#and im not aro because i’ve liked people and i want to have a romantic relationship

[8-evil-annoying-catboys]

i realised i was polyamorous like 10 years ago, but only realised i’m aro within the past 5 years, while already in a romantic relationship that i don’t want to end. i realised im a romance favorable aroallo, but i just like to do stuff that is seen as romantic with any and all of my friends, which is why i’ve never wanted to be single since i started dating, because most people aren’t ok with kissing, holding hands, cuddling, going out on dates, and having sex with someone who is “just” their friend, and i always want to do that with somebody. i’ve talked a lot about it with my partner since realising and we both think that labelling our relationship as romantic is still the most accurate thing to do.

currently i just don’t really explain it much further than “i’m aromantic and polyamorous” if someone doesn’t ask, when i look for sexual partners i look explicitly for t4t FWBs and make it clear that i’m aro nd polyam and, so far, no one has asked for further explanation. thank god. it might be that trans people in my area or in kinky spaces are more informed on the aromantic and polyamorous community, or they might just not want to pry. i got lucky in that one of my friends i play with is also aro, less lucky in that she lives far away and is a bad texter, so i only hear much from her around the time she comes out to my state every year.

i feel like it seems that the polyamorous community and aro and ace communities are more understanding and accepting of each other, and since i explicitly look for other polyamorous people (and aromantic people), most of the time people kinda get it. and everyone else i know doesn’t need to know, so i don’t tell them. why bother coming out? my parents, siblings, and even probably most of my friends don’t even know i’m polyamorous, altho i came out as aro on instagram. it’s no one else’s business, and i don’t think i’d be accepted if i came out as polyamorous, so i just don’t tell people unless it’s relevant ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

this one's for the aros who are polyamorous, polyaffectionate, otherwise poly, or as i call myself, polyaromantic.

one time someone asked me how that works and i said "i don't date... multiple people." it wasn't a good explanation but i think it got the point across lol. i'm romance repulsed and loveless but i'm open to qprs, platonic partners, moiraillegiance (it's a homestuck thing, and i don't consider it inherently romantic despite being canonically "a type of romance"), and relationships that don't require labels. relationship anarchy is an approach i use and sometimes "calling each other partners" is just not the right thing for a thing.

i was open to sex and kink in the past but not currently and my relationships haven't really suffered from that changing.

i'm in a polycule of four with 2 other aros and my qpp/moirail, which is i think is super epic.

how do y'all go about being poly + aromantic?

what does it look like for you, or how would you like it to look like? do you have a way to explain it to the uninitiated, do you even bother?

[sheltoner]

shocking: writing about people being happy and in love is hard when all you feel is stressed out and desolate

[scretladyspider]

so I had a conversation while getting prepped for anesthesia yesterday where I got to educate a lesbian nurse about asexuality and it made my heart very warm

I don’t know why?? but when she asked my sexual orientation (it was in patient info) I just said “asexual” (I guess I was nervous about stuff and my brain just did it) and she was like “it doesn’t list that option so I’ll put other but what is that? If it’s okay that I’m asking”

and I was really nervous but figured I had already taken the leap without looking, so I said “well it’s like… so, you have little or no sexual attraction. Like you just don’t have it. Or some people do rarely, like I’ve had it a few times in my whole life.”

I thought about talking about demisexuality but decided to just stick with the larger umbrella for simplicity.

she considered this and asked, “is it kinda like abstinence, like you don’t want to do it?”

And I explained “well anyone can be abstinent. a lot of people figure out they’re ace because they don’t want to do it. Some people are both ace and abstinent, or celibate. Im kinda neutral about it. Like… I like it but I don’t really seek it out or think about it. But you don’t have to be both.”

And she nodded and said, “oh yeah, I was abstinent for a few years once,” like it clicked for her that she had made a choice and she wasn’t ace, and there was a difference.

And I was like “Yeah! anyone can be celibate or abstinent, but, not everyone who is, is ace.”

And I went on to explain a lot of people figure out they’re ace because they don’t have interest in sex, but that that’s not the case for everyone.

And she said “reminds me my daughter told me all about pansexual, which is more about liking person than other aspects.”

And I said “well, that might be more along the lines of panromantic?”

And she asked what I meant, and I said “well like, some people who are ace might still like people that way, like, romantically, but not always?”

And she nodded and said “yeah, that makes sense.”

So feeling encouraged I explained, “like, some people like to split up romantic and sexual attraction. Like some who are ace might still like people romantically, but not always. And if you don’t have romantic attraction and you’re ace, you’d be aro ace — aromantic asexual.”

And she kinda nodded and said “oh, that’s neat.” and then, when I talked a bit about why it can be nerve wracking yo talk about, she said “I don’t get why people get mad about that stuff. Or people think I’m a lesbian because my best friend is. People just are the way they are.”

And we had a little laugh about how ridiculous homophobia is, and then she had to go, but, that exchange really gave me hope. Just… a random person at least fifteen years my senior who heard a word and immediately was open to learning about it.

I have experienced acephobia from people in medicine and I still have no idea why I just volunteered that I’m ace. I didn’t have to. I just blurted it out before my brain caught up with my mouth. But it turned out okay and now an older lesbian nurse knows asexuality exists. (And aromanticism tho we didn’t get as much time to talk about that.)

I do wish I’d maybe worded some stuff differently or been able to go into more detail, tho the time was limited, but… yeah. Warm heart. There is good in this world Mr Frodo etc etc

to clarify as I got asked about it: she did explicitly state she was a lesbian. This is summarized to the best of my ability from memory.

[yarrayora]

Idk how to explain properly, but I’m a really big fan of the dynamic you portray between Marcille and Falin. I’ve always loved . idk how to say.. divorce? trouble-in-paradise? arcs/portrayals that look at problems in otp, and yours is super interesting. Sorry if this is weird just wanted to say :)

not weird at all! im flattered, thanks!

i wasnt really into farcille at first, mostly i was just impressed an f/f ship managed to be the fandom's no1, basically proving that when two female characters in a mostly male dominated cast are allowed to bond with each others and be their own characters people will latch on to them

mostly though aro touden siblings is still my no1 and even back then i didnt care about shipping because any type of romantic relationship in dunmeshi is less interesting than the potential of political intrigue the worldbuilding set up (yes, even chilchuck's failing marriage is less interesting to me than how living in the dungeon was safer for the orcs than being neighbors to human civilization) (shocking, i know)

but it all changed when i saw the daydream hour about marcille thinking falin looks cute in feminine clothing while falin herself is obviously uncomfortable with it

i can't sleep. i have to think about this. i have to think about how it's their first love and their first relationship and one is going in blind while the other set up her expectations based on a harlequin romance novel. they are NOT in the same wavelength at all and neither of them are particularly good at communicating their intention, with falin who grew up a convenient kid because she thought it was the least she could do for her family and marcille who frankly speaking was used to being treated as someone superior back at the magic school

thank god kabru exists because who else is going to give them a real advice for their very real relationship? chilchuck will be like "okay just break up" while not seeing the mirror to his own relationship with his runaway wife. senshi, wise as he is, is never in a romantic relationship. laios would be like :((( you guys are fighting? and gets stressed out on his own which makes it even more stressful to the girls. namari is like. "i, uh, please talk to kabru."

anyway theres also the bonus comic about falin inviting marcille to watch daltian clan's opera adaptation and while there is something to say about marcille thinking the humans playing elves doesn't fit her aesthetic (and the difference of societal expectations of dressing up as a different race in dunmeshi universe compared to in ours) all i can think of is that in modern day au where daltian clan has a movie adaptation marcille has a tumblr blog where she posts Hate on the daltian clan movie tag and calling it criticism which it is but also not the place, girl, go to rotten tomatoes for that

falin also has a tumblr and she and marcille had no idea the other is a tumblr user. falin made a post like "just watched daltian clan with my gf i get why shes really obsessed with it now" and marcille, against her better judgement replies to the post like "really sorry that you were misled by your girlfriend like that, you should read the novels instead, it's way better."

laios who sees falin looking shocked at her phone asks whats up and then after receiving the answer says "wow sounds like a real jerk! just block them"

anyway thats my modern day farcille when there's no high fantasy problems involved

[everyones-favorite-butchboy]

this is gonna sound so so so weird but i feel like falling in love helped affirm my identity as aromantic. like before this every time i thought someone was cool i was like “oh god am i not aro? oh lord what am i???” and now im realizing that there was no point to that lmfao for further explanation, the definition of aromantic is “experiencing little to no romantic attraction” am i probably more in microlabel territory? yeah. am i gonna use them? no. i quite enjoy just being aro. but im realizing that so far its all been gender envy or admiration 😭 i just find it so interesting how those things can work. like thinking food is alright maybe and “oh i must like this food cuz i hate it less than the others” and then actually finding a food you enjoy and its like “oh! i have a favorite food! still generally not a huge fan tho” thats kinda how i view my romantic orientation. its really a big part of me and how i’ve experienced my life and i love being aro and i love being in love and i feel like they shouldnt be mutually exclusive. obviously not every aro person falls in love and my life doesnt hinge on whether or not im in a romantic relationship. i still have goals and whatnot that are separate from that and i know that people can live fulfilling lives without romance and i want to make that clear but i am so glad i found someone. he’s incredibly important to me and i have no idea how i happened to think i had ever had a crush before because everything pales in comparison to what im feeling. i thought i had some sort of commitment issues for a while cuz i would have “crush” on someone and then if they said they liked me, i would get really confused and disgusted, especially if they made moves to hug or kiss me or hold my hand. but i dont have commitment issues and im not a whore and i dont have a problem settling down and im not a flake out. im just aromantic and i am so glad im aromantic. it is also weird tho because ive never experienced jealousy before?? thought i was maybe polyamorous for a bit cuz i just wouldnt care what my partner(s) or at least not a very jealous person. wooo boy. i think i was wrong about all that. sometimes it makes no sense on why i would even get jealous at all! logic dictates that theres no issue and i shouldnt be upset for any reason at all but lord if im listening to logic then i am a poor listener. its kinda frustrating tbh. i just want to exist and be happy but noooooooo my brain has to be stupid about the people my boyfriend talks to. 🙄

[our-alterous-experience]

hi sorry about this being venty but uh

i like being alterous, sometimes. i like not being stuck between just platonic and romantic but it just feels so lonely. im the only alterous person i know and it just feels like no one else is ever gonna feel the same way i do about them, or that im somehow doing love wrong. i just want some one who loves me like i love them or someone who feels love the same way i do. how do i find community (or at the very least, feel like im not alone in this)?

I think this is something verrrrry true to my heart as well anon. I sit there and really feel how i want things to do differently than others. a long distant person who doesn’t talk to me much anymore is the only other person I’ve heard talk about alterous attraction within their friend groups. I have only dated alloromantics to my knowledge.

But to your points, I don’t think you have any idea how many people feel alienated like you do. And it might be hard to find them, or hard to find people who understand. But they are there, they are also alterous, or aro or aspec or queer. They are not queer and they still can see what you mean. It’s not worth explaining yourself to every person. But you will meet the right ones, and they will be kind as you explain how you feel. Even taking the word alterous out of it. You can still get your feelings across, and you may even introduce it to people who relate more than you think.

Connect with your aro side of the community. Hear more from loveless aros. Research cultural practices for the unpartnered— or the romance annexed. Speak out, at the right place and time you might find people. It’s what implored me to make this blog and archive and collect all that I can. I would say search for non romantic committed relationships— or talk in the tag about fictional relationships you find alterous. We are all people, many of whom aren’t writing down their experiences. It feels similarly to qpp’s getting on the map because people lived it and talked about it.

and if posting is too much, come over here and submit something, or ask a question to other blog goers. Or when someone brings it up be honest when you say you don’t relate to romantic and platonic relationships as they are usually displayed. And don’t feel diminished if you feel hurt by a look or a comment. If they were in your skin and lived your life they would get it. But they haven’t and you don’t owe them anything about the way you feel connected to people. It can be as long as “it’s not for me” “probably not” or “For quite some time when i thought of participating in traditional romantic things it felt like I would be lying. Even when I do romantic relationship stuff in my own ways it feels disconnected to me. But I still feel strongly for people. I still want to be with people or a person who understands and wants to build a special connection with me.”

Interact, find more people who see the world differently, find people appropriate to chat to online, engage with the small parts of the community. I reblog from a ton of different blogs. And if you ever need somewhere else to land, come chit chat here. You can still understand others, and others can still understand you. It might take time, and this might be the lonely season in your life. But prepare good energy to send to others. Do small things to fill up your life. It will be okay.

[altschmerzes]

genuine question: how can you tell if you want your relationships to be platonic but you do want to do things generally associated WITH romance? like, I’m fucking my two best friends but our relationships are kind of “it’s complicated” right now because I think I might be aro and not really “experience” romance but like, The World associates things like cuddling and holding hands and kissing and sex with romance and I do want to do those things so I get confused by it? sorry if this question makes NO sense tho

no it makes total sense!! and honestly i think you’ve kind of explained the answer yourself there already - the world associates those things with romance but The World is not in your head or your heart or your body or your relationships! the only people who get to decide what your relationships and the things you do in them mean are you and the other person/people. plenty of things are associated with other things by default but don’t actually have anything intrinsic about them that makes them Automatically into something. this is especially true about relationships and intimacy and affection and other aspects of being with other people. different cultures have different standards for this stuff too! different people have different boundaries and different feelings about what actions mean to them and in what contexts they want them. the only person who can make those decisions for you is you!

for me, i’ve always wanted those things too. (well deciding i was open to sex specifically was a decision i came to about a year ago exactly, so not exactly Always but that’s immaterial.) physical affection and intimacy is something i’ve always craved and kind of figured i wouldn’t be able to have because of the way it got talked about and seen by so many other people. because when i thought about whether i wanted romance or wanted those things WITHOUT romance the answer was always, to me, very clear! something about the thought of romance and romantic attraction and romantic interaction always just felt viscerally wrong and bad to me. and not only did i want those things more without romance, i ONLY wanted them if i could have them without romance.

and it helped to look around and see other people doing the things i wanted to do in a nonromantic context too. hearing people tell stories about kissing their friends. seeing friends holding hands roller skating or just in general. i watch a lot of sports and people joke about intricate rituals but there’s a Lot of affection and cuddling involved in team sports. just paying attention to the world around me, and seeing that those lines that felt so rigid and enforced are always much more fragile and fabricated than they seemed.

talking to other aro people was crucial for this especially - hearing about not only what they wanted but the things they’d managed to find and cultivate in their lives and relationships. though plenty of non-aro people have very affectionate and intimate platonic relationships, too! a lot of people fuck their friends and contrary to what television and ao3 would have you believe it’s not inevitable that Someone will get their heart broken. a lot of people cuddle their friends, sleep in beds together, hold hands, kiss, cohabitate, vacation together, plan their lives together. im MARRIED to a platonic friend who i kiss and cuddle and have sex with and we’ve been extremely clear with each other about what it means to us and we are happy and secure in that.

it’s confusing. it’s so confusing. but if the thing that’s primary causing that confusion is external perception and the forcible association of every kind of intimacy, especially physical intimacy, with romance, and not what YOU feel and want, just try putting the rest of the world out of your head for a minute. in YOUR perfect world where the only rules and expectations and assumptions were the things you and your person/people agreed to and wanted, what would you want? what would it mean to you? that’s a good starting point, i think!

[fierceawakening]

I’ve asked this before, but it’s come to my attention again that I’m confused and this may be hurtful to people I care about, so… what exactly does aromantic mean?

Im not saying I don’t think it exists, or something is wrong with people it describes! I just… to me romance is a genre of book, about beginning a relationship and being excited about it (and probably also horny, though I totally think relationships can exist without a sexual component, so I wouldn’t be surprised or disappointed by a romance novel where the mcs don’t have sex because they don’t feel like it.)

Or like with me, I think the best description of my sexuality currently is bisexual homoromantic. By which I mean men and women and others are all hot, but when I picture myself cuddling in bed next to someone and being happy because I love them and they’re warm, my imagined partner is a woman.

So if aromantic means “i get nothing out of snuggling” or “I don’t want a long term relationship,” thst makes sense.

But then there are qpps, and people sometimes but don’t always describe them in terms that sound snuggly, so romantic attraction can’t be “I want to spend the rest of my life falling asleep snuggling with you please and thank.”

So what is it? I don’t mean to say people are faking, I just mean I’m confused.

(People have told me the foregoing makes me aro and I just don’t see it, but… I really really do feel happier when I fall asleep snuggled up with someone I love, whether or not we had sex prior. (If so, that’s very nice.))

[canonically47]

buckle up people because I’ve got aspec dc headcanons

The guys:

Hunter- demisexual/demiromantic. this one genuinely feels canon to me based on his season two story arc (WHICH I WILL FOREVER BE ON HIS SIDE FOR BTW.) and his canon relationship 

Tom- demisexual. I’m sorry but I cannot see him being willing to have sex with anyone besides someone he knows well and trusts.

Oliver- aromantic asexual ICON. I have 0 basis for this but I’ve decided this is canon

Alec- aromantic aceflux. ‘Oh but riya!1!! He liked her!11!’ aro people can date and also he was drunk off his ass.

Trevor- oh im gonna get pushback for this but i read a fic where he was demiromantic and holy shit I love that headcanon. He’s demi and while I don’t like trevek, Derek was the first person he ever liked romantically.

Yul- he’s aromantic. I don’t want him in our community but yeah.

Drew- hetero aroace. Look yall I know someone’s mad that I didn’t make a white skinny boy gay but he’s the #1 tomjake shipper and he’s going to pride with an aroace pin and a giant ally flag. He’s awesome

Dan- OUR CANON ACE KING!! love him

The gals:

Krystal- aromantic aspec icon. She sees sex as a fun thing to do sometimes, but would be fine going without it 

Grett- demiromantic stuck in the wildest compallo (is that the term?) you’ve ever seen.

Lake- asexual. I feel like she kind just didn’t realize people genuinely look at other people and go ‘I want to fuck them’ and was very surprised when she realized

Tess- aegosexual. She’s good with reading smut or seeing it in movies but she wouldn’t love that for herself.

Ally- I don’t know what label would be best fitting, but I feel like she has a weird relationship with sex after being sexualized online to the extent she was canonically.

what do we think??

h. hey idk why i completely fucking forgot to answer this?????? wha?????????? but these are SO REAL to ME!!! aegosexual tess SHE'S JUST LIKE ME FRFRFR!!!

[fayraje]

My ramblings on romance and friendship

Considering how vague the definitions of romantic attraction is, I don’t even know if Im actually aro. I’ve tried looking it up but it seems to just be defined by itself. Exhibit A, ‘Romantic attraction is the conscious or unconscious desire to form a romantic relationship with someone’ ‘a romantic relationship is when you want to do romantic things with someone or/and are romantically attracted to someone’. There are descriptions, but they are usually of infatuation, which is a temporary thing and again not a definition. What, exactly, seperates long term couples from best friends/roommates. I’ve tried asking around, but most people’s answers usually boil down to sex, which doesn’t apply cause I’m asexual. And anyways, that doesn’t account for friends with benefits.

I think romantic attraction is when you want/feel a special connection with someone and want to be close to them. It’s not deeper, but it feels like a more intense love. So I’m just gonna use special instead of romantic, like you want to do special things with them instead of regular friend things. And what’s ‘romantic’ differs across cultures. Some people think sex is special, so it’s a romantic thing. Same with kissing and flowers and all those other dating things.

So in this case a squish would be you want a standard friendship with them. I don’t know if lots of people actually have squishes, though. I feel like most people just make friends because they click from the start, or they spent time together. They don’t long for it, it just happens. I wonder if there’s a romantic equivalent to that. like, it just happens naturally and no crushes involved, but you still develop a special bond.

Craving something and savoring it are not the same thing, if you want a metaphor that I usually apply to sex, but still usbale here. And you can crave things that you won’t like, or are not good for you or just indulge in it so much you can’t stand it any more. You can eat because you have cravings, you’re just hungry, you’re bored, someone offered and it tasted good. 

I think you can want a special connection to someone and be aro, if for example what you want doesn’t fit everyone’s idea of romantic. Or maybe you just want a special relationship in general, cause It’s not attraction if it’s not directed, it think. If you just don’t want to abide by society’s rules of what’s romantic or platonic, queerplatonic relationships are there. Your bond can feel more subdued but still be just as important. It’s not the intensity of feelings that make a relationship. What’s more important is trust, communication, respect and above all reciprocation.

[aroaceconfessions]

i get crushes, i know i do. i want to spend time with that person in a way that’s different than my friends. when i know i’ll see them, i dress cuter. i had tons of fleeting crushes and hardcore crushes growing up, but i’ve never dated. i downloaded tinder and after matching with one person and they asked for my number, i nearly cried and just deleted the app. whenever my flirting starts clearly showing romantic feelings these days, i immediately feel something just switch in me and i feel overwhelming anxiety. i don’t want to date them, i don’t want to be romantic with them. it makes me feel sick to think about. i thought i could have commitment issues due to my parents’ unhappy marriage where they’re stuck together, but i’ve grown past that i feel. i’ve started exploring myself on my own and despite all my love for romance, i just can’t ever imagine myself experiencing it. i lead people on with flirting then the moment it goes to actual romance it’s oh god no. no no no no no. i’ve sobbed in various pancake restaurants at 10pm about this, because what the hell am i? i get crushes like you wouldn’t believe and then the moment it could develop it’s like i’m allergic to romantic attraction. i’m sure there’s a small label that describes that, but i’m just confused. like is this even aro? or do i just have commitment issues? pls discuss idfk im losing it here’s an emoji pls 🥞

Submitted May 23, 2023

[asexual-society]

ummm idrk how to start this but whatever.

for most of my life i’ve been convinced i was pansexual, and i’ve been in a ton of relationships (mostly unhealthy), and whenever i was in a relationship the more time went on the more i started viewing it as a chore of some sorts.

right now i’m in a very healthy relationship, so i was convinced everything would’ve been fine.

it was not. i’m starting to view this relationship as a chore too. not because i don’t wanna be around my current boyfriend ofc, i like him as a person a lot but i just.. don’t feel what i think a “””””normal”””” person is supposed to feel in a romantic relationship.

i’ve started looking into the aroace spectrum and i actually identify with a lot of things i’ve seen, so now i’m very confused.

i’m just scared this is just a phase or smth and if i end the relationship with my current boyfriend (i’ve realized i don’t wanna be in a romantic relationship with him) im just going to regret it later.

any advice is greatly appreciated???

The thing is, you might regret breaking up with your current boyfriend, but more likely you'll just be relieved? I have a lot of regrets about relationships I didn't pursue when I was younger before I knew I was aro, but ultimately I know they wouldn't have ended well, because I turned out to be aro (and some of them turned out to be gay anyway, but that's not really related). Some of the things we regret doing or not doing aren't because we made a mistake in those choices, but because we aren't happy with where we've ended up. It doesn't mean that we'd be better off if we'd chosen differently, it might just be a Grass Is Always Greener situation.

I can't tell you if you're aro or ace or something else, but I do think staying in a relationship where you feel the way you've described will most likely lead to a lot of resentment from both sides. Some people who have been in mostly unhealthy relationships do sometimes report feeling bored when they get into a healthy relationship for the first time, but if you actively don't want to be in a romantic relationship with him anymore, I personally don't think staying in the relationship, at least in the way it is now, is a healthy course of action. You could talk to him about how you feel, and he might agree that it would be better to break it off, or you might be able to try something else, and see how that works for you. I hesitate to suggest just slapping a QPR label on and calling it a day in situations like this, because I don't really believe that every romantic relationship can seamlessly turn into a QPR without actually addressing the underlying issues, but if you do decide to break it off, and decide you're still interested in having some sort of relationship with someone in the future, it's always useful to know that's an option if you want it.

I hope this helps, and I wish you all the best in whatever you decide! <3

~ mod key

[dandelion-skies]

How to come out to ur mum no borax no glue

But seriously every time I think ‘now’s a good time. I’m gonna start with an opener. Ease her into it.’ And I’m like ‘mum, I don’t know how I’ll ever date. Men are so bland. I’m not attracted to them at all, and I can’t stand the idea of dating them. It’s unfair that women stand out and it’s easy to notice them and appreciate them and men are just so… nothing.’ And instead of coming to the logical of conclusion of

‘Hmm, my child is noticing girls. She is also very much not interested in boys. Maybe I should consider that they are attracted to women instead of men.’ You know what she says? To my FACE?

‘You’ll fall in love with a man eventually. Dating sucks. No one is attracted like that, you just have to find someone with a good personality and then you’ll be fine.’ Like you did? Can I just check how that divorce is going? Being friends with a man who’s a great friend but a terrible partner and mediocre father? Who you only ended up with because you felt like he ‘saved’ you?

I’m out here being attracted (in some romantic capacity) to women and she’s out here being aro as heck and she’s so convinced that me and her are on the same hetero wavelength. Like no mum. I like making friends with dudes because I don’t get crushes on them. I have this terrible habit of ending up with crushes on girls. I don’t hang out with boys very often because i don’t want them to get a crush on me T^T I would willingly let a room of women fawn over me

BUT PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME WHY SHE CAN GENUINELY SAY TO MY FACE THAT SHE BELIEVES I LIKE MEN. I’ve met people for the first time and they’ve been like ‘r u a lesbian?’ JUST FROM MY VIBES. EVEN MY BROTHER THINKS IM GAY. HE SENDS ME THIS AT LEAST FIVE TIMES A DAY

[quietwingsinthesky]

8 and 16 for the choose violence ask

8. Common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about.

That Dean would return Cas’s love confession

Okay no actually you know what. I’m gonna talk about that. Maybe it’s just me being deep in Aro!Dean land, but I’m not seeing it. I’m not seeing at any point in the show where Dean loved Castiel. And I’ve been looking, I swear, but I’m. There’s no destiel on my screen. There is a lot more sastiel than I remember but there’s no destiel happening on my screen! There IS a lot of Castiel clearly having Problems and Issues and Angst about dean, and. Zero doubt here there that that angel wants to fuck him. But I honestly can’t imagine any happy ending for dean that revolves solely or even mostly around a romantic attachment. That man is hardwired for family being the most important thing to him, and I love that. Aro!Dean wins again.

Other notable things include: headcanoning Sam as not queer/trans because he’s too boring. Talked about that. Weird fucking opinion to have. That Gabriel is not exactly as fucked up as the other archangels, especially when presenting sabriel as the Good Sam Ship as opposed to samifer. My dudes, did we not watch mystery spot, do the reading. Also. Also. Not acknowledging the really clear character degradation of Lucifer in the later seasons/attributing later seasons stuff to how he acts in s5, just a personal gripe because whatever, people can read him however they want, but I really feel like on a meta level you gotta talk about how these are Two Different Characters who just happen to have been jammed into the same character. Okay. I think that’s it.

16. You can’t understand why people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc.)

I do not like coffee shops AUs. Actually, it’s more that im Extremely picky about AUs that aren’t canon divergence, and will drop them immediately the minute I feel like I’m no longer reading about the characters I like and am instead reading about Generic Guys who say funny quips and then kiss. Which is not a coffee shop au specific problem but the frequency with which that kind of au attracts that writing means I have kind of been turned off from ever reading them again.

if you are writing Sam into your coffee shop au and at some point he does not drop some insane backstory about the time he was kidnapped and forced to fight to the death with a bunch of other college kids, you have failed at writing this au and I am banishing you to the shadow realm /j

The other thing that I do not understand at all, and this extends into a problem with canon, I’m well aware, is how happily people will accept the idea that Castiel is rebellious/different from other angels because he was just Made Wrong. he’s too Broken to be like a real angel. that all the other angels are mindless drones and Castiel is the one good one who could learn about free will, usually justified with it being that “his love for dean is what makes him special”, but even outside of destiel circles, this kind of thing gets very annoying lmao.

And it’s just. That’s wrong. The show might have decided post-s8 that it believed this about Castiel but it’s False and Bad. I’m gesturing wildly at Uriel and Anna and Gabriel and Lucifer and Balthazar and Michael and shit what’s that one angel doing pinball I love them, them too, and Castiel is not special!!! He should not be special!!! All angels have the capacity for free will, they are living under a terrifying system of suppression that has stripped them of their ability to use it and has taught them that when an angel does something they disagree with, killing them is a mercy! (See: the implications of that one angel healer in s9 + Uriel and Cas being sent to kill Anna for falling in s4)

CASTIEL IS NOT SPECIAL. STOP SAYING HE IS SPECIAL. THE CRACK IN THE CHASSIS LINE IS BAD TO HOLD UP AS EVIDENCE OF HIM BEING UNIQUELY FLAWED.

ahem. sorry. i like the supernatural angels. i think making castiel into some separate special being who is the only one capable of rebelling and feeling love and etc does a massive disservice to the heaven storylines and angels as a whole. i think the show’s choice to never have another major angel character who wasn’t killed off quickly/made “too evil” to redeem was a bad decision and contributes to this view of cas as Different and The Good One.

[fandomsoda]

Ok so let me start off by saying that this post is probably gonna be very clunky simply due to the fact that I’m addressing a two day old situation and I’m doing so without it being directly prompted,, please bear with me.

So, late Tuesday night an anon expressed concerns over the ways that I’ve brushed over the topic of aromanticism in the past, expressing that I only ever seemed to mention partnering aros and that it came off as if I was saying all of that only in service of shipping. These things of course are not things I intended, but are not unfounded claims nonetheless.

My initial response to that ask was definitely not great, I came off as very customer service-y and expressed that I felt as if it was exaggerated (simply due to the way it was phrased as “constantly”). It didn’t help that it was like 11 pm and for some reason my dumb ass didn’t actually go back and look through stuff, purely going off my notoriously bad memory.

Needless to say, this wound up coming off as dismissive and insufficient, and thus I’m making this post now as I have processed everything and want to give the proper actual respose (and in a sense, apology) that this situation is deserving of.

After going back through past posts, while definitely far from constant, I have been able to observe that whenever aromanticism was brought up I definitely had a really bad tendancy of only mentioning partnering aros and it definitely came off as scummy now that I look back at it. This was never something I consiously did, but it was shitty and potentially harmful nonetheless and should have been something I was being more aware about. I’ve already been trying to boost aromantic voices lately since the Valentine season’s been around, but doing that and centering non-partnering aros especially is going to be top priority from here on out.

Now let me real quick circle back around and address the shipping bit, as that’s like its whole own thing-

Now I definitely stand by the fact that I was never only talking about stuff in service of a ship, at least not consiously, but the topic often came up in reference to or alongside shipping and thus I acknowledge that that extrapolation is not at all a difficult one to make. And the fact that I even acted in a way that resembled that is not good.

And discussions with my friends have brought to my attention that I have not been making a number of things nearly clear enough and that whole mess is entirely on me so let’s get some things straight-

First of all, due to the more fluid attitude I’ve seen a lot of people have towards it, I never realized just how strictly romantic most people view shipping. Maybe I’m just a little bit dense but for the longest time, the term “ship” being used in a more platonic sense seemed more common than it actually is. And for the longest time, I’ve viewed shipping simply as “I think these characters have a nice dynamic and that they should be affectionate with one another”. But it has been a violent wakeup call recently that that is far from the most common thought process.

And in this I’ve come to realize that I’ve not been clarifying or establishing the fact that most if not all my ships are queerplatonic in some fashion because romance is a concept I’ve never fully grasped (not gonna go too deep into that here though, my weird perception of relationships is a topic for another day-). And things involving aro characters have especially always been queerplatonic in my mind.

I have not been nearly as clear enough about that as I should be and have failed to mention or establish that as much as I should. So from here on out, im going to be much more clear about that to avoid future misunderstanding or sending the wrong message.

It should also probably be noted that it’s very hard to convey these things given the type of art I do. I don’t properly write nor do longform comics, so it’s much harder to convey the internal complexities of things in the simple individual pieces my art often is.

Characters are also often left unpaired and single in my mind, but once again these types of things are hard to convey visually and the bonds between characters usually inspire art more often.

So most of this has just been a matter of “it’s all been up in my head but my ability to convey it or actually make content of it has been extremely lacking”. And again, in a sense, that’s on me.

Overall I know my handling of this situation has been incredibly scuffed from an outside view, for a lot of this I’ve been just very confused and all over the place so the few things I have said have been poorly summarized and basically just me completely tripping over myself. I’ve been processing things and getting things in order privately though, as you can probably tell. And in that I have come to the conclusion that I must take accountability for my actions as it is truly the only correct course of action here. I’m sorry to those this whole mess has upset, I hope this post is enough to explain everything.

I’m not super certain how to end this off but that’s about it, please let me know of any futher concerns. I’m genuinely sorry for all this mess.

[biohazard-inevitable]

So like, wanted to make a lil post about my general orientation cause I’ve been thinking about it for a bit, cause like, okay, so I use the labels “queer” because other labels like asexual and demisexual sort of feel right in the way that yeah a worn left shoe still fits on your right foot and you can walk on it, but its not entirely a perfect fit.

So like, i have sexual urges and some sexual attraction to fictional cjaracters, but I have MORE of a sexual attraction to individual kinks and fetishes and the one that gets me goin the BEST is entirely physically impossible. Out of both of my partners I dont think I could ever visualize having sex with either of them, no matter how close our romantic bond is. Its just not something I think i’d be interested in, but also sometimes I wish I did have someone I was interested in like that, but I’m pretty sure i’d never find them. I dont really find human faces attractive??? If that makes sense?? I mean sometimes I definitely get gender envy from faces, but like, when it comes to sex i only sometimes find genitals themselves sexy, but im not really sexually attracted to the rest of the body unless it’s fictional (often times 2D). I find myself most sexually attracted to the idea of *sensations* like the *feeling* of being pinned down or being constricted rather than the actual physical body? If that makes any amount of sense, so I dont think i’d ever find another real human being sexually attractive.

Now, as for romantic orientation, i’ve settled on demiromantic for now cause i dont feel comfortable dating someone if I havent known them for at least a *little bit* first, so like- awkward first dates with someone you met online just are NOT it for me. I cannot imagine gettting into a relationship with someone I barely know. Now of course i am in a poly relationship with 2 lovely partners, and my feelings towards that are admittedly complicated. Thats not to say i dont LOVE them, I do! Its just that as I see how the world around me feels and describes “Love”, I realize I dont feel it the same.

For me, Love is a choice. I chose to love my partners. They are lovely people who make me laugh and smile and feel like a warm summer’s day, but i chose to fall in love with them. It wasnt some “oh i simply cant control my love I must be together with you!” It was a very firm, I care for this person more than i care for my family, I love them and they almsot are family to me. I chose to love them. I choose to be in a relationship with them, and they love me back. And admittedly, I feel guilty because I’m worried my type of love may not sound like real or genuine Love, when to me, it is!

Its the kind of love thats almost platonic, but I chose to say it is romantic, because I want to do inherently societally romantic things with them! So, i love them romantically!

But lets say if either wanted to break up with me for whatever reason, sure, I’d maybe be a little sad, but i dont know if i’d be truly devastated? Like, if they decide not to label our relationship as romantic and wish to become platonic, i think that’d be okay. They’re still in my life, and i still care about them the same amount! I dont think it would change anything if we continued to be friends! We just wouldnt do as romantic things, but I dont feel the dynamic would change much at all except that our “dates” would become playonic and we probably wouldnt kiss (not that i kiss much to begin with cause of *trauma*)

But if they wanted to end the friendship *entirely*???? Then i’d be upset for WEEKS. MONTHS maybe even! *years* knowing my track record. If they never wanted to talk to me again i think I might explode. Honestly i’m more worried about THAT happening than a breakup.

Its a messy, complicated thing, and honestly it may lean more toward aro than demi, but yeah. Thats my feelings!!! They’re… weird.