#not even to do any work just so i dont have to wake up at 1am to leave the next day LOL | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

triglycercule · 2 months ago

Text

what if because dust and horror wouldn't wanna be called anything aside from sans in a multiverse context and they were both good buddies they both just start calling eachother sans. i'm sans (dust) and i'm sans (horror) ahh duo

becaaause horror in his eye(s) still sees himself as sans!! he's sans!! who else is he SUPPOSED to be god 😒😒 stop attatching this stupid fake name onto him that just points out all his shortcomings in his au and also just dehumanizes him (because i get that aus are named after a key trait of something but COME ON the guy's name is HORROR it's like naming a poor person "brokie" or something,,,). horror is PROUDLY sans smh

and dust ALSO sees himself as sans!!! like,,, granted he's definitely not a better sans than he was before considering everything he did (but he still doesn't like his past self's inaction) but he's STILL SANS. nothing about him changed (really?) enough to warrant the whole identity shift. like dude dont discredit him DONT DENY HIS WHOLE LIFE!!! he IS sans no matter what,,, dust doesnt wanna think about what he became if he's not sans now anyways lul :3

now could they fight over the right to the identity of sans??? possibly,,, but also consider this: there are literally infinite numbers of sanses in the multiverse. at some point the shiny title of Sans would be something horror and dust are used to around the multiverse!!! so why fight over the name (that so many others share already so its not exactly exclusive) when they can just decide to make each other feel better!!! be delusional TOGETHER 🤞

#because a certain mutual of mine's post reminded me that this draft of mine existed #ironic how this whole post is about dust and horror wanted to be called sans. and i call them dust and horror the entire time #killer would be having the WORST DAY OF HIS LIFE being around them #SANS THIS SANS THAT HOW ABOUT YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! YOURE HORROR YOURE DUST AND NEITHER OF YOU ARE SANS!!! NONE OF US ARE #ohhh my god this gave me ANOTHER idea.... horror and dust's pride in being sans bothering killer..... hahahshehahageh i like that idea #what's with me and horrordust but theyre using eachother to cope with the fact that they hate their current lives so they pretend to go bac #let's see if untitled29876011111 will approve of this mtt take after they wake up....... :3 #this must be like the 7th hc ive made about dust and horror trying to remain as sans together #i think its really an interesting thing to me how they both are the furthest thing from sand undertale but they still believe it so firmly #its kinda like the opposite of killer and his want to be seperate from sans #because (and dont shoot me if im wrong) killer doesnt wanna be sans because he doesnt wanna believe he could've possibly made the decision #to do whatever the hell it is for chara as who he used to think he was. doesnt wanna believe that he's still the same guy when he's been #changed against his will SO much that even he cant recognize himself. and then for dust and horror #they still wanna be sans because for the opposite but same reason???? like #dont wanna accept they they've changed that much so they cling onto the old identity. i love trio parallels #i love continuation group i'm SO glad theyre continuation group. there are other continuations but THEY are continuation group #every single little detail about them can be connected to each other...... and they barely even know each other in canon ✨✨✨✨#the characters are SO perfect together even though theyre not even from the same character or have interactions #how is it possible that 3 characters from 3 seperate creators with none/barely any canon interactions w eachother #just manage to work SO WELL TOGETHER!!!! THEY HAVE SO MSNY CONNECTIONS AND GREAT DYNAMICS AND PARALLRLS OAUGHHHH I LOVE THE MTT!!!! MY TRIO #i wasn't totally inspired by the silly sans 1 and sans 2 thing i put into my fic noooo. ok maybe i was :3 #this is 500% gonna be a flop post but whatever i post for myself and the 1 person i know will 1000% see it now ✨✨✨ freedom ✨✨✨✨✨#tricule hc #killer sans #killer's not here in post but he's mentioned in tags. for today this is okay #dust sans #horror sans #murder time trio #utmv #sans au

26 notes · View notes

kiwisoap · 6 months ago

Text

I had to camp out for work a couple nights ago and even tho it was like an hour long slog up a mountain it was SOOOOO pretty when I got to the spot I was gonna camp at :-)

#it was cold too like 47F but i had a cozy sleeping bag #anyway its so funny to me that ive just sometimes gotta go spend the night in the woods. for my job #not even to do any work just so i dont have to wake up at 1am to leave the next day LOL #jawjackin

53 notes · View notes

hypogryffin · 1 year ago

Note

how do u draw so much so fast

well,

#the short answer is autism and ritalin. btw #the long answer is: i wake up anywhere between 730-0900. i draw. if i have work when i come back i go and i draw.#i go to bed anywhere between 0100 and 0230. i wake up the next day and i draw.#i dont draw fast and in fact i get distracted and/or procrastinate quite often #i just have 16 hour days! every day! i am awake for 16 hours! sometimes more depending on the general mood! [cursed emoji here]#and like! wtf do you even do at that point?? how do you fill a 16 hour day? an 110 hour week? an almost 6000 hr year?#i draw! i have been drawing *seriously* since grade 2! and i have *seriously* loved the persona series since like mid/late 2017!#for those of you keeping score at home; i am 19! 2017 was grade 7 for me! ive loved this series for almost a full third of my life!#[continued emotional rant cut for length] but this is my community and my arts been the way i interact with this community since #(looks at my blog archive) 2019 when i posted my first persona art! please dont look at any of that now tho lmao!#so i guess. if the long answer needs to be short too then the long answer is love!!!! its always been love!!!! AND ALSO STILL RITALIN!!!!!!#asks & requests #personal

64 notes · View notes

du-hjarta-skulblaka · 3 months ago

Text

Some mild existential dread in the house today

#im just feeling reeeeally really drained #works taking a LOT out of me #like. it feels less intense day to day? or maybe im reacting less? but its still very much piling up #and im just feeling very...idk. like im still waiting for permission to live my life #except now the permission osnt coming from any one person its. having the money to docit #and the time and the energy #and i guess thats just what adult life is? waiting #and hoping #and along the way losing sight of what i even wanted in the first place because im so *tired*#idk. i definitely need a project of some kind but im struggling to settle on something and then organise it #i have stuff to do today anyway. alfie had a lil bit of emergency cash saved so i need to go shopping #and i need to tidy the kitchen and do some dishes #and have a bath and shave at some point #i also want to draw but again. struggling ti pick something and idk if ill have the executive function spare #AND i want to try and be more social and talk to folks but thats its own kind of difficult #part of me would like a disc server that just has all of my friends in it bc i find it easier to dip in and out of conversarions #but i imagine that would be weird for folks who dont know each other #idk. lot goin through my mind when all i really want is sleep #which also hasnt been...greeeeat lately #mainly because Alfie wakes me up in the mornings bc they dont like being alone but also have a very different sleep schedule to me #and can take multiple smaller naps over a day whereas i really need a solid 8 or so hours or i just. dont fully switch on #but theyre also struggling atm (mentally and also they got an injury at work AND seperately broke their foot ffs)#so they need me more and its just #this never ending cycle of SOMETHING needs my attention #and its fucking exhausting asfghfkd #but!!! we keep goin!!!!! been applying for a bunch of jobs and havent heard anything positive yet but. we keep tryin huh

8 notes · View notes

bueris · 9 months ago

Text

okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead

#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere #i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art #but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely #certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like #university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government #i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour #party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead #also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be #idk #it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking #also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most #part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still #i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going #the way i wanna #I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life #if not then gap year to work it out #should probably look at unis for english language too then #sigh #ucas website i may as well marry you #ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up #yeah #shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical #they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices #crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that #why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine #bue waffling #vent post

10 notes · View notes

hylianane · 9 months ago

Note

I was going to write this in the tags of your last post but i think it's important actually so I'm gonna send an ask

On a more serious note I'm actually kind of obsessed with psychoanalyzing Zoro specifically. Because he actually has some pretty big issues I think, mentally

He takes his self appointed job as protector of the crew very very seriously, and he's really hard on himself if he thinks he's failed in any way. I mean just look at him right after Little Garden, or how mad he is after losing his shadow on Thriller Bark.

So yeah there's nothing in that brain but swords and I fucking love that about him, he sure is sharpening them to an unhealthy degree isn't he. He's never strong enough, after all, to protect everyone.

I just,, really like combining silly ideas with serious ones, it's fun

GOD listen is 12:25 am but I just couldnt go to bed without at least STARTING to jot down my thoughts on this but like YEAH. for SURE. Zoro for all that he’s shown to be a pretty simple guy with a single-minded focus, has a LOT to chew on in terms of character depth and layers. There’s lots of fun contradictions to him too. He’s prideful and self-assured but also so often self-punishing, and he’s also someone who is fiercely independent and a free spirit, while having a habit of building his own identity around others (both his dreams are shared with others, they belong other people as much as they do to him and that’s a LOT to think about).

You may have actually caught me red handed here cause that ‘Journey to the Center of the Mind’ story concept maaaay be kind of something i’ve played around with for months now. I think I once tried to write out like a basic premise, but the only thing I really remember is is wanting Luffy to be the primary person to undergo the journey cause. if every Strawhat was present it’d feel less intimate, less personal, and I feel like Luffy would want to explore Zoro’s mind alone to preserve his privacy. Unaware that he’s the person Zoro has the most to hide from. I think the levels of Zoro’s willingness to put the Strawhat’s well being first has the potential to truly frighten him, if the visuals Zoro’s mind provides him are right.

#The idea I had written down is a little embarrassing to talk about too in depth tho dkfjd its silly #It’s a very vague rough draft at best and I dont have a lot of practice in writing. It’d definitely be too ambitious in execution for me #I just remember being very excited to use the wisteria symbol throughout the story… since Oda said it was like ‘his’ plant #I thought that maybe the reason Zoro was put into a situation where he NEEDED to be saved from his own mind could be #smth very mysterical and magical some unexplainable grandline phenomenon #I pictured a big wisteria tree that preys on human’s will #Zoro would lay down to nap under its shade unknowingly and it would quickly plant its roots right into his brain.#and slowly make it so he feels more and more emotionally fatigued until he can’t even bring himself to wake up #He’d have to be reinvigorated somehow #and maybe at first Luffy would think that the way to do that is by reminding him that he has to fight for the crew and his dream #(which is a reasonable assumption as that usually works)#and later realize that maybe what Zoro needs to be reminded of is that he needs to fight for HIMSELF.#Something that he hasn’t 100% done since he promised to Kuina their dream would be shared #ANYWHO. ITS ABOUT TO BE 1 AM NOW #I am not a night owl!!! Sorry for any typos and for the longass tags skfjsk #my post #ask #💚

10 notes · View notes

dzozef · 8 days ago

Text

i got offered the promotion at work.... why am i every business owners wettest dream damn....

#yapping #yes my ocd is horrible for my mental health but boy is it good for my wallet !!!!#its not OFFICIAL yet #but it was offered to me and i accepted so theyre seeing how they want to proceed now #cause its not just about me theres a shit ton of changes they want to make that include switching like 5 peoples schedules around #but my team leader said that most of those changes being possible depended on whether i would accept this or not #so well see #id be a team leader myself now #the feminine urge to become a power hungry dictator control freak at work.......#id be switching from my current early morning shifts to late night shifts which is much less healthy on paper #but my body is made for sleeping late i physically can not go to bed before 3am even now when i wake up at 5:30 #i might have the money to renovate my apartment now cause i think this comes with a 20% pay increase which is a lotttt #i basically will be earning two incomes myself now 😭#dani said he fully believes Ace Of Spades exists at this point cause everything always ends up going my way in the end #i know it may seem like im flexing but please be aware when i started this job a year and a half ago i was borderline homeless 😐#so its a huge deal for me 😭 and really quickly done as well which is why its so insane #like. in a year and a half only i went from borderline homeless and my parents keeping me on constant phonecalls #cause they were worried id off myself if i hung up #to being a homeowner that earns two incomes by herself while working from home #i feel like in most companies hard work doesnt rly pay off tbh i was just lucky to get into one of the few companies where they do value it #the literal CEO is my biggest dickrider 😭 but i do appreciate him giving me raises randomly cause he feels like i deserve it #but yeah !!!! apparently life altering anxiety that forces you to compulsively do perfect work at any job you ever do #because making mistakes and not giving it your 110% feels like a moral failure so you feel sick at the very thought of it #is apparently what makes the dream worker #if only they knew i dont actually care about this in any capacity.... i am just fucked in the head in a way that works im their favour 😭#this is why all of my ex bosses begged me to stay when i quit teehee #im yapping too much but yeah !! heall yeah money !!

2 notes · View notes

itsalwaysdark · 3 months ago

Text

its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF

#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid #but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil #i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl #spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but #i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to #afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like #vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you #should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done #with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt #but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen #but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the #way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so #tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me #sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and #it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there #nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having #to work for the rest of my life #ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be #Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes #all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does #but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its #back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until #i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep #and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice #days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends #IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so #dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like #its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going

2 notes · View notes

gayspock · 1 year ago

Text

i havent been to the gym since i moved out & i wanna get active again but fr -_- i feel like everything is too much faff, too expensive or something that will bore me to tearssssss

#egg.txt #i was like ok before i go sign up to a new place i'll do the chloe ting workouts just to get a routine back in #my god . i have never wanted to sob more from just being so understimulated in my life #but theyre all the SAAAAAME. IM GOING TOKILLMYSELFFFFF.#and the stupid music makes me want to put knives in my fucking ears #i'd gym again but i just couldnt keep waking up at 5am i wasnt getting sleep & half the time i wasnt even able to get a good work out in #like it would be 30mins max of actual exercise and then like #+ so much more time just getting there and it was wrecking everything else in my schedule #it sounds so dumb but even shit like having to drop my bagg off & pick it up every day meant i had to get later buses (& more)#and it would mean just losing hours in total at that point. for what. for a 30 min workout. when i wasnt making any progress with anyway bc #i was getting no sleep? 😭#i wanted ot try running outside again but ugh not to be a baby but people have been harassing me in the street so much more again and i jus #cant fucking do it broooo #and im too shy for most classes . the other stuff is crazy expensive . im going to start gnawing on something for real #i was thinking abt bouldering but it looks so crazy fucking expensive #its rlly a shame bc i did rlly start to get into running too. i could get a treadmill but idek where to put it rn and it feels crazy #to get one when i dont even have a couch... ehrm

9 notes · View notes

smolpout · 4 months ago

Text

i wish i had a daddy 2 tuck me in n read me a bedtime story while he plays w my hair ໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১

#feeling pouty :/#im lonely n attention starved n i just… i want my forever person #i got home rly late n i dont even have time to do any of the stuff tht usually helps me go into little space #bcus i have to wake up in 6 hrs for work #i hate being responsible its so hard. i need my forever dada and a sticker chart #i deserve at least 2 stickers for being good n going to bed on time #sigh idk truly truly babbling #babie babbles 🧃

3 notes · View notes

jrueships · 6 months ago

Text

um. so i ended up waking up around ghe time i would've went to work originally before the like 9hr email notice of the shift change per manager that is STILL not changed in the schedule... and it started downpouring and storming smthing awful lmao. ... wtf ??

#despite my horrors.. i have sent.. Another email #basically being another form of saving myself by mentioning how i am going to come in during the adjusted time mentioned to me in the email #and also asking in advance if there are any more changes in mind since i work night and dont wanna wake her up with an email #do im judt gathering clarification asap #bcs i have a shift tomorrow with the same time im supposed to have today #so does she want that to be turned into a night shift as well since ill be working nights once training is completed?#i have no idea #bcs im not even scheduled for nights after training. they have me for mornings #but who knows #maybe ill get an email 2hrs b4 work telling me a different time that theyll adjust to the schedule and just never will #anyways idk if that was a sign or smthing or what #but im just staring like what

4 notes · View notes

helpmyinterestsareverywhere · 9 months ago

Text

im SICK and i have MY PERSONAL WORST psychology exam tomorrow (FAILED IT during mocks)

THIS is whats finally sending me the over edge i swear up and down

��👍

#genuinely shitting myself rn i really dont want to do it #i was SICK at 4:50 this morning after NO SLEEP #i would wake up every 30 minutes or so in varying degrees of pain #and then i HAD to go in for STUPID coursework #ALL WHILE still feeling SICK #AND THEN i couldnt even have any TOAST when i got home because our bread was MOULDY :(#which is DOUBLE bad for me because im ALLERGIC to MOLD/PENICILLIN #(i know it doesnt work like that but ive had the fear instilled in me shut up)#i just... im so tired #heres to hoping im cured overnight👍#hmiae personal #hmiae rambles

6 notes · View notes

jackass-jones · 9 months ago

Text

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually #very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds #like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd #but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga #and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit #and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road #its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control #which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way #like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health #i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to #be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game #is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me #cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused #but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone #like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways #and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed #but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child #shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING #HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY #like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work #apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs #his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be #better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy #and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad #how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel #makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired

3 notes · View notes

nomaishuttle · 1 year ago

Text

ohhh fml i was like maybe i cn stya up a bit late after all its weekend tomorrow. no it fucking isnt today was thursday i have work tmrw everything is evil always

#gonna get ready 4 bed ig.. i wanna try n wake up at ermm 545 bc ive been sleeping in far too much and ive barely been brushing my teeth in #the mornings ive mostly just been doing mouthwash #aughhh idk why my body is being so dire today my thighs r doing the incredibly weak and fatigued thing again. i feel like that tweet thats #like im probably nonbinary but i have a job so idc abt that rn but its i probably have some undiagnosed physical disorders but i live in a #garage so idc abt that rn #idk. its been going on for a couple years but its been getting worse to the point i can barely move my legs when it happens #that and then my limbs have been falling asleep very quickly even when theres nothing thyat would like. im not laying on them or anything #ill just be walking or something arms at my sides and one or both will get rly bad pins and needles #and it rly sucks and is weird. but again i live in a fucking garage so it is fr the least of my worries #like rn at my computer typing my arm isnt resting on anything or having any pressure put on it and my hand is falling asleep. UGH #it has been happening a ton with my hands i get this weirxd sensation in my wrist/palm zone that like. idk #its weird and i should prolly get it checked out but i dont have a dr rn and like. worst case scenario i chop my arms off and either surviv #and have a good story or i die and dont have to go to work anymore. so

4 notes · View notes

coloursofaparadox · 2 years ago

Text

im still not over the sleep thing one sec i gotta rant about this shit

#i think the problem now is that historically my sleep habits have been Really Messed Up by what can loosely be called insomnia my whole life #its always kinda just been a given that if im in bed and i cant sleep there is absolutely nothing that can be done to help #and thats not for lack of trying i have tried every meditation and suggested solution possible. it does not happen.#if i cant fall asleep and try to force myself w/o distractions i will be awake staring at the ceiling for hours. usually till the morning #thats not an exaggeration it happened often before i gave up on it. so i figured out coping methods!#namely 1) making sure my body is taken care of as well as possible to make sure its not caused by pain or hunger or anxiety #and 2) not trying to force it and accepting itll happen when it happens. and then reading a book or watching a show on a dim screen #until i physically cant keep my eyes open and then i can fall asleep. if i try any earlier than that no dice. my brain wakes itself up again #these worked for years! but now thanks to adhd meds that actually make my brain quiet. uh. these same coping methods are. not working #im physically tired and start my usual routine and wait to pass out while reading but i just. dont. ever.#like. the physically tired feeling has never made a difference in my body cooperating with sleep. but now apparently it will????#and ive been ignoring it??? bc im used to it not working? i tried just. closing my eyes and trying to lay still yesterday and it WORKED #after like. 10 minutes or so. it was fucking crazy. i thought media and pop culture was lying about people doing that.#anyways. apparently i can fall asleep like a human and not some kind of weird chronically exhausted cryptid now.#(because of new adhd meds to be clear) but i havent been because i didnt even think to TRY it. since. yknow. cryptid status.#shits weird.

7 notes · View notes

tortademaracuya · 1 year ago

Text

I keep coming across projects that sound fun or what could be job opportunities but I just, can't bring myself to do anything

#'i will keep it in mind for future mars' future mars is not going to be feeling good either he will not do anything about it #so scared of being rejected i cant even bring myself to try #but even when i dont feel like that im just too sad and have 0 energy. so i dont try either #and i know im sabotaging myself and i hate it but to do smth about it i would need energy and i dont have any #keep imagining how my life could turn out if i just tried at least and not even that works #too miserable to do anything about it. i just want to sleep and hope i feel better when i wake up

3 notes · View notes