#not again please I need my gay people
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Me: Man, what a day. Time to read some fanfictions to get my mind off things!
AO3: Right, yeah, about that… *crashes*
#ao3#why#whywhywhywhywhy#not again please I need my gay people#I am Screaming Crying Throwing Myself Out Of The Window Repeatedly#when will my husband (ao3) return from war (crashing a-fucking-gain)#come back to me#please tell me it’s just a small bug#(but also take all the time you need to get the marvelous website running again <3)#(but also also LET ME HAVE MY BLORBOS RIGHT NOW I AM WITHERING AWAY AS I SPEAK)#ao3 down#ao3 is down
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watched the hideduo stardew valley vod..
#hideduo#fitmc fanart#fitmc of 2b2t#pactw fanart#pactw#fitmc#stardew valley#roomates#and they were roommates#like actually#only took till night 4 and they were sleeping in the same bed#and they adopted a cat#i cant stand them chat#i love gay people…#roomates in every universe#i need them to play this damn game again#PLEASE!!!!#also fit literally gave pac a ring and was really gay about it#i pray they are never normal together#my art#peeled art
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Hey folks have some huskerdust !! 🕷️♥️
“I know, I know Legs. I just need to ask you something.” Angel’s eyes scrunch closed and the rest of his expression crumples as he whines out, short and low. Husk hovers his hands over the mottling of bruises and cuts that litter his torso, some still sluggishly bleeding. He itches to bandage them up, but stays himself with the sobering thought that Angel is used to guys touching him when he’s unconscious.
“Angel.” He tries again. Angel shakes his head minutely. “-on’t wanna.” He whines.
“Look at me please? I just want to check that it’s okay that I touch you. You know it’s important to me.”
Angel, with a long, juddering sigh, pulls himself from the cusp of sleep and blinks his eyes open. He frowns, glaring a little as he yawns into his hand. Husk waits patiently at his side, knees beginning to ache with being pressed against the hard wooden floor for so long.
“I told ya I don’t care what you do when I come back doped out like this, Whiskers. Not like I’ll remember it. Hah!” His laugh comes out rough, like it hurts to push from his lips. Husk shakes his head.
“And I told you it doesn’t matter if you’ll remember it or not. I’m not going to be another man who takes advantage of you.” He says, carefully enunciating each word so the message gets through.
Angel curses and flops over onto his side which draws his face infinitely closer to Husk’s own. He meets his eyes with a burning, lidded gaze. Husk keeps his posture relaxed, but his tail puffs at the sudden movement.
“Yer a softie, Husk. I don’t think ya could take advantage of me if you wanted to.” The words are coupled with a rickety, slapped on grin. Husk desperately wants to just shake him until he gets it through his big thick head that that’s not the point. It doesn’t matter what he thinks, it matters what he wants. Does he want Husk touching him after an abusive, grueling shoot? That’s what Husk’s asking, not if he ‘trusts’ him. He sighs.
“You didn’t answer my question. Can I touch you? Just give me an answer and then you can go back to sleep. God knows you’ll be needing it.” And it’s true. Who knows what Val has in store for him tomorrow? He’s better off getting all the rest he can get, while he can.
Angel appraises him with a long, considering look. There’s a lot going on behind his eyes and though Husk is aware of the fact of it, he can’t begin to try to fathom what exactly his thoughts are in this moment. He simply sits back on his heels and awaits his verdict. Every so often his eyes are drawn down to the mess of Angel’s torso. It’s not an intentional thing, but he can feel his hackles rising with the need to Fix It. Husk crushes the feeling down.
Finally, after what feels like an eternity but in reality couldn’t have been longer than five minutes, Angel closes his eyes.
“Yeah. Yeah Husk, you can.” He says, voice as small as Husk thinks he’s ever heard it. It’s strange to hear him so soft when usually he overtakes rooms with booming confidence; he even looks small, now, tucked into himself and using all of his arms to hug himself close as he hunches over.
He doesn’t- maybe he can’t- look at Husk when he speaks. Husk takes the words for the olive branch that they are and nods.
“Okay. Thank you, Angel. S’ all I needed.”
Angel just nods, curling further into himself for a moment before abruptly turning onto his back and feigning sleep. They both know he’s awake- he’s not snoring as loudly or as endearingly as he would if he truly was asleep- but Husk doesn’t call him on it, just reaches down to the first aid kit he’d dragged over in his initial protective rage and starts unpacking the necessary materials. Alcohol (not the fun kind), gauze, tape, and Angel’s preferred- though he’d never tell you it- heart-patterned bandages.
Another glance at Angel’s stiffly unmoving form reminds him that he hadn’t even had time to remove his makeup before passing out from exhaustion. Smears of glittery pink decorate his eye sockets, smudged from what Husk can only assume were punishing bouts of sweat and exercise. Husk pushes down the surge of indignation this thought elicits and smooths Angel’s hair back, thumbing for a moment near his hairline, before standing.
“Be back in a sec. Forgot something.” He keeps his voice low, tries for soothing but probably achieves something more like a dying wood chipper. Angel- who had up until that point been tightly coiled, as if expecting a blow- eases into the cushions at the sound. He hums, “Mmk. Thanks.”
Husk doesn’t respond lest Angel figure out from the cadence of his voice that Husk doesn’t need to be thanked. That he wants to do this. That he likes it.
It’s just- Angel always looks so at peace in these moments. The usual tension in his body melts away leaving nothing but the rawest and purest version of him. Husk loves that version of him, and he loves that Angel trusts him enough to show him it.
Husk returns after a minute or two with a pack of makeup wipes, Angel’s preferred brand, that he’d bought not too long ago precisely for moments like this. Angel was always complaining about glitter getting into his eyes when he forgot to take his makeup off and Husk saw an opportunity to Fix It. There’s not a lot in Angel’s life that Husk is able to help with, but this is something. And he jumped at the chance.
Angel is snoring lightly, right back at the cusp of oblivion that Husk had so heartlessly torn him from before. He sniffs and turns toward Husk when he settles back at his side, curling slightly into his warmth. Husk can’t help the smile that infects his features at the movement.
With careful, callused fingers, Husk begins to dab at the cuts on Angel’s torso. He’s not sure how to feel about the fact that Angel only flinches at the initial sting, not the rest of the painful swipes. It speaks to a depth of experience with this kind of thing that Husk vehemently dislikes the thought of Angel having to go through. Sure, in theory he knows Angel’s been subjected to this bullshit for decades, but to see it spelt out like this? So clearly and heartbreakingly? Husk has to take a moment between cleaning and bandaging the wounds to collect himself.
Angel whines when he takes his hands away.
“Easy. Easy, Legs.” He wants to call him ‘baby’ but isn’t convinced enough of Angel’s unconsciousness to chance it. Angel huffs.
The rest of the bandages go on easily enough, with minimal protests from Angel- which, somehow only seem to occur when Husk pulls away- and Husk smooths a healthy amount of bruise cream on each of Angel’s visible bruises. He’s almost certain there are more hidden beneath the- admittedly skimpy- clothing Angel is wearing, but is unwilling to undress him like this.
Pulling the surprisingly fluffy throw blanket from the back of the couch, Husk drapes it over Angel’s form, smoothing the sides down and tucking his arms beneath its warmth so he doesn’t wake up cold.
Husk is methodical in his cleanup of the first aid supplies, drawing each movement out so that he has more of a reason to stay in the room. To look at the rare smooth openness of Angel’s expression.
Once finished, he sets the kit to the side and picks up the makeup wipes, pulling one from the pack and pinching it between his pointer and thumb as he leans over Angel’s face. He moves one hand to cup his cheek, and the other to begin swiping lightly across Angel’s left eyelid.
Angel flinches a little at the unexpected contact, eyelids fluttering as his expression scrunches, disrupting the smooth peace Husk had so adored. It strikes something sore within Husk to watch.
“Hey. Hey, you’re okay, Baby. I’m not gonna hurt you. Go back to sleep.” The ‘baby’ slips out, Husk just can’t filter his words as carefully when Angel is so close, and so clearly hurting.
Angel’s expression smooths at the sound of his voice, at first fractionally, then all at once. It’s a gift to witness.
He leans his cheek further into Husk’s hand and Husk, unable to curb the small chuckle that bursts from his chest at the sight, smooths his thumb underneath Angel’s newly cleaned eye.
This is perfect. If life was fair and they were free this could be their normal, their everyday intimacies, indulged in unrestrained bliss. Husk allows himself to live in the thought for a moment before moving to clean Angel’s other eye.
He doesn’t flinch this time, simply sinks into Husk’s hand as it cradles his face and tips his right side towards him. Husk lets his fingertips linger against smooth, cool skin as he works. Swiping tenderly with each pass, as if Angel were something worth treating carefully.
Husk finishes his work without fanfare and, with an indulgent, lingering press of his lips to Angel’s warm forehead, he stands.
Only to nearly keel over when he meets Angel’s own, lidded- but OPEN- eyes.
“FUCK!”
Angel laughs, but it’s small and syrupy. Real.
“Thanks, Babycakes.” He offers, reaching his arms above his head in a stretch before settling back, deeper under the covers. “You sure know how to treat a guy. Careful what you offer, though, okay? Might end up with a junkie on your ass if it's too sweet.”
Husk understands what he’s really trying to say and shakes his head.
“Any time, Angel.”
#huskerdust#husker hazbin hotel#angel dust#hazbin hotel#GAY PEOPLE#ive been thinking about husk taking angels makeup off for so long#brainrot#needed to write a little blurb and this helped pull me from my slump a little#please enjoy#sry i havent been writing my car got wrecked on jan 1 and the year has not gotten significantly better from there#hopefully this is the start of me writing more blurbs again#brublurbs#cross posted on ao3 as always bc i crave attention
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smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.
#jrwi show#jrwi fanart#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying#nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess#ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so#i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little.#AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair.#AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair#both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother.#GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home#but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns.#he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again#not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO#i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED#all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis#but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum#and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it#youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales.#YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!!#you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound.#elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now.#this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes#BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply
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"Im not even sure anymore if we get to choose who our friends are" There is a part of me that resents you for making me a worse person than i want to be but i am inexplicably uncontrollably drawn to you. You make me a worse person which is the last thing i want yet i want you in every way. If i could leave i would. Maybe i can but i dont want to. I have fun with you. You challenge me and you captivate me and you push me and pull and run circles around me and it makes me feel like a younger man. For the price of being a worse person i get to feel truly, wholly alive. You are the blood that runs through my veins; vital, inseparable. I was reborn when i met you and you are the womb that haunts me. You are the one person on planet earth who knows me. I wish i could leave, move on and be the man im supposed to be but my heart is tied to yours in a gordian knot. There is a part of my soul that rests in yours, magnetic. For as long as i love you i cannot be better than i am. But maybe thats something i can learn to live with. Gregory House-- I think you're worth it.
#house md#james wilson#gregory house#hilson#johan being crazy about yaoi md#johan's mindpalace#Im crazy#like im tearing up#this scene is so romantic it genuinely makes me nauseous#the lowlight setting the lingering stares the soft little smile a dam thats finally broken#I need a 12 gauge bullet in the thigh#Please watch this scene screencaps do not do it near enough justice#do you know whats so genuinely actually sickening#its been months since i finished house md#and i have not watched a single show that has managed to fill even a quarter of the gaping bleeding hilson shaped hole in my heart#shows that have actual gay people actual representation and not a single one has managed to alter my brain chemistry the way hilson has#since day 1 episode 1#Like its actually nauseating a little its so over for me for the rest of my life#Like im actually never recovering#people say “they dont make xyz like they used to haha” But Guys they Genuinely dont#Im going through withdrawls#I need my yaoi cocaine so bad but my plug died 12 years ago and i cant fucking Move#House md capital of fatphobia homophobia transphobia early 2000s edgy humour outshining modern shows with actual rep like im sick#Its not even because i want to like i feel like there are worms in my brain. I feel like ratatoullie if the rat was evil#This is not what the stonewall riots were for#I feel like so nausous why couldnt i be crazy about an actual gay pairing like a normal gay person. Im gonna throwup#Why couldnt i like music and girls#Its not even that house md is objectively logically better than these shows like no. Im just crazy#Im so sick they make me so sick i feel like there are worms in my head. My head#Dont know when i will ever be onorlmal again. Sorr
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to the person in the tag who just said “I fear I'm giving you all a very skewed idea of what ravenous 1999 is like,” we may not know each other, but we are brothers in spirit
#for different reasons but our situation is similar#at least one person promised to watch ravenous BASED ON MY GHOST META#which like. friends.#i believe what i said with all my heart (because it brings me great joy and i believe it has textual support)#but PLEASE understand how deep in the ravenous iceberg that shit is#to truly understand what the hell i’m talking about re: Reich and Boyd’s dynamic you need to watch the film ten times#and then watch the deleted scenes at least as many times before watching the film again#and then obsessively think about it for years#and then read my mind#and then actually BE me#like. it DOES make sense but also it Does Not#at the very least - it’s not the impression you’re going to get from a casual viewing#i think that people should exclusively watch ravenous based on SUPER gay AUs and unhinged ghost meta now actually#would LOVE to see what that would do to the fandom ecosystem#ravenous 1999
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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Headcanons and short drabbles for my BSD Fix-it AU
!Contains Spoilers for the whole DoA arc!
TWs: Mentions of OCD, mentions of panic attacks, mentions of crying, mentions of slight gun violence, mentions of screaming, mentions of heavy injuries, mentions of medical related stuff (p.ex.infirmaries), mentions of chronic pain
All characters might be ooc.
Pairings: Shin Soukoku, Bramcraft, at first Ranpoe and implied developing Mushiranpoe,later mentioned Mushiranpoe, Chuusigzai, lightly implied past!Fyozai (it’s up to interpretation if romantically or platonically but it’s written more in a platonic way), implied Tachihigugin, Fyolai, engaged!Suegiku, Montcott
The ADA managed to defeat Fukuchi and obtained the page
Fyodor and Nikolai got away though.
The moment Sigma wanted to shoot Fyodor, Nikolai appeared next to Fyodor through one of his overcoat portals and pulled the other with him through it.
It did send Sigma into a panic attack and Dazai too got nervous because of this but as soon as the ADA managed to obtain the page, he got a lot calmer and told Atsushi to write that Fyodor loses his ability on the page, knowing that it not only would send the russian into several existence crises but also knowing that the chance that he would try to erase all ability users would become much lower then.
Dazai knew Fyodor for years and he knew how much his ability tortured him since his early childhood. He knew that Punishment plagued him and took over a lot.
Fyodor’s ability was strong and was just as intelligent as the one who wielded it so that his ability slowly but surely started to affect his mind a lot wasn’t unexpected.
When Dazai touched Fyodor for the first time years ago, the other basically melted into his touch after Dazai touched him despite his threats that he would kill the other if he would dare to touch him.
The heavy weight of Punishment, the sharp and piercing feeling of the powerful ability raging inside of him whenever he felt threatened as well as its influence on his mind faded to nothing for the first time in his life.
When they met again, Dazai was almost sure that Punishment affected the other’s mind completely since he had gotten more cruel and heartless but also because he worked so tirelessly on his goal to erase all ability users so now he was almost completely sure that erasing only Fyodor’s ability would stop the other.
He was right. Upon feeling his ability fading away until it was completely gone, Fyodor went, just like Dazai expected, through a whole existence crises
With his ability fading, Fyodor also slowly gained full consciousness over his mind again and fully realized what had happened, even though he couldn’t remember events where Punishment had taken over his consciousness nearly completely.
After everything, the russian spent weeks in his bed, not only recovering from his physical injuries he had from their prison escape game but also because his mind struggled to process the fact that Punishment was gone and that he was only Fyodor now. No Crime. No Punishment. No vessel for Punishment. Just Fyodor.
He also had to process the fact that he gained full consciousness again and had to deal with all the guilt because of what happened which was eating him up alive for quite some time.
The one who took care of him the whole time was no other than Nikolai.
Nikolai who had put his clown attire away by now. Nikolai, who violently shook Fyodor after saving him, screaming at him for not getting out of his mind and for stopping him from being free, screaming that he hated him so much. Nikolai who had held a gun to Fyodor’s head, hand shaking before dropping the gun, letting his friend go and kneeling in front of him, sobbing. Nikolai who slowly learned to accept that he loved Fyodor and who slowly tried to believe that he could be free together with Fyodor.
He knew that Fyodor returned his feelings but he also knew that Fyodor waited until Nikolai had everything sorted out.
And Fyodor did wait. He waited patiently and eventually, when Nikolai was ready and both got more stable as well as used to their new quiet life, living undercover and when Fyodor was physically fully and mentally partly recovered, they got together in one cold winter night.
Their relationship was beautiful actually and it was based on mutual deep understanding and a bond which already started to form when they both met while living on the streets in the Ukraine as young teens.
Dazai was still secretly searching for the whereabouts of Fyodor and Nikolai for nearly two years, despite knowing that it was nearly impossible to find the russian if he didn’t wanted to be found, scared that his plan didn’t carry out exactly as he hoped that it would but after nearly four years passed, he was almost completely sure that the rat and his clown wouldn’t try to start a war again.
Sigma and Bram joined the ADA
Sigma’s entrance actually started with the elevator crashing down and he passed it by staying on Dazai’s and the ADA’s side, nearly managing to shoot Fyodor, instead of running away or going back to the Decay of Angels.
Bram on the other hand, kind of had to stay with the ADA but he actually didn’t mind.
Aya begged the agency not to kill Bram and eventually they gave in and gave Bram an entrance exam for multiple reasons, one of them being that he can’t be on his own, slashed in half like this but also that if they would pull out the sword, he would have no control over his ability, just like he told Aya so they somehow needed to keep his ability at bay.
After Bram passed the entrance exam and managed to prove his good motives, which wasn’t that hard for him since he never wanted to cause a vampire outbreak to happen and got forced into biting people/since he joined the DoA against his own will, Dazai touched the sword, nullifying it, so that they could pull out the sword without hurting Bram any further.
With the sword out of him, he was able to regenerate his body in a matter of a few days.
At first he even refused to Dazai touching it, scared that his ability might lash out completely like he had told Aya but Fukuzawa’s ability kept his vampirism at bay and allowed him to control it much better
By now he has a full body again and can make his own decisions again without being bound to anyone but he still has to use a cane since after not walking/not even having a full body for literal centuries he still struggles with walking and kind of has to relearn it.
He also has to relearn how to use his hands for the exact same reasons.
However, he can also transform into a large bat again so he usually chills, hanging upside down from the ceiling or hanging upside down on the side of Sigma’s desk, sleeping in his bat form. (Sigma put a little metal bar on the side of his desk specifically for Bram.)
Sigma and Bram kind of get along pretty well. They already got along back when they were both in the DoA but could barely talk/get to know each other since they barely saw each other outside of the meetings of the organization.
Besides this, Sigma was nearly always busy in his casino and Bram was very well hidden and most of the time guarded by Fukuchi in some way.
Fukuchi got defeated completely.
The Hunting Dogs had to go under police investigation but after they were proven to be innocent and to be not involved with the DoA, they got a new leader. They couldn’t split the Hunting Dogs up since they would die without the operations.
Jounou and Tecchou got engaged a few months after the war against the DoA.
Atsushi brought Bram and Aya to Dazai where he could touch the vampire, nullifying his ability and turning the people who had been turned into vampires back into humans.
Yosano saved multiple lives that day since the injuries which some people had before they got turned into a vampire returned shortly after they were fully human again.
Upon seeing Akutagawa again, alive, healthy and fully human again, Atsushi thought he wouldn’t believe his eyes at first but only a couple of seconds later after standing there like frozen, staring at the other, Atsushi dashed forwards, tackle-hugging Akutagawa with such a strength and with such a speed that he knocked both of them over so that they both fell on the floor.
Atsushi hugged Akutagaw so tightly that the other heard he would hear his ribs crack before Atsushi sat up a bit, yelling at Akutagawa for being so stupid for sacrificing himself for Atsushi and asking if if he could imagine how it felt to fight against him as a mindless vampire.
He really tried not to cry but he failed. Miserably.
When he tackle-hugged Akutagawa for the first time, tears where already in the corner of his eyes and upon feeling the other again, hearing him breathe and smelling the familiar faint smell of tea like which the other nearly always smelled, he couldn’t stop the tears from falling and it got worse when he was yelling at Akutagawa but that didn’t stop him from doing so.
Akutagawa just listened to him quietly (it drove Atsushi a bit crazy to be completely honest)
Eventually Atsushi actually talked himself that much in rage, that he ended up confessing accidentally to Akutagawa which caused him to shut up immediately staring shocked at Akutagawa who looked at him with wide eyes too, before hectically trying to scramble away and get up to give Akutagawa space since he was nearly completely sure that the other was disgusted now but Akutagawa actually grabbed him before he could get up fully and pulled him back so that he lied on top of him again before hugging him, telling him that he felt the same causing Atsushi to start to sob all over again.
Akutagawa lied there with a faint smile, slowly rubbing the bag of the other and he would never admit it but he too, had watery eyes
Normally he would have never reacted like this or would have shown such a soft side of him but after what happened, even he couldn’t stay as cold as usual
Soukoku watched them with little smiles on their faces, how they continued to lie on the floor curled up together in a tight hug, talking quietly about everything.
Fyodor’s downfall actually started with underestimating Soukoku’s bond and with sending Chuuya to Dazai in order to kill the latter without realizing that Chuuya was already long out of his vampire state.
Chuuya was the one who carried Dazai out of the hallway to a safe place, who did first aid on Dazai who was heavily injured from the elevator crash and who guarded him until everything was over.
Dazai managed to snap Chuuya out of the vampire state by nearly making him and Fyodor drown (it was actually part of a big plan c of Dazai which was the plan he would have to use in the worst case. That Chuuya got turned into a vampire wasn’t his first plan but it was included in one of his “worst case” plans.)
Chuuya punched him hard later for nearly drowning him and saying such things before he “drowned” but upon noticing that Dazai was sticking extremely close to him and refused to leave his side the whole time and also upon seeing that he was truly shaken up too (no matter how hard he tried to mask it), he just sighed and hugged his partner.
They stayed like that, quietly hugging each other and Dazai basically clinging to Chuuya, holding onto him and hugging him so tightly that Chuuya struggled to breathe for a moment and he buried his face in the redheads crook of the neck for a long time
Later, they would never talk about the fact that Dazai was shaking like crazy during the first time of their embrace but when Chuuya realized it he just slowly started to rub the younger's back and buried his face in the others brown messy locks. They didn’t need any words at that moment.
Dazai became even clingier to Chuuya than he was before.
Ranpo and Yosano would stick close together and also stick close to Fukuzawa for the next months, not wanting to get separated for longer than a day.
Yosano would never forget the sight of seeing Fukuzawa and Ranpo lying unconsciously on the ground, bleeding out from stab wounds.
She stayed at their side until they woke up again after she had healed them.
After they woke up again, she tried to appear put together and greeted them with a relieved smile which quickly turned into a wobbly smile after she heard Ranpo complaining about his head hurting and about starting to complain about the fact that they didn’t listen to him in the first place.
He quickly stopped complaining after he noticed that Yosano had gone quiet and after Fukuzawa noticed her teary eyes, he asked her to come to him. Of course she did so and he pulled her into a tight hug.
It was the first time in years that Yosano cried.
Ranpo started to complain about getting left out so Yosano huffed out a laugh and pulled him into a bone crushing hug too.
While Fukuzawa and Ranpo were allowed to leave her infirmary the same day, the people who had been turned into vampires had to stay for a bit longer. Some of them only woke up days later.
The reason why they had to stay a bit longer was because despite Yosano successfully healing them and despite vampirism getting nullified, they felt worn out and exhausted and seemed to recover much slower. Even after a month the most still had to take things slow since their bodies quickly started to feel worn out and they often felt exhausted from doing the smallest things. After some months went by, the symptoms got lesser and lesser though.
Yosano had asked Bram if they could turn into vampires again but Bram told her that this was impossible.
As soon as Yosano allowed people to visit people in the infirmary again, Poe and Mushitarou were next to Ranpo’s bed.
Poe basically refused to leave Ranpo’s side and held his hand tightly.
Mushitarou stood next to Poe with a little smile on his face.
Mushitarou had started to slowly get along a bit more with the detective but they couldn’t really hang out since Ranpo had been in fighting against the DoA with the others while Poe acted as a supporter from the back rows.
However, he got a lot closer with the writer, after all, he lived with him.
As soon as they’ve gotten the information that Ranpo had gotten injured by Fukuchi and was now being healed by Yosano, Poe nearly fell into a panic hole and it was Mushitarou who carefully took the phone out of Poe’s hand, saying that they would come over in a minute, before he hung up and started to calm the writer down who already struggled to breathe evenly and had shaking hands.
He wasn’t as good at it as Ranpo was but surprisingly he was able to calm the other down in no time.
Now, standing next to Poe, next to Ranpo’s bed, he did felt strangely relieved that the detective was fine and seeing Poe babbling about how scared he was as well as scolding Ranpo for being so reckless while Ranpo patted the others head and squeezed his hand, telling him to calm down, his heart felt weirdly warm upon seeing them like that.
The ADA actually threw a huge celebration party over two whole days to celebrate their victory over Fukuchi and the DoA. It was an even greater celebration than when they won against the guild
When Lucy finally saw her girlfriend Louisa at that party again, she basically dropped everything she was holding and ran to her, pulling her in a bone crushing hug.
Louisa was a bit startled at first but then giggled and hugged Lucy back, burying her face in the crook of the other woman's neck.
Lucy would never admit it but she did in fact cry a little bit upon finally being able to hold Louisa again and upon seeing that she was healthy and alive.
The two would stick close together for the rest of the evening.
Lucy also proceeded to kiss Louisa’s scar which she had from Nathaniel’s attack, telling her that she still looked beautiful with it.
Bram was able to reunite with Lovecraft.
The two of them had been in a relationship back in the medieval era but after Bram got sliced in half and got taken away like a trophy, Lovecraft had been unable to find him again for centuries and when he found him again, he had already been in the hands of Fukuchi.
All that Lovecraft wanted, was to free Bram from Fukuchi but he knew that Fukuchi would use Bram against Lovecraft, hurting Bram even more in the process and the last thing Lovecraft wanted, was to make Bram suffer even more than he already had to so he couldn’t do anything beside staying close to the vampire and following them wherever Fukuchi took him.
The time where Bram had been on the ship had been hell for Lovecraft. He stayed underwater, underneath the ship where he was forced to listen to how Fukuchi treated Bram, how Bram tried to refuse biting people and how tired, hollow and exhausted the voice of his partner sounded.
Lovecraft wanted to sink the ship oh 8so bad, dragging Fukuchi down with it and killing him underwater and taking Bram with him, since Fukuchi was defenseless against him there. The world underwater was Lovecraft’s world, his element and a mere human was defenseless against him there but he knew that there was a risk that Bram got injured if he really did so and he didn’t wanted to risk that so he was forced to stay underneath the ship, hoping that one day he was able to get Bram back.
When Bram saw Lovecraft again, he froze and stared at the black haired man with wide eyes.
He was sure that he would never see Lovecraft again, that he had lost him forever.
Bram had never stopped thinking and dreaming about the other but he didn’t even dare to hope that he would see him again.
Lovecraft didn’t look any different than he remembered him. He wore different and more modern clothes and he looked more tired and worn out than before but beside that he still looked exactly how he remembered it.
It didn’t took long until Lovecraft noticed that someone stared at him and when he spotted Bram, he too froze for a moment.
He only managed to say the other’s name before ran towards him, using a bit of his vampire abilities to move faster. However, he tripped shortly before he reached Lovecraft due to his legs giving out but Lovecraft quickly catched him and hugged him.
He held him so carefully as if he would hurt him if he hugged him any tighter.
He had always been careful with Bram since the vampire always nearly felt as fragile as a human in Lovecraft’s arms, despite being an immortal being and since Lovecraft was well aware of his strength he was always careful when touching Bram but now he seemed to touch him even more careful than before.
Bram however, hugged him as tight as he could, burning his face in the other’s shirt and closing his eyes.
Nobody saw the tears which escaped his eyes. Only Lovecraft could feel them and only he felt that Bram was shaking slightly.
Lovecraft on the other hand, was still trying to process that he finally was able to hold Bram again and that Bram was okay.
After a couple of moments he buried his face in the others long gray hair and closed his eyes as well. They didn’t need any words. It has always been like this.
They stood like this, hugging each other for a long time and even afterwards, they would stick together.
Lovecraft would always visit Bram whenever he could and they also started to meet up at night again. Usually Bram would fly down to the harbor where he met Lovecraft. Then they would talk for hours again, like they did back when they first met. They would talk and sleep, holding each other. They would dance and sometimes they would just sit somewhere, watching the night sky and remiscene about the old times.
Bram often thinks about his kins and his family. After all, he is the only vampire who survived and who is now walking freely around on earth again. He misses them greatly and often he blames himself for not being able to defend them.
Lovecraft is always there for him when the thoughts get too dark.
Sigma is allowed to carry a gun with him constantly.
He is also practicing to use his ability more precisely and is training to use his ability in order to overwhelm enemies through flooding their mind with so much information that they pass out.
He often gets paired with Atsushi when they go on missions.
They both spend a lot of time together and they became best friends.
When Atsushi saw that Sigma was alive, he nearly cried. The “death” of Sigma would leave his mind and he mourned about the death of the other, despite not really knowing him so when he saw him again, he couldn’t believe his eyes before he ran over to him, telling him how relieved he was to see him alive and well.
Sigma was completely caught off guard at first. Nobody ever was so glad about seeing that he was fine. In all his years with the DoA he was merely a replaceable tool and this boy was nearly crying out of relief and happiness upon seeing him again despite not really knowing anything about him.
It made Sigma feel warm inside and his heart felt like it got squished but in a good way. It was the first time he wondered if this is what “home” felt like.
Later he asked how he could ever thank Atsushi for his kindness. He showed him back at the sky casino but to his surprise, the other didn’t want anything and told him that he’s just happy that Sigma is fine.
By now, Sigma, Atsushi, Lucy and Kyouka often spend time together. Sometimes they visit Lucy at the Café, sometimes they go shopping together, sometimes they go and get Crépes together and sometimes they just talk for a while at the office of the ADA.
Sigma and Atsushi both judge Dazai’s shinegans.
Sigma got together with Chuuya and Dazai some time after the war against the DoA.
Chuuya and Dazai were already a couple for years but after the events in Meursault, they also got together with Sigma.
Dazai already started falling for Sigma early into the events of Meursault while Sigma slowly started falling for Dazai after the latter saved them from drowning.
Chuuya already started to admire Sigma when he saw Sigma aiming the gun at Fyodor’s head, showing true strength and bravery and it didn’t take long until they both fell for each other after meeting too.
However Sigma was a bit intimidated by Chuuya at first so it took him a bit longer to warm up to Chuuya.
They love each other deeply and while Sigma and Chuuya would die for Dazai even though they would never admit it, Dazai would live for them.
However, Dazai is also still getting used to receiving this much genuine love and affection from two people.
Sigma is also still slowly getting used to being treated like a human being instead of a tool/ is still getting used to not getting used the whole time and also to finally having not one but two places he can call home (the ADA and Dazai and Chuuya).
During the first time after the war against the DoA, Dazai had to use a wheelchair for a long time after crashing down with the elevator, breaking his legs in several places and breaking other bones as well.
After months, he could walk a bit again and started to use forearm crutches as soon as he could walk for longer periods of time again.
Eventually he only used one forearm crutch.
He had to keep using a forearm crutch for years.
After a long time, he used a cane instead.
He already struggled with chronic back pain from a failed suicide attempt where he fell on his back, injuring his spine and since he didn’t seeked help from Yosano until months later, the spine healed more badly than anything which is why it now often hurts and cracks, making sitting straight hurt like hell after some time and the serval injuries he had after falling down with the elevator added more chronic pain and his legs couldn’t support his weight fully anymore without hurting like crazy until years later. The pain never fully faded though.
He hated needing the help of others but slowly he started to allow it.
Kunikida has to practice things like tying his hair into a ponytail, braiding his hair, tying his shoes and writing again because his new hands are still weak and very shaky.
It caused him multiple breakdowns already due to feeling utterly useless, especially now that he can neither do a lot of paperwork or use his ability as fast and often as before.
Dazai and Ranpo are the only ones who know about Kunikida struggling.
Dazai actually helps Kunikida when his mental health is particularly bad again and helps him to calm down when he finds him locked in one of the toilet stalls in the bathroom of the ADA again, breaking down on particularly bad days when his hands were shaking so much again that he couldn’t do anything which required precise hand movements.
Previously, Kuniikida would check on Dazai every evening to see if the other was fine and if he had eaten anything. Now it’s Dazai’s turn to check on his partner regularly.
At first Kunikida hated it, but slowly he started to accept the support and help from Dazai.
Dazai, Kunikida, Chuuya and Sigma regularly meet up somewhere during weekends to spend some time together. Most of the time, they just talk about work and about life but sometimes they watch movies together at Chuuya’s apartment which he shares with Dazai and Sigma.
After Sigma and Kunikida got to know each other through their work at the ADA, they started to get along pretty well and Chuuya and Kunikida got along well anyway. They love to rant about work and about Dazai’s bs while drinking expensive wine.
Sigma sometimes bakes cookies for the whole ADA.
Fukuzawa refused to exchange any of the ADA members with Mori after he found out about the lie he told Yosano.
He was furious.
He knew that it would have consequences but for now he didn’t worry about it.
Sigma’s OCD and his panic disorder which he developed during his time with the DoA got even worse after the war against the DoA.
He never told anyone about it and normally he was able to hide his compulsions, his panic and the distress which came from not performing compulsions very well but during the first time after the DoA was defeated, everything got even harder to hide.
Dazai noticed him writing a word on a word document over and over again, deleting it before writing it again and noticed how Sigma grew more and more distressed. He didn’t confront him about it right then at the crowded office of the ADA but he instead asked him if he could help him with something to snap him out of the thought spiral.
At home, he confronted Sigma about it, and while Sigma at first panicked, eventually he told Dazai about it.
By now, both Chuuya and Dazai support and help Sigma whenever his fear and his OCD get too much for him.
The Hunting Dogs came personally to the ADA to apologize for everything they did as well as for believing that they were guilty.
Tecchou also apologized less formally and more emotionally to Yosano and thanked her again for saving Jounou’s life. After all, they had wanted to execute her so he would have understood it, if she would have refused to help them.
Kenji was thrilled to finally meet this friend Tecchou talked about and he cheerfully greeted Jounou, telling him that he was happy that Jounou was okay and also telling him that Tecchou had been worried sick about him and that he was even willing to place Jounou above justice which was obviously so dear to him. (You must be really good friends then! :D)
Upon hearing this, Jounou just smiled at Tecchou who looked away, a tiny bit embarrassed.
Of course Jounou already knew about what happened and he had already scolded Tecchou for nearly 15 minutes for placing him above justice and his mission and for also nearly killing a whole child in his blind rage.
He can’t deny that his cheeks had been a dark red shade upon hearing this though.
Teruko and Sigma stay far away from each other though and Tachihara keeps a respectful distance to the former casino manager too, knowing that Sigma probably never forgives them for making his casino fall from the sky, killing everyone in it but he understands it.
That Sigma doesn’t even want to look at Teruko, whether it’s because of the guilt he feels or because of the fact that they killed the people he viewed as his family, is fully justified. At least in Tachihara’s eyes.
The Hunting Dogs now are always there to help the ADA if they would ever need more help with a case or with fighting against an enemy.
Tachihara stayed with the Hunting Dogs but he still meets up with the Black Lizard regularly and he actually lives with Gin and Higuchi.
Sometimes he meets up with the Black Lizard and with Chuuya at the bar to which they always went to drink and chat for the whole night like in the old times.
There is no bad blood at all and all enjoy their meetings greatly.
He sometimes misses his time at the Port Mafia but as long as he can meet up with them, it's alright.
He couldn’t leave the Hunting Dogs either.
Both, Port Mafia and Hunting Dogs are like a family to him so he tries his best, to connect both worlds as best as he can.
At Home, with Higuchi and Gin, they don’t talk about their jobs anyways. There it is just them. No Port Mafia and no Hunting Dogs unless there is really something someone needs to talk about with their partners/unless there is something someone wants to get off their chest.
Dazai still has awful nightmares about the events at the Meursault Prison.
Sigma also suffers from night terrors about the same events.
When Dazai wakes up from one of those nightmares again, he usually directly checks if Chuuya and Sigma are still there with him, listens to their breathing and to Chuuya’s little snores as he calms down.
Sometimes he gets out of their bed and goes into the kitchen or the living room where he sits on the couch, staring holes in the air or staring at the ceiling while he tries to calm his racing mind down.
Most of the time, Chuuya and Sigma wake up shortly after Dazai left the bed though and grow alarmed immediately, causing them to get out of bed in no time and to search for their boyfriend.
After they found him, Chuuya usually can tell directly what is going on and they comfort him and gently urge him to come back to bed with them.
Sigma reacts much differently than Dazai.
He often dreams about the DoA, about Fyodor, about his casino or about falling down from the casino but most of the time, he dreams about the elevator which is crashing down with a rapid speed, with Dazai still in it.
Those dreams are often bloody and horrifying and Sigma often wakes up screaming for Dazai, hyperventilating and crying.
Chuuya and Dazai always calm him down and are there for him. All three of them are awful at comforting but it works for them.
Most of the time, Dazai hugs Sigma, rubs his back or gently saws back and forth while Chuuya is verbally trying to comfort him and holds his hands, caressing the back of them and assures Sigma that he’s safe here with them and that they are okay.
They also help Sigma to calm his breathing again and gently prevent him from tugging at his hair/pulling at his hair since it’s something Sigma does when he is stressed, scared or panicking.
They also always let Sigma talk about his nightmare and look out that his panic won’t get worse again.
Dazai also always lets Sigma feel his pulse, knowing that this can calm Sigma down more than anything.
He always regulates his heart beat to a calming, slow one too to calm Sigma down more when he feels his pulse.
When Sigma feels better again and Chuuya gently urges him to try to sleep again, knowing how exhausted Sigma is after the panic attack and assuring him that they won’t leave his side.
They often lie curled up together in one big cuddle pile then, Sigma lying between them and both hugging him.
Chuuya and Dazai often quietly talk about everything when Sigma fell asleep again.
Dazai always stops Sigma and Chuuya from overworking themselves since both tend to do so due to Chuuya’s workaholic tendencies and due to Sigma’s anxiety and perfectionism.
Ranpo scolds the whole ADA for multiple hours that they didn’t listen to him in regards to the DoA case and brings it up over and over again.
He basically won’t let anyone forget that he warned them and that they wouldn’t listen to him.
The agency is now much more careful with accepting cases and Fukuzawa wouldn’t let anyone who was still recovering, no matter if mentally or physically, go on any more dangerous/more shady cases for the first time until they were fully recovered again.
Ranpo moved into Poe’s mansion as well and now lives with Poe and Mushitarou.
Mushitarou actually got together with Poe and Ranpoe after a while.
He’s the happiest he’s been since quite a while.
Aya often visits the ADA after school.
Fukuzawa thanked her and Lucy for their support and their selfless actions to support the ADA during the vampirism outbreak.
Bram only rarely has to go to investigate a case with others. Most of the time he is sleeping somewhere in the office.
Now Kunikida has to scold two for sleeping/lazing around at the office during working hours.
Dazai is again trying to get Atsushi to do his paperwork, driving Kunikida crazy.
However, when Dazai sees that Kunikida is struggling again, he sometimes snatches some papers from the stack on Kunikida’s desk and actually does a bit of Kunikida’s paperwork for him.
At first Kunikida told him to stop but eventually he just let Dazai help him. He couldn’t stop him from doing so in any way since if Dazai really wanted to do something, there was no way of stopping him and deep inside he was thankful for Dazai’s help.
Dazai shows Bram the most weird songs to exist.
Surprisingly, the truce between the ADA and the PM is still on going but Dazai and Chuuya already agreed to not moving into separated apartments if the truce gets broken, not wanting to give up their life living together and living together with Sigma so soon again.
All three agreed that if the truce should get broken, they would move into an apartment which is neither close to the ADA or the PM and which belongs to neither of the organizations.
Lovecraft sometimes comes over to meet Bram at his dorm or at the office of the ADA. Especially when it’s bad weather outside since Bram dislikes going out so Lovecraft comes to him instead of Bram meeting him at the harbor.
The first few times he came to the ADA, everyone was very weary around him and not even Dazai made any comments.
The very first time, even Fukuzawa came out of his office to talk with the guest, ready to fight if needed.
By now, they are still weary about him but have gotten used to him just randomly appearing at the office or in the house where their apartments are, especially when it’s raining or storming outside.
It became a normal thing.
Kenji even sometimes offers Lovecraft some tea or snacks and greets him happily upon seeing him, asking him how he’s doing.
During the first time he visited, Lovecraft also told Kunikida that if they should ever hurt Bram or just try to do so, he would destroy the whole agency.
Bram was asleep at that moment. After he found out, he scolded Lovecraft a bit.
Bram and Lovecraft love to complain about everything to each other.
Lovecraft sometimes brings Bram fruits.
Bram loves fruits. It probably has to do with him being able to transform into a bat.
After Kenji found out about this too, he often brings Bram fresh fruits, especially when Bram has a bad day, in order to cheer him up.
Sigma teaches others how to play different card games.
Chuuya sometimes comes over to pick his partner up from work when he can leave his work early for once.
He also is always willing to pick one of them up from work if one of them isn't feeling well but the other one is stuck in a meeting.
When Atsushi first saw Dazai again, after the latter finally was allowed to leave the infirmary again, he tackled hugged him and hugged him so tightly that Yosano had to remind him to be a bit more careful.
Atsushi refused to let Dazai go for quite a while and cried his eyes out.
Dazai was sitting there like frozen for a moment before awkwardly patting Atsushi on the back, laughing and telling him that he is happy to see him too while trying to ignore the fact that his eyes got a bit teary too.
Kunikida and Dazai’s reunion was much quieter but also very emotional.
They were finally able to hug it out too.
The whole reunion of the ADA was very emotional.
The ADA isn’t framed anymore and went back to their normal routine, even though there are a few changes and even though the war changed everyone a bit.
They do take cases again however and even though Dazai warned them that there might be another war against another ability user, they are enjoying their time now and they are prepared a lot better for new battles than previously.
#Me? Posting own content since literal months?? Unbelievable#No really. I am very sorry for not uploading any headcanons or drabbles for so long#I had no ideas but when I had ideas; I was too scared to post them#Funny right? After nearly one year of posting I get scared to post smth (When does my blog have its anniversary again?)#I was scared that people might think that I don't understand the characters or smth bc I mainly write fluffy ooc content when in truth I do#I kind of felt like I needed to prove that I understand the characters? But today I thought who cares. Posting that stuff makes me happy#And there are so many really nice people who like my stuff and who support me and my work and I wanna give them something to read again#Soo here we are!#Please enjoy my Fix-It Au. Is it probably very ooc? Yes? But does it comfort and is it very fluffy? Yes.#It's one of my comfort AUs tbh#I hope you all like it as much as I do#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bungou gay dogs#bsd fyodor#bungou stray dogs hcs#bsd nikolai gogol#fyolai#bsd headcanons#bsd sigma#bsd nikolai#bsd dazai#bsd chuuya#bsd atsushi#sigma bsd#soukoku#ranpoe#bsd ranpo#bsd poe
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they’ll never understand what it’s like to walk into that place as my authentic self knowing that they won’t love me for loving you….
they will never understand what it’s like to feel so unwanted in a place that is supposed to be home….
they will never understand the pain that’s dealt just by standing in that room and being me…..
they will never understand…..
#i grew up in church#I’m a church girl#but im also a gay girl#and im in love#unfortunately i cannot walk into a church as a gay girl without someone or everyone telling me that i need to stop loving her#because if i have to trade bunny for church I wouldn’t#because I will not live a fake life#and I will not live a live where I am dealt beating because of love#I will not trade her for god because that’s not a choice god asks me to make#but if I have to have god and find that space outside the church#if that is the only way I can have both#then I guess church isn’t for me#not that god isn’t for me#because he is#and he loves me#and I know that#but maybe people aren’t for me#I broke my heart once#I don’t know if I can do it again#I don’t want to go running with my tail between my legs again because that safe please is not safe#thoughts#on life#my thoughts#christianity#the church#church#lgbtqia+#queer christian#queer#acceptance
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Conventional nightmares are scary but I think it’s the unrealistic ones that are the most scary
#the conventional ones I have are ones where people try to kill me or I kill people or do other bad things to them#or other bad things happen to me that could happen irl. but euhgh#I had such a weird nightmare#I WSS like ? on a weird ship thing with extended and being gay was like. not allowed but. I was gay anyways#and I hid it pretty well until like. suddenly at a huge fancy family dinner like? I was hashtag exposed and I tried to be like no please noo#but they were like TO THE HELL DIMENSION WITH YOU!!!! and I got sent to … s dark room with a stage and.. prom decorations?#there were other people and stuff and people onstage preforming the same thing over and over but I sat in the back bc I was pissed#also I was a borzoi. important detail😭 I remeber it because I always had to swish my tail off the chairs so I didn’t sit on it#anyways I was pissed as fuck. hal was there (the person not the character) and I was maaaaaad and it for some reason and I feel kinda bad#glitch was telling me yea ur in hell with (PEOPLE WHO DID REALLY HORRIBLE AWFUL THINGS. like. really bad.) and I was like awesome. kys#and it was like OK. don’t be like that let’s go sit at the chairs up high by the stage. and we sat on the same chair all squished 😭#everyone also had a small pack of plastic dinosaur beads that are. identical to ones that I have. and he talked to me as I fiddled with them#I was reallyyy scared because there were fucking. really dangerous people also apparently I was supposed to rot here forever.eventually hal-#-got up to strech and so did I and I sat back down ready for him to sit with me and he was like no. and I was like :? and it was like. the#the house. then glitch pointed to a small plastic house in the room like the ones for kids to play with outside and I was like oh :(#cos I thought he was leaving me and I got really sad because he was like. the only#good thing there. but it was like no. come#and I didn’t hear and I kept moping and he was like COME WITH. and I was like omg it’s talking to me. YAYYY!!!#I got up wirh my borozi paws to go follow glitch into the house then I woke up because someone called me just now😭😭😭#and I’m not gonna sleep again. it’s nearly 2pm. woof.#anyways that was horrible it was worse than the time I had a dream I killed someone and was a wsnted fugitive#I think hal was there cos I was thinking abt him right before I EME went to sleep and when I think of ppl before I sleep they often are in-#-my dreams#ok I need to get up and do stuff now. auhh#hollowspeak
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AO3 IS STILL FUCKING DOWN I WANNA CRY
TO WHOEVER ATTACKED AO3 JUST KNOW THAT I AM OUT THERE
#ao3#ao3 is down#I’m going insane you cant do this to me#please i need to reread my favorite fic again#i have gay people to obsess over you bitch
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also I spent all weekend watching my friends' apartments just to get into an argument the morning they got back and walk my ass home that was fun
#i feel loved i feel respected im thriving im thriving#im happy im good my relationships are crumbling im loved i have student loans to pay next month im happy i have to get a wage slave job joy#joy incarnate#i wont kill myself once i get one ill definitely live a happy and fulfilled live ill be able to move out of this moldy trailer ill get away#finally away from the family who wants me dead ill find a safe place to live with people i can love and be loved by in return and SURELY#Surely fate wont damn me in the same way it always has! surely!!! surely!!!!! it cant every time right?!?? itll work this time if i try#if i just try again itll work this time right#and even if everything goes right if i actually DO get what i want i definitely still wont want to kill myself once i have it itll go away#definitely#surely#please#at least its always worked out for everyone else with no recounted cases of people trying their whole lives for nothing. its never happened#so im good right. itll be worth it because surely nothing bad happened to folks who keep trying#gang its worth it to keep trying right#fellas is it gay to be damned by the reality that hope is something you give yourself; that finding inner strength doesnt mean youll be ok?#im so fucking sick of everyone who says itll be ok#hope is something we need without any doubt but spare me the fucking idealism
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hmm, does anyone have anything that lists all the main storyline/taskline quests + their dialogue? i would love to re-read though them again for lore reasons. i know theres that one work in progress timeline document, but im looking for in-game main tasklines any player can see while they play. i can figure out the side stuff like the arg things and comics myself...
(long rambley explanation below that im putting under the cut because i know otherwise nobody will interact with this post)
(this is mostly for ocs, even if they don't follow the main storyline lore exactly - i would still like to know any and all details about the world the toons talk about so i can make things accurate and be able to talk about certain details... and get ideas from reading certain things. even though the lore in cogs only we have is... uh. lets just say this thing could never ever be canon but yknow HAHA)
and like... i do have a million damn screenshots, some of them taken purely to save certain dialogue that i look at RARELY (bc i forget i took these screenshots). and i dont wanna go through videos of people playing the game, i don't like doing that... but the wiki doesn't seem to list the dialogue anywhere, or i may just be looking in the wrong place?
because with so many main line quests you will forget a few things, and of course skip over dialogue when you're trying to do things quickly... with some things being related to the story and some being not...
so i would just really love to look over the main stuff again. ofc, side quests are apprecited too, but im looking for the main thing. gets a bit hard to figure out world stuff when you unfortunately never played tto becuse you didnt know it existed, and ttr's lore is very different from ttcc and honestly i dont even know what they got going on there anymore, i never paid attention to it even when i played ttr because honestly i cant give a fuck about disney characters outside their actual source material-
#'coz like i also saw some people mention ttc is like a vacation place for toons of the world (before the cog invasion) and im like#hmm interesting where can i read more about this to feed my hyperfixated little gay brain. the brain worms. they need information. give#them that. gimmie gimmie. grabby hands#also i have severe like. embarassement issues? idk what to call it. close to rsd. when i get lore wrong.#or when im unaware. like im supposed to be a fan of this and i DONT know this? yeah this is why i dont like saying i dont care about ttr#lore at all and that i wasnt there for tto... (but like come on i was too young and also bilingual so it was hard for me i didnt learn#proper ish english until like 2015 -2016)#so i find it really hard to admit 'yes i did not know that' and that i yes in fact do care about cog lore a bit more than the toon lore but#like its a bit easier to follow...#the issue with ttcc is that a lot of the non main taskline lore is... in journals and arg things and events that i DID NOT ATTEND#and its hard to find archive stuff of things u didnt know existed or were there... you had to see it for yourself#i love you ttcc lore no matter how ppl bash on it and how unlike original tto it is nd 'its like an fanfiction' (real take i saw)#(i mean its true but whats the problem with it lol lol)#because i am in fact a Tumblr User and I Am Into This Shit i can admit it is Catored To My Tastes and i wont let Your Opinion ruin#My Enjoyment#some stuff may be bit goofy there and a bit. hard to access. with some issues. but yk what despite that i really enjoy it!!!!!!#but RAHH please i need main taskline stuff#please gamers help#i. may ask this again where i dont ramble#because nobody wants to read through this shit and that makes them NOT want to help or answer#now a guilt trip btw i am aware it sounds like one but im just annoyed bc i often ask questions and then ramble...and never get an answer#and i just feel embarrassed. so its on me really oops
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just watched chaircar adventure. again. biggest smile on my face for seven minutes straight until my cheeks started hurting too much I had to stop and massage it physically. would say a million things about it. me when I'm full of love.
#kommento#// I love masamisan so much I need to kill tohruadachi right now. these statements can coexist btw#// flashes the rest of the vl duology in my head at 7x speed so I can feel everything else at once oh my godd whathe fuck giuys#// I hate gay people oh my god nobody should put me in that theater I would make ten thousand standing ovations and cheer raceously#// I love stageplay so much I started crying when I heard the music no joke man guy who cries to gay manzai skit#// this is the part where I watch it eleven times and nitpick the acting and breathing and character and actor chemistry and cry again#// I miss my gas station so much guys you don't understand <- still crhing#// I need to be a mangaka making promotional material for their manga while it gets adapted into anime and breathe keyart like#// everyday like my life depends on it.cafe collab in my head cmonguys wear the apron put on the fucking cat ears already LET'S GO LET'S GO#// I need to draw ambiguous ink art of people hugging and make every fan in the vicinity doubt the on-going currently releasing plot#// 'are they going to die. are they going to kiss.' I don't know either guys. put this in a daily account without context and a broken link#// you thought this was only about blorbo. im a fucking expert at MACRO thinking bro.#// now imagine if i was the english localization casting director. imagine if I was the merch supervisor. the REAL alternate universes#// I wish I loved media so much I could create with careless abandon again. I have been missing things for months when they're RIGHT THERE#// but they are so distant at the same time. someone hold my hand and watch chair car adventure with me in the same room please. one day.
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god goromi really fucked my gender didn't she
#anyway i painted the world's shittiest stubble on myself today and wore the fanciest most hostess-esque dresses i have and GRGXZGRGRHZZGZXX#if i wasnt living in one of the US' finest transphobic hell states i would go out and i would get so many bitches like that i look SO GOOD#and it's so gender. god. t4t relationship WHEN!!!!! SOON I HOPE#someone come dote on this gnc emo boy please she's withering away without his proper care like a sickly tomodachi gf#when i get to college i could do little dorm dates n shit. maybe host drag practice nights or smth <33#that's the dream baby#god. goromi wasnt my genderfluid awakening character but she came right after i figured it out and i latched on SO HARD#shes literally THE pillar of my gender representation. load bearing one-off gag 80% of the fandom KNOWS is More Than A Gag (me included)#god she's so genderrrrr. i need to be her STAT#when i say thats the dream the dream is actually getting to present like that openly and unafraid regularly but uh (: not. not now#but someday. and i am confident in that#if not me then someone like me#but i still hope i can wrangle up some college queers to be funny and gay with yknow. tis only a few months away!!#i gotta take it off before i go downstairs again bc frankly im not ready for my family to realize Oh It's For Real. Like You'll Act On It#she's a fragile baby bird atm and frankly i dont want them to know yet#(they know im gfluid just. i dont talk about it with my mom and she still uses she/her only. i dont think ive had the pronoun talk with her#yet though so thats not even her fault really. but i didnt wanna come out to her when i did!!! so im taking my sweet time with this)#so im stalling a bit even though i REALLY need to do work and it's gotta be downstairs </3#anyway if people could just univerally decide to use he/she for majima interchangeably all the time so i could do that unchallenged thatd#be so cool thanks#like i know theres merit in other interpretations and i love them but what about ME#anyway. mwah i love gender sure hope nothing bad happens to it#i need to be someone's girlfriend boyfriend so badly you dont understand. ggrgrgrgrggrgrgrggrgrdbzvxzvzvzhsdhf#sorry for yearning. I'll hold it off as long as i can
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David Tennant interview at the British LGBT Awards, June 2024 (x)
Int: You being an ally to the community isn't something new. You've been doing it, but recently you've obviously really stepped up for trans and non-binary people in a time that's so, so needed. What made you do that?
David: I don't know that I feel like I've done anything that I wouldn't just sort of be normally doing. I mean, it's for me it's just common sense that there's there should be any suggestion that people aren't allowed to live the life they want to live and and to be who they want to be with and to express themselves wholeheartedly. I mean, as long as you aren't hurting anybody else, everybody else just needs to fucking butt out. I don't really understand why...
Int: ...it's controversial.
David: Yeah, there is and the thing... the thing, if there's something that's particularly sobering and depressing, it's that certain debates are being weaponized by certain elements of the political class, often for no... it seems it's not ideological so much as opportunistic. And I just think that's pretty disgusting, really.
Int: I couldn't agree more. What message would you like to send out to trans youth?
David: Please don't feel like you're not loved and that you're not accepted and that you're not... you know, most people in the world are good and kind and just want you to be able to be who you are. Most people in the world don't really care. I mean... you know what I mean?
Int: We're all narcissistic.
David: Exactly. Everyone's so self obsessed that really, the sort of noise that comes from a certain area of the press and of the political class is... it's a minority. It really is. And please don't let that make you feel diminished or dissuaded or discouraged, because, you know, you just... you have to be allowed to be yourself, and you are, and you are yourself and you must thrive and flourish, and we're all here for it.
Int: Amazing. I think, yeah, it's so important .I think sometimes it feels like there's so many people, but it is a minority. It's such a minority.
David: It's a tiny bunch of little whinging fuckers that are on the wrong side of history and they'll all go away soon.
Int: Like what happened with gay people 20 years ago.
David: When I was a kid, when I was a kid, exactly. You know, I was at school when Clause 28 came in and it all felt like being gay was something to be terrified of. And gay men in particular were demonised as paedophiles and now that just feels historic and ludicrous and, I mean, I don't see all those... all those battles aren't won, but we're in a very, very different place. And I feel like.I feel like history is on a progressive trajectory and it might get knocked sideways now and again by people for all sorts of reasons, which are often quite selfish and quite, as I say, not coming from a place of any sort of genuine belief system, but other than a place of opportunism. And that's something that we... I hope that in 20 years time, we're talking about, you know, these culture wars as something of the past.
Int: I believe we will. I'm a huge Doctor Who fan, so.
David: Oh, good, me too!
Int: You are my Doctor.
David: Oh, thank you very much.
Int: But recently, obviously, you came back for the 60th anniversary and you got to work with Yasmin Finney.
David: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Int: What was it like working with her?
David: Oh, she's brilliant. She's fantastic. Yeah. And she's in the show again now, she's back in it, so that's fantastic to see. She's lovely, talented, cool as a cucumber, articulate, brilliant. I learned a lot from her as an actor and also as someone who, you know, who's become a sort of de facto activist just because of who she is and where she is, and she becomes a sort of symbol of hope, and she's wonderful.
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