#my own parents don’t know me
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A message to my parents:
you don’t know me
I hide half of my personality from you
the fact that I vape
drink until i can’t remember anything
I hate my body
and sometimes, I hate you
my friends deal with my panic attacks
over loud noises or raised hands
and you will never know the impact you had on me
the trauma you have caused
the sleepless nights
the parenting skills i have learned
just so my siblings could grow up happier then me
i’m glad you changed for them
but I will never forget how i was treated
#poems on tumblr#poetry#poem#tw vent#tw drinking#parent issues#shitty parents#i’m drunk#siblings#message for my parents#i hate my body#my own parents don’t know me#sorry for the vent#sorry for the rant#idk why my brain is like this#my parents should not have adopted children#literally who tf let them adopt us
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you are pitting Jesus and Santa Claus against each other. I am acknowledging Santa as both a mythic symbol of Christ and a cultural legend based upon a real man whose faithfulness to Christ was used by God to grant common grace not just to the people of Myra but throughout the entire world. we are not the same.
#I know anti-Santa people who are not smug but the anti-Santa influencers are getting smugger and smugger each year#my generation was not raised to cope with loss of childhood#pro-tip: it comes back when you have your own children#I know because I get a taste of it whenever I visit my friends’ kids#mobile#x#Christmas#Christianity#history#mythology#let kids believe in magic again#you know what believing in magic did for me? trained my heart to recognize the wondrous when I see it#trained me to accept that I don’t and can’t know everything#trained me to live by the faith of adherence when i cannot enjoy the faith of assurance (Matthew Henry)#I was the only person in any of my friend groups who ever believed in Santa#and you know why I didn’t feel betrayed to find out I’d misplaced my belief? because Santa is real.#someone moves even terrible parents to give good gifts to their children on the same holy day every year#someone moves the imagination to ensure that the darkest week of the year will produce the most ethereal lights#someone moves the ancient and forgotten back into our conscious present minds#and if you’re wondering whether I’m talking about Jesus or Santa that’s a GOOD thing!#that’s the whole point!#the Santa mythos *impacts* people all over the world. and that is an act of Providence whether you believe in God or not
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on season 14… I know some things were planned some weren’t / were met with network pushback whatever whatever… Dean and Cas were absolutely having some crazy emotional affair by mid-season even if they would never give it a name and Cas was regularly spending the night in his room even if he didn’t actually sleep���
#like that is my goggles-off trying so hard to be objective read..#for real… why were the fucking….#the way Dean suddenly is more amenable to being a father to Jack.. even before he gets sick#like I’m sorry but Cas definitely let out an exasperated sigh and was visibly worried about Jack when they cuddle side by side before bed#and Dean was like aw dam…….#boyfriend trying to make an effort w partner’s kid… I know he and Sam are jack’s parents in their own right don’t get me wrong#but the roles/tropes they are writing Dean into are SO CRAZY
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I point you all to my ko-fi page once more -> link
my parents, enraged that I didn’t sort a massive mound of clothes yesterday (after doing the other chores they asked), essentially decided they are going to start charging me rent.
So this is just in preparation for that moment when they do start asking. I’m still trying to save up to move out. It’s not a huge deal yet (idk how much they’re going to charge) so there’s no pressure to donate.
I work a full time job so I can’t really give much in return. But I can take doodle requests upon proof of donation! I’ll doodle any DCA you want.
Thanks.
#Idk what to tag this#i’m just so tired.#i’m just tired of my parents putting so much pressure on me#like 1) I did the chores they asked of me#2) The only one i didn’t do was because it was literally an overwhelming amount of clothes. The entire fucking laundry room is filled to the#brim with clothes. Literally you cannot walk in there without strpping on some#that’s 6 people’s clothes. Not even most of mine because I actually do my own laundry. other than the ones that get mixed in with the others#and they wanted me sort them. by myself.#I’m autistic and a massiver germaphobe and they wanted me to sort their grimey fucking clothes.#And when I don’t do it? call me useless and lazy#and then i fel insane because maybe i am just lazy and i should do more because they let me live here for free#sometimes i feel in the wrong. maybe i am in the wrong. maybe i should just suck it up and deal with it instead of complaining#I don’t know. I’m scared. I’m so scared#I don’t have anything to fall back on. I don’t have my own car. I have nothing.
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I saw a stupid post on instagram about how being called skinny made this person change how they dress and wrecked their confidence and blah blah and with very few exceptions all the comments were like “oh mean fat people! It hurts just as much getting told to eat a burger than being told to stop eating burgers.” And its like I’m sorry you feel bad about your body, but until skinny people are consistently being told to get invasive surgeries or to take potentially dangerous medicines to get fat I will not feel bad for you for being skinny. Like genuinely, I do feel for anyone who is insecure about how they look, that is a shame. But you cannot tell me that it’s because you get bullied for being skinny.
#captain’s own#dumb bitch hours#personal logs#tw fatphobia#like for example#my sister was very thin growing up. I don’t think she weighed more than 100 pounds until well after she graduated college.#The worst thing someone ever said to her about her size was that she was so small she should buy doll clothes#Not super nice but relatively harmless#Around the same age I was told that I was so fat no man would ever want me and I’d be lucky to be *****#And I ADORE my sister and after she started gaining weight after her wedding she mentioned that she wasn’t feeling great about her body#but that she felt bad for saying any of that to me because she knew I dealt with worse from our parents and the world at large#and I told her that she didn’t need to feel bad because sadly women are just expected and forced to feel bad about the way their bodies loo#and that I am always here for her if she is upset about her body cause I know how it feels and I’ve had to work not to feel that way#okay sorry for the rant that’s my fatphobia post for the next few months#just don’t be clowns
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liking Spock’s parents is so funny bcuz it’s like, amanda and sarek: power couple. hopelessly in love. icons. i adore them. Also who the fuck let them have a child if these two were real i would hate them.
(this post is specifically abt journey to babel)
#yakketyyak#amanda grayson#ambassador sarek#star trek tos#sarek#don’t talk to me abt any st that’s not tos lmao I haven’t seen it#no hate it’s just that the insanity and camp of tos is irreplicable and captivates me#anyways in journey to babel when Amanda tells sarek she loves him even if it’s not logical???#the look he gives her????#THESE BITCHES ARE IN LOVE!!!#honestly tos sarek does such a good job of looking like a Vulcan that’s so madly in love that it’s still visible on his face in that scene..#sorry lmao i know they’re shitty parents I just like to visit my own little world sometimes#where they didn’t have a kid and were just Vulcans controversial but ultimately unproblematic faves
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ok so like i’ve seen a few posts blaming mira and ephraim for what happened to ezra and i think that is. a weird take. anyway my personally belief is that tzeebo wasn’t their only plan for ezra if they were taken because they feel like the kind of people to have a network of allies if the goddamn governer of lothal was their friend. i also imagine that they weren’t the only people taken by the empire that night or afterwards, because i feel like it’s implied that they weren’t the only people speaking out against the empire? so like, they probably had a network of people to take care of ezra if something happened but that network dissolved due to arrests, people fleeing, etc etc until there was no way for anyone to find ezra or for ezra to find anyone else and then he was on his own and it was no one’s fault but the empire.
#star wars rebels#star wars#ezra bridger#people villainizing mira and ephraim are so weird 2 me#i don’t really know how to explain why i hate it so much but it’s just. something#maybe because it’s kind of victim blaming i guess? or saying like ‘speaking out is only okay if you’re the perfect voice for it’#which is funny because that is. exactly the opposite of what their broadcasts were about#anyway#also irl i think a lot of activists ARE parents. from what my own parents have said. having kids does change your perspective on the future#like yeah of course they spoke out. their kid was born on the day the empire took over and they watched the galaxy fall to even more shit.#they spoke out because they wanted things to be better for him and it’s not their fault that things went wrong
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Hello, I'm the translator Anon. I know we don't have much information about the outside world, but I would like to know if you have any possible ideas for a Reader who is part of the Sons of Calydon and what role this Reader could play.
We see in the story that each one plays a role within the group, such as Lighter being a bodyguard and Burnice selling drinks. I tried to think of something for a Reader from the Sons of Calydon, but I couldn't think of anything, do you have any ideas?
HI TRANSLATOR ANON !! i remember someone else came up with reader who’s a mechanic and i LOVE that idea.
especially after what happened before the tour de inferno, you made a deal with the Sons of Calydon to not only supply them with top quality parts, but also repair and upgrade their bikes. all this outside of the hollow? that’s too good of a deal to pass up on.
in the beginning, they were a little suspicious. you didn’t seem to have any ties to bad biker gangs and your bike that you showed them used parts that could never be gotten so easily in the hollow. caesar decided to take your bike out for a spin (lighter watching like a hawk to make sure she doesn’t get hurt), and she was laughing and screaming. once she was back, she gave your hand a firm shake and immediately went on about what sort of upgrades she wanted with her bike.
from that day on, you became the official mechanic for the Sons of Calydon. your work was clean and your service was fast. other mechanics and repairmen would take a few days, you only needed 2 days. even if you took a bit of time on their bikes, you would give them the keys to your bike so that they could still ride around the outer ring if they needed to.
if anyone wants a longer post (mechanic reader x lighter perhaps?), i will be more than happy to write it out ! it might take some time because i know NOTHING about motor parts but i will try to write something good.
#lumiresponds ˚✧₊⁎☆#I SEE THE VISION !!#need to channel my inner mechanical engineer like my parents would’ve wanted me to LMAO#but every time i start something that’s about metal parts#it gets so long in my notes and then i just stop halfway#NOT BECAUSE ITS BAD BUT BECAUSE THE THOUGHT IS SO LONG#it becomes a slow burn#i don’t wanna write a really long slow burn because my own writing capabilities isn’t that good#also i fear i might get burnt out when i try writing something so long#cuz after trying to write for boothill i literally took a break from writing about boothill FOREVER#but i love lighter too much…. so maybe that won’t happen#BUT I’D LIKE TO KNOW IF YALL ENJOY THIS CONCEPT#my inbox is open for all sorts of ideas and thoughts !!
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I just love these fics where Bruce straight up losses control and his kids just start serial adopting each others. There is something so funny about someone who is not ready to be parenting, traumatized, going through life, thinking they have it handled. until they see a kid mimics their behaviors (/coping mechanisms) and have the horrible realization thats how their behavior looks like from the outside and they DO NOT, in fact, have it handled.
it happened to Lighting Farron in ffxiii it happened to Bruce Wayne in DC comics and every time its so funny trying to see some stoic badass fumble as they run trying to stop a kid from doing murder
#Kids always mimic the adults around them they are like a mirror#if you see something you don’t agree with#it’s probably you.#Lighting said pick a mission so you survive your grief and Hope picked murder.#Lightning how was essentially setting herself for a suicidal mission: wait-#Bruce trying to guide Dick to cope with his grief so dick start his own superhero name and become a vigilante:#Bruce who did the SAME thing to cope with his guilt:#Tim also show up and Dick essentially add him to the team:#Bruce: why do they keep doing this?? Why won’t MY kids who look up to ME in life keep wearing capes this is so weird???#He is the greatest detective parenting a kid is an entirely different domain#(I know there is some fanon elements to this)#Dc#bruce wayne#ffxiii#??#honorary mention. Lightning was going through it.#Lightning and bruce: the kid you picked in a tragedy also ran away to kill the guy who murdered their parent(s) ?#lightning farron
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I wanna get sober. Like, legitimately. I haven’t had a truly good dopamine day in what feels like months and I’m not getting the emotional benefits as much anymore. Plus it’s getting harder to deal w/ the trade offs like It Tastes Bad and It Makes You Nauseous. Basically, it’s time. But like. I don’t have any Cool Healthy New Coping Mechanism to replace it, nor do I have a Fulfilling Life Full Of Purpose to live. Like I’m still gonna be living alone unemployed no friends only social interaction face to face is with my family. So I’m worried I’m setting myself up for failure. Plus the suicidal bullshit has gotten worse as of late and while being drunk hasn’t helped me feel less miserable overall lately, it has gotten me from Actively Suicidal to Passively Suicidal. Which I guess if I was looking at it from the perspective of It Doesn’t Need To Make You Feel Better, It Just Needs To Keep You Alive then all the distress tolerance bullshit from DBT would be useful there but I’m sooooooo rusty on those. In conclusion: augh
#luke.txt#i am at a point where I’m like well even though it would be mostly recycled information it would be nice to like. Go To Rehab just so I can#get out of the routine in a place where I have Zero Option Whatsoever To Drink#but like. one it’s like crazy close to Christmas and even though I personally don’t care about missing Christmas my parents would throw a f#it#two oh my god ohhhhhhh my god I do not fucking want to be back in a mental health treatment facility Ever Again#three my parents have no sense of Giving Me Privacy so they’d be telling every relative I have DEADNAMES IN REHAB and then I’d have to deal#with everyone I fucking know knowing even the people whose business it super is not#my therapist is useless at addiction bullshit so like. I’ve mostly gotta do this on my own I think
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me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game
#hi everyone#I’m going around hugging you all#okay now that we are gathered here today#i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best#i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time#and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol#but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine#literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything#I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake….#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour#then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it#and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again#I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do#so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday#y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts#I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story#I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my#own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents#.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire#but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself#I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump#I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions#I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well#I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it#I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing#I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time
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#sorry ignore this it’s post-election venting.#like just completely unproductive doomerism I need to get off my chest#ok real talk I have been feeling so hopeless and dead and depressed since the election.#I hate this country and I don’t think it can be fixed. not meaningfully in my lifetime.#I think I need to leave this place but im not financially able and im a transmasc person in a red state#with unsupportive parents.#I’ve given up hope on the idea that ‘ppl here are generally good and just misled into voting for the worse of the 2 evils’ and know just#feel these people are subhumanly stupid. beyond saving. no hope. they are voids. cesspits. empty headed useless ontologically evil braindead#soulless husks. it is useless to try to reason with them or inform them or convince them of anything. they are lost causes. it’s better#to leave this country while they rot in the dying empire They chose to make this bad.#they Want this. they Want fascism. they don’t care about other ppl#they are individualism poisoned Americans with no interest in a better future.#I hate them. I hate Americans. I hate my family. I hate my community.#none of it is worth fighting for anymore. they are lost causes.#the best course of action is to leave. but I can’t so im stuck with these fucking useless morons#so until then I have to rot with them. im stuck in this fucking tar pit of a country#with these fucking tar pits of ppl#illiterate fucking rednecks and functional alcoholic suburbanites. the fucking moldy white bread of humanity#I hope we all die. we deserve this.#useless fucking dnc allergic to winning.#barely coherent braindead voterbase. useless fucking male loneliness truther incels#the world would be better off if this country was fucking nuked off the map.#sorry silly fandom mutuals for being a whiny american. but things r materially going 2 get so much worse for me and my friends next year#project 2025 is terrifying and trump wants to put tariffs on everything which is going to cause prices of everything 2 skyrocket even more#and just knowing ppl are reveling in the ‘liberal tears’ aka ppl being upset that their lives r about 2 get worse makes my skin crawl#and makes me nauseous. these ppl are not human#they don’t care about Palestine they don’t care about Ukraine they don’t care about Sudan#and they don’t care about trans ppl gay ppl any racial minorities#some of them Are racial minorities and want 2 separate themselves from the ‘bad ones’#im just fucking disgusted by the ppl here voting against their own interests bc they r fucking dumb and misinformed.
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#I would say some of my peers pushed the cooties narrative but my parents discouraged it#so I never thought of boys as being gross or having transmissible microbes#and I was always raised to value romance so I I don’t think I ever noticed a shift in my attitude towards the male sex#however I was somewhat (okay Very) bitter when suddenly it was inappropriate for me to be alone in a room with my male friend#but that bitterness had nothing to do with my own feelings towards guys#(and I truly think it was unavoidable. it’s part of growing up.#you can’t know why it’s inappropriate unless you also know all the lurid things two teens can get up to alone.)#(perhaps the suddenness of the change can be mitigated but the sadness can’t)#anyways I’ve always wondered about this shift everyone talks about that happens around middle school#because I remember feeling quite glad and natural in it. though I always was an aspiring adult)
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Everyone talks about how fucked up it was that people told kids, especially girls, that if someone picks on you it means they like you. And that is fucked up and should be talked about, but you know what else is fucked up?
Telling bullying victims to have sympathy for their bully because “they’re probably hurting too” (also that the best way to stop bullying is to ignore it, but that’s another post). That’s really harmful and just teaches kids to ignore mistreatment and abuse because the perpetrator has had a hard time too.
#like no#fuck them#idgaf#their trauma is not my problem#their bad home life is not my problem#they don’t get to abuse others because they have a bad life#I’m traumatized too#you don’t see me making other people want to end their own lives#bullying#anti bullying#my childhood bully came from a single parent home and her mother was a drug addict#you think I gave a shit when I found this out?#hell no#yeah I felt kinda bad for her#that sucks#doesn’t give you an excuse to treat me like shit though#that’s not my problem#another bully had an abusive father who humiliated him in public#I watched his father embarrass him at a school concert#and you know what I thought to myself?#‘damn that sucks. I feel kinda bad for him. still a dick though’#not ‘oh that’s why he’s body shamed me and called me slurs every day since third grade. that’s why he told that girl to khs. I forgive him’
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Me, two weeks ago: hey mom, I won’t be here on the 23rd
Mom, already getting angry: why not? >:(
Me: I’m still on sick leave and I can’t do both days so I figured you’d rather I be here on Christmas Eve
Mom: …alright, I see your point. I guess that’s fine then. If you weren’t gonna show up for Christmas, I’d drag your ass down here and give you a reason to be sick.
Me: 🥲 yes, mother
FLASHFORWARD TO TODAY
Sis: uh, why is mom saying she doesn’t know anything about you not being here on the 23rd?
Me: for THE LOVE OF…..
Me, texting her: hi mom just a reminder that I won’t be joining you on Monday :) Can’t wait for Christmas tho haha
#I WAS SO IMPRESSED WITH HER FOR LIKE 0.2 SECONDS#GOOD GOD WOMAN#JUST BECAUSE IT DOESNT SUIT YOUR MOOD DOESNT MEAN IT DIDNT HAPPEN#…watch me be ignored by her the entirety of Christmas#because I’ve dared mess with her stupid traditions#god forbid I don’t show up when she wants at the expense of my own mental health#grrrrrrr#misha rants#I don’t wanna go at all just be fucking happy I show up for the mental torture that is this fucking family#tw: shitty parents#don’t know how to tw this I’m sorry
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Hey 🗑️🔥 gang (@katkastrofa @rokurookajima @shadelorde)…
Heard you guys like feral women 😏😏😏
#yes this is directly inspired by Syd and Nightmare’s recent animalistic Raava pieces#I’m sorry if you expected something related to the spirit kites but I’m obsessed with my OCs first and foremost#and Suiren is already very feral in most verses. the mermaid AU just adds a biological factor to it#but actually. fun fact. she doesn’t even look as feral as she would be were she a full mermaid#(yeah I’m spoiler alert that’s not really a spoiler given that I drew a lot for this AU last year and already gave it away. Ghazan’s human)#(meaning Suiren’s only half mermaid. I’ve never drawn her in this AU but I imagine Ming-Hua looking ever more monster like)#(bc I dislike when mermaids are just pretty girls with fish tails. give me FANGS and CLAWS and SCALES and GILLS and FINS)#(so yeah. Ming-Hua has a lot more scaled and also dorsal fins running higher up her back. and a more dexterous tail. I should draw her)#but I hope the vibe still comes across. with the blood and all 😁#was it a fish she ate or a too curious human? that’s for me to know and for you to find out#ANYWAY!! some new headcanons about my mermaids based on what you guys said about human Raava:#my mermaids don’t inherently know human language. their underwater communication sounds similar to whale singing#above water it’s more of a chirping noise? though more elongated and melodic than a dolphin’s. something between a trill and a whine#and most don’t have the capacity to speak human language. but sirens have unique vocal chords that allow the siren spell to work#it’s similar to a parrot’s. they’re very good at mimicry. it’s an evolutionary hunting tactic#but they also have more developed brains than a parrot’s therefore can not only mimic but consciously speak#though it takes time to master. like a foreign language#am I implying that when Mingzan met as kids they couldn’t understand each other and Ghazan taught her to speak human? yes. yes I am#because I’m a sucker for language barriers and think that scenario is adorable. fucking sue me.#and obliviously Suiren was taught both mermaid and human. but it was Midori who helped her keep up her knowledge#(look I don’t have that part plotted out yet but Something happens to their parents and they’re left on their own. as a parallel to SotRL)#(also btw Midori was born without a tail but still not quite human. she has scales and gills and ear fins and fangs and glowing eyes)#(and no one but Suiren and Haya know about all that. Haya makes her hide it and convinces her that she’s a half fish freak :/)#(at least.. until a certain Beifong with an interest in marine biology comes along…)#(yes Green Opal in this verse are the epitome of ‘there are many benefits to being a marine biologist’)#how did I end up talking about Midori. anyway. yes I made both Kuvira and Ghazan monsterfuckers. no I’m not ashamed#my art#artists on tumblr#Nia’s mermaid AU#sotrl suiren
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