#not really vent just. idk. sad?

[ratbastarddotfuck]

if you're a white person taking pleasure in the idea that Trump voters of colour are experiencing racist violence from white trumpers because "they got what's coming to them" I don't think you're anti-racist at all, I think you were just waiting for an acceptable target, and you're also fucking weird.

Bad Person Deserves Punishment For Their Sins give me a fucking break and get yourself out of the fucking catholic church. you're all prison abolitionists until you see someone you don't like.

[fluffyblue-multifandommess]

blog whose posts i enjoy occasionally crossing my dash via reblogs has this blog blocked so i can't reblog their posts : (

[deoidesign]

Btw just want to be clear that Time and Time Again is set to, and will if I don't pause, conclude in May 2025!

Webtoon didn't want to renew or give me any extra episodes so I'm trying to work with what I have. I'm sorry it's ending sooner than I'd like, it's been difficult to come to terms with and challenging to condense my plans.

You deserve a solid conclusion, and I've spent months writing to try and reach that. If there's anything you'd really like to see before it ends, do let me know in case I can (and want to) fit it in.

I'd rather not work with them again, and I hope I won't have to! But coming off of years being overworked and underpaid does not make that easy, to say the least...

I'm doing my best, and I hope you like what I have coming up.

[angelpuns]

Pretty sure my parents think I'm a heartless freak but like idk what I'm really supposed to do about that-

[falmerbrook]

Not to be too corny but the new year has got me thinking and I really appreciate this blog because this is pretty much the only site/community/fandom where I don't stress out over posting every single thing I post, afraid I'll be shit on for... something (my brain is very good at coming up with hypotheticals). I know, I know I'm way too sensitive and i shouldn't care about what others think and the internet isn't real so it doesn't matter etc. etc. but unfortunately I just don't know how to get my brain to work like that. I mean, I'm still too afraid of being cringe to draw/write/yap about everything I'd hypothetically like to, but I've been way more social and open to posting my thoughts on here than I've ever been before, and it's made me more confident online overall. So thank you all for being so welcoming and chill!

[forestgreenlesbian]

.

[kanerallels]

Girl help my brain won't brain AGAIN

[moved-accounts-guys]

When your tears have been on edge for hours and the guilt finally gets to you so they all come out 😂😂😂😂😂

When your mom isn't talking to you and stops laughing when you approach 😂😂😂😂😂

When you wish you didn't say anything at all 😂😂😂😂😂😂

When you wanna obliterate like literally evaporate and get away from this 😂😂😂😂😂

When family 😂😂😂😂😂

Sigh 😂😂😂😂😂

[kinos-fortress-2]

idk comfort characters moment ig

[oathkeeper-of-tarth]

Also I quit my job of what would in about a month or two have been 10 years, and perhaps now I will get to actually be a human being again.

[leah2eroes]

tumblr stopped being fun at some point in the last like 3 weeks. i hope it comes back. i feel awful.

[zackcharine]

I need to try harder to get out of bed but augh

[capricioussun]

I was really thinking about if I would ever be comfortable merging my art accounts and I don't think I will. At least not unless I did a full rebrand which I'd really rather not since I'm very happy with how things are situated now.

But I think it boils down to acceptance seeking. I've been socially isolated for a very long time and it's difficult. Even back when I first started drawing au stuff years ago, I contemplated making a separate blog for it because I knew how many ut fans didn't really like the aus. I didn't want to alienate any of the "audience" I'd already built but I also knew there would be a turning point I would just wind up barely posting on one account or the other and it would feel like trying to limp half the time on one leg and then limp the rest on the other, which would be pointless.

But with mirrorshipping (selfcest) being a much more universally contentious topic, I got worried it would only deter people even more. I certainly didn't want to lie about it, especially bc I don't associate it with prshipping the way some others do, so it's not really that im "ashamed" of it, or want to hide it, just that I know it's the kind of thing that's very likely to make some who just walked in turn right back around.

To some degree, as someone who hopes to one day make a career out of being an independent artist, it makes sense to prioritize "growth" over personal satisfaction, but on the other, I've always struggled to care about that sort of thing. Any time I've cared about "alienating" a potential "audience", it's always been more about personal acceptance. I don't want people to see one little aspect of myself or interests and judge me entirely based off of that, even though that's all anyone really can do on the internet. I don't take blocking personally, despite how the prior sentiment seems to contradict that, I get it, I block all the time too, for a variety of reasons. But if there's a chance there're others who don't really mind that I mirrorship, they just don't want to see it or have to block the tag, I don't want them to feel turned away or annoyed, and so I kept it all to a separate account.

There are a few other reasons I won't really get into, too, like how people often do associate it with prship, and how I don't really want to draw that type of a crowd to my main blog, either, but I know in my heart it's the acceptance/approval seeking that was the biggest motivator.

I really honestly wish I knew how to connect with others beyond just trying to "do things right" and hoping that earns me positive attention. I really wish I didn't always feel like my only chance at affection is to improve what I can offer in return.

[nburkhardt]

Having those sad thoughts, now putting it on the boy 😔

It’s moments like this that makes him want the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

Everyone is gathered today for the first time in a while, he doesn’t even remember the last time he even saw some of them. He’s been working so often and still lives in Hawkins, unlike most of the group now.

It’s good, things are good. He’s pretty happy or well, okay. He’s good though, pretty content even. Life is fine.

It’s just, standing here having only needed a few minutes to get them caught up in his daily life.

(Wake up, get dressed, eat, and go to work. Come home, relax, maybe call Robin or Eddie. Feed himself and repeat.)

Everyone else? Robin? Nancy? Hell, even Dustin? It’s been an hour and Dustin and Claudia won’t stop talking about how good school is going and they’re waiting on the letters for colleges! “Can you believe that Steve?!”

Nancy’s well on her way up some journalism company, can’t wait to get her own spot in the newspaper! There’s some course Robin’s in the middle of that’s been keeping her up at all hours. Oh and didn’t you hear? Jonathan’s thinking of moving back to California for photography!

“- and today, El got accepted as a volunteer at the new animal shelter! It’s such wonderful news, don’t you think Steve?”

He forced a smile and nodded, about to open his mouth when Joyce patted his arm with a “oh! Karen’s here, hold that thought I’ll be right back!” Before walking away and he gets to drop the smile.

Wishing he could just leave the party but he’s Robin’s ride and she’s definitely having fun catching up with everyone. He’s already said his piece to those he asked.

“eh, life’s pretty good. Been just saving up to get an apartment with Robs. Ya know?” And “I haven’t thought about it much, college just didn’t- seem right? I’m just focusing on work right now”

He can’t even take an hour talking about himself now. It’s over and out within minutes. None of the here adults really want to hear him go on a rant about basketball and he can go on forever about his car, but no one wants that information. Robin and him talk about those daily, even if she doesn’t understand half of it.

So, he’d really like for everyone to stop asking things or bringing up accomplishments of others, “I’m just so proud of my boy, my little genius!”

“Will’s painting is really taking off! Jonathan’s photography skills is so much better now, look see!”

It’s really getting to him and he wants to leave. Doesn’t feel like anyone is even listening when he does get to talk about himself, which is dumb because he loves these people.

The thing is, he just feels stuck. Feels like a has been, like he was this once amazing toy that got thrown outside and forgotten. He hates this, hates that his life isn’t anything to talk about, hates feeling like he’s doing nothing with his life.

How is he goddamn twenty-one years old and feel like nothing about him is good enough to talk about?

Robin reminds him daily that his brain is being dumb, that he’ll figure things out soon. It’s just not the right now for him, that he’s only twenty-one and there’s so many more years ahead of him. It’ll hit even eventually, that to stop comparing people.

He knows that, really he does.

It’s just, a lot. Okay?

Ending it there before I ramble myself into a rabbit hole.

Welp I had thoughts and now I’m feeling a bit better but goddamn I’m seriously feeling it. There’s no tears or anything but even with music blasting in my ears + my edible hitting, my brain won’t shut up about how I’m twenty seven and stuck.

How I’m still working a retail job, holding myself back from getting the GED I need to even apply to a cosmetology school. And that whenever anyone asks me for an update all I can say is ‘well I just bought this cool new funko!’ Or ‘nah I’m just taking walks and nope, still haven’t changed my mind about kids’ and sure, yeah we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others because that’s just shitty thinking but I can’t help it 🥲

I’m stuck and even when I do start talking hobbies or thinks I like, everyone just doesn’t care? Or well they do but they don’t understand and sometimes judge me on what I do.

Idk I’m just feeling things and venting using my fave person. Just venting and getting this out.

Also I’m sure I’m not alone in this feeling. So if you also feel this, I’m sorry 💜 our time will come!!

[ace-disgrace-on-the-case]

I wonder if maybe, just maybe, in a better world, I could have been a better son to my parents

Where I’m not trans

And they never had to yell

And they never felt the need to punish me

And I never deserved it

Where I still felt as good about them as they say they feel about me

Where I was their golden boy they could really be proud of instead of this…wretched thing

I don’t know if he would still be me

But if that version of me is out there somewhere I hope he’s doing well

He deserves it. Better than I do anyways

[soppsop]

i just rememberd adhd meds exist and now im upset because i could have that if it wasn't for that freakin neurologyst we went to see that told us it was impossible that i could have adhd because i have good grades in school. literally the ONLY question he asked me and immediately said it was impossible. we spent like 5 minutes there. he could've at least... explained something???? anything?????? and now i'd feel bad about asking my parents to see another neurologist because that costs a lot of money :((