#because I will not live a fake life
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they’ll never understand what it’s like to walk into that place as my authentic self knowing that they won’t love me for loving you….
they will never understand what it’s like to feel so unwanted in a place that is supposed to be home….
they will never understand the pain that’s dealt just by standing in that room and being me…..
they will never understand…..
#i grew up in church#I’m a church girl#but im also a gay girl#and im in love#unfortunately i cannot walk into a church as a gay girl without someone or everyone telling me that i need to stop loving her#because if i have to trade bunny for church I wouldn’t#because I will not live a fake life#and I will not live a live where I am dealt beating because of love#I will not trade her for god because that’s not a choice god asks me to make#but if I have to have god and find that space outside the church#if that is the only way I can have both#then I guess church isn’t for me#not that god isn’t for me#because he is#and he loves me#and I know that#but maybe people aren’t for me#I broke my heart once#I don’t know if I can do it again#I don’t want to go running with my tail between my legs again because that safe please is not safe#thoughts#on life#my thoughts#christianity#the church#church#lgbtqia+#queer christian#queer#acceptance
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Thinking about Tim and Cassie as narrative reflections of each other -- about how they both started out as normal kids with no obligation to their mentors, good kids who just wanted to help, and how gradually, bit by bit, that choice they made as thirteen-year-olds lowkey ruined any chance they had for a normal life
#it's 'thinking about the consequences of the amazons attack' hour again#like. y'all cassie was wanted by the government. she literally didn't have a secret identity anymore so she had to live under a fake name#her mom had to flee the country#and even before that she kept on getting kicked out of schools because administration thought it was too dangerous#to have wonder girl publically attending their school#i feel like tim's life-ruining abilities are well documented at this point. but ugh cassie.#they way they reflect each other#tim drake#cassie sandsmark#cassandra sandsmark#red robin#wonder girl#young justice#young just us#dc comics#gnome talks comics#meta#timcassie#best hits tag
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I saw another post criticizing Bruce for having children fighting at his side, and I must say: tell me you don't know shit about the batkids' stories without telling me. Bruce fucking tried to stop those kids from being vigilantes, but they keep doing it behind his back, so he decided the best thing to do was to give them the proper training, an armor and to have them stick at his side so he can watch over them. You know, like a parent telling their underage children that they can drink alcohol but only at home where they can watch over them.
Dick became Robin because he wanted revenge over his parents' murder. He would run out in the street of Gotham as a 8 years old, all alone, to go fight Zucco. Bruce helping him make Robin was the compromise to keep Dick safe, because the child would not listen. (And yes, it wasn't the case in the very first canon, but it was like the 40s. Do you know how many kids fought against the Nazis in Europe at that time???)
Barbara Gordon is not his daughter and he has no authority on her being a vigilante. He cannot even ground her.
Jason became Robin after helping Bruce take down Ma Gunn's school. It is implied by Bruce, while talking to Dick, that he offered Robin to Jason as a way to gain a child because he missed having Dick around. He didn't need a Robin, he just missed having a kid. Bruce used the Robin mantle with Jason like people use churu to appease stray kitten. AND JASON'S DEATH, let's talk about it. Jason ran away, which leads to him being killed, after eavesdropping on Bruce and Alfred talking about Jason's mental health. Jason is benched as Robin, but not because Bruce thinks he killed someone like fandom says, but because Bruce knows it is not helping or healthy for Jason. They are talking about getting him help for his traumas and how violence is not helping Jason. And, when he is older and has healed, they can try again if he wants to. That's why Jason or people saying that Jason died because he was a soldier, or blaming Bruce for Robin's existence is false. When Jason died, Bruce was against Jason being Robin for his own health! And Jason knows that, he heard the discussion, he wasn't bench like how so many of his siblings are, with little to no honest explanation. Jason died in the Robin's costume because of his own stubbornness, not because of Bruce. (And that's not blaming Jason for his death. He is not to blame, but neither is Bruce. It's just about the Robin's colors. Jason would not have been wearing them at the time if he listened to Bruce.)

Tim Drake imposed himself as Robin. Bruce was against it, Tim literally went "Don't care, didn't ask". And Tim was already following them around before. Bruce already have Jason blaming him for making Tim Robin when he had no control over that.
Stephanie Brown became a vigilante before Batman knew her. He has tried SO MANY TIMES to make her stop, and so many fans hate that he did it. Make a choice, is it bad that he didn’t stop her more or that he didn’t let her more be a vigilante? He even got his kids to try to make her stop. AND SHE IS "KILLED" TO TEACH HIM THAT MAKING KIDS VIGILANTES IS BAD WHEN HE IS NOT RESPONSIBLE OF HER BECOMING ONE AND TRIED TO STOP HER! No shit the man blames himself for things that are not his fault, everyone does it.
Cassandra Cain was 17 when she becomes Batgirl, so I don't know if she counts. But when Bruce tries to make her stop for her own health, with the support of Barbara and Alfred, Cass is devastated and doesn't obey him. She puts on her costume and fights him physically.
Damian Wayne was trained as an assassin. In every version of him being introduced to Bruce, Bruce is against making him Robin and Damian keeps sneaking out. Damian wants to prove himself to his father so bad and refused to be kept away from the fight. In the comics, it's Dick, DICK, that makes him Robin when Bruce is gone, because Bruce was against letting Damian out at night.
Conclusion: Bruce is a tired father of a bunch of kids that cannot understand they should stay home at night and not be vigilantes.
#bruce wayne#batman#robin#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#damian wayne#barbara gordon#batgirl#dc comics#my ramblings#If I ever stop comparing Jason to a stray kitty then I'm either being mind-controlled or it's a fake#Bruce's kids sneak out behind his back all the fucking time he has no control over them sometimes#Steph's death is crazy to me like Bruce tried so hard to make her stop and he is punished for something he didn’t do#the only one who was really introduced to this life by Bruce is Jason and it's literally because empty nest syndrome took over#and Bruce NEEDED this kid to accept to come live with him. And how do you do that? By offering being Robin of course#but he realized his mistake and tried to fix it sadly Jason disagreed
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Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? (2024) written & directed by Taylor Swift
So tell me everything is not about me …but what if it is?
#taylor swift#tswiftedit#tswiftgif#who's afraid of little old me?#fake movies are back!#the silent film I used was a gem of a picture directed by the wonderful William A. Wellman#You Never Knew Women#(1926)#the circus theme was so sad in this movie somehow it's perfect for this song#and for the last one I know it looks like technicolor but my intention was paying homage to Roger Corman :')#this song gives Roger Corman vibes#a weird crazy witch who lives in a castle and who's always angry#because she's been misunderstood all her life#and since Taylor's on a mashup spree lately I decided to mash it up with Mirrorball a little :p#hence the miss americana scene#TTPD#the tortured poets department#and! I know that's a male lion but let's just pretend it's a her#sad truth is mane just looks better I'm sorry
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i cannot ever get over gi-hun actually. the fact that he chooses to believe in the good of humanity even after witnessing what he has, and that he joins the games AGAIN with (mathematically) even LESS chances of survival JUST because he wants to save people, people who DON'T CARE, people who are SELFISH and who continuously betray and hurt him just fucking KILLS ME. a very big critique from many people (and i've noticed, especially men) about the second season and gi-hun's character is that he is stupid. they find him to be stupid that he has this weak spot for an uncaring crowd, that he comes back to the games to save people who wouldn't think of him twice, instead of going to his daughter. they think that him caring and despising a system this deeply is a sign of weakness and stupidity.
but if anything, i find it admirable. maybe i can't bring myself to hate him because i think i'd do the same thing. i watch him on-screen and think, "yeah, i would do that too", every single mistake, every single thing, i get him. and he may look stupid to some but i think if anything, he's just too caught up in an ideal world in which people care, but i find it admirable that this is his personality even after witnessing the previous games. he still has hope, they haven't wiped it away from him. comparing him to in-ho is like night and day, because in-ho was broken by the games and came back to perpetuate that same hurtful system, while gi-hun was broken by the games and came back to break the people that created the system, and the system itself.
he speaks to me, as an individual who clings to hope until his very last breath, who can never seem to learn from his mistakes because he is so stubborn, he wants to prove that humanity could, and should, have hope and that it's worth to fight for it, not to just leave for a different continent and forget about it. that's what draws me to him, this endless fight in him, i can't find him stupid because he's so desperate to change things. and he never gives up even after his friends die before him.
idk i just am really unwell about gi-hun. i think people treat him too harshly. i'm unsure how well this is worded, but what i really want to say is that i don't think he should be perfect and immediately learn from every single mistake he has ever made. the fact that he is this broken given his past, even before the games he's set up as this really caring and traumatized individual, and that they double down on his same characteristics that make him so incredibly real... he's just really special to me. i really admire the way he is written and i think he's a really good representation of people who fight for a change even when it all seems lost. he's just that kind of guy that doesn't, couldn't, will never give up. and i really love that.
#he's so fucking stubborn and i get why people see him as an idiot; because they're people that think things don't change#that people will always stay the same and life will never get any better; people who don't have fight in them; people without hope#but that's exactly why i like gi-hun; he's the opposite of them; he wants to change things and for things to change even if it kills him#and to his last fucking breath he will want things to change; to his last breath he will rebel against the system#maybe he shouldn't have come back to the games; maybe he should've gone to america to live a life of comfort; maybe he should have stopped#fighting a long time ago#but he didn't. because he's not that type of person. he's the type of person that keeps fucking fighting. until his very last breath.#i think he's a really beautiful character. that's the only way i can describe him atp: beautiful. he's got a kind soul. he has hope.#i understand why some people don't like him or disagree with his morals; i really do. i do sometimes think there's no hope and that the -#system and that people will never change. but there need to be people like gi-hun for things to change.#you can't just forget about the games and go to america to live a life of comfort; ignoring the fact that things are bad for fake comfort.#sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands and go out and rejoin those damn games. even if it kills you.#there needs to be people like gi-hun in this world. there just needs to be.#we would never get anywhere without people like gi-hun.#seong gi hun#gi hun#player 456#squid game#character analysis#my rambles
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may we never forget this pop up I got after entering my eye prescription on a glasses website a couple years back
#deity dialogue#as if I wasn’t already aware that I have ✨special eyes✨#also never forget that after I came from my eye exam I told my roommates the feets (while still in the building) and they both burst out#laughing 😭 (no one get mad on my behalf this was really funny the majority of people who I told about my eyes laughed as did I it’s very#silly to us all)#I’m gonna be real sometimes when I’m struggling to read something either far away or close up I end up covering one of my eyes to be able to#read better and idk if that’s because my eyes are specifically dumb in that I’m nearsighted in one and farsighted in the other or if every#person who has glasses is living like this#I need to go in for an eye exam again one day#also I’m always so scared I’m like lying to the glasses ppl what if I’m faking my eye exam somehow like I’m cheating or something#<- this is the mental illness I fear#I understand why they would think I entered my prescription wrong. but no bestie this is just my life
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Season 8 of House? Oh, I don’t know her…
#just finished house#crashing out#it’s not the same without cuddy#Wilson? cancer? pshhh whhhattt??!!#house md#house md fandom#gregory house#what do i do with my life now#lisa cuddy#james wilson#they all live happily ever after because I say so#Bromanced so hard he faked his own death#hilson
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listen I just can’t find fault with a candy person for finding something that unexpectedly brings them joy and doing everything in their power to make it keep happening. I just can’t find it in me to blame them for wanting the approval of the person they love and respect more than anyone else, and wanting that approval over and over again, and I just straight up can’t blame james for figuring out a trick to make his princess smile and call him her hero. like, banana guards get her praise and approval and hugs all the time, but he’s just some random engineer with an easy smile and no one who wants to hang out with him after work. and she likes him so much, she wants him in her kingdom, even when he goes and does something stupid like push her out of the way of a super dangerous not-moving car, at the cost of his own life, she wants him back and she’ll bring him back and she'll tell him that was very brave and she loves him. of course she loves him. she loves all the candy people. but he figured out how to make her look him in the eyes and say it and give him material evidence of her pride. I can’t find it in myself to blame him for that. it wasn't good, i don't think he should have been left unchecked to keep going forever, but i can't blame him for wanting to keep reliving the nice thing that happened once. the really nice thing that happened once that came with material gifts. if she didn’t want to keep doing it she would’ve stopped LONG before there were TWENTY FIVE of them. before she was so fed up that she didn’t even spare him a kind goodbye or a chance to go home one more time.
like you’re not beating the dystopian dictatorship allegations. saying she was right to exile him from the only home he’s ever known with no recourse because he was acting weird. and the thing is, I just can’t find it in me to blame a character living in a dictatorship for getting himself into a situation because he was desperately trying to be happy the best way he could figure out how. I’m not saying he was right, he’s insane, but it just rubs me wrong, the idea that he is the one holding all this heavy blame. the idea that the princess is right to look down at him and shake her head firmly and turn him out in the cold. for chasing the rush that she gave him willingly, over and over, without any specific end parameters. for not being able to make friends, and doing something weird about it. he’s bored and lonely and this works and it’s not, inherently, bad. it really isn’t. it’s batshit, but it’s actually not hurting anyone at all.
#in case im not being clear. because i dont know. this is about james adventuretime.#and like. he is literally no weirder than any other candy person#i cant justify this freak (affectionate) but i also simply cannot blame him for this. imagine youre a guy in the Happy All The Time kingdom#and its goofyhappy but youre bone-numbingly bored and lonely and no one will hang out with you. youre 30 something.#wouldnt it be nice if you just had some people who Get you. well. enter This One Weird Trick. with a side of Princess Calls You A Hero.#like mann id do it all the time too dude. i dont see why pb can withhold her grace+forgiveness for checks notes. him being a lonely weirdo#who freaked out (HE DIED. HORRIFICALLY. UNEXPECTEDLY.) and found a way to ask her for friends indirectly.#is it wrong to be a weird little candy guy living in a dictatorship trying your best#like come on. sure hes not DOING RIGHT. it was WEIRD! but i CANT FIND IT IN MYSELF to BLAME HIM. that's what im here to say.#i will never find fault with him for literally just tricking her into making clones of himself so hed have friends to eat with in his home#im not sorry i mildly enjoy character on tv. candy people no.1 defender.#o#he doesnt seem to need much. like. its not like he was this extravagant strain on resources. if he was she would have noticed#ok ill stop. for now. might be back. i had a HORRIFIC discord rant#and? if he really had been dying? we wouldnt be having this conversation. we'd be saying man that is tragic. get him therapy.#but instead we are talking about whether he should APOLOGIZE for taking up space in his own tiny apartment tht he decided to share.#thats what annoyed me. among other thigns. but that bit. that she has a nebulous apology waiting for her and neednt accept#thats. insane. what did he do. not die. fake save her life. not realize heroism can branch out to other folks besides his princess.#bad things but not Obviously Unforgivable things that deserved EXILE!#adventure time#for my own search purpose just in case. I think that’s low enough in tags it won’t go into main tag.maybe not. whatever
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was thinking about camp camp (woah really??) and the theme song and I started wondering how many of the activities in the fast part of the song I've actually done, so naturally I had to find the answer to that question in bingo sheet format:
you'll probably notice some of them are missing (Spaceships, Bomb Defusal, No Refusal, and Keeping up with Rhyming), and that's because I needed it to fit into a 5x5 grid. so I figured I'd axe those four because spaceships and bomb defusal are pretty unlikely, no refusal is really vague, and keeping up with rhyming is so broad and universal that it wasn't even really a question worth asking. if you actually have defused a bomb or been in a spaceship before and I've robbed you of a rare opportunity to humble brag about it, that's your own fault entirely for being too cool and interesting.
anyways, here's what I got. the answer to my original question is apparently that I've done about half of the activities listed in the fast part of the camp camp theme song.
#camp camp#i also originally wanted to keep them in the order of the lyrics but it was really unbalanced in terms of how common the activities were#the bottom row was entirely comprised of things 90% of people have probably done at some point in their lives#and since four were missing it was never going to match up anyways#theres a few that you could really get into pedantics with#like yeah its obviously about american football but ive played soccer which is also called football#and ive played charades which is the physical act of miming!!! but i have not Been a mime#i kinda based my technicality answers on how likely i think i and/or the average person are to end up in the most literal interpretation#so i didnt give myself football or miming because its entirely possible i could end up in either of those situations#moreso miming than football with the way I've been living my life recently#but if i had ever been on a trapeze in any context i wouldve marked circus trapeze because i will never be in an actual circus#and i gave myself treasure hunting because i went on a number of scavenger hunts (sometimes for fake treasure) as a child
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Is it worth it to go to therapy finally for once in my pathetic life, only to see if I have DID and then dip out? Or is it not all that bad I'll forget it anyway and them remember "oh yeah" I was busy having a crisis over that let me get back to that and also if I have BPD and also if I have bipolar but then let me forget about having a crisis over that in less than a month because this is boring as shit and I'd rather waste it than be productive but then randomly remember I was having a crisis over that so let me get back but this is boring and I'd rather—
Might or might not go, I don't know, maybe will get too scared to go if its a yes.
Also I hope I'm not giving "I have it tell me I have it", it's more like "I don't know if I have it, I'm confused and lost, help me"
#𓏵 I actually need someone to help me because I don't know what the fuck I am doing and a therapist knows what they are doing... I hope#𓏵 I would just be doubting myself over and over and feel fake as FUCK!!!! so talking to it with a therapist would maybe help#𓏵 I'M SCARED IM SCARED IM SCARED IM SCARED IM SOOOO SCAREDDDDD FOR REAL FOR REAL WHAT THE FUCK DO I TALK ABOUT!?!?!??!?!?!?!??#𓏵 I feel like a poser#𓏵 I DON'T WANT THEM TO FUCKING TRY AND HELP ME WITH EVERYTHING JUSTTELL MEIFIM COOCOOFORBANANAS OR IM ACTUALLY OKAY AND CAN GO LIVE MY LIFE#jirai boy#jirai danshi#jiraiblr#jiraiblogging#landmine boy#landmine danshi#landmineblogging#landmineblr#jirai type#jirai posting#lifestyle jirai#jirai lifestyle#landmine type#landmine posting#lifestyle landmine#landmine lifestyle
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What we saw: Bobby collapsing on a table and then a body bag being taken out
What we didn't see: the light leave Bobby's eyes, someone checking his pulse, Bobby's dead body being zipped into a body back.
That's what we in the biz like to call a set up for a Sherlock Holmes.
#911 spoilers#911 abc#bobby nash#peter krause#i live in hope#at my most optimistic i can imagine that Bobby just collapsed and passed out#athena didn't take a pulse or anything#then the military comes in#and finds Bobby unconscious#'well isn't this a fine opportunity' they think#they stuff Bobby in a body bag and take him out and take him away to be studied#they want to see if they can replicate a cure and now they have a test subject#they facilitate the fake death and keep Bobby secretly locked in a lab somewhere#funeral goes along without Bobby in that casket#somehow it is discovered that Bobby is alive and the 118 come to the rescue#now eddie is home so he might as well stay and he and buck and christopher all live together and buddie finally happens#because life is too short
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also can i be honest during the last episode of severance (especially during the scene where innie mark and outtie mark were arguing, and in the "see you at the equator" scene) i was thinking "wow just like in widely beloved spydoc fanfic two can play at that game".
#with the difference that the end of 'two can play' made me cry ugly tears lmao#it's about 'i am a person and you are not'#it's about 'where do people even go to buy hats? i'm never going to find out‚ am i?'#it's about that awkward moment when you partition your brain and create a version of you that lacks your memories#for the sake of thoughtless convenience#and then it turns out that other version of you is their own person with hopes and dreams and a desire to live.#even if their life is small and fake‚ it's real to them.#and they don't necessarily WANT to cede control over your shared body and life just because you were there first.#also the helly r. experience of discovering that the 'real' you is fucking evil but she's also part of you#happened to my friend harry jones.#i don't think this really counts as spoilers lmao#well not for severance. it absolutely spoils the fanfic.
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shocking: writing about people being happy and in love is hard when all you feel is stressed out and desolate
#i need to finish this so bad but i can’t find the words#it’s been a really long time since i had a crush on someone#it’s a little hard to remember#and just like this year all of my best friends love lives have come back to life and i have no one#and im not aro because i’ve liked people and i want to have a romantic relationship#but i look around me and there is no one#and i refuse to use dating apps bc it feels fake#so i’m feeling lowkey really alone rn!#this turned into a vent post wow#ig i have to put my feelings here bc i try to talk to my friends about it and they just don’t get it. they really dont#i have four best friends and all of them have just found people in the last 6 months#and they’re all telling me that they want me to find someone and i’m glad they think that but their hope doesn’t rly do anything
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#I wish I could find women around me that want children so bad but struggle with their infertility#I find a lot of women on YouTube who are like ‘you’re not alone. I’m with you Mama. your miracle will come’#which does make me feel good and makes me feel less alone#but I wish they were near me too#but I also wish that I wasn’t so afraid of being vulnerable like that with other women who struggle with the same thing#someone there to hold me while I wail on the bathroom floor over the twenty fifth negative pregnancy test#that would’ve been my mom yannow?#I don’t know if I’ll allow myself to let someone else be in that moment with me#just cuz I’m so tired of feeling weak#but a women who knows every emotion I’m going through in that moment#because she’s lived it too…I think that would be nice…at least a little.#I feel like I’m running in circles over and over and over#I can daydream about fake kids with Katsu and Eiji and Ume my whole life#but will it ever be enough?#Ido if I can keep doing this Ollie…#I’m sorry I failed you. I’m just so tired. so so tired.#I’m tired of everything really. I’m tired of fighting and fixing and living and surviving and ‘just getting through it’#god….god I’m so tired.
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People insisting fake nature images made with AI look beautiful and looking at AI "makes them happy" is like. So dismal idk I'm at my limit for stupid people I feel like I've been on a prank show for like five years
#like there are actually images of beautiful things in real life. and they are becoming harder to find#because ppl insist on filling the internet with garbage images of fake flowers melting into each other and cats whose tails end in paws#“it looks beautiful and you know it” I really really don't lmao#like sorry i have standards lol#remember when you could open tumblr and look at pictures of our beautiful world and the animals who live here Without sifting through slop
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im in a good mood cause my work enemy is getting her life ruined while all i had to do was keep quiet and do my best 🥱
#basically shes been making management think for years that shes the only capable person there and they pay her sooooo much more than#everyone else#but now because me and two girls from my team have been quietly working hard and having amazing results#management decided to look into that and even trust us in more serious positions#and now management realized were all doing great and are on her level.. all while realizing shed been taking credit for our work all along#and to prove them wrong she decided to take a 2 week vacation thinking everything will fall apart when shes gone#(note: she genuinely thinks shes the best and smartest and master manipulator etc... shes not)#but everything was okay while she was gone ahahahaha#and the realization hit management like a truck#and i just do happen to have insider information on all of this teehee so im not speaking out of my ass#and the worst part is we keep working hard and getting praised#while shes going down with “idk how we ever let ourselves raise one person up that high”#WHILE#the three of us have fullfilling lives outside of work. while she literally has no life and her whole personality and activities in life#are this job#maybe im a little mean but this woman took credit for our work to get ahead. she constanly tries to frame us for her mistakes#she literally sets up situations against protocol so that a fuckup will happen in our shifts and she can point to iy#and has manipulated management into firing people just because they were a lil mean to her privately#my fav thing to do is not pay attention when she tells the whole group how amazingly she did smth (she boasts A LOT) and when she asks me#“omg adora are you even here?” and im like “sorry just focusing on this email rn”. anyway this drives her crazy cause she cant do anything#about it without looking insane#teehee#yapping#i wrote a whole essay but sry im just in a good mood cause i found out she wrote me a fake email about how management is unhappy w my work#only to find out that exact same manager is in fact extremely happy w my work and is unhappy with hers instead AHHAAHHA#i cant shes so pathetic 😭😭😭😭
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