#nothing compared to the trauma of their victims

[goldlightsaber]

tbh it’s so fucking traumatic to have these idols growing up in the form of celebs and authors and then have it turn out they are soooo fucked up. like they’re evil

[weareuniqueandimportant]

EMPATHY GLAMORIZATION IS NOT ABOUT EMPATHY BUT SUPERIORITY TORWARDS APATHETIC PEOPLE BIGOTRY TORWARDS THEM TYPICAL BIGOT EVIL. SIMPLE AS THAT. IF YOU SEE THEM AS LEFTIST YOU'RE NO LEFTIST YOURSELF. HORRIBLE. THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO HAVE ONLY EMPATHY AND BAD TO THINK EVERYTHING YOU DO IS SUCH ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE CLEARLY BEING APATHETIC IF ANYTHING WHEN THEY DO THIS...

COMES TO SHOW BIGOTRY TORWARDS CRAZY AND DISABLED PEOPLE ASWELL AS PARAPHILIA PEOPLE ISN'T TAKEN AT ALL THE SAME AS SEXISM RACISM AND QUEERPHOBIA... OR PERHAPS... LIKELY... THEY ARE ALL THE BIGOTED THINGS EVIL AND TAKE NONE THAT SERIOUSLY... BELITTLING DOWN THEIR PAIN AND DAMAGE...

[isildheir]

Honestly, my abuser saying Louis was just as bad as Lestat or basically implying they hate how people write Lestat off as more abusive than he is or that Louis was just as abusive was a red flag I should've put a lot more stock into.

[bode-leone]

the sad thing is like. i dont know if my trauma as a small child from being abused irreparably destroyed some parts of my brain that control memory or if this developed as a result of the mental illnesses i have, but all i know is if i had a chance of growing up without trauma i could have been a veterinarian which always just. gets to me. because it just destroyed me before i even got a chance to decide what i wanted? like it erased careers and interests from my grasp before i was even 4 years old.

[kamiversee]

➶-͙˚ ༘✶ 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙁*𝘾𝙆 𝙇𝙄𝙎𝙏

✧.* CHAPTER 38 || The Dark Red

[ { SYPNOSIS } ] ➤ A tale in which Gojo Satoru blackmails you into seducing a list of people to clear his debt. Sounds easy enough, right?

[ { CHAPTER CONTENT } ] ➤ language, heavy angst, a tinge of fluff, & sexual tension.

[ { WORD COUNT } ] ➤ 6.1k

[ { A/N } ] ➤ And yes, the chapter title is a Steve Lacy reference :)

[ { PAIRINGS } ] ➤ jjk men x f!reader. gojo x f!reader. geto x f!reader. toji x f!reader. choso x f!reader. sukuna x f!reader. nanami x f!reader.

[ [ chapters mlist } ]

——YOU'RE DREAMING. THAT HAS to be the only logical explanation as to how and why you're face to face with Choso Kamo who's just given himself to you for the second time and has gone as far as tattooing your name on him to show you how serious he is.

What exactly have you done to make this man so dedicated to you? Hell, you hardly know why Gojo's even in love with you so, the chances of you figuring out Choso's feelings are damn there impossible.

Brown irises gaze into your eyes in casualty as the man awaits your proper reaction. The reaction in which he waits on took a few seconds because you had a hard time processing this.

See, here's the difference between Choso and Gojo...

Gojo Satoru has committed more wrongs than rights by you and nothing is going to change that. However, the man is willing and tries his best to spend every last dollar on you just to put one smile on your face to make up for each smile he'd taken from you.

Now, Choso Kamo has treated you with nothing but utmost respect while keeping his red flags hidden from your view. Well, they weren't that hidden, you just ignored them. Even so, while he doesn't have the funds to spoil you as he wishes he could, he makes up for that by dedicating his free time to crafting everlasting surprises and gifts for you.

Materialistically speaking, Choso is more ideal here because the things he gives you cannot be bought with money. Sure, Gojo could buy a painting off the street or ask to get you professionally painted, but that'll never compare to the raw and unfiltered emotions Choso captures in his art due to his feelings for you.

And again, how many times do you need to be reminded that Gojo's sugar-coated words, pretty teary confessions, and precious expensive gifts do not make up for his blackmail?

Not to mention, even though he says he loves you and claims to no longer want to hurt you, he's never once said the list was over. Would it not be easy for him to spare you the last person and just say you don't have to seduce Nanami? No, because Gojo had never intended for the list to end until its completion.

Stop forgetting the stress and trauma this situation has given you. For a long time, you felt like nothing more than a tool, this situation has made it difficult for you to trust those around you, it's made you cry yourself to sleep on countless nights, and you're pretty sure you were straight up depressed in the beginning.

That being said, Gojo can't make up for all of that just by speaking to you so softly and saying such loving words.

Yet, even so, you're still conflicted because it's those same words of his that's caused you to view it all differently.

Blinking out of your thoughts, you return focus to Choso with a sigh.

You didn't even realize it but after such an eventful and emotional day, tears just began rolling down your cheeks. With a steady beating heart, you were so choked up with confusion and guilt and regret, all different kinds of feelings eating away at your insides.

Visibly seeing how devoted to you Choso was pulled all of your anxiety and repressed emotions right out of you.

Why does it have to be you in this position? Why does it have to be Choso who's fallen victim to catching feelings for you so much so to the point where he's printed your name on him? Why? Why, why, why, why, why?

Oh what sweet sorrow it is to be in this situation.

You couldn't take it anymore. No longer could you hold in the impending breakdown of yours. As of now, you were literally sitting in front of Choso wearing a necklace Gojo probably spent thousands on. You were always thinking about the other guy while you were with either of them and the conflict finally caught up to you.

Your head shakes softly and you're trying not to sob but everything is just pouring out so suddenly, "C-Choso-," Your breath is caught in your throat, "Why are you so..." Your words fall off your tongue as your face twists up in sadness.

Choso's eyes go wide and he quickly realizes that instead of tears of joy like earlier, these are pure tears of unhappiness. His heart sinks in his chest and his terrible anxiety levels skyrocket.

Choso moves to sit beside you and brings a hand to your face as he does so, trying to wipe your tears away, "S-Shit, baby I'm sorry." He's apologizing faster than he realizes, almost as if it were second nature, "I-I can get it removed, I d-didn't think you'd react like this, fuck. I'm sorry, please-"

"Choso," You croak out, again shaking your head, "It's not you..."

Your voice was so fractured and spoken through heavy tears that it simply broke his heart. The last time Choso saw you cry before today was slightly when he left but it was never to this degree. He doesn't know how to handle this.

One thing about Choso Kamo is that he's a very anxious man. He uncontrollably waits for the worst to happen, he expects people to tell him the worst things, and he's used to experiencing bad situations. This is why he hated the uncertainty, because this is what it leads to; sudden heartbreak.

His hands are sweating and trembling against your skin while his shaky thumbs try to rid your pretty face of the tears. Choso's breathing is unsteady and he's blaming himself heavily, despite you just telling him it's not his fault.

"It has to be me," Choso hushes out, his own eyes glossing over, "I had a feeling it might be too much but I still got the tatt' anyways, this is my fault. I'm sorry, princess." He urges his apology out, quick to take the blame no matter what you say.

Your lower lip quivers terribly and you meet his eyes through hazy vision, "It's n-not you," You whine, "C-Choso t-there's..." You're blabbering before you can stop yourself, "There's s-someone else."

The man's blood ran cold.

His body trembles and trembles before he just... stills. His teary eyes slowly went dry as he blinked and processed what the hell you just said to him.

Choso knew it. He fucking knew this would happen.

"What?" Choso questions. His voice is so empty and dry of anything that you can no longer decipher what he's feeling.

It was the worst possibility by far. Choso isn't insecure or anything but he had his doubts. When he looks at you, he sees a woman of perfection so naturally, he envisions that he's not the only guy who sees that in you.

When you don't say anything and just sit there sobbing, Choso gathers that he didn't imagine your words. "This is because I left, isn't it?" He whispers, almost like he's voicing his thoughts, "Are they... W-When you say there's someone else, what do you mean?"

You sniffle and let out a slight hiccup, "H-He just... I'm c-confused, Cho. I-I want you but I'm n-not ready for a relationship and-"

"Is he the reason?" Choso cuts off coldly.

Technically yes but, you're not telling Choso that. "N-No, that's still me. I just... I shouldn't feel anything for him because h-he's an asshole and I'm supposed to hate him but he's been so fucking sweet and I can't ignore it anymore," Your words come out broken and choked, all being forced in between your tears.

"Oh..." Choso hums. Then, he takes his hands off you and lets you cry freely. It still hurts him to see you so upset but it's pissing him off that someone else has taken his place since he left. And no, he's not mad at you but, moreso himself. "It's that guy who made you cry before," Choso recalls, vividly remembering it all.

You just nod, lifting your hands to wipe your tears since he stopped. "And then..." You sniffle, "You left me and I was sad and angry and at f-first he made it worse b-but then he started to confuse me b-by confessing to me, and now I..." You couldn't even finish before you just started uncontrollably crying.

The man beside you just watches the tears fall from your face. It's all his fault-- or at least, that's what he thinks anyway. There's another guy and he blames himself for distancing himself in the first place. Had it not been for that you wouldn't be crying right now, right?

A tsunami of self-hate crashes over Choso and he simply drowns in the feeling. He despises the fact that this could've been avoided. Maybe he should've never gotten the tattoo? Maybe that's also why? Fuck, what the hell is he supposed to do right now? How does he comfort you?

Your hands go up and you cover your face, weeping so terribly at the entire situation. You no longer cared that Choso was seeing you like this because you didn't have it in you to contain all these emotions you've been feeling. You've been wanting to cry all day, especially when Gojo gave you that damn necklace.

Speaking of which, it's still around your neck.

As Choso panics and his brain goes frantic whilst trying to figure out the proper thing to say or do, his eyes suddenly catch sight of the jewelry in question. He's no stranger to accessories, especially the ones you wear so, it doesn't take much thought to realize that not only is the item expensive but it's also new.

His mouth is moving on his own and Choso fails to hold his tongue, "Is that from him?"

You move to wipe your eyes with your sleeves and then look at Choso for only a second before dropping your gaze down to where his is. "Yeah," You sap, only saddened more and more by the second.

A hand is lifted to the item and you watch Choso run his fingers beneath the item for a long moment. He's deep in thought, still trying to figure out how he should handle this situation.

"I-It's his Christmas gift to me," You continue, seeing no point in lying or avoiding an explanation, "T-That's why I'm so... S-So damn-," You sniffle again, "E-Emotional. First him with this and then y-you with the painting and the tattoo and I just don't get it. Nothing makes sense anymore. I think I want you b-but I also think I want him a-and he's bad for me but he can also be so fucking good to me, and I just-"

Choso cuts you off by voicing your name in an emotionless tone. He realizes where he needs to take this conversation and before he gets pissed off, he wants to stop you from talking. His hand leaves your neck and he rests it in his lap, flicking his gaze back up to your eyes.

The man's eyes are still full of emotion, despite his dry tone, "You just told me a bunch of shit that has nothing to do with me." Choso says and he nearly sounds upset but he's not.

"I-I'm sorry," You frown and look away from him, feeling like he's mad at you. Which, wasn't exactly helping your scrambled emotions.

Choso shakes his head, "Don't be," His tone softens and he takes a really deep breath, "I'm not mad at you, princess. And uh, you have nothing to be sorry for."

You're still crying and your head is starting to hurt, "But-"

"No buts." He interrupts, "I uhm... I don't know why you started telling me about him?" Choso says in a questioning tone, chuckling a little. He then leans in closer to you, "Baby it's me and you right now." He emphasizes, angling his head to the side a little so that you can meet his gaze, "Hey, look at me."

You struggle to, biting your lower lip and just barely placing your eyes on his.

"That's it," Choso praises, his voice now as gentle as it should've been from the beginning. "It's just me and you, princess. Don't compare what I do to what he's done because none of that matters when you're with me."

"Choso I..." You trail off, your crying continuing as you go unsure of what to say.

"If it's too much, I can get the tattoo removed. It's not that big of a deal, trust me I won't be upset. And, while I'm glad you told me that there's another guy," Choso sighs heavily, "I don't need you to tell me about what he does or doesn't do for you."

You swallow and simply keep your weeping eyes on his as he speaks.

He's clearly calmed down from the initial emotions he felt and he knows how to speak to you in a way that makes you feel comforted, "I don't care about what he says to you or what he buys for you and you shouldn't either. If he's an asshole, let him be that. Why would you let him bring you to these emotions?"

"Because Choso," You try not to choke over your words, "He just..."

"Does he tell you he loves you? Is that why?" Choso asks carefully.

You nod your head yes.

Choso comforts you with a little smile, "I mean... I do too." He suddenly says.

"W-What?" You whisper, confused by his words.

The man shrugs, "I love you," Choso claims proudly, his affirmation caressing the wounds of your poor confused heart in more ways than one. "In case I haven't made that clear, especially after two months of separation..." His hands move to yours and he holds them tightly while gazing into your eyes, "I love you."

"C-Choso, you don't... you're joking, r-right?" You whine, your voice light and airy as you only continue to sink into your sadness.

He shakes his head, "No, princess. I mean it, I'm in love with you. This isn't exactly how I planned on confessing but," He shrugs a little, "You need to know. I'm not that other guy so, I-I can't make it sound all pretty or buy you the world like he probably can but..."

You stare at him with wide eyes as you await his next words.

Choso leans closer to you, his grasp on your hands tightening before he pulls them up to his mouth and kisses across your knuckles, "I can give you mine. Can't' buy you the world baby but, I can give you all I have. M'not rich like him so I can't buy your smiles b-but," He stammers over his words as he grows nervous, "I can give you the best parts of me."

"Choso..." You just frown. You've never known how exactly to respond to these confessions.

"All I can do is hope that's enough," Choso continues, "I hope I'm enough, baby."

"Y-You are Choso," You say quickly, "You're more than enough for m-me. I'm just... I'm just dumb and I c-can't pick," You ramble, suddenly degrading yourself as you place the blame for it all on yourself. You close your eyes, "It's all my fault, I shouldn't be doing this to you, you don't deserve this. I-If it wasn't for-"

"Hey, stop that," Choso interrupts, "Don't... Don't blame yourself. You can't control people falling for you. You can control how people treat you or how they confuse you-"

"It is my fault though," You cut off, opening your soaked eyes, "M-Maybe if I... If I just..." You couldn't even get it out because that would mean revealing the list. Instead, your brows tense and your sobbing furthers, "If I just... i-ignored y-you... and m-maybe him-"

A pair of hands gently cup your face and Choso pulls you to him, "It's not your fault." He whispers.

"But I-"

He utters your name, "Stop. It's not your fault, okay?"

"Then who's is it if not mine?" You whine, "Hm? Who do I blame-"

"Everyone else," Choso says, "Blame me, blame him, it doesn't matter. Just, don't blame yourself when it's not your fault."

"I-"

Your name is spoken, "It is not your fault." Choso voices out yet again, "I mean, I... I always had a feeling, y'know? Like, I was always scared of this."

Your brows tense more than they already are, "S-Scared of what?"

"Losing you to someone else," Choso explains, "When you said you weren't ready for a relationship, I knew I had to distance myself but... Had I known this would happen, I would've never left. I don't know if it's because of him that you didn't want a relationship but-"

"I-It's not, I swear Choso, that's just me." You're sure to make sure it's clear that everything is coming from you and not because of anything else, "I'm just not ready for one. It has nothing to do with you or him, it's just me."

"So, if he asked to be your boyfriend like I did, what would you say?"

"He wouldn't." You hum, "That's the thing, Cho. He's in love with me but he acts like he's not allowed to be and then he'll purposefully be an asshole to try and push me away. All of that on top of the fact that he's keeping things from me that'll change the way I see him and-"

"Baby," Choso calls softly, "It sounds like... I dunno it just seems like when choosing between me and him, your choice should be as clear as day." He says, "He's complicated and I'm not. What's the real reason as to why it's hard for you to pick?"

"Choso... You don't get it." You cry, "He'd tell me how I make him whole. How he'd do anything for me. H-How I'm his eternity. How... e-even in death... his heart would beat for me." You choke out, crying as you recite the words of another man to one who loves you just as much.

The male beside you nods understandingly, "So it is his words?"

"N-No, I-"

"Do you think I wouldn't do the same?" Choso cuts off passionately. "He may die for you but darling, I'm willing to live for you."

Your breath hitches, "I-"

"You're his eternity and an eternity is exactly what I'd wait for you to come running into my arms," There's not an ounce of hesitation in his words, each syllable coated with genuine love, "I will wait for you until you tell me not to. I'm yours even if you aren't mine."

"Choso, please-"

"I crave you. Only you. Your touch, your stares, your smile, your smell, your laughter, your love-- you are the only person I want." Choso pours out, "I will never love anyone the way I love you. Even if you tell me to move on, even if I end up with someone else, never will I be able to experience the bliss that is yearning for you again."

You smile through your tears, "I t-thought you weren't good with words?"

"I'm not," Choso chuckles breathily, "But... T-There's things I've rehearsed saying to you, I just needed to wait for the right time."

"And now's that time?"

"Now is that time." He confirms, "You make me nervous, y'know? I get shy around you, I start sweating, I stammer on my words sometimes, and I love the eye contact but your gaze mesmerizes me. I'm stuck in a sense of wanting to break and continue the eye contact at the same time." Choso admits to you.

There's this blooming in the pit of your stomach as you listen to him, all while still looking into his eyes and holding his hands. "Choso you don't have to force yourself to say these things..."

"It's not forced, trust me. I mean every word but, I'm usually not good at getting them out." He shrugs a little, "So, to make up for that, I try to put it into my art. This is why I call you my muse. Every artistic thing I've done recently has been done with you in mind."

"Choso I can't..." You sniffle strongly, "I don't know what t-to say."

"You don't have to say anything. I..." He takes a deep breath, "I've been trying to work up the courage and tell you all this for months. Before I left, I should've said every word on that damn painting to you. I should've told you about how hard I've fallen for you."

Your crying is a bit more at ease now, having slowed down simply because of his caressing tone and his well-thought-out words.

"Again, words aren't my thing and they never will be but," A single tear trickles out of his eyes, "Please hear me when I say I'm all yours. I will wait and wait and wait for you to want me, to accept me, and to have me. If I was given one purpose in this world it's to love you, to cherish you as if you were my last breath, to make you happy by any means, and t-to... to be or do whatever it is you want me to."

God damn. What are you supposed to make of such a confession? First Gojo and now Choso. Both of their confessions weigh heavy in your mind. You don't even know who's would be considered better or who's you'd want to accept and fall for.

Blinking away what's left of your tears, you pull a hand from his grasp and wipe away the single tear that he let slip out, smiling softly but brokenly at the man, "Choso, you liar," You say teasingly, "You're perfect with words."

"A-Am I as good as him?" Choso questions, a slight pout taking over his expression. He's not sure where it came from but he was suddenly comparing himself to whoever his competition is.

You tilt your head, "That doesn't matter, remember?" You whisper, moving to hold the side of his face with your hand, "It's jus' you and me, right?"

He chuckles a little, "Yeah... S-Sorry..."

"It's okay," Your words are coming out more lovingly than you knew.

"U-Uhm, and if none of that was direct enough," Choso leans into your touch before bringing his hand over your own, "I'll say it as many times as needed; I love you. You make me feel so comfortable, so secure without even saying anything, I wish I... I wish I could explain it more... I wish I could audibly paint the feelings you give me."

"It's okay, Choso. I don't need you to say it, I can feel and see it," You reply. Your voice is a bit hoarse now from the crying but neither of you mind.

"Unlike my normal work, it'd be so vibrant and filled with so many shades," Choso expresses artistically, "Every moment with you gives me a reason to be. I want to be able to love you in every way possible so that you can understand it. Please allow me to adorn you with my love, let me illustrate my feelings into your heart."

You smile fully, unable to stop yourself, "That's so beautiful, Cho. Who am I to deny you of such a request?"

His expression mirrors your own, a sappy emotional smile spreading across his face, "I love you so much."

The words begin to leave your lips without you even thinking, "I lo-"

"Don't," He cuts off carefully, "Don't say it back until you're ready."

"But," You swallow down the claim, "What if I'm ready now?"

"You're not." He chuckles lightly.

Your brows furrow, "How do you know?"

"Because," Choso sighs, "You're just not. You and I both will know when you're ready. But as of now, you're not."

"But-"

"No buts, princess."

A pout takes over your expression, "So how am I supposed to respond to you saying you love me?"

He shrugs, "Say thank you." Choso chuckles playfully.

"Thank you??" You scoff, "That feels mean."

"Saying it back without meaning it or knowing if that's how you really feel is mean," Choso explains, "I'd prefer you either say nothing or say thank you, you know how I feel about lies..."

Your voice gets stuck somewhere in your throat. Of course he'd say that now after you'd been lying to him since the day you met him. Well, does not telling him about the list really count as a lie?

You're not sure but you sigh at the man, "Okay, fine. Thank you for loving me, Choso."

He flashes that sexy yet lazy smile of his, "You're welcome, baby."

With that, you were suddenly feeling how you normally feel with Choso-- at peace. You didn't realize it but the two of your souls had found a heavy sense of salvation in one another, your hearts and minds binding together unconsciously as your eyes gazed into his.

Sanctuary was discovered within his eyes and you knew in that moment that Choso meant it when he said he'd wait for you. As long as it takes, as long as you needed, he'd be there for you when you were ready. Part of you wishes this conversation had taken place before he left, maybe things would have gone differently...

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆ .　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

"So uhm," Choso starts up again after a while, breaking the eye contact and looking down to his waist for a moment, "Do I really have to get it removed?"

"Uhm..." You think for a second and then shrug, "It's up to you, Cho. It's your body-"

"No," He cuts off, looking up and into your eyes once more, "I belong to you."

That makes your heart skip a beat or two. Choso says it so openly and quickly that it's almost frightening. How can someone be so devoted to you?

"Choso, you do know you're your own person, right?" You hum, laughing a little.

He shrugs, "I mean, in a literal sense, yes. But even so," He turns to face you a bit more, "I'm still yours."

"Yeah?" You whisper.

Choso bites his lower lip and glances down to your lips, "Yes baby, m'all yours."

Your hand goes to his jaw and you caress his skin with your thumb as the two of you peer into one another's eyes, "Even after I told you there's someone else?"

"Told' you I don't give a shit about him," Choso spits out, one of his hands going to your waist and casually tugging you a bit closer, "You could go tell him for all I care, tell him you don't need him because you have me."

You chuckle, "That's not nice, Cho."

"Ask me if I care." He says, his voice lowering, "He hurt your feelings and confused you so, why can't you hurt his?"

You roll your eyes playfully at Choso's words, "It's not that simple, baby."

"Yes it is-," He pauses. "Wait, what?" Choso blinks, trying to figure out if he misheard you, "What'd you just say?"

"I said it's not that simple," You tease.

He shakes his head, "Nahh, what'd you say after that? What'd you call me?"

"I didn't call you anything."

"Yes you did, you called me baby," Choso says.

"I-" You're cut off by him tugging you by your waist and then pulling your leg over him.

The man situates you in his lap, "Say it again." He orders.

"W-What?" You laugh nervously, "Say what again, Cho?"

"C'mon, call me that again." Choso requests, "Please?"

"Call you what?? Cho?" You ask innocently.

He pouts and his hands slip under your shirt, his fingers warm as they trace the frame of your waist, "Call me baby again."

"Why?" You hum as you tilt your head at him.

Choso grips onto your sides and you feel his hips lift into you ever so slightly, making your breath stutter. "Because I liked it, I like any nickname you call me." He claims.

You chuckle at him and move to cup his face in your palms, soon swiping your thumb under his eye to rid the residue of his tear, "You're so cute, Choso."

He bites his lip, "Am I?"

"Mhm." You hum.

"What else?" Choso asks, raising a brow.

"You want me to say more??" You scoff a little, "Want' me to start listing the things I like about you?"

He shrugs a little, "After hearing that I have competition... I won't lie, it'd be nice to know what you like about me..."

You release a soft sigh, "Well... I actually love the way you look at me."

"Love?" Choso echos, "You love the way I look at you?"

Your head nods, "Mhm."

"Why?"

"It's like... I dunno, I feel seen. But not in a physical or literal sense," You try to explain as best as you can, "In like, a spiritual sense almost? It's like you see... me?"

Choso smiles at you, "I get what you mean."

"Yeah, well, I really love that. Uhm, I also like your face," You murmur, squishing his cheeks in your hand a little as you do so, to which he laughs. "Sometimes you can be really cute and other times you can be really sexy."

"Yeah?" Choso's cheesing at this point, "Which do you prefer?"

"I dunno, I like you both ways." You tell him with a little shrug.

"Mhm..." The male nods his head, his eyes never leaving yours.

"I also like how family-oriented you are," You point out, "The way you care for Yuji is so admirable."

"Is it really?"

"Yeah, and it's cute the way you boast about him and your other brothers," You say.

Choso shrugs, "I didn't think anyone would pay that much attention to the way I talk about them."

"I do."

"And that's exactly why I love you."

You smile, "Right. Now, since we're on that topic, tell me why."

"Why I love you?" He asks with a slight tilt of his head.

Your hands slip down from his face and snake around his neck as you lean into him a little, "Mhm."

"Your fuckin' eyes," Choso breathes out, "From the day we ran into each other in the hallway, I've been obsessed. I love your eyes. I love it when you look at me, even when you're mad or sad, I can't help but love all the things I see in your eyes."

You bat your eyelashes at him, "Aw, really?"

"Yeah, you say so many things through your gaze." Choso expresses, "I always pay attention to them."

"Is that your favorite thing about me or something?" You giggle.

"I think so, yeah," He grins, "It's hard to pick just one thing but yeah, that might be my favorite."

Your smile grows and the male below you is so enamored by you.

"Even when we'd uh... y'know... I'll always prefer to be able to look you in the eyes," Choso claims.

You raise a brow and act innocent, "When we what?"

"You know what."

"No, I don't..."

"When we fuck, princess." Choso says with a sassy roll of his eyes, "I like watching the way your eyes roll back when my cock is stuffed inside you jus' right-"

"Holy f-fuck, okay, okay, you didn't have to say all that," You rush out to the man, your face heating up.

He snickers, "Why? Are you still embarrassed about the things we've done?"

"K-Kinda..." You murmur.

"Aww, that's so cute," Choso coos, "Remember when I made you squirt all over my car seats?"

Your eyes widen, "Choso-"

"Or that time you passed out on me because I was eating you out for too long."

"Choso I swear-"

He smirks, knowing his words are riling you up, "Fuck, wait, or that time you had my legs shaking because of how good you rode me-"

"Choso!" You cut off, your eyes widening and your arousal suddenly increasing as you recall each time, "I r-remember it all, you don't have to remind me."

"My bad..." He murmurs innocently. Then, he tips his head to the side, "Do you really remember though?"

You roll your eyes, "Of course I remember."

"No, not just the sex itself," Choso goes on to explain, "Do you remember how it felt?"

"Duh-"

One of his hands shifts from your waist and to your stomach, pushing against your skin slightly, "No baby, do you remember how deep inside you my cock goes?"

Your breathing grows a bit heavier, "Y-Yeah-"

"Tell me then," Choso smirks mischievously, "Explain to me where you usually feel me."

"C-Choso-"

"Nope, don't C-Choso me," The man mocks you dramatically, making his voice all high-pitched for a second to tease you, "Explain it to me or I'll remind you," He says in a surprisingly lowered voice.

Your eyes narrow at the way he mocked you and you then roll your eyes. "Remind me then."

"Askin' or tellin' me to?" Choso questions for clarification.

You send him a serious look, "I'm telling you to." You reply, moving your hands to his shoulders, "Remind me how deep inside me you reach."

Choso swallows, "Verbally or physically?"

"Maybe both," You shrug.

He smirks and his hands slip down to your hips. As soon as his fingers settle in place, you roll your crotch forward a little and he inhales sharply.

"Both?" Choso whispers out.

"You heard me," You hum.

He pulls his lower lip into his mouth for a second before you suddenly grind yourself backward and make his brows furrowed and his lips part to release a breath of air.

"Shit," Choso curses.

You lean closer to his face and arch your back a little as you do so, pressing your chest against his, "C'mon now, baby. Remind me how deep inside me you reach."

His cock twitches to life at the sound of the nickname and your sudden sultry tone, "You know how deep inside you I reach, princess."

You shake your head, "I don't care, remind me."

Choso tips his head back against the couch and smiles, "You want me to fuck you, don't you?"

"Did I not make it obvious enough yet?" You ask, tilting your head.

Choso gently humps his growing erection up against your warmth, "It's been a minute, princess..."

"So?"

"I'm really pent up," Choso explains, "You sure you want me to take that out on you?"

You bite your lower lip in thought, "Mhm." You hum in response after a minute.

He scoffs, "Yeah?" Choso licks his lips, "I went two months without you... Do you know what that does to a man?"

"Two months without pussy?" You purposefully chuckle at him in a taunting manner, "I'm sure you're fine-"

Choso groans out your name and his eyelids lower, "I'm about to fuck the shit outta' you."

"Do it then." You challenged.

How did you two go from confessing to here? You don't know and you don't think you really care. After all, it's not the first time sex has been intertwined with emotions. And when it's Choso, you're all the more excited for it.

He sighs loudly, "Before I do, remember' our safe word?"

Oh, you'd almost forgotten. The two of you did end up needing one... Especially after the man would eat you out until he wasn't even breathing anymore. He nearly passed out on you a few times because he'd forgotten to breathe. Plus, Choso tended to get rough every now and then.

"Vanilla," You chuckle out, "Don't worry, I remember."

He nods, "Good," Choso then leans forward and kisses you briefly, "Cause' I'm about to fuck you til' your cum is all over my legs."

And just like that, you were ridiculously horny. "Fuck, that's so..." You swallow down your words, "S-Since when do you talk like that, Cho?"

He stares at you with lustful eyes, "Since I went two months without you." Choso claims, "I told you... I'm really pent up."

"You poor thing," You murmur, purposefully frowning at him.

"Don't tease me." He grunts.

"It's okay, Cho..." You whisper, leaning toward him again, "You can take it all out on me."

GOJO SATORU ✔︎ 𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘋𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘺: 𝙀𝙖𝙨𝙮

GETO SUGURU ✔︎ 𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘋𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘺: 𝙀𝙖𝙨𝙮

TOJI FUSHIGURO ✔︎ 𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘋𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘺: 𝙈𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙪𝙢

KAMO CHOSO ✔︎ 𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘋𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘺: 𝙎𝙚𝙢𝙞-𝙈𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙪𝙢 / 𝙀𝙖𝙨𝙮

ZEN'IN NAOYA ✔︎ 𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘋𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘺: 𝙀𝙭𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙡𝙮 𝙀𝙖𝙨𝙮

ITADORI SUKUNA ✔︎ 𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘋𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘺: 𝙎𝙚𝙢𝙞-𝙀𝙖𝙨𝙮???

NANAMI KENTO ☐ 𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘋𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘺: 𝙃𝙖𝙧𝙙

mlist || previous chapt || next chpt

[autistichalsin]

I know I express dissatisfaction a lot about how hard it is to get Halsin upset at the player- how no amount of mistreatment from a romanced player will make him break up with them, how he NEVER asserts a boundary, how he tolerates even the most cruel comments. The rare times he expresses hurt, it still changes nothing about his interactions with the player and rarely costs more than one approval.

The reason I express this most of all with the new datamined dialogue is for two reasons: one, that one is so beyond the pale that it needs to be treated as evil, and should include Halsin saying so. But also, if Halsin won't even call it quits with a romanced player after THIS, it raises some really worrying implications.

Halsin should be allowed to have ONE situation where he'll go "no more" to the player's cruelty because... honestly? The pattern the writers established here actually makes me worried for Halsin.

Halsin rarely shows offense or anger at lines no matter how mean they are (even the player shooting down his romantic overture by comparing him to a deep rothe gets a hurt response but no loss of approval or scolding or anything). He stays with the player romantically even after they threaten to sell him back into sexual slavery in the new dialogue- he doesn't even lose a single approval point! And while he gets annoyed if the player toys with his heart by nearly breaking up with him multiple times and then changing their mind, even after the fourth time the player does this, when he says "sometimes it is difficult to love you," the implication there is clear- he still DOES love you. Even when he is deeply hurt by what you're doing, so much so that he straight up asks you, "does it please you to see me crestfallen?" and loses approval, he STILL doesn't break up with you or assert himself- he doesn't say next time is the last time, he doesn't call the player an asshole, nothing. He just takes it even when he gets hurt and upset again and again. In short: Halsin puts up with a LOT of manipulative, borderline abusive behavior from the player without more than an occasional ding in approval.

Then you add in Halsin's backstory of sexual slavery, him losing all of his family, being so socially isolated from his leadership role that he began to MISS being a sex slave, his sadness but quiet acceptance at the fact that everyone thinks his feelings can't be hurt due to his size, his survivor guilt over the shadow curse, and the fact that the player, even if they choose to mistreat him, is still the one who broke the curse with him, leaving him feeling permanently feeling indebted to them.

In other words: what the game is showing us ISN'T a wise and stoic, sage old elf who is just that unshakeable after all he's seen. They are showing us a man with so much unprocessed trauma and such a complete lack of personal boundaries that he is showing several warning signs he could easily end up the victim of domestic violence by a partner- whether that's evil!Tav or some other potential partner he might find after canon- without ever realizing it.

The other romanceable characters will dump you if you mistreat them or violate the terms of the relationship (I.E. sleeping with someone else when they made it clear they weren't poly). They all, even Astarion, have more willingness to stand up for themselves than Halsin does.

Halsin isn't a pushover, or at least, I don't think we're supposed to read him as one. He will fight whatever enemies he needs to. But when it comes to those close to him- and note that he calls the player his friend in ALL circumstances- he just refuses. The most is a ding of approval at times or a very quiet, quick comment that basically amounts to "that wasn't cool :( " before he moves on.

I know it wasn't what the writers intended, but it's what comes across in the text all the same.

(This is also why, on top of headcanoning Halsin as autistic, I am also firmly convinced he was bullied as a child- he just acts far too much like a grown-up victim of bullying)

[nickel156]

Reasons I hate Cassian.

And you should too!

These aren't in order I apologize.

CONTINUE AT OWN RISK

"I didn’t ask to be shackled to you”

“Everybody fucking hates you”

“Your sisters love you. I can’t for the life of me understand why, but they do.”

Asks her in the BC 3-4 times if she's a virgin. Why do you care? This is so ick. Giving me serious predator vibes.

Gives Mor lingerie and then throws a tantrum when Nesta didn't want his gift.

Takes her on a hike that makes her suic*dal. And doesn't look back at her for hours after seeing her look over that cliff.

Nesta passes out from dehydration and he gaslights her. Bro she didn't even want to be on this hike to begin with, but please continue to tell her that everything is her fault.

He isn't pissed at Rhysand for wanting to kill Nesta.. but pissed at Nesta for telling Feyre the truth. Which if he were actually Feyre's friend in the first place, he would have told her.

Rips his hand out of Nesta's, showing he's essentially ashamed of her.

Gropes Nesta when she doesn't even want him to touch her. In her house!!

Rhysand is yelling at Nesta to the point where Ember tells him he reminds her of her ex. Whom she literally ran away from. All while Cassian is a complacent dog who does nothing to help her. A fucking human who barely knows Nesta stood up for her more than her own mate!! Be for real!!!

How he didn't disagree when she was compared to the fae of HC and Mor's cruel family. Because this 20 something yo is mean to you. It's the fucking same as Mor's family almost beating her to death!! You can all fuck right off.

Laughs when she fell down the stairs. When fun fact, had she fallen off, she'd be dead.

Tells her to get over her trauma even though earlier he told her it took him 10 years to get over killing a bunch of Illyrians. When killing those fae was his choice. And all of Nesta's trauma was against her will. Like how can you even compare those traumas?? You made a choice she was a victim.

Rhysand threatens to kill Nesta multiple times while Cassian says and does nothing. Your HL wants to kill your mate YOUR SO CALLED BROTHER!!! AND YOU CAN'T FORM FUCKING WORDS!! You piece of trash.

Won't let her eat what she wants, when she's literally skin and bones. Let her put sugar on her fucking oatmeal without you bringing up her dead father, you Illyrian baby. LET HER EAT HER CAKE SO HELP ME GOD!!!

Sleeps with her after the Kelpie attack when she's injured and is clearly using sex as a coping mechanism.

Sees her fear of fire but does nothing.

"There nothing broken to be fixed" Then what the fucking fuck dude! Why are you complacent in all of this if you don't think she needs to be fixed in the first place?!?

Continuously disregards Nesta's boundaries.

He never says I love you back. Showing you love someone (which frankly I think he does the opposite of) is not the same. You tell someone "I love you" the normal response is "I love you too"

But I don't think he actually does. I think he's wanted a mate for so long he loves the idea of it more than he actually loves Nesta. Especially when he's shown time and time again that he'll put everyone else before her.

I pray for a rejection or better yet, Death

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Ticketmaster jacks us for billions so it can pocket millions

NEXT WEEKEND (June 7–9), I'm in AMHERST, NEW YORK to keynote the 25th Annual Media Ecology Association Convention and accept the Neil Postman Award for Career Achievement in Public Intellectual Activity.

Corruption is a system of concentrated gains and diffused costs: cheaters make a lot of money, and their victims each lose a little. The cheater has a much larger pool of money to spend on keeping the scam going, and the victims need to pay again to fight the cheater.

Actually, it's worse. The victim pays once when they are cheated, then, they pay a second time (in time and/or money) when they fight back against the cheater.

But in order to fight back effectively, the victims need to band together – it doesn't make sense for one victim to pony up to counter the cheater, because the cheater stole from a lot of people and can therefore spend far more than the victim lost and still come out ahead.

This is the third time the victim pays: they pay the "collective action" tax of locating other victims, agreeing to a common strategy for fighting back, and then coordinating with all those co-victims to keep the campaign up.

But actually, it's even worse. Because most corruption isn't just dishonest, it's incredibly wasteful. Corruption involves stealing ten dollars from you to make a dime for the cheater. The polluter who gives you cancer rather than cleaning up their industrial process costs you millions in medical bills – and maybe costs your family the lifelong trauma and expense of living with your death. They pocket an infinitesimal fraction of those costs. The rest is just wasted. They're setting your house on fire to spare themselves the cost of a match to light their cigar.

This is yet another way in which the deck is stacked in favor of corruption. A victim of corruption is placed in a condition of precarity and misery from which is it difficult to marshal a counteroffensive. The cheater, meanwhile, is made stronger and more comfortable by their corrupt activities. Immiserated victims must undertake the hard, ongoing work of acting together to be effective against the cheater. The cheater answers only to themself, avoiding the collective action costs that the victims pay every time they seek to act.

All of this is why we have governments. A government is (said to be) a democratically accountable way to meet the concentrated power of the corrupt with the concentrated power of the victims of corruption. Governments are many things, but they are especially a way of solving the collective action problem of enforcing the rules against cheaters. This is partially in service to justice – no one likes to be cheated, and a society of rampant and routine cheating is unstable and prone to collapse.

But it's also a matter of efficiency. While it makes a certain kind of selfish sense for the cheater to liquidate our dollar to make their penny, from a societal perspective, it's a catastrophe. Letting Wall Street slumlords corner regional markets in single family dwellings makes large amounts of money for their investors, but it costs those cities unimaginable amounts in public services as their housing stock decays, homelessness spikes, and schools and public services crumble for want of local taxes.

The paltry sums that Flint's creditors extracted by insisting on switching to a chlorinated water-supply that leeched lead out of the city's water infrastructure are crumbs compared to the vast, lifelong costs of giving an all the children in a city lead poisoning, to say nothing of the costs to the city as a city nor forever tainted by this unspeakably evil crime.

This is why inequality – and its handmaiden, monopoly – is so dangerous. The more concentrated private wealth becomes, the harder it is for the state to police, and the more likely it is that this private wealth will corrupt our officials. We see this all around us – for example, when Supreme Court justices receive lavish gifts from billionaires whom they later rule in favor of:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/06/clarence-thomas/#harlan-crow

Through the neoliberal era – the past forty years of billionaire-friendly Reaganomics – we've seen increasing concentration in wealth, coupled to increasing collusion between the wealthy and the government to protect the corrupt against the public. Think of the IRS's long decay, in which it turned a blind eye to increasingly blatant tax evasion by the ultra-wealthy, while training its fire on working people who fudge a few bucks on their returns:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/04/13/taxes-are-for-the-little-people/#leona-helmsley-2022

Likewise, think of the governmental obsession with "welfare cheats," no matter what the cost to families who are kicked off food stamps and Medicaid:

https://armandalegshow.com/episode/medicaid-enrollment/

All this in the midst of a corporate crime-wave that is not only unpunished, it's utterly unremarked-upon:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/12/07/solar-panel-for-a-sex-machine/#a-single-proposition

This emphasis on benefits cheating and indifference to corporate crime really highlights the drag that corruption places on a society's efficiency. Even if you believe that there's a lot of welfare fraud (there isn't!), the dollar in "undeserved" food stamps spent by a cheater costs society…a dollar. Meanwhile the dollar that a corporate criminal makes by skimping on workplace safety costs society thousands of dollars to care for the worker who is then maimed on the job.

This is very easy to see in the world of corporate environmental crime. The "social cost of carbon" measures the total cost of pollution: the injuries caused by marinating in fossil fuel extraction, processing and combustion byproducts; as well as the loss of life and property from climate events. These costs are blistering, so high that every MWh of renewable power we bring online saves us $100 in social carbon costs:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/30/posiwid/#social-cost-of-carbon

Governments that sleep on corporate crime are objectively governing badly. That's why the antitrust failures of every US presidential administration from Carter to Trump are so damning: they set the stage for later corruption that would not only be carried out on a larger scale than smaller firms could accomplish, but also for those large firms to corrupt the political process.

This is the Ticketmaster story. The superpredator that is today's Ticketmaster is the end-point of a series of ever-more corrupt mergers, waved through by every-more pliable presidential administrations. It was bad enough when Bush I allowed Ticketmaster to gobble up Ticketron in 1990. After all, the company had already proven itself to be a cesspit of corrupt, bullying activity.

The Ticketron acquisition kicked off a two-decade-long corporate crime-spree that produced a mountain of evidence proving Ticketmaster's nature as an inherently corrupt enterprise that acquired power for the purpose of abusing that power, at the expense of creative workers, the public, and the owners of venues:

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/pearl-jam-taking-on-ticketmaster-67440/

Despite this, the Obama administration waved through an acquisition that was obviously far more dangerous that the Ticketron caper: the 2010 merger between Ticketmaster and the concert promoter Live Nation:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Live_Nation_Entertainment#History

After a decade and a half of vertical monopoly power – Ticketmaster/Live Nation controlling ticketing, promotion and venues – the company has grown from a dangerous octopus with its tentacles twined around the industry into a kraken that is strangling every kind of live event and everyone who earns a living from them. This has produced an ever-more obvious string of scandals, most notably the company's assault on Swifties:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/20/anything-that-cant-go-on-forever-will-eventually-stop/

A combination of mounting public outrage (with Swifties at the vanguard) and the Biden administration's generational enthusiasm for smashing corporate power has led, at last, to a reckoning with the Ticketmaster kraken:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/30/nix-fix-the-tix/#something-must-be-done-there-we-did-something

Ticketmaster is a famously opaque organization. When Rebecca Giblin and I were working on Chokepoint Capitalism, our book on monopoly and creative labor markets, we were able to speak on the record to insiders from every part of the industry, except live performance:

https://chokepointcapitalism.com/

As soon as we raised Ticketmaster/Live Nation with club owners and other events industry insiders, they'd go pale and quiet and tell us that they didn't feel comfortable staying on the record. TM/LN has a well-deserved mafia-style reputation for savage retaliation against snitches.

With the DOJ Antitrust Division chasing Ticketmaster through the courts, we're starting to get a rare, on-the-record glimpse of TM/LN's operations, as its internal documents find their pay into court records. In response Ticketmaster's spokesliars have embarked on an epic spin campaign, to "contextualize" these damning numbers and paint the company as a weak, low-margin business that has been unfairly set-upon by the bullies at the DOJ.

In his BIG newsletter, Matt Stoller offers a spectacular, must-read breakdown of these documents and the ensuing spin:

https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/is-ticketmaster-telling-the-truth

Stoller starts with Ticketmaster's insistence that it is barely profitable. Though this is true on paper, the numbers just don't add up. For one thing, anyone who's bought a ticket can see, printed on its face, TM's junk fees: "a 'service fee' without any obvious service [and] a 'convenience fee' that is anything but convenient."

Far more damning is a comparison between the price of a Ticketmaster ticket in the US vs the EU. The EU has legally mandated competitive ticketing, and the tickets there are far cheaper. A US ticket to see Taylor Swift will run you $2,600 – the same ticket costs $340 in the EU. As Stoller writes:

An American could fly to Paris, spend a few nights at a nice hotel, see a Taylor Swift concert, and fly back, for less than it costs to see that same show in the U.S.

How to make sense of this contradiction? How can Ticketmaster show such a low profit margin on its books but somehow end up costing event-goers such an absurd premium?

Start with the fact that Ticketmaster has three businesses, not just one. They sell tickets, but they also promote concerts (that is, front the money for personnel, travel and marketing), and they also own a bunch of the largest and most profitable venues in the country.

This allows them to play a shell-game that's very similar to (and possibly not actually different from) money-laundering, where money is shuffled between entities in order to shield it from creditors, suppliers or tax agents:

https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/explosive-new-documents-unearthed

But this presents a problem for Ticketmaster. They're a publicly traded company and their investors demand high returns. And unlike performers or venue owners, investors have power over Ticketmaster management. Keeping "margin per ticket" number as low as possible lets Ticketmaster minimize the revenue it has to share with the people who actually do the work and invest the capital in live performances. But for investors, they need to show another number, one that's as high as possible, to keep the investors happy.

That number is "Adjusted Operating Income" or AOI. While gross margins are the difference between the face value of a ticket and the sum remitted to the venue and the performer, AOI factors in all the other revenue TM/LN books from that ticket, like kickbacks. TM/LN's AOI is very healthy: it's 37% on tickets and 61% on promotions.

Those sums delight TM/LN's investors, and they express their joy through lavish executive compensation packages. CEO Michael Rapino is America's fifth-highest paid CEO, at $139m/year (that's eight times the Fortune 500 average). His sidekick Joe Berchtold is America's highest paid CFO, at $54m. The total AOI for TM/LN is $732m/year – and 19% of that is being paid to two of its execs.

But LN/TM has a third line of business: operating venues. The AOI for these venues is just 1.7%. If this were a normal, cutthroat business, you'd expect those same return-focused investors to insist on their handsomely compensated execs selling off that low-margin turkey. But nevertheless, TM/LN keeps those venues on its books.

When those execs talk to the public, they use the poor profit margins of ticketing and the poor AOI on venues to plead poverty: "how can we be a monopoly when we're barely scraping by?"

But when they talk to the investors who decide whether to pay them 800% of the S&P500 average, they are more forthcoming.

Keeping the margins low on tickets – and making up the money with kickbacks and other corrupt payments – means that potential rival ticketing firms can't afford to get into the business. Without the venue and promotion business, those rivals wouldn't be able to command kickbacks. They'd have to subsist on the rock-bottom margins that are competitive with Ticketmaster.

Likewise those venues: ownership of key venues lets Ticketmaster/Live Nation force out credible rivals in important markets, and keep new ones from emerging, because again, they'd have to make a living on that paltry 1.7% AOI (or the even lower profit margins!).

As Joe Berchtold, the highest-paid CFO in America, told an analyst:

I don't think Concerts AOI per fan is a logical way to look at it. I think if you look at how we've talked about our business, we've talked about our business across the multiple pieces. So you have to look at it, what's the concerts plus sponsorship plus ticketing AOI per fan.

Berchtold is paid roughly $26,000/hour. Those words take roughly 25 seconds to utter, so that's a $7.20 explanation, but it contains a wealth of information – it's basically the DoJ's case in a nutshell.

But Stoller points out a curious fact that isn't captured here. Remember when I told you that TM/LN's NOI is $732m/year? What I didn't mention is the company's gross revenue: $16.7 billion.

When TM/LN talks about how shitty their business is, and therefore they can't be a monopoly, this is the trump card. How could a company creaming off a mere $732 million off $16.7 billion in gross revenue be a monopolist with "pricing power"?

This is where understanding corruption helps clarify our understanding and cut through the bullshit. Corruption is vastly wasteful. In order to extract $732m from $16.7b, TM/LN has to engage in a lot of wasteful and corrupt activities. They have to bribe other key players in the system, spend vast fortunes on lobbying, and generally do a lot of unproductive things with their money.

This is concentrated gains and diffuse losses. In order to command the highest salary of any American CFO, Berchtold has to cook up and maintain this process. In order to earn his $139m/year, Rapino has to play mafia don and keep everyone is his supply chain sufficiently terrorized or sufficiently greased to maintain omerta.

These two men take home a fifth of Ticketmaster's net income because they possess a rare and valuable skill. They are able to obfuscate a corrupt arrangement, enrobing it in layers of performative complexity, until the average musician, concertgoer, or lawmaker, can't understand it. Any attempt to unravel it will induce a deadly, soporific confusion. The investment industry term for his is MEGO (My Eyes Glaze Over), the weaponization of complexity. A skilled MEGO artist can convince you that the pile of shit they're peddling is so large that there must be a pony under it somewhere.

Here's Stoller, de-MEGOfying the TM/LN story:

Live Nation has a giant capital intensive unprofitable division of putting on concerts, from which it skims for its real cash flow. But this leverage among different subsidiaries means that it has an incentive to push up the cost of concerts overall, not just for its own profit. This incentive operates in two different ways. One, since ticket fees are based on the price of a ticket, Live Nation seeks higher prices for tickets so it can move more cash to its Ticketmaster subsidiary. And two, since Live Nation itself gets rebates by overpaying for venues, it has the incentive to push up the cost of shows. No one can undercut Live Nation, as it’s a monopoly.

You might think that this is a lot of mental energy to expend on understanding live performances. If you're not trying to see Taylor Swift, does any of this matter?

It assuredly does. Understanding how Ticketmaster's shell-game works is critical to understanding the similar shell-games played by many other kinds of monopolists, who have wrapped their tentacles around all the other parts of our lives. As David Dayen and Lindsay Owens write for The American Prospect, the companies that avoided monopoly prosecution by ripping off suppliers have bled those suppliers dry, and now they're coming for their customers:

https://prospect.org/economy/2024-06-03-age-of-recoupment/

From groceries to plane tickets, rent to cab rides, Amazon to Ticketmaster, we are living through the "Age of Recoupment," when the long con of lowering prices to secure monopolies flips enters it final stage: greedflating the shit out of customers, and using the monopolist's power over regulators to avoid consequences.

Today, everywhere consumers turn, whether they are shopping for groceries at the local Kroger or for plane tickets online, they are being gouged. Landlords are quietly utilizing new software to band together and raise rents. Uber has been accused of raising the price of rides when a customer’s phone battery is drained. Ticketmaster layers on additional fees as you move through the process of securing seats to your favorite artist’s upcoming show. Amazon’s secret pricing algorithm, code-named “Project Nessie,” was designed to identify products where it could raise prices, on the expectation that competitors would follow suit. Companies are forcing you into monthly subscriptions for a tube of toothpaste. Banks have crept up the price of credit, so customers who cannot afford price-gouging in their everyday transactions get a second round of price-gouging when they put purchases on credit. Expedia is using demographic and purchase history data to set hotel pricing for an audience of one: you.

When these companies end up in front of angry attorneys general, DOJ lawyers, or an FTC investigation, they'll use the Ticketmaster/Live Nation playbook to try and wriggle off the hook. They'll point to some barely-profitable (or money-losing) part of their business and say, "How could a monopolist possibly be running a business this shitty?"

If the DOJ makes its case against Ticketmaster, it will set a precedent, both in court and in policy circles, for understanding how a monopolist's corruption works. Monopolists aren't always businesses with gigantic margins. Like other criminals, their corruption can produce spectacular wealth and spectacular waste at the same time.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/06/03/aoi-aoi-oh/#concentrated-gains-vast-diffused-losses

[houxe]

Regarding my SBI/DSMP Fics

TW: Abuse, Trauma, and Mentions of Suicide.

With all that has happened, I did want to come out here and make my stance clear. I will always stand with Shelby (Shubble) and all of the victims who are speaking out against Will Gold (Wilbur Soot). If you still support that bastard, unfollow me and leave my blog and whatever small community I made.

I've already stated this is my Discord channel, but I want to put it here too.

For me, c!Wilbur is so far removed from cc!Wilbur that I don't connect the two. The characters are vessels for my own characterizations and stories. It's a bit like writing Supernatural*, Twilight, or Hazbin Hotel fanfics. I don't support the guy, monetarily or otherwise, he does not interact with fanfics, I have plans to be very vocal that I'm on Shelby's side no matter what/make it clear that what Will did is wrong, and I don't use his real life events as plots in my stories. At least, I certainly don't try to. It's why I typically change traits about the characters. (I.e. Tommy is shorter, Phil is taller, Techno is bulky, and Wilbur always has golden/hazel eyes.)

I'm aware that it's a tad different because it's rp and not something like a full on book or an actor in a movie, but DSMP has also been over for over two years and the characterizations I make for SBI are not at all based on the CCs. Real life Techno isn't a literal terrorist, Phil ain't a father married to a goddess, Tommy is not a traumatized child soldier, and Wilbur isn't suicidal and blowing up countries.

I think I'll likely focus more on Techno, Tommy, and Phil for a while, but I'm not gonna let one dude ruin a fandom and things I've made for myself. Nothing I write is ever made for Wilbur, as I've seen people saying. Additionally, Wilbur was not the only writer. Technoblade, Philza, TommyInnit, and so many others made that story what it was. Not him.

However, if any CCs come forward saying they don't want their old characters interacting with his, I will respect that.

Though I do think there is a tendency to take real life events (i.e. Techno's cancer, LJ's music, Tommy's real life parents, etc.) and put them into fiction about DSMP. I, however, don't try to do that and have stated before that I don't feel comfortable doing so. The truth is that we have not gotten any genuine SBI content outside of DSMP for years. The dynamic in real life is very different from what was presented in the DSMP. Did personalities still bleed over? Yes, I'm not going to deny that, but I'm not going to act like they're exactly the same between character and person either. We've had that conversation like in 2021, it's why we have C! and CC!.

The rather sad truth is, SBI is what got me really into writing and it's a comfort for me that nothing can compare to. Obviously, I don't think it's appropriate to be writing certain types of stories right now or to be involving characters made by CCs outside of the DSMP. I think it's up to everyone else to decide on what they want to do, however, rushing it also isn't the way to go either. Give yourself time to heal and think it over first instead of throwing away something that gives you comfort and has not been associated with by the creators for over two years.

Anyways, fuck Will Gold. Fuck the fact that he hurt so many people, and fuck that he lied and manipulated his way around the damn internet. ESPECIALLY fuck the fact that he tried to diminish what he did and not take proper accountability.

Go and support Shelby so so much, she and everyone who spoke out really deserve it. I'm glad silence on these types of issues is not being normalized.

Here is a list of (American) resources for DV help:

TNLR

RAINN

WOAR

Love is respect

The Trevor project

Futures without violence

National domestic violence hotline

Resource on what DV and abuse looks like

*Changed it from Harry Potter to Supernatural because Harry Potter is a significantly worse and more problematic franchise, even just within the content of the books. It'd be better left in the dust. I've talked about it before, but it was the first thing that came to my mind at the time and was a poor comparison on my part, I'm truly sorry for that.

[shesnake]

I wanted to know your thoughts on this but do you think it's fair to say either Louis or Armand are abusive in their relationship? Idek if this is a valid angle to view the characters from because I guess they're all monsters or whatever but a part of me thinks that it's kinda lukewarm to refuse to engage with the complicated themes of the show, which abuse is featured heavily and pretty clearly imo. This isn't aimed at you btw. Something I noticed is people tend to use some of Louis's less favorable moments to justify the violence he experiences. Like that post about Armand just matching Louis energy in ep 5, most of the notes are taking the stance that Louis is a cold, unempathic pimp who doesn't care about sa victims, that Armand genuinely is completely right when he says he is always cleaning up after Louis that he was only worried and tenderhearted and Louis escalated in the worst way and that after Louis said that he deserved everything that happened after. And I may be biased but to me that is so fucking crazy. To me it seems like fans, specially nonblack fans, have zero empathy for black abuse victims, actively enacting abuse culture even. But idk if that is a too reactive view. I don't want to say Louis isn't flawed because he is. But I mean we are watching the season about Armand getting Claudia killed on purpose and somehow people are still like Maybe Armand didn't do it, maybe it was all Louis, maybe Louis really asked for it. All of it. I think there's a problem there but idk I kinda feel a little crazy too. Btw disclaimer I fuckin hate Lestat this is not about comparing Loumand/Loustat lol

hi! and wow there is so much to discuss here...

I think it is fair to describe the actions of both Louis and Armand towards each other as abusive by definition but it's always important to remember that it is Armand in the position of greater power over him. Armand is older, stronger, owns dominion. He can walk in the sun, manipulate memories, and live without constant debilitating hunger for blood - all of which are things that impede Louis from being his own person outside of Armand.

Louis also faced this same predicament when he was with Lestat, but unlike Armand who uses his own innate powers against Louis, Lestat mostly used his social advantages of whiteness, wealth etc in addition to withholding key knowledge about vampirism to keep himself in control and Louis dependent on him.

and sure Louis can lash out all he wants! He can mock Armand's sexual trauma (trauma which Armand himself already gets them both to fetishise... but that's a whole different conversation...) he can hit back when Lestat hits him but when he's with either of those guys he is always going to be the victim. Nothing shitty he does to his partners, or to Claudia, or to Daniel, justifies what is being done to him by these men.

There absolutely has to be anti-blackness involved in any argument that says Louis deserves any of this. (Of course Armand as a brown South Asian man is not immune from fandom racism but his treatment is racialised in a different way that is also a different conversation). Any negative behaviour from a Black man is going to be seen by racists as exponentially more aggressive than it is, especially the cross-section with those you mentioned who aren't engaging with the complicated themes of this show exploring abuse.

They can see that Louis yelling at Armand is bad, but don't notice that Armand is being manipulative. They can see that Louis stabbing Lestat that one time during sex is bad (and still sexualise it), but don't notice that Louis is disassociating in every sex scene he has with Lestat afterwards (because they're too busy sexualising it). They can see that Louis making Daniel upset is bad, but don't notice that Daniel has been leveling dozens of racist and homophobic micro-aggressions at him since episode 1.

Armand got a few minutes to tell his tragic backstory in Louvre, Lestat had 2 or 3 different scenes in season 1 to recall his own. It's just been words. Meanwhile racists erase Louis' experiences with trauma because they never had enough fucking empathy for him to begin with to even register it happening to him! on screen! in real time! right in front of us!

And yeah Louis and Armand and Loumand are incredibly complex and compelling, and I do enjoy seeing Louis' moments of cruelty towards Armand! But he's never going to win against him in the game Armand built for him.

And in terms of Claudia, I do think that Louis failed her, as he has always failed her. And is responsible for her death in that regard. But that failure involved letting those other two fucking sharks eat her!!! I personally haven't seen anyone pushing the blame completely off Armand and onto Louis but I wouldn't be surprised. This week I've more pissed off about people levelling it all on Armand and think of Lestat as an unwilling participant.... this is of course the blonde white vampire show....

anyways sorry this is so long! thanks for the message this was really interesting to think about.

[tai-janai]

ok so apparently all the voices have a little ability ? of some sort that comes from different forms of trauma responses and the sake of safety so im going to list what i think they are. im open to discussion

tldr: they all are their own form of trauma response

with the obvious:

The Voice of the Paranoid with reign over the system. It goes with the fact that someone with anxiety has more stress responses than the average person, he knows how to keep the heart from exploding. His response is pretty clear, the nightmare is very clearly traumatizing. His focus works on survival from the inside.

The Voice of the Hunted has his animalistic instinct and heightened senses. I stand by the fact that he could hold his own better than any other voice in a battle to the death. Though he may not outsmart an enemy, his focus works to keep the system safe.

The Voice of the Hero is, in a way, inconsistent. I think his ability has to do with adaptability. I also have this minor headcanon that he isn't quite the same as the other voices, since he's always kind of there. He can reach the Quiet even when others cannot. His interactions with and reactions to the princess depend on the player more than any other thing. His focus is less of a Hero, and more of an ally.

The Voice of the Broken is fear in a way Paranoid is not. His fear makes him small, but more powerful. In the instance of "Fight or Flight," his response is "Fawn," as in he will use his power to give in to the fear. His will and fear are very powerful compared to the others, being able to control the Quiet's actions without much effort. In a way, his focus is making himself powerless.

The Voice of the Cold is pretty infamous for being as unfeeling as possible. I believe this is not just his little emo persona, I think his focus has shifted in a way that he has become unfeeling (usually as a result of turning off after being stuck in Nothing for "eternity"). His focus is a straightforward lack of empathy as a response to the trauma of nothingness and murder.

The Voice of the Opportunist is like the Hero with adaptability, but that is not his focus. He works with self-interest in mind. He is focused on self-improvement, with the self becoming the best and most powerful. When others backstab, and when you, yourself are a backstabber, it is often that one learns from this to get a vantage point. He is very clever to the best situation and outcome, not caring how he gets there. His focus is the self's best interest.

The Voice of the Stubborn is a very angry little guy. Fight or Flight, his choice is pretty obvious. In the route of the Adversary, of which he is the foil, his response is to become the enemy. He has to fight her, until it becomes a game where "nobody can get hurt." He, like Paranoid, can keep the body from stopping. Remind you of anyone named Frisk Undertale? His focus comes down to denial and determination. He won't let himself be the victim.

The Voice of the Skeptic is, of course, constantly questioning. Once bitten, twice shy, as we all know. The lies , this time from the Narrator, are definitely stress-inducing, and coming from someone that preaches trust, it is not so easy to replenish the guy's trust in anything. His views can venture beyond what is available; he is the first to think outside of the box. It comes down to the focus of self-preservation, the opposition to the Opportunist's focus of self-interest.

The Voice of the Contrarian is similar, but it can be argued that he isn't exactly a trauma response. He is just a reaction to the self. There is a disorder (i cant remember the name) where its just constant denial and contradiction, and that feels more like him than anything. But we all know Conty. It's very clear his focus is Brewing Chaos. His affect can literally alter reality as the reality is being perceived.

The Voice of the Smitten is ... a little bit sad. I'm sure we all know about stockholm syndrome, but in a lot of instances, Smitten will trauma bond with the princess. It's as if she can do no wrong, right? even when she kills you? Multiple times? And will again? ? ? The sheer denial and willingness to be hurt is, yes, another trauma response, wanting the person you love to be perfect, and hoping that they are. His focus is effort; trying his best to love and be loved. Often in vain. It is arguable that his affect effects reality more than any other Voice.

Last but not least, The Voice of the Cheated. Thought of as weak, but could have been more if he was "treated fairly." Anyone who feels as though they have been treated unfairly in the past knows the desire to have things be fair. In the route of the Razor, he also has an incredible resolve and determination. His stubbornness comes from a need to "settle the score." He can unify, and eventually "empty the cup," as in letting go of his vengeance. All of the voices do not bother him. If anything, he is glad that everyone can have their effect, and he hopes his efforts will be enough. His focus is equality, and unity.

[sepublic]

            I wanna analyze part of the exchange between Luz and the Titan, because I’m seeing some people misunderstand it by claiming the show is saying that Luz doesn’t need to self-reflect because she always means well, unlike THOSE guys (Nevermind everything she and others have gone through up until this point). Maybe I’m repeating the obvious, but;

         “I’m not so kind. When I saw the Collector fly up to Belos, I hoped with all my heart I would see them blast him away, and-”

         Here we have Luz insinuating that she’s not kind, simply on account of wanting Belos dead; Nevermind the fact that she has plenty of justified reason to want gone someone who has maliciously caused her and her loved ones so much pain, trauma, and agony across so much time.

         “Hey, I can relate. I was willing to do anything to keep my kid safe. But I attacked the wrong person, dragged the Collector down here for nothing.”

         The Titan does relate to feeling shame over ugly emotions like hatred and anger, which can make people lash out; Bringing up how those feelings brought him to make a terrible mistake that would have a lasting ripple effect on the Boiling Isles up until now.

         “Does that make us as bad as Belos?”

         At which point, Luz drops the question, the false equivalency that it’s fair for her to nevertheless entertain for the sake of self-reflection; Does her and the Titan feeling anger and even hurting people over it, or planning to, make them as bad as Belos?

         “What? Have you been drinking Eda’s homemade apple blood?”

         The Titan’s skepticism over this false comparison is self-explanatory.

         “Well, Belos says he’s trying to save humanity, and we’re saying we want to save our families, so isn’t that the same thing? Don’t- Don’t these feelings come from the same place?”

         When Luz says ‘feelings’, she’s very much talking about anger, even hatred; The kind that drives people to fight and even hurt others. Belos is angry, but Luz notes that so is she, as was the Titan, and all of them claim to do this over loved ones they’re worried about, right? That’s the ‘same place’ she’s referring to.

         “Well, you assume Belos’ goal comes from a genuine place. But, that man doesn’t care about anything but his need to be the hero in his own delusion. And because of that, he fears what he can’t control.”

         That’s when the Titan clarifies the difference; The anger of the victim is not the same as the anger of the abuser. The anger of the oppressed is not comparable to the anger of the oppressor. Anger doesn’t necessarily make you the bad guy, especially when it moves people to do the right thing. Both Luz and the Titan are angry, yes; But they’re angry because they legitimately have loved ones, and themselves, who have been hurt, and are genuinely at stake here. They're still allowed to feel this way. They only want Belos dead because they can’t get him to stop hurting people, so this is the only option left to make him stop endangering others.

         Whereas Belos’ hatred is that of the colonizer; He never really had anyone at stake here. Humanity was never in any real danger, especially not Caleb, whom Philip consciously disrespects by going against everything Caleb stood for, despite Caleb having made it clear with an open-armed welcome that this would never have to exclude his love for his brother. Philip made the decision to choose a world over his brother, NOT Caleb who understood he should theoretically have both, as a parallel/foil to Luz who wants both, but is still struggling to accept she can have that.

         Dana confirmed at Pixelatl –and it’s fairly obvious even without said confirmation- that she based Belos off of televangelists, cult leaders, the conservative relative, etc. The first two especially are hardcore bigots, the kind who really double down on their prejudice, and actively make it happen on a larger scale; These are the kind of people who go past that reasonable point of being well-intentioned but misinformed about their biases.

         Yes, Luz and Belos are both angry, but Belos’ anger is that of the reactionary conservative, hence “fearing what he can’t control.” He claims to feel threatened, but unlike people like Luz who really are endangered and fighting for their lives, the only thing being threatened is Belos’ worldview of supremacy and self-righteousness, so like a lot of right-wing “morality police” and the like.

         In the end, TOH is calling out how bigotry did not start from a place of good intentions, which is fitting given Belos represents the type of OG bigot, the Puritans who were among many who made contact with the Native Americans and vice-versa; Prejudice was born as a way to justify narratives of power and control, by dehumanizing others and thus justifying their suffering and exploitation for the sake of those who ‘really’ matter. These narratives, when perpetuated, create self-fulfilling prophecies and issues that the misguided but well-meaning are concerned about, which leads them down flawed attempts to address these problems.

         This is to say people who genuinely mean well, who have been hurt and do have others at stake, can make mistakes; This very exchange reminds us that the Titan hurt the Collector, something she does nothing to justify, and something the viewers know was objectively wrong, and has deep consequences as we’re currently seeing. Luz and the Titan both contributed to the Collector falling into Belos’ hands, but while Luz was genuinely manipulated and didn’t realize what was going on, the Titan chose to lash out at a bystander because she couldn’t channel her anger successfully towards the Archivists.

         But the Titan has learned, and she’s recognized what she’s done as wrong, and she’s made efforts to undo and make up for that. And it’s important to remember how all of this was prompted by the genocide of the Archivists, who claim to be preserving life, yet destroy it when it does not heed their plans. People are still responsible on an individual level, but it’s also worth noting how the system can influence them, just as it did for Amity and Lilith. And the system was started by people who didn’t really have a system over their heads, or were rebelling against a different kind.

         It’s not as if TOH is saying you can’t mean well and make mistakes; So much of the show is about people meaning well and making mistakes, especially parents towards their children. And this is fitting since a well-meaning parent nevertheless hurting her child is the inciting incident of the series, and it’s something that is brought up and resolved in the previous episode between Luz and Camila. Hell, Luz herself understands that meaning well can hurt others, like when she kept secrets from Amity, under the guise of not wanting to burden her girlfriend.

         TOH still has plenty of examples of genuine intent leading to bad things; So it’s entirely reasonable, in this case, to bring up the original people who codified bigotry and prejudice, because being a freak and a weirdo does not happen in a vacuum, it is in relation to a society. At some point you have to discuss WHY someone is considered strange; Who designated the guidelines for the deviant, and by extension, what are the guidelines for what is ‘normal’, who decided this would be normal, and why? And that’s why the story brings these back to the settlers who made contact with the Native Americans and vice-versa, and established a precedent for prejudice towards these people.

         The point is that the show is refuting the centrist idea of Both Sides, that if you’re violent and/or angry then you’re just as bad as the oppressor, if not worse; Victims are allowed to be angry, they have a right to be upset, as Eda herself says. You can’t expect them to appeal solely by peace when that’s clearly not working out, hence Raine and Darius’ rebellions, which do necessitate violence at times, even if they’d love to minimize it and try; Which is why the finale shows the initially-cautious CATTs accepting covenscouts who are willing to change, why Kikimora is shown doing community service (and that's assuming it's not just a job given her lack of uniform; She may have been allowed to reintegrate into society as a regular citizen).

         Between the juxtaposition of the Collector hearing about how Amity and Lilith were successfully appealed to, and applying that to Belos, only for that to fail as Luz explains this individual situation is a bit more complicated… Basically, what the show is saying is that you should choose to be kind and give chances and grace, anyone can change; But people also have a right to prioritize themselves in self-defense, and just in general health, when people continue to refuse to reciprocate, and leave no other choice. Because there’s still responsibility on the other party to respond to these offers of kindness, and make the same choice to improve the world; They have free will, everyone does, and you can’t force people to be better, anymore than the Collector can force people to be their friends.

         Not to mention how victims have a right to be upset and don’t owe forgiveness, but at the same time, the concept of Restorative VS Retributive Justice argues that it’s better for the world if everyone improved; That doesn’t mean victims have to forgive or even necessarily help, because improving oneself does not rely on your victims doing you favors. It’s ultimately about harm reduction; Ideally, harm is reduced by helping people open their minds and change, but if that isn’t working and the person keeps hurting and even killing others, then yes, harm must be reduced by imprisoning, or even killing them in self-defense.

         Hence the difference in that Luz’s anger comes from ultimately wanting to reduce harm and being frustrated by those who continue to perpetuate it; Versus Belos whose anger isn’t really meant to prevent harm, but pointlessly cause more of it, because of his immature disgust towards those different, as well as the supremacy and selfishness that actively puts down others for Belos’ own sake (because Caleb isn’t allowed to have more than one person in his life, apparently).

         And note that Belos is already at the end of his life (because people only have so much time to change before it's cut short by death), because extending it requires sacrificing palismen, which goes against harm-reduction; So they can’t just imprison Belos without killing him. And in the end, the protagonists don’t prolong Belos’ misery by letting the boiling rain finish him off, they get it over with by stomping on him; Not only does this allow them to vent much-deserved anger towards an oppressor, but it cuts away any chance of Belos coming up with something last-second by just ending him right there. That reduces harm from Belos, and harm TO Belos, because his death isn’t any longer than it needs to be.

         And on Luz’s side, her not doing anything to Belos is justified because it’s about her refusing to help him, thus standing for herself and what she believes, and not letting this traumatic, gaslighting presence have any more power over her. Luz still allows her loved ones to finish off Belos; Her not responding to Belos is about reducing harm to herself.

         It’s a lot of stuff. It’s about balancing a lot of seemingly conflicting, opposite ideas, like Luz balancing two worlds; As she herself explains to the Collector, it can be “complicated.” It’s about nuance, and a case-by-case basis; Because note that the Titan doesn’t tell Luz that she will always be right because SHE always means well. Just that in this specific case, in regards to this specific guy, things are not equivalent. Hence why the Titan focuses on deconstructing Belos and not Luz. 

This moment specifically is breaking down colonial rhetoric by calling it out for what it actually is, because Belos is 100% a colonizer and this is one of the most important aspects of his character, and his contributions, to the narrative. And whatever mistakes Luz and the Titan made, at least they care enough to make up for it, because they really are trying to do this for others, instead of prioritizing an ego trip; That kind of mentality is doomed to being static. I'd argue the Titan isn't necessarily saying that Belos never cared about anyone (AKA Caleb) period, just that in the context of his 'protecting humanity' claim, he wasn't doing it for anyone because there was nobody in any actual danger, and he knows it. Philip wasn't actually concerned for Caleb's sake when he killed him.

[weareuniqueandimportant]

I HAVE SEEN THE REAL WINX CLUB... THEY'RE ALL FAIRY... AND LESBIAN... AND THERE ARE 14 OF THEM... ALL VERY INTERESTING AND PROGRESSIVE ASWELL AS FEMINIST AND EMPOVERING AND RELATABLE AND WOKE... I EVEN KNOW ALL THEIR NAMES... AND WHAT FAIRIES THEY ARE... THEY ARE... INTERESTING... MAKING MYSELF FEEL... RELATABLE... VERY SWEET AND REAL... DEPRESSING AND CRAZY... UNBELIABABLE... SHOCKING... AWESOME... RADQUEER FEMINIST COMMUNIST ANARCHIST... JUST LIKE WE'RE... THERE ARE MORE... I CAN FEEL THEM...

[going-fanfics17]

You're enough ( Jeon Wonwoo * OC )

themes - angst , emotional abuse , trauma , fluff .

Summary - it was never enough for your mother . No matter what you did. She always found a way to victimize herself and make you the villain make you feel as if you are nothing compared to others . It just worsened and now you do not know how to deal with all those feelings , until one day Wonwoo gets to know about everything and steps up to make you feel better .

It all started since middle school . But to think of it , it was always there . The comparing , the snide remarks , the expectations that crossed the limits . And it was all due to that one girl . Hyein . Hyein , the apple of your mother's eye , Hyein the girl who could never do anything wrong , Hyein the girl who was always better than you , who got better grades than you , who excelled everywhere and was overall an all rounder . Sometimes it felt like your mother wanted you to be Hyein . It was infuriating , suffocating .

You were not allowed to have any free time because Hyein didn't . She went to competitive class and participated in competitive exams . You had to be like her and if you weren't then it just turned into a lecturing session .

If you got second prize at dance , you mother pointed out that Hyein got first prize , if you scored 93% then all your mother could say that it wasn't enough or good because Hyein got 99% . No matter what you did , it was never enough , it was always a competition , a ruse to save her own face and satisfy her own ego . It took time , time to realize that your mother was a narcissist . And if you pointed out all the comparing , she would guilt trip you and say that all she had done for the past 15 years was look after you , cook for you , buy you clothes and took you to tuition classes , forgetting that that was her basic duty . She signed up to be a mother knowing that it comes with all those responsibilities but it didn't matter . You didn't matter . It didn't matter if you poured your heart and soul and worked twice as hard to score good marks , your hard work didn't matter , Hyein mattered . First she said that you don't study enough , then she said that you are not as hardworking , then she said that you are dumb , then she said that she wished you had died and then she would not be stuck with a useless and ungrateful brat , then she used your insecurities against you , then she brought up the fact that you didn't make it to the first list of any college . But guess who did ? Hyein .

You had enough of it so you moved out at 18 and cut off contact with your mother . Moved cities , countries , to get away from her and you started to get better . Started to appreciate yourself , wanted to believe that you were enough , your efforts were enough . But it was hard . Years of emotional abuse cannot be wiped out in months . That's impossible . You graduated college in the US and got a good job . Then one day someone bumped into you . A guy , an extremely handsome guy . He begged you to help him hide from some obsessive fans , so you took him into a library and hid with him in the corner section that was always empty . After sometime he introduced himself .

" Hi , I am Wonwoo . "

" Hi Wonwoo , I am Mi-Hi ."

And that is how a friendship began to blossom. You found out that he was a kpop idol and soon enough , after six months , you two started dating . Wonwoo was smitten by you the moment he saw you . The way you spoke , the way you helped him , the way you were confident , it all attracted him to you . You helped him realize that he was a human and that he deserved a break . He never felt so loved . It was different , different from the love that he received from his brothers or his parents . After a year of long distance , you quit your job and moved to South Korea with him . Moving back to the place where you had experienced such trauma made you a bit withdrawn from Wonwoo , you got less enthusiastic as you walked down the familiar streets , tears in the corner of your eyes as the memories and harsh words came back . But the dam just broke one day .

It was Seventeen's 8th anniversary and you were invited to it . The boys had decided to go to a small restaurant that served the most delicious food . It was simple but authentic .

" We ate there nearly everyday when we were trainees " , Wonwoo told you as he drove to the restaurant with Mingyu and Woozi in the backseat and you being his passenger princess .

" Noona , you have to try their kimbap , I swear it's the best " , Mingyu piped up .

" And the seafood stew " , woozi added .

" Sure guys " , you said with a half smile .

Wonwoo noticed it right away . He had been noticing it for a couple of days , you looked miserable and he was determined to find out why and make you feel better .

He reached for your hand and intertwined his fingers with your and gave them a light squeeze as he snuck a quick glance at you to make sure you were alright . You squeezed back and then resumed looking out the window .

The party was going well , half of seventeen were drunk and that included Hoshi , Scoups , Minghao , Joshua , Dino , Seungkwan and DK . Minghao had even got up on his chair and started to dance . You were having fun , momentarily forgetting about the memories until your phone vibrated . You looked at it , there was a message from an unknown number .

You opened it and the tears resurfaced , it was your mother . She had gotten a hold of your number and contacted you from a new number as you had her previous number blocked .

It was a picture of Hyein with a gold medal and a certificate in her hands indicating that she had completed her PhD . And just below that was an article of you and Wonwoo , you two were on a date .

Then , there was that message that broke you . " Hyein would have been a better partner for a talented person like him . i don't know why he would date you , you do not have even the half the brains as Hyein "

It felt suffocating , you couldn't breathe , your hands shook as you stuffed the phone back in your bag and quickly stood up and rushed out of their . Holding on the side of the car you tried to take in deep breaths but it wasn't working . It was hard to focus and all you could do was sob .

" Sweetheart " , Wonwoo came up behind you . He was worried , the team were worried . They all loved you like you were family , you were their sister . " Baby what's wrong ? "

You just shook your head as you gasped , the tears pouring non stop .

" Shhhh Shh , it's okay , its okay . I am here ,I am right here " , he took you into his arms as you sank to the floor of the parking lot and cried your eyes out while holding onto Wonwoo like your life depended on it .

" Don't leave me , please don't leave me , I am sorry that I am not enough , I will try my best , I promise " , you kept on repeating .

" Sweetheart , why would I leave you ? And you are enough . You always have been . Where is this coming from ? " , he asked concerned as he gently wiped your tears .

So you told him your life story and also showed him the message .

" It is so exhausting to always be in a competition and to never be enough , to have your hard work ignored because there is someone who did way better than you " , you hicuped . " I hated it . Living with her was such a chore ! "

Wonwoo was beyond angry , you were hurting for so long all because your mother was a cruel and evil person .

" Listen to me " , he forced you to look straight at him . " Listen very carefully . You are none of those things that your mother you are . You are not worthless or ungrateful or a brat . You deserve all the love in this world , you deserve all the best things , you deserve to be treated with respect. You are enough , your hard work is enough . Do not bring yourself down or compare yourself to others . You are you and you are unique . I know its hard to not compare or judge yourself but trust me , you are the love of my life , you are my everything . I will never leave you because I love you . I love you because you are awesome , I love you because of who you are and one day I will make you my wife . So please , don't shed tears , that evil witch is not worth it .You have a huge loving family who will fight tooth and nail to keep you safe and happy . I promise . You are enough , you don't have to be somebody else and you don't have to prove anything to anyone ."

All that brought about another set of fresh tears . " Its okay , let it all out . I am right here my love . Right here . I'll always stay "

He rocked you gently in his arms till you had calmed down and till your tears were reduced to sniffles .

" Let's go home , you need rest " , he said as he unlocked his car .

" But , but - " , you tried to protest .

" No buts , we are going home " , he shushed you .

" I ruined the celebrations " , you protested .

" No you didn't . You didn't ruin anything . Okay ? Sit in the car and play your favourite music . I will let the guys knows that we are heading home early " , he kissed your forehead .

He then walked off before you could protest and came back 2 minutes later with both his and your belongings and settled inside the car . He kept his hands intertwined with yours as he drove home .

At home he helped you change into your pajamas and then after all the necessary hygiene actions he had you block your mother after he sent her a message saying that if she ever contacted you again the she would have to deal with the police for harassment charges .

He then took you in his arms and continued to whisper sweet nothings into your ear and kiss your forehead in intervals , reminding you that your were wanted and loved . He continued even after you fell asleep .

It was going to be okay . You had your family to protect you . You are , were and always will be enough .

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

What does Zuko do for Mai? She clearly puts a lot of effort into the relationship but he doesn't.

He had a lot of growing up to do before he could be in a relationship with ANY girl. Mai came through for him but he never did for her. It makes sense that he originally didn't have a love interest.

...You come into MY HOUSE to talk shit about MY BOY? And about MY SHIP? Anon, grab a sword, we're gonna fight!

Okay now, jokes aside, while Zuko has some maturing to do, so does Mai. And they'd still make mistakes even if their family lives hadn't deeply traumatized them because they're teenagers. Lots of the mistakes they've made (jealousy, poor communication, one accidentally being too aloof, etc) are stuff perfectly healthy and mature adults still make because surprise surprise, figuring out how to make things work with someone is hard, and considering their traumas and the situation they were in, they could have done A LOT worse.

Nothing either of them has done crosses the line into "Behavior that indicates this person should not be in a romantic relationship with ANYONE, at least for now." It's typical relationship stuff that either results on a permanent break-up or a temporary falling out that pushes both to get their shit together and be better for each other.

Not to mention, the root of all of Zuko's issues was the fact that he was abuse victim who was struggling to cope with his abuser being not only his own father but the absolute monarch of their nation. He got used to not being able to trust that someone's affection for him was genuine, to fear that it could suddenly be stolen away.

That he couldn't rely on anyone else because THE person that was supposed to take care of him betrayed him in such a cruel way and got away with it. That feeling entitled to things and then using whatever means to obtain it was the ONLY way to not be neglected, ignored and taken advantage of.

His abuser is gone now, but no matter how much therapy (or at least the ATLA equivalent of it) he gets, Zuko will only learn how to have healthy relationship through practical means because it's REALLY easy to be a good partner in THEORY, but things always get messy when you're dealing with the real thing.

Reality is very different from hypothetical scenarios in which you're dealing with the idea of a partner that never misunderstands you, never says things in a way that didn't realize weren't clear enough for you, never loses their temper, never takes things to heart, never fucks up, never needs a bit of space when you fuck up, never is as in the dark as you are about how to handle an unexpected issue, never gets too needy, never gets too distant - never acts like a human being.

Zuko still makes mistakes when it comes to his uncle and his friends, but no one says "That means Zuko should not have a father figure nor friends" because we saw that being alone Gives Him Very Bad Ideas. Why should romance be any different? A relative or a friend can hurt you just as much as a romantic partner can, and be just as hurt by stuff you do. It makes no sense to act like a flawed person is allowed to want a family and friends, but not a committed relationship.

As to what Mai gets out of this:

1 - Zuko loves her for who she is and canonically likes it when she expresses herself, even when what she is expressing is "Zuko, I'm done with your bullshit". For someone who has been neglected and taught over and over that her opinions don't matter, that means a lot.

2 - When Zuko changed sides, he didn't try to guilt her into leaving with him, and didn't hold it against her when it looked like she was gonna remain loyal to Azula. Compare that to her parents not giving a shit that she didn't want to move to Omashu, or to her knowing there was a possibility of her getting killed by Azula if she displeased her, and tell me in which relationship Mai feels she has the most agency.

Zuko is not a perfect boyfriend, but the simple fact that Mai isn't even slightly afraid to talk back to him when he goes too far speaks volumes on who she feels safer with and trusts to never try to coerce her into staying if she ever decides to leave.

3 - Mai and Zuko enjoy each other's company, are attracted to each other and he is as openly affectionate with her as she is with him. Even the sea-shell she didn't like and the ice-cream he accidentally dropped on her lap were just him trying to spoil her a bit - and he managed to do it in a way she'd appreciate in Nightmares and Daydreams.

He can be a jerk sometimes due to his anger issues (something he canonically was working on and wanted to move past), but he could also be a genuinely caring boyfriend.

4 - Zuko was also neglected and made to feel worthless for most of his life. They can relate to each other.

5 - Three years into his banishment, after no seeing her for a long time and unsure if he'd ever even hear from her again, he still thought of how Azula pulled a prank on them because of Mai's crush on him.

He constantly sought her out for comfort when he was back in the Fire Nation, even when she didn't really know how to handle that yet. Out of all the things he had left behind when he joined the Gaang, she was the one he openly said he'd miss. He was overjoyed when they were reunited in the finale.

Even his not at all healthy levels of jealousy are extra proof that he isn't just putting up with her like her family, he cares about her and actively WANTS her in his life, to the point of being scared that someone could "steal" her from him - and again, Mai feels more than comfortable enough to call him out when he goes too far, so it never crosses the line into "He means well, so lets excuse the bad behavior."

Mai feels wanted, safe and understood. Girl could do a lot worse.

[hayleythecannibal]

Twisted Minds: Act II- Chapter Nineteen Futamono

TW: Crime scenes, Gore, Implied Death, Death, Talks of Attempted Murder/Assassination, Cannibalism, SMUT!!!, PnV, Oral(Fem recieve), Cheating

Warning this is Fem!reader. You can also find this on Wattpad and A03 under the name @HayleyMarieOfficial. Comment if you want to be added to the taglist.

Taglist: @punkin-time @miaowkitty @gabriella-aesthetic @urlocalfanficwriter @dilfdemolisher

Twisted Minds Masterlist

“You're moving smoothly and slowly, Jack, carrying your concentration like a brimming cup.” Will says as Jack approaches his cell. "Hannibal Lecter, And Y/N were almost murdered by an employee of this hospital. An attendant we believe killed the bailiff and judge in your trial." Jack says with a cold tone. "He killed the bailiff. He didn't kill the judge. That was the Chesapeake Ripper." Will says standing when jack comes into view. "You know this?"

"He told me."

"And then you told him to kill Hannibal Lecter and Y/N. "

“Wait did you just say Y/N? Nothing I said made that happen, Jack. It just happened. Is Y/N okay? Please tell me she's okay Jack.” Will says panicked about his Girlfriend. Does she think he had her killed? Are her Injuries life changing?

“Y/N is okay. Few deep cuts and lacerations. Some blunt force trauma. But overall she’s out of the hospital and stable. But you dont seem as broken up about Hannibal as you do for Y/N.” Jack says as he watches the curly haired man panic. 

“There is a common emotion we all recognize and have not yet named. The happy anticipation of being able to feel contempt. I love Y/N. I would never. Wish her harm.” Will says seriously. “You have contempt for Hannibal.” Jack says, its no a question its a statement. “I have contempt for the Ripper. I have contempt for what he does.” Will says as he starts to pace. 

“What does he do, Will?” Jack asks, curious to what the man will say. “What does he do? What is the first and principal thing he does? What need does he serve by killing?” Will says with a chuckle, not a funny chuckle, but one of irony.

“He harvests organs.” Jack says confused. 

“No. That's only the action of what he does. Why does he need to do? The Ripper kills in sounders of three or four, in quick order.  Do you know why? I know why. Y/N certainly knows as well.” Will is confident in his thinking because it's the only option. 

“Tell me.” “Because if he waits too long, then the meat spoils.” Will says as he steps closer to the bars. “He's eating them? Hannibal Lecter is Garret Jacob Hobbs? A cannibal?” Jack says, its almost humorous. Comparing Hannibal to Garret Jacob Hobbs. Its comical. Its like comparing a Lion to a leopard. One hunts for fun while the other Hunts to eat. And the eating is just the dessert for Hannibal. The main course was the hunt.

“Not like Garret Jacob Hobbs. Hobbs ate his victims to honor them. The Ripper eats his victims because they're no better to him than pigs.” Will says, oh how he wished to be at home with His dogs and Y/N. Hannibal would most likely try to turn her against him. But Will knows that would never happen. Y/N is a lot smarter than she looks, she always has a plan. Always thinking. “With the exception of Beverly Katz, there's no connection between Hannibal and any Ripper victims.” Jack says, “No immediate connection. He likely identifies his meals years in advance, earmarks them, then waits with the patience of a python.” Jack looks at Will in frustration.

“Hannibal Lecter is not the Chesapeake Ripper.”

“Who else do you know with unusual culinary tastes? If the Ripper's killing, you can bet Hannibal Lecter's planning a dinner party. You and I probably sipped wine while swallowing the people we were trying to give justice, Jack. Who does he have to kill before you'll open your eyes?” Will says, but we all know who. 

HANNIBAL LECTER'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT-

Y/N watches Hannibal cut the heart into morsels for the skewers. We can see the bandages on his arms as he cuts. He scrapes pieces of meat into a bowl of marinade, one by one.

“Funny how we revere and romanticize a simple pump. Merely a muscle. Yet such a potent symbol of life and the things that make us human, good and bad. Love and ache.” Hannibal says as I take the pieces of heart meat from the marinade and skewers them with pieces of vegetables between each morsel. The bandages around our arms bind us together in our experience. “All of them skewered.”  I say, the irony honestly.

“It's a thematic dish. My heart certainly feels skewered.” Hannibal says as he turns to me.

“You have the scars to prove it.” I say as I touch the marks on Hannibal's neck where he was hanged. As he grips my Forearm softly, careful not to hurt me. He admires the bandages that cover my sutured arms. “So do you, I feel as though that noose were still around my neck. It's strange to have nightmares. Never used to.” He says as he grazes my hand with his thumb. The nightmares. Mine are different from his. I killed a man. Yes, he wouldve killed me and Hannibal but its different. Its been so long since i shot someone. Almost 12 years since I Killed, Took my first life.

“Don't make the mistake I've made.” I say softly, “Which is?”

“Being your own psychiatrist. I'm always psychoanaylzing myself. Its always one step forward and three steps back.” I say as i stare at our matching wrappings. “It's the safest course. I'm metabolizing the experience by composing a new piece of music.” He says as he sighs. 

“Harpsichord or theremin?” I ask politely,  “Harpsichord. Stravinsky said, "A true composer thinks about his unfinished work the whole time; he's not always conscious of this, but he's aware of it when he suddenly knows what to do." Hannibal says fondly, “Do you know what to do?”

“I need to get my appetite back.” He smiles at her and raises his glass. Sips red wine.

PARKING LOT - DAY-

the man-tree on the horizon, asphalt stretching toward. a PD CRUISER, then another, an AMBULANCE and then an FBI CRIME SCENE VAN. An ever-increasing cordon of flashing lights and POLICE OFFICERS. Finally, a BLACK SUV rolls in.

Jack takes in the scene. Looks at the tortured figure built into the tree, his frozen scream. JIMMY PRICE and BRIAN ZELLER are starting to assess the tableau. They talk. Jack just stares. “He's been literally grafted in place -- these are living roots.” Jimmy says in awe of the Rippers artistry. “He's got varicose vines. Threaded through from his heels, under his legs, his back, through his torso and out his fingertips. Followed some pretty tricky endoscopic surgical paths.” Zeller points out. 

“Chesapeake Ripper usually cherry- picks his organs. He took every last one. Except for the lungs.” Jimmy says as he hears a car pull up, A black SUV.  “Stocking his shelves.” Zeller says turning his head to look at the car.

“There'll be something about the lungs. Why else leave them?” Jack says as he  steps forward and looks at the corpse. The artfully-arranged flowers. It offends him. “The time he devotes to what he does. He takes real pride. Belladonna for the heart, a chain of white oleander for the intestines, ragwort for the liver.”

“The flowers are all poisonous.” I say stepping on scene. The looks i get are ones of surprise. “This is judgment. Ripper believes his victim was toxic. A poisonous man. Who is he to moralize?” I continue, It feels weird to be back so soon but I have lives to save. I watch as Jack stares at the body like it speaks just to him.

“He's the eye of a storm. Working in a place of calm while the winds blow us all over. He's so damn certain, it makes me sick.” Jack says as he turns to me, I give him a soft smile. I know hes been through a lot lately.

BAU - MORGUE - DAY-

Standing on a foot ladder, Brian Zeller runs a small CHAINSAW through the branches rising out of the Tree Man's head.  Y/N L/N, Jack Crawford, and Jimmy Price  All wearing PROTECTIVE EYEWEAR, speaking over the chainsaw BUZZ. “His name is Sheldon Isley. Baltimore city councilman.” Jimmy says as Zeller ceases chainsawing to add: “Ripper's a politician now.”

“At least a conservationist. Five, six years ago, Isley brokered a woodlands development deal despite the disapproval of the EPA.” Jimmy says, he himself is a conservationist. “Councilman Isley paved paradise and put up a parking lot.” Jack shrugs. “What he paved was an important nesting habitat for endangered songbirds. The son of a bitch.” Jimmy says as we watch  Zeller reach into the branches and pulls out a nest.

“Autopsy gave us what you'd expect from the Chesapeake Ripper. Pre-mortem surgical dissection, latex glove impressions, body posed before rigor set in.” Zeller says, and I nod, the veins in the legs clearly well- at least to me. Point out the cause of death. Drowning. “What have those lungs coughed up?”

“Water. Councilman drowned. Lungs are filled with aspirated water.” Zeller points out the Tree Man's legs. I smirk internally, still got it. Today I’m alone on this case, well besides jack. “He was standing in water up to his thighs for forty-eight to seventy-two hours prior to his death.”

“To feed the tree?”

“It's possible.” Zeller says as Price guides Jack to a microscope with a video feed. “Here's the exciting part. Tree Man actually bears fruit.” A PLASMA SCREEN: Curious, geometric single-cell creatures flick back and forth. “Diatoms. Unicellular colonies. Good as fingerprints. No two water sources have the same diatom population.”

“The water in his lungs gives us a location of death. Show me.” A map of Virginia. “Fifty-mile radius -- here.” He traces a circle in the Virginia woods. Jack stares at it, contemplating his next move.

BSHCI - WILL GRAHAM'S CELL - DAY-

“You understand the reality of Beverly Katz's death. You understand your role in that.” Hannibal asks the emotionless Will. “What was my role?” Will tilts his head in question. “Beverly died at your behest. You're as angry with yourself as you are with whoever murdered her.” Hannibal claims.

“Actually, I'm not. I'm singularly angry at whoever murdered her.” Will says confidently.  “You tried to kill me, Will. It's hard not to take that personally. However, if I were Beverly's murderer, I'd applaud your effort.” Hannibal says, He knows how to hurt Will. He wont hurt someone per say but it will Anger Will. “I'm no more guilty of what you've accused me of than you are of what I have accused you of.” Will says Defiantly.

“Jack Crawford believes you were responsible.” Hannibal says almost in a reasoning sense. “Where does responsibility begin and end, Dr. Lecter? With a final act or the events that led to it?” Will asks with a raised brow. “I don't expect you to feel self-loathing or regret or shame. You knew what you were doing and you made your own decisions. Decisions that were under your control. And they got someone you love Hurt. “ Hannibal says in a darker tone. 

“You think I'm in control? I would never Hurt Y/N. Not Intentionally.”

“I think you're more in control now than you've ever been. You found a way to hurt me, Will. I wonder how many more people are going to be hurt by what you do.”

“I'll give Y/N your best.” It's a veiled threat and they both know it. “Good-bye, Will” He turns his Back to Will, not amused...

BAU - MORGUE - DAY-

TECHNICIANS wheel a sheet-covered body into the morgue where Tree Man now lies on a gurney.

Another gurney is wheeled into the swiftly-filling space. Zeller and Price waiting to receive it.

Jack Crawford watching this escalation of bodies through the glass.

HANNIBAL LECTER'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT-

The STRING QUARTET plays Mozart's "Dissonance" as a party is in full swing with well-heeled GUESTS. Four SERVERS emerge from the dining room, one then the other coming INTO FOCUS as they pass through FRAME, like dancers in a chorus line, and head into the room. The servers spread through the crowd with platters thatguests turn to take food from, creating a swirl of movement through the room.

 amidst the crowd and through them. As servers move on and two guests turn to chat, they

reveal Jack Crawford, newly arrived. Jack surveys the room.Hands take morsels of food from the servers' trays and pop them into their mouths. Teeth bite and gnash. Jack watches as they chew and swallow -- going SLO-MO as they chew and then back to NORMAL SPEED for the swallow.

He can see Hannibal talking to two guests. Y/N is nearby. She’s talking to Alana.  Alana takes an hors d'oeuvre from a passing tray, a morsel of meat on a pick, and eats it.

Dr. Chilton approaches and saddles up alongside Jack, eyeing the hors d'oeuvres as they move through the room. “Prosciutto roses. Heart tartare. Beef roulade. Needless to say, I won't be eating the food.” Chilton says uneased with the dishes. “Dr. Chilton.”

“Hannibal the Cannibal. That's what they'll call him, you know.” Chilton says amused. 

“Not according to Abel Gideon.” Jack says weery. “Gideon's caused me enough trouble today. The fact that he lied to you makes me even more certain he was telling Will Graham the truth.” Chilton eyes the roast pig's head on the buffet table. “Why did you come here tonight if you're so convinced?” Jack says 

“Darwinism. I don't want him to think I suspect anything. Keeping my mouth shut on the whole affair.” Chilton says as Jack watches Hannibal. The server returns with a Tupperware

with a lid. Jack takes it in his hands. “Help yourself.” Jack takes a latex glove from his pocket and uses it to place food into the Tupperware. Hannibal glances across the room to see Dr. Chilton watching the exchange curiously. As Jack seals the container, Hannibal smiles sadly.

“Eat it soon or it'll spoil.”

BAU - CORRIDOR - NIGHT-

Jack holds the food container as he greets Brian Zeller and Jimmy Price who are emerging from evidence processing. “Test this.” A DISTINCTIVE NOTE of a harpsichord punctuates the exchange.

HANNIBAL LECTER'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT-

The room has been tidied, but evidence of the party remains. Y/N sits at Hannibal's harpsichord, doubling the KEYS she's playing until it becomes clear she's performing a slow, dreamy version of "The Swan." Hannibal slides next to her. She smiles and he watches her for a moment, then starts playing his composition at the opposite end of the keyboard.

“The ending to my composition has been alluding me. You may have solved my problem with "The Swan."” They smile as they play, hands crossing over the keys, pushing their shoulders together.

“If only all problems could be solved with a simple waltz. Jack's treating you like a suspect.

He's pointing fingers in the dark.” I say, I wish i was scared of what i knew Hannibal was capable of. I know what he is and who he is. “I've walked away from Will, but I'm still trailing his accusations.” Hannibal says.

“I cant walk away. No matter how much I wish I wanted to. He’s my partner.” I say softly as my fingers grace the keys. “What does walking away leave us?” 

“Each other.” Hannibal looks at Y/N, admiring her, appreciating her. Y/N turns to face Hannibal. He feels her gaze and turns to her, their hands stilled on the keys. His hand reaches up and grazes her cheek softly, she leans into his touch. He kisses her softly, leaving her room to pull away. And pull away she did.

“This- This is wrong.” I say softly, though my body says otherwise. My hands rest on his chest. “What is so wrong about ones affection for another.” Hannibal says as he cups my face in his hands. “I’m with Will…” I say as I close my eyes. “Will needs to learn how to share.” He smirks. And Kisses me. One of his hands trail down to hold my waist. As my hands slide up to his hair. 

HANNIBAL LECTER'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT- We stumble into the Bedroom, Hands clawing at each others clothing. Desperate to be relieved of them. He kicks the door behind us closed. I smile into our lustful bliss, He leads us to the bed without his lips ever leaving my skin. His touch scourches my soul, leaving handprints that shall never leave my being.

He pushes me down onto the bed. He’s in control. He possesses my body, mind, and soul in this very moment. I'm afraid he'll never release me. I sit up, my hands going to the buttons on his dress shirt. His lips leave a trail of bruising marks on my neck. His hands unzip my backless dress. I kick off my heels that should've been discarded earlier. The straps of my dress fall down my shoulders.

Hannibal’s dress shirt, suit jacket, and vest have been discarded to the floor by now, leaving him in his belt, pants, and what's underneath. He pulls the straps of my dress to reveal the skin beneath. I quickly go to cover myself, but he grabs my wrists gently but tight enough to stop me.

Hannibal gazes down upon my body, my dress now joining my heels on the floor. I advert his burning Gaze. “Perfect, you are a masterpiece dear. A Living piece of Art” He says as he takes both of my wrists into one of his hands, the other lifts my chin to meet his Gaze. I flush red, feeling the heat in my cheeks and the pooling in my panties. Glad i'm wearing lace. He unpins my hair from its style, my curls fall framing my face. I bite my lip, he pulls it free with his thumb and kisses me hungrily. I moan into the kiss, Hannibal takes the opportunity to bite my lip drawing Blood from it. I gasp and look up at the much older man, He smirks and strokes my cheek. My hands go to his belt, my eyes never leave his. One of Hannibal’s hands trails down my body, coaxing shivers from my body. His fingers dip into my panties, my Breathing hitches. “So wet. Does Will ever make you this wet?” He asks darkly, I nod softly. There had been a few occasions where Will had Aroused me to this extent. 

He looks at me like I'm Prey. Like he could eat me alive. And let's be honest, He probably could. He pushes me down, and Tears my panties off me swiftly. I gasp as he spreads my legs and kneels before me. The sight of it makes me somehow wetter.

Its like the Devil kneeling before an Angel. I lean onto my elbows to watch as he kisses up my legs, my head falls back as he softly blows on my heat. I softly Whimper. He litters my inner thighs with kisses and hickeys. Then finally he brings his mouth to where i need it most.

Hannibal's tongue licks a stripe up my pussy. He groans at the taste; “You taste Divine.” He smirks and then attaches his mouth to my cunt, drinking me in. My hand tangles in his hair as the other grips the comforter tightly.  “Fuck…” I moan out the profanity, I feel him smirk against my heat. He grips my thigh with one hand as the other trails its fingers along my entrance. He pushes two long fingers into me, causing me to buck and moan out other unintelligible profanities and words of praise. 

He hikes my leg over his shoulder, my hand tangled in his hair softly tugs him closer. Im a moaning mess, He sets the pace with his fingers and curls them, expertly hittling my g-spot as he attaches his lips to my clit. 

“Oh Fuck! Hannibal.” I moan loudly, Alerting him that he found it.  If he had neighbors they'd surely hear me. I quickly feel the familiar burn of an oncoming orgasm, my pussy clenches around his fingers and he pulls way causing me to let out a pathetic whimper.

“Not yet Butterfly.” He says softly as he removes my leg from his shoulder. He leans over me and Kisses me softly, I moan softly at the taste of myself on his lips and tongue. I Kiss along his jaw and down his neck. Politely not leaving any marks. My hands unbutton his pants and i bite my lip. I knew it wasn't right. I Love Will. But there's just something about Hannibal that coaxes the dark and dangerous part of me out. 

I flip us over and straddle his thighs as he watches me with a dark smile. I kiss up his stomach, abs and chest, until I reached his lips. He grips my waist and kept me pressed to him in our passionate kiss. Until i pulled away. I tugged at his pants and he allowed me to take them off. I hear him chuckle darkly.

“What?” i ask innocently, I look up at him softly. He cups my cheek and his thumb strokes my cheek bone. “Such a good Girl.” He praises, I whimper at said praise. I focus on my task at hand. I look back up at him silently asking permission. My hands needy, grasping at his boxers. He shakes his head with a smile as he strokes my cheek. My eyebrows furrow confused. “Not tonight Butterfly.” He flips us back over. Hannibal chuckles. He strokes my hair and kisses me. I relax and sigh into the kiss. His hands explore my body, mapping out the soft skin. My arms wrap around his neck, and pull him closer. He kisses along my neck, his tongue tasting the salt on my skin. He pulls back and admires the work he has done on my neck. I reach up and brush the hair from his face. Hannibal looks back up at me and kisses me passionately. I wrap my legs around his waist, grinding up on his bulge, desperate for friction.

Hannibal moans at the action and pulls back to look at me. My face flushed. I bite my lip as he strokes my hair and tucks it behind my ear. I grind up again and he kisses me roughly.

His hands pin mine above my head, he grips them both with one hand. He lines himself up with my entrance. I moan and whimper, wanting nothing more than for him to be inside me. His other hand holds my hip, his thumb strokes the skin there. I feel his tip tease my entrance, I let out a pathetic whine. He looks into my eyes and then slides into me. We both moan, and he lets out a low growl. He bottoms out inside of me and I gasp. My back arches and my eyes roll back.

My hands grip the pillow, Hannibal releases his grip on them. He leans down and kisses me softly as he pulls back and slowly thrusts back in. I moan into the kiss and my nails drag across his scalp, making him growl into the kiss. His hands hold onto my hips tightly, I know they'll leave a mark. He thrusts into me at a slow pace, letting me feel every inch of him. He groans and moans, I love the sounds he makes.

His thrusts start getting rougher, more animalistic. My legs wrap around his waist and my heels dig into his lower back, pushing him further into me. The sound of our skin slapping is music to my ears, and i know that I can't hold back anymore.

I gasp and moan. I claw at his back, and he buries his face in the crook of my neck. His breath is hot against my skin, his teeth scrape my skin and I whimper. Hannibal thrusts harder and faster, hitting deeper with every thrust. I cry out as the all too familiar burn starts to form, my toes curl. Hannibal groans, his cock twitches inside me. I can tell he's getting close, too. His pace gets more erratic and less rhythmic.

He bites my shoulder, marking me. Claiming me as his. I scream out, the pain and pleasure overwhelming my senses. I feel him cum inside me, hot and sticky. The sensation of it sends me over the edge, my orgasm hits and i cum on his cock. We ride out our orgasms together, he slows his pace and kisses along my neck. He releases the skin of my shoulder from his teeth. He licks the blood and cleans the wound.

HANNIBAL LECTER'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT-

Her skin is in stark contrast to the crimson bedding. Hannibal sleeps soundly next to Y/N. After a moment, he opens his eyes. He watches Y/N. He finally stands. He takes Y/N's wineglass from the bedside table. With a white cloth, he wipes the rim, then sets the glass back down. He snaps his fingers close to her ears; she doesn't stir. He looks again at Y/N’s sleeping, then leaves.

HOSPITAL - DR. GIDEON'S ROOM - NIGHT-

l he lies propped up in a hospital bed, curtains drawn all around on an oval frame. His face is bruised. IV drips and monitoring are hooked up to his body. A THICK BANDAGE around his TORSO. We HEAR the door to the room open and then slowly close. Gideon's eyes open as FOOTSTEPS squeak on the floor. He sees a tall SHADOW behind the CURTAINS as it approaches.He watches as the shadow moves toward the foot of the bed. SLOW and TENSE. The curtains are drawn back and a tall figure in surgical scrubs, gloves and a MASK stands before him. He pulls down his mask to reveal Hannibal Lecter. “Hello, Dr. Gideon.”

“I knew you'd come.” Hannibal smiles at Gideon.

HOSPITAL - DR. GIDEON'S ROOM - DAWN-

Early morning light begins to creep through the windows.the curtains surrounding Gideon's bed, a GHOULISH SILHOUETTE hangs beyond them. A FLASH ignites behind the curtain, the silhouettes of TWO MEN examining the body. Jack Crawford as he approaches. He opens

the curtains to find Brian Zeller taking forensic photos of the body as Jimmy Price dusts for fingerprints.

THE BODY It seems to be floating on his belly, horizontally suspended two feet above the bed. His skin is pinched/stretched/pulled many different directions by WIRE FISHING LEADERS. Each line ends in a handcrafted HOOK -- the barb pushed through the skin of the dead man's back, arms and legs. But that dead man is not Abel Gideon. Instead, it is a BALTIMORE POLICE OFFICER, his gun belt still around the waist of his uniform pants. His torso is BARE and opened, the skin held back in flaps attached by fishhooks. The contents of his abdomen on the bed below, his badge sits on top. The finger clip from the MONITORS is attached to his hand. “Put a heart monitor on the guard so no one'd know Gideon was missing, least for as long as it took the guard to die, which wasn't long.” Zeller says.

“Long enough.” Jimmy indicates the dead police officer. “Fishhooks. Hand-tied flies. Like the ones Will Graham used to make. This one has human hair. A tooth.” Jimmy says as he indicates the parts in the flybaits. “There's no way Gideon could have done any of this with his injuries, much less get out of bed.” Zeller clarifies.

“Last time Gideon escaped custody, he was trying to find the Chesapeake Ripper. Found him all right. And tonight, the Ripper found Gideon.”

HANNIBAL LECTER'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - EARLY MORNING-

Y/N asleep in Hannibal's bed. She stirs slightly and slowly opens her eyes. Hannibal sleeps quietly next to me. I stare peacefully at the ceiling, the morning after sleeping with a friend. What the Hell have I done?  As I begin to think too much, I realize Hannibal has opened his eyes and is watching me.

“You're awake.” I say with a soft sigh and a smile. “So are you.”

“Was thinking about What we did. How I betrayed Will. My heart is torn. And I don't know why.” I say softly as my smile starts to drop. He Caresses my cheek and brushes away a stray hair in my face.  “Of course your heart is torn. You love Will. But you also care for me as well.” 

“But I feel that is unfair. Not to me but to the both of you.” I say softly  “It isn't unfair, I know how to share. And I'm certain Will does too.” He kisses me, then stops and looks at me reassuringly: I kiss him back. BING-BONG. The doorbell rings. BING-BONG.  “Last time someone rang my doorbell this early, it was a census taker.” He goes in to kiss me again before BING-BONG and begrudgingly Hannibal rises from the bed, shrugs on a robe. Hannibal goes to the curtains and draws them -- revealing the morning sun and allowing it to spill into the room.

“I'll see who it is.”

HANNIBAL LECTER'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER-

three loud RAPS on a heavy oak door. The peephole goes dark, then -- Hannibal opens the door to find Jack Crawford standing outside.

“Hello, Jack.” Hannibal says as he  leads Jack into the living room. “What can I do for you?”

“Gideon took a fall down a stairwell last night. Was hospitalized. Security guard standing watch was killed in what looks to be another Chesapeake Ripper murder. Now Gideon is nowhere to be found.” Jack explains and looks at him expectantly.

“He escaped?”

“We know he didn't walk out of the hospital. His back was broken. Someone took him. Someone he knew. Where were you last night?”

Hannibal Hesitates “I was Here.”

“All night?”

“Yes.”

“Anyone besides you can verify that?” Hannibal's quiet a moment. Then, from behind Jack: “I can.” I say wrapped in one of Hannibal's Button-ups, it goes down to my mid-thigh. Jack turns. He flashes surprise, but tamps it quickly.

“I was here with Hannibal all night, Jack. What are you accusing him of?” I ask as Hannibal reads Jack's frustration and perhaps relief. But there's a chance he woke up. Why the Hell am i not upset that i most likely Fucked the Chesapeake Ripper. “I'm not accusing him of anything. Only asking his whereabouts.”

“That's not all you were asking.” Jack looks evenly at them, nods, forced to accept that

Hannibal isn't the Chesapeake Ripper...

BAU - EVIDENCE PROCESSING - DAY-

Brian Zeller stands in front of a monitor. Jimmy Price and Jack Crawford look on. “Not cows. Wagyu beef. I'd say, a hundred dollars worth right there.”

“Sure it wasn't Kobe?” Zeller asks his fellow tech. Jimmy rolls his eyes: “All Kobe is Wagyu, but not all Wagyu is Kobe. Least we know Dr. Lecter wasn't serving up people.”

“Want people? The Chesapeake Ripper was tying flies with them. Just like Will Graham allegedly did.”

BAU - MORGUE - MOMENTS LATER-

Brian Zeller, Jimmy Price and Jack standing over a row of FISHING LURES taken from the security guard's back.

“Hair woven into the monofilament is Beverly's. Bone fragments from Miriam Lass. Veining from Sheldon Isley. Optic nerves and arteries from Judge Davies. A toenail from James Gray, our Muralist.” Zeller points to the DNA matches. A fly hook. Cleverly crafted, with bits of dark, organic material woven into the monofilament. A bone fragment. Veining coiled around hook and feather. An optic nerve entwined with bark.

“All Chesapeake Ripper victims.” Zeller says as Jimmy indicates four lures, in partial stages of

deconstruction, in individual grids. “These four lures here are almost identical to the ones we found at Will's house, made with materials from the exact same human remains. Abigail Hobbs, Marissa Schuur, Donald Sutcliffe, Georgia Madchen.” Jimmy points out.

“Will didn't kill any of them. There was no Copycat. It was always the Ripper. He's finally taking credit for those murders.” Jack realizes Will never killed anyone other than Garret Jacob Hobbs.

“May be taking too much credit. We found something else in the lures.” With tweezers, Jimmy plucks a curled, wispy wood shaving from one of the deconstructed fly grids.

“Madrona bark. It's a tree almost nonexistent on the East Coast. But this bark was peeled recently.”

Zeller gestures to the map of the area. “There's a small stand of madrona in Virginia.”

“Inside your diatom search area.” Zeller zooms in with his hand, à la an iPad. “Here.”

VIRGINIA BARN - NIGHT-

Moonlight on crisp white snow. The hulking black shadow of a heavily-built wooden barn stands stark against the white. we hear the low rumble of a car engine, to find a black sedan pulling up on the opposite side of the barn. JACK CRAWFORD and  DR. Y/N L/N Exit the car. Takes in the barn; the two heavy gate doors barred on the outside. Jack pulls out his gun and a Maglite and walks toward it, his feet crunching on the snow. Their breath frosts the air. Jack walks up the wooden ramp to the heavy doors.

Blackness, except for slivers of faint moonlight shining through the wooden beams. We hear the sound of the heavy bar eing thrown. And then the door opens and a piercing FLASHLIGHT BEAM.. Jack and Y/N silhouetted behind it as he enters the barn slowly. He plays the flashlight around the space, cautious. Tense.

.

Cobwebs and old wood. Heavy old machinery and hand tools. Dust in the air. A SKITTERING SOUND and Jack swings the light and gun -- catching a RAT scurrying for cover... Jack  and Y/N move on. Something shines in the beam and Jack moves toward it. A new steel padlock on an old door. Incongruous. Y/N looks around to be cautious of her surroundings.

A rending sound of wood and metal. A door opens to reveal a flight of wooden stairs, looking up

at Jack and Y/N.

 Y/N throws down the iron bar she used to force the lock. Jack Shines his light right at the bottom as they start down the stairs -- Jack moves down the wooden stairs, gun and flashlight before him. Y/N shines her own light to reveal a dark, low cellar space, the concrete floor dominated by the tops of two circular WATER CISTERNS.

Jack and Y/N scan the room, Their flashlight beams our only light source, casting harsh shadows and movements. Jack checks the room for danger -- light reflecting off dirt-smeared windows in the far wall; blackness reflecting back from the other side.

MOVEMENT Y/N stills as she hears it. Heart thumping. A scraping sound. BELOW HER…She moves to the cisterns, the old stone topped with much newer METAL LIDS. she pulls the first one off -- flashes the light into it – dark water rises a third of the way up the steep slick sides.

SCRITCH – The sound again. Y/N moves to the other cistern. Can definitely hear something inside... (AN: BTW i wrote the SMUT scene while listening to "I am not afraid anymore" by Halsey, and whew it really goes with the scene)