#no I did NOT post this to the wrong blog the first time.
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crowsofdarkness ¡ 3 days ago
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Bucky can’t sleep next to you anymore after the snap. But it’s okay. You’ll be okay.
CW’s below the cut(angst, swearing, mentions of cheating)
a/n: this was a request that was originally posted on my old blog.
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The quiet, emptiness of the room had brought sadness throughout my bones as I turned over in bed, patting the space next to me. The sheets were cold, untouched. A broken sigh fell from my lips, knowing that he wasn’t coming to bed tonight; once again.
I weighed the options on my shoulders, debating if it would even be worth trying to fight with him.
I could stay in bed, like I had been every night this past week, and let him lay in his makeshift bed on the hard floor. It wasn’t comfortable but with the fights we had been having, I knew he would choose that over our bed.
Or.
I could walk into the living room, figure out what’s wrong with him and us, hoping it would bring him back to bed with me.
Finally deciding on the latter, I tossed the heavy comforter off my bare legs and trekked the short walk into the living room. He was laying on the floor, blankets and pillows scattered around him. My heart sank, knowing that there was a large sectional couch behind him, however he always chose to lay on the ground.
Ever since he came back from the snap, he wasn’t the same; our relationship wasn’t the same.
“Hey, Buck?” My voice was hushed, afraid he was asleep.
He looked over his shoulder, away from his book, and gave me a small smile. “Did I wake you?”
Immediately I shook my head. “No, well kind of. You know I hate waking up to an empty bed.”
His vibranium arm rested gently on his knee and his bare chest raised with a deep breath. I marveled at the way his skin glistened under the moonlight from the window.
“I’m sorry, doll. I can’t sleep on the bed. It’s too soft.”
I nodded, trying to mask the sadness I felt. Bucky slept in our bed for the first few months that we were back together but as our relationship strained, he started sleeping in the living room. He hadn't been able to recover from his past. Wakanda had been his only peace, our only peace, but when he was snapped away he lost on that time to find himself.
Post Winter Soldier.
We had been together for so long; since the 1940’s. I had been on the ship with Steve when it went into the ice, waking up together 70 years later.
Oh, Steve.
Bucky and I both had taken it extremely hard when Steve decided to go back in time, stay with Peggy Carter. We felt deserted, not good enough for Steve, after everything we had been through together.
He would say that he’s fine but I knew that Bucky was hurting inside, knowing that he lost his best friend.
But I was still here.
“What if we just lay in bed together, watch a movie?” I suggested.
Bucky hesitated. “I don’t know, Y/N. I don’t want to keep you up.”
Nightmares; he was still having them and no matter what I did to help, they still had a vice grip on him.
Another reason on the list as to why he refused to sleep in the same bed with me.
With an annoyed sigh, I sat on the arm chair across from him and ran my hands over my bare thighs.
“Did I do something?” The tears brimmed at my eyes. “You don’t want to sleep in the same bed, you rarely look at me anymore, and I can’t remember the last time you touched me.”
“Doll,” Bucky breathed.
His fingers raised to touch my hand but when he hesitated, my heart broke.
“Are we going to make this work or am I going to get hurt?” I choked out a sob.
After almost six months dealing with Bucky distancing himself from me, I needed to know if this was the end. I wouldn’t allow myself to continue to be strung along. I understood that he had been dealing with some things, even seeking therapy, but that wasn’t a reason to shut me out.
“I’m trying, Y/N. It’s been tough trying to adjust,” Bucky spoke.
“What about me? I watched you get dusted in my hands and spent five years on my own, trying to find a way to bring you back.”
Bucky sighed. “I know.”
“Do you?” I stood with anger. “Because when was the last time you asked how I was doing?”
He was silent, giving me my answer.
I hastily wiped the tears from my cheeks and let out a shaky breath. “Every day goes by without a touch or even a kiss from you fucking kills me, Buck. I can’t help but think of a future world where we don’t collide and it makes me sick.”
Bucky was on his feet now, running a hand over his tired face. “I’m trying, Y/N. I want to be with you, build our future, but there’s some things I can’t get over.”
My eyes sliced into him, knowing exactly what he was talking about. “You were gone for five fucking years, Bucky. Steve was there and I apologized over and over again. How many more times do I have too?”
His shoulders went rigid with his own anger. “You fucked Steve. It's not something I can easily get over.”
I knew that if I continued to be angry, this fight would never end. It was the same thing every few days and honestly, I was exhausted.
“Look, if you want to leave, I’ll make it easy. The door is behind you. It will hurt like hell to lose you, Bucky, after everything we have been through. But I’ll be okay.”
Bucky stuffed his hands in his sweat shorts, giving me a shrug. “Our future is fading to black, Y/N. I’m trying to save it but it’s getting harder to hold on.”
My eyes were red and puffy, broken sobs echoing throughout our apartment. My heart was once full of love for him but now it was shattered into pieces, pooling at the pits of my stomach. The tape didn’t work and the glue only made it worse, maybe it was time to let it stay broken.
Letting out a deep, shaky breath, I gave him a strong nod. “I’m not going to keep you if you don’t want to stay, Bucky. I love you so much. I understand that I hurt you when I slept with Steve and I know it’s stupid of me to think that you’d forgive me. I only hoped that your love for me was enough.”
Bucky reached for my hands, his vibranium fingers cooling my heated skin. “I love you too, doll. I just need some time to adjust to everything.”
“I can’t wait forever, Bucky. I need to know if you’re going to leave so I can prepare myself for the heartbreak.”
When he remained silent, a sense of unsureness on his soft features, I finally gave in and nodded.
“When you decide on what you need, I’ll be here. If you want to leave, I won’t stop you. Just know that I will never stop loving you and eventually, I’ll be okay.. But if you decide to stay, to fight for us and work for our future, you know where I’ll be.``
A soft kiss was placed on his lips, one that he had returned with some short of fire behind. It wasn’t how we used to kiss pre snap but I could feel some kind of love.
Turning my back to him, I walked back into our bedroom and crawled into bed. The heavy blanket calmed my body as I sobbed out for my losing love. Through my cries, I tried to listen for Bucky and what his decision was. His footsteps that bounced off the walls slowly started to fill the empty hole in my heart.
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pestilentbrood ¡ 13 days ago
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Arachnida’s lore
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clownowo ¡ 2 years ago
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been replaying the Portal series I think this is where its heading
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luck-of-the-drawings ¡ 9 months ago
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when i was in highschool one o my biggest coping mechanisms was drawing all the kids i hated getting killed and eaten and killed. and well. time is a slowly ascending spiral. you will find patterns.(i work as a blackjack dealer. gamblers are FASCINATING
#cw blood#luckys original content#ITS SMALL BUT ITS ART SO IT GOES ON THE ART BLOG#also wwaooooww its meee its my lil persona!!! i dont draw myself enough....#anyway i have bigger things in the works. im slowly but surely chipping away at a pd thumbnail for that pd thumbnail project#FINALLY COLORING. BUT COLORING IS SO HARD AND I HAVNT BEEN IN THE COLORING MOOD#SO IVE JUST BEEN MAKING RLY DUMB COMICS INSTEAD... OOPS..#idk if anything finished n polished will be posted here anytime soon. BUT i post wips of everything on my twitter#and i post jrwi exclusive wips on my slucky blog. you may look at those if u have Truck Art Wishdrawls. as many do. as many do#THIS BLACKJACK JOB IS RLY AWESOME BTW DONT GET ME WRONG#i work three 12-hour days ina row. i gotta take an hourlong bus up to the depths o the mountains and then#i get to stay in this delightful lil hotel that was built in an ooold hospital. its a whole casino town. and an OLD one at that#ITS GORGEOUS HERE. last week my bus home was delayed for 2 hours#so i finally got the chance to head to other casinos and try drinkin n gambling. lost ten bucks to a pretty girl. NOT the first time#i rlly wanna try it again!!! i love interracting w ppl and i love being inebriated in public bc im just so sweet and pleasant and friendly#and pretty girls LLOOOOVEE MEEEEE i think i just need to go to gay bars more#but theres fucking NONE HERE. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im collectin comrade queers up here tho#we wanna make a Group but we just gotta come up witha name first. i need something weird and strange#yknow i remember being in highschool. and being miserable n unmedicated. my mommas ultimatum was that;#if i dont drop out of highschool; i dont need to move out. she probably wouldntve kicked me out anyway bc my mommas sweet like that but#she REALLY wanted me to graduate. and i remember dreading that i might never do that#i remember feeling like the Resident Idiot. sweet but so so fucking dumb. it took me 7 years of strife n stress before i finally graduated#i remember worrying back then that i might not ever be able to handle myself out there. that i'd be too dependant on others#AND HERE I AM. DID U KNOW I WAS LOOKIN AT HOUSES A WHILE AGO? IM AN ADULT AND IM WWINNINNNGGGGGGG#IM RUNNING OUTA ROOM BUT HERES MY ADVICE TO YOU. BC I KNOW UR FUCKING SCARED TOO. THE ONE THING THAT SAVED ME.#THAT KEPT ME FROM SINKING INTO DESPAIR IS REMEMBERING ONE THING: ITS LITERALLY JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#MOST PPL YOU CAN JUST WALK UP TO N ASK A QUESTION N THEYLL ANSWER. THEYRE ALL NPCS THEYRE NOT REAL#LIKE IF U WALK INTO A BANK AND ASK HOW A DEBIT CARD WORKS THEY WILL HELP YOU#AND IF YOU THINK THEY HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES RELATING TO MONEY. YOU CAN ASK THE CUSTOMERS TOO. ITS JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#ANYWAY STAY SAFE KIDS HAVE FUNNNNN. IM GOING TO GO DO DRUGS NOW. HOPE U CAN DO DRUGS SOON TOO. I LOVE YOU
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ikamigami ¡ 2 days ago
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Thank you for everything, friend.
What Maria wrote here is true. I only knew Mothy's side of things. They tried to put most blame on everyone else and presented themselves in better light to me. I tried to explain this in my response document. I know that I'm not good at explaining things but many people showed that they can't read with understanding. I don't condone Mothy's actions.
I didn't want to hurt any victims but show my side of things and how Mothy presented the situation to me. Mothy omitted many things. Actually most of things. Which I only found out when I read their apology. Which was way after I posted my response document. I cut all ties with Mothy after that.
Also I found it hard to believe Alex at first because why he waited for who knows how long to show evidence against Mothy? Why he didn't show the evidence when it was first time mentioned that Mothy is a groomer many months ago? It almost looks like Alex waited enough time so he could include me in the callout document.
Alex manipulated the text in order to put me in bad light. He almost equals me with Mothy who actually did awful things simply because I believed a friend. He says he wants to meet me in court for what reason exactly (he said that in one of reblogs)? Because I used parabole to show how ridciulous his attempt to portray me as a groomer or as someone as bad as Mothy is? Parabole isn't a slander.
And the proof that Alex' manipulations worked is that people got more angry at me than at Mothy. It's ridciulous.
Alex used my private conversation with a friend as a proof that I knew about what Mothy did but he refuses to aknowledge that Mothy lied to me.
Alex also said that Dana and Ceph told him that I said that I want to kill myself on server full of kids which is untrue. And even there Alex doesn't show any proof. He believes his friends that whatever they say without proof is true but when I believed Mothy when I didn't know the truth when Mothy lied to me I'm in the wrong? Tell me how does that make sense?
And about that fic. I'm sorry once again. I tagged Garbage Chocolate simply because they were the author of AU. I should've checked their blog more carefully and not assume their age. I won't make such mistake again.
But Alex using this to show that I'm no better than Mothy is a stretch and manipulation.
Even if Alex has good intentions, he ruins his efforts in helping anyone simply by lying and manipulating.
The end doesn't justify the means.
I hope that sooner or later Alex apologize for his wrongdoings and he won't continue with manipulations because he may hurt someone one day.
I'm not saying this to attack anyone because I'm against harassment. I never sent any messages to Alex and I never even ordered anyone to do so. I just want Alex to be honest with himself and others.
And I want Alex to apologize for slandering my name.
Yo so, i got something i wanna say rq.
Quick CW for the discussion of grooming, false allegations and a long ass post. If you don't already know about this situation, scroll down, I've provided links to the necessary posts at the bottom! I’m not the one for drama, never have been and never will be. But being a mutual of @ikamigami and literally getting tagged in it, it was inevitable that I would see @alexandraisyes' grooming allegation post on both her and Mothy. And after having reached out myself to get Ikami’s side on things along with reading the documents provided by both parties, I've come to my own conclusion. I don’t see either party as really being in the right. Not Alex nor Mothy. Mothy for their poor behaviour which has been given evidence of in Alex’s document. And Alex for Ikamigami’s completely unnecessary involvement and the horrible accusation made against them with lackluster evidence. Lackluster evidence which I have a few things to say about. Now Alex or any of her friends who may end up reading this, I'm not a new enemy of any sort or looking to be one, nor do I have any particularly ill feelings against any of you, I'm just giving criticism and stating my opinions here. 1) Evidence against Ikami No.1 - The nsfw fic Ikamigami wrote a nsfw fic and tagged GarbageChocolate, who she at the time, didn’t know was a minor. But once she found out, it was publicly apologized for. And now the fic has been completely deleted from Ikami’s blog, the only reason you’re still able to see it via the link in Alex’s document is because of it being a reblog. This was resolved and closed in 2023. Information which Alex has left out both in their doc and when replying to comments, either intentionally or because of lack of proper research.
Why is it being brought up to be used as some sort of “evidence” of Ikami being a groomer? When you think about it, it doesn’t even make any sense. A groomer wouldn’t post stuff like that publically, as they would want to keep their behaviour hidden. 2) Evidence against Ikami No.2 - Ikami siding with Mothy I don’t know if people know this, but choosing to side with a friend in drama or accusations is normal.
Especially considering the friendship between Mothy and Ikami, that they’ve been there for one another and therefore will put a good amount of trust in each other. And I think that if you’re quickly able to turn on your friend at the smallest accusation, you weren’t even a real friend to begin with. That or you’re just a patsy.
Ikami herself in her own document acknowledges Mothy’s actions and says that she is not going to defend them. Though along with that Ikami provides rather important context behind Mothy’s behaviour. Context being that Mothy is someone who has immature and childish behavioural tendencies (being a 19 year old, also counting that age does not equal to maturity), and due to less than unfortunate events in her childhood expresses hypersexuality.
Something to quickly mention as well, Ikami has only really known Mothy’s side on the things which has happened inside the servers, possibly not having been told the entire truth on some things. That along with the behaviour of Mothy is not something I want to excuse and is something that i'm certain Ikami isn't exactly pleased about either. Also, this shouldn't just come to me, but do you realise how broken the logic behind this, that Ikami choosing to side with Mothy makes her a groomer too, is?  Let me lay out a hypothetical example;
What if I was friends with someone who later gets accused to be a pedophile, would that make me a pedo too simply by association?
3) - Critisism on Alex's document Now, I know this whole segment is going to sound nit-picky, but there are some things that I want to point out with Alex’s document and its content. As I can't help but feel that the document looks incredibly rushed and sloppily made. Alex's document only bears screenshots, with pretty much no context given whatsoever behind them or this situation. Like say, as an example, what the ages of both Mothy and the minors were specifically during the time it all went down, as that is very important information and simply just stating that the victims were minors doesn’t really make things clear. As anyone between 1 to 18 would be considered a minor. Along with lacking context, there are things added which don't serve anything, being rather trivial. Like the comparison made between the behaviour of Mothy, Alex herself and Alex's friend Peachpopfizz/Peachfnaf. I can understand the potential reason for this being added, but in execution it just looks like you’re trying to make yourself look better or superior and is rather useless to know.
And something which I think is plenty worthy of being pointed out as well is that we don't seem to get any screenshots of one-to-one private conversations. Or at least not ones where it's clear, as most of the screenshots are also cropped. The victims in Alex’s document state that Mothy has used manipulation tactics, used her ties to the ‘big blogs’ as leverage and not taken it too kindly when others did not want to talk to them about something or got uncomfortable, so why don't we see examples of such?
 If all of Mothy's messages come from open channels for anyone to see, it makes me wonder, as one of the main tactics of groomers is to isolate a victim and hold their own poor behaviour behind closed doors. Especially considering there were apparently other adults in the proship server who, assuming they're either not stupid or ignorant, would’ve seen and called it out immediately as Mothy was openly 19 and NSFW was not allowed as far as i'm aware. And the last point i want to make, seeing that this would become way too long if i was to add every single tiny one. Again about rather trivial info. Alex in their document, in the section about confronting Mothy, mentions of Ikami apparently talking about killing herself in the TSBS discord server, along with the harassment and slandering which has been happening between Ikami, Dana and Ceph/Twinanimatronics (in which direction it fully was in I'm not aware).
Number one, in regard to the claim of Ikami speaking of killing herself. I've gone the lengths to look through her messages in the TSBS server myself, especially around the time in which the Miku episode and Ikami’s psychotic episode happened, and have not found anything remotely close. So if Dana and Ceph, the ones who allegedly reported this to the mods, have evidence of this actually happening. I would love to see it.
And number two, the personal drama between Alex, Ikami, Mothy and Alex’s friends, i’m sorry to say this, is such a nothing burger and is frankly inappropriate to add in an allegation document of grooming. It would’ve been way better to have just stuck to the main matter of all of this from the very start, that Mothy was talking inappropriately in the proship server, anything else is not something that I will care about.
Overall, the document is a case in which the more you try to make sense of it, the more it falls apart. Whenever it’s because of lacking context, trivial information which distracts from the main point, an unrelated party which was dragged in and framed without any actual proof, ect. Or that is at least how i feel. 4) - final thoughts. Now, with everything i've said above, i'd like to emphasize, I do not want anyone in this situation to get harassed as that will amount to nothing.
All that I personally wish is for Mothy to seek help with the issues that they have, work to get better and for something like this never to happen again (which, considering their apology post. It sounds like they're not afraid to admit fault, which is a first step). For the minors to take care. And for everyone here to perhaps consider and be mindful how they spend their time online and in what spaces, as from what I've seen in my time on the internet, the proship space and those similar has many times been the breeding ground for predatory weirdos to take advantage of those younger and vulnerable.
If you have questions or anything you want to say, you are more than free to reach out to me privately, as I'm not going to clutter up my blog with replies to reblogs. Of course with that being said, keep in mind, i will not tolerate insults, slurs or threats of any kind.
Here's the links to the document posts of both Alex and Ikami so you can read and come to your own informed opinion on all of this.
Have a good day folks.
(And please, for the love of god. When it comes to allegations online, always take it with a grain of salt until both sides have spoken. I’ve seen countless times where false allegations have ruined people’s reputations and lives. And I would rather wait than look like an idiot.)
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mxtxfanatic ¡ 1 year ago
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Is it me, or is the Venn diagram of Shen Jiu stans and “Luo Binghe is the abuser in bingqiu” truthers getting closer and closer to being a circle?
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thattabaxiwizard ¡ 10 months ago
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i need advice
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for context: my dad specializes in dark magics, yaknow necromancy and that sort of thing. he also wasn't around much but that's a topic for another post. back to the point, he sent me a letter and a box of what i can only assume are old things he wasn't using anymore. according to the letter he thought i would "find great use in the items within." i found this weird looking potion in there with the rest of the stuff, the label is damaged so idk what it does, yall think i should drink it?
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st4rstudent ¡ 10 months ago
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I've had this idea for a while but everytime I actually gave it thought, I'd get frightened last minute. But anyways, with summer coming up (and more free time), I've been considering making an ask blog of sorts just for fun. Does that seem like anything anyone would be interested in
naturally itd be more hc based because well. heh. looks around. gets scared
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seafoamsol ¡ 1 year ago
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Here're my previews for the @tf-bigbang 2023 event! I was partnered with SnowfirePax ( Chryscare on AO3 ) for their fic Under The Stars, a messy love story mixed with political strife, murder, and could-have-should-have-beens.
It's a beautiful fic, and I'm honored to have been given the opportunity to illustrate for it. I look forwards to sharing the full pieces with you on Sept. 22nd!
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cookinguptales ¡ 9 months ago
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are there technically simpler and less pretentious ways to say "apotropaic magic"? perhaps.
but consider this:
I firmly believe that people should use the best word for a situation, whether that word is unusual or not.
using weird words is a joy, and so is learning them.
say it. say it out loud. is there any word more fun to say than "apotropaic"? I don't think so.
say it again. hell yeah.
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azumasoroshi ¡ 2 years ago
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forever cursed to write insane long tag spam on reblogs of other people’s posts until i realize that i should make a separate post for the idea and putting the post into drafts and then never getting around to transfering the idea to post form
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shithowdy ¡ 5 months ago
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this is your periodic reminder that for all the artifacts and errors and "tells" one could possibly list, the only reliable way to actually determine if an image is ai generated is to investigate the source. it is becoming increasingly common for "fake classical paintings" to circulate around curative aesthetic blogs, and everyone should be using this as an opportunity to not only exercise their investigative skills but also appreciate art more in general. you're all checking out the artists you reblog, right? 🫣
so what are some signs to look for? let's use this very good example.
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what a lovely late-impressionist piece blended with evocative leyendecker-esque themes! why haven't you ever heard of this artist before? surely tumblr would be all over an artist like this. who is justin brown?
your two options from here are to do a search for the name, or a reverse image search. i prefer reverse image searching, particularly when it comes to a common name like "justin brown". so what does that net?
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Immediately, without looking at any text, something is wrong: it barely exists. an actual historical piece would turn up numerous results from websites individually discussing the piece, but no such discussions are taking place. Looking at the text, though, does show the source-- and at least in this case, the creator was honest about their medium.
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But let's also look at the "exact matches", in case a source doesn't make itself apparent in the initial sidebar results like this.
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This section will often tell you post dates of images, and here it can be seen that the very first iteration of the image was posted 15 days ago. It did not exist online prior to that.
Seeing how long an unsourced image has been floating around is a skill applicable to more than just generative images! See a cool image of an artifact or other intriguing item with a vivid caption? Reverse search it! If all the results are paired with that caption and only go back a few months, you might just have viral facebook spam.
Sometimes generative creators are dishonest about their medium and do not tag it like in the example, so that's when establishing "jpeg provenance" becomes important. While it can be a little trickier to determine if someone is using generative images and not admitting to it if they aren't trying to pass it off as a classic, something to consider is the age of their account and the frequency with which they post. Here are some account red flags:
-Did they only start posting art after 2022, or if they did before, did their style/skill level WILDLY change? Not gradual improvement-- I'm talking amateur graphite portraits straight into complex digital renders. Everyone starts somewhere, newness is not a red flag alone; it's newness combined with existing in a vacuum away from any community.
-Do they post fully-finished paintings several times a week? -Do many of these paintings seem iterative of a similar theme or subject matter ("three well-dressed young men face each other under shade and dappled sunlight")?
-Does their style change in inconsistent ways? An artist that can swap between painting like Drew Struzan and Hokusai should be pretty well known, right? Why is no one hyping this guy?!
-Do they have social media besides the source instagram? If so, what are they posting about? Are there any WIPs? Doodles? Interactions with other artists? Gallery dates? 3am self-doubt posts? Or is it all self-promo? Crypto? Seemingly nothing art-related at all for someone pushing out 3 weekly paintings?
Basically, if it's important to you to omit this stuff when you curate, please don't just smash reblog if the source doesn't seem to be the OP themselves. Seeking out sources was important even before this became an issue, now it is more than ever.
peace n love
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gashicalmy ¡ 25 days ago
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I did a thing, and I don't even know how to animate stuff :v
It's a giff. Let it load🥹
Hope you like it :V
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Previous | Peachtober24 | Next
PIXEL D10. I love how I told myself to do a cute simple inktober, and ended up with extra effects and details in a lot of drawings.
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ireverie ¡ 12 days ago
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girls goon too
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pairing ↠ stepbro!sunghoon x (f) reader x stepbro!heeseung
genre .. warnings ↠ smut, stepcest, unprotected sex, oral (m receiving) / face fucking, virgin! reader, dubcon
summary ↠ sunghoon can't take it anymore. you just won't stop gooning in your bedroom for all the world to hear, and he's tired of it. he's pretty sure all you do with your spare time is watch porn. heeseung suggests that he just jerks off, but his morals won't let him; until he decides that he can't hold back anymore. he has to shut you up.
wc ↠ 5.3k
a/n ↠ nohyuck version of this fic originally posted on my blog revehae. i am not plagiarizing myself. this is my apology for missing my friday night drabble post. as always, feedback is appreciated!
don’t like it, don’t read.
“she’s doing it again,” sunghoon grumbled, walking into heeseung’s bedroom. only because the door was ajar, though. he knew the sight he’d walk in on if it was completely closed would be worse than what you were surely doing.
heeseung snickered, eyes fixed on his computer. “what’s the occasion? sixth-month gooning anniversary?”
sunghoon scoffed. he didn’t know why you did it. he thought jake was bad, but you were next level. “i thought surely she would give us a break for november.”
“and she did,” heeseung quipped, moving his mouse. “for all of three days.”
that was true. for the very first three days of november, the house had been relatively quiet apart from heeseung’s shouting when he was losing. then, on the fourth day, it was back to hearing your annoyingly perfect fucking moans in the afternoon.
and god forbid your parents would be coming home late. you were relentless on those days, touching yourself to no end. sunghoon couldn’t stand it. he hated minding his business, trying to rest or work or do anything that didn’t require thinking about the sounds you were making as you persistently edged yourself.
but he couldn’t help himself. sometimes, he could hear your moans even when you weren’t there, and that was when he knew he was finally losing what little bit was left of his goddamn mind. 
heeseung, on the other hand, didn’t seem as miffed. sunghoon was certain his brother could hear the noises you were making down the hall, but he was sitting here without a care in the world, typing an email to his professor of all things. which made no sense to sunghoon, considering he knew how much heeseung liked noisy sex.
“okay, i’ll bite,” sunghoon said, crossing his arms. “how in the hell are you okay with this?”
heeseung shrugged, trying and failing to suppress a smirk. he was well aware of the fact that sunghoon always got worked up when it came to you, which was fair. you were the biggest minx this world had ever known. “well, first of all,” heeseung started, snickering again. “there’s a thing called jerking off. i’m sure you’ve heard of it. it’s really popular amongst guys we know.”
sunghoon looked almost scandalized. “i’m not jerking off to my stepsister.”
“then, you’re an idiot,” heeseung retorted. “she’s given us enough material until new years. of the year after next.”
“it’s wrong.”
heeseung rolled his eyes. “you’ve got such a stick up your ass, like a proper princess or something.”
“i’ll beat your ass, hee,” sunghoon warned. 
heeseung threw his hands up. “i’m just saying. i’m not telling you to stick her in a washing machine, bro. but the answer’s obvious. just jerk off. you know you want to.”
sunghoon sighed. had he thought about it? obviously. but he couldn’t shake how wrong it felt, even if you made him perpetually horny. “i want to smack the shit out of you right now, but i haven’t done it yet.”
rather than recoil, heeseung laughed. that asswipe finds humor in everything, sunghoon thought to himself, irritated. “and i commend your patience, man,” heeseung replied. “but it’s only making you more frustrated when you could just bust a nut and be happy.”
sunghoon was thinking about it now. well, he had thought about it countless times, but he had never allowed himself to stoop that low. you were his younger stepsister and it was his responsibility to take care of you. not picture your face as you moaned and imagine how you would feel, tight and sticky and creamy as you wrapped around his…
heeseung broke the silence, musing more so to himself, “maybe we should put her in the washing machine.”
sunghoon’s eyes flickered. “what the hell, man?”
“my bad,” heeseung replied, although he didn’t look very apologetic. “i was just thinking out loud.”
fuck, now sunghoon was picturing that too. your house had one of those washing machines that opened from the top, not the front. too many times had sunghoon seen you struggle to take your clothes out, dangling over the washing machine and nearly falling inside. he would offer to help, every now and then, but he liked watching you climb the washing machine just to get your clothes from the very bottom.
it was much more realistic for you to get stuck in it then the kinds of washing machines in porn. 
heeseung broke the silence again, still thinking. it was his greatest skill and simultaneously his worst habit. “if you’re so against it, why haven’t you just asked her to shut the fuck up then?”
that was a good question. sunghoon wasn’t the kind of guy to shy away from an altercation, not with friends and not with family. he had certainly never shown heeseung any mercy. he loved his brother, but he was annoying as all fuck.
“i see,” heeseung said, smirking. see, annoying. “it’s because you don’t really want her to stop.”
sunghoon sighed. “yeah, fine. i don’t want her to stop. happy?”
heeseung burst out laughing. always laughing, always scheming. he was going to get a stocking full of coal for christmas. “i have an idea.”
“oh, god,” sunghoon groaned.
heeseung finally pressed send on his email and turned around in his desk chair. “hear me out. we should fuck her.”
sunghoon gawked in disbelief. then again, none of heeseung’s ideas were ever truly brilliant. “you’re insane,” he murmured.
“thanks,” heeseung chirped, the insult rolling off his shoulders. “just sleep on it.”
“you know what? sure,” sunghoon replied, walking out of his brother’s room and shutting the door. he didn’t want to hear another word.
he went about his day like everything was normal, going on a walk so that he didn’t have to hear you, eating dinner and watching netflix in the living room to ignore the fact that you existed altogether. and then he went to bed.
sunghoon couldn’t fucking sleep. on it, over it, under it. he couldn’t sleep whatsoever. 
it wasn’t like you were just loudly moaning all day long, that would be absurd. but every now and then, there would be a whimper you’d let slip. sunghoon could tell that you were actually trying to be quiet. but this was one of those nights where your parents wouldn’t be back and you were taking advantage of that. again.
sunghoon decided that he was at his breaking point. the need for you was too goddamn strong and he was tired of pretending that he was better. he couldn’t ignore it anymore. he couldn’t fight it, suppress it.
he threw the blankets off his bed and went to heeseung’s room, the door closed this time. he knocked on the door and called out, “stop jerking off and get your ass out here.”
sunghoon heard a groan, one of the disgruntled sort. a few seconds later, heeseung opened the door, a scowl on his face. “what the hell, man? your voice ruined my nut.”
it was sunghoon’s turn to laugh. he clasped a hand on heeseung’s shoulder. “don’t worry. you’ll be in the mood again in no time.”
heeseung lifted a brow. “are you saying what i think you’re saying?”
sunghoon nodded. 
“we’re gonna teach her a lesson.”
“we’re gonna put her in the washing machine?”
sunghoon’s smile instantly dropped and his hand fell from heeseung’s shoulder. “why the fuck are you both so addicted to porn?” he asked.
the excited shimmer in heeseung’s eyes died a little. “no, i was… i was just kidding. let’s go.”
sunghoon sighed and started down the hall to your bedroom, deciding not to argue heeseung on that. it would be a waste of valuable time.
sunghoon knocked on the door and called out your name. “can we come in?”
there was audible shuffling as you called back, “just a moment!”
heeseung glanced over at sunghoon. “so, how we doing this?”
sunghoon looked calm, collected. as if fucking his stepsister was something he did on the regular. “just follow my lead.”
you opened the door, a towel thrown around you. but your skin looked damp with sweat, not water. your face was a little flushed. it was obvious that you were naked. “um, can i help you guys?” you asked, somewhat breathless. 
sunghoon looked you up and down subtly. heeseung, on the other hand, was damn near ogling you. the former repeated, “can we come in?”
“um, i guess,” you murmured, stepping out of the way so that they could enter your bedroom.
heeseung closed the door behind himself, not that there was anyone to worry about. it was only the three of you in the house at the moment. 
sunghoon glanced away, looking for traces of what you had been doing. he found them very quickly; your laptop shut on your bed, the blankets messily thrown on top to conceal the damp spots in your sheets, and your shirt and shorts on the floor by your bed, implying you were only in your underwear.
“is there something you guys need?” you asked, a bit annoyed at having been interrupted. 
sunghoon walked towards your desk where your laptop probably should have been, though he saw something fearful flash in your eyes. his brows furrowed, but he didn’t inquire about it. he would figure it out on his own. “do we have to need something to want to visit you?” sunghoon asked, a small smile on his face. “i haven’t seen you all day long. we just wanted to make sure you’re still alive.”
“oh, that’s… very sweet of you,” you murmured. “as you can see, i’m perfectly alive and breathing.”
“yeah, you’re breathing a lot,” heeseung commented. 
sunghoon chuckled. he moved away from your desk and instead towards your nightstand, noticing your eyes still watching him like a hawk. “relax. what’s got you so worked up?”
“i’m not worked up,” you lied, eyes darting between him and your bed. 
that was when it clicked in sunghoon’s brain. the bed. you didn’t want him to see the bed. he chuckled again, sitting down on top of it. “are you okay? you look a little… flushed.”
“yeah,” heeseung chimed in, moving your hair out of your face. you jolted. you had been paying so much attention to sunghoon that you failed to notice heeseung had creeped up behind you. “and sweaty.”
you released a shaky breath. you were nervous, but you couldn’t tell them that. because then they would start asking questions. “i’m okay, guys. you can go.”
“why are you trying to get rid of us?” heeseung asked, leaning in a little too close. “it’s almost like you’re hiding something.”
“what are you watching?” sunghoon asked, grabbing your laptop. 
your eyes widened in horror. “no, wait!” you exclaimed. you tried to stop him, but heeseung was quick to pull you back against his chest. 
sunghoon opened your laptop, being met with a twitter porn browser. he feigned surprise. “oh, wow,” he said, merely blinking. “wow.”
“what is it?” heeseung called from the other side of the room. 
sunghoon turned the laptop to face you and heeseung. “guess she’s really into… creampies, sucking dick, and doggy style.”
your face was hot with embarrassment and you thrashed in heeseung’s arms. “this is an invasion of privacy! you guys jerk off, don’t you?”
“jerk off? sure. watch porn for hours on end? no, i don’t,” sunghoon answered, setting your laptop down. he moved your blankets out of the way, revealing a few damp spots on your bed. “how long did you have to sit here for this to happen?”
you felt very exposed at the moment. like your deepest, darkest secret was steadily reaching its way around the whole world. “i’m not that bad,” you murmured, shy. 
heeseung laughed. he tugged at the towel and brought his hand to your chest, pinching your nipple. “not that bad? you almost gave poor sunghoon over there an aneurysm with how enticing you’ve been.”
your whined when heeseung squeezed your chest, tearing your gaze away from sunghoon to look up at him with wide eyes. “what are you doing?”
“fuck. yeah, that’s what i’m talking about, princess,” heeseung groaned, pressing himself against your ass. “those sweet sounds have been driving him mad.”
any other moment, sunghoon would have narrowed his eyes at heeseung and called him disgusting. but this was different. sunghoon didn’t care about what was right or wrong anymore. maybe he never truly had. what was certain right now was that any desire to behave in a morally acceptable manner was outweighed by the desire to fuck you brainless.
“bring her over here,” sunghoon said, shoving your laptop of the way to make room. 
heeseung grabbed your waist and led you towards the bed, pushing you towards his brother. sunghoon grabbed your chin, smoothing his thumb over your cheek. “gooning isn’t healthy,” he told you straightforwardly. “you know what you need?”
you glanced at him, fretful. the towel had completely fallen at this point, leaving you solely in your water, just as sunghoon had pieced together. “what?” you whispered.
“a fuck,” sunghoon replied unabashedly. “you’re so damn touch-starved. always complaining about how you want a boyfriend, but you never go out, because you’re too busy playing with your clit.”
your face was hot. honestly, they hadn’t given you the opportunity to cool down. but you had to admit that he was right. compared to how much you touched yourself, you didn’t go out enough.
“have you ever even had sex?” heeseung asked, running his hands up your thighs. 
you wanted to hide so fucking bad, but that clearly wasn’t an option. “no,” you replied, ashamed.
sunghoon snickered, because apparently that was funny. “obviously,” he said, moving his thumb to your bottom lip. “this pretty body has gone untouched for too many years, that’s all. once you get fucked, you’ll be as good as new. worked for jake. didn’t it, hee?”
“yep,” heeseung chirped, nodding. “he was the biggest gooner i’ve ever seen. jay had so many roommate horror stories. then, we got him some pussy, and he’s all better now. actually goes outside and gets light that isn’t from his laptop.”
“so, what do you say?” sunghoon asked, turning your head back to him. “want something other than your fingers inside you?”
your heart racing. were you really about to agree to getting fucked by your stepbrothers? when it was over, you could blame it on the fact that you genuinely were touch-starved and desperate for a release for all this pent-up frustration.
and because you really, really needed to come after having avoided it for hours, you nodded your head.
“words, princess,” heeseung said, his hands still gripping your thighs as he thought about how soft they were. “say it. say, ‘i want you to fuck me, heeseung.’”
you swallowed, but you weren’t going to disobey. “i… i want you to fuck me, heeseung.”
“jeez, you don’t have to beg. i’ll do it,” heeseung replied, playful as ever. “and because it’s your first time, i think we should do missionary. is that okay, princess?”
“that’s… fine,” you murmured timidly. it didn’t really matter to you how he fucked you. you just wanted someone inside you. 
heeseung was beaming, like he had prayed for this day and it was finally happening. “good. and if you ever want me to fuck you on all fours, you know the way to my room.”
the way heeseung was looking at you was entirely overwhelming, so you glanced over at sunghoon instead, though he was also watching you intently. “what about… you?” you asked. 
sunghoon chuckled, thumb sweeping over your lips. “i don’t need to fuck your pussy. i’ll leave that to heeseung. i just want to fuck this pretty little mouth that’s been keeping me up at night.”
heeseung, growing impatient, tugged at your panties. you lifted your hips, watching him drag them down your legs. “jesus,” he murmured. “they’re fucking drenched.”
“they better be,” sunghoon replied with a chuckle, stepping out of his pants. “long as she’s probably been wearing them.”
heeseung spread your legs, wanting to get a good look at the treasure hidden between them. he moaned at the mere sight of your pussy, dripping with arousal. “fuck, you don’t even need prep,” he mused.
as if you couldn’t get any more embarrassed than you already were. they knew exactly what to say to make you want to hide your face beneath a pillow and hopefully suffocate to death.
despite his declaration about you not needing prep, heeseung couldn’t help but drag his tongue along your folds, which made you gasp in surprise. it wasn’t a tentative lick, either; he was confident and unreluctant. you were clearly sensitive, but he didn’t seem to care, eager to suck and lick at you.
“heeseung,” you whimpered, involuntarily trying to close your legs. he swore his dick twitched when you said his name like that. 
all the while, sunghoon was stroking himself beside you, half hard. for the first time thinking about you at the same time that he touched his dick, and god, he really should have done it sooner. just the thought of you made his blood pump harder. 
heeseung pulled back after a moment or two when he was finally sated. “sorry,” he apologized, completely inauthentic. “just wanted a taste.”
sunghoon tapped your cheek. “open up, baby.”
you slowly opened your mouth, wide enough for him to push inside. which sunghoon seized the opportunity to do as soon as it presented itself. he was impatient now, tired of waiting. you had tortured him long enough with those pretty noises; it was time you paid him back for tolerating your horniness.
“fuck,” sunghoon cursed upon feeling the warmth of your mouth around his cock.
heeseung snickered. it was amusing to him that only a few hours ago, sunghoon said he was insane for suggesting that they fuck you. and now here he was with his cock down your throat. a few hours could truly change a man, for worse and for better. “how’s it going?” heeseung asked.
sunghoon closed his eyes, trying to go slow before he started fucking your throat with a purpose. he didn’t necessarily want to hurt you, but damn, he was getting pretty damn close. “how do you think?” he retorted.
you watched sunghoon as he slowly moved inside your mouth, though his patience was obviously dwindling by the second. part of you wanted to see what it would look like when he lost it all, but the other dreaded it, uncertain whether or not you could handle it.
you were still a virgin, after all. in the important and unimportant ways. you had never been fucked. you had most certainly never had your throat fucked until this very moment. the furthest you’d ever gone with a boy was a little bit of groping while kissing and even that was awkward.
heeseung licked his lips, appreciating that they were coated in your arousal. “taste so good, princess,” he said, dropping his hands down to his shorts.
you would have gawked when you glanced down and noticed the dent in them, even if it weren’t for the fact that your mouth was preoccupied. when did he get so hard? 
heeseung started to undress himself, pleased now that he had gotten a taste of you and eager to be inside you. he was quick to shed his shorts and the layer underneath, unafraid to show just how desperate he was. for him, it was easy to accept his attraction to you and even easier to act on it now that he had your consent.
he climbed onto the bed, grabbing your thighs again and spreading them apart. he gave them a few affectionate, departing kisses and sat up to grab his cock, bringing it between them. “say ‘goofer gooner’ if you’re ready,” heeseung joked, knowing you couldn’t speak.
you furrowed your brows, but you couldn’t even focus on his nonsense because sunghoon was noticeably forgoing all restraint. could you blame him? your mouth was warm, alive, and everything about you seemed to drive him straight through the brink of insanity. 
“you know, sunghoon,” heeseung started, gazing down at the little distance between your bodies. “you were right. i’m already in the mood again.”
you had that effect on him, on them. heeseung knew he probably should have fought it better, but he truly saw no point. it was easier to fold and surrender to the fact that he found you infuriatingly sexy, despite your tendencies. and with nothing more to say, he slowly but surely pressed himself inside you.
heeseung tipped his head back, already moaning like a bitch and he wasn’t even fully sheathed inside you yet. “holy fuck,” he said, his grip on your thighs tightening.
you whimpered, the sound muffled by sunghoon’s cock as his balls slapped against your chin. you immediately pulsed around heeseung’s cock, clinging to him like now that he was there, you would never let him go.
“holy fuck,” heeseung moaned again, stopping for a moment as if the breath had been completely sucked out of him. “so fucking wet, my dick just slides in.”
he was damn near flabbergasted. maybe there was benefit to you gooning for hours on end, a benefit that he got to reap. he had never seen anyone this wet before, much less felt anything this wet, and it was taking a toll on him. his head was already reeling.
“okay,” heeseung said, more so to himself. he was adjusting. “okay. fuck. i’m gonna move.”
and he did, growing more and more mesmerized with every thrust of his hips. his mouth hung open, moans of your name and explicit curses dangling from his lips with a shrill touch to them that only made you even more aroused.
to say nothing of the sounds sunghoon was making, almost directly in your ear. he was so close to your face that you could explode. he was finally moving comfortably, fucking your throat with a rhythm that almost made it hard to breathe. 
though you had no intention of making him stop. you had fantasized about making yourself available for this purpose many, many times. not necessarily to your stepbrother, but well, it wasn’t like you were discriminating. especially not when he sounded so goddamn sexy and his face was tensing the way it was in pleasure.
it was strange, but you found yourself going from solely craving the experience to wanting to pleasure them. and it would appear that you were doing a fantastic job without hardly even trying, all things considered.
heeseung was gripping on your thighs for dear life as if without the support, he would get blown away into the eighth dimension. or maybe drown in how wet you were, gushing around his cock, if not for him using your soft thighs as an anchor to keep him afloat.
“this sweet fucking pussy,” he sighed, losing himself in the vice of you. he had set a pace too, fucking you without intention of stopping. with every fiber of his being, deep and hard. “i could fuck you forever.”
you could sit here and take it forever. you had never felt so full in your life. your fingers hardly did the job, always reaching just shy of where you needed them instead of completely offering you the satisfaction you’d long craved. and here heeseung was handing it to you on a silver platter.
the only problem was that you felt slightly overwhelmed with so much happening at one time in two different holes. you didn’t know who to pay attention to; sunghoon fucking your throat with a vengeance, eager to gain something out of your mouth for once, or heeseung railing you to kingdom come, making you feel hot everywhere.
you found yourself trying to juggle both, eyes flitting between them, moaning around sunghoon’s dick at heeseung’s angled thrusts and throbbing around heeseung at every guttural groan that slipped from sunghoon’s mouth. you couldn’t help yourself; it was too goddamn arousing.
sunghoon noticed how fucked out you looked, eyes rolling back to another timeline, and it was doing unimaginable things to his cock. you looked better than he could have ever imagined and he knew that he wouldn’t be satisfied until he left you hoarse and rasping.
with that thought, he grabbed your hair to push you down and started to fuck your head against the mattress rather roughly, which caught you by surprise. you tried to take it, you really did, but it was overwhelming. you could barely breathe.
“take it,” he hissed, holding your head in place. you looked pretty like this, struggling to keep up with his hectic movements.
your eyes were watering as his cock went too deep for you to handle, and you started gagging. sunghoon moaned, but pulled your head off him to let you relax for a second, a string of saliva connecting your mouth and the head of his cock.
“breathe,” he said, letting one hand run through your hair almost tenderly.
you nodded, willing yourself to relax. all the while, sunghoon marveled at how pretty you looked with saliva on your face and tears strolling down your cheeks.
“you guys okay up there?” heeseung asked from between your legs, having noticed the action. 
“we’re fine,” sunghoon answered on your behalf. he moved his hand from your hair to your cheek. “you ready?”
you nodded your head. you couldn’t shake the urge to really make him proud, to satisfy all his inappropriate cravings. it was the least you could do when you had been tantalizing him for months on end.
“good girl,” sunghoon whispered, guiding his cock back to your mouth and this time using your hair to push your head onto his cock as he fucked your throat.
you moaned at the pet name, because something about the way it sounded coming from him made your head spin. maybe you were just horny and in dire need of a fuck like he’d said. maybe after you came, all of these feelings would wear off, and you would feel somewhat sane again. 
but you couldn’t deny that you were somewhat indulging in your fantasies here. you didn’t necessarily hate the the way sunghoon was treating you, even if it was a little beyond your limits and more than a little rough. but limits were just boundaries you’d yet explored.
heeseung was a different situation altogether. your pussy was still sensitive from the hours of playing with it and you were already about to come much before him. there was a familiar heat in your stomach and festering throb of energy in your core, only more intense than you had ever experienced.
but heeseung recognized it, even without being able to hear your sweet moans of his name. he could see it in your body language and it flattered him in a way; he always felt proud when he lasted longer than the person he was fucking, especially without necessarily even trying to finish them quicker.
“she’s gonna come,” heeseung pointed out, grinning. “come for me, princess. come on this dick. you know you want to.”
it was like he your voodoo doll or something, because merely seconds after those words parted from his mouth, you were shuddering and tightening around his cock with climax, your eyes rolling to the back of your head and your toes clenching.
heeseung let out the pitchiest moan ever when you throbbed around him repeatedly. words could not describe how good it felt, but sounds could. and the sounds he was making were sensational, only contributing to the mind-numbing pleasure wrecking you from within.
“goddamn,” heeseung said, mesmerized by how hard you came. it was probably warranted after hours of resisting.
but the other thing on heeseung’s mind was how much wetter your pussy sounded, sticky with your release. he whined, literally going mad. he knew that his own orgasm wasn’t far out and just the squelch of your cunt could easily finish him off.
sunghoon was facing a similar predicament, fucking your mouth without restraint and not letting you escape his thrusts. “fuck, i’m gonna come,” he groaned. “swallow it. or don’t. it’s your sheets.”
the last thing you of all people cared about was having your sheets ruined. at the moment, you were more burdened with how sore your throat felt and how overstimulated your pussy was being fucked despite having already orgasmed. it literally felt like you’d had the soul fucked out of you.
you didn’t even know it was possible at this point, but sunghoon’s hips went faster. it was a brutal but steady pace, which was somewhat admirable. he was trying to get himself there, right over the edge, knowing release was only seconds away.
with a few more smacks, sunghoon released down your throat with the sexiest groan you’d heard, one that claimed every award. when you’d milked him of every drop, his hands tight on the sides of your face, his grip on your head slacked and he slowly pulled your mouth off him.
you swallowed what you could, but he had came so goddamn much at once, it was borderline ridiculous. what you couldn’t take dripped down your chin, blending with the saliva from the messy fucking.
heeseung glanced up at you and the sight of your cum-stained face triggered something so primal in him that he knew he wasn’t going to last another minute. “princess, where do you want me to come?” he asked breathlessly.
“inside,” you replied with maybe half your voice, if even. it hurt to speak. the sound pleased sunghoon.
the thought of coming inside your pussy had heeseung levitating and was the last push he needed to bring himself past the cusp of ecstasy. his hips stuttered as he came inside you, crying out half of your name, leaning on top of you as he buried his load inside your warm, wet, gushing, sticky hole.
a satisfied hum escaped you when you felt his cum seeping inside your pussy. why did it feel so good?
“d-don’t move yet,” you whispered, because it was all you could muster.
heeseung glanced up at you, recognizing the look of pleasure on your face. if he had the energy, he would tease you about how you wanted to feel him cum inside you, but he needed to catch his breath. so he answered with a nod.
sunghoon whistled. this had gone better than he’d hoped. “well goddamn. you’re just a virgin slut aren’t you?”
heeseung chuckled breathlessly. “she took that shit like a champ. i’m impressed.”
sunghoon kissed your forehead. “you did so good,” he whispered, caressing your cheek with his thumb. “i’ll get you some water in a second.”
you nodded, appreciating the tender side after all that had just happened. your heart felt a little lighter than usual, despite its racing. you had so many questions, but you didn’t want to strain your voice. was it normal to feel like a different person after having sex for the first time?
heeseung was going to pull out, but seeing the look on your face, he decided to stay nestled inside you for a little longer. “you okay?”
you bobbed your head. “i’m good.”
heeseung snickered and teased, “whoa there, batman. what have you done with my sister?”
you rolled your eyes, but giggled. sunghoon joined in on the laughter, but he added, “don’t speak. you’ll make it worse.”
heeseung sighed contentedly. knowing that you wouldn’t say anything in response, he decided to tease, “our little gooner.”
you glared at heeseung wordlessly, conveying a lot of different things with your eyes. 
sunghoon translated playfully, “i think that means ‘fuck you.’”
“again?” heeseung joked. “what can i expect from a gooner. but hey, i guess girls can goon too.”
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say-duhnelle ¡ 2 years ago
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Hello, Tumblr. 
If you joined us before November 2022 and predominantly post on web, you will be familiar with the two post editors—the legacy editor and the “new” web editor (formerly known as the “Beta editor”).
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Beginning May 15, we’ll gradually be working to remove the legacy editor as an option for creating new posts. New posts created on web will be created in the new web editor. We hope to complete this change by July 15. 
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If you still prefer to post on web using the legacy editor, please keep reading because the rest of this post is for you.
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#The things I dislike about the beta editor are things y'all have already refused to change about it#no matter how much feedback I send it's not going to get me unlimited inline images#or the option to edit in raw HTML when I want a little more control over the format#or the FUCKING readmore to be a button I can choose inline rather than something I have to look up the magic fucking code to type in...#... every GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING TIME I need to FUCKING use it#I can't see my tags in full after I add them to spell check them#Nor can I drag them around in the order - if the first one is wrong I have to delete them ALL and retype#there is even an arbitrary limit on the number of text blocks you're allowed to have in a beta editor post#and while it's not something which typically gets in the way for the kind of posts I make#if you write very long posts like fanfiction or posts with a lot of carriage returns like poetry it's coming for your ass#Tumblr staff however does not give a fuck about limiting the functionality of the website as long as it makes their jobs easier#they don't give a fuck about permabanning someone from the website who did nothing against TOS#just insulted one of them#as long as it makes their jobs easier#they're awful petty people and every ''update'' they make makes me more and more tired#I'm only still here because all my friends are#also#I wonder what random shit this update is gonna break. Stupid things go wrong around here all the time as it is - e.g. image size glitch#which is STILL AFFECTING ME btw#I wonder how many fucking load bearing coconuts there are in the legacy editor code and what exactly removing them is going to ruin#not to mention the things we KNOW will eventually break like your ability to edit posts on your own fucking blog if they're old#because who cares about backwards compatibility right? no one from 2012 could possibly still be using this website#and they certainly couldn't ever discover errors in their old posts or want to update them because their beliefs or opinions have changed#nobody cool experiences ''personal growth'' over the course of a decade that's for suckers#<- actual gymternet users opinion tbh#anyway I'm done ranting for the moment but fuck you and fuck this.
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theladygazingatemptiness ¡ 1 year ago
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not to be dramatic but. for the last couple of months I've been feeling like my body isn't truly mine
#wak#vent/#like#I'm not going to go as far as to say I have DID bc I'm p sure that's not what this is#or at least if I do have it I'm going to hear that from a professional first#but there's. so many conflicting thoughts#so many conflicting ways to carrying myself#and it's something a more complicated than A Normal Array Of Human Emotions#sometimes I'm a pacifist who wants to choose forgiveness#other times I have a thirst for violence and revenge and want everyone who wronged me to suffer dearly#sometimes I'm someone who values the lives of all humans and would never wish death or ill on anyone#other times I see certain people and think 'please do the world a favor and die' or 'you all need to be lined up and shot' or w/e#sometimes I'm an ignorant innocent child who wants to talk/blog about things I enjoy and who's terrified of discourse of any kind#other times I'm an outspoken political science major who obsesses over discourse who'll proudly drop controversial takes constantly#and w the above it's like.. whenever the latter posts anything#the former just sits there horrified of what people might say. of confrontation#the saying goes 'if you can't take the heat stay out of the kitchen'#but the issue is. one side of you loves being in the kitchen and insists on dragging you with them even though you hate being in there#like. if I were to ever get into hot water bc of my posts that I chose to put up and have a meltdown bc of it#it's going to be treated as cowardice and me dishing things out that I can't take. which maybe it is#but even while knowing this. I Just Can't Stop. I Keep Doing The Thing That May Attract Something I'm Terrified Of#often I wish that I could have maintained that Kind Innocent Side Of Me but Ik it's far too late to undo anything or go back to that#but basically.. it feels like I don't have complete control of my own body or complete free will#and like I'm at war with my own identity and my own brain#and. it's scary and confusing and idk what to do and I don't understand
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