hate it.

[featherymainffins]

Ough I fucking hate holidays because it is my duty as a child to visit my parents and just take whatever the fuck happens to me.