#not literally that's just how intensely brain is braining

[lmvari]

Petty Compensation

prompt. you accidentally take the wrong drink order, and the actual owner demands a sip as compensation

characters. scaramouche / wanderer x gn!reader

tags. modern au, attempt at humor

warnings. none

You don’t notice your mistake at first.

The cafe is busy, and you're distracted. Probably by the group of students arguing over a project in the corner or the fact that you only got four hours of sleep last night. Either way, you hear your name being called, or at least, you think it was yours.

Without giving it much thought, you grab the cup from the counter, take a sip, and wince at the unexpected bitterness. Still, you don’t question it and head back to your seat like nothing’s wrong. The cafe is packed and the staff seem overwhelmed that the barista doesn’t even notice who took the drink.

It’s not until someone clears their throat in front of you that you realize something might be off.

“That’s mine.”

You glance up, only to be met with sharp indigo eyes staring you down. The guy in front of you has striking deep blue hair, sharp jawline, and an expression that somehow manages to be both bored and vaguely irritated at the same time. He gestures toward the cup in your hand. “You took my drink.”

You blink at him, then at the cup. Then at him again.

Oh.

In your defense, it looks like your order. You squint at the scribbled name on the side, and sure enough, it’s not yours.

Kunikusushi, it says.

Either his parents had a grudge against him, or the barista completely butchered the spelling.

Still, regardless of how his name is written on the cup, one thing is clear. You already drank from it, which means—

“Oops?” you offer sheepishly.

His brow twitches. “Oops?”

“order for [name]!” the barista calls out.

You glance toward the counter, where another identical cup sits unattended. Your actual order.

You stand up to take it from the counter and offer it to the stranger. His intense stare burns into you the entire time. Shifting under the weight of it, you clear your throat. “Um, sorry. You can take mine instead?”

He looks unimpressed, eyeing the cup with clear disapproval. “My drink is made exactly how I like it. And you’ve contaminated it. I’d take it back but what if you have some kind of disease?”

“I don’t,” you deadpan.

He shrugs. “Can’t be sure.”

“Are you serious?”

He exhales through his nose, gaze flicking to the cup in your hands. “Fine,” he says, holding out a hand. “Give it here.”

You blink. “Wait, what—”

“If I can’t have mine untouched, I want compensation,” he says. “You took a sip of my drink. I’m taking one of yours.”

You gape at him. “That’s literally the same thing you were just complaining about.”

“Yeah, but this time it’s my choice.” He scoffs. “Give it.”

You hesitate but ultimately sigh, handing the cup over. He takes it, and without breaking eye contact, he lifts it to his lips and takes a slow sip.

Your brain short-circuits for a second.

As he swallows, immediately, his nose scrunches in utter disgust. “Ugh. How do you drink this?” He sets the cup on your free hand and glares at it like it personally offended him. “It’s sickeningly sweet.”

You raise a brow. “No one forced you to drink it, asshole.”

“Tch.” He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, still grimacing. “Consider yourself lucky. I’m feeling merciful today.”

You scoff, crossing your arms. “Merciful?”

“You should be grateful I didn’t make you buy me a new one.” He smirks, sharp and infuriating.

You roll your eyes, but before you can throw a retort, he steps back, grabbing his actual drink from your hand.

“I’m taking this back. Try not to steal from me next time, thief.”

You sputter out incoherent words in disbelief. He could’ve just taken it from the start. “Petty!” You say back but he ignores you.

And just like that, he walks away, leaving you flustered, annoyed, and (frustratingly) just a little bit intrigued.

Wait. Next time?

You glance down at your drink and feel a small scrap of paper, torn from what looks like a receipt, clinging to the cup’s condensation. Scribbled across it in messy handwriting and bleeding ink is a string of numbers. His number.

Your cheeks flush and your mouth gapes.

Instinctively, your gaze flicks to the exit, searching for him. He’s already by the door, his own drink in hand, but just before stepping out, he glances over his shoulder.

The moment your eyes meet, he smirks. He knows you’ve found it. Then, without a word, he turns and disappears into the crowd outside.

You stare after him. Your heart knocking once against your ribs, skipping a beat.

Did he plan that from the start?

note. just a little something haha you can tell kuni is my favorite character to write. thank you for reading ^^ feel free to send asks! likes and reblogs are appreciated <3

© lmvari do not repost, translate, or plagiarize any of my works on any platform.

[narutothoughts]

Little Naruto promised himself he’d have a big family by the time he was old.

He forgets about the promise on and off, more focused on training at first then fighting in a whole ass war.

But things settle down eventually and life isn’t quite so chaotic. he even has a chance to breathe now that sasuke isn’t running away with the creep that bit his neck or towards his brother.

He abruptly remembers the promise when he overhears Ino talking about her cousin having kids and immediately flips out.

Hes so behind! He was supposed to be married! With a kid! How is he supposed to meet his great great grandchildren now?!?! What if he dies? What if Kurama dies!? There’s no one to pass him to in Konoha and he can’t just be out there anymore!!!!!! He’s a hermit!

Cue intense week of invention where he creates a seal based transformation jutsu so he doesn’t accidentally drop it mid-term and have to start over again.

Anyone that tries to come interrupt him get tossed outside (if they try to make him leave) or snarled at (try to interrupt him). Kakashi has to issue a don’t bother Naruto rule for a few days after he almost broke Kiba’s arm from literally throwing him out of his apartment and down onto the pavement.

When kakashi goes to see Naruto about it he gets teeth bared at him and it scratches the Hatake part of his brain just right.

The fact that’s the last image he has of Naruto before he’s literally throwing himself at kakashi and asking to be bred does not help his resolve at all.

———

Also Naruto who thinks his team is soooooo normal. Totally average. Everyone else is kinda weird too so no way he’s having kids with them! What if it’s hereditary? He can’t risk it!

So he needs the most normal dude around. Someone that can teach their kid not to be super weird and lame like so many of the other Konoha nin.

KAKASHI!

Naruto runs his ass into Kakashi’s office, circles the chair with Kakashi in it, and hums.

He jumps up on the desk and leans forward until his forehead is touching Kakashi’s.

Hmmm. Good. He didn’t lean back.

He inhales for good measure too.

Ooooooo. Not bad. He even smells good. Weird he didn’t notice that much before.

“You’ll be a great dad.”

Hear me out on this 🙏 KakaNaru edition

AU where Naruto, single as can fucking be, decides he's ready for a kid. Not being in a relationship, he has absolutely no way to get one and would never ask someone to carry one for him— this leaves him with one option.

Throw in a modified sexy jutsu here, a little Kurama powers there, a seal or two, and boomshakalaka. He's ready to carry it himself! Great! Now he just needs someone to put one in him and he's like, totally set!

Who does he know who doesn't have any complicated clan affiliations, who has no known health problems, decent chakra reserves, is strong, relatively attractive, smart, marginally stable, fully functioning, and who he trusts?

Enter Kakashi who, as a bonus, happens to be head over heels for him at the time. Not that Naruto knows that.

[misscrazyfangirl321]

Why does Christmas shopping feel so high-stakes?

Like what if I buy my friend something she doesn't love and she kills me or something?

[keferon]

“Mistakes on mistakes until” ch 69 spoilers below!

Ahahahahahahah here I go again

Mistakes on mistakes until until I can draw Jazz with my eyes closed

I woke up, checked my phone, woke up for real and decided that whatever plans I had for this day yeah no they can wait a little bit kfkgnfk

Also. Consider listening this while reading. Or don't who am I to tell you what to do~

[jade-of-mourning]

sorry sometimes i think about mako and my heart hurts so much. this kid raised himself and his brother on the streets in homelessness and utter poverty from eight through fifteen, promptly after seeing the violent death of his mother and father. he turned to the triple threats because they couldn't survive as a pair of wretched kids without any adult support, and the environment forced him to turn into the exact character that killed his parents in a terrible twist of irony. and after sheer-fucking-luck hits and they aren't homeless anymore, their livelihood wavers on the outcome of what's a literally game to everyone but them; and after things are finally starting to look up and their team is going places and things just might be okay, his gradually stabilizing world unceremoniously expands and everything goes to shit.

and the city that chewed him up and spat him back out, ruined him as a child and took away his ability to stay afloat in a true sense of normalcy as an adult — when it's on the verge of destruction and falling to pieces before his eyes, he gives himself to save it with the full expectation to die. he went from the kid who didn't and couldn't care about anything outside of himself and his brother, to finding redemption for his younger self in his police work despite its injustice against him, to willingly sacrificing himself to a world that had never loved him.

he's a desperate people pleaser, socially and emotionally stunted for the adult he had to be as a kid, unable to navigate interpersonal relationships easily yet still trying his damned hardest. he's intensely and entirely devoted to the things that matter to him and for so long it was only him, bolin, and ensuring their survival — yet by the end, that devotion has expanded to protecting the rest of the world. he starts out entirely self-reliant and ends in trusting the people he cares about to know their own needs, to be able to take care of themselves, to be okay without him despite having spent so much of his life defined by his role in others' well-being.

just. what the fuck i'm such a big fan of this fictional guy and i'm unashamed about it at this point. also let him cry please (if you won't i'll do it i'll let him cry)

[peachcitt]

from: thirteen by @anna-scribbles

art by me :)

start from the beginning // read the november chapter // read the most recent chapter (january)

hey listen. look me in my eyes. have you read thirteen by anna scribbles. i think you need to read thirteen by anna scribbles. i think if you want your life to be forever changed you need to read thirteen by anna scribbles. i think if you are a person who is breathing and alive you need to read thirteen by anna scribbles. thank you

[synthshenanigans]

i didnt say it properly before but god you dont know how happy i am that [synth shenanigans] made a return like dude i put that as my name for a reason like DUDE it came BACK after so fuckin LONG MAN

funky banger synths my beloved....

[3-aem]

MY BRAINS NOT WORKING AND THE CUTE BOY I WORK WITH KEEPS CORRECTING MY GRAMMAR THIS IS SO AHAIWIAKSDHDGRRRRHRNE

[wildsaltair]

the Man™️ of all time if I’m being honest

[user-needs-new-hyperfixation]

Extremely rudimentary, blurry, and completely without scale concept art for Omega Butthole that does not Bother Me:

A. Vestibule. Becomes elastic like a vagina during heats and labour, and self-lubricates during heats. Generally it operates like a normal butthole (ie lube recommended for recreational activities).

B. Babychute

C. Poopchute

Dotted line 1: some sort of sphincter or flap that remains sealed except during heats, menstruation, and labour

Dotted line 2: some sort of sphincter or flap that remains sealed during heats, menstruation, and labour

In the days leading up to a heat, a period, or a birth the omega's metabolism changes. They largely lose their appetites and what food they do consume is used by the body at almost 100% efficiency, so that Not Pooping for several days is Fine.

Heat cycles are approximately quarterly, so it's not like omegas are caught in a four week cycle where for two of those weeks they don't eat.

These omegas also have a fully functional and fertile dick and balls, making them prized for their ability to provide heirs every which way. While I suppose that makes them some kind of fantasy intersex, I wanted to emphasize the Fantasy Anatomy a bit because sometimes intersex omegas in fic are just like??? Is the A/B/O setup actually contributing anything here? Okay they're intersex! that's cool! but what makes them an omega? And my answer to that question is apparently: railroad switch in the butt.

[m-eltdown]

[synthetic-rust]

What they don’t tell you about autism is that it feels like you’re simultaneously one step outside of reality yet two steps too far into it at all times

[5hrignold]

i literaly regret not getting bugb plush so bad Actual life lesson experience. from me to you don’t EVER let yourself be like Ohh meh ill live without it NO if a thing you are or HAVE been super duper ultra into is releasing something limited. GET THAT. bwcausw that’s how i felt about that thing because my brain must’ve been going through like a bugb cleanse or something after being obsessed with it for like 3/4 months BUT NOW I REMEMVERED HOW MUCH I LOVE IT AND IM SO MAD AT MYSELF FROM DECEMBER LIKE WHAT IS WRONG WITJ YOUUAAAAAAA

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

[electricpurrs]

sorry if im posting too much. i always feel like im posting too much nowadays but idk what to do with this feeling. im probably just online too much (because again i have nowhere else to go) but then i just developed this bizarrely debilitating anxiety that i post too much and i have some kind of Limit that i need to stay under of how many posts im allowed to make a day or otherwise everybody will unfollow me and block me and hate me because im Annoying and i KNOW its just paranoia but it still makes me anxious every single time i press reblog and makes me obsessively analyze how many posts ive made every day before "allowing" myself to post again

[villainsidestep]

'stop updating us on ur random thoughts every night' no