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cinnawonbabe · 1 day ago

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He's Yours, But Am I?

pairings❥ jake x fem!reader

point of view❥ 3rd person

warnings❥ mentions of sex, body issues, dieting, signs of pregnancy, abandonment, slight verbal abuse, manipulation, unprotected sex

word count❥ 20.6k

genre❥ angst, smut

synopsis❥ falling in love with your friends with benefits is a difficult burden to carry. not using protection to feel closer to each other was fun until you missed your period, so what happens when your pregnancy test results come back positive? to you, it had been a dream come true; you knew you had to break the news to him eventually, and maybe you could finally confess your feelings to him. when you do finally tell him the news he tells you he isn't ready to be a father, requesting you to stop seeing each other. falling in love with your friends with benefits is a difficult burden to carry, but it in no way compares to being in love with your friends with benefits and having his child to carry.

note: i apologize for the absence. i was so emotionally invested in writing this story, so i just kinda lacked the motivation to wrote anything else. can't promise all of your previous requests will be fulfilled, but i'll do my best! please like, reblog, and interact as much as possible! it will help me get motivation to finish more stories and grant more requests. i'm super proud of this work, i think i'll do 3rd person from now on. i hope you all enjoy, let me know how you all like it!

"do you think i'm getting fat?" y/n asks her friend, chaewon, as she pinches her stomach, the almost unnoticeable weight gain making her frown at herself while she stood sideways in the mirror. chaewon frowns as she watched from the bed, she noticed y/n had been losing her glow ever since july ended, but she attributed it to their sophomore year in college that would be starting up again in weeks' time. y/n always lost her glow whenever school started back up.

"a little," chaewon replied honestly. "but that's normal! we've been eating well these days; it could just be a bloat, you know?" y/n thought about it for a second and nodded. that may have been the reason she's also been nauseous lately, too, having eaten more than her body could handle in the name of enjoying her summer break more. chaewon takes note of y/n's thoughtful silence, adding onto her statement, "we can always go to my pilates and yoga classes to change it back to normal if you want..?"

"maybe, i'm gonna wait a few days to see if it'll go down on its own first," y/n sighed, giving her reflection one last glance as she unfolded and pulled her oversized shirt down again, meeting chaewon on the bed with a jump and loud thud as she stared at the ceiling. chaewon only stared forward, continuing to watch tv as they stayed in a comfortable silence.

"you talk to hyunjin lately?" y/n asks chaewon, breaking the silence. chaewon only shrugs her shoulders in response.

"eh. how about you and jake?"

"we've been seeing each other in person more, and he's becoming more of a caller than a texter these days," she explains to which chaewon only responds with a hum of understanding.

"hyunjin and i are the kind who don't need to talk to each other everyday for our bond to be as strong as it is. when we're together, it's like he never left," the smile on chaewon's face awakens something in y/n: lovesickness. she pouts, but it's more of a pout of envy than jealousy, because she could never be jealous of her best friend.

"i wish i could relate," she groaned, turning to lay on her stomach as she receives a facetime call from jake. picking up the phone, she fights back a smile by biting the inside of her cheek. "hey, you!" her excitement comes out awkwardly, like a teenage girl trying to talk to her crush despite her heart and brain not cooperating normally like it had only seconds before.

"hey, y/n," he laughed, still not quite used to her shy demeanor on the phone. "you up to chill?" he asks, making y/n almost scream out a yes to him. but she couldn't, obviously. chaewon was over and she didn't want to kick her friend out just to hang out with a boy, especially knowing chaewon wouldn't do that to her.

"i would but my friend chae is hereㅡ"

"it's fine!" chaewon interrupts the girl, her head appearing behind y/n's in the tiny box as she waved to jake who responded with a nod. "i was just getting ready to head out soon," she walks closer, giving y/n a kiss on the cheek as y/n lowers the camera for privacy. "mwah. bye, i love you. let me know if the bloating goes down so i know whether to register you as my plus one for my next session."

"okay, okay. i love you too," y/n responds, chaewon leaving soon after. y/n finally moves her attention back to jake who was clearly eavesdropping the entire time with a cheeky smile on his face.

"bloating for what? are you on your period?" he asks, making her groan annoyed by his nosiness. "hey c'mon it's a natural thing, you can talk about it with me. plus, you know a period don't stop nothing but a sentence," he winks only making the girl groan more.

"you're gross," she gagged dramatically, making the boy burst out into a fit of laughter. "there's no way i'm having sex with you on my period," she added on, but he only laughed harder.

"why not? c'mon don't knock it till you try it! let's try it out today," he persists making her pout her lips as she thought about it. it could just be another thing she could cross off of her list of irrelevant things she did pertaining to sex.

"maybe, but i won't be getting my period for another week since i didn't come on it this week like the app said i would," she says, shrugging her shoulders. "huh. you didn't peg me to be the kind of guy who's into that stuff."

"oh, i'm not. but i think i'll be into anything that involves you, y/n."

"ugh, don't directly address me when you say things like that, you know how it gets me!"

"maybe i want you to get like that. how sexy is phone sex?"

"doesn't sound any better than real sex."

"maybe to you, i'm getting hard just listening to your voice."

"oh my god. goodnight, jake," y/n's eyes widened as she hung up, a small smile painting her lips.

waking up the next morning, and after immediately looking in the mirror, the bloating did not go down. a disappointed sigh left y/n's lips as she threw one of jake's sweatshirts over her tank top to cover the 'obvious' difference in her appearance as she made her way to campus, already dreading the day.

upon arrival, she met chaewon in their usual spots for their lecture, seeing the girl with coffee for the both of them. offering her friend a thankful smile, she took a sip of the coffee, eager for its bittersweetness to wake her up as it usually did. but her sip was quickly, and secretly spit back into the cup as an indescribable amount of disgust flooded her taste buds.

"jesus, who pissed in this coffee? it's disgusting," the girl asked, making her friend's eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. she'd known y/n's order by heart; it's been prepared by the same worker for months. y/n's never been dissatisfied with the taste of the coffee before.

"he's prepared it the same way he does every morning, so i'm confused," chaewon says, watching y/n try to give the coffee another chance by taking a longer sip, immediately gagging as she lets it drip back down into the cup again. now even the smell of it was unbearable. she pushes the coffee away all together.

"well it's shitty today, let's just get some more later," she responded, both girls shrugging it off as they listened to their professor's talking once again. y/n was tempted several times after the fact to drink the coffee, but she was too sickened by its taste and smell. she eventually got up and threw the whole cup away all together, hating the way her body was responding to it.

when lunch rolled around, it was safe to say they both had forgotten about the morning's coffee incident, and y/n was already more than excited to eat the lunch she had yet to order. though the summer sun hadn't gone yet, the heat was certainly making its way out. temperatures outside were fine, so the walk from their hall to the building holding the university's lunchroom went smoothly, however the air conditioning had murderous intent when they entered the building.

"god i hate this building," chaewon groans as she zips her jacket up, which worked to no avail as the fabric was nowhere near thick. y/n nodded in agreement as they both subconsciously agreed they'd eat quickly so they could just leave. getting into different lines, y/n walked over to the soup station, getting her favorite vegetable soup that always made the freezing AC temperatures more bearable. she fixes a smaller bowl than she usually would, already beginning her dieting journey to lose the weight she'd gained.

once she added her side dishes, she met chaewon at the table with the most sunlight shining through the big, wide open windows, eager to get the warmth that this building insisted heavily on denying.

"we should've just ordered takeout instead," y/n grumbled, sipping a spoonful of her soup juice as she closed her eyes, the steam from her soup fanning her face as a "thank you for choosing to eat me today." savoring the soup, as she usually did, she immediately cringed at the horrible taste that flooded her mouth. "my god, why is everything so shitty today? first the coffee, now this?" it was clear that her mood was plummeting from her sudden disdain towards the food she loved most. she pushed her tray away, saddened, making chaewon sigh with pity.

"do you just want some of my lasagna?" she knew y/n wouldn't want it, but she couldn't stand to see her best friend so upset about not being able to eat. it was a dumb question, because it was something y/n hated the most, but y/n nodded, pushing her tray over to the girl. chaewon is confused but gives her a reasonable amount to eat, not too much as it would go to waste if she didn't eat it, but not too little as to have her request for more in the event that it wasn't enough.

reluctantly, she takes her fork and digs into the lasagna, hating everything about it, but the smell seemed a lot more inviting that what it had been only months before, the time frame she first decided she hated the entree. taking a hesitant bite into it, her eyes shot wide open as she began chewing. it was delicious. and she didn't know why. she opted to eat more of it, quickly downing the food as she looked at chaewon, begging for more to which, of course, the girl obliged. she wasn't that hungry anyways.

days had gone by since y/n had found a new love for lasagna, she even branched out the different flavors they offered, becoming obsessed with the spinach-alfredo lasagna. they were two combinations she knew she'd usually hate being put together, but she couldn't stop eating them. and though chaewon never said it aloud, she was confused. so confused. especially confused when y/n had suddenly started gagging, on the verge of vomiting only minutes after she'd eaten so deliciously. but, she rushed to the bathroom with her friend, ready to assist her nonetheless.

it's was a sad thing for her, watching her friend look so sick and helpless over the toilet while her body kept forcing her food up, not even stopping after the fact that her stomach emptied, telling her she still needed to throw more up. when she finished, her whole body was shaking, and she was on the verge of tears from the burning she felt in her throat.

she insisted she was fine, her solution being to eat again to make up for the food lost, but after having several incidents of vomiting to the point of tears, all of them with chaewon being her personal witness, she couldn't quite convince the girl anything anymore, reluctantly having to agree to seeing the doctor and get to the bottom of it. but they weren't ready for any of the questions that the doctor would ask the poor, and naive, y/n.

"have you been sexually active in the last few months, miss l/n? more importantly, without protection?" doctor kim asks, taking both y/n and chaewon by surprise. she looks over to her friend, feeling uncomfortable by the question, but chaewon only gives her a sympathetic smile as she encourages her to answer the doctor.

"yes.. but i don't see why that matters?" y/n replies, essentially dismissing the doctor's question. there was no correlation between the two, she was just feeling a little under the weather. or maybe it was a result of her semi-depression from her weight gain? there were so many possibilities. "we think i may have a stomach bug," she adds on, making the doctor click his teeth in response. he sighs, adjusting his glasses as he looked past her, not wanting to cause conflict, but still needing to do his job.

"well, miss l/n, i'm not suggesting anything big, but since you have had unprotected sex, your symptoms are seeming to lean a lot toward-"

"i'm sorry ,doctor kim, but i don't need suggestions. i'm paying you to use your damn degree and use facts to get to the bottom of this, not suggest my symptoms have anything to do with the sex i have in my life," y/n spits out, grabbing chaewon's hand to lead her out the door.

"you go, i'll be a quick second," chaewon smiles at the agitated girl who only nodded as she stormed her way to the car. letting out the breath she'd been holding, she bowed apologetically to the doctor. "i'm sorry, doc. she's been really moody since she gained weight. she's usually the sweetest girl!"

"i see," he responds. "she may not be willing to right now, but i recommend coming back soon and getting an ultrasound to see if my thoughts may be correct," he says, getting ready to head out the room, since he no longer needed to be there, having other patients to tend to.

he'd already been long gone by then, but chaewon still responded to him. it was more for herself anyways. "i'll think about it."

looking in the mirror every morning became a habit for y/n. she absolutely hated the way she looked. she felt like she was in a body that wasn't her own, her mental health only worsening with each day she decides to stare in the mirror. she was lonely. she'd been skipping classes, telling chaewon she was just too lazy to go to, but doing that meant chaewon wouldn't be there to support her rapidly growing illness. and she couldn't just call jake, either. they argued too much and they both hated it, deciding that no contact was better than enduring the toxicity any longer.

but today, she couldn't endure not speaking to him any longer. she'd grown far more dependent on him, realizing her days of misery could only be made better by him. so, even though she knew that calling him most likely wouldn't end well, she hit the facetime button, watching with anticipation as she waited for him to pick up.

"y/n," his sigh of happiness only brought a smile to her face, and for a second everything felt better, even her stuffed nose seemed to clear for a second. her eyes watered, but she quickly blinked the forming tears away because no y/n you will NOT cry. "i missed you," he says, making her heart flutter as he frowned through the screen.

"i'm sorry," was all she could say, lumps forming in her throat. why did this have to make her so emotional? she'd never cried over something as simple as this before, it wasn't rare for jake to express his feelings for her in this way, but for whatever reason she decided that hearing all of this now meant and felt more than anything. "i missed you, too."

"how have you been?" he asks, making her lips form a thin line. she never did tell him of her illness, being scared that he'd stop coming over in fear of catching her symptoms.

"i've been bored, there's never anything to do these days, and i'm too lazy to go out."

"hm. then how about i come over and give you something to do?" his question was laced with suggestiveness, making her feel an uneasy amount of insecurity. she really wanted to have him come over, more than anything, but it just couldn't happen. not when she felt like this. and not when she looked like this either.

"i don't know, i'm pretty tired right now, too," she laughs nervously, making him sigh.

"please, y/n. it doesn't even have to be sex. i just want to be with you. i miss you," while it didn't seem like much to him to admit it, it meant the world to y/n. she felt like he really wanted her. and in a way, he did, so of course, she let her heart fall right into his arms. even though her doubts and insecurities begged her to say no, she refused to listen this time.

"okay," her heart was beating fast, unsureness running through her veins, but all of it was worth it. any ill feeling would be worth it if it meant she'd get to see his smileㅡ a smile that only existed because of her.

"say less," he giggled, hanging up the phone. she let out the breath she was holding, her senses awakening as she realized all of what she just agreed to. she looked at her outfit, too revealing for the way she was looking right now. "shorts are fine, but i need a bigger shirt," she spoke to no one but herself as she went to her closet to put on an oversized hoodie in hopes he wouldn't be able to see how "ugly" she'd become.

it didn't take long for him to arrive, engulfing her in his arms as soon as she opened the door. it was times like this that made her wonder, why would she even want to fight with him to begin with? she's head over heels in love with him; arguing with him only took away these moments from her. she couldn't stand it.

"pretty girl, you've lost your glow," he says after they pull away from their drawn out hug, grabbing her face, moving it around in his eyesight as he frowned. her eyes were accompanied with dark eye bags, her cheeks were puffy, and her skin seemed to have paled quite a bit since he'd last been over. she could only smile bitterly, that's what no sleep does to you, she thinks.

"it's because you haven't been here to shine on me," she laughed, taking his hand to walk to her bedroom where they both sat on her bed. he laughs along, happy upon the realization that they most likely wouldn't get into an argument since the majority of their arguments happened digitally.

"well we're together now, so that's all that matters," he says, making her smile. she nods, taking a second to look at him while he turns his attention to the tv, already browsing through netflix to put on a show or movie he thought they'd be able to enjoy. she didn't realize how fond she'd grown of him until now, but maybe she just forgets about it until moments like this come up for her to acknowledge them once again.

the universe was unfair to her, in more ways than one, but giving her this special relationship with jake made all of the hardships disappear. she liked jake. and even though she knew he didn't feel the same way, she liked that his actions made her feel like he did. and they shared a lot of intimate moments, so even if she didn't necessarily have the real label she wanted, there was nothing that could stop her from pretending.

maybe that's the thought that kept her going, allowing him to make himself at home in her heart more and more with each passing moment they shared. maybe that's what made her stop looking at other men the way she looked at him. maybe that's what accidentally brought her lips onto his, cupping his cheeks as her eyes closed in relief when he kissed her back. it was always heavenly to kiss jake, but this time it felt better than that. he kept her slow speed, not bothering to pull her on his lap, yet, as he was determined to savor this moment in fear of it never happening again. he moves his hand up to her cheek as she let hers fall down to her side, smiling into the kiss as he stroked her cheek lovingly.

it felt like an eternity, them staying like that. but, jake was never patient when it came to these things. and it wasn't far from how y/n was either, so naturally he attempted to escalate it, his body already anticipating how good they were going to make each other feel. but as soon as he attempted to slide his tongue in, y/n panicked, squeezing her eyes shut as she pulled away, face hot with embarrassment as she saw the confusion the boy had on his face.

"is everything okay?" he asked, putting his hand on her shoulder gently so as to not startle the girl more than he already seemed to. she averted eye contact, but nodded nonetheless. "did i do something wrong? did i make you uncomfortable-?" he asked further, thoughts spinning around his head as to why she'd pull back.

"no i'm sorry," cutting him off, her voice was low as she didn't really want him to hear her confessionㅡ afraid it would spiral into another argument given her contradicting actions. "i just.. dont want to have sex," all the thoughts and reasons he'd listed before flew out the window, his mind going quiet as did he.

"you're seeing someone else. is that it?"

"wha- no, jake! i just-"

"there's nothing else it could be," he says, making her frown. jake had been suspecting this for a while. he'd never had any problems with her whenever they called or facetimed, or even texted before. but for the past few weeks, that's all that's been happening. he'd somehow say the 'wrong' thing and she'd blow off on him, it would spiral into something worse, then they would just stop talking until one of them texts again. the last time he'd gone through that, his fling ended up leaving him and moving onto a serious relationship, something they swore they would never be able to doㅡ well, clearly not with him at least.

"jake, i swear it's not like that!" y/n's heart was beating out of her chest, she could feel his sadness even though everything he said was monotone. he was hurting over something that she wasn't even doing. and the way he already seemed so sure of it? it made her wonder how long he'd been feeling this way.

"then why do you keep leading me on and then backing out when you're the one who initiated it? are you seeing someone else, y/n?" his eyes were starting to gloss over, and she hated it. so, so much. she didn't know what to do. admitting the truth would only make him leave. her silence only further proved the point he convinced himself that he was making. adding fuel to the fire- "do i only tempt you enough to try but not go through with it? am i SO bad at fucking you that you have to go find someone else to do bette-"

"i'm not thin anymore, okay?!" she finally had the courage to cut him off, tears streaming down her face that had become hot from her frustrations caused by his baseless, but very, very hurtful accusations.

"what?"

"i've gotten fat. and-," she sighed, trying to regain her composure. "i want so badly to have sex with you, but i'm scared. i'm scared that i'll take off these baggy clothes and- you'll be disgusted by my body and leave me. i would never be so evil as to go out of my way to cheat and hurt you. this is only happening because i hate myself and my body for what it's becoming. i can't let you see me be like this."

"baby..." his voice is soft, contradicting the anger it projected only moments before. even though that one word was a great comfort to her, it only worsened her rainfall of tears as she allowed herself to break down in his arms. it was something he'd never understand. she was beautiful in his eyes, nothing would change that. "i don't care if you gain weight, or lose weight. hell, you could wake up bald and i would still find you to be the sexiest girl alive. don't you ever think otherwise."

she nodded, pulling away to look him in the eyes, her pout failing to disappear despite the fact that she was starting to feel a little bit better about it. he smiled at her bringing his lips to her forehead for a kiss, then to each individual cheeks, then finally to her lips in a kiss that was sweeter than the one shared beforeㅡ only she would let it escalate this time.

pulling back, she looked him lovingly in the eyes. they were shining the same way hers were as he pulled her back in for a hard, but not too hard, peck on the lips, more following after them as he wanted to bask in all the moment had to offer. her giggle only made him smile as he pecked her lips one last time before he went to shower each cheek with kisses as well. once he felt he'd spread the love there enough, he tilted her head to the side, trailing kisses over her neck, not any lower as his sweatshirt was in the way. moving back up, he kissed her ear before he whispered a low "take this off," while tugging on the sweatshirt that had now become a barrier between the two of them.

obeying his request, she lifted the fabric off, throwing it across the room as her body shivered from the temperature change on her bare arms. he laughed, latching his mouth back onto her neck, this time carefully sucking, leaving his own marks of love behind for her to be able to look back to if she were to question his love for her again. tugging the bottom of her shirt as she assisted him in lifting it off her head, the shirt being carelessly thrown somewhere across the room like the jacket.

he changed his position, kneeling with either knee on her side as he pushed her slightly to lay her down on the bed. he stared down at her body, scanning the beauty she was. it was then that she realized she had nothing to cover her top half, her stomach was on display for him to see and, despite his comforting words, she became embarrassed. not wanting to make it obvious that she was feeling insecure, she pulled him down to connect their lips together. letting their tongues dance with one another, he lets his hands travel down her sides, moving to spread her legs for him to grind his crotch against her, the sensations leaving them both gasping at how much they'd been neglecting their sexual needs with their petty arguments.

"fuck," she moaned into his mouth which only drove him crazy. god, words couldn't explain how much he loved those sounds she made. he pulled away, going to take off his shirt while she nearly drooled at the sight of it. everything about that man was perfect to her.

"fuck, y/n," he breathed out as he kept rolling his hips against hers, biting his lip to hold back the lewd sounds his body begged him to make. "how am i supposed to go slow when you're this sexy without trying?" his words made her tear up as she covered her face which was now hot with her shyness. the sight of it made his hips stutter, of course only she could bring him that close to climax without doing anything but being her.

he moved away from her, the warmth they shared being the first thing they missed as he pulled her shorts down, throwing it across the room as she leaned forward to pull his sweatpants down enough for him to scoot out of on his own. his cock sprung up, hitting his lower abdomen as she stared at it in all its glory: fully erect, reddened tip glistening with precum. just how she liked it. they both giggled at the fact that they both were intentionally not wearing underwear. "wanted to fuck me that bad, huh?" he smirked, leaning down to connect their lips in a kiss which she smiled in. when he pulled away she smirked back at him.

"i could say the same, baby."

he sucked in a breath, halfway opening his eyes as he began lightly stroking himself, making sure to make eye contact with her. "ah- y/n, you don't know what you do to me," he whimpered as she could only watch him with doe eyes. before he could get too comfortable stroking himself, and before she could get too comfortable watching the show, he rubbed his tip through her folds, then circled her clit (just to make her feel good) before he slowly inserted himself in.

she winced at the stretch, it really had been a while since they last had sex. he bit his lip as he pushed all the way in, unmoving. he moved his hand down, using his thumb to rub on her clit which resulted in her clenching around him. he slightly threw his head back, sighing in content at the feeling. "that's right. keep doing that," he says as he pulls out nearly all the way, only to slam himself back in completely before he decided on a pace. everything about their togetherness was just right. they knew exactly how to make each other feel good. that's what lovemaking to them was. they didn't need to be slow paced or have foreplay or perform oral before they fucked; the love showed in the way they could absorb every essence of each other's being. the way their energies combined and turned them into one.

his pace wasn't too slow, nor was it too fast. it was just enough for her to feel all of him, and it was enough to hit all the right spots, wherever she needed him most. the room was silent except for the small sounds of pleasure they both made, accompanied with the sex sounds their bodies created. he leaned forward, connecting their lips in a sweet kiss, cause everyone knows he couldn't get enough of kissing her. she returned the kiss, tears prickling in her eyes from how good everything was feeling. she loved this. she loved him. "i'm close, baby," he pulled back to announce, speeding his strokes up ever so slightly as he chased his high.

"me too," she announced, this time clenching around him more while her heartbeat only raced, each thrust bringing her closer. he rubbed circles around her clit faster as her moans started becoming more vocal, the pitch raising with each thrust until one thrust finally hit the spot. "ah, jake dont stop," she begged as he sped up to chase his own high. "dont pull out, it's okay! fuck i wanna feel it." he couldn't hold back any longer upon her words, thrusting one last time before he came to a complete stop, filling her with his seed.

"fuck," he breathed out, slowly lowering himself to be on top of her. he scooted so that she could be able to lay her head on his. it wasn't often that jake would stay cuddled up to her after they finished having sex, but he felt like he owed it to her for how shitty he had made her feel without knowing the full story. it wasn't often that he whispered sweet little nothings into her ear while stroking her hair, but tonight (despite their strict forbidden rule of affection) it felt needed. and he was willing to give her anything he felt like she needed. every action and choice he decided to make only further showed that he loved her, in a way.

even though he was sure he wasn't capable of feeling it anymore, this special relationship jake shared with her made all of his doubts about love disappear. he liked y/n. and even though it was something he'd never be able to express or accept it, he'd let his emotions be shown in the moment as they were. and, like most of everything that they did that didn't make sense, it always seemed to work out.

the sun shining through the blinds, accompanied with the unforgiving air conditioning that froze her skin, y/n yawned as she got up, rubbing her eyes. pulling the blanket up to cover her body, she looked next to her for jake, but he wasn't there. she knew that regardless of how affectionate he was last night that there'd be a chance he would still leave during the night, but it hurts to know that no matter what he'd say or do, he'd still be gone in the morning.

her tears start their early morning shift, brimming in her eyes as she pouted at the whole idea of him leaving her altogether. the tears turning into a rainfall of agony as she sobbed to her heart's content, only to be interrupted by her overwhelming need to puke. running to the bathroom she can't make it to the toilet, having to quickly choose between the floor or the sink, her brain choosing the latter of the two.

holding the edge of the sink, her head was bent over so as to not make too much of a mess. she let her first round of puke come up, feeling disgusted with herself for not being quicker. one she was finished she barely had time to recover as she took the chance to run to the toilet, finally being able to vomit there as she originally intended. it hurt and tasted like hell after she was finished, but that of course wouldn't be the end of her misfortune. upon hearing her alarm go off, she realized that she only had 15 minutes to get ready.

snoozing the alarm she immediately dialed chaewon's phone, screaming incoherent words as a weak attempt to ask for help. chaewon's eyes widened as her car's speaker blasted y/n's crying into her ears. "woah, woah, woah!" chaewon said, cutting the girl's screaming off. "talk in a way where i can understand you."

"i keep- i can't stop throwing up, i'm scared i wont be able to make it to school!" she cries out. "please chaewon, i know i ask for a lot but i need you right now," she begs the girl who was only two or three turns away from the university building. as the red light finally turned green, she sighed, making a turn that led her back on the path from where she'd originally traveled to come to school.

"i'm on my way," she lets y/n know, making her way to the nearest drugstore to make a quick purchase. y/n sighs of relief, her tear stained cheeks lifting slightly as she smiled at her friend's support through her hardships.

"thank you, chae," she says, holding onto her now empty and hurting stomach. "i'll make it up to you."

"you don't have to make anything up to me y/n. you need my help, so i'm giving it to you. just please take care of yourself until i get there, i have to make a quick stop, okay?" she says as she gets out of the car, her phone call disconnects from the car and back to her phone.

"okay," y/n sniffles as she begins coughing up a storm, gagging as she tried her best to hold down another load of vomit.

"okay, i'll hang up first. bye."

not waiting for a response, she ends the call and walks into the store. after a quick search, she immediately went over to the corner where the items lay bare for everyone to see. she picked up one of the pregnancy tests, ignoring the looks she felt on her. it was nobody's business anyways. when she went over to the register, older customers gave her judging looks, which she only smiled in return at. as soon as she got to the front, she smacked the box down, not bothering to get any other items as it would just add onto her time in the building.

"what are you hoping for?" the young cashier attempts to ask her kindly, but you can tell she was judging her too. if it had actually been chaewon in this situation where she'd need the pregnancy test for herself, she would have been passive back, but it's not her. so she didn't need to be letting it get in her head regardless of how stressful it was to be here.

"a girl," she puts on a fake smile and enthusiastic voice, praying the kid would hurry up and scan the item. once she was done doing that, she put the item in a plastic bag, quickly handing it to her.

"wishing you the best of luck as a mother!" she says to which chaewon could only nod at as she rushed out of the building and back into her car. now, chaewon wasn't the kind of citizen to speed. she knew it wasn't safe for anyone and honestly she hated it because it never felt nice to her body, especially when she was the one behind the wheels. but after the call with y/n, she had to because she knew how much y/n needed her there.

when she had let herself in using the key that y/n gifted her months ago, she ran quickly to see the girl's head hanging carelessly in the toilet as she barely moved. "y/n?" she asks, going over to her. y/n only hummed in response to assure the girl that she was still conscious. she wanted to talk, but everytime she tried to muster up words, that awfully familiar gagging overpowered her. and she didn't want to go through throwing up again, so she gave up, resorting to laying in her misery as there was nothing more she could do.

"gross, y/n," chewon says as she moves over to the sink where it was filled with her vomit, the scent making chaewon gag a little. she turns the sink water on, going under the sink to get some bleach out in hopes of it helping with washing it down. "you couldn't make it to the toilet in enough time?"

"no," y/n cries out, voice hoarse from all of it already as she gags more, another load of vomit forcing its way up as the scent of her throw up and bleach met her nose. chaewon yelps as she helps the girl throw up smoothly, holding her hair back until her body finally realizes she couldn't throw up anymore, though it was already too late by now.

the cleanup process went a lot smoother than they both expected. chaewon ordered y/n to get a sip of water to soothe her throat while she busied herself with cleaning the sink and the toilet since y/n was already so careful not to make a mess anywhere else. when both of them were finished, they laid on y/n's bed with chaewon stroking y/n's hair, the pregnancy test being the only thing on her mind. she was torn. she didn't know if she should bring it up to her, but it was the only thing on her mind since they first went to her doctor's appointment. she also was scared it would upset y/n. her emotions were unstable as of lately, and she didn't want to be on the receiving end of it, at least not now.

"y/n?" she finally speaks up after a few more minutes of internal conflict about it. y/n hummed in response. "you and jake don't use protection, right?" she asks, making y/n groan annoyed. "don't catch an attitude with me, just answer the question."

"we don't use protection, chaewon."

"okay then does he like, you know, pull out?" she asks further, making y/n stiffen up in embarrassment.

"yes."

"are you sure?"

"yes chae! god damn it," y/n says as she finally catches onto what chaewon was suggesting, blowing off the steam that was building up. it makes chaewon a bit more hesitant, but she has to do this for her; she didn't want y/n to keep living in denial if she didn't have to.

"y/n, i need you to think really hard about this. i get that you're frustrated, but i'm only asking because i want to help you... please. there has to be a time when you weren't sure if he did or not. or maybe he was a little too late to?" she is careful with her words, but they still manage to break y/n's walls down as she bursts into tears upon remembering the one important night she had so carelessly forgotten.

"there was- uh one night," she says. "i don't remember if he'd pulled out soon enough because we were both too tired to be safe about it."

"do you remember when?"

"i think it was sometime last month, but i don't really remember. all I know is that i texted you to hang out the day after because the sleep i got was so good. god chae, i don't even want to think that this could be a possibility," y/n was exasperated. she didn't want to be pregnant. anything but that. but chaewon just kept pushing the idea in her head, making her terrified that it'd be an actual possibility.

"i know, love, but i'm asking this for your own good. now, i have something for you, but you can't freak out okay?" she says as she lifts the girl's head off of her stomach, leaning into her bag to pull out the box she'd purchased.

"okay," y/n says as she looks over to chaewon's busy hands as she puts the box behind her back. "can i see?"

"okay, breathing under control?" chaewon asks. y/n nods. "and don't. freak. out. it's going to be okay," she adds on. y/n nods again as she breathes steadily, her eyes closing as she gathers her senses together without anticipating what chaewon could give her. "keep your eyes closed and just grab the box i'm about to put in your hands.

following her instructions, she gripped onto the box as soon as she felt it in her hands. opening her eyes, she couldn't help but tear up at the sight of it. she knew that her friend would give it to her eventually, but now? she wasn't ready. her grip on the box tightened as she shook her head.

"it's okay, y/n. calm down. breathe, then get up and go take the test," chaewon said, lifting the girl up as another form of encouragement. "no matter what the test says, i'm here with my undying support for you. fighting girl!"

"fighting," y/n sniffles as she goes into the bathroom, leaving an emotional chaewon behind. she sighs, laying down again to stare at the ceiling, her own tears starting to form. it hurt. all of it. from having y/n taking her frustrations out on the girl, down to each tear that spilled from y/n's eyes as she realized her life could truly be changing. she hated seeing her best friend cry, especially knowing that she didn't deserve any of that heartache. it felt selfish to sit and cry about it as if she were the one in y/n's place, but she couldn't help it.

taking a shaky breath, she exhaled in an attempt to calm herself down. she needed to be rational. if this is hard for me, then it must be hell for y/n. she quickly wipes her tears as y/n screams and falls to the bathroom floor, only a few minutes after waiting for the results. chaewon ran into the bathroom, shocked by the solemn scene in front of her. y/n, with shaky hands, held up the test to the girl's face. it was an unmistakable "YES+" on the stick. with widened eyes, chaewon pulled the sobbing girl into a hug. y/n was actually pregnant. and with jake's child at that.

"i don't want it!" she cries out as chaewon nods, quickly removing one arm from her as she began looking up clinics for an abortion.

"okay, i found some clinics," the girl says. "we can set up an appointment when you're all calmed down, okay?"

"okay."

"now let's get you to bed; you look terrible," she helped y/n clean herself up, brushing her tasseled hair into a low ponytail, washing and moisturizing her dry face, putting her pregnancy test into a bag just in case. by the time they were finished, the atmosphere had calmed down and everything seemed okay now that y/n came to terms with her conditions. she was just glad that this would all be over soon.

when the two girls finally got settled down, they decided tonight it'd be best if y/n wasn't left alone. cuddling while watching bojack horseman, talking didn't seem all that important now that y/n had a warm embrace that wouldn't leave her in the middle of the night. she nuzzles her head into chaewon's neck with a yawn. "thank you for taking care of me, chae. i love you." it catches chaewon by surprise, but she just silently smiles, deciding not to say anything since y/n was audibly snoring by now. looking down at her best friend's sleeping figure, she pauses the show and prays to god that y/n, and everything, will be okay.

august 31st. today was the day y/n's life would change forever. she wondered why nobody told her that the drive to the clinic would be so gut wrenching. when she arrives, she signs in for her appointment and sits down to wait. she got a good look around the building. there were many people here, some accompanied by lovers, others with parents, while there was the noticeable few who were alone like she was. the air wasn't as thick as she'd anticipated, but she learned from chaewon that not everyone who went to these buildings were there for abortions. a big part of her was jealous of that because oh how nice would it have been to have been able to find comfort in such a heavy decision. but the other part was thankful; she wouldn't wish this dreadful feeling on her worst enemy, and yet here she was, feeling it to its fullest extent.

chaewon sadly couldn't make it. well, y/n wouldn't allow her to, begging her not to miss any more days. it was a difficult thing to convince her, since she knew chaewon could switch to online school like she temporarily opted to do for a more flexible schedule during her pregnancy until she could put an end to it and go back to her regular classes. she'd already caused chaewon to miss so much, she'd feel guilty if she'd done it again, even if right now all she could do was wish she let herself be selfish one last time because all she wanted was to be comforted by the only person who could possibly understand her problems without judgment. she sighed, sinking down into her seat as she watched the muted television on the screen, praying her turn would come soon so she could get out of this place.

"y/n l/n?" a sweet nurse's voice called out as she looked around the waiting area. y/n's eyes widened as they were met with the nurse's who beckoned her over. her heart was beating fast as she walked behind the lady who was escorting to one of the clinic rooms where she would soon be met with the doctor who would be performing the abortion. being left alone in the room was either one of the best case scenarios right now, or possibly the worst. she could be alone for a second to calm down, or she could potentially break down before the doctor could even speak a word to her. deciding she's already cried enough tears this month, she opted to taking a deep breath to remind herself that this was her decision to make, and this was what she wanted.

"good evening, miss l/n, i'm doctor kim," a voice spoke as it entered the door. y/n turned her head slightly to the woman. she was around her mid-forties, but something about her reminded her of her mother, her aura was comforting in that sense. "i assume you're here to get an abortion performed?"

"yes, doctor," y/n responds, lowering her head since she'd suddenly become afraid to make eye contact with the woman upon the mention of the specific procedure that was soon to be performed.

"oh, miss l/n," the doctor pouted, making y/n look up at her. "before we start, i'm legally obligated to tell you the process before we perform it," the doctor explained as she placed her gloves on with a slight smacking sound. y/n nodded, then the process explanation began. as the words spilled out of doctor kim's mouth, y/n couldn't help but feel sick to her stomach. her brain started zoning out everything the doctor was saying, the only phrase she could hear in her head was her brain telling her to get out. all she could think to herself was i don't wanna do this anymore. what felt like hours, but was only around ten minutes later, the doctor finally brought her attention back with a clap.

"so?" she asks. "are you ready?" offering a comforting smile that made y/n feel anything but. she could hear her heart beating inside her chest, her breathing suddenly drowning out all the noise around her. suddenly everything felt all too much yet nothing at all. she stayed still, trying her best to process her emotions, to state her peace, or to just right out leave.

"i need to use the restroom," she squeaked out, tears brimming in her eyes as she avoided any form of eye contact with the older lady in front of her. doctor kim senses the mood shift and sighs. this was an often occurrence, so she could only understand where the girl was coming from.

"look, kid. abortion isn't for everyone," she says placing her hand on her shoulder. "you're young so you think it's the only option for you, but it isn't. there are lots of good young mothers. you can do this. i don't want you to make a decision you'll end up regretting for the rest of your life. i can see you care about your baby. give them a chance at life, give yourself this chance in life."

y/n frowns, her lips quivering as the building tears spill from her eyes. "i'm sorry," she says, burying her head inside her hands. "i'm so sorry," she apologizes, unsure what she's really sorry for, she just felt like this was all she could say.

"don't be sorry, miss l/n," doctor kim responds, helping the girl to get off her feet, taking her over to the sink to help her get herself together again. "you know, you can always come back again. we give free ultrasounds, i'm sure you'd love to see your little angel growing."

”i'll try my best," she responds as soon as the tears subside. they bid their farewells and just like that, y/n was on her way back home. and, though she felt a huge burden had been lifted off of her shoulder, she was devastated. she had to tell jake.. and that was the biggest burden of it all. exhaustion was the first thing to hit her once she arrived back inside, she was so exhausted that she almost didn't take her shoes off at the doorㅡ almost. she goes to lay down, flopping on her bed to stare at the ceiling. it was weird. this has been the first time she didn't feel the need or want to cry. instead, her brain was doing its best to think logically despite not knowing exactly what to do.

she knows one thing for sure, though: she has to call jake immediately to have him come over to break the news to him, but the problem was that she was scared. she knew without a doubt that jake adored her, but he didn't love her. they were fuck buddies, not lovers, so in terms of what she could expect from him, there was nothing. she was at a complete blank, her only way of finding out would be to put herself in the position to do so. and though she hated the idea of having to do it, it wasn't just some decision she could just back out of. so, she picks up her phone, her hand shaking as she clicks the button to dial his number. the phone rang a few times before his sweet voice sung into her ear. "hello?" he asks, making her fears start to pile up. what exactly was she supposed to say to him?

"can you come over?" she asks, her voice tinier than the sureness she was feeling. "please, like hurry up. i'm sorry for everything, i can't be on the phone too long, just hurry up." upon hearing that, jake's heart broke into pieces. he could barely process what was happening, all he knew was that he was rushing out the door and into his car as he sped to her house. after she ended the call, she released the breath she was holding, getting up to look at herself in the full body mirror. she lifted her tank top up, rubbing her 2 months pregnant belly as a river of relief washed over her. there was something so comforting about the "weight gain" now. and she decided that, no matter what, she was going to keep it. in the midst of admiring her changing body, she jumps upon hearing jake's banging on the door.

he was anxious, thinking the worst upon her sudden call that lacked context, but he didn't want to assume the worst as he was still feeling guilty about what happened last time he'd said his unspoken insecurities aloud. with her heart beating fast, she opens the door and silently lets him in. stay calm, y/n. she keeps reminding herself in her mind as she knew that was the best way to get through this challenge. she ushers for him to sit on the bed, quietly taking a seat next to him but with great distance as she was still fearful. he notices this, so when they finally make eye contact she could see the insecurities blooming through. and it broke her. "i'm so sorry," she bawls out, throwing herself onto him. her tears dont catch him by much surprise, but it doesn't stop him from feeling the emotional toll from them. he is sad, but he accepts the pitiful embrace. she's really done it, he cries to himself, the tears landing on top of her head.

he doesn't even want to ask who, why, or even why he couldn't just be enough for her. he just wants to lie and pretend it's all okay so that she'll stay with him, even if he'll regret it. "i'm so sorry," she apologizes for the hundredth time, to which he once again responds with his verbal forgiveness. she hated it. she hated being a coward in that sense. she hated not being able to tell him of her pregnancy, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. "please don't leave me tonight," she begs as she was scared to wake up without him again because there was no certainty that he'd ever come back. he gulps in an attempt to swallow the lump forming in his throat. it doesn't work. "okay," he responds, not sure of what else he could possibly say to her. how can you comfort someone when you're in need of comfort, too? "i mean it, jake, i can't stand waking up without you, at least not now," y/n admits and it hurts jake. "promise me you'll be here when i wake."

"i promise," he says, determined to fulfill whatever need she asked from him in hopes of her continued loyalty to him. "i'll stay forever if i need toㅡ if you need me to," he says as if his honesty wasn't convincing enough. she knows he doesn't mean it in the way she needs him to, but she still lets his words comfort those unheard doubts that are plaguing her mind. she eventually pulls away, looking him in the eyes as she offers a bitter smile. she brings her thumbs up to wipe his tears away. "there's nobody else, jake," she says, seemingly being able to reassure him without him having to say a word. he sighs, and smiles back at her, choosing not to question the real issue she wanted to bring up to him. if it hurt her that much, he would wait longer to find out. but, to him, nothing could be worse to him than her finding a new man. so he'd be ready to accept and forgive anything else that she felt would burden him.

"let's just sleep," he says, laying down. she nods, moving so that he could lay on her chest. her heart was racing; she could never get used to the feeling he gave her. he smiled at the rate it was going. all of that was for him. oh, if only he knew that all those unspoken feelings were mutual. maybe then things would be easier for the two of them. but, as of right now, they would both continue to suffer in this lovesick state.

it was easy to fall asleep with him like that, and it was even easier to wake up with him in her arms. the sun was shining on them, the AC's temperature was just right for the two of them who had forgotten to get under the blanket, and the air was calm. it was a state of being that she didn't want to leave, but she had no knowledge of his work schedule, so she needed him to be up. she kisses the top of his head shyly. he scrunches his nose while she continues doing it until he moves enough for her to understand that he, too, was awake. "good morning," his voice was groggy as he was still not fully awake. she doesn't respond, letting him get up to freshen up. he walks into the bathroom, sitting on the toilet to go about his business. once he finishes, he flushes and goes to look at himself in the mirror.

his hair was disheveled and his eyes were puffy, but he felt like a million bucks as he smiled at his reflection. "nobody else, huh?" he giggles, smile widening as he applied the soap on his hands to wash them. once he finished washing them, he began drying them off on the towel as he started wondering what she had to tell him last night.

when he goes back out, he finds y/n in the kitchen grabbing some frozen breakfast burritos out of the freezer, the meal that had become one of her recent food obsessions. "baby?" he calls to get her attention, failing to see the smile she cracked as her back was turned to her. she only hums in response as she continues to plate two burritos for herself. "i'm not gonna push you to tell me anything, but i just want you to know that whatever it is that's burdening you, it's something we can get through together. there's nothing that can possibly drive me away from you. i'm ready to listen whenever you're ready to tell me."

her moves falter a bit, but she regains her composure and continues preparing her breakfast. once the microwave beeped, she met him at the table, opting to eat as a way to get her thoughts together, his words ringing through her head as she did so. when she was finished chewing her first few bites, she cleared her throat. "i'm pregnant," her voice held no emotion, so little that you wouldn't be able to tell her nervousness had it not been for her hands shaking as she held the fork midair.

"i-" he paused, not knowing exactly what to say. he was in shock. and, from the looks on her face, he knew that it couldn't be a pregnancy scare because it looked like this has been weighing her down for a while. he knew his reaction to this information would be contrary to his previous words, but he didn't expect it to be this serious. "are you sure it's mine?" he asks, breaking her heart. a huge part of him could believe she was pregnant; everything was starting to make sense from her weight gain to her overly emotional state, all the way down to her eating habitsㅡ he knew she absolutely hated burritos.

"there's nobody else, jake," her voice cracked as she offered him a small smile, the corners of her lips barely lifting as she did so. oh how comforting those words were to hear last night, but now they struck him in the worst ways possible. she looked at him, his expression unreadable as he stared directly through her each time she'd lift her eyes to check his gaze. the cat was already out of the bag, so what's the harm in emptying the mess it left behind? "and i... i want to keep it." he didn't know what to say. he didn't know what to do. and he didn't want to hurt her, but what about himself? he isn't a bad guy. it takes two to get knocked up but-

"i'm not ready to be a father," his words came out quietly, scared that hearing it himself would make the guilt he felt feel worse. and it did. the look on her face when she finally looked him in the eyes, if her glow was already dull, he'd taken it away. the words already did their damage, now he has to stay true to them. he got up from the table, hands shaky as he pushed the chair in without a word and he offers her an apologetic bow as if that could take everything back. "i'm sorry y/n." he didn't know what he expected. who would forgive a deadbeat anyways. she didn't say a word, opting to keep her head down in shame. she stayed that way, not even bothering to move even after she heard the door close behind him, announcing his genuine departure from the home.

y/n wasn't nearly as sad as she thought she'd be. chaewon was right, it would hurtㅡ and for a long time it did. "but once you feel okay, even for a second, everything will be okay," she told y/n. and that's what it was, after 2 months of tears, her brain shifted its focus from the pain of his absence to the changes her body was making. she noticed the small bump in which the baby was forming became more noticeable in her shirts. deciding to embrace this, she stopped wearing baggy clothes. and chaewon never failed to remind her how beautiful she looked whenever they'd go out. she noticed she started to gain weight, but it didn't make her upset.

instead of looking in the mirror with disgust, like she had done before she found out about her pregnancy, she spent her lonely nights smiling in the mirror as she rubbed her tummy. her earlier pregnancy symptoms started to lessen, and her eagerness to visit the doctors increased as she was always excited to look at her ultrasound. she no longer dealt with nausea, being able to feed both herself and the baby without fear of regurgitation, but she soon found that her stamina had also begun to change. she spent most of her off days homebound, as moving around too much could easily take her breath away.

"alright, ms.l/n," the doctor says, spreading the ultrasound gel onto y/n's tummy, the coolness giving her chills as its temperature mixed with the cold air that the air conditioner blew. "let's see how this little rascal is coming along, shall we?" doctor kim asks, moving the transducer around as real time images of the fetus started coming onto the screen. y/n tilts her head backwards to look at the screen, smiling at it.

"aww, it's got its thumb in its mouth," she cooed, putting on a happy pout to chaewon who was indulging in the screen as well. taking her eyes off of it, she signaled the doctor's attention while y/n stayed in a daze, watching her baby as it minded its business in her tummy. "are we going to be able to tell it's gender soon?" chaewon asks, making the doctor nod in response. "how long will that be?" she adds on, making the doctor think about how far along y/n was by now.

"we should be able to tell in the next week or so, from what i'm seeing, if its a male, its genitals haven't developed yet, so we'll have to wait to see if any more developments, in that sense, occur," doctor kim says, moving the transducer more around the head area. "we'll have to develop the photos before you leave, miss l/n."

"oh, please, doctor!" y/n exclaims excitedly as she continued to watch the screen. "oh my room is gonna be filled with framed pictures of these!" she claps, making the other two girls in the room smile at her joy. it was a huge change in attitude from what they'd seen just five months before. clapping her hands together, doctor kim begins to clean up the gel and transducer, putting the items away as she begins the printing process for the ultrasound pictures.

once chaewon and y/n left, they decided to go to the store to get more groceries. "i want fruit roll ups," y/n said as she looked at the aisle signs, searching for the one that displayed where the snacks were. once she spotted it, she dragged chaewon, who was holding the cart, directly to the aisle. chaewon could only giggle at her friend with the roll of her eyes. "we gotta get some healthy snacks too, love. how about some nature valley bars?"

"i don't know..." y/n responded. "i just want something sweet and chewy right now, but i could go for some dorito chips right now if you want me to eat something crunchy," she says, mouth watering at the idea of it. "nope. nope, nope, nope, nope," chaewon says, grabbing y/n's hand while she used the other one to steer out of the unhealthy aisle that they'd already stepped foot in. "we're not feeding your baby that junk, let's just stick to fruits, okay?"

y/n grumbles a complaint under her breath, but she complies as they go to the produce aisle. "let's get chocolate syrup, too. for the strawberries," she begged, which chaewon mindlessly nodded to at this point, being too busy putting boxes of berries into the cart. "then go get 'em," she says, shooing the unoccupied girl. y/n nodded as she walked over to the isle where it'd be held. she hummed a nameless tune as she looked around for the brand she wanted. picking up two different bottles, she pouted in thought, turning her head back and forth from them.

hearing a groan out of nowhere, with a familiar base in the voice, she scrunches her eyebrows and turns to where it came from. her heartbeat picked up as a distracted and frustrated jake came into her view, only around 5 feet away from her. just then, she felt a sting in her stomach. "fuck," she cursed to herself. the baby was kicking. she, with shaky hands, quickly threw one of the chocolate bottles back onto the shelf as she waddled away as quickly as possible. it had been so long since she felt the rush jake gave her. she was no longer mad at him because of what he did to her, but she was still pissed off at what he didn't and wouldn't do for their baby. "were you kicking me because you couldn't kick daddy?" she cooed rubbing her stomach as she saw chaewon rolling over to her.

"what about the baby's daddy?" chaewon asked as they began walking side by side. y/n snarled. he really doesn't deserve to be called that. she thought. but she quickly returned to her normal friendly gaze as soon as she met chaewon's eyes. "we, well i saw jaeyun in the syrup aisle, and the baby started kicking me. i think he did it because he couldn't kick him."

"he?"

"huh? oh yeah. i've got a feeling he's a boy, my girl wouldn't use me as her punching bag," she joked as she rubbed where the baby was adamant on kicking about. chaewon smiled at the sight, moving the girl's hand to replace it with her own. it almost brought her to tears as they got into the shortest line. after they'd finished paying and packing the groceries up, they were on their way back to y/n's home.

chaewon shared side glances at the girl while she sang along happily to the tunes that were blasting on the radio. she was starting to realize just how real this was and how far y/n had gotten over the course of this half year. "you're gonna be an amazing mother, you know that?" she says catching y/n by surprise as she stops mid lyric. the radio's volume didn't change, but the world went silent and everything seemed to come to a complete pause as y/n's lips trembled into a small smile, eyes watering as she did so.

in the past six months of her developing pregnancy, she was never told this. of course chaewon has always praised her for her strength, and her parents had offered support though they were disappointed, nobody has ever told her that she'd be a good mother. and, though it's something most mothers would look over, it meant the world to her because she felt like she would be anything but. she didn't realize how long she'd been crying until she no longer felt the car moving as chaewon pat her on the back in a comforting manner. "shh, it's okay. it's okay.. i promise you will be," she says, making the girl's tears pour faster.

"thank you so much," she cried out, allowing her body to milk the tears as she regulated her breathing. "i don't know why that made me cry so much, i think it's been something i've been needing to hear for a long time, you know?" she admitted, sniffling a bit. chaewon nodded, but didn't speak. she realized y/n probably wanted to say more. and she was right. "it's just.. without jake, i didn't think i could do it. i was so ashamed that he didn't want us, i thought that i would end up not wanting the baby, too. but i kept it because i knew that it deserved a chance. and i've been doubtful about my abilities as a mother, thinking i'm not good enough. but hearing that made all of this worth it, i have to be a good mother to it."

"i know, baby," chaewon said, kissing the top of her head. "now let's get you home, okay?" y/n nodded as chaewon restarted the car and finished their journey back to y/n's place. after unpacking the groceries, they spent the rest of that night cuddling while watching a movie on netflix.

walking into the store alone, y/n talked to chaewon, who was resting, through one bluetooth headphone in her ear. "do you really think it was a good idea to leave the gender a surprise?" she asks as she pushes the cart aimlessly around the maternity area in target. "mhm.. yeah. no yeah, you're right. well, anyways i'm just at target right now, about to buy some new jeans cause these mom ones are getting too tight... i know! it's ironic. well, i'm not gonna hold you up, you should finish working. okay, bye bye. love you, too." once the call ends, she goes to pick up some jeans. as soon as she finished picking out a pair or two, she rolled her way into the snacking aisle. a part of her was relieved that her stomach wasn't too big for her to be able to push the cart, she enjoyed being alone lately, even though she knew it wouldn't last very long as she only had 14 more weeks to go, and things would only get more difficult then.

picking up two boxes of granola bars, she hummed quietly as her head turned back and forth between the two items. she wondered which one to buy, they were both a personal favorite to her, but she wasn't looking to spend hundreds again, she still hadn't bought a bulk of the baby clothes yet since she didn't exactly know what to buy other than an excessive amount of zoo themed oneㅡ because there's nothing more gender neutral for babies than animal themed clothing. it had only been a mere seconds that she'd been so lost in her decision that she didn't even notice that particular set of eyes that were set on her, guilt building up and rushing through his veins as he stood there frozen in his spot.

jake was carrying a handheld basket. he figured he'd only needed to come to pick up some protein bars and energy drinks, he didn't need a cart. well, now he was regretting it as his grip faltered on the basket making it fall down onto the floor, items flying anywhere they pleased. luckily the boxes only slid a few feet in front of him. however, the protein shake rolled into forbidden territory, that forbidden territory being the area where she stood. his eyes widened and his head lowered as she turned her attention to the protein shake, then to him. he did his best to stall picking up the boxes as he did what he could to avoid looking at her. his hands shook as her shoes appeared in his vision.

"you dropped this, sir," she says. she had a smile on her face, the most beautiful one that he would have been crushed to see drop as soon as they made eye contact, but it did. "oh," was all she could say as he got up, gripping his basket harder as they made eye contact for the first time in a little over half a year. "oh," he responds, his eyes flickering to her stomach. a sudden punch of grief and regret hit him directly in his heart as it seemed to clench with pain. he averted his eyes and looked back into hers, but, again, he wished he hadn't. the tears were already brimming. "oh, oh. no, please don't cry. i'm sorry. please don't cry, please."

"i'm sorry. i'm just so happy to see you," her frown worsened as she squeezes her eyes shut, sobs escaping through her closed mouth while her body only shook as her arms stayed glued to her side. "shit, y/n. don't say that, please," he didn't know what to do. his eyes watered as he hesitated before pulling her in his embrace, the basket long forgotten as it fell back to the floor with a thud. he thought a hug would help, but it just hurt the both of them more. he was warm, exactly like she remembered. she wanted to be closer, to feel more of him but her stomach only allowed him to hold her so much. he felt her belly pressed against his, and it was foreign because it's nothing like the last time he held her and it was just a painful reminder of why he felt so shitty to begin with. "i'm sorry," he says, pulling back all too soon for the both of their liking. "we should leave, i don't want you crying in a target."

he grabs her hand, gently dragging her along as they walked out of the building. "i don't have a car, i ubered here," she says as she tries to keep up with his quickened steps. he nods in acknowledgement, not turning his head to her as he was too scared to look at her again. "i know, baby. we're gonna go in mine." now she was kinda glad he didn't look back at her, because her face had contorted into both a smile and a frown. she was still his baby after all this time, even if he didn't deserve it. once they reached the said vehicle, he opened the door for her, helping her get in as she couldn't climb in as swiftly as she used to due to the big changes in her body. it was kinda cute, the way she needed his help. it made him reminisce the moments that could've been. the times they could've had together if he didn't panic. brushing his thoughts aside, he got in on the driver's side as he began making his way to her place.

after they'd gotten in the house, he had the pleasure of seeing the changes made. in the kitchen, there was a green high chair with leaves scattered on it. when they walked into the living room, there was a fluffed carpet with the abc's accompanied with pictures of animals corresponding to the beginning letter. they walked into her bedroom whose walls were littered with pictures of every ultrasound, the growth of the child becoming more apparent as it continued. everything has changed. and jake wasn't here to experience any of it. he wasn't there to help her through any of it. and he felt so terrible for it.

"wow," was all he could say as he stared at the ultrasounds. she'd long been sitting on the bed, watching him. she had always wondered how she would feel when seeing him again. she wondered how he'd look physically, how he'd look at her, anything. she wondered if she would be angry. she promised herself she'd be angry, that she would lash out at him and spew all the hatred that had manifested these past seven months. but she wasn't angry. and she didn't lash out because.. she didn't want to. she was so happy to see him. and to see how he still cared for her, it healed the wounds that he had left behindㅡ most of them anyways. the room grew terribly quiet as the atmosphere began to suffocate them, engulfing them in the gloom that jake emitted into the air. he let out a shaky breath, his shoulders heaving up and down as his sobs only seemed to elevate in volume.

y/n's eyes widened as she used her step stool to get down from the bed and walk over to him, wrapping her arms around whatever her body could allow her to. he was crying. every single emotion he had pushed down was starting to tear its way through his eyes, lungs, and mouth as he buried his face inside his hands. tears, snots, and spit pooled in the palm of his hands but he didn't care. he wanted to allow himself to feel. but he felt so guilty. he didn't deserve to be comforted by her. cause god knows who was there to comfort her. "i'm sorry. fuck i'm so sorry y/n. i never wanted to leave you. i was just so scared. i was already scared to ruin our relationship. and then you told me and i freaked out. i changed my mind as soon as i walked out but i was so scared to come back because that would be so shitty, but i thought about you every single day. i want to be in the baby's life. i want to be in your life. i'll do anything to fix things. i can't keep living like this. you deserve to be taken care of, both of you. and i want to be the one to care for you."

his words touched every inch of her body, from the top of her head to way beyond her toes. she didn't even realize she was crying until it suddenly became harder to breathe in her nose, the airways being blocked by a sudden stuffiness. she let go of him, going to wipe her own tears off as he wiped his hands off. "y/n? are you okay?" he asked as she finally looked into his reddened eyes. "i waited so long for you to say those words to me. i'm so overwhelmed and happy, jaeyun. please don't leave me again," she begged, grabbing a fistful of his shirt. he didn't even get to respond as he felt her lips graze his. their tears slipped through their lips as the kiss continued. he cupped her face, bringing her impossibly closer as he tried not to apply too much pressure to her stomach. the two of them walked over to the bed, he helped her get up onto the bed where they would lay for the rest of the day.

"when does your lease end?" jake asks y/n as he pours himself a bowl of cereal. she shrugs, taking a bite out of her burrito. she tries her best to think about the date she'd need to renew it. "some time at the end of this month, why?"

"i want you to move in with me," he says, making her choke on her food. she coughs up the remaining pieces out of her throat as she drinks water to calm down the new burning sensation. "well, my lease ends in two weeks. i've been saving up money so we can have enough for a down payment on a better apartment. what do you think about that?" he asks, sitting across from her. she was frozen, chewing her new bite from the burrito more than it needed to be. this was all so sudden. sure, she had wanted this for a long time, but she didn't think it would happen even in her wildest dreams. it just all felt so unreal. "am i overwhelming you?" he sighed.

"no," she said after swallowing the food. "i'm just- i don't know. i just.. think there's levels to this and this is skipping a lot of them," she says. he purses his lips and thinks about it for a second before nodding in agreement. "you're right. but i think it should be fine because it's what i would've done anyways. this is making up for lost time. i have to step up as a father, and this is what fathers are supposed to do," he says. "look," pulling out his phone, he opens safari and slides his phone over to her. she looks at the screen. it was an apartment with a lovely view of the city. "only a 15 minute drive from the university and it's close to a lot of the businesses in the area. i could get it now, or we can go and do a tour and-”

"you'd really want to move in with me?" she asked, looking up from the phone. he tilted his head to the side at her. insecurities were apparent, making him realize she was still wary of the whole situation. understandably, he smiles at her with his eyes and nods his head. "of course, baby. we're making a family together. i think living together makes more sense," her posture relaxes as she smiles slightly. a family, huh? she looks through the pictures more: 3 beds, 2 baths. would he want to make more with her? there's so many 2 bedroom apartments in the same area, why not choose those? she wanted to ask him, but everything was happening too soon. and she didn't even tell chaewon that she allowed the boy back into her life yet. "i think it's fine," she says, sliding the phone back over to him. "this is good. i have no idea how i could possibly fit all of everything that i wanted to give the baby into this small apartment anyways."

"okay, then. you can say hello to our new home," he exclaims as he puts his phone in his pocket. "i gotta get to work soon, so i'll be off before your last class ends. i'll pick you up then?" he finishes off the rest of his cereal, sliding the bowl, with its sugary milk, over to her.

"oh," y/n says as she looks down at the gesture, taking the spoon out as she silently sips on the liquid before talking again as if she were embarrassed to continue her sentence. "i actually am doing the online learning course, i figured it'd give me more time to tend to the baby." even with the small laugh she let out, it was evident that she wasn't happy like, the gesture was meant to be. jake nods his head as he gets up.

"then i'll come back with some dinner, let me know what you're craving before 8:30," he says, checking his pockets for his keys. while walking out of the kitchen, he takes one last glance at her before letting out a breath and leaving. y/n stays there for a while as she lets the silence engulf her. there were always so many things to think about when she was alone these days, but today the one thing on her mind was chaewon and what exactly she was going to tell chaewon.

a big part of her wasn't ready to talk about jake yet as she wasn't completely sure if she was dreaming or not, but the other part knew better than to doubt anything that happened to her anymore. and it knew she would have to tell chaewon one way or another. even if she didn't owe it to her, she felt like she deserved to know because she was there for her every step of the way. having jake would take this burden off of her shoulders, but y/n was immensely afraid that chaewon would be disappointed in her. how weak was she as a mother to take back the same man who turned his back on their child? very weak. but she wanted nothing more than for her child to be brought up in a warm and loving family with both of its parents because she believed that jake and she would be good ones, regardless of his initial response when he learned of the pregnancy.

"okay," y/n says as she finally gets up. "clean up first, tell chaewon after," she grabs the plates bowl, and utensils from the table as she walked over to the sink. one by one, she rinses the dishes off, one time, two times, three times before she opens the dishwasher to put them inside. she wanted to manually wash, but it would be putting too much pressure on the front of her stomach from having to reach over the sink for that long, so she reluctantly used the machine. after she finished that, she got the broom and began sweeping the floor. being too lazy to mop, she resorted to sweeping the living up as she did what she could to slow time down. but doing chores wasn't easy with her stamina, so after around 20 minutes of stalling, she decided to plop down on the couch and text her friend.

upon receiving y/n's message chaewon raises an eyebrow, but types out a reply nonetheless. she figured it was something important or something that was bothering because usually y/n would call. as she made her way to the car, she let her unspoken anxiousness run rampant through her mind about what could possibly be bothering her friend. while y/n stared at chaewon's notification, all that could be heard in the silent living room was the tapping of y/n's foot. she clicked her phone off, taking a deep breath as she waited for a few minutes.

telling chaewon about the situation proved to be easier than y/n's doubts had originally convinced her it would be. of course, chaewon's expressions showed hesitance for the whole ordeal, but at the end of the day she knew it wasn't her choice to make. and even though she wanted to beg her not to let him come back so easily, she offered her hand in support. and jake proved to be thankful; the day they all decided to meet up at y/n and jake's new shared apartment for some final touches, he conveyed his gratitude to chaewon. he thanked her for everything in the book that he could think of, especially for taking care of her in place of him and for staying by her side through it all.

"you know," jake said to chaewon as they looked at y/n's sleeping figure on the bed. she'd gotten tired after her day of fun with them. she'd just knocked out mid laughter, resulting in her innocent slumber while the other two conversed. "it's times like this where i wish i stayed. most guys, when they find out their girl is pregnant, just run off and marry her before the bump even starts showing, but me? i ran off like a deadbeat and hid in my bedroom scared. i should've been a man and stepped up to be a father sooner. you know, i saw her again, like- pregnant at a target. just shopping alone. i know how people think out here, i saw how people were looking at her before i came to her side. i can't imagine how much she had to endure before then. i feel so guilty. like i don't deserve to be here."

chaewon listened intently to his words, seeing the way he teared up over it. she hesitantly reached out to hold her hand on top of his, that action alone feeling like betrayal as he stiffened upon her touch, but she only wanted to comfort him. she swallowed before she spoke. "it's too late to change the past, you're here now."

"yeah. i suppose you're right," he removes his hand from hers as he nods and she didn't know why it upset her as much as it did. clearing her throat, she got up from the bed. "i should go now, right? it's late and i have class tomorrow," she smiles softly patting her pants to smoothen them. jake nods and gets up as well as he says "i'll walk you to the door."

"oh! that's not necessary," chaewon shakes her head, but he insists as he follows her to the door.

"i have to lock you out, so either way i have to come out here," he says, making her mentally face palm at herself. she'd read too much into the situation of course. it was silent as she walked out the door, turning around with her hands clasped together. jake raises an eyebrow silently. "hm?"

"her due date is coming soon. i'm going to step down from being her main support from now on. i want to prioritize my life now, so please fulfill that empty spot for me," she says, walking away before he could muster up a reply.

y/n's screams of pain filled the room as the doctors did everything in their power to talk her through the birth. her grip on jake's hand was painful, but he endured it because she was probably feeling worse than he was.

"that's it, ms.l/n, we can see the baby's head poking through now, just keep pushing, keep breathing," doctor kim says, but nothing registers to y/n as she keeps her eyes squeezed shut, tears flowing down her face as she sobs out.

"chaewon!! chaewon-ah, it hurts s-so bad," she brings her free hand to cover her eyes, wiping what she could. jake stays silent, only offering her a chaste kiss on top of her head, then on one of her tear stained cheeks. he couldn't be upset in a moment like this. right now, all he wanted to do was comfort her until this passed through.

"almost there and .... it's a boy!" hearing her son's cries fill the air was the first thing to bring her back to life. her soul felt like it was floating outside of her body until that point, but hearing the first sounds he's been able to make since leaving her womb, pulled her all the way back in. and feeling him in her arms for the first time made all of the pain and hardships she faced worth it. "jaemin," she whispered to the baby boy, whose cries seemed to subside once he felt his mother's touch. "you'll take the 'jae' from your father," jake's ears perked up as soon as he heard it. "look jaeyun," she turned to him with a smile. he looked down to see their baby, sleepily cooing while they both looked at him with nothing but adoration in their eyes.

"he's beautiful," was all jake could think to say. and it was true, jaemin was beautiful. even though he was covered in gunk and y/n's blood, he was beautiful. doctor kim watched silently for a few minutes before she felt it was alright to take jaemin away to wash him up.

"don't worry, i will bring him back to you after you all get your deserved rest, it was a long 15 hours, but you did it!"

"mhm, i sure did do it," y/n said, her eyes fluttering while she tried her best to stay awake during her tired state. after the doctor left with jaemin, jake wasn't sure of what to do. he scratched the back of his neck, sitting down in a chair while y/n closed her eyes. the room was a comfortable silence at that point, y/n's small breaths bringing the calm to a maximum. "jake?" she whispered, not thinking to speak louder through her drowsiness as jake looked up from his phone over to her. "yeah?"

"can you please sleep with me?"

his heart raced as he looked at her.

"yeah."

"that's a good boy, that's a good boy," jake tickled jaemin's stomach as the 4 month old baby boy cooed, using his small hands in an attempt to grab at his father's.

"he's not a dog jake," chaewon giggled as she watched the two boys. she sat on the couch next to y/n who was lying down, her back facing the group.

"hey, babies can be good boys too," jake argued in his baby voice, his attention still being on the baby he was rocking slightly in his arms

"that's fair," chaewon agreed, rubbing her stomach upon its sudden growling. "you guys hungry?" she asked, opening up her phone to ubereats.

"eh, i could eat," by now jake had gotten bored of standing up, instead he sat down with jaemin whose head was now being held up by the crease in jake's elbow while he sat at a respectable distance from chaewon.

"me too," chaewon says as she scrolls through the tabs on the app, being pulled in by all the food options that it offered. she hummed and slightly turned her head over to y/n who only remained silent, eyes focused on the closed curtains of their living room window. "how about you, y/n?"

letting her eyes focus on multiple spots of the room in front of her, it almost felt like she was searching her surroundings for an answer. but there was none. "i'm not hungry," she finally chose to respond before it was too obvious that she was still avoiding speaking.

"aw c'mon since when are you not hungry? you should be taking advantage of being able to eat whatever you want now that jaemin's outside of your body!" chaewon says, lightly nudging her friend's body, though the girl still didn't respond.

"well..." jake's voice suddenly piped into the conversation. "she's breastfeeding, so she still has to be cautious of the nutrients and junk she gets. can't have our baby being unhealthy, now can we?"

now it was jake's turn to be nudged. "aw c'mon, he'll be fine with a little tacos in his baby system! i'll order some now, matter of fact," chaewon said as she typed in 'tacos' in the app's search bar.

"alright, but none of that taco bell, we need the organics."

"well you're not gonna find that in korea.."

"fair enough," jake says as he gets up from his seat on the couch. "let's just go get some. y/n needs some alone time with jaemin anyways, we've basically stolen him away from her. isn't that right, baby?" he says, booping the boy's nose. he walks over to y/n, gently moving her shoulder in a way that would lay her on her back. she closed her eyes, not wanting to look at him as he placed jaemin on her, a heavy feeling forming in her stomach. he pouts, sympathizing with her tiredness as he places a kiss on both her and jaemin's head. "we'll be back," he says as he and chaewon quietly head out.

she only opens her eyes after she hears the door shut and lock. looking down, she sees jaemin fighting sleep as he is so at peace with her warmth, and it's only then that she's brought back to reality. the guilty feeling she would always get once she would hold him would come back again and she begins to ask herself why she was feeling the way she was.

carefully, she maneuvers herself so that she can hold him properly in her arms with a sigh. "god damn it, jaemin. why am i like this? i don't hate you, i know i don't. but why does it feel like this sometimes?" his lack of understanding towards her words makes her feel a little better, he dribbles and gives her a gummy as she kisses the top of his head. "i'm sorry, baby. i don't like feeling like i can only love you when it's just the two of us alone. this isn't how a mother should feel. you deserve better than me." closing her eyes, she slightly sways her body to become a human rocking chair to soothe him more than her warmth could do on its own.

"can you believe it's only been four months since he's been born?" although jaemin was nearing half a year of being with them now, jake already loved the boy enough to be able to talk about him nonstop for hours on end. he even went back to work early just to be able to brag about how healthy and strong his son would turn out to be. there'd even be nights where he and y/n would sleep with jaemin, and she'd wake up to see him have his back facing her, while jaemin would be carefully cuddled up to him on the other side. it was no secret that he loved his baby so much at times it'd be suffocating, for y/n at least. even when their parents came over to visit, they'd joke and say he must have been the one to give birth to jaemin instead of y/n.

even now, as the couple lay in bed, it felt awkward for jake not to have jaemin with them. it had been a mutual decision of theirs to have him sleep in his crib as sleeping in between two very active sleepers could potentially be dangerous. even now as they both faced each other, faces being dimly lit by their tv, his mind seemed to stay focused on the baby who was asleep in the next room as the smile on his face never faltered. y/n looked into his eyes, smiling back. she felt at ease being able to be so close with him without having to worry about keeping distance between their bodies for the sake of jaemin. it was refreshing. but she thought it'd be better if he would shift his focus to her, even if it was just for tonight. after these four long months of neglect, it's the least he could do for her.

yet, somehow his conversation regarding the boy never seemed to end. so, taking matters into her own hands, he put a finger to his lips, giggling as he finally grew silent. "you have work in the morning. sleep," she says, and he nods, the smile on his face staying the same.

"i must be keeping you awake huh?"

y/n hummed in response, using her thumbs to gently caress his face as he melted into her touch. "okay, then let's sleep," he said, gently removing himself from her hold so that he was laying on his back as sleep seemed to come over him quickly. she guessed it was easier to tire when it came to her. she turned her back to face him as she reminisced the days he would stay up and talk to her. she so naively thought that moving in together would bring them closer; it wouldn't be surprising if she woke up to an empty spot in the bed when she'd wake up later.

"i'm happy you're here, but you shouldn't have switched to online classes just to be able to see me everyday," y/n said as she changed jaemin's diaper, the boy kicking his chubby feet at her in protest to the cold baby wipe she swiped on his bum as she attempted to rid him of his potty mess.

"oh please," chaewon says as she waves a ringing teddy bear in front of the baby's face to offer a distraction for y/n to finish more smoothly. "going in person was only fun because you were there, plus i love that i have more time to see my best friend and my beautiful nephew!"

"he is beautiful, isn't he?" she said as she put the boy in his diaper, his hiss of fits finally coming to an end as she rocked him back and forth in her arms. "he looks so much like his daddy, too."

"well, i see the both of you in him," chaewon says, laying on her shoulder with a content sigh. "it's so crazy how much he's matured since he came back. i honestly held a grudge against him, but now i think you caught the stars with him. he's an amazing father," chaewon finishes, raising an eyebrow when she hears a small sigh coming from her friend. "what's wrong?"

y/n's complaint is simple. when chaewon asks her, she admits, "he's a good father, and he takes such good care of jaemin, of course, but i just wish he'd take care of me too, you know? he used to have real life feelings for me, now it just feels like i'm nothing more than a mother to him, now that he's a father." she prayed to god that she didn't sound jealous of her own baby. how pathetic that would be of her.

"baby... i'm sure this is just a first time parent thing. he's excited about the baby you guys made. i would be too, i mean, look at him! he's adorable," her eyes scan the baby's features, smiling softly at the sight before her. "don't forget what you feel for him too, though, okay? you love jaemin that much too, right?" it was something y/n never thought about. deep down she knew she had to love jaemin. she knew somewhere inside her heart that she adored him, and there were even times where she wanted to spend every waking moment with him, but she wasn't happy. or at least not in the way she thought she would be.

when she was first pregnant with jaemin, all she could ever think about was how badly she wanted to hold him. how badly she wanted to meet him and love him the way she knew best, but nothing she ever did with him felt like the magic she wanted. if anything, she was pretty miserable all the time. all the responsibility was pushed onto her, nobody else dealt with his crying, nobody else fed him, changed his diaper, anything. everyone got the luxuries of being around him while she did all the work.

she hated it, but that's what she was supposed to do, isn't it? she was supposed to care for her child while jake went to work to make sure they all got fed & taken care of. she couldn't possibly expect chaewon to pitch in, it wasn't her child. but she felt lonely, and even though it hurt her physically, mentally, emotionally, she couldn't just stop taking care of the boy. he was her responsibility. no matter what she did.

and she tried so hard to not direct those malice feelings towards him, but there's a big part in her brain that blames him. chaewon notices the silence and it tells her everything she knows. "a lot of things can happen to your emotions postpartum, y/n. there is help that you can get to get you through this. don't be mad at yourself for feeling sad, it's normal."

"yeah... i'm sorry. i just don't know how to cope with this stuff." chaewon shakes her head fondly and pulls the girl into a side hug, patting her back gently until she lets go again.

"don't be. i'll look into getting you help, but for now i'll look for temporary remedies." she smiles and kisses her cheek affectionately, pulling away once more before walking out of the room. "get some rest. we can talk more later, okay?"

y/n nods silently and watches her walk out of the room, deciding to put the baby to sleep in his room before she goes into her own to do the same.

chaewon's temporary remedy was one of the best gifts y/n could have ever wished for. it took some days, but she convinced jake to take y/n out on a proper date. after 4 months of solely focusing on raising the baby, the two of them are finally getting some alone time together. and y/n could not be any happier. he scheduled a shorter work day so they could go out sooner, and she spent the whole day getting ready. she had lost half of the baby weight, and due to the practices she followed to recover from the birth, her body looked almost the same as it had pre-pregnancy. she did her makeup as best as she could, threw on a matching velvet two-piece, and she even deep cleaned the house so it would look and smell good when he would arrive home.

when he came home, he barely had time to hug her and admire the way she looked as her hands were both already occupied. one hand held jaemin's sleepover bag, while the other held the sleepy baby in his car seat. raising his eyebrow, she only offered him a smile. "i'm ready whenever you are," she said, but he only laughed.

"i have to get ready too," he said, walking into the direction of the bedroom to do just that. the home was silent apart from the shower sounds as she sat on the couch. jaemin was in his cradle playing with the mobile that hung above his head. she didn't know exactly how much more patient she could be. now that she knew what the night had in store for her, she couldn't stop thinking about it; that made the wait so much more difficult to endure.

it felt like hours before jake came out of their room. his jet black hair was parted in the middle, partially slicked back on one side while his outfit consisted of a silk maroon button up with silk black pants and black loafers. her eyes couldn't help but widen as she looked at him. yep. they needed to leave fast. in the blink of an eye, she was carrying both jaemin and his bag, following closely behind jake as they walked to the car.

the drive was quiet as jaemin had fallen asleep in the back. jake's focus was on the road, while y/n's eyes were on him. after they dropped jaemin off at chaewon's place the plan was to go out to eat, but as they approached the highway that would lead to where the closest restaurants were, y/n started feeling a heavy feeling in her stomach.

"um, jake?" she says, lightly putting her hand on his shoulder. he turns his head slightly to glance at her before turning his attention back to the road. "how hungry are you? like hungry hungry, or just 'eh, i guess i could eat' kinda hungry?" she asks, making him cock and eyebrow.

"the second i guess, why? are you not hungry?" he asks, finally being able to turn to her when they hit a red light. she nods without saying anything. "not gonna lie, i went through hell getting that reservation. eating just a little won't hurt, right?"

"i'm sorry but my stomach hurts really bad..."

"y/n," jake says, pulling over to the side of the road so he could look at her while they spoke. "do you just not want to eat?" she doesn't speak back this time. he sighs, rubbing his temples as his other hand grips on the wheel. "fine. we don't have to go, i'm not doing this with you tonight," he says, his tone void of anything, but she could tell he was annoyed. he turns the car back on and pulls back onto the road, looking for the nearest place to turn around. this time, the quietness of the ride was uncomfortable. she didn't want to be in it, but she was afraid to speak; she wouldn't know what to say anyways.

instead of taking the route that would lead them home, he takes a turn that would lead to where they had come from: chaewon's house to which y/n begs him not to. "why are we going to chaewon's house?" she asks.

"we're picking jaem up?" he says like it's the most obvious answer.

"please no!" her voice was desperate, more desperate than he needed to hear. "it's just- i don't know when we'll ever get time like this again. i don't want to lose out. please."

"okay."

he takes a left, starting the journey to go their way home. his speed is faster than normal. she notices and doesn't like it, but she does her best to ignore it since she was getting what she wanted in the end. when they walked into their shared home, she was glad she cleaned up nicely because the atmosphere felt calmer than it would have been if the house was still a baby mess.

y/n thought she'd feel better, but her mood only worsens when she realizes jake still is upset. he goes over to the couch, flopping backwards onto it as he rested his head on the head of it. he unbuttons the first few buttons of his shirt with a sigh. she walks over to him with extreme caution, sitting next to him.

"are you alright?"

he just shrugs, mumbling under his breath, "this was pointless, if we were just gonna come back home." she purses her lips, biting back a frown.

"not completely pointless! it's nice to get a break from being a parent once in a while."

"for who?" he responds, "i have no problem being a parent, do you?" he turns to her, a look in his eyes daring her to say something. and it should make her intimidated, but for some reason it only blows her off the edge she was already doing her best to stay balanced on.

"would i be such a villain to say i do?!" she finally screams at him, the sudden change in volume catching him by surprise. "jesus christ, jake. i just don't get what's so special about him." her words spew a hatred she didn't know she could have at her own child and it angers jake more than any angry words could possibly explain.

"him? HIM?!? you mean our child?!?!"

y/n dodges the question as tears start to flow down her face. he looks at her in disbelief as he gets up from where he's sitting to walk away to create some space between them, but she only follows behind him, her built up frustrations finally clawing their way out her throat as she spoke. "all you care about is him; you're becoming nothing more than a dad, now and it's so. fucking. miserable!"

"well what the fuck do you want me to do, y/n?" he slams his fist against the wall, making her flinch. a split second of humanity was able to hit him again as he pinched his temples, a deep sigh being exhaled. "i'm not going back to being a deadbeat. i'm not going back to feeling burdened by my own decision. he's my son. our son."

"yes, jake. believe me. i know he's yours," she pauses, the lump forming an unbearable pain in her throat as she opens her mouth to speak again. "but am i?" she wanted to be strong. in all the scenarios where she had imagined she would be able to express her feelings, she was sure she'd be strong. it wasn't a phrase she had intentionally practiced for the hundreds of what-ifs her brain conjured, but it was the only sentence that could convey the hurt she had been feeling in her heart.

she cleared her throat, deciding not to let the silence last a second more. "aren't i supposed to be loved, too? don't i matter, too?" her attempt to keep her composure crumbled as she broke out into sobs. she knew it was supposed to hurt, but did it have to hurt this bad? she'd endured this feeling of unbelonging for such a long time, the least her heart could do was make it hurt less.

"y/n-" she hears him interrupt himself with a sigh as he walks towards her, pulling her into an embrace and resting his head on hers. he didn't know how to comfort her. there wasn't an easy way to put into words everything he felt for her, especially since it all came with emotions he didn't fully understand. "you matter so much to me. so fucking much, y/n. more than i can ever explain." he wrapped his arms around her tighter and she returned his affection, burying her head in his shoulder.

"please promise me that you mean it. please promise you won't forget about me " her voice wavered as she spoke, and he noticed how badly she was shaking. he wanted so badly to tell her how he felt, but he didn't know where he stood. they were never together. even if they both loved each other, it was never expressed because their situation didn't allow them to in the past. now things had changed, and he didn't know how they were gonna handle it.

"i promise." he whispered, hoping it would be enough.

she pulled away, wiping the tears from her face as she looked up at him. he gently smiled down at her, placing his hand on the side of her cheek, brushing her hair back from her face. she leans forward, wrapping her arms around him as she looked him in the eye. he smiled down at her, heart beating faster as he swallowed all his fears to express himself. "i love you, y/n, i'm sorry for pulling away instead of accepting it." the words caught her off guard, this was the first time he'd ever said such a thing to her. and it was better than she could've ever imagined.

tears spilled from her eyes as her lip quivered, she nodded understanding before pulling him into a kiss. she didn't know how long it'd been since they last kissed and it lasted only a second before she pulled away. "i love you too jake."

in an instant, his lips were back on hers, only pulling away long enough for him to look her in the eyes with a smirk as he asked "oh, do you?" their kiss grew sloppy as he lightly wrapped his hand around her neck, guiding her to the couch as he maneuvers himself so that he's sitting first. he pulls her on his lap, hands making their way to her waist as she grinded her hips against his growing erection, letting her tongue slip through his lips as he began sucking on it. he moved his hands up, fumbling with the zipper on her top before zipping it down fully. once he'd done that, she slipped out of it, her breasts falling down with a bounce before he latched his lips onto one of them, sucking slightly before releasing it with a loud pop.

there was no need to rush this time, they had the house all to themselves. their kiss lasted what felt like hours, only the sound of lips smacking and clothes rubbing against each other could be heard. jake pulls back for air, moving to unbutton his shirt. she only watches him intently wondering how he could make a simple action so, so sensual. he notices her stares and he likes it. his dick twitches and he realizes that, though the kissing and grinding is amazing, he wanted more. so much more.

"you gonna put those pretty lips to use or are we just gonna play around all night?" he asks making her eyes widen in excitement as she moves off of his lap to lay on the couch, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants before pulling them down to his mid thigh as she immediately latched her lips around the tip of his cock.

he sucks in a breath as she swirls her tongue around it, scooting down in his spot as he relaxed under her touch. "yeah, just like that," he praises as he pushes her head down so she can take in all of his length, fucking deeply into her mouth, not allowing her to come up even when she tapped on his thigh, gagging around him. "mmm, that's right." he finally let her come up to breathe, moving his hand to notify her that he wanted her to take control. she used the spit around his cock to her advantage as she let her mouth sink down until she felt his tip hit the back of her throat, doing her best to keep bobbing her head that way.

he hums and pats her butt, lifting her hip slightly to tell her to lift it more into the air. he does his best to pull her skirt off, letting her wiggle her way out of it, standing on her knees as he moves her panties to the side as he dipped his fingers into her wetness, adding two fingers. he sped up his thrusts, adding another finger as she kept going, teasingly stopping every time she would moan to the point of being inaudible. her legs started to shake as she resorted to only sucking the tip as she couldn't suck him any better with the way she couldn't stop moaning.

"get up and ride me," he tells her. she quickly obeys and inserts him inside of her, hopping up and down as she does her best to ride him, though her speed is slow. he smacks her ass, squeezing it harshly before spreading her cheeks apart. "good girl.. do you like making daddy feel good?" he asks as he grabs her chin and pulls her in for a kiss, this time letting it turn french. she moans into it, the lengths of his cock hitting her g-spot without fail every time she'd drop down. it made her speed and movement falter forcing him to grab her by her ass, lifting her body higher as he begins fucking into her, leaving her an absolute mess as she entangles her fingers into his hair breaking the kiss to moan in her ear.

"you feel so fucking good around me, but now's not the time to be a pillow princess," he again still praises as she tries to meet his thrusts. she has to take her hands out of his hair as she grips her nails into his shoulder, unable to fully process the pleasure her body was taking in. with the way her pussy clenched around him partnered with the pain from her fingernails digging into his skin, he couldn't help but be vocal about it. "you just wanna get pregnant again huh? you want me to fuck my seed into you again? you want me to reclaim this pussy? huh? you like that?"

squeezing her eyes shut, y/n just couldn't hold back anymore as she falls apart on top of him her first orgasm taking over all her senses, legs trembling from the feeling as she starts babbling between moans. he laughs as she rests her head on his shoulder, words still not forming correctly. "spit it out," he says as he slows his thrusts down ever so slightly so she could speak. she didn't know what came over her as she moaned out again, another orgasm hitting her as she came undone once again. she looks at him with a fucked out expression and says "faster."

his dick twitches as he complies, pounding deeper into her, feeling cocky, and only speeding up as he speaks praises into her ear. "you're so good to me, fuck y/n. you're gonna have to deal with me forever.. i'm not letting anyone even dream of having a chance with you. you're mine, all mine you understand?" she nods. "keep letting me fuck you like this and you're gonna be my wife sooner."

hearing this makes her moan louder as she smashes her lips on his, he keeps his speed, sometimes thrusting all the way in, staying there for a second too long for her liking, just to drive her crazy as she comes undone another time, finally making him start reaching his own pleasure limit. he doesn't change his speed or actions as he finally buries himself deep inside of her as he filled her with his hot seed. "you're mine," he says as she falls limp on top of him in exhaustion. she smiles and for the first time in months, she felt all the weight lifted off of her shoulders.

"all yours."

end.

932 notes · View notes

cinnawonbabe · 1 day ago

Text

OOU LA LA 😍😍😮‍💨

WEBCAM PERV! (1)

pairings ❥ heeseung x fem!reader

point of view ❥ third person, omniscient

warnings ❥ mutual masturbation, cyberstalking, noncon recording

synopsis ❥ you meet heeseung on omegle and quickly hit it off until you accidentally disconnect. feeling at a loss from not being able to find him again, you give up and live life as if it never happened. unbeknownst to you, however, he turns out to be a hacker who hacked into your camera, resorting to watching your secretly from behind the screen… until he didn’t.

word count ❥ 4.4k

taglist: @rayofsunshineeee

author’s note: sorry it took me a bit longer to release, i ended up rewriting over the whole draft. i was gonna write the full story in one go, but if there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s that i love making series. anyway i hope yall enjoy! & a reminder that my requests are open (send as an ask or submission pls do not dm me lol). go check out my other stories while you’re at it bc i have much more cooking! not proofread so don’t come for me!

y/n lay blank faced on her bed with her phone in hand. it had been hours since she’d gotten home from her classes, and now she was just scrolling mindlessly on tiktok out of boredom. her room was quiet except for the occasional hum of her heater and the everchanging audios blasting from her phone’s speakers.

she sighed, tossing her phone to the side resorting to staring at the ceiling. as the days were growing colder, y/n couldn’t help but to feel this growing sense of loneliness creeping in, like there was something missing that she couldn’t quite put her finger onㅡexcitement was the closest word she think of. she didn’t have many friends to talk to, or text, or hang out with—just her best friend natty, but the girl was currently unreachable as she had already fallen asleep after their brief phone call.

midterms were always the dryest times for y/n. after spending hours in the library, forcing far too many categories of knowledge down her throat for her own goodㅡ just to end up with barely above average scores, she was too drained to do much of anything else when she got home. but, it was hard to just sleep. she was intransigent when it came to resting after studying because she wanted to give herself the free time she’d lost instead. usually being on her phone, and rotting her brain away with the useless curated content that she handpicked for herself would suffice. but on days like thisㅡ where her studying ended close to (or in this case, after) midnight, it wasn’t nearly enough to satisfy the dopamine she was longing for.

after a few moments of lying in a frozen state of staring off into nothing, she reached for her laptop, opening it on impulse. omegle. it had been a while since she’d used it, and honestly, it wasn’t the best idea, but she figured it might help pass the time. and maybe it’d even give her some form of human interaction, though her hopes weren’t too high given the website’s reputation. she typed “k-pop” into the category field, hoping it’d narrow down the pool to people around her age who might share at least one interest with her.

the first few chats weren’t anything special. she ran through the typical brief hellos, the awkward pauses, and of course the familiar “stranger has disconnected.” a few times, however, she was met with the sight of creepy old men who took pleasure in flashing, reacting at lightning speed to skip the chats before things could get worse. some people seemed normal at first, friendly even, but as soon as they’d start saying weird thingsㅡor worse, making noises that gave away their intentions, it’d soil her mood once again as she refreshed her tab.

after getting skipped again for the umpteenth time, y/n found herself hovering her mouse over the “new chat” button, debating. she looked at the clock in the corner of her screen, she had already wasted 30 minutes trying to find a normal human being to talk to. she was beginning to wonder if this was really a good idea to begin with. was it even worth possibly getting harassed for another half hour, in the name of being social? she weighed her options: she could either waste another 2 hours on tiktok, or go to bed. neither seemed appetizing for the hunger of connection she craved. with a sigh, she decided to try one more. and if it didn’t work out, it just meant that it was time to call it a night. she clicked to start a new chat.

stranger is typing…

stranger: hii

you: hello

stranger: m23

you: f22

stranger: cam?

you: earn it?

this one didn’t seem too bad so far, but she wasn’t going to make an early judgement. the man seemed to respect her decision as he quickly changed the conversation. they kept things light, alternating on asking each other random questions back and forth about hobbies, favorite foods, movies, shows, and music. the conversation was easy, fun even, and y/n found herself smiling a little despite the earlier frustration. it was like she was finally getting what she was looking for. with the conversation being tame, he took it as a green light to ask again.

stranger: can i see you now?

you: fine lol

y/n hesitated before turning her camera on and adjusted her hair quickly before looking at the screen. the male in her vision had a sharp, almost angelic face, with delicate features that seemed to be personally sculpted by the man above. his hair was dark and tousled, the slight messiness giving him a laid-back, calm vibe with his headset only adding character to his visual as they laid over his ears. his eyes were a captivating deep brown. they were soft and friendly, it made it hard to look away. even through the webcam, it was clear he had this undeniable charm, his steady gaze hinting that he knew the effect he had on others. the two of them stayed still, ogling each other for a bit, the stare down only being interrupted when he abruptly started typing again.

stranger is typing…

stranger: damn ur fine lol

you: thx so are you

stranger: you in korea?

you: yeah

stranger: me too

stranger is typing…

stranger: audio?

you: yk what? yeah

heeseung and y/n both go to turn on their audio. while her room was silent, disregarding the small noise coming from her room’s heater, heeseung had r&b music softly playing in the background. it only added to this boy next door vibe she was getting from him. the two of them were silent for a second before heeseung decided to break the ice by speaking first.

“hello? let me know if you can hear me.” his voice came through clearly, deep and smooth, carrying a natural warmth that drew her in without him even trying. a part of her was convinced he had to secretly be a weirdo. what was someone as attractive as him even doing on this site, yet alone at this hour? she took a breath before answering.

“hi, yeah i can hear you,” she replied, her tone a little uncertain, unsure of how to match his cool energy. she wasn’t exactly the extroverted type of person to begin with, you can only imagine how much harder it was to speak when such a captivating face was waiting for her response in real time.

heeseung only chuckled softly, the sound seamlessly exuding natural confidence. “so… i guess we finally get to talk now.”

y/n smiled at his words, her need for approval rising as she juggled through all the responses she could make to keep him engaged, “yeah, seems like it,” she responded, her voice was steady now as she tried to shake off the nervousness creeping in.

heeseung chuckled, shifting closer to his keyboard as his fingers danced over the keys. the music in the background shifted, the beat changing just as he leaned back in his chair, folding his arms behind his head. his voice lowered a notch as he spoke, a hint of amusement in his tone. ”i’m, heeseung, by the way.”

“y/n,” she responded.

“i gotta admit,” he said, “i wasn’t sure if you’d actually turn on your mic.”

“why’s that?” she asked, an almost muted giggle escaping her lips as she twirled a strand of her hair, her fingers displaying how nervous she felt. heeseung watched her with a quiet intensity, noticing every little movement she made. the way her fingers fidgeted and how she avoided meeting his gaze through the screen.

“i don’t know,” he said, his tone lazy and nonchalant, but holding a teasing undertoneㅡ a subtle shift she didn’t quite catch onto. “guess i’m just lucky you did.” he didn’t say anything about her fidgeting, though. he didn’t need to. she seemed like the type to change her behavior once it was called out, and he was more captivated by it than he let on. there was something about her shyness, moreso the way she couldn’t quite hide it, that intrigued him. “so, what do you usually do when you’re not chatting with strangers on the internet?”

his question had caught y/n off guard for a brief moment, another nervous laugh slipping past her lips as she tugged on her shirt’s collar, adjusting it to make sure nothing was out of place though she didn’t actually need to. she didn’t know why, but something about talking to him felt different from the others. “uh, not much… if i’m not studying, i just watch tiktoks or call my friend if she’s not tired.” she replied hoping the answer sounded casual enough.

“hm, sounds like you’ve got some time to kill,” heeseung smirked, inching his chair closer to the screen. he opened a second tab, the soft clatter of his typing blending effortlessly with the mellow r&b drifting through the background.

“yeah, guess i do. life’s… kinda mundane, you know?” y/n replied sheepishly. her gaze followed his, noting the slight movement of his hands just out of view, but chucking it up to him searching for another song to play as the music shifted again. he didn’t back away from the screen this time, though. instead, he kept his eyes locked on hers, unwavering.

“i get it,” heeseung replied, his voice lowering slightly, but still keeping its laidback manner, like they were just two people having an ordinary conversation. “i’m the same, but i'm more of a youtube guy, i found out about this site through a video on there.” as he spoke, his finger subtly danced across the keyboard, the screen flickering with the quiet download of her IP address. his eyes stayed on the camera, his expression open and unreadable, like he was genuinely listening to her.

“that’s interesting, this app usually has a bad rep. like, there’s only creeps on here,” y/n said, though her words seemed to be misunderstood as heeseung furrowed his brows.

“are you trying to insinuate that i’m a creep?”

her eyes widened in shock, and she quickly slapped a hand over her mouth. a stutter broke through her words. “what?! no! i’m just saying—i’ve run into a lot of them tonight before i landed on you. so i was just… i don’t know. forget i said anything.” she sulked, her face reddening with embarrassment at her failed attempt to relate. heeseung watched in awe, his lips curving into a small, knowing smile, at her mannerisms, finding every one of her reactions so cute. sensing her discomfort, he smoothly shifted the topic.

“i’m kidding, y/n.” he grinned, showcasing his pearly whites. “so… what’s one thing you’ve always wanted to do but never got around to?” he asked, his tone light, but there was an underlying intensity to his gaze. he wasn’t just asking out of curiosity; he was studying her, absorbing every word she said, as if her answers would tell him everything he needed to know.

y/n paused, thinking for a moment before she answered. “probably traveling more. i feel like i’m always stuck in the same routine.”

“yeah, routines can be… limiting. but they’re also comforting, right?” he paused, his eyes flickering to a different part of his screen for just a moment before he continued. “you know, sometimes it’s those little moments, when everything feels a little too safe, that you need to shake things up.” he spoke so casually, like he was giving advice, but it sounded a bit odd to y/n. she couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to his words, though she couldn’t put her finger on what it was. regardless, she found herself wanting to stay, wanting to know more. and she was always too paranoid for her own good anyway. it was probably nothing.

“i guess.”

“oh. yeah, but is that the only reason you’re on here?” heeseung’s fingers were still moving on his keyboard, the quiet clicking of the keys going unnoticed now. he wasn’t just talking anymore—he was already pulling the strings, weaving a subtle web around her, all while his words remained smooth and harmless. y/n’s lips pursed in thought, the sudden change in the atmosphere making her feel more curious than she was letting on.

“what do you mean?” she asked, confusion creeping into her tone as she leaned forward, trying to get a better look at him. heeseung’s system, working silently in the background, had breached the security of her wifi by now, scanning through the connected devices, its main goal being to gain access to her phone.

“i mean… it’s almost 4am, saturday night. you’re a cute girl, seem kind of introverted, but you give off this vibe... like you’re looking for some fun.”

whatever dimwitted perception y/n formed of him had shattered. he was no different from any of the other men she’d encountered prior. “oh. i don’t really do… that,” she replied, a slight pout playing on her lips. she moved her mouse to hover over the skip button, but she didn’t click it. something was keeping her here. maybe it was the way he looked at her—too attractive, too confident. she wasn’t sure, but she didn’t move.

heeseung noticed her hesitation, his grin widening. “oh, neither do i,” he said in a humoring manner, brushing her reaction off as if his earlier comment didn’t mean anything. “i just had to test the waters. can you blame me though? it’s not every day you meet an attractive girl on here. you said it yourself, there’s usually only creeps on here, right?”

“yeah,” she laughed, the sound effortlessly drawn out as she got caught in the pull of his charm. any cautions she had before seemed to dissipate as she got lost in his eyes. she debated whether she should just give in—it wasn’t like they’d see each other again, right? but then, the stories about girls who made impulsive choices, and got extorted, crept into her mind. the fear of becoming just another statistic arose.

“what do you have in mind?” she asked, her words slipping out before she could think them through. her people-pleasing tendencies had kicked in, but the smile that spread across his face made her heart race. somehow, it felt good, like she was doing something right. and that made it feel worth it. rewarding, even.

“whatever you’re offering, baby,” heeseung replied smoothly, his voice dipping into an unfamiliar, alluring tone that made her body tingle. as he spoke, his hand moved subtly off-screen, clicking to start recording. the faintest smirk curled on his lips as he leaned closer to the camera, his eyes burning into hers with a suggestiveness that made her feel seen in a way she hadn’t before. desired. wanted.

“i don’t know,” she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. a nervous smile played on her lips as her fingers fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. her eyes darting away from the camera before flicking back to his. “i’ve never done anything like this before.”

heeseung tilted his head slightly, his smirk widening as he studied her. there was something about her naivety, the way she danced on the edge of her own boundaries, that made his pulse quicken. he decided then and there that if he wasn’t already obsessed before, he definitely was now. utterly and completely.

“well, i’m honored to be the first,” his voice dripped with seduction, but his eyes glinted with something far more sinister.

her cheeks flushed as she hesitated again, her fingers picking at the fabric of her shirt before she finally blurted, “could you maybe…” she paused, laughing softly at how ridiculous she felt to ask. “show me something, too? just to keep it fair.” her words made heeseung pause for a moment before a low chuckle escaped him, growing into full, unrestrained laughter. he leaned back in his chair, shaking his head in amusement, his eyes never leaving her face.

she was truly a character—everything about her was so… adorable. her openness, her immediate trust in a complete stranger, and the impulsivity that seemed to pour out of her without a second thought. it was intoxicating. she was everything he’d been looking for, everything someone like him—a man with desires he dared not say aloud—would dream of finding. and yet, beneath his amusement, there was a darker realization. if she wasn’t careful and kept giving away pieces of herself so easily, someone would take advantage of her. someone crueler, more reckless, more dangerous than him. he couldn’t let that happen. not with anyone else at least. she was his now. and if she was going to be ruined, it would only be by him.

“would you like it better if i go first?” heeseung inquired, his voice smooth as the corners of his lips nearly curled into a restrained smirk. he watched her reaction closely, catching the way her quick, almost desperate nod betrayed her displayed excitement. it was endearing, almost painfully so. it drove him crazy. he pursed his lips, feigning contemplation, before his smile grew wider, softer. “thought so,” he murmured, his tone carrying just enough teasing warmth to make her feel both at ease. she was completely under his spell.

he reached for his webcam, the movement slow as he decided to savor the moment. tilting it slightly, he aimed it downward, the lens capturing his relaxed posture, legs spread comfortably wide. the soft fabric of his sweatpants clung to him in just the right way, emphasizing his figure without him needing to do much at all. the unthought of confidence in his movements was enough to hold her gaze, her breath catching as the tension in the air thickened. his hands grazed over the fabric covering his length, a small hiss of relief leaving his lips as he did so. she had already gotten him painfully hard without even trying.

lifting his hips, he slides his sweats down. just enough for him to pull his cock out, an unintentional gasp falling from y/n’s lips at the sight of it. he couldn’t hide the rush of pride that surfaced at her reaction. it was a response he’d grown accustomed to from his long list of other victims on the site, but there was something about y/n that struck him differently. her wide-eyed gaze, the way her lips parted slightly as if she wanted to speak but couldn’t find the words—it was enough to ignite a deeper need within him, a desire to draw her in further, to leave her completely captivated by him.

a quiet curse slipped past his lips as he stroked, his hand barely being able to wrap around its girth. his movements were meticulous, unhurried as he moved to spread his precum over the rest of his length. he leaned back slightly, his gaze never leaving her face. his dark eyes carried a silent command, the faintest nod of his head urging her to follow his lead. he didn’t have to say a word—his confidence, his control, it was all laid bare in the way he watched her, waiting to see how far she would go.

it was then that y/n realized she couldn't back out now. not that she wanted toㅡ her curiosity, mingled with the pull he had over her, kept her rooted in place. but it was starting to feel too real, the weight of the moment sinking in as she hesitated, unsure of what he was expecting. the fact that he left it up to her made it even more difficult. her mind raced as she nervously tugged at the bottom of her shirt, praying her choice would be enough to satisfy him.

heeseung's gaze didn't waver, his expression unreadable but intent, as though he were savoring every second of her hesitation. when she finally moved, lifting her shirt to display her breasts. her cheeks burned as she moved her hands over one, massaging and pinching her nipples. his lips twitched into the faintest smile. to her, his reaction was subtle, leaving her questioning if she'd done enough.

but to heeseung, it was everything.to him, everything about her was intoxicating to him, from the nervous way she moved, to the unsure glances she gave him. he would have been satisfied just seeing her collarbone. his heart raced at the thought of how easily she gave in, how willingly vulnerable she was in front of him. it inflated his ego even more, knowing he was the first to witness this side of her.

he forced himself to keep his expression composed, though his excitement was nearly impossible to contain. the speed of his fingers absentmindedly sped up, thinking of how he’d be able to relive it again later tonight. and he’d make sure to replay every moment, over and over, obsessing over the way she unwittingly gave herself to him.“ah~ fuck, y/n,” he whimpered, unable to contain the heat growing over him. his eyes snapped shut, immediately imagining his hand to be hers. his hips bucked, as he began thrusting into his fist chasing the feeling of a body he knew now that he just had to get his hands on. tonight wasn’t going to be enough, he needed more.

y/n didn’t know where her confidence was coming from when her free hand snaked its way down to the hem of her shorts as she pushed past them straight into her panties. she scooted into a slouch allowing herself easier access as she began rubbing on her clit, the pressure soothing its throbbing ache and sending a sweet, shocking sensation throughout her body. she couldn’t bite back the moan that slipped outㅡ the noise sounding like music to heeseung’s ears. oh how jealous he was of her hands now. being able to touch her because he couldn’t. it wasn’t enough, nowhere near it.

”look at me,” he murmured, his voice rough, making her cheeks flush as she slowly opened her eyes to meet his. his gaze was full of desire, making her feel small in a way that was strangely exhilarating. she found herself wanting nothing more than to impress him. she bit her lip as she quickly moved to lower the camera, aiming it to display more of her chest and downward before returning to her prior position on the chair. it didn’t even matter to him that her shorts kept her beautiful cunt a mystery to himㅡ the whole picture was so fucking sexy. the way she was playing with her nipples, pinching and rolling them, the speed of her circular motions increasing as she chased her orgasm, the way her tongue rested on her bottom lip before she bit it, the way sheㅡ

“heeseung~ oh my god.”

fuck. if he was wasn’t already stroking fast enough, he was moving at godspeed now. he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold back. he rubbed his thumb along his tip’s slit as he kept his pace, the action leaving his hips stuttering. he was so close, and y/n was too. she couldn’t control the volume of her moans, gripping her breast like her life depended on it. “i’m gonna cum, oh my god, oh my god,” the desperation in her voice made him come undone as he bit back a loud, throaty moan. but she kept going, still chasing her climax as her moans got choked out the harder she went on herself.

just as she was about to cum, when she was almost there, her computer suddenly shut down. the screen went black without warning, leaving only an empty, lifeless void. heeseung watched as her screen flickered and then turned dark, his heart sinking in frustration. “fuck!” he swore, shooting forward in his chair, eyes fixed on the blank screen. he slammed a fist on the desk in irritation before quickly ending the recording. his hands moved frantically over the keyboard, reopening his hacking program, desperately trying to figure out what went wrong.

y/n didn’t even notice, her orgasm crashed over her as she felt like every nerve, and cell in her body had come undone. she kept her eyes closed as she let out a breathless sigh, regaining her composure. after a few seconds, y/n opened her eyes to see that her laptop was blank. she frantically clicked on buttons trying to turn it on, clicking the power button which only displayed a red drained battery as if to mock her further. of all times it could have decided to die, why now? the frustration and panic settled in as she realized she may never get to see him again. she didn’t have any ways to contact him, but would he even want to hear from her again? doubt clouded her mind. now there was no way of knowing. she wanted to keep talking to him, but the odds seemed slim. with a heavy sigh, she jumped up, scrambling to plug her laptop into the charger.

meanwhile, heeseung was still navigating through her information. he had closed out of omegle and now his focus was entirely on troubleshooting. he noticed her computer no longer showed up on the network, the last activity was two minutes ago. “that piece of shit must’ve died,” he grumbled under his breath. he figured now would be the time to access her phone’s camera as it would be useless trying to find her again on the website. switching servers on the program, he downloaded the data to his phone and went to lay down. he watched through the front camera on her phone, but it remained in the same spot unmoving. he was getting frustrated.

y/n had wasted almost 45 minutes skipping through hundreds of people in search of his face on omegle. but to no avail, his face never came up again. it was 6am, and she had plans with natty to go through with in the evening. as much as she didn’t want to right now, she had to sleep. oth of them, in their own way, ended up resigned to their separate fates. y/n reluctantly accepted her defeat, bitterly acknowledging that the night had slipped away. but at least for heeseung, there was a sense of satisfaction in knowing he would have another chance to see her again. this wouldn’t be the last time they crossed paths. he’d make sure of that.

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cinnawonbabe · 1 day ago

Text

I’m So Sick of Me Too

pairings ❥ jay x fem!reader (ft. eric from the boyz)

point of view ❥ third person, omniscient

warnings ❥ N/A

synopsis ❥ after what felt like a sudden breakup with her boyfriend of many years, y/n finds herself holding onto the remaining pieces chipping from a failed relationship. after wallowing in an isolated self pity, her two best friends convince her to go to a party where she meets the perfect boy to fill the void. unsure if her attraction is genuine or a distraction, y/n has one choice to makeㅡ be with her newfound lover or make it work with her first love.

genre ❥ angst, smut

word count ❥ 15,515

taglist: open, just ask!

author’s note: sorry i’m posting this a little later than i had hoped, i just wanted it to be absolutely perfect. ignore any errors, please and thank you. let me know how yall like it! and feel free to leave any future scene suggestions. the plot is set, but the story is an open book.

SERIES MASTERLIST | NEXT | ENHYPEN MASTERLIST

ONE.

“babe,” y/n’s voice pulled jay out of his thoughts. he turned his head to look at her, her expression filled with expectancy—the kind that made his chest tighten. he already knew where this was headed. another argument. “you good?” her question was simple, but jay knew any response could open the floodgates.

it was one of his only days off after a long, grueling week. he was utterly drained. all he wanted was a moment of peace. the energy to engage, to explain, wasn’t there. “yeah,” he muttered, giving her a small nod before turning back to the tv. propping his feet on the coffee table, he stared blankly at the screen, hoping she’d let it go. but the silence only seemed to amplify the tension between them.

y/n shifted in her seat, clearly unsatisfied. “okay…” she replied, her tone trailing off before she reached for the remote and paused the show. the sudden silence made him tense. “then why are you so quiet today?” she pressed, her voice carrying an edge.

jay’s fingers tapped idly against his phone. he exhaled slowly. “i just don’t feel like talking right now,” he said, his voice firm but measured. he hoped that would be enough, but he knew she’d likely not take the hint and let him be. “and i’m not trying to argue either.”

y/n’s eyes narrowed slightly at his last sentence, a feeling of defensiveness rising within her. “okay, well, you haven’t said anything in the past hour. you can save the attitude—i was just checking on you.”

his jaw tightened. “i don’t have an attitude, y/n,” jay said, his tone now laced with frustration. he set his phone down on the armrest, resisting the urge to rub his temples. his shoulders stiffened as he tried to focus on keeping his cool, though irritation bubbled under the surface.

y/n crossed her arms, her voice raising with aim. “and i’m supposed to know that how? show me, don’t tell me.” she tilted her head, raising an eyebrow in challenge, her expression poking at the remaining fragments of his patience.

he turned his head toward her, his gaze heavy. “can you not right now?” the plea in his voice wasn’t subtle and his request didn’t fall deaf on her ears. a flip switched inside of her. her angry facade seemed to quickly chip away, and her true emotion seeped through.

“not what? i’m just trying to spend time with my boyfriend,” she shot back, her voice cracking with the weight of unspoken hurt. “the boyfriend i haven’t seen in forever, mind you, because he’s been working all week.”

by now her voice was soft, trembling. each breath she took was weighted in fear of misinterpretation. “and i’m so sorry if it’s selfish of me, but if there’s any day you feel like ‘not talking,’ why does it have to be the one day we actually get to be together?” she averted his gaze, fidgeting with the buttons on the remote, a quiet plea for understanding.

the words hit him, leaving his breath caught in his throat for a moment. he opened his mouth, searching for any way to defend himself, but nothing felt right. “me not talking doesn’t have anything to do with you,” he finally said, leaning back to lay more on the couch. his voice was tight as he moved his gaze to look past her, crossing one leg over his lap, and tapping his foot on the floor with the other.

y/n let out a bitter laugh. “yeah? well, guess who’s the only one being affected by it?!” the volume of her voice caught both of them off guard. shit. she swore she didn’t mean to yell. before she was able to react, to apologize, or at least explainㅡ jay had already straightened himself up, shooting her a warning gaze.

“stop it, y/n.” his voice rose slightly this time, betraying his simmering frustration. her shoulders slugged, her face turning with every muscle trying to hold back the tears brimming. it only heightened their presence as she began blinking them away.

“i just want to talk,” she said, her voice cracking under the weight of her emotions as they spilled over, unable to bear the sting of his distant demeanor any longer. “am i really that uninteresting that my own boyfriend doesn’t even want to have a conversation with me?”

the air between them grew thick with unspoken words. the silence stretched long enough for both of their thoughts to race. for jay, it was a desperate search for the right words, something that could fix this—or at least end it. for y/n, it was a growing ache in her chest, a sense that something irreversible was about to happen. she began rubbing her arm softly in a back and forth motion, anticipating.

when jay finally spoke, his voice was steady, deliberate. “i want to break up.” the words hung in the air. she found herself remaining silent as she looked at him, unsure of what to do. while this wasn't exactly something new for them, there was something different about the look in his eyes this time around. their eyes stayed fixed on each other, a distant gaze in place of connection. his words echoed loudly in her ears.

her lips parted slightly, but no sound came out. she blinked, her mind racing to catch up. surely, this wasn’t real. surely, he didn’t mean it. her body stilled as she unconsciously dug her fingernails into her arm amidst the comforting massage. her eyes glazed over with tears, squinting in confusion, her heart racing as jay moved to sit closer to her. “what?” was all she could manage to get out, her voice barely above a whisper.

jay didn’t look away this time. his gaze was heavy, tired, but unwavering. “i mean it,” he said, quieter now, but no less certain. looking down, a sigh left his lips. he fought for a moment with her frozen grip before he was able to pry her arm off, stopping her from causing any further harm to herself. and now, all she could think about was how the feeling of his skin on hers hurt so much more. he was looking at her now, but the contact lasted no longer than a second before he turned away. “and i- i thought about it a lot. it’s what’s best for us. i just don’t think we’re good for each other anymore.”

“how can you say that, jay?” her voice cracked as she blinked, tears finally escaping along with a small sob that hardly went unnoticed in the now painfully silent room. she maneuvered, her eyes searching for something in his. he looked at her again with a look she’d never seen before. it scared her. “no. we’re not the kind of couple who breaks up. that’s not how this works, you said that yourself.” indignation clear in her voice, it was hard for her to hold back the resentment she was already starting to feel.

jay only sighed, regretful of his open and now outdated mindset. if he had known their relationship would turn out the way it did, he would have just stayed quiet. in the past she was successful in avoiding his serious attempts, several times, with that reasoning. it was always the most convincing point to get him to stay, she knew he hated not staying true to his word. he hesitated, his cautious gaze meeting hers before he continued. “i'm not happy.”

she had never heard those words before, and their weight hit her hard, leaving her stunned. this couldn’t be real. panic flared in her chest as she grasped for something, anything, to turn the conversation around. “i think this is just one of your moods—” she started, her voice trembling, a fragile attempt to mend what was breaking before he interjected.

“no, y/n. i mean it this time. i can’t do this anymore.”

reading the room became difficult, the usually familiar scene felt foreign now. she didn’t recognize any of the territory that was being invadedㅡ she didn’t know what to do. shaking her head, she offers a small, corner lifted smile. “but we always get through it, jay.“

“it’s different this time, y/n.”

“and why is it different now?” her voice wavered, caught between desperation, anger, and disbelief. her emotions swirled like a storm. staying composed felt impossible; every attempt to ground herself only deepened the ache in her chest. everything was hurting, and all she could do was wish, futilely, that none of this was real.

“this," jay said, physically motioning to the state of the conversation. he turned away to wipe away the stray tears that managed to fall in between blinks. “nothing ever changes. all we do is argue.”

“all couples argue, jay. that’s the reality of things,” she said, the calm in her tone an abrupt contrast to her previous attitudes. “relationships take work, jay. and we always make it work,” her eyes darted to his, desperately looking for any newfound doubt in his words. but there wasn’t any.

“it's not.. just about that," jay said, shaking his head, his voice barely above a whisper now shameful of what he was fixing to admit. “i've tried so hard to make it work, but i'm unhappy, y/n. and i hate that i feel this way, but sometimes it feels like i hate you as much as i love you. do you even know how much that tears me up inside?" his face was repentant at his admission, it was a sinful hidden thought that he previously denied since its first conception. he never wanted to verbalize it because it only highlighted how shitty he truly was to feel that way toward her.

"you don’t mean that." y/n shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut as if the gesture could block out the anguish his words just caused. her body went cold, her senses wasting no time overwhelming her all at once. jay bit the inside of his lip, his teeth silently clattering against the soft tissue.

everything in his heart ached, a deep, unrelenting pain that seemed to grow with every second. he was caught in conflict—the desperate desire to follow through with the breakup, to free himself from the heaviness that had been suffocating him, clashing with the torment of knowing how deeply his choice would hurt her. it wasn’t just her pain he feared; it was his own, the thought of watching her break because of him. but he had to do what was right.

"i wish i didnt, but it's the truth, y/n. i can't be who i want to be in this relationship. i can't keep living like this."

"jay…" his silence now weighed more than any words could, it tore through her like a jagged blade. "is this really what you want?" for a moment, his eyes softened, but it was gone before she could catch it. the silence stretched, heavy with all the words he couldn't say. she wanted to cling onto the fleeting feeling, to believe it meant he was having doubts. but when his lips parted, it wasn't the response she was hoping for.

"it's for the best."

“no, no, no, no,” the finality of his words shattered what was left of her hope. the barrier of control she had on her emotions ruptured as she shook her head. she hesitantly reached her hand out, pulling it away quickly to avoid any more possible rejection from the boy. her heart couldn’t endure much more. "please.. don't do this."

"i'm sorry, y/n," he slowly approached her, wrapping his arms around her. she let him pull her into a hug, holding him close and tight as she allowed all of her anger and grief to wash away along with the salty tears staining her cheeks. though allowing his embrace would only further affirm her acceptance of the end, which is the last thing she wanted, she needed to feel his touch. especially knowing this may be the last time he'll ever hold her.

her chest tightened as she buried her face in his chest, clinging to his steady heartbeat, a cruel contrast to her own. neither of them spoke or moved for a while. a couple minutes in, she noticed that he was now trembling against her. it broke her heart even more. from the way he seemed to hold her just as close for comfort, she knew it was hurting him too. she supposed, maybe, it was for the best. she pulled away slightly, quickly regretting it as she saw how his eyes were red and glistened over, cheeks wet with the silent tears he shed. "can we at least be friends?" the words felt hollow, a desperate attempt to keep him in her life, even though she knew it would never be enough.

he only nods though he knows she didn't truly want that for herself. placing his hold on her arms, gently before slowly removing himself from her embrace. he wiped away his tears and cleared his throat. the only thing on his mind now was getting out of there before he could go back on his word. he had to remind himself that this was the right thing to do. even if it meant hurting them both. clearing his throat he spoke up, regaining his composure to be the voice of reason they needed in the moment. "i guess i should head out now. i think we both need time to ourselves.”

"yeah.."

he took the time to quickly head to the door without waiting to see her reaction. his hands were shaking, the weight of the world only seemed to press down upon his shoulders, only now wishing he could've pushed through and tried to make things work one last time. but he knew that wasn't possible, and it just wasn't worth putting her through any more than he already had. the door clicked shut behind him, leaving an echo of silence in his absence.

the month after the breakup felt like a blur for y/n. while the world around her seemed to move forward, she remained stuck in a loop of missing jay, reaching out to him, waiting for his replies, and doing everything in her power to keep their connection alive despite the fact that he was clearly starting to pull away.

she couldn’t help it. every morning she found herself wanting to talk to him, by any means. today was no different as she looked at her thumb hovering over his contact. it had become almost instinctual, reaching out to him no matter how embarrassing it was starting to become. she took a deep breath, ignoring her reluctant thoughts and started typing.

heyy jay :) haven’t heard from you in a minute. everything okay?

she sent it before she could second guess herself, staring at the screen as the message went through. her heart raced as she waited for his response. then, the minutes passed, stretching into what felt like hours. she spent a while scrolling aimlessly through her notifications, trying hard to look for the one label that refused to appear. two hours had gone by, and still nothing.

she clicked the power button with a sigh, pulling her legs closer to her chest as she rested her chin on her knees, staring blankly at the phone. the silence of her lonely apartment felt so loud now. the lack of response made the small ache in her chest turn into a deeper, more persistent pain. she hated feeling this way, vulnerable, needy, desperate. it wasn’t like her.

she remained frozen in her spot on the bed, feeling like she couldn’t move until she got what she wanted. juggling through every scenario in her head, she almost began sinking into the self loathing feeling. but one look at the clock on her lock screen seemed to pull her out a little bit. she reminded herself that being pessimistic was the last thing she needed to do. instead, she should speak her desire into existence. “calm down, y/n,” she whispered to herself. “it’s still early. he’ll reply later, he always does.”

getting out of bed, she stretched a bit before making her way into the kitchen. at least, this time around, she could still make the most of her day. she was lucky in that sense; it was getting easier to distract herself from thoughts of him. before she realized it, hours had gone by and she was sitting in her living room watching tv when her phone finally pinged.

muting the sound of the show, she quickly glanced down, her heart nearly pouncing out of her chest. jay’s name. her fingers hovered above the screen, the moment she read his texts, that feeling of dread that she’d been holding back all day crashed over her. it felt like he’d handed her a piece of paper instead of a message from someone she’d spent every waking moment with for years. it was brief and impersonal, so unlike jay, yet so familiar as of late.

hey, yeah. things are good, just tired

she stared blankly at the message for a while, continuously rereading, mouthing the words in every tone she could, trying to read in between the few lines he offered her, but it was impossible to make something out of nothing. and it felt like he was doing the bare minimum, acknowledging her existence by replying as if it was an obligation he had to fulfill. she figured that her reply could spark a more active response.

i feel you. guess it’s been rough for both of us, huh. i hope you’ve been good otherwise. it’s getting colder these days, hope you’re staying warm ☺️

she waited in the chat upon seeing that he immediately opened her text, watching the three dots bubble up on her screen, only to vanish soon after. she stared at the notification as it remained unanswered for a while. “read at 2:23pm.” twenty minutes had gone by and she was unsure of what to say next or if she should say anything at all.

despite her first failed attempt, y/n decided to brush it off and push forward. biting her lip, she took her time drafting and perfecting her next message. whatever she was going to say next had to warrant a response. if he saw how bad she wanted to talk, surely he’d give in. jay was never the kind of guy to intentionally neglect her feelings. it wasn’t in his character to hurt her.

so, what’s been keeping you busy lately?

she typed, trying to sound casual, but her confidence faltered when she read it over. it was the kind of text she would’ve sent months ago, back when their relationship was solid and they could talk for hours without feeling the need for a pause.

this time, her message read “delivered”. but she watched as the three dotted bubble appeared again, and decided to leave the app while she continued waiting. this time, he would respond differently, she thought, he had to. holding on to a glimmer of hope, she gave it thirty minutes. but her phone only went quiet. what a waste.

opening instagram, she opted to scroll to distract herself from thinking of him further and that’s when she saw it. jay’s story. it wasn’t anything remarkable, just a picture of him out with some of their mutual friends. but the fact that he was posting on his story, without replying to her text, stung. she scoffed in an attempt to brush off the hurt she was beginning to feel, telling herself it was no big deal. it didn’t help much. no matter how she tried to view it, it was a silent reminder that his focus was elsewhere now.

but, maybe it was nothing. maybe he just didn’t feel like texting. she tried once again to reason, but the thought still lingered, gnawing at her. why couldn’t he just reply? it was evident now that jay just wasn’t going to reach out on his own; he wasn't going to do anything. she’d have to be the one to make the effort, while holding onto the hope of things going back to how they were. maybe she was being too much, doing too much. “if i leave him alone for a few days, he’ll feel it, too.”

it had been days now and the reality of the situation was truly starting to sink in. over the span of the weeks they’d agreed to be friends, jay’s attempts to deny more interactions had finally come to an end. they were flat out doing no contact now. she tried deactivating her social media accounts in an effort to stop hurting herself further by looking at his page, but all it led to was viewing anonymously online. she wasn’t talking to anybody at that point, burying herself deeper into isolation as she began ignoring even her own best friends. but, it wasn’t something the girls were taking lightly.

she was laid out on the couch, the living room becoming a pigsty she found refuge in. empty bags of chips, noodle packages, discarded water bottles, candy wrappers, as well as tear soaked tissues flooded the table and floors. she lay sprawled out on the couch watching a romance k-drama, feeling envious of the love that the main character was receiving though she was barely paying attention. she was moreso staring through the screen rather than at it, not bothering to retain much of the plot, just trying to fill the void in any way she could.

she barely flinched upon her doorbell ringing. in fact, she didn’t even hear it. pulling her blanket more over her body, she closed her eyes, not opening them until she heard the beeping noises her door only made when the passcode was being typed in. she shot up in a panic. only three people knew of her codeㅡ one of them being jay, and she could not risk him seeing her living in such an unkempt manner. making quick of her movements, she grabbed an armful of the trash and ran to the kitchen to toss it out. she stayed in the kitchen grabbing a trash bag as she heard the door open and shut, followed by light footsteps. a familiar voice called out.

“y/n, are you home?”

“yujin?” two girls, yujin and chaewon, walked into the living room grimacing at the state it was in. a small hint of rotting processed food was pungent in the air, to which the girls slightly scrunch their noses at. y/n couldn’t hide her disappointment as she walked into the room, the trash bag rustling with each step. “chae? what are you guys doing here?”

chaewon immediately recognized the girl’s expression and playfully rolled her eyes in an attempt to lighten the mood. “wow, we’re so happy to see you too, y/n.” her words make y/n mentally facepalm at the rudeness she’d unknowingly displayed, frowning as she walked closer to them. without a word, the girls begin picking up the trash, discarding them into the bag y/n held. yujin wasted no time wondering off to get cleaning supplies, coming back to wipe the table. it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence they sat in while they cleaned, but it was clear that something definitely needed to be confronted now.

“sorry guys. i was just expecting someone… you know, else.”

“like who? he who shall not be named?” yujin asked, referencing jay, but it only made y/n grimace. the girl had struck a nerve. the statement only made her think of him more. it wasn’t yujin’s fault, though. none of her friends even knew they weren’t on speaking terms anymore. a knot formed in y/n’s stomach having to silently acknowledge how silly her initial thoughts were. jay had made zero effort to even talk to her, what sense would it make for him to visit?

“i don’t know.” but she did, and so did they. that’s why they were here to begin with. after the mess was all cleaned up, and you could finally see the beauty that was y/n’s living room again, they guided y/n to sit on the couch. chaewon was perched on the arm of it while yujin sat cross-legged on the floor, both watching y/n like she was an emotional bomb ready to explode at any given moment. the tension in the room felt like a third guest.

chaewon, the usual mediator, broke the silence first. treading lightly on upfront confrontation, she decided to stick with a lighthearted approach to the situation. what y/n needed was a friend, not a therapist. “okay, spill. when’s the last time you left this place?”

y/n’s silence spoke volumes as she sighed, hugging a throw pillow to her chest. “i don’t know. a while?” it wasn’t like she wasn’t keeping track, she could tell you it's been 33 days since she last saw jay, 11 days since he stopped viewing her story, and 9 days since his last text to her. how long she had been in her isolation, though? she couldn’t say, all the days seemed to blur in that category.

yujin raised an eyebrow. “define ‘a while.’ days? weeks… a month?”

now, y/n’s voice was barely above a whisper. “two weeks, maybe.”

“two weeks?!” chaewon groaned, grabbing the throw pillow and swatting y/n with it, adding a bit of force in an attempt to knock some sense into the girl. she supposed she underestimated how much it was affecting y/n. though she was upset at the girl’s response to her breakup, she felt worse that she didn’t think to step in sooner. “babe, no wonder. you’re practically fermenting in here. i don’t hate to say this, but it’s time for divine intervention.”

y/n sucked in a breath, but didn’t argue. instead, she stared at the freshly cleaned coffee table, her thoughts wandering back to jay. the way he used to rest his feet there, watching tv, the way he—

yujin snapped her fingers in front of y/n’s face. “nope. i can see it in your eyes— we’re not doing that today. chae, tell her the plan.”

“ah, right! the plan,” chaewon said, leaning in with a grin and wiggling her eyebrows, “is simple: you’re coming with us to a party tonight. and before you even start, you’re not busy, you’re not tired. none of that. i don’t want to hear any excuses.”

y/n’s face scrunched as she blinked. “a party? seriously? what are we? teenagers?”

“yes, seriously,” yujin said, standing up and grabbing y/n’s hands to pull her to her feet, the girl not fighting back as she stood. “you’re never too old to party. and, girl… you need this. sitting in here is only hurting you, and you know it.”

“but—”

“yes, butts! that’s exactly what i expect you to be shaking tonight,” chaewon interjected. “yujin and i already have the vision. you’ll pop out in a bomb ass outfit, we’ll pregame to set the mood, you know just get the vibes up. it's gonna be fun!” her eyes twinkled as she envisioned the whole scene. she waved her hand, slowly moving it in front of her face as if the girls could see what she was imagining. “you’ll drink a little, dance a little, smoke if you’re feeling good, and maybe even forget about… him.”

the slight, bitter acknowledgment of the boy left y/n feeling a lump form in her throat, she tried to shake off the thought of jay from creeping up again. but it was hard to stop once she already started, and everything in her heart was telling her no. a party was the last thing she needed. she could barely hide her hurt from her own friends, how could they expect her to pull through for hours at a party?

“i just don’t think i’m ready.”

“is that not the point?” yujin said gently, softly caressing y/n’s face with a sympathetic pout. the girl could only look away, feeling as though her eyes would be a dead giveaway to the truthㅡ it would hurt too much. sensing the mood shift, yujin sighed. “hey. you don’t have to be ready to start moving on, we don’t expect you to. we know how much you lovedㅡ sorry, love that man. but staying alone like this isn’t good for you, y/n.”

“you’ve even pulled away from us, we’re worried about you,” chaewon nodded, walking over to the girls and grabbing y/n’s hand. “all we’ve been thinking about lately is you. how you’re feeling, how you’re doing, constantly wondering if you’re okay. and now that we’ve seen the mess you’ve found comfort in, in your solitude, you deserve to at least get your mind off of it for one night. then we can start helping you heal tomorrow.”

the unshakeable resistance y/n once had, started to falter as she looked at her friends’ determined faces. they weren’t just here to drag her out of the house, they genuinely cared. she wondered how much her absence, and wallowing in self pity, was truly affecting the people around her. even if she wasn’t entirely sure that she wanted to go, maybe it was worth a shot. after all, they went through the trouble of planning things out, as well as helping her clean her depressive mess. it was worth trying for them.

“fine,” she muttered. “but if it sucks, i’m leaving early.”

“deal,” chaewon said, clapping her hands. “now, let’s find you something hot to wear. i heard jay’s not going to be there, but let’s make him regret losing you anyway.”

yujin laughed, linking her arm with y/n’s and leading her toward the bedroom. the world seemed to start shining brighter as they walked. “yup. and who knows? maybe you’ll meet someone new.” y/n could only give a small, reluctant smile at the words. she wasn’t sure she believed their optimism, but for the first time in weeks, she felt hopeful. even if the night didn’t fix her heartbreak, at least she wouldn’t be alone with it. and, well, she’s got a blackout long overdue.

after showering and getting ready on their own, it was time for yujin and chaewon to work their magic; “project sad bitch to bad bitch” as yujin proudly proclaimed. chaewon flipped through y/n’s closet quietly, her fingers brushing against the variety of fabrics and patterns hanging from the hangers. “god, y/n,” the girl giggled in disbelief. “do you even wear half of this shit?” y/n only shrugged from her spot on the bed, towel wrapped snugly around her body barely blocking the AC’s cool breeze on her moist skin.

“i don’t know. maybe.”

“seems like you don’t know a lot of things lately, huh?”

“hm, i guess not.”

yujin sat cross-legged on the floor, unpacking her makeup bag and moving a lamp to complete her little setup. huffing at the attitude her friends were catching with each other, she turned to y/n with pleading eyes. “look, we’re not leaving until you’re ready. and no,” she added, looking up at the shivering girl. “sweatpants are not an option.”

confusion flooded y/n’a face as she tilted her head at the girl. “i wasn’t going to wear sweatpants.”

“good,” chaewon said, getting to the back of the closet, a small gleam catching her eyes. pulling out a simple satin slip dress, eyes widening with a smile at the piece. the dress that was destined for setting the mood. “ooh, now this could work.”

y/n eyed the dress and shook her head immediately. it was a part of a lingerie set that she had misplaced, something not meant to be seen in broad daylight, let alone by strangers at a party. she coughed, swatting away the memories that flooded back at the sight of it. there was no way she could wear that. “no. it’s too… i don’t know. they’re pajamas, it’s too much.”

“it’s not,” yujin said firmly, standing to drape the dress against y/n’s frame, already planning out the makeup look she could do to compliment it. it was clearly the best option they had, its slight sexual undertones only further confirming it was the key to a perfect night waiting to happen. “pajamas or not, it’s perfect. beyond that even. tonight’s not about hiding anyway.”

y/n could only sigh in response, her fingers fidgeting with the edge of her towel. “i’m not trying to hide, i just don’t feel like being seen.”

“is that not the same thing?” chaewon said, crossing her arms as she gave y/n a reassuring look. “look, we’re not saying you have to feel like a star tonight. we just want you to feel…you know, more like yourself again.”

yujin crouched in front of y/n, her expression softening. giving her best puppy eyes, she pouted and held hands up to the girl, begging with a small shake to emphasize her desperation. “just try, okay? it’s one night. you deserve to feel good about yourself, even if it’s just for a few hours.”

“i don’t feel bad about myself-” she paused when the girls gave her a knowing glance, making her stumble on her words. she glanced between them, her chest tightening. they weren’t forcing her, but they weren’t exactly letting her disappear, either. “you know what? fine,” she said finally, reaching out to take the dress. it was true, the dress was beautiful. the rose pink color highlighted by the sheen of the satin, with black laced edges adding the perfect contrast, made it a staple piece. she had forgotten all about its aura.

“that's what i’m talking ‘bout!” chaewon grinned and reached down to give yujin a round of high fives, their squeals only projecting a small portion of their excitement. y/n took the hanger and made her way into the bathroom. after a few minutes of staring at her reflection in the mirror, she stepped out in the dress. the fabric clung to her frame delicately, the soft sheen catching the light. she looked gorgeous, even with her hair undone. the room was silent as they shamelessly gawked at their best friend who only shifted awkwardly under their gaze.

“wow,” yujin whispered. “you look…”

“so fucking beautiful,” chaewon finished.

y/n only turned to look at herself in the mirror again, her lips pressing into a thin line. hesitant, she stared and tried to do some test poses. she just didn’t know how to feel. an internal scream match ensued, her thoughts becoming two conflicting forcesㅡ one side screaming no, the other trapped in a state, wondering: could i? shaking away her thoughts, she goes with her initial one. “i don’t know, guys. it's not me.”

“it is you,” yujin said gently. “maybe a part of you that you’ve forgotten about, but it’s still you. it wasn’t in your closet for no reason.”

while she wasn’t wrong, the reason definitely wasn’t for this. nonetheless she swallowed the lump in her throat, nodding slightly. juggling the pros and cons in her head, she made note of their actions that led her to this point. she owed it to them. “okay,” she said quietly. “let’s go before i change my mind.”

“makeup first~” chaewon sang out as she guided y/n over to the area where yujin had set everything up. “and i can do your hair, too. two birds, one stone. let’s go.”

the city lights blended into a colorful gradient of neon streaks as the taxi sped through the bustling streets. inside, the atmosphere was electric. y/n, chaewon, and yujin sat in the back, their laughter and chatter blending with the rhythmic hum of the car, the radio playing joyful tunes only further setting the mood.

chaewon, ever the instigator, held up a bottle of peach flavored soju, opening it and holding it to the roof. there was a gleam in her eyes that demonstrated her happiness more than words could explain. “to a night of unforgettable memories,” she declared, her tone light as she carefully waved the bottle mischievously. “with my very best friends.”

yujin grinned, lifting an imaginary bottle as well, reaching over chaewon’s lap to grab y/n’s hand and force her to do the same. “and to making sure y/n doesn’t regret this tomorrow,” she teased.

y/n chuckled a genuine, hearty laugh as she shook her head. “i’m not the one who needs to worry,” she retorted, her voice light but with a hint of challenge. she reached into chaewon’s bag pulling out a plastic shot glass. “is this even smart to be doing in a moving car?”

“yolo,” chaewon smiled in response, pouring a generous amount into the cup, nearly filling it to the brim. “bottoms up,” she urged, her tone playful yet insistent. with a resigned smile, y/n took the shot, the sharpness of the soju’s flavor warming her from the inside. she licked her lips and handed the cap to chaewon, who refilled it with a flourish.

“your turn,” chaewon said, carefully handing the cup to yujin who playfully raised an eyebrow, feigning fake reluctance. “peer pressure at its finest,” she laughed, but took the shot with no hesitation. the trio continued their pregame ritual, the taxi’s interior filled with their laughter and the clinking of bottles. as the cityscape passed by, the anticipation of the party awaiting them grew, each of them eager for the night that awaited them.

when the taxi pulled up, the bass from the party reverberated through the car, the music and laughter spilling out into the cool night air. y/n giggled, already feeling the happy buzz of the drinks from the ride over. chaewon and yujin, also tipsy, were practically bouncing with excitement as they stepped out of the car.

“drive safe, dear! have a good night,” chaewon waved to the driver. as they stepped through the door, they were immediately hit with the scent of perfume, alcohol, and excitement. the large living room was filled with people laughing, dancing, and chatting in their own little groups. y/n swayed slightly to the rhythm, the tipsiness from pregaming still actively lingering in her veins. chaewon and yujin were right beside her, their laughter bright and carefree, matching the energy around them. she pulled her jacket tighter, but it was more out of habit than discomfort.

at first, y/n did feel a bit out of place, but chaewon immediately linked arms with her, pulling her further into the scene. “you’re gonna love it here, i promise,” she grinned, her voice a little louder than usual to compensate for the music’s volume.

yujin, already catching the beat of the music, nudged her playfully. “yeah! tonight’s for fun, no worries.” they made their way over to heeseung, the host, who greeted them with a friendly smile and a quick hug. “hey, guys. glad you could make it! the party’s just getting started.”

y/n couldn’t help but stare at the man in front of her. he was tall, dark, and handsome. the small rose tint that coated his cheeks, caused by the alcohol, pulled the whole look together. it was hard to look away. wow. upon noticing this, chaewon leaned in, whispering to y/n, “heeseung’s the best. and he throws the best parties.”

y/n smiled as she finally broke her stare to meet chaewon’s eyes, her voice a little slurred but still light. “yeah, he seems chill.”

heeseung turned his attention to the girl who wasn’t as familiar with him, his smile faltering just a little. he leaned in closer to chaewon, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial tone so that y/n wouldn’t hear. “by the way, jay ended up changing his mind about not coming. he’s over there,” he said, glancing toward the other side of the room where jay stood talking to some guys.

his words seemed to sober chaewon up a bit as she tried not to make a reactive face as her eyes followed to where he was motioning to. there he was in the flesh, having the audacity to be enjoying himself while his ex-girlfriend still had the luxury of not knowing of his presence. and chaewon needed to make sure to keep it that way all night. instead, she flashed a quick grin, pulling y/n into the next part of the conversation. “man, we’re taking a cab home. you know what that means?”

“we can get fucked up,” y/n exclaimed doing a little happy dance, humoring the few that could hear what she was saying. heeseung only offered chaewon an encouraging smile, though he wasn’t sure her approach was the best. but what did he know, he was too drunk to really care about it past surface level. yujin, just as blissfully unaware of the situation, grinned ear to ear and high-fived y/n. “now that’s the energy i love to see!”

“yeah, yeah. let’s go mingle now!” chaewon said, waving to heeseung as she led the trio made towards the main area where majority of the people occupied. and of course, with no sign of jay. she spotted jake and sunghoon nearby, and with a social grin, she guided the girls along to greet them, reminding herself she needed to enjoy her time too.

“jake! hoon!” she called out, her voice full of energy. jake looked up from his conversation and grinned, his eyes trailing to each face as he greeted them. “chaewon, yujin, and… no fucking way. is that y/n?! in the flesh?!” he went over to give her a hug, and it signaled to her that he was definitely drunk. “finally, we get to see your pretty face again. it’s about time you join in on the fun!”

y/n, although a little confused, returned the hug and gave the boy a playful smile. “yeah. i guess i needed a little push to leave the house. you know how breakups get you sometimes,” she joked. probably not the funniest thing she could’ve said, but it was real.

sunghoon raised an eyebrow teasingly, making sure not to dwell on the literal aspects of it. he looked her up and down, almost drooling at the sight of her. the way the dress hugged her body, the way her jacket complimented the colors perfectly, even her flats fit the look. “well, i guess it worked out nicely. you look like you’re doing great now.”

yujin laughed, leaning in as if she were about to say something revolutionary. “it’s the party effect. you get here and forget everything.”

“just what i needed,” y/n said, letting herself get lost in the music. she wondered why she avoided everyone for so long. their presence made her feel ten times better in a couple of minutes than she’d felt on her own all month. it was refreshing.

“that’s the spirit!” jake grinned, looking past the girls to see jay walking over again with drinks in hand. thinking quickly, he gestured to the group behind him. “hey, rina and winter are over there. go give them a pleasant surprise.”

chaewon quickly perked up with enthusiasm at the mention of their other girl friends. “ooh! let’s go say hi!”

they headed over to karina and winter, who were standing by the snack table. karina greeted them with a playful smile. “there you guys are! i thought you’d bail on us. hey, y/n! it’s nice to see you again,” her eyes smiled at the girl, admiring the glow. maybe time away was what y/n needed to prosper. karina, like everyone else, was happy to see her again nonetheless.

y/n shook her head, her drunken voice bubbling with laughter. the world seemed to have a hint of saturation to it that she hadn’t seen in a while now. she couldn’t help but to pull karina into a hug, the gesture surprising both of them at the suddenness. “hey! and of course not. we just had to make sure we were up to par. can’t all be natural beauties like you girls.”

“oh stop it, y’all are gorgeous,” winter chimed in, raising her cup with a sigh of content before taking a sip. “man, i needed this after midterms. nothing better than a heeseung party to recharge your academic battery.”

“you know, for a guy that’s so popular amongst everyone, i'm surprised i didn’t know him before this,” y/n pondered for a second. the group laughed, “well, welcome to the real world outside of a relationship. people start existing again.” and soon enough, they were swept up in more conversation and dancing. after a few shots, y/n could feel herself getting lost in the rhythm, her laughter mixing with the music. as they moved back to the dance floor, she realized that maybe, just maybe, she could forget about the weight of it all—at least for tonight. her tipsiness had her in an effortlessly happy state, but she felt like it could be more hype. she leaned closer to chaewon and yujin, raising her voice slightly to be heard over the bass.

“i’m gonna grab a drink,” she said, her lips curling into a small smile. “you guys want anything? shots?”

yujin’s eyes lit up, and she nudged chaewon. “ohhh my god, yes. shots sound perfect.” chaewon grinned, raising her hand slightly. “tequila, if they have it. lime, salt, the good shit, you know how i like it.”

y/n laughed, making mental note of the girls’ orders. “got it, tequila on the rocks for the baddies. i’ll be back.” she spun on her heel, her steps sure as she wove through the crowd, the glow of the party lights casting a warm glow on her skin. emboldening her every move, the alcohol seemed to sink deeper into her veins, the electric energy of the room carrying her forward with effortless grace.

the kitchen set a different mood in contrast to the other rooms she and her friends had occupied that night. the loud, bass-heavy music from the living room was muffled here, replaced by softer chatter and the occasional clink of bottles against glasses. the room smelled faintly of spilled liquor and citrus wedges, surprisingly pleasant, and the counters were crowded with a mess of an inviting display of liquor bottles and red cups.

she ran her hand along the countertop that was cool on her heated skin. her eyes skimmed the options in front of her. there the tequila was for chaewon and yujin, but which brand to choose? she didn’t know. she bit her lip, trying to focus despite the pleasant buzz in her head craving excitement. she didn’t even realize a male figure had made his way over to her.

“tequila, huh?” his voice was smooth, unexpected, and it instantly pulled her attention to the right. there he was, leaning casually against the counter, his posture relaxed but commanding. the soft golden light from the kitchen highlighted his sharp features, a warm glow casting over his slightly tousled hair and the inviting grin that played on his lips.

she blinked, momentarily thrown off by his presence. there was something boyish about him, yet his looks contrasted the calculated composure in his eyes. once she realized her staring, she quickly recovered, her lips curving into a teasing smile unsure of where such confidence came from.“depends who you ask.”

he chuckled, the sound low and light, yet somehow warm despite its brevity. “true. i guess it depends on the night, too,” he mused, his eyes casually following her movements—curious, but not intrusive. his gaze lingered on the tequila bottles, gesturing to it. “bold choice, though,” he added, his tone easy and confident. “i guess it suits you.”

y/n tilted her head slightly, looking at the bottle she’d unknowingly chosen. her lips curved into a small smile, intrigued by his words. “what makes you think that?”

he shrugged with effortless charm, his laugh hypnotizing, like the world stopped with each chuckle that escaped his lips. and she was almost sure it did. “you’ve got this energy—like you’re fun, but there’s more to you than what meets the eye.” her eyebrows furrowed faintly in intrigue, but she kept her tone playful, tinged with a hint of caution. just because he seemed funny, and attractiveㅡ well, insanely attractive, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep her guard up; he was still a stranger. but his words seemed to draw her in nonetheless.

“you’ve got a lot of assumptions for someone i just met.”

“maybe,” he said with a slight shrug, “but i’m usually right.” he extended a hand toward her, his grin widening. “i’m eric, by the way. figured this was a good time to properly introduce myself since i’ve seen you around but never got the chance.”

she glanced at his hand before shaking it, his palm warm and his touch firm. “y/n,” she said simply, letting her name hang in the air for a moment. he shook her hand, slow and drawn out, before he reluctantly pulled away. it didn’t go unnoticed. he repeated it as if trying it out for himself, the syllables making themselves at home on his tongue. his grin softened into something more genuine. “that’s a pretty name. suits you.”

a faint warmth crept throughout her body at the compliment, but she quickly masked it with a smile, biting her lip as she tried to ignore the heat making its way to her cheeks. “thanks. so, you’re just out here handing out compliments tonight, huh?”

“only when they’re deserved,” he shot back smoothly, his gaze unwavering. there was something so captivating about him. his personality, maybe even ego, seemed big, but his confidence wasn’t overbearing. it was enticing and y/n found herself relaxing more, her initial purpose for coming to the kitchen already slipping her mind. “so, do you always pick tequila at parties, or is tonight special?” he raised an eyebrow slightly.

“tonight’s definitely special,” she replied, leaning against the counter herself now, mirroring his relaxed stance. the corners of her lips tugged upward, her drunken state aiding in loosening her posture. “but i’ll admit, it’s not my usual go-to.”

her words made him grin, his expression lighting up as if he’d just found the perfect opening to extend their conversation. his face seemed to soften slightly, and for a moment, y/n couldn’t help but envy how his confidence radiated. he knew how attractive he was, and knew exactly how to lean into it without making it feel forced.

“lucky for you, i’m a tequila enthusiast,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows, already reaching for the bottle and two shot glasses. his movements were sure, natural, as if he’d done this a hundred times before. everything about this man highlighted how sure of himself he was, like he knew the line between charm and arrogance and danced on it perfectly. “mind if i join you?”

y/n let out a small laugh, her gaze following his every movement as he poured the tequila. there was something mesmerizing about the way his hands worked—the smooth, controlled motions, his fingers brushing over the counter as if every little touch was intentional, effortless. the lighting of the room seemed to accentuate the sensuality of the moment; it made the air feel charged. everything about him, from the casual lean to the way his eyes stayed locked on hers, felt like a slow dance, a tension hummed between them.

“you know what? sure, why not?” she finally managed to say, her voice a little breathless, though she couldn’t quite tell if it was from the alcohol or the way the scene had shifted. eric slid a glass toward her, his fingers grazing the edge of the counter, his movements slow as if savoring the moment. he leaned in just enough to hold her gaze, his eyes glinting with a playful spark, and she felt her heart race a little. raising his glass, his smirk widened. “to… letting loose and making the most of tonight?”

y/n’s lips parted in a smile that felt so easy, so unguarded, like it was the most natural thing in the world to let go and enjoy the moment. all her worries of the night seemed to slip her mind as she tapped her glass against his, the muted background becoming more apparent making the brief clink of glass feel louder than it should have. “cheers to that.”

they downed the shots in unison, the tequila burning a familiar path down her throat before settling into a warm heat in her chest. she grabbed a slice of lime as a needed chaser, squeezing the sour juices into her mouth. now, the buzz she’d felt earlier amplified, wrapping around her like a comforting haze. she could feel herself relax further as eric leaned in closer to keep the conversation flowing. their eyes meet again and an unfamiliar, yet alluring feeling crept up. he was so captivating. one look from him felt like transcending.

“so, what about you?” she asked, setting her glass down with a soft clink against the counter. she was becoming more curious about him. every second, imagining his life story, his reasons for coming, who he came with, she wanted to know everything. her tone carried a teasing edge as she raised an eyebrow. “are you the life of the party or just here to keep an eye on the tequila?”

he chuckled, his shoulders shaking slightly as if her words had struck the right note. there was something disarming about the way he laughed, and y/n couldn’t help but feel a small surge of accomplishment, her desire to keep conversing growing. “somewhere in between,” he admitted, his smile widening, the confidence in his voice undeniable. “but tonight, i think i’m here for more interesting conversations.”

the subtle compliment tugged at y/n, piquing her newfound confidence and before she knew it, she was leaning in just a little more, drawn into the rhythm of his words. she’d forgotten how much fun it was to flirt, how desirable she was over the years. none of this was one sided. “well, lucky you ran into me, then.”

“lucky, indeed,” eric replied, his voice dropping just enough to carry weight, and his gaze shifted to hers with intensity, the moment stretching out longer than expected. her breath hitched. it felt like time slowed down for just a second before she regained her composure. before she could fully process the warmth creeping up her spine from eric’s gaze, a shift in the atmosphere almost caught her attention. across the kitchen, jay walked in, his empty beer bottle dangling carelessly from his fingers, searching for somewhere to dispose of the glass. his expression was relaxed at first, but the moment his eyes locked onto her frame, he froze.

y/n didn’t notice him immediately either. her back was turned to him and she was much too absorbed in her conversation with eric. but jay was peeping everything. the way she laughed, the way she leaned just slightly toward eric, and most notably, that dress. it wasn’t just any dress. it was his favorite, the one she had only worn on special occasions, none of which ever saw light beyond the bedroom.

a knot twisted in jay’s chest, and his mind spun with a rush of emotions—anger, jealousy, and regret. he couldn’t pinpoint which hurt more, but they all clawed at him. was she just here for sex? and was she wearing that to enhance her attraction? he was convinced the second he heard the sound of her laughter, consumed by whatever sweet little nothings eric was telling her as she leaned in toward him. it stung. he hated how much power she still had over him, how she could still hurt him so deeply without even realizing.

eric, perceptive as ever, immediately caught the shift in the air. when his eyes flicked over jay and back to y/n, his grin widened ever so slightly. without missing a beat, he poured another shot, his movements casual yet carrying a certain smugness as he slid the glass toward y/n. “ready for another?” he asked lightly, though his gaze hardly wavered from jay.

“absolutely,” she replied with a laugh, oblivious to the silent exchange happening right in front of her. she was too intoxicated, both from the liquor and eric’s attention—to feel the tension brewing. the scene unfolding in front of her went unnoticed. eric, with his charm, was asserting his dominance over jay in a way that was bold, yet subtle enough to fly under y/n’s radar.

eric poured his own shot with an almost lazy confidence, his movements smooth and conceited as though every action was meant to say, i’ve already won. raising and clinking his glass with y/n’s, his lips curved into a subtle smirk as he downed the drink. while she threw her head back to get the shot out the way, his eyes were locked onto jay’s. the air in the kitchen thickened, growing heavier with the unspoken tension that hung between the two men. jay’s jaw tightened, his fingers curling firmly around the neck of his bottle as he forced himself to relax. but his pride just wouldn’t let it go. he needed to act, to remind this guy—this nobody, who y/n truly belonged to.

his steps were calculated as he moved further into the kitchen, making it seem as if he hadn’t noticed them at all. his presence, though originally unacknowledged, was impossible to ignore. without sparing so much as a glance their way, jay reached for a bottle on the counter, his movements nonchalant and composed.

“hey, eric, pass me the bottle opener,” he said, his tone calm, detached, as if the moment held no significance. but the sound of his voice was enough to pierce through y/n’s bubble of drunken bliss. her laughter faltered, the warmth that had fueled her moments before were replaced by a quick, relentless, almost sinking ache. eric, with his focus now shifted to jay with a scowl, straightened up as he titled his head. they were now challenging each other in front of their pursuit.

“it’s right there, get it yourself,” eric made no effort to mask the irritation the boy’s presence brought him. y/n turned slowly, her heart lurching at the sight of jay. what the fuck was he even doing? did she even actually like eric? the thoughts ran through her mind, quick and unforgiving. as her gaze remained on jay, everything else faded into the background. eric’s presence, his charm, the tequila-fueled buzz— all evaporated. jay’s movements were precise, impersonal. though he stood just a few feet away, his eyes never met hers. it was as though she didn’t even exist to him, a realization that stung more than she’d anticipated.

with a swift motion, he grabbed the opener, popped the cap off the beer, and set it back on the counter. without another word or glance, he turned on his heel, a smug scoff leaving his lips as he disappeared into the crowd. his shoulders were tense, and his strides were agonizingly slow. y/n watched him leave, her heart sinking further with each step he took. her fingers curled against the countertop as she let out a sigh, gripping it tightly as she struggled to steady herself, her knuckles paling from the effort.

“you okay?” eric’s voice softened, his earlier confidence giving way to a tentative concern. his hand brushed her shoulder lightly, but the touch barely registered. all her thoughts, all her feelings, were consumed once again by jay, and the space he left behind. eric felt like a distant blur in comparison.

“yeah,” y/n replied quickly, though her voice was tight, almost robotic now. she forced a smile, but it was weak. she averted her eyes, unsure of where to look anymore. she was too ashamed to be present in the moment now. “it’s whatever. i don’t even know that guy anymore.” the words were meant to sound indifferent, maybe even lighthearted, but her tone betrayed her, emotions seeping through.

eric hesitated, his eyes studying her face. he could see the way her confidence had crumbled the moment jay walked up and felt a pang of guilt knowing he’d inadvertently caused it. but an unfamiliar feeling sparked within him as well. he wanted to make her forget about jay entirely, to erase whatever hold he still had on her. what had started off as an obvious attempt at a one-night stand, had suddenly turned into something more. eric wanted to be the one she thought about, the one she wanted, the one who could make her feel again.

y/n leaned against the counter, her glass clutched tightly in her hand, staring at the floor like it could offer her some kind of escape. it was quiet as the pair decided not to say anything. she didn’t mind it though. the weight of jay’s acknowledgment—or lack thereof— was still hanging over her like a storm cloud. and in her drunken state, she didn’t know how to process what she was feeling now. chaewon and yujin‘s comfort was rooms away, which she supposed was for the better. she didn’t want to bring their mood down with hers anyway. the dull thud of bass from the next room gave her a headache, and the warmth of the kitchen suddenly felt stifling.

she poured another shot and quickly downed it, sucking in a deep breath as the warmth shot throughout her body. her mind replayed the earlier scene on a loop—his voice, the dismissive tone, the way his eyes never bothered to look her way. a desperate part of her had hoped for more, craving at least some shred of emotion from him. instead, all she’d gotten was proof of how much she still cared, and how little he did. she bit the inside of her cheek to keep her tears at bay, her pride refusing to let them fall.

“hey.” y/n’s head snapped up, startled by the soft voice that cut through her thought process, reminding her she was still at the party. eric now stood a few feet away, his hands shoved into his pockets, a relaxed posture with a steady gaze. he tilted his head slightly, offering her a small smile in an attempt to ease her mind. “wanna just get out of here for a bit?”

for a moment she just stared at him, her brain debating on his offer. the idea of leaving the kitchen, and the weight of jay’s presence hanging over her, felt like relief. but going somewhere with ericㅡ a near-stranger? she wasn’t sure. her grip on her drink loosened slightly, her nails no longer digging into the condensation-soaked glass. “where would we even go?” her voice came out quieter than she intended.

“don’t know,” he shrugged, now leaning against the doorframe. “anywhere but here. upstairs, outside… we could raid his snacks, whatever helps.” his tone was casual, but there was something in the way he watched her that felt intentional. he sensed the remaining turmoil in her heart and wanted to pull her away from it.

y/n glanced at the doorway he motioned to, then back to her drink. the thought of staying here, rooted to this spot, after jay’s appearance felt unbearable. so, without answering, she set her cup on the counter with a soft clink and gave him a small nod. eric’s smile widened just slightly, enough to make her cheeks flush again. “come on,” he murmured, motioning for her to follow him.

he led her to a quiet balcony on the second floor of the house, away from the pulsing music and swarm of people. the cool night air hit her face, and she zipped her jacket as she wrapped her arms around herself. she was thankful for the moment of calm that wasted no time washing over her. eric handed her an unopened bottle of patron that he’d snagged on their way up, giving her a reassuring smile.

“for the record,” he said, leaning against the railing, his tone measured, almost casual, “whatever he did to you? screw him.” his eyes stayed fixed on the city lights below, the ambient hum of distant car horns and the occasional gust of wind filling the silence. he didn’t look at her, as if giving her the privacy to feel whatever she needed to without his gaze adding weight.

y/n let out a weak laugh, but it cracked halfway through, dissolving into a shaky exhale. leaning on the railing herself, her eyes wandered to the darkened yard below, its emptiness mirroring the void she felt in her heart. her voice wavered when she spoke. “it’s not that simple.”

“maybe not,” eric shrugged, the softness in his voice tugging at her like a thread, unraveling the tight knot she’d been holding together. “but he doesn’t get to ruin your night.” he turned slightly toward her, his expression thoughtful, though his gaze never pressed into hers too directly. her throat tightened, and before she could stop herself, tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, blurring the faint glow of the city. she swallowed hard, shaking her head as if to ward them away. turning from him, she choked out a laugh, “god, i’m sorry. this is so stupid.”

“it’s not stupid,” he said with quiet conviction. he didn’t step closer, deciding it was best to keep respecting the fragile space between them, but there was something solid and grounding in his presence nonetheless. “you’re allowed to feel how you want to feel, y/n. no one gets to decide that for you.”

her fingers hastily brushed at her cheeks,trying to swipe away the evidence of her emotions as shame crept in. traces of her makeup found refuge on her jacket in the process. she was sure she looked as much of a mess physically as she felt mentally. his words lingered, and she appreciated him not demanding a response, just offering a truth she hadn’t yet been able to admit to herself. “i don’t even know why i’m crying. it’s just… all i wanted was to be able to forget about him for one night.” her words hung in the air as she tightly crossed her arms over her chest in an attempt to hold herself together. saying it out loud made the hurt feel all the more real, the pressure pressing harder against her ribs.

“getting over someone takes time,” eric said, his voice steady and thoughtful, as though he’d carefully considered every word. his eyes flickered toward her briefly, searching for a reaction before continuing. “especially someone who meant a lot to you. i heard you guys were together for a couple of years; i don’t think anyone expects you to bounce back quickly. and just because you’re not there yet doesn’t mean you won’t get there.” his words settled over her, profound, like the softest form of reassurance she had been needing. y/n felt her shoulders relax and she finally exhaled, her breath fogging in the chilly night air. the weight of her emotions felt a little lighter now. eric held up the unopened bottle between them, his grin softening the mood further.

“how about this? one drink, and we’ll make a pact: no more thinking about jay tonight.”

her lips twitched into a small, reluctant smile as she reached for the bottle, the faintest trace of amusement breaking through the fading sadness. when in doubt, drink it out. “deal.” the bottle moved back and forth between them as the conversation flowed, each sip peeling away the mysterious layers between the two. eric had a way of drawing her out. his humor was witty, his stories were full of vivid details that made her forget the remaining ache in her chest, little by little. she felt like she could breathe again.

the two talked about everything and nothing: bad movies, dream vacations, even the weirdest things they’d done as kids. eric was so easy to talk to. in a way that felt natural, his teasing was playful but never too much, and his laughter warm and infectious. with every story exchanged, y/n found herself leaning further into the conversation.

at some point, the conversation slowed, the hum of the city below filling the quiet. y/n’s gaze drifted to eric, who sat just close enough that she could feel the warmth of his presence. the soft glow of the house lights framed his features—his sharp jawline, the slight curve of his lips, and the depth in his eyes that seemed to catch everything without needing to say much. she had noticed before how effortlessly handsome he was, but in the stillness, she could see it in all its glory because now he wasn’t even trying.

“what?” he asked, his voice breaking through her thoughts, low and teasing but not unkind. he kept his eyes on her, a gleam shimmering ever so slightly. she blinked, her cheeks heating as she fought hard not to look away.

“nothing.”

eric tilted his head, a small, knowing smile tugging at his lips. “you were staring. i’m not complaining, just… curious.”

y/n’s heart stuttered, her defenses unraveling under his playful yet gentle tone. she dropped her gaze to the bottle between them, her fingers brushing against the cool glass. “i wasn’t staring,” she mumbled, though the blush deepening on her cheeks betrayed her. he leaned in slightly, not enough to overwhelm but just enough to close the gap, his voice quieter now.

“sure you weren’t.” their proximity was close enough to feel his breath warm on her nose. a closeness that felt almost forbidden. it felt good. there was something in the way he looked at her, prolonged and intent, as if he could see past what she was trying to hide. it made her stomach flip, her mind race. the space between them felt charged, the kind of silence that wasn’t empty but filled with things neither of them knew how to say.

she tried to focus on the city lights, the buzz of music from the party beneath themㅡ anything but him… but her gaze betrayed her again. when she looked back up, he was still watching her, his expression shifting into something unreadable.

“you know, you’re… different than i expected,” he said finally, his voice soft, almost hesitant. he was peeling back a layer of himself that he didn’t often share.

y/n’s brows furrowed slightly, her mind catching the weight of his words. curiously, she leaned closer despite the space being noses apart as a result. “different how?” she asked, her voice quieter now in fear of the moment shattering if she spoke any louder.

“in a good way,” he replied, the corners of his lips lifting in a slight smile that was both shy and sincere. the energy picked up, dissipating from its once lustful state into something new, softer and more vulnerable. “like… i don’t know. just better.”

the simplicity of his words struck her harder than she expected. there weren’t any grand gestures or overly thought-out declarations with them, yet somehow, it made them feel all the more genuine. she didn’t know how to respond, so she didn’t. instead, she just looked at him, her lips parting slightly as if the unfolding moment had stolen the air from her lungs. the outside noises of the world faded into nothing, narrowing to just the quiet breaths they shared on that balcony.

time seemed to slow as the remaining space between them shrank. his gaze dropped, flickering to her lips for the briefest moment before meeting her eyes again, a silent question lingering in the space between them. she felt renewed, her heart was racing as her mind scrambled to make sense of it. but there was no time to think, no time to overanalyze; her body moved before she could stop it.

her lips met his, softly at first, testing the waters. there was hesitation on both ends, a mutual uncertainty. then the kiss deepened, the weight of the night pouring into every movement. she leaned in closer, her hands finding their way to his shirt, gripping it tightly as if afraid he might pull away. his fingers ghosted over her jaw, anchoring her in the moment, grounding her as the rest of the world seemed to spin. it wasn’t perfect, it was messy and uncoordinated, a clash of emotions and impulse—but it felt real, raw in a way that made her melt into his touch. and for the first time in what felt like forever, she let herself be vulnerable. she let herself feel.

but just as quickly as it started, the kiss ended as reality crashed back in. y/n pulled back abruptly, her hands flying to her stomach as a sudden wave of nausea hit hard, quickly climbing its way up from her stomach. “oh no…” she muttered, her voice barely above a whisper as she almost teleported to the other side of the balcony. there was no way. eric’s eyes widened, concern flashing across his face as he instinctively moved to reach out toward her. “you okay?” he asked, moving his hands back after seeing her lack of response to the gesture. she shook her head, the motion only making her feel worse.

“i think i’m gonna—” she realized she pushed herself to her feet too quickly, her delayed reaction to the sudden movement sent her balance teetering. eric was beside her in an instant, steadying her with a hand on her arm as she stumbled toward the railing.

“whoa, whoa—hold on,” he said, his voice calm but urgent. “deep breaths, okay? i got you.”

y/n clung to the cool metal railing, squeezing her eyes shut as she tried to steady her breathing. the nausea roared louder, her stomach churning violently. she hated how vulnerable she felt, she hated that she couldn’t keep it together.

“i’m so sorry,” she whispered shakily, leaning forward in case the inevitable happened. her whole body was in panic mode, trying to ground itself but every attempt it made only escalated the situation. the only thing saving her from completely coming undone was her pride. she refused to embarrass herself in front of the handsome man that kept her company.

“don’t apologize,” eric said softly, his hand still resting on her arm. the touch was enough to distract her as her senses focused on the warmth it offered. “seriously, it’s fine. just focus on breathing. we’ll get through this.” her cheeks burned with embarrassment, but there was no judgment in his voice, no awkwardness, just comfort laced with concern. he was drunk too, anxiety building at how the situation could possibly unfold. y/n clung to the railing as the nausea finally overwhelmed her. the world around her blurred, and every sound muffled like she was underwater. her knees buckled slightly, and eric was quick to catch her as she vomited over the balcony, quietly thanking god that nobody was in the backyard.

“yeah,” he said, his voice gentle but firm. “i think you’re done for the night.” she tried to mumble a response, but her words came out slurred and incoherent. her body felt heavy, the buzz of alcohol overpowering every sense as she vomited again. now she was sobbing curses keeping her eyes squeezed tight, as if it could block out the predicament she was in now. eric had to think fast, he couldn’t just leave her out here. but he also cared for her reputation, and taking someoneㅡ in her state, back with the majority was just begging to be social suicide.

“okay, hang tight,” eric said, carefully easing her down to sit on the floor of the balcony, leaning her against the railing for support. she was barely responsive, her eyelids fluttering as exhaustion took over. he wanted to bring her inside the room, but if she kept going at the rate that she was, laying down would be a safety hazard. he hated it, but the best option would be to leave her outside. he sucked in a breath, crouching in front of her, brushing a strand of her hair out of her face. “i’m gonna find your friends, okay? just stay right here.”

y/n’s head lolled slightly. he made his way back into the main, more populated areas of the house, scanning the crowd for any sign of the two girls she’d been with earlier. it took a few minutes and some questions to a few strangers, but eventually, eric found chaewon and yujin near the living room, both mid-conversation with a group of people. “hey, uh,” eric interrupted, his tone urgent enough to grab their attention immediately. “y/n’s on the balcony. she’s not feeling great. i think she needs you.”

chaewon’s eyes widened as her head snapped towards yujin, they had forgotten about y/n in their inebriated state. they actually learned of the kitchen situation shortly after it happened because jay had come by and interrupted their conversation with jake to vent about it. they only let her be after hearing of her moment with eric because a distraction was what they were originally hoping for. they didn’t take into account it could go left. “what the hell is she doing out there? is she okay?”

“she’s like… out of it,” eric said, his hands still in his pockets but his shoulders tense as they picked up the words he wasn’t dropping: a few too many drinks, half of which her body weight couldn’t hold. “she needs to go home.” yujin didn’t hesitate, grabbing chaewon’s arm as they followed eric back to the balcony. chaewon couldn’t help but cry the whole way up.

“fuck, we might just be the worst friends alive,” she sobbed, her feet scurrying to keep up with the other two as each sob slowed her down. yujin, sensing the need for a level headed person in the room, pinched chaewon’s cheeks once they reached the bedroom leading to the balcony. “we can unpack that later. she needs us now. so suck it up cause we have to act like we know what we’re doing.” her words leave no word for arguments, so chaewon just nods putting on her best poker face despite the regret that still panged at her heart.

when they opened the door to finally arrive on the scene, y/n was no longer slumped against the railing. she was laying on her side curled into a ball, eyes closed as she emphasized each breath she let out to calm her nerves. “oh my god, y/n,” chaewon muttered, kneeling beside her. the girl only croaked her name in response, a pout eliciting a downpour of tears. she felt a sense of relief washing over her at their presence. yujin crouched down as she and chaewon lifted her body up, y/n doing her best to push herself up with her arms. “what made this happen?”

“it’s kind of my fault. jay upset her while we were taking shots. it bummed her out, so we came up here to recharge… drank a whole bottle of patron,” eric trailed off as he recollected their actions leading up to it, the impulsivity being highlighted as a disaster waiting to happen. rubbing the back of his neck, he cleared his throat. “yeah, so it’s totally my fault.” chaewon and yujin wasted zero time verbally agreeing with him. he didn’t take it personally, thoughㅡ in hindsight, he could’ve approached the situation better. “sorry, i wasn’t really thinking. i just wanted to make her feel better.”

“well, thank you,” yujin said, her voice sincere as she looked at him. chaewon and yujin carefully helped y/n to her feet, draping her arms over their shoulders. eric lingered for a moment, his gaze softening as he looked at her one last time. she looked an absolute mess. her mascara ran in uneven streaks tracing her cheeks, while smudges of foundation, blush,and faded lipstick clung desperately to her skin. he felt horrible for how bad her night turned out. “she’s gonna be okay, right?” he asked, his voice a tinge quieter now.

“yeah,” chaewon said, tight-lipped with a small nod. “we got it from here, thanks for looking out for her.” eric nodded, stepping back as they carried y/n away. he stood there for a moment, watching until they disappeared into the house. with a deep breath, he turned back toward the balcony railing, running a hand through his hair as he tried to shake off the lingering worry. what a shitty first impression to leave. he almost wished that they had saved some alcohol, he needed another shot.

in the backseat of the taxi, y/n slumped against chaewon, her head heavy with a mouth that insisted on being anything but quiet. “i wanted to stay with him,” she mumbled, her words slurring together. her voice hiccuped slightly, carrying the unmistakable edge of drunken frustration. she replayed fragmented memories of their time together from the kitchen to the balcony. “why’d you make me leave? he was—he was so damn nice to me. oh my god, he was so sweet y’all. and he was so cute.”

chaewon yawned with a sigh, exhausted and clearly drunk, but trying her best to be a comforting friend, rubbing y/n’s arm. “yeah, yeah, i’m sure he was cool. but we had to leave, y/n. you could barely stand.”

“you were blackout drunk,” yujin chimed in from the passenger seat, twisting around to face them, her own cheeks flushed from the night’s drinks. “like, not just tipsy. you were gone, babe. eric literally told us to get you home.”

but y/n wasn’t having it. she sat up abruptly, her movements wobbly as she gestured with exaggerated fervor. “i liked him, though! he was—such a sweetheart. like, he said all this nice stuff. and we—” she paused, her drunken mind struggling to piece things together. rubbing her thighs together, her mind went straight to the kiss they shared. knowing chaewon and yujin, they wouldn’t let her hear the end of it if she dropped that kind of info. so, she opted to stop herself, quickly changing the subject. a little secret never hurt anybody.

“he was—he was talking to me, and then you guys just pulled me away.” images of how she interpreted the situation plagued her mind, as if they were plotting against her to keep her from her prince charming. “it wasn’t fair… what if i never see him again?” she slumped back dramatically, her head falling against the window with a loud thud but she wasn’t even phased by the pain. “this is so unfair.”

chaewon’s expression softened, her teasing edge melting away as she gave y/n’s arm a gentle squeeze. her voice was quieter now, reassuring, like she was trying to ground her moody friend. “you know you can keep talking to him, right? it’s not like you’ll never see him again.”

“how?” y/n exclaimed, throwing her hands up dramatically. her voice carried the same exasperation as a frustrated child, her bottom lip already jutting out in a pout. it seemed impossible, like meeting him was a once in a lifetime chance she’d fumbled.

“i don’t know, romeo,” yujin quipped, glancing back at her. “you got his number, didn’t you?” there was a glint of amusement in her tone, and it took everything not to laugh at y/n’s growing dramatics.

y/n blinked, suddenly caught off guard. “damn it,” she groaned, flopping back against the seat as the realization hit her. “i didn’t even think about that!” her voice rose in pitch as her frustration bubbled over. with another groan, she slumped forward again. “how am i supposed to find him now?”

yujin shook her head, her own buzz making her grin widen as she scrolled through her phone. “hold on,” she mumbled, squinting at the screen as she scrolled past posts and messages. “i think we follow him on instagram. chaewon and me, at least.”

“you’re kidding,” y/n said, her tone filled with disbelief as her wide eyes snapped to yujin. she was almost jealous, she wanted him to follow her too. well, maybe more than a follow. she had a list of things she now wanted from the boy, few of them being internet bound.

“mmm, nope. see? it’s right here,” yujin turned her phone toward y/n, showing her eric’s page. it wasn’t much from what she could see. just a regular layout, posting at normal locations yet somehow making the mundane parts of life look vibrant. so dreamy.“i’ll send you his profile.”

for a moment, the drunken haze clouding y/n’s mind seemed to part, and a flicker of hope broke through her frustration. her face softened, and she looked at her friends with a mixture of gratitude and awe. “you’d really give it to me?” her voice was quieter now, almost shy, but the happiness behind her words was hard to miss.

“of course,” yujin said with a shrug, her fingers already flying across the screen to send his profile link. her tone was casual as her eyes flicked to y/n. “but, like, maybe don’t embarrass yourself, okay? just be chill.” she raised an eyebrow, her gaze flickering between concern and amusement. “if you’re even capable of that right now.”

chaewon snorted beside her, the sound sharp and short, like she’d tried to suppress it but failed miserably. the corners of her lips twitched upward as she pressed her knuckles against her mouth, shaking her head at the scene unfolding before her.

“hey,” y/n shot back, the sound more of a whine than a true protest. her pout returned in full force as she crossed her arms over her chest like a petulant child. “i am capable of being chill.” but the way her words were slurred slightly at the edges and so over-exaggerated, made her claim hilariously unconvincing. her friends didn’t need to say anything, her actions spoke loud enough.

“sure you are,” chaewon said, laughter bubbling up from deep in her chest as she leaned back into the seat, shaking her head. the way she said it seemed to playfully poke even more holes in y/n’s already shaking defense. her amusement was contagious, setting off yujin, who burst into laughter that echoed through the car. “there, it’s sent,” yujin said between giggles, her cheeks beginning to ache from smiling as the notification lit up the screen.

she waved it at y/n who then grabbed her phone and stared down at the notification, her lips twitching as her pout faltered. even though she tried to hold on to her dramatic indignation, the warmth of her friends’ laughter was pulling her out of her sulk. she wasted no time exploring his public profile, staring down at it like it held all the answer to life’s mysteries. a small smile tugged at the corners of her lips.

as the taxi rolled to a stop in front of y/n’s apartment, her eyes stayed glued to one of eric’s posts. the glow of the screen illuminated her face as she scrolled through his pictures, lingering on one in particular—a candid shot of him laughing, his head tilted back and his smile wide. “he’s cute, right?” she slurred, her voice tinged with both awe and disbelief as she held the phone up for chaewon and yujin to see. “yeah, real cute,” yujin replied without even looking, her tone dismissive as she hooked her arm under y/n’s to help her out of the taxi. chaewon grabbed y/n’s other arm, the two of them exchanging knowing glances over her head.

“now come on,” yujin added, her voice straining as y/n leaned heavily on her. “let’s get you inside before you pass out in the hallway.”

“i’m not gonna pass out,” y/n protested, though her sluggish movements and the way she was tripping over her own feet, told an entirely different story. her attention drifted back to her phone. “he’s so cute,” she declared dreamily, clicking on another one of eric’s posts. she zoomed in on his face scrutinizing every detail like she was solving a puzzle.

her knees buckled slightly as she let out a squeal that blended into a wistful sigh, her head tipping back dramatically. the sudden motion nearly sent all three of them tumbling to the ground. “y/n, focus!” chaewon scolded, groaning as she tightened her grip to keep her upright. together, they stumbled through the front door, chaewon’s voice laced with equal parts exasperation and amusement.

“i am focused!” y/n shot back, though the way she swayed suggested otherwise. with a flourish, she exited out of the post and opened eric’s dms, her fingers flying across the screen. “i’m texting him right now,” she announced proudly, her voice brimming with determination.

“just don’t say anything stupid,” yujin laughed, typing in the apartment code and holding the door open for them. her tone held a faint edge of concern as she glanced over at y/n, whose fingers kept typing away. y/n, entirely oblivious to her surroundings, was deep in concentration, her thumbs working faster than her intoxicated brain could keep up. she hit send on one message, then another, a giddy smile spreading across her face as the chat filled with her messages. “he hasn’t seen them yet,” she mumbled, almost like a child waiting for a toy to arrive.

chaewon and yujin exchanged a look, their laughter bubbling up again as they guided her toward her room to toss her on the bed, watching as she remained entirely consumed by her mission. “you’re a mess,” chaewon teased, shaking her head, though there was no mistaking the fondness in her voice. after ridding themselves of their shoes, the three girls were quick to undo the chaos of the night. yujin wiped away her smudged eyeliner with one of y/n’s makeup wipes, while chaewon rummaged through a pile of clothes, discarding her dress before tossing a baggy hoodie on.

y/n, still buzzing from both the alcohol and her excitement, sat cross-legged on the bed, clutching her phone. amidst the silent ruffling of materials as the girls were focused on their respective activities, her phone buzzed. the room was momentarily filled with a high-pitched squeal as she threw her head back dramatically. “he replied!”

“oh my god, already?” yujin asked, peering over y/n’s shoulder.

“what’d he say?” chaewon added, leaning in, her curiosity piqued.

but y/n didn’t answer, her face going slack as she hunched over her phone, completely absorbed in whatever eric had sent. the other two exchanged glances before shrugging, quietly finishing up their nighttime routines while y/n sat frozen, eyes reading each thing he sent. suddenly, she let out a gasp, breaking her silence once again. “he gave me his number!” she screamed, clutching her phone to her chest like it was a prized possession.

chaewon raised an eyebrow. “well, are you gonna call him?”

y/n shot her a look that screamed duh, her fingers making quick to save his number. without hesitating, she dialed it, ignoring the way her heart was trying to beat its way out of her chest. “oh my god, you’re calling now?” yujin asked, half-laughing as she tossed herself onto the bed.

“shh!” y/n hissed, holding a finger up to quiet them. she brought the phone to her ear, biting her lip as the dial tone hummed in her ear. the sound seemed to stretch on forever, each ring louder than the last.

“what if he doesn’t pick up?” chaewon whispered, leaning closer to yujin with wide eyes.

yujin grinned. “then she’ll probably—”

“hello?”

his voice cut through the line, smooth and casual, yet undeniably familiar. y/n froze, her lips parting as the realization hit her. “uh—” she started, but her voice caught in her throat, her mind racing to find the right words. chaewon and yujin exchanged a glance, their amused smiles fading as they watched y/n’s expression shift into something softer, more vulnerable.

“hello?” he said again, a touch of curiosity creeping into his tone.

y/n exhaled slowly, closing her eyes as if bracing herself. “hey, eric,” she finally said, her voice quieter than she intended. muting, she turned to the girls. “i’ll be back.” and with that, she slipped out of the room, leaving her friends behind as the door clicked softly shut.

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cinnawonbabe · 1 day ago

Text

PART TWO??

I’m So Sick of Me Too

pairings ❥ jay x fem!reader (ft. eric from the boyz)

point of view ❥ third person, omniscient

warnings ❥ N/A, eventual smut mdni!

genre ❥ angst, slow burn, betrayal, smut

synopsis ❥ after what felt like a sudden breakup with her boyfriend of many years, y/n finds herself holding onto the remaining pieces chipping off of a failed relationship. after wallowing in an isolated self pity, her two best friends convince her to go to a party where she meets the perfect boy to fill the void. unsure if her attraction is genuine or a distraction, y/n has one choice to makeㅡ be with her newfound lover or make it work with her first love.

taglist open!

* ONE

* TWO (TBD.)

ENHYPEN MASTERLIST

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cinnawonbabe · 11 days ago

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THIS WAS SO GOOD OMG

webcam perv! pt. 1

pairings ❥ heeseung x fem!reader

point of view ❥ third person, omniscient

warnings ❥ mutual masturbation, cyberstalking, noncon recording

word count ❥ 4.4k

taglist: @rayofsunshineeee

stranger is typing…

stranger: hii

you: hello

stranger: m23

you: f22

stranger: cam?

you: earn it?

stranger: can i see you now?

you: fine lol

stranger is typing…

stranger: damn ur fine lol

you: thx so are you

stranger: you in korea?

you: yeah

stranger: me too

stranger is typing…

stranger: audio?

you: yk what? yeah

heeseung only chuckled softly, the sound seamlessly exuding natural confidence. “so… i guess we finally get to talk now.”

“y/n,” she responded.

“i gotta admit,” he said, “i wasn’t sure if you’d actually turn on your mic.”

“that’s interesting, this app usually has a bad rep. like, there’s only creeps on here,” y/n said, though her words seemed to be misunderstood as heeseung furrowed his brows.

“are you trying to insinuate that i’m a creep?”

y/n paused, thinking for a moment before she answered. “probably traveling more. i feel like i’m always stuck in the same routine.”

“i guess.”

“i mean… it’s almost 4am, saturday night. you’re a cute girl, seem kind of introverted, but you give off this vibe... like you’re looking for some fun.”

“well, i’m honored to be the first,” his voice dripped with seduction, but his eyes glinted with something far more sinister.

“heeseung~ oh my god.”

#enhypen x reader #enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x you #enhypen smut #heeseung x reader #heeseung x you #heeseung scenarios #enhypen heeseung #heeseung imagines

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