#narcisistic family
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"La raison pour laquelle mes abuseurs ne peuvent plus me faire de mal, ce n'est pas parce que je leur ai finalement prouvé que je mérite d'être bien traitée, mais parce qu'ils ne savent pas comment me contacter. S'enfuir, c'est gagner."
The reason abusers can’t hurt me anymore is not because I finally proved to them that I am worthy of being treated well, it’s because they don’t know where I live or how to contact me. Getting away is winning.
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annafall · 20 days ago
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you know, generally speaking i like the english language, but it's lack of colorful insults is a serious deficit. in german, i could call my dad someone who during birth came out of an anus, but english lacks the necessary bite for that to properly sting yanno?
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deafeningfanlight23 · 2 days ago
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Y'ALL, CHRISTMAS EMERGENCY 😭🙏
I'm not in Christmas mood cuz like I have some ermmm ✨family issues ✨ right now BUT THEY'RE FOR ME TO CRY ABOUT AT NIGHT NOT FOR Y'ALL >:D But it's like kinda okay I'm used to it so no worries! :D
BRO I SWEAR TO GAWD EVERY TSAMS CREATOR HAS SOME TRAUMA- 😔✋ LIKE IT'S A PART OF OUR JOB APPLICATION AS A TSAMS CREATOR 😭🙏
Got some tips on how I can feel the Holy Spirit tho?? :'D
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trancylovecraft · 1 year ago
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So, I just met you today with the Cherry Blossom Kokushibo fic and, you know, I just fell in love with your writing
I've had this idea in my mind for a while and when I read your fanfic I just knew you were the perfect person to put it into words
May I request an Oneshot with Muzan Kibutsuji/Fem reader? So, I've imagined for a while a fanfic where Muzan encounters a female reader who suffers from albinism, having very pale skin, white hair and natural red eyes. Because she was born like that, people rumored her to be a demon (sensibility to sunlight and red eyes aggravated that), and that caused her to be isolated from all and unable to wed. She is from a noble family and that is why she's still alive, but that doesn't soothe the wound since her family treats her like an outcast.
Bitter with resentment, under the moonlight of the bedroom, she curses all of those who waste their health living mundane lives while she suffers in loneliness. Her nihilism, indifference and hate makes her unafraid of Muzan as, if she thinks he will devour her, she asks for him to at least kill her family too. Little does she know that Kibutsuji already knows her, and he is infatuated with her. (If he wants to wed her and turn her into a demon she ain't complaining, especially if their engagement is celebrated with a bit of family massacre)
This idea was inspired by spider lillies, moonlight and the fact that I'd like to imagine Muzan with someone who resembles him when he was a human (Narcisistic King would only date those who remind him of himself)
I apologise if this request is too long for your liking, I am not very good with words and simplifying something I am excited about!
- the banana split jane doe
(KNY) YANDERE MUZAN x ALBINO READER: The Light Side of the Moon
(DW, I gotchu girlie. Hope you enjoy this one!)
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The sun's rays shone down onto the overgrown field.
The rays seemed to reflect off of every grass strand and every drop of dew fell from the rain the night before.
It was a beautiful day despite the heavy rain last night, So much so that in the early hours of the morning the village kids had left early to run around in the grass and play dirty. Of course they would, It was getting into the colder months as indicated by the chilling breeze running through the valley. The children had to make use of every wake of sunlight before the snow came in.
So out in the field there was a good group of kids in the dozens play fighting and playing tag, Not giving mind to the dirtying of their kimono's and haori's. Their laughter rang out and bounced around like they were in a cave.
"Stupid.." [F/N] muttered, A bitter resentment lacing her voice like venom as she looked out at all the kids running wild in the valley.
She sat perched under the big zelkova tree overlooking the entire valley. It's branches were large and it's leaves were enough in number to filter out any sunlight passing through it, A perfect condition for the girl.
[F/N] sat right up against the tree for support as she brushed her hair with her fingers. Her locks were pure white, So was her skin. It wasn't like the kids who had pale skin nor was her hair light like the occasional person with a story, But instead something much more extreme.
When [F/N] was born she was diagnosed with albinism. According to the doctor who delivered her, Her mother had screamed in disgust at the sight of her while her father had demanded to know who she cheated on him with.
Her father wanted to kill her, He couldn't stand to look at such a horrid child. He wanted to throw her out into the river and hope nature took its course, However, He was fortunately stopped by the mere fact that they were noble blood and had already told the village-people the birth was successful. Killing her now would only severely damage reputation. Therefore letting her live.
From that day forward she was considered bad luck.
The local folklore was that albinism was a curse from an ancestor to atone for wrongdoings done in their time. It was an omen of death, Also known as: Something to avoid.
And the locals took it to heart. Every time [F/N] would walk down the street, Every time she'd go out to the market she'd get stares, Heckled and harassed her when she walked. Suddenly the prices at the market would go up, Just for her.
It didn't help that the consequences that came with the defect definetly made it seem like a curse. Due to the complete lack of melanin anywhere the sun scorched her skin like fire, Leaving her needing to take special precaution when leaving the house. Her eyesight wasn't the best either, Though it was much better than the normal person with albinism she still did have trouble seeing at times.
The past two months didn't help her case either, With the recent mutilations of the-
A rock slammed into the side of [F/N]'s head, Making her double over onto the grass. The sound of a couple children cheering rang out from down the hill. She hissed in pain.
"Take that, Demon!" One of the boys said, Having been the one who threw the rock. [F/N] clutched the side of her head where the impact hit. She could feel the early gathering of blood start to stain her pristine kept hair.
"The fuck is wrong with you?!" [F/N] screamed.
Pushing her body back up to look at the group of kids with an absolutely furious expression. The kids stood strong however, Only taking a few meek steps towards her.
"Leave our families alone!" Another one shouted, A girl this time. Her face was angry too, Only as much as a young child's could look. The other kids who weren't involved in the group stopped playing to watch the scene.
The mutilations, Of course. They started around two months ago with the Furukawa family. It was awful, One of their elderly neighbours had picked up a rotten smell and had asked her son to go check on them. Of course they came across both the mother and the father's pieces spread across the Livingroom.
[F/N] was familiar with the two, They had often been one of the more outspoken village people about their dislike of her and a few days before had shoved her aside while she was walking around.
She knew she should of shown some kind of emotion at the news of their slaughter, But to be honest, [F/N] didn't care. If anything, She felt a small tinge of relief.
They weren't there to harass her anymore, Or make off-hand remarks. For that she was glad.
"I never touched your stupid families!" [F/N] yelled back at her. Her deep vermillion eyes were filled with disgust like she was staring down an insect she could crush under the sole of her sandals.
"Liar!" Another one of the kids stepped out from behind the small group. He wasn't one of the bigger ones, He was in fact rather scrawny with unkempt hair. But [F/N] recognised him as the Furukawa's youngest kid.
"M-My parents died because of you.." He muttered, Looking down at his shoes unable to meet [F/N]'s eyes. His hands clenched into a determined fist, His body shook with vigour.
"They were great people! You had no right to take them away from me. Just because the other adults don't see you as the demon you are doesn't mean we don't!" He yelled back at her. The other kids joined in with supportive remarks following his speech.
"One day, When I get older I'll get revenge for them. I'll get re-" A rock slammed straight into his open jaw.
The kid screamed and fell to the floor with a loud thud!
The other kids yelped and backed away from the boy, Who was coughing up teeth and blood. He writhed around on the ground groaning in pain.
[F/N] was standing up now. She had picked up the rock that was thrown at her and flung it right back at the kid. She stood there seething in a fighting stance.
"Demon? I'll show you demon!" [F/N] yelled. She swiftly grabbed another rock and hurled it straight at the girl who chose to speak out, Hitting her straight on the forehead with a sick crunch.
The previously silent kids amplified into an uproar.
Screaming echoed around in the valley as all the kids tried to get away from the ensuing fight. [F/N] kept picking up rocks from the small hill and hurling them at the group. The kids who started the fight tried to haul away the two kids who got the worst of it, Picking them up by the arms trying to drag them away from the attacks.
"DON'T YOU EVER COME NEAR ME AGAIN OR IT'LL BE YOU NEXT! I SWEAR TO THE GODS IT'LL BE YOU!" [F/N] screamed, Her voice hitting high's that could be heard from the village.
The kids had gotten a good distance away from her now but that didn't stop [F/N] from throwing more stones.
"YOU HEAR ME?! DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?!" She yelled after them, Raising another rock to throw.
But by the time she had finished they had all scampered away back home.
She was left standing on top of the hill, Under the shade of the big zelkova tree, Looking out over the now empty and desolate field which had such a lively energy before but now was cold and lost.
She was panting, Letting out heavy breaths of air that turned into mist in the cold climate. The rock in her hand she was about to throw lowered, Dropping it to the ground. She exhaled for a final time, Letting all the anger and rage dissolve into mild annoyance she finally relaxed.
"Dumb kids.." She huffed. Shaking her head she leaned down to pick up the thick birch handle of her parasol.
Grabbing it she extended the blue patterned canopy, Making sure it covered her form she dusted herself off. Settling the parasol handle on her shoulder she set off out into the valley, Dreading her walk back home.
☆♡☆
"That was a horrible thing you did"
[F/N]'s mother stood a few feet away from her, Circling around her like a predator yet keeping a good enough distance to test the acidic waters. [F/N] felt her teeth grind against each other and her palms get sweaty.
Of course, The kids from earlier had ran back to her house to snitch on her to her mother. Well, Not the kids but the parents of the girl and the eldest brother of the Furukawa family being rightfully angry.
[F/N] was made aware of this when she came home at the first sign of the sun setting. Her mother was perched on the large porch of their family home waiting for [F/N]'s arrival, From the first time [F/N] spotted her mother she could of mistaken smoke from coming out of her ears.
It was frustrating, While she figured her mother would find out eventually it didn't take anything away from the experience. Though, She supposed she was lucky.
Her father being a noble and very highly profiled swordsman meant he was disciplined, And it also meant he expected that from all his children. Luckily enough though he was out on a very long business trip. If he was here, [F/N] knew that she'd get more than a serious lecture.
"So what? They attacked me first, It's only karma what they got" [F/N] responded, Her voice trying to stay levelled and calm yet shook at the seams. Her mother scoffed at that.
"They're just kids, [F/N]! They don't know any better and you should have taken that into account" Her mother exclaimed incredulously, Taking a few prompted steps up towards her daughter with purpose.
"Well maybe they'd know better if they're parents were still around to teach them better, Not that its my fault like they think though, Right?" [F/N] spat, Her voice venomous and the sheer disregard for the weight of her words went through her mother like a static shock.
"How fucking dare you.." Her mother whispered, Her voice full of disbelief at her daughters words leaving her jaw agape and eyes wide.
"Well I mean, The parents were already shitty people to begin with so I suppose that whoever ripped them apart did the kids a favour-"
SLAP!
[F/N]'s monologue was cut short by the hand connecting hard to the side of her cheek. [F/N] yelped out and stumbled back trying to catch her balance.
The hit had landed roughly at the side leaving only a single burst of a painful red on her monochromatic get-up.
"Your ideology is absolutely disgusting, How bloody dare you speak about the dead like that? You don't have any right to say that about anyone, Young lady!" Her mother yelled at her, Only about a foot away from her face.
[F/N] blinked away the tears from the pain and instantly snapped back.
"I'm saying what nobody else has the guts to! Just because you're all cowards and ignorant bastards doesn't mean you get to take it out on me!" [F/N] screamed back at her mother, Getting up into her face.
"You kee-"
While speaking, Her mothers hand shot out to grab [F/N]'s shoulder but her wrist was snatched by the younger girl, Who held it with an iron grip cutting off the older woman's speech.
"Don't you dare lay another hand on me.." [F/N] hissed. Her face seemed to be etched with a wild kind of rage like a feral dog, The single action of her mother making the anger so clear to anyone who could see.
Her mother, Being a much older woman than her daughter had much more brittle bones. The grip on her wrist being sore and painful on her old skin as she tried to pull away from her daughters grasp.
Realising what she was doing [F/N] let go of her mother, Who staggered a good few feet back from her assailant.
[F/N] mumbled a small yet sour apology and marched off towards the door out of the main Livingroom.
As she opened the sliding door and stepped out she heard her mother call out back to her.
"Y-You go up to your room and stay there, Young lady. Only come down once your ready to apologise!" She heard her mothers weak voice call out to her as she shut the door.
"I know!" [F/N] replied without looking back at her.
The door finally closed to leave her in the dim hallway, The only light shone from behind the Livingroom door leaving the entire hallway almost impossible to see in. [F/N] stood still behind the door, Making no move to head to her room. She looked down at her feet to contemplate her situation.
"Really? Hitting our mother? You've reached a new kind of low, Haven't you [F/N]?" A voice called out a little way down the hall.
[F/N] jerked her head up to the source of the voice and groaned.
Her younger brother, Juro, Stood at the end of the hall seemingly just came down the stairs. His head was held high and the usual smug grin lay planted on his face as always, He had his arms folded across his chest and his entire figure radiated false superiority.
[F/N] was the oldest of the five children her parents had conceived. Juro was the second oldest by only about five years apart in birth. [F/N] supposed that the reason they had such a big gap in age was due to the looming fear of their parents producing another demon child.
Though when they did give birth to Juro and found out he was a regular child compared to their monster of an eldest, [F/N] knew how much he'd be absolutely spoiled rotten, Which matched his personality like a pair of gloves.
It gave him a rather annoying superiority complex, With all the spoiling and being the one destined to become the head of their families clan and wealth you could probably see how it got to his head.
However it didn't stop [F/N] from being distasteful in behaviour towards him, The nasty expression on her face evident of that.
"Oh get off my case, Like you really give a damn." [F/N] scoffed, Straightening out her back to reach her full height.
"Of course I 'give a damn'. It's our mother and one of the figure heads of this clan, You really should be more respectful to your elders. Why mother keeps you around elludes me" Juro replied, Making sure to drawl out every condesending syllable to its full potential.
[F/N] knew exactly why her mother and father kept her around: They couldn't get rid of her. Their original plan was to marry her off, It didn't matter if it was to a nobleman or a commoner to them. The only thing that did was getting her to leave.
Though it imploded on itself when they realised no one would take her, Both her attitude and her looks were a big enough deterrent. Great for her but bad for her parents.
"Ah, Right. Because she shows such an amazing amount of respect towards me, I honestly feel so awful about it" [F/N] gasped, Sarcasm dripped from every word and fell like acid making Juro's eyebrow twitch.
He moved forward a few steps, Sizing her up as he went.
"Well the difference is that mother has a reason to not respect you, I mean come on, It's obvious. Maybe if you do treat her with the right attitude then maybe she might start seeing you in a different way" Juro said the last part as if he was trying to contain laughter, Like he had just heard the most offensive joke in the world he just couldn't laugh at.
[F/N] felt her fists clench and tighten to bare her knuckles.
"But with such sour attitude I do suppose it would be impossible for you, Wouldn't it? Dear sister?" Juro whispered as he got up into her face. Only a couple inches away from her now he carefully eyed her down, Waiting for one single move.
[F/N]'s teeth grinded, Her tightened palms grew sweaty and itched for the offensive attack. She wanted to punch him, She wanted to attack him and wipe that disgusting, Grimy smirk off of his arrogant little face.
However, [F/N] just sighed and let her fist drop loose into straightened palms. She knew what he was doing, She wasn't going to give into his taunt. She's had enough for tonight.
"Back off, Juro." [F/N] simply warned. Turning away from his expression now filled with annoyed disappointment she headed off towards the stairwell at the end off the hallway.
As she got up the steps she heard his smug voice call after her.
"Such a lovely chat with you as always!"
☆♡☆
The sound of childlike laughter resonated throughout the house, Despite the muffled sound of it [F/N] could hear the weight of it even from behind the thick walls of her room.
The pale moonlight of the night had illuminated the unlit room and flooded the area with a subtle glow, The silk blinds danced along with the soft breeze lifting into the room.
Her bedroom was situated at the very top of the large family home, The third floor. The massive house was large and sat at the edge of the village they lived in, Overlooking the entire town yet having enough distance to be considered a private property separate from the other houses.
The house was home to three floors in total. The first was the main area home to the kitchen, Livingroom and general activities such as a drawing room, Dining hall and her fathers very own training room.
The second was housing all of the bedrooms. All of her siblings, Parents and even the guest sleeping quarters were located there. It also even held a small room for their families servants.
And finally, The third was by far the loneliest of the trio.
It was much smaller compared to the other floors and was the newest built. It only housed a single hallway and [F/N]'s own separate bedroom which made up the majority of the floor.
Usually the prospect of having an entire floor to themselves would entice and excite anyone. The privacy and spacious area would seem like a blessing.
And yes, [F/N] agreed. It was a blessing alright. She was granted privacy from the struggle that was her family, It gave her time on her own to be herself.
But she also had to admit: It had it's downsides. Another laugh sounded out from downstairs on the first floor. The movements of the hairbrush on [F/N]'s light locks halted, Just for a moment as she listened to the joyous voice of her youngest sister.
They were having dinner, It seemed. [F/N] didn't apologise and had no intention to, So she was forced to reside in her room.
She continued to comb through her hair, Feeling the tug of the movements as she listened to the laughter down below cease.
[F/N] scoffed at it and tried to take her mind away and focus on the strokes of the brush. Though she couldn't help but trail off to the infuriating scenario happening downstairs.
Since her father was away her mother was probably the one to cook the food tonight, She always did instead of the family servants, Her own personal recipe of a Sukiyaki stew pot that she made to comfort her kids while their dad was away.
Her kids.
A mother is suppose to "love" her kids unconditionally, And in that aspect she certainly did, All except when it came to her. [F/N] knew her mother had tried at least, But it came off in the way you'd treat an unwelcomed guest. Trying to give due respect yet wanting them out of your house as soon as possible.
[F/N] had figured a long time ago that it was better to be treated with ire than pity and had given up all sense of courtesy towards her mother, Continuing to this day.
A faint tug pulled in her chest as another roar of laughter came up from downstairs, They seemed to be having a good time.
[F/N] finally set down her brush onto the vanity. The small sound of the wood hitting the desk seemed so much louder in the large area of her room.
[F/N] supposed she did need to give her mother some credit, She was the one to let her have the single room at the very top of the house (Even if it was to keep her away from the rest of her family)
But the room seemed so.. Empty.
[F/N] stared into the vanity mirror, The light surface of the glass reflecting her own pale visage back at her.
She trailed a hand across her features to examine for any blemishes, Pushing back any stray strands of hair from her face and pulling them behind her ear. Staring deep into the clear colour of her cardinal rose eyes she assessed their problems, And she found none.
When times like these came about [F/N] often pondered about why people didn't like her more. She was beautiful, Stunning, Exotic even to the disgusting drunk men that passed her by on the moonlit walks.
So why even if some drunkards could see her beauty why couldn't the locals and her own family see that too instead of the cursed child from a close-to-god family?
It couldn't be her attitude, That was just a by-product of their own treatment toward her. So why? She was born this way, She couldn't change how she looked, She should of been adored.
Yet all the locals, All of her beloved family, All of the suitors that her parents had tried to ship her off to had only a single look at her before rejecting her whole.
One day, She promised herself. One day she'd get back at them, She didn't know how or when or even if she could but she knew that one day, They would regret treating her like a bug under their foot.
As her mind wandered she started to realise that maybe it wasn't the room that was empty.
A sudden knock echoed out, Crashing [F/N]'s train of thought.
[F/N] jerked her head over to the main door of her room. Getting up from the small pillow she sat on she moved quietly to the entrance. Turning the knob and opening the door she was met face to face with one of her families servants.
"Your mother has requested me to bring you your dinner" The servant said, Robotic and monotone in voice as he presented her a bowl of udon. [F/N] paused at the sight of it.
"..It's not Sukiyaki stew pot.." She mumbled.
"Correct, Ma'am" He replied in short.
[F/N] was silent as she carefully took the small bowl from his hands, She barely noticed the small bow and the closing of the door before it was entirely shut.
[F/N] examined the soggy noodles and small tempura bits in the bowl, A barely generous helping.
She 'tched at the sight but figured she was lucky enough to even get dinner in the first place.
Turning around she walked over to the other set of double doors at the end of the room, Food in one hand she pushed the door open to reveal the small balcony outside. Stepping out into the night's cool air she took a deep breath in.
The laughter was no longer audible once she shut the door, Only replaced by the sound of cicada hums and the clacking of tiles when she clambered up onto the slanted roof of the house.
[F/N] sat down on the tiles and looked out onto the sea of village houses down below, The faint lantern light from the village was warm and inviting in contrast to the inhabitants, Of whom were out doing their nightly patrol's in watch for another mutilation.
However the scene didn't interest her in the slightest, Instead it was the moon which seemed to hang over her entire world.
It glowed brighter than any lantern the village people could spark, Yet the light was never overwhelming or stung her eyes in the slightest. Instead the soft rays of moonlight had only provided comfort.
[F/N] didn't know why it brought such solace, Maybe its because it never burnt her skin like the sun did. The moon replaced it in that way, The night time became her daytime, When she felt most lively: Herself.
She often came up onto the roof to feel that way, Every time without missing a single night she'd climb up onto the roof and speak to the moon for hours like it was an old friend. Or maybe just to stare and admire the pale light of its beauty.
But to be fair, [F/N] never felt much at all.
When she did it was always a constant state of annoyance, Anger or resentment. The feeling the moon brought her was still very unfamiliar to her, But very much welcome. She barely understood anything other than the undying resentment, Maybe it was a sad existence but to be fair she barely understood sadness either.
She realised the udon in her hands was growing cold. Reaching behind her for the pair of chopsticks she noticed something else a little further ahead from them, Lying on the roof.
She raised an eyebrow and squinted her eyes to examine it closer, But they instantly shot out once she realised what it was.
It was a single bouquet of flowers, Red, Beautiful roses sprung from the carefully arranged bunch.
[F/N]'s breath hitched in her throat, Her whole body seemed to clench up at even a small sight of it. A bouquet of roses? Who could of left those here? They couldn't be for her, Could they?
She set down her bowl of udon carefully beside her, Eyeing the bouquet like it was bound to attack her yet it didn't stop her quick crawl over to its side.
Nor did it stop the almost desperate grab she made for the neck of the bunch, Pulling it close to her chest she finally noticed the small tag sticking out from the flowers reading: To [F/N] Shiratori.
She felt the concentrated joy explode inside her like bottle rockets, The absolute euphoria flooded her senses as she felt hot blood rise to her cheeks, Giving colour to them yet said no pain.
The roses were absolutely beautiful, Carefully handpicked as the petals seemed soft and fresh. She grinned wildly, They must of took great thought while preparing it.
She couldn't help but shove her face into the roses to inhale their scent, The sweet yet rich aroma circled in her mind. They truly were the best of the bunch.
But when she pulled away she noticed she had neglected a small envelope from where the bouquet was sitting before, Hiding the envelope below it.
Her lips quirked. First the roses, Now a letter? She giggled slightly, Imagining whoever it was is a real romantic.
Extracting the envelope and gently opening it's folds she pulled the paper from its cover and unfolded it to view the contents.
Dear, [F/N]. My one and only.
Ever since I saw you on this rooftop, I knew you were the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I hope one day we will get to meet, One day in the near future.
Love, Your admirer.
It was such a simple letter, Only two simple sentences of sweet but common flatter words yet once she had finished the final word the fireworks of a foreign emotion burst inside her.
She knew it was something akin to euphoria, An exhilaration that made her blood rush to her cheeks and heat up her entire system in the cold nights air, Yet no matter how hard she tried she couldn't identify the rhapsody of song inside her.
Though she couldn't deny, It felt good. Better than she's ever felt in a very long time.
[F/N] embraced the letter with her whole body, Curling up around it to try and squeeze out more of the intoxicating feel, An addictive high.
The letter and bouquet, Whoever may have left it there, Wherever they may be, They must really really like her.
☆♡☆
The yelling of her family woke [F/N] from her peaceful slumber.
Her heavy eyelids were wrenched open as she writhed around atop the roof tiles, Bothered by the loud intrusion.
Once she finally let the light hit her pupils she realised her mistake. She was in the light, The sunlight was touching her skin.
[F/N] yelled out and instantly scuffled down off the roof, Swinging open the door she almost lunged into the safety of her house shade as she fell onto the floorboards.
Her skin burned and tinged lightly. Examining her skin she found the beginnings of a mild sunburn on her arms, The red welts fizzling up into her hands all the way to her forearms. Her light kimono doing nothing to shield her from the UV rays.
She had fallen asleep on the roof and had neglected the danger of doing so, In her panic [F/N] chided herself for her stupid mistake.
Yet outside it seemed like it was just the break of dawn, The orange to yellow hues painting the sky signalled the early hours of the morning. She was lucky that the noise woke her up in time, Otherwise her problem would be much worse.
Scrambling over to her vanity mirror to examine the full entirety of her body she gasped on sight as soon as she saw her reflection in the polished glass. Her face.
At least a good third of face was covered in red hot boils and welts, The sore burn crept up from her left cheek over to her chin, Reaching as far as her right side too.
"No.. No, No, No.. Please, No!" She yelled, [F/N]'s eyes almost popped out of her sockets with tears starting to form at the corners. She trailed her equally burnt hands across the scorch marks in disbelief at what she was seeing.
A sudden rapid pounding at her door knocked her out of her stupor.
"[F/N]! Open the door, Now!" It was her mother's voice. The alarm in her voice seemed to resonate in [F/N] to give her a grasp of their unknown situation.
"Jeez.. Hold on!" [F/N] called out towards her door, Yet she saw the handle start to turn. A spike in her adrenaline shot up.
"I'm getting dressed, Damn it!" [F/N] screamed, Her voice as hoarse as a fourty-year chain-smoker. The turning of the knob stopped as soon as she let the words leave her mouth.
"Fine, But make it quick! And make sure to put on something nice." Her mother yelled back at her, A small tint of exasperation lacing her tone yet her footsteps leaving down the hallway sounded determined in their path.
[F/N] cursed. Bullets of sweat rolled down her face and stung the burns where they lay. She had no idea what she was going to do. Rapidly sliding out drawers in her vanity to find anything of use, To no avail.
Next she went to her closet. Swinging the old wooden doors open she shifted through her different coloured kimonos. Pulling through the silk and cotton she found nothing of use except for a thickly woven navy kimono that was oversized and could cover her body nice and neatly.
Despite that there was still the issue of her face, The burn marks were so noticeable you could see them from miles away. There was nothing that could hide her scorches from the sun-
Her hand bumped up against something.
[F/N]'s temple furrowed. Reaching into the back of dark, Spacious cupboard she gripped onto the object she felt was made of straw.
With a tug and a pull she managed to haul out the hefty object, Revealing it to be her old uchikatsugi.
It was a gift from the town's doctor before he passed away from old age a few years ago, [F/N] remembered him fondly even though he was never really around.
He still did greet her with a smile and a handshake every time they met, It wouldn't be wrong to describe him as a father figure either.
Though as always, Good things didn't last. They never did.
[F/N] had no time to dwell on that last thought, Her relief was a much more appealing distraction.
The uchikatsugi, A large straw hat for noblewomen with a large silky veil to cover her face. Back when she got it, It was way too big for her to use with her small body so she stored it in her closet for a later use, [F/N] supposed she just forgot about it.
She sat the large hat down on her head, And with a little shimmying to get it properly down it fit her head like a glove to a hand.
Once she finished changing into her dark cerulean kimono, She was ready to go downstairs and see whatever it was her family was making such a ruckus about.
As she took careful strides down the creaky steps of the stairs she saw her mother impatiently tapping her foot at the bottom. [F/N], Before making herself known, Fixed up her appearance to make sure nothing was showing free.
Once she was pleased, [F/N] cleared her throat to which her mother jerked her head around to her 'daughters' direction.
"Ah, Finally. I was wondering what took you so long." Her mother remarked, Letting her folded arms drop to her sides. [F/N] huffed at the passive aggressive tone yet felt alleviation, Her clothes worked, Her mother couldn't see a thing.
"Had to find a good enough outfit for such an important event, At least from the sounds of it. Why am I up this early anyways?" [F/N] yawned, Still not quite tuned in despite her earlier shock.
"There was another one." Her mother responded quickly, Turning away.
"Another what?" [F/N] queried, Tad annoyed at her mothers elusive behaviour.
"Another mutilation, [F/N]." Her mother exasperated, Swiftly turning back to look at her with an expression that just oozed the word obviously.
[F/N] stopped, Mulling over the information.
"Alright, Okay that's bad but why does this concern me?" She asked after a moment.
Her mother shook her head to her daughters persistence.
"This is a village matter, [F/N]. Something we are apart of" Her mother explained, Treating [F/N] like a curious toddler repeatedly asking why.
"Unfortunately.." [F/N] muttered.
"Just get a move on downstairs now, Swiftly now.." Her mother said, Quickly pulling [F/N]'s shoulder and hushing her down the second set of stairs. [F/N] shrugged of her mothers firm hand, Telling her she'll go down herself.
Settling her hat comfortably onto her head she headed downstairs, Dreading future events.
☆♡☆
The early morning air was cold and fresh as it weaved through the tall houses of the village.
Usually in the mornings with the first break of dawn you could hear the chirping of the crows harking in the early crowds off to work. You could see the townsfolk head to the markets and children run about in the streets, Laughing and roughhousing with each other like siblings together.
But today was different.
The echo of crows on the village walls were silent now. The children who use to run about in the streets buck wild were now pulled close to their parents, A worried smile replacing their usual carefree faces.
[F/N] stood away back from the large crowd gathered in the centre of the village, Everyone from the village was here. The elders, The working class to the babies were summoned together in the village, All quietly chattering amongst themselves.
She observed the crowd in distain, What mundane people leading such plain lives. They They wasted their lives in the sun, Taking the warmth for granted working nine to fives and coming home to their stupid little families, Accomplishing nothing big in their lives yet they boasted of grandeur while she stood standing away from them, Suffering from the pain of her sunburn.
She huffed at the thought.
[F/N] didn't stand with her family, She only watched them as they made their way to the front of the front of the crowd of which immediately quieted down at the sight of them
[F/N]'s father was considered the head of the village and therefore took care of all the important matters.
However since he was absent it was up to her mother to take care of her husbands duties while he was away
"Hello everybody, It's good to see you all out here today." Her mother called out her opening statement. She was backed by the other four of her siblings, Juro standing especially besides her.
Despite her hello's, Nobody answered her.
"I suppose you all know why you were called here, Regarding the death of the Hagihara family." Her mother continued.
Hagihara, That rang a bell in [F/N]'s mind.
Her eyes widened in recognition, The neurons connecting in her mind as the face of the little girl she had hit with a rock entered into her head.
"If you're not already aware of what happened, Early in the morning screams were heard from their family home. On investigation they were found.. Killed inside their Livingroom.. No survivors" Her mother announced.
A few shocked gasps ran from the crowd, The chatter from before sparked up like a lighter on the fuel of information. However their talking was calmed by her mother rather loudly clearing her throat.
"Yes, Yes. I understand this is horrible information, And I know a good lot of you were close with the family and I do offer my sincerest apologies." Her mother said. Her voice filled with a genuine sympathy, Showing it by giving a few select nods towards some of the crowd.
[F/N] didn't listen to her mother however, The information was still fresh in her mind.
This information should have left a lack of feeling in [F/N]'s chest, And regarding the deaths it did.
But the coincidence of it felt like a static shock to a dead heart. First it was the Furukawa's, They were particularly nasty to [F/N]. When they fell victims to the night veiled attacks she had felt glad despite how morbid it was, They weren't there to harass her anymore.
However now it was the Hagihara's, Only yesterday did they get negatively involved with her after the rock incident and now they were dead.
No. No, It was just a coincidence.
Even though they did hold hatred against her so did all of the other villagers. If the mutilations were connected to her then the mutilations would be targeted towards more outspoken villagers, Even if it was because of the rock incident other villagers would of been targeted before her. Her family would be targeted before them.
Even so, She needed to make sure.
[F/N] was barely listening when she quickly took off away from the crowd down an alleyway. Slipping away from the group with ease as their attention was still heavily focused onto her mother, Who was still continuing on with her speech. She couldn't bare to be surrounded by such waste of flesh anymore.
She picked up pace once she realised she was far enough away, Managing to navigated the rock base of the village with proficiency and quickly coming to a stop once she stood in front of the targeted house. Luckily it was located on the other side of the village, She could make as much noise as she needed.
Once she finally stopped she could notice the broken down door almost instantly. The village houses were regularly built together so this was striking to her. The shoji door was splintered into pieces of wood and sheet, Tiny pieces.
[F/N] swallowed a lump in her throat, Realising the weight of what she was doing. But it didn't stop her from taking strides forward, Past the destroyed bits of door and into the house where she saw the real carnage.
The Livingroom was absolutely destroyed.
Walls were shook and large scratch marks decorated them like paintings. Furniture was flung about and lay toppled across the entire main room like a wild beast was let loose, A bear, A rhino. Something of that size could of done this, Yet she could tell it was entirely human design.
The room was completely in the dark, No sunlight shown through which let [F/N] take her uchikatsugi off to get a better look.
Despite all of the wreckage its the fact that the room was coloured head to toe in red, That is what sent a feeling of dread crawl up [F/N]'s back.
The blood was stained on table cloths, Floors, Wooden walls. Anything that could be stained was drenched in the now-dry ichor of red. Thankfully the bodies weren't here anymore, Most likely hauled off to get cremated.
The singe of the scent of blood itched at the tip of [F/N]'s nose as she took a few more cautious steps inside, Carefully avoiding the debris as she finally made her way into the centre of the Livingroom.
The whole place just radiated fear and destruction, So much so that it felt like a cold hand was resting on her shoulder when she looked out at the scene.
Her eyes shot up.
She jerked her whole body around and stumbled back like a shock to her system, She lost her balance and fell backwards.
"Careful there." The smooth voice belonged to a man, Who caught her once she fell backwards.
His strength was commendable as he only laid a single hand on her back to keep her supported.
[F/N] was breathing heavily, Loud gasps of air from the sheer fright the man gave her. He gently lifted her up to her feet, Making sure to steady her.
"I apologise if I gave you a fright there, I do have a habit of being a quiet walker" He explained with a courteous smile.
"Yeah.. You do.." That was all [F/N] could say, Her breath still taken away but not from the fall as she laid her eyes on the mans face.
The man was pale, Deathly pale. While [F/N] was as white as a sheet from her condition it looked like he was sickly and withering, Yet the look seemed to compliment his bone structure. His dark wavy locks shaped his face and came down to his sharp jawline, Perfectly brushed and trimmed.
However it was his eyes that struck [F/N] the most, The same ruby irises that she had harboured stared right back at her. Even through the darkness of the room she could see the vividness of the red through the suffocating black.
"..Are you alright?" He asked. [F/N] didn't even realise she was staring before he snapped her out of it.
"Yes, Yes. I'm fine, Thank you." She said, A hint of practiced resentment laced her voice. A built-up tactic to protect herself. But the suspicion was warrented however, The clean cut black suit vest with golden coloured lacing was clue enough to tell her he wasn't from here.
"What are you doing here?" She asked, Resting her hands onto her hips. Her eyes were locked onto his own, Searching for any sign of deception.
The man simply let out a breath of air.
"I'm here to this village on business reasons, I was just passing through when I saw the door broken down. I'm just here to make sure everything is alright." He explained, A light carefree tone in his voice.
"My name is Tsukihiko, I travelled here from Tokyo" Tsukihiko added after a moment.
[F/N] carefully examined his body language for any sign of him lying, Any twitch of the hand or quirk of the lips but she came up empty handed. She had no reason not to believe him.
"Okay then, Tsukihiko.." She drawled, Still cautious of him "Well since you obviously don't know, There's been a string of murders going on in this village for a long while now. You really shouldn't be in here" She said.
"May I ask why you are here then? No offense, But you don't look like an investigator or any kind of authority, Miss." Tsukihiko said yet his tone sounded near playful if it wasn't for his dignified self.
[F/N] felt her tensed shoulders deflate, He got her there.
"..None of your business" She retorted, But her previous aversion had dissolved into a weak huff. "What's an investigator suppose to look like anyways?" [F/N] mused.
"Usually not like a beautiful noblewoman such as yourself, The one's I've seen tend to be a bit more.. Lacking in that department" Tsukihiko replied, As if what he said held absolutely no weight at all.
But that wasn't true to [F/N], The words held so much weight that it squeezed down at her heart. That same, Unfamiliar euphoric feeling she felt holding the flowers kept rushing out of the compressed heart and filling her system once again.
Did he really see her beauty? Or was it a way to strengthen out a deal with a noble family's daughter? If so then the joke would be on him. But he wasn't that far off from her, They were both pale and shared the same wine-stained eyes. Maybe he did understand her beauty. The mere thought of it seemed to clench her heart tighter.
However, It was stopped by a single missed heartbeat.
The sunburn, She still had the sunburn on her skin. Her uchikatsugi still lain slack in her left hand. [F/N] felt her hands suddenly grow clammy and her lungs take in a sharp breath, A quick spike in adrenaline made her entire body freeze up.
Tsukihiko seemed to notice her realisation, Somehow understanding her sudden panic he gently rested a hand onto the girls cheek.
"I mean my words, I'm not quite fond of the sun either." Tsukihiko said, That deep voice ringing soft in the girls ear.
The hand on her cheek should of been warm, But instead of the expected body heat coming from him there was a cold chill that ran down her from his touch.
It felt nice on her sunburn, It seemed to cool down the itchy feel of heat simmering in her skin and instead made it feel like a early summer breeze. [F/N] in response seemed to soften down and lean into the cold, Only a little bit.
"Seriously? People here seem to enjoy the sun a lot, You disliking it would be a first" [F/N] mumbled absentmindedly, Her gaze trailing off to some unknown point of the room. "How'd you know I didn't like the sun anyways?"
"A good guess, I suppose. You have albinism, Correct? It's only natural to have a resentment towards the sun when it sears your skin, I have a particularly terrible condition myself so I suppose I can empathise" Tsukihiko explained.
His words brought [F/N]'s eyes back to his own, Their shared eyes meeting together. Ones searching for any kind of lie while the others looked back with only the sincerest of truth's, At least from what [F/N] could tell anyways.
She felt a sudden sense of an unrecognisable feeling.
Not like the one she had before when it felt like fireworks, But instead one that felt like a rope was tied between the two. Like a single string had suddenly appeared just from his words, A sudden connection.
Connection? That sounded right, At least she thought so.
"..I see. You don't seem to have albinism, So what's your condition anyways?" [F/N] queried. While the man was pale and had the same red eyes she had, It couldn't of been albinism. His hair was a natural noir and his skin still held a very tiny bit of melanin.
[F/N] saw his lips quirk, It wasn't noticeable, Only a quick twitch before they were back to their usual smile. It almost raised an eyebrow.
"..It's not a specific illness that has been diagnosed however the symptoms do include a rather harsh weakness to sunlight." He said.
Thats strange, [F/N] thought. Tsukihiko was only wearing a suit vest, Black dress slacks and a clean white blouse. He had no form of sun protection like [F/N]'s kimono or uchikatsugi. It was weird, And [F/N] wasn't going to let it go for a second.
"Really? Then how did you get here without something like a parasol, Or any kind of protection?" She asked, Her guard raised up once again in light of the new information.
Tsukihiko's guard followed with [F/N]'s. His shoulders stiffened up and the smile on his face seemed just a tad bit more strained than it did before.
"Well luckily due to-"
"[F/N]!" A sudden scream cut through the start of his words. [F/N] gasped, She recognised the voice of which belonged to her mother.
She cursed under her breath and rushed past the man, Her attention fully diverted from him as she set the uchikatsugi onto her head and went out of the house and into the sun.
[F/N] finally stumbled out onto the rocky street road, Only to see her mother at the end of the road angrily making her way towards her. [F/N] sucked air through her teeth, She was in trouble.
She saw Juro stand behind her, Watching their mother make their way towards [F/N] with the omnipresent smugness drenching his face.
"Told you she was here!" He called out to his mother, But she didn't look back, She was way too focused on her eldest who stood there frozen like a frightened opossum.
The heavy sounds of her mothers sandals against rock and the single strum of a biwa echoed out into the wide walls of the village. Luckily no one else was around, Probably still making their way here from being dispersed only earlier from the town meeting.
"What the hell do you think your doing, Young woman?!" Her mother yelled. Finally closing the distance between the two her mothers hand lunged for her daughters wrist, Yanking her close to her [F/N] let out a curse under her breath.
"What? Can't I check out the crime scene?" [F/N] remarked with a practiced incredulous tone. Ignorant curiosity, It wasn't the reason she came here for but her mother didn't need to know that.
Her mother looked back at her, Incredulous, Just like [F/N]'s voice. However it was mixed with contorted expression of how one might look at spoiled food, Maggots and rodents already festering and all.
"..Do you even listen to what comes out of your mouth? At any point in your life do you even think about what you're about to do?" Her mother said, Only a single pitch away from a whisper.
"Either way it wasn't why I was here, I was talking to that man over there." [F/N] said, Lazily motioning her head under the hat towards the entrance of the house. Her mother quickly strode away from her daughter, But made the move to grab her wrist and drag her along as she went towards the entrance of the house.
"Hey! Hands off me-" [F/N] yelled. Despite her mothers old bones it seemed the sheer anger made her completely apathetic to her age.
"What man? There's no one there." Her mother hissed. Pushing her daughter in front of her to get a better look at the house.
It was true. Apart from the dried carnage and the destroyed insides of the Livingroom there was no sign of life inside. No noise nor presence to be found.
[F/N] felt her heart stop inside her chest, Her breath stifled. That was impossible, The only entrance inside the house was the main door. If he had left through the main door then there would of been no doubt that he would of been spotted.
"Good gods, [F/N].." Her mother groaned, Massaging her temple to soothe her irritation.
"He was here! I swear, I don't know wher-"
"Oh just be quiet, [F/N]!" Her mother exclaimed.
Turning to face her daughter she jumped back in surprise, The look on her mothers worn face was tired and so very angry.
"I'm so done with just letting you run about and do as you please, Someone needs to give you discipline to show you how things work around here" Her mother said lowly.
Yanking [F/N] forward they took off away from the scene. [F/N] couldn't keep up with her fast pace and stumbled around as she was pulled along in her mothers grip.
They passed Juro who didn't even turn his head towards her families squabble, Only side-eyeing [F/N] as they passed.
Juro, That bastard, An Ironic insult but it was the best she could mouth at him as she was dragged by. He was the one who had alerted his mother to her absence, He had to be. Mother wouldn't care if she had wandered off, Juro on the other hand would pick out any opportunity he could to ruin her day.
As she was dragged back to their family home she cursed him out under her breath. [F/N] would've wondered why he was like this to her, But she knew that there was never a reason apart from stigma with a streak of sadism and superiority.
She'd get back at him one day. That, She swore.
☆♡☆
Loud footsteps slammed against the wooden floorboards of the house making louds creaks in their wake.
Opening and slamming the door it shook the frame of her room with the sheer force at which it hit.
As soon as it shut [F/N] pushed herself up against the door and let out a loud cry. The tears she was holding back with a fierce determination now flooded down her face without a hint of resistance.
She slowly slid down the door until it was only her, Sitting on the cold floorboards pressed up against the door, Sobbing her eyes out.
[F/N] didn't know why she was crying, Maybe it was just the broken dam of a slowly rising tide. The house of cards that finally toppled once the slightest of disruptions knocked over its foundation, Causing the entire building to fall down.
What she did know however, Is the words of which her mother had told her.
"Punishment!" "Deserve!" "Finally!"
The words her mother had used when she confiscated her parasols and uchikatsugi swarmed her like a hive of insects. The one thing that protected her from the sun, That let her feel like a normal person even if only for a single minute was taken away by her mother.
She had called it a deserving punishment, Finally giving her daughter the discipline she needed.
What would she even achieve from taking them away? To teach her a lesson, Perhaps. Maybe she had thought it would exorcise the demon that was disguised as her daughter. Even if she did think that before, After seeing the sunburn ingrained onto her skin gave her a good reminder alright.
[F/N]'s breath came out in hitches. Rapid gasps for breaths as she desperately tried to wipe away the unforgiving tears coming out of her eyes. Everyone kept asking what was wrong with her when the only thing she could ask was what was wrong with them.
She didn't choose to be like this. She didn't choose the red bloodshot eyes nor did she choose the bright white of her hair and skin, It didn't mean she was a demon. What was wrong with this world? What did she do to deserve this?
[F/N] lifted her head to wipe away the build up of fluid on her face when she caught the vivid red in the corner of her eye.
It made her breath hitch once more, But not from the pain in her lungs or the sting in her eyes.
[F/N] didn't even bother getting up, Instead favouring to hastily crawl over to her bed. Once she lifted her upper body to see what it was her eyes widened.
It was another bouquet, Just as beautiful as the last. The red petals of rose were fresh and smelt as such, Purifying the air around her and drawing her in with the sweet scent. The colour of the roses seemed to give a hot kick compared to the coldness of her abode.
It was that feeling again. Fireworks. The feeling that brought the warmth back to her, The one she could never describe.
[F/N] took the bouquet into her arms, The softness of both the petals and the trimmed stems caressed her bare skin.
Her lips twitched. The corners of her mouth turning themselves into a new smile, Feeling foreign on her face. There was no letter this time, However that didn't matter.
The bouquet said everything it needed to. She pulled it close as the last of her tears dried, Turning only into small sniffles now and then.
Maybe things weren't so awful after all.
☆♡☆
In the following months, Slowly, A routine started to form.
[F/N] wasn't allowed to go outside of her house, So she had to make do with what she had inside her room.
In the mornings she'd wake up, Make her bed and get ready for the day. Afterwards she would go downstairs to collect her breakfast and make her way back to her room.
Then in the afternoons she'd make herself busy by playing solo games of old sets in her room: Shogi, Menko or Origami, Anything to keep her occupied and keep the boredom at bay.
[F/N] knew if she just apologised and promised to her mother she'd be good she could definetly worm her way out of punishment, However she decided against it. Her pride and dignity was worth baring a stupid little punishment from her mother.
At night she would get her dinner from the kitchens and make her way up to the rooftops again, Speaking to the moon as her only social output as long as you don't count the snide comments from Juro or the single syllable answers from her mother.
For hours she'd just spout out about whatever came to mind. Her day, Frustrations and desires would all be entrusted to the celestial body, A silent promise not to tell between the two.
[F/N] thought it was funny, She'd started to believe the moon could really hear her. It felt like that too sometimes, That someone was really there to listen to her.
And finally, Careful not to make her mistake again she'd close the blinds and make her way to bed. Only to start the cycle all over again the next day.
Though sometimes the cycle would break, Sometimes she would find another bouquet. Lying on the roof or sat tidy on her bed.
Sometimes the person in question would leave a letter too. The sweet words seeming sacred as the flow of the writing went through her, Touching the very core of her heart.
She'd soak up every letter, Every little word she'd mull over for hours at a time letting that feeling coarse through her blood stream. These letters appeared about once a week, Quickly becoming the only thing she had to look forward to.
It was good, It was very good. It hit her one day, Lying in bed while rereading the latest letter for the fifth time.
Was this love?
Maybe. Before the letter had started she had dismissed the concept of it entirely, Love was just a façade. A husband and wife was suppose to love each other yet her mother and father barely spoke when they were around.
A sibling was suppose to love their other siblings unconditionally, But instead hers had shunned her and at best gave backhanded remarks. Sure, Her mother might of loved her kids but even then it was just maternal instinct.
Love was just a construct, That was her belief. It was a way to explain how things worked in a mysterious world, It didn't actually exist. No, It couldn't. At least not for her.
But when she held the soft paper in her hands and finished the last letter of the note it finally clicked, This was love. It had to be.
The undying passion written in the letters proved it, The vowing to love her always said it. It made her blush like an alcoholic intoxicated onto the feeling it gave her.
It was so addicting that she never really took care into asking herself how they got into her room or onto her roof, How they knew exactly what she liked or how she wanted it. That wasn't important.
What was important was who it was. Was it a girl or a boy? How old are they? What do they look like? What's their name? She pondered over this often and to be honest, She couldn't care less about who it was. They loved her, That's all that mattered. It was the spark of light in a dark hopeless void.
Even the rocks thrown through her balcony window, Scribbled in ink with the word "demon" couldn't take her out of her high. Nor the continuing mutilations building up a body count in town could catch her now.
Nowadays the entire family was counting down for the arrival of her father. His business trip had came to an end and now he was making his way home, Due to arrive in a week.
In a weeks time her father would be home, She dreaded the thought. So that's why she had carefully wrote a letter of her own and left it on the rooftop, A common spot for the person in question to leave their letters.
She wrote every letter with passion and folded the envelope with care, Waiting for the response she had went back to bed, Waiting for her admirer to take her away.
"When can I see you? I want to know who you are."
☆♡☆
Her letter had been answered.
The letter she had left on the roof was replaced with a letter of their own. The next day she had found it lying in the same spot, Bouquet of roses and all.
She read the words several times over, Just to make sure she was reading things right.
Midnight, Meet me outside on the pathway to the village. I'll be waiting.
Love, Your admirer.
They wanted to meet her, Her admirer wanted to meet her tonight. As soon as she read the last word she squealed like a little girl on her birthday and spun herself around the room with exhilarant joy.
She stopped dead in her tracks. She needed to get ready. Looking down at her morning kimono she realised she needed to wear her best, She couldn't go out looking like this.
The feeling of wanting to look your best while in front of someone was another new sensation, She'd been having a lot of new sensations lately. All because of her admirer. It was only right to look as good as she could.
She thought back to her experience a few months ago, That man, Tsukihiko. Maybe he was her admirer. The way he looked at her with those matching red eyes just spoke to her, It had to be him. Who else could it be?
Sifting through her closet she finally picked out a rather expensive kimono with a matching yukata. The design's laced onto the fabric were beautiful and made with care, When [F/N] looked at it she knew she had found the perfect one.
But looking in the mirror she knew her hair needed some touching up, Her makeup too.. And her nails and maybe she could find a cute hairpin? Maybe her hair needs touching up again..
By the time she was done it the sun had long set, Replacing the clear blue with a star filled winter night.
[F/N] knew she wasn't allowed out of the house, She knew when she carefully maneuvered her way down the rooftop. It never left her mind even soon as she felt her best sandals hit the ground, But nor did it ever matter to her. She was going to meet her admirer, That was much more important than her mother.
[F/N] moved hastily down the pathway from her house to the village, The letter never specified where about on the pathway they were to meet so she had just decided to walk until something happened.
She slowed down in her tracks to only a leisurely walk. The cold air hit the back of her neck and ran through her hair as she went. [F/N] felt her heart beating like a drum, The rhythm thumping at her ribcage felt like it was going to explode from her chest.
Her leisured stroll came to a stop, By now she could see the village lights and the rest of the stone-lined path. Her eyes followed it all the way back to where she was standing, No one was there. Not Tsukihiko, Not anyone.
[F/N]'s face scrunched up in confusion, She had went the entire pathway and no one was to be found. Could she be late? Looking up at the sky to see the moon dead-centre in the sky that ruled out the possibility entirely.
Then suddenly, She felt a rock hit her back.
The force pushed her over, Collapsing to the ground on her knee's.
The shock struck her like an ice-pick to the back, Causing a cold chill to wash over her. As soon as it hit her thoughts had came to a standstill, Trying to compute what just happened.
A few pairs of footsteps came running out from behind her.
[F/N] looked behind her, Eyes bloodshot and open to their limits as she finally spied the group.
"There! Told you she'd come." Juro laughed to the group of kids behind him, His friends, All carrying pouches of unknown fillings. They all looked down at [F/N], Their expressions all smiling wide and giggling along quietly to Juro.
Another feeling washed over, Anger only an aftertaste to the pain writhing around in her chest. Her arms shook as she tried to gather her Barings, However another quick jolt of pain went to her stomach. One of his friends who she recognised as the Furukawa boy had kicked her, Making her fall down again.
"Demon scum!" He exclaimed as he stepped back towards the group. [F/N] groaned in pain as she wiped away the red specks coming from her mouth.
"What.. What the fuck. The hell.. Are you doing here, Juro" [F/N] hissed, The truth of the situation going straight over her head.
"What? You don't remember? Meet me here at midnight on the pathway to the village!" He teased, The mocking tone in his voice made his group laugh. Juro looked at her straight in the eyes, The sadism shining through the dull overlay.
[F/N] stopped, Going completely still.
No, It couldn't be. Please, For the love of whatever god is up there. It can't be.
"You.. It was you?" She breathed lowly, Disbelieving eyes piercing into his. Pleading with him silently, Subconciously. Juro seemed to toss his head to the side and took a few lazy steps towards her, He had no care in the world as he stood only a foot away from his defeated sister.
"Of course it was me. I knew all about your little rooftop talks, I was the one to leave the bouquets in the first place." He announced it as if it was obvious all along, As if it was nothing but a throwaway joke in a play.
[F/N] felt her heart break.
She felt the culmination of that feeling built up over months, The growing flutter of her heart. The feeling she had even dared to consider love was shattered into a million pieces, Reduced to nothing but ashes.
This wasn't true, How could it be? It couldn't.. [F/N] felt her vision start to go blurry. She opened her dry mouth, She only had one question to ask.
"So.. For months.. You left me flowers.. Letters. All so you could bring me out here..?" She whispered. The blurryness in her eyes gathered and dripped down her face, Cold against her burning face.
"Well I mean, Not at first. In the beginning it was just a way to mess with you, It was funny for me but then.." Juro motioned over to his friends "When I told my friends about it we thought it was an opportunity we couldn't lose, Especially when you left a letter of your own." He finished.
The words devastated [F/N]. The entire world around her seemed so desolate, Like she drowning under the weight of the entire ocean unable to breathe or speak.
She didn't even flinch when Juro and his group raised their hands, The pouches full of unknown contents brought high. And when they threw it, She was glad that her tears blurred their faces.
She curled up into a ball and wished for this nightmare to be over.
☆♡☆
The dragging of slow footsteps echoed lowly in the dark hallway. The passage was dark and near lifeless as most of the house was asleep at this point, Only a few servants lay awake finishing their nightly duties.
[F/N]'s feet barely left the ground as she clutched the hot cup of tea in her hands. In the days that passed it was the only thing she subsided on except from the small bites of food she would eat during the day.
Her eyes seemed low and sunken, Like they were struggling to stay open. Along with her matted hair and chapped lips she appeared dishevelled similar to how an insomniac running on coffee would be, Though at this point that was basically what she became.
Gently pulling open the door to her bedroom [F/N] took a few short steps inside. Once she closed the door she was greeted once again by the emptiness of her room.
She let out a defeated sigh. Trotting over to her bed she set her tea down on the side table, Right before collapsing right onto the bed.
She sunk down into the mattress, Letting the temporary warmth and shelter of the blankets envelop her.
[F/N] was tired, Very tired. Right then and there she wanted to close her eyes and not wake up, Not for a long time. But she knew that no matter how hard she tried she wouldn't be able to sleep, Not as long as her mind was as conflicted as hers.
She turned over onto her back so she could stare up at the ceiling. Before all of this had happened she felt angry or annoyed, Always, There was no in-between. Maybe a splash of surprise here and there but apart from that there was no flux.
After she read the letters her palette had expanded, It felt like she was tasting a new wild variety of flavours for the first time after only eating bread for her entire life. She felt euphoric, She felt love and infatuation. It was good, It was so good.
But now after being hazed with flour and hit with rocks, Humiliated and embarrassed by Juro and his gang she just felt.. Nothing.
She wasn't angry nor was she annoyed, She's tried to feel those things, She tried to feel some sort of rage towards him but after everything she just couldn't.
Juro had even left an extra bouquet for when she got back that night, This one not of roses but instead spider lilies.
The only thing she could do was toss them out from the balcony, The flowers taking all of her anger with it.
[F/N] turned her head over to her balcony. The blinds were shut over the doors yet there was a small opening, A little crack that let moonlight filter through into the room. She could see the moon facing her through the opening, Gathering up what she had left she opened her mouth.
"Is this it..? Is this all there will ever be to my life..?" She whispered, Looking at the moon as her only friend.
She waited. She waited a good few minutes, Waiting for any kind of response from her oldest companion.
Yet nothing came. The moon just looked down on her, Just like they did, Just like they all did.
[F/N] huffed lightly, Turning away from the moon. It was stupid. She grew up to believe that the moon was always there for her, That it would always listen to her. It was her friend.
She knew how stupid that was now. The moon wasn't her friend, It couldn't listen to her. All this time she spoke to an unfeeling object, Something that couldn't understand her or provide any comfort.
"Is this all there will ever be to my life"
Her words rang out in her head. At every turn she was dejected back down into the dirt. While the healthy ran outside to live their life she was stuck at home, Unable to get a job or a husband due to her looks.
She hated them, If she had anything else left to feel it was hatred. They lived their lives free to do anything they wanted yet they wasted it on mundane jobs, Mundane lives while she was left here to fester.
[F/N] closed her eyes. Listening to the servant outside brush the hallways, She tried to use it as white noise. Something to fa-
THUMP!
[F/N] opened her eyes slowly.
The wall to her room that was shared with the hallway suddenly let out a large thump. Coincidentally the sounds of sweeping came to an abrupt stop right before the noise.
Everything was silent now, There was no noise coming from outside nor from [F/N]. Instead she just watched the door, Waiting for the next sign of life.
Another set of footsteps came, Not belonging to the servant before. These ones were heavier, Filled with purpose and stride.
She listened as they reached her door, Coming to a sudden stop in front of it. [F/N] listened half-heartedly along, Waiting for the next sound.
It came. The slow but loud creaking of the door echoed from the walls in her room. She didn't dare to look up into the dark void of the doorway, She knew what was happening. She knew what was going to happen. This was the demon who caused the villages mutilations, There was only one outcome.
The footsteps entered the room. From [F/N]'s limited vision she could only see what looked to be a mans body dressed in a suit jacket and blouse, The left arm stained with a fresh crimson. Her eyes moved up, She couldn't see his face however, The moonlight didn't reveal it.
[F/N] sighed, Maybe out of exhaustion or maybe out of relief.
"So it's you, You're the one whose been doing the mutilations I suppose.. I'm guessing you got to the servant outside right?" She drawled, Letting the syllables play out on her tongue.
The man didn't answer, He only stopped in his tracks. [F/N] could feel his eyes on her, Running over her body, Like a wolf checking to see if the fox could fit in its maws.
[F/N] didn't expect an answer, But she continued anyways.
"You're going to kill me now, Probably even before I've finished my sentence but just.. Just let me make one final request.." A sudden jolt came from inside her like the final remains of lighter fluid sparking out into the raging blizzard.
It felt like vengeance, If she was going down then she knew who was coming with her.
"I don't care if you kill me.. But when you do I want you to take my family too. I don't care how you do it but I want you to make it bloody, I want you to make sure that my father comes home to a slaughter house, I want you to make sure people remember this." She said, The liquid in the lighter drying with her words.
She closed her eyes, Waiting on her bound demise.
This was it. Her body relaxed to take in her final moments. The warmth of the blanket, The coldness of her room, The beating of her heart.
"Who said I would kill you.."
And the feeling of a hand over hers, Gripping it tight.
Her eyes opened wide at the voice, Her irises searched and landed on the mans face now illuminated by the moonlight, It was one she recognised.
"It's you.." [F/N] breathed, She looked over the mans features, Just to make sure.
"Tsukihiko" She whispered. It was him, She saw it now. It was the same suit-jacket, The same styled hair and red eyes. A gentle smile graced his face as he moved even closer than he was currently.
"Even though I may have told you so, Tsukihiko isn't my real name." He corrected. That same deep tone of voice he used all those months ago laced his voice, Resonating deep inside her.
"My name is Muzan Kibutsuji, I am the progenitor of all demons." He declared softly. The hand he had entwined with hers squeezed tighter. His hand wasn't warm, It was in fact cold to the touch but it didn't feel uncomfortable, It was instead akin to shaved ice during a heatwave.
The progenitor of all demons, This was the demon king. It raised more questions than answers but [F/N] could only ask a single one.
"Then, why won't you kill me? Why are you telling me all of this?" She whispered, Looking deep into his eyes for the answer.
He only looked back with the most sincere emotion a being like him could have.
"Because, It seems I've become infatuated with you."
The words left his lips with a finality, As if he was just as bewildered as she was looking into his eyes.
The words pierced her like a spear. [F/N] felt eyes expand and her jaw opening only a little. It was that feeling again, That same feeling, The fireworks.
"..How can I trust your words? How do I know you're not lying to me?" She asked, A small treble in her voice. How could she trust anything he said, Not when she could never trust anything anyone said to her.
"You can't trust me." Muzan finalised, Agreeing with her words. She felt disappointment start to bubble up in her before her spoke one more.
"But when I say that I have became smitten over you from the day I saw you on that roof top, When I say that I became enraptured by your beauty and charm I want you to believe that, My love." He spoke.
[F/N] was speechless, She couldn't believe what she was hearing but by the gods did she want to. Heat rose to her cheeks and she stumbled to get out a single vowel before she was pulled to her feet by Muzan.
"Everything I've been doing these past few months I've done for you, Everything. You are more than a mere human, You're someone I can call my equal" He whispered. And from his suit pocket he pulled out something that gleamed in the moonlight.
It was a ring of silver, A wedding ring. It was beautiful. A sapphire center piece for the gemstone, Crowned by the silver and another dozen gems surrounding it.
[F/N]'s breath hitched at the sight of it.
"You want me… To marry you?" She asked, The words foreign on her tongue. [F/N] still stood in disbelief, Shock, A flurry of new emotions invading her senses that made her need to conceal an excited grin.
"Yes. I see no one else worthy of being called my wife, Only you." He replied. Gentle smile still painted on his face.
The fireworks went off. In that moment, [F/N] knew the answer, One that she couldn't put into words but instead an action.
As soon as the fireworks exploded she took a step forward, Putting her lips on his and bringing Muzan into a deep kiss. Trying her best to make it as passionate as possible with her inexperience.
Muzan didn't resist, But instead seemed to expect it. He put an arm around her waist and took lead, Guiding her along.
As it happened she felt their bodies collide, His arms were wrapped around her body tightly while hers rested on his shoulders in the heat of the moment.
[F/N] barely noticed the ring slip onto her finger, A perfect fit. She could only focus on their lips mingling with each other, His fangs clashing against her bottom lip while she tried to figure out what to do with her tongue.
Muzan's hand slipped down to her neck. A single claw cutting open both his finger and a small part of [F/N]'s neck, Letting his blood mix with hers.
The motion made [F/N] pull away from Muzan, The feeling of her stomach turning interrupting her.
"What the.." She mumbled. [F/N]'s body started to shake, She felt weird. Stumbling back a few feet she was caught by Muzan, Smiling at her with that same gentle look.
He set her down onto her bed, Caressing her cheek with care.
"Rest now, Your transformation should only take a few minutes." Muzan said, Sitting beside her on the bed.
[F/N] nodded, She knew what he meant and she simply didn't care. Only smiling lazily as she let her heart circulate his blood round her system. She felt him close her eyes. And let his blood take her over completely.
☆♡☆
[F/N] followed Muzan down the hallway. Her movements were slow yet jerky at the same time, Like her entire body was numb and barely woken up.
Her mind was hazy, Like a sudden mist started to fall over her mind as soon as she woke up. Her stomach turning had turned into a sudden emptiness, A sudden hunger. She had a craving for something, She didn't know what. However all she knew is that she had to follow Muzan as he helped her down the stairs.
As soon as she reached the bottom of the stairs onto the second floor, Suddenly she caught something sweet in the air, Enticing her on.
Muzan noticed this, An almost amused smile appeared on his face.
"Go on then, I won't stop you." He said, And that was all she needed.
[F/N] took off following the scent almost feverishly, Making her way down the hallways going around turns she finally came across a door.
Her mouth watered. The scent was stronger now, Even more so as she bust open the door.
Juro woke up with a start, The noise of his door slamming open almost off the hinges made him flinch. He got up so he was now sitting on his bed. Maybe another mutilation happened, It was probably his mother informing him so.
But as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes to see his elder sister leaning against the doorway, He knew that wasn't the case.
"What the hell do you want..? You still mad about last week?" He chuckled lightly, The sleep still permeating his voice.
[F/N] stood in the doorway, Not answering. However her breathing was laboured and she stumbled about, Swaying side to side. Her head was lowered to the ground, Eyeing only the floorboards.
"What's wrong with you?" Juro raised an eyebrow at his sisters movements, It was getting annoying. Waking him up in the middle of the night and she wouldn't even tell him why.
But he suddenly froze once she lifted her head.
Her laboured breathing showed off her teeth, Sharper than normal creating new fangs protruding from her mouth. Her pupils had slimmed and turned into something similar to a cat's, And they were eyeing him like a piece of raw meat.
His sweat dropped, This wasn't normal. Slowly getting out of his bed he made sure to never take his eyes off of her, To make sure she didn't pounce.
"Listen.. [F/N]." He started, His voice shaky and carefully planned.
"I-I'm sorry for what I did.. Okay? I-I shouldn't of treated you like that.. It was wrong, I.. I'm so sorry okay?" He started. His entire form shook, His knees threatening to buckle under the weight of the situation.
She took a step forward, Making him flinch.
"I-I'm sorry! Please don-"
[F/N] lunged forward, Her body knocking into his as they fell to the floor with a thump!
Juro screamed, Loud and high pitched to make sure the rest of the house woke up as he felt [F/N]'s teeth lodge into his neck.
With a tug she pulled her mouth back. A chunk of flesh and muscle tore out from his neck, Making a spray of blood coat the room and [F/N] entirely painting her red.
Juro sobbed. His mental state reducing into that of a child's as he felt his sisters teeth tear at his flesh, Only to greedily shove the meat down her gullet, Pleased at the sweet taste she licked her lips to Juro's horror.
She tore into him, Again and again. Juro felt his limbs be pulled from their sockets and the blood burst from his arteries, Popping like candy and spraying all over the room.
He was barely conscious when the cold sweat of death wash over him.
The last thing he saw was the looming figure of his sister. His severed arm in her mouth and covered in red. Smiling at him, Wide and proud.
And the oncoming figures of the rest of his family in the doorway.
☆♡☆
Downstairs Muzan stood idly in the main room.
He waited for her, Listening intently to the noise thrashing around upstairs. He decided it was best to let [F/N] take care of it herself, She was hungry after all and as a new demon she needed her strength.
However, Muzan's attention was drawn to the main door, Which was flung open letting the cold nights air flood inside.
In the doorway was an older man. A katana around his waist and a yukata over his slayer uniform. Muzan felt the grin tug at his lips, This must of been [F/N]'s father, A slayer at that.
"..Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my house?!" He exclaimed, Yet his tone contained exhaustion, Obviously tired from a long travel.
"Who am I? I assumed you slayers would know a king when they saw one." Muzan remarked.
The mans eyes widened. The tiredness in his eyes before was now long gone and by now his sword was drawn, Pointing straight at Muzan.
"You.. Muzan Kibutsuji" He said. Despite his brave front, Muzan could see through it. He was terrified.
"There it is.." Muzan drawled, Now turning his full body over towards him. Her father made no move to attack him, Only keeping his sword at head level waiting for Muzan's next move.
"What.. What have you done with my wife, My children." Her father asked, The thought tearing through his mind, Scared of the possibilities.
Muzan entertained him, The fact that he had the guts to speak out in the first place spoke volumes.
But before he could answer, The sound of creaking steps and dragging thumps sounded out behind them, Interrupting their conversation.
The mans attention flipped over behind him. Alternating between Muzan and the unknown threat they both watched intently as the presence reached the bottom of the steps.
The mans eyes widened.
At the bottom of the stairs stood [F/N], Drenched head to toe in blood smelling of brass and iron.
But what she held in both hands, That's what made her father fall to his knees.
In both of her hands she dragged the mangled corpses of his wife and kids, [F/N]'s new strength granting her the capability to do so.
In her right held his wife, The corpse had several parts missing. Limbs, Flesh and organs all in various states of degradation.
In her left was the corpse of his second eldest. He wasn't even recognisable, Only the yukata being of any hint to his identity.
He fell to his knees, The sight seeming to defeat him entirely.
His nichirin katana fell out of his grasp, Slipping out with ease once he laid his hands on the corpses. [F/N] watched on at the scene, Gazing down at the broken mess of a man.
"What the.. No.. No this couldn't.." He choked out, Tears starting to form in his eyes and flow down his face. His wife and kids dead, He wasn't here to protect them, To do his duties as a demon slayer.
He moved his eyes up to the face of the culprit, Recognising her as his eldest disappointment of a daughter.
"You.. You monster.." He whispered, Piercing gaze going right through her like an icepick to the heart.
But [F/N] felt nothing as she looked at him, The haze from her mind lifted long ago at the first taste of her meal. This man for her entire life had been a overhanging figure, A threat to what would happen to her if she stepped out of line. His words were nothing new to her ears.
"..Do you have nothing else to call me, Or are you done?" [F/N] asked. She felt the rush of superiority come over her, She was the one in charge now. Not him.
Her father swallowed the lump in his throat. He had nothing else to say, Only choked sobs came out of his mouth.
[F/N] dropped the cadavers in her arms in favour of walking up to her father. Slowly stopping in front of him, Looking down at his weakened form.
Muzan stood only a few feet away from him, Watching over the events unfolding. He was amused at it, Watching [F/N]'s every move.
She raised her hand high, Her new claws spiking out of her fingernails ready to strike.
All these years of torment, Dejection and disgust funnelled towards her. The harassment and hate. Everything she had been through came down to this.
"Go on, My love." Muzan's voice called out, [F/N] glanced over to him "Finish this."
Muzan Kibutsuji, Her fiancée, Her stalker. He called out to her with that eternally caring voice, That same gentle smile edging her on to finish the deed.
She looked back at him and smiled.
And with a quick slash it was finished, Her father was no more.
His severed head dropped onto the tatami mat, She watched as it bounced a few times before rolling away.
Muzan appeared behind her, Wrapping his arms around her waist.
"You did such a good job, My love." He stated, Kissing the back of her head as he pulled her closer. [F/N] sunk into his hold, The coldness a comfort to her.
"T-Thanks.." She grinned, Fireworks continuing to go off. More so once he move a hand to her legs, Manoeuvring her so she was now being carried bridal style by her now fiancée, Not caring how much blood stained his blouse.
Muzan leaned down and left a small kiss on her lips, To which she returned.
"Are you ready to go now, My love?" Muzan asked.
"Always." [F/N] responded, Stars in her eyes.
Muzan smiled, Pulling her close. He looked up and with the single strum of a biwa, He disappeared into the night, Taking [F/N] with him.
Never to be seen again.
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yannaryartside · 4 months ago
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CLAIRE'S LOVE VS NARCISSISTIC LOVE
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I was reading Tú no eres el problema: Entiéndete y sana tras el vínculo con psicópatas y narcisistas by psicologist de Elizabeth Clapés and some of the descriptions of the love of a narcisistic person sounded very familiar.
I would like to start this by saying that I don't think Claire is a narcissist (she has centered Carmy too much for that to be the case, in my opinion, I could be wrong, but I doesn't feel right).
Yet, this book does a good job of describing manipulative behavior that can seem harmless.
We have discussed the possibility of Claire manipulating Carmy. The fact that she has feelings for him is not a reason to discard the possibility of manipulation; she may be doing all these things because she genuinely thinks she and what she is doing is the best for him. While gaining his affection in the process. For some people, manipulation may be justified by the means. they may not even call it manipulation. The fact that she "loves him" doesn't mean she didn't force the relationship into being, or she may be playing a part in getting what she wants. There may not be malice, but there may be an unhealthy approach to gaining someone's affection. That is what I am getting at.
content warning: discussions of experiences having a narcissistic romantic partner.
Disclaimer: I do not have much to say here, but to list the behaviors listed in this book that could be relevant. I have been influenced by other posts analyzing Claire's behavior; but I understand that this may be assuming the worst from a character we still don't know much about. The author of this book encapsulates narcissism and psychopath behavior to help people identify these tendencies. I am using this list only to indicate the manipulation that can come from someone determined to get a relationship in an unhealthy way. I will be paraphrasing and translating. In the book, the "love interest" of a narcissist is referred to as their "victim," so I will be using that term.
BEHAVIORS OF A NARCISSISTIC WHILE PURSUING A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP.
Show only the best of themselves.
Love bombing, creating a perfect castle customized for the victim's wounds. They know what the other person needs and modify themselves to fit their needs.
Only when the narcissist is sure that the other person has developed feelings for them would they start talking about the mistakes they made, but always showcasing the pain that those mistakes caused them and downplaying the consequences it may have for other people involved. (This could be demonstrated by Claire downplaying (IMO) the fact that she almost killed a fucking kid, but made a whole story of how that affected her emotionally). This scene happened after the relationship was established.
Using family members of the victims to get access to them (telephone number, talking about how the Faks would beat him up for rejecting her).
Making the victim feel like they are doing them a favor by being with them. That they are too good for them.
The relationship starts when the victim is going through a really difficult time in their life.
The victims fall in love with the way the narcissist treats them, presenting themselves as the ideal partner.
All this to say, there is a space for discussing the fact that Carmy is a person with highly integrated self-hate and little to no significant social experience or experience creating healthy bonds with people outside his family. Then he falls in love with the "perfect girl" with no needs and is always in the mood to attend to his needs. He is a typical victim of narcissistic people. If Claire had been a man, many more people in the audience would have raised an eyebrow at Claire's tactics to get to Carmy.
Not to mention, the only apparent narcissist in the series is Donna, and the mechanic of love bombing their kids after making mistakes instead of taking accountability is a typical behavior of narcissistic parents. There is also the possibility that Carmy was able to accept Claire's love because he was familiar with the love bombing, but since she told him there was no other shoe (Donna's eventual mood swing), he may think this is the real deal (hence the peace comment).
Anyhow, this may be nothing. But it feels to much of a coincidence indeed to be nothing. If Storer is creating this story based on his experience (he was casted out of his family I understand) he has to be aware of manipulation techniques and the vulnerable position declining mental health puts you in with those individuals. You are telling me they could not engineer another way for Claire to pursue Carmy? Or all those things other blogs have rightfully called red flags, particularly in her profession where she has lives in her hands? Idk.
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hello-nichya-here · 2 months ago
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Do you think there's some misogyny in the way George writes Sansa? Pretty much every other chapter there's a character telling her she's stupid for having her head filled with songs and romantic ideals, she's constantly getting assaulted and beaten as a consequence of having loved Joffrey, she gets punished for rejecting Sandor and Tyrion by being stuck with Littlefinger and having to act his daughter/lover, and even in chapters that have nothing to do with her it seems like the story is mocking her (i.e. Jon saying that women like Val, Ygritte and Arya are much better than damsels in a tower)
Absolutely not.
"Pretty much every other chapter there's a character telling her she's stupid for having her head filled with songs and romantic ideals"
Yes. There are a ton of characters in a book series called A SONG of Ice and Fire that think there's no truth to be found in songs. I think the title of the books alone spells it out for us that they're wrong - even more so when we look at the characters that mock Sansa for her optimism/romanticism:
1 - Cersei Lannister. A misogynistic, narcisistic, delusional woman that is causing her own downfall because, while people fear her or are at least interested on her family's wealth, no one actually admires her. She's also a hypocrite for making fun of Sansa's dreams, since she herself has always dreamed of being queen AND fully believes that her twin is the other half of her soul and they are fated to die together.
2 - Littlefinger, a manipulative, delusional creep that actively tries to isolate Sansa and make her think he's her only hope AND is as much of a hypocrite as Cersei, since the whole reason he's so obessed with Sansa (and her mom) is because he very much believes he is the hero of an epic romance and is actively trying to force Sansa into being the maiden he is rewarded with at the end of the tale.
3 - Sandor Clegane, the Beast to Sansa's Beauty, aka the guy that is transformed by her compassion and falls madly in love with her, aka George R.R. Martin's favorite story EVER. An idealist that tried REALLY hard to kill his inner romantic because he'a afraid of being hurt, yet is constantly being Sansa's disgraced knight, full on asks/threatens her to sing him a love song about a fool-turned-knight, and cries when Sansa sings to him about mercy changing a man's heart and saving him.
These interactions don't happen to prove how foolish Sansa is. They happen to show us why she'll survive while they won't (unless they change their ways, like Sandor did)
"She's constantly getting assaulted and beaten as a consequence of having loved Joffrey"
All the Starks go through horrible shit, and some died, as a consequence of not knowing how to play the Game Of Thrones. Sansa's past feelings for Joffrey are not demonized, though she is criticized for letting them blind her to some red flags.
All of her siblings are basically trapped in nightmare versions of something they wanted. Instead of just being allowed to be a skilled swordmaster to bond with her brothers, Arya is now fighting for her life every other chapter and being trained to be an assassin, and obviously getting traumatized as fuck in the process.
Jon is offered the chance to be legitimized as a Stark, but only after his entire family (allegedly) dies. Not to mention, when he first goes to the wall, he is called out for thinking of himself as better than his brothers of the watch, and then forced to reconsider if Free Folk don't have a VERY good reason to not want to submit to the watch/king.
Sansa is not being singled-out by the narrative as the one having her dreams turned into nightmares, or to need to be taught a lesson, and like I said, Martin toys with romance tropes between her and Sandor constantly, including through the lenses of his favorite story ever.
"She gets punished for rejecting Sandor and Tyrion by being stuck with Littlefinger and having to act his daughter/lover"
Sansa rejected Sandor's offer to be her knight in shining armor because he barged into her room in the middle of a PTSD episode, drunk as hell, and held a knife to her throat. This rejection leads to Sandor finding Arya, which eventually leads to him getting Westeros's equivalent of therapy and rehab, meaning that if they were to meet again (which is likely) he'd actually be fit to be Sansa's protector like he wanted to.
Sansa refused to sleep with Tyrion, despite him being her husband, because he belongs to the family that murdered hers. The books also show how, despite having tons of qualities, Tyrion can also be selfish, entitled, violent, and capable of both rape and murder. Not exactly a saint, even when compared to Littlefinger.
And while Petyr Baelish is absolute scum, not to be trusted, and VERY creepy, the whole point of him taking Sansa as his daughter is so he can teach her how to play the Game of Thrones, to make her go from pawn to player - which will inevitably lead to his downfall and Sansa's return to Winterfell. There's a reason George was FURIOUS the show replaced that with just making Sansa be abused by Ramsay and then say she's only strong and smart after BECAUSE of said abuse. That was pure misogyny and "fuck you for having hope and wanting love, you stupid girl, learn your place"
"Even in chapters that have nothing to do with her it seems like the story is mocking her (i.e. Jon saying that women like Val, Ygritte and Arya are much better than damsels in a tower)"
Not a single character in the story is a fully unbiased narrator. Jon was an outcast due to being a bastard, so naturally he bonds more with "unfeminine", wild, warrior-type women because they're also seen as deviating from the norm - not to mention, Sansa wasn't exactly kind to him, so naturally he develops some aversion to the more typically "feminine" women that remind him of her.
Just like Sansa's prejucide against bastards and unlady-like women is meant to reflect poorly on her instead of on her siblings , Jon's opinions on what kind of woman is "better" says nothing about Sansa's worth.
Again, if you want to see actual misogyny, watch the show since the writers went from having Arya say things like "the woman is important too" and genuinely have nothing against Sansa to being an arrogant "not like other girls" kind of character that says most girls are idiots, without a shred of self-awareness.
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pamsimmerstories · 11 months ago
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he's mad
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[malcolm opens the door fiercely] [malcolm]: fuck you, nancy! you’re the fucking worst mother. i was the only person you had. now the only thing we have is a business relationship. [nancy]: why are you acting like this? [malcolm]: you know very well, nancy! you tried to break cassandra and i. isn’t she weathy enough for you? [nancy]: you’re overreacting, malcolm. you’re still a spoiled child. and someday you’re gonna find someone better. or maybe finally see luna villareal as potential partner. [malcolm]: my friend likes her. so i would never go there. not even if he didn’t like her. luna and i? we hate each other. [nancy]: you need to grow up, malcolm! life is not rainbows and sunshine, boy. love is overrated. [malcolm]: so, you really did it, huh? you sent me upstairs and then sent cassie. you’re a monster! now i believe when people say i’m not like you. i would never do that to my own son. [nancy]: it’s easy to say those things after everything i did to you, malcolm. to you and charles. [malcolm]: his name is johnny! [nancy]: you know why i did this? because of vita was blackmailing me! apparently her daughter likes you [malcolm]: you’re unbelievable, nancy. you prefer sacrifice your son’s happiness than to suffer the consequences of your acts, right? [malcolm]: you’re a narcisist and gladly i was recording this. i’m gonna send it to cassie and hope she accepts me back. [malcolm]: you’re no longer my mother, nancy. [nancy]: let’s see if you say this after i stop giving you money, boy. [malcolm]: i know all your dirties too, nancy. you’re gonna keep paying for everything. i’m gonna be your heir… [malcolm]: i’ll take the company as soon as i graduate. you’re gonna retire. i don’t care. but everything is gonna me mine, nancy. mine! [nancy]: you wouldn’t do that! [malcolm]: shouts watch me! let’s say i learned from the best [malcolm's moodlet: how are we even family? from difficult family dynamic. ugh… malcolm struggles to comprehend how he can be related to some of his family memebers. family can be so difficult sometimes!]
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bataddictedloony · 1 year ago
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Imma start shit in the reblogs too cus this one hits so close to home.
NTA. I have a sister who’s exactly like That and I share a lot with OP, such as personality type, I’m also the only trans, neurodivergent and not slim member of the family. Going to weddings of family you don’t click with is notoriously uncomfortable but here’s why you should go anyway:
The day isn’t about you. It’s a celebration of the bride and groom, but mostly the groom. It’s also an important day for your parents. I’ll be going to my sister’s wedding solely to watch my mom brag to everyone in the vicinity and see her be so happy and proud. Do I think my sister deserves any of it? Not really. Still nice to see my mom so elated.
It’s also important to go because your presence there won’t be noticed persé. Your sister is gonna be too busy to have time to bully you. She’s gonna mainly hang out with her friends, not you. You’ll be mostly at the side, clapping and going ‘aww’ at the right moments and enjoying good food. If she does say anything, it’ll be to fish for a reaction and you absolutely cannot give her the satisfaction of a reaction. You know she also won’t be able to say anything explicit, since your entire extended family will be there and it will ultimately look bad on her.
So what’s the point in going then? Because your presence won’t be noticed, but your absence will absolutely be noticed. Like I said: I have this exact type of sister and they thrive on pointing out your insecurities and social faux pas from the past to win arguments. If you don’t go, it will be used against you indefinitely. It also means you don’t get to go to anything else. Babyshowers, jubilees, new year get-togethers, christmases, any other close family events, etc. As long as your sister is organising them, you’ll notice you’re being invited less and less. Now it’s up to you if you want that. Wanting distance from family that doesn’t treat you right is valid and doesn’t make you an asshole. But you’re also still only 20. In hindsight, that’s pretty damn early to cut ties with family. This is one of those things that genuinely gets better as you get older. Once you’re graduated, have a job, have your own home, your sister will have an inkling of more respect for you and that tension will be not as tight. You’ll also be able to give less shits the more you grow into your own person and self-confidence.
All that to say: do this one uncomfortable thing, just to prevent a lot of potential grief in the future, coming from someone with similar experience who Understands, I promise. I have had agoraphobia, weddings suck when it’s not a close friend that’s getting married. But you’ll be able to blend into the shadows, you get to watch other people have fun, you get food and you’re not obligated to stay very long (especially if you take that advice of faking illness, as long as you don’t make it a scene). I promise no one’s gonna make comments about how you look, everyone’s gonna be too busy with the newly wed couple. It will be alright.
WIBTA If I didn't go to my sister's wedding? At the moment I don't even know if I'm invited, but knowing my family (and my sister) it's probably a no-brainer for them. My (M20s) sister (F30s) is finally engaged after a long relationship with her boyfriend and while I am happy for her, our relationship has always been rocky with our mom caught in the middle because she 'sees both sides' as she says but just doesn't want an argument driving the family apart. My sister isn't an obvious bad person, she's accepting of me being trans and such, never heard her say anything really bigotted aside from the usual low level white person ignorance so that's not it. My sister is however quite ableist and a know-it-all. She claims I'm making up my ADHD as 'an excuse to not have to work' and has been ridiculing me for my weight (among other stuff) for many years now. She's not doing it entirely on purpose I think? She just has no filter and has gotten shit for it at her job too despite doing well there. So it's obviously not just me that is her target for her unfiltered opinions. Maybe if she showed some remorse it wouldn't be so bad but she often straight up doesn't. She says she's chosen to live with the fact she doesn't have much of a filter and doesn't want to waste energy on regrets. (Even if that means hurting her family I guess) I've been feeling conflicted since hearing about her being engaged because all that fatshaming and not wanting to be seen in public with me much came flooding back. (because she claims I don't care enough for my skin. I have psoriasis in my face, it's a skin condition, I didn't choose this. Why does she care? Because she wanted to be a beauty specialist at one point and that never happened. So yes she's literally that vain) I'm now left worrying that if I DO go to that wedding I'd have to rent a tux (No way I could afford buying one) and I'd be that 'weird trans sibling' who is also 'overweight' (I'm not but ok) in the eyes of her perfect barbie girl friend group. I wouldn't know anyone there aside from our mom, our brother and his kids (who are super chill so eh) and I just don't want to hear from them a week orso later that I somehow embarrassed them. I just have my doubts because her boyfriend (now fiance) is a lot more chill and we get along great. He doesn't really have much of a hand in any of this stuff and tends not to get involved, but knowing him I think if I didn't show he might get upset or just disappointed that I let 'a little family beef' get between us.
What are these acronyms?
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hcfiles · 28 days ago
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Do you know what I have noticed on the reactions of some of my posts? Minions are pissed, APPARENTLY defending Henry Cavill by using the same narcissistic attitudes - of his team or of whoever is behind this (Natalie and a couple of her friends?) - in this PR damage control. It doesn't surprise me, coming from a guy with mother issues. APPARENTLY, he always tried to manipulate people since he started calling mum from school, crying.
BUUUUUTTT... Is this reaction really from HIS fans OR those are Natalie and her friends pissed, because she - and a third party narcisistic amateur, who planned this - didn't' get what they wanted? She has plenty of time to spend on the internet now, for it seems she was fired from Legendary and has no job, rather than pleasing her boy, who said she works hours from home now, probably knowing she's not actually working, but bullying people online. Taking in consideration this PR stunt seemed to be planned by unprofessional amateurs to promote a promiscuous by hiring a famous actor as her escort, as well as its damage control, it wouldn't surprise me if her few friends were all over the internet trying to fix their mess.
a) Who doesn't remember the fake video of that fake Barbie (clearly, a friend of hers) - who printed the impression of a pro from an adult site - trying to convince a camera she was a fan of his, who bumped into the couple in Florida? It was actually pathetic!
b) Who doesn't remember the gay couple who pretended to be his fans, making a fake post on their pages - which they, later, closed and turned private - with the planned pictures of them (taken by a third party), with Henry and a blonde on the back stage?
c) Who doesn't remember the fake video of a group of people (probably her friends) who gathered at a bar table cheering, which showed Henry with family and Natalie on the back stage?
Those don't seem to be damage control attempts of a professional team, but a circus from narcissistic amateurs making fun of his promotional strategies and PR team, as well as exposing him as an escort and his public life as fake, while trying to be HER unprofessional PR team. Of course, there's the theory of another blonde woman behind this who made, not only him, but Natalie a fool (in different ways), who might be the head of these unprofessional attempts in promoting the promiscuous. Not that Natalie didn't enjoy it. It was supposed to be a PR to make her famous. So, she didn't care if she was also being used to screw with his integrity. This third woman is probably a friend of hers. That's why this PR stunt seems to be something he dealt without his management acknowledge. He fell in a trap. How? That's what it is hard to understand.
But, it surely happened, because he's a professional escort accepting one more escorting job, probably without his manager acknowledgement. In the beginning, right when the negative publicity exploded, he seemed obligated to be in it, giving the impression he wanted to get out of it. Until, he was, somehow, convinced to continue with it, after the encounter he had at the Florida coffee shop and probably, feeling more comfortable when his manager stepped in.
But, back to the reactions of my blog content. The minions, apparently, never defend Natalie directly, not even when the post is about her. They act indirectly pretending they are Henry's fans with exaggerated passion or his team. But, what they're really doing is trying to defend Natalie indirectly, by distorting the content of the posts and trying to make me feel uncomfortable with them. Their attitude only makes me think I'm on the right path here when I make my "assumptions". I might be close to something they want to hide and that would expose the amateur narcissists promoting Natalie I'm talking about.
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venusssus · 1 year ago
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I can't even think of Hans coming back "home", even tho it literally happened at the end of Frozen 1. It breaks my heart to think what his "family" did to him after he returned. And I heard people say that his dad was unlucky to have such a son. His dad is not his dad. It is only a man who was supposed to be his father but failed terribly at being a parent and decided to raise his sons in toxic masculinity. I hate when people say he only wanted to take over Arendelle to be better than his brothers and seen by his father. Like…obviously. Obviously that is what he needed his whole life but all he got was this ;
Eating food leftovers.
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I can feel his anxiety on this picture, from my own experience from kindergarten and my toxic relationships. It is not funny at all. Being bullied verbally and physically, especially by your own family for 20 years is literally living in hell. It wasn't the 21st century when you can call the police or go see a therapist. He was born in the 1800's when treating kids like this was nothing at all because King matters the most and the power he has so and no one from the outside of the castle will never know because Mr King Westergaard sweeps shit under the rug.--
I hate hate hate jokes or comments of hans’ haters aka people with lack of empathy saying Hans was selfish and narcisistic and all he ever wanted was the crown. No, he only wanted to be his Dad's son.
Not a monster, just a kid
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gardenofdelete998 · 9 months ago
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storytime :3 there was this other private in the program who used to come in to our quarters to "play bumble", where he would provide real time commentary on the girls he came across on the app
each and every time he would ask us whether we are a butt or a boob guy, and each and every time i didnt answer bc 1) why does he care, 2) i didnt want to go into how im into secret third and fourth and so on and so forth things, 3) i knew he was only asking bc he wanted to talk about himself. then he would declare, unprompted, that he has an ass fetish. what an embarassing to say
the comments he made were interesting too: any display of personality got a negative one. for example one time he got *really* upset bc this girl used a pic of her get ploughed while skiing, not understanding why would anyone release smth this embarassing to the public. (this obsession with self value is a foreshadowing...) the way he talked about them just screamed insecurity, he seemed like the type of guy who seeked women who defaulted to submission bc he didnt have it in him to dominate them, let alone be comfortable with them being equal. he wasnt comfortable with anyone being his equal: you could be above or below, both a source of ego
he came from a wealthy family with a 0-24 maid, 8 horses, a manor and stuff, and had an undiagnosed narcisistic personality disorder... [diagnosed by none other than me (^_^)] theres a whole different story here which i wont get into. either way he had very high (but fluctuating) ambitions and some serious delusions of grandieur. however every time he had the chance to prove himself he failed miserably, and these failures never registered in him, by the day after he allways had an answer which he fully believed. it was clear that he had a mental wall there, it wasnt just a lie
anyways the situation got so bad with him that we, privates in the same program as him, were asked to write anonymous letters for him and he was asked to write letters for us, he then had to read these out loud in front of us while holding a mirror in front of himself. the keywords were supposed to be: respect and camaradery. he chose to open his with: "what is the definition of camaradery? i have no idea", then went on to talk for a full page about how he is too much of an individualist opportunist and likes glamour and humanity way too much to be happy here, and how he is disillusioned of the army... not a smart move when your on trial in front of soldiers. for context this whole affair was bc he got us multiple week's worth of collective punishment, he just didnt understand it. another mental wall
this was an amazing opportunity for me to utilize both my creative writing skills and my tendency for verbal agression. the letter i wrote was only 4-5 sentence long but multiple people not present here congratulated me on it bc the junior officer lady responsible for this whole affair showed it around. what a shitshow this whole thing was
after this he didnt dare to talk to me for a good 2-3 weeks and went full speak-only-when-youre-spoken-to. everybody in the company despised him, rumour was that when he arrived he was so arrogant that they made him cry and bullied the hell out of him
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anothertraumatizeddisaster · 4 months ago
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Mes parents, qui ont une maison, qui gèrent chaque petit stress en se défoulant sur leur enfant, font des caprices, utilisent la manipulation pour obtenir ce qu'ils désirent, hurlent des insultes et des injures sans raison, et menacent de meurtre à la plus petite désobéissance : Tu as la vie FACILE !
Moi, assis là avec mon SSPT-C, un trouble dissociatif, l'anxiété d'une personne qui a été chassée telle une proie pour le sport, la paranoïa d'être tué, la peu pour ma survie, et engloutit dans une honte et une culpabilité profondes juste pour le fait d'exister : Je quoi ?
my parents, who have a home, handle every bit of stress by abusing their child, throw tantrums, use any manipulation to get their way, yell insults and slurs unprovoked and threaten murder at slight disobedience: you have it SO EASY
me, sitting there with my cptsd, dissociative disorder, anxiety of a person being hunted for sport, paranoia of being killed, fearing for survival and engulfed in deep shame and guilt over even existing: I what
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longlivefiction · 7 months ago
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Jeremiah, and how he's so.. Jeremiah.
This is quite long, so get ready..
Never believed there's an insanity Jeremiah was scaping at all. more like putting inside a box his dark nature and closed the door. The gas was just a key for it. In simple terms, the gas changed nothing, didn't alterated his mind or gave extra things.
The problem with Jeremiah is that he was a contrasted character, on one had, he hated the idea of being ordinary:
- He was the smart kid of the circus who got away to go in a elite family.
- He was the guy who graduated of college at 13 or 17.
- He was the man who lived in a maze bunker during 6 years.
- He would be the man who made a revolution on the engineering science.
We all believed he was adopted by Wilde family, but maybe Wildes doesn't exist at all, and Jeremiah created Xander Wilde alias to completely separate of his family, for the sake of his megalomania: This, genius mastermind mysterious legendary figure behind the new era of evolment.
The problem is that precisasly in his desire to be special, he can't support the idea of be like Jerome cause that will means he's not unique at all. That's why he never allowed himself to be just as extravagant as Jerome.
I am sure Jeremiah killed alley cats, by beating them up or something, while believed Jerome was just a funny imaginative innocent kid, different to the weird exotic prodigical guy he was. When discovered that Jerome kill alley cats as well, Jeremiah just can't toleate it.
So he made up lies on him, betrayed him and sending to a path HE KNEW that would make him even worst and in the end causing Jerome to desire to hunt him.
Jerome admits that as a teenager he wanted to kill everything in sight, however, the fact is that Jeremiah left the circus at age 8, so even Jerome's murderous desires could very well be a consequence of Jeremiah's actions.
"Teenagers, am I right? Oh, I remember those days, you just want to kill everything you see."
- Jerome Valeska in season 3.
Until I know, teenage years starts at 12. Meaning Jerome suffered at least 5 years of abuse at that point.
Now, why I believe Jeremiah WANTED Jerome to get to him like they're are in some game or something?
Mandatory Brunch Meeting:
Jeremiah wanted Jerome to get to him, so he could capture him. So he deliberately endangered his uncle Zachary Trumble, and his boss Allan Heyes. For the first one knew about St Ignatius and the second one knew about the address of Ecco.
Once Jerome is captured, it can be seen by the condition of the room he is in that Jeremiah intended to starve his brother to death as he watched.
Let's be honest, the only reason Jerome could scaped was because Crane and Tech; see Jeremiah is SO narcisist that he believed that Jerome could be the only menace that mattered and valued the effort since he is his twin, do you get that?
That's entertainment:
Once Jim Gordon, Lucius Fox and Bruce Wayne arrives, with Gordon telling him the situation, even before, aware of the possible consecuences for Gotham people Jeremiah decided to stay, not like he cares on some few people suffering. Yeah, he didn't stop Jerome before and all, but in this case, was different cause Jer puted a conditional, he was the way to avoid mayhem.
Game's over, maybe he can try to kill Jerome next time.
Until Jeremiah Valeska meets Batman-
Yes, I didn't writted that wrong. He met BATMAN.
In the conversation he had with Bruce, about hope and fight fear, Jeremiah realized that was something inside Bruce that was comparable to the darkness he felt every day of his life, so mysterious and profundently violent that was like watching to the abysm. As we know, Batman manifistated to Bruce some episodes ago before, doing the bond between the bat and the man more strong. Is BATMAN who with Jeremiah felt in love with, just that he can't determ a propial name to Bruce's madness so he just interprates it as Bruce himself, not so far of reality.
He feels fascnination at encontering someone not only intellectually similar, that share his own utterly unbeatable conviction for his goals, and even shared the same level of madness he hiddes, a level of madness not even Jerome got after all those years.
This is how his obsession begings.
When Jerome's followers kill the polices upside the buildings, Jeremiah just look up indifferently, he cares a shit on people dying around him, and just show anger when Jerome calls him.
When Jerome brings him up on stage and proceeds to tell everything he went through because of his lies, Jeremiah rolls his eyes, not caring about the damage he caused.
Even with the excuse that Jerome is telling it in a humorous way, reacting so indifferently to a horrible situation for which one himself is perhaps directly responsible is still quite inhumane.
When Jerome shows the knife to Jeremiah, despite briefly having doubts, he screams in anger and attempts to kill him on the spot, despite having failed, the desire was there.
He doesn't even care about Jerome's death. In fact he "wipes his tears" only after Jim Gordon watches him approach the corpse of his brother, indicate that his sadness was just an image he showed to Gordon in order to avoid any suspicious of his previously mentioned crazy tendencies. The most near to a dissapoinment feeling is perphaps that he couldn't kill him by his own terms.
After recieve Jerome's special gas, Jeremiah listens a recording of Jerome while the gas is making effect, Jerome confess that his days were numbered, and at Jeremiah hears this, he gives a delighted smile.
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spaciebabie · 2 years ago
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As a certified Springtrap simp, which backstory for William do you prefer: one where he was a good dad driven mad maybe by jealousy or the loss of his youngest child, or one where he was always an abusive narcisist that cared for nobody but himself?
i feel like the, "im evil so i must also abuse my creations and/or children" has been really overdone. like idk im just tired of seeing it personally. and the whole "haha!!! im craaaazy!!" thing we get in the comics also rubs me the wrong way b/c. thats not. how he's portrayed in the games at all. esp hearing him in sister location he feels like he would be a calm sort of madness. he seems like a rational guy. he doesnt talk like that. he doesnt act like that. it seems really contradictory
i feel like him being a good dad (or at the least caring deeply for his children) gives him more urgency and like,,,,makes sense w/what we're given. it aligns the most w/the theories we have asta why he started killing etc. i also just enjoy the tragedy of it. he started out as a good guy w/good intentions and then was twisted inta something unrecognizable b/c he was so focused on tryin ta reach his goal. personally my hc is that he was jelly of henry and then the death of crying child tipped him over the edge and started his whole killing thing. imo its better than, "hee hoo i was evil FOREVER!! im PURE evil and have always been EVIL!!!" like. okay. wheres the subsistence?? give him depth dammit
why would he build a robot for his daughter if he didnt love her. why would he tell crying child he would put him back together if he didnt love him (not really cemented as something he said, but i mean who else would say it?? certainly not michael he was a boy. i think as a fandom we assume its heavily implied). it makes the afton kid's deaths so much more impactful. the prospect of this man losing pieces of his life bit by bit and being driven insane by it is enthralling
i love a good chaotic descent. i love thinking abt him being consumed w/a need ta revive his own son becoming obsessed w/life and death as a result. oh the irony of loving your own kid so much you would take others children away from them, knowing how losing your own felt. and the twisting of emotions as he sees his son michael someone who he would've died for, try ta stop him. b/c hes not understanding, they need ta b together again. thats all hes tryin ta do. get his family back tagether. and all these fucking obstacles are in the way of his only goal. and the manifestation of hatred of his own son b/c of this. b/c hes getting in his way. like, talk abt juicy. i want that man ruined. it just adds a layer of psychological torture that i just adore. william fucking ruined everything. he ruined his own happy family, he ruined his own life, and if he actually mourns that? chefs kiss.
my thought is, why even have him have a family in the first place if they're just there ta demonstrate he's evil? seeing the afton family purely as a plot device, we already know afton killed kids. one can assume a person who kills kids is a bad person (maybe? see this is where the juiciness comes in w/him caring for his children. is it really bad from his perspective if hes trying ta save his kid? or is it noble?) so we dont need ta b demonstrated ta that hes a bad person again. if hes just pure evil from the get go it doesnt make sense ta me ta have the afton kids be prominent in the story (besides michael, but even then he could probably be replaced by one of the victims family members) when you could illustrate the same point by focusing on the kids hes killed and their families. why do the afton kids matter if he treats all children the same. why are we focusing so much on the afton family and what appear ta b major story beats in their story, especially since the children he has killed do not get as fleshed out as the aftons do. i feel like if his family wasnt important ta him we wouldnt hear abt it at all. you could achieve the same message by making him single and childless.
do u kno how many stories there are of "Righteous Child Of A Horrible Guy Who Hates Everything, Even Their Own Family, Goes Out Ta Stop Their Parent And Save The Day" there are? its b/c its too easy!!! its too easy for u ta assume that a character is the worst and has been the worst forever!!! its too easy ta assume that an evil character would abuse their family!!! its too easy ta assume an evil character wouldn't have traits besides jealousy, hatred and narcissism!!!!
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sporksaber · 4 months ago
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Some things about the pines family and the book of bill:
I think its really interesting that the twin's image of who theyre most like and the grunkle's image are swapped. Dipper and mabel seem to see dipper as more like ford and mabel as mkre like stan. But judging by Ford's first reaction to her she seems to remind him more of himself while he compares dipper to stan, and stan often says throughout the series that he sees himself in dipper. I think itd be interesting headcanon wise to lean into that with the more subtle or personal characteristics shared between them.
Ford and the headcanons around him are really suffering from "this mental illness=terrible person" ideology (talking about how certain personalty disorders are taken and used as a reason to hate someone and how harmful that is is a whole thing). Some people are headcanoning him as having narcisistic personality dissorder, resulting in people attacking them for calling ford a terrible person. Which is so incredibly stupid.
I think the way he is could be attributed to spending 20+ years in an alternate demesion trying not to die and not interacting with other humans. But him having bpd could line up with other head canons people have for pre-portal-incident ford, and we dont see much of him. Im neutral on it for the most part. Because, obviously, him having npd diesnt make him a bad person/character, it just gives new reasons for the things he does and his motivations.
Thats all for now.
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unfragility · 3 months ago
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my family is not made of humans.
i was born in a severely abusive enviroment, where all i knew was fear and violence. everyday i would wake up terrified that it'd be another day that i'd feel physical and emotional pain, caused by the ones who should be loving and protecting me the most. they seemed to enjoy to take all of their frustrations out on me and my sister, and beat us up until we could no longer move. they'd humiliate us, threaten us and destroy our sense of security so we could no longer ask for help. not that i'd make a difference - everytime we did ask for help, adults around us would ignore or stay silent.
i don't have a family. my mother is a narcisistic, violent and delusional woman who only sees me a source of money and nothing else. my father is completely absent, as he always was (except when he was beating us up), and thinks sending me a "good morning" text everyday can make it up for what he did. my sister... i think she loves me. sometimes she hates me too. i suppose i'm her walking reminder that she was an abuse survivor, and that's all she wants to avoid so she can start over. i get it.
my friends are lovely. they're almost like family to me, except they don't understand how it's like to have no one else. it seems unfair; to look at them like they're my last hope, and to know that they don't understand the feeling, because they have loving mothes, sisters and relatives alike. they have support - i do not. i think that's what hurts me the most, at the end of the day. they don't know how it's like to be alone. and if they don't, they will never understand this giant hole inside my chest.
my partner is a two-sided coin. seeing from one perspective, he loves me, cares about me, protects me and tries his best. but from the other, he's negligent. he doesn't understand that his past makes me insecure, afraid, sad and miserable. if he could just start affirming me everyday how much all of this does not matter and that i'm his one and only, that i'm the one that truly matters, i'd be happy. but he doesn't; he barely gives me affection when i'm depressed. he just lets me be. i suppose if i had killed myself this morning when i took my keys and left without a single positive thought in my head, he would take some good few hours to even notice. he'd be asleep. that's why it's so hard for me to trust him; i have to tell him every single think i need, all the time. i'm tired.
so looking at the bigger picture and making it simple, i'm all alone in this world. i've got no one. no human being can understand this pain of being completely left behind by everyone around me. no one understands the excruciating horror of existing without human warmth and support. no one can feel what i feel, and they never will. and that's the reason sometimes - actually, all the time - i think about ending it all. just putting an end to it, forever. this thought actually brings me peace. i wish i could have peace. and when i finally rest, i'm sure i'll have it.
but then, there's them. my only light in this world. my reason to exist. my will to keep going. my animals. god, i love them. i really do.
how can i possibly begin to explain how much i love these small, unique, kind and pure beings? they're everything i have in this life. it's funny how they're not the ones who chose to be adopted by us, and yet they're happy to be around and feel extremely grateful to be by your side. these little fellas can change your whole day with a single "meow", and make it all worth it.
all of them mean so much to me. their lives, their health, their happiness, their little hearts. when i have them around me, i feel like i have a purpose: giving love and taking care of them. it makes that chronical hole a little smaller, and it warms my chest up from the inside. i don't know, it's like they have this spark of life in them that lits me up whenever i want to end this existence for once and all.
they did not chose to live with me, but they chose to love me, and they still choose it everyday. they choose to be happy around me. to make me smile. to take care of me when i cry, and to sleep by my side when i'm hopeless. they also choose to be tricky assholes sometimes, but isn't it part of the fun of having these little fellas? i love them even when they're bothering me.
when my mom beat me up, i cried to my dogs. when i felt desperate and alone, i cried to cindy. when i tried to kill myself, napo was there, staring at me like he didn't want to see my crying and cutting my legs while taking random meds. when my ex made me so insanely desperate to end my life that i couldn't move out of the bed, cheetah and ciel were there. ciel was with me everyday after my traumatic breakup, until he could no longer be. when the pain of still living with my abuser - my own mother - hit me like a truck, kiri licked my tears off my face. when i wanted to have fun in the middle of this chaotic and painful life, blue made me smile being silly. and now, when i want to get this goddamn rope i bought for them and hang myself in the balcony, adônis quietly sits on my legs and sleeps like an angel. cheetah watches me carefully too.
whoever you are, if you're reading this, can you understand me? they're the only family i have. they're all i got. i have no one, i never had. everyone left. no one understands. no one can even imagine how it feels to have the unique experience of being completely alone and helpless in a huge, cruel world. and they never will, and this world will never forgive me for being like this. for being born wrong, broken beyond repair. no one will stand by me.
but they will.
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