#my first interaction of the day was a standoff with the big spider chilling in my kitchen sink
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there’s nothing like a phobia-induced panic attack to really wake you up in the morning
#screaming crying throwing up but i mean all that literally#my first interaction of the day was a standoff with the big spider chilling in my kitchen sink#i wish i just had a phobia of heights or something bc then i could just avoid being up high#but nooo it had to be spiders. unfortunately i do not control the spiders#i wonder if people who don’t have phobias understand the depth and intensity of the fear a phobia causes#you see the trigger and it’s straight into fight/flight/freeze no warning#your brain is 100% CONVINCED that your life is in peril#do you understand how exhausting that is when your phobia is of something commonplace and completely out of your control like spiders#for real every time i kill a spider it’s the bravest thing ive ever done#and yet i feel so guilty about it bc i try not to kill bugs. i prefer to capture and release#but i really really cannot pick up spiders. those guys have to die im so sorry i can’t do it im not strong enough#they’re like sith lords to me. too dangerous to be kept alive#ro speaks#ro rants about their phobia in a desperate attempt to calm down#arachnophobia#spiders#phobias#panic attacks
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