#not about bpd

[aetherial-boy]

if you have HPD, NPD or ASPD i love you. we’re either ignored or talked over, or flat out demonised. we’re seen as abusers. but we’re human, and a personality disorder shouldn’t change that.

[honeypleasejustkillme]

i thought i was at my lowest but holy shit it gets lower

[bioethicists]

it's very important to understand how a personality disorder diagnosis functions in the psychiatric system, even if you identify with the diagnosis or find it useful.

personality disorders on your medical record will be used to discredit anything you say or do. they indicate "don't bother listening to this person; apply treatment regardless of their wishes but also they're probably manipulating/attention-seeking so maybe don't bother treating them". needing support becomes attention-seeking. behaviors that would be treated + supported in someone without this diagnosis are ignored or treated as manipulative. providers are instructed to "withdraw warmth" (a real thing in the DBT provider's manual, btw) in response to self-injury or suicidal ideation.

if you have been dx'd with a personality disorder professionally, you likely understand this.

now, here's the important part: this is not an issue of 'stigma' against a politically neutral, pre-discursive True Disease which is being Unfairly Maligned. these diagnoses were formulated based on the idea that some patients cannot be trusted, that some patients seek care too much. they are applied to patient charts as a justification for withdrawing care or as a dismissal of someone "not getting better" fast enough. in the uk, they are often employed by the nhs to shame or problematize people who use large amounts of nhs resources, arguing that receiving a lot of care through the nhs is a negative behavior stemming from a disordered personality.

there are elements of personality disorders which resonate strongly with many people, including myself, but you need to be clear-eyed about the origins + functions of this diagnosis. as a whole, they were created + function as ways to discredit + mistreat noncompliant or "difficult" patients. 'reclaiming' them is not going to change how they function systematically- it is going to make it easier to engage in this systematic neglect by evoking 'ableism' or 'stigma!' when people question the utility or application of the diagnosis.

[cheesy-cheddar-sadness]

text could never portray the scream i wish i could let out

[hughestism]

neurodivergent people are not immune to being ableist

you as a neurodivergent person are not immune to being ableist

edit: if you use this post to harass someone, i will report you

[rebpup]

how do you flirt?

stalking

[paranoidpdsuggestion]

[sunlit-mess]

~

[dxndeli-n]

Abandonment issues go brrr

[iifly-with-meii25]

just wanna lay in my bed and rot until im actually fucking dead

[chnt]

[ID: text reading:

Frequently Asked Questions:

How did you become like this? How was your childhood? Do your loved ones find you constantly grating? "Your clinician may ask to talk to family or loved ones to get complete information on the ways that your symptoms are [affecting] you. "Did you know you can lead a normal and fulfilling life? Did you know no one will ever truly love you? Do you know what compassion feels like? Do you care? How does anyone deal with you? How should I talk to you? Wow, you seem so different from everyone else who fits this arbitrary group of symptoms that I vaguely know. Why are you different? Are you special? Are you stupid? Are you human? Are you cursed? Are you monstrous? Are you possessed? Are you made of metal? Is rust eating you from the inside out? Are you a real boy? Are you a real girl? Are you raw meat? Are you beautiful? Are you an angel corrupted by pride upon seeing the shape of god? Are you an abstract painting? How can I make you what I want you to be in my singular narrative? end ID]

frequently asked questions, sunny valentine

[bluepr1ntyy]

Im like a person but instead of a brain I just have multiple Raven AfterDeath worms

I have very silly headcanons about him,,, I think his body is very cold(corpse-like) and he’s always seeking for warmth, like a reptile lol.

I also think his scar affects him in other ways, I think the whole “stress affects his scar” thing is more because— since magic still flows in his body— his body creates more magic when he’s in (either real or imaginary) danger as a way to try to defend himself but, because he has no way of getting all that extra magic out, it becomes too much for his body and harms him from the inside. His mask would kinda help(?) the magic not get to his face since it could grow up to his eyes, which wouldn’t be good for obvious reasons.

I think exploring Raven’s disability and other ways it might affect him(socially, physically, etc) is interesting idk

Characters;;

Raven by @echoiarts

BluePrint by @pepper-mint

Jeremy(Raven kisser oc) belongs to me </3

Shino-Hana by @blue-kohina

Lux by AlainaPrana

The Raven kid can be any kid ever

Moot tags;;

@doodlesphxre @yeloenk @lushciqqs @clownray1

[templetv]

the way I crave a parent who, not only loves me, but likes me, and notices me is so so embarrassing

[drowningbpdbodies]

I didn’t have the ‘correct’ reaction to something and now I feel bad

[vinntea]

OK WAIT HOLD ON EVERYONE SHUT UP WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS??

In this scene, our Ekko just woke up in an alternate timeline. This is the frame where he sees Benzo, his father figure who's dead in his reality. Obviously he's in shock. He doesn't know where he is, what's going on, he's seeing his dead dad, probably a million thoughts running through his head. In response to seeing Ekko like this, Benzo says:

"One of those days, huh?" I'm sorry, WHAT????? WHAT DOES HE MEAN ONE OF THOSE DAYS???? Then Powder says

"You know those ugly twins, genius and madness!" It's clear she's saying this to redirect the focus off of Ekko, dude needs a moment and she sees that. What's interesting to me is Benzo isn't at all shocked that Ekko is having a moment. Powder saying the line above also implies this isn't out of the ordinary. The ugly twins Powder's talking about are likely akin to an angel and devil on his shoulders, two halves of a whole that make up Ekko. This sudden moment of panic that he's having is regular enough that Powder and Benzo consider it a sort of side effect to his intelligence. The FASCINATING part of this implication is that it mirrors his world's Jinx. In his reality, Jinx is the crazy genius who has 'those days'. If Ekko in this reality is the one who experiences that 'craziness' then not only does that mean Ekko and Powder are reflections of each other, but it means something's CAUSED Ekko to have a 'madness' side to him. In our reality, Jinx is 'crazy' due to the trauma and brainwashing she goes through with the death of her loved ones and being used as a weapon by Silco. There are some signs in season 1 arc 1 that Powder could've had a chemical imbalance even before that, but we can see through this other Powder that she would've turned out mostly ok. In the nearly perfect reality of this alternate timeline, what could've caused Ekko to be the 'crazy one'? In my mind, there are two possibilities. The first one being, he's traumatized from causing Vi's death. He didn't kill her, and everyone around him knows that, but he still thinks it's his fault for giving them the tip to steal from Jayce, which lead to Vi's death. If he hadn't given them the tip, they never would've gone there and Vi wouldn't have died. This would also line up with the mirror dynamic, as Jinx in our reality thinks Vander, Milo, and Clagger's deaths are her fault. The guilt of it has driven him mad just as it did her. This makes other interactions make sense as well. Powder inviting Ekko to go see Vi, (she probably does this to help Ekko cope when he's having these episodes) Then he turns to her and says "Was it you" and you see how upset she is. She looks as if she has something to say, but holds back and walks off instead. What if she was thinking "What? No, it was your fault???" Or maybe she does secretly think it was her fault too and her helping the guy who feels the same way is her way of coping, making it all the more insulting that he'd accuse her just cus he's having an episode. She's very willing to forgive him because she understands his psychological struggles. That brings me to possibility 2. What if Ekko was always crazy? What if Ekko has dealt with a chemical imbalance and struggled with that madness on top of his trauma? Just like Jinx. The only reason we actually get to see that madness on display for this Ekko is because our Ekko never has a moment to show that side of him. He's never allowed a moment to think to himself or at the very least we never see it. With Jinx, we get tons of scenes with her madness on full display. If Ekko had similar struggles in our reality just not as severe or noticeable, then in comparison to Jinx, he seems completely fine. These small implications of the alternate timeline tells me that we had it wrong. Ekko is also crazy and always has been. THAT'S why he's able to get to Jinx and understand her, accept her for who she is when Vi couldn't. It's also possible his hatred for Jinx in season 1 may have been him projecting his issues onto her. He knows what that madness looks like and he fears that if he doesn't keep his together, he could end up like Jinx. It's only until he sees the other Powder, sees the way she understands him and is there for him, that he realizes that he is worthy of love and compassion, madness and all. Only then does he accept himself for who he is and is able to accept Jinx for who she is. Accepting Jinx as Jinx and loving her madness and all, was part of him accepting himself too.

[bullseyelover]

i’ve been thinking about dex’s story in born again.

how, in universe, the world saw dex after the events of josies, and after his trial. how quick everyone was to believe he just snapped and went on a revenge fueled rampage at josies. and the sad thing is, that makes sense in the worst possible way. because the world is always going to be more comfortable writing someone like dex off as just another mentally ill guy who lost control. that’s the story people are used to. it’s easier, simpler, and it doesn’t require any deep thought or empathy. it doesn’t ask them to look at who failed him, who used him, who broke him down. it doesn’t ask them to understand the difference between someone being dangerous and someone being made into a weapon. and most people just don’t care enough to look closer.

and what gets me is how many people refuse to hold both truths about dex at the same time. that he’s a victim and a perpetrator. that he did horrific things and was still deeply, painfully used. i hate how often people online will reduce it to “oh you just like him because he’s hot” when you try to talk about him with nuance. like no. dex is complex. he’s the wound and the knife. he is someone who’s suffered, been manipulated, abandoned, used like a tool, but that doesn’t erase what he’s done. it doesn’t mean people weren’t hurt, or that his violence didn’t matter. you can see his pain and still hold him accountable. you can understand where it came from and still be horrified by the outcome. none of that is contradictory. it’s just real. he’s a character full of contradictions, and that’s part of what makes him so compelling. reducing him to one thing, victim, villain, psycho, it just flattens him into a version of himself that isn’t true.

and even in the show, it’s like no one really wants to see the whole truth of who dex is. it’s easier for them to believe “crazy guy goes violent” than to admit that someone vulnerable was groomed and turned into a weapon by someone with more power. for example in episode 8 where matt slams dex’s head into the table, and when the guard walks in, matt lies and says dex did it to himself. and the guard doesn’t even hesitate to believe it. he just immediately goes, “you crazy asshole.” he doesn’t even question it. because that’s already the version of dex they’ve decided is true. they don’t need proof, they don’t need context. they hear “he hurt himself” and go “of course he did.” and that’s what’s so brutal about it. even matt bought into that narrative at first. even though he knew dex had worked for fisk after the events of season three. and he listened to dex’s tapes. he believed that dex was a man who woke up one day on impulse and decided to kill foggy eight years after the events of season three. because he believed dex to be a violent and disturbed psychopath. because that’s the story society already believes. many people believe that mentally ill people are inherently dangerous. quiet violence is scarier than loud chaos. so people don’t ask questions. they just assume the worst. so dex being quiet and restrained in his rage in the trial scene just confirmed what they already thought about him. and that kind of widespread erasure makes dex’s story even more tragic. not just what happened to him, but how no one really sees it. not fully.

and that invisibility messes with him too. dex already struggles with identity. he barely knows who he is when no one’s giving him a script to follow. so when the whole world reduces him to nothing but a monster, a rampage shooter, it probably confirms the worst things he already fears about himself. even if he knows deep down it’s not the whole truth, it gets in his head. like maybe they’re right. maybe he really is just broken and dangerous and beyond saving. that he is an animal and nothing more. and that’s what hurts him. because he tried. he tried to be good. he tried to follow the rules. for so many years because he genuinely wanted to be a better version of himself. he tried to be useful, to matter, to be someone. and in the end, none of it mattered. no one remembers that he tried. they only see the end result. they only see the damage.

and that weight, the failure, the guilt, the grief of never being seen clearly, that’s something he has to carry alone. it’s what makes his story so heavy to sit with. and none of this is to say that dex isn’t still responsible for what he’s done. evidently he knew what he was doing. even if he was manipulated into it. he made choices, and those choices hurt people. he’s not innocent. he’s not good. he’s a villain. that’s who he is, that’s who he’s becoming, and he’s also someone with borderline personality disorder. someone who was manipulated, used, pushed to the edge, and weaponized. those things can all exist at once. he’s not either a tragic victim or an evil monster. he’s both. and when people act like empathizing with him or understanding where he came from is the same as excusing what he did, it’s just dishonest. like no one’s out here saying “my poor baby” and pretending he didn’t kill people. it’s just acknowledging that there’s more to him than what most are willing to see. that doesn’t absolve him. it just complicates him. and if that makes people uncomfortable, maybe they should ask why it’s so much easier to believe someone like dex is just a psycho killer than to accept that he’s human. flawed, dangerous, and human.

if people are saying that about comic bullseye, then yeah, it makes sense. that version of him is literally written to be an unstable psychopath who kills people for fun. he’s meant to be scary and empty and cruel, and that’s it. that’s what makes his character so fun to read. the needless violence, the grin on his face while he commits it. but dex isn’t only that. dex is bullseye, but he’s a version with so much more nuance and humanity. he is capable of everything that comic bullseye is capable of. but he has more contradictions, more depth. he’s not just evil for the sake of it. he’s broken and angry and used and spiraling, and all of that is still his responsibility, but it’s layered. he’s not just a killer. he’s a person. comic bullseye is the foundation, but dex was built on top of that. same character, same legacy, just finally given complexity. he has all the traits of his comic self, but there’s pain behind it now. there’s grief, there’s loneliness, there’s a desperate want to be seen and loved. he’s bullseye in every way, but now he’s also human and real.