#// I hate gay people oh my god nobody should put me in that theater I would make ten thousand standing ovations and cheer raceously

[m0e-ru]

just watched chaircar adventure. again. biggest smile on my face for seven minutes straight until my cheeks started hurting too much I had to stop and massage it physically. would say a million things about it. me when I'm full of love.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

40, 47, 59, 62, 76

lmao hell yeah thanks for All this support i love it!! quastions

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

really idk i feel like even our schools’s Antics were pretty par for the course and i was just sitting in the corner reading the whole time basically......trying to think if anything wild happened in college but even then it was p similar. well you know what, whatever donors covered the majority of the cost of the school’s black box theater being renovated apparently Stipulated that every other year a rodgers and hammerstein production be put on. absolute freaks. my roommate/friend and their then-boyfriend, the one mormon i have Knowingly Known in my life, were in pirates of penzance (sic?) together. hilarious

47. favorite type of cheese?

i like cheddar and like, parmesan, smoked gouda.....let’s get that shit Sharp!!! and hard lmao

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

idk i’d be like an npc just doing their weird thing on their own. i’ve never played pokemons unless you count pokemons Go but i think about the famed “i like shorts they’re comfy and easy to wear” npc kid. like, yeah. i feel the same. and would say similar bullshit nobody asked about

62. seven characters you relate to?

oh god.........recognizing the self through the relatable characters :|

well let’s just talk about the wrol roles right off b/c the characters that Most occupy my gay thoughts (which is to say: my general thoughts) will inevitably get priority when it comes to Remembering things

1) whom among us doesn’t relate to jared kleinman........will roland emerging from relative obscurity and coming for our entire fucking lives like the goddamn legend he is. it’s tough b/c it’s like, oh well alana is relatable too, so is evan unfortunately sorry evan, and in ways i might ~usually act~ like one of those two more than jared but. no. it is Jared who wins the relatability contest, and we all get to be beautifully haunted by it forever

2) leaning hard into winston even with the few glimpses of him b/c somehow will Cannot play an allistic cishet. and this is even More of a case where maybe i don’t much have winston’s demeanor.......even without winston being a beacon of confidence, he has more confidence lmao. and he has that ability to just Be Himself in a situation which, i wish i had that moxie lmao. i am a lot more [usually trying to be accommodating wayyyy harder than i should], booo......even though he’s clearly not great at conflict considering how it doesn’t take Too much to put him out, it’d be pretty impossible for me to be all “called them hacks and lame” or carry out a very irritated monologue in front of four people in the first place lmao. but who knows. and it’s more in the details of like, oh no winston’s the odd one out even though he hasn’t really Done Anything, but we all ~understand~ why he Deserves it.........his expectation / treating it basically as Fact that he will disappoint people.......the [weird] [offputting] behaviors and his way of speaking in What he Says and How He Says It seeming wrong to people.......like it’s only 15-ish min of content that we have here and we don’t have the least info about will’s own thoughts on the character but it’s like. how is this such an iconic Gay Autistic Quant b/c these vibes are so rare. and i appreciate that he can be ~difficult~ lmao. same with jared though i didn’t mention it. i can be difficult!! love it for us...

3) briony atkins from murder of bindy mackenzie as a character who Does act more like how i Usually Act Like lmao.....god we’re only on three i forgot there was seven of these. and yet i know there’s probably at least 2 dozen characters who could make this list and i just won’t think of most of them unless directly reminded......but anyways yeah i mean in person i mostly do Not want attention unless i feel comfortable enough / in my element or whatever. especially if it’d be some situation like “sitting in a group of randos” lol. i mean it depends b/c i also can sometimes be ~on~ in terms of Masking and trying to be like Haha I’m Social I’m Regular and i def engage in Nervous Chatter sometimes, but like, very often it’s like god don’t talk to me and i don’t want to talk either.....and then yeah people Will be surprised that like, idk, i’m opinionated as shit and idk that i Enjoy Things / Have Thoughts And Feelings coz the assumption i guess is that you must simply have nothing to say. so the dismissal of this person who seemingly has nothing to contribute and must be Boring rings true lmfao.....but then of course it’s also important that her personality Under that is the one getting mistaken for emily’s lol cuz yeah At Heart i am sure of that dramatic / intense / excitable type Sometimes. but it takes some excavation before i am like “oh i can engage in my actual self” and like weeks and months to get comfortable w/ people and i’m always suspicious that anyone actually would enjoy it and i’m not too much......i am a motormouth actually and have something to say about any and everything and like to Have Fun Here but like. idk i come off as boring and can be Notably Quiet lmao

4) oscar martinez from the office is weirdly [Haha Same] sometimes lmfao. sort of keeps to himself but also has to pipe up with Opinions and Pedantry and the kind of Drama of a restrained theatre gay. some deleted scene from an episode where during an interview clip of Jimothy in a theater lobby and you have oscar call from across the group in that [wearied Ugh God] way of ‘jim, they’re remaking ___’ while jim just kind of gives a cursory “wow gosh” or whatever and like, i sure don’t have lots of Theatre Opinions but that “oh jeez i have a Take on this and have to share it with someone” vibe is like hahaha yeah.....it’s funny in the “the gang goes to the ice rink for a third of the ep” bit where you just catch oscar doing [ice skating turn] with some solemn intensity.......the “here’s a question nobody’s asking: is this worth it” quote.........way at the end where there’s a whole deal with one of the indoor plants and he’s like “why is it a He” @ the collective gendering of the houseplant lmfao.......i love the one thing where he and pam and uhh toby right? have the Finer Things book club or whatever and jim wants to join just like ~ironically~ and pam has to tell him that oscar doesn’t want him to join b/c he’s not going to take it seriously and use it as a Jokes Vehicle. and then you get the scene at the end where jim Is basically doing that and they’re just like taking it out of him and oscar’s all very seriously like “did you get it all out of your system” lmfao like yeah, earnest members only lmao.....the thing where he gets mad at angela’s like Jazz Musician Posed Babies posters all “it’s kitsch it Destroys art” lmaoooo and in a totally different season all “this is the problem with debate” over the completely inconsequential “is [whichever actress, i forget] Hot” “”””debate””””.......the whole tendency to get involved and always have a take to get across.....opinionated-sometimes-to-the-point-of-petty central. also that he’s the canon gay, are there even any others? anyways and as the us office’s spiritual successor i’ll add on to this by uh what’s the name of billy eichner’s character on parks and rec? it’s craig right. that Self-Powered Intensity is very #me as well.

5) augh god........im like lmfao shit who represents my Hater Club side. hmmm. oh no wait you know what. totally different but i love Prof Beatrice Hotchkiss in the trt nancy drew pc game. she’s holed up in her room writing all the time and just is weird when you try to talk to her all like no i won’t open the door, bring me food, do this Research, bring me my Ski Boots i guess......and then when you do meet her it’s all at like post-midnight in the lounge and she’s all like, encouraging you as a Night Owl and your investigative curiosity and all and i’m like oh word yeah being up in the dead of night is the shit. she’s just weird and passionate and this is another character i might not Act hardly at all like but who i vibe with lmfao. hotchkiss was the supportive adult in my life

6) remembering how hotchkiss is a historian made me think of academia which made me think of like, once again with “these vibes are So So Rare” i really ought to put the wrol role of Nato on the list cuz like. that essential representation of “gets gr8 grades but isn’t really ~academic~ / doesn’t care about that and really just cares about Hanging W Friends and [real specific interests]” is like wow damn that’s the Mood. coz like to an extent i can always Relate to the ~overachiever~ types a la the [nerd character gets all-A’s and other nerd shit] deal, but there’s eventually the issue of like.....those characters like bindy mackenzies and alana becks Care about their achievements (not exclusively as some ppl would have it 9_9) and are Studious whereas i always hated school and was a godawful student in terms of Habits and always got good grades b/c the devil was with me or something and like people will think i must have tried real hard and dedicated myself to Academics and stuff and it’s like.........no................not at all hardly, sure i did my hw every night but at like 11:29 pm or studied for a midterm at lunch right before the class lol or flipped through a lil bit of the sat study guide the night prior.........the “low-effort dumbass who Academically Excels Anyhow” representation is so crucial like!! i run into a wall when it’s the Good Grades nerd character who is real studious and focused and stuff like. couldn’t be me. meanwhile the “naturally weird + probably some ‘deliberate’ weirdness” and “likes animals” and “most likely to just wanna Roll With It” and “shitty focus lol” and “non sequiturs” and “without [activity] i do nothing” is all like....ahahahohoho..........nato rly got to make this list. and honorable mention for Wrol Jeremy. again: whom doesn’t relate!!!!!!!!

7) damnit i know there’s So many answers to [characters i relate to] and whom cover like, more particular Facets here but i’m struggling lmao. Uh. like i’m like, who’s the Hot Mess / continually evolving disaster characters i vibe with......who’s the peak despresso detached Haters rep......who embodies the solo production lifestyle........dammit you know what lol i tend to Feel for like, the background ~nobodies~ who might just get like totally destroyed in some movie with life or death stakes just to like, show how much danger our heroes / Important Complex Protags are. same w/ jeremy not feeling like the Hero / the one who the story’s about / the cool guy / player 1 / etc etc etc i’m like oo i’d be the npc who doesn’t really do anything, i’d be the rando getting blown away in the background of someone else’s story. on a totally different note another shoutout / honorable mention to wybie from the coraline lmfao one of the best characters invented from thin air for an adaptation......tangentially relevant b/c he’s entirely here to support the protag / not his story at all, just here to help and prompt interactions / exposition really.......but love that [weird loner kid who’s best friend is a cat and annoys the other kid and doesn’t Get it and has specific interests and entertains himself and just is doing weird shit around here tf dude lmao killing it] like, #mood. #lifestyle. less dismal to relate to than the bg person who dies......his counterpart who totally dies is somewhat fleshed out / given Investment so it doesnt Really count as [background Nobody who’s really just fodder for “defining the stakes / threat level”] Character Concept

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

latkes maybe......Yummy

[thepatricktreestump]

pride month asks!

some questions and answers about my experience with LGBTQ+

1.       What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? 

I identify as bisexual and genderfluid, so my pronouns regularly change from she/her to he/him.

2.      How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?

I have always been a huge ally to the LGBTQ+ community, but one day I was stepping out of the shower, and kind of thinking to myself what the difference between having sex with a guy and having sex with a girl was. After contemplation, I thought to myself that they really weren’t all that different to me, and I’d probably enjoy having sex with a girl just as much as having sex with a guy. I researched online a little bit, and I figured out that yeah, I’m probably bi. Especially after I fell in love with both Brendon Urie and his wife Sarah, I was pretty damn sure I was bi.

3.      Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?

Sometimes I do, but it honestly doesn’t bother me too much because I come from a very conservative, religious, small town background. I grew up in a private Catholic school where everyone is Republican and nobody even knows what being gay is, much less a different gender. So I’m kind of used to putting up a façade for others. As I graduated and moved away from my hometown, things have been much better, and by politely correcting others, I’m able to be confident in who I am as well as educate the people around me.

4.      Who was the first person you told, how did they react?

Oh god, haha. I distinctly remember that night when I knew I was going to tell my best friend I was genderfluid. I was so nervous and scared, I just sort of blurted it out over text, in all caps, like “I’M GENDERFLUID” and then I kind of panicked, so I proceeded to send her about a hundred Hamilton gifs to cover up what I had typed out and sent. Although it was awkward in the moment, we both laugh about it to this day, and she’s been so accepting and kind to me ever since that moment.

5.      Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?

For my friends, it was a lot of anxiety and doubt. For my parents, fear and chaos. My friends didn’t understand, they thought it was a disease of some sort, and actually a lot of them stopped talking to me. Again, conservative religious background, but still, no excuse. I grew up in a very abusive household, and it wasn’t my choice to come out. My therapist had forced me to tell my parents in a session and it was an absolute mess. Coming out wasn’t the best experience, especially as a freshman in high school.

6.      If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?

I kind of explained above, but basically not so well. My dad went absolutely off on me, and said some of the most horrible things I have ever been told in my life. He said that I was dragging everyone I knew towards hell, that what I was is unmoral, unnatural, and unnormal, acted like I was some sort of monster, said it was extremely difficult to even be related to me, and that I was corrupting his family and disrespecting his household. It was a miserable time for me, but through music, I was able to write a song about it that helped me cope.

7.      What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?

A lot of people assume that because I’m bisexual, I’m some sort of fetish they can use to fulfill their dirty fantasies. I’m always asked to be a part of a couple’s threesome. I am told that the only reason I’m bi is because I want double the opportunities to have sex. It’s ridiculous and disgusting. I’m bi because I like people. Not because I like sex.

8.     Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.

I really fucking love beanies! Most of the time I read that’s the essential clothing item for all genderfluid people, which makes me laugh, because it’s true. Combat boots or converse, black jeans, a band t-shirt, a sports bra or binder, a jean jacket, and a beanie is always my go-to outfit. So much so, to the point my sister told me that every time I go out in public I’m always wearing the same thing, which kind of makes me laugh.

9.      Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?

I don’t know if you’ve ever read the magna, Tamen de Gushi, but I absolutely love it! That lesbian couple is everything! I also really love Shane Dawson and Ryland Adams, of course. Captain Holt from Brooklyn Nine Nine and his husband is amazing. Elijah Daniels and Sam also make me super fucking happy.

10.  What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?

Growing up as a theater kid, I’ve always seen makeup as accentuated and over the top. I only ever wore makeup on stage, and even then, it was special effects type stuff, zombies and clowns and shit. Once I hit puberty though, my mom would force me to wear makeup because she said it would make me beautiful. I hated it. She would force me to put on makeup before I left the door and it made me have horrible self image issues. As I grew older, I found a love for makeup through beauty gurus and drag queens, and I sometimes dabble in it either for fun or for special events like prom or fancy dinners. I always prefer no makeup though, I feel like to me, wearing it is just hiding behind a mask.

11.   Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?

ALL THE GODDAMN FUCKING TIME. Since I’ve gotten my haircut, a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Wearing a binder also helps so much! However, I still really want to start T and I think that will help a lot. Dysphoria affects me in so many ways, whether my self confidence or my body image, my anxiety and my mood, etc., a lot of it depends on how comfortable I am in my own skin.

12.  What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?

Homophobic people are probably the stupidest people I’ve ever met in my life, to be honest. I’ve heard thousands of dumb things come from their mouths. I think the most outrageous myth I’ve heard is probably that being gay is a disease, and that simply being around another gay person will make you gay. Like who the fuck comes up with this shit? Smh.

13.  What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?

How creative we are. We’re resilient and outspoken and passionate, but most of all, so talented. The queer community is full of inventors, politicians, emperors, artists, directors, actors, musicians, and more. It’s gorgeous just how much we are capable of.

14.  What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?

The discrimination breaks my heart. The fact that we are terrified to so much as hold hands with the one we love in public. To be beaten, tortured, and killed simply for who we are. That is what hurts me the most.

15.  Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?

No, I find it sort of ironic every time there is a pride event I happen to have a concert on that day. Once, a Panic! concert, which honestly is sort of the equivalent of Pride. We went and there were so many LGTBQ+ flags and people and it was so gorgeous. I have attended pride prom once though, and it was probably the most fun I had ever had in a really long time.

16.  Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?

I absolutely adore Miles McKenna. He has helped me so much in finding myself and accepting who I am. He’s such a huge spokesperson for the community and I am so grateful to have him in my life.

17.   Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?

I’ve been in several relationships, surprisingly, through parties and discussions and friends. My s.o. right now I met through high school, which was crazy in itself, but we’ve been dating for almost two years now and I love them to death.

18.  What is your favourite lgbt+ book?

Beautiful Music for Ugly Children is one of my favorite books ever and it’s about being FTM trans and I love it so much wow.

19.  Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?

So very much. After coming out to one of my best friends, she stared at me, disgusted and went “well don’t try to have sex with me or anything” and then proceeded to never talk to me again. I’ve received dirty looks and glares, been misgendered on purpose, and even received death threats. It’s horrible.

20. Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?

I love American Horror Story so much because of just how much representation it gives our community and how natural they make it seem! And of course, “Love, Simon” was an amazing movie that made me cry like a baby.

21.  Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?

I don’t really know about bloggers, but definitely Youtubers! Shane Dawson, Miles Chronicles, Thomas Sanders, Ally Hills, Anthony Amorim, Elijah Daniels, Elle Mills, Garrett Watts, Sam Collins, Todrick Hall, and Trevor Moran are a couple of my favorites.

22. Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?

I don’t think queer should be a slur. I think queer is a form of self expression and an umbrella term for the community, and I believe many other LGBTQ+ members agree. It’s a word that we take great pride in rather than shame or discrimination.

23. Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?

No, but god I would love to.

24. How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?

For me, it’s simply just a part of who I am. Just like the weather, my gender simply changes and I adapt to it. It makes me comfortable in my own skin and proud of who I am. I wouldn’t change being genderfluid for the world.

25. Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?

I fucking hate the idea of pushing a human being out of my vagina, and I would probably want anything else in the entire world other than giving birth. Being pregnant for nine months sounds absolutely miserable and dysphoric, and I cannot even imagine going through labor. However, I would like to have kids, just simply through foster care or adoption, never like my own biological children. There are more than enough kids who need good homes who already exist and I’m more than happy to give it to them.

26. What identity advice would you give your younger self?

You aren’t alone and there are so many people just like you. Your parents do not own you and cannot tell you who you are supposed to be. You are you.

27.  What do you think of gender roles in relationships?

Gender roles are complete bullshit. Let a guy be a stay at home dad. Let a woman be the working one. Everyone should have responsibilities regardless of their gender. If there’s dirty dishes, do the fucking dishes, don’t wait for your spouse to get home to do them. It’s absolutely ridiculous, really. Just do your part in the relationship.

28. Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?

It breaks my heart how much pain and suffering one has to go through just to be themselves, especially for women and trans people. It’s horrible.

29. What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?

It’s natural! It’s comfortable! And it’s normal! Being oneself is just part of life, there’s no need to have shame or guilt about it. Respect someone the way you wish you would be accepted and loved.

30. Why are proud to be lgbt+?

We have worked so fucking hard to be recognized for who we are. There’s still so much we need to do though, and we aren’t ever going to stop until every single one of our siblings gain the love and respect they deserve.

[micahrodney]

Thread; Chapter 3 - Over The River

The following is a commission for Matthew Caveat Zealot.  Neil screamed, and started forward.  His head collided with something hard, but it wasn't his claustrophobia-inducing ceiling. As the foam-padded leather made contact with his face, he realized he was no longer in bed.  The young man was sitting upright, belted into the rear passenger seat of his father's Plymouth Voyager.  

“Whoa-” Neil's father cried in response, nearly losing control of the vehicle.  “Are you okay?”

Taking stock of his new reality required some mental recalibration.  Last he remembered was spending the evening with Damian.  The people-pleasing and worldly youth had been attempting to get Neil to broaden his horizons – and more relevantly his palate – by eating some chicken dish called Tom Kha Gai.  Afterwards they went back to Neil's place and may have had a bit to drink.  He vaguely recalled getting a voicemail from his father.  His dreams were vast and vivid, but as he tried to scrape together the scattered fragments of his vision they faded away.  More importantly was the rather noticeable gap in events.  

Neil took a deep breath as his father began to steer the vehicle towards the side of the highway. The digital clock above the tape deck read 5:45 PM. A large highway sign revealed that they were just 60 miles outside of St. Clair, Michigan.  They were 300 miles from his dorm room.  

To his left was his sister, Dawn. She was the younger of his two sisters, but she still had two years on him.  While the older sister, Kim, had been the spitting image of their mother, Dawn looked more like their father.  Her hair was naturally chestnut brown, though it was presently dyed black with electric yellow streaks, the better to match her grunge aesthetic. Dawn's usual attire was comprised of leather jackets and jeans, though she was wearing black sweats for the road trip.  

Occupying the passenger seat, into which Neil had just rammed his head, was his brother Travis. His beard seemed to have grown two inches since they had last spoken.  The boisterous one in the family was oddly quiet today, wearing a plain forest green sweater.   This was also a far cry from his Hawaiian shirt obsession.  

“Neil?” His father asked, after putting the car in park on the shoulder. “You good?”  

“I'm sorry, I just had a nightmare I think,” Neil explained. Maybe he was still having a nightmare.

That, or he had somehow lost several days of his life. They were on their way to his mother's memorial, which meant he had somehow fast-forwarded his life by about three days.  Which begged the question:  how the hell did that happen and why could he not remember any of it?  

“It's a nice change of pace, dude,” Dawn said, her attention split between her Gameboy, Walkman and the stick of gum she was chewing on. “Honestly you've been kind of a zombie since we picked you up.”

“Oh yeah, says the Borg,” Travis teased.  

“Don't hate my tech.  It makes the real world way more bearable,” Dawn retorted, resting her temporarily-misplaced headphone back over her ear.  

Neil took special notice of the word 'zombie' and decided to expand on that thought. “Have I been acting weirdly?”  

“I mean I figured you were just sad because of... you know,” Travis gestured towards the others in the car.  

It had to be especially hard for him, now sitting in the spot where their mother had for most of their lives, until the accident.  Three years had passed by in a miserable blink.  What were three days in the grand scheme of things?

“This is gonna sound weird,” Neil began, and that was putting it mildly. How exactly did one ask the question he was going to ask?  

“That would be a first,” Dawn quipped sarcastically.  Clearly The Smashing Pumpkins were not excluding her from the conversation.  

The proud patriarch Kevin Brown turned to Neil and gave him that same kind and understanding gaze that he always did.  His gentle eyes, that distinctive cleft in his chin, and a soft smile that won over even his mother. Neil could trust this man, out-of-touch as he was, with anything.  

“What day is it?” Neil asked.  

“Neil, you're scaring me now.  Are you okay?”

“Dad, please.  What day?”  Neil insisted.  

“It's Friday.  We picked you up from your dorm this morning,” Kevin said. “Neil... you're not on drugs are you?”  

“No, dad it's not like that,” Neil scoffed.  “I just-  I don't know, I haven't been sleeping right lately and everything is all... hazy.”

“Dude, it's dad.  If you're on something he won't get mad at-”

“I'm not on anything!” Neil shouted.  The confusion had devolved into frustration and Travis's well-intentioned comment was doing nothing to abate it. “Just because you fucked up your scholarship-”

“Hey!” Kevin interjected soothingly, reaching back to place a bracing hand on his shoulder.  “Easy now, there's no need to go off on your brother like that.”

Travis had turned back to face the road.  A few cars passed them, one even blaring on its horn unhelpfully.  Dawn popped a bubble between her teeth.  

“Now listen, son. If you say you're not, then you're not.  I trust you completely,” Kevin said.  “We'll take you to a hospital when we get to St. Clair and have the doctor check you out, okay?”  

“A hospital,” Neil nodded.  “Yeah, that's probably a good idea.”  

“Maybe they'll put you in a straitjacket,” Dawn smirked.  

There was no malice behind the comment.  Underneath the would-be nihilist's harsh exterior was a tiny grain of affection for her family, especially her younger brother.  This was her twisted way of trying to calm him down and make him feel at home.  And, oddly, it was working.  

“Sorry, Travis,” Neil said.  “I'm just really... I don't know.”

“You don't have to apologize,” Travis said, still not turning around. “It's a hard time for all of us.”  

He had the biggest heart of any of them, but it was also the most easily wounded.  When they were younger, Neil had been intensely jealous of the theater kid brother of his.  He was the center of attention, and by a wide margin the “favorite” child of their father.  As a result, the two boys fought constantly and viciously.  

Things only started to change when Travis left for college and started to mature.  But with the maturing mind came evolving tastes. He was a self-described “party animal”.  And one night he had partied too hard on the wrong side of LA.  Within a few weeks he was absent to all of his classes, and a no-call no-show termination at work.  

They found him on the UCLA campus between two bushes.  It had taken a lot of work, but their father had managed to turn a five-year jail sentence into two months of rehabilitation.  Being a lawyer's son had its perks.  The true penalty was the loss of his football scholarship.  That and the expression on their mother's face when he confessed to her he was an addict.  

Neil regretted his words now.  Apart from being the one big taboo in the otherwise accepting family, making such a cheap shot at his brother made him feel unclean.  When Neil had first found out, he was a little too keen to finally have something to one-up the perfect son with.  Teenage hormones were no help, and he hadn't developed a proper sense of empathy yet.  

“There but for the grace of God go you,” their mother would always tell Neil.  

That was bullshit as far as Neil was concerned, in the infinite wisdom of a adolescent.  He was better than Travis.  He was smarter. He didn't fall into the stupid obvious traps that all drug users did.  The mandatory D.A.R.E. Program had done a number on his concept of nuance.  But even as Neil railed on his brother, all their parents could do was just shake their heads with a mixture of disappointment and sad amusement.  

Disappointment.  That was a potent word. And that's what Neil felt like:  The family disappointment.  In spite of Dawn's fashion sense, Travis's past, and Kim's taste in men, Neil was the one who didn't fit in.  And it was nobody's fault but his own.  

---

St. Clair, Michigan was the homestead of their mother.  It was as far removed from Voxton as you could be.  The scenic town was nestled in the isthmus between Lake Erie and Lake Huron.  It was founded along the St. Clair River which flowed somewhat unimaginatively into Lake St. Clair.  

The river was one of the geographical borders which marked the edge of the continental United States.  Across the river to the east was Canada, should one feel inclined to attempt a crossing in the frigid waters.   Neil had only been here a few times in his life, and never while his mother was alive.  For some reason it was her dying wish to be interred in the family plot a few miles up-river, but she'd never expressed any interest in visiting the place.  

This was their fourth trip to the charming post-card worthy dell, where every street corner looked ripe for a postcard and every citizen seemed to come straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting. The skies were blue, the horizon dotted with lighthouses and the only noise was the sound of motorboats gently cruising down the river.

“How are you feeling, Neil?” His father asked, when they parked the car outside their hotel.  While Kevin Brown dressed to the nines when he was with clients or in court, he preferred a casual look; khaki's with a crimson-and-grey striped cardigan.  

“I think I'm okay for right now.  Still a little fuzzy on the past few days,” he replied.  

Fuzzy, but details were coming back to him.  It was rather odd, more like he was recalling an episode of a television show which he'd fallen asleep during.  He seemed to have some vague idea of stumbling  to his classes for the week, but there was something hollow and robotic about the memories.  They had no spark to them, no authenticity.  It was like he was on auto-pilot, which may have very well have been the case.

For a moment he did consider the possibility that he had been drugged.  But the only people he had been with in the past week were Damian and his classmates, none of whom had the means or motive to do so.

“We'll have a doctor check you out anyway,” Kevin said, in the way that brokered no argument.  “There's a nice new facility just south of here in East China.  Only opened up a couple years ago.”  

Modernity was Kevin Brown's sole rubric for quality.  

“Daddy!” Came an overeager feminine voice from the opposite end of the parking lot.  

Kim, the oldest child, was eternally dressed like was late for a board meeting.  Straight out of the 80s with a shoulder-padded salmon pantsuit and her dyed-blonde hair in a perm that framed her slightly chubby face.  She had come a long way from the auburn-haired teen in overall's Neil had a vague memory of from his childhood.

She was tailed by her current boyfriend, a middle-aged trucker who chose to mark this momentous occasion by putting his least-stained plaid shirt.  The corners of his stubbled mouth were still dripping with chewing tobacco residue.  

“Honey!” Kevin said, embracing his daughter.  “And this must be uh...”

After disentangling herself from her father, Kim lifted a hand gesturing vaguely in the direction of the gentleman.  “This is Rocky.”

“Pleased to meet ya, sir,” said the trucker, taking Kevin's hand.  

“Uh, likewise Rocky,” Kevin replied, shaking it hesitantly.  He was presently engaged in trying to calculate the staggeringly narrow age-difference between him and the man now dating his first child.  

“Guys how are you all!” Kim said, pulling all of them in a group hug.  

Only Travis truly returned the hug.  Neil was trying not to suffocate under the noxious fumes of whatever perfume she was wearing, and Dawn with her slender frame had managed to slip out of the grasp entirely.

“Glad to see you haven't changed, sis,” Travis teased. “Still pushing papers?”

“Papers nothing, little bro.  Real estate has never been this good.  You know I don't know what that guy in the White House is doing right now, but if keeps it up, I'm gonna be filthy rich,” Kim laughed in a way that she surely thought was musical.  

“Maybe you can buy some clothes that come in colors  that don't belong in an old folk's home,” Dawn remarked, her attention somehow still fixed on the Gameboy which should surely have been running out of battery by now.  

“Oh you,” Kim sighed, giving Dawn her own special hug.  A sour-sounding electronic chirp seemed to indicate the gesture had cost Dawn a life. “I love your hair!  I bet this is such a fun time in your life.”

That was the saccharine-sweet way of saying “this is just a phase”. There was definitely a wide line between the two older children and the two younger.  Travis had been made humble by his fall from grace. Had he not, he would have turned out exactly like Kim.  Brimming with sunshine and not a drop of it genuine.

“So,” Kevin said, cutting in.  “The ceremony begins at noon tomorrow.  We have to run Neil to the hospital real quick.”

Kim let out a dramatic gasp.  “Oh no!  What's wrong, little man?”

“It's nothing big,” Neil replied, dodging another attempted hug.  “And it's kind of a private matter.”

Kevin caught the comment and nodded his approval.  “Dawn, Travis are you two going to be okay here at the hotel by yourself?”

Dawn nodded and began walking towards the hotel.  If she had enough AA batteries, she could have survived in a cardboard box.  

“I think we'll be okay, Pops,” Travis said.  “I hope you feel better, Neil.”  

Neil patted Travis's shoulder in a conciliatory way, and the two parted.  He was unable to dodge the second attempt at a hug from Kim, who pushed her head into his shoulder, even though she had to lean down slightly to do it.  

“Feel better, buddy!”  

“Thank you, Kim,” Neil grunted, more than a little embarrassed.

---

The doctor's visit was about what could be expected.  There was nothing wrong with his brain, according to a CAT scan and an MRI.  Kevin Brown's money always did the talking about both procedures were tackled over a five-hour period, despite a warning from the doctor of potential complications with the readings.  

His father was brilliant and humble, but he knew exactly how to get what he wanted. To benefit his children he would go to any lengths.  After Neil had been poked, prodded and had an unseemly collection of fluids removed from and added to his body, the final diagnosis was remarkably unhelpful.  

“Stress-induced narcolepsy?” Kevin asked.  “My son wasn't asleep, he just doesn't remember anything.”  

“That's the best conclusion we have right now.  Some patients with narcolepsy can also experience somnambulism; sleep-walking.  It's uncommon, but it has happened,” replied the stoic, but clearly annoyed Dr. Faust.

“I just,” Kevin sighed in frustration. “I don't understand.”    

“Sir, your son's brain chemistry is fine,” Dr. Faust explained. “Apart from a little sleep deprivation his scans are perfectly normal. Furthermore the toxicology reports show a clean bill of health.  Only that came back was a little bit of underage drinking.  It's not drugs, it's not some form of mental disorder.  The truth is, sir, I don't know what happened to your son.  The best thing we can do is keep an eye on him and if he has another attack like that, bring him right in so we can examine him.”  

“This is unbelievable,” Kevin fumed, his docile nature slowly ebbing away from stress.

“It's okay, Dad,” Neil said, placing a hand on his father's shoulder. “Let's just go, it's midnight and we have the memorial tomorrow.”

Kevin was willing to stay there all night if he had to, but Neil's pleading had worked. He put his jacket back on, without bothering to roll up his sleeves and straightened his tie.  Ever requiring the last word, he turned back to Faust.

“I hope you're right, Doc,” Kevin declared.  “Come on, Neil.”  

[therpmemes]

       santana lopez quotes (1/2) → sentence starters

part 1 (season one-three) // part 2 (season four-six)

slightly edited in some cases to work for rp purposes. feel free to change phrasing or pronouns to fit your muse(s)!

❝ And if you tell anyone this, I'll deny it - but I like being here. ❞

❝ Sex is not dating. ❞

❝ Let us give you an introduction into the way we work. You buy us dinner, we make out in front of you. It's like, the best deal ever. ❞

❝ You know what actually, would you mind waiting in the car? Oh, and leave your credit card. ❞

❝ Everything about you screams virgin. ❞

❝ It's exhausting to look at you. ❞

❝ Please,she's like a cat in heat. She talked about him yesterday and practically sprayed the room. ❞

❝ I meant, it's a Win-Win for me. ❞

❝ Weren't roller rinks outlawed in, like, 1981 for being totally lame? ❞

❝ Everyone knows my role here is to look hot. ❞

❝ My eyes are up here. ❞

❝ Well, congratulations. Normally you dress like a fantasy of a perverted Japanese business man with a very dark specific fetish but I actually dig this look. Yay. ❞

❝ Can I just say you are the hottest doctor I've ever seen? ❞

❝ I'm like a lizard. I need something warm beneath me or else I can't digest my food. ❞

❝ There's a lot of talking going on, and I wants to get my mack on. ❞

❝ I'm not making out with you because I'm in love with you. ❞

❝ Look, I don't mean to be a bitch...well actually I do. ❞

❝ We will be the undisputed top bitches in this school. ❞

❝ If everyone just put out, we would have a winning football team. ❞

❝ Okay, hold up. Like, a million awesome gay jokes just popped into my head. ❞

❝ Your sweetheart’s been lying to you because he and I totally got it on last year. ❞

❝ It means your boyfriend is full of crap. ❞

❝ Nobody ever tells you anything because A) Your a blabbermouth and B) We all just pretend to like you. ❞

❝ Please tell me that is a roll of Certs in your pocket. ❞

❝ I just try to be really, really honest with people when I think that they suck. ❞

❝ How is this possible? I'm the hottest piece of action in this place, and here I am, on Valentine's and single. ❞

❝ Whatever. I'll just marry an NFL player, they're super reliable. ❞

❝ I know what cheating looks like, I do it all the time. ❞

❝ I've had mono so many times it turned into stereo. ❞

❝ I look hot and smart. I feel like Michelle Obama. ❞

❝ Can we all just stop lying about how there aren't things we don't want to change about ourselves? ❞ 

❝ I've been dry heaving all weekend. When my mother asked what the sound was, I said I was practicing bird calls. ❞

❝ You like her more than me. ❞

❝ I realized why I'm such a bitch all the time. ❞

❝ I'm a bitch because I'm angry. ❞

❝ I have all of these feelings. Feelings for you, that I'm afraid of dealing with, because I'm afraid of dealing with the consequences. ❞

❝ I want to be with you. But I'm afraid of the talks and the looks. ❞

❝ I'm so afraid of what everyone will say behind my back. ❞

❝ I have to accept that... I love you. ❞

❝ I love you and I don’t want to be with any of the guys. I just want you. ❞

❝ Please say you love me back. Please. ❞

❝ I'm attracted to girls, and I'm attracted to guys. ❞

❝ Two choices: you stay here and I crack one of your nuts,right or left, that's your choice, or you walk away and live to be a douchebag another day. ❞

❝ I've gotta gay. Go - go, I've gotta go. ❞

❝ The only straight I am is straight-up bitch. ❞

❝ You're what we call a "late in life gay." You're going to stay in the closet, get married, get drunk to have relations with your wife, have a couple kids, maybe become a state senator, or a deacon, and then get caught in the men's room tapping your foot with some page. ❞

❝ I'm a closet lesbian and a judgmental bitch, which means one thing. I have awesome gay-dar. ❞

❝ Just because I hate everyone doesn't mean they have to hate me too. ❞

❝ As soon as we get to New York I'm bailing to live in a lesbian colony, or Tribeca. ❞

❝ When did you get so smart? ❞

❝ I think I know how to make you feel better. ❞

❝ If you ever tell me what to do I will end you. ❞

❝ There’s no one like you. You're a genius. ❞

❝ Are we dating or what? ❞

❝ I wish you'd hold my hand. ❞

❝ She’s beautiful, she’s innocent, she’s everything that’s good in this miserable, stinking world. ❞

❝ It wasn't until I got to kindergarten that I learned my name wasn't Garbage Face. ❞

❝ I love girls/boys the way that I’m supposed to feel about boys/girls. ❞

❝ It’s just something that’s always been inside of me and I really want to share it with you because I love you so much. I want you to know me, who I really am. ❞

❝ I’ve tried so hard to push this feeling away and keep it locked inside, but every day just feels like a war. ❞

❝ I walk around so mad at the world, but I’m really just fighting with myself. I don’t want to fight anymore. I’m just too tired. I have to just be me. ❞

❝ Homeless will be homeless for a while, that's sort of the problem. ❞

❝ This song is so depressing. I may actually be dead right now. ❞

❝ I’d throw this mocha in your face, but it’s not nearly scalding enough. ❞

❝ Now my suggestion is that we drag him, bound and gagged, to a tattoo parlor for a tramp stamp that reads ‘Tips Appreciated’ or ‘Congratulations, You’re My 1,000th Customer'. ❞

❝ You may look like the villain out of a cheesy 80’s high school movie, but you should know that I’m fully prepared to go all Danny LaRusso on your ass. ❞

❝ This isn’t violent, this is clever. ❞

❝ I don’t mean my friend who’s a girl. I mean my girlfriend girlfriend. ❞

❝ All I wanna be able to do is kiss my girlfriend but I guess no-one can see that because there’s such an insane double standard here. ❞

❝ You don’t even know enough to be embarrassed about these stereotypes you’re perpetuating. ❞

❝ Why can’t we kiss in public? ❞

❝ Let me break it down for you, from one bitch to another. All of this vicious, underhanded crap has got to stop. ❞

❝ Me and the color pink have been in an argument for seventeen years. I can't believe I have to make nice with it now. ❞

❝ I just wanna be famous plain and simple; don’t even care how it happens I just want everyone to know my name. ❞

❝ Why don’t you save the lecture for the theater nerds that are gonna starve in New York while desperately trying to tap dance their way into the chorus of Godspell? ❞

❝ That sex tape was private. We made that for us! ❞

❝ Oh crap, I think I just realized I’m gonna miss you. Oh God, say something irritating so I can get the taste of this out of my head, please. ❞

❝ So have fun at your ‘I’m a victim��� party acting like you’re not some selfish, self-centered, lame-ass wannabe diva from Hell. ❞

❝ I’m sorry. I always go to the yelling place. I have rage. ❞

❝ If this was happening to anybody else I’d be extremely jealous but it’s really cool. Congratulations. ❞ 

[skywalkersapprentice]

LUKE FUCKING SKYWALKER aka my review of the last jedi

(spoilers)

Contrary to my feelings leading up to the force awakens, I was more nervous than completely excited for this film. I was so terrified that it wasn’t going to be good.

by the end of this movie, those fears had been soothed.

Bad Things(tm) 

it’s a shorter list than i thought it would be but it still exists

kylo ren’s entire existence annoys me. like i came out of tfa hating him and now i loathe him. 

thAt SHIRTLESS SCENE GOD I HATED THAT. it could have been so much worse and i’m grateful it wasn’t but jeez. i strongly echoed rey’s feelings of ‘put a shirt on’. 

the entire fucking force bond thing got on my nerves until i realized it was snoke’s fault. then it was okay. 

rey nobody. listen you guys, i’m all for the found family trope usually but you can pry rey skywalker out of my cold, dead hands. 

i feel like sometimes this movie didn’t know what it was doing with it’s plot. canto bight was beautiful, but that entire plot ultimately felt meaningless. 

same with luke’s purpose, i couldn’t.... really figure out the role he was supposed to be playing. 

some of the scenes on the island felt really fucking boring. 

why did hux slap finn like yeah mate we already know he’s an asshole

this was the biggest one for me- rey’s character. it could have been done so much better. she felt like she was aimlessly wandering around the island for half the movie and she deserved more than she got. i’m just thankful this is the middle act and that she’ll be back in the safe hands of jj abrams for the final movie. 

also finn and rey deserved a better reunion scene but the hug was adorable.

Good Things(tm)

this is a much longer list

ROSE TICO. omg i adore her???? she’s so awkward and tiny and charming. i spent most of the battle of crait thinking ‘omg please don’t die’ and i’m SO HAPPY she didn’t. i ended up not minding finnrose, which i thought i wouldn’t like. she and finn worked so well together.

LUKE THREW THE LIGHTSABER OFF THE CLIFF SDFGHGFDFGH I LAUGHED SO HARD. i immediately knew i was gonna like luke in this movie. 

also i dont’ wanna hear a word about ‘bad characterization’ when it comes to luke. it’s been 30 years since we saw him last and people change. 

i think it helps that i have read basically none of the post-rotj eu and so i had no expectations of what luke ‘should have’ been like. but anyway.

another thing i laughed so hard at: poe pretending not to know who hux was while he was speaking all pretentiously. that was hilarious. 

and then bb8 overextending himself trying to keep the ship working. bb8 was the silent hero of this movie and you all need to appreciate him.

CHEWIE AND THE PORGS. oh my godd when he was eating that one porg and then the rest of them show up with huge eyes and legitimately sad expressions. i was literally aww-ing. i’ve bought into the cute porg marketing. they made me smile every time they were onscreen. sue me. 

i really liked what luke had to say about the light side not ‘belonging’ to the jedi, because it’s true. time to think outside the box lads

rey looked so good in that jedi outfit

the golden four (finn, rose, rey and poe) all looked amazing tbh.

i almost liked kylo ren for one (1) second after he killed snoke and then he decided that he wanted to destroy the rest of the galaxy too and i was like Oh My God

also they made a bold move by killing snoke but i really liked that they did. now ren can step into position as the Main Villain, which is what he deserves. (no redemption arc bitch you’ve tried to murder everyone like twice)

also the way!!! snoke died!!!!! was so cool!!!! he could read ren’s intentions like a book, but the way ren deceived him into thinking that rey was his sworn enemy because ‘i can’t be betrayed’ was amazing. and this is coming from someone who despises kylo ren.

lmao @ hux and ren subtly fighting for control over their troops. i wouldn’t be surprised if hux eventually stabs ren in the back.

THAT SCENE WHERE REN AND REY BREAK ANAKIN’S LIGHTSABER

THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY BREATHTAKING

it would have more meaning if rey was also related to anakin but whatever

holy shit. the entire scene with yoda. i was silently squeeing into my hands the whole time.

this is the first time i have ever been happy to see yoda but oh. my god. that little troll cackling as he destroyed the early jedi texts (‘page turners, they were not’) was AMAZING. 

i almost forgot to mention but 

LEIA

USING THE FUCKING FORCE

TO SAVE HERSELF AND BRING HER BACK TO THE SHIP WHILE LOOKING LIKE A GODDAMN ANGEL

that was the first time the guy beside me offered me tissues. i was not okay.

also i love her dynamic with poe so much. and that scene where amilyn and leia are discussing him and amilyn says ‘i like him’ and leia goes ‘me too’ is so pure.

also leia and amilyn had one (1) scene together but it still managed to make me emotional. leia has lost so much and this was just one more thing, but their goodbye was good.

also i love my gay mom amilyn tbh. the luna lovegood comparisons were rolling in before the film and tbh i could see that! i’m so sad she had to die but what a fucking way to go. the entire theater was dead silent when she made that jump to hyperspace. 

i don’t think i’ve ever sworn this much in my life. whatever.

something i really liked that i didn’t expect to is how so close ren and rey came to leaving their respective sides. the lines between light and dark got so blurry in snoke’s throne room, but eventually what happened seemed to cement their respective positions, pushing them even further away from one another. it was cool.

leia marching onto the bridge of the command ship fresh from unconsciousness and stunning poe wow what an icon

also when will the gays learn to communicate i mean poe and amilyn come on

can we talk about that scene in the falcon when luke and artoo reunite :( omg. artoo still has leia’s old message and i personally want to die.

luke and leia’s (natural) force connection that spans half a galaxy!!!! ‘luke’ ‘leia’ i personally want to die (part 2)

canto bight looked straight out of the prequels and i was Living

i was also living for the way finn and rose destroyed it

“you have always been scum”. “rebel scum” THAT’S MY BOY I LOVE FINN

also there was something that finn said on crait while they were in the mine (i forget what it was) but poe and rose both looked at him like they were falling in love 

and also poe’s delight when seeing that finn and rose aren’t dead and immediately going ‘where’s my droid’ :( i love how much he loves bb8, it’s very reminiscent of anakin and artoo.

speaking of crait

LUKE FUCKING SKYWALKER

[INCOHERENT YELLING]

when the shadow appeared in the mine i was like..... omg. it can’t be. he wouldn’t.

and then it WAS and i realized that we were actually getting a leia and luke reunion, after i had convinced myself it wouldn’t happen, and then i started really crying. i don’t think i’ve ever cried like that at a movie before. i don’t even remember most of what was said, except for luke’s ‘no one is ever really gone’ (directed at leia, by then i was properly sobbing) and then the forehead kiss. i was a mess. the guy beside me offered me kleenex again.

That was, without a doubt, my favourite scene in the film. Luke and Leia got to say goodbye. I feel like that actually healed something in me that broke when carrie died last year. like, the movie was worth making just for that one fucking scene.

but then it got better.

when ren ordered all the walkers to fire on luke and then luke walked out unscathed someone in front of me actually clapped with glee. from the moment he ignighted his lightsaber, there was an energy of just joy in the theater, and you could tell that scene was exactly what everyone had wanted from luke.

AND THEN KYLO REN TRIED TO CUT HIM IN HALF AND IT DIDN’T FUCKING WORK

I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE DELIGHTED

'amazing. everything you just said was wrong.’ YES LUKE YES

I can’t wait for luke to haunt ren from beyond the grave in episode 9. i don’t know how i feel about the fact that he’s dead, but it’s far from the sadness i felt when han died.

like rey and leia said- there was a sense of peace there.

I just. I just wish Leia could find that peace. She has lost absolutely everyone. And now the movie that was supposed to be about her can’t exist.

‘in loving memory of our princess carrie fisher’ made me halt on the steps and bring my hand to my mouth on the way out of the theater. i’d forgotten that would happen. :(

I don’t want to end this on a sad note. I really did like this movie. It’s not quite good enough for a 9 and i hesitate to rate it as low as a 7 so an 8 it is. 

Overall- better than i’d hoped. had some absolutely magical moments that made me remember why i love this franchise so much. there were some truly cool force-related moments, i love the golden four and luke skywalker is fucking awesome. kylo ren is fucking terrible, i wish this movie had progressed it’s characters a little and rey deserves to be a skywalker.

bring on episode nine. 

[trickormemes]

Elijah & Christine sentence starters

195 starters feel free to change gender pronouns content warning: alcohol mention, cussing, drug mention, sexual themes, violence

"I'll fucking kill you, you hear me?! I'll fucking kill you!"

"I just woke up and realized that I got fucking bit by a brown fucking recluse spider, which is my literal biggest fear."

"I actually feel like I'm on the set of Glee right now."

"You're gonna get bullied. Or do the bullying, I don't know..."

"Someone's gonna jerk off to this."

"No, we have to go. No. Come on."

"I don't have a tongue."

"Yeah, I'm pretty gay."

"What if someone's window was down at a stop sign and I screamed at the top of my lungs "Help! Help me, they're trying to kill me!"? What would they do? How would they react?"

"I got my test results back! I'm gay!"

"I peed my pants at the movie theater when we saw the last Lord of the Rings movie because I drank an extra large Mr. Pibb, and it was like a four hour movie, and I didn't wanna miss it so I just peed my pants and I was literally, like... I was like ten years old."

"This should not be on the internet."

"That is a furry butt plug."

"Do you know where vaginas are?"

"Just eat the lube."

"We're not making a fucking sex tape."

"He just called me ugly."

"You are gonna have the cock of a life time."

"I went to the bathroom because I had to poop, but I was pooping so hard I started sweating and I had to get my makeup redone."

"I broke it."

"What is that on your shirt?"

"I feel like Hannah Montana in the beginning of the Hannah Montana Movie where she has to drive the golf cart into the backstage of the stadium to get to hair and makeup on time."

"Finger me with those!"

"_____! Wake the fuck up, you're at a party!"

"Honey, I'm going to fucking Willy Wonka's goddamn chocolate factory!"

"See, bitch? What the fuck I tell you? Willy goddamn Wonka."

"Tell me why it's five o'clock in the morning and you have a fucking tomato on your bed."

"Why do you have hot dogs in your fucking backpack?"

"Look at that little mannequin. Why is he standing like that?"

"I got this pretty sick disappearing act. You wanna see it?"

"What's your social security number?"

"That's not an air horn, that's hair spray."

"Listen, I was told to be a YouTuber all I needed was some fucking Orbeez and a hot knife."

"I post new videos every day because I have no goddamn life."

"You're fucking cleaning these up!"

"I'm gonna throw up my slushie."

"I always knew since the day I was born I was meant to be a goblin."

"A small child just kicked my leg. Not even joking."

"You look like you might get kicked out of a Christian Halloween party."

"I like my women like I like my forks. In my mouth."

"You lost already."

"You walked a whole block and didn't fall over. Good job."

"Eat the booty like groceries."

"You need to go because you don't fucking live here."

"I hope you both fucking fall."

"I'M LEAKIIIINNGG!!!"

"You look like you're fucking dying."

"I got your beef and broccoli right here, baby."

"I feel like I'm in clay-mation. I feel my whole life is in stop-motion. I'm Coraline."

"Yeah, and by 'yeah' I mean 'fuck no.'"

"Get your witch fingers off me."

"You look like Kesha in 2009."

"Nobody here fucking knows you."

"I know in my heart that it isn't true, but it still hurts my feelings."

"_____ just got a Nintendo Switch, uh, so she just... hasn't said a word for the past 48 hours."

"This is some complicated Lego action. There's two fucking booklets."

"Would you fuck like a real—like a life-size Lego person?"

"I would fuck Lego Chris Pratt. I would fuck human Chris Pratt. I would fuck Chris Pratt's horse. I said horse, I meant corpse."

"Not everything is gay fanfiction, _____."

"It's spicy. It got in my eye."

"Oh my god, it's a Valentine's Day card from my grandpa... And he gave me ten dollars!"

"Get up. We're going out to dinner."

"_____, you are the most disgusting person I know, and I just wanna spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

*rapping* "Rain drop, drop top, he just proposed with a Ring Pop."

"Okay, can you not be... so cute?"

"Why are you smoking weed on the fucking toilet?"

"Bitch, you know this isn't your house, right?"

"I wanna bake fucking weed brownies in an EZ Bake oven, so we're going into Walmart to get an EZ Bake oven."

"A solid substance is definitely not a good substitute for liquid."

"I don't know how to park this fucking car."

"How do you smell like Home Town Pride? What would my— My hometown would smell like stale beer and, like, Cheetos."

"Look, they make personalized candles. Smells like divorce."

"Even I don't know why I did that."

"_____, I'm literally gonna shit myself."

"I know you can't drink anymore. You've had too many shots."

"Oh, I fucking hate you! You bitch! Fuck you!"

"This is so easy. Why do you complain about it? It's not a hard job."

"God is a woman."

"Which side are you trying to fucking get on? Which one?"

"Why the fuck would we smoke weed out of a watermelon?"

"I just made a fucking Pringle bong, bitch."

"I feel like I'm being probed by aliens."

"Do whatever you want to me."

"Make it ten dollars next time, bitch."

"I am shooketh."

"I licked it. I got a little taste."

"It's a fucking cake. Stop calling it brownies."

"Honey, my life's Hell on Earth."

"It's not that fucking deep, it's a video game."

"Why the fuck do you look like a Miami coke-dealer dad right now?"

"Man, I feel like I'm in, like, Sex and the City right now. Like an episode of Girls right now. Like I'm in an episode of, like, Broad City."

"I'm giving _____ 'fuck me' eyes."

"Don't change the song, you're not the fucking DJ. What are you putting on?"

"Why do you know the whole dance?"

"If I croak, you can have my eye balls."

"I'm drunk as shit."

"It's been two hours of this shit. Can you guys just fucking stop?"

"We said we weren't gonna drink tonight, and now we're drunk on these stairs."

"YOU'RE FUCKING TOASTING PIZZA?!"

"You get points on the creativity, but you fucking lost on the execution, BITCH!"

"Get in the fucking car."

"_____, we've been driving for six fucking hours. Where are we going?"

"Quit being such a little bitch."

"I'm filming this. This is a horrible film."

"My drag name is Goblin Breath."

"I bit my swimming instructor in the face."

"Why would I have to be drunk to do that?"

"I feel like three-years-old is a little too old to be biting people in the face."

"That is the most 'you' sentence I have ever heard come out of your mouth."

"COME ON, DRINK UP, BITCH!"

"You're ten shots in already? This is gonna be a fucking disaster."

"I full-on peed my pants."

"_____, the smile you got when you thought you answered that right was pretty amazing."

"How my ass taste, bitch?"

"_____, I don't think you can put a dildo on top of Christmas tree. It's really weird."

"Okay, I'm not sure if it's historically accurate, but I'm pretty sure Jesus would puke too."

"If you fuck this up, I will JFK you."

"Why am I fucking trusting you to do this?"

"I'm still drunk, but today's another day, you know?"

"Can you hold it together for two fucking minutes?"

"I can't hold it together for three fucking seconds."

"Sorry you're low-key ugly."

"Hey, baby girl, you high as fuck."

"Someone's gonna Photoshop a dick in your mouth. And now I just solidified that by saying it."

"This looks like the beginning of a CSI episode where, like, a crazy cat lady gets murdered."

"Didn't I tell you you're not allowed to talk on our vlogs unless your shirt's off?"

"I'll fuck your belly button."

"Why are you still here? You have your own house."

"Honestly, these little dick candies aren't that fucking bad."

"My mom is disappointed in me."

"I got a gingerbread house."

"Aggressive, max. size twelve-inch—sounds good!"

"Your math probably isn't off, but like, your morals are."

"Oh look, another sad kid in a black hoodie."

"I built a little ball pit to smoke weed in."

"I'm the Rachel Ray of alien egg-laying dildos."

"Are you using a marker to stir it? There's literally spoons over there."

"Let's keep it PG, please."

"If you spit in my mouth I will murder your family. I will murder your entire family. I will gut you and feed you to the birds."

"Okay, the three things I hate: heights, small spaces, and you."

"Why are you the adult Honey Boo Boo child?"

"Do I need this? No. Do I want it? ...Also no."

"You better stop it, you're gonna give me a little chub."

"This is why people think we're dating all the time."

"This is supposed to be bottomless mimosas. I can clearly... I can cleary see the bottom."

"If I don't get married in the next five minutes I will riot."

"This is the most action I've gotten in years."

"Already spilled... literally ten seconds into my meal. Awesome."

"I don't even know what I said. I don't know what I'm saying right now."

"That ruined my life."

"The taste is good, the texture is like eating your grandpa's ballsack."

"The world would be a better place if everybody just pissed their pants."

"I'm not even gonna try because I know the answer's no."

"I mean, I'm seeing it right now and I'm underwhelmed."

"You're a walking fucking disaster."

"Take a bite. Get ready to have your world rocked."

"I HOPE YOU BREAK UP!"

"You look like a fucking glazed donut, honey."

"Ew, ew, oh my god, there's children, ew!" *gags*

"Not the first time I've ruined a party because I was naked and screaming."

"That used to be a [insert restaurant name] and I almost fought a girl in the parking lot once. But she didn't show up."

"Oh my god, that's dark. Why did you laugh?"

"This show's not for free, honey."

"Why is your brain full of so much useless information?"

"Why did you just call Mr. Krabs by his first name?"

"It tastes like a Starbust for your dick."

"No one wants to fuck you. Sorry."

“Like the most basic law of human nature. Everyone knows that... bagels are straight.”

“Recreate the Friends intro right now.”

“GO! YES! BITCH! GET IT!”

“I got this soda from a gas station-truck stop, and apparently it’s soda that makes you horny.”

“I need two pasties for one nipple because my nipples are so big. Like, this big. They’re, like, not pepperonis, they’re like salamis.”

“I’m, like, livid. I cannot believe you don’t have a phone case right now. What is wrong with you?”

“The horny soda! I’m horny now!”

“I feel like I’m in a romantic comedy.”

“We’re gonna fucking die out here. It’s like The Hills Have Eyes.”

“We’re stranded in the desert... Well, at least we’re together.”

“At least friendship doesn’t overheat.”

“My conditioner opened in my backpack and now it looks like there’s cum on all my clothes.”

“Trying to get laid is so fucking annoying.”

“See, if you get an Audi and you drive it off the lot, it depreciates immediately. Chanel doesn’t depreciate. I can sell this in ten years.”

“I’m having a quarter-life crisis.”

“Why am I out of breath?”

“How do you fit two penises in one hole?”

“You were just crawling naked on the ground. Why would you do that?”

“It’s 7:30 in the fucking morning. Go back to sleep.”

“Does it hurt for water to become ice? You’re changing your molecular composition. Like... you’re probably gonna experience some discomfort.”

“Are you gonna cry now? What is going on?”

“I have not looked this shitty in so long.”

“I feel like I got hit by a fucking bus.”

“Run ‘em over.”

“Why are there ghosts in my fucking apartment?”

“If I wanna sit on the grass and feel the uneasy presence of ghosts, I would just go to my grandma’s house.”

“I’m like a surprisingly good cook for somebody whose method of cooking is just putting everything in a pan and hoping for the best, but it works out, like, nine out of ten times.”

“I flake on people, I’m sorry. I’m also a bad texter.”

[quotespicture]

https://quoteswithpicture.com/speech-debate-2017-movie-review/

Speech & Debate (2017) Movie Review

By Evan Hancock (Kansas)

  Thoughts on Speech and Debate from a Debate & Forensics champ (who is also a snob about movies)

Hi, my name is Evan and I just graduated from high school. I was pretty successful in Speech and Debate throughout my career – to avoid looking like a tool, I won’t list every medal I ever won but I would like to point out that during my senior year, my partner and I won our division at state debate (policy debate, obviously – the superior kind for super cool people). I also placed at state forensics in extemp and impromptu, so I know my stuff decently well when it comes to Speech and Debate.

I was sitting in an airport one day on a 6 hour layover and my debate partner unexpectedly texted me about this movie she had caught on Netflix during a day off – Speech and Debate, it was called. She said it wasn’t great, but the subject matter appealed to her. A week and change later, I’m going to watch the movie myself. I texted my partner to let her know that I was diving in, and her exact text was, “You’ll probably regret but it’s worth it.”

*DISCLAIMER* I don’t know every single event! I’m a speaker, so I have limited experience with acting. Also, Speech and Debate is not the same in every state. Each place has different events, so I might think something from the film is unrealistic that is actually just what forensics is like in another state. Also, I’m going to write this as a sort of stream of consciousness. By reading, you accept all liability for stress caused by bad grammar or spelling.

As I watch the film, I am going to jot down bullet points on what I’m thinking. It’ll be like live-tweeting, except less stupid!

– This is shot like a TV show for some reason? – Diwata is completely unlikeable. She’s exactly what an out-of-touch older person thinks a theater nerd sounds like. – The meeting scene is just obscene. The actors playing Solomon and Diwata clearly have never done Duo Interp, because they cannot do a scene where they interrupt each other. – HOLY SHIT DIWATA IS LITERALLY BLACKMAILING HOWIE INTO JOINING THE CLUB! Like, seriously. She just brings up how he’s meeting a teacher at night in public. – The fact that the debate topic just happens to coincide with their situation screams “THE WRITER IS A HAAAAAAAACK.” – Using The Crucible as a symbol of the struggles the students are facing is p a t h e t i c. That sounds like something a sophomore in high school would write. You know the type of kid I’m talking about: that little spaz who just found out about McCarthyism and Arthur Miller and now thinks he’s a groundbreaking thinker. – The Oksana character is actually interesting. I want to see a bleak-ass movie about her. – At about 37:45, Howie has a scene where he has to tell a lie. It looks like the director said, “OK take 43. Act like you’re really, really, really obviously lying.” – The kids from Holy Ghost high are hilarious, but don’t belong in an actual film. The chant they do is very accurate to actual forensics though. – What are the two kids in persuasive speaking doing standing next to each other at podiums? – I was never an actor, but I’m pretty sure that the kid who did “Sophie’s choice” would be disqualified just like Diwata was (or at least severely marked down) for tossing his jacket, effectively using it as a prop. – The LD scene with the motormouth kid conflates LD and Policy debate. I’ve never done LD, but I’m pretty sure they talk a little slower in that event. The incoherent speed-rambling does match what bad policy debaters from larger schools do frequently, though. – After the party scene, the movie is left with only one likable main character – Solomon. Diwata is incredibly annoying, and Howie is legitimately stupid, disreputable, dangerous scum. I hope he gets hit by a bus at some point during this movie for drugging an unaware teenager. – Well the pool scene was literally meaningless except for the two boys to say “we give up” and Diwata so say “don’t plz” – The principal is just objectively right in the scene at about 57:00. I don’t know how we’re supposed to sympathize with the speech team. – In the principal’s office scene, he said that the bills they racked up were $937, right? And Howie has a job in a pizza place. Assuming he makes at least $7.50/hr, which is what I made when I first started my shitty restaurant job, he alone could have that paid off after just over 6 weeks working 20 hours. If he’s working over the summer, 20 hours should be no problem and he could put half of his money towards the bills over about 12 weeks of summer. Now that Diwata’s mom has insisted that she go back to working at Olive Garden, the two of them could have it paid off before the end of June. – The “food baby – too soon” joke at about 1:00:02 is actually funny writing, which I didn’t expect from this film. The only problem is that it renders Diwata’s pregnancy scare utterly meaningless. I’m guessing that subplot was supposed to have at least a little weight, but it’s just been pulled out from under it. – I like Diwata’s mom, she’s one out of three sympathetic characters in this film. – On that point, more than an hour into the movie, the only characters I don’t hate are Solomon, Diwata’s mom, Oksana, and the principal. Those last two are small enough bit parts that they hardly even count. – Diwata’s obsession with The Crucible is starting to border on unhealthy. – At about 1:10:00, the scene between Diwata and her mom in the restroom is actually well written and entertaining! – Aaaaaaaand it’s immediately followed up by a second song from Diwata that sounds like it was written by a 9-year-old. – Ok. Right now I’m about 1:15:00 in and a boring scene is going on where Diwata is asking for advice from a lunatic so I’m researching the writer. His name is Stephen Karam and according to this article (https://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/27/theater/stephen-karams-plays-treat-anguish-as-a-laughing-matter.html) he was 35 in 2015. How is that possible? This play opened in 2007 according to Wikipedia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speech_%26_Debate_(play)) so Karam would have been 27 or so? How, then, did he churn out something that sounds like it was written by someone in middle school. Of course, I’m not familiar with the play script so all of these issues could have come from his reworking into a screenplay at 36 or 37 years of age. In which case, he became the worst type of screenwriter; the out-of-touch adult looking for ways to appeal to “the cool kidz.” – Wow I like “Deus Ex Arnie.” Of course Diwata was able to somehow bribe or otherwise coerce the janitor into playing her backing tracks and do the lights. – Oh god. I just realized that Karam must have crammed in all of these Hamilton references as he adapted his script into a screenplay. That is so fucking cringy it makes me want to close my Netflix tab right now. – That ending screams “There was another 20 minutes of play left but I have to wrap it up before the movie gets too much longer than 1:30:00.” – Of course there’s a fucking post-credits scene. – This is a seriously minor nitpick but it drives me nuts. In the post-credits scene, several of Diwata’s videos are shown to have a high ratio of dislikes to likes (ex. “THE SOUND OF MUSIC – Sophomore Year” with 5 likes and 13 dislikes). Despite this fact, the like bar is about 95% blue. Now, if I’m not mistaken, it’s quite expensive for films to license properties like the real emojis they displayed in this film, as well as the actual layout of YouTube. If they’re going to license something like that to make the movie more believable to the hip youngsters, wouldn’t it be reasonable for someone to make sure that the movie keeps the websites they’re licensing accurate? Like making the YouTube like bar work properly? That would have taken an editor 5 minutes or less to fix, but nobody caught that fuckup at any point during the production. Just another example of a film made by out-of-touch, older people failing to relate to young people.

Ok! Now that that’s over, I guess I’ll leave my final thoughts here:

Speech and Debate is not a good film. Because I’m not familiar with all of his work, I’m not going to call Stephen Karam a hack – all I’m saying is that this script wouldn’t be out of place in a high school writing competition. As a film, its two biggest problems are these: 67% of the main characters are completely unlikeable, and the script’s use of The Crucible as a stand-in for the character’s struggles is somehow offensively ham-fisted and utterly boring at the same time. The final nail in this film’s coffin is its title. Speech and Debate is relevant during the first half of the movie, then falls out of the picture completely.

As it turns out, the Speech and Debate team is only a vehicle to get the protagonists into trouble, then give them an excuse to perform the big musical number at the end. Early in the film, one of the main characters pushes for his high school to establish a Gay-Straight Alliance. He is shot down by the school board president, who tells him that there’s no need for a GSA – he should just join the “recycling club” instead. Obviously, this character is written to be bigoted and comically dumb. However, his words become something of an ironic parallel to the film’s problems, because after the film ended, his words echoed in my memory.

I pictured myself as him, telling the film’s writer and director “Why does this film need to be about a Speech and Debate team? Couldn’t it be about a chess club or a singing water polo team instead?” It’s almost as if this movie was created specifically for forensics dorks like me to watch and think “Oh wow I’m just like Diwata. I’m so oppressed and stuff. #relatable.” Corner the nerd market without putting any effort into a movie that’s actually about speech and debate. Now that this thought has occurred to me, I can’t shake the feeling that I have been cheated out of an hour and a half of my life by this pandering piece of tripe. All this film does is create a TV-drama-style “teens overcoming difficulty” story with Speech and Debate tacked on as a gimmick, not a unique selling point.

TL;DR: Speech and Debate gets 5 out of 5 stars. That’s the activity, of course; it helps students build character and important skills. Speech and Debate (2017), the movie, gets 0 out of 5 stars because it didn’t even try. Do I regret watching this film like my partner said I might? No. If anything positive can be said about it, it’s this: The movie was entertaining despite being rather bad. However, I still don’t think the movie had a lot of artistic merit.

TL;DR was TL;DR: MOVIE NOT GOOD STILL KINDA FUNNY THO

Rating: 0/5

  Return to Movie Reviews

[emimiketrash]

That EmiMike x JJBek Highschool AU Headcanon that Nobody Asked For

Like really, nobody asked for two pairings in one headcanon. This was a random idea at 3 in the morning. Excuse this shitty sad piece of work.

This is basically Part 1 wherein I lay the groundwork. This is going to be long so go eat some food and a mug of hot chocolate while reading this. Please let me know if I should continue this. Thank you! Mickey and Otabek (The Bros)

Mickey and Otabek are best friends (mainly because Mickey knows that Beka is gay af and wouldn’t dare touch his sister, Sara). The first time they met, Otabek made it very clear that he wasn’t interested in women let alone Sara (she thought Otabek was rather cute). Like… M: (angry-threateningly) Let’s make this perfectly clear. Stay away from my sister or I will cut you in half in your sleep. O: Let’s make THIS perfectly clear. I’m not interested in your sister. S: *gasps* WHAAAAT??? M: (angry-surprised) …wha …what did you say? I call bullshit on that!!!! How can you say that so calmly?!?!?!? DON’T THINK THAT BY SAYING SUCH THINGS THAT I’LL LET YOU DATE SARA— O: I’m not interested in Sara because it’s how it is, Michele – I’m not interested in women. S: … M: …what? Sara understood what that meant immediately. Mickey took more time to get convinced.

Eventually, Mickey and Otabek bond over some little things like appreciation for good coffee, amazing literary pieces, and eventually, a love for good movies. They get to know each other better and become something like blood brothers.

People in school are afraid of Mickey (because people think he’s angry-crazy). He actually just cares too much. But he’s the best guy to go to for help with home economics stuff (but because he’s introverted as hell, he’s not used to helping people out). But he’s good with other subjects, too.

Mickey (and Sara) help out at their dad’s restaurant, which is the best one in the city, part-time. Mickey wants to take over the restaurant one day. Sara wants to do something else with her life (like being a theater actress with her “best friend”, Mila. At least, Mickey thinks they’re best friends. Otabek knows what’s up but won’t tell Mickey because he thinks Sara should do the honors.)

Otabek is a genius in music, art, and literature. He’s also quite good with history. Otabek wants to be a musician. He also DJs in his spare time. While he’s a god at dropping some fire-ass beats, he’s also experimenting with a more retro sound, like that of the 80’s.

Otabek goes to school on a foreign student scholarship, and lives with the Crispinos, and he also helps out at Mr. Crispino’s restaurant. Although Mr. Crispino, kind man that he is, is insistent that Otabek doesn’t need to work, Otabek says otherwise. At least he gets paid (and quite well) to help, and all that income is divided into 30% allowance and 70% sent back to his family at Kazakhstan (what an Ota-bae). Otabek’s allowance sometimes goes to saving up for new DJ-ing equipment.

Otabek keeps in touch with his other best friend, Yurio Plisetsky from ballet school back in Russia, through Skype (Yurio’s on tour at the moment). Every time they call, utter chaos happens in the house (ex. the police show up at the Crispinos because the neighbors heard loud screaming because of Mickey or Mr. Crispino yell at Yurio for the litany of offensive shit he says. #CrispinosHaveNoChill). Otabek still has no idea how to calm everybody down.

JJ and Emil (The Other Bros) Sidenote: I got the idea to make them best friends from this headcanon by @pasteurellapestis​. Bless them for their amazing EmiMike/MichEmil headcanons

JJ and Emil, the star hockey players of the school, basically rule the school. JJ is the well-celebrated King Bee captain and Emil is everybody’s favorite lovable dork.

They’re best friends because they both love sports, they’re both so lively it’s infectious, and they’re both the hottest guys at school. They’re both huge dorks. They’re nerdier than the science club nerds at school. Only Emil knows about JJ’s love for science.

They met back in freshman year when they both signed up for the hockey team. He saw Emil reading a science magazine and asked if he read that new article that dissected the study on positronic distillation of sub-atomic particles and why the process was impossible.

JJ’s family is loaded as fuck because they’re a family of professional athletes.

Emil’s dad designs cellphones for a huge tech company, and that’s how Emil not only got interested in technology, but it’s also how he gets a new phone every year (for free). His mom’s a doctor and is actually the Crispinos’ family physician. Her caring nature rubbed off on Emil, which explains why Emil cares so much for his loved ones. The Nekola family isn’t rich nor poor but they’re a happy bunch.

But because JJ is… well, JJ, it’s harder for him to be as endearingly nerdy as Emil. JJ has the whole cool guy branding he needs to maintain. But JJ is a huge science dork. He raves over everything new in the science world with Emil. Emil hits back with some new tech stuff.

JJ loves music. He secretly has a thing for 80’s music, especially power rock. But he doesn’t mind a fire beat every now and then, especially if it doesn’t sound either super basic or the music isn’t something annoyingly mainstream. He writes his own music sometimes. He’s also quite interested in photography. JJ sometimes crosses over to another town for photowalks because he can’t be seen in his local town because these kinds of things aren’t cool. (JJ does spot Otabek during one photowalk and wonders to himself, “Do I know him from somewhere?”)

Because Emil’s free as a bird to be himself, he’s actually part of the robotics club at school. He sometimes makes things that end up blowing up. One time, the whole school had to be evacuated because Emil’s latest robot set off the fire alarms. (Mickey scolded him for that one.)

Emil also loves anime, movies, TV shows, etc. with inventors, robots, hi-tech shit, and fantasy. He also loves “Phineas and Ferb” and the entire “Voltron” series. (He always thought of himself as Phineas and Mickey as Ferb.)

Mickey and Emil (EmiMike/MichEmil), Part 1

Mickey and Emil were childhood friends and neighbors. Their houses are next to each other’s. In fact, Emil and Mickey can see each other from their windows. Even if they both grew up and apart (or at least, Mickey thinks they grew apart), Emil still always loved Mickey.

Whenever Mickey wakes up in the morning and looks out the window, he always sees Emil waving at him (sometimes shirtless) and mouthing, “Good morning, Mickeeeey!" Mickey reacts by either yelling at him to put a shirt on or ragingly shutting the drapes.

Sometimes, Emil offers Mickey (and Otabek because Emil is such a nice guy huhu) a ride to school, to which Mickey vehemently refuses, thinking that Emil (and other guys) is just after his sister ever since puberty hit her like a big, yellow school bus.

Emil usually invites Mickey to sit with him at lunch, but Mickey regularly refuses. Mickey did sit with them once but he hated the experience because he thought JJ was radiating douchiness everywhere. (JJ is just bad at making good impressions, poor baby.)

Emil is always one to invite Mickey to go places with him: the groceries, the beach, the park, the mall, the local drive-in, etc. He even invited Mickey to dinner (just the two of them). Mickey always says no. Sometimes, Emil feels defeated because Mickey says no and sometimes doesn’t understand why his childhood friend became so distant.

Emil tried dropping shit tons of hints that it was Mickey he was interested in and not Sara, but all those hints just did was make Mickey think Emil wanted Sara. Mickey always fails to pick up those hints. Sara is tired af of her brother’s obliviousness. It’s clear to Sara and even Otabek that Emil is gay af for Mickey.

Emil confided in JJ about his feelings for Mickey. JJ was like, “Uhm, duh.” It went down like this, non-verbatim: E: Wait you knew? J: The whole school knows, man! Well, except Crispino himself. I think his sister knows, too. E: *smirks* Hmm, do you think Beka knows? J: Wh-- wha-- Beka? Who’s that? E: *teasingly* Oh, you know? Beka, our dear friend from Kazakhstan? J: Beka? Like, B-Becca Mitchell? E: *laughs his ass off* Yeah, sure. Becca Mitchell. Emil thinks JJ has a thing for Beka. And he was right.

Otabek and JJ (JJBek), Part 1

JJ, being observant as hell, always seems to notice Otabek whenever he sees the Kazakh boy anywhere. The first time he saw Otabek was at a photowalk in a neighboring town. (Otabek also noticed JJ but didn’t want to say anything. Beka thought it might not be a good idea to draw attention to JJ without the latter asking for it.) The second time was when he saw Otabek arriving to school on his motorbike (which JJ dubs as “The Otabike”). No one else except the Crispinos notices Otabek.

JJ asks Phichit Chulanont, everybody’s go-to information database, to dig up some information about Beka, to which Phichit took longer to do it than usual because Otabek hardly uses his social media accounts. Phichit had to resort to traditional investigative means to deliver.

JJ learned as much about Otabek as Phichit could uncover: that Otabek was from Almaty, Kazakhstan; that he was on a foreign exchange scholarship; that he lived with the Crispinos and works part-time for their dad’s restaurant; and that his closest friend was Michele Crispino. Basically, it was hard to find something about Beka other than that.

JJ decides to take it from here and attempt to be friends with Mickey (so he can get to Beka), only for the Italian man (who assumed that JJ wants to date Sara) to glare at the Canadian darkly and utter (of course), “You stay away from my sister or say goodbye to your dick. You pick.” JJ basically sweats nervously and quietly retreats. Otabek, who was watching the whole time, raises and eyebrow and wonders what the hell that was all about.

Otabek secretly is interested in JJ because he could see there’s something different about JJ that separates him from the other hockey players. Well, everyone knows Emil’s a dork, but with JJ, it’s something Otabek couldn’t seem to lay a finger on.

One time after PE, Otabek saw JJ step out of the shower in his post-shower naked glory. Otabek was sent to the infirmary because of extreme loss of blood. Mickey had to stay till his dad could pick Otabek up.

Otabek once told Yurio about JJ through their Skype convos and even sent pictures. Yurio thought that JJ looked like a douchebag, but willingly supports Otabek if he thinks JJ will make him happy (even if Yurio visibly cringes at the thought. Otabek smirks and laughs it off.)

Bonus Headcanons (in case y’all be wondering where everybody else is):

Phichit Chulanont is the local walking information database with huge-ass brows full of secrets. He runs the school newspaper (and its social media accounts), with Sara Crispino as his associate editor and Minami Kenjirou as a news correspondent. Phichit is also the number one source for information trading at school, but requesting for his services comes with a hefty price. Phichit sometimes uses his information to play matchmaker.

Yuuri Katsuki and Phichit are still best friends (like in canon-verse) because why the hell not. Minami usually tries to hang with them when he gets the chance. The two forget he’s even there sometimes. (There was one time when Phichit and Yuuri drove off just as Minami was about to open the door. Yikes.)

Yuuri and Victor Nikiforov are the crowned Homecoming power couple of the school. Victor is the head dance captain of the school and also rules the school alongside Yuuri. Because, well, why not? There’s no conflict of social power between Victor and JJ; Victor just doesn’t give a shit about JJ (ouch). When Victuuri walks down the hallways together, they basically come with their own theme song. (refer here)

Sara Crispino and Mila Babicheva are totally dating. Mr. Crispino whole-heartedly supports his daughter’s relationship. Mickey took more time to be convinced (especially about the existence of lesbians like wtf Mickey seriously) but came around. Sara and Mila are also part of the school’s drama club.

Leo de la Iglesias and Guang-hong Ji are also part of the hockey team and are basically falling in love with each other. Although the two haven’t said anything, JJ totally ships them. He also sees Leo as his potential heir apparent.

Chris Giacometti is the guidance counselor at school who regularly promotes safe sex when someone comes in for counseling. He gives sex advice sometimes. His most notable counseling session that came with sex adviuce was with Leo and Guang-Hong (gee, I wonder why). When the old sex-ed teacher retired, Chris immediately applied for the position (and basically sweet-talked his way to get the job). He also brings his cat to school sometimes. Chris’ husband sometimes visits and brings him lunch.

Minako Okukawa, one of the dance club advisers, just loves watching Chris’ thicc booty bounce. During trainings, Yuuri sometimes has to catch Minako-sensei’s attention back to Earth just to refocus her attention on club practice.

Georgi Popovich is the adviser of the drama club (because why not). During an “investigation”, Phichit unearthed photos of Mr. Popovich’s career wherein he played Caribose during a run of Sleeping Beauty at West End, and he looked like he applies makeup like it’s a pie to the face. No one could look at Mr. Popovich the same way again.

Phichit has a particular crush on the fashion club’s vice-president, Seung-gil Lee. Seung-gil feels the same way but doesn’t know how to express his feelings.

Yakov Feltsman is the school principal. He particularly dislikes Victor sometimes for being unconventionally rebellious and annoyingly chill. Yosek Karpíšek is the vice-principal. Lilia Baranovskaya is the head of the arts department and is sometimes confused as to why the hell she hired Minako.

It’s actually much longer than I anticipated, but if you stayed till the end, thanks for reading this. Stay tuned for Part 2 (where somebody saves the school dance and enthralls one of our main characters loljk)!

[rofics]

My Little Prey

Fandom: BTS Pairing:  Namjoon x Jimin Genre: Smut Au: College hybrid au Request: The request was for some Bottom!Namjoon x Top!Jimin... Which we know I am always happy to provide! Summary: Jimin is a prey hybrid that is more or less tired of predators thinking he is just some cute little thing they can play with, he meets predator Namjoon who really is just a huge dork that looks way to adorable in his sweaterpaw's. Ussuri dhole Namjoon and Chipmunk Jimin!

Chipmunks… Fuck chipmunks. That was Jimin’s main thought as he washed dried sweat off his body after his last dancing class of the day. He loved dancing, and he loved the classes, he just fucking hated everybody in it.

They had a few new students joining them today, and it had only been a little while before one of the girls, a female student raccoon dog hybrid had poked his cheek and cooed over how cute he was. Had he maybe bit her finger yes… Maybe… It wasn’t his fault! He was so tired of people, no that was wrong that predatory animals thought that he was such a cute little thing just because he was a prey animal!

Okay he had chubby cheeks and was short, but that was it! He had trained his body to have muscles all over, he wasn’t just some cute little thing! So yeah, Jimin hated being a chipmunk hybrid, the worst part was that every person he seemed to be attracted to was a stupid ass predator, and he tried to date them he really did!

He tried not to judge people based on their hybrid status, but nobody seemed to give it back to him. It wasn’t like people were yelling at him or shit like that, it was small things like patting him on the head, touching his ears, poking his cheeks. Oh god, could people just stop poking his cheeks?!

While he was swearing away society in his head he failed to notice a certain vampire deer behind him until arms were closed behind his middle and slightly slurred words were heard in his ear. “Jiminie! I need a favour!”

He didn’t need to turn around to know that it was Taehyung, even if it wasn’t because of deeper than average voice, the slurring based on his long fangs always gave him away. “I am not helping you check if Yoongi-hyung can breath underwater, that is called assisted murder, and let’s be honest… Yoongi-hyung won’t stay dead, he will be back to haunt us.”

Taehyung’s voice was pouty “You are so boring, but that’s not the point right now! You know that coffee place you refuse to go with me to?”

“The weird hipster one where all the art students hang their art trying to sell it?” He questioned and pulled his shirt on as Taehyung finally let him go.

“Yeah that one, I need your help! There is this cute bunny, and I need to find out if he likes guys.”

“And your answer to that… Is stalking?” Jimin really shouldn’t be surprised Taehyung had always been extra as fuck.

He wanted to say no, the place was simply just weird to him and all the art was even more weird. “It’s not stalking! I’m just making sure!”

“He works at a hipster coffee-shop, they don’t come more gay than that.” Jimin didn’t want to go there, but he also wanted to be a good friend, since Taehyung did put up with him complaining about stupid as predators.

He sighed. “He better be worth it… and he better be really really cute.”

Which he shouldn’t have said, that was what launched Taehyung into a long rant about just how cute the bunny was, not that Jimin really cared. But he was a good friend so he listened and that was how he ended up in the most hipster coffee shop that he had ever seen.

It was easy for him to determine who Taehyung’s crush was, tall dark haired with a good muscle mass but still a cute face. Yes Taehyung had a type that was for sure, if it wasn’t because the deer hybrid only dated people taller than him, Jimin was sure that he would have hit on him. So just to be sure he dyed his hair orange, no shade to Taehyung… But… He wasn’t really Jimin’s type.

That was when he noticed something that very much was his type, the guy was sitting in a corner in a oversized chair, with his stupidly long legs curled up under him, holding a book close while an oversized pair of glasses was resting on his nose. A pair of wolf ears had been bleached to match the color of his hair, but the dark roots were showing his real hair color.

The guy was… adorable, a kind of adorable that overshadowed the fact that his small but still showing canines and wolf ears clearly marked him as predator, and Jimin had sworn off ever dating predators again.

“Jimin!? Are you even listening?” Oh apparently Taehyung had been speaking while he had been staring at the wolf.

He pointed towards the blond wolf. “Do you know that guy?”

“Namjoon-hyung? Yeah he is always here, he is in Yoongi-hyung music production class. I talked with him a few times. He's a nice person.” Jimin hadn’t taken his eyes of Namjoon in all the time Taehyung had spoken, how had he never seen this guy before?

“You go and stalk your bunny then. I… have other stuff to do.” And with that he left Taehyung who was complaining in loud whispers about him being a traitor and he couldn’t just do stuff like that!

First when he had taken the spot across from Namjoon did he realize that this might have been a bad idea. It took almost 5 minutes before Namjoon looked up from his book seeming surprised to see Jimin there. “Hello?”

Jimin just kinda blanked at that point, he hadn’t planned what to say after he made contact. He felt that maybe just spurting out. “You are really pretty! Please go on a date with me!” Might not be the best idea.

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you out?” Namjoon asked covering his laugh up with his hand, omg he had cute sweater sleeves. Shit! He had said that outloud hadn’t he.

The blush that took over Namjoon’s cheeks clearly showed, that yes he had said that out loud, over all… Jimin was really smooth… or not. “That came out wrong… I would… I would really like to take you out, if you aren’t too busy.”

Namjoon played with lower lip with his pinky in a clearly thinking movement. Jimin was worried for a second that he had blown his chance. “There is a movie going currently that I have wanted to see for a while, we can go together?”

Jimin hurriedly nodded, didn’t even ask what movie it was, how bad could it be? When he turned up at the movie theater dressed in what he hoped showed off his best features. Tanktop and skinny jeans, he had expected to see one of block busters currently showing. At first he was overjoyed, Namjoon had showed up in a sweater matching the one from the day before, long sleeves covering his hands and tight jeans hugging his thighs close showing off. Then when he saw what they were watching he wanted to cry, some stupid pretentious french art movie, he should have expected this shouldn’t he?

Namjoon seemed to actually look forward to it, he spoke animated about it, with big hand movements and a soft smile on his lips. His wolf tail seemed to be equally excited as it was happily swaying from side to side. The top half seemed to have been dyed to match his hair and then the rest slowly running down into black, he was bloody gorgeous and he liked standing behind Namjoon as the tail wrapped itself around Namjoon thick thigh, to make sure that nobody stepped on it.

He hadn’t spent much time with Namjoon, this was their first date after all, but he liked how he never treated Jimin like other predators did. He never pushed Jimin or made the first move. If anything it was always Jimin who had to make the first move. The movie was boring, no that would be putting it too nicely, it was mind numbingly boring, but he got to hold Namjoon’s hand. He had intended to try for a kiss, but the wolf was way too into the movie, so he ended up just being happy holding the blond’s hand, as his gaze moved from the boring movie back to their hands he remembered another reason he hated being a prey animal. Namjoon’s hand was so much bigger than his, it looked like Namjoon’s hand completely swallowed up his.

When they left the movie theater either person had yet to let go of the other's hand. “You didn’t watch the movie at all, did you?”

Jimin awkwardly ran a hand through his orange hair. “No, I’m sorry it wasn’t my kind of thing.”

Then it was Namjoon’s turn to awkwardly giggle. “It’s my fault, Yoongi-hyung always says that my tastes are boring.”

“No!” Namjoon raised an eyebrow “Okay it might not be my taste, but I really enjoyed spending time with you!”

God he was adorable as he giggled into his hand again, pushing his glasses up. “Enough to give me another chance to take you out? And hopefully not bore you?”

Okay, it was time to test if the predator was ready to let him, a prey, take charge. “What if I plan our next date?”

A light blush made itself known over Namjoon’s cheekbones. “I would like that.”

That conversation lead to another date, a more chill date planned by Jimin who took them out to a hole in the wall italian place. It was a good date if you asked Jimin. It was the first time he got to see Namjoon in something that wasn’t an oversized sweater. Instead the man was wearing a tight fitted white button up complimenting his tanned skin.

Jimin enjoyed their evening. He was worried at first that he would have nothing to talk with Namjoon about, but conversation flowed between them without any problem. It turned out that really the blond was just a big dork, a big dork with a love for music that Jimin could relate to.

Namjoon’s food had almost gotten cold as the older was telling a story of how he one time fell of the stage while he was rapping. “I would probably have been hurt much more if my girlfriend at the time hadn’t caught me, luckily she was a polar bear so I didn’t crush her, but still everybody laughed… And that was the last time anybody took me serious at that venue.” Namjoon laughed while running a hand through his hair, he had replaced his glasses with contacts for tonight, but it left Jimin to realize that he did prefer Namjoon with glasses on. He was so cute with them.

“Wait you dated another predator?” Most people usually avoided that.

Namjoon just looked confused. “Yeah? Oh no please don’t tell me you are one of those who is against dating between prey and prey, and Predators and predator? Of course! You are super awesome and hot, but there is always a hamartia isn’t there!?” And then he was on his feet fishing for his wallet, because he might want to storm out but his mother had raised him right!

“Did you just quote ‘Fault in Our Stars’?”

“Yes,” now he just looked shy and awkward, “my point still stands!” He was about to throw money on the table and leave when Jimin grabbed his wrist to stop him.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he excused, “it’s just that it is uncommon! You know since predators are known to fight each other a lot.”

“Oh so we are just mindless brutes now?” His ears were twitching and tail standing up, but there didn’t seem to be much aggression in his stance. More that he seemed to be disappointed in Jimin, which yes probably was more painful than if he had just made the man angry instead of letting him down.

“No! Stop taking the words from my mouth! I was just surprised, please don’t leave. I really like you.” The chipmunk pleaded.

Namjoon blushed looking down at where Jimin had grabbed his wrist. “I’m sorry,” he hung his head in a sad movement, “I’m so used to people making fun of me just for being me and I shouldn’t have made such a big deal about it.” His wolf ears were hanging in a sad movement, making him look more like a puppy who had gotten slapped on the nose more than a wolf who should be able to rip out people's throat. Why was Namjoon so adorable?

“Let’s do this over?” Jimin asked hesitantly.

The wolf nodded. “I’m Kim Namjoon, I’m a huge nerd and sometimes I get a little defensive because people aren’t really nice, and they don’t understand that my attraction to people can’t be forced on just one subset of people. I just like people and that doesn’t make me weak.” He was wringing his hands not meeting Jimin’s gaze.

“I’m Park Jimin, I’m a dancer and I don’t like when people think that I’m some weak willed person who just does what other people says just because I’m prey. I can be dominant and a prey.” That made both of them smile at each other. This could work out.

It did end up working out, it ended up working out very well. They did have their struggles of course. Namjoon was prone to trying to be what society wanted from him. He had moments when they were out in public where he would try and act like the big manly predator, but Jimin had quickly learned that all he needed was a light scratch behind the ear to go back to being a sweet little puppy.

He had also learned that Namjoon wasn’t actually a wolf, but a ussuri dhole. Also known as an Indian wild dog. Namjoon had seemed almost offended that Jimin thought he was a wolf. “Since when are wolves native to South Korea?”

The chipmunk hybrid had just laughed and kissed him on the cheek. “I’m not even sure what a Ussuri is, so I will just take your word for it.”

He enjoyed spending time with Namjoon, both in public and by themselves, the older male was fascinating to watch. The first time Jimin had seen him rapping he almost couldn’t believe that it was actually Namjoon. First when he got off stage covered in sweat from performing eagerly asking Jimin what he thought like an overly eager puppy.

So yeah, he was happy with Namjoon, and somehow the older hybrid agreed to date him. They took it slow, that one was on Namjoon’s request, apparently he had gotten burned before and he didn’t want it to happen again with Jimin. Which was fine with him! It really was, if Namjoon could stop wearing tight jeans and being so fucking adorable.

It hadn’t been planned at all the day they ended up actually going all the way. It had been just a makeup session like so many times before, it had been on the couch of Jimin’s shared apartment with Taehyung. Whatever movie Namjoon had put on the hopefully better, Jimin’s sense of cinematography had long been forgotten as Jimin was pushing Namjoon to the couch. Strong thighs caging his hips as their tongues were dancing to a beat only they could hear. It hadn’t been on purpose, he just wanted to move Namjoon’s tail so he didn’t crush it, but in his eager hand movement he accidentally grabbed the tail a little harshly. Jimin broke to kiss to apologise, he knew that he hated when people pulled his tail since it was very sensitive, instead Namjoon released a breathy whiny moan.

To say Jimin hadn’t been expecting that was to put it mildly, but that didn’t stop him from exploring this newly found pleasure point, he gave the tail another weak tug as he bit down on his neck. The reaction was instant, as Namjoon seem to completely fall lax under his treatment, his entire body just kinda relaxed, letting Jimin do whatever it wanted as he once again moaned out, this time a breathy version of Jimin’s name.

“Aw you like that baby? You like when you are getting your pretty little tail pulled? Or do you just like when you people treat you are little rough?” He cooed into Namjoon’s ear before lightly nipping at it.

Namjoon couldn’t keep back a whine as he clawed at Jimin’s back. “Yes please!”

So yeah, Namjoon begging was definitely a kink that he hadn’t expected to have, but he did indeed very much have it, he gave Namjoon’s tail another tug, sneaking the other hand beneath the man’s oversized sweater to thumb at his nipple. “This okay baby?” While he wanted to keep going, consent was important especially in moments like this.

The blond bit his lip, and for a second Jimin thought he was going to say no, instead he just asked. “Can we go to the bedroom instead? You said Taehyung would be home soon and I don’t really want him to find us like this.” A light blush was spreading over his cheeks, but it was also clear that he was very much still turned on.

Jimin had to agree with him on that one, he didn’t really want to get found out by Taehyung either, he placed a quick kiss on his lips before getting off of him, grabbing his hand to half pull the taller towards his bedroom.

He pulled Namjoon in with him locking the door, and then pushing the ussuri up against the it. He took his mouth in another heated kiss, until Jimin decided that he didn’t enjoy the height difference between them. “Get on the bed baby?”

Namjoon just nodded as he went to pull off the oversized sweater, but Jimin was quick to stop him. “Keep that on, everything else off.” So yeah he had a kink, whatever sue him.

Again Namjoon hesitated, but then he started pulling off his tight jeans showing those beautiful tanned thighs. Jimin started removing his own clothes, undressing down to his tight boxers. Namjoon looked kinda awkward wirh his oversized sweater covering his nether region. “Get on the bed baby, you decided how you want to be.”

Namjoon’s dyed tailed was clearly overeager as it moved from side to side, then he did as Jimin asked him to choosing to get on his hands and knees on the bed. He leaned forward resting on his elbows, presenting his rearside to Jimin.

While Jimin had been with predators who let him top before, no one  had ever been this willing, god he loved this man. It was like they were meant to be. “So pretty baby.”

He couldn’t stop himself from caressing the man’s inner thigh. “Jimin please hurry up!” Even a little touch like that seemed to turn Namjoon on as he lifted his tail up clearly showing where he wanted Jimin to touch.

“If you say so.” He knew what Namjoon really wanted, he was still hard from their makeout sessions in the living room and with weeks of teasing leading up to this moment, Jimin knew what the wolf wanted, but he wasn’t about to give it to him. Instead he leaned forward, spread Namjoon’s cheeks gently before licking a stripe over his rim.

The reaction was instant as he felt the wolf's tail lightly falling on the top of his head. “Don’t tease, please don’t tease!”

Jimin didn’t answer he just kept licking around the rim, seeing how the it was eagerly opening under the touch of his tongue made Jimin think that Namjoon might like to play with himself in a whole other way. The thought of Namjoon, his cute predator on his back stuffing those long fingers inside his hole while moaning Jimin’s name was definitely a thought Jimin could get behind as he lightly pushed the tip of tongue inside Namjoon.

He really shouldn’t tease the older, if anything he himself was eager to finally get inside the male, but his reaction to the teasing was so beautiful. Jimin snuck a finger in with his tongue and started opening him up for real and preparing him.

“Jimiiiiin!” Namjoon whined into a pillow beautifully, trying to push his ass closer to Jimin to really get what he wanted. Jimin gave in and pushed another finger in slowly scissoring him open while he fucked him for real with his tongue.

All the sounds Namjoon released were just amazing, and it fueled Jimin to aim for that one special spot inside him. It took a few tries but when he finally got it, it was worth it. All with how Namjoon somehow managing to be even louder. God he hoped Taehyung wasn’t home, because he planned on forcing every sound he could out of Namjoon.     

Namjoon was reduced to a begging mess when Jimin finally decided that he was done preparing the older. “Can you give me the lube baby, the bedside table right next to you.”

He whined as he reached out for the lube throwing it back to Jimin who had decided that placing hickies on Namjoon’s inner thigh and marking him up was a good idea. “Jimin please just hurry up! It’s not fun anymore!”

“I’m having fun.” He pulled down his pants and let out a low moan as he spread lube over his erection, he hadn’t had any stimulation at all.

Namjoon mumbled something Jimin couldn’t hear but he was sure it wasn’t a compliment at all. “So you wanna complain that means you don’t really want it at all?” He teased as he pressed himself up against the blonde’s back, and lightly sliding his erection between his cheeks.

The older didn’t say anything he just whined high in his throat, clearly not at all appreciating Jimin being a big fucking tease. “You have to use your words Joonie, I don’t know what you want if you don’t say anything.”

“You know very well what I want! Just give it to me!” The ussuri’s voice was clearly meant to be strong, a show some kind of strength, but instead it was light and breathy.

“No, tell me what you want.”

“Just fuck me already! I want you fucking cock inside me, JIMIN PLEASE!”

“Good boy.” Jimin complemented, lightly nipping at the dyed wolf ear on top of his head guiding himself inside Namjoon in a very slow movement. As much as he wanted to fuck the man silly, he also didn’t want to hurt him.

Namjoon didn’t seem to agree with Jimin’s slow tempo as he moved his hips backwards forcing  Jimin all the way inside him and forcing a strangled moan out of both of them.

Jimin had to rest his head between Namjoon’s shoulder blades to calm down for a second, he really wanted to just fuck the older, but he also knew that he needed to keep it chill.

“You can move please.” Namjoon mumbled into the pillow, trying to keep the noises in.

“Don’t hide those moans from me, you try and hide them and I stop, got it?” He pulled Namjoon up by his hair, forcing another moan from the man this time not hid and muffled by the pillow.

Jimin started his thrusts slowly, going deep but slowly, not wanting to overwhelm Namjoon to early. He should have known that Namjoon at this point didn’t appreciate getting treated like he was fragile as he started moving his hips against Jimin’s thrust forcing the younger to speed up. Okay if Namjoon wanted it like that, he would get it like that!

Their fucking become much more desperate with Jimin gripping Namjoon’s hips hard with one hand, the other still holding his head up by his hair. The sound coming out of Namjoon’s mouth went from whiny dirty to ‘Omg that is not appropriate for any venue!’ As both neared the edge Jimin let go of Namjoon’s hip to wrap it around his erection but he felt his wrist getting caught by a fluffy tail. “No don’t! I… It’s fine please just! Just!”

The words made no sense but Jimin he was sure he knew what Namjoon actually meant, so increased the speed of his hips, and at this point he was positive that he was actually leaving bruises on the wolf’s hips. But Namjoon seemed to enjoy it. For a second Jimin was worried that he wouldn’t be able to last long enough, but with one pull on Namjoon’s bleached tail and a high throat whine Namjoon tightened around him as he came.

Jimin couldn’t hold back anymore as he emptied himself inside Namjoon, his strength more or less failing him as he fell on top of Namjoon’s back who had also given up on holding himself up. Both males just laid there trying to catch their breath for a while, until they heard a loud bang on the door. “So are you two finally done fucking? You scared my bunbun! Jungkook won’t come out of the bathroom because of you guys!”  

Authors note:

For people who care:

Namjoon: Ussuri dhole Jimin: Siberian Chipmunk Jungkook: Korean hare Taehyung: Siberian musk deer Yoongi: Pygmy killer whale Hoseok: Golden Crown Crane Seokjin: Asian Black Bear

HOPE YOU ENJOYED!

- Prussia / Bottom Namjoon Queen