#have someone to sit with me and make me food and eat with me and help me stay tethered and hold me a bit and smoke with me
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ailelie · 3 days ago
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The Wolf now is Concerned. He isn't invested. He refuses to be invested in humans. Humans are food, not friends.
And yet. This utter sad sack needs help and Hairy McLumberjack is too busy fussing around with trees to do more than look in and tut occasionally.
And, it isn't like the Wolf can roam much. He had a serious surgery to get Steven out of his stomach. He needs recovery time.
It only makes sense that he recovers at Steve's. It's all Steve's fault anyway, if you think about it.
Steve is still mourning his relationship with Denise and dealing with his recent near-death experience. The latter would be easier if the cause of said-near-death experience hadn't decided to take over Steve's bed.
The Wolf is a demanding and infuriating roommate, but the more time they spend on bickering, the less time Steve has to feel sorry for himself. He ends up developing a new passion for cooking out of pure spite--he will prove to the Wolf that there are many better options for eating than 'raw human.'
"So raw my heart was literally still beating, Wolf."
"The better to warm my stomach, Steve."
It is when Little Red is visiting again, more than a week after the Wolf last felt a twinge of pain in his torso, that everything changes again.
"Mama said to invite you to dinner, Uncle Steve," Little Red says. "You can come, too, Uncle Wolf."
Steve and the Wolf meet each other's horrified gaze as they both realize the domestic comfort they've found and created in each other.
That night, long after Little Red has returned home, the Wolf says he's leaving and he goes.
For the first time in weeks, Steve doesn't have to share his bed.
(After the first few nights when the Wolf had claimed his bed, Steve decided he was not going to be forced to the couch again. They each dared the other to leave the bed if they were 'too uncomfortable' to share. Neither left. Neither ever admitted, in the weeks that followed, how nice it was to have someone else there.)
He can't sleep.
In the morning, he eats some berries for breakfast. Lunch is a leftover soup. Dinner is more of the same.
Cooking is less fun on his own, less fun when he doesn't have the Wolf stealing his ingredients and making sly comments from the side.
Meanwhile, the Wolf is in the forest and utterly refusing to admit that his rabbit is a bit gamey, that its flesh would be better shredded with a spicy sauce and served over whipped potatoes. He is a Wolf. He doesn't need cooked food. He doesn't want it.
The flesh and blood are warm in his mouth, but they do not heat his belly like one of Steve's stews. The forest is so unreasonably cold.
And lonely.
"He tried to eat me, Laura," Steve complains to his sister, Little Red's mother.
"From what I understand, he successfully ate you. That lumberjack cut you free, no?"
"The lumberjack! Now, he would make sense. He's handsome, right? Saved my life even. If I had to-- why couldn't I have--" the words won't come out. Steve's never been attracted to anyone male before.
Until the Wolf.
His face flushes bright red and his sister sighs. "You could do worse than that Wolf, Steve."
He buries his face in his hands.
The Wolf goes by the cabin when he knows Steve will be in town, attending the dinner Little Red had invited them to, the dinner that ruined everything.
The ice box has no ice and the plants inside are limp and shriveled. A stew pot, crusted with the dried remnants of broth, sits on the stove. Another pot is half-full with congealed oatmeal.
The Wolf refuses to feel guilty. He is a wild creature. He is not meant to live within four walls like some domesticated dog.
He washes the pots and tosses the ruined vegetables and herbs. It is during this last task that he runs into the lumberjack.
"Glad to see you're back" the Lumberjack says. "He's been missing you."
I'm not back, the Wolf wants to snarl, and, What business is it of yours? Instead, he says, "I don't belong here."
The lumberjack shrugs. "Well, I don't know about that. I think we belong wherever we love and are loved."
"So, what, you're having a love affair with a hundred trees? Do you chop them down after you break-up?" It isn't his best line, but the lumberjack laughs anyway.
"My love was turned into a tree and hidden in this wood. Someday I will find and free him from his curse. Until then, my job gives me more than enough time to search."
"So you're saying it could be worse," the Wolf says. "I could be in love with a tree."
The lumberjack's smile broadens and he nods. "Instead you're only in love with a man."
It is only then that the Wolf realizes what he'd said. The truth of it warms him inside out. "I'm going to go back inside."
He doesn't say he's going to stay. That's what he means anyways.
The next morning, carrying a basket of leftovers, Steve returns to his cabin. He is dreading being alone again, but he cannot live in his sister's house.
He wants the Wolf. He doesn't understand how or why the Wolf has become so important to him, but maybe that doesn't matter. He just wants that strange and frustrating beast back in his kitchen, his bedroom, his life.
He has decided to track down the Wolf just as he's opening his cabin door.
And the Wolf is there.
Glass shatters as the basket falls from his hand. The Wolf's coat is warm and musky under his hands and cheek. His snout presses cool against Steve's neck. His claws prick lightly along his back. Steve can barely think for the utter relief flooding through him.
"I'm back," the Wolf says, unnecessarily. He is holding Steve as tightly as Steve is holding him.
Neither can quite feel embarrassed by their reactions to one another given the other is reacting quite the same.
"Good," Steve says. "Stay."
"Wild creatures don't belong indoors," the Wolf warns. He wants to stay, but some fear lingers. He can only promise now, not forever.
Steve, though, is unconcerned. He steps back, looking his Wolf in the eye. He lifts a hand to his Wolf's maw and traces a thumb along the seam of his mouth, the same mouth and sharp teeth that had once devoured him. "Since when," he asks, "have you cared about arbitrary rules?"
The Wolf flicks his tongue against Steve's thumb. "Since when, indeed."
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inspiration struck in a really, really weird way
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fxrmuladaydreams · 2 days ago
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angel on his shoulder: happy birthday (op81)
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mean!oscar x sweet!reader
summary: oscar struggles to find the perfect gift for your birthday
notes: again, he’s not really mean, but idk what to call him now
wc: 1533
prev. part
You had somehow managed to do it, to worm your way into Oscar’s life, to make yourself a permanent part of his day. What was once passing glances had now turned into soft smiles and quiet conversations. He looked forward to seeing you everyday, to talking with you.
He started saving a seat for you whenever he ate lunch, or sitting closer to Lando during meetings, so he could sit closer to you. He longed to be at the receiving end of your smiles and laughs, and mentally cheered when he was.
Of course spending more time with you meant spending more time with Lando as well. Oscar didn’t dislike Lando, not at all, but Lando could occasionally be… a bit much. Especially when he was wiggling his eyebrows at him for simply talking with you.
He was sitting in the training room at the MTC one day, getting ready to begin his workout when he feels an arm around his shoulders. He turns to see Lando smirking down at him.
“Hey.” He says.
“Hey yourself.” Lando replies. “What are you up to?”
Oscar furrows his eyebrows and looks around the gym. “What do you think?”
Lando rolls his eyes, but smiles as he walks towards a set of weights.
“Is, uh, is Y/n coming around?” Oscar tries to sound casual, but hearing Lando snort makes his face flush.
“To stay with me while I work out? I doubt she’d be interested in that.” He scoffs. “But I bet she’d be more interested if she knew you were here too.”
“What?” Oscar spurts. “Why would she?” He can feel his face burning up.
“No reason.” Lando says, teasingly. “Hey, what are you doing for next week?”
Oscar furrows his brows. “What’s going on next week?”
“Y/n’s birthday.” Lando answers. “You didn’t know?” He turns to look at Oscar.
Oscar tries to think back, wondering if you’ve mentioned your birthday.
“Well it’s next week. I’m throwing a party for her. You can come if you want.”
Oscar nods. “Yeah, yeah I’ll be there.”
Lando grins. “Good. She’ll be glad to hear that.”
Oscar tries to hide the blush he feels spreading on his cheeks.
“I’ve already got her gift picked out and wrapped. Not by me, of course. It’d look like I was handing her a wad of paper.”
“Gift?” Oscar asks. He feels panic beginning to rise in his chest.
“Yeah, gift. It’s a birthday.” Lando laughs. “You have to get her a gift.”
“Right.” Oscar murmurs. He stands up. “I think I’m done here, for the day.” With that he walks out of the training center, gym bag slung over his shoulder, his gaze locked on the ground as he leaves.
“Didn’t even see him do anything.” Lando mumbles to himself.
Oscar spends the rest of the day wracking his brain for something, anything to get you for your birthday. He could get you jewelry? But that seems too intimate. Money? Too casual.
He sits alone while he eats his lunch, staring off into space as he eats, trying to think of something.
“Hey, Os. You okay?” You ask softly placing your food down on the table next to him.
He snaps out of his thoughts, looking at you wide-eyed.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
You laugh. “I don’t know, you’ve got this weird look on your face.”
He shakes his head. “No I don’t.”
“Okay, fine.” You laugh.
Oscar sighs, looking back at his food, but out of the corner of his eye he sees a book on your lap.
“What’s that?” He asks.
“Oh,” you smile, lifting the book to put it on the table. “It’s the book I’m reading right now.”
Oscar looks at the cover.
“It’s actually like, the tenth time I’m reading it.” You say.
Oscar snorts. “Why?”
“It’s my favorite book.” You shrug. “It’s so good. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it.”
Oscar hums.
“No, seriously, it would be so nice to have someone to talk to about it.” You whine. “I tried to get Lando to read it, and do you know what he said? He said ‘I’ll wait for the movie’. Can you believe that?” You ask.
Oscar laughs. “That sounds about right.” He watches as you push the book to the side to eat your lunch. “Hey, I gotta go, but I’ll see you later.”
“Oh, okay, see you.”
Oscar tries not to let the way your shoulders slump affect him. He gathers his things, and leaves you sitting there, pulling out his phone as he walks away.
After work Oscar goes to several different shops, looking for that damned book. He’s just about to give up, when he finally finds one lone copy. He keeps it tucked close to his chest as he walks to the checkout counter, as if afraid someone’s going to try to pry it from his hands.
He spends any free time he has for the week with his nose in the book. He brings it with him to the MTC, he reads it before and after work, he feels like the book becomes a part of him.
He shows up to Lando’s apartment for your party, with his gift tucked under his arm. He’d spent about an hour on picking a shirt, then another on fixing his unruly hair.
He has to admit, he’s surprised when he walks into Lando’s apartment. It’s not the bright rave lights or loud music he’d picture Lando would pick out for a party for himself, instead it’s soft warm lighting with some soft music in the background.
“I see you’ve made it.” Lando says, when he sees Oscar. “And you’ve managed to find a gift.” He smirks. “What’d you get her?”
Oscar shakes his head. “It’s nothing.”
“Keeping it a surprise?”
Before Oscar can answer, he’s pulled into a soft hug. “Thanks for coming, Os.” He hears your voice next to his ear.
Oscar smiles, wrapping an arm around you. “Happy birthday.”
When you pull away Oscar allows himself a moment to admire you. You’re wearing a soft dress that compliments you well. He notices the small sparking stone on the necklace around your neck.
“Pretty necklace.” He says.
You lift a hand to touch the stone. “Thanks. Lando got it for me.”
Oscar feels an uncomfortable twist in his stomach. His eyes search for the brit, who has made himself scarce.
“I told him it was too much. He said it’s the least he can do for me, having to put up with him everyday.” You laugh.
Oscar gives you an unconvincing smile, awkwardly shifting the gift under his arm, the gift he’s starting to feel immensely insecure about.
“Do you want to go sit somewhere?” You ask him. “Lando invited all of these people, but I don’t think I know half of them.” You laugh.
Oscar nods, following you as you lead him to the balcony.
You each take a seat, looking out at the sun setting over Monaco. He can’t help but admire you. The sun makes you practically glow, your eyes quite literally sparkle.
“Thanks for coming, really.” You break the silence. “I appreciate what Lando’s done, but I can’t help but feel a bit… out of place.”
Oscar hums. He holds out his gift to you, figuring it’d be better to deal with the embarrassment of you thinking it’s lame out here alone, rather than inside surrounded by people.
He watches as you tear open the gift, a confused look spreading across your face as you see what it is.
“It’s my book…” You say, holding the same book you showed him at the beginning of the week, though this copy is clearly newer. “Thanks Oscar.” You say, trying to hide your disappointment.
“Open it.”
You look at him confused again. “I swear if you cut a hole in my favorite book-“
“Just open it.” He cuts you off with a smile.
You slowly open it, flipping through the first few pages, the title page, the acknowledgment, the table of contents, until you get to the first actual page of the book.
Inside, surrounding the text in the book are little notes and doodles, scrawled in messy handwriting. You flip through the pages to see them everywhere.
“You annotated it?” You ask softly.
Oscar nods. “I read it this week. I figured it would be nice for you to have someone to talk to about it.” He says. He takes a deep breath. “Look, I know it’s not great-“
“I love it.” You cut him off.
“You do?”
You nod. You had copies upon copies of this book, paperbacks, hardcovers, special editions, sprayed edges, but none of them compared to the one in your hands. The one Oscar took the time to read, then write out all of his own thoughts for you. It felt like you were holding a piece of him in your arms.
“Yeah, I love it. Thank you.” You murmur, pulling him into a hug.
Oscar feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders as he wraps his arms around you. He smiles to himself, feeling like he’s successfully planted himself in your heart now.
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little things daddy!chan would do for you
⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡
ᯓᡣ𐭩 opening doors - main doors, car doors, fuckin.. revolving doors! any door, he’s holding it open for you.
ᯓᡣ𐭩 and on the subject of car doors, seatbelts - one of my favorite things. when he’s opened the car door for you and made sure you’re comfortable, he reaches across to buckle you in himself. he has to make sure his princess is safe.
ᯓᡣ𐭩 touching you - any chance he gets, this man’s hands are on you. and i don’t mean in a sexual way. (tho there is plenty of that too) i mean.. holding your hand (or letting you hold his pinky), his hand on your thigh while he’s driving, his hand on the small of your back as you walk through a crowd, his arms wrapped around your waist from behind as youre standing and waiting in line for coffee. he’s constantly touching you. it’s comforting for him but also, he knows it’s comforting for you to know that he is always right there.
ᯓᡣ𐭩 carrying things for you - this is kind of broad, but anything that needs carrying, he’s got it. oh you went to the store and got some things? he’s got all of the bags. even if you offer to help. he’s got it. is he struggling to carry everything up the stairs? yes. but you will not lift a finger. he knows you are more than capable of doing it yourself, but he wants to be the one to do it for you.
ᯓᡣ𐭩 paying for you - no matter how many times you tell him you can pay for yourself, that your feel bad when he constantly pays for you, he’s going to do it anyway. because you’re his baby and that’s what daddy’s do. it’s just another way for him to feel like he’s taking the best care of you.
ᯓᡣ𐭩 making your appointments/ phone calls - maybe this is just my personal fantasy, but if you’re uncomfortable making phone calls, he’s got that for you. need to schedule a dentist appointment but you’re too scared to call? he’s got it. you’re feeling sick and need to call out of work? he’s got your boss’s number saved in his phone already. but he would do it in a way that doesn’t reveal that you’re too nervous to make the call yourself. he knows that can be embarrassing.
ᯓᡣ𐭩 cycles! - if you’re someone with a menstrual cycle, he’s got that figured out. may even have an app on his phone that helps him track it. and when he knows that time is close, he’s ready. he’s got all your favorite snacks, your preferred hygiene products, and your favorite movie loaded up on the tv already.
ᯓᡣ𐭩 checking in - he’s a very very busy man. but that doesn’t keep him from checking in on you. just random ‘i love you’ or ‘i’m thinking of you’ texts throughout the day, texting you at meal times to remind you to reheat the food he prepared for you. calling when he has time just to tell you how much he misses you. but also just checking in on your feelings. “are you having a good day, princess?” “oh you’re feeling down? let daddy help.”
ᯓᡣ𐭩 listening! - always makes sure he’s listening to what you say. your voice is one of his favorite things. you always have his full attention. his phone is down, his eyes are on you.
ᯓᡣ𐭩 and speaking of his eyes being on you, that’s another thing! eyes on you at all times. if he absolutely has to leave your side, you’re always in his line of sight. and if he isn’t physically with you, your location is on and shared with him. this is just his way of comforting himself, knowing that you are safe and sound.
ᯓᡣ𐭩 activities - anything that makes you happy. he just wants to spend time with you. you want to lay on the floor and color in your coloring book? he loves that. you want to sit on his lap and watch while he plays video games? he loves having you close. you want him to paint your nails? he hopes you pick the pink color because it’s his favorite on you. anything your little heart desires.
ᯓᡣ𐭩 making sure you’re basic needs are met! - this one might not be considered a ‘little thing’ that he would do for you. because to me, this is a huge thing! but making sure you’re eating, making sure you’re getting enough rest, helping you wash your hair or shave your body. helping you out of bed and helping you to get dressed.
ᯓᡣ𐭩 constant reassurance - he knows how your brain works. so to combat that, he’s constantly telling you things like: “im here, im not going anywhere.” “you’re doing such a good job.” “im so proud of you.” “i love you so much.” lots of head pats and holding you as he sways back and forth, lots of soothing circles on your back and loving smiles sent your way.
⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡
okay i should probably stop now. this has gotten longer than i intended lol here’s my masterlist if you’re interested in my other work, and here’s my kofi if you’re interested in sending me a tip. reblogging is a great way to support me also! thanks for reading :)
©hyunjins-orange-slice-too i do not give permission for this work or any of my work to be translated, copied, or reposted.
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doctorho · 1 day ago
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thinking about viktor with a chronically ill reader. you know? we see the vision, right?
it just works.
the thing with chronic pain, illnesses, disabilities, all of that - is that you can't always see them. sometimes you can, sure, you can see the mobility aids and the not-standing-up-for-too-long and the bruising from blood draws and sometimes you can see the compression garments, the pills and inhalers and the i'm fine, i just need a moment-
but most people just don't pay attention to that. or if they do, they don't put the pieces together fast enough to figure out what's really going on under the surface. viktor does, though; he's been there, and most of the time he's way beyond hiding it. or, well, he's way beyond hiding some of it.
walking with a cane was like carrying a neon sign that said yes there is something different here. yes i can't walk the way you can. no it's not going to get better. that last part wasn't directly evident just from him using a cane, sure, but with the way his cane looked, it should've been pretty clear. He had used one practically forever and it had evolved with him, he'd made it as comfortable to use as it could be, had even made it match his uniform.
so yeah. viktor knew what it was like. he'd been the disabled kid forever, even if some of the others were never going to say it out loud. that was just a thing about him, and he knew how hard it could be to navigate something like that in an academic environment. it was hard to admit you couldn't do something, that you had to sit down, that you needed a moment. that sometimes your body was just falling apart for no particular reason and it was just another tuesday.
sometimes it was easier to sit with the pain than take medication in the middle of a meeting, knowing that someone would make a bigger deal out of it than it had to be, even if it was just raising their eyebrows meaningfully. they'd think about you differently afterwards.
he could see you push through it, and he didn't blame you, really, he did that himself, too, but - he didn't want you to hurt yourself. you hadn't been in the lab as long as he had, so he could understand you being a little cautious with how you acted and what you told people, but he didn't want you to feel like you had to put on a show for him. he was, after all, walking around with the equivalent of a light-up sign of i'm disabled, too, and he liked to think of himself as someone who wouldn't come off as judgemental about stuff like that. other stuff, sure, stupid stuff, but not that.
so when he sees you dealing with the telltale signs of being in pain, he conveniently sends jayce and the others to pick up some parts that would take a while to collect and that they wouldn't actually need until the next day. but better prepared, right? what's the harm.
and then he comes to sit next to you and sighs deeply. leans back. relaxes to the best of his abilities. asks if you're alright, and sounds like he already knows the answer.
you sigh too, shift your position, and answer with it's fine. and viktor recognizes the strain in your voice, in your posture, and he knows there's a key difference between this and i'm fine, but he'll take it. it's not what he'd like, but he'll take it.
he leans over to dig around his belongings, and then offers you a bag of candied almonds.
"if you're going to take pain killers, it's better if you eat something first," he says, and you just stare at him. "i assume you haven't taken anything yet. nothing strong enough, at least," he continues, casually, and you take a deep breath and accept the almonds.
he smiles. continues like this is totally normal. "jayce made me start carrying around some food so i could do that. for myself, i mean. but it doesn't hurt to have some snacks around either way, i suppose."
he knows he's skirting around the real topic of the conversation, but he also knows that sometimes people get uncomfortable around his bluntness, and you hadn't exactly told him you were in pain, so he'd understand it if you were a little weirded out. after all, most people didn't notice this stuff. but you haven't run away from him, and you're eating, and then you're digging around your own bag to take your medication, so he'll count this as a win.
thanks, you exhale, handing back the almonds, and he takes a handful of them himself.
"i'm fine, really," you continue, not really looking at him, "it's just hard sometimes."
he nods. it was - even if he didn't know the specifics, he knew that it was true. especially since you had been hiding it from the others. and with something like that, something the others couldn't see, the invisible step to let them see it would grow bigger and bigger with time, when they expected you to be able to do everything they did without a second thought.
he also knows you didn't mean fine in the dictionary definition sense of the word, but more in the this is normal and you don't need to worry -sense. and that's fine. he was used to functioning on different parameters than most people, so this version of fine was good enough.
my body just isn't always very reliable, you explain with a sigh, and that he knows better than well.
he hmms in answer and nods. he knows.
you exhale a small laugh at that.
and he's glad you're relaxing, wants you to be as comfortable here as possible.
"these people are alright," he says casually, "as far as healthy people go."
viktor smiles a little.
another win for him.
and then he sits with you, talking and not talking and enjoying the quiet comfort if it all. and then he makes up some excuse so you don't have to keep working yet. he was well aware what it was like trying to work through the pain, waiting for the medication to kick in, and he wouldn't exactly recommend it. besides, as a rule, you were more likely to make mistakes if you were thinking through a layer of pain, and that was just plain bad planning. it made much more sense to just take a break and continue when you felt better. in fact, he was in dire need of a caramel latte and a pastry right now, do you want anything?
and after that it just... sort of falls into place. you're more relaxed around him. and the others, too, but he's the only one that really gets it. doesn’t make a whole thing out of it when you need to sit down for a moment or take a break while your pain killers kick in. he's just there.
he knows what it's like, and that feels like an invisble curtain lifted from between you and him, and it's just easy. you don't have to pretend you're doing better than you actually are and he doesn’t hide it when he's in pain, either.
most people don't see it, but there's a mutual understanding there; yeah, sometimes life sucks and sometimes you're in pain and no it's not fair that sometimes your body is falling apart and life just keeps going. you can't do all the things you want to do but you still have to show up for the other life-stuff and if you took a day off every time you felt bad you would never get anything done and it just never stops.
but sometimes there's someone who'll sit through it with you without judgement. offer a warm drink and a snack and some understanding.
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holylulusworld · 3 hours ago
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Bucky & Ducky (2) - Warming up
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Summary: Bucky Barnes. Ruthless mafia boss. Soft only for his wife and…well, Ducky.
Pairing: Mobster!Bucky Barnes x Wife!Reader
Side pairing: Mobster!Bucky Barnes x Ducky the duck
Warnings: mafia business, fluff, unusual friendship
A/N: Thanks to @buck-star for the idea and brainstorming with me. I did it…😅
Bucky & Ducky Masterlist
Catch up here: Part 1
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“Can you believe that punk dared to threaten my business, Ducky?” Bucky walked out of the bathroom to get ready to join you for dinner. After taking a relaxed bath, he hastily got out of the tub. He considered leaving Ducky alone in the tub but decided against it.
Only to make sure the duckling won’t poop into the tub or drown, he told himself.
He put the duckling on a fluffy towel and watched it clumsily wiggle on top of the towel, trying to escape while he got dressed. Bucky chuckled when the duckling started to tug at the towel angrily.
“No escaping, punk,” he said, and stepped toward the bed to look down at the tiny and vulnerable duckling. “You didn’t have an easy life, huh? They wanted to get rid of you because you were the weakest.”
Somehow, Bucky felt sorry for the duckling. No one gave Ducky a chance until now.
“You got lucky, punk. Y/N loves to save hopeless cases. She took me home too, one night, after someone stabbed me behind her bakery.”
Ducky lifted its head to look up at the tall mobster. It seems as if the little creature was listening to Bucky’s story. “It was only a scratch, but she turned full nurse, and that was when I fell in love with her. Y/N is too good for me and so sweet. So, if you want to stay here, you better not break her heart.”
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“Buck? Baby?” You called from downstairs. “Baby, did you fall asleep in the bathtub? Do you want to eat in bed?”
“We are coming, doll,” Bucky immediately answered. You heard his footsteps get closer and hurriedly walked inside the dining room to check on the food.
“In here,” you called for your husband. He allowed you to keep the duckling so you would pay him back with a romantic candlelight dinner. “I got a surprise for you.”
“Uh—me too,” Bucky walked inside the dining room, Ducky in his arms. He put one of the fuzzy socks you bought for him around the duckling’s small body to keep Ducky warm. “I think he doesn’t want to be alone.”
“He?” You pressed one hand to your mouth to stop yourself from giggling. “Oh, the duckling.” Nodding, you pointed at the food. “Maybe we should find a box for him or…”
“No, no. I think he should sit with me. We don’t want him to believe we will abandon him too,” Bucky hastily said. He stepped closer to softly kiss your cheek. “The food looks good, baby doll. Thank you.”
You were stunned by his words. Bucky Barnes wanted to have dinner with a duckling by his side. “No, thank you, Bucky.” You return the kiss, giggling as he purrs your name. “You’re the best.”
Bucky smiled. He loves hearing you think highly of him. Not because it strokes his ego. No. It simply tells him that he’s not the bad guy he believes he is.
“Let’s eat,” you pointed at the food. “We don’t want the food to get cold.”
As you sat down, you watched Bucky claim his favorite seat. The one right next to yours. He carefully placed Ducky on the table. Bucky wrinkled his forehead as the duckling threatened to tip sideways.
“Punk, be careful,” he shrugged his jacket off to make a bed for Ducky out of the expensive fabric. Bucky carefully put the duckling in the middle, humming as Ducky quacked loudly. “Did you drink shampoo or something?” Your husband grinned. “I bet you tried my whiskey.”
You giggled at their interaction. “It seems you already became friends.”
“He’s cool, for a helpless duckling,” Bucky said and dug his fork into the food. “I guess we can keep him. Just to make sure he doesn’t end in a pan.”
“Bucky!” You scolded your husband. “Don’t say things like that in front of him. He’s a baby!”
“Ducky is a ruthless mobster,” Bucky retorted. He glanced at the duckling while chewing on the first bite of the food. “He only needs a chance.”
You smiled softly as Bucky talked to the duckling. “Hmm…we should get you something warm to wear. Maybe shoes too. Your feet will hurt if you waddle around barefoot all day.”
“Ducky got feathers. I don’t think he needs more, Bucky.”
Bucky nodded but glanced at the duckling. “No, I think he needs clothes. We don’t want him to freeze, right?”
“Right,” you giggled as the duckling wiggled on top of Bucky’s jacket. It seemed like Ducky tried to get closer to your husband. It made a fuss, quaking loudly, until Bucky carefully grabbed him and placed him on his lap.
“There you go, Ducky,” Bucky softly cooed to make sure to not scare the tiny duckling. “I’m going to take good care of you.”
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cierraonline · 3 days ago
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What Are You? A Middle Schooler?
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Chapter three - 01x02 Light Bulb
Warning - sexual themes ( 18+ Ideally | 16+ realistically )
masterlist | previous chapter | next chapter
Following instructs that the Kindergarten teacher gave, almost every class in the small school found themselves in the gym/lunch room in where it waa nothing from chaos. In on corner you have Melissa trying to teacher class with Barbaras class behind them going over how to read time. Gregory and Janoine trying to go over spelling, the gym class playing basketball. And Siren’s class spread out trying to finish their thirty minutes of reading and taking notes. 
“I made this mess, and I need to fix this,” Janine vented to the substitue teacher. 
“Okay, but fix this how?” Gregory looked around the gym at the consequences of the teacher’s actions. “It seems very outside of your skill set. You should probably just wait for somebody to get to it…” 
“I don't want to wait for someone to get to it,” Janine disagreed. “You know, our children have
needs that deserve to be met. And I'm going to fix this. Nothing is going to get in my way.” 
“What if you have to climb another ladder?” Gregory mentions, pointing out roadblock that can possibly get in her way. “Those seem very tricky for you.”
“No. Not today.”
“Aren't you going to lunch, Janine?” Melissa askes as the other teacher besides Janine and Jacob walk to the door to leave for lunch. 
“Uh, no. I'm gonna stay and help the lunch ladies with lunch.”
“If I don’t like you then I know for sure they don’t,” Siren speaks up, wanting this let’s figure out what Janine doing process to go faster so she and her wife can go in a empty parking lot and have her stressed relieved. 
She always coming in the kitchen saying "hello" and whatnot. It's unsanitary. - Culinary Staff
“Is that what you're really doing?” Barbara looks at the woman for answers. 
“Yes! And maybe trying to get the lights back on,” the short teacher avoids eye contact.
“Would you give that a rest? What do you want? To make the whole school blow up?” Melissa directs the girl. 
“No. Plus, I can't,” She shakes her head. “Luckily, the school was built as a bomb shelter in World war II, so…”
“Let it go,” Barbra commands. 
“Okay. I will.” With that the teachers will lunch plans walk away. 
“You're not gonna let it go, are you?” Jacob asked the teacher in questioning.  
“No, I'm not gonna let it go, Jacob, okay?” She answers. “I need to right my wrong.”
“Okay. Well, count me out.”
“I never counted you in.”
“Well, then count me in, because I don't have any lunch plans.”
“Okay. Come on,” the teacher duo walks through the swinging doors to only find Siren standing on the other side with her arms crossed.
“Whatever fucked mistake you make next better be resolved before I come back from afternoon lunch one-man,” Siren tells them.
“One-man? W-what is that?” Janine looked confused. 
“What are you a middle schooler?” Siren squinted her eyes. 
“I- I think she means her and Melissa are going to go have sex in their car,” Jacob whispers calrification to the confused teacher who eyes widen in realization.
“You guys are dorks,” Siren rolled her eyes. “Go and hurry up and play failed Bob the Builder and then actually have someone fix it. I don’t need to come back stressed after I got destressed.” With that Siren walked away heading for the double doors that led to the outside world. 
“Hurry up, the nearest Walmart is 10 minutes away from here. Which means 10 minutes there and 10 minutes back leaving only 20 minutes left to eat you out and 20 to actually eat food.” Melissa honked the horn to her car at her wife who she felt like was taking her slow time getting to the car.
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“Don’t rush me or you get nothing,” Pulls o the passenger door handle and jumped in.
“Yeah right!” Melissa rolled her eyes. “As if you run anything in this relationship. Now buckle up and get my snack ready for me.” 
XXX (Caution Graphic Links)
“Sit on my face now, ” Melissa turns off the car after putting it in park and reclining the driver’s seat.
“Ugh I’ve been waiting for this since Janine opened her mouth,” Siren flung off her underwear as her pants were already sitting somewhere in the back seat. Melissa licked her lips and helped her younger wife sit on her face and when Siren soaking pussy made contact with her mouth, she dived in as if she was eating her grandmother’s cooking.
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She took Siren’s recently waxed clit between her lips and started sucking it with hunger. Siren moaned with her left hand hitting her hand on the roof of the car and her right hand clutching onto Melissa’s red locs. “F-fuck..!” Siren moaned as Melissa was nibbling, bitting, flicking her tongue, and sucking on her clit like it was the best lollipop in the world.
Melissa guided her tongue further down until it was right at Siren’s pulsating hole and plunged it in, making Siren yell out at the sensation. “Fuck, mommy!” 
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“Yeah, you like that bambina,” Melissa mumbled into the girl’s walls before continuing to lick on the velvet surface. “You gon make a mess on my face, huh?” Melissa feels Siren pulse and twitch, which made her smirk and give a harsh smack to her wife’s brown round ass. Siren decided to take control by riding Melissa’s face as the Italian woman’s hands were massaging her ass like it was a stress toy. In hunger and cravings, Melissa’s tongue went even deeper to where she was curling her tongue so she could hit Siren’s g-spot which she did successfully which was assessed by the younger woman’s jerking movement that caused her to tighten her hold. Siren’s thighs started to tremor and Melissa could feel her walls clenching around her tongue rhythmically, so she had to use her jaw to really put the work in and make her precious bambina cum. “ Be a good bambina and cum for mommy,” Melissa whispers, giving her wife eye contact. Soon after, her hard work paid off and Siren closed her eyes tightly as her essence poured into her wife’s mouth while some smeared on Melissa’s face as she was always a messy eater.
Melissa hummed in approval and used her lips to pull on Siren’s clit before realsing and spitting the given essence back onto her Siren’s pussy. “Ahh!” Siren gasped at the sensation. “Can you give me one more babygirl?” She asked and Siren nodded. “Good bambina, get the towel from the back, place it on my lap and sit facing the wheel.” The older woman directs her much younger wife. Doing as told, siren retrieved the thick blue towel that’s get cleaned weekly due to the frequency of them having sex in the vehicle. Placing it over Melissa’s work pants, Siren sat in the position she was ordered. Melissa slid her fingers back into Siren, this time with more force and speed than before.
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The spouse moaned, the sound vibrating in her chest as Melissa pushed in deep, filling her more than she could have imagined while being in a car and not their bed. Her walls tightened around Melissa fingers, clenching with each thrust as you built up a rhythm that left her gasping, still sensitive from her last orgasm. 
“More,” Siren whispered, the word slipping out like a plea. “Please… I need more.”
The raw need in her voice spurred Melissa on and complied without hesitation. The Schemmenti woman could see how much Siren was aching for it, her body craving the kind of release that came not only from pleasure but from being overwhelmed, from being taken. With a smirk on her face as she watched her wife through the rear view mirror as if she was watching a movie and angled her fingers upwards, finding that perfect spot deep within her, and began to stroke it with every thrust, sending sharp jolts of ecstasy through her. Siren’s breath hitched, a choked moan escaping her lips as her hips bucked, seeking more of the relentless pressure Melissa provided.
“Is this what you needed, bambina?” Melissa asked, her grungy voice low and rough as she watched Siren come undone once again on top of her. “For me to fuck you like this?”
“Y-yes, mommy!” Siren whimpered, coming down from her high as Melissa quickly pulled out her fingers. “Mhhm.”
“When we get home, go straight to our room and get Demon,” Melissa lifts Siren’s chin up to make straight eye contact while her other hand was softly rubbing the young woman’s clit up and down. “Mommy wants to finish this later. Now wipe yourself and get your clothes back on.”
“Wipe for me,” Siren mumbles, trying to get her breath back under control. 
“So fucking spoiled,” Melissa roled her eyes, being smirking, grabbing the towel that’s on her lap and wipe Siren’s vagina a little harshly which caused the woman to wince. “Ouu, mommy’s sorry bambina,” Melissa cooed in the woman’s ear before reaching over in the middle compartment to retrieve baby wipes. Opening the package she takes a wipe and wipe the fluids from between Siren’s leg and another one for her face. 
XXX
Before walking into work, she took a deep breath, knowing that the second she stepped inside, a new problem would surely arise, thanks to the unpredictable antics of Janine and Jacob.
“Ooh.”
“What in the... What's going on?” A blast of hot air smacked the group returning from lunch as they walked into the building.
“What in the world?”
“It’s so hot! My hair’s gonna frizz!”
“Janine, what did you do?!” The senior teacher spotted the new teachers emerging from the janitor’s closet, their clothes dusted with black dirt and their faces drenched in sweat. “Lookin' like who shot John.”
“Barbara, look, I know you told me to let it go, but I couldn’t,” Janine began, her voice pleading for understanding. “Jacob helped me open the breaker.”
“It was a chance to support a strong Black woman,” Jacob, the white teacher, offered his perspective under the harsh glares of the other teachers.
“The breaker?! Janine!” Melissa exclaimed, unable to fathom what had possessed the petite teacher. “You can't do this stuff! What had you come to work today and lose your mind?”
“You do realize that we’re technically in trouble now because the building violates health codes, which means we could be shut down until this gets fixed…meaning none of us are getting paid,” Siren glared at Janine. “You basically created a heat wave.”
“Look, I... I just have…” Janine’s words began to falter as her vision blurred.
“Oh. Ooh. Okay.” The teachers next to Siren moved closer, ready to catch her.
“I feel lightheaded.”
“Are you okay? Did you eat today?” Melissa questioned. “Because I know you didn’t have lunch.”
“And you didn’t have any breakfast,” Jacob added.
“Okay. We’re losing her. Do I have your consent to slap you?”
“Ooh, can I do it?” Siren raised her hand, but her godmother promptly smacked it down.
“Oh!” Janine collapsed to the floor.
“There she goes. She’s out.”
“Y’all feel this heat?” Ava joined the teachers huddled around the unconscious Janine. “Oh, my God! She’s pale like a zombie! You know, they eat the hottest people first. Let me back my tasty ass up.” She took a few steps back, holding up a flashlight as if warding off evil.
“Okay, I’ll get some water from the fridge…uh, hopefully it’s still cold!” Jacob dashed toward the teacher’s lounge.
“Oh, my God! My branzino!” Realization struck the red-haired woman. “Barb, excuse me!” She nudged her friend aside and hurried after Jacob. “I’ll be back! She’ll be okay!”
“What do we do?” Barbara asked, looking between her goddaughter and Gregory.
“I guess we gotta call the nurse for her,” Siren said, pointing to Janine’s unconscious form, “and hold class outside until Mr. Johnson comes back and fixes this mess.”
For the rest of the day, classes were essentially canceled, and everyone was outside, reveling in the freedom as a burst fire hydrant sprayed cool water into the air.
“They’re so happy,” Melissa observed, watching students play and shout with joy. “He’s climbing again.” From the corner of her eye, Siren kept watch, ensuring her students were well-behaved and not attempting to sneak off campus.
“Oh, look who’s back in the land of the living,” Melissa noted as Janine finally joined them outside.
“Who opened the fire hydrant?” Janine asked.
“Well, as Melissa would say, snitches get stitches,” Barbara replied with a knowing smile.
“That’s correct, but I’m not talking to you on account of you killing my branzino,” Melissa stated, keeping her gaze forward and not meeting the younger teacher’s eyes. With a determined look, she cleared her throat, then got up and walked down the steps to join Gregory.
“So that’s it, huh?” Janine asked, taking the now-empty seat. “I gave it my all, passed out, and ruined the school day?”
“Oh, you tanked. You tanked, Janine,” Melissa replied. “You took the whole school down with you. It was impressive.”
“Look, I know I should’ve stopped,” Janine began apologetically. “I’m sorry. I just felt so bad when I saw that look on Melina’s face this morning.”
“You don’t think it kills us to see those faces every morning?” Melissa’s tone softened, almost comically. “What, are we made of stone? You’re not the first person to feel things, kid. We care.”
“How do you and Barbara stop yourselves from caring too much, if that’s even possible?”
“Because it’s the opposite,” Melissa removed her sunglasses, looking directly at Janine. “We care so much, we refuse to burn out. If we burn out, who’s here for these kids? That’s why you’ve gotta take care of yourself. What’s with you today, anyway? You’re normally bananas, but…”
“I don’t know. Just some stuff at home, I think.”
“Oh. Okay.” Melissa nodded in understanding. “See, that’s another thing Barbara and I learned. All that at-home stuff? You’ve gotta…” She clicked her tongue. “Leave it right at that door. Otherwise, you open up a whole 'nother Panera’s box of problems.”
“I think you mean Pandora’s box,” Janine corrected gently.
“No, I’m pretty sure it’s Panera’s box.”
As the day ended, and the children were picked up, the teachers clocked out, ready to leave. Siren had plans and wasn’t about to let anything interfere.
“Oh, hey, guys! What’s up?” Jacob called out, spotting Janine and Gregory heading toward the building.
“Hey,” Gregory greeted. “We’re just going to get something to eat.”
“Oh. Great. I’ll join!” Jacob announced.
“Oh.”
“After-school crew!” Jacob cheered, crafting a nickname.
“Ooh, ‘Afterschool crew.’ I like that,” Janine joined in.
“Hey, Siren!” Jacob called out, spotting the teacher trying to slip away unnoticed. Caught, she took a deep breath, praying for a miracle.
“We’re all going out to eat; you should join us,” he offered.
“Na—”
“Yeah, you should totally come,” Gregory agreed, stepping behind her and gently guiding her toward the group.
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“You’re so going to pay for this,” Siren muttered to Gregory, pulling out her phone to text her wife that she’d be late. She received a reply hinting at a playful “punishment” when she got home—but Siren shrugged; it wouldn’t be the first time. As the group walked, the lights suddenly turned on, startling them.
“You touched the lights, didn’t you, Janine?” Mr. Johnson appeared, dressed in work clothes and holding his fishing gear, glaring at her.
“Yes,” she admitted, sheepishly.
“Good thing I got me a system,” he replied, humming a few lines from Boyz II Men.
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taglist @jules19sstuff @babytakeittothehead @calibabyyyy @crybabysdeadbunny @toxicslut-1 @starstruckdinosaurcandy @delulu-lesbian @notmeellaannyy @mystical-april @severia21 @hwh-dawn @bone-app-the-teeth @casualfoxwitch @lordfarquad-k @honeypiperpizza123 @gwendolinechristierulez @pinkininja @oculusalien @zendayasredbottoms @tacoboutstuff @jules19sstuff @siyuziii @christiniawcb @riddlette13 @thebignunfun @xxloveralways14 @lordfarquad-k @rhearipley-69 @danversrailme @amberg1998 @zzzz-zzz1 @htttpcasti @lidiyabest @wwelovergirl @lesbianpoetess @jamiemundy7773 @pixelorange06 @steampunkprincess147 @brbblog123 @h3artss44le @harajukub4rb1e @billiesrighthand @natasha29romanoff @deathvidal
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lupismaris · 2 months ago
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..
#nothing makes me truly reaffirm my commitment to being poly like the day after a rugby match#i love my bf. i love them wholly and truly for who they are. i dont want them to change outside of healing. y'know that being the best you.#but i dont want them to be someone else. so the fact theyre not a coddling caregiver isnt something I'm ever going to change in them.#they bring me coffee and check in on me and set reminders for my meds and tell me when they have to leave for errands with mum#but they always have to see to other responsibilities because they are that person.#and I love them for that. i love them for being a dutiful son and a pragmatic foreman who prepares for the week.#what does this have to do with polyam james you may ask? well ill tell you-#im learning as i have been for a while now#that as i am a chief caregiver for many ppl in my life including bf and now the ruggers (im a board member)#i deeply deeply DEEPLY want/need care when im in crisis or at a low point and theres no low point quite like post match#when your systems are coming down from adrenaline and everything fuckin hurts like hell and whats worse you're injured#im not good at being taken care of i acknowledge that. but to be coddled and handled with care rn?#have someone to sit with me and make me food and eat with me and help me stay tethered and hold me a bit and smoke with me#idk not even in a sex sense just to be held and cared for#thats why poly am is a thing for me. i love my partners and I dont want to change them i dont want to force all this on them#certain needs can be met by certain ppl in certain ways etc but love is love it is always love its just shown differently#as i was writing this bf called to say he was bringing home nonalc beer for me. i know he loves me. i know he cares. it's just different.#tbd im so very tired and achy and weepy today dont mind me#the match was great for the squad but im not thrilled with myself#hence wanting to curl up in a hole and not come out
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jorvikzelda · 3 months ago
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speaking of yearning. god i cannot wait (like literally) to go home with the cat. it will make my whole life better… like all of it
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floral-hex · 8 months ago
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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anyoldfandom · 7 months ago
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The problem with starting to think about the Pack more is the fact that now I want to grab Skalamander the same way I grabbed Bobo like. My house now. I want to use your character potential.
#Generator rex#genrex#Just. Ough. OUGH.#Bobo was just a bad use of his potential but Skalamander is just a nothing use of his potential. Very little character there.#But looking at his design I just. Cannot get the question out of my head of 'Is it painful?'#Is he an EVO who lives in constant pain? We see that he can't stop drooling and is blind on one 'side' of his head.#And his tongue flops around when he has his mouth open. His skin stretches and sags in awkward places#It makes me think that he probably lives a pain-filled life and has probably got a wrecked mind bc of it. And then follows VK#Someone who looks at him and says You are not broken. I have use of you. I have salvation.#And with the disability symbolism with Genrex Skalamander also looks the most chronic pain having#Though granted most EVOs with significant body changes probably have chronic pain#I just. Head in hands. Fucked up lizard. How much of his mind is actually still there.#Do you think he has good days and bad days. Bad days where he can't move or days where his mind is more of a mess than usual.#He definitely has to struggle to eat and drink. With no other mouth.#Thinking also in context of Rex Pack AU of like. Skalamander having his bad days and having people who actually care about him#Doing the best they can to help. Bringing him food and water with specially designed straws and utensils#Sitting and talking to him on days his mind isn't fully there so at least he's not alone. Giving him space if he needs it#But making sure to keep a close eye on absolutely anything he needs.#Bc they're one big disabled family and they take care of each other
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shmokeymoe · 2 months ago
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This is silly because it’s such a nothing issue
But I hope I’m relevant enough in this fandom
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pyroselkie · 6 months ago
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i am BEGGING restaurants to stop putting cheese and garlic on LITERALLY EVERYTHING EVER
#LITERALLY TWO OF MY WORST FOODS AS AN AUTISTIC PERSON#sob sob#i'm going out for lunch with my family tomorrow#and we're going to this place that my sister suggested#and she's like ''oh yeah the food there is so good''#and the menu is. literally THE most unfriendly to my flavour of 'tism#one time my sister took me to a restaurant on a whim and i was happy to go because i trusted her#but i looked at the menu (after sitting down) and nearly had a panic attack#and no i can't ask for anything to get removed because whenever i do it's like a 50/50 for if it actually gets removed#and then i feel like an asshole asking for them to fix it#because i don't want them to think that i'm just an annoying picky eater#bc i've already asked once#for example this place does a chili but they put cheese on it (there is no menu variant without cheese)#but like previously mentioned cheese is no bueno para mi#like i can sometimes have it but only in very specific circumstances#and cheese on top of chili is NOT it#i love chili though#but if it arrives with cheese then i can't just scoop it off. it's already been Contaminated#one time i ordered fish and chips with garden peas and they gave me mushy peas instead and i can't eat that#so i sent it back and they came back a few seconds later with the majority of the mushy peas scraped off#but it still had the residue all over the fish and the chips#and i can't eat that!!!!!#and then because it was a pub and not a restaurant i had to stand awkwardly at the bar trying to get someone's attention#it was awful#anyway i should make a vent tag#shapes.vent
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talkorsomething · 5 months ago
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want to cut my hair again like you wouldn't believe. What are the possible consequences of going bald
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#actually i dont mean bald i just mean all one guard length#but hhhhh maybe i'm in an awkard stage maybe not i just CANNOT live like this#middle part is frustrating because it's not perfect in the way it sits side part is frustrating because i look like a girl#i feel like i could go all in with the 4 and then sorta texture a bit with the 2 guard HOWEVER having used the 4 previously. i know#how short that is. it might not look good so i worry#the bright side is it would grow out a bit by the time of the parade but augh i hate this#i'm currently a tightly wound ball of rage sorry. i didn't eat much of anything 2day#tried to call the hospital to get help with the letter/consulation thing preceding top surgery and they were NOT OPEN so idk if they will#be open tomorrow or not. the passage of time has gotten very vague all of a sudden#iiiiiii do not think i am doing well. lol. idk why though! god forbid any of it have a reason#i almost wish i'd relapse just so i could like. eat food again#idk i don't think it would solve it but i feel in my heart it might make things easier#buuuut because relapse is Bad For Me i guess i have to avoid it. well i want to anyways.#one bad day would not a reset make but my previous day happened this year already so...#i dunno it's been so long that i feel like it's not valid or whatever cause it was at an age where i can say it was a 'phase'#.............. i dunno what to do with that information. anyways.#i mean so what if i went all in on it again anyways? i kinda miss it lol. it's not like i could do any serious harm??#(potential infections aside.)#i just want to be creative and i CANT because my stupid brain will NOT think of anything#and the majority of what i have concretely written of this was written... get this .... right when i was trying to stay clean at first#correlation does not equal causation ........ sighs#i feel like i'm fighting a losing battle because i WANT IT to be that bad again#i've never really regretted it & it's never really been because of anything#i just started because i was curious about why someone would do that. that's all#i dont think i've EVER had any of the mental distress i see people in when theyre in these spaces#in one journal entry i made this big deal about wanting to kill myself but *i didn't want to*. i never did.#like sorry old me but it is REALLY hard to believe i've ever been depressed depressed#i just want things to be better and they never are :/ this should be everything i wanted and its just ... not#i'm not really sure how to ....... oh tag limit ok hold on
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katierosefun · 1 year ago
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one day i won’t start crying the second i leave my college friends to board a train! today is not that day!
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lightblueminecraftorchid · 1 year ago
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being sick as an adult sucks. wdym my mom won’t just automatically make sure I eat food instead of exclusively drinking Gatorade all day. wdym I have to ask my roommates to make me dinner. I have to Venmo a friend money to buy me more Gatorade?? I can’t focus enough to do homework??? I hate this.
#this is a silly haha humor post but in all seriousness.#COVID rly is just making me stare all the internalized ableism in the eye#yes worth isnt defined by productivity and disability and the idea of being a burden is part of being human and isn’t shameful at all#until I have to minorly inconvenience people to meet my basic needs#I really want to eat dinner but that would require asking my roommates to make me dinner which is just. 5 kinda of mortifying.#even though if someone I knew was sick I would not be upset about making them food! sick people need to eat!#my parents ordered me chipotle yesterday bc they were so concerned bc of how I sounded over the phone#and my friend went out and bought me juice and Gatorade and popsicles and took me to the doctor#the support system Exists I just feel bad about having to use it T-T#I just want to be hugged and read to and reminded to eat food but I am an adult now and not at home#lonely TT-TT#it’ll be okay I’m probably just emotional bc I’m sick and hungry#I also just am struggling so hard because I want to catch up on my classwork Right Now#but I can get through maybe one assignment before I’m too exhausted to keep sitting up#and I have to lay down and close my eyes and sleep or do a light activity like playing candy crush for the fifty bazillionth time#I’ve gotten through like. 100 levels this week.#I’m losing my dang marbles. I am gonna be so behind in ASL Susan is gonna be so disappointed in me#I feel like I have all this energy when I’m laying down bored but as soon as I sit up I feel like I’m floating and about to fall over#so. so tired. why can’t I be healthy already and do homework T-T.#I’m choosing to take this as a lesson to slow down and not overwork myself so hard. instead of being mad at myself for getting behind.#<- is trying and failing not to be mad at herself for getting behind
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john-smiths-jawline · 7 months ago
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growing up nonwhite in america is just like *your white friends don’t do this* *your white friends have never heard of your favorite food* *your white friends think the way you celebrate this holiday is weird* *your white friends still don’t pronounce your last name right even though it’s been literal years* *your white friends
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