#my own parents don’t know me
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A message to my parents:
you don’t know me
I hide half of my personality from you
the fact that I vape
drink until i can’t remember anything
I hate my body
and sometimes, I hate you
my friends deal with my panic attacks
over loud noises or raised hands
and you will never know the impact you had on me
the trauma you have caused
the sleepless nights
the parenting skills i have learned
just so my siblings could grow up happier then me
i’m glad you changed for them
but I will never forget how i was treated
#poems on tumblr#poetry#poem#tw vent#tw drinking#parent issues#shitty parents#i’m drunk#siblings#message for my parents#i hate my body#my own parents don’t know me#sorry for the vent#sorry for the rant#idk why my brain is like this#my parents should not have adopted children#literally who tf let them adopt us
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on season 14… I know some things were planned some weren’t / were met with network pushback whatever whatever… Dean and Cas were absolutely having some crazy emotional affair by mid-season even if they would never give it a name and Cas was regularly spending the night in his room even if he didn’t actually sleep…
#like that is my goggles-off trying so hard to be objective read..#for real… why were the fucking….#the way Dean suddenly is more amenable to being a father to Jack.. even before he gets sick#like I’m sorry but Cas definitely let out an exasperated sigh and was visibly worried about Jack when they cuddle side by side before bed#and Dean was like aw dam…….#boyfriend trying to make an effort w partner’s kid… I know he and Sam are jack’s parents in their own right don’t get me wrong#but the roles/tropes they are writing Dean into are SO CRAZY
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I point you all to my ko-fi page once more -> link
my parents, enraged that I didn’t sort a massive mound of clothes yesterday (after doing the other chores they asked), essentially decided they are going to start charging me rent.
So this is just in preparation for that moment when they do start asking. I’m still trying to save up to move out. It’s not a huge deal yet (idk how much they’re going to charge) so there’s no pressure to donate.
I work a full time job so I can’t really give much in return. But I can take doodle requests upon proof of donation! I’ll doodle any DCA you want.
Thanks.
#Idk what to tag this#i’m just so tired.#i’m just tired of my parents putting so much pressure on me#like 1) I did the chores they asked of me#2) The only one i didn’t do was because it was literally an overwhelming amount of clothes. The entire fucking laundry room is filled to the#brim with clothes. Literally you cannot walk in there without strpping on some#that’s 6 people’s clothes. Not even most of mine because I actually do my own laundry. other than the ones that get mixed in with the others#and they wanted me sort them. by myself.#I’m autistic and a massiver germaphobe and they wanted me to sort their grimey fucking clothes.#And when I don’t do it? call me useless and lazy#and then i fel insane because maybe i am just lazy and i should do more because they let me live here for free#sometimes i feel in the wrong. maybe i am in the wrong. maybe i should just suck it up and deal with it instead of complaining#I don’t know. I’m scared. I’m so scared#I don’t have anything to fall back on. I don’t have my own car. I have nothing.
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you are pitting Jesus and Santa Claus against each other. I am acknowledging Santa as both a mythic symbol of Christ and a cultural legend based upon a real man whose faithfulness to Christ was used by God to grant common grace not just to the people of Myra but throughout the entire world. we are not the same.
#I know anti-Santa people who are not smug but the anti-Santa influencers are getting smugger and smugger each year#my generation was not raised to cope with loss of childhood#pro-tip: it comes back when you have your own children#I know because I get a taste of it whenever I visit my friends’ kids#mobile#x#Christmas#Christianity#history#mythology#let kids believe in magic again#you know what believing in magic did for me? trained my heart to recognize the wondrous when I see it#trained me to accept that I don’t and can’t know everything#trained me to live by the faith of adherence when i cannot enjoy the faith of assurance (Matthew Henry)#I was the only person in any of my friend groups who ever believed in Santa#and you know why I didn’t feel betrayed to find out I’d misplaced my belief? because Santa is real.#someone moves even terrible parents to give good gifts to their children on the same holy day every year#someone moves the imagination to ensure that the darkest week of the year will produce the most ethereal lights#someone moves the ancient and forgotten back into our conscious present minds#and if you’re wondering whether I’m talking about Jesus or Santa that’s a GOOD thing!#that’s the whole point!#the Santa mythos *impacts* people all over the world. and that is an act of Providence whether you believe in God or not
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I saw a stupid post on instagram about how being called skinny made this person change how they dress and wrecked their confidence and blah blah and with very few exceptions all the comments were like “oh mean fat people! It hurts just as much getting told to eat a burger than being told to stop eating burgers.” And its like I’m sorry you feel bad about your body, but until skinny people are consistently being told to get invasive surgeries or to take potentially dangerous medicines to get fat I will not feel bad for you for being skinny. Like genuinely, I do feel for anyone who is insecure about how they look, that is a shame. But you cannot tell me that it’s because you get bullied for being skinny.
#captain’s own#dumb bitch hours#personal logs#tw fatphobia#like for example#my sister was very thin growing up. I don’t think she weighed more than 100 pounds until well after she graduated college.#The worst thing someone ever said to her about her size was that she was so small she should buy doll clothes#Not super nice but relatively harmless#Around the same age I was told that I was so fat no man would ever want me and I’d be lucky to be *****#And I ADORE my sister and after she started gaining weight after her wedding she mentioned that she wasn’t feeling great about her body#but that she felt bad for saying any of that to me because she knew I dealt with worse from our parents and the world at large#and I told her that she didn’t need to feel bad because sadly women are just expected and forced to feel bad about the way their bodies loo#and that I am always here for her if she is upset about her body cause I know how it feels and I’ve had to work not to feel that way#okay sorry for the rant that’s my fatphobia post for the next few months#just don’t be clowns
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liking Spock’s parents is so funny bcuz it’s like, amanda and sarek: power couple. hopelessly in love. icons. i adore them. Also who the fuck let them have a child if these two were real i would hate them.
(this post is specifically abt journey to babel)
#yakketyyak#amanda grayson#ambassador sarek#star trek tos#sarek#don’t talk to me abt any st that’s not tos lmao I haven’t seen it#no hate it’s just that the insanity and camp of tos is irreplicable and captivates me#anyways in journey to babel when Amanda tells sarek she loves him even if it’s not logical???#the look he gives her????#THESE BITCHES ARE IN LOVE!!!#honestly tos sarek does such a good job of looking like a Vulcan that’s so madly in love that it’s still visible on his face in that scene..#sorry lmao i know they’re shitty parents I just like to visit my own little world sometimes#where they didn’t have a kid and were just Vulcans controversial but ultimately unproblematic faves
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ok so like i’ve seen a few posts blaming mira and ephraim for what happened to ezra and i think that is. a weird take. anyway my personally belief is that tzeebo wasn’t their only plan for ezra if they were taken because they feel like the kind of people to have a network of allies if the goddamn governer of lothal was their friend. i also imagine that they weren’t the only people taken by the empire that night or afterwards, because i feel like it’s implied that they weren’t the only people speaking out against the empire? so like, they probably had a network of people to take care of ezra if something happened but that network dissolved due to arrests, people fleeing, etc etc until there was no way for anyone to find ezra or for ezra to find anyone else and then he was on his own and it was no one’s fault but the empire.
#star wars rebels#star wars#ezra bridger#people villainizing mira and ephraim are so weird 2 me#i don’t really know how to explain why i hate it so much but it’s just. something#maybe because it’s kind of victim blaming i guess? or saying like ‘speaking out is only okay if you’re the perfect voice for it’#which is funny because that is. exactly the opposite of what their broadcasts were about#anyway#also irl i think a lot of activists ARE parents. from what my own parents have said. having kids does change your perspective on the future#like yeah of course they spoke out. their kid was born on the day the empire took over and they watched the galaxy fall to even more shit.#they spoke out because they wanted things to be better for him and it’s not their fault that things went wrong
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#came across the country to be here for my dad’s surgery and they moved it once#which. okay. I had to extend my trip by a day.#now they’ve moved it again to next week and I can’t stay any longer#and I have no idea how my parents are going to manage#my mom is disabled and I don’t know if she can help get him to the car and into the house on her own#and now I’ve just basically spent all this money to fly out here to…clean and un-hoarder their house? whatch a couple movie:?#*movies#I was such a great actress when my dad broke it to me a little bit ago that the surgery was cancelled lol#I’m glad I’m having dinner with a friend bc I had to leave that house or I’d be having a breakdown breakdown#lo vents#lo.txt#tbd
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#sorry ignore this it’s post-election venting.#like just completely unproductive doomerism I need to get off my chest#ok real talk I have been feeling so hopeless and dead and depressed since the election.#I hate this country and I don’t think it can be fixed. not meaningfully in my lifetime.#I think I need to leave this place but im not financially able and im a transmasc person in a red state#with unsupportive parents.#I’ve given up hope on the idea that ‘ppl here are generally good and just misled into voting for the worse of the 2 evils’ and know just#feel these people are subhumanly stupid. beyond saving. no hope. they are voids. cesspits. empty headed useless ontologically evil braindead#soulless husks. it is useless to try to reason with them or inform them or convince them of anything. they are lost causes. it’s better#to leave this country while they rot in the dying empire They chose to make this bad.#they Want this. they Want fascism. they don’t care about other ppl#they are individualism poisoned Americans with no interest in a better future.#I hate them. I hate Americans. I hate my family. I hate my community.#none of it is worth fighting for anymore. they are lost causes.#the best course of action is to leave. but I can’t so im stuck with these fucking useless morons#so until then I have to rot with them. im stuck in this fucking tar pit of a country#with these fucking tar pits of ppl#illiterate fucking rednecks and functional alcoholic suburbanites. the fucking moldy white bread of humanity#I hope we all die. we deserve this.#useless fucking dnc allergic to winning.#barely coherent braindead voterbase. useless fucking male loneliness truther incels#the world would be better off if this country was fucking nuked off the map.#sorry silly fandom mutuals for being a whiny american. but things r materially going 2 get so much worse for me and my friends next year#project 2025 is terrifying and trump wants to put tariffs on everything which is going to cause prices of everything 2 skyrocket even more#and just knowing ppl are reveling in the ‘liberal tears’ aka ppl being upset that their lives r about 2 get worse makes my skin crawl#and makes me nauseous. these ppl are not human#they don’t care about Palestine they don’t care about Ukraine they don’t care about Sudan#and they don’t care about trans ppl gay ppl any racial minorities#some of them Are racial minorities and want 2 separate themselves from the ‘bad ones’#im just fucking disgusted by the ppl here voting against their own interests bc they r fucking dumb and misinformed.
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me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game
#hi everyone#I’m going around hugging you all#okay now that we are gathered here today#i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best#i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time#and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol#but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine#literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything#I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake….#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour#then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it#and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again#I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do#so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday#y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts#I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story#I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my#own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents#.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire#but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself#I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump#I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions#I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well#I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it#I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing#I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time
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Everyone talks about how fucked up it was that people told kids, especially girls, that if someone picks on you it means they like you. And that is fucked up and should be talked about, but you know what else is fucked up?
Telling bullying victims to have sympathy for their bully because “they’re probably hurting too” (also that the best way to stop bullying is to ignore it, but that’s another post). That’s really harmful and just teaches kids to ignore mistreatment and abuse because the perpetrator has had a hard time too.
#like no#fuck them#idgaf#their trauma is not my problem#their bad home life is not my problem#they don’t get to abuse others because they have a bad life#I’m traumatized too#you don’t see me making other people want to end their own lives#bullying#anti bullying#my childhood bully came from a single parent home and her mother was a drug addict#you think I gave a shit when I found this out?#hell no#yeah I felt kinda bad for her#that sucks#doesn’t give you an excuse to treat me like shit though#that’s not my problem#another bully had an abusive father who humiliated him in public#I watched his father embarrass him at a school concert#and you know what I thought to myself?#‘damn that sucks. I feel kinda bad for him. still a dick though’#not ‘oh that’s why he’s body shamed me and called me slurs every day since third grade. that’s why he told that girl to khs. I forgive him’
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At the risk of sticking my head into the lion’s mouth, I don’t get a gay vibe from Trent so much as I do an ace vibe. To me he absolutely has the effortless swagger of someone who respects sexual/romantic attraction in others but has never had to worry about it himself.
#ted lasso#trent crimm: the independent#I don’t know what to tell you#he just gives me the vibes of some of my parents’ older friends#who have never married and I’m convinced are ace/aro#just very chill in their own lives#(tedpendant shippers be nice on this post)
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If the writers of Friends (1994) weren’t cowards Chandler Bing would’ve been bisexual and there would’ve been at least one gag where Joey thought it was specifically because he was the genetic offspring of a straight woman and a gay man, and that’s how all bisexual people are created.
#he is cringe and sits in chairs strangely and those two things are like 90% of what being bisexual entails#my benny gecko hyperfixation has driven me to actually watch a few episodes of this show of my own accord#don’t ask me I don’t know why#I can only watch one or two episodes per week though or else that fucking laugh track will rot my brain#I’ve technically seen it before but before this I’d never seen an entire episode at once#its the type of show that’s playing in your hospital room or at a friends house#also I was born in 2002 so by the time I started forming memories my parents sitcom of choice was how I met your mother#anna talking about stuff#friends 1994
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*smashes in like the Kool-Aid man*
PENDRAGON SIBLINGS YOU SAY????
I have. So many Feels. About Themst™
The complexity?? The layers?? The angst?? Hello??????
Their relationship is just So Much, because you are right, it's all tangled up in miscommunication and missed opportunities, and so many problems that can be sourced back to Uther "War Crimes" Pendragon, who wouldn't know a healthy relationship if it bit him on the ass.
If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.
Because it's the lonely childhoods, the shared grief, the friendship, the vulnerability, the fondness, the teasing, the envy, the jealousy, the almost romance, the protectiveness, the betrayal, the loss, the hurt, the refusal to let go and the desperate hanging on, and the love, the love, the love.
Indifference is the true opposite of love.
Hate is love that's gone rotten.
“If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.” oh fuck….
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK
WAIT HOLD ON WAIT LEMME PIGGYBACK ON THAT BESTIE @0hheytherebigbadwolf (tagging you bc it will be a couple days after you sent this ask)
(Also, for anyone wanting background context on what me and bestie are bouncing off on: voilà)
OK OK SO
we are all familiar with King Uther being the greatest (worst) dad of all time, correct? places such high expectations on his “only son and heir” whilst never officially acknowledging Morgana as his daughter until the very end?
F+ father of the year :)
he is not above sending his children into the dungeon if they disobey him as seen here:
(Jfc he even put Morgana in chains like wtf)
also, he is not above using emotional guilt towards them when he deems it necessary (aka one of the only times he actually acknowledges them as his children)
UTHER (1x02 Valiant) I trust you will make me proud.
UTHER (1x08 The Beginning of the End) I’ve treated you like a daughter. Is this how you repay me?
UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) You are the daughter I never had.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) You would believe a sorcerer’s lies over the word of your father?
not to mention that when Arthur or Morgana try to reason with him or argue with him since they are the only ones with the status to do so, he pulls rank
UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) May I remind you that you are speaking to your King [...] Take care, child, or I’ll have you restrained.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am your king and your father. You will show me some respect!
UTHER (2x06 Beauty and the Beast) We live in dangerous times, I cannot allow you to undermine my authority.
UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final.
ngl i could include more but i have already spent hours searching for shit (YOUTUBE WILL DIE BY MY HAND THAT STINGY BITC—) but y’all get what i mean: Uther is an abusive fucker and it has messed up the conditions of Arthur and Morgana
now, about the double edged blade…..
as previously established, Uther is a fucking dick and wants his children to obey him but also adore him. with this behavior, the Pendragon siblings react in two ways: with anger & contempt or submission and remorse
way #1
i’m gonna start with Morgana because anger is the easiest to pick out throughout the show. in the first episode of the first season, our introduction to Morgana’s character is her lecturing Uther about executing the man Merlin witnessed upon entering Camelot (such a warm welcome for Emrys, mh?)
MORGANA I just don't think chopping someone's head off is cause for a celebration. That poor mother. UTHER It was simple justice for what he'd done. MORGANA To whom? He practiced some magic, he didn't hurt anyone. UTHER You were not around twenty years ago, you have no idea what it was like. MORGANA How long are you going to keep punishing people for what happened then?
early on, it is easy to pick up on Morgana’s resentment and anger at Uther, who she believes is blinded by his fear of magic and his need for control (which she isn’t wrong about). also, we find that she isn’t one to back off when poking the bear (Uther). she does it constantly in seasons 1 & 2
MORGANA (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) Why would she kneel on a cold stone floor morning after morning when she could make these things happen with a snap of her fingers? Like an idle king!
MORGANA (1x08 The Beginning of the End) How can this child be your enemy? He's just a boy. UTHER He is a Druid. MORGANA Is that such a crime?…What have these people done to you? Why are you so full of hate?
UTHER (2x04 Lancelot and Guinevere) How many men would you have me sacrifice to save a servant? MORGANA As many as it takes!
to be honest, i wouldn’t be surprised if screaming, arguing and berating Uther about his morals and ethics is her way of proving that she is not weak or submissive to his actions. i mean, Morgana grew up in a household the complete opposite from her time in Camelot. Gorlois, the man whom Morgana considers to be her father and one and only family member, was said to be “just” and “kind” and someone that Uther even considered a good friend who openly kept him in check. Morgana, until the age of ten, understood parental love and empathy unlike Arthur, who spent his whole life without any good or healthy substance of it.
the culture of Camelot and Uther’s wrath is not something Morgana was ever able to fully acclimate to as Uther himself pointed out in 1x12. She “was at odds with [him] since the beginning” and could never picture herself as a Pendragon (point further proven in 4x05: she looked revolted when Queen Annis compared her to Uther) because she didn’t share in their idea of magic = evil and a king = absolute control.
ironic in terms of future plot events, isn’t it :’)
way #2
compare that to Arthur: man’s respressed af. keeps all his emotions under lock and key if they are anything but haughty and serious. y’all, Arthur even says it himself how he “[can't] disagree with Father [Uther] in public.” whenever Arthur finds himself at odds with Uther, he holds his tongue and waits until he can disobey secretly (2x05 when he leaves to rescue Gwen, 1x08 when he helps Morgana sneak out Mordred in the dark of the night, 2x08 when he sneaks out to meet Morgause for more info about his mom, etc). it is only the rare moments when Arthur feels impassioned enough to speak up without fearing any retribution does Arthur talk back at him (so satisfying 👌)
ARTHUR (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) [Morgana’s] right, Father. You hear the word magic, you no longer listen.
ARTHUR (2x08 Sins of the Father) This is what fuels your hatred for those who practice magic. Rather than blame yourself for what you did, you blame them….You hunted her kind like animals! How many hundreds have you condemned to death to ease your guilt?!….You speak of honour and nobility! You're nothing but a hypocrite and a liar!
ARTHUR (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You can't forbid my feelings any more than I can. I won't deny them any longer, I love her. I love Guinevere.
we can even compare how the two react to Uther’s violence towards them
(ahahahahahaaaaa what a wonderful dad)
on the left, you see Arthur’s face right when Uther crushes the morteus flower needed to heal Merlin (his manservant/friend/????) and on the right, is Morgana after Uther discovers she was harboring a Druid child in her chambers and she refuses to listen to his reason.
notice how both faces are remarkably similar 👀
however, Arthur’s look of shock and dismay come from his hope that Uther would do the right thing. that he would help save Merlin’s life from dying of poison. that he wouldn’t use this as a method to teach Arthur “what it means to disobey and cross the king.” he truly did hope, just like he always does with the people he holds close. Arthur cannot help but hope and trust that those close to him will not betray him and yet so many do. hence the remorse
looking at Morgana, her shock comes from the fact that this might be the first time Uther reacted to her words and actions in a physical manner. my suspicion is that most of the time, all Morgana previously got was Uther reprimanding her and yelling at her to stop questioning his methods (bc, let’s be real, she was the favorite child.) never has he lifted a finder on her like Arthur and i have proof (cue transcript!)
AND! and, Arthur is constantly warning Morgana about not angering Uther any further because of the consequences she might face (consequences this boy is very familiar with) when Uther deems it necessary to “teach” his children obedience.
UTHER (1x04 The Poisoned Chalice) You have to learn there's a right and a wrong way of doing things. I'll see you're let out in a week. Then you can find yourself another servant.
UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final [...] This is for your own good. - UTHER She will die. The enchantment will be broken. You'll see I was right.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am protecting you from your own foolishness!
so educational 🥰 but see, because Uther presents his punishments as lessons, Arthur himself views them as just a fucked up but meaningful way of his father’s concern because “yeah, I am the first born son and only heir to the throne. of course I need to learn not to do silly things like disobey, talk back to him, be my own person.” <- I’m paraphrasing here
Arthur does and has never seen a way out of the life thrust upon him by Uther (see 3x06). succeeding Uther as king, marrying a noblewoman of high standing for heirs and alliance strength was always expected of him. Arthur never saw a way out of this. even when he and Gwen were in their secret relationship phase, Arthur had to remind himself that this would never last. he loved her and knew she loved him, but there was always that reminder (that sounded a lot like Uther) in the back of his head telling him that it would never last so long as he was prince. he had a duty (constructed by Uther) to serve Camelot and going against his father would mean (in his eyes) that he is going against Camelot (as Uther always presented it to be).
so unlike Morgana, he did not kick and scream but stood firm because that was what he believed was stronger. if he stayed in his lane and did his part, then he would be a good king, maybe even a better one than his father, for Camelot. however, the show proves that differentiating himself from Uther actually made him the better king and more respected, but this is not the meta for that. I am getting side tracked.
OK: so we’ve established parental issues between the two siblings. now onto their very complex, complicated yet beloved dynamic
sO, as i mentioned in this post (because i am lazy and too tired to copy/paste the evidence from there), these siblings do care for one another. they just go about it in the most hilarious and repressed and in-denial way (hilarious to me 😤)
when we meet them, it’s established that these two have known each other for some time. enough for them to bicker and have banter, you know, as you do with a Pendragon. also, should add, neither character are ever aware they are blood-related until s3 (because of some weak-ass bitch named Uther), so you have that very, uh, interesting subplot in s1 that everybody forgets about until you rewatch it. (honestly, I have so many questions. number 1: why???? number 2: it’s only in s1—was it scrapped??? is it like it never existed???? what was its purpose to the plot??? bbc explain yourself—)
however, despite how much it is shown that they do care for one another, they’re relationship in s1 is still undefined and vague as if they also don’t know how to accurately define what the other means to them. it’s very similar to the whole “i really love this person so much but is what i’m feeling platonic, familial, or romantic?” because….you know, guy and girl besties who are close are typically expected to grow romantic feelings for each other, so tbh i would not be surprised if both mistook their love as romantically inclined in the beginning bc, reminder, neither of them were aware they were siblings until much later.
[and this is ALL i am saying on this subplot. i do not want to cause any negative discourse, so if anyone has a few choice words about it, either keep it to yourself or feel free to talk about it with people you know. personally? not a fan of the ship and never will be, but i am not here to post about that.]
anyway, have some featured receipts showing Arthur and Morgana slipping up and showing how much they care for each other.
SEE!!!! LOOK AT HOW THE CARE!!!! SEE HOW THEY WORRY FOR THE OTHER AND WISH TO PROTECT THEM FROM HARM!!! (and see how even when they’re on opposite sides there is still that same love. just more warped and corrupted T^T)
^worried/protective Morgana
^Arthur’s face after Merlin informs him that there’s an intruder heading to Morgana’s chambers
Morgana is very aware of Arthur’s trusting nature. Arthur is very aware of Morgana’s empathy and righteous nature. they understand each other so well which is why Morgana knew just how to harm Arthur in later seasons and why Morgana’s betrayal hit Arthur so hard. it’s also why he never stopped trying to reach out to her in s4 & s5. as @merlinemrys said in this lovely post, the show’s driving force is love. love of all kinds. whatever conflict it is, love is there at the center of it all and, in Arthur and Morgana’s case, it does not save them (just like how love does not save Merlin or Arthur from what lies ahead, as the op of the post pointed out).
that is what makes their relationship/love be like a double edged sword!! that is why they are edges of the same blade!!! they protect and fight for what they believe in and for the people they love, but the same blades cut deep and twist their wounds into a lasting scar.
it is because of Arthur’s love for Morgana that he cannot help but hope and mourn the woman he once knew. it is because of Morgana’s love for Arthur that her feelings of hatred are so strong and ugly.
like honestly,
look at them T^T compared to before
their relationship is so tragic T^T because we knew them before it all went wrong. we knew they cared and understood each other. we knew that for some time, they only had each other to rely on for a friend, a crutch, a breather for when the royal life was too much. both of them were fighters and strive to honor their values. both of them had once leaned on the other for support, had wanted nothing but happiness for each other.
fuck, they didn’t even get the chance to really be siblings because they found out too late, and by then Morgana was on a war path and Arthur only found out at the last minute.
like fuck, man
two sides of the same blade: forged with love, yet used for blood
screencaps brought to you by me, @sourdough-morbread, and farfarawaysite
#i will spare you the gorey details of me trying to fine decent screencaps & screenshots for this fucking post or else i’ll get pissed again#(i am considering whether it is worth it to go to war with youtube)#special thanks to my bestie mor for being there for me at the gorey times and helping me find more screenshots#fucking love you bestie 💕💕💕💕#also only including s1-2 bc i am tired and they are the ones where we get pendragon siblings not trying to kill each other#forgive me for always bringing up uther and the pendragon sibs’ upbringing with him it will happen again#also after hours of rereading transcripts and rewatching clips of bbc merlin: it is so obvious that uther cared and treated Morgana like hi#own child more than Arthur. like jfc he let’s her get away with so much stuff he is way for gentle with his words towards her#when he realizes that he was too cruel or rude like bro…..where tf was that for arthur#it just adds to the complicated sibling dynamic because there is the added jealousy and resentment of knowing a parent loved another more#literally most of Morgana’s time with Uther was her at odds with him and yet he views her as his child more#well no ducking dur that Arthur ‘i-would-do-anything-to-receive-my-father’s-love-attention-and-pride’ Pendragon resents Morgana for#always being the one Uther goes easier on and finds ways to turn a blind eye for like wtf#also during my research i was reminded of how done dirty Gwen’s story was by bbc#loses her father to a king fearful of magic barely gets to mourn him bc she now has to keep up the smithy and her maid job; reunites#with her brother who’s been AWOL for some years and still they don’t get a moment to talk about their dad and mourn TOGETHER#her storyline is pushed aside by s4 bc now she’s fulfilling the role of Arthur’s love interest and oh yeah they still need to incorporate#the lanceot/guinevere scandal and then banish her for some episodes without even letting her brother be mad about it like ?????#anyway#continued saga of fluffy rereading transcripts -> uther: ‘it’s been a long time since Ygraine…since anyone’ me: ducking liar >:(#[sir leon begins the slow clap] king you dropped this 👑IT IS 1AM HELP 😂#place your bets on where my laziness for evidence came in! (I honestly don’t know lol scavenging evidence is all a blur)#spent 2 days on this post lol#me: ok i think that’s enough evidence for this argument…………ok maybe ONE more won’t hur—#me after day 2: ….am i done???? am i free????#pendragon siblings coming behind me with a steel chair: nah mate!#me: FUCK THERE’S MORE#bbc merlin#merlin meta#pendragon sibs
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#I would say some of my peers pushed the cooties narrative but my parents discouraged it#so I never thought of boys as being gross or having transmissible microbes#and I was always raised to value romance so I I don’t think I ever noticed a shift in my attitude towards the male sex#however I was somewhat (okay Very) bitter when suddenly it was inappropriate for me to be alone in a room with my male friend#but that bitterness had nothing to do with my own feelings towards guys#(and I truly think it was unavoidable. it’s part of growing up.#you can’t know why it’s inappropriate unless you also know all the lurid things two teens can get up to alone.)#(perhaps the suddenness of the change can be mitigated but the sadness can’t)#anyways I’ve always wondered about this shift everyone talks about that happens around middle school#because I remember feeling quite glad and natural in it. though I always was an aspiring adult)
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i often think about why i seem to have better mental health than some of my peers and i think a large contributor might be the fact that i never went to middle school
#shouting into the void#i guess i’m making an assumption that i have better mental health#i don’t really know that#but like i’m doing just fine#and some of y’all Are Not#also this is sort of a joke but like genienly#i think not having to interact with peers in those formative years was beneficial for me#like i still had all the angsty-ness and mood swings and depression#but it never effected anything#i was in my own little bubble#like the worst i did was be really annoying for my parents to deal with
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