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burning-burning-burning · 3 days ago

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Valentine's Heart-to-Heart and Overwhelming Insecurities

Word count: 26.7k In which it's Valentine's Day, Sonic's ADHD has him procrastinating having the "What are we" talk with Shadow, Shadow's terminally low self-esteem has him tilting at every windmill (read: nonexistent hint Sonic's playing him) in sight, Rouge advocates for the Slut Era, Knuckles thinks Sonic should consider being less of a horny bastard to look more serious, and the cruelty of a world that never forgets a wrong rears its ugly head to thwart the best laid plans. But maybe, none of that ever really mattered, anyway.

((Lovers-to-boyfriends, Sonadow, hurt/comfort, no smut, fluff/angst)) Part 2 of Holiday Hogs First | < Prev | Next >

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It had been one month, one week, and five days since the cabin. Since the snowstorm, and the cold, and the liquor- and the… time, Shadow and Sonic spent together. Which Shadow still couldn’t think about without a dark flush coloring his muzzle and his heart doing this horrible, awful, annoying beat-skip. If he wasn’t already aware of the ridiculous things the blue hedgehog did to him, he might think he was dying.

Maybe he was, anyway.

“You have that face on, you know,” Rouge said, hanging over the back of the couch in their shared living room. Shadow had made the mistake of sitting down after coming home from training that day, and the bat took that as permission to begin their nightly routine of harassment.

Rouge called it ‘conversation’ and ‘bonding time’, but, semantics. She was lucky he loved her.

“What face would that be,” Shadow sighed, no tone of question at all in his voice. He leaned forward to release his air shoes, feeling the usual jolt as they were cut off from his Chaos energy. He slipped his gloves off, as well, frowning at the catch of his claws against the seams as he did. He enjoyed having such efficient weapons at his literal fingertips, but, he was becoming annoyed at how many pairs of gloves he was going through, now. Even just wearing them, if he wasn’t careful, he could extend his claws straight through the fabric and had on multiple occasions. He had stopped by his room before returning to the couch for a soft pair of blue hospital socks (that came from his last stay at GUN’s medical facility, courtesy of GUN’s insistence he be ‘checked over’ following the hypothermia incident- an excuse for more testing and procedures, he was sure-) that he wore around their apartment when finally able to relax.

Rouge laughed. “You know the face,” she said, unhelpfully, ignoring his uncovered hands; it was hardly a shock between friends as close they were; and besides, Shadow had never liked wearing them when relaxing at home, especially not since his already impressive claws had become more like talons following Doom and the Time-Eater. When Shadow only turned back to give her a tired stare, she blew and supplied, “The ‘I’m not thinking about Sonic, except that I’m definitely thinking about Sonic’, face.”

Shadow’s ears folded briefly and he clicked his tongue. “No seas ridícula. I have no reason to think of him.”

Rouge rolled her eyes and hopped over the back of the couch to sit beside him, leaning forward to meet his eyes. “Shadow, hun, you can’t fool me.”

Shadow growled, but the threat was without bite. He had been forced to tell Rouge what happened New Year’s night after she clocked him being ‘slightly less grumpy than usual’, which apparently was enough to trigger a bright red alarm in the bat’s mind that she seemed to take as indication to begin interrogating. He left out… most detail, but she had managed to get out of him the gist of the night. The liquor, the kiss, the sex… the promise of more, if he wanted it. The assurance it was real, his anxiety still hanging over his head that, what if it wasn’t? Even now, he felt it grip his heart and twist- a month in, and he and Sonic had met several times since, and still Shadow just… wasn’t sure. Was this a relationship? Was it just sex? Could it ever really be more, and did he even want that?

He was waiting for the punchline, for the blue speedster to pull back with a sneer and laugh in his stupid, naïve face, and the constant watch was starting wear his nerves thin.

“… Shadow. Hey, Mobius to Shadow Robotnik?”

Shadow snorted and shook his head, shaking out his quills. “What?”

Rouge considered him fondly, one ear crooked down, before sighing. “Alright, fine, no more teasing for now, I swear it. You want pizza tonight?”

Damn bat, always knew how to diffuse him instantly. Pizza usually did the trick. Shadow hummed. “Sure. But, unless I’m mistaken, I think it’s your turn, joya?”

Rouge snorted and rolled her eyes, flushing a bit at the nickname Shadow had decided on it for her after hearing her call him ‘handsome’ a few too many times: the Spanish for jewel, which he had chosen both because of Rouge’s love for all things gem related and for his own fondness of her. He only pulled it out when he was feeling playful or sentimental, which was rare enough it still felt like a precious gift every time she heard it. “Well, you know, with your memory-“

Shadow gave her a warning glare, and Rouge laughed. “Alright, alright, handsome. My turn to pay. Just got the check for that last job, anyway.” She pulled out her phone and tapped in an order; Shadow didn’t have to bother letting her know what he wanted, she knew him nearly better than he knew himself by now.

“So…,” Rouge began slowly, tilting her head and considering Shadow a long moment. “… Still not teasing, but, what are you and Blue doing for your first Big Day?” She looked back to her phone as she sent off the pizza order before setting it down to give Shadow her full attention.

Shadow blinked. The way she watched him made him squirm uncomfortably, which, knowing Rouge, was rather the point. “… What are you talking about?” Birthday? No, no, it was warm last time, it can’t be that, hasn’t been a year since the Time-Eater…

Rouge gave a disbelieving grin. “You don’t know? Hun, Valentine’s. Whole holiday all about romance and partnership and love, all that? In about… two days?”’

Shadow continued staring, his ears slowly folding back. “…What.”

Rouge’s eyes widened and she covered her mouth. “Oh honey… How do you not know?”

“Well, pardon me for being raised in a space colony where I wasn’t a part of the holiday festivities.” He was growling by the end, fangs displayed as his anxiety mounted.

Rouge sighed. “Alright, alright, look, no need to panic- there’s still time! Do you two have any plans already?”

Shadow stopped growling and thought about the last request the hedgehog had given him. Hey, the square Saturday night, okay? Come about five- Sonic had seemed so… nervous, then. Shadow blinked. Nervous was an odd sight on the annoyingly confident, charming speedster. Did that mean he already had something planned? And they usually met either at Dark’s apartment, or on the rare occasion, Sonic’s house when Tails was out. Why the change of venue?

Maybe that’s the punchline, the gotcha… He pinned his ears harder and scowled. End this… arrangement in a convenient location, cut it off, we both go home. Done. Humiliate me in public for good measure…

“Yes. We’re meeting at the square, at five. But I suspect I know what he has planned, already…”

Rouge hummed. “I mean, it is Valentine’s, sex makes sense- didn’t think Blue was into the public scene, though…”

“No!” Shadow snapped, muzzle darkening and wincing in embarrassment. “N-not sex- and not! There!”

“You don’t have to have so much Catholic guilt about it, you know, my hearing’s strong enough I can hear you moaning Sonic’s praises through the walls. I do appreciate you trying to keep it down when I had that headache last week, that was sweet of you both-“

Shadow curled into himself and buried his face. “No- I mean, obviously, this is his… big finale, of sorts. The reveal, the punchline…” He looked back up and threw his hands out, palms up, to display the breadth and gravity of the anxiety rooting in his heart. “This is where he gets one over on me for all the times I’ve bested him, and I’ve let my guard down enough it’s all but handed him fucking victory-“ His voice was strained by the end, some unspeakable emotion coloring his tone, something too dangerously close to panic for him to ever want to name aloud. He deflated, and covered his face again. How had he left his heart so open? He knew better than this…

Rouge’s face became more and more troubled as Shadow went on, ears folding and eyes widening. As Shadow’s low growl became a snarl that transitioned from angry to pained, she reached out to lay a hand on the hybrid’s arm.

“Shadow Robotnik, you listen to me,” she began carefully. Shadow moved his hands from his face and looked to her from the corner of his eye, a pressure at the back of his throat like his heart was trying to climb out of his own chest. “Sonic is smitten with you, handsome, it’s damn near puppy love. I know because Knuckles tells me everything, which means I know that right now Sonic is going around happy as a lark knowing you’re his partner. Apparently, he’s been very annoying about it all; just truly, disgustingly, falling head-over-heels for you.” She rubbed his arm lightly as she spoke, eyes soft in a way that would have earned anyone else a punch to the jaw.

Instead, Shadow merely swallowed and looked away, the way she held his gaze while so many feelings ran through him making him uncomfortable. His scowled deepened; he was going for ‘stormy’, but landed somewhere around ‘repressed and terrified’.

Rouge sighed. “He’s not breaking up with you, hun, trust me. First, despite what you might think, assuming everyone’s always trying to get the upper hand over you, Blue would never pull a stunt like that, on anyone. Cruelty isn’t his style, not even for his actual enemies. Second, see all the points I just made before; I think he’d actually drop dead at the thought of hurting you, specifically, like that.”

Shadow clicked his tongue and his scowl slid a touch more towards the ‘stormy’ end of the scale. “He wouldn’t be able to hurt-“

“Hush, you were all but hyperventilating over the thought of this all being some nasty prank, and don’t think I don’t know you’ve been wrestling with that ever since New Year’s,” Rouge said, voice firm. “Stop fighting it so hard- he’s already wormed his way into your heart, denying it’s just a waste of energy.”

Shadow sighed and finally let his scowl drop. He had always been able to let the mask fall around Rouge, though he had yet to figure out quite how the bat had managed to convince him so easily. He turned back to her, let her see the uncertainty in his eyes, unfiltered. She offered only a patient smile, and he felt comforted. “… Fine. But if I go over there and all his idiot friends jump out to laugh at me for being a fool chasing after the blue dumbass, I’m killing every last one of them. Your boyfriend included, so, apologies in advance.”

“Apology accepted. I’ll help bury the bodies myself.”

“Tch, you and I both know I don’t leave enough to bury, joya.” He offered a sharp grin, and Rouge laughed, which coaxed a chuckle out of the dark hybrid, too.

They both relaxed on the couch, conversation drifting through different subjects (finally getting time off to work on the Dark Rider, new upholstery getting installed in the booths downstairs at Club Rouge, making bets on how long it would be before Omega was back from his latest solo mission-) until the doorbell signaled the arrival of dinner.

Shadow stood to answer it, pulling his gloves back on begrudgingly and muttering something about the ridiculousness of Mobian sensibilities. Rouge’s insistence she get it herself fell on deaf ears as he waved her concern away; but as he opened the door to take the pizzas, the hybrid was reminded why Rouge was normally the one to answer.

Their delivery person was a young girl, a ewe not older than late teens. Her eyes widened at the sight of the grim anti-hero before her, his reputation and infamy preceding him, and she looked… terrified. Shadow frowned, bringing back his scowl, which did nothing to soften his aura.

“U-uh, um, er- here-,” the teen stammered, hands shaking. She flinched when Shadow reached out, even as he did so purposefully slowly, trying to telegraph every move.

Shadow took the boxes from her with a nod. “Ah… I think my roommate left you a tip on the app, didn’t she? I’m not sure how it works. I can get my wallet if you wait a moment-“ Somehow, even this came out with a irritated edge to his voice, perhaps directed at himself, but the poor girl before him shrank back anyway.

“Sure, yeah! A-absolutely, d-don’t worry about it none, sir, I- I gotta go!” She all but ran from the door, stumbling back before speed walking away and to the metal steps leading back down the street level, casting wary glances over her shoulder all the while, as though Shadow was going to go full-Hivemind and chase after her.

Shadow frowned and rolled his eyes. Easily frightened Mobians… He was without his air shoes and wearing old hospital socks with damn grips on the bottoms for Chaos’ sake, not exactly at his most intimidating. His scowl remained even as he carried the boxes to the living room and sat them down on the coffee table, pulling his gloves off in a huff and not bothering to retract his claws, even as they tore through the seams of several fingers.

Rouge watched him carefully, biting her lip. “… Should’ve let me get that, hun, sorry…”

Shadow clicked his tongue, annoyed, and turned for the kitchen to gather drinks and paper towels. “Still better than that time the grocery clerk called me ‘Prince Doom’,” he muttered darkly, scowl deepening.

Rouge winced. She remembered that day, specifically she recalled the way Shadow froze at the name, pupils constricting to vertical slits in crimson irises, unblinking stare locked onto the the clerk who, minutes before, had their chest puffed and all the confidence in the world to ‘confront’ the ‘evil’ behind the old Black Arms invasion. Of course, after the cold rage that could be felt pouring off Shadow in waves, he had shrunk back, clearly seeing the fault in railing against a being who’s power peaked somewhere beyond cosmic level. Rouge had abandoned their things on the conveyor belt and gave the clerk a nasty glare as she pushed Shadow out of the line and back through the doors, quietly averting the nuclear-meltdown-level-catastrophe that threatened to engulf the small produce market.

“We just have more PR to do, don’t worry,” Rouge assured as Shadow returned from the kitchen. She accepted the plate and paper towel he pressed her way, as well as the glass of dark red wine that she hadn’t needed to ask for. She noted with some amusement, first, that Shadow had brought the entire bottle back with him, which meant they were definitely going wine shopping soon; and second, that he brought back a fork for himself, as he couldn’t stand the way the grease and crumbs stuck to his paw pads or got under his claws.

Shadow snorted. “No need. Fools who listen to too many desperate news reports trying to rake in enough revenue to cover studio rent for the next month will think whatever they wish. Hardly worth wasting time trying to change their minds.” His furrowed brow betrayed the irritation he tried to force out of his voice.

Rouge shook her head and slipped off her gloves. She dished out a couple slices of pizza to his plate (olives and banana peppers and green onions, absolutely no meat, not after the horrors of the first invasion and the cattle pens full of screaming, terrified people-) while he poured himself a glass of wine. She didn’t even comment when he overfilled the glass near to the rim, her eyes quickly glancing over his bristled quills, telling her all she needed to know. She knew Shadow had tried his best, in the last year or so, to integrate back into society. To be better, to repair his reputation. The Black Arms invasion had been nearly three years ago now, with the dark hybrid accomplishing an overwhelming amount of good to counteract all the horrors committed under the manipulation of Doom and the Hivemind.

It hardly seemed to matter, though; the Time-Eater event and word getting out that Black Doom had nearly returned using Shadow’s own body as his vessel had reawakened old, buried fears. The world was back to cringing at the mere sight of the hedgehog, with his oversized fangs and wicked claws and pointed, tufted ears, the quills that fused to make a feathered edge on the end of his too-long-tail— every inch of him seemed to remind the world, all the worlds, that he was an anomaly. That he didn’t belong.

Rouge thought that was bullshit, herself. Of course he belonged. He belonged right where he was, sitting beside her, scowling into his wine that she was pretty sure was his second glass, poured while he thought she wasn’t paying attention, and already half empty. She smiled. “Slow down, there, handsome, let me catch up before you go getting drunk on me.”

Shadow blew and set his glass down, carving of a bite off the pizza from his plate with his fork. “You know it takes more than wine to actually get me even close to drunk.” He took the bite to his mouth, leveling Rouge with an unimpressed look as he did.

Rouge smirked, and Shadow’s ears pinned at the realization he had just left himself too open. “Ooh, don’t I know it,” she teased. “Whatever Sonic gave you on New Year’s must’ve been pretty strong, then, huh?”

Shadow swallowed and his muzzle colored again, a hot flush over his face. “… Strong enough…,” he muttered, averting his eyes.

“You don’t have to be bashful about it, hun,” Rouge assured gently, remembering her promise and dropping the teasing tone in her voice. “I get it, heart wants what it wants, right? We can’t decide who we fall for.”

Shadow set his fork down and stared pensively at the table, brow furrowed in deep thought. “It’s just… is that what this is? This feeling?” He reached up and pressed his hand to his chest, claws curling into the thick fur there. He seemed lost, and Rouge sighed.

“… Do you enjoy seeing him? No bullshit, tell me straight.”

“… Yes.”

“Do hate to leave him, when the visit’s over?”

“Yes.”

“Do you think about him when he’s not around, and does it make your heart feel light?”

Shadow swallowed thickly and nodded. “Not light… but.. lighter.” He looked up to Rouge, and there was poorly disguised pain across his face. “But… does it matter?”

Rouge tilted her head, brow raised in question.

The hybrid growled and turned away again. “Sonic has… a reputation. A good reputation. And I… clearly don’t. Pursuing him is… selfish. And can only lead to misery for us both.” His voice was low, conflict evident behind his eyes that he tried to cover with anger and frustration.

“And you get to make this decision… for him?”

Shadow looked up, a warning rumbling in his chest. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Exactly what it sounds like,” Rouge said tersely. “You’d never stand someone making a call like that for you, why do you get to make it for him?” She tilted her head and met his gaze, unflinchingly. Shadow had to admit he admired her tenacity, sometimes. Sometimes. “You know, if I didn’t know better, it almost would seem like you’re scared and looking for an excuse this relationship won’t work out. Let it happen, Shadow… you might find out you actually like having someone like Sonic around.”

He sighed and carved another bite of his pizza. Damn bat. Damn perceptive bat, figuring out his thoughts and feelings just ahead of him, every damn time. “… Fine. But when the world turns on him because of me, I don’t want to hear it from anyone about me tarnishing Mobian’s favorite golden boy.”

Rouge snorted and picked a slice for herself. “Don’t worry- honestly, I’m more concerned about his effect on you- maybe he’s not being the best influence, you know? Keeping you out late to all hours, the nerve of that boy! Should have a talk with him-,” the bat began, tone light and teasing as she took a bite of pizza.

“Do not,” Shadow growled, and though it was half-hearted at best in acknowledgement of Rouge’s jest, there was a light behind his eyes that assured her the threat would be made very real should she actually be harboring any plans on having her little talk with the blue speedster.

The bat shook her head and laughed, then tapped Shadow’s plate to get him to eat more of his food. The hybrid acquiesced, begrudgingly, and they fell into a companionable silence. Rouge caught up to Shadow’s second glass of wine, though stopped short of overtaking him.

When they were finished and relaxing against the couch, both dreading getting up to clean the mess left behind, Rouge picked back up their discussion. “So, really, what are you gonna do for Valentine’s?”

Shadow grunted. “What am I supposed to do? You said sex? You’ll be with the echidna, I assume? So I suppose I could bring Sonic back here, after we do… whatever he wants to do around the square.”

Rouge’s face flushed and she snorted. “I mean, a lot of folks do that, sure. But there’s steps to these things, hun…”

“Usually enough to make it back to the bedroom, yes. More than usual, in this case.” He had turned to her with genuine confusion, brow furrowed. Confusion for Shadow was always one step away from irritation.

Coming from anyone else, that would have seemed more like a joke, or at least an attempt at sarcasm. But Shadow only very rarely did sarcasm, and even then typically only in the context of sneering at his enemies. This felt… sincere. Rouge hummed. “I mean more like… social steps. Little things people are expected to do for one another on Valentine’s, when they’re dating.”

“We aren’t dating-“

“Sleeping together, then, fine, whatever you call your… situationship.”

Shadow’s eyes narrowed. “Situ… ationship? Sure, fine.” He blew and waved a hand as he stood to clean the table. It was meant as a signal he was done with the conversation.

It hadn’t worked in the past, and it wouldn’t work now. Rouge stood with him and started gathering the wine and glasses. “What are you wearing to see him?”

Shadow shot a look over his shoulder. “What do you mean? Just, my usual, probably. This. Minus the hospital socks because I have more dignity than that. Plus my air shoes, I guess. And my gloves, because Sonic gets… weird, when I’m not wearing those, and I’d like to save that until later in the night. I think I’ve got another pair somewhere…” He sighed at the thought of his ruined gloves, sitting on the coffee table. He’d have to buy more, soon.

Rouge bit her lip. “I mean… you could just go like you normally do, and I’m sure Big Blue would have no complaints, but…”

Shadow narrowed his gaze as he slid their plates and his fork into the kitchen sink and ran some water over them. “But…? What, bat, spit it out.” There was a little snarl to his voice that Rouge found adorable.

She smirked. “But, I have full faith you can do better.”

Shadow paused and eyed her suspiciously. “… Go on.”

Good, she had his attention, then. Rouge held up a finger, an indication to hold for a moment. She disappeared down the hall and into her room, and Shadow’s ears pricked at the sound of her rustling through things. She reappeared a moment later with a box in her hands, excited grin on her face.

“I bought you these.”

“… Why.”

“You don’t even know what they are, open it!”

Shadow’s eyes narrowed, but he turned off the sink and dried his hands anyway. He took the box from her cautiously, as though expecting a trap. It was black and well-made, tied with black twine. He scowled at Rouge, but the bat only gave him two thumbs up as she shooed him from the sink so she could finished washing up.

He turned the box over to find a familiar logo engraved on a corner. His face flamed and he turned it back over quickly, shooting an alarmed look to Rouge. The logo was from a store Shadow had seen on the trips to the mall Rouge mandated many times, but had thus far always refused to go in- usually with a dark green flush over his face and his quills bristling- much like he was now. The bat only grinned again and snorted. “Don’t worry, don’t worry, I know the brand has… connotations, but, these are very tasteful- casual wear, even! Little… controversial, but, you always do love being the biggest controversy in the room, so…”

Shadow looked back to the box. He moved to a free counter and carefully opened the lid, folding it back. Its contents were covered by black tissue paper- he was beginning to sense a theme. He peeled the paper back, ears pinning uncertainly, then blinked. “Oh?”

He very nearly grinned, which was as good of a seal of approval as anyone could wish from the surly hedgehog. Inside the box was a pair of black leather, fingerless gloves, with a small window in the backs open and an adjustable strap just over the knuckles that snapped with small golden rivets. The leather was darker than the black of Shadow’s fur, around the same color as his nail beds. He picked them up and turned them over his hands, impressed by their quality- they felt flexible, but sturdy, nearly as much as his usual gloves. He slipped them over his hands, tightening the strap over the knuckles, and fiddled with their cuffs until they sat comfortably against his inhibitors.

He turned his hands over, marveling at the newfound freedom of his claws being out of the stifling confinement of his normal gloves. How had he never thought of this obvious compromise? To Hell with whatever strange hang-up Mobius had with the sight of uncovered hands, he could finally extend his talons without sacrificing yet another pair of gloves in the process- he really did grin, now, fangs turning the expression toothy and a bit unsettling.

Rouge was warmed by it, nonetheless, as she looked back over her shoulder to watch the hybrid. She knew better than to mention it, but she was especially pleased to see his tail twitching behind him, the beginnings of a stilted sort of wag. Hedgehogs… She smiled. “You approve, I’m guessing?”

Shadow looked back to her and nodded, flexing his claws to their full extent. They curved, sickle-like and scythe-sharp, somewhere between 'mountain lion' and ‘raptor’ “Yes, very much so.”

There was that light in his eyes, again, the same she had seen to hear him describe his new powerset to her, months ago. GUN, even now, didn’t know the full lengths of Shadow’s new abilities, not beyond what he had to tell them. He had carried so much shame, after the first invasion, knowing he came from a stock of nightmares and monsters; but after his second confrontation with Doom, after besting him once and for all and claiming his power as his own, as the one true heir to the Black Arms dynasty, he had seemed excited by the new changes the transformation had wrought in his body: his fangs, his claws, his longer tail with its bladed end, the quills that made sharp fans from the backs of his elbows. He claimed Rouge read too much into things, and that he was only intrigued by the new fighting styles open to him now with his new powers, but Rouge knew better. Shadow had begun his life post-ARK and post-waking-up as Sonic’s rival, as his double, little better than a edgier, angrier clone of the upbeat speedster, despite technically coming first. These new powers changed all that, gave him a certain signature he could claim for himself, no matter how laden it might be with elements of his dark, extraterrestrial heritage. At long last, Shadow had an identity all his own, and he relished it, no matter how much he may also rail against the world’s decision to outcast him for it.

It was why Rouge had known he would love the gloves; after all, they were another opportunity to show off something that made him unique amongst hedgehogs. A reminder to everyone he could be dangerous, but only if he chose to be. He was other, but by his own will, to Hell with the world, and he would embrace it. Shadow was full of contradictions, and Rouge welcomed them all- his desire to be accepted, his desire to be more; his need for close bonds, his deep-set fear of letting others too close. Her friend was interesting, and hard to read, but so very rewarding once she learned how.

Rouge flicked an ear. Of course, there were likely other reasons for liking the gloves, too. “Looks great on you, king. Think Sonic’s gonna love ‘em, too.”

Shadow’s eyes widened, just a bit, and she could hardly miss the way his pupils dilated for a brief moment at the thought. He ran one hand over the other as he lowered them, feeling the cool glide of the leather against itself, ears back again and grin wavering. “Yes. I’m sure he will, he has… odd tastes.”

“And you like that.”

A sigh. “And I… maybe like that.”

Rouge turned back to the sink with a soft laugh. “More than maybe, Shadow.”

Shadow watched her a long moment before coming to lean against the counter by the sink, arms crossed. She had known about his infatuation with the blue hedgehog longer than he had been willing to admit he had one. She had watched their little confrontations during missions and chance encounters go from general disdain on Shadow’s part, to begrudging respect, to vaguely panicked interest. Though she had tried coaching him through his ‘crush’ (her words, not his, and he still wanted to snarl at the term-), Shadow turned out to be a stubborn pupil. Rather than allow himself to slowly grow closer to the speedster and nurture a healthy new relationship from the ground up, he had stumbled head first into the thick of things in a drunken night of questionable decisions.

He felt more ready to accept Rouge’s mentorship, now that he was, well and truly, in over his head. “You mentioned… steps, before. That are expected on this… particular holiday,” he began, waving one hand in vague circular motion as he searched for the words. “Explain them to me.”

Rouge hummed. “The gloves are a start,” she said. “Part of it is less stepwise and more… ambience. What you wear, how you talk. The process starts before you leave the apartment to go see him.”

Shadow inclined his head. “… I see. Dressing up for him, then.” He had seen that in the telenovelas Rouge watched; he, of course, only watched with her to aid in translating the more obscure phrases or context she couldn’t grasp. Not that he enjoyed them at all, no.

The thought a new episode would air later that night crossed his mind, and he made a mental note to remind Rouge after their conversation.

Rouge nodded earnestly. “Yes, exactly! Dressing nice. The key is, it has to be something you like and feel good in while also, ideally, being something he finds irresistible. Thus, the new gloves. Maybe your jacket, too, it could be a sweet touch- might remind him of your first night together, you know?”

Shadow hummed and tapped his fingers against his arm, half-extended claws catching in his fur. “I could… go on the Dark Rider, instead of teleporting? I notice him… watching me, a bit more closely, when I ride.” Among other things.

“Ooh, yes, yes, that’s a good idea! Blue does love anything that even suggests speed, and you on that bike? You’ll have him on his knees before you even dismount. You’re good at this, handsome- look at you, a real Casanova!” Rouge’s grin was playful, but not malicious, and Shadow couldn’t help but preen a bit under the praise of his best friend. “You’ll sweep him right off his feet.”

“… Sparring is a step in this process? I thought I was beginning to understand this holiday, but, you’ve lost me-“

Rouge sighed, but her grin turned to a fond smile. “And… there you are. I don’t mean literally, hun. I mean, he’ll be all over you, unable to keep his hands off you. He will find you incredibly attractive, even more than he usually does, and that’s the whole point.”

“So, the point is to be seductive?” Shadow considered her, some light behind his ruby eyes like an idea was forming. Rouge couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or a scary thing, in his case.

She nodded. “Precisely. But, for you, I’d say, you should go for romantic and seductive, classy, but suggestive. It’s very on-brand for you. Now, final touch, and you aren’t gonna like this one- let me do your nails.”

Shadow’s ears pinned and he side stepped away from her, eyes wide and nose scrunching in horror. “What.”

Rouge laughed and put the dishes to dry on the rack. She flicked water off her hands before drying them on the towel hanging over the oven door. “Nothing crazy, it’s just, if Sonic’s going to be so infatuated by your hands- which, fair enough, you do have very nice hands, don’t get me wrong- then you should lean into that. Shape your claws a little, have some fun?”

Shadow’s arms tightened where they were crossed, and his fingers disappeared under his upper arms, as though Rouge was threatening to tackle him and clip his nails right then and there. “…What kind of fun? No paint, that was hell to get off-“

“Because you weren’t supposed to take it off, but whatever,” Rouge sighed, crossing her own arms. “What about black? And I know they’re already black, but, just something to shine them up a bit, draw his attention? It’ll be subtle, I promise- and I’ll help you get it off if you hate it. Which you won’t.”

Shadow grunted and tilted his head. “… Fine. Subtle, you swear it?”

Rouge snorted. “‘Swear it’ always sounds so threatening, coming from you. Yes, handsome, I swear it. Now go sit in the living room, I’ll get supplies!”

Shadow hummed as the bat bundled past him to her room. Well, it would make her happy at least, even if he was sure he would be soaking his hands in acetone, later. He shook his head and went for the couch again- he may as well turn the channel over to their Rouge’s show while they worked.

He leaned back as the show came one, pulling a leg up to hug his knee to his chest. Classy and seductive… he could make that work.

—- —- —- —- —-

It had been one month, one week, and six days since the cabin. Since the Shadow almost dying incident and the alcohol and the everything else that followed. The several, several other meetings that had followed. The hard conversation Sonic had resolved to have still left un-discussed, swept away the moment the two former rivals-turned-lovers were alone, lost in the heat of a shared desperation to be on one another, in one another…

But it had to be done. He had to make it clear his intentions: this needed to be more than a fling; more than passionate rendezvous, a few soft words shared in the warmth of their afterglow if they had time enough and a quick, clipped parting come the next morning. He had to make it clear, he wanted more. This was more.

He wasn’t sure how to bring that up, at this point. The expectation for their meetings now felt like it was solidifying, setting itself in stone- it was easy, and understood, and should he really rock the boat?

Sonic was not panicking. He did not panic. Pacing the ground along the top of the cliff where he liked to do the majority of his overthinking with a vaguely shell-shocked look on his face was perfectly normal, thank you very much-

Knuckles was watching him with poorly disguised boredom. “… This about Shadow?”

Sonic stopped and turned on a heel, hands in shaking fists by his side. “No! Not everything’s about him, you know?”

Knuckles blinked, bored and no longer interested in the pretense of hiding it. “Uh-huh. ‘Cept this, right?”

Sonic groaned and crossed his arms, turning about-face and glaring out over the cliff. He was wearing the new gloves from New Year’s, with their navy-and-white color block design, as well as the wristguard with Tails’ minimap and tracker. It had been updated since with a better sonar (one that didn’t set off a migraine for every high-frequency hearing Mobian in radius), and though he hadn’t needed it since that night in the snowstorm, he liked having the upgrade on hand. And it felt good being in his little brother’s tech, even if the fox had been a little closed off, recently. Something Sonic hadn’t had time to get to the bottom of, unfortunately.

Rustling let him know Knuckles had moved to stand by him, his own arms crossed in mirror to the blue hedgehog. “We gonna talk about this or we gonna spar? ‘Cause you look like you really need to do at least one of those, right now.”

Sonic groaned again. “I don’t want to do either,” he grumbled, quills bristling. “… Or. Maybe the sparring one.”

Knuckles grunted. “Whatever you need,” he said, shrugging. “But… you spar like shit when stuff's on your mind. Maybe unload it first?”

“Oooh, cheap trick, promising a spar but making me spill my heart first,” Sonic muttered, quills nearly on end now, static sparking against his back. He felt caged and unsettled, more so than usual. He turned to glare at his friend, and the red warrior met it with a deadpan expression.

Finally, Sonic settled, quills relaxing and shoulders deflating. He dropped to a cross-legged sit on the ground, and Knuckles rolled his eyes before joining him. “Talk,” the echidna sighed.

Sonic nodded. “Okay. You’re right, it… it is about Shadow.”

“Yeah, that much I knew. Go on.”

“It’s just… I don’t know. I… I think I might be sending the wrong message, you know? Like, TMI, but, we see each other and we just… can’t stop, you know? It’s like… electric. I keep trying to have a real conversation with him, tell him I what I want, tell him I want to have like… I don’t know, a relationship, or whatever, but… the next thing I know, we’re in bed, or in the shower, or- heh, this time a few weeks ago on the back of the Dark Rider, that was interesting, Chaos, he’s flexible…” Sonic cleared his throat and looked back up, muzzle flushing. “Sorry. Um. Anyway, yeah, so, basically, we haven’t really had the what are we talk because we can’t keep our hands off each other, and he’s like, really, really good at just… turning my brain to stir fry.”

Knuckles shifted uncomfortably but didn’t stop his friend’s rant, even as it brought up the memory having to listen to the two hedgehogs being “electric” over New Year’s. Not for long, of course, he had other things that night to focus on, thankfully, but the sounds he’d heard coming from the living room weren’t something he ever wanted to hear from his friend, ever, ever again.

“… Alright, so, ignoring the… egregious oversharing, thanks for that- it sounds like you want more than a bed partner out of this relationship, but you’re too scared to lose what you’ve got to risk reaching for more. ‘Specially with someone as flighty as Shadow. How am I doing so far?”

Sonic blinked. “How’d you do that? That’s it exactly-“

Knuckles snorted. “Spend enough time by yourself, you start to learn how to look in. And you start thinking more about the people around you and how to read ‘em- you’re probably the easiest, honestly, kinda an open book.”

“Huh. You’re good, Knux, damn. Rouge’s is lucky to have you, bet you’re a good listener for her.”

Knuckles accepted the compliment with a firm nod, it was something he took pride in. He’d also learned his friend tended to make heartfelt compliments randomly and without prompting, and learning to accept them without fanfare made them settle easier. “Now, about how to actually solve your problem…”

Sonic sighed and threw himself back in the grass, hoping the feeling of it against his back would soothe him the way it normally did. It did, a little, as did the sun against his chest, but not like he wanted it to. Some annoying, besotted little part of his brain wondered if he’d feel better with Shadow beside him…

“Valentine’s is coming up, you made plans, right?” Knuckles asked, leaning back on a mitted hand and looking to the hedgehog over his shoulder.

Sonic nodded. “Yeah, yeah, we’re meeting at the square at 5. I kinda… panic-asked him to meet me. Really wanted to be cool about it, but…”

Knuckles laughed. “You’re smitten, and it’s rotting your brain. There’s no such thing as being cool about anything for you, right now. Easier to accept it.”

“Yeah, I’m starting to get that sense.”

“What are you gonna do at the square?”

Sonic sighed and covered his face. “I don’t know… maybe dinner? There’s some restaurants around there… Shads doesn’t like going out much, but, maybe…”

Knuckles tilted his head, considering the possibilities. “That could work. It’s classic date stuff, and being in a restaurant in public would force you two to keep your hands to yourself for a change.”

Sonic sat up, emerald eyes bright. Knuckles found his ‘I have an idea’ face both startling and immensely unsettling. “That’s it, Knux! Yes, okay, so, dinner date, perfect- I can call the restaurant tonight, maybe reserve us a table, someplace maybe outside and off to the corner where we can be more private-“

“The point is less privacy, Sonic,” Knuckles grumbled. “You can’t be trusted with privacy. Hell, I wouldn’t have considered the- what did you say? The back of the Dark Rider?- private, and yet you two crazy bastards apparently made that work-”

Sonic nodded, distracted and hardly listening, quills whipping as he did. “Right, right, but that’s where you come in!”

“…Me?”

“Yes!” Sonic launched himself at the echidna, on his knees now and grabbing Knuckles’ shoulders roughly. The warrior froze and his eyes widened. “You and Rouge! You two come with us to the restaurant, not like, together, maybe stagger the times or something, and you can keep an eye on us and make sure we keep things PG-13.”

Knuckles growled and looked annoyed, and Sonic took that as a gentle warning that his touch was not wanted. He removed his hands and put them instead on his folded legs, ears perked and tail wagging, pleased with his fool-proof plan he was sure his friend would agree with.

“So, let me get this straight,” Knuckles began slowly, eyes narrowed. “You want me to give up date night with my partner, on Valentine’s Day, to chaperone you and yours?”

Sonic’s tail slowed and he blinked. “I mean… when you put it like that… No, man, like, we don’t need a chaperone- just, you being there will remind me I’m supposed to behave, you know? Like if I know you’re there and keeping tabs on things. Maybe intervening if things are moving in the wrong direction, you know? And I can text you a signal to let you know when the conversation’s over, that way you can give your lady the undivided attention she deserves. It won’t take long, I promise, I’ll get the conversation going soon as I can.”

The echidna sat back with a grunt. “I guess… But, those two live together. If we make the same plans with both of them, they’re gonna talk, and then they’ll have us figured out.” He considered briefly bringing Rouge into the fold, but the risk she’d talk to Shadow was too high.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right…Well, what if we make it a surprise? I’m thinking I’ll bring Shads to that fusion place, you know the one, Tsunami? But he doesn’t know that, just that we’re meeting on the square. Maybe you surprise Rouge like that?”

Knuckles tilted his head side to side a few times. “I… guess that could work. We could sit inside, make it less likely we’re spotted. By a window so we can see out, though, and I can keep an eye on you.”

Sonic nodded eagerly, grinning. “It’s perfect! Aw, thanks man, this means a lot to me, you know? Plus… I don’t know, it’ll just feel easier knowing you’re close by, you got that like, calming presence-aura-thing. Makes my brain quiet down a little.” He was smiling warmly, his tail wagging a bit longer, before he leapt up to his feet.

Knuckles blew, face warmed, and stood, too. Amy had once said, upon reflecting why she had chased the blue hedgehog so long despite knowing neither of them were straight enough to make a good match, that she had come to realize Sonic had a knack for, on purpose or not, making everyone fall just a little bit in love with him. Knuckles wouldn’t go that far, but, well, he certainly couldn’t deny the protective fondness he had for the speedster. “Whatever. You ask Tails about this, by the way? Seems like the kind of mushy stuff you two would talk about.”

Sonic’s tail stilled, and he seemed to deflate a bit. “That’s… something else, actually.” He turned to face his friend, hands on his hips, and blew tiredly. “I’ve been kinda distracted recently, you know? But, something’s up with Tails, ever since New Year’s, we haven’t really… connected, the way we normally do.”

Knuckles grunted, he could imagine a few reasons why. “Probably trying to get the sound of you defiling the Ultimate Lifeform out of his head, poor kid. His room was closest out of all ours.”

Sonic’s eyes widened and he stilled, eyes flicking to Knuckles. “Heh.. heh, uh, what?”

Knuckles blinked and he looked pained. “Sonic. Sonic don’t tell me you didn’t know that we all heard-“

Sonic’s hands slowly moved to his head, gripping his quills harshly, his ears pinning back. “What?”

“How do you think I knew about you two so early?” Knuckles asked patiently.

Sonic shuddered. He assumed it was because he hadn’t been exactly trying to hide his new, budding… whatever this was with Shadow. The thought all his friends had heard him-

Oh Gaia, no wonder Tails can’t fucking look me in the eye-

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! You guys- you guys heard-“

“Yes. At length.”

Sonic pulled at his quills and turned away, unable to look the echidna in the eye for the moment. “This is humiliating…”

Knuckles hated seeing his friend upset, but he couldn’t help but agree. So he didn’t say anything. He also decided against mentioning that Rouge had also definitely heard their subsequent visits at Team Dark’s shared apartment.

Sonic groaned, loudly. “Okay. Okay. Fine, cool, good, whatever…” He took a deep breath, then another, and a final one, then braced his fists against his hips. “So, add ‘unpacking trauma with Tails’ to the to-do list, check, good. Should be fun.”

Knuckles grunted and crossed his arms. “How you gonna approach that?”

Sonic shrugged and pinned his ears. “I don’t know. Try to catch him in his workshop, I guess. It’s not like him not to just talk to me, though, even if it’s… weird.”

“Maybe he’s got other things going on, who knows. Kid’s getting older now, getting more complicated every day.”

Sonic snorted and nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. Can’t worry about it until I talk to him- but, first, you did promise a spar-“ The hedgehog dropped into crouch, one hand up as a counter-balance and the other palm-down on the grass, bright eyes and locked onto Knuckles.

By this point, the echidna warrior wasn’t shocked at the sudden change of subject; Sonic’s train of thought was nearly faster than his feet. He laughed and shook his head, taking a step back and punching a fist into an open hand. “Did, didn’t I? Alright, lover boy, show me what you got-“

—- —- —- —- —-

The sun was starting to tease the edge of the horizon, reflecting in bright points off Shadow’s helmet as he rode. He would be late, but, he had chosen to take a drive outside the city to clear his head before going to meet Sonic.

He still wasn’t sure what he was walking into, and it made him uncharacteristically nervous. He was also regretting letting Rogue talk him into so many outfit changes- without his usual attire, he felt… strange. Not like himself. The feeling jolted through him in particular every time he adjusted his feet against the rearsets; instead of the hard grind of metal bumpered air shoes against the platforms, he was met with the firm, rubbery catch of his boots’ treads. Black leather combat boots with contrasting red threading, platformed and, at Rouge’s instance, with a tall block heel that was going to kill his feet by the end of the night. Well. At least he’d be able to look Sonic in the eye without straining, for once.

But without air shoes, he would be unable to match the hedgehog’s speed in a flat out race. Rouge assured him racing was not the typical Valentine’s date activity, but, with Sonic, Shadow could never really be sure. And what if they were attacked? What if he was ambushed, what if GUN decided to end their cooperation and came for him, what if some new cosmic threat appeared that very night and Shadow was stuck in ridiculous shoes he couldn’t infuse his chaos energy into-

He pulled up to the square and rounded the block perhaps a touch faster than necessary, the Dark Rider roaring as he pushed her maneuverability to its brink to come to stop in a smooth glide. He pushed out the kickstand as he stood from the bike then pulled off his helmet, adjusting his quills before locking his helmet to the handlebars. He raked his quills one last time, shaking his head so they fluffed in their usual way.

“Whenever you’re done fixing your hair.”

Shadow stepped away from his bike and spotted Sonic standing a few feet from him, arms crossed over his chest. The hedgehog was clearly going for something approaching cross, but the way his eyes raked hungrily over Shadow let the hybrid know the annoyance was mild at best. Maybe the outfit changes aren’t all so bad, then.

Shadow snorted and tilted his head, considering his partner. Sonic wasn’t in his usual, either- his bandana he so often wore had been exchanged for a large patterned navy and white scarf, draped about his neck and covering a shoulder. He also wore a dark navy coat. It looked nice on the hedgehog, as did his new gloves he had taken to wearing instead of his old solid white ones. His sneakers were exchanged for a pair of darker, muted high tops that looked at like they’d had the soles run out of them at least one fewer times than his typical pair.

Overall, he was what Shadow might consider ‘cleaned up’, and he looked good. Sonic’s pupils were dilated- so, the speedster was reaching a similar conclusion about Shadow, then. Mutual attraction such as theirs did tend to lead to certain activities, ones Shadow had come to crave from his partner like a man starved; but, Rouge had implored him to slow down and enjoy their date, first. Draw things out. Tease a little.

He knew how to tease the hedgehog, and the consequences of such games. Sonic could be explosive, when properly motivated. Shadow subdued a shiver that threatened to run down his spine and took a breath to settle his nerves, trying to put out the fire igniting in his belly.

“You’re late,” Sonic said, walking to the hybrid and circling him appraisingly. He had given up trying to look upset and was instead smirking as he looked over his date.

Shadow’s quills bristled at the predatory gaze; it was exciting him. Well, he could be exciting, too. “You don’t seem too cut up over it, erizo,” he growled. He reached to adjust his jacket, the red and white sakura letterman he’d worn on New Year’s over his shoulders as he tracked Sonic, letting it fall open more to expose the thick white fur of his chest that drove Sonic crazy. In doing so, he brought the hedgehog’s attention to his new gloves.

There was a brief moment where Shadow was genuinely concerned he would have to catch the man from falling out on the sidewalk. He came to an abrupt stop in front of the hybrid, ears shoved forward and muzzle flamed. His eyes were wide, and Shadow didn’t have to see Sonic’s tail to know it was a wagging blue bur behind him.

He reached for Shadow’s hands, almost shyly, and Shadow snorted before letting him have them. Sonic held them gently before turning them over, their backs resting in Sonic’s palms. He brushed a thumb reverently over Shadow’s hands, his own short claw tips teasing the leather edge on each finger through the material of his own gloves. His breath was getting quicker, and the beginnings of a rapid purr was building in his chest.

Shadow blew softly. “Slow down, erizo,” he teased, dropping his voice low, which wasn’t helping. He tilted his head; the height from his boots let him be almost eye to eye with his partner, though still just under enough he had to tip his chin. He turned his hands, fingers closing around Sonic’s, exposed claws extending and scratching lightly over his partner’s gloves. “Have all night, remember? Ten paciencia, amante~”

Sonic shivered and stared at Shadow a long moment, pupils blown and ears back. He blinked and swallowed thickly. “Teasing’s not nice, you know,” he growled, leaning in close. Shadow fought himself from reacting to the proximity, but he couldn’t stop the flush that darkened his muzzle or the flash of arousal in his eyes at the low, raspy tone Sonic adopted.

Sonic smirked and pressed a quick, chaste kiss to Shadow’s cheek. “C’mon, we got reservations to make, you know?”

Shadow wrestled his mutinous brain into submission, then blinked as Sonic’s words processed. “… Reservations? For… what?”

“For… dinner?” the speedster replied, adopting Shadow’s same questioning tone as he turned, still holding one of the hybrid’s hands to lead him across the park at the center of the square. There were many people out that evening, mostly couples, walking and talking and holding hands. Some sat on benches or blankets over the grass.

Almost all of them did double takes as the pair of hedgehogs walked through- at first to grin and wave excitedly at Sonic, only to freeze, hands dropping and eyes widening, at the sight of Shadow beside him. The hybrid tensed, the dark green flush over his muzzle growing ever more prominent, and he lightly pulled his hand from Sonic’s as they walked. Instead, he pushed both of his hands into his jacket pockets, ears pinned and quills bristling under the scrutiny of the public’s attention. The tip of his tail flicked anxiously.

Sonic’s steps faltered but did not pause at the loss of Shadow’s hand in his. He did fold his ears back a bit, though, and looked sheepishly at his date as he slowed so they could walk shoulder to shoulder. “Too much?” he asked quietly.

Shadow cast a wary look around them, eyes darting from one face to the next. “…They’re staring.”

“Yeah, ‘cause like, have you looked at yourself? You know what a snack is, Shads? ‘Cause that’s what you are. A whole snack.”

Shadow’s wariness turned to irritation. He watched Sonic through narrowed eyes for a second before saying, “…I don’t think you’re using that word correctly.” The scowl startled a few of the people who had been openly staring at the hybrid, and they quickly turned away, wide-eyed and pale faced.

Sonic laughed and nudged Shadow’s shoulder with his. “It means you’re attractive, Shads, ease up. No one’s actually about to try to like, eat you, or anything.”

Shadow grunted and shook out his quills. “Why not just say that, then?” he grumbled. Sharp eyes tracked the faces around them- he caught their looks of fear, of panic at the sight of him. Of disgust. His shoulders hunched and he shifted his arms to push his jacket tighter around himself. He wasn’t sure how he had fooled himself into thinking this would be a good idea, but, already he wanted to be anywhere else. Whatever Sonic might think, he didn’t imagine any of the faces he caught following their progress across the square were made out of attraction.

Sonic frowned at the obvious discomfort, but he didn’t seem to know what to do to help alleviate his partner’s stress. He let their arms brush, tentatively, and relaxed when Shadow pressed a bit more into his side.

“…I like the new kicks, by the way,” Sonic said, looking forward as they walked. The restaurant was in sight, and he angled them both towards the square corner so they could cross to it.

Shadow grunted again. “I, er… thanks.”

Sonic grinned and looked back to his partner again, quills shifting and bobbing. “I mean it, you know? They look nice on you. It all looks nice on you, if you couldn’t tell from how I reacted, back there.” He ran a hand through his quills and scratched at the back of his head nervously.

The hybrid’s flushed muzzle wasn’t going away any time soon, but as his scowl softened, it at least wasn’t from embarrassment or irritation anymore. “…Thanks… You… you look nice, too. I- I should have said before-“

Sonic laughed and leaned over to kiss Shadow’s temple in a quick peck before the hybrid could push him off. “It’s okay, we were both a little distracted, huh? You just had to come screeching up on the Dark Rider, knowing I can’t handle myself around you and that bike…”

Shadow relaxed, eyes becoming hooded and a smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. “Mm… predictable, predictable,” he sighed, grin showing off fangs that made Sonic shiver.

The hedgehog snorted and shook out his quills, trying to force them to lie flat again. He bumped into Shadow’s side as they crossed the road to Tsunami, jostling the hybrid and making him shoulder check Sonic in return. They both laughed, ramming one another with increasing strength until Sonic very nearly came off his feet, stopped only by Shadow snatching him back to balance. They had all the room in the world on the sidewalk for such games; passersby only needed one look Shadow’s way to give both hedgehogs a wide berth.

Shadow was trying really, really hard not to read too much into that.

Sonic gave his name to the hostess when arrived inside, and to her credit, she did not seem phased by the presence of Shadow by his side. It made one, at least; others in the restaurant were less thrilled about sharing space with the hybrid.

Shadow sighed in relief as they were led outside to a table near tall, well trimmed shrubs. It was still near others, but far fewer than it would have been inside. It was a square, twisted wrought-iron table with a flickering lantern set into a small centerpiece and two matching chairs at ninety-degrees to one another; the atmosphere was soft and romantic, under the quickly darkening evening sky. He took a seat, the chair tall enough he could pick his feet up and set them flat against its legs, the toes of his boots against the ground.

Sonic took his seat, too, and nodded his thanks as the hostess set menus down for them. “Your server will be around in just a second,” she assured, and left back to the front.

Before Shadow could open his mouth to ask Sonic what made him want to come here, a server appeared to take their drink orders. They seemed more nervous than the hostess, but Shadow tried to imagine that perhaps they were just newer to their job. He ignored the wide side-eye they kept sending his way.

“Maybe just some water, for now,” Sonic said, and looked to Shadow with a grin. “I went ahead and ordered some wine when I made the reservation- don’t worry, Rouge told me once what kinds you liked and I did some reading up on like, different ones and stuff. I’m like, basically a wine-expert, at this point.” He leaned back, hands locked behind his head under his quills with a self-pleased smirk.

Shadow snorted. “Wine expert, huh? What’s that called, then?”

“Uh, a wine-ologist, obviously. Duh.”

“… Sommelier.”

“Gesundheit.”

The server held up their notepad to hide a snicker, and Shadow noted with some pleasure they didn’t seem so nervous after the exchange. “I’ll bring out the bottle with the waters. Can I get anything started from the kitchen for you?”

Sonic was ready with appetizer dish he wanted to try with Shadow, and seeing the cobalt hedgehog seemed to have a plan for the night, Shadow decided to merely follow his lead and try whatever he ordered for them.

When the server left, Shadow felt a modicum of tension relieve from his shoulders. He hadn’t known he was tensing, and he felt embarrassed now at the anxiety coursing through him. But then he looked up to Sonic and found the speedster shifting restlessly in his seat, ears threatening to turn back and fingers twitching over the table as he idly traced the intricate ironwork.

He was nervous, then, too. Shadow snorted.

“We fight world-ending threats almost daily, erizo, and we’re brought to our knees by a date?”

Sonic’s attention snapped up, visibly forcing himself to focus on Shadow in a way the hybrid knew meant he had been dissociating a moment before, and a brilliant grin broke over his muzzle. “Ha, yeah, guess so… I just, I don’t wanna mess anything up, you know?”

Shadow tilted his head. “Mess what up? The date?” It seemed a basic enough concept, from what he had been reading and what Rouge had told him. Was it more complicated, in practice, and he was just too naive to know?

Sonic tugged absently at his scarf and coat. “Yeah… among other stuff. Um. I was kinda hoping we could, I don’t know, talk a little, tonight, you know?”

Shadow felt his anxiety spiking again, cold dread curling in his stomach and tightening his chest. “I, yes, I imagined that might be involved, tonight.”

Sonic wasn’t looking at him. Why wasn’t he looking at him? It wasn’t like him to avoid eye contact, Sonic usually made too much eye contact, if anything, and seemed to relish in this obvious advantage he had over his rival. But now he was looking down again, still fiddling with his scarf or with the ironwork in the table, and it did nothing to slow the spiral Shadow’s mind was falling down.

This was it, wasn’t it? He was about to end everything, that was the talk. He was doing it kindly, at least, face-to-face, in public perhaps for his own safety, but still private enough no one would have to witness the humiliation coming Shadow’s way. The hybrid’s ears slowly pinned, and he tried in vain to erect his old walls around himself before Sonic could strike, bury short-clipped claws deep in his ribcage and tear out the heart he never should have had access too in the first place. Gaia, how badly was this going to hurt? Would it hit all the sudden, or slowly over the course of the night? Shadow swallowed thickly; did he have to stay afterwards, was that what was expected?

Sonic finally looked up, opened his mouth, and closed it again. “…Shads. Shadow? Hey, uh, you’re, staring. A lot. It’s a little unnerving.”

Shadow blinked. “Sorry. Go ahead, I- I’m ready, it’s alright.” He took a few deep breaths and averted his eyes, forcing his ears forward and his chest out.

Sonic’s ears lifted and he tilted his head, quills shifting as he did. He looked confused, but determined. “I.. alright. Weird response. But, okay, sure, here it goes, then, I guess-”

Shadow drew in a breath, let it out. Closed his eyes. Drew in a breath, let it out- and repeat. Repeat. Repeat-

“I want us to be, like, I- I don’t know, like, official, I guess…? More than, more than just hookups, I mean, and- and don’t get me wrong I don’t mean we gotta slow down, unless you wanna of course, but, just, add to, you- you know? ‘M I making sense?” Sonic had looked down again, muzzle flushed dark red and ears flat against his head.

Shadow opened his eyes and turned his head slowly. “I… what?”

Sonic looked up, sheepish and uncertain. “Uh… I wanna be like. A thing. You know? Like. A, a couple, I guess.” He winced back as though expecting a blow from the hybrid beside him.

Honestly, Shadow felt so twisted around and confused inside he might have, at one point in their relationship, done just that. Struck out at him, picked a fight, merely taken out his Chaos Emerald and teleported away. Sonic wanted… something more? He wanted to define them, was that it? Define what they were, so there was no more room for misinterpretation?

Shadow’s fondness for the hedgehog, long since taken root in hybrid’s heart, was growing by the moment. He blinked, dumbstruck- until he saw the anxiety he had been wrestling into submission a moment before blooming in Sonic’s eyes. That simply wouldn’t do.

“I feel the same,” Shadow said quickly, setting a hand on the table.

Sonic’s smile could have rivaled the sun itself, and Shadow found himself basking in its glow. “Yeah? Really?” A swishing and light buffeting sound behind him signaled his tail was wagging.

Shadow’s own longer tail shifted behind him, threatening to wag though less erratically as Sonic’s. “…Yeah, yeah, really. I- heh… can I be honest with you?” He tilted his head and his muzzle flushed, green tinged over his cheeks. He felt shy, uncharacteristically so, but the adrenaline draining from his system had left him feeling odd and floaty.

Sonic nodded hard enough his quills rustled.

Shadow took a deep breath. “I… I was mostly convinced you were going to… end, whatever this was, tonight…” He motioned vaguely between himself and the speedster.

Sonic’s eyes nearly bugged from his head, and he leaned forward, taking hold of the hand Shadow had rested on the center of the table. “What? No, no way!” the hedgehog replied, eyes wide and earnest. “What gave you that idea, did I do somethin’ to make you feel that way? Cause if I did, tell me and I’ll never do it again, I promise-“

Shadow’s muzzle might never return to its normal tan. His own eyes widened and he subtly leaned back at the sudden movement from Sonic, though he did not remove his hand from his grasp. “No, no, I.. I think it was just… I don’t know what it is. It was just a feeling I had, and, clearly, I was wrong. And I’m.. I’m very happy to have been wrong.” And he smiled, a genuine one, rare though it was. The uncertainty in his eyes was fading, as was the anxiety constricting his chest. Slowly, he halted the slap-dash construction of the old walls around his heart.

“Wow…,” Sonic breathed, and he settled in his seat. “I, uh… I’ve been meaning to have this conversation with you since New Year’s, you know? I woulda tried harder to have it sooner if I’d known I was freaking you out, so much.”

The smile vanished, replaced by Shadow’s usual scowl. “I was not freaking out.”

Sonic blinked and gave his partner a long-suffering look. “Shads. Babe. You were like, two deep breaths away from a panic attack. You think I didn’t notice?”

Shadow pulled his hand away and leaned back, arms crossed and looking pointedly at Sonic. The hedgehog had the gall to grin. Shadow clicked his tongue. “Tch… I think I’ve change my mind.”

“Alright, that’s not funny-“

“I think it’s hilarious, actually-“

“Uh, sirs…?” The server was back, holding a tray with their waters, some wine glasses, and the bottle of wine Sonic had asked for. She sat down the glasses and bottle quickly, face red as she felt she was interrupting them. “Are you, ready to order, now?”

Sonic put on an easy grin, and it seemed to disarm the nervousness of their server immediately. Shadow wasn’t sure it wasn’t a supernatural skill of the hedgehog’s; no one should have such power at their immediate disposal as that damn smile…

He rattled off an order and then looked to Shadow for a moment. “You know what you want, or, there’s something I saw on the menu I think you’d like?”

Shadow hadn’t bothered to open his menu, yet. He nodded for Sonic to go ahead, and Sonic smiled before giving the orders to the server. The name didn’t help much with the dish, so Shadow supposed he would just have to trust the hedgehog, for now. Or make himself something at the apartment after he got home.

The server nodded and headed back inside.

Shadow watched them go and was momentarily distracted from his psuedo-argument with Sonic by the sideways looks he caught from some of the other patrons. Tension crept back into his shoulders and sank lower in his seat.

“Shads,” Sonic called gently, and Shadow’s attention was brought back to his partner, who’s hands still rested on the table, as though waiting for Shadow’s to rejoin them. The hybrid blew softly and felt compelled to oblige.

Sonic’s hands were warm and soft in their gloves, grounding a way that gave Shadow an anchor point in the swirling anxiety around him. Sonic was normally chaos incarnate; this gentler side of him was something Shadow imagined not many got to see.

He counted himself lucky to be among that number.

Sonic smiled to have Shadow’s hand back, then nodded towards their wine. “Uh, thirsty? Or, little too sober? Got the fix, you know.” He was grinning brightly again, sharp upper incisors showing and comparatively small canines.

Shadow nodded, eager to take the edge off his nerves, when a shout sounded nearby. He turned in time to see a lynx cub, perhaps around three or four, who had pulled away from their mother, trip and fall over near his and Sonic’s table.

Before even Sonic could react, Shadow was on his feet and crouching by the child, shushing the small boy’s whimpers and carefully helping him to sit up. “You’re alright,” he assured softly, scanning over the child to look for any obvious injury. “Just a fall.”

The child’s whimpers ceased and his eyes widened as he realized who was crouched by him. Shadow braced for him to start screaming or crying or both, in fear for his life at the sight of the monster every parent likely used as a ‘better behave or else-‘ warning so close by, in striking distance.

But instead, the child gasped and went up on their knees, eyes bright and face so painfully innocent and open. “M-Mr. Shadow-!” He very nearly had stars in his eyes. “I saw you while we were leaving and I wanted to come say hi! I think you’re really cool and brave and probably my most favorite hero ever and I really like your quills and that you run on fire and-”

“Ridley!”

The child’s ears pinned at the screech of his name, and he turned to look over his shoulder as his mother, another lynx, rushed towards them both. She snatched the cub into her arms and turned to block him from Shadow.

By now, Sonic was on his feet and standing by his partner as Shadow rose from his crouch slowly, having trouble recovering from the whiplash of the child’s praise against the mother’s ire.

“Don’t touch him!” the lynx spat, eyes wide and body trembling. She set her eyes on Sonic and hissed, “You! You should know better, bringing things like that here, around children!”

Shadow was still reeling from the sudden change in atmosphere, but Sonic didn’t need any time at all to process the woman’s vitriol. He narrowed his eyes and stepped between his partner and the lynx. “Hey, he was helping your kid up, that’s all, lady-”

Ridley squirmed in his mother’s too-tight hold and looked back towards the heroes. “Mama, I just wanted to talk to them, don’t be so mean-”

The lynx mother pinned her ears and released a primal hiss Shadow’s way. “Alien freak- go back to your own world, leave ours alone!” Her cub, still scared and alarmed by his mother’s outburst, only looked back with wide teary eyes at Shadow and Sonic. His mother turned and walked away quickly, her whole body shaking with fright.

Shadow blinked and looked after them. Sonic’s quills were up, anger radiating off him. “That was ridiculous- Shads, Shads, don’t let her get in your head, okay? She’s just one person, she doesn’t-”

Their server approached them both, with a man who looked rather official and business-like. A manager, perhaps. “Ah, fellas, hello…,” the man began nervously.

Shadow looked their way, but from their faces, he already imagined he knew what they wanted. The server wasn’t meeting anyone’s eyes.

The manager fiddled with a watch about his wrist. “I’ve gotten some concerns, and, well, it’s just- I think it might be in everyone’s best interest if you two ate elsewhere, tonight…”

Sonic looked indignant, but Shadow was already nodding, ears back. “Very well,” he said simply. It was easier to just accept he wasn’t wanted. The greater society had made up their minds, and though he could change it for a time, it always swung back around to… this. Rejection and ostracization. Fear, hatred. The wolf in sheep’s wool detected living amongst the flock.

“Hold on a second, we didn’t do anything,” Sonic reasoned. “Shadow helped a kid up, and his mom lost it on us, that’s all-“

Sounds became distant, a roar building in Shadow’s ears like a crashing wave over his head. He wanted to leave, now, but Sonic seemed more intent on standing their ground.

“I understand, but, it’s just- people are uncomfortable, I’m sorry, truly I am; we have your food here, too, please, take it on the house and consider it a apology gift from me personally, but-”

Sonic opened his mouth, ready for a fight, but Shadow nudged him as he turned towards the exit. “Sonic, enough. Let’s just leave.”

Their server approached Sonic nervously and passed him their food in takeaway plates. “I… sorry, sirs..”

Sonic took the food, a bit dumbstruck and looking between Shadow and the staff, clearly thrown at the unwillingness of the hybrid to give even the illusion of resistance, before sighing and turning to follow Shadow out. The manager followed them, too, to a gate in the patio’s fence, and let them out.

Shadow was staring dead ahead as they walked back out on to the street, hands in his pockets and quills raising dangerously on his head and back. Sonic rushed to catch up with him.

“Shads… hey, I’m sorry, that was-”

“Entirely predictable, and I should have known better,” Shadow growled. His hands curled into fists in his pockets, talons against the leather over his palms. He pinned his ears and looked back sharply towards Sonic.

The hedgehog’s ears pinned and his eyes widened. “Shads…”

Footsteps rapidly approached from behind, like people running. Shadow’s attention was drawn behind Sonic’s back and he stopped walking. Sonic looked back, too.

Knuckles and Rouge were running towards them. “Shadow!” Rouge called, coming to stop before them both, the echidna by her side. “What happened out there? We were inside; I didn’t even know you two were here until Knuckles was getting up to see what was going-”

Shadow was shaking now, eyes narrowed and ruby gaze burning a bright, dangerous crimson. “You were both- you could see?” he hissed, hot humiliation pouring down his back and a flush coloring his muzzle a horrible dark green. They had been watching? How long? Pupils constricted to dangerous slits, Shadow’s eyes darting between Rouge and Knuckles, anger and frustration boiling over into something much harder to control. Was it coincidence, why they were there? Was it Rouge’s idea, or Knuckles? Was it- was it Sonic’s? Was this all just still part of the game, after all? Relief offered like a canteen in the desert, only to find nothing but parched sand within- Shadow’s mind raced with all the decisions that had led him here, all the people he trusted and the love he’d thought he could finally feel for them all, from them all- a lie? All a lie-

Knuckles could see a brawl brewing in front of him and stepped up with his hands opened placatingly. “We were all just in the same place at the same time, alright? No need to get sharp-”

“Why?” Shadow barked, and the crimson was turning a bright fiery orange now, his Chaos energy building under his skin. His fangs were bared. “Are you afraid, too? Worried I’ll, what, Chaos spear a child? Claw the server’s neck open? Because I’m not one of you, right? I’m an alien freak-” Energy was sparking off his inhibitors.

“Now that’s not what I meant-”

Sonic looked around. They were near the square again, and people sitting or walking in the grass were taking notice. “Shads-”

“I suppose I might just, I don’t know, call down the whole Black Arms nest for another round, huh? The big, scary, lab-grown, alien hybrid, everyone’s worst nightmare- ¿No es un jodido monstruo aterrador?”

Rouge caught Sonic’s panicked look and tried to step in front of her friend to soothe him. “Shadow, look around-”

Shadow whirled, ears back and eyes alight, fangs on display, only to halt at the horrified Mobians around them. Most were scrambling from the group, some were shouting, others were frozen in fear. Shadow blinked, and looked down at himself.

His fur was raised, quills erect. At some point his hands had come out of his pockets, claws extended and curving outward cruelly. The red around his vision gave away the glow of his eyes, and he could feel the tension across his muzzle- and the sting of the cuts the intense snarl had produced as the inside of his cheeks slid against the sharp edges of his fangs and terrible ridges of his carnassials. Orange-yellow energy sparked from his inhibitors, reacting to his heightened emotions.

Chaos, he really must look like a monster.

He forced his hands to uncurl and tried to retract his claws. His eyes darted from terrified face to terrified face, and the faces changed, morphed before his eyes. They became human, older, mostly male, white coats over their shoulders- they were staring at him in that same horror- he had just leveled the lab with a Chaos blast, he hadn’t meant to, they must understand, but they were already reaching for the tranq-pole, and he knew what was coming. The sudden sting, that cold rush through his muscle, the dissociation, falling forever through the floor and waking up in his pod again, choking on fluid that burned his lungs-

“Shads-,” Sonic called softly, and there was a hand on his arm. Why was Sonic there, in the ARK? He hadn’t been there, that day… Shadow turned and looked to him, ruby locking onto emerald. The sky returned, stars above them now, and the ground beneath his feet and air against his skin.

The ARK faded, the scientists, too. Only Sonic remained. Shadow’s energy settled, at least somewhat, enough to stop the sparking of his inhibitors.

Shadow folded his ears and dropped his gaze. He brushed Sonic’s hand away gently and turned from them all to walk back towards the Dark Rider, hands back in his pockets and jacket pulled tight around him. He heard murmuring behind him, and the sharp click of heeled boots following him.

“Shadow,” Rouge called gently, catching up to the hunched hybrid as he walked. They were going around the edge of the square, avoiding the grassy area in the center on the other side of the road. Away from all the people he might scare. “Hon, slow down, alright?”

Shadow forced himself to walk slower so Rouge could walk beside him. He swallowed thickly and kept his head low, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone else on the sidewalk.

Not that there were many, most had already crossed to give him a wide berth.

“Knuckles is back there talking Sonic down, Blue’s pissed. Never seen him so indignant on someone else’s behalf, before,” Rouge said, trying lighten the mood around them.

Shadow shook his head. “He’s going to get himself in trouble, he needs to leave it alone,” the hybrid muttered, eyes locked ahead. Sonic wanted to fight for him… didn’t the hedgehog know it was useless?

Rouge sighed. “You know he won’t do that. I told you back at the apartment, Shadow; Blue’s got it bad for you.”

Shadow didn’t reply. What was he supposed to say? Surely now, it would be over, game or not. Sonic had seen, firsthand, the public’s perception of him. Now the hedgehog knew why Shadow stayed in, well, the shadows- it was better, that way. Unseen, unheard, unknown. The force holding the world together from backstage, a savior without a face.

Someone a life-of-the-party socialite like Sonic wouldn’t want to be caught dead with.

They made it back to the Dark Rider, but as Shadow was unlocking his helmet, still shaking with barely contained… rage? Regret? Humiliation? … Grief? What was it he felt? What burned so much, so much in his veins? Before he could leave to bury the sensation of being so overwhelmed, Sonic was there, a soft hand at his elbow.

“Shads, hey- can we just talk, real quick?”

Shadow looked over his shoulder, his muzzle still a muddy sort of green from the flush of embarrassment. He’d not only been humiliated at the restaurant, but then he’d gone and had a full-fledged flashback in the middle of the square. Now he was a monster and pathetic.

Rouge looked between them. “I think you should,” she said gently to Shadow. She stepped to head off Knuckles, the two turning to take a walk around the square their own way.

Shadow searched Sonic’s face for signs he was right, that this really was it. “…Talk, then, erizo.”

Sonic swallowed thickly. “First of all, to get this out of the way: this does not change my feelings towards you. If anything, seeing you in there, before that woman blew up at us? That just… Shads, that kinda solidified for me just how much I want to give a real relationship you a try. I’m telling you this because I know where your mind’s going, and I’m trying to beat you there to tell you that’s fucking stupid and to stop thinking it. I’m not tricking you, I’m not playing games, this is real and these are my real feelings and I will tell you over, and over, and over again until you get it.”

Shadow blinked. Sonic… maybe knew him too well. He let out a stilted breath and nodded. “… Very well. Fine, I- sorry…”

“Hey…,” Sonic began, brow furrowed and head tilted. “You didn’t do anything wrong, back there. That was… that was really sweet, actually, you helping that kid- and you were so quick to do it, too, like it was instinct. Don’t apologize.”

Shadow only nodded mutely.

Sonic sighed and looked down at the plastic takeout containers he carried in his other hand. “So… hey, it’s Valentine’s Day, right? And I asked you out to dinner- well, we’re out, and we got dinner, so, how’s about we go eat, huh? Find some little romantic spot someplace? ‘Cause, even though I’m definitely never going back to that place, their grub’s pretty good, you know?”

Shadow snorted, nearly smiled, even. “I suppose… sure. What’s the harm? But, someplace more… private, maybe?”

The nod Sonic gave him sent a rush of relief through him he wasn’t expecting, and he had to turn away to hide the fond look that came over his gaze. He cleared his throat and said, “We’ll, um, let’s take the Dark Rider?”

Sonic’s eyes went wide. “Wait, really?

Shadow snorted. “You’ve been on it before…” His muzzle flushed again at the memory, unbidden sensations of his fingers curling around the join of the handlebars as Sonic lifted him, bent him backwards, it should have hurt, and it had, but it hurt good-

He cleared his throat and flicked an ear, willing the thoughts away before they got too out of control.

Sonic blinked. “Uh, yeah, sure, but, not like, riding, you know?” His wobbly smiled turned all too quickly to a smirk, and he tilted his head. “You gonna let me drive?”

Shadow’s eyes narrowed. “Absolutely not. Have you ever driven a motorcycle before, anyway? Don’t even answer that, pregunta ridícula, doesn’t matter,” he rambled, turning and shoving aside the deepening blush over his cheeks as he threw a leg over the bike’s seat. He looked back to Sonic and raised a brow.

The hedgehog was distracted looking over his partner appraisingly. He caught Shadow’s eye and nodded. “Right!” he said and climbed onto the seat behind Shadow. They had to sit close, Sonic pressed up against Shadow’s back and his arms wrapping around Shadow’s waist, their food between Shadow and the handlebars and still in Sonic’s grasp.

Shadow smiled softly at the proximity and turned in his seat to push his helmet on Sonic’s head. “Wear this.”

Sonic grunted and reached back to adjust the helmet. He snorted and said, “What about you?”

Shadow turned back around and rolled his eyes. “I’ll be fine. You’re clumsy, not me.”

“What does being clumsy have to do riding on the back of th-woAH WOAH WO-”

—- —- —- —- —-

Shadow rode until they were far from the city, perhaps faster than he should have but safe in the knowledge he could chaos control them if they got into real trouble. Sonic seemed to love it, anyway, and Shadow had to shout and grab him with one hand on several occasions to stop him from standing up on the back of the bike.

He rode until they reached a lake, far inland from the city. Shadow stopped the bike on a gravel turn-around off the road, and Sonic led them both to a large oak tree near the water. Its boughs were ancient and heavy with leaves, bending towards the ground and making a fantastical canopy over their heads. The moon overhead gave enough light to see by, at least for Shadow, and he assumed for Sonic as well as the hedgehog didn’t have trouble getting off the bike and heading towards the tree.

Shadow kept a tarp folded in what little storage space there was under his seat. He had pulled it out to give them something to sit on while they ate, and now spread it over what flat ground they could find between the oak’s gnarled roots.

They sat across from one another, the smaller plate of the appetizer Sonic ordered for them turning out to be a few pieces of steamed gyoza with a dipping sauce that smelled of soy and black vinegar. Shadow eyed the dish apprehensively; but Sonic grinned and picked up one of the small packets in a pair of chopsticks with practiced ease, dipped it lightly in the brown sauce, and held it out towards Shadow expectantly, a napkin-covered hand beneath it to catch errant drips of the sauce.

Shadow blinked and narrowed his eyes. “…What are you doing.”

Sonic bit his lip and ears pinned, the confident grin he’d worn a moment before fading. “Uh… you, you looked like you wanted to maybe try it, and, I don’t know, I thought this would be… romantic?” His grin returned, though it was wobbly and sheepish, and his shoulders hunched.

Shadow watched him a moment longer, his own ears back, until Sonic began to withdraw the chopsticks in quiet defeat. Throwing his tendency towards overthinking out the window for the time being and the sake of his partner (boyfriend’s?) dignity, Shadow leaned forward and bit into the steamed wrapper.

He had been concerned at first he’d find the packet filled with meat, something he knew typically filled gyoza and why he had always avoided ordering it on the rare occasions Rouge managed to drag him out to eat. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if he had, as he hadn’t willingly eaten meat in three years. However, the flavors that burst over his tongue now were a pleasant mix of cabbage, carrot, onion, and thin shreds of mushroom. Despite himself, his eyes closed and he hummed, as though in delight. And maybe it was.

Sonic was watching with bated breath, eyes bright and ears lifting once more. Shadow was rewarded for opening his eyes by Sonic’s beaming smile, and it made that treacherous heart of his flutter pitifully in his chest.

Erizo, the things you do to me…

“Yeah?” Sonic purred. His tail wagging made soft swishing sounds against the tarp.

Suddenly Shadow realized he’d voiced the thought aloud in a contented sigh. His face flamed, muddy yellow-green overtaking his cheeks beneath his fur and the insides of his ears near their tips. He sat back upright abruptly, gulping, which had the unfortunate consequence of making him nearly choke on the half chewed bit of gyoza still in his mouth.

He cleared his throat behind his hand and averted his gaze, waiting for Sonic to make some rude quip so he could banter back and dissolve the tension he felt building in his shoulders. His fears from before were thoroughly dashed; however, it didn’t make vulnerability any easier.

But Sonic only laughed and held out the chopsticks again. “Here, take the last bite and I’ll leave you to your actual meal in peace, I promise,” he said with a bright grin.

Shadow blew softly, but leaned in again and allowed Sonic to feed him the last half of gyoza. He kept his eyes open this time, though, gaze following Sonic’s, and was treated to his partner’s soft, smitten grin as Shadow’s teeth scraped lightly over the chopsticks.

Even the usually surly hybrid had to smile at that as he leaned back. Sonic popped a piece of gyoza in his own mouth and hummed. After he’d finished, he said, “Yeah, good stuff, you think?”

“Not bad. I’ve never had it before, but, I think I’d order it again.” From somewhere else, mind…

Sonic blinked and tilted his head. “Never had it? Really? Well, honored I got to be here for your first try, then,” he teased lightly. When Shadow’s look became withering, he laughed and added, “To be fair, that’s the first time I’ve had veggie gyoza, so, same. Usually I like pork.”

“Why order the vegetable then, if you had a preference for the other?” Shadow asked as he pulled his plate toward himself.

Sonic blinked and leveled Shadow with an incredulous stare. “Uh, ‘cause it’d be like, the biggest asshole move to order pork gyoza for my vegetarian partner?”

Shadow paused again. There the hedgehog went, knowing him so well. He couldn’t remember telling Sonic about that, and while he imagined it might have come up when Sonic supposedly had his culinary discussion with Rouge, that Sonic had held onto the fact and taken it to heart made Shadow’s chest feel loose and floaty.

What an odd day of ups and downs it had been.

“I… thank you, you, you didn’t have to change your order for my account, but, I appreciate it, nonetheless.”

Sonic shook his head, though he was smiling. “You’re actual order’s veggie, too, by the way.”

Shadow opened the box to find three small tacos inside, all with different fillings. One in particular caught his attention; it looked like shredded chicken or beef.

“Jackfruit,” Sonic supplied brightly. “It’s pretty inoffensive so it’s easy enough to flavor it to mimic other stuff, like meat-”

“I know,” Shadow interjected, “I cook with it often.”

“Really?” Sonic asked, ears perked. “You know, I don’t think I knew you cooked, like, at all…”

Shadow sat back and clicked his tongue. “Tch, I cook all the time, erizo,” he snorted, ears folding and looking vaguely annoyed. After a moment, he settled and rolled his eyes, picking up the shredded jackfruit taco. The two others were a garden taco with grilled onions and mushrooms beneath greens and a savory sesame sauce and a fried cauliflower one with what smelled like a spicy Korean-style pepper sauce and, oddly, guacamole. “Remind me next time you’re coming over, and I’ll cook you something. Maybe those disgusting chili dogs you love so much.”

Sonic couldn’t seem to stop the bark of laughter that escaped, but even still, his muzzle flushed at the notion of Shadow doing something as domestic as cooking him dinner. He grinned and shook his head, pulling open his own meal: another set of three tacos that consistent of a mushroom and bulgogi steak one, one stuffed with teriyaki chicken and cabbage drizzled in a sauce that smelled of peanut, and one that Shadow thought looked like it had something puffy and fried in it under coleslaw and sriracha.

“Never had vegetarian chili before, but I’ve seen some recipes that look kinda interesting,” Sonic mused, picking up the last of the three and biting into it. The puffy looking bits crunched between his teeth, and inside looked like the delicate meat of whitefish.

Shadow grunted. “Send them to me and I’ll get what we need. Also, I could just make you regular chili. Even if I don’t eat meat anymore, you very clearly do, and I’m usually fine cooking with it,” he replied, nodding to Sonic’s choice of tacos.

Sonic paused mid bite and his face flushed again, ears back. He chewed this bite quickly and grinned uncertainly. “Heh, yeah, definitely a little carnivorous, personally… But! I do like vegetarian food, thus knowing the jackfruit would be a good option, cause I’ve ordered that one before to try it out! I’d be down to try vegetarian chili. I, actually, I should have asked, but, my food’s not bothering you, is it?”

The speedster seemed genuinely worried he’d made Shadow uncomfortable with his selection, and with a jolt of embarrassment, the hybrid realized he had been staring a moment longer than he meant. He shook his head quickly. “No, no,” he assured, and Sonic visibly relaxed. “I, sorry, I was just- I was curious what was in yours. I know you like chili dogs, but, that’s… honestly I think that’s it, about what I know of your food preferences. Chili dogs, and now apparently shredded jackfruit.”

He wasn’t expecting the sudden laugh from his partner, and neither it seemed did Sonic, who turned his head to control his giggling fit. Shadow found himself almost smiling; the display was cute.

“Sorry,” Sonic chuckled, managing to quiet himself though still grinning. “Just, I don’t know… honestly? This whole time, ever since New Year's and maybe even a little before, I’ve been sorta… compiling a mental list, of stuff I learn about you. Just little stuff, you know? Like foods and things you like, when I notice. I didn’t realize you’d want to know the same stuff about me, though.”

Shadow blinked. Sonic had been trying to… get to know him? All this time? So, it had been more than just sex, from the beginning. He narrowed his eyes, though not unkindly. “And with this information, you’ve been…?”

Sonic snorted. “Trying to make you comfortable when we hang out and do nice things for you when I can?” He said it like it was obvious, and perhaps it was, though not to Shadow.

The hybrid tilted his head and considered their past meetings, realization dawning on him. “So.. the sudden appearance of that box of honeybuns at your house when we were there last, even though you hate them?”

“Heh, yeah, well, you seemed to like them in the cabin, so… took a shot. Didn’t know if it was the exhaustion from the snowstorm or if you really just liked those things, and hey, I was right, wasn’t I?” He almost sounded smug, and time was when Shadow would have scowled at that. Maybe punched him, a little. Instead, the hybrid even gave a small smile.

“I admit, you were… They remind me of the sweets Maria would sneak in her room on the ARK,” he said softly, a melancholy in his eyes that made Sonic look at him in wonder. He didn’t speak much of the softer times he had on the ARK; to be among those who got to hear these stories was an honor bestowed to few. “Cheap and empty, sure, and you could always make homemade ones that are leagues better, I have in fact, but… I don’t know. They taste like…”

“Home?” Sonic supplied gently, eyes soft, not with pity, but with understanding.

Shadow nodded. “Home.”

Sonic smiled and nodded, too. “I.. get what you mean. Kinda why I like chili dogs so much, I think. Especially when I make ‘em the usual way, which, most folks would agree is an offense to good chili dogs, everywhere.”

Shadow tilted his head. For as rare as it was to hear him speak of his early days on the ARK, he realized with a start that he knew next to nothing about Sonic’s childhood, before all his heroics began. If ever there was such a time, anyway.

He felt like a piss poor partner, caught up in his own head this last month and a half while Sonic had been steadily building out a profile of Shadow’s likes and dislikes. Well. The hybrid resigned he’d just have to change that, and be better, starting this very evening. “Are they something you ate much growing up?”

Sonic grinned and passed a hand under his nose, something Shadow had learned over the years was a habit whenever he was feeling any particularly strong emotion, good or bad. “Guess you could say that,” he began lightly, his own eyes bright and his smile contemplative. “I’m not much of a cook, honestly, never have been, but… After I took in Tails, I had to learn to make stuff that was, as Amy put it, ‘at least mildly more nutritious than cardboard’. Chili dogs were easy to make while still feeling like real food, you know? Simple to make if you’re just popping everything in the microwave, but it feels like you got an actual meal out of it instead how something like a ramen packet might feel.”

Shadow listened with rapt attention, his own food all but forgotten. He had known, of course, that Sonic more or less raised Tails; at some point, Amy or Rouge had mentioned it to him or around him, and the information had simply gone into the pre-existing image of Sonic in his head, as though it had always been there. But he’d never taken the time to think about what that meant.

“You’ve known the fox a long time, haven’t you? Gaia, how old were you when you met him?”

Sonic tilted his head, quills rustling, and pinned one ear as he tapped his chin. “Oh, uh, geez, let’s see… I think I was maybe, ten or so?”

Shadow opened his mouth to speak, then closed it, then opened it again. Closed it. Blinked. Then, finally, “Ten?!”

“Yeah, about-ish, I dunno. I didn’t really keep track ‘till Tails came along, you know? Didn’t see a point, but then I wanted to make sure we didn’t miss a birthday with him so it made it easier to remember my own age, too.”

“… And how old was Tails, back then?”

“Right around four,” Sonic said with a confident nod.

A child, adopting another, much younger child. Shadow swallowed thickly and sat back, head cocked to one side and considering Sonic with an intense gaze. The hedgehog squirmed under it a bit, ears pinning.

“… What? I got ponzu on my face or something?”

Shadow sighed and broke his gaze, at last. “No, sorry, I just… sometimes it slips my mind, just how… selfless, you are. Have always been. It makes sense, but, I suppose…”

“We started out hating each other’s guts and then moved onto being purposefully as antagonistic as possible from then on, so it started getting hard to see all the better qualities? Yeah, I get what you mean,” Sonic said with a sideways grin.

A grin Shadow wanted to kiss, and so, he did. He leaned in and gave the corner of Sonic’s mouth a quick, chaste press of his lips. Even still, as he drew back a hair, he left the hedgehog’s face flushed a pretty pink beneath his peach furred muzzle.

“No longer, though,” Shadow murmured, withdrawing completely to sit back up. “I mean, I can’t promise we won’t still antagonize sometimes, but… I want to know you. Completely.”

Sonic brought a hand to his face, fingertips setting lightly on the corner of his mouth and cheek and dopey smile across his features. His whole face had relaxed, in fact, as though melting into his partners words. He looked lovestruck, and Shadow decided he quite like the look of it on the hedgehog. He thought it suited him just fine, and he would have to endeavor to keep the look there as much as possible.

Knowing Sonic would be a challenge, almost as difficult as anyone trying to get to know himself. Shadow knew the hedgehog already had the head start, so he may as well get started, too. “Speaking of, to circle back to earlier- the taco you just had. What was that… puffy stuff?”

Sonic blinked, broken from his reverie, though luckily his short attention span was quick to pick up this new thread of conversation. “Oh, the fish? That was tempura!” He pointed to Shadow’s plate and the cauliflower taco. “That one’s tempura fried, too, just with a lighter batter so it gives the cauliflower just a little bit more crunch. It’s mostly for texture, not a whole lot of seasoning in it, but, honestly? I think that’s why I like it. Good crunch, and let’s whatever else is in the dish and the sauces stand out more.”

Shadow contemplated the taco before picking it up and taking a bite. Sonic was correct, it did offer a satisfying crunch, and the burst of cauliflower that came after was pleasant, too. The pepper sauce was spicy but also sweet and savory, and Sonic was right, too, that it was able to stand up nicely against the tempura breading.

“I like this. Tempura, huh? I’ll have to remember it, it doesn’t seem hard to do,” the hybrid murmured, contemplating. He made fried foods very rarely, the grease settling hard in his chronically iffy stomach, but tempura felt like a lighter alternative.

Sonic beamed, and there went his tail again. “Let me know if you want a taste tester, I’m game!”

Shadow couldn’t help the small grin at that, and nodded. “I’ll let you know, thank you. Rouge is usually my guinea pig; she’ll probably be happy to be off the hook.”

“Well, her loss, my gain,” Sonic said, still beaming, eyes bright. He looked genuinely excited.

So he likes food, that’s something. That feels too shallow a thing to note, but, talking about food is the most genuinely excited I think I’ve ever seen him, no front or anything…

If Sonic was going to keep sneaky mental lists about Shadow’s preferences, then the hybrid would be damned if he wasn’t going to do the same.

They both settled into finishing their remaining tacos, after that. Shadow found himself wishing they’d been able to have the wine with their food, too; the one Sonic selected had looked like a good one for what their meal ended up being. Even without it, though, he felt himself relaxing and enjoying the companionship Sonic provided.

He recognized this feeling, swirling in his chest. It was dangerous, one he tended to avoid and crush under his heel whenever it reared its traitorous head, but… It was lovely, and warm, and it made him feel young and soft in ways he hadn’t in a very, very long time.

It could grow into something ever softer and warmer, if he let it. And glancing up to watch Sonic’s take his last bite, catching his eyes and feeling that familiar flutter in his chest at the way the hedgehog’s muzzle crinkled as he smiled through the mouthful, Shadow thought he just might not have much choice in the matter.

After they’d both finished, Sonic sat back and stretched with a dramatic yawn. It would normally grate on Shadow’s ears; but that night, instead, it had him yawning, though much quieter, in return.

Sonic grinned at him. “Sleepy?”

Shadow snorted. “Ni un poco,” he said, though it was muffled by another yawn. He felt full and content after their meal, and warm in his jacket despite the chill in the air. He had never been one for naps, but after the day he’d had, he wouldn’t say no.

Sonic stood with a soft sigh and held his hand down to Shadow. “C’mon.”

The hybrid chirped inquisitively, a sound he would not be caught dead making more awake, and squinted up at the hedgehog. “Want to leave?”

Sonic shook his head and nodded towards the canopy above them. “Tree’s nice and all for sitting under, but, I wanna see the stars. Let’s go lay in the grass.”

Shadow grunted but gave Sonic his hand, regardless. He was pulled to his feet, and, a bit more awake now, walked hand-in-hand with the hedgehog out into the open between the oak and the lakeshore.

It was a beautiful, clear night, to be fair. The stars were out in mass, and a belt of clusters and swirls of deeper blues and purples against the abyssal black stood out across the sky. Sonic found a patch of soft grass and small flowers and sat, pulling Shadow down with him, arms around him loosely. The hybrid fell against his partner and lifted his head to find himself barely an inch from Sonic’s face.

The hedgehog was smiling at him. So, this was planned, then. Shadow smirked. “¿Qué? ¿Quieres besarme, es eso?”

Sonic’s smile was undeterred. “Hm… can I get that translated?”

Shadow grinned and nodded, then pressed forward to catch Sonic’s lips against his own. He shifted in Sonic’s arms and cupped a hand gently around his jaw, his other on the ground beside him to keep himself propped up.

Their kiss deepened, though it remained slow and languid. Shadow’s tongue teased softly against Sonic’s lips, and the hedgehog sighed as he let his partner in. The hybrid didn’t even mind the odd taste of the different tacos they’d eaten that night mingling together, too engrossed was he in his slow, methodical exploration.

Sonic pulled him in closer, until he was in the hedgehog’s lap, Shadow’s own legs parting around Sonic and feet planted behind his partner’s back. Sonic’s arms kept a tight hold around Shadow, and his legs shifted where the hybrid was perched on Sonic’s thighs to adjust their angle.

Shadow wasn’t entirely sure how long their slow make-out session lasted. Long enough he felt breathless as he pulled away, face flushed and pupils blown, to see Sonic was in much the same state. That dopey, lovesick smile was back across the hedgehog’s face.

Shadow set his arms loosely over Sonic’s shoulders, leaned against him, close enough to initiate their kiss again, but holding back to bask in the warmth of his partner’s eyes.

His boyfriend’s eyes. Was that what they were, now? The feathered blade of his tail lifted and tapped soundlessly on the ground beside them, a slow, silent staccato to the soft swishing of Sonic’s own tail in the grass behind the hedgehog. Shadow smiled, a small and soft thing just barely tugging at the corners of his lips.ca

Gaia. A boyfriend. He had a boyfriend, and it was Sonic. His smile grew and his eyes softened at the thought. Maria… if you could see the sap I’ve become over this man… He knew she’d be proud. And likely insufferable, but, considering the company Shadow seemed to enjoy keeping in his friends and partner these days, well. She’d fit right into the bunch.

And wasn’t that a thought, all on its own? A bunch. A group. Of his friends and his partner. His smile grew wider still, and his tail tip tapped fast against the ground, swishing through the air in a quiet flutter as it did. If only he had realize it all a bit sooner that this was all here waiting for him, if only his memories had been all his own after waking from stasis; he felt so much time was wasted, and what a mess he had made along the way…

“Go back to your own world, leave ours alone-“

Shadow’s ears pinned and his smile faltered as the voice of the mother from earlier returned in his mind. Sonic tilted his head in silent question at the shift in Shadow’s mood.

“Leave him alone-“

“I think it might be in everyone’s best interest if you two ate elsewhere-“

“People are uncomfortable-“

“I’m an alien freak-“

Sonic’s face grew concerned, and he sat up straighter, arms tightening around Shadow. “Shads…? Hey, you with me?”

Shadow was, in fact, not particularly anywhere, finding it hard to focus on much of anything in the moment.

Old memories of the ARK played behind his eyes, of the lab; of the Chaos Blast that earned him his first set of inhibitors, too strong for his then too small body and too tight on his wrists, no thick cuffed gloves to protect them from the scraping and peeling and pinching of the hard metal.

“02! Stand down, or be sedated!”

“Oh just get the damn tranq pole, already. You can’t reason with lab rats.”

Shadow shook, the memories taking over him. A panicked snarl lifted his lip, though the desperate fear in his eyes betrayed his true state. Sonic hand cupped his jaw, but Shadow made no move to respond, only continued shaking. His eyes flicked between phantoms only he could see, muscles coiling along every plane of his body.

He was looking up at bright white lights, heavy restraints on his arms and legs and new inhibitors that drained him of all his energy.

“Is it alive?”

“Fortunately, yes. The Robotnik girl only nearly cost us the only damn thing worth saving out of this disaster of a project.”

“We can’t keep it conscious, not after what it did-”

“Luckily Dr. Robotnik was apprehended before the raid; he’s agreed to initiate longterm stasis on the experiment. It’s too valuable to decommission, not yet-“

Shadow shook and pulled against the restraints. Vaguely, he felt something around his waist, too, but it only served to increase his panic. What was this place? He didn’t remember it, he’d never remembered this scene before-

“Computer… initiate Phase 2-“

Shadow stilled, the world was muffled and muted, dark and cold, so damn cold-

“02… Shadow… you will punish them…”

The darkness shifted over the frozen, frosted glass of his pod. His eyes couldn’t move, frozen in their sockets, but in his mind, he focused on the figure moving outside. The professor’s voice, weary and broken, muted by the glass and metal and ice, floated through his memory.

“I… what… what have I done..? Forgive me, my boy, my son-“

Shadow swallowed hard and wrestled for control of his mind and body. Like it had been all those 50 years, though, he remained frozen to the spot, memories he had never witnessed before flitting cruelly through his vision, blinding him.

“Shadow, whatever your remembering, it’s not real anymore, it’s not happening, you’re safe with me, safe on Mobius, please, Shads-“

Shadow groaned and closed his eyes, pain spiking through his skull. He snarled, muzzle pulled tight against oversized teeth, their razor-edged ridges cutting into his cheek and filling his mouth with a metallic tang.

The chaos emerald was in his hand, green and glowing with untapped power. He had never held one before; even still, he knew what to do.

Blue. The spines of the creature standing before him were blue, and long, and downturned- a hedgehog, but, how? Another experiment? Someone else… like him?

Shadow snarled again. There was a sensation against his back, a gently caressing. The wind, it must have been-

The scene shifted, thick canopy overhead, animals calling in the trees and vines around him-

The blue hedgehog again, of all places. In this jungle, this island set to explode, and with the troublemaking bat mucking with his master’s Final Plan-

“I found you, faker!”

“Chaos control!”

Shadow’s eyes shot open, a terrible ringing in his ears. He stood in a field, grass beneath his feet. His chest heaved with labored breath and he turned to see the dark expanse of a lake stretching behind him. The water was still, though frozen waves crawled at its surface, almost too slow to perceive. Feeling the power crackling through his body, Shadow let out a stilted breath, and released the chaos control.

The sky above was dark and lit with stars, millions of them, billions, the moon not yet full enough to block them, but bright enough yet to light the clearing. He close his eyes and turned back, running a trembling hand through spiked quills.

He opened them again only when he felt a shift in the air around him and a presence join his by the shore. Sonic stood a few paces in front of him, moonlight reflecting off his eyes and illuminating his quills in a dim, soft blue glow. One gloved hand extended towards the hybrid, uncertain if his touch would help or harm, but his face was determined. “Shads? With me, buddy?”

Shadow swallowed thickly and nodded, jaw set and hot shame pouring down his back at his loss of control. Flashbacks like that were getting fewer and farther between, thank Gaia, with most old memories trickling in slowly or simply reappearing in his psyche, no fanfare to mark their return. But these moments felt different, pulled him out of his body and made him a slave to their whims until he could fight his way back to the present.

He closed his eyes, brow furrowed darkly. His legs felt weak as the adrenaline left his body, and his knees shook. Warm, firm hands suddenly gripped his shoulders for a moment, steadying him, before moving to wrap around his sides and settle on his waist. He opened his eyes and looked up.

Sonic was there, eyes full of concern. “I’ve got you,” he said quietly. He didn’t press the hybrid for information, for answers. Only held him gently and gave him the space to speak, if he chose.

Shadow nodded and let his partner take more of his weight off his trembling legs. At length, eyes down cast, he said, “…I’ve never remembered stasis, before. Or anything after Maria’s death… not until Rouge found me in Eggman’s lab. And yet, now… now I wish, I still couldn’t…”

He close his eyes, brow furrowing. After a moment, he felt himself being pulled to the ground, carefully. He opened his eyes as he sat and was pulled against Sonic’s chest, legs off to the side and almost cradled. Two months ago, he would have clawed the hedgehog for the indignity of it all.

Now, he only set his head against Sonic’s chest and focused on matching their breaths.

“I’m sorry, Shads… I, what brought it on, do you think?”

Shadow shook his head slowly. “I don’t know. I… I was thinking…” His brow furrowed and he shook. Sonic soothed him, rubbing a hand gently through the quills on his upper back. Shadow was reminded of the wind he had felt in his memories, and it grounded him to know Sonic had been doing the same thing to soothe him then, even as he had been locked in his own mind.

He took a few deep breath before trying again. “I was thinking… about how much has changed. All the people I have, now… how long it took to get there, how much time I wasted, the mess I made on the way- what it would have been like, if- if I’d never lost my memories, if they hadn’t been tampered with, if I’d woken up me the first time, before- before the ARK-“

His snarl returned, anger building at himself for the humiliating display. Not for the first time that day, he was losing control of himself. What was happening to him? Was this the consequence of letting his heart remain so open, letting so many in? To make room, was the grief and pain and terror being pushed out, escaping him in explosions of memory and old ghosts?

Sonic shifted and reached for Shadow’s face to turn it towards his own. “Shadow, hey? It’s okay, you gotta let this work itself out, alright? Fighting it’s just gonna kick this can farther down the road.”

Shadow swallowed and nodded. He knew that. It didn’t make letting go of control, the one thing he had always clung to, any easier.

“…Does holding you like this help or make it worse?”

Shadow thought for a moment. Once again, he knew in the past he would have hated the closeness, the caging, the restraint of any nature; but now, with the way Sonic’s presence settled him, it made him feel grounded in a way he could anchor himself to. Perhaps even, enough not to be lost to the storm in his mind.

“It helps,” he said quietly. “Don’t stop?”

Sonic nodded and readjusted his hold to make it more comfortable for them both, letting Shadow settle himself against his chest once more. “Okay. I won’t stop. You wanna lie down?”

Shadow nodded again, and moved to let Sonic find a comfortable position in the grass. Once he had, the hedgehog opened his arms in clear invitation, which Shadow accepted without hesitation, to curl against his chest. Though the ground was cold in the February night, both Mobians seemed comfortable enough to lie for awhile beneath the stars.

“I’m sorry, by the way,” Shadow muttered.

“For what?”

“Today. Earlier. The square. Ruining your plans.”

“Shads…,” Sonic sighed, and the arm he’d wrapped around Shadow’s shoulders tightened a bit. “I told you, there’s nothing to apologize about. That woman way overreacted, way way overreacted. Plus, didn’t you hear what the kid was saying before she ran up?”

Shadow thought back, but in the moment, he had been out of focus. The scene that played afterwards had also distracted him from ruminating much on what the child might have said. He shook his head.

Sonic snorted. “Of course, you wouldn’t remember the most important bit out of the whole night,” he sighed, tone in jest.

Shadow growled even still, as soft a warning as he was capable, and Sonic laughed softly.

“Sorry, sorry, okay, I’ll tell you. He said you were his favorite hero, like, ever. He said your powers were way cool, and your quills were awesome, and that he thought was amazing and badass that you skate on air-blades made of chaos fire-“

“The child did not call me badass, Sonic…”

“Hey, who remembers what, here?” Sonic laughed. He snorted and added, “Fine, fine, but he meant it. Everything else was basically verbatim, though. He looked starstruck when he realized it was you helping him up.”

Shadow felt an odd twist of something in his stomach. “I.. I remember thinking it was odd, when he wasn’t afraid.”

Sonic hummed. “That’s because you’ve got it in your had everyone’s gonna be. I’m not saying you don’t face bigots and assholes, Shads, ‘cause trust me, tonight I got a front row seat to the kind of bullshit you gotta put up just for existing- and honestly? I’m kinda impressed you don’t knock more people’s lights out, just like, day to day, you know?”

“Something something, ‘don’t become the monster they see’, or some other. Therapist’s idea, early on,” Shadow grunted. He didn’t mention that he agreed wholeheartedly, but, well.

It got a snorted laugh out of Sonic, anyway. “Yeah, they’re probably right. Side-note, therapist?” He shifted to look down at the hedgehog cuddled against his chest.

Shadow didn’t look up and just rolled his eyes. “GUN mandated. If I stop going I lose weapons clearance and get taken off active field service.”

“Cause that’s stopped you from doing what you want, before.”

“Rouge and Omega need me in Dark, erizo. I do it for them…”

Sonic hummed and nodded, choosing not to acknowledge the silent and for myself tacked onto the end. He understood Team Dark the way he understand his own team- inseparable, and reliant on one another. All vital parts to the greater whole. “Yeah, faker, I get it.”

Shadow pinned his ears and pushed himself up, propped on a hand planted beside Sonic’s chest. Sonic followed him with his gaze, still lying on the ground with his quills haloed around him, dark sapphire against even darker, muted forest green. “Hm?” the hedgehog hummed, tilting his head in the grass.

The image of that face but as a teenager, those quills but shorter and a shade or so lighter… That face, sneering hatefully, green eyes bright and brow furrowed. ‘I’ll make you eat those words!’ Shadow almost smiled as the voice rang in his head, higher than his Sonic’s now, raspier, too, on the downward slide of lowering to its adult pitch. “I remember the first time you called me that.”

At that, Sonic sat up, eyes wide. Shadow startled, but stayed put, waiting for an explanation at the sudden reaction.

Sonic did not leave him to wait long. “You do? But, you’ve never- you’ve never remembered that before-“

“Or stasis, which I also remembered tonight. Big night for uncovering repressed memories, it seems. Why the shock?” Shadow asked drily, lifting a brow at him. He felt settled enough now to slip back into his usual surly attitude.

Sonic groaned. “Dude! C’mon, my boyfriend doesn’t remember how we first met, or all our first battles, or how we kicked ass in space together, and then suddenly he does?! That’s exciting!” And indeed, Sonic’s eyes had brightened and he was smiling widely.

Shadow tilted his head. “I… don’t remember the space battle. You mean against 01, don’t you? Before I fell?”

Sonic winced, and Shadow covered his hand with his own without even looking, a silent comfort and a reminder he was there and very much alive. The hedgehog recovered, quickly, this his voice broke as he cleared his throat to ask, “Who’s 01? Biolizard?”

“I… did I… call him 01?” Shadow’s brow furrowed and he sat up straighter, wracking his brain. He knew, for a fact, he had never been informed of the Biolizard’s existence while growing up on the ARK; had he ever referred to them as 01 before? By Sonic’s reaction, clearly not. Heard them called that? He supposed it was an easy enough inference to make- he was 02, after all, in a project that contained only two experiments.

Still, the slip gave him pause.

Sonic was looking at him oddly. “Those are designations, right? That GUN gave you? I’ve heard them call you 02 before, something like, PS-02… something. Right?”

Shadow’s ears pinned harshly, nearly folding flat to his head. He fixed his eyes on Sonic, though he wasn’t glaring; his gaze was intense and earnest. “PS 02-Alpha,” he droned, monotoned and almost robotic. “And never call me that again, my name is Shadow.”

Sonic’s eye widened and he wrapped his arms around Shadow’s waist to draw him in again. Shadow only resisted a second, on principle more than anything, before letting himself be pulled closer. “I wasn’t… I didn’t mean to call you anything, Shads, I’m sorry. I’d never call you that, I know the baggage hitched to that designation. You’re right, you are Shadow, way more than some military BS.”

Shadow nodded, and let out the breath tightening his chest, content now that was settled. Sonic leaned back with a grin and nodded back towards their place on the ground, an invitation to continue their cuddling.

But honestly? Shadow was exhausted. He had had more complete breakdowns that day alone than the first week after the first Black Arms invasion, and that had brought on enough mental and emotional misery itself. This was somehow more, and he felt drained and in desperate need of his bed.

And maybe alcohol. But definitely his own bed.

“If it’s alright, Sonic, I think… I’m tired. I know there are, certain.. expectations, around this holiday, but, I…” He shook his head and looked to Sonic.

Sonic smiled patiently. “Hey, I get it, right? No worries,” he assured, and stood, offering a hand to Shadow as he did. Shadow took it graciously, his legs stiff from the cold ground despite how he had been able to ignore it before. “And I never expect sex from you, just so you know. I’m always excited as hell for it when it happens, but, it’s never an obligation, okay?”

He had said this so openly, so earnestly, that Shadow couldn’t help the small smile that pulled at his lips. He leaned leaned, laying a hand on Sonic’s jaw as he did, and kissed him again. It lasted longer than anticipated, and when Shadow broke away, Sonic followed for a breath, still engrossed as he was in his partner’s lips. True to his word, however, he merely smiled, pecked Shadow’s cheek lightly, and took his hand as they walked back to their tree to clean their mess.

They worked in companionable silence, Sonic gathering their trash while Shadow shook out the tarp and folded it neatly. They returned to the Dark Rider, stowed the tarp, and climbed back on for the last ride of the night.

This time, Shadow was more gentle about placing his helmet on Sonic’s head, stealing another kiss before he did.

It was late, past midnight, and few other cars were on the road as they rode back to the coast and Sonic and Tails’ home. Shadow expected all the lights to be off as they neared; after all, Tails was only, what, 15? Surely he should be asleep by now.

Instead, the workshop behind the home was still clearly lit. As they came to a stop and Sonic dismounted, removing the helmet to pass to Shadow, the hedgehog’s eyes kept darting to its light. There was concern written across his face.

“Didn’t realize how much of a night owl the fox was,” Shadow mused.

Sonic hummed and folded his ears. “He’s always up late, but, usually he’s at least winding down by now. I’ll go.. check on him. We need to talk, anyway.” He looked back to Shadow and smiled; it was forced at first, concern for his brother clearly taking the forefront of his mind for a moment, before it settled into something more genuine and soft.

Shadow smiled back and stepped forward, setting a hand gently against Sonic’s chest, thumb idly tracing the edge of the dark navy jack he wore beneath his scarf. Shadow felt a bloom of something uncharacteristically shy, and pinned his ears as he looked down.

Sonic laughed softly. He tipped Shadow’s chin up with a crooked finger and leaned in to kiss him, drawing him close with an arm around his waist. Shadow hummed and settled immediately into the embrace, wrapping his own arms loosely around Sonic’s neck to hold him closer. Even with Shadow in his heeled boots, Sonic had to bend a bit to make the kiss more comfortable for his shorter partner.

Heat curled in Shadow’s belly and zipped up his spine, making the fur on his arms lift subtly. He remembered his admission in the field to not being up for their usual activities that night, but if Sonic had made the suggestion now, he wasn’t sure he’d able to resist. Trails of heat followed in the wake of Sonic’s hands gripping his waist, slipping down just over his hips and migrating slowly back and down, one hand cupping his ass, the otherteasing the base of Shadow’s tail-

Thankfully, Sonic seemed to have the clearer head, that night. He hummed and broke their kiss with a soft gasp, pulling back his hands, peppering a few more chaste kisses on Shadow’s cheeks until the hybrid was a giggling mess in his arms, then one more to his lips before releasing him and stepping back. He wore a sideways grin and his eyes were almost glassy, clearly he had been close to giving in, as well.

Apart, Shadow felt his exhaustion return, and he was glad Sonic had the strength for both of them to resist, that night. There was always other nights, after all, and memories to keep warm with, should he get the urge as he dozed off later. “Well,” Shadow began, ears pinning. “Uh… goodnight?”

They hadn’t done this part before, this parting. Normally it was hasty, either in the wee hours or after waking up in the morning to the realization that they had fallen asleep while blissed out of their minds the previous night. But this felt… different, somehow.

More official. It was the end of a date, and it was brand sparkling new territory.

Sonic shifted foot to foot and grinned, lopsidedly again. “I, yeah, I guess.. Goodnight, Shadow. I had a good time? Which, I don’t mean to sound shocked by, but, you know, even with all the chaos…”

Shadow smiled and nodded. “I understand… and, I feel the same.”

Sonic’s grin grew brighter. It made Shadow’s stomach do funny flips, again. “Great! That’s… so… um, what we talked about, at Tsunami…?”

Shadow’s ears perked, but he successfully beat back the anxiety budding in his chest. He nodded for Sonic to continue.

Sonic swallowed and continued, nodding to himself as if to encourage his own voice along. “I just, I mean… is it okay, to, you know… tell people? That, that we’re official?”

Official… Shadow fought the excited smile that threatened to split his face the way no smile had in actual decades. Sonic caught glimpses of it in the way Shadow bit his lip, and it made his own all the more bright. Shadow nodded. “Yes,” he breathed. “Yes, I, I think I’d be okay with that.”

Sonic shook, and unable to contain himself, laughed and jumped and did a small twirl in the air. It got a laugh out of Shadow, too, which made Sonic shake harder.

“Okay!” the hedgehog said at length, and jumped back. “Okay! For real this time, right? ‘Cause I gotta talk to my little bro, and you gotta go get some sleep. ‘Night, Shads.”

“Goodnight, Sonic.”

With that Shadow slipped back on his helmet and mounted the Dark Rider once more. Sonic was still watching him, so he flipped up his visor to give him a questioning look.

Caught staring, Sonic’s face flushed. “Just, uh…,” he stammered, ears folding. “..Tell me when you get home, okay? G’night, bye~!”

And he was gone, racing into the house, dust trail behind him he had kicked up under his high tops. Shadow snorted; maybe it was his own rosy-hued mood that night, but he swore some of the puffs of dust were in the shape of Valentine hearts.

He flipped his visor back down. Enough of that, he chided himself, grinning and shaking his head. It wasn’t a long ride home, but he could make it even shorter- he revved the Dark Rider and sped off, making sure to put on a burst of speed as he peeled away.

Just in case certain besotted blue hedgehogs might be watching from their front doors.

—- —- —- —- —-

Sonic let out a shaky breath, falling back against the front door as he shut it behind him. He hadn’t been able to resist watching Shadow take off on his motorcycle; really, it had no business being as damn fucking sexy as it was, seeing him handle that thing, and yet it had Sonic’s legs weak as jello beneath him.

He hummed and hugged himself, biting his lip and wriggling in delight. Boyfriends. They were boyfriends, him and Shadow. He slid down the door, dopey grin still on his face and his stomach full of butterflies.

By all accounts, that date should have gone down as a disaster. They were kicked out of the restaurant for actually no reason, Shadow nearly had a Chaos meltdown outside in the middle of the square after discovering Knuckles and Rouge had seen the whole ordeal, and the mess had even resulted in painful flashbacks for the hybrid to memories he hadn’t recalled since they’d first been laid down. A disaster, by all definitions, and yet…

Sonic couldn’t shake that warm fluttering in his chest. He set his head back against the door. Oh… oh he might just even say he was in lo-

“Woah, pump the breaks-,” Sonic breathed aloud, freezing suddenly. They’d only just made it official that night, was he really already thinking the ‘L’ word? He swallowed thickly.

Then again… it didn’t scare him, the way he thought it was supposed to. It did nothing to tame the butterflies, or mute the floaty feeling in his limbs, or slow his racing heart. It didn’t put out the fire in his belly every time he thought of Shadow, of his mind, his heart, his body, every inch of him-

“Alright, alright, no, nope, no, we are not getting worked up right now, shit to do…”

He took a steadying breath and forced himself to his feet. Right, no more thinking about Shadow, or his handsome face, or his sexy voice, or the small smiles he only gives people who manage to make it close to his crazy-guarded heart; or how that heart was guarded up so tight because of all that he’d been though, but damnit, he was still standing…

Sonic shook his head. It did very little to dispel the mutinous thoughts of Shadow and his strength and courage and heroic spirit- Chaos, he was lost, wasn’t he? Sonic groaned as he slipped out of his scarf and jacket, hanging them by the door. He let out a deep breath.

No more, date night was over, great success, he had a boyfriend now. Officially. That he could tell people all about in the morning. For now, though…

He turned and looked towards the back door through the kitchen. For now, his little brother needed his undivided attention.

“Gotta let it work itself out,” he said, repeating much the same advice he’d given Shadow that night. He took the first of many reluctant steps towards the door, and finally out of it. “Can’t just keep kicking this can down the road…”

The revelation Knuckles had dropped on him the day before rang out in his had. Tails had heard his… electric night, with Shadow. After all the care Sonic had taken to ensure Tails wasn’t anywhere near, the one time he had brought Shadow over to the house for their… meet-ups. And it hadn’t even occurred to Sonic that the gig had already been up before it had even begun.

It wasn’t that he was upset Tails knew he and Shadow were together, tenuous though it was until tonight. No, he sure most of Mobius had some inkling, even if they hadn’t technically made anything official; after all, Rouge had known almost immediately, as did Knuckles. For the same reasons that apparently Tails knew…

Yeah, Sonic had probably fucked up more than he wanted to think about, with this one.

The workshop door was left open, Tails infected with the same bug as Sonic about needing the open, natural breeze nearby at all times. Sonic couldn’t hear any equipment going off; even still, he knew he’d find his brother inside.

And find him he did. Tails was at a table away from the door, goggles on but pushed up on top of his head, making his fringe stand up more than usual. He was fiddling with something, twin tails twisting behind him as he worked on what looking like some sort of motherboard component.

Sonic stood in the doorway for a while. A long while. Long enough that Tails eventually stopped and looked back at him with a raised brow.

It wasn’t that they weren’t talking, they were. It was just that… it was different. Tails so often looked like he had questions on his mind that the wouldn’t say, things he wanted to add but didn’t. It wasn’t like him to keep secrets, but, here he was. Holding back.

And here was Sonic, so painfully uncertain of himself, doing the same.

“… Hey, buddy.”

Tails blinked and turned, the high stool he sat on spinning as he pushed himself around to face his brother. He wore no gloves, though with the brother that had all but raised him (and in truth, Sonic had actually done that, too-) it didn’t really matter. No more tech to fiddle with, Tails instead clasped his hands in his laps, brown and white with their pink pads wringing one another anxiously.

Yeah. Yeah, Sonic felt like the world’s worst big-brother-slash-adoptive-parent ever, right about now. He really should have noticed this sooner, or at least been willing to accept what his better judgement had been trying to tell him for the last month and a half. He only hoped it wouldn’t take him as long to repair the chronic damage.

He walked into the workshop and looked around. There was a chill near the entrance, though he noted his brother at least had a heater going under the table top, so he was hopefully warmer near the side. Plus his winter coat. Sonic was regretting shedding his jacket so soon.

He was stalling, and he knew it. Tails was watching him with lowered, wary eyes. Something deep in Sonic’s demented soul thought it was funny for a fox to be looking at a hedgehog like prey before a hunter, but, he stowed that dark joke away for another time. Or never.

Still stalling. Enough. “Tails, bud, can we talk?”

Tails slipped off his stool and hugged his arms around himself. He nodded. “Yeah, uh, sure,” he began, but his voice was stilted and awkward.

Sonic sighed and moved across the workshop. He had been right, it was warmer on this side, and he fluffed his own coat in relief as the chill dissipated. He knelt before his brother (something he realized with a jolt was fast becoming unnecessary, wow, the kid was really knocking the shit out of these growth spurts-) and looked up at him with wide eyes.

“Tails, bud, I… look, Knuckles told me about some stuff, that happened on New Year’s, and I just wanna say I’m, I’m real sorry you had to-“

“Stop,” Tails said, and waved a hand, his nose scrunching for a moment before he walked off, tufted ears pinning in discomfort. Sonic blinked and, suddenly kneeling before no one, stood to follow his brother.

“Alright, look, I get it, you heard some stuff. I can answer any questions you have, alright? We don’t have to make this weird-“

“You already made it weird,” Tails groaned, grabbed his working gloves from a different bench and pulling them on. A sign he was truly uncomfortable, covering his hands.

Sonic blew. “How? C’mon, talk to me, please, you want me to beg? You know I’ll do it, I’ll drop down and beg right now-“

“Just stop it!” the fox snarled, as Sonic was about to do just as he threatened and fall to his knees.

Sonic froze. To be fair, so did Tails- the fox had never snapped at his brother, ever, not since their first evening together when he had, quite literally, been in full animal survival mode as an abused little kit. Since that one instance, not so much as a raised voice… until now.

Sonic looked like he’d been burned, hands withdrawing back slowly like he was trying to defend himself. Tails tried to follow the look with something stormy, but he couldn’t manage it, and only looked unsure.

The fox dropped his gaze, ears folding. In a defeated voice, he said, “Just… stop trying to act like this is normal, please?”

Sonic’s ears pinned. “… Talk to me, then. Why are things not feeling normal, tell me how to fix it…”

Tails crossed his arms and leaned back against his workbench, still not meeting Sonic’s gaze. “I can, but you can’t fix it. And I wouldn’t ask you too, because that would be selfish, and I know it.”

Sonic stayed silent, uncharacteristic for himself; or, at least, who he was now. He gave Tails space to speak.

Realizing Sonic wasn’t going to fill the air for him, Tails sighed. “I’m guessing the thing Knuckles told you about was me… hearing you and… him. I don’t care about that. I-I mean,” he started, look of startled disgust over his features that would have almost been comical, if Sonic’s heart wasn’t clenching in his chest, “Don’t get me wrong, I never want to hear anything like that again, from anyone, but least of all my brother-… But, that’s not what’s bothering me.”

Sonic swallowed and, shoving down the awkwardness he felt at the admission, nodded slowly. “Okay… so, what is it, then?”

“You’re… with him. Like, it wasn’t just… one time. And you were with him tonight, too, weren’t you?”

Sonic blinked and tilted his head. “I.. Shadow? Y-yeah, Tails, I… we’re… kinda a… thing. Like… officially.”

Tails looked like he’d been kicked. He stared at Sonic with horror in his eyes. “What?!” His twin tails bushed and his ears stood straight.

Sonic reeled back. “Yeah, like, as of tonight, I.. I wanted you to be the first one I told, you know?”

“Why’s that?” Tails growled, ears pinning again and pupils narrowing to slits. There was caged animal look again. Was this what fox puberty looked like?

Sonic shook his head and stood taller, quills raising defensively. “Uh, I don’t know, because you’re my brother? And my best friend? And this is a really, really big deal for me? Maybe that’s why?”

Tails huffed and rolled his eyes, and yeah, Sonic was definitely going with fox puberty. It didn’t make the rejection sting any less. His brother looked away, composing himself, before looking back to the hedgehog. “You really don’t know why that bothers me?”

Sonic shook his head, eyes narrowed in some attempt to look stern, though he only came across as desperate and a little angry. The best he could muster against his brother.

Tails met his eyes. For the first time, Sonic realized… he didn’t know what his brother was trying to communicate. Not that he didn’t understand his techno-babble, or the complicated mechanics he was trying to explain, but that his brother was so clearly trying to convey some deeper meaning to him, and he just…

He wasn’t getting it.

And maybe that came through for Tails, maybe he could understand Sonic, and maybe he had decided to take mercy. Or maybe he was just tired of waiting for his brother to catch up.

“It bothers me that it’s him.”

Sonic blinked. “…What.” He tilted his head. The word was a question, but the tone he asked it in was not. “You… don’t like Shadow?”

“No, I don’t have a problem with Shadow, in general. My problem is I don’t… I don’t trust him with… with you…” His face flushed at that and he crossed his arms defensively over his chest.

Sonic did a series of complicated mental gymnastics, trying like hell to follow his brother’s logic. Tails knew he wasn’t straight, he’d lived through the Dark Years of Sonic bringing home a string of poorly chosen trysts, sometimes back to back, without so much more than an exasperated roll of his eyes and a fond snort at his brother’s sheepish grin as John/Jane-Doe-of-the-Moment made their awkward exit stage left in the morning.

So it wasn’t the gay thing. Which felt like a silly thought, anyhow, but Sonic was really wracking his brain here.

Sonic shook his head. “Help me, Tails, please, I’m trying hard, man, but… why? We do missions with Dark all the time these days, and me and Shadow run solos even. Granted, those in the past usually end up in a fight, but, hey, we always come through in the end and pull off the big hero shit! What’s not to like about him?”

Tails lifted himself onto the bench, hands fidgeting in his lap and tails still flicking anxiously. His ears had not lifted, and his eyes were unsure. “I don’t know, maybe it’s all the times the guy’s tried to cave my skull in with his giant metal rocket boots? Could be a pretty good reason.”

Sonic winced and nodded slowly. “Okay… granted. Definitely some bad blood, I guess, yeah, fair. But! If it makes you feel any better, he’s done way worse to me, and we’ve moved past it!” His eyes were wide and earnest, hands throw out and trying to convey the gravity of wha the felt in the moment. Something in him hoped it was as simple as Tails needing a reminder of perspective, but Tails’ next admission dashed his hopes.

“And that is my even bigger issue, right there,” the fox said, pointing at his brother as he did. “Shadow’s a great ally now, but this isn’t the first time he’s behaved, right? Only to turn on us when it as convenient for him, or his loyalties changed. I mean, how long will this last, really? Before he finds some reason to be at our throats again? At your throat, that you’re leaving wide open?”

Sonic pulled himself up to sit beside Tails, legs dangling from the bench top. His hands gripped the surface on either side of himself, head down and contemplating the floor. Tails made a good point in that Shadow had a history of getting… mixed up. But that was just it, it was always when his head had been scrambled, and all of it had happened not long after he’d either been pulled from stasis, or had been recovering from a literal fall to the surface from above the stratosphere. But Sonic didn’t know how to word it to make it sound like he was anything but a delusional, lovesick fool.

Because he knew that right now, he was exactly that.

Finally, he took a steadying breath, and replied, “I trust Shadow. He’s been through hell more times than once, and every big bad in the galaxy at some point has tried to mess with his head, ‘cept maybe the Time Eater, who was a little busy messin’ with my head back then. But he’s always come home, Tails, always come back when we needed him.” Sonic had more he wanted to say about Shadow. So much more. He wanted to smile and squeal and tell Tails every mushy, gushy thought that’s ever popped in his head over the hybrid. He wanted to tell him how giddy he felt when Shadow agreed to be official, that night, and how touched he was when the hybrid trusted him enough to let Sonic see him even his most vulnerable moments.

But now wasn’t the time for that, and he knew all those things were the last things Tails wanted to hear.

Tails shook his head and leaned forward, forcing Sonic to look his way. “You don’t see it, do you? Fine, then let me tell you what I see happening. One of three scenarios is playing out: one, he’s tricking you for some purpose I haven’t figured out yet; two, he’s delusional and your delusional, and both of you are headed for disaster with your eyes closed; three, he knows what he’s doing, doesn’t care about the consequences, and you are still delusional.” He counted off his fingers as he listed.

Sonic considered these options for a long moment, turning from his brother and back to the floor, hands in his lap. Tails was deflating the longer he sat, the stern confidence he had exuded before shriveling.

Finally, Sonic nodded slowly. He looked up, straight ahead, and sat up, back like a rod. “So, basically, in all above scenarios… I’m a stupid fucking moron, right?” His hands turned to fists in his lap.

Tails shrank. “I.. I didn’t mean- I just, I just mean you trust easy, and, and someone like Shadow-“

“Someone like Shadow, what? Is waiting in the wings to take advantage of the the simple-minded village idiot? Because I’m too stupid to know when I’m being used?”

Tails shrank further, and yet further still when Sonic turned to him. Sonic tried to inject some kind of anger in his gaze, something to convey what he felt, but all he could do was… hurt. It bubbled up from within him, and he couldn’t keep it from his eyes.

Couldn’t hide it from letting Tails’ see. To his frustration, it boiled over, until he felt his eyes mist- it was humiliating, and Sonic had never let Tails see him cry before, over anything, but this… this felt big.

“You wanna be mad at someone for all that, everything Shadow’s done to earn your mistrust? Be mad me, the guy who wasn’t quick enough and let him fall, a fall that led to him to resetting and having to learn everything about who he was and what it meant to be a good person all over again. But don’t… don’t be mad at him. The world’s already doing the for you. If you’d seen the shit I saw today, what he has to put up with, and the grace he still carries through it all…” Sonic shook his head as his voice faded.

He tried, he really did, to steel himself. But he felt the emotion growing, everything bubbling up, and the misting of his eyes grew heavy. He couldn’t tamp it back down, hide it away where it belonged. He couldn’t stop, so instead, he stood, and headed for the door.

Tails was on his feet in an instant and charging after his brother. “Sonic, wait, please-“

Sonic stopped at the door, hoping the cold air hitting his face would dry his mutinous eyes. He blamed the whirlwind of a day for his slipping control. “I need a minute, buddy, can you give me that?” he said, voice creaking as he pled. His fists tightened until he felt his short-clipped claws nearly digging into his palms through his gloves. “I… I didn’t mean that I thought you.. I know you’re smart, even if you leave the techno stuff to me, I, I never meant to imply you weren’t I just… I just don’t want to see you get hurt, again…”

Sonic turned at that and furrowed his brow. “What do you mean, again? Bud, what…?”

Tails’ eyes were wet now, too, and Sonic’s widened. The fox snarled, just as upset at his own display of emotion as Sonic had been at his, and swiped at his own face as he sniffed. “You think your the only one that has nightmares about the ARK? About failing, not being good enough? Screwing up, and getting someone killed?”

Sonic deflated. The image of a his brother, younger than he was now, in the X-Tornado’s mech variant flashed before his eyes. The image was distorted through old, warped glass, but he could see the terror all the same, as clearer as he could back then. He felt the fear he’d known in the moment creep down his spine and steal his breath; he had survived, but it wasn’t assured at the time, and certainly to Amy and his brother watching the horror play out in front of them it had appeared very much like he hadn’t. “Tails, buddy… I didn’t die, I’m right here- I, your- your emerald save my butt, remember? It was such a good dupe, I could even Chaos control with it! Hey, c’mere-“

Tails hiccoughed and tried to push Sonic away, but even if he was gaining height on the hedgehog quickly, he still wasn’t quite big enough yet to overpower him. Sonic wrapped him up in a tight embrace, holding him close until the kit’s weak attempts at distance quieted, as though afraid Tails would disappear in his arms if he let go.

Tails broke and buried his face in his brother’s chest. “And- and he was there, with Chaos with Metal with Zavok-“ The fox cried harder. Fifteen.. definitely old enough for puberty, but also still so very much a child…

Sonic cried with him. They had never talked about… any of that. Either of them. With anyone, as far as Sonic knew, but especially not with each other. The ARK, the 6 months Sonic was just… gone. And maybe that been all Sonic’s fault, too, too hopeful it was all stuff that could be easily swept under the rug. No need to remind his brother of things in the past that shouldn’t matter now, right?

If the sobbing teenager crumbling to pieces in his arms was anything to go by, he had made a huge miscalculation.

“Hey, hey, look at me, kiddo,” Sonic said, trying to smile, though it was a wet and wobbly thing. Tails pulled back to look at his brother, still trying to quiet his own hushed sobs. “That was Infinite, remember? That was- that was an illusion. I know, because when that same illusion tried to start Round 2 after I was already weak from that run in me and Silver had with the jackal, you know what happened?”

Tails sniffed and shook his head.

“The real Shadow showed up and kicked his clone’s ass for me,” Sonic said, smiling through tears. “Probably woulda been right back in Egghead’s grasp or worse, if not for him, you know?”

Tails wiped at his face again and took a few halted breaths. “…He… He did all that?”

Sonic laughed wetly and nodded. “Yeah! And there’s other times, too, more than I can even remember. Shadow’s more than made up for what he’s done, bud- I.. I just hope you can see that, some day, like I do…”

Tails swallowed thickly and dropped his gaze. He pinned his ears harshly and Sonic recognized the look of shame across his features. “I… I just, I don’t… I don’t ever want to lose you, Sonic…” His voice was thick with unshed tears, and Sonic pulled him in again to a tight hug.

“You won’t, bud… cross my heart, okay? Just… give it some time, and you’ll see what I mean. Shadow’s… Shadow’s more than meets the eyes, you know? He’s not the hog you think he is- he sure wasn’t the hedgehog I thought I knew, at first.”

Tails hiccoughed again, and Sonic felt him nod miserably where he was tucked again his neck. Muffled by Sonic’s fur, he said, “I’m… I’m glad you’re happy, please don’t… don’t think I’m not, I’m just.. just…” A fresh wave of tears came soon after.

Sonic nodded. “I know, bud, I know… everything’ll be okay, I promise…” He rubbed Tails’ back as he used to do for the kit during thunderstorms. He understood.

The ARK incident had changed all of them, in different ways. It brought Shadow into their lives, for better and for worse, at times, which Sonic wasn’t so love-blind he couldn’t admit. It had been one of his earliest tastes of mortality, both of his own and his friends’. It had been the catalyst to the massive memory reset Shadow endured, the aftershocks of which still echoed in him to this day.

It would make sense Tails still carried baggage from that trip, locked away, sealed up in his mind. It had been the first of an unfortunately recurring theme of Tails watching Sonic die (or, almost die, rather-), and Sonic cursed himself in his head for not seeing how that would mess with the kit’s head eventually.

He drew back again and put on one of his famous smiles, one that made Tails almost smile back at him, and nodded towards the house. “Hey, I’m not super sleepy right now, so, whaddya say we go make some of that chocolate popcorn you like so much and maybe put on something while we cook? One of your shows?”

Tails laughed breathlessly. “Chocolate popcorn and anime? At nearly 2 AM?”

“Sure! Why not? What, your mom gonna come yell at us for staying up past curfew?” the hedgehog teased.

Tails’s grin returned, as did his laugh. “Yeah, she’s catching a ride with your’s,” he replied weakly.

Sonic ruffled his brother’s fringe and pulled him alway towards their home. “C’mon, then we better get moving if we wanna get a batch done before they get here,” he laughed. He slung an arm around his shoulder as they walked, hugging Tails close. There was still so much to be said, and he knew it, but he also knew they both needed time to figure out what really needed saying.

And time was something Sonic had plenty of to give his little brother. All the time he needed. All the time in the world. And at the end of it all, he had to have faith than his brother would come to see Shadow in a similar light to himself.

“Hey, Sonic…?”

“Yeah, little buddy?”

“…You know you’re supposed to spend Valentine’s with your partner, right? Not making popcorn with your little brother?”

“Pfft, when’s tradition even dictated squat to me? ‘Sides, Shads needed to turn it, it’s been a long day for us both. And my little brother needed me, and like I’ve always told you- I’ll always be there when you need me.”

Part 2 of Holiday Hogs First < Prev | Next >

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kitimeq · 4 months ago

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ੈ✩‧₊˚we can’t be friends 🤍 xavier 星回 ੈ✩‧₊˚

RE-UPLOAD! The original post didn’t show up in the tags, sorry for the confusion :c

pairing ੈ✩: xavier x reader

summary ੈ✩: you and xavier had been best friends for years, nearly inseparable since the moment you met. But after one slightly drunken night, everything shifted: you became friends with benefits. You told yourself you could handle it, but as time went on, your heart began to ache. You had to end it, for your own sake. You were in love with him, but you couldn't shake the painful truth: you believed he’d never feel the same. Still, what if, all this time, while you were trying to push him away, he was quietly hoping to show you how perfect you two were together?

word count ੈ✩: 12k. omg. it’s LONG, long. grab some snacks and let me entertain you for a while!!

tropes ੈ✩: 18+, smut, best friends with benefits, miscommunication, unrequited love, not really tho, angst, angst with happy ending, plot with porn, love confessions, needy xavier, obsessed xavier, domestic xavier, i suck at giving tropes i swear i will get better someday, desperate xavier, everything is consensual, the consumption of alcohol mentioned, pet names, xavier was once in love with mc but the myths are not canon in this one!!

author’s note ੈ✩: GUYS this one’s IT. This idea was blooming slowly in my mind for quite some time. I really hope you’ll like it 🥹 also, please be gentle with me, i’m not a native speaker of english and I’m definitely not a writer. I like to think that everything i create is just fueled by my passionate delulu. please let me know if you liked it and if maybe you’d like to read part 2!! ♡ enjoy your reading!!

!!do NOT read if you’re not 18+!!

ੈ✩‧₊˚

It all started with the simplest of touches.

Your hands grazed, as if by accident. Then your eyes met. He grabbed you by your forearm, or maybe you grabbed him, everything was so blurry in your mind. A touch on a waist, a hand on a chest, and a sudden clash of your lips. You saw fireworks exploding in your mind, sending pleasant thrumming throughout your whole body.

Desperate touches. Rapid breaths. A whisper, maybe two. He said something. What did he say? The sound of your heart was the only thing you could hear.

Your dress came off. You felt lips. Lips marking every part of your body, leaving behind wet paths that made the exposed skin shiver due to the coolness of the air. He went down. Down. Down, and looked at you expectantly. Your head never nodded that quickly and it probably never will again. You saw stars. Millions and millions of them, shimmering under your closed eyelids. He grabbed your hand and put it into his hair. You caressed it gently, savoring the softness of it.

Then, you saw his eyes. Beautiful, deep blues that looked far too innocent for what he did and what he was about to do with you next. He kissed you again and again, and again, and he held you close throughout the whole night, making you shiver, moan, cry, beg — until you fell asleep from exhaustion right in the safety of his arms. He turned your world upside down.

And then came the next morning, when you began to question the entire ordeal. You panicked, thinking about your friendship that you valued the most and Xavier, whom you just couldn’t bear to lose. However, when you wanted to put it past you, to blame the alcohol consumed that night, act as if it was just a slip of your judgment, a mistake, a reaction caused by the need of intimacy after being single for a long time, he wasn’t having it. He said that he couldn’t forget about it, that it changed things, and you blurted out the first thing that came into your mind. You proposed the whole arrangement.

And that’s how, after several months, your relationship with Xavier stayed clear and technically uncomplicated. Friends with benefits. You thought that even if that night did change things, then in this way you could act as if it wasn’t a big deal to you. In this way, you wouldn’t have to lose him, wouldn’t make things awkward. You still acted normally in front of each other, you continued to spend time in almost the same way you were before that faithful night, but with one drastic change.

Almost every encounter since that night ended with you in his bed or the other way around. Hours and hours spent in each other’s embrace, touching and feeling too much, all at once.

And said feelings were what made you finally decide that you couldn’t do this anymore. You couldn’t continue sharing with him this intimacy, pretending that everything between you remained unchanged. You couldn’t do this anymore, knowing that it was all that you’ll ever get from him, despite being in love with him for so long.

You knew that he would never reciprocate your feelings. You knew that from the beginning, from the very first touch of your fingertips that night, but you foolishly thought that having him close for as long as he wanted you, would be enough for you. Even if he wanted you only for your body, because you were the easiest choice.

However, your heart was breaking every time you were reminded of one significant fact, a harsh reality that felt like a bucket of cold water in your face.

He will never love you. Because you were not her.

And you will never be.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

You already had a strategy to end the arrangement. You wanted to take it slow, step by step, with just a bit of pain on your side. You knew it wasn't your best plan, but it was a plan nonetheless. You wanted to end the friends-with-benefits arrangement in a way that would make you both slowly, almost naturally, drift apart—so subtly that he wouldn't even notice the change. As for you, you were ready to bear the painful consequences of your actions, if it saved you from the excruciating pain of a broken heart later.

You started with avoiding his kisses.

And it turned out to be a tough job to do, because you didn’t realize before how much of a kisser Xavier became during your friends-with-benefits situation. It never really bothered you before, you always accepted every single kiss with content. However, during your last meeting, you were trying so hard to avoid his lips, and noticed that he made it into an almost impossible task.

When you went out one night, he wanted to kiss you three times during hot pot, even though you were sitting across from each other. You thought that the sitting situation was enough of an obstacle, but you quickly learned that he always somehow managed to find a chance to try to steal a kiss. That not only bewildered you, but also made you blush so hard that you had to blame the spicy food for it to not look suspicious. Yet, you managed to stay your ground and ignored his needy attempts at capturing your lips.

You also avoided his lips while you were later watching a movie in his apartment, by pretending that you didn’t see or feel his constant gaze on you. You thought that maybe if he saw that the movie engaged you so much, he would finally drop the attempts. Unfortunately, your plan failed the moment his patience thinned, when he started kissing your neck while cradling your body to his. He was grabbing at you almost desperately and you really couldn’t escape from every single kiss he was giving you, no matter how much you tried to. And you really tried to.

“Why—why are you turning your face away? A-Ah… Let me look at y-you—mmm.” He said between his moans, and he never once stopped thrusting inside you. It was the day when he took you on a sofa between his soft, plushy pillows with the movie still playing in the background. Your legs were laying on his shoulder, his both hands holding onto them tightly while his hips thrust deep inside you, making you gasp in pleasure. When you didn’t respond and kept your head away, hoping that he would finally stop with his relentless kisses, his hand gently grabbed your face and turned it towards his so that your eyes met. He smiled softly, his cheeks pink and face damp. “Yes, there you are. You feel good? You wanna break?” He almost slurred and you adored how quickly he was loosing himself with you, how much he was losing his composure. When you squeezed your eyes, moaning at a harder thrust and shook your head no, he whimpered. Next thing you knew, he lowered your legs onto the sofa and lay between them, bringing his body closer to yours. Your chests touched and you could feel his rapid heartbeat, mirroring the rhythm of your own. He nudged your head, which was still turned to the side, with his nose.

“Give me a kiss, c’mon, starlight.” He kissed your cheek, slowing down his thrusts to a lazy, delicate ones. “I couldn’t get a kiss all day, I need it. Let me.” And when you saw his eyes, full of desperation and something that reminded you of adoration, you couldn’t keep denying him. Your lips touched his and he didn’t let go of them until you came, and later when he began growling straight into your mouth, chasing his own undoing.

It was the last time you met up, and after that you decided that you had to cut it off completely. You couldn’t continue being with him like this, not when you knew that he already loved someone else. Being with him this close messed with your head. You didn’t want to feel like a convenient second choice and you couldn’t help but feel that your meetings were slowly becoming more and more intimate. You had to constantly remind yourself that you weren’t together. You made sure to label the change in your relationship properly at the start of the arrangement — still on friendly terms, with occasional mutual pleasure. But the close proximity and constant intimacy started to make the lines blurry in your mind.

And your heart couldn’t take it anymore, it hurt every time you reminded yourself that he didn’t reciprocate your feelings, and that he never will.

After that movie night you decided that the next step to your goal would be to stop engaging in small talk with him, especially the one that occurred at work.

You worked together at the Hunter’s Association, he was one of the best Hunters out there, and you specialized in weapon modification from the safety of your own desk. You wanted to be a hunter once, but with your Evol involving micromodification you guessed that you could be needed in a position that involved working with weaponry. After working there for years, you were passionate about your work and elated to have a job you loved and where you thrived while helping others to the best of your abilities.

Thus, because of the shared place of employment, you saw Xavier almost every day. He was often near your desk, passing by it, putting snacks before you or teasing you with that soft smile of his. So, cutting the contact out there was one of the toughest jobs for you, but it had to be done.

When you knew that he would be free, you found a task that needed completion in other departments, so that you will not cross paths. Often, instead of others coming to you to fix their weapons, you proposed to make the trip instead. In this way you were always quick on your feet, going from department to department, back to the workshop and again to the others’ desks. You didn’t mind the extra activity, it made you think less about your breaking heart.

And when Xavier managed to catch you from time to time, because he always somehow would, you were trying to appear too busy even for a small conversation.

“Where are you rushing off to again? I didn’t manage to talk to you these past few days.” He said one day when he caught you by your elbow while you were going out of the bathroom. He must’ve seen you go in there and wait for you to come out. He brought you a little closer to himself and looked at your face so intently, that you got scared he could see right through you.

“Sorry Xai, I’m just really busy lately.” You answered, maybe too quickly, and were trying to calm your beating heart upon seeing him so close again. Too close. It didn’t help that he was in his hunter’s uniform, that made him look twice as dreamy. You were so close that you could also smell his comforting scent and see the small scar on his cheek that he got last year after you two tried ice skating for the first time.

The first and the last, for it appeared that you were much better at it than he would ever be, and you wanted to avoid him getting hurt again. It was also before your friends-with-benefits situation, when your friendship was pure and healthy. Your heart squeezed remembering how he grabbed your hand then, and how tightly he used to hold it throughout the whole activity.

“Xavier, are you sure you don’t want to go back home already? I’m afraid that your cut will scar if we leave it like that.” You said, looking at the band aid on his cheek, the only remedy for his small injury that you could provide at that time.

He squeezed your hand and still appeared sheepish after his fall. You secretly found him adorable, you never saw him doing something in which he didn’t excel in. It was as if he let you see a part of himself that no one had ever seen before. That thought made your chest warmer.

“No. I won’t let the ice defeat me.” He said surely and you knew that he won’t give up, even if his legs already visibly trembled from exhaustion. You let out a sigh. “Besides, you’re holding my hand now, so I feel much safer.” He looked at you, his voice soft and cheeks red, most likely from the cold air. Seeing him in such a vulnerable state made you completely overcome by the feeling of tenderness, and you send him a huge smile, thinking that it was the first time he relied on your protection, and not the other way around.

Little did you know that this smile would catch him by surprise so much that he slipped backwards, this time pulling you down with him. However, your reflexes slightly worked, because you managed to put your hand behind his head, shielding it from the impact with ice. You landed on him with a groan as his hands moved to pull your body closer.

“Oh god, Xai, are you okay? How did that happen?” You asked him, trying to lift yourself off of him. You felt him relax his head further into your hand, and when you raised yourself enough to face him directly, he sent you a wide smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners. This sight made your heart melt.

“See, I knew you would protect me.” He replied, clearly referring to your hand behind his head. “My little savior.” He called you, and when you puffed the air out, annoyed that he could have hurt himself for real this time, his smile turned into a full laugh, his body shaking under yours. He looked so angelic, covered in snow, laughing in a way that was so scarce that you couldn’t help but join him in his moment of happiness.

And thanks to your mittens, your hand was left with only a purple bruise from the impact. Still, Xavier couldn’t let you forget about it up to the day it disappeared completely, expressing guilt for the minor injury, his sight chasing your hand every time it appeared in his line of vision. He often caressed it softly with his fingers, looking at it with a mysteriously thoughtful expression, whispering “My little savior.” under his breath. It made you wish that the bruise would never disappear.

You took a step back, suddenly overwhelmed by the memories and the closeness between you. He always invaded your personal space, stood so close that you could almost feel his breath on your face. This time, you had had to cut it out for your own good.

“S’okay. You’re always busy but I guess I just got used to meeting you near your desk. Just text me after work? Maybe we could meet up for our book club today.” He said and you swallowed the awful feeling of longing in your chest. Book club was the term you came up with when you both just wanted to sit and read together for hours. Unfortunately, you knew how book club sessions looked like since the beginning of your friends-with-benefits arrangement.

You were sitting together in silence, reading for hours, then talked about your books until you both lost your breaths. A wonderful experience, you adored your little reading sessions, but you knew that recently they always ended with his lips on yours, and with your clothes scattered around his bedroom.

You couldn’t let this go on forever. You couldn’t go back to being just friends now, and you couldn’t keep him so close, knowing that he will never fully be yours. You pitied your poor heart.

“Sure, will do. See you around!” You were aware how awkward you sounded, but before he could stop you, you were already off to another task of the day.

You didn’t text him after work, and neither did you reply to his message in time. The next day you send him an excuse that you were tired and fell asleep quickly, and you hoped that he believed it or didn’t care enough to question you further.

If the distance hurt you this bad now, you couldn’t even imagine how would it feel when he eventually would’ve left you for her.

ੈ✩‧₊˚

The next stage of your plan involved not answering his texts at all. You allowed yourself small replies from time to time, most often very brief, if the situation called for it. Replying excuses from left to right. Then, you incorporated not picking up his calls, especially on weekends, when he appeared to want to see you the most, because you were absent from the Association building and he couldn’t catch even a glimpse of you.

The distance you yourself put between you broke your heart, and you were getting more and more depressed by the day. Ignoring the person you loved wasn’t easy, when he was the one with whom you wanted to spend your time the most.

To distract yourself from the situation, you were trying to pass your time differently. You were meeting up with your family and friends, or you started doing things that you were putting off for ages. Everything and anything to fill the void in your heart caused by the absence of the one you loved. The absence forced by you.

It had to be done, you reminded yourself daily. You had to end this somehow, no matter how it hurt you. You had to move on. You couldn’t still be in love with him the day he would end up with MC. You knew it would ruin you.

Three weeks passed since your last meeting at the Association and you could feel that Xavier was getting impatient. His calls were more frequent. His messages longer. Sometimes while running away from him at work, you could catch how he was scanning the room in search of you. How frustrated he seemed to be. How upset.

You understood it. You were best friends after all, and he also probably needed someone near him to help him get his head clear of MC. You knew that it must’ve been hard for him. But you were sure you were doing the right thing, that’s why you kept avoiding him during the past month, and not only it was the longest period you’ve been away from each other since the start of your complicated arrangement, but also the longest time since the start of your friendship. Even when the times were rough, you managed to see each other at least once or twice a week.

You felt the pain of the distance too. Missing him almost every second of the day. But you had your reasons. You didn’t want to try to satiate the hunger he felt for another woman anymore.

So every time his name appeared on your phone screen, along with the picture of him shoving two muffins into his mouth at the same time, you closed your eyes, took a deep breath, and waited out the signal, simultaneously praying for and dreading the silence.

ੈ✩‧₊˚

On a quiet rainy day, after a month of ignoring almost every attempt to make contact from Xavier, you heard your phone ping thrice. You sighed and put the book you were reading down, deciding that it was a good moment to reply something short to him in order to slightly ease his worries, and make him feel less alarmed. You wanted distance, but you still sticked to responding from time to time, to appear casual. To let the connection break off less abruptly.

xavier: why cant I see U at all recently.

xavier: why are U not picking up my calls and not replying to my texts.

xavier: are U hiding from me?

you: Of course not, just busy.

xavier: busy for me but not busy for others I know U are going out all the time.

xavier: are U mad at me? did I do something wrong.

you: No, you didn’t, don’t worry. It’s just me. I have a lot of things on my mind recently.

xavier: could U please have me on Ur mind too? I miss U.

xavier: so bad it hurts

You let out a rugged breath, and decided to stop responding, but then another text came. This time, making your blood run cold.

xavier: going back from a rough mission right now i think i need help.

you: Oh my god, are you okay? Are you injured?

xavier: cant tell U why dont you come and see me for Urself.

you: Fine, I need to see if you’re okay. Do you need anything? Food? Medicine? I will pick something up on my way there.

xavier: i just need U

You closed your eyes and hid your face in your palms, then swore it would be the last time. You will go in, treat his wounds and go out. It had to be the last time you allowed yourself to be this close to him, and then you had to cut him off completely. A month wasn’t enough to heal your broken heart, and these small sightings won’t make your heart feel any less burdened.

It had to end today.

ੈ✩‧₊˚

When the door opened, he managed to take your breath away once more.

First, only figuratively. His beauty always managed to amaze you. He looked so handsome no matter the circumstances, his hair so fluffy and shiny, his face like that of an angel, with sharp jawline and soft, pink lips almost screaming at you to be kissed. When you met his eyes, you almost gasped at the intensity of his deep blue gaze. There wasn’t a thing about him you didn’t miss terribly after so much time apart.

Then, literally, when the first thing he did was grabbing your hand and hugging you tightly to his chest, that was still clothed in his hunter uniform. He pressed his face into the crown of your hair and touched the nape of your neck, holding it gently with his cold hand.

“Was the mission that difficult?” You asked, thinking that his reaction to you was mostly due to his need for someone else’s closeness. The need for security. “Were you in danger?” You asked quietly, fear bubbling in your mind.

“No. I lied.” He murmured and you felt him squeezing you even harder, inhaling your scent with content. His hand started stroking your back, slowly making its way under your thin coat. “Didn’t know what else to say to make you come see me.” He said and you hoped that he couldn’t hear, nor feel the sound of your erratic heartbeat.

He shouldn’t say things like these, it made you feel too hopeful. You tried to push that feeling down, knowing that’s how he normally acted with you, his best friend. You knew that he didn’t have a lot of people beside him, thus he treasured the ones that stayed. And that thought made you so incredibly apologetic that you had to swallow the tension in your throat. You hated that you fell for him so hard. You hated that you had to leave him because of it. You hated that you knew, that he would blame himself when you’ll leave.

And you started to hate yourself the most because of all of it.

“Did you miss me that much?” You teased, trying to calm yourself with a friendly banter.

“Yes.” The answer was immediate. The kiss he placed on your temple as natural as breathing. “Everything and everyone seems to be taking you away from me these days.” He said and you could hear him sulking. Your heart squeezed again, but you knew that you were doing the right thing. The distance was necessary.

Necessary for you to avoid breaking. You had to protect yourself first, you decided. You couldn’t remain in love with him forever. You had to move on and in order to do that you had to keep the distance. Which was impossible with him around, when he craved physical touch so badly.

You started to be so mad at yourself for breaking your streak today. You didn’t realize how touchy he will be after some time apart and it was getting to your head. You were so conflicted. You felt too much, and that was always the case when you were around him.

He was in love with someone else. Your head was screaming loudly, trying to calm the wave of unwanted emotions.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered. I love you, you thought. “But now I’m here, so maybe I can inspect you for any injuries? You always seem to neglect them as long as they don’t make you bleed out.” You managed to free yourself from his hold and missed how his hands went after you for a second. He didn’t want you to put distance between you two. Not yet, not ever.

He looked into your beautiful, shiny eyes and nodded without a thought. He couldn’t say no to you, not when he saw the still remaining hint of worry in them. Besides, checking for injuries always came with physical contact, and he was so starved. He needed to feel your body close to his. Your hands on him, somewhere, anywhere, everywhere. He felt addicted and craved some kind of relief. He looked after you like a lost puppy, following your footsteps closely, touching the familiar material of your coat that you left on a counter. The distance this past month made him feral, every part of his body screamed to hold you and don’t let go.

You sat down on his couch, and patted the place next to you, hinting at him to sit beside you. He was trying not to appear too eager while doing so, and also when he started taking off the upper part of his uniform. He was almost shaking with excitement knowing that you really came to see him. That you were worried about him. The distance was making him sick. Furious. Desperate. Hurt.

He suppressed a shudder when you touched his shoulder and peeled away the material off his back completely. Your hands were pleasantly warm, as always. He bit his lip trying not to gasp from the contact.

He needed more.

“Xavier.” He hummed, giddy inside upon finally hearing his name from your lips. He was bracing for your outburst. Couldn’t wait for it. “You said you lied about the mission being hard, while having a fucking gash on your back? I-I can’t believe you...” He heard your angry, shaky voice and smirked unintentionally. You were worried about him and he liked that. He liked the attention, when it was coming from you.

Yet, you didn’t know that.

You cursed under your breath and went to grab the first aid kit from one of his drawers, and proceeded to patch the man back up, having no idea that he allowed the Wanderer to injure him, to have an excuse to see you. To keep you with him for a minute longer, even if it was only under the pretense of tending to his injuries. He was ready to do anything at this point to keep you from slipping away from his grasp.

If you knew that, you wouldn’t be so adamant on distancing yourself.

But because you didn’t know, you also didn’t predict that after patching him up, he would propose you to eat dinner with him, making up an excuse that he didn’t want to be alone with his pain. Later, when you wanted to come back to your place, he mentioned he wanted to play kitty cards, the game you adored. You couldn’t refuse him.

During the next hours you spent at his place you both talked in the same way you always used to - about everything and anything, exchanging opinions, stories and everyday thoughts. You laughed together for the first time in weeks, and your cheeks hurt from how much he was able to make you smile. You always had so much fun with him; he was your favorite person in the whole world. You missed him so bad, despite knowing that you couldn’t back out from your plan fully. Yet, you allowed yourself a little break, telling yourself that it was in order for your distancing to not look suspicious. In addition, he was injured, and you felt the need to comfort him in any way you could. The gash on his back wasn’t that deep, but it worried you regardless.

The atmosphere changed drastically only when he managed to win the next round of kitty cards. You jokingly frowned at him, forging displeasure, and he looked directly at your pouting lips. The time seemed to stop when you noticed that look. He raised his hand to touch your collarbone, caressing it with his fingers, up to your neck and over your cheek. He looked deeply into your eyes, and you noticed how dark his became. You found it fascinating that his soft gaze could change so drastically in a matter of seconds.

His hand reached out to grab your chin and brought your face closer to his. And when he whispered: “Could I ask for a reward?” with that dangerous, needy voice of his, you knew that you couldn’t deny him anything.

When your lips touched, you decided that it will be the last time you let it happen. It would be your goodbye, before losing the feel of his touch. You thought that you could at least make the best of it, get lost in the artificial feeling of being treasured for the last time, before you started the last phase of your plan.

After that, you had to cut off the ties with him completely. No matter the measures. No matter the pain.

ੈ✩‧₊˚

“Xavier, m-maybe not today?” You asked when you realized how low he was going with his kisses. You knew what he was about to do, and you hated how much you couldn’t contain the sounds that were coming out of your mouth when he was doing it. Besides, it didn’t feel like a mutual pleasure anymore, it felt like an act of service and you were not sure you wanted him to pleasure only you.

He looked at you, having already dropped to his knees. He looked ruined, his hair already a mess from the touch of your fingers, lips wet and swollen, shirt off displaying his toned chest, bandaged in the center with caution. He was practically heaving. The sight made you blush.

“Why not?” His voice sounded whiny, his lips already kissing the inside of your thigh as if he couldn’t restrain himself. Every kiss sent electricity to your already wet core and you found it hard to think clearly. His hands were grabbing your tights possessively, relishing in their softness. “Please, let me eat you out. I’ll make you feel good, I promise.” The pleading in his eyes was so apparent. So unfiltered.

“Don’t you want to get to the point already?” You offered shyly and he huffed out a laugh.

“Where are you trying to run off to this time?” It sounded like a joke, but he appeared annoyed. “Relax, starlight and let me take care of you. Please.” You still hesitated. It made him pout. “I need it, please, star. I want to taste you so bad. I didn’t manage to last time.” He kissed your knee and put his head on it, looking for the answer in your unsure eyes. “Will you let me?” His pleading tone, along with his desperate gaze was what made you break. You whispered a soft confirmation and it was all it took before he quickly put his mouth on your core, licking vigorously, devouring you like the most delicious thing on the planet.

“Mmmm.” You heard him humming, before your own cries, along with the constant tremble of your legs, drowned out any other sound.

He was elated.

ੈ✩‧₊˚

“Mmmh— Yes. Yes. H—holy—” He whimpered at the same time with his thrusts and squeezed your waist harder, moving his hands up and down your back, caressing it affectionately. “You are s-so warm, so beautiful, fuck—” He moaned when you tightened on him. You stiffed a whimper and tried to commit to memory the touch of his strong hands.

He was taking you slowly from behind and the pace was almost unbearable for you. You needed more, and you couldn’t stand how romantic it felt when he was this gentle with you. However, at the same time you didn’t want him to strain himself, you were aware that the slow pace was reasonable due to the injury on his back. The slow pace did surprise you either way, you thought that after so much time apart he would be quick and rough, chasing his pleasure faster than he normally would. Instead, he acted even more passionately than usual.

The slow pace brought you so much pleasure that you couldn’t contain the sounds escaping from your lips. He kept pressing your most sensitive spots, his thrusts slow, deep and precise. His forehead rest on the back of your shoulder, and you could feel his hot, labored breath pressing against your damp skin.

He made you feel so appreciated, and so cared for, and that made you uneasy. More so, with the accompaniment of the things he was constantly saying to you, from the moment you allowed him to touch you today.

“Can you turn around now? Please, my star, I want to see you.” He half-whispered and started kissing your neck, then moving his mouth to every patch of your skin he could reach: your shoulders, back, arms. No place was left unkissed under his relentless lips. You shook your head no; you didn’t want to let this become even more passionate than it already was. You positioned yourself facing the headboard of the bed from the very beginning, and you were adamant to keep your stance up until the end. You feared that your eyes would betray you, displaying your feelings for him and that was what made you not lose your composure.

Upon hearing your refusal for the third time this night, he proceeded to voice his frustrations by grunting, and thrust into you a little harder. You moaned loudly, surprised at the sudden change of tempo.

“Please, starlight.” He begged; his voice achingly earnest. He picked up the pace and you almost choked with how deep he reached inside of you now. You thought that you could never get used to how big he was, his girth filling you up to the brim. “Turn around. T-turn around for me.”

“X-xavier slow down, I don’t want you to get hurt—” You managed to choke out, grasping sheets with your hands for some kind of stability. You closed your eyes when they were turning upwards, biting your lip in the process. He felt otherworldly, but you couldn’t help but think about the gash on his back. He shouldn’t strain himself.

“Then turn around and look at me.” He repeated and you shook your head again.

“I-I can’t, I—Ah—”

“W-why do you keep—Mmh—denying me?” His voice came out like a growl and he kept up the fast tempo. Then, he grabbed your shoulder and put his other hand on your lower back, making you bend over more. His thrusts got even faster, making you moan louder. “Like that. Yes.” You breathed quietly. So good. He was so, so good. “I just want to see your face. I need to kiss y—A—Ah—Kiss you so bad, so, so, so bad.” He thrust more deeply, making you involuntarily back out from the stimulation, your body almost collapsing, but he quickly grabbed you with his strong arms, and brought you even closer to him. You saw stars and touched one of the arms that held your whole body — from your waist, between your breasts, to your neck. His arm was so hard, so strong. He was huge compared to you. “No, n-no, don’t run away, star. You feel so good—G-God how I missed this—” He held you closer by the second, pressing more kisses to your shoulders, his thrusts becoming quicker, less deep. You were holding back your tears from how good he felt inside you. “I missed you. I missed you. I miss you.” He started babbling and that’s how you knew he was close.

To your surprise, he suddenly pulled out of you completely and grabbed you by your shoulders, turning you around to finally face him. Before you could show any signs of protest, he lowered himself onto his forearms, caging your head between his biceps so that he could have a perfect view of your face. He took his cock in one of his hands and he slipped himself into you again with ease. You shuddered and cried out softly with astonishment.

“Xavier—!”

“Yes. Yes, that’s my name.” He started thrusting into you again, this time much slower and more attentive, and looked deep into your eyes. You had nowhere to run, the only thing you could do was to close your eyes, but the sight of him so close made you want to never look away. “Say it one more time. Just once.” He looked ethereal, his silver hair wet from the perspiration that gathered on his forehead, and his cheeks painted a pretty shade of red. You could see how blissful he felt. “So p-pretty.” He finally kissed your lips softly. “So sweet.” He licked into your mouth, deepening the kiss. It made your toes curl, you loved when he kissed you this sloppily. When he released your already swollen lips, there was a string of saliva connecting you. It was all so intense.

“Why were you denying my kisses?” He kissed you again deeply, sucking on your tongue. His slow thrusts made you go insane. “You don’t like kissing me like this?” He sucked on your lips until they were red and swollen. There was so much saliva. He licked them and kissed them again. “I could come from this feeling alone. So soft.” You were shocked at how much he talked. Was he always this talkative? Or were you realizing it only now, when you knew that the closeness with him would soon come to an end?

“Am I making you feel good? Yeah?” You decided to nod at him truthfully, your moans short, resembling small hiccups. You were lost in the pleasure; you could feel the end approaching. He put his forehead against yours, breathing heavily. “W—wow, you—you sound so adorable, I won’t last long—” He moaned and grabbed your face in his hands, kissing your nose first, then softly your lips.

“Yes, yeah, let go. Let go my little star. My starlight, my treasure.” He whispered into your ear, feeling you clench down on him as you came with his name on your lips. You felt him reaching the end quickly after you, he shuddered, his mouth opened, and he released into the condom with a low moan. Still cumming, he took your face into his hands and kissed your forehead gently. When you both were still coming down from the high, breathing heavily, he began stroking your hair, pushing it out of your face, and kissing your cheeks.

What in the world was all that?

God, you couldn’t do this anymore. You couldn’t let this keep up, it felt too real, too romantic, and your heart really couldn’t take it. Not when every time you were together like this you keep thinking that he would like you to be someone else instead. Did he imagine her under him this time? You trembled, scared because of that thought, but the things he was saying made you feel that it really could be the case.

Your breath came out shakily and you took his muscular forearms in your palms and grazed them gently with your thumbs. You let yourself feel for the last time how warm his body was, how pleasurable his weight on top of you. You kept your eyes closed to not let him see your tears, but you couldn’t stop one from going down your cheek.

And of course, he saw it as soon as it appeared. He seemed to always look at you when you wanted him to ignore you the most.

He kissed it off, swiped the wetness with his thumb and proceeded to kiss your temple.

“Why are you crying?” He asked softly, his eyebrows furrowed. “Did I hurt you?” He appeared so concerned, and you felt the shivers going down your spine.

Yes, you wanted to scream.

“No, of course not.” You said instead. Because it was your fault for feeling too much. “I’m okay, just tired.” You lied straight to his face. He sent you a small smile and kissed your closed eyelids gently.

And when he shifted and pulled out from you slowly with a little hiss, you let out a sigh and knew that your time with him had to end now.

But before you could lift yourself up, he hugged you from the side and put his head on your chest. He was listening to the sound of your heartbeat, and you already knew that it had a soothing effect on him. His hand started caressing one side of your waist, his hair touching your chin, his scent overlapping you. You could feel his heartbeat on you, fast but steady. Another tear escaped from your eyes. You had to run away. You couldn’t take the closeness anymore. It was too painful.

“Xavier, I—” You swallowed the sob forming in your throat. Your voice came out rusty. “I really need to go.”

“Already? Stay with me for a little while longer.” He squeezed you harder to himself, showing no intention of releasing you from his hold. You hated that you needed to cut short such a vulnerable moment with him. “The night is still young. I thought we could maybe watch something together? Or bake these cinnamon cookies you like? I practiced, they taste and look almost perfect now.” You closed your eyes hard, moved by his thoughtfulness, and you almost sobbed audibly if it wasn’t for your hand quickly covering your mouth.

But he felt it, and it made all the muscles in his body tighten, as if he was struck.

“Star?” He loosened his hold on you and quickly studied your face. “What’s wrong?” His eyes became huge, filled with worry. And that concern on his features was what finally made you run.

You raised gently and pushed yourself from him, starting to pick up your scattered pieces of clothing. Your hands shakily put the panties and your sweater on your trembling body, not once looking Xavier’s way. He was waiting patiently for your answer.

“I can’t do this anymore, Xavier.” You replied, feeling more comfortable now that you had some clothes on. You couldn’t meet his eyes, but you heard him standing up from the bed.

“Do what?” He sounded puzzled. You heard him grabbing and putting on some pants hastily, clicking his belt in place. As if he was preparing to run after you. “Did I do something wrong? You didn’t like it today? Was I too intense?” You had never heard him speak so quickly, and the panic in his tone was a rare occurrence too.

“No, it’s— I am at fault here.” You answered truthfully, and you took a couple steps away from him. You wanted to run as fast as you could but for the love of God, you couldn’t locate any other pieces of your clothing. Your eyesight was clouded by unleashed tears. No, not now, you couldn’t let them fall until you were in the safety of your home.

“But you were perfect.” His voice carried more panic by the second. “We could change some things. You could tell me what to do differently, everything works with me as long as I do it with you.”

You suddenly remembered the beginning of your night, and rushed to his living room, were you finally found your pants.

“No. No, and please stop trying to persuade me. This—this friends with benefits thing, it ends now.” You uttered surely, now fully clothed. You turned around and finally laid your eyes on him, and saw him wearing only black jeans and a miserable expression on his face. God, he still looked perfect. He almost shined, the workout clearly visible on his face, his hair, his lips. Your resolution almost wavered.

“Okay. Okay, of course, I—I understand.” He answered quickly, and you felt a slight pang in your chest at how easily he took the news. This whole time you were so easily disposable. “But please stay. I want to spend some time with you, I haven’t seen you in such a long time.” He took a careful step towards you, and you wanted to bolt then and there. “Please, stay.”

“No, Xai, I—” You paused to take a breath, trying not to crumble in front of him. His worried expression felt like a knife to your chest. You were his best friend, yet here you were, clearly wanting to run away from him—how could you expect him to feel anything but hurt upon such a sight? You felt incredibly cruel. “I really can’t. I think I need a break from all—all of this.”

“You mean from me?” He didn’t wait for your answer, the thoughts in his head seemed to go quicker than lightning. “No, please, I swear that if you don’t like it then I won’t touch you anymore. I swear.” You hated how upset he sounded. You closed your eyes for a second and fresh tears slipped away. You couldn’t keep them from falling anymore. “You know how much you mean to me. Don’t make me stay away.” He looked as if you were tearing his heart out, his posture slumped, hands shaking. How you wished you could take them into your own and warm them up.

“I have to.” Your voice came out whiny. He stepped closer to you, keeping his arms in front of himself.

“But why?” His question was quiet, nearly a whisper. He couldn’t help but wonder, if you really wanted a break from him, then why were you crying as if you didn’t want to go?

“I—” You stopped yourself before going as far as to utter a confession. He couldn’t know. Not now. Not ever. “This— This situation, and how our friendship looks like right now it’s—it’s so wrong.” You opted for a response that was the closest to the truth.

“It’s not.” He replied immediately. “Not for me.”

“Well it is for me. Friends don’t sleep with each other, Xavier! We messed up so bad this time and I’m afraid we can’t let this past us.”

“Do you regret it that much?” His voice was losing its’ strength, and he seemed so utterly hurt. Meanwhile, you were just trying to protect yourself from feeling even more pain. How could you make him understand without confessing to him? You didn’t really know because you were always honest with him before. He was your safe place.

And to think that everything could be avoided, your friendship left unscratched if only you could control your feelings better. But you had no idea how to stop loving him so deeply, when he was everything that you’ve ever dreamed of.

“I should. I know that I should, it was never going to end well, I—”

“Stay. Please, starlight, stay. At least for one more night, let me hold you just for one more—” His arms went out to grab you and you flinched, taking a few steps back. His jaw tightened.

He was always afraid that he will see you run away from his touch. He felt as if his nightmare became reality - the thought of losing you too much for him to bear.

“Xavier, I can’t!” You trembled all over. Why did he make this so hard for you? “I can’t do this with you anymore, can’t you understand how much it hurts me?” The truth was at the tip of your tongue, craving to be spoken out loud.

“Why? Why does it hurt you? The only one who has a good reason to be hurt is me, you avoided me, ignored me, and for what? If you just talked to me honestly one time—”

“You are in love with someone else!”

The silence that followed was unbearable and seemed to last ages. Slow ticking of the clock was the only thing cutting through the tension, reminding you that the time didn’t stop, even if your heart seemed to do so.

You turned to him, the tears falling from your eyes in cascades now and your chest was coming up and down rapidly with how fast you were breathing.

The tears run down your cheeks quickly, making your vision less blurry. How you wished that they stayed in place, if that meant that you wouldn’t have to see Xavier’s pained expression, that quickly changed into one of utter confusion. You were shaking with how much you were feeling, your frustration pooling out of you in a form of shaking hands and bitten lips.

“I can’t continue being like this with you when I know that you’re in love with her! And I get it! I really do. She’s so wonderful, and so, so lovable. And I could never be her, no matter how much you would want me to be. I just don’t want to be a replacement anymore.” You continued, the desperation in your voice almost making you wince. You sounded pathetic and felt so embarrassed for it. You felt as if you were losing the ground beneath your feet.

“What?” He said completely stunned. He wasn’t moving a single muscle. “What on earth are you talking about?” He hissed, and took a step towards you, and when you shook your head and wanted to bolt through the door, he quickly grabbed you by your wrist and pressed your body close to his. You gasped at the contact, so sudden and forced. “No, stop running away from me!” He raised his voice, still holding your wrist tightly. You’ve never heard him sound so irritated. “Speak.” You kept your head low, when he was desperately trying to catch eye contact, but you couldn’t look at him right now. Not when your true feelings were basically flowing to the surface.

“About what? You really thought I didn’t know about your feelings for her?” You struggled to keep your voice from shaking. “Xavier, I know, and I knew from the very beginning, and you really don’t have to explain yourself to me. I really understand.” You tried to free your wrist from his grasp, but he held it too tightly. You needed to run, this conversation wasn’t supposed to happen, you didn’t even have a reason to be mad at him. You couldn’t blame him for not loving you romantically, nor for feeling this way towards someone else. You were only friends, and friends should be happy for each other when they find someone dear to them, not sick of the idea of losing the other to someone else.

“I’m afraid you actually don’t understand anything.” He sounded almost defeated. His voice back to its soft tone, but his hold on you unrelenting.

“It’s really okay, I—”

“No.” He scoffed. You finally gained enough courage to let your eyes meet his and you were instantly appalled at how furious he appeared to be. “It’s truly NOT.” He released your wrist and put his hands up to stroke his hair back. He breathed out loudly. “Who the fuck are you talking about?” He asked, confusion and irritation taking over his features completely. You never saw him wear that expression while talking with you.

“Oh, don’t make me—” You cut off, seeing his furious glare. You took a deep breath, stepped back from him and touched your cheek, trying to swipe the wetness caused by your tears. You failed, they were still coming down, one by one, making your efforts futile. “MC. You know that I mean MC.”

“You have to be fucking kidding me.” He groaned and let his head fall back. He covered his face with his hands for a second, and when he looked at you again, you couldn’t read his expression correctly. “Who told you about it? Where did you get it from?”

“Jeremiah.” That’s all he needed to know. And apparently it was enough for him to grasp the situation. He laughed humorlessly and shook his head, his hands squeezed tightly into fists by his sides.

“I will strangle him this time. I swear, I will—”

“Oh, please, Xavier, stop! What’s so wrong about me knowing? I was glad that someone finally enlightened me!” You couldn’t believe that he was so angry at you for knowing such an important thing. Not when from the moment Jeremiah said that he had a thing for MC for a long time, you wondered why he kept that a secret from you. “You never even said a word about it even though I thought we were best friends. I had to learn from someone else and that already hurt.” You wanted this conversation to be over. You wanted him to admit to it already and let you go away, with a broken, but at least free heart.

But he had different plans.

“Have you maybe thought that I never said a word about it simply because it wasn’t true?” He asked carefully, his voice still angry. “I just can’t believe you thought that I loved someone else—”

“What?” Your mind went blank. You needed a moment to collect your thoughts. “What do you mean it’s not true?” You sniffed quietly, confusion taking over your face.“B-But Jeremiah said that you had a past with her and—”

“I did. I had feelings for her once, but that was literal lifetimes ago!” His irritation didn’t ease in the slightest. “I had feelings for someone who looked similar to her. But she’s not the same person anymore, and even if she was, I couldn’t possibly fall in love with her. Not now, not ever.” You stopped in your tracks, trying to analyze everything he was saying to you and failing miserably at it. You looked at his face, your expression puzzled, searching for an answer there, hidden between his beautiful, soft features. It shocked you to see that now he started to calm himself down, gaze genuine, an image of complete transparency.

You couldn’t wrap your head around the idea that you were mistaken. All this time, when you thought you never stood a chance, when you thought that he loved another, when you wanted to let him go—

“You’re not in love with MC.” It wasn’t a question anymore, your voice quiet while you were trying to process that thought. He must’ve seen how you fought with the thoughts inside your head, because he released a groan and took a step towards you. You unintentionally took one step back. He frowned.

“Of course I’m not.” Voice sweet like honey, stance sure, his eyes searched desperately for yours. He looked at your face, covered in tears and his eyebrows furrowed deeper, hating how upset you seemed and didn’t know how to reverse it. “How could I ever be, when your face is all I can see, every time I close my eyes?” He uttered looking at you with such devotion that it almost made your knees buckle.

Complete silence took over your thoughts after his confession. You didn’t know what was happening.

But fortunately, his mind finally started to piece everything together in a picture, that although was beyond frustrating to think about, was giving him so much hope for something he thought he already lost.

He allowed himself to relax, took a deep breath and finally decided to drop his inner shackles, letting his emotions flow out of him without restraint.

“You are the one that I love.” He said clearly, not moving a muscle. He wondered if you could see the quick movement of his chest, with how hard his heart was trying to escape through it to reach you. Whereas, you felt as if yours stopped moving completely, along with the time around you, not ready to believe that this was truly happening. “It was you from the very beginning. I adored you since the day I first saw you.” He continued, his gaze piercing into your face, slight confusion visible on his features. “And I thought that was obvious? I wasn’t exactly the best at hiding my feelings, especially after I told you about them the first night we spend together.”

You blinked slowly. Once, then twice.

Your head hurt. You couldn’t wrap it around everything he was saying. Xavier was in love with you? And he already told you about it? You were so confused that the only way you knew how to react was with denial.

“You—You didn’t. I didn’t know, you are not being serious.” He shook his head in disbelief.

“I did. You really don’t remember?” His tone softened, and he waited a short second for your answer, but couldn’t contain his nerves. “It was the night I kissed you for the first time, thinking that would be the last. But you reciprocated.” His eyes gleamed in the moonlight, and you found yourself holding your breath, afraid even the slightest sound might interrupt the flow of his confession.

“You—You kissed me back, and let me do things to you I only ever dared to dream about before.” He took another step your way, a small smile grazing his handsome face. “And the confession slipped out of me so naturally before we even reached the bed.” He briefly recalled that fateful night, describing the conversations you forgot, but longed to remember since that very moment.

“You didn’t reply, but you responded nicely to my touch, so I thought that meant that you wanted me too, that maybe you’d accept me. As your beloved. Your soulmate.” You brought your hand to cover your mouth. You couldn’t believe it. “But then in the morning when you woke up, you were panicking. I tried to reassure you, but you weren’t listening to me.”

That part of the story you knew by heart, him telling you that he couldn’t forget, didn’t want to forget. Back then you didn’t connect it with anything close to confession, but more with the change in your relationship. You really didn’t want to jump to any conclusions, you didn’t even dream about him loving you, when you thought that he loved MC. Insecurities and false assumptions completely clouded your vision.

“And when you proposed staying friends, with the bonus of intimacy, of course I took the chance. I thought you remembered my confession and didn’t reciprocate my feelings, but I was so desperate that I would take anything you were willing to give me, even if it didn’t involve your love. I—” he cut off, blush flushed over his cheeks, up to the tips of his ears. He took a shaky breath. “I was clinging to the hope that maybe through the new shared intimacy I could show you how much you meant to me. And maybe, maybe someday you would start feeling the same, when you realized how good we are together and how good I can be for you.”

“Xavier—Oh my god.” You breathed, your hand still covering your mouth, your eyes never leaving his face. His beautiful, starstruck face, now so full of confusion and unspoken hurt. “Bunny, I’m so, so, so sorry. I had no idea, I—” Your voice practically a whisper, you were still coming to terms with the fact that your feelings were reciprocated. And that you were the one who complicated things between you. “I don’t remember anything you said to me that night. I couldn’t even hear you through the sound of my own blood thrumming in my ears, that’s how drunk I felt. How overwhelmed after our first kiss.”

The alcohol consumed that night also wasn’t of big help. You were a lightweight and you drunk only occasionally, so the few drinks you had already made you feel dizzy. Mixed with the intensity of your emotions, it overwhelmed you so intensely that his touch was all you could remember from that night. But now you could make it all alright.

“I only remember your touch, the things we did, and our conversation the next morning. I remember touching your hand and initiating the kiss, and my tipsy brain just thought that you went with it to forget about MC.” You said truthfully, letting it all pour out of you. Your cheeks burned with the embarrassment of admitting how desperate you were for him, that the thought he loved another didn’t stop you from having sex with him.

Then the blush deepened from the realization that from the very beginning the only one he was thinking about was you.

This thought made your head spin, the happiness slowly bubbling in your chest. Your whole body trembled.

“That’s— Fuck. You really don’t remember.” He shook his head again, realizing how deep the misunderstanding reached. “You didn’t initiate anything. I was the one who kissed you first.”

“No, I—”

“Yes. You touched my hand, smiled at me contentedly and said some things and I—I just couldn’t restrain myself any longer.” This time you were the one who started approaching him slowly. You needed him close. Always. And you realized that now you didn’t have any reasons to deny yourself that lack of distance. “You looked so soft, so open and kissable, and I just went for it. And then you reciprocated.” The light in his eyes started sparkling when he noticed that you were finally coming closer to him. He reached out his hand for you and you took it gently, still shaking from the unspoken emotions.

“I can’t believe it. All this time I thought that you were in love with someone else.” His hand was warm, the touch electrifying. You squeezed his hand and intertwined your fingers together. You saw how between your clasped hands, his Evol started shining brightly, shading soft light upon your features. It was a sign that he was excited. “I tried to put a distance between us, end this intimacy because I thought that I was just a second best for you. An easy distraction.”

“How could you think that? Almost from the moment I met you, I have loved you passionately—” He brought you even closer together, pulling you by your intertwined hands, and put his other hand on your cheek. He swiped the reminder of your tears with his fingers, looking into your eyes with a devotion so apparent that it took your ability to form coherent thoughts. How did you manage to miss the way he was always looking your way?

“X-Xavier.”

“I couldn’t even think about anyone else even if I tried to. You occupy my every thought. How could I ever find a place for somebody else in my heart when you fill the space out completely?” Everything that came out of his mouth was laced with impatience. He was trying so hard to make you understand him, and the intensity of his emotions. He couldn’t psychically hold it inside anymore, he restrained himself for so long that he felt as if all of his walls finally crumbled. He needed you to know everything.

“I love you, starlight. I’m so in love with you that I couldn’t contain that feeling inside anymore. I couldn’t even spend five minutes in your presence without trying to touch you, to kiss you, to hold you. My whole body longs for you constantly.” He said, thinking about the months after you started being friends with benefits. How at first, he wasn’t sure how much he could take from you, and then, when he noticed that you didn’t mind the affection outside the bedroom, he couldn’t contain himself. He kissed you every time he had a chance, he touched you everywhere he could, he was trying to stay away from you as little as possible. Despite thinking that you did not reciprocate his feelings fully, his love for you flowed out of him naturally, every look and every touch laced with unconditional devotion.

During the period of your silence and avoiding him, he thought that it was because he finally crossed a line. He let his feelings out too much, he finally made you uncomfortable. He was starting to act as you lover, not as your friend and it wasn’t what you agreed to. He thought you still didn’t love him and maybe that was a sign that you never will. And even if that could be the case, he still couldn’t let you go.

And it appeared that he didn’t have to.

That you were not uncomfortable, but unsure.

That it was all a huge misunderstanding.

And the words that came out of your pretty, little mouth next, almost brought him to his knees.

“Xavier. Xavier me too, I—” You stuttered, completely overwhelmed by how much you were feeling. You squeezed his wrists, and looked deep into his beautiful, hopeful eyes. “I love you too. And I fell in love with you long before our first night together. I just thought that it was wishful thinking, because your heart was already taken by someone else. And that I could just stay beside you as your friend and that would be enough. And then share your bed from time to time, if that meant that I could hold you close, be on the receiving end of your affection.” You said and raised on your feet to place a quick kiss on his lips. He chased after you instantly, despite appearing stunned. You noticed his hands were shaking.

“You really mean it?” He asked, leaning towards you, kissing your lips again, this time for longer. He had trouble keeping his mouth away from yours, especially now, that he knew that every one of your kisses was filled with love. “Am I not dreaming this time?” You smiled and stroked his hair affectionately, petting his head, wanting to convey your feelings in every way possible.

“Xavier, I love you.” You repeated, grabbing his head in your palms and looking deep into his eyes. Your voice was strong, leaving no room for uncertainty. “I love you so mu—” He didn’t let you finish that sentence, because he quickly picked you up and spun you around, holding you in his arms. You giggled and put your arms around his neck, holding him tightly, his face buried in your neck. When he stopped, he quickly found your lips again and that kiss felt groundbreaking.

He held you close to him, one hand squeezing you by your waist, and the other holding your jaw gently. His brows furrowed in desperation and his kisses were slow, sensual, sending pleasant shocks throughout your whole body. His tongue made an appearance, and he tasted you in a way that made your legs feel like jelly. He licked into your mouth, grunting lowly, his fingers placing a strand of your hair behind your ear, then tracing patterns on your warm cheek. When you opened your eyes for a second, you could see that the tips of his ears were red. The blush spread through his cheeks too, making him look so adorable.

“It does feel like a dream.” He breathed between kisses. “And sounds too good to be true.” He captured your lips again and you smiled into his mouth. Your heart was about to burst.

“I love you.” You repeated, basking in the feeling of finally being able to say it out loud, be open with your emotions. He released your lips and kissed your forehead. You looked up, and he placed his forehead against yours, his eyes closed, a wide smile adorning his face.

“Don’t stop saying that. You make me so happy.” He said quietly, and you whispered the confession once again, making him sigh shakily.

“I was so stupid. I should’ve asked you right from the start if what Jeremiah said was true.” You said and hugged him more tightly. “I should’ve told you sooner.” You placed your head on his strong chest, your ear touching his bare body, listening to his fast heartbeat. Your hands were hugging his waist, mindful not to touch his bandaged back.

“No, I foolishly thought that telling you once would suffice. I forgot that you drank that night and that could’ve clouded your memory.” He squeezed you harder to himself and started back away with you in his arms, until the back of his legs touched his couch. He fell into it, holding you close, making you sit on his lap. “To think that I could have you sooner—” He looked into your eyes, as if searching for something.

“You had me before, and you have me now. My heart, my body, my soul.” You positioned yourself more comfortably, placing your legs on both sides of his waist, and took his face into your hands. He closed his eyes at the contact, and started to caress your body, from your waist, down to your legs. He squeezed the plush of your tights and let his head fall against the couch pillows.

He couldn’t believe that this was happening. He prayed that this wasn’t a dream, that all of the things you were telling him were true. His chest vibrated pleasurably, incredible warmth spreading through it. His heart beat so quickly, and so loudly that he thought it was the first time he felt its’ beat so intensely himself. Your words made him feel drunk with emotion.

He opened his eyes to look at your face.

He almost choked with how beautiful you were. How divine, sitting on him, caressing his shoulders, smiling at him with the stars in your eyes. He looked at your lips, full and swollen, bearing the signs of his kisses. He looked at your neck, delicate and unmarked, and he stroked it with the back of his hand, wanting to change that fact immediately, knowing that now he was allowed to do that. He switched his gaze to your eyes again and drank them in, basking in their light, wishing that this moment could never end. Or maybe it should, so it could become your new beginning.

You were his treasure. His star, his light, guiding him through life, making his existence worth pursuing. You showed him that the world can be beautiful, despite its overbearing cruelty. You were his salvation, his safe place, his one and only, showing him every single day that he mattered, that he was not a lost cause, or a villain in disguise. You taught him that he was capable of loving so intensely and now, that he was loved as passionately in return.

He doubted his worth, but the only way he knew to prove his love for you was by protecting you with his very life. You had no idea, but his sword, now a symbol of your bond, was yours to command—and you were the only reason he continued to wield it.

“What are you thinking about?” Your voice was not more than a whisper, your eyes still looking into his starry ones, losing yourself in the deep blue. You loved them, how magnificent and expressive they were, and you swore to yourself to tell him about it every day.

He seemed to get out of the trace he was in, and his eyes softened, still taking you in. He smiled and took your hands into his, and kissed your knuckles, his kisses gentle and long-lasting.

“You.” He replied shortly, his voice gentle and reassuring. He put your hands on his shoulders, making you hug his neck with them. You complied and put your whole arms around his neck, bringing your bodies closer. One of his hands touched your waist, caressing it delicately, and the other one stroked your hair, admiring its’ softness. His eyes never left yours. “Always you, my starlight. Then, now, and till the end of my days. I will always carry you in my mind, and in my heart, to be able to reach you, no matter the distance.” You could feel his breath on your face with how close you were to each other, and he gazed at your open lips, which were already waiting to be kissed senselessly. “I love you, as I never loved anyone else in my life, and I never will again.” His lips captured yours in a kiss so soft, yet so desperate, and full of adoration, that you felt a single, happy tear escape from your eye. He deepened the kiss and held you throughout the night, kissing you and touching you, never wanting the moment to end, the warmth of your skin to become a memory.

It all started with the simplest of touches, and it never truly ended. The spark you ignited that first night has never faded. Since the moment you met, it has burned brightly between you both, a light so powerful that it could be seen across the vastness of deep space. Everlasting and exquisite, just like the different lifetimes you both had ahead of you, always finding each other, as if guided by its warmth.

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thank you for your time and please let me know if you liked it!! i was thinking of writing more for this au, maybe from xavier’s perspective? how they met and how he fell in love + how their first night really played out ♡

if u liked it, u can buy me a coffee here!: https://buycoffee.to/mochiwrites

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