#not the best when my brain is also think other stuff

[abyssforphantoms]

Based on this what's your favorite template by @aisdsstuds76

Now I'm going to do a little rambling below. >:D

Favorite Regular Spirit - Tearful Light Miner

The spirit that made my go "oh... OH. oh nooooooo..." as a moth.

Literally the last one to die out of the group omg... AND WE NEVER SEE THE OTHERS OF THEIR MINING GROUP AGAIN SO THEY PROBABLY THE ONLY ONE THAT BECAME A SPIRIT.

They need a hug fr.

First hair I ever bought was from them.

I drew them staring at their own husk when you relive their spirit because pain man.

Favorite Elders - Wasteland and Vault

I don't actually have much thoughts on the elders but always kinda liked both of them.

Wasteland was the first elder I got in orbit thus bias

STILL WAITING FOR THEIR MASKS TGC

Favorite Seasonal Spirit - Cackling Cannoneer

Words CANNOT describe the unfathomable level of brain rot I have for them... like if I do talk about them this post... that will obliterate and overshadow the rest of the stuff here. Which is not the point!!!! It's a freaking iceberg, and I'm going to have to contain my thoughts like the scp it is.💀

Favorite Creatures:

Instead of an "other" category I wanted to do some much needed favorite creature appreciation, because they make the game feel more alive and sky without creatures would be even more depressing.

1. The Abyss Monster (Thousand Eyes)

Best creature 1000 out of 10

Very chill. They are just swimming there... menacingly!

For something so big it's relatively quiet unless it roars or something has it's attention.

I like that we free them from being trapped in a cramped tank... must have sucked for them. And what could go wrong? Ignore last abyss quest lol. I'm sure cannoneer will be back from the grocery store anytime now.

I like calling them thousand eyes because that "name" kinda just stuck for me ( Also ,unrelated, totally forgot that a person who worked on the music for signalis is called 1000 eyes so that was kinda funny to me... also I love signalis).

They don't actually have 1000 eyes. It's something more along the lines of 29 with 22 missing eyes (I figured that out by comparing images).

Granted, in AU I'm working on they have an ability where the name makes more sense.

I feel like almost everyone calls it something different anyway.

Face wise, reminds me of a moray. I really like morays. :]

2. Eel

Sweet :>

Fun to follow around

The treasure reef one saved me from drowning a few times.

A very unique light creature. Like, the only other light creature I can think of thats kinda similar is the whales with their more stoney masks and how they spin while swimming/flying.

It's noises can be startling if you are not expecting them but I find them quite comforting and probably have some of my favorite animal noises in game. I just wished we had an eel call. I think it would sound pretty.

Has 4 eyes which is unique to them.

I like to call the treasure reef one Velma or Vel... don't have a name for the prairie peaks days of bloom one yet as I cannot choose. I got a list of potential names.

A friend pointed out they kinda look like a leek and I can't unsee it.

3. Krill Cat

CAT CAT CAT CAT CAT

I love how the Cackling Crab one purrs

Mine still my favorite though. They keep me company.

Also I love being thrown into outer space... or playing golf using my skykid as a ball and the cat as the golf club to fling me around... also very useful for building cannons.

4. Krill (Dark Dragons)

I used to be terrified of them. (Had a group of vets lure one at me when I first went into wasteland as a moth)

Broke my fear of krill by watching them from a distance and figured out they are quite predictable pathing wise and to watch out if a server switch happens because it messes with certain ones' pathing more than others... If you wonder why a krill suddenly contorts weird or suddenly makes an unexpected turn that's why.

I but I also enjoy watching them because they have some of the most interesting animations in game.

"Brutally elegant" is the best way to describe how I see them.

They might be partially made out of a sandy, clumpy, almost liquidy type material that isn't completely stable... Ask if you want me to elaborate.

5. Dark lurker (worm)

10/10 creature.

I think they are cute.

I appreciate that they don't drain all my life immediately.

Reminds me of how a dog behaves with a new chew toy.

Feel like they would enjoy eating a sandwich.

Once it snagged a thief that stole my boat! Good worm!

6. Crabs

WHO DOESN'T LIKE CRABS?

They are some of the most interactive creatures in sky.

Leave the friendly ones alone if you value your life. You wanna get me mad? Honk friendly crabs. I will drag you to an early grave you thoughtless monster! And if I didn't do anything immediately to show my anger watch your back... I'm plotting your demise.

7. Knife Fish

KILLER FISH. KILLER FISH FROM SAN DIEGOOOOOO!!!

I have a running gag of using them as actual knives.

Very Very easy to draw.

Noises are pleasant.

Also have saved me from drowning.

8. Butterflies

I sometimes scorn them but most of the time they are quite helpful during candle runs which makes up for it. I remember when they didn't come out of dark plants which made wasteland more treacherous.

Love the new dyeing feature and that butterflies come in multiple colors now... but I still have a fondness for the classic yellow ones.

Cute noises, Butterfly call when TGC???

Also easy to draw

Fond memories of being a butterfly during days of bloom and carrying crabs around with me.

Favorite Places:

I couldn't just pick one realm so just decided to list areas and maps

Note: I decided not to include oob locations, but they may factor into why I like some places.

1. Treasure Reef

Love how the music changes depending on where you are in the map.

It's looks are deceiving... >:)

Kinda foggy

It's Thousand Eyes and treasure reef eels home.

FISH and other creatures there are nice too.

Rip the manta spirit that gave us the ability to go underwater. You are my favorite Manta.

Abyss crews boat

Gorgeous underwater areas.

I LOVE IT WHEN WE GET TO SEE THE GIANT RAINBOW HERE IT'S SO RARE.

The LORE there I have taken quite an interest in.

Great to run if bored of typical candle run.

Level design wise, I think it's one of the better seasonal areas.

It has a big shared space that's partially underwater.

Tower interior OOB is a fav of mine to hide in. But also kinda sucks that it got scrapped for a quest.

Enough is left open for the brain to go crazy speculating and imagining underwater areas there that aren't canon.

I like that place is long abandoned mostly submerged lab, light house, mines, and to some extent a prison... like come on great setting!!!

More than likely there was some really shady shit some ancestors did there.

Is the area that made me question the use of spirit barriers, and how powerful they are because of the ones used in Thousands Eye's and the flock of mantas containments... it makes all the other spirit barriers in game look sus to me now.

It also reminds me of old adventure games and "point and clicks" setting wise like the Monkey Island series, a little bit of Grim Fandango and Freddi Fish games... in other words kinda hits a nostalgic spot in me I didn't know I had.

Has a mysterious invisible object you can pick up that makes a weird sound effect. (It's Probably just a random asset someone at TGC forgot to move).

I like making evil swimming races there for myself and friends if they dare. >:] (Mainly for myself though, ha)

In general great place to chill - like to float around afk on my boat or play music or build stuff.

I got lots of fond memories there.

2. The Archives

My favorite song in Sky's OST plays here: Hover

Home to one of my favorite OOB locations not many people go to

I like the dilapidated flooded liminal hallway vibes

I always felt like it should go somewhere else, but the fact it loops is neat and adds to the vault's weird nonsensical architecture nature.

Crabs in vault? That feels rare.

I think the lanterns and spinning platforms are neat.

3. The Last Lamp Before Death in Eden

I just like playing the Through the Eyes of a Child music sheet before going off to die and like to think it brings good luck to others on the map... or comfort them. Makes me happy when people join in or take a moment to listen.

4. Forest Brook

Pretty much end up going past here every day for event runs route I do.

It Has a nice flow to it compared to other maps for running and it's not too big.

Because the plants don't rotate, they are easier to memorize.

I swear it's one of the maps with the most wax.

Fond memories here with friends and as a moth

I love the secret rainbow there.

Waltzing in the Rain is definitely a iconic and beautiful music track.

Plenty of places the hide and listen to the rain.

There is the manta friend that leads moths through forest.

Often is people's first encounter with crabs... Definitely was mine. XD

5. Wasteland Graveyard

Many points of interest

CATAPULT

Spent alot of time watching krill here to get over my initial fear of them.

I have both fondness and trama for this area.

Not bad wax wise if you can take risk. Best on Sunday though when all of wastelands plants are out instead of being one rotation or the other and/or candle cakes are there.

6. The Patch of Big Blue Flowers in Prairie Peaks

I just think they are pretty even though I don't stay there very often.

Is another place to chill and play instruments or just go afk on my boat.

7. Duet's Concert Hall

My favorite of the crowd tech areas

There is the 4 boat OOB and ghost piano.

I like the flower area and that hidden cave.

8. Starlight Desert (Pot Interior)

The place where I first met a dear friend I don't see too often anymore.

On rare occasions I will play music there but not as much as I used to, just doesn't feel the same...

Its the bitter sweet favorite if you will.

I feel bad for drunk spirit.

Favorite Ships:

Originally was going to do boats instead to be funny but I decided to be brave and talk a little about this.

Also If you have different headcanons and stuff I'm happy for you and wouldn't mind hearing about them.

1. Cackling Cannoneer and Anxious Angler

If you are wonder what's happening in the picture have a headcanon that angler has Cannoneer take pictures of them and their catches sometimes. (Joke on "fishing dad photos")

Originally I didn't ship it. It just kinda happened!!!

I find the dynamics between the two interesting. So now it's become like a side lab experiment I tinker around with.

"Hunter × fisher sapphics???" - something someone said to me and stuck.

And before someone asks I do head canon that both of them are around the same age albeit angler is the slightly older one of the two.

kinda comes off as more of a queer platonic relationship of sorts??? But idk thinks can and have changed before.

As for... if someone is curious about how Doppelneer from my au feels... all I have to answer you is this image from centaurworld...

And to say the least if you know... YOU KNOW and NO they are not going to be taking it well.

Also man that image has been on my phone for awhile... centaurworld underrated.

2. Duets Guide and Compassionate Chellist

I think both of them are cute and really enjoyed that season for actually having somewhat of a story... and hiiiii abyss crew.

I hope they have a nice afterlife together playing music

Other than that I don't have much to say

3. Provoking Performer and Sneezing Geographer

Crack ship due to that one traveling spirit bug... and I found funny and never forgot.

I like to think that the reason that the glitch happened is that geographer sneezed while mid-telaport, and that caused provoking and the random statue to be there. And now sneezing and provoking are dating.

For some reason, it reminds me of a troupe that I swear I have seen... where wizard messes up a spell and summons the wrong spirit/ demon/ entity, and over time, they slowly fall in love... idk lol

Bonus Fav Ships (Boats):

I decided to include this anyway, haha.

1. Abyss Crew's Boat

I love speculating if it had an interior, what it would look like.

Nice size. Rare example of one of the more medium size boats in game.

I like that you can tell that it's definitely a place that was used but the "sand" on everything indicates stuff hasn't been touched in a bit and the fact there are light blooms attached to the boat says it hasn't moved in a bit. Possibly stranded.

While the enchantment ark has a mural telling it's story and you repair it gradually I like abyss crews for the subtlety of prop placement and things are left were they are.

Still RIP beta version of this boat...

2. My Boat

It's my boat :D

T'was one of my first IAP that I got gifted thus I cherish it.

Not as cool as abyss crew's but it does it's job well even though she be a wanderer.

It's always funny when others steal it and proceed to get her stuck.

Wish there was a way to place it in my nest... I would in a heartbeat if I could.

[nightyraven-art]

I hate dealing with anxiety and anger issues

One second I'd be worried and then I get angry because anxiety makes me impatient and usually I'm often calm and patient but anxiety makes look like I'm the opposite and it's frightening to just be patient when I'm anxious-

Then it's a mix of embarrassment and anxiety because I make myself a fool...

[bacchuschucklefuck]

pygmalion and galatea for aroace people

you should tell your friends what I look like, riz gukgak.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Pages from trying to keep a little sketchbook-scrapbook type thing going for two weeks lol. I gave myself specific rules in hopes they might all end up more cohesive/consistent seeming, but alas, scribbly chaos reigns, it seems

[lady-harrowhark]

lol not me crying because someone from my program texted me to ask how i was doing and that they hadn't seen me around in a while

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

Screaming from the crypt (or how the past haunts the present on Midnights)

I know it's been discussed so much since Midnights came out but just.

I love how there is such a clear narrative throughout the album (and perhaps especially on the 3am/Vault tracks). About questioning and regret and choices and coming to terms with all of it. It is one long story about how we're all a mosaic of the choices we make, each one taking something from us and leaving something else in its place.

(And now a disclaimer: I'm looking at this mostly through a narrator/subject lens, and trying not to dive too deeply into real-life events or speculation except for in a general sense. For this purpose I like to look at the body of work as art, like literature, because I find it makes it easier to see the common threads in the different songs and cohesion in the narrative.)

In looking at the 3am+ tracks in particular, it's fascinating how some turns of phrases or themes repeat themselves in different songs, in different contexts. (I'm only focusing on the non-standard tracks because there are too many songs and I'd be here all day but I bet I could do a part two lol.) I know many people have pointed out the parallels throughout her discography already and I’m not saying anything groundbreaking by writing this, but I love how these parallels run through in the same album, because it makes it seem like it's one long story, or at least, one long rumination on many different stories that are coalescing into a single narrative.

Battle (let’s go)

For instance, the one that jumped out at me when I started writing this post the other week was, "Tore your banners down, took the battle underground," in The Great War and "If clarity's in death, then why won't this die? Years of tearing down our banners, you and I," in Would've, Could've Should've. It's a story about staying stuck in the same cycle of reliving trauma and coping mechanisms and bad habits over and over again and fantasizing about how taking the “antagonist” out and gaining the upper hand for good would bring closure (WCS), but the truth is that nothing ever will. All that cycle does, though, is repeat itself in other situations, and in this case pushes someone away the narrator cares for (TGW). The difference is that the imagined battle in WCS is a two-way street in her mind (that is ultimately unwinnable because it was never a fair fight), but in TGW it's one-sided -- she's the one fighting dirty, taking shots, the way she'd been doing in her imagination (or nightmares) all these years. But the person in front of her isn't fighting back the way the person in her mind in WCS would, because their intentions are honourable instead of exploitative.

And that's paralleled in another pair of lyrics from the two songs, "And maybe it's the past talking, screaming from the crypt, telling me to punish you for things you never did," (in TGW) and "The tomb won't close, I fight with you in my sleep," (in WCS). In both cases, the funeral imagery makes it seem like this past event should be dead and buried in WCS, but it keeps rising from the dead, haunting her no matter what she does and in TGW, another (or perhaps the same?) tomb that won't close keeps unleashing new ways to hurt her and in turn the new person in her life. In other words, the trauma from the past continues to bleed into the present.

(Again from a literary point of view, I'm not saying the events of the two songs are linked IRL, but they're fascinating textual parallels on the album as a string of chapters, which is why Dear Reader is so compelling, but that's a whole other essay.)

To keep the battle motif going, there’s yet another parallel, this time between TGW’s "[You were a] soldier down on that icy ground, looked up at me with honor and truth," and You’re Losing Me’s "All I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier, fighting in only your army.” In the former, the subject is laying down his armour in the war she’s projecting onto him, waving the white flag, and she realizes that she’s about to destroy something if she doesn’t put her sword down too. By the time we get to YLM, the roles are almost reversed; at the very least they’re supposed to be on the same team, but in this case she’s doing all the heavy lifting, fighting for their relationship in contrast to his apathy killing it. It’s also pretty interesting (if not outright intentional) that one of the 3am+ editions of the albums starts with The Great War, where they find themselves in conflict (even if it’s in her head) that ends in a truce, and ends with You’re Losing Me signalling the end of the relationship, evidence that the resolution in the first song wasn’t an ending but merely a ceasefire before the last battle.

Putting the rest under a cut because this is waaaaay too long now ⤵️

(There’s also another metaphor there in The Great War with its battle imagery: World War I, aka The Great War, was supposed to be the war to end all wars, because loss on its scale was never seen before and when it ended, most thought never again would the world embroil itself in such battle, the horrors and implications were so devastating. Two decades later, the world found itself in WWII, with an even larger scope and more horrific consequences, the intervening time between the two a period of festering conflicts and resentment leading to some of the worst acts the world would see. Bringing real life into it for a second, there’s something a little poetic, though sad, about The Great War the song being about a fight that could have ended the relationship that they ultimately resolved and was meant to be evidence of the strength of their love, but so too did it end up being a period of détente, the greater battle coming for them years later. But that is not the point of this post.)

If one thing had been different

Another major theme in these editions is pondering the "what ifs?" of life, but I think it takes on even more significance in the broader context of the album in the lyrics of "I'm never gonna meet what could've been, would've been, should've been you," in Bigger than the Whole Sky and the repetition of would've/could've in Would've, Could've, Should've (I would've looked away at the first glance, I would've stayed on my knees, I would've gone along with the righteous, I could've gone on as I was, would've could've should've if I'd only played it safe, etc.) In both songs, the narrator is mourning an alternate course their life could have taken* and questioning what they could have done differently, in the aftermath of trauma and loss, and the regret that comes with that loss, and with the loss of agency in the situation because ultimately it was never in their hands. In an album full of questions, wondering about the path not taken, or the forks in the road that have led to a different version of your life, it's digging deeper into the contrast of choice vs. fate, action vs. reaction, dwelling on the past vs. moving on. When you're supposed to let go of the past, what do you do when it is holding your future hostage?

(*I know there are different interpretations/speculation about BTTWS which I am not getting into on main. I'm just saying that whatever the song is about, it's grieving something that never came to be. The literal origin of the song is less important to the album than the sense of loss it portrays. Whatever the inspiration is, it's crafted to tell part of the story of Midnights of ruminating over how, to borrow from her previous work, if one thing had been different, would everything be different?)

(Also I was today years old when I realized that the words are inverted in the two songs. Apparently I've been hearing BTTWS wrong this whole time.)

There's also an interesting tangent in the role of faith in both songs: in WCS, the events of the story cause her to lose her faith (e.g. "All I used to do was pray," "you're a crisis of my faith,") and question all the things she felt had been unquestionable until that point in her life (e.g. "I could have gone along with the righteous"), whereas in BTTWS, she questions whether that very lack of faith is to blame for the loss in that song ("did some force take you because I didn't pray? [...] It's not meant to be, so I'll say words I don't believe"). It's like pinpointing the moment her life changed and upended her beliefs (WCS), but as a result then leaving her unmoored in times of crisis because ultimately there's no explanation or comfort to be taken from what she used to hold true before that (BTTWS). The words she once relied upon to guide her have long since lost their meaning, but in times of trouble it leaves her wondering if that faith she once held then lost could have prevented this pain.

(Shoutout to WCS for being Catholic guilt personified lol.)

To keep on with the vaguely faith-y notions, an obvious parallel is the line in Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve about, “I damn sure never would've danced with the devil at nineteen,” and, "When you aim at the devil, make sure you don't miss," in Dear Reader. All of WCS is about her fighting with an antagonist who haunts her, with whom she wholly regrets ever becoming involved. DR could be seen as a reflection on that fall from grace, warning the audience that if you choose to go after the person (or thing) haunting you, make sure you do so clearheaded enough to be decisive. Again, these “devils” may not be related in real life: the IRL devil in DR could be speaking about her naysayers, or Kim*ye, or Scott & Scooter B, etc., meaning not to cross your enemies until you know you can win. But taking real life out of it and looking at it textually, I am intrigued by the link between WCS and DR, so that’s what I’m going with here. And perhaps that’s even the point in a wider sense; there will be multiple “devils” in your life, or threats to your well-being. If you’re going to commit to taking them down — whether it’s an actual person, or the demons inside you that refuse to let you go — make sure you have the right ammo so that they can no longer hurt you. (Of course, one lesson from these experiences is that sometimes you can’t win, and you have to live with the fallout.)

(Sidebar: I know that “dancing with the devil” is a turn of phrase that means being led into temptation and engaging in risky behaviour, as opposed to describing the actual person. Given the religious metaphors in the song, that could very well be/is the intention, particularly when it’s preceded by, “I would have stayed on my knees” as in she would have continued to follow her faith — in whatever sense that means — had she never met this person, which could also be a more eloquent way of saying she would have continued to be live her life in a way that was righteous (even naive) and seen the world in black and white. Either way, it’s a force she wholly rejects. Like I said, multiple devils, same fight.)

Regret comes up too: in WCS, she says, "I regret you all the time," obviously directed at the person who manipulated her and led to her perceived downfall, citing him as the one impulse she wished she'd never followed, because it won't leave her no matter how hard she’s tried. In High Infidelity, she tells the person to, "put on your records and regret me," and on the surface, it’s like she’s turning the tables, painting herself as the one now causing the regret in someone else, the one inflicting the pain this time. Yet the verse preceding it and the lines following it in the chorus depict a partner who is also emotionally manipulative and vindictive like in WCS (“you said I was freeloading, I didn’t know you were keeping count,” “put on your headphones and burn my city,”). It’s not so much that she’s intentionally harming the person (the way the person in WCS does to her), but rather that the venom in the subject’s feelings towards her seeps through; she’s imagining the way he’s going to feel about her when she leaves, hating her just for by being who she is. (There could be another tangent about how in both songs she’s there to be a “token” in a game for both of the men, who play her for their own purposes.) The regret is dripping with disdain. It’s as though she’s picturing how the person is going to hate her for doing what she’s thinking of doing the way she hates the person who first hurt her.

Sadness, unsurprisingly, shows up in a few lyrics. In BTTWS, “Everything I touch becomes sick with sadness,” sets the scene of a person so overcome with grief that it permeates everything around them; they cannot see their way out of it and feel like the fog will never lift. In Hits Different, it’s, “My sadness is contagious,” the result of a breakup where the person’s grief again touches everything and everyone around them, pushing them further in their despair and loneliness. The reason behind the grief in either case may vary, but regardless of the source, the feeling is overpowering and isolating. They may be different chapters in the story, but the devastation is hauntingly familiar. (As is a recurring theme in Midnights as a whole: there are situations and feelings that present themselves at different points in her journey and colour in the lines in different ways along the road. Like revisiting an old vice and realizing the hit isn’t quite the same as it was in the past.)

Death by a thousand cuts

She also writes about wounds on this album, which isn't surprising I suppose given that the whole conceit is that these are things that have kept her up at night over the years. WCS is perhaps the driving narrative on this never ending hurt when she sings, “The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign, I regret you all the time,” suggesting that no matter what she does, the pain of this experience has permeated everything she’s done afterwards. (Not unlike the overwhelming grief in BTTWS, for instance.) Elsewhere, in High Infidelity she sings, "Lock broken, slur spoken, wound open, game token," and in Hits Different, "Make it make some sense why the wound is still bleeding.” Again I'm not suggesting they're about the same events; the line in HI is about a situation where a partner crosses a boundary, hits below the belt, picks at an insecurity (or creates a new one) and treats the relationship like it's transactional, opening the floodgates in turn. In HD, the wound seems to be more self-inflicted, where she's pushed the person away. (Over a situation real or imagined she feels she needs distance from.) But again, something has picked at her like a raw nerve, and just like in the past, she's hurting, even in a different time and place and person. Almost like the wounds of the past break open over and over again to create new scars. If one were to extrapolate further, it wouldn’t be the biggest leap to wonder if the wound open in WCS, then torn apart in HI makes the one in HD hurt even more.

(I once wrote a post about how I think as time goes on, WCS is going to turn into one of those songs that will be found to drive so much of her work, because it’s just… kind of the unsaid thesis statement of so much of her songwriting.)

Another repeated theme is that of the empty home and loneliness. In High Infidelity, she sings, "At the house lonely, good money I'd pay if you just know me, seemed like the right thing at the time," painting a picture of someone who may have everything they'd want to the outside world, but in reality feels metaphorically trapped in their home (or at least alone amidst abundance), a symbol of a relationship gone sour and a failure to build connection. She just wants someone to understand her, want her for her, but as she's written earlier in the song, she's just a pawn in the game, a trophy from the hunt. Home, in this case, is lonely, isolated, an emblem of her fears. In Dear Reader, she continues this thread, then singing, "You wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking, if you knew where I was walking, to a house not a home, all alone 'cause nobody's there, where I pace in my pen and my friends found friends who care, no one sees you lose when you're playing solitaire." It's the same idea, admitting to listeners that the gilded cage she lived in kept her distanced from her loved ones and real connection, keeping her struggles close to the vest but feeling desperately lonely amidst her crowning success. She's pushed people away and it may have felt like the right thing at the time, but in the end maybe felt like she was trapped. And when you push people away, eventually they take you at your word and stop pushing back; you’re a victim of your own success at isolating yourself. What starts out of self-preservation then further perpetuates the underlying problems.

(There's another interesting link about "home" also feeling unsafe with HI's "Your picket fence is sharp as knives," which further leads into the theme of marriage/domesticity feeling dangerous, which is a whole other thing I won't get into here because it's another discussion and may derail this already gargantuan word salad.)

In a slightly similar vein, we have the metaphor of bad weather for a rocky road or unstable relationship, in High Infidelity again with, "Storm coming, good husband, bad omen, dragged my feet right down the aisle" and You’re Losing Me’s "every morning I glared at you with storms in my eyes.” They aren’t speaking of the same situation or even same kind of breakdown, but it is pretty interesting how the idea of clouds/storms/floods/etc. play such a role in Taylor’s music to signal depression, apprehension, fear, uncertainty, etc. In HI, I think the “storm” coming is the looming threat of commitment to a partner who makes the narrator uneasy (if not fearful). In this case, the idea of making a life with this person is not one that incites joy or comfort, but instead makes the narrator feel that dark times are ahead if she continues down this path. Perhaps in some way, the “storms” in YLM have made good on the threat in HI in a different way; it’s a different home, a different relationship, but the clouds have settled in regardless, and some of her fears have come to fruition in ways she did not expect. The person she once trusted no longer sees her or her struggles (or worse, doesn’t care), and the resentment and pain build with each passing day.

Coming back to heartbreak, one of the obvious "full circle" moments is the beginning of a relationship in Paris, where she says that, "I'm so in love that I might stop breathing," clearly enthralled in a new love that allows her to shut the world out and grow in private, capturing the all-encompassing nature of the relationship. This infatuation has consumed her in the most wonderful way (in contrast to the sorrow of some of the previous songs), and it feels like a life-altering (or even life-sustaining?) force that is so strong she may forget what it’s like to breathe. (Metaphorically speaking, of course.) By the end of the album, though, in You're Losing Me, that heart-stopping love has become a threat: "my heart won't start anymore for you." In the former, her racing heart is full of excitement, but by the latter, her heart has given out completely under the weight of the pain she bears. (YLM is full of death/illness imagery which I already wrote about awhile ago so I won't hear, but needless to say that song deserves its own essay for so many reasons.) She's gone from the unbridled joy of the beginnings of a relationship to the unrelenting sorrow of its end, two sides of the same coin.

Love as death appears elsewhere in the music too, for instance, in High Infidelity’s, “You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love, the slowest way is never loving them enough" and You’re Losing Me’s “How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying? […] My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick.” Though not completely analogous situations, they both tell the tale of one partner’s apathy (or at least denial) destroying the other. In the former, the partner’s actions (or inaction) are more insidious, if not sinister; in the latter, the lack of momentum (or admission of a problem) is passive. In both cases, the end result is the narrator’s demise; it’s a drawn out affair that chips away at her morale and her health and her sense of self. (Breaking my own rule about bringing in alleged actual events into the discussion, but the idea that the relationship in High Infidelity, which was obviously fraught with unease and even fear, ended in a similarly excruciatingly slow and hurtful death by a thousand cuts as the relationship in You’re Losing Me almost did at that time must have been so painful. It almost feels like YLM is wondering why what used to be a source of light in her life was mirroring a situation that caused her such pain in the past.)

From the same little breaks in your soul

I said early on that part of what is so compelling about Midnights is that it feels like an album about ruminating — on choices, on events, on people — and the two final “bonus” tracks of the album depict that as well. In Hits Different, she sings that, “they say if it’s right, you know,” an ode to the confusion of a breakup and struggling with the aftermath of calling it quits. It’s a line that has always intrigued me, because the typical use of the phrase is in the sense of, “you’ll know when you meet the one,” but here it seems to have a double meaning, a reassurance perhaps from the friends (who later on tell her that "love is a lie") that she’ll know if she’s made the right decision in calling it off, but could also be her wondering if the relationship is right, she’ll know, and want to reconcile. In the final bonus track, You’re Losing Me, she sings, “now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time,” this time leaving no doubt about the dilemma she faces, though it’s no less fraught. She’s wondering, perhaps for the last time, if now is finally the moment to end the relationship for good. They say that if it’s right she’ll know, and now she’s wondering if that feeling inside her (that once told her her partner was the one, which is why it hit differently), is telling her that it’s time to go for good. Wait Alexa play “It’s Time To Go.” These are not only the things that keep her up at night, but the things that play over in her mind like a film reel in her waking hours.

Midnights as a whole is a deeply personal album, as is most of Taylor's work, but the 3am+ edition tracks seem to dig even deeper to a lot of the issues raised on the standard album. Almost like the standard tracks are the things she wonders about on sleepless nights, but the bonus tracks are the things that haunt her in the aftermath. The regret, anger, sadness, grief, relief, even joy— they’re the price she pays for the memories she keeps reliving. Midnights might be the most cohesive narrative of all her albums, and really does feel like we’re watching someone work through her journal over time, stopping short of outright naming those giant fears and intrusive thoughts (except for when she does) but making them plain as day when you connect the songs together, and perhaps never more clearly than in the expanded album. It’s incredible how the songs stand on their own to relay a specific moment in time, but that they are also self-referential to each other (whether thematically or overtly) to weave a larger web over the entire work. We’re so lucky as fans to have these stories and to keep peeling back these layers as time passes. (And my literature-analysis-loving ass loves her even more for it.)

This is obviously by no means an exhaustive list, and I know there are more parallels and probably even stronger links (particularly when you add the standard version into the mix), but these were the ones that particularly struck me and I’m just glad I’ve had a chance to sit with this and think it through. ❤️

[imavikingo]

Everytime I look at Tumblr and see the tl I remember why I hate endgame with a passion you couldn't understand.

They fucked up Steve and Bucky so bad (yes, Bucky too bc suddenly he doesn't matter/isn't even a secondary character that deserves to be near Steve)

It's so funny to me (not) bc they talked about gay characters being in the movie at panels and interviews and even talked about Stucky at some point (basically queerbaiting) for then... Steve not even acknowledging Bucky. An awkward and impersonal hug doesn't cut it.

And Steve suddenly yearning and talking about Peggy? When he didn't even mourned her that bad and already had let her go ages ago? They knew they fucked up in CATWS with Steve and Buckys relationship, so they tried to distance them and then inserted Peggy bc ofc

(they possibly didn't have the time for a new character and they already had fucked up pairing Nat and Bruce and Wanda and Vision). Steve didn't have anyone else he cared about so they couldn't give him a new girlfriend. So they used Peggy AGAIN.

I'm not mad bc "Stucky not canon grr"

No.

I'm fucking pissed off because they did the worst character assassination and friendship assassination possible. Every movie of Cap America revolved around Steve saving Bucky at some point and him caring about him above all else, and you want me to believe that Steven Grant Rogers didn't care about him when Bucky died in front of his eyes? AGAIN? That Peggy's death was more important and impactful for him? If that was the case then why the fuck did he crash the plane then? If he cared so much about Peggy since forever?

No, that was just lazy writing and a way to reinforce Steve's sexuality "He can't be gay and you can't say that bc he LOVES PEGGY"(even tho he only kissed her once, even tho he crashed the plane and didn’t give her the coordinates, he didn't really care that much after all) they could have paired him with Nat in later movies, but they didn't.

That's why I only raise my eyebrows a lil when people say that x character will be gay canonically in a marvel movie/series. Is more than possible they won't. And if they are they're Deadpool, a secondary character no one cares about (obscure in lore too, so they can cut them off) or is plain queerbaiting again (because yes, even if you don’t see Steve and Bucky’s relationship as romantic, they DID QUEERBAIT IT)

Steve and Buckys relationship wasn't even written in a romantic way (you can ship them or not), but they tried so hard to rectify Steve's heterosexuality in endgame, that they fucked up their character arcs on purpose. And now they will always feel hollow and inconclusive. A bad taste in the mouth, a painful reminder of what it was and a what? 11 year long? characterization.

Idk man, I know I've talked about this more than three times, but omfg Tumblr reminds me why I hate that fucking movie!!! It's not my fault!!!

I know I'm going to end up writing something out of spite bc I can't take it shdkdjjcif

"It's been more than 4 years get over it" NEVER

Also the bit with Johnny Storm in Deadpool and Wolverine was also a dig (a fuck you if you will) to the fans bc Deadpool explicitly calls him Cap. And it implies that Steve as a character (not that old Steve nonsense) won't be back.

It's funny they've remade over and over again some movies (Fantastic 4, Spiderman) changed actors for characters (James/war machine, Bruce) and they include them in the multiverse/plot, but they won't do the same to some movies and some characters when they fuck up their stories, because they know if they do, they will have to acknowledge WHY they did it. Like with James/war machine changing actors.

So yeah, that's one of the reasons I don't care about Marvel anymore.

**I mean remake the movies ((Also they Can't remake Cap America bc that would mean they need to remake every important movie. And they don't have the time, the money nor the need. So that's why they decided to fuck their character arcs))

or include some characters in multiverse (they're going to do that with Tony/RDJ/Dr Doom after all, no?) and they also won't remake Cap bc the movies are amazing.

But the point stands. Steve couldn't be in DaW bc that would imply he's an alternative one or that Old!Steve was an alternative one or wasn't even Steve to begin with. But they couldn't do that ofc, no, bc that would give the fans hope in seeing Steve and Bucky together once again. So they did a dig at the fans bc "haha you thought it was Steve, but it's Johnny!"

Idk if I'm making sense at this point I'm tired af, need to sleep.

The thing is that they fucked up Steve Rogers's arc on purpose (Bucky's too, and others charas too tbh) and now they expect the fans to accept everything they give us with open arms. And imho I won't accept shit.

"Deadpool saved the MCU" how? If the other og characters are DEAD or they fucked them up too? Or are the butt of the joke now? Don't make me laugh. Most people don't gaf bout the new charas bc they only are presented in series not everyone watches (only available in one place) or are presented with characters that are dead now or as a replacement for the og characters. They aren't interesting on their own (not really, at least in mcu) and that's why most of the new stuff isn't liked as much. If they wanted to present more characters the opportunity passed already.

Also now if you want to watch and really understand 1 movie (if you don't read the comics too) you need to watch like 20 other movies and 5 shows. it's fucking exhausting.

[13eyond13]

actually stunned by how gay The Beatles has been all this time and I just never knew

[lilowoof]

ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD

Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!

[b-blushes]

also wish i had a better way to describe it than 'migraine that makes me stupid' as a shorthand. i guess i don't really understand what's going on nor can i pinpoint exactly what's going on any more specifically than 'the stuff that makes me understand stuff is broken currently' but it's *more* than that. i can feel the widespread process happening in my brain but only through the impacts of it, i can't, like, put my finger on it at its source i'm just like 'huh i can't spell? or i'm substituting letters?' but it's NOT like i suddenly FORGET how to do this is that's wires are being crossed while i'm doing actions and the outputs are odd but the actions aren't just isolated to 'typing', it's 'anything that flows through my brain'. which is why i'm also more prone to doing things like 'touch a burning hot pan that i just safely got out of the oven one second after doing so with bare hands' when i have a migraine.

i guess 'migraine that crosses all the wires in my brain' works pretty well. maybe i'll use that because i don't like to say stupid even if i'm saying it in a 'neutral descriptor of my current situation' way.

[whump-n-comfort]

when you read a fic that gives you a hyper-specific whump scenario that you know would either A.) take forever to find in another story or B.) hasn't been written at all so the obvious conclusion is that you have to write it yourself

[loverboybrightsideghost]

"reblog for something lgbt to happen to you" at this point i'd be grateful if something straight happened to me

[deoidesign]

For my birthday... read my webcomic! It's literally free! (Unless you want books. Those are not free)

It's beautiful, it's gentle, it's funny, they're canonically t4t and gay... And it's about time traveling vampires solving supernatural mysteries!

I've spent thousands of hours writing and drawing it, and it's really good! I'm not biased!

It's on hiatus right now and coming back in 2 months, so it's the perfect time to get caught up

[keeps-ache]

gonna keep it shmoovin man

[numbaoneflaya]

@summer-solemnly-swears sometimes yeah :/ I’ll imagine or write cute little scenes and shit but eventually again I’m like hmm.. well what if she was going through the horrors again . Anime monologue in the tags as usual

[futureassassin]

im so excited to go to therapy for the first time ever on thursday! shes gonna be like well whats your problem nd im gonna be like "well. y'see. there are bugs in my legs and the only way to get them out is through stabbing. lol. lmao even." and shes gonna be all "woah! youre crazy insane! i am going to kill you now." and ill just be "ok. lol." and then i die. badly.