#my mom was fucking badass it was incredible to watch

[notsuchasecret]

My mom was a master at this. When I was a baby, she and my dad went to buy a minivan. We lived in Salt Lake City at the time, where it was expected even more than in other places that the man would take the lead. But my mom always made more money than my dad, and she knew exactly what she was doing.

They got sat down with the salesman and she laid out exactly what she wanted. He would direct his answer to my dad every time. She would answer every question he asked my dad herself. My mom was not someone to go against in a battle of wills. I'm only half as stubborn as she was and I can win a staring contest with a rock. They go back and forth a few times until they're almost at a number my mom can afford, but not quite. And then the salesman bangs his hand on the table and says, and I fucking quote, "C'mon, lady, how many ho-hos do you have to give up to get in this van?"

My father went to stand up to defend his wife's honor. My mother put a hand on his chest and pushed him back into his seat. She leaned forward very calmly and said, "I don't know. How many ho-hos do you have to shove up your ass to save this sale?"

And then she stood, gathered my carseat, my father, and my brother, and went across the street to another lot where she said "[salesman] at [competition] failed to meet my terms. What do you have?"

That salesman got her in the van she wanted but the upgraded model, for less money. And then when they got home, they realized they didn't have my diaper bag. But before they could do anything, that salesman from the second lot showed up at our house and said "I'm so sorry I took the liberty of looking at your paperwork, but I thought you would need this," and handed over my diaper bag. I'm a 90s baby, so they didn't have cell phones to call and I guess they hadn't been home to pick up the landline. This salesman was literally on his way to a wedding and made a detour to drop off my diaper bag.

The first lot had a slogan about making friends for life. My dad wrote a letter to that lot detailing their experience that ended with "Thank you for making [second lot] a friend for life."

The moral of the story is that if you don't react to their fear tactics, and if you're willing to walk away and go next door and tell the same terms and stand your ground there too, you will almost always get better care and a better deal.

Ive said this before but swear the biggest skill to learn as an adult is how to resist high-pressure sales tactics. You do NOT have to answer questions with anything other than "Sorry I'm not interested." No matter how nice they are or no matter how many follow up questions they ask or even how agitated they get when you stand your ground. Just keep saying I'm not interested. Don't answer their questions. Don't give them an opening to try to push back on your reasons. Be a fucking brick wall of I'm not interested.

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Sword gays showdown, round 3, bracket three

Propaganda:

For Inigo:

One of the best fighters ever. Killed the six fingered man. “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die”. Fights with his left hand even though he’s not left handed. He’s bisexual in my heart. 

All I'll say is that sword fight with him and Westley had sooooo much sexual tension. 

fights with his off hand to give other people a fighting chance

his true love is justice where justice is cutting the heart out of the man who killed your father

[go watch the entire count ruben fight scene and i dare you NOT to vote for this man!]

For Gideon:

she's incredibly good w/ her two hander and less good with her rapier but she's still pretty good!! she is a horny lesbian who's taste in women seems to exclusively be "girls who have tried or are going to try to kill her". she's a redhead. i love her

Gideon’s a HUGE Butch lesbian and literally always wanted to use a broad sword. Specifically a broad sword. She said fuck rapiers. Uhhh literally dies to save the girl she cares for and the sword she uses then becomes like an altar for said girl. Gideon Nav Supremacy <3

oh she is the most badass swordswoman lesbian in media. she’s her gf’s cavalier, defends her in battle, she’s incredibly butch and buff

C'mon shes THE sword lesbian like... canonically 

Loves her broadsword more than anything on her home planet and practices whenever she can. Spoiler it’s possessed by her mom. Gave everything so her best enemy could eat her soul and become the new saint. The character of all time child of two separate threesomes, child of the god emperor, she’s dead, she’s butch, she’s a dork, she’s doomed by the narrative. She’s my favorite.

girlie is literally the swordswoman supreme. she’s the cavalier primary to her necromancer. she has a fuckoff huge longsword. she gets absorbed into another person SPECIFICALLY to swordfight for them. in a gay way too.

While everyone else was developing common sense, she studied the blade. This dyke's main weapon and true love is the long sword, but she's also passable with a rapier. The sword is, in her own estimation, pretty much all she's good for. That and her smoking hot bod and terribly charming sense of humor. 

"While we were developing common sense, she studied the blade." (Direct quote from the book). She's the most useless lesbian to ever exist, and she's obsessed with an absolute wet cat of a woman. Learned longsword mostly on her own and is such a genius with the sword she learned rapier in a few months (by personal experience, it's really really hard)

Most badass broadsword wielding lesbian easily slaying bone monsters and evil space wasps

The cavalier to her necromancer. very gay. in a complicated codependant lovehate relationship with the only other person her age she knew growing up.

[inkmonster21]

A Cowboy’s Love

Hattie Mae Dutton is the youngest of the family whom Ryan, one of the wranglers on the ranch, has fallen for.

Yellowstone Ryan x OC!Dutton

This is part ONE

Series Masterlist

🤠

"I'm too old for this crap," John mutters, sitting on the edge of their bed. Evelyn shares his sentiment, her eyes reflecting exhaustion and frustration. She had just begun to feel like herself again after the challenges of Kacey, their already feisty son. But now, the news of the positive pregnancy test dangled in the air between them like a bitter reminder. Just as the dread began to transform into words, the door creaks open and Beth and Lee step in, their eyes instantly falling upon the test in Evelyn's hand. "Are you pregnant, mom?" Lee asks, a hopeful smile lighting up his face.

John and Evenly exchanged a knowing glance, both silently praying that fate would intervene this time. They had already gone through the challenges of having four children, and the thought of another child, especially a girl like Beth had wished, seemed almost too much to handle. But the positive test in Evelyn's hands confirmed their fears. With a resigned smile, Evelyn nods and says, "I hope it's a girl too, Beth."

Nine months later, Hattie Mae Dutton was born into the world, her entrance marked by a chorus of defiant cries, rivaling those of a bobcat unleashed from the depths of hell. Beth couldn't help but smirk as she heard her newborn sister's piercing cries, her voice filled with pride. "That's my fucking sister, right there," she declared with a chuckle.

-

Hattie barges into the house, her older brother Kacey in hot pursuit. "Give it back, you brat!" he yells at her. Hattie, her hand holding a knife, smirks at him defiantly. "Come and get it then! What, don't think you can beat up a girl?" Their father swiftly intervenes, pulling Kacey off of her. "What the hell are you thinking, son? She's 5 years old, for god's sake!"

John rolls his eyes at his son's antics. "For goodness' sake, Kacey. She doesn't know any better."

John scoops up his young daughter in his arms firmly, but with a hint of amusement. "Give it here," he tells her. Hattie, her expression somewhat chastened, hands the knife over to her father. "I just wanted to see it," she explains, a touch of defensiveness in her voice. John returns the knife to Kacey and steps out of the room, Hattie held securely in his arms. "You want to go for a ride?" he asks her, his tone gentler now, as he sees her eager nod.

-

Hattie Mae Dutton was the heart and soul of the Dutton family - the baby, the epitome of innocent charm, and the one who, it seemed, no one could ever say no to.

John sent  her to study business marketing, a path John believed would perfectly position her to market The Yellowstone Dutton Ranch effectively. Lee was incredibly proud of his sister, openly supporting her every step of the way. Beth thought it was badass how Hattie had the knack to make the ranch lifestyle come alive on social media. Kacey, on the other hand, didn't give two shits about what his sister was doing, barely understanding the magnitude of her achievements. Jamie was the only one who seemed to view her entire existence as a joke.

Hattie chuckled, clicking a picture of the wranglers. "Everyone smile!" she exclaimed, her camera lens focused on the stoic figure of Rip. "Even you, Rip!" He shook his head, but reluctantly broke into a sly grin. Without wasting a moment, Hattie snapped the picture and quickly opened up her editing app to touch up the photo before uploading it to the Yellowstone Instagram page.

~

It was Ryan's first day on the ranch, and the moment he laid eyes on Hattie, he was instantly captivated. She hopped out of the truck, her slender figure carrying shopping bags as she returned home from university for the weekend. "Who is that?" Ryan asked Lloyd, the older gentleman standing nearby. Lloyd chuckled as he watched Ryan's gaze follow Hattie's every move. "Hattie Dutton," he replied. "Mr. Dutton's youngest girl." Ryan nodded silently, his eyes still fixated on her as she pulled out a dress and showed it to her sister. "Wow," Ryan exhaled quietly.

Hattie was stood on the porch, proudly displaying her new purchases when Beth drew her attention towards a field in the distance. A younger man was standing there, his gaze focused solely on Hattie. He smiled warmly, tipping his hat in greeting. "Oh, wow," Hattie murmured, leaning back against the porch railing and admiring the cowboy. Beth couldn't help but tease her younger sister. "Hattie, what would Vince think?" she taunted. Vince Dupond, Hattie's uptight boyfriend, was known for his jealousy and possessiveness. Was his reason rooted in her father's substantial bank account? Quite possibly.

It felt as if fate or a higher power was meticulously orchestrating every detail. Just as Vince's car pulled into the driveway, he barked, "I thought you'd be here an hour ago!" Hattie stood there, silently anticipating the storm. Beth, standing nearby, whispered into her ear, "Looks like you're in trouble." Later that evening, at Vince's apartment, Hattie's skin bore the evidence of the price she had paid for her "trouble." The marks upon her body remained unseen, a secret safely tucked away.

Months passed, and the cycle of Hattie seemingly stepping out of line only to face his wrath became a grim regularity. It wasn't until one eventful night that someone finally took notice. Sitting in Vince's truck, Hattie tried to stay silent, knowing it would be pointless to argue with him. But when he accused her of sleeping with the ranch hands, she protested. "No, I'm not!" she insisted, reaching for the handle to exit the vehicle. But Vince grabbed her wrist, pulling her back into her seat with a force that made her cry out in pain. He jabbed a finger in her face.

"I bet you fuck all of them. Huh? Is that what you do, you fucking slut?" Suddenly, the driver's door of the truck was violently yanked open, leaving Vince frozen in surprise.

Rip turned his gaze to Hattie, sensing something amiss. "Is there a problem, Hattie?" he asked, noticing how tightly Vince gripped her wrist. Vince shot back defiantly, "Mind your own fucking business, you redneck." He tried to pull the door shut, but Rip acted quickly, yanking him out of the vehicle and slamming him onto the gravel.

Rip turned his attention to Hattie, his eyes narrowing. "I'm only going to ask you once," he said. "Did he hurt you?" Hattie looked down at her wrist before nodding slightly in confirmation. Rip's gaze flicked back to Vince, a fierce look of anger in his eyes. "I knew you were a piece of shit," he spat, proceeding to pummel Vince into a bloody mess. He slammed Vince against the bunkhouse wall, shouting out, "Lloyd! Get out here!"

Rip forcefully held Vince by his collar, pinning him against the wall. As Lloyd appeared from the bunkhouse, Rip pointed towards Hattie, who remained silently watching. "You hit her, mother fucker" Rip sneered. "This is what you get." Vince, bloodied and bruised, mustered enough defiance to spit on Rip's boots before hurling a chilling threat at him, "I'm going to kill you."

Rip chuckled at Vince's empty threat, his tone coldly mocking. "Well, you ain't gonna have that chance, partner." Turning to Lloyd, he commanded, "Tie his ass up. Throw him in the truck." Vince tried to struggle against their grasp, desperately pleading, "What are you doing? Hattie,  help me. Tell them to stop!" Hattie stood resolute, staring defiantly at her attacker before striding up to him and delivering a powerful punch to his face. "Rot in hell, you f\*\*king pussy," she seethed.

Hattie defiantly climbed into the Yellowstone truck, ignoring Rip's attempts to convince her to get out. "Get out of the truck, Hattie. Go home," he pleaded. She shook her head firmly, not budging. "No. If he's going to the train station, I want to see it," she insisted, her determination unyielding.

Rip looked at her steadfastly, a knowing look in his eyes. "You know what that means, don't you?" he asked. She responded with a determined nod, "Kacey's got it. I can have it too." From that day forth, Hattie made a silent vow to herself - never again would she allow herself to be a victim of cruelty, instead vowing to be the one breaking hearts.

~

Hattie quickly proved herself on the ranch. "Look at her go!" Lee chuckled admiringly as she skillfully managed the cattle. "She sure is something," he conceded. Ryan watched her from afar, his smile betraying his admiration. Lee noticed his interest and smirked, nudging him with a knowing look. "You think so?" he teased. Ryan's smile widened as he nodded silently, his eyes fixed on Hattie. Lloyd, riding alongside Ryan, chuckled, "Come on, Romeo."

Lee's voice carried across the plains, calling out to Hattie. "Hattie!" He observed Ryan's rapt attention towards her and continued, "You're with Ryan. Ride up to the river and move them this way." Hattie rode up to the pair, her presence causing Ryan to nervously fidget with his appearance. Lloyd chuckled at the exchange, his smirk widening. Hattie came to a halt in front of them, her soft blonde locks swaying gently in the breeze. Ryan's eyes widened as he smiled at her, his gaze captivated. "Is that alright?" She asked, only to realize he completely missed what she said. "What was that?"

Hattie couldn't help but notice the way Ryan's eyes lingered on her. Seeing the way he reacted, a sly smirk played on her lips, knowing very well about his feelings. She glanced over at her brother, unsurprised by his attempts to matchmake. Hattie tilted her head slightly and suggested, "I figured we could give them a rest once we reach the river. It's quite a long ride." Ryan nodded eagerly, his eyes never leaving her face. "Sounds perfect. That's a brilliant idea." Hattie, knowing exactly what was going on, furrowed her brow slightly. "Okay, let's go

Lee chuckled, giving Ryan a playful wink. "You're walking into the lion's den with her," he teased. Ryan's neck grew warm with embarrassment, and he responded defensively, "Y'all are setting me up."

Riding side by side, they gradually approached the river, the sound of the rushing water growing louder. Once they reached the river's edge, they dismounted and settled down by the water's edge. Ryan sat quietly, his mind racing as he desperately tried to find something to say.

Hattie removed her hat, her blonde hair fluttering in the breeze. She teased Ryan, saying, "You're quiet today." Ryan's flustered response began with, "Am I?"

Hattie chuckled softly. "Even after all these years, I still make you nervous?" Her tone was lighthearted, yet unbeknownst to her, her words held truth. Ryan's cheeks flushed as he admitted, "You can be intimidating, darlin'." Hattie patted his leg gently, her hand lingering for a moment longer than usual. It was a common occurrence between them, this flirtatious banter. Hattie's gaze shifted to the river, and a mischievous smirk played on her lips.

Hattie stood, shedding her shirt and jeans in swift motions. She turned to Ryan, a playful challenge written on her face. "You coming?"

Ryan's eyes widened in surprise as he watched her jump into the river. "Are you crazy?" he asked, his voice a mix of awe and concern. Hattie chuckled, "Don't be a pussy. Come on, cowboy."

Ryan took a moment, gathering his courage before discarding his clothes and joining Hattie in the river. He let out a yelp as the cool water enveloped him. "Oh, shit, it's freezing!" He swam over to her, his limbs aching from the cold. Hattie's arms wrapped around him, and he had to pinch himself to assure himself he wasn't dreaming. There, in the river, he had the woman of his dreams pressed against him.

Hattie's blunt question cut through the tension, "You wanna kiss me?" her smirk growing wider. Ryan's hands instinctively found her waist, and he knew this was a risky move. Looking into her eyes, he replied, "You know I do, darlin'." Her proximity sent his mind reeling, feeling intoxicated by her nearness. "Can I?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. "Kiss me, cowboy." Ryan's lips finally met hers, their kiss hidden by the rippling water. Their bodies pressed against each other, hidden by the flowing river, and the secret of their situationship had begun between the farmer's daughter and a ranch hand.

~

One evening in the bunkhouse, the atmosphere was charged with excitement as a game of cards began. "This game doesn't even make sense," Colby grumbled, throwing his cards down in frustration. "Man, this is bulls\*t. I'm broke." Ryan revealed his winning hand, collecting the winnings. As he meticulously organized his winnings, he couldn't help but overhear the muttered comments from his fellow cowboys about a certain Dutton.

"Hattie is the perfect rider, both on horseback and in bed," Fred smirked, taking a swig of his beer. One of his friends chuckled and added, "She ain't bad. I took her for a spin last weekend." The other men snickered in agreement.

Ryan felt a surge of anger as he stood, his eyes fixed on Fred. "Bullshit!" he exclaimed, certain that Fred was making things up. Fred's attempt to play it cool failed, and he was clearly taken aback by Ryan's outburst. "What's wrong, cowboy? Jealous?" Ryan stepped forward, his anger blazing, but before he could lay a hand on Fred, Rip intervened. He placed a firm hand on Ryan's chest, commanding, "Calm the fuck down." Ryan was too enraged to speak, and Rip turned his attention to Fred.

It took all of Ryan's willpower to tear his gaze from Fred. He was seething with anger, ready to pounce on him. Rip intervened, shaking him forcefully, "HEY! Stop that shIt and tell me what happened. You know the fucking rules." Rip pushed Ryan back into his seat, the weight of his hand a reminder that he needed to cool off and explain himself.

Lloyd spoke up, his voice a mix of anger and disappointment. "Fred was speaking ill about Hattie." Rip's eyes blazed with fury as he turned to Fred. "What the f**k did you say about Hattie?" Fred attempted to shrug it off, explaining, "I made a joke-" Rip pushed him forcefully back onto his bunk, his voice a growl. "A joke? A f**king joke? That's the daughter of your f**ing boss! You ever say anything about her again, and I'll rope your ass and drag you to pasture 9 and bury you right there." Rip shook his head at the childish behavior. "A joke. Grow the fuck up," Rip walks out slamming the bunkhouse door.

Ryan understood the rules, even though he'd heard them a hundred times before. When two men wanted to settle a dispute, they went to Rip. He would fight them all day if necessary. But for Hattie, Ryan was prepared to break the rules. If she ever needed him to fight for her, he would do so without hesitation. He'd gladly pack his bags and leave with a smile, knowing he had defended her honor.

[polyklok]

Movies I think Dethklok members would really like

No this is not based on anything I’m just in a mood™ rn

Nathan Explosion

Mad God

So, no, I did not have any ounce of an idea of what this movie was about when I originally watched it, and I’m still not 100% sure tbh but an hour and a half of these pure vibes would totally be up Nathan’s alley. The post-apocalyptic setting, all the gore, the details of the various monsters, and I think he would just really appreciate it from an artist’s standpoint as well. This movie would just resonate with him, even if he wouldn’t have a fucking clue what was going on the whole time.

Mary and Max

I’m, personally, a bit on-the-fence about this movie, but it is undeniably sweet and I headcanon Nate to be on the spectrum so 🤷

This would be, like, his guilty pleasure film. The movie he knows is for kids and is totally not brutal but he loves it anyway. The, “I do not feel disabled, defective, or a need to be cured” really hits for him every single time. He rewatches it at least once every few months, especially when he’s in some sort of emotional slump.

Mandy

Another one that just like, like, big Nathan energy, you know? He just seems like a guy to really love loose plots with trippy visuals and strong emotions attached to them. Also, this movie is so completely badass, it is certified metal in his book. He also finds the story incredibly tragic; having the love of your life stripped away from you in such circumstances really tugs at his heartstrings, but in a way that gets him pumped up rather than sad. This is probably his go-to when people ask, “what’s your favorite movie?”

Pickles the Drummer

Son in Law

Okay this is my guilty pleasure movie. I usually don’t like stoner-comedy from the 90s, but this movie hits different. Maybe I just find Crawl hot. Anyway, I’m projecting that onto Pickles. He honestly probably finds a lot of crappy comedies to be peak film, and this is no exception. Pauly Shore pretending to be a country boy for a whole movie? Hells yeah. Pickles would watch while high off his mind, laughing his butt off and going to town on some cheez-its or something. And you know what? He deserves it.

Opal

I’m counting short films because I feel like Opal is the movie for Pickles. He’d watch it on a whim, because these are not usually the types of things he enjoys, and then he’d in tears over the emotional rollercoaster he did not agree to go on. Like, he grew up in a neglective household with authority figures that were overly-selfish and projected their own problems onto the youngest one in the house, to which he had to hide within his own brain more often than not just to properly function. And then he just…watched it happen all again in the hypnotic style of Jack Stauber. The Mom’s song had him in gasping tears for a while, the way you get when a movie somehow perfectly captures your own trauma right in front of you. And the ending??? Ugh. Go watch Opal, guys, it’s on YouTube.

Nathan and Pickles both get very emotional about certain stop-motion films, isn’t that crazy?

House

Thank you to Lucy for this Letterbox review that I think he would write

Anyway-

This movie is actually so insane. It’s not scary in a horror-movie way, like it meant to be, it’s scary as in ‘What the hell is happening and why do I understand it?’ Pickles doesn’t like most traditional horror films, as the long, quiet suspense bores him and the sudden jumpscares freak him the hell out way more than they should. But he loves the campy-wacko-type horror that they were apparently making in 70s Japan. It’s just scary enough to get his heart pumping, but the pure silliness of it all overrides that, getting him in a giddy mood and excited to see what happens next.

(No I am not done but tumblr won’t let me add more pictures)

[tostadamika]

Daniel Watches She-Ra

& The Princesses Of Power

-S1E3- 'Razz'

Todays' She-Ra Watchthrough Art: Look I have been having a real shit week or so let me just bullshit this one thanks

Dumb question but why is Glimmers mom British? Also this is probably just me but it looks like her wings are attached to her hair & I can't stop thinking about it.

Oh also yo the theme song?

Yeah that's pretty swell.

A big step up from the original cartoon which was just.....sad? It's just like a sad attempt of being a cool retro cartoon theme song. It fails to live up to any of the greats of decades past.

TMNT 87? Iconic. Badass. Groovy. Radical.

Transformers? Iconic as well. Absolutely fucks.

The Super Mario Bros. Super Show? Fucking ART that makes Hans Zimmer look like an absolute fucking dork.

Sonic Underground? LITERALLY THE GREATEST FUCKING PIECE OF MUSIC EVER COMPOSED BY MANKIND.

80s She-Ra? It's like watching a cat spray diarrhea across my carpet for a solid minute. It's just sad.

Okay so I literally don't know any of their names but uh-

These two. These two evil goons right here.

Are-

Okay so are they like gay? I don't know why but my brain saw this & went "Is this dude dating that lizard? are they going to smooch?"

I have no evidence or any proof to back up my claim here.

But I'm gonna just assume these two are gay & smooching & holding hands & stuff.

Anyways these goon squad characters are lame, also fuck that one girl who was bullying Cat-Ra, like, damn. The fuck is her problem?

Like leave that cat alone she's a fucking cat. Who bullies a cat??

Fuck you!!

Yeah so the only two goons I find myself enjoying are these two because I just get a strong feeling that they might be gay.

Again, I have no proof or evidence. But I'm gonna just say that they are anyway because I decided that I want to & you can't stop me.

Also one of them is a lizard dude. Like I said, that objectively makes him cool as fuck because reptiles are rad as hell.

ALSO GLIMMER & ADORA ARE SO GAY??

LIKE- OKAY FIRST OFF THIS POSE ABOVE THIS SENTENCE? THAT AIN'T A POSE OF A STRAIGHT PERSON. SHE'S AT THE VERY LEAST BI OR LESBIAN OR SOMETHING. BUT NAH THAT POSE IS GIVING ME VERY HEAVY FAG VIBES /POS

GOD THEY'RE GAY THEY'RE GAY THEY ARE GIRLFRIENDS IDC

I fucking squealed at this they're SO IN LOVE AAAAAA

GOD THEY ARE SO GAY

SHE'S BEING SO GAY JUST TALKING ABOUT ADORA/SHE-RA

GAY?? GAY

REAL

IF THEY DONT KISS & HOLD HANDS BY THE END IM GOING TO PISS ON MY NEIGHBOURS MAILBOX

POV: Glimmer introduces you to her wife (she's magic & can become very tall & glows bc she's just cool like that)

Also I like, find She-Ra so fucking funny from the design itself?

She's just.....tall. She's a tall lass. Big. Large. Massive. A Tree.

Like, the fact that she's just....big. Like this is a needed change for her transformation. Being taller is an essential part of it.

One of her magical powers is just being really tall I guess. Like that's part of the transformation, she gets BIG. So that's just considered a power, because it makes her taller.

Being a tall fuck is considered a magical ability in this universe.

Also why did this episode just turn into Pixars' Brave (2012) for the middle part? I'm not upset I'm just confused bc I didn't expect to be hit with this sudden flashback to 2012 shit. But I like this old lady.

But (good job daniel you used but twice in a row, you're so good at writing you stupid fucking idiot-) I just kept being reminded of Brave while watching. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I haven't watched Brave in like a decade. Like, damn though, this part just reminded me of it a lot & I feel it's worth mentioning.

I should rewatch Brave sometime.

AHEM-

SHE'S SO FUCKING CUTE I WANT TO CRY SHE'S LITERALLY THE SCRUNKLY SCRIMBLO BLORBO AND ALSO A FAGGOT. I LOVE HER. PROTECT THIS SPARKLY FAGGOT & HER MAGICAL WIFE.

GRAHHHHHHH

Whore-Dak Update:

Okay Hordak, you get points just because you told Shadow Weaver to go fuck herself. That's incredibly based & awesome of you. To not only tell the wizard bitch to shove her stupid fucking shadow magic fart clouds up her ass. But you also were like "Hey angry lesbian cat, you get a promotion because you're epic" & that's so real.

I respect a villain who doesn't bully cats for no reason.

(other than because you're a huge bitch cough shadow cunt cough)

You're still nowhere near being Skeletor. But you are definitely a far better villain than the original 80s Hordak was. Keep it up buddy.

[archangeldyke-all]

Angelllll

I know you’re mainly a sevika stan and blog (and for good reason), but I wanna know how you feel about everything elsee from the trailerr. Caitlyn, Vi, Warwick, Jinx, THE WHOLE PACKAGE !!!

I feel so many hyped up feelings about it mannn and I TRULY TRULY cannot wait for fucking November OMGGG😫😫

(Also, which do you think is better as some on that excited for the next season of arcane ? — wait for the three weeks for all episodes to release when it does and binge it all at once; or follow the three episodes three act format that slows for both bingers and ppl that love to wait for episodes to come out? I love to binge so I wanna wait and watch it all at once, but I don’t think that’s a good idea as I’ll be so excited tho at I’ll burst and I’ll probably see spoilers on here or sth. So, as a fellow fan, what do you think is best ?)

OMGGG okay let me rewatch it rn and give u my notes hehe

cait's "i want to tear that laugh from her throat forever" LMAOOOOO this was so funny and unexpected coming from her character i mean it's badass and cool but that line in her posh little accent just kills me. but also imagine being vi and hearing ur girlfriend talking about ur sister like that LOL

my best guess for a timeline is that vi will join cait after the initial attack where she'll become an enforcer (meanwhile jinx and sevika will team up in the undercity), then she'll fight jinx the first time then she'll quit-- she can't handle the pressure-- she'll do her emo fighter thing (sevika will get her makeover and jinx will go into hiding-- she cuts her hair and dyes it purple to disguise herself??), and then after a timeskip when vi's hair is long it'll be the final fight of (i'm hoping??) zaun and piltover uniting against noxus (which is when we see sevika in a crowd looking at the sky?)

SPEAKING of noxus-- ambessa just looks so fucking powerful and cool in all her outfits. the hair disc crown she wears is SO cool, the weights on the end of her braids when she's in combat so that her braids act as little weapons too?!?!!? just incredible character design she's so intimidating and badass and her SWORD IS SO COOL

she's like silco: i'm not rooting for her, and i know that her character is The Bad Guy this season, but i just can't help but be excited every time she's on screen.

on a side note..... what are we thinking on the mel front?? mel. please be alive girl ur mom is out here going apeshit and starting wars, we need u baby. please be alive.

(but. then again. i could 100% see the reason ambessa wages this war in the first place is because she's lost her daughter.)

(i saw someone say season 1 was about fatherhood, what if season 2 is about motherhood with ambessa and mel and sevika and jinx being the 'mother/daughter' figures. such a good theory)

i audibly gasped when i saw that enforcer knocking out the firelight with the bird mask (idk if she has a name) but like DUDE that's a FIRELIGHT u better leave her OUT OF IT

SEVIKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SEVIKA SEVIKA SEVIKA SEVIKA SEVIKA SEVIKA SEVIKA SEVIKA SEVIKA SEVIKA

now that i'm looking closely, it looks like she's IN the scene where jinx is being touched by all the blue-haired followers she has. that just makes me SQUEAL, because sevika's really gonna do it!! she's gonna align with/tolerate/encourage jinx!!!!

SPEAKING OF WHO IS THAT BLUE HAIRED KID?!!?!? that's not powder, and i'm pretty sure it's sevika carrying them?! is that the kid who is standing by jinx in the background of sevika vs. smeech fight??!?!!?

i cannot fucking wait for sevika and jinx to interact more. god. i'm betting the only comic relief we'll be getting this season is heimerdinger being stupid, and sevika and jinx trying to get along.

DID JINX CUT HER HAIR!?!?!?!??!

JINX LOST A FINGER TOO

i'm obsessed with thieram in the streets fighting enforcers let's go king!!! asl;dhf;laskdjf

singed's "you've found it, haven't you?" was CHILLING. i'm really excited for the singed/vander/warwick storyline. i'm hoping to watch singed and viktor interact too, since viktor is back in the undercity.

(speaking of viktor-- i'm so curious as to why he and jayce haven't been shown yet. it could very well be that they're the main players in act 3 and are what start the big final fight with noxus... but idk.)

"the arcane is waking up" ominous lol

is that ekko pulling that chain?!!?!? with his hair pulled back and his facepaint off and wearing that beige outfit and an earring? i managed to pause on the singular frame they flashed and i'm pretty sure it's him.

his new look is SO SLEEK. OKAY EKKO!!!!!! finally getting an outfit change!!

they keep showing the arcane ('the arcane is waking up' lol) and i wonder if maybe viktor and the arcane have merged in some way. i remember in season 1 viktor said a bunch of sciency shit that was basically like-- the arcane is connected to me, i am connected to it, because he gave it his blood or something?? idk it's just so interesting to try to figure out what's happening there.

poor vi :( sad girl :( little tragic lesbian :( she just can't catch a fucking break can she?

SEVIKA VS. CAITLYN: WHO WOULD WIN AND WHY IS IT SEVIKA?!!?!?

i am so excited to watch that fight. i know the producers said everyone's gonna be an opposite of who they were in season 1, and my bet is that that means in this specific fight it'll be caitlyn vs. sev-- sevika's about to kill her when someone saves cait with a lucky shot (aka the explosion) just like she saved vi from sevika in season 1. who saves her tho? jinx on accident or vi on purpose? or is it just a coincidence?

caitlyn just looks so tired this season. gonna be sad that we don't have naive slightly awkward sweetheart caitlyn anymore.

the ekko and vi shot of them sharing a hoverboard... i'm sobbing.

idk what to say?? i'm so excited to see my wife. arcane isn't usually a show i'd be into (i only really watched for sevika in the first place lmaooo) but season 2 looks THRILLING so far. (but honestly if they kill off sevika i might just dip then and there lololol) (it's not that i don't like vi and cait and jinx and the rest of the characters, it's just that... i'm really only here for sevika hahaha)

i know that the character that's gonna piss me off the most will be caitlyn. i'm thinking that ambessa and cait's shared grief over their respective losses will make cait vulnerable to ambessa's influence. i'm guessing act 3 starts when caitlyn realizes what she has allowed to happen in letting ambessa start a war, and she finds vi and they reunite to save the city from noxus?? who knows. but i know i will be tearing my hair out watching cait kill herself for revenge she's never going to get.

(completely unrelated rant: this would be a caitlyn stan blog if she wasn't a fucking cop. i get that that's her whole character, but come ON. she wanted to help people and piss her parents off and turn her back on her wealth, i get it, she couldn't've become a fucking teacher or something!?!? sorry, the lesbian cop trope just pisses me off so fucking bad.)

if arcane doesn't give caitvi one good kiss (AT LEAST) they're gonna have a big fucking problem on their hands. i went into arcane season 1 thinking 'okay, i'll find out who this hot lady on my pinterest is, and i know there's lesbians in it so it's gotta be worth a watch' only for the lesbians to do NOTHING LESBIAN except yearn. i'm gonna need the homosexuality meter turned all the way up this season. fuck it, make all the characters gay. give jinx a girlfriend. give ekko a boyfriend. give us a sex scene between heimerdinger and singed, idc.

me personally, i'll be watching the episodes as they come out! i think it'll just be easier for me that way-- i won't have to avoid tumblr for half a month, and for me half the fun of watching a show is watching it as it airs out so me and all the little gay people in my phone can talk about it hehehehe

those are my main thoughts! so sorry they were all jumbled and random! feel free to write your conspiracies about the next season in my ask box, i love shit like that!!

[t0ast-ghost]

Okay I really liked scream 6. Some might argue I just like Jack Quaid too much and that him approximately being in a movie is good enough for me. But No! I think this movie was so genuinely great.

Couple notes on that to elaborate:

- they had a great set up with the last movie, cause we got to see how shitty Richie was as a person and how he died and now we get to watch him get idolized

- the beginning, not one kill that was differing from the norm BUT TWO?!? It must be fucking Christmas (haha I know it’s Halloween in the movie)

- I liked that Jason had posters of metropolis and other German expressionist films on his wall, damn he really is a film student (I’m film student adjacent so I can make this joke)

- the kills were so fucking disturbing, I was left gasping after Anika’s death and almost fucking lost it anytime Mindy or Chad almost died

- that brings me to Mindy, like holy fuck, I really liked her rants in this movie, the last movies one’s felt too preachy and on the nose for me. Her and Anika’s last kiss had me crying. Might be my new favourite character. The terror in the train scene holy shit

- the train scene was masterful. I hated every second, not knowing which party would get attacked, who to trust (it got me to trust Ethan), or just when the fuck anything would happen

- CHASE SCENES! All we really got from 5 was the hospital, this time we get the store, the apartment (truly incredible), and Gale’s house

- Gale actually shooting the fucker was my favourite badass moment (although the end sequence is great I think it’s too sad to be my favourite). I loved how she was taunted but is so skillful and almost beat the fucker

- I also loved the fan theories throughout the movie, from mentioning Stu Macher was alive to how each of the main legacy cast could be the killers

- I found the screams throughout the movie were so intense. I don’t know if I just didn’t realize in previous films but holy shit the screams were so well done by the actors

- The relationships felt so real and they really did feel like people bonded by their past. I loved the way that Tara wasn’t just close to Chad but also Mindy (also that it didn’t feel like her and Chad were close just for romantic/sexual purposes). The part where Tara rests her head on Mindy’s shoulder or where Chad was getting her away from Frankie. Outside of the core four, it still felt real, like the awkward moments with Quinn to how Danny was still a little distanced from Sam since their relationship is new but he still cares for her

- end sequence was so good, I was NOT happy about Chad but I get they needed to get literally every other character out of the way for the sequence other than the two mains (and a cop adjacent character for good measure)

- When Tara and Sam really started fighting back, like he gives his whole fatherly speech and then Sam calls his son a limp dick baby man and you can see his whole facade crumble just a bit and he’s caught off guard

- every time Jack Quaid appeared I laughed because IT WAS JUST SELFIES OF HIM! I really love his acting but when you get a suspect board and it’s a selfie of him in a car with earbuds I’m gonna fucking cackle (though they might’ve used more personal photos throughout to show a more familial connection, make it more homey)

- fairly certain the clip of him talking in his “film” was actually taken from past stuff he’s done? I’m assuming?

- the sequence of them killing everyone was both really well done but also so sad? Like neither of them wanted this, they feel happy about getting back at the people who have supposedly killed all their friends, but Tara starts crying after killing Ethan, Sam doesn’t want to become her father. And she ultimately isn’t, she’s protecting Tara, she’s killing for revenge, whereas Billy did it because he wanted to? (I haven’t watched the first in awhile but I don’t think he had anything against Sid other than the fact he killed her mom) I don’t think what Sam did was something necessarily “right” or “just” she did it for survival, like a bear to protect her cub. That ending in the film it was probably the best turn out.

- Then the ending where both Sam and Tara are coming out from behind the curtain and it says “written and directed by Richie Kirsch” wow just wow. That says so much, cause yeah, he did get his movie, Sam killed a lot.

Well that’s my notes. Really enjoyed, maybe I should rewatch the trilogy and finally watch the fourth movie (I watched one, five, two, then three but wasn’t paying as much attention to three… or two… okay I’m a bad fan)

P.S. I kinda hope they make a series

P.P.S. I have a list of every horror movie I could think of and if you like that sort of thing, check it out! (Maybe even recommend a movie… or five)

[imreallyloveleee]

ok i've finally started season 6 of better call saul (ahhhHHHHHH) so there's no better time than the present for me to vomit out all of my thoughts and feelings on this show thus far

first of all, i already want to start rewatching this show, like, right now, before i even finish it. unreal

my biggest complaint at this point is that i feel they lost the plot with Mike a bit in s5. his is a trickier needle to thread than jimmy's, i think - there's less daylight between parking attendant mike and stone cold fixer mike than there is between jimmy mcgill and saul goodman. but i'm just not convinced that this guy would agree to work for gus fring long-term. i guess we're supposed to believe that the guilt he feels, blaming himself for getting his son killed and depriving kaylee of a dad in the process, is SO overwhelming that he'll willingly do these terrible things so he can "pay her back" with this massive nest egg he plans to build up. but like...this is a conclusion i'm coming to by sitting here overthinking about it, not a conclusion that i feel is coming organically from the show. something just feels off. and i don't think it's intentional, i think they just missed the mark. that said, i liked his "bad choice road" speech to jimmy a lot at the end of the season.

speaking of kaylee, oh my god the scenes with her are goddamn annoying, and the scenes with her mom are even worse. i honestly feel bad for the woman, she's probably not even that bad of an actor but on a show overflowing with people at the absolute top of their game she really stands out as a weak link.

NACHITO 😭 i know he's not gonna make it out of here alive. poor guy. he just really loves his dad!!!!!!!!

Lalo is such a FANTASTIC addition tho. it's so hard to add a compelling character this late in the game but he's so charismatic he even makes me hate Hector Salamanca scenes like 80% less

I could have done with less Gus Fring on this show in general. he was incredible on BrBa, but he just...doesn't need to be fleshed out more? and he kind of isn't, he's just around a lot? idk, but i'll take this as an opportunity to share that one time i saw Giancarlo Esposito wearing a black cowboy hat and buying a package of raw chicken at Whole Foods in Austin TX like 9 years ago

ok now onto the lawyer-y side of things. in contrast to Mike's story, I think Jimmy/Saul's is pretty much pitch perfect. i believe his decisions, i believe his hesitations, i believe the push and pull.

(sidenote just remembered i also deeply hate the salamanca twins, always have always will, on BrBa they always felt like some lame reddit bro's idea of a "badass villain" they're just so flat and boring and i wish they weren't in this show either ugh)

anyway back to Jimmy - obviously, this show would not work whatsoever if Jimmy didn't work as a character, but it's still like, HOLY SHIT do they make him work. he's so tragic, you just KNOW that he could be better and you want him to be better and you know he wants to be better but: he can't. he won't. we know where this story is heading. and at his core he will always be this boy who really really really loved his big brother and never felt that love returned and never will and now i'm going to cry just thinking about the fucking scummy lawyer from breaking bad oh my goddddd

finally: kim. kim. KIM. having only watched 6x01 at this point - i feel like i've only barely scratched the surface on understanding who this character is. i don't know what to say, but i just rewatched this scene and it's maybe my favorite thing i've ever seen, with the exception of like 8 other kim scenes (most of which consist of her dressing down an idiot man, her boyfriend included)

JIMMY AND KIM FOREVER 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 and if you're wondering if i'm having Fic Thoughts, the answer is yes, yes i am

p.s. i've been listening to some of the insider podcast episodes and my GOD what a breath of fresh air to listen to peter gould and vince gilligan after being an unwilling prisoner of roberto aguirre sacasa for 7 goddamn years

[bluedalahorse]

I’ve been thinking about the fairy deal question of would you want more YR forever but the price is no longer having fic and I don’t know if I would change my answer but I’ve thought through my answer a lot more and I want to put so many more asterisks on it.

So for me I answered from a place of like… creative ethics, I guess? YR was Lisa’s story first, and she had a beginning and end for it and wanted to write it in three seasons. It’s obvious she cherishes it, but she has other stories to tell now. The actors gave us their all for three seasons, but they’re all growing up and will be moving on to new projects and I’m excited to see what they do next. So the notion of some fae queen putting Lisa and the cast and the crew in a magical prison of having to perform for us forever just feels… not so great. I know that’s not what the question was asking but now I can’t unsee the fae nightmare scenario. Blame Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell if you must!

On the other side of creative ethics is that I feel like what we call fanfic is intrinsic to the human condition, and therefore humans should be allowed and encouraged to do fanfic. Like centuries ago someone would tell a story about Robin Hood to their kids and then eventually one of those kids would tell a story to their friend like “ok here’s my Robin/Little John/Maid Marian OT3 hurt-comfort epic” and their friend would be like “excuse me no the vibe is Robin/Sheriff of Nottingham enemies to lovers” and then they would have had a ship war about it. Lisa et al might own the legal rights to Young Royals but everything about the way they ended the series felt like they were lovingly handing it over to the fans. They trusted us to envision an infinite number of futures for the characters. And that feels worth mentioning.

And, even if Lisa wanted us to never write fanfic again, I feel like we’d still have the right to write it, and we should probably write it more actually. I had a friend growing up who was on the secret underground Vampire Chronicles mailing lists Anne Rice disapproved of. I think this is badass.

Here’s where the fae queen would try to tempt me… they’d remind me that my favorite characters aren’t always featured as heavily in fanfic, and that sometimes they’re featured in ways that don’t vibe as much with what I love about canon. That I am more likely to get the characterizations I want from Eternal Canon. And I admit, I am very likely to click backward when I see stories where August is flattened to an uncomplicated villain, Sara and Felice are solely Wilmon’s cheerleaders/flatterers, and Good Mom Linda vs Bad Mom Kristina plays out with No Nuance. Among other things! Like, yes, sure, I know there would be a great temptation for me even just to see more incredible acting from my kids Frida and Malte. I do like watching what they do with their faces and body language. You’ve got me there, fae queen…

However! I am still not ready to surrender to the fae queen and give up fanfic just yet. Because the reality is, we’re all writing fanfic to express our relationship to the text and wrestle with it a bit, and that includes me. Getting to explore August’s continued recovery, and his relationship to family and friendship with Nils, is something that mattered to me. I enjoyed figuring out the balance of writing Nils in his early 20s, and figuring out what it would be like for him to openly date boys and have a boyfriend, while still not having him be like… a gushing hopeless romantic of a person who makes Pinterest boards for his wedding? And then thinking about another story I haven’t written yet, connected to that fic linked above, where Vincent ends up being the first to get married but also the first to get divorced, and his daughter has ADHD too and he’s seeing so much of himself in her, and he confesses late at night to Nils and August that he’s worried he’ll fuck her up the same way he got fucked up by his parents. And then, in the story I’m writing now, I found an opportunity to write Linda as like a full-on human who sometimes wants things for herself independent of her kids, but also that’s really fraught for her, for reasons. Also I want to explore Sara as a grown up—sometimes strong and sometimes vulnerable—and have her break free of toxic capitalism, because she’s gotten better at her relationships to people but she’s fallen into the “work should be your life’s calling” fallacy and her bosses are taking advantage of her. I have a lot of things I want to write. And those things matter too, even if I’m not always sure who the audience for them is, and even if I wish sometimes that they were fics available for me to read that I didn’t have to write myself.

So the fairy queen can go skipping off to play with some other mortal for now. I’ve got chores to do and a heatwave to avoid anyway.

[ofswordsandsorcery]

My thoughts on SHADOW & BONE S2

SHADOW AND BONE SEASON 2 SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

GRISHA VERSE SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

!!!!SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT!!!!

I wrote this while watching, so it's really chaotic

Also, I haven't read any of the books in a while, so forgive me for not remembering how to correctly write the names and probably forgetting stuff :D

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED CLICK OFF THERE ARE SPOILERS HERE

Episode 1

A privateer actually, it's an important distinction

Take your fuckin shoes off the bed

TAMAR AND TOLYA FUCKING ICONIC

Episode 2

THE BOOK, IT'S LIVES OF SAITS, OH SAINTS IS IT BEAUTIFUL

"you live in a single moment I live in a thousand"

You're old as shit we get it

Nina Zenik is a fucking menace and I am SO living for it

Also, we love a queen that eats <3

Oh oh Nikolai trying to steal Mal's girlfriend i see

Tamar and Alina interaction ahsjsjsjsj

The bonding over being shu han???

Awww, i loveee themm

You are FANCY CARGO

I'M DYING

Wylan and Nikolai working together would be the end of the world as we know it

HE SAID THE LINE

HE SAID IMPROBABLE

I- I CAN'T OMGGG

I thought the girl working for Aleksander was Zoya for a sec and i was SO confused

Aww, Wylan he's beyond thrilled, he just doesn't show it love

FUTURE HUBBYYS

Jes getting his fucking hat before leaving is everything

Episode 3

Soaaring flyyyyinnn

Nikolai is one hell of an inventor

Jes and Wylan on a missionnn *in a singing voice*

Nina giving Kaz contra >>>

Ajsjyjsjsjs Prince Nikolai reveal i am jsksksjsj AN ICON, truly

You lying bastard

Whack

Even more iconic

David and Genyaaaaa

I love David

I'm still so incredibly mad

On an unrelated note: Lewis Tan is one fine man

A casting decision I actually love

Side eye to Nikolai

(sorry paddy, nothing against you, you are doing a wonderful job just really not how I imagined Nikolai to look at ALL)

Nadja meets Tamar

Brb, I'm going to turn in to a useless queer

Also, I love Aldrick

ZOYALINA ZOYALINA ZOYALINA

Fuck allies, you need a wife

I am so living for Wylan begrudgingly agreeing with Jes

Wylans horrified stare at the piano playing omg and the little flinch

"He's really good" lol

Jes is so falling in love with Wylan over his piano playing skills

That LOOK

YOU KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT THAT IS SO CUTE I'M CRYING

Uhhh, kaz inej fight lol

Let me bandage it for you even tho i am deadly afraid of touching skin

Ahhh, communication

Omg the subtle shaking? The fear in his eyes? Well done.

What's your telll?

The cane the limp, know ones ever smart enough to look for the real one????

It's not what you think??

Nina is like yeah, take your bullshitting elsewhere

Ahaaa

I LOVE seeing that friendship develop.

Shit at first dates lmao

Love you Nina

Kaz fighting scene omg

Badass.

Crow club takeover? What?

Y'all I wasn't prepared for this

So much is happening at once, help

Eww he licked the knife? Bah

Go Inej, get his ass..

THE HAIR FLIP

INEJ INEJ INEJ INEJ INEJJJJJ

BABES YOU'RE FUCKING BADASS

Wow the prayer

So much emotionnnn

Ajhsjsjsj

Vladim, what are you doing love

General Kirigan what the actual fuck

That.. Is your mom

The horror on David's face

I feel the same way tho

I HaVe a PrOPosAL

Shut up Nikolai, you're gonna get punched again and you're face is actually to pretty for that...

STOP IT. They're holding hands

I repeat THEY ARE HOLDING HANDS

This is a fucking emotional roller-coaster

I'm not going anywhere - walks away

Thanks Jes, for saying what i thought

Jesper you little fuck

Don't betray Wylan like that?

Wylan talking about how Alby isn't responsible for who his father is

Van Eck im FUCKING LOOKING AT YOU

Oh Mathias my poor boy <3 he seriously needs a hug...

What's your price? Nuh uh

Episode 4

Vasily you idiot

TAMARR <3

Razrusha'ya

Ruined? I AM NOT RUINED I AM RUINATION

Baghra the wise im cackling

I KINDA LIKE YOUR FACE?

Jes you can't just drop that casually and then move one as if fucking nothing happend????

No mourners no funerals and it's almost all of my babies

Nadjas impressed look at Tamar and her axes has me SOBBING

TOLYA WITH HIS BOOOK

LOVE

That was a long time ago

Yeah oops

Make him kneel make him kneel make him kneel omg

That whole scene is so fucking good i had to actually rewatch it multiple times before i could move on

Tolya and Tamar supremacy <3

Not The POETRYYY

Tamar and Tolya meeting the crows??? Holy shit

This has taken so many twists and turns and loopings what

You could... Come with me??

Wylans lil shrug???? I'm actually crying

Kit's acting in the confession scene? SPECTACULAR the glances, the lil eye roll before be gathers the full courage, the little waver in his voice when he does confess??

A WYLAN KISS? WHAT I DID NOT EXPECT THAT AT ALL

HELP

HELP

HELPPPPP

Maybe you need a reminder?? The laughs the giggles I'm going to spontaneously combust

Wtf kaz

I worry about you?

I can't have a weak link in my crew?

You're a bloody idiot, is what you are

Nina should kock some sense into that head of yours after what you just said you moron

I think Rollins knocked it outa ya

And king he shall be

Just not yet oops

Unhinged Genya? hell yes!!!!

Ahhh, Baghra, you sly fucker

Not Adrik

Not him

Please not him

Jesper, Inej and Nina solidarity

Jes loves the gossip so much ahahahah

Episode 5

Genya not wanting David to see her because she's afraid of what he'll think hurts my heart

Genyalina hug supremacy

Baghra said sobatchka

I'm crying. This is not the time but omh

YOU DON'T NEED FIXING

Damn right she doesn't.

Tolya looking at the bowl of food is literally me

NINA AND TOLYA BONDING OVER FOOD

NOT WHAT I THOUGHT I'D GET BUT NOW I NEED MORE, OH LORD

I'm not here for you whoops

Oh Jes, you said the wrong thing baby

Bhez Ju? It looks INCREDIBLE!!!

Tolya being like wtf is going on with you and wylan is gold

I know metal

David i love you

The gentle forehead press

What did you do to him

Tolya giving relationship advice to jesper avout wylan I'm going to cry

Nvm I'm actually already crying

Nina trying to talk to Kaz about tea had me laughing so hard

Tolya snacking all the time, we love it

Zoya honestly

Tolyas comment about soldiers, i love that

Episode 6

MAMA

I'm laughing so hard

Poor Mal

He doesn't deserve any of this

The thief is so beautiful

And she's so badass

SHE'S DOING A GRISHA VERSION OF BLOODBENDING??? THAT IS GENIUS

Lol she's giving it to Jesper

I think she knows he's a special one

Love her so much

Another Wesper kiss??? Also, Tolya's knowing face lmao

Mathias = slab of fur and i will not refer to him as anything else ever again

Episode 7

Why on earth is everyone losing their hands?

This is ridiculous

Let me introduce you to Inej - Badass of the Barrel

Uh oh is right you witch

The crows join, it's over you idiots

Not the cane, that's a sacrilege what you just did.

Sibling reunion I'm sobbing over that hug

Um, Mal u okay hun?

Episode 8

Not kaz giving his cane away what is happening???

My Man

MY MAN

MY MAN

Kaz and Tolya bonding over Poetry? Of all things? love it

Ah ah ah is that an upward lip tug i see Kaz?

Jes... Why did you ruin the moment like that?

There's six of you you morons

Just don't know it yet lovelies

Have i said i don't like Genya's eye thing? It just looks so cheap

He wants an investment lol

Kaz you fuking idiot

You actually have to say it you know

Oof, the I want- I want you

Gives me the same vibes as i love, i love, i love you

How many fucking flying ships do they have?

Nah wtf is this Inej & Tolya shit

What's with the suggestive camera angles, stop that

Actually, i like the sturmhond look on Mal

Inej on the boat taking over slaver ships

So many things i didn't think I'd see this season omg

Ketterdam what kinda fucked up, out of proportion moon do you have???

Ugh not the apparat

Fuck off already, i didn't miss you at ALL

For a man of faith...

Love you for that, sobachka

Finally a better eye patch

Zoya you actually could lol

Are we going to get a triumvirate sitch with Alina?

Omgg yesss

You finally gonna go to Fjerda huh

I AM SO LIVING FOR THE DRESSES

EXCEPT ZOYAS... WHERE'S THE SIGNATURE BLUE SILVER?

Not that it doesn't look good just...

Talk about show stopping, am i right

Well, that's a way to end the show

Additional things I LOVED

- The show name at the beginning of every episode

- The different languages >>>>

- everything Tolya does

-Patrick Gibson as Nikolai, the longer I watched the better it got

What I did NOT like:

- lots of things actually but I have decided for myself that from here I'll just see the show as something different from the books and cherish it for what it is

-David and Genya having literally five seconds before he died? WTF? David was supposed to be here longer :/

-that they put SO MUCH into this season? like so much is happening at once and then they introduce additional stuff??? Felt a little rushed to me... Like were kinda already at the point of King of Scars but at the same time the SOC plotline is so ripped apart? I am confused...

[eusuntgratie]

8, 12, 16, 23 👀👀💚

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

i have some...complicated feelings about buck and chris's relationship and how that's portrayed/talked about especially in how it reflects on eddie. i say shit like THATS HIS DAD and THEYVE BEEN COPARENTING FOR YEARS because they HAVE and i think in a lot of ways buck loves chris like he's his and chris CLEARLY sees buck as a parental figure and eddie REPEATEDLY and PURPOSEFULLY puts buck in that role and is comfortable with him in that role.

where i get the ick is when that's pushed into this idea that chris needs buck, that eddie needs buck, in order for their family to be complete. and i don't know that i can articulate this well bc eddie does need buck, and chris needs buck too. but i also think it is so so important to recognize that eddie is a great father (despite a rough start) and that they were (and would continue to be) just fine without him.

i've even struggled with how i've written this relationship in fic, because it can be a tough line to toe.

i suspect that fandom subconciously leans in to this idea that buck can swoop in and save eddie and chris in large part because buck is white and eddie isn't. and i know that i'm icked by it more because of that.

and this is probably related, but i don't think chris would ever start calling buck anything but buck. the idea that a kid needs to call someone dad/mom/whatever for them to be "important" is bullshit. my best friend and i's kids call us by our first names but they also refer to us as their 'other mom'. i've always called my stepdad by the nickname everyone else calls him. buck has been in chris's life a long time; i don't think he's gonna start calling him something different if they finally get together and/or get married.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

taylor and shannon and lucy on 911. fandom loves to hate any woman that's even vaguely connected to one of the boys. i like taylor because she's interesting, and i appreciate seeing a woman who puts herself and her career first. we see men do that all the time. i don't hate taylor for being selfish. i don't want her with buck, but i think their relationship was SO interesting and was important for buck figuring out what he wants.

i LOVE shannon and i have loved shannon from the beginning. people love to hate her and say she's a terrible mother for abandoning her child. but she was a young woman in an impossible position who had NO help from her partner for YEARS. she tried to do what she thought was best for her son, her mother, and herself. eddie wouldn't GIVE her that space so she TOOK it. and good for her, honestly. did it hurt chris that she left? absolutely. would people judge a father as harshly for doing EXACTLY the same thing? absolutely not. shannon loved her kid, she tried to do her best, but she was pushed well past her breaking point (which eddie is largely to blame for - yes i can love my blorbos and admit they have flaws GASP) and everyone had to deal with the fallout.

lucy is hot and badass and interesting and if you watch her kiss with buck and think anything other than 'fuck, that's hot' then we will simply never agree and i'm not going to argue with you. get off her ass, she's incredible and i want her back.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

miscommunication based pining. i can do it for a little bit, but my nightmare is a 100k+ fic rated t tagged slow burn and mutual pining. JUST OPEN YOUR DAMN MOUTH! AAAAAAHHHHHH!! i can do SOME pining bc yearning can be really delicious but when the whole reason 2 people are pining for seven billion words is because nobody will just TALK it makes me insane.

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

oooh this is tricky bc i am a multishipper to my CORE i want everybody fuckin everybody and falling in love all over the place give it to meeeeee. i feel like the only ship i've ever really been AGAINST is thorki, and that's largely bc of people arguing that it doesn't "count" as incest bc loki was adopted, which pisses me the fuck off. the actual ship i don't really have beef with and i'm sure i would read a fic if someone sent it to me and it was good. idk. it takes a lot for me to be like, ew, absolutely not.

(obligatory disclaimer that you're allowed to like shit i don't like. i'm not telling you your opinion sucks, i'm telling you what i think <3)

fandom violence asks <3

[heart-of-the-morningstar]

SPOILER REVIEW FOR ACROSS THE SPIDER VERSE BELOW THE CUT

1000000/10, best movie, go see it immediately, Spider-Man my beloved 💖💖💖

- The Visuals

• Holy shit guys, this might be THE best animated movie ever created. They took the visuals and art styles from the first movie and cranked it up to 10,000!!

• Seeing all the Spider people in different art forms had my eyes glued to the movie, there were so many Easter eggs and nods to other popular Spiders, I know I didn’t see them all!

• The backgrounds were absolutely gorgeous! My personal favorite being the ones from Gwen’s universe, almost every shot had different colors in the background and it was just mesmerizing!

• They did a fantastic job distinguishing each universe from one other by using different color schemes and art styles, even when some of them looked similar, you could tell there was something different!

- The Characters

• They definitely go all in on character development in this film, they wanted to give everyone more character and personality and backstory. We’re missing a few of our Spider friends from the first film but they’re replaced with some new faces!

• Miles, the absolute GOAT, was such a great protagonist in this film. We spend a lot more time with his family this time around and they didn’t shy away from the slow and heavy moments. His mom even gets more of a role in this movie and she was great! He’s only 15 y/o in this movie and absolutely outsmarted every single other Spider at one point which was great to watch! There’s a plot point in the movie concerning Miles that will absolutely break your heart 😭

• Gwen gets a lot more screen time than in ITSV, she’s a stand out character in this movie! We get to see the relationship she has with her dad and get to go more in depth about how she lost her Peter! And I’m happy they didn’t rely too heavily on the romantic aspects between Gwen and Miles, but they touched on it and it was incredibly sweet!

• Miguel O’Hara my beloved!!! (I’m an Oscar Isaac stan, Moon Knight was the best Marvel tv show, fight me on it, lmao) I wouldn’t consider Spider-Man 2099 a villain, but he made a very good antagonist to Miles, he was very threatening! He didn’t get a very in-depth back story but you were given just enough information to sympathize with his pain. Something seemed fishy about his story, maybe I’m reading too much into it, but I’m hopeful they dive into it more in the sequel!

• SPIDER-PUNK, HOBIE BROWN OMG, what a fantastic new addition, he’s such a fucking anarchist and it’s great! He speaks in a thick cockney accent and I love his rebellious nature, he don’t give two shits about what anybody thinks! His character’s look might be the most impressive in the film, apparently it took animators 3 years to make him look the way he did!!

• Pavitr Prabhakar, baby boy, sunshine!! He’s a little cocky but in a cute way! His home of Mumbattan was SO GOD DAMN COLORFUL! I honestly wished he had more screen time because he was super funny and HIS HAIR, SO FLUFFY AND SOFT!!!

• Everyone’s favorite Peter B Parker makes a return! I can say he didn’t have as big of a role in the film as ITSV but he was still great regardless! And now he has a baby girl named Mayday!! And he kept trying to show everyone pictures of her like an actual new parent would lol.

• Jessica Drew is also a new character! She was super badass with her Spider Cycle! AND she was pregnant the whole movie which is even more badass! (Also, side note, when Gwen asked about her pregnancy, I really appreciated that Jess said that they she didn’t know the sex of the baby instead of saying gender, it was small but I liked that little detail!)

• Spot, the main villain of this movie (and the next) was interesting! If I had any real complaints about this movie, it would be that Spot was not in this movie as much as I hoped. I understand why because this is the first part of a 2-part movie, but by the end of the movie, he shows up and I was like “Oh yeah, Spot, where the hell has he been??” But he technically is a character we’ve seen before (I don’t wanna say who because it’s actually funny who he turns out to be!) He starts out being kind of goofy but he gets very threatening!

• There are bunch of other minor characters that I won’t go too deep into but my favorite minor character had to be Ben Riley, he was made to be super over dramatic and stated really obvious things while he was on patrol, got a few laughs out of me!

- The Plot

• Babes, the story is so good in this. I don’t want to give EVERYTHING away cuz I want y’all to see it for yourselves but I will say that this is a 2-parter! There is a “to be continued” at the end of the movie just so you’re prepared!

• The basic premise is that the Spiders have to take down Spot because he’s hopping to different dimensions, making himself more powerful. Spot has a personal grudge against Miles and wants to take away everything from him. You can tell from the trailers that Miles is trying to defy Miguel and what he’s doing, which ends up going in a very suspenseful direction! Again, not going to spoil everything, but it’s just such a great story!

• Like I said, they focus more heavily on family dynamics in the sequel which I loved! More time with Jeff and Rio which was nice to see, Rio has a great talk with Miles during the movie and it was so heartfelt! Gwen and her dad have a few scenes together too, it’s a really great relationship to watch unfold. Gwen and Miles have some great character moments together, but of course it’s not all positive!

• The dynamic between the different Spiders is a blast as well! I was never bored with this movie, it kept me engaged even during the non-action sequences because they did a great job making you care about these characters!

• This movie clocks in at almost 2 1/2 hours but I promise you, you’re not gonna feel that time. I did not want this movie to end! They throw so much at you but at the same time, you’re gonna leave wanting more!

• Where this movie ends is…wow!! I can say I definitely didn’t see it coming until a few seconds before they revealed what was going on, and I sat there and just went “oh…oh no…” for the last 10-15 minutes lol. And apparently the sequel will be out next year! And thank God cuz I could not wait another 3 years!

• A heads up! There aren’t any end credit scenes so you don’t have to stay for those! The only thing that happens after the initial credits is text appearing saying “Miles Morales will return in…” and it gives you the next movie title (won’t say what it is!)

- Miscellaneous (mostly Easter eggs and cameos)

• There were so many GOD DAMN Easter eggs in this film, it’s insane! I know I’ll have to watch it a few more times if I want to catch everything the put in here! There is def one cameo that stands out above everything else (I won’t say who, but you’ll know when you see him 😏)

• They actually showed very brief scenes from Toby Maguire and Andrew Garfield’s movies which caught me completely by surprise, but I sure as shit was happy about it!!

• They don’t show any scenes from Tom Holland’s Spider-Man (which I understand cuz Marvel 🙄) BUT they make two references to it, one with a line from Miguel and with the cameo I mentioned previously!

• The Spectacular Spider-Man had a fucking voice line and I almost passed out, like I watched the shit out of that show, I was so happy he was included! They also showed the PS4/PS5 version of Spider-Man which I thought was pretty funny!

- Final Thoughts

• Peak cinema! The story, the characters, the visuals…all incredible! Go watch it right now immediately!!

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Sword gays showdown, round 2, bracket three

Propaganda:

For Gideon:

she's incredibly good w/ her two hander and less good with her rapier but she's still pretty good!! she is a horny lesbian who's taste in women seems to exclusively be "girls who have tried or are going to try to kill her". she's a redhead. i love her

Gideon’s a HUGE Butch lesbian and literally always wanted to use a broad sword. Specifically a broad sword. She said fuck rapiers. Uhhh literally dies to save the girl she cares for and the sword she uses then becomes like an altar for said girl. Gideon Nav Supremacy <3

oh she is the most badass swordswoman lesbian in media. she’s her gf’s cavalier, defends her in battle, she’s incredibly butch and buff

C'mon shes THE sword lesbian like... canonically 

Loves her broadsword more than anything on her home planet and practices whenever she can. Spoiler it’s possessed by her mom. Gave everything so her best enemy could eat her soul and become the new saint. The character of all time child of two separate threesomes, child of the god emperor, she’s dead, she’s butch, she’s a dork, she’s doomed by the narrative. She’s my favorite.

girlie is literally the swordswoman supreme. she’s the cavalier primary to her necromancer. she has a fuckoff huge longsword. she gets absorbed into another person SPECIFICALLY to swordfight for them. in a gay way too.

While everyone else was developing common sense, she studied the blade. This dyke's main weapon and true love is the long sword, but she's also passable with a rapier. The sword is, in her own estimation, pretty much all she's good for. That and her smoking hot bod and terribly charming sense of humor. 

"While we were developing common sense, she studied the blade." (Direct quote from the book). She's the most useless lesbian to ever exist, and she's obsessed with an absolute wet cat of a woman. Learned longsword mostly on her own and is such a genius with the sword she learned rapier in a few months (by personal experience, it's really really hard)

Most badass broadsword wielding lesbian easily slaying bone monsters and evil space wasps

The cavalier to her necromancer. very gay. in a complicated codependant lovehate relationship with the only other person her age she knew growing up.

For Mulan:

Gender™. Also she's awakened something in me many years ago when I watched that movie for the first time.

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

Big Sky Returns and I'm F*cking Livid!!

(And majorly turned on by Badass Beau!!)

Join me below for spoiler talk about Big Sky S3 E 11, Super Foxes.

Can we start with that last Beau/Carla scene?

K, so are we SERIOUSLY going with: Beau's whole fuckin' world fell apart and he checked out of their relationship for a while, and wouldn't open up to her enough about his crippling guilt and grief, so it was ALL HIS fault that she LEFT him when he needed her the most?

"I forgive you for all of that." she says, when SHE is the one who should be grovelling for forgiveness for COMPLETELY disregarding the part of marriage where you're meant to take care of each other!!!

I have never wanted to smack a character in the face more than at that moment. I kinda hate the writers for trying to make this seem like Beau's fault. Also, Jensen's INCREDIBLE acting aside, I wanted to scream when he was like, "I will always love you." Like, goddam dude you deserve SO MUCH BETTER than this BITCH!! Every episode I hate her a little more.

I loved every Beau scene (except the last one with Carla for the above stated reasons, though as I said, he still made me teary with his pain!!)

The badass way he took down the asshole with Avery had me fucking drooling! And then Avery proceeded to taunt and be a complete douch-nozzle to the guy who just saved his fucking life! Like two people have never deserved each other more than Carla and Avery. 😠😠

Then I almost choked when Beau actually mentioned my hometown of Winnipeg!! Holy Fuck!! 😍😍😍 I went back to listen to him say it like 5 times! 😁😆

Loved the interrogation scene, and the way you could see how desperate Beau was to beat the living shit out of Avery. Just do it, my love - DO IT!!

Anyway, loved ALL of Beau.

But I gotta say, I completely hated the entire Jenny and her mom storyline this episode. It felt so weird and random!! Like where tf did this deranged family come from? Like it seemed so out of nowhere and so completely bizarre. Just - SO weird! And the cornhole scene was really weird, and I felt like the dialogue didn't make much sense. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Idk, was it just me?

And I also can't help but feel like the reveal of Buck as the Bleeding Heart killer was a terrible reveal. I feel like it should have been a bigger deal. Feels like it just sort of leaked out of the plot at the end of that one episode. And now that storyline feels like it's dragging.

At this point, I do sort of feel like Beau is the only reason I'm watching and if they end up forcing his character back with fucking CARLA, I'm gonna have to spend the rest of my life writing fix-it fics for Beau.

Not that I'll mind that. Lol!!

Anyway, those are my takeaways. What did you guys think about this episode?

Edit:

I just watched the promo for the next episode and found out that it's the two part season finale?!! Like, wtf?

Only 13 episodes this season? And if they only had three episodes left why even take the winter hiatus? But also, wasn't there more filming recently?

I'm so confused, but also SO sad that we won't get anymore Beau!! 😩😩 Cause I'm pretty sure Jensen isn't coming back next season. Given the promo, and Beau's last speech to Carla, I'm a little terrified he's going to die, maybe sacrifice himself for Emily?! I will riot! 😫😫

Also what was all the show runner's crap about "paying off" Beau and Jenny's tension and chemistry in the "back half of the season"? Like you're gonna get them together in two episodes? I doubt that!!

I'm so torn about the two episodes next week. On one hand, Beau's storyline looks really good, but also I feel like I'm not gonna be happy with how it ends.

Just have to wait and see, I guess!

[jarmes]

Harry Anderson’s Father (Homestuck: Beyond Canon Fanfic)

I gaze out upon the festering shithole of a world that lies behind the black hole. At first glance, it is identical to the victory world I left. But, with my heightened senses, I am acutely able to sense the inherent bullshittery that permeates through this planet like a cancer. The planet isn’t real, not completely. It exists as a shitty doodle on the back of reality, something that should not exist but still persists. This world is a hypothetical. It is the universe that would have existed, if I didn’t push John Egbert to restore canon to a functioning state.

Years ago, I briefly existed in this universe. The moment I realized what it was, I did the only sensible thing and killed myself so I didn’t have to spend another second in what was for all intents and purposes a terrible piece of fanfiction. That was a mistake. If I had stayed, I could have stopped the Muse from creating lackluster muppet baby players and sending them to kill me.

This world needs to be destroyed. Not just blown up, but fully erased. Its existence is a stain that makes everything I have built terrible by association. This abomination of a world is so bad it got my comic canceled. 

I pull the lever and release the Tumor. I’m not surprised when it doesn’t fall from my battleship, down to the non-canon version of Earth C and obliterate it. That would be boring.

I march out onto the deck of my battleship. A teenager is standing on the edge, ripping apart the wires in the bombing mechanism’s control panel. He has white hair, with that trademark Lalonde curl and Jake’s bad teeth. John and Roxy’s kid. I don’t know his name, nor do I care to know.

> Be Harry Anderson Egbert

You watch as that Dirk Strider, that terrifying and handsome son of a bitch, marches towards you. He draws his badass katana and you raise your pathetic garden sheers. Your hands tremble as you sense the incredible goddamn menace emanating off the literal God you have decided to fuck with.

HARRY: you’re that guy my mom told me about. the one with the stupid shades.

DIRK: It is a shame that the kids these days do not understand how kickass ironic anime shades are.

HARRY: how do they stay on your face? double-sided tape?

DIRK: There are more important things to discuss than the intricacies of my clothing. Such as, your attempt at disarming my weapon.

HARRY: i’m not going to let you blow up my world and kill everyone.

DIRK: That isn’t really your choice.

Dirk Strider moves so fast you can’t process it. One second, he’s twenty feet away, the next, he has his katana held against your throat. You feel a drop of cold sweat drip down your neck and split apart as it touches the edge of Dirk’s blade.

DIRK: I’m going to explain something very simple to you. You are not a real human being.

DIRK: You are a shadow of a person from a world that should not exist. You canonically do not exist.

DIRK: People who exist get to foil the big bad’s plans. People who exist occasionally get to impact the plot.

DIRK: Unfortunately, you are a drama kid OC from someone’s Tumblr page who is just sentient enough to feel fear.

The sucker punch from John knocks Dirk flat on his ass.

What.

No.

I don’t get taken by surprise anymore. I’m omniscient and fairly close to omnipotent. It should be impossible for someone to get the jump on me, and yet, I have just been walloped by John Egbert. He appeared in front of me and punched me in the face, so hard that I feel my molars coming loose.

He got here using his Retcon powers. I can see the white outline hanging around his silhouette.

HARRY: dad?

JOHN: harry anderson! i’m so proud of you.

JOHN: military sabotage is basically the highest form of prank.

JOHN: i mean your mom would probably be mad about this, but i’m incredibly proud.

HARRY: dad, i’m trying to stop him from killing everyone i’ve ever met. can we please delay the father-son pep talk until after this is over?

JOHN: oh yeah i can do that.

John turns to face me. He’s wearing his God Tier outfit, which hasn’t grown in the two and a half decades he’s been wearing it and is two sizes too small. He looks like an idiot.

JOHN: hi dirk. can you please stop trying to kill my son.

JOHN: and also stop trying to destroy the world while you're at it.

DIRK: You know he isn’t real.

DIRK: His existence, like the existence of every other person on that planet, is paradoxical.

DIRK: You’re from this world, but you are at least a version of a character who existed in canon.

DIRK: Your son doesn’t have that going for him.

JOHN: i know.

The child looks up at his father with confusion. John doesn’t take his gaze off me.

JOHN: so what?

DIRK: What do you mean, so what?

DIRK: This entire universe is a non-canon abomination.

JOHN: i know but i don’t really care, you know?

DIRK: Of course you don’t care. You’re the version of John who abandoned the world and let it decay into a twisted shadow of canon.

DIRK: If you cared, you would have died fighting Lord English.

DIRK: Instead, you created this aberration.

DIRK: This is the universe of dog dicks, clowns sucking on titties, and Vriska 2: Electric Boogaloo.

JOHN: yeah, but it’s also the universe where my son exists.

JOHN: i don’t really get this canon stuff.

JOHN: i mean, everyone tells me that this world isn’t real.

JOHN: and for a long time, i believed that.

JOHN: i stopped spending time with Roxy or Harry Anderson or anyone else because i knew they weren’t real.

JOHN: but i think i was just depressed.

JOHN: i’m better now. i’m not hiding from the world anymore.

JOHN: harry anderson is my son and i love him.

John reaches over and grabs his son, pulling him into a hug. Harry Anderson tries to shove him away, but eventually relents and allows his father to hug him.

I decide I’ve had enough of this sappy horseshit and stab John Egbert in the throat. The blade goes in easily. Too easily. I jump back as John transforms into wind.

He reforms above Dirk and slams his hammer down, smashing a hole in the deck. The dice in the hammer's bubble bounce around. When they land, a dozen horses appear, summoned by magic, and trample Dirk Strider.

HARRY: dad? are you...cool?

I dash forward, slicing John across the chest. As my blade tears through his flesh, a sudden burst of wind knocks Dirk away. John flies forward and smashes his hammer down on Dirk’s skull.

I focus on the bouncing dice. I see in my mind what they must be and it becomes so. Eight dice land with the one facing up. The Pop-a-matic Vrillyhoo Hammer explodes in John’s hand, taking his arm with it. As John clutches his stump, his son attempts to stab me in the back. I easily sidestep him and knock his sheers away with my sword.

Harry’s fist surrounds with black tendrils as he punches me in the stomach. It hurts, more than I expected, but I’ve long since ascended beyond the point where pain affects me. I grab him by the throat and lift him up, crushing his throat with my bare hands. A stab through the skull would have killed him instantly, but it wouldn’t have been cruel enough. After all, I’m the villain. It behooves me to be menacing.

Harry Anderson Egbert scratches at the back of my hand with his fingernails, trying to tear away my iron grasp. He struggles to breathe. An ironic end, for the son of the Heir of Breath. His eyes roll back in his head as he falls unconscious.

A tornado erupts from John Egbert. The spinning blue wind tears the battleship to pieces. Canons and chunks of metal fall down towards Earth C as Drik loses his grip on Harry. John flies forward and slams his hammer into Dirk’s chest.

I get it now. My domination of the narration normally allows me control over the actions of others. Not complete, but enough to guide things towards the necessary outcome. Except, John Egbert hasn’t been bound by canon in years, not since he touched the Ultimate Weapon. I can’t control him.

He slams the hammer into me and my sword slips from my grasp and begins falling towards the planet. John isn’t a fighter. He doesn’t realize how strong he is. His wind is strong enough to tear apart planets and right now 100% of it is concentrated in crushing me into a fine red paste.

Of course, this is exactly what I planned for. John is so distracted on hurting me that he doesn’t pay attention to his son falling down from heaven, abandoned like Icarus after venturing close to the sun. He doesn’t pay attention to my katana as it stabs through the sky. The tornado holding me in place shoots it down like a rocket. I can’t control John, but I can control my sword. I guide it like a missile to its destination in Harry Anderson Egbert’s chest.

JOHN: harry anderson!

John takes his attention off me for the briefest of moments, giving me the time to stab my fingers into his chest. He screams as I grab hold of his heart. Magenta bolts of lightning flow from my hand into John Egbert’s body. The lightning saws through the metaphysical connection points, severing John’s soul from his body. As I tear him apart from the inside, a light breaks through his chest, so bright it would blind me if I wasn’t wearing my kickass anime shades. The light is shaped like a house. The Ultimate Weapon, the source of John’s bullshit retcon powers, hidden away within his body.

John transforms into wind. The wind dives after Harry Anderson as he falls from space. John reforms around his son and cradles him as he slowly descends down to the ground. They land in the middle of a field.

JOHN: it’s okay! it’s going to be okay!

John blubbers like a baby as he cradles the bloody soon-to-be corpse of his brat. The kid tries to say something, but he only gets out gurgles due to the sword in his lung. I decide to be nice and remove it. I appear behind John and, with a single movement, faster than the eye can see, draw the sword from Harry’s body and swing it, cleaving off John Egbert’s head.

Harry crashes down in the grass as John’s body falls over. I hold out my sword and skewer John’s head as it lands, the tip of my blade coming out of his eye. In another plane of existence, a grandfather clock’s pendulum swings between two judgments, Heroic and Just. I put my hand on the scale, forcing John’s death to be heroic.

As I wipe John’s blood from my sword using my cape, I feel the scissors stab me in the back. Damnit. I was distracted by controlling the clock and forgot about Harry. He’s injured, but has his teeth gritted in anger. He clutches a large pair of shears, made out of thin black tendrils. A weapon made out of pure Doom that pokes out of the heart symbol on my shirt, having gone through the black lump of coal that is my actual heart.

Harry Anderson is the Bard of Doom. He’s a destroyer, just like me, and Doom is his weapon. This terrible planet, the insurmountable odds, the hole in his chest, the death of his father, all of these things make him stronger. He concentrates the power of the Candy timeline into his tendrils.

The Doom spreads through my body. My flesh rots away, bit by bit. It feels just like it did when the Stardust consumed me. Before it’s too late, I cut my own head off.

Harry Anderson struggles to breath as he crawls towards his father’s corpse.

HARRY: this is stupid.

HARRY: you don’t talk for me for years and then the first time you actually try and give a shit about me you die.

HARRY: you’re a god. gods don’t die. get up.

HARRY: please.

DIRK: That isn’t going to happen.

I look down upon the injured child, my arms crossed. If it wasn’t such a cliche, I would call him pathetic. I can’t die, not really. I have long since transcended beyond a physical being. I exist as a disembodied consciousness existing outside of any universe, who interacts with others by puppeteering a physical form. It is trivial for me to conjure another body out of nothingness.

I raise my hand into the air. A large ball of energy appears above my palm, growing larger until it blocks out any light from the sun. The death ball I have summoned is made out of pure, concentrated destruction. It will tear apart the souls of this putrid rock and restore the purity it has taken from my canon. And it won’t take twenty goddamn episodes to do so.

I toss the death ball. Harry holds out his hands, firing all of the energy he can muster in a doomed attempt to hold back the ball. He thinks he’s the brave shonen protagonist fighting for his home, but he isn’t. He’s a crappy OC who should have never existed. This isn’t death. It’s a mercy.

Blue wind wraps around the ball of energy. It disappears, pulled out of reality by John’s retcon powers.

Fuck.

I turn around to see John’s corpse hovering five feet off the ground. His head is still gone, but in its place sits a skull made of wind wearing John’s glasses. The light from the Ultimate Weapon is brighter than it has ever been.

John punches himself in the chest. A thousand different copies of his arm appear around Dirk, pummeling his new body to a bloody pulp.

I swing my sword but an arm grabs it and retcons it out of existence.

I hold out my hands and fire my electricity. It begins ripping the Ultimate Weapon out of John’s chest but the lightning stops when another fist hits Dirk in the stomach. John holds his hand out and his wind flies into the portal on his chest.

None of this is happening. I refuse to let it happen and thus it does not. I’m the narrator. That’s why the fucking text is orange.

The wind spreads through the source code of canon, wiping the text color clean.

DIRK: What did you do?

DIRK: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?

The light from the Ultimate Weapon shines on Dirk. He screams as he is dragged in. He appears in an empty white box, where he will remain for a very long time. He pounds on the walls of his cage.

DIRK: LET ME OUT!

DIRK: LET ME OUT!

The thing that defeated Dirk Strider walks over to Harry Anderson Egbert. He waves his hand and his son’s wounds disappear, erased from ever having happened.

JOHN: my father died when I was young.

JOHN: it was really hard on me. i guess it’s gonna be pretty hard on you.

JOHN: and now i’m realizing how much must have sucked that he didn’t get to watch his son grow up.

John fades away into wind and disappears.

HARRY: dad?

No answer comes.

[mitamicah]

Spoilers for The Owl House 3.03 Watching and Dreaming

Okay so .... I have a lot of words about this episode!

Since I’ve just watched it don’t expect anything here to be cohesive since I am basically just ranting from memory and getting all my thoughts down in writing. No profound meaning behind everything here, just vibes :’D

The Collector - their mini arc in the episode and having them learn to appreciate life, forgiveness and friendship was such a treat - I screamed and actually feared for their life when they ran to Belos then to scream at Luz breaking apart (dying) afterwards - I had no idea this was the way the crew would go with the collector but I loved it

Belos - fucking hell, I am glad he finally died!! I am a little sad that we didn’t get more of his backstory with Caleb but I think what we did get about Belos especially though the words of the titan to Luz in the inbetween fits well with the story and gives closure to Luz and her doubts about being as ‘bad as Belos’. Also him melting in the boiling rain and Luz being over him to the point of not even flinching when Belos tries to manipulate her? Good stuff!! So was the call back to the first episode with the Good Witch Luz pulling Belos off the dying heart of the titan!!

The dream sequences ... I actually thought those and the games would take up more screentime but I am not too sad about it since what we got was pretty much just as angst as I’d thought it would be - and giving time to Raine being badass resisting Belos and Luz meeting the titan was a far trade off for me

I did get some Amphibia the Hardest Thing vibes from the Luz meeting a deity in the in-between after “death” only to get back to life bit but again I don’t mind it since it ended in a pretty badass finale seeing Luz, King and Eda fight side by side 

Seeing the rest of the Hexside squad helping to free the other inhabitants of the Boiling Isles with the help of best mom Camila was pretty fun although a part of me had wanted to see them have a bigger impact on the story: still, it was nice checking in with them once and twice and gosh I adored Amity for being the first to genuinely giving up her hand of friendship to the collector after Luz has just told them about friendship - it was a perfect moment in my mind.

The scenes of people meeting up with their family was so sweet - I enjoyed it a lot especially with Hunter getting his found family in Darius and Ebberwolf :3

Yet to me the real beauty was the epilogue - seeing all the different ways that the peeps on Earth and the boiling Isles have grown up and their new looks! I love Luz’ eyeshadow, and gah, Vee’s piercings look so cool!!! (I wonder if the nose piercing is a nod to the voice actor also being the voice of Amethyst? I believe she had a nosering  (Amethyst?)? I could be wrong, this is literally my unhinged, first thoughts written down unedited) - Willow being a badass sports girlie fits so well and I love the short hair for her, Gus looks incredible with those gold accessories in his dreadlocks, and Amity as a badass air explorer with a sidecut? Hello!!!? Hunter is killing me being this adorable taking up the mantle as apprentice of Dell and aaaaa the blue bird is gorgeous and somehow fits Hunter so well :’D what really killed me about him tho was two fold 1) Flapjack’s grave and 2) the red thing on Hunter’s arm that king of sort of looks like a Flapjack tattoo to cover up his empire coven sigil OVO

And then hello white haired Raine!? Why do they slay with that haircolour and the ‘tear down’ scars!? this look fits them so well, and I am so happy seeing them together with Eda, finally :’3

The ending sequence with the collector sending the fireworks and all the casts saying “Bye” feels like the biggest nod to the fans - thank you so much Dana, the crew, the cast, the animators, everybody for this wonderful show!!