#polyklok is real

[polyklok]

It’s just a neat trait of his

[pigeocore]

Polyklok except they keep count of whenever they fuck and whoever had bottomed the most times at the end of the year gets the "Gayest faggot award"

[notanotherblogbyadumbass]

Chat we gay

We gay Nickles is real so is polyklok. It makes a neat little pentagram. -Pickles

[pashko-themothboy]

dethklok are accused of homophobia at some press conference and they go like

how can I be homophobick? my bitch is gay! gay is in! gay is hot! we ams gays! wtf, toki? sorries... i panickeds

now they have to prove it. but going out with some random dudes is gay for real and they just have to fake it! that's why the guys decide to fake date inside the band. the problem is they can't pair up without someone being left out. so they just switch: grab whoever is the closest in public. soon enough the dethklok minute calls it polyklok.

at some point they all start "gaying" when it's not necessary. especially inside the mordhouse. it's a fake-dating trope. we all know where it's going.

and if it was a real episode, at some point homophobes would riot or some shit. so dethklok has to quit all the gay stuff. but they still do it. in secret. in the very same closet they ate in dethfashion.

[polyklok]

Ohhh buddy boy!

Tagged by: @lilopatoonya

Tagging: @thatwritingho @goblin-a-gogo @all-hail-the-water-god

I am an avid thrift shopper and collect porcelain dolls and clown artifacts! I am currently surrounded by 30 dolls in my room

I own 10 snails, named after my favorite authors and poets

Despite my Dethklok obsession, I’m actually not a huge metal fan and prefer 70s-80s pop punk. If I had to choose a favorite metal song, it’d be Bloodywood’s Mach Bhasad

I’ve dyed my hair 8 times in the past and I’m looking to do it again

I am rabidly bisexual and have chronically low standards when it comes to fictional characters and chronically high standards in real life

I am an absolute musical theatre nerd

I am a LaVeyan Satanist and regularly practice Wiccan rituals. I know that they don’t do anything scientifically but they just make me feel better about my intentions

I would kill a man for some boba tea (currently drinking boba tea that was murder-free)

I have a tendency to narrate myself in my head because I’m always thinking about writing

I have 0 drawing skills but I DO have a cheap editing app that I use very regularly (along with picrew)

Rules: Share 10 facts about yourself and tag other blogs! I want to get to know my mutuals, and the people I follow a little bit :) The facts can be about anything!

Tagged by @pan-flute-skeleton

Tagging @lilopatoonya @fallout-new-mudkip @ir0n-moon @possibly-in-mordland

1. I watched the original run of the first 3 seasons of Metalocalypse but didn't see season 4 or DSR until early 2022.

2. Despite being born in the states, spanish was my first language until I learned enough english in kindergarten to be considered fluent.

3. I had to have back surgery when I was 20 to fix a herniated disc.

4. I didn't become a cat person until I was in my mid 20s and got my first cat.

5. Horror movies are my favorite genre with zombie movies being my favorite of the genre.

6. I'm still really mad about the way Game of Thrones ended and I haven't seen an episode since the series finale.

7. I saw the Joy Luck Club in high school, then read the book and have been a fan of Amy Tan's works since then.

8. I had a crush on Conan O'Brien when I was 13 because I've always had a thing for dudes who can make me laugh.

9. I didn't appreciate King of the Hill during its original run, but I appreciate tf out of it now.

10. Currently, I'm kind of obsessed with roast pork bahn mi.

[vicekings]

(This is little-murmaider) Skwisgaar for the ask!

@little-murmaider

How I feel about this character

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I like Skwistok & Nategaar & Abigaar a lot, plus polyklok is always good. Skwis/Toki/JD is also some real good shit bc oc/canon makes me lose my mind

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Ok honestly Skwisgaar and JD’s sisters Dory and Dolly would all get along really well. Dolly lets him do corpse paint for her and she experiments with glam makeup on him. He and Dory wingman for each other, and he’s the one who set Dory up with her current girlfriend / future wife

My unpopular opinion about this character

not real well informed on what’s popular and what’s not but I think he was right in not letting Toki have a solo. Toki just isn’t ready for it and Skwis is tryin to protect him from embarrassing himself.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Someone give this man a fucking hug and tell him everything’s gonna be okay. Also more positive interactions with Abigail bc I’ve been turned into an abigaar truther 😳

(( GIVE ME A CHARACTER ))

[doomednarrative]

Listen I have ships I prefer but lets be real, Polyklok is the best one of them all.

[polyklok]

Thank you @hopedope for sending me this lovely request in a very nice manner! I’m sorry it took me like damn near a year to get it done 😅

Doing Pickles’ Makeup

“C’mon, pleeeeaaassseeee?”

Pickles raised his eyes to you, slightly amused by your begging and more-than-slightly annoyed by your persistence. It was impressive, though. You had caught him at a particularly vulnerable moment of looking through naked lady fan mail and he was in a good mood. With your hard work and determination, you whittled down his several ‘No’s to a ‘Maybe’ and now, finally, a-

“I’ll think aboot it.”

“What’s there to think about? Just lemme take a crack at it!”

You had found an old magazine, of which Snakes ‘N Barrels headlined on. From that, a pretty close-up of Pickles’ glamor days, in which he was smothered in smokey purple eyeshadow and cherry red lipgloss. He doesn’t even know why that magazine was in Mordhaus in the first place. You somehow got it in your head that you needed to see an updated version of his dolled-up look.

He shuffled through a few more letters, no longer taking the time to admire the detailed shots of many-a titties. You leaned forward even more, keeping an eager stare. Damn your puppy-dog eyes.

“Fine. But I’m nat keepin’ it on all damn day.”

A mischievous grin spread across your face. He hated how adorable your evil ass could be.

At the very least, it was relaxing. He insisted the two of you had taken the activity to his room, he did not need anymore comments from his bandmates about how gay his makeup was. You straddled him on his bed, dipping the brush onto the makeup pallet by his head and spreading it across his closed eyelids. He shivered every time your warm breath puffed against his now-highlighted cheeks, fingers gripping harder onto your thighs he was allowed to hold as an added bonus for his troubles.

“M’gonna add shimmer,” You muttered, more so to yourself than him.

“No. Anything but the sparkles.” He said in a flat tone, mocking his earlier reluctance. Although he couldn’t see it, he swore he heard your lips spread into another smile. Maybe he’d let you do his makeup again if it made you this happy. Maybe.

His eyes felt heavier and heavier every time that brush glided against them again. He couldn’t tell if you were adding an ungodly amount of product or if he was just getting sleepy from it. His head sunk deeper into the mattress. He can’t remember why he was so reluctant in the first place. Having you on top of him while he got to practically nap rocked.

“Open your eyes,” You said, softly, ruining the comfortable moment.

“Don’t wanna,” He replied, just as soft.

“Pickles.” Oh shit. He knew not to defy that kind of tone. His eyes immediately shot open, wincing slightly at the sudden light flooding his vision. While you shuffled through your makeup bag, he admired the point of view he had, letting his hands linger up to your waist.

“Here.” You brought out a recognizable tube. Pickles grimaced. Even way back then, this was by far his least part of the process. You popped the mascara out and leaned in even closer than before, placing those little bristles right in his eye line.

“Blink.”

He did so and immediately regretted it. It was so weird to have his eyelashes, a teensy body part he hardly ever noticed on himself, to suddenly be covered in thick goop. But he didn’t fight it, blinking thrice for each eye and pushing down the strong urge to rub it all out. You blew gently on his new lashes, drying them into a thick, heavy fan.

“Yuck,” He mumbled, trying not to let you hear. If you did, you ignored it, simply assuring him that you were almost done.

“You want red, pink, or black lips?” You asked, shimmying down his legs so he could sit up properly.

“Dealer’s choice. I trust ya.”

You chose the black, which was really more of a super dark blue with a pearly sheen. He rested his jaw in your hand, holding his mouth limp to give you the perfect canvas to spread the lipstick on. Just as you were finishing his bottom lip, savoring the intimate moment-

“PICKLES! Toki and Skw-Woah. What the hell?” Nathan kicked open the door, apparently needing to tell Pickles some absolutely essential information, only to find you sitting in his lap and applying fucking makeup to him.

“Jesus fuckin- Nate’n, I told you to start fackin knockin, man!” Pickles turned his head so violently, the black smeared across his cheek in an ugly streak. You frowned, there goes your hard work.

“Pickles is getting his fucking makeup done!” Nathan yelled down the hall.

“Scheriously?!”

“Ha! Dat ams so gay!”

The rest of his bandmates could be heard not too far away. Pickles groaned, “Get the HELL outta here, dood!” He grabbed an empty beer bottle from his nightstand and flung it at the doorframe, shattering it.

“What’re you trying to relive the nineties or something? Gonna go back to your old band?” Nathan was clearly digging into his irritations, playfully enjoying how pissed off Pickles was getting.

“I think he looks hot,” You said matter-of-factly, hugging his head and pressing it against your chest. Pickles went slightly red with the affection, frantically waving his hands to get Nathan to fuck off. Nathan, luckily, understood the signal and promptly shut the door right before the rest of the band could get their mockery in.

“D’ose fuckin’ guys,” Pickles mumbled against you, one again relaxing into your touch, “You really like how I look like this?”

You pulled back, examining his face. His eyeshadow primarily black, blending into a very shimmery gold color. His highlighter was a similar gold and, despite the smudge, his lips looks good enough to kiss. So you did. “You always look good. Just especially now.”

“Don’t give yerself too much credit,” He teased with a smile, dragging you down with him in a tight squeeze. Though he wouldn’t admit it, he loved being fawned over whilst the two of you cuddled into oblivion.

[lynny246]

Polyklok… part of a metal breakfast.

People debate over which ship is better when the only true way is the polycule

[little-murmaider]

Yeah, gimmie a A, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, N, O, P - with a side order of R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y & Z

Oh my GOD dude.

A - Your current OTP(s)/OT3(s)/OTX(s)

Skwistok, Nategaar, Nathan/Skwisgaar/Toki, Pickleface, Polyklok, Abigail/Literally any woman

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will (be nice)

Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Murdertooth. Sorry. 

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t (again: be nice)

I kind of wish I liked Nickles? There’s a lot of great content for it! But I genuinely prefer them as friends. When people say they can’t ship Skwistok because they seem too much like brothers? That’s how I feel about Nickles.  

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what

Answered!F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom

Answered!

G - Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it

It was either Arnold and Helga from Hey Arnold!, or Link and Zelda (in all LoZ media, but this was specifically Ocarina of Time). They’re both still up there! 

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., tv shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)

Every fandom I’ve been active in was for a TV show. Pokémon (I played the games but I wrote “stories” about the anime), Jimmy Neutron, Hey Arnold!, Teen Titans, Metalocalypse, How I Met Your Mother, South Park (BOTH OF WHICH I REGRET. FUCK THOSE SHOWS.) I dip a toe into other things cause I’m curious, but I’m unlikely to write fanfic for anything else. I did come VERY close to writing Adventure Zone fic recently but the impulse faded.

I - Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why

I’m pretty good at Curating my Tumblr experience and blocking tags for things I dislike or just am uninterested in. Also MTL is the only fandom I’m active in and that one rules. If I see something annoying in another fandom tag I just bounce!

J - Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr

Tumblr is the reason I got into TAZ! And I’m so glad I did, it’s my favorite podcast, I’ve gotten my fiance and some of my very close friends into it as well. Also the actual real name of my wedding dress design is The Aubrey, which is just FATE.

K -Say something nice about someone in any of your fandoms

Answered but also @fasthandfingerwizard​ is such a sweetheart and so kind, and @cthene​ has a fic that’s so good it makes me want to tear my skin off. 

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves (chars you’re neutral on are fair game, as are chars you dislike)

Answered, but Knubbler makes me laugh.

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)

Answered, but more Skwisgaar Content in general!!!!! Just!!!!! Let me see my boy!!!!!!!!

O - Choose a song at random, which ship or character does it remind you of

Answered! I did it again and got Eet by Regina Spektor which reminds me of Toki. I have a lot of Regina songs on my Toki playlist.

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas)

I’ve created so many AUs including one very elaborate one please I’m so tired.

R - A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships

nAtEgAaR. jk jk jk. I tend to latch to pretty popular pairings, and the MTL fandom is pretty diverse in terms of shipping. I guess………..Abigail/Rachel? Only because it’s a pairing I literally made up. 

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

Skwisgaar was raised by wolves.

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything)

Skwisgaar is bi because I’m bi. 

U - 5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms

Skwisgaar Skwigelf - MTL

Eleanor Shellstrop - The Good Place

Aubrey Little - The Adventure Zone

Violet - Monster Pulse

Joyce Brown - Dumbing of Age

V - 3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms

Skwistok - MTL

I’m Eleanor/Tahani - The Good Place

Link/Zelda -LoZ series

W - 5 favorite ships and 5 kinks you like best for said shipsNot comfortable answering this one publically

sorry!

X - top 5-10 characters who are yoUR PRECIOUS BABIES AND YOU WILL DIE DEFENDING THEM

Answered!

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)

Good Omens, Stardew Valley. 

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go (prompts optional but encouraged)

I don’t know man I just love Skwisgaar a lot! And I think he got shafted in the 3rd and 4th seasons and there was a lot of wasted potential for his character, and also Mean is not his only personality trait. He’s goofy! He’s awkward! He’s funny! He likes being included in things! There are a lot of fun directions the show could have gone in for him besides “horny” and “a dick” and “also there” and it was a WASTE.

[contentbunny]

Here’s something new I’m going to do! The wonderful world of ‘William’s After ‘s**’ Selfie’ series (I can’t believe we have to censor words now). This can be considered polyklok or just various William ships because I think I might do more, but at the moment here’s a Skwisface! I’m real proud of Skwisgaar’s face here. 

Excuse my awful handwriting and sorry for no background on the photo! 

[polyklok]

What makes them soft 🥰 VS What gets them hard 😈 (Dethklok x Reader)

I thought of that title and it was too good to give up

Fluffy moments vs Turn-Ons headcanons for the Dethklok boys (if that wasn’t obvious enough) TW: Although not explicitly smut, this is definitely a bit spicy and has hints of kinks. Please, Minors DNI.

Nathan explosion

What makes him soft

Being a busy guy, Nathan values a lot of comfortable silence and mutual space. When you two are just sitting together, doing completely different things, not talking, yet enjoying each other’s company nonetheless. Most of the time, he’ll be writing song lyrics, storyboarding a music video, or planning out a concert. His mind is occupied, but he’ll occasionally take the time to look over to you and appreciate just how soothing your presence is.

This guy will go weak in the knees for random little pecks. On his cheeks, nose, shoulders, hands, he’ll go absolutely crazy when you give him just small, passing kisses. He might even stop what both of you are doing just to get more. Don’t get me wrong, he loves a good make out session, but quick and fleeting kisses are definitely up there on the list.

When really focused, Nathan has the tendency to overwork himself, getting completely enamored in his goals and not focusing on much else. Similarly, being an unofficial “Band Dad”, he might be very busy trying to keep his chaotic band mates in check and on schedule. So having a darling S/O who reminds him to take breaks and take care of himself is so precious. Just little, “It’s been a while, let’s have a snack.” or “We should be heading to bed now.” Are just lovely little reminders on just how much you care for him and it seriously makes his heart ache with warmth.

What gets him hard

Nathan is…stubborn and tends to be hardheaded. He’s pretty good at keeping himself in check, but sometimes that ignorance will still slip out. But, HOO, when he has an S/O that’ll snap back. Goddamn! Get a bit angry, boss him around a little. Nothing mean, just put him in his place. He’ll certainly return the favor to you later.

While I still stand by the fact that he loves some quick affection, he still greatly appreciates lingering touches as well. Specifically, massages. He’s a big guy, a big guy who is constantly hunching down and head banging. Rub up his neck and shoulders, please! He might literally beg you, if he must. He considers a massage to be some great foreplay, aftercare, or just whenever. He just really loves it.

Whispering. I don’t know how to explain this one, I just feel like he’s the kind of fella to just go wild over some whispering in his ear. Doesn’t even have to be flirty or sexual; get real close and whisper to him your grocery list, he’ll probably be bricked up over it.

Pickles The Drummer

What makes him soft

You know how Pickles had a completely supportive home life and a loving family? No? Not at all? Huh. That’s probably why he gets seriously emotional whenever you give him praise. Any kind at all, just a simple “Good job” might make his eyes start to water. Tries really hard to hide it too, cause if you'll notice, you might start to worry about him WHICH WILL MAKE HIM CRY EVEN MORE-

Scratching this isn’t kinky I swear- You know that feeling when someone gently drags their fingernails across your skin? Just barely enough to leave red streaks and cause goosebumps, but not nearly enough for any actual pain? Maybe I’m projecting but something tells me he’s just melt into that sensation. Bonus points if you play connect-the-dots with his freckles or something.

Pickles will regularly drink and drug himself up to oblivion, which makes absolutely brutal hangovers a very common occurrence. But he’s used to dealing with it on his own. Until you decided that wouldn’t do and started taking care of him during these tough moments. Even when he’s painfully groaning into you thighs, he really does love the fact that you’re just willing to be here with him, dealing with his pathetic habits and worse symptoms.

What gets him hard

Nothing gets him in the mood quite like seeing you dance. Seeing you bounce and sway to some music definitely puts his head deep into the gutter, especially if the song is filthy. Even better, one of Dethklok's songs. He’ll be staring at your legs, hips, and chest with a smirk for hours and he’ll definitely ask you to recreate some of those moves for him later, privately.

I think he has a thing for oversized clothes. Most of the women he surrounds himself with wear tight, revealing clothing and while that's all done and good, he really enjoys something that's loose and too big on you. Doesn't matter how big you are; buy a shirt a couple sizes up and it'll probably end up on his floor in a matter of hours. Also I think he wants to be the boyfriend to give you his clothing that's too big for you, but he's so tiny himself, it probably won't work :/

Okay, sure, it's nice to have a partner that's a little bashful or even teasing when it comes to sexytimes, someone who likes making a show out of it. But, he loves having a partner that's very casual about their sexuality. This was totally inspired by that great Momento Mori fanfic btw. When you skip to the chase of getting undressed or talk about kinks openly like it was in the morning news or simply ask for sex from him, no hesitation, he'll be so much more enthusiastic about it.

Skwisgaar Skwigelf

What makes him soft

Skwisgaar is famous, or infamous, for being a Sex God. He has slept with more people in a week than most will in their entire lives; he's probably the biggest whore in history. It's what's expected of him. If you are in a monogamous relationship with him, he's already out of his element and feeling vulnerable. This wasn't supposed to happen to him. But then you start giving him affection. Hugs and cuddles, kisses on his cheek, and little pets that don't lead to sex just make his heart flutter in a way he didn't know was possible. He's had countless women touching every part of his body, but when you do it out of sentiment and tenderness rather than because you're horny...oh gosh, he becomes addicted to that feeling.

He'd be the type of guy to pine after good ol' fashion shyness. Seeing you blush, stutter, and look away at some simple flirting quips makes him melt. He loves getting his ego stroked so he often fosters your nervousness just to make himself feel like a big man. He especially likes it if you start to use him as a crutch for your shyness, like hiding your face in his chest or something.

While he tends to come off as smug, cold and dismissive, he is really such a crybaby and has a healthy dose of anxiety as well. While it will take a while a long while for him to open up and expose his emotional side, he really values someone who can comfort him in his tough moments. He’s gonna be bratty about it the first few times, but it means so much just to have someone there and caring for him.

What gets him hard

Oh boy, double whammy! The shyness not only hits his heart, but that feeling moves down south as well. Not necessarily acting timid in the bedroom, although he does like that, but watching the shyness melt away as you really get into it. Especially if you’re a bit controlling of him. Seeing your reserved attitude give away to dominance just fucking gets to him.

This one’s weird ngl So we all know how particular Skwisgaar is. He’s a bit of a diva. I’d think he’d like to pick your clothing. Nothing super invasive, but he likes to choose what outfit you wear before the two of you go out to do something nice. He gets so much pride that from knowing you’re wearing what he picked from you and he cannot wait to tear it off. Bonus points if you get compliments on it; he’s not gonna brag in front of people, but he’s gonna tease you for it later.

If you couldn’t tell, I imagine him to be semi-possessive. So he would just love to mark you up with hickies and bruises and scratches. He’ll have the cockiest smirk on his face as others stare at the marks covering your neck or thighs. He’ll show off his own marks that you left as well, wearing low-cut shirts after a particularly rough night.

Toki Wartooth

What makes him soft

Ahh, this boy is such a sweetheart! A lot of things you do will turn him into putty. But especially if you play into any traditional lifestyle. Toki bought a ring a month into your relationship, so saying your interested in marriage will make him so happy, he might propose right there! You want kids? So does he! How soon? As traumatizing at it was, he was raised with extremely conventional values, so seeing you cook or clean or act domestic even a little bit will push all the right buttons in his brain.

Toki never uses your name. It’s a given. Pretty much the moment you met, he’s called you by all the cheesiest pet names he can think of, even before you were dating. Some are cute; Sweetie, Darling, Prince/Princess, Kitty. But, just as much as those, he uses all the tacky ones that make everyone cringe as well; Honeybun, Num-Nums, Snookums, Baby Cakes. It gets worse. It doesn’t matter if you hate it, he thinks it’s cute!

Despite him usually waking up the earliest out of the band members, and having a cherry demeanor overall, Toki is not a morning person. He will be so pissed if he is waken up before he wants to, alarm clocks are not allowed in his room. He has very vivid and happy dreams and hates to be torn away from them. But he loves waking up with you, every single morning. Even if you snore or drool or kick in your sleep, he will be so happy to see you as you both wake up. Your tired face and messy hair and mumbling “good morning” just feels so right, really gets him in the feels.

What gets him hard

(This one is specifically for female readers) Remember when I said he definitely wants children? I wasn’t kidding. Man wants to start trying for a baby today. He hates condoms and will try to convince you to get off birth control. Almost every time you mess around, he’s gonna bring up how pretty you’ll be with his kids growing in you. Always wants to finish inside. The breeding kink is strong here.

Ok, so yes, Toki generally likes his S/O to be as sweet and loving as he is. But you know what else he is? Fucking scary. If you have some occasions where you get really pissed off, telling off some asshole or even beating them up, Toki wants you right then and there. He loves seeing the seething anger on your face not directed at him and definitely gets turned on if a little blood gets on you. Brutal.

Nudes are great, right? He definitely likes getting some dirty pictures from you now and then, especially if he’s away on tour and can’t get the real thing. But even more so than that, he loves getting teasing photos from you. Especially if you act dumb. Send him a necklace photo that just so happens to show off your cleavage or collarbone; show him something your holding with your soft thighs in the background; send him a selfie from bed where you ‘accidentally�� leave some sex toys in frame. Oh my god, he’ll go so crazy for it and pays you back double when he finally sees you again.

William Murderface

What makes him soft

It’s so easy to make his heart melt, it’s almost sad. He definitely puts up a tough exterior, but once you’re through, he’s pretty much at his knees for anything you do. But high up on his list (he would be the type to make a list) is receiving compliments from you. He already idolizes you and is weirdly grateful that you show him as much affection as you do, so even tiny compliments are gonna have him twisted around your finger, as if he wasn’t already before. He’ll kill someone for you if you just call him prettyboy beforehand, I swear to god.

The quickest way to a man’s heart is his stomach. This is true for almost anyone, but especially Murderface. He’ll gobble up anything you cook for him so quickly, doesn’t matter what. He’s bashful about it, but eventually, he’ll show his passion for cooking for you and teaching you some recipes definitely makes for some sweet bonding time. His favorite date is cooking something together and then eat it while watching an awful movie.

As you’ve probably guessed by now; Murderface is, what some might call, a total simp for you and is completely tender for anything you do. So, if you happen to flip the script, and start building him up as something desirable and pine after him hard, ohhhh man. This extends from the compliments but- Flirt! Get handsy in public! Show him off! He is literally one of the world’s most popular cultural figure and yet his self confidence is dirt. Be grateful for your famous, angsty, bulldog-faces boyfriend and his stomach will explode in butterflies!

What gets him hard

He seems like the kind of guy to seriously get off on eye contact not me tho. Make eyes at him from across a room and don’t look away. The longer you stare just at him, the more he’ll blush and squirm. Once you do finally get some private time, he insists on maintaining eye contact with you as long as you both can manage. It’s somehow feels both romantic and fucking dirty with him.

William is pretty much addicted to your scent. If you have a signature perfume or lotion, he wants to drown in the stuff. He loves to bury his face in any article of clothing you manage to leave behind in his room. While in his afterglow, he likes to creep up behind you and smell your hair and sweat. Even body odor, he likes it if it’s yours. Yeah, he’s a weirdo, but you already snatched him up. Please let him borrow a few sprays of your perfume to wear for the day.

Seeing you handle weaponry…my god. This poor boy. Could be knives, guns, anything in between. Just you holding it is enough to make his knees wobbly and his vision blurry. If you know how to use it? Good lord, he wants to be at the end of that weapon no matter the consequences. He’d be completely okay dying that way. Seriously though, this man has a thing for weaponry and danger. He puts on the attitude of a violent, hateful man but underneath that is a softie. But under want that softie is man who CRAVES VIOLENCE-

I got more and more sleep deprived as I wrote this man

Will I ever be able to write something comprehensible and exceptional?…probably not.

[bubonichronic]

polyklok IS REAL!! I AM BRAIN WASHING YOU POLYKLOK IS REAL

[polyklok]

When they’re down bad

Dethklok and their massive, throbbing crush. You can interpret this as and xReader, xOC, or even towards each other idk I don’t make the rules.

Nathan Explosion

Unlike the other members, Nathan has had experience with actual girlfriends (rather than just flings) before, and so can identify the difference between attraction and actual romantic interest pretty quickly.

But he’s still a total idiot about it. He basically hasn’t developed his flirting style since high school; he hasn’t needed to. He’s famous! So, he just sorta forces himself into their attention all the time. He purposely bumps into them, asks to borrow random things, always stands or sits next to them. He just wants to constantly be around them.

He tries to start conversations too but, my god, he’s so awkward! They’ll be sitting in silence together and he just shouts “MAN, THIS WEATHER IS CRAZY.” While it’s been perfectly sunny for three days straight. BTW, he’s always yelling around his crush. It’s partly because he’s nervous, partly because he’s trying to assert his “dominance” (he doesn’t have any)

He tries to drop not-so-subtle hints about his feelings. Like, there will be a couple in public, clearly on a very romantic, cheesy date and he’ll be like “THAT LOOKS FUN, WE SHOULD DO THAT SOMETIME” to his crush. Or if there’s a kissing scene in a movie, he squeezes their hand or something. Just, out of the blue.

In general, he’s pretty obvious and is sort of a disaster, but it’s cute and oddly charming. 7/10 because I suddenly decided I’m ranking them

Pickles The Drummer

If Nathan was a disaster, he’s the end of the world

He desperately tries to play himself up in front of his crush, specifically trying to seem more classy and sophisticated, which are two things Pickles is not. He’s the kind of guy to try to be suave and lean up against a wall and then immediately eat shit, falling to the floor.

He likes to talk around his crush but never to his crush, ya’know? Like, if they are in a room, he’ll speak all loudly to a group about how cool he is and all the things he’s done. But in a one-on-one convo, he’s literally shaking and sweating and nodding along like his brain isn’t in full panic mode (it is). Because he physically can stand how gorgeous his crush is and how obsessed he is with them.

He’ll probably try to drink more than usual to calm his nerves, but it really makes it worse. Cause now he’s a bumbling idiot who’s only talking about how ‘damn pretty’ they are and threatening to get into a fight with the bartender.

Eventually, he does calm down. And he gets to be his natural, funny and relaxed self around them. His heart still flutters, but the anxiety doesn’t consume him like it used to and he has a real conversation with his crush and it feels like he’s falling in love all over again.

Like in most situations, Pickles is kinda a wreck. But he needs time and the right amount of booze to be a pretty great guy, 6/10

Skwisgaar Skwigelf

Sound the fucking alarms because this Swedish whore has himself a crush. Seriously though, the realization hits him like a fucking truck. He’s just like, wow this person is hot and I like spending time with them and they have a great personality and they’re funny and they make me feel nice and HOLY FUCK

He gets so pissed. Like, genuine anger at himself and them and everyone else in the world because something is wrong. He can’t bring himself to take it out on them, so he just always scoffs and ignores them for weeks on end. But the whole time, they’re in his head. He feels all warm and fuzzy in more places than just his dick for once.

Eventually, he stops being just a baby and gives them a weird, half-assed apology his ego is still fragile, ok?! And starts flirting. Hard. Constantly praising their body and making unsubtle sexual innuendos, it’s the only thing he really knows how to do in this situation. God forbid they giggle or flirt back, because his face is gonna turn completely red and he’ll need to excuse himself for a 10-minute freak out.

Skwisgaar just feels so many strong emotions, and these new, affectionate ones are just kicking his ass. There’s a good chance that he gives up because he just can’t handle it. But, he might just persist and slowly open up and let them in.

He’s pretty much a noob for these sorts of things. He’s a sex god, not a Prince Charming. 3/10

Toki Wartooth

Toki is actually more passive when it comes to romantic feelings than you would expect; he can accept potential love interests as friends very easily. But once someone has embedded themselves in his brain as more than just a groupie or a good friend, my man is COMPLETELY ride or die

Doesn’t make any effort to hide it either. He gets all giggly around them, biting his lip, twirling his hair, kicking his feet. He’s seriously smitten and everyone can tell, including the crush. He won’t deny it either, “Of course I’s likes them! Who wouldn’ts?”

His wooing methods are completely cheesy as well. Like, leaving a large, lovey-dovey gift basket on their doorstep or writing awful poetry for them completely in Norwegian. In fact, he’s pretty much always getting them little gifts and they’re all genuine, even the stereotypical ones.

He also gets very, very touchy. Greeting them with hugs and holding hands and even little surprise kisses. He knows that they’re not technically dating, but he still sees them as his one and only, so he already begins cementing himself as their partner.

Although, if they don’t show any interest back, he’ll stop after a week or so simply because he gets bored easily. I’m not gonna sit her and act like he doesn’t have the patience of a four-year-old.

Man goes all in with his flirting but it fizzes out very quickly. 7/10

William Murderface

I was wrong about Pickles; THIS is the ultimate disaster. Poor guy really can’t take it, he’s so flustered and anxious and a bit furious at the whole situation. William is so fueled by hatred and hostility that he can’t fathom the fact that he genuinely likes someone and craves their love. For him, it feels like he’s gonna die without them and yet he refuses to go within a foot of them.

Most of the time, he just stares at them with his angry look on his face. If they ask what’s wrong, he just mumbles and walks away. But really, he gets so excited that they talked to him, even though he immediately fucked it up.

Maybe with some time, he can find a slightly better way to deal with his intense feelings. He mostly just needs to learn to relax and have some confidence, but those are both things he has never been good at. But, if he does manage do to so and have a conversation with them…it’s still pretty bad. He’ll stutter and stumble, walking on eggshells because he knows that he has a tendency to say stupid shit.

Even if the relationship doesn’t ever go anywhere, there’s a very good chance he’ll be this nervous around them for months, possibly years. If his crush manages to get the message and starts encouraging his ‘advances’, it’ll still be a while until he’s anything less than a wreck.

Someone please help Murderface, he’s dying out here. 2/10

Btw I wrote this last night and am posting it without much proofreading so sorry if it’s awful

[polyklok]

How Dethklok shows their love to you

Nathan Explosion

We all know about Nathan’s tendency to hyper focus on his current interest; mans got strong feeling and he wants to let everyone know just how happy you make him. So he shows you off, every chance he gets. Especially to the paparazzi. Once he’s settled into the relationship, he’s getting all cuddly and smiley in front of the cameras, quite rare for the media to see. He calls his parents nearly every week just to brag about you, it’s so sweet.

Motherfucking Nathan Explosion. One of the biggest names in the world, certainly the biggest in music and entertainment. A man who handcrafted a revolution of lyrics and rhythm. A man the world worships and the population craves. And yet, when he’s real smitten for someone, it’s awfully easy to make him shy. Just small, flirty things will get his face beet red and stuttering over his words in an instant, so incredibly enamored with everything you do. Whisper some sweet-nothings to him and he’ll become putty in your hands.

Nathan is very…specific when it comes to most aspects in life. He’s picky and stubborn and usually has his mind set for any decisions. But, you, as his S/O, own his utmost trust. So, before the final choice is made, he makes sure to get your opinion on it. Whether it’s small things or large decisions, he wants to hear what you think and will definitely take it into consideration. You have the ability to loosen him up on some settlements, much to Charles’ thanks.

Okay, the end of season 4 was an exaggeration, but Nathan does have a difficult time admitting when he’s wrong. Apologizing just really pokes at his large yet fragile ego. But, when he finally gets rid of some pride and realizes he fucked up with you, he’ll make the effort to apologize. Even if it’s not directly, you’ll get little gifts and gestures that lets you know that he really is sorry.

Pickles The Drummer

This one’s kinda silly, but here me out; Growing up, all of Pickle’s possessions were either hand-me-downs, stolen by Seth, or taken away as punishment from his parents. He didn’t get many stuff that was his. So, as an adult who could have all the material possessions he wants, he’s become a bit greedy. Until pretty lil you came up and stole his heart from him. At that point, he’s practically forcing himself to share everything with you. Food, clothes, anything. Something about seeing you with his stuff makes him feel really good inside.

Worries about you. Hoo-boy, as much as he hates to admit it, he’s got total mom brain when it comes to anxiety. Anytime you’re five minutes late or slightly more quiet than usual, he’s darting around, thinking that he somehow messed up and you hate him and now he’s gotta fix it. Please reassure him, he’s gonna give himself an asthma attack.

Pickles, uh, doesn’t have the best memory. Probably from the constant abuse of drugs and alcohol. I don’t think the dude knows anything that happened to him from age 20 to 25. But, he wants to make the effort. So, he’ll remember the little things about you, basic likes and dislikes, something you said, etc. When he acts upon it, like buying some of your favorite food, and you get all happy about it, he’s so proud of himself. He loves making you happy.

“Punch first, ask later. Or don’t ask at all.”That’s how he lives a whole lot of his life, especially in bars or parties. MF got some agitation issues. But when you get involved? Someone looks at you even slightly wrong? They’re getting their asses beat, he’ll defend the shit out of you.

In addition to that^…He’s definitely used to getting a ton of shit from his family and he just takes it. Because they don’t really like Pickles, there’s a good chance Seth and his parents will hate you and they’ll let you know it. This is when he cracks down. He yells at them for several minutes about what a wonderful person you are, what shitty people they are, and that they can talk about him all they want but not you. Definitely scares them straight.

Toki Wartooth

Oh, man does Toki love to spoil you! The way your face lights up when he manages to get you another perfect (and expensive) gift makes his heart flutter. He’s very good at it to; buying you things you didn’t even know you wanted but always cherish. He especially likes to get you custom-made stuff, something very cheesy.

He has a bit of a hyperactive mind, without something specific to focus on, he’ll constantly be bouncing around. But, despite this, he absolutely loves to listen to you in a way he can’t with other people. While he’s putting together a model or coloring or maybe practicing guitar (once in a blue moon), he likes to have you there, just ranting while he nods along. Even if he doesn’t get all the details, the sound of your voice is enough for him.

When you’re around him, he’s pretty much always going to be touching you. Sometimes it’s small things, like holding hands, knees together under a table, occasional cheek kisses. Other times, he’s practically hanging onto you like a sloth. Additionally, he absolutely loves to scoop you up at random moments and just hold you for a while. He’s strong, he can handle it.

It’s very clear that Toki is a bit of a traditionalist when it comes to love. Even if it’s unrealistic, he will often imagine a future with you, the classic getting married, having children, growing old. A nice, suburban, and perfect lifestyle. He knows that he can’t ever get rid of his rock n roll persona, but there’s a piece of him that’s completely dedicated to simply loving you for the rest of his days.

Skwisgaar Skwigelf

First of all; it’s going to take a while to establish yourself as more than just some sex to Skwisgaar. He needs to know you’re not someone trying to brag that they fucked a rockstar. Once he realizes that’s you mean something to him (and vice versa), he relaxes! He gets vulnerable, gets emotional and cuddly and more romantic than you’d expect! He no longer has to keep up the persona, you see the side of him that no one else really does.

Along with this, he’s willing to be more silly than with you! He’s got an even bigger ego than Nathan and hates to look like a fool in front of all his fans. But when he’s around you, he allows himself to make some jokes, mess up a few times and laugh about it. Seeing you laugh makes the small amount of humiliation worth it to him.

Skwisgaar has practically heard it all when it comes to compliments; he’s an international sex symbol and a music mastermind, after all. There’s nothing he hasn’t been praised for. So, he thinks it’s only natural that he compliments the hell out of you just like others do to him. From wake to sleep, he’s giving you all sorts of flattery on how you look and congratulates you on every accomplishment, no matter how small. He likes to feel proud of his darling and makes sure you know it.

Despite him having a long line of past lovers behind him, Skwisgaar gets jealous very easily. Call it a toxic trait, but he’ll flirt with anyone he sees while glaring at anyone who sees you. And his glares are proven to be lethal. Just be careful, cause he can have anyone he deems ‘too touchy’ with you assassinated with the flick of a wrist.

William Murderface

William thinks he’s soo lucky to have you in the first place, he practically worships the ground you walk on. His mind is pretty much on you every moment of the day; every dream he has at night is about you. He’s obsessed with the way you look, the way you act, he’s always staring at you with a dumb, happy smile on his face. Anything you need, he’ll make it happen for you.

I personally feel that he’s a lot smarter than he seems; particularly about history, historical weaponry, and cars. So, when he gets the chance, you get your ass he’s gonna rant to you about all the random stuff that’s up in his brain. He’s an extreme pessimist by nature, but when he’s speaking about the things he truly cares about, he’s seems so enthusiastic and energized, even more so when you actively listen and ask questions.

While Murderface certainly talks a lot, he doesn’t really…express, you know? Most of his conversations are surface-level and to the point. But when he’s comfortable with you, he likes to have deep conversations about things most people think he’s too stupid to care about. Ethics, philosophy, religion. He’s no expert, but everyone has their own beliefs. He wants to share his and to hear yours. Sometimes, he gets really into it, occasionally crying. These moments are important to him and he loves to be with you during them.

Let’s admit it; William isn’t conventionally handsome in anyway. A good reason for that is because he simply doesn’t care or have the patience for proper hygiene. Still, he wants to really impress you, so he starts taking care of himself more. He gets some better products, puts a little more thought into how he dresses, even eats slightly better. It’s not a big difference, but it’s something and it’s noticeable over time.

Bonus^ If you have a skincare routine, he’s going to be right next to you, mesmerized by all the creams and serums and cleansers. Even better if you apply some to him, he gets so soft.

[polyklok]

Hi! What's your HC for how each band member (and Charles too, if you can) would be like on their wedding day?

Ohmygosh I am such a sap, I’m having way too much fun with this prompt and I haven’t even started writing yet!

The Wedding Day

Nathan Explosion

Leading up to the day, Nathan becomes more and more of a nervous wreck. He’s terrified of something going wrong, the day being completely ruined and you leaving him forever because of it. No matter how much you reassure him that you plan to marry him no matter what, he is dead set on making sure that the wedding will be perfect and that you’ll have the best day of your life. While metal and brutality are what he strives for most, he also has a sense of traditionalism that seeps into the wedding plans. He talks to his parents a lot during the whole process.

The morning of, he wakes up and is suddenly calm about the whole ordeal. His chest is bubbling with giddiness and he has a small smile that he can’t wipe off of his face as he begins to get ready. He’s excited to see you, to say his vows and to hear yours and put rings on each others fingers and become officially married. The word sounds really good to him.

Dethklok are his groomsmen, with Pickles as his best man. You’ve already been in their favor for a long time, so they’re equally excited on Nathan’s behalf. The dressing room is loud and crowded, but he lets the chaos roll off his back as he thinks about spending the rest of his life with you.

Eventually, he’s suited up and the guests have poured in. Shortly before the ceremony, he’s with his dad, who is making small adjustments to Nathan’s appearance and pumping him up for finalizing the greatest decision he’ll ever make.

“Ready, son? This is it.”

“Fuck yeah.”

The ceremony is fairly large; Klokateers line the walls, he’s facing all the friends and family that could’ve possibly been invited, his bandmates are behind him. But he’s only wanting to see you. He can’t possibly take much longer, he feels like the butterflies are gonna rip out of his gut and start devouring the guests. Suddenly, music starts playing, and he laser-focuses on the aisle.

You’re gorgeous. Everything about you; perfect. You’re glowing from the inside-out. Nathan doesn’t even notice the hot tears that begin to stream down his face, he’s entranced. As soon as you reach him, he takes your hand into his and squeezes them like he’ll never let go. His lips move like he wants to say something, but he simply cannot find the words to describe how brutally in-love he is. His head is dizzy with happiness.

He doesn’t even hear what the officiant is saying. When the time for vows come he just…shakes his head, keeping eye contact with you. You giggle, the guests chuckle. Don’t worry, you’ll get to see what he had planned to say later, and it’s very sweet. But Nathan can’t bring himself to say a whole speech right now. He just wants to kiss you.

And, boy, does he kiss you! Nathan’s kiss is hot and passionate and you feel like you would fall off the edge of the world if it weren’t for his right grasp. Nathan feels a lot of intense emotions, many of which he keeps bottled up. But when he kisses you on your wedding day, you can suddenly feel all of them and it’s wonderful.

After the ceremony, Nathan is thrilled to be married to you, it’s adorable. He does his best to compress it down for pictures, purely for image’s sake (these are the photos that are gonna be shared publicly, after all). In most photos, he holding you with his signature pissed-off expression. But there’s a few with a glimpse of his eager smile.

After photos? He’s completely loose. Nathan is an absolute goofball when in the right mood, and being married to the person he loves most definitely does the trick. He stuffs his face, drinks a drink or three, laughs loudly at Pickles’ best man speech, and doesn’t even complain when his parents embarrass the hell out of him.

The dance you two share is a bit clumsy, his feet taking random steps as he presses his forehead into yours. You both incomprehensibly compliment each other and exchange various, “I love you”s. But none of it needs to be said; Staring in each other’s eyes like this already makes it the best day of your life.

Soon after the height of the party, Nathan gives a half-assed goodbye to his band and his parents in order to drag you to the limo that’s already waiting outside, getting an early start on your honeymoon.

Pickles the Drummer

I’ll be honest; Pickles is not sure if this whole thing was ever a good idea. His proposal was last-minute and completely unplanned. He is constantly changing his mind, keeping you on edge. One minute, he’s infatuated with the idea of holy matrimony. The next, he’s saying he just wants to get hitched in Vegas. The next, he‘s calling the whole thing off. He knows that he loves you and he wants you to be happy but…it’s a big commitment. Especially for someone like Pickles. Please be patient with him.

But the date, despite the pushbacks, finally arrives. He hardly sleeps the night before. He convinces you to stay with him until the last minute, afraid he’s gonna scare himself into running off. He lays in bed for a solid hour after waking up, just letting your sleeping form cling to him. He desperately wants a drink and he hates himself for it. The only thing keeping him from spiraling is your warm weight and the pace of your breathing.

The morning is slow and heavy as the two of you get ready. You ask him a few times if he’s okay and he always says “Yeh, ‘m gud” despite the look on his face; scared and unfocused. You don’t push it. Instead, you give him a kiss on the cheek before you leave to get into your outfit.

Despite the coaxing from you and Dethklok and even Charles; Pickles had invited his family, at the very last second he possibly could have. And they show up pissed. His father is silently judgmental, his mother is nagging, and his brother is all kinds of rude. The ceremony hasn’t even started but they’re already on his ass about everything they can think of. He’s nauseous with anxiety, desperately trying to block out their voices. Nathan has to drag them away when Seth makes on a comment on you, seeing how Pickles was one second away from beating the shit out of him again.

So his wedding starts with Pickles in a miserable mood. He just wants the day to be over. He’s at the altar, avoiding eye contact with his mom and sweating bullets. When you do finally make your way down the aisle, he gives you a small smile. He feels guilty for being so overwhelmed with dread rather than happiness. At the very least, he does think you look amazing, even if it’s hard to tell beneath his unease.

You can see him shaking, trying hard to not hyperventilate. When the officiant asks if anyone objects, he squeezes your hands and his eyes dart over to his family. Luckily, they stay silent. And so, you’re married. Once Pickles kisses you, there a small moment where he’s calm again. He’s attached to you by the lips, the warm sensation of love pouring over him, the same love that made him propose in the first place.

Until it ends. He suddenly hears the cheering, realizes that the two of you are surrounded by people and he immediately looks to his parents, mortified by their unimpressed faces. You take his hand with you, back down the aisle as he stutters an apology for looking like an idiot.

But you don’t go back to the dressing room. Instead, you drag him right out of the venue and push him into a car.

“Wha’dder doin, babe?”

“Getting you outta here.”

You ditch the wedding. You’re already married, there’s no point in staying there just so he can stew in his anxiety. For a few moments of the car ride, he still afraid that you’re mad at him for not being more enthusiastic about the ceremony. But he eventually relaxes and thanks you, at ease for the first time in weeks. Later, there will be a huge freak out and Charles will berate you for leaving so suddenly. But right now, you pick up some fast food and hit up a random park. The two of you take some edibles he conveniently had in his suit pocket and spend the rest of the night eating and cuddling under the moonlight.

Skwisgaar Skwigelf

The day Skwisgaar proposed to you was magical. It was romantic, it was beautiful, he was vulnerable and extremely sweet. After? Nothing. He was still your Skwisgaar, affectionate with you and ever-so-slightly teasing. There were no changes to him. But he had practically no involvement in the wedding planning, never even brought it up. When you asked for his input on something, he always told you do to do what you want. Even on inviting his mother;

“If you thinks she shoulds be theres.”

The only thing he actively contributed was picking his clean, white suit, which Charles had to nag him into doing last minute. The night before, you asked if he even wanted to do it at all, since he was so aloof about it. He gave you a simple,

“Ofs course I does.”

The day comes. Skwisgaar wakes up with a heavy weight on his chest. He really does want to marry you. He’s changed a lot about himself and his lifestyle in order to be committed to you, and he is happy about it. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him, better than the thousands of groupies he used to occupy himself with. But the word ‘Husband’ used to be something to mock in his eyes, a lame dildo who’s given up in life and probably isn’t even happy. But that’s about to be him, your husband. He isn’t upset, but it’s a strange thing to become someone you once despised.

So, as he gets ready and as his groomsmen tease him mercilessly for his dedication to you, he’s quiet and neutral. Even for Dethklok, it’s hard to tell what he’s feeling at he moment, but he shows no signs of backing out, so they continue on.

Once he’s in position, Skwisgaar sees what you’ve been working on for the past several months. And it’s gorgeous, you did a wonderful job. The guest list was very minimal, a detail he greatly appreciates. He briefly scans over them, but stops once he spots blonde hair the same color as his own. Then, he focuses on the aisle, waiting for you, keeping his head clear from the awful clouds of thoughts that he doesn’t want to hear right now.

You walk down, the two of you make hard, intimate eye contact. His first thought is that you are the most beautiful anyone has ever been, especially for him, and he can’t believe you’re real. His second thought is how wonderful you’d look if all the clothing were to be removed. His third thought is praying that the intense ache on his eyes don’t spill over into tears.

He says his vows quietly, speaking to you in a hushed tone. He couldn’t care less about the small crowd watching him as his life permanently changes, he prefers if they didn’t hear him anyway. This is for you and him exclusively. And when he kisses you…

Skwisgaar has a horrible tendency to always leave you wanting for more. He’s an absolutely addictive kisser and it’s completely unfair to you. Your wedding kiss is no different. He gives a light chuckle when you follow his lips as he pulls away. He decides to keep the gesture quite conservative for now. Don’t worry, you’ll get plenty more later.

From then on, he’s attached to you. He doesn’t leave your side for a second, completely ignoring the guests just to stare at you with a refreshing, loving gaze in his eyes. While drinking champagne, cutting the cake, listening to speeches; you’re the only thing occupying his world that day.

He says very little until your first dance, in which he thanks you for all the work you put in. But really, he would’ve been happy next to a dumpster. He leans his close, lips grazing your ear, and whispers exactly how he’s going to thank you later when the two of you are alone. Even as your husband, Skwisgaar is a man of seduction and absolute tease.

Toki Wartooth

He bought a ring, like, a month into seeing you and had to be tied down by Charles just so he wouldn’t immediately propose. Toki LOVES the idea of marriage and goes to ask you as soon as his manager is sure that you won’t accidentally tear apart the band. There are no words to describe how absolutely giddy he is to be your husband, he counts down the days every single morning.

Unfortunately, he’s sort of awful at planning. He has so many ideas that are a messy collision of traditional, brutal, and decora aesthetics and he’s constantly spouting them off to you. It’s gonna take a while to find some balance so your wedding doesn’t immediately cause a seizure to anyone in the vicinity. The day before, he gives you hundreds of kisses, squealing and giggling about how happy he is and how wonderful it’s all going to be.

The two of you separate that night, wanting to get ready individually so you can do a ‘first-look’ before the ceremony. Unfortunately, it has been a very long time before Toki has had to sleep in a bed without you and he is forced to remember how cold it can be. He barely sleeps, staring at the ceiling, desperately missing you as his heart pounds with anticipation to marry you.

Turns out, not sleeping before your wedding day isn’t a great idea. The entire morning, he’s sporadically dozing off, needing to be herded around by Dethklok so he can get ready. The whole day is spent with him either smiling like a huge goofball or half-asleep as he showers, eats breakfast, gets his hair done, and suits up.

At some point, he hears that his parent/s didn’t actually show up, despite being invited. His chest buzzes with the usual strange feelings he gets whenever talking about his family, but he pushes foreword. Never was there a groom so determined.

As he waits at the alter, he’s bouncing on his heels, fidgeting with his hands, grinning so hard his face hurts. He’s dreamed about his wedding day for years and years, in love with his soon-to-be spouse before he even met you, and the best moment of his life is mere seconds away from happening. What would happen next, after his happily-ever-after? He doesn’t know, but he’s happy to spend it with you.

And here you come. The music plays, you walk down the aisle…Toki is easily prone to sobbing, but he has never ‘happy-cried’ until this moment. It’s almost concerning, how shaky he is with pure, unfiltered joy. The last thing you need is for your husband to spontaneously combust.

While Toki had put a lot of thought and effort into writing his vows, they’re practically out the window. He slips in a few preplanned lines, but he mostly rambles about how glorious being in love is and how wonderful you are, slipping between Norwegian and English and laughing at himself the whole way through. It’s a messy speech, but it’s one full of passion.

He kisses you a minimum of three times, each more lovely than the last as your guests clap and cheer. You’re lifted and twirled all the way to the car meant to take you to the reception, squeezed into the back seat as he attacks you with affection.

At this point, Toki had been running on adrenaline and very short power-naps the entire day. He’s still flooded with delight to finally, officially, be yours but he has never been one to run well on sleep deprivation. His head slowly leans into your collarbone, humming through his comfortable smile and looking up at you lovingly with half-shut eyes.

“Toki, are you alright?”

“Pers-fect.”

He yawns through his words, half-heartedly insisting that he can enjoy the rest of the evening just fine but not objecting when you tell the driver to just head to the hotel and tell Charles about the change of plans. It’s not long before the both of you are passed out and tangled within each other, your outfits only half-removed before the sun has even set.

William Murderface

William had never thought he’d get married. At some points, he thought that love was simply not for him, that he was forever to be unwanted. But even has you entered his life, took over his heart and made him realize that he was worth something…it still never crossed his mind. It seemed like something that cliché assholes do just to prove a point. It took a lot of work from the both of you for him to truly believe that you cared; what did a dumb certificate have to prove after all this time?

Several years into your relationship, and the two of you have fallen into a comfy routine, both brutally thrilling and cozily domestic. He’s not only in love, but living in long-term happiness. It’s bliss. Until, at some social event that he was only attending out of requirement, some random dildo insists that it’s really about the time you two get married.

You laugh it off and Murderface promptly tells the guy to suck his dick, mostly out of instinct. But later, when you’ve practically forgotten, the concept is still on William’s mind. Was it about that time? Would two little rings really transform his relationship, one of the greatest things to ever happen to him, to something more sacred? Did you want to? You seemed to brush it away so easily earlier…would you not be willing to marry him?

You notice his behavior change over the course of a few days, clearly pondering something deeply but unwilling to tell you what. It isn’t until a very late night, when you’re already in bed with him, eyes closed and brain only half-on;

“Would you wanna get married?”

“What?”

“To me. If I aschked, would you schay yesch and marry me?”

“Sure, Hun. I’ll marry you.”

Two weeks later, he is stationed in the middle of Mordhaus’ living room, wearing clothes that are only slightly nicer than his usual.

Pickles, once again, asks him if he’s only doing this to prove some dumb point. William, once again, tells Pickles to fuck off. Nathan, as his best man, pokes him in the back and says he could’ve made the ceremony a bit nicer at the very least. William insists that the both of you liked this way best.

Skwisgaar is lounged on the couch, guitar in lap as he begins to strum the first song that comes to mind. Toki enters and haphazardly throws around some rice he recently hijacked from the kitchen. You follow, also in slightly-nicer-clothing, and holding one of Murderface’s many knives rather than a bouquet. The smile on your face is the brightest he’s ever seen and everything feels right to him.

Charles reads from a document he had just printed out that morning. With you looking into his eyes at this very moment, William is baffled at how he could’ve possibly waited this long to do the bare minimum of marrying you. Because he wouldn’t want it any other way. With Charles’ short, law-required speech done, he declares the two of you a wedded couple.

The kiss is intense, wrapped fully into each other as the commitment is finalized. There’s a brief amount of clapping from Dethklok and the surrounding Klokateers, but the celebrations last less than an hour before you and Murderface are shoved onto a plane for your honeymoon.

The first few days in Las Vegas are a blur of alcohol, drugs, gambling, and intense sex. The next few days are spent with long, romantic moments, intimate conversations, sensual cuddling and…still lots of sex. William practically melts every time you acknowledge him as your new husband.

It was rushed, it was messy, it resulted in rice being vacuumed out of the living room carpet for months and the biggest blackout of your life…but your wedding day was nothing short of perfect.

Bonus: Charles

I’m doing a rush job of this because I’m still not 100% sold on his businussy

I think you would originally get married in bare-minimal circumstances, probably for potential tax benefits or political reasons. Either way, he slips a plain band ring on your finger and gives you a brief kiss. It’s less than a romantic gesture and more like a business deal.

Later on, as the two of you grew closer than he has with anybody else, he realizes just how improper your official wedding really was. So he conducts that a proper one be planned. It’s much more extravagant and he splurges to make sure you get everything you want.

That’s all I have to say about that it is 3 Am I am so sorry offdensen simps love you