#my parents' a+ parenting skills

[technovillain]

i come from the universe where everything is the same except disney heroines get like an ounce of their fathers' obviously dominant genes and their clothes are like 80% more historically accurate. it's beautiful here.

[2] [3]

[ourceliumnetwork]

AND ANOTHER THING

like... i think i understate how often we were away from home while i was growing up. we never moved but we were taking trips away from home super frequently. And when we were home, about half the weekends were for other people to stay in my room. Schoolwork was a punishment and a requirement. Everything about running a house was a punishment because i "wasn't doing it unless i was punished into it" because i saw it all as a punishment.

Because it was.

Solitude was a punishment but it was a punishment i could handle - i wasn't allowed to have affection or company while i was being punished unless i was Sufficiently Contrite or my parents were drunk enough and/or had forgotten i was meant to be on punishments/restrictions.

it was a 5 and a half hour trip to my mom's parents and we were out there every other month for at least a weekend sometimes more. Other people got birthday trips so we'd be out of town for again a long weekend or more. race day - out of town for at least a week. My sister had an event out of town? guess the whole family's going. My parents decided they want to do a 2 week long camping excursion in the middle of the desert they've planned between them and only them? Sports seasons were the worst because it was either people were staying in my room weekly, or we were out of town nearly weekly to travel the 6ish hours up to DC for hockey games.

We'd do a week each at grandma&granpdas or nana&poppops house and that was just me and my sister. I was gone for the whole summer after i turned 18.

i was in trouble when i got back from that summer because i hadn't cleaned my room sufficiently for my parents to have guests over while i was gone and my mother threw a bunch of my stuff haphazardly into a box and it got stored away and i didn't get it back until i'd left my ex and was living in an apartment by myself because she "found" it again. But mom was no longer in charge of my schoolwork so she couldn't use that as a punishment against me anymore.

Just....

I never had a space of my own and i never learned how to clean it because i was expected to just Know How To Do Things all the time. starting from when i was like 3 or 4. Like when my sister was born I was meant to just know all the things already. I didn't need anymore parenting from my actual parents, I guess.

...you wanna know the worst things i ever did to get punished for? Leaving my room dirty when guests were coming over (constant - even if they weren't staying in my room), totalling the van in a freak accident that i could have died in at 19 (nineteen), and not doing the schoolwork my mother assigned but never graded or kept track of anyway.

i didn't go out and cause trouble, i was assigned a "good kid" by all the adults in my life aside from my parents, i didn't smoke i didn't drink i didn't do drugs in the house (i didn't do drugs at all until i was a full adult), i didn't stay out late, i didn't do anything but be on the computer too long, stay in my room all the time, and not be as tidy or as neat as my parents wanted. I evacuated my only refuge weekly during the sports season to let it be taken over by various family members, i dealt with the fact that my sister resented the hell out of me for her own reasons, i slept on floors more often than i slept in beds - especially when it became very clear i was so unwanted in a bed that it was easier for me to freeze on the hotel floor with the stupid decorative throw thing at the end of the bed than to try and sleep next to my sister. i just...

.... holy shit man. no wonder i have issues with ownership and leaving the house and the fact that i feel kind of isolated constantly and don't know if i'm allowed to be in the spaces with other people unless i'm Properly Invited and I haven't committed any Crimes against anyone in the past 36-72 hours. like??????? fuck.

[oncillabrigade]

Finally read Robins!

I have a lot of thoughts, but I just want to say this panel is the funniest thing I've ever seen:

[chemicalarospec]

I love how Phil is the passenger princess in everything in their relationship, except dnp's finances, which he completely controls. Capital £ester knows one thing and one thing only: the bank.

[aerequets]

me when im getting refs off pinterest again except this time instead of cute hugs or vintage drawings it's just loid getting beat up by the women in his life

(except anya. the only hits she'll get on him are the emotional ones, which may be arguably worse)

[hailsatanacab]

A Persuasive Argument - dpxdc

"Great!" Danny says, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention. The dinner table falls silent as everyone looks towards him. It's a full house today and, honestly, Danny's a little nervous. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today."

"It's dinnertime. In our house." Duke mutters, while doing a very bad job of concealing his yawn. He holds his fork poised over the braised beef, but, just like everyone else, still looks towards Danny before tucking in. It's intriguing enough to wait.

"Yeah, no one misses Alfie's dinner." Dick says, with a brilliant smile that Danny can't help but return.

"Precisely! What better time to talk to you all than when you're all actually here!"

"Wait, I thought you came round to work on our English essays?" Tim asks, blinking owlishly.

"I'm afraid I've lured you here under false pretences, Tim."

"This is where I live."

"I would still really appreciate help on that essay though, I mean, what the hell is Hamlet even about? I just don't get that old time-y language, like 'Hark! A ghost hath killed me!' - absolute rubbish, what does that even mean?"

"The ghost never kills anyone in Hamlet, he's there to tell Hamlet that he was murdered. Have you actually read it?"

"No, but it sounds like you have. Tim, I want this guy to help me with my essay instead. I know for a fact that you haven't read Hamlet, either."

"So? We don't need Jason, I've read the Sparknotes."

"Hi Jason, I'm Danny, pleasure to meet you, summarise Hamlet in three sentences or less."

"Am I auditioning to help you write your essays? I can't believe you’ve gone through your whole school life without reading it, it’s good!"

"Hamlet, along with a number of other classics, was banned in our house because it portrayed ghosts as intelligent and sympathetic beings rather than evil, animalistic beasts. I didn’t even get to see The Muppet's Christmas Carol until last year with Tim! It was surprisingly good, and I hate Christmas because everyone always argued and it sucked. But we're getting off topic. I—"

"No, no, please go back to that, because what the fu—"

"Boys, please." Bruce interrupts, looking to the world as if he wants to hang his head in his hands. "Danny, you were about to say something?"

"Oh, yeah, Mr. Wayne! Thanks!"

"Please, call me Bruce."

"Well, that very succinctly brings me to my point, because I'd actually really like to call you dad."

Nobody says a word. Nobody even blinks, all as shocked as the other, watching open-mouthed as Danny pulls his laptop out from beside his chair. Bruce can definitely feel a headache coming on.

"Before you say anything, I've prepared a 69 slide PowerPoint presentation on why you, Bruce Wayne, should adopt me, Danny Last-Name-Pending. Please save your questions, comments, and verdict until the end, thank you."

[inkprilled]

Just before covid hit my brother and I at 15 and 19 found our selfs homeless. I had a choice, my brother would go into care or we could stay together, but only if I took responsibility for him and had somewhere to live. So I applyed for social housing, the guy that processed my case was sympathetic and at some points I was holding it together better than him, do you have any other family? No, Do you know where your mother is? I wish I did, how old is your brother? 15 are you in any fulltime education? Not anymore. He looked at me like I was something tragic and I suppose I was, there isn't a metaphor for what I looked like that works any better than just what his naked eyes saw; a girl abandoned by her mother, her life in a bag on her back completely thrown on how to deal with everything, and all he could do was fill out a form and send it and me off. it's going to be okay.

Somehow despite the odds we where given emergency accommodation and a year later a property to rent, I suspect we where pushed up the list because of my brothers age, we where lucky, some people wait years in hotels or streets all over the country, living out of suitcases and rucksacks.

As lucky as we where, luck didn't cover all the things I suddenly had to know. I had no idea how bills worked or paying my taxes, I didn't even really understand what "taxes" meant until the final notices where piling up in front of us. It's something they don't teach you in school or at least mine didn't. They never taught us how to survive in a world like this, they assume our parents would be there to explain or we'd be much older before it mattered. what's more useful in real life, how to formally address someone in an email or how to keep the lights on or how to find food when a tin of beans is too expensive.

Though I suppose the email ettique lesson was useful for something in the end,

To whomever it may concern, I'm writing to you regarding my payment plans and how I'm choosing to fork over alot of money and won't be buying enough food to live off this month. My regards.

[mooechi]

hi. so u see, its about to be my last day in school and yall know what that means?

IM 1 MONTH FREE FROM HELL🗣️🗣️

but the thing is that i am now bored af+there is no reason for meto wake up on a daily basis no mo

which is texhnically yalls signal to drop anything yall would like me to doodle/sketch! i’ll draw whatever(as long as it isnt anything ykyk creepyweird ehhshsus u get my point) comment/ask that is requested within the 24hr period diz is posted….,.feel free to go crazy pls i need thsi so bas uddont unddersth (yallcan ask me anything abt akari to while were at it)

anyways heres sum riri+hashbrown offerihs/low quality manga redraws to improve myown goofyart

[yardsards]

do people who have listened to taz balance but not graduation Know that it was HEAVILY IMPLIED that lup and barry eventually adopted a lil sorcerer child who got disowned by his family for his natural necromancy magic, and they taught him how to use his powers for good and were overall great parents that he looks back on fondly

(and said child grew up to be a dimension-hopping lich, caretaker of the dead, and very sweet adoptive father of a major npc)

[starwarsanthropology]

Ah yes, my favorite fictional family, Knife Revenge and his sons [checks notes] Shadow, Glove, Space Napoleon, Martyred Bestie, and Jaing

[crybaby-bkg]

new dad Bakugou who’s going back to work full time almost a full year after his daughter his born and he now has to grapple with the fact that….goddamn, he’s spoiled the shit outta her.

well, he doesn’t think it was spoiling her. in actuality, he just created a routine with her, gave her every bit of his attention, held her when she cried, scolded her (yes just at eight months) whenever she’d babble for more puffs even though she’s had enough already. it wasn’t spoiling, it wasn’t. he vowed to never be that dad, to raise a snot nosed brat, one similar to himself.

but here he is, on a Tuesday morning three weeks after her first birthday. he’s standing halfway between the front door and the living room in full uniform, with his still sleepy baby and her even sleepier mama. she’s gripping his neck like he promised to abandon her, wailing and crying so loud and dramatically, that you can’t help but chuckle at her antics and how he wavers ever so slightly.

“You promised you’d go back to work,” you scold him gently, rubbing at your daughters quivering back when she whines again the moment he acts like he’s gonna pull her off. Bakugou frowns at you, and you shrug, smoothing her unruly blond curls away from her sticky forehead.

“But you guys need me.” He pouts, eyebrows downturned as he pulls her away enough to wipe at her wet face. she blubbers again, whimpering out a small dadaaaa noooo, that absolutely breaks his heart.

“And so does the world.” You smile at him, gently pulling your daughter away from the matching glassy red eyes who watch her go. “We’ll be fine, my love. Promise.”

Bakugou looks unconvinced, especially since your daughter reaches for him with another cry of his name. you don’t say anything when he sniffles discreetly, quickly reaching down to the coffee table to snatch up his utility belt that he dropped when she waddled out of her room in tears. he snaps it on wordlessly, and you go to turn to the kitchen when he wraps you both up in his arms.

“Love you,” he whispers against your forehead before pecking it, leaning down to kiss your lips next, and then your daughter’s fat little cheeks. He whispers another love you to her, and wipes away at her rosy cheeks when she pouts at him.

“Rub you.” your daughter pouts, the both of you freezing in shock.

“Oh my god,” you whisper, grinning. “She said I love you back!” Bakugou matches your grin, laughing under his breath as he presses another torrent of kisses all of her face. for the first time since she’s opened her eyes today, she laughs, loud and joyous and familiar. he thinks that maybe going back in today won’t be so bad after all. not if this is what he’ll be coming home to.

[ernmark]

So my roommate informed me this morning that the hot water suddenly cut out in the shower.

Which left me in a predicament, because it's the Friday before Christmas, and the chances of getting the general contractors to my place to figure out what's wrong with my water heater seems like an incredibly ill-timed (and incredibly expensive) venture.

So I employ my (2) millennial skills.

I find the fuse in the fuse box that I think goes to the water heater, I turn it off, and I turn it back on again (actually I turn off all the fuses to that part of the house and kind of hope that the water heater is among them)

I crawl up to where there's a bunch of instructions on the side of the heater and I try to make sense of them. And I find a term that I only actually know from one place.

See, there's an episode of Rugrats back when I was a kid that begins with Stu Pickles taking a shower and suddenly shrieking to his wife that "the pilot light's gone out!" because the water suddenly went cold.

Hey, it's worth a try.

So, based on the insight gained from a TV show I watched as a child, I read the fucking instructions, and I follow them to the letter.

With a water heater as old as mine, it seems unlikely that I can do anything that either wasn't about to happen already or that the contractors can't fix (or can't pry out of the cinderblock) after I fuck it up. (That hearkens back to Millennial Skill 2.5: the ability to keep calm and take nihilistic comfort in the fact that if I die in a freak water heater explosion, then I am absolved of all debt and may finally rest in an afterlife beyond the confines of this capitalistic hellscape.)

I look in the little window in the heater (did you know they have a little window in them???) and see a little blue flame, so I'm guessing that did it.

By the end of which, nothing exploded and I have hot water again.

[morganmnemonic]

rewatching World Trigger. I forgot how gay it was. Osamu straight up says "hey Yuma. I know that we've only known you for like five days, but I can't help but notice that you aren't doing anything with your life right now. Mind if I borrow it for a bit?"

And then Yuma responds with "while its true that we've only know each other for like five days, your kind yet stubborn nature has compelled me. Sure. Why not? From this moment on my life is yours to do whatever you want with. One condition, though. You have to be my boss" and then throughout the story he occasionally makes these little remarks like "I'd do anything my captain (osamu) asked me to."

Like bro what? I really don't think that Osamu fully realizes the weight of the loyalty he somehow managed to earn from Yuma. I don't think he could realize it. From his perspective he cringefailed his way into b rank while Yuma did all the work. "And now Yuma would kill or die for me" is just not a conclusion that would ever occur to Osamu based on the avaliable evidence.

And like, what's going on here from Yuma's perspective? I get that he was a man on the brink when the story started, pursuing a sincerely suicidal plan, and then said plan failed and he was left with absolutely nothing, but I still feel like there has to be more going on here. He decided that he would follow Osamu through hell and back the very same minute that Osamu asked anything of him at all.

It's like, combat is all Yuma has ever known. He doesn't see any future for himself at all, but he especially can't imagine a peaceful one. But he's not a bad kid. He doesn't go out of his way to hurt people. Osamu has proven to be a pretty decent person, willing to sacrifice himself to save the lives of relative strangers. Maybe, the way Yuma sees it, yeah he's a weapon, but if he follows Osamu at least he'll be a weapon pointed in the right direction. He'll fight because it's all he knows how to do, but osamu would only ever ask him to fight for worthy causes. Y'know?

Anyway. The point is that Yuma accepted helping Osamu as his new purpose in life after knowing him for less than a week, and that's A Lot, no matter how you look at it.

[just-an-enby-lemon]

"The kid seems scared.

Tip had always been a little nervous. Or at least that was the reality when the two had met.

It was fairly obvious for everyone that met them that the child had not been treated well by their formar guardian and in a way that Elphaba sadly recognized still seemed to afraid of facing the same pain and rejection again.

Still lately the kid seemed more relaxed and open, treating her with the same easiness and earnest they did Jack. More determined to learn than eager to please. Following her around with questions and vibrating with excitement as she turned wooden sticks into dolls and toy swords alike. It made her think of Nessa in a very bittersweet way.

She failed her sister and she would not allow herself to fail another young person she became responsable for.

That's to say Tip's strange turn to the same scared kid she met soon after leaving her behind and being declared and enemy of Oz scared her.

"Miss Elphaba, I have something very serius to tell you."

Maybe they want to leave. They are not in fact different in the same way Elphaba is. Tip is a normal if deeply magical child who just ended up in the care of a horrible woman. Being her aprenticce is actually the only thing turning them into a dangerous and hated figure.

"I understand."

The kid takes a deep breath. Elphaba tries to think on the best words to explain that of course they can leave if they want to and that they can take as many provisions as they need. Tip will never again be a prisioner.

"I don't think I am a boy? Wait no. I know I'm not a boy. Like the idea of it is still a bit scary because it seems like it will be a big deal but I'm fairly sure I'm a girl actually. I just never though about it before but Jack called me she accidentaly and it just makes sense. I am still the same Tip and please let me keep being your aprentice." She says in a single breath.

"What?"

The girl looked scared. "I'm a girl." She says. Than in a smaller voice. "I can try to be a boy if you want?" It does not appear to be something she wants and the fact she still sugests it breaks Elphaba's heart a little.

"Oh! Oh. No, no, that's fine. Do you want to be called something else?"

Her eyes go huge and she stops deep in thought before answring.

"Uh. I guess so, but I'm still thinking on it. I don't mind Tip for now."

"Okay, tell me when it changes?"

"Will do."

"Anything else?"

Tip looks a bit shy for half a second before a excited smile covers her face. "Could you let me borrow a dress?"

Elphaba laughts.

"You are too tiny for my dresses, kid. But I can help you magic one for yourself. "

Her eyes shine. "Cool!"

[...]

"Morrible says you'll marry some prince soon." Dorothy says making a face.

"I don't see why you are soo distraught, my dear, I'm pretty sure she'll find me a great prince." Glinda says with false cheer.

"I doubt it. Princes are all very dull."

"Met many princes did you?" She jokes lightly, trying to find a way to change the subject. She loves the kid dearly and for all it's bleak consequences will always be glad the tornado ended up bringing the girl into her life but she would preffer not to discuss those subjects. Specially not in her own bedroom in a rare moment of relaxation.

"Well no." The girl pouts. "But most boys are dull and I can't imagine liking to marry even the ones that aren't. I guess I just thought you were the same? I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize. And I sure hope marriage is unimaginable for you, you are way to young for it."

The girl smiles a tiny bit before frowning.

"I can imagine myself marrying a girl one day."

"Oh!" Is all Glinda says.

"I told Aunt Em once she told me to never say it again, she told me I was too young. But I'm ten now and I feel the same. " Dorothy rarely talks about home, sometimes Glinda tricks herself into beliving it is because her the kid just loves Oz better, that she forgot all about it, but she knows deep down that Dorothy will always miss Kansas, always miss her uncle and aunt and Toto, she just accepted home as a place she'll never return to. In the good days Glinda knows Dorothy would also miss Oz, would miss her munchkin friends and mostly would miss being Glinda's apprentice. In the better days she thinks about bringing Dorothy's family here. After all Kansas always seems sad and hungry. "Girls don't marry each other in Kansas." She continues. "But I though maybe they did here. "

"I think they do everywhere, Dorothy, is just some people pretend they don't because the different scares them."

"Like the Wizard and the animals?"

Glinda had only recently convinced Dorothy to only speak her very dangerous beliefs on the Wizard in private and even there she sometimes corrected the kid. But right now it felt too much like liying to Elphaba she couldn't do it, not when she knew Dorothy to be right.

"Yeah. Just like that."

And after a second she adds.

"Between us, I would also like to marry a woman".

Dorothy smiles, just a little bit.

[...]

She knows she should not be here.

But it's fun, she likes the dancing and the food and the small chance of going back home with something that can actually help Elphie. Maybe a magical item or even just some usefull information.

Besides the girl she is talking to is very pretty and fun and smart and she is not open about it but she's definitivaly not the biggest fan of the Wizard either. Oh and a great dancer.

"I'm sorry" the girl says "but I think I did not catch your name?"

Now it's the moment to say something clever like 'i never gave it to you' or maybe just invent some fake name. She can't say her name. It's too easy of a conection to make. But she doesn't need to lie. After all it was never really her name. And she has a name now. Has had it for days and just keept it a secret in some weird form of fear. But it felt like time. She would tell it to Elphie and Jack when she went back.

"Ozma. I'm Ozma. What's yours?"

[...]

Dorothy had never had so much fun at a party before. Her new friend was the most beutifull girl she ever met and the funniest and cleverest and it had never felt so easy to talk to someone before. In fact the only thing Ozma didn't appear to be was a good dancer but Glinda had teached Dorothy well and she found herself leading the other girl steps into the best dance she ever had.

She noticed Ozma did not gave any surname but it was not her place to pry. She just hoped to mert the girl again.

"Dorothy." She says and takes the hand. For a second she considers continuing in the way she was instructed to (Dorothy Upland at your pleasure and a kiss to the hand) but while she loves Glinda that's not really her. And she somehow trusts Ozma enough to be honest. "Dorothy Gale." She shakes the hand just like Uncle Henry used to.

[batcavescolony]

A Batfam AU where instead of going to get Dick to be Robin again Tim uses necromancy to bring Jason back from the dead. He just leaves Jason on the Wayne doorstep with a 'do better this time' sticky note. Batman can't find out who did it and Tim stays his little latchkey self with semi ok but distant parents (cus canonical they weren't really abusive just not there which isn't good but they could be worse). His parents bring him along on trips but again they love him but they just leave him to do as he pleases. so in Paris he ends up still getting trained by Lady Shiva. This keeps going and Tim just keeps reviving batfam members, if they fake their deaths and Tim tracks them down to check on them. They still have no idea who their shadow is, they can't find him, Tim likes it this way. Bruce goes MIA and Red Robin happens just minus Tim actually being Red Robin. The JLA doorstep gets a passed-out Batman with a 'I can't believe I have to keep doing this shit' sticky note on his head.

[mmmairon]

Diluc’s pride and joy

Aprilluc day 4 [Horse]