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#no this isnt good and im very tired
hirtenstar · 11 months
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dogvine light severed
you are a flesh pawtomaton animated by neurufftransmitters
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most of you will not understand the agony of this outfit. but hey here's fantasy au Howdy!
rambles:
yes. i know. he looks like a gunslinger. but I think it'd be funny if Howdy shows up and he minorly tweaks the genre simply by Existing! plus, he has to make himself useful beyond being a traveling salesman - he doesn't have a scrap of magic in him! so! alchemist gunslinger!
due to much of this "final" outfit design being Miguel's (@indigopoptart <3 thanks for your help homeslice <3) influence, i have less to say than usual! i'll talk about the things i Kept from the first terrible, terrible draft!
i wanted him to have full-coverage gloves because One, gloves fuck, & Two, shooting gloves! plus, he regularly works with dangerous materials! gotta keep his hands as safe as possible! speaking of his guns, they were a Ton of fun to draw. i wanted to make them ornate... Howdy seems like he'd enjoy nice things? fancy stuff perhaps? anyway the guns have his tavern "logo" on them!
the "second safety" mentioned triggers a magic-oriented mechanism that allows him to piece the guns together! they "unfold" into a big ol clusterfuck of a powerhouse weapon! unfortunately, using this immediately breaks the guns and they have to be repaired, so it's a "break glass in case of emergency" ace up the Neighborhood's sleeve!
i like to imagine that his bandolier, while cool, stresses everyone out a little bit. each bullet is full of pressurized weaponized magic. If they break while on the bandolier, well! Howdy would probably be very much Royally Fucked! i also drew the bullets too large here, so imagine that there's a lot more than shown and they're a lot smaller. I didn't realize this mistake until right now! oopsies!
i want to keep elements of the canon outfits in these fantasy ones. hence why his vest is striped and blue, he's still got the reddish brown pants, and! why his cloak clasp is shaped like a tie! and why the inside of his cloak resembles his apron!
i like to think that Howdy got his magic pack by swindling some poor soul out of it! when the buckles are undone, it unfolds into a vendor stand that looks Much different than the tiny scribble provided! said scribble is there to ah... what's the word. Demonstrate? get the point across? it's actually quite a nice stall! he has space to sell, and a workbench to tinker on! the pockets on the bag actually do function as pockets, though.
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fear-no-mort · 16 days
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thinkign about how alone and unloved morty was for all his life and rick was the first time anyobdy ever put such an amount of intense attention and dependency onto him . and rick had a whole new family and losing them made him stop seeing the value in other people as a whole and morty was the one and first thing that woke him up
#really long Tag rant down there#one of the most Things Ever about them to me is how morty barely even understands just how much rick loves him. more than anything#and its something ricks done on purpose hes made sure of it#because hes so weak he cant handle it#them being together is agony in avsolutely every way and sense but also theyre the best part of eachothers lives#morty because nobodys payed attention to him quite like rick has and all the exciting space adventures and rick just cause. he literally#just likes him thats it. and he never knew it#also i was thinking of this earlier. one of the reasons season 1 is soooo good to me is cuz you get to see morty grow on rick in real time#stuff like that moment where morty walks through the door and rick is instantly at the sight of him SUPER excited and he goes hey!!! but#then he clears his throat and goes Hey trying to pretend like this dumb scaredy kid isnt becoming his favourite thing hes ever known day af#er day#and goddamn night shaym aliens. in that moment where he realised morty had been fake the whole time i rlly wonder what he was thinking and#how he felt. like. oh man this is messing with me way too much this is Bad#and then he got drunk over it and yknow. that . is it post credits. i think. that scene#n literally At the Very beginning he was tired n drunk n stupid thinking like man fuck this im gonna blow this place up and do what prime#did to me. But he brought morty with him Even just at that point it flashed in his mind and he absolutely could not bear to let morty die#Breathes in#im rewatching in October bc anniversary month. i literally can’t wait im so actually impatient i considered just doing it today So hard#odiespeak
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sabo-torao · 1 month
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casting two south asian actors to play the royals of ARABASTA is plain and simple MENA erasure btw. just saying
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astrxxnxmy · 9 months
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My chaotic thoughts on Bucky in THAT What If episode because I haven't been able to get it out of my mind since I watched it
The scream I let out when Bucky first appeared though 💀
The intense eye contact with Peggy?? The way his gaze was so icy and emotionless while Peggy stared back in shock and sadness and then after, while talking to Howard, her voice shook.
(the drama is juicyy and i am all here for it)
And how he looks down when Hope says "Peter deserves our help as much as anyone." baby :( oh baby no someone give him a hug :(( and the help he clearly needs :(((
"It's just you and me, pal." "There is no me." BUCKY. BUCKY.
"You don't know me." AKSJKSFGHKS (that growl though)
"Steve Rogers did." THE SCREAM I SCRUMPT-- and the way Bucky's eyes widened. He knew, he recognized that name, he remembered, if only a little bit.
"And the man he knew, the friend he loved, would never take that shot." THE FRIEND HE LOVED IM SCREAMING I CANT DO THIS TODAY
PLUS HIS HESITATION JUST AT HEARING STEVE’S NAME GOD
THE WAY HE THEN BROKE FREE FROM THE PROGRAMMING AND WENT ON THE RUN TO REDISCOVER HIMSELF JUST LIKE AFTER CATWS
"The Winter Soldier may be out there, but I'm pretty sure Bucky Barnes is out there with him." 😭❤️
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per1w1nkl3 · 4 months
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so is spock into music and poetry because of his human side or do vulcans just make exceptions??
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jrueships · 4 months
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pretty privilege in general is a terrible tool. but when the racism that it's ingrained in really has a platform to activate, it's just absurd .
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mira0000000-blog · 4 months
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Silly teen wanting to look cool
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storywestistrash · 6 days
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i am actually so tired of the way westerners treat eastern europeans
#fair warning for. a very very long ramble and rant in the tags. apologies#westerner or russian. no other option#westerner because the only thought they ever have is 'but they had universal housing so if you oppose ussr you oppose that'#(which is stupid becuse you can believe in that WITHOUT WANTING LIKE 6 COUNTRIES TO BE FORCED TO BE RULED OVER BY RUSSIA)#(SORRY FOR WANTING TO LIVE IN MY COUNTRY WITH MY HISTORY AND MY CULTURE AND NOT RUSSIA!!) (poland was a sattelite state but GOD)#or russian because they have a victim complex and are convinced that they deserve to rule over the entire damn world#'well you had universal housing so you had it easy' right yeah. okay. forget about like. everything else that happened#to eastern europeans during that time#forget about the things that are STILL issues all these years later not only in poland but like the more eastern countries too#its not about. the fact that the houses 'didnt have 3 bedrooms and a jacuzzi' in them. you DUMB SACK OF SHIT#god sorry. sorry. i also know so very little but like god damn i fucking live here. i didnt sit thru all that modern history#for some dumbfuck to say that 'ohhh only rich and american middle class people are happy the ussr was dissolved'#'oooh the dissolving of the ussr was illegal and the countries within it actually liked being there'#im just so fucking tired man i need to. i need to start killing people#and this is all not to mention that theyll say this stupid shit and then deny eastern europeans the things they actually did that were good#FUCK french people for trying to claim maria skłodowska. fuck americans for trying to claim the witcher as their own fantasy world#fuck the way the west is allowed to claim and destroy eastern european culture without any consequence because we dont matter enough#vaguely related but ill throw this in here since anyone finding it is unlikely and im scared of having this opinion#i think one underappreciated aspect of DE (which might be underappreciated because its not actually there and im stupid)#is that its pro-communist while still also giving some criticism to how it was handled and acknowledging that its still not perfect#which makes the writers much better communists than any self-proclaimed one ive ever met in my life who just worships the idea#perhaps its because the writers of the game were not white upper middle-class americans living in the suburbs. among other things#idk de is a game for people far smarter than me and i only played it once and im sure anyone who played it well can clock me as a bad perso#horrible horrible person even which is why im scared of mentioning it. but its an interesting thing. to me#the main thing is that im just not. im not far left enough i suppose. i agree communism in theory is a great idea. as far as i know it#(which isnt very far)#but chances of implementing it correctly in a way that doesnt take away from peoples happiness in other areas is. low. very low#i wrote a short essay about how utopias are inherently contradictory ideas once it wasnt very deep or good but like#you cant have universal happiness without restricting certain freedoms. and when those freedoms are resticted not everyone#will be happy. and then theyre unhappy they will have to be somehow removed or ignored
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lupismaris · 16 days
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..
#nothing makes me truly reaffirm my commitment to being poly like the day after a rugby match#i love my bf. i love them wholly and truly for who they are. i dont want them to change outside of healing. y'know that being the best you.#but i dont want them to be someone else. so the fact theyre not a coddling caregiver isnt something I'm ever going to change in them.#they bring me coffee and check in on me and set reminders for my meds and tell me when they have to leave for errands with mum#but they always have to see to other responsibilities because they are that person.#and I love them for that. i love them for being a dutiful son and a pragmatic foreman who prepares for the week.#what does this have to do with polyam james you may ask? well ill tell you-#im learning as i have been for a while now#that as i am a chief caregiver for many ppl in my life including bf and now the ruggers (im a board member)#i deeply deeply DEEPLY want/need care when im in crisis or at a low point and theres no low point quite like post match#when your systems are coming down from adrenaline and everything fuckin hurts like hell and whats worse you're injured#im not good at being taken care of i acknowledge that. but to be coddled and handled with care rn?#have someone to sit with me and make me food and eat with me and help me stay tethered and hold me a bit and smoke with me#idk not even in a sex sense just to be held and cared for#thats why poly am is a thing for me. i love my partners and I dont want to change them i dont want to force all this on them#certain needs can be met by certain ppl in certain ways etc but love is love it is always love its just shown differently#as i was writing this bf called to say he was bringing home nonalc beer for me. i know he loves me. i know he cares. it's just different.#tbd im so very tired and achy and weepy today dont mind me#the match was great for the squad but im not thrilled with myself#hence wanting to curl up in a hole and not come out
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many-gay-magpies · 1 month
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hng
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autos-ismos · 1 month
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i keep anxiously swallowing air and hurting my stomach
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jazzzzzzhands · 1 year
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I am awake! i am living! i am FERAL! This litle update has me absolutely SPINNING Firstly just allow me to say that everything is just oh so so CUTE The costumes, the sprites, the 19 minute long audio, the COOKBOOK my beloved!! But anyways, theory time!! Well more like observations, thoughts and unhinged ramblings XD Gonna put it Down Below:
Speaking of that. First observation is the wording of Down Below We usually talk about waving up high! It is said so many times!
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But now we finally have our official "As Above, So Below" My first thought on this is the theme of a stage, "As above the stage, down below the stage" But I truly dont think we have enough information to make a connection quite yet We know where "Down Below" is I wonder where "As Above" is? The second thing is the Wally Darling costume And the Eyes
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I realize now that the Eyes are actually just holes and showing whatever is underneath, BUT I still can't help thinking that this was intentional! Perhaps it's some sort of Code? Afterall, his eyes are Black!
Now to get into the MEAT here: Spoilers if you have not found the secret audio! during the secret audio "Listen" The bug found on the transcript
Wally stares directly at the "eddie" apple as he eats the apple on the plate (I also just wanted a screenshot of the "eyes" in the BG)
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and now… now i have theories hang on cause it involves the entire transcript that was said but not said in the transcript itself! (In fact, it says this part is not there!! but it IS) so i typed it out by ear (also ayoo we have a narrator!!) (also there is a lot of 4th wall breaking and quite a few neighbors seem to know that there is a show/that they are puppets) (but anyways!) ok but here is what is said in the story It is because this town is rumored to have visitors at night… Something from deep within the forest, far beyond the hills and mountains… No one knows what it wants or where it’s going, just that it is persistent.. Just that it arrives here. So many stories have risen about their origins… But I know what it is searching for. it is looking for neighbors who have stayed up past the daytime, to gobble them up whole that is why so few live here it moves through the streets at night, but it doesnt break into Homes However, on rare instances, it will find itself with an appetite unsatisfied by its aimless wanderings even the occasional unfortunate insect that has crossed its path, is not enough those who have lived through the nights say, it isn't quiet about it either they always say you can hear when it gets closer to you do you know what sound it makes? I hear it, every night. you can hear it too, if you listen especially if you wait next to your window First, there's rustling in the bushes Then, the scratching on the pavement, and the walls.. as it crawls up Finally, if you're quiet.. You can hear it's guttural sound ok ok so there seems to be a theme going on here and the theme is Hunger And also when the audio gets all garbled and skipping? I feel like it is saying..."Frankly" over and over? I could be overthinking, but it is what i hear!! it almost feels like Wally.. can't control his hunger he was supposed to be watching Barnaby's apple Barnaby even says "Don’t worry though, kid, there’s plenty’a other eats here! What’re you feelin’ hungry for, Wally?" and he is quick to draw attention away from wally, as he tends to do a LOT barnaby seems to Know a LOT about Wally, and thats why he sort of has to be his babysitter? I think that there could be a connection here I think Wally was HUNGRY, he was absolutely STARVING OR OR Maybe something else was Hungry? Home?? Whatever the black goo/mold is?? If something is controling Wally? His eyes are black, the Goo is black, the goo is coming from Home But also also [It sounds like Barnaby pats the camera.] Going back to my theory of wally being the camera/ the audience surrogate/his eyes are cameras This is fuel to my fire!! Oh and also the Wally Costume add to the motif of You being able to see through Wally's eyes. Of You and Wally being connected through his Eyes!! But at the end of the day, I think this update revolves around Eddie! This little bug on the rock is Purple! Which we know is Eddie's Color!
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And just that that doodle looks like the bug that leads to the secret Audio where Eddie's apple is brought to the screen.. Leads me to feel like something forboding is going on for our poor, dear sweet Mailman! Which by the way, just another little Observation But Sally doesnt seem enthused by the fact that Eddie is a fellow Arts lover? and she just calls him "Mailman" rather than an affectionate longname like she does with everybody else But it does feel like Eddie is the Type to give his heart and soul to everyone, the shirt from his back, only for him to get left in the dirt u_u I'm noticing a trend of him being the neighborhood punching bag Eddie IS the mailman tho! So it only makes sense that he is the one delivering the letters to the WHRP. He is not the one writing them, he's just the delivery guy! But I think he could be being sent out at night When everyone else is asleep And I think something terrible may happen to him It's very dangerous to go out at night and This could be where Eddie is ripped in half/mangled Wally fixes him of course! (old theory but it does reference that) So is Wally just using Eddie to serve whatever purpose he is after? Eddie is a very compliant guy, he would do anything for anyone and if he can be put back together, where is the harm? I am starting to make connections! Stringing together the pieces! And once again, i'm getting the question of "Is Wally Evil?" And once again, I am answering with a solid "No" Do I think that he could be slightly morally askew? With the themes of "I must do what I need to do, no matter what happens" "I'm sorry, but this is how it must be" "The ends justifies the means" Possibly, maybe. Especially if it is to save his Neighbors, his World, his Home. Or, Just some of his actions are not his, he is a puppet afterall. Anyways anyways, this has been a very very long and rambly tangent. Hopefully there can be some sense made from this, I know that I can be a bit jumpy with my thoughts!! But these are my inputs for now!! Feel free to add on/correct me! (I know the one link is out of cannon date, but so was the Frankly picture, and it was made cannon, so take it with a grain of salt)
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foccaccia · 6 months
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does anyone have recommendations for fictional media that has like. actual lesbians in it. not like supergirl Two White Skinny Girls, One Blonde and One Brunette Kiss media, or "its implied lesbianism!!!" but just regular fucking lesbians
#i say lesbians but i guess i mean sapphic#im just like. tired of gnawing#and of men also. sorry men in my life i love you but on god if i have to pretend one more man is butch just to get#content that isnt m/m or m/f im going to turn into a horse and run into the wilderness until im saved from the glue factory by a plucky#young woman except instead of letting her have her formative summer where she trains me and bonds w me and wins a competition w me#im going to commit horse suicide in front of her & change her life forever. just because im so tired of bland CW-marketable women kissing &#digging for scraps in a refuse bin while brushing aside 7002993829292929939292929399394 gay and het romances#m text#i will also take nonfictional lesbians if its like a story#not to be whiny on main but one of the hardest hurdles i had to jump wasnt realizing i was a lesbian. i came out to myself and to friends a#lesbian multiple times. but i would always walk it back when a friend would express doubt or a male friend would ask me out#bc i dont and especially then didnt know very many lesbians in person. and so i had to turn to examples#and all i fucking had were fictional women who liked men. or fictional lesbians who were so cleaned and sanitized and prettified#(you all know what i mean right. the 2 skinny white girls one blonde one brunette. im not crazy right)#and i would be like. i dont feel things when i look at these fictional lesbians so i guess i belong back here#(this is also bc my gender ended up being fuckier than i realized but shhhhh)#I WAS GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THESE TAGS but theyre too long and im lost.#anyway the point is if people werent so fucking weird abt fictional or onscreen lesbians maybe thered be a lot more people comfortable bein#out as lesbian#like sorry but this awful ouroboros of 'all lesbians onscreen have to be cute and sanitized' meaning that people write and believe wlw has#to be cute and pure and sanitized (OR a 'badge of honor' bc good for u u doodled two women together or had it as a background in ur fic)#meaning that therefore all portrayals of lesbianism continue to be like this. is just#and im also gonna be honest theres probably a lot of good sapphic media im just in the wrong circles to have stumbled into lol. so#yknow. personal viewer bias here#but i still like swing wildly between overly brandishing my dykeness as a badge to feel like im proving im lesbian#and like. backing up under a blanket bc i dont wanna be weird or annoying or freak people out#but if people just Saw Normal Ass Lesbians. aough.#im going to watch revolutionary girl utena one of these days even if i struggled w the writing style the first few episodes#I JUST WANNA SEE AN OLD BUTCH ONSCREEN GET SOME PUSSY.#like it also doesnt help im mostly femme4butch so seeing 2 femmes on screen is like. okay cool so what. but only femmes are 'marketable'
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piplupod · 3 months
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feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.
#part of me wonders if going to the centre is helping or hurting more#but i think it's definitely helping more. however it is definitely also hurting/making some things worse#i just wish I could be operating at the same level as most of society#and i feel so egotistical when I talk abt this#but like. why am i always so fucking aware of every single thing going on#and everyone else is just painfully oblivious#I AM USING HYPERBOLE. ITS NOT EVERYONE. i know im not the only person ever lmao#when i got my autism diagnosis i thought oh good okay so THIS is why im such a freak#and now I've met so many other autistic ppl irl and um. no. no thats definitely not it still.#yes its probably part of it but im also just. so fucking traumatized i guess idk. i hate this so much#i just want to be the same and fit in and not be analyzing everything and be able to actually speak my mind#and not be so kind and polite and respectful all the time and be able to say shitty stupid things without thinking anything of it#im so tired of being the only one who seems to care so much about everyone else's comfort and feelings#but also at the same time i would hate if i acted like everyone else bc i know how shitty it makes people feel#and people are always so happy to see me because I am useful and make them feel good and comfortable and heard#and that matters. that means a lot to people i think. but also I am not a person. i am a tool.#and I'd really like to be a person#i somehow feel like im operating at a higher level/awareness than almost everyone irl and also way below everyone at the same time#like im so hyperaware of everyone else more than most ppl but im also so socially inept sometimes. and just... idk how to be a person.#i dont know i just want to not be like this. its so lonely and tiring and i want to matter to people#i want them to like me for more than just what I'm able to do for them. I want to be liked for Me i guess. but Me isnt likeable maybe#Me is uncomfortable for people. Me is a trembling cornered prey animal with a longing to tell stories but is too afraid to do anything#and so Me just exists in a hollow shell made out of people-pleasing and fawning and mirroring everyone around them#and then i get lonelier and more isolated and nothing really changes. but every time i try to crack open the shell a little it goes badly#like i genuinely dont think its my paranoia. i think it is not Safe for Me to exist properly.#i am too sensitive probably! but it does very much feel like a raw wound that peope jab aggressively at when i open up a little!#boy howdy i sound like such a wuss. i mean i probably am one fjfkdl#i just feel like I keep trying to fix things and improve and try new things and nothing ever really works well#my counsellors have always commented on how impressed they are at my willingness to try things#and its like ?? yeah ! ofc i am going to try things! maybe that will be smth that finally helps!
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risingsunresistance · 11 months
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i need to pay a subscription for some kind of documentary service but i dont want your standard documentaries. where else am i gonna find some guy talking about the history of the brown lego pieces other than youtube. but youtube's algorithm absolutely WILL NOT recommend me content longer than 30 minutes no matter how hard i try, it refuses to believe i could possibly enjoy anything other than shortform content
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