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steddieas-shegoes · 2 days ago

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new toy, new boy

for @steddiemicrofic prompt ‘new’

rated e | 517 words | no cw | tags: anal plug, semi-public sex, getting together, friends to lovers, coming in pants, coming untouched, super light implications of Dom/sub, Dom Steve, sub Eddie

🆕🆕🆕🆕🆕🆕🆕🆕🆕🆕🆕

Eddie bites his lip as he tries to move his legs under him. He needs a buffer, some distance between his ass and the couch. The plug keeps rubbing against his prostate every time he breathes.

Steve keeps looking at him over Robin’s shoulders, clearly trying to figure out why Eddie is so squirmy.

Eddie feels like a dumbass for even trying this tonight. He got the new toy a few days ago in Indy and he’d been waiting for the right time to try it out. Today, he was alone for an entire afternoon, and it felt right, and he was horny, and he was too busy thinking about what Steve’s fingers would look like going inside him to remember that they had movie night. He’d also forgotten he was in charge of pizza, so when Steve called to ask if he could grab some soda on his way over, Eddie already had the plug as deep as it could be inside him.

And now he was here suffering with every move he made, or any move anyone else on the couch made, or sometimes even just a slight breeze. Which shouldn’t even be possible inside. Maybe it’s everyone’s breath? He barely holds back a whine as his ankle brushes against the base of the plug.

Steve pokes his shoulder and he turns to glare at him. Steve widens his eyes to silently ask if he’s okay.

No, he’s not okay. He’s going to come in his pants surrounded by his friends because he’s an idiot and if Steve keeps looking at him like that, he’s gonna do it sooner rather than later. He needs water or beer or weed.

“Eddie, help me get refills for everybody,” Steve says quietly enough that only the people closest to them hear. They mostly ignore him.

When Eddie stands, he has to bite his hand.

When Eddie walks to the kitchen behind Steve, he has to dig his nails into his palm.

“What’s going on with you tonight?” Steve rounds on him, pushing him against the counter and making everything so much worse.

“I had too much soda?”

“You’re sweating, man.” Steve reaches up to brush hair from Eddie’s forehead, and Eddie’s surprised that he’s as sticky as he is. “Are you sick?”

“I bought a new plug!” Eddie says just a little too loud.

Steve’s brows furrow as he tries to figure out what Eddie’s talking about.

And then he realizes.

He smirks.

“Poor thing. You’ve been so close all night, haven’t you?” Steve’s voice drops low and Eddie’s cock twitches.

“Fuck. Yeah,” Eddie nods, gripping the edge of the counter.

“Turn around.” Steve shoves one of Eddie’s shoulders gently, turning him around.

Eddie yelps. Steve’s leg brushes against his ass, searching for-

“Fuck!” Eddie gasps, rocking back for more friction.

“Get yourself off. C’mon. It won’t take much,” Steve demands. “Use my thigh.”

Eddie’s never done it like this, but that doesn’t matter. He comes quickly.

“You’re…?” Eddie starts.

“Go up to my room and take the plug out. Borrow some pants. You can stay the night.”

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #steddiemicrofic #steddiemicroficjanuary #steddie events #steve harrington x eddie munson #getting together #friends to lovers

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flowersforbucky · 2 days ago

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WIP wednesday!

thanks for the tag @lubdubology 💖

here's a snippet from the dofp!logan sex pollen frenemies to lovers fic that has been kicking my ass the last couple weeks 🫠

(also logan howlett canonically calls girls princess and i intend to take full advantage of that)

“No,” you shake your head. You yank your hand from his grasp and move back across the mattress as the gravity of the situation hits you. To distance yourself from him feels like ripping air out of your own lungs, but the alternative is borderline unthinkable.

“I can’t – won’t ask that of you,” you declare. There’s a voice in the back of your mind that laughs at you, as if saying it’s cute that you think you have a choice. The pain and longing grow with each passing second, threatening to consume you from the inside out.

“You’re fine. It would be different if it was both of us. But you shouldn’t have to do this just because you're stuck here with me.”

“Have to? You make it sound like it would be a punishment for me,” he chuckles darkly. He finally rises from where he had been kneeling next to the bed. He stands beside the mattress, looming over you in the maroon lighting.

“Let’s not overcomplicate this, princess,” he murmurs. He grasps your face in his palm and tilts your head to look up at him. His touch is a balm – it feels like running a burn under a cold stream of water.

“I'm gonna take care of you, and then you can go right back to tolerating my existence."

no pressure tags: @embbarnes @1800-fight-me @themareverine @logansbaby @logaenhowlett @eupheme and anyone else who feels like sharing 🫶🏻

#logan howlett #logan howlett x reader #logan x reader #logan howlett x you #logan howlett oneshot #wip #my wips #logan howlett smut #sex pollen #dofp! logan #dofp logan x reader #days of future past #dofp #xmen dofp

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blitzwhore · 1 day ago

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wait, i don't understand, can u please if u want explain why they scrapped the "Stolitz Montage" song?

Yeah, I can explain! I actually have a lot of thoughts about these songs.

For context, at the beginning of Sinsmas, a song called Day By Day plays in the background while Blitz and Stolas run errands. Originally, a different song (untitled, so Sam Haft—the composer—unofficially called it Stolitz Montage) was going to play during these scenes, but they ended up scrapping it. I mentioned in the tags of a different post that I understood why they'd made this decision.

If you don't want to keep reading, my TL;DR is that I believe the tone and mood of Stolitz Montage doesn't fit Stolas' emotional journey in Sinsmas as well as Day By Day does.

If you do want to read my full personal analysis, keep reading below the cut!

(Note: I'm going to focus on the songs' lyrics, because I'm not knowledgeable enough about music to analyse the musical aspect of the songs. If anyone else wants to add their thoughts in that regard, be my guest!)

Let's start by taking a look at the lyrics of the scrapped song, Stolitz Montage:

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So you're having a bad time

You're stressing and everything all seems much so

You've been having a sad time

And your family probably hates your fucking guts so

The song starts by describing Stolas' situation and emotional state in the days following the trial: he is sad and overwhelmed, everything feels like "too much", and his family probably hates him.

It's pretty clear from the get-go that they wanted a song for this montage that conveyed Stolas' struggle to adapt to life as a commoner, away from everything he's known, and having gone cold turkey on his depression meds (the lack of which is emphasised visually throughout the song).

The song is also in second person: Stolas isn't him, or me, he's you. This is something both songs have in common. It keeps the song at a slight emotional distance from Stolas. Whereas a first-person song would make the feelings too personal—would make Stolas too aware of his own struggle—and a third-person song wound be too distant, the second person allows Stolas to be only passively aware of his emotional state. He's not the one singing; he's the one being sung about. What he's feeling is being pointed out to him by an external, seemingly omniscient voice.

The song continues:

Ooooh-oh oooh ooh

I know you feel it too

You lost your way

And just can't fake it for another day

It's hard to take it

Just pretend you're gonna be okay

Here is where I think the tone of the song starts to deviate from what they wanted to convey in this montage.

At first glance, this is a continuation of the previous verses, and mostly expands on Stolas' emotional state: "it's hard to take it"; "you lost your way".

The key difference is that the lyrical voice now plays an actual role in that emotional state.

First, it states that it shares Stolas' feelings ("I know you feel it too"—implying that Stolas isn't the only one who feels this way). Thus, the lyrical voice starts shifting into an active character within the scene. And not any kind of character—one that can relate to Stolas and, more importantly, one that can offer some comfort.

Then, there's the line "just pretend you're gonna be okay". Now, I see two possible interpretations for this line. It can either be a piece of advice for Stolas (hey, I know it's hard, but just pretend), or another description of his struggle, a continuation of the previous line: "(it's hard to) just pretend you're gonna be okay". Personally, I lean slightly towards the former interpretation, especially because the lyrical voice's intention to offer comfort and advice becomes clearer in the next line of the song:

You're not okay and that's okay

This is where the focus of the song shifts fully towards a hopeful, even optimistic view of Stolas' situation.

Now, I get where they were going with this. "It's okay to not be okay" is a very powerful thing to say to someone who's struggling with mental illness and hard life circumstances, and it's one Stolas badly needs to hear.

In fact, it is a message that is conveyed to Stolas multiple times throughout the episode. By Blitz. Not through words, of course—but through actions. In the montage itself, as well as throughout the rest of the episode, Blitz constantly stands by Stolas' side, offers him company and comfort, meets him where he's at emotionally, doesn't pressure him to be okay, and (especially at the end in their apartment) gives room for Stolas' sadness and grief to exist. He hugs Stolas, puts his hands on Stolas' arms, and opens up emotionally about his own sister, and those are all ways of showing Stolas that it's okay that Stolas isn't okay.

But here's the thing. The knowledge that it's okay to not be okay is Blitz's, not Stolas'. That is Blitz's emotional state, not Stolas'. Stolas doesn't know it's okay to not be okay, and even though Blitz keeps conveying this message to him, he's not able to hear it just yet. Not this early in his descent to rock bottom.

In fact, learning that it's okay to not be okay is a journey that Stolas only begins at the end of the episode. By then, Stolas still isn't okay, but he begins to come to terms with the fact that that's alright. And he does this by allowing Blitz to sit in silence with him, to dance with him, to pry a laugh from him, to hold him without any expectations of being held back. The final scene of the episode is all about them both being okay even though Stolas isn't. We see this in the fact that Stolas lets himself stay in Blitz's arms, going as far as closing his eyes. He's there. He's finally in the moment. He's finally allowing the "not okay" feelings in his body to just be.

The Stolitz Montage song ends with:

You put one foot in front of the other

Then you take it day by day

Knowing you got nothing

You still got each other

Ooooh-oh oooh ooh

Again, most of these lines do match Stolas' emotional state. In fact, the notion of just living life one day at a time, just focusing on putting one foot in front of the other, is very representative of what a depressive episode can and does feel like.

But, in the very last line, the song shifts right back to a reassuring tone: "you still got each other".

Now, not only does the hopeful, optimistic sentiment of this line belong—once again—to Blitz's emotional state, it also goes directly against what the emotional arc of the episode aims to achieve.

Sinsmas isn't about them having each other—Sinsmas is about Stolas having Blitz.

It takes him all episode to realise this, too. At the beginning, when the montage takes place, Stolas is just going through the motions. As stated above, he's just focusing on putting one foot in front of the other—he's fully on survival mode. During the fight with Andrealphus, Stolas is shocked that Blitz came to save him, that he risked his life. That is the moment Stolas begins to truly comprehend that he can lean on Blitz. And then, after they get home, he slowly continues to learn it, as explained above. By the end of the episode, he's only just starting to allow himself to lean emotionally on Blitz.

And significantly, Blitz doesn't lean on Stolas. Because he's at a very different part of his own character arc, and he already had his opportunity to lean emotionally on those around him with Millie in Ghostfuckers, and to a lesser extent, with all his employees during their mission on Sinsmas.

Blitz has gone through enough pain, character growth, and healing to both understand exactly where Stolas is at, and be able to meet him there and be a rock for Stolas to lean on.

So the reason that line—that last line, positioned strategically to drive home its message that it's all gonna be okay—doesn't work for the montage is twofold. Firstly, because Stolas isn't ready to see that he has Blitz. Secondly, because it is now Blitz's turn to give comfort without needing to receive it in exchange.

And, if we take a look at the whole song, the reason it doesn't work for the scene is because it doesn't meet Stolas where he's at. The song says, "yes, you're sad, but—" and shifts to optimism. It doesn't fully allow Stolas to simply not be okay. To not be there yet. It doesn't fully allow his depression to just suck. The feelings of sadness and overwhelmingness are shadowed by a positivity and hope that belong to Blitz, and not Stolas.

Let's now take a look at Day By Day, and at which ideas from the original song were kept, which ones were changed, how, and why it works:

youtube

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

You take it day by day

You got everything that you had thought you wanted

But you still feel so blue

And you don't know what to do

Right off the bat, the lyrics are very similar in tone to the ones at the beginning of Stolitz Montage. Once again, a lyrical voice in the second person describes Stolas' emotional state: he's blue (sad), he's taking it day by day.

But there's already a change. "You have everything you thought you wanted, but you still feel so blue".

The fact that Stolas had always wanted a life with Blitz is something the previous song doesn't touch on whatsoever. And it matters, because "what Stolas thought he wanted" is a central part of his arc in the episode. It comes back during his breakdown at the office: "and I did it for what?! These stupid, foolish fantasies?" And it comes back again when Blitz saves him from Andrealphus, and when Blitz dances with him and their eyes meet afterwards.

As stated above, this is the episode where it dawns on Stolas that he has Blitz. But he isn't there yet at the beginning of the episode, and so he still believes what he and Blitz had was just a fantasy of his. And because he's never had anything with Blitz that wasn't a fantasy, because fantasy is all he knows, he doesn't immediately know what to do with the real thing. With the domesticity, and the errands. He doesn't recognise the signs Blitz is sending his way that he's got Blitz to lean on.

These two lines are also important because they bring forth another aspect of depression that the previous song doesn't: that love doesn't cure depression, or make it magically go away. That going cold turkey on your meds and having a massive depressive episode is going to suck no matter how many good things you have in this life, because depression is a biological process, not a state of mind. Depression takes away your ability to find joy in things that used to bring you it. It takes away your feelings, your energy, your strength.

Notice that Stolas doesn't seem apathetic or hollow inside on the night of the trial and the morning after. Yes, he's had his title and power stripped, he's been physically assaulted in the street, and yes, he's worried about Octavia. Obviously, he shows signs of being dissociated, and he's exhausted. But, emotionally, he's still hanging on. He still thanks Blitz for everything, and he talks to Blitz in the morning, and smiles when Blitz offers to get him rats. Before the effects of going cold turkey on his meds start to kick in, he's grateful to be around Blitz.

It's during the montage, as the days go by, that he starts feeling blue. Because depression is very quickly taking away the joy he found in Blitz's company.

And that's why, even in the first few lines, this song conveys Stolas' state of mind so much better than the previous one. Because while the message in Stolitz Montage was "yes, you're sad, but—", the message in Day By Day is "yes, you should be happy, but."

It lets the sad win over the happy. It lets depression take Stolas down with it, it lets him feel helpless and lost. "You still feel so blue, and you don't know what to do."

The song continues:

You're sitting at the end of the rainbow, but the pain grows

And you can't help let the strain show

'Cause what else are you to do?

These lines emphasise the ideas presented in the previous ones: that Stolas should be happy, but he isn't. That the pain that has planted itself in Stolas is growing. So much so that he can't help but let it show.

Stolas' helplessness, his slow descent into misery, are given the room to exist. Everything around him seems fine, but he's not fine. And he's not told that it's okay to not be fine. Because this is Stolas' emotional state we're exploring, and for him, it's not okay to not be fine right now. He's too busy going through the motions to grant himself that kind of mercy.

The song finishes:

Keep it calm, life goes on, and on, and on

Nothing's wrong, nothing's wrong

So why do I still feel this way?

Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh

You take it day by day

And, much like in the previous song, we get a small hint of what could be interpreted either as advice/reassurance from the lyrical voice, or as Stolas actively telling himself to pretend to be okay. "keep it calm, life goes on, nothing's wrong". In this case, though, I lean towards the latter interpretation for a very simple reason: the next line shifts to first person. "So why do I still feel this way?"

And that's the thing: once again, the hope and calm he's trying to make himself feel are immediately overpowered by his feelings of sadness. Once again, it's the sadness that wins over, and not the happiness. His depression is given room to drag him down, take him slowly towards rock bottom.

And once again, the last line—at least the last one before the chorus is repeated—is used to drive home the message of the song. But this time, the message is that, despite it all, despite having what he wanted, despite sitting at the end of the rainbow, despite trying to convince himself he's okay, he still feels sad. Because that's what depression does. No matter how many good things you have in your life, it drags you down.

And that message, in that last line, is delivered in the form of a question. "Why do I still feel this way?" This matters for two reasons. The first one is that it shows that Stolas isn't (fully) aware of what's happening to him. He obviously knows he needs his meds, he knows he should be taking them. We see him reach out for them. But he is also living his emotions, and not just experiencing them from the outside. And as the emotions take over, he loses perspective of where they come from, too caught up in how they're drowning him.

The second reason this matters is because the song and the lyrical voice don't offer Stolas answers.

In Stolitz Montage, Stolas gets an answer to his struggle: that, ultimately, [Blitz and Stolas] still got each other.

But in Day By Day, all Stolas gets are questions. What else are you to do? Why do I still feel this way?

Day By Day meets Stolas where he's at during the days leading up to Sinsmas after the trial. It allows for these questions to exist without an answer; it lets the answers come later in the episode. It lets his journey through the episode play out, allowing him to learn that he has Blitz, that he needs his meds, and that he has to be okay with the fact that things are not okay.

By the end of the episode, he can acknowledge that he made his choices and has to deal with the consequences. He starts to understand Blitz is by his side, willing to help him through this. That his relationship with Blitz might not feel like he thought it would, because he's too mentally ill and heart-broken to be there—but that they still have each other, they still love each other, and they'll be okay.

But during the montage, he's not there yet, and it wouldn't make sense for the song to be there, either.

So, yes, as cute and optimistic as Stolitz Montage is, and as glad as I am they released it anyways for us to enjoy, I believe the writers made the right decision by scrapping it for the episode.

If you read this far, thank you for your time! Please treat yourself to a glass of water for me, and feel free to share your thoughts ❤️

#helluva boss #helluva boss meta #helluva boss sinsmas #stolitz #Blitzwhore meta #This post took so long to write but I'm so proud of it #stolas helluva boss #Depression tw

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tenderjock · 23 days ago

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I’m with you, my love The lights shining through on you Yes, I’m with you, my love It’s the morning and just we two

#spike btvs #spuffy #spuffyedit #btvs #btvsedit #buffy the vampire slayer #it's terribly simple #you know you want to dance #injuries cw #bites and chews and gnaws on anyone who says buffy didnt love spike. BITES and CHEWS and GNAWS on them.#like is that not the whole point? of him? of his entire character arc? of his burning to ash as he breaks the sunnydale high school #(AKA buffy's personal cage within the slayer's cage that was sunnydale itself AKA the place where he and buffy first ever fought #and he nearly killed her for the very first time but was foiled by the immense love someone felt for her) as he breaks that place to rubble #in a way also very reminiscent of the first time they slept together and Literally Fucked A Building Down. anyway as he's doing ALL OF THAT #like sure she doesnt HAVE to love him she doesnt owe him anything and even if she did love isnt about obligation. but when buffy says #that she loves him in that scene. theres nothing to indicate that she doesnt feel it. that she isnt telling the truth.#idk man. people take a man who is dying telling someone not to love him as the gospel truth when i feel like its more ... like maybe he's #making a misguided effort to be kind? he's telling her ''dont get too hung up on the vampire thats about to catch on fire #and get your pretty ass out of here while you still can please.''#whatever. WHATEVER. in the perfect btvs that lives in my head most of ats isnt canon but esp the part where spike comes back and doesnt #immediately 1. ASK IF DAWN WAS OKAY 2. upon being told by angel that he cant be put in touch with buffy because [mumbles] misogyny?#go ahead and engage in a flirt campaign at harmony until she breaks down and calls buffy for him. those would be like the FIRST TWO THINGS #that spike did after he came back to unlife. first two things frfr #i'm gonna end the tag rant there. hmm

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dancing-lex · 2 months ago

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Thank you @bazpango for tagging me in Snippet Saturday!!

This bit here is from my post-L death WIP! Gonna keep it a buck, I based this fic entirely on Martha Sways by Andy Shauf, but now there's the added bonus of one crying Light Yagami :]

#late as fuckkkk sorry #but its a saturday!! partial points?#not gonna tag anyone here. if you feel called then do it :]#anyway here is your drunk and sobbing light yagami everyone #this started as a writing exercise and a way to sate the brainworms #the thing is like. less than a thousand words so this feels like half the fic hsddflkjaskjh #but yall are encouraging me to finish it so thank u :')#lawlight #yagamane #sort of?#light yagami #death note #death note fanfiction #wip

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edge-oftheworld · 1 month ago

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I don’t really talk about it much on here because I’m extremely lucky to be able to understand exactly what’s going on in my body, but it’s scary to live for years as someone who Gets Things Done in a way your peers don’t really understand, be putting effort into so many things you care about, and then suddenly lose the ability to do not only that but also basic tasks overnight after a deadline, and bit by bit after many. it’s scary getting really irritable sometimes to the point of violence, just when you were meant to be celebrating the rewards from your hard work, the only impact of the work you did that you can see is that you overdrafted your ability to do anything. including have a basic conversation without getting grumpy or crying. and your body is going to make you pay it back with interest, you already know that, but you don’t know how to start filling yourself back up. you’ve only ever enjoyed being on the grind, hard at work on exciting things.

I don’t know how many of you have been through the kind of burnout that’s years of needing 12hrs of sleep a night but with terrible insomnia, waking up to what feels like a hangover for weeks on end with little relief then rinse and repeat without having a single drink, feeling too sick to eat and needing to exercise to emotionally regulate but being unable to, anxiety that doesn’t come from worry but you’ll pick that up too at some point, dissociating every time you try to do mentally taxing tasks that you’re PAID for so it takes an hour of grounding yourself just to get five minutes worth of productive concentration, falling asleep the minute you feel a little safe by being in the presence of loved ones. but I suspect I’m not the only one.

I’ve had songs for the energetic and angsty times leading up to this. for the exasperated times and the brain fog and the times where all my limited energy is tied up in feeling things. that I need to, need to acknowledge, but it’s overwhelming and I live in a haze for weeks as a result of. songs telling of the kind of youth I wish I had, even when I was sold something else. songs for the months spent as a teenager trying to be there for my friends, worrying for them, distracting me from worrying for myself, trying to cling on to positivity and hope amongst it when I had to choose to make a discipline of always seeing that. I’ve had songs for healing and when healing is harder than expected and songs that have the right level of musical complexity to capture the layers of everything that’s happening in my head, making it sound good, telling me it’s gonna be okay.

I don’t know how I could ever say thank you for this. but I do know that I see parts of myself in the people behind these songs, of course I do, and I worry for them as a result and ache for them because it’s hard enough to feel this way when no one knows me or feels the need to control me or mould me into what they think I should be. I’d do anything to keep them all healthy and happy and all of their loved ones too and I don’t think it’s strange as a fan to take that seriously. I hope we can understand the need to treat them gently, and to while not questioning their privacy and the fact that they’re never going to tell us everything they go through, listen to our intuition when we catch something we relate to and treat what they’ve shared with us or hinted at with the dignity we would if someone we love told us something vulnerable. be kind in our expectations and be intentional in the fan culture we create because it does make its way back to them.

and the same goes with all of you. we’re bonding over the same things. I know a lot of this fandom is in the stage where interpersonal relationships are hard. we don’t mean to be grumpy of frustrated but we are. and I’m sending love to all of you. we can get through this together. it’s what they’ve always longed for isn’t it?

#thoughts after how worried I’ve been recently. since june I think #I’d love to start a conversation in this fandom about the connection im newly discovering between burnout and mental illness and fatigue #in a way we can be positive about these things and be there for each other without calling anyone to confirm if we interpret some songs #to represent experiences that may or may not be theirs because it doesn’t matter in the end. we have these songs and if you get it you get #we’ve all been clocked as ‘not feeling very well’ recently anyway so. it doesn’t need to be specific. but we do need to be kind #like hey. artist. I don’t know exactly what you’re going through to have written these songs that mean this to me. but I’m here for you #fill in the blanks. all we’ve got are our stories to share. I hope mine helps us understand and be a little kinder to those who need it #without thinking we can judge who we think needs it. but rather default to kindness and in the case of musicians etc that means patience #it means we learn together. what it means to connect and have boundaries and the boundaries they might like to have #anyway I’ve not said who these songs are by so if you reblog and wanna tag another artist that’s g I’ve got a few by several others as well #but I know this fandom. I know this band and I know exactly why I worry for each band member though I’m not gonna say here. just. take care #5 seconds of summer #5sos #luke hemmings #ashton irwin #calum hood #michael clifford #exact experience of burnout I have talked about is that of someone with adhd and a pda profile and some form of bipolar #which may be a product of pda profile things or not. these aren’t the only diagnoses I’d likely fit but they are the ones that explain the #story and have guided me to understand how to recover and I’m doing that bit by bit. and if you want me to tell you how please ask #but I’m not advertising it cause that’s weird I’d sound like a scammer if I did. even if when I’m hypomanic I think I can heal everyone

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softness-and-shattering · 15 days ago

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#bds is calling for boycott of google and amazon?#babes thats not possible they own everything #pretty sure they own certain processes like payment processing #there was someone who tried to not use google for a month that kind of challenge and it was almost impossible to do anything at all #thats just not realistoc as a goal. what impact do they hope to make. amazon and google will not notice.#am i gonna regret this maybe but im in the tags for a reason im whispering here #i shouldnt even be commenting my general rule is to not get openly involved #i dont like amazon or google but boycotting them is a ludicrous proposition idk how it could even be possible nevermind effective #and disney+ bad bc of a couple characters and actors? cmon on now there are bigger fish to fry.#they might take down those shows but it wont change material conditions for anyone itll just make activists feel important #like the boycott of sodastream that just lead to Palestinians losing their jobs.#take that energy and put it somewhere useful #not dissimilar from this anti dropout thing going on instead of just saying hey sam reich we wanna see more trans women on screen #its gotta be a whole us v them global discussion of oppression rather than hey could you improve on this #and im not trying to tone police im just talking about effectiveness of strategy and allocation of energy #anywaaayyy i think done bitching #mine

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great-tusk · 2 months ago

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ughhh I need to stop having mental breakdowns over little things.

#vent in tags #chat sesh with iris #vent #tw vent #I feel like everyone hates me and even you all hope I die and nobody likes my ships bc everyone thinks I’m not good enough for my f/os #and the worst part is that none of it is unfounded!!!#none of my friends are talking to me AT ALL anymore even when I start conversations #(including in text)#while they actively talk to other people WHERE I CAN SEE IT!!!#only one of my friends is and all they do is send me anti bs and go ‘omggg these people are so weird!!!’ about like anyone who ships with-#certain characters (including ones that I SHIP WITH!!! which is why I don’t talk about it other than here)#people are like ‘omggg… I hate it when men like these characters. you don’t get them and they’d never love you.’ about my f/os #which triggers dysphoria and self loathing and fear about my ships #tw suicidal ideation #<- somewhat #I don’t like anything about myself and I don’t deserve anything that I have #man. I don’t even want to be here anymore #also I have severe mental illness that has caused a lack of possibility for happiness that lasts longer than fleeting moments #I have not spoken (like aloud) to anyone other than my parents since THE THIRD!!!#I’m going to ask my psychiatrist for testosterone on Wednesday but idek if I’m gonna make it until then #probably I will because I’m too depressed to gather the energy to do it #also she might even say no or not be able to prescribe it #and this isn’t even why I’m the most upset rn but I REALLY need a win #also my mom was like ‘you haven’t given me another name so I’ll just keep calling you the name I gave you 😊😊😊.’ instead of. idk. asking me?#tw suicide #okay yeah the tag is fully warranted now #I like know how I’d do it and everything #I also had a panic attack because I couldn’t find my quilt hashtag just autism things!!!#not takeover #obviously

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voiceshearingyouloud · 2 days ago

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Finally properly sobbing after not being able to cry all day is such a great feeling

#long distance is actually so terrible I’m dying over here #you might be like ‘anne you’ve been in an ldr for three years now how are you not used to it?’#and the answer is that the pain gets worse every time! and the most annoying thing is that usually it peaks the first night apart and goes #easier from there; but if my mental health is bad enough in other areas it will stick around for up to two weeks which I can already tell i #happening. so that’s good #and as you may remember from me posting about it; things were a little rocky for a while because of my OCD as well as me just being a #terrible person. not really; I need to speak to myself with kindness #but also I think I’m just a bad person. like just through and through not a good person #not that I really think good or bad people exist it’s just everyone does some harm and some good and you can’t nearly divide that into good #or bad #or at least that’s what I tell myself when I think back on the shitty things I’ve done #which is a lot.#but long story short my idiocy did not cause them to dump me even though they easily could have #anyway fuck I just miss my partner and it’s unfair they’re not holding me in this moment #now I just have to keep making amends and working on myself so I don’t do it in the future. I didn’t cheat if anyone’s wondering; I feel #we’re gonna call later anyway so hopefully that will help. and I do feel better for sobbing #like that’s always my assumption when other people blog like this lol #apologies for the tag rant but it is my own post lol #this isn’t even mentioning my academic stress because that does feel secondary to the everything else #because I think I get like a camouflage worry where my brain will tell me I’m freaking out about school #but really it’s a cover for the really painful stuff underneath #anyway. this too shall pass and no emotion is forever and I will see my partner again and we’ll have a long life together :-)#anne speaks

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daz4i · 1 year ago

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how and why is there discourse about whether or not certain queer identities exist/if people should be allowed(???) to use them. why is "people know their own identity better than you ever could, and they're the only one who get a say on what they are" such a tough concept to grasp

i think if you find yourself offended by the label someone uses (especially if they're a stranger) or think it invalidates your own, it's a good idea to look inside yourself and question why that may be. more often than not, it's a result of insecurity or uncertainty of your own identity (or many other things, but i won't make a whole list here). whatever reason it is, until you resolve it, you shouldn't take it out on people for having an identity you don't understand

many have said it before but it's worth saying over and over. infighting only helps our oppressors. conservatives don't care if you're a cis gay or a xenogender aegosexual aplatonic lesbian, they hate all of us either way. trying to fit in by going for people who are easier targets for them isn't gonna help you, it'll just alienate you from your own community, and you're never gonna please them. the momentary rush you get from hearing you're not like "one of /those/ gay people" is not worth it and is gonna do more harm in the long run, i assure you

also, it is important to me to say this, but having some less than nice kneejerk reaction caused by confusion about an identity you don't understand doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything. as long as you aren't mean to that person, and you take a second to think smth along the lines of "wait a minute, this isn't any of my business" after having said reaction, you're good 👍 a lot of reflexive reactions we have to things are ingrained into us simply by. well. living in a society 🤡 and you're not terrible for having those thoughts. it's your actions that matter, and your second thought (the "wait, why did i just think that?") is more defining of your actual character and morals than your reflex. i know that having thoughts like this, even tho they're unwanted, can very easily make one spiral, so it's important to me that whoever needs to hear this knows this doesn't make you a bad person 🙏 you're good, keep taking actions to be good, accept other people even if you don't understand them, and you're on the right track :)

#i considered adding that last part in the tags but i figured it'll be too long for that 😭#i noticed i'm posting a lot of rants lately. sorry. but i do wanna make sure no one's actually feeling bad over them #if i complain about something that you do or call it mean and such. that doesn't make you a bad person #you can always work to change and grow 👍 it's not easy but it starts with smaller steps than you'd expect #and now i just switched to a whole other topic from my original point. oops #i do firmly believe that any discourse about someone's identity is dumb as fuck #seeing it in poll blogs always makes me 😐😬 like how is it any business for any of us. why is this up for debate #if a person says they're queer then they are. they don't need to pass some test or go through initiation to be accepted #if they feel comfortable with a certain word that's awesome. why does it matter to *you* which word they use #'they're only using this microlabel to feel special' so? is there anything wrong with that?#'this label contradicts [insert other identity that falls under the same umbrella]' ok. but does that hurt anyone in any way #a lot of identities can even be self contradictory. does it matter tho? does it affect anyone in any way?#'they might realize that label is wrong later' again. what's the harm in that.#i don't blame anyone for these thoughts bc like. this is how cishets view a lot of the even more common labels #so you're basically taught to think this way from day one. that doesn't mean you need to stick to that thought process #you might have these reflexes forever no matter how hard you try. but you'll get quicker about moving on from them #but you do have to try. you do have to realize that other people's identities aren't about you #anyway. this post feels like batting at a hornets nest. really hope i don't get some bad faith readers here lol #(i noticed a lot of places one could apply bad faith but like it's 3:30 am i'm too tired to add this many disclaimer.#so i'm gonna trust you to not jump to conclusions and to approach this in good faith okay? mwah 🖤)#also my whole ramble abt morality (in the tags too) is relevant to. any topic really #i may just make a separate post about it really. .....tomorrow tho.

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