#my memory has been so horrible lately tho

[madmaxified]

letting myself cook and sharing my dead boy detectives swap au on here ‼️

( also i wanna note that if an adult and teen swap so do their ages, so some characters are aged down and some are aged up )

the night nurse ( or charlie as i have graciously renamed her in reference to what charles said in the finale ) takes edwin's place, still dies in the 1920’s but however, instead of dying at the boarding school, she dies in a ‘I hate women look i have a spell book boom demonic sacrifice’ style hate crime and that’s how she ends up in hell ( it’s giving rosalie from twilight’s death ) she’s still a bookish, nerdy little shut in, but there’s less of edwin’s sass and more of her being so blunt and straight to the point that she often comes off as quite rude

jenny takes charles’s place, she dies in the late 1980’s early 1990’s but instead of getting attacked by classmates her abusive, alcoholic father almost beats her to death and then she wanders out into the night in the middle of winter and dies of extreme hypothermia. she’s a lot more upbeat and outgoing than canon jenny is but is still giving jade west vibes. when it comes to her trauma and how she died, she’s alot more cagey about it and gets angry and just flat out mean any time someone brings it up so charlie always avoided talking about it. she’s a gay little fella and is one hundred percent fully aware of and comfortable with that fact.

charlie is still absolutely and one hundred percent in love with jenny but has a really hard time understanding feelings and so she’s not really sure what she feels most of time. jenny is utterly devoted to and in love with charlie but never knows when to tell her

esther is swapped with crystal comes from a long line of witches and has inherited those magical abilities and ability to see everything supernatural, but she’s lost her memories due to a sketchy deal with a demon she made in order to get out of some ‘trouble’ ( she killed her cheating boyfriend and his lover and wanted it covered up ) her and jenny make out a lot and it’s very messy and filled with way too many feelings and they’re not super good for eachother and it only makes charlie hate esther more. she’s a lot most mischievous than crystal is and legitimately believes lying, scheming and violence is the solution to every problem the agency encounters, she eventually leans tho because character development!

monty is swapped with niko and is the scooby doo obsessed nerd that lives across the hall from esther. he’s just as sweet as he is in canon and is the girl’s emotional support, grounded in reality member who’s job is essentially to make sure nobodies emotions get so incredibly out of whack no one can do their job

crystal and niko are a witch / physic medium and her cat familiar who was once a human girl. niko’s relationship with charlie is not romantic at all and instead niko and crystal have an insane toxic yuri arc going on. once they were both human and in love and happy but after lillith granted crystal eternal life niko realized she needed a way to be with her forever. crystal promised they could be together if niko let her ‘change’ her and then she made her gf into an immortal cat who she kinda emotionally manipulates ( toxic yuri save me save me toxic yuri )

edwin is esther and monty’s landlord, instead of running a butcher shop he runs a small independent bookstore and is still struggling to figure himself out. he’s less mean than jenny is initially, except to crystal he’s very mean to her, but is still very overprotective of his tenants

charles is the night nurse, overworked, underpaid and stuck in a job he doesn’t want, he’s just working towards retirement, and if he can catch those slippery dead girl detectives that might just been the case that fills out his retirement requirements. he’s just as fed up, if not more, than the night nurse is in canon

maxine is the cat queen, and on top of flirting with charlie and giving the poor girl a horrible sexuality crisis, she’s also flirting and teasing jenny every time the two get close, something jenny does not appreciate at all. her connection to crystal is through niko because since she’s a cat most of the time she’s technically one of maxine’s subjects so she’s always looking out for her

thomas ( the cat king ) is the pet shop manager with big heart eyes for edwin, who after being set up on a date with edwin by monty, reveals that he’s actually a creepy weirdo and then he dies ( everyone cheered )

bonus : when charlie confesses to jenny on the stairway to hell jenny confesses back and they share a kiss before escaping hell forever

( bonus two : this is only one of two swap aus I have for this show mwa ha ha )

[vennyvenadito]

🦋💜Hawkmoth/Gabriel deserves better💜🦋

Ok

This is gonna be controversial but I can’t keep my mount shut anymore

This is an unpopular opinion but I have to say it

Gabriel aka Hawkmoth can be a good villain but the show don’t let him to be one and they are also the reason why his character is so over the place

First I would say our moth boy is smart and he really show it a lot

Now I know what you gonna say

“But his ideas are always bad and he is really dumb”

I know but hear me out

I don’t denied that he can be dumb and mess up a lot but I think this isn’t entirely his fault…it’s actually the writers

Why? Well

I would definitely say that Hawkmoth is not only a victim of bad writing, but he is also a victim of plot armor

There are episodes where he almost won but for some lame reason lose

And in fact not all of his ideas are but

You would say is because of Mayura and yeah, you guys are right on that but I’m talking about when he didn’t have her on his side

Episode like

-Puppeteer

-Animaestro

-Oblivion

-Sentibubbler

-Volpina

-Jubilation

-Illusion

-Stormy Whether

-Catalyst

-Ephemeral

-Risk

-Strike Back

-The Owl

-Malediktator

-Troublemaker

-Miraculer

-Antibug/Vanisher

-Derision (I still hate this episode)

-Collector

-Optigami

That’s proof to me that he can be smart and a treat but again, is the show who don’t let him be

And in fact, it’s also show that the show don’t know what direction go with him

In one episode is a broken man who lost his way and is trying to bring back the love of his life but no in the right way of course and he is also trying to hold it back for his son, but keeps himself away from him for his grief and still show humanity and maybe the change there’s still some hope of salvation for him

And then he is this horrible monster without feelings and he can go as far even to destroy humanity and can’t barely care about his own child and neglect him a lot

In one episode he can come out with the most smartest plan to archive his goal and almost got it, but then again, villain always loses

And then in another episode has the most dumbest plan ever

And then he is this goofy and cartoonist villain

Don’t saying that silliness can’t work with a villain

Look Bill from Gravity Falls and Discord from MLP

They are goofy and chaotic but they are still a treat and dangerous to everyone (with one already redeem)

If they want him to be a treat or an irredeemable villain than they could done something like Belos from The Owl House

Those two parallels each other a lot

-They lost an important person of their life with one of them killing them out of rage

-They have this little child on their care but neglected them (and also they didn’t born in the traditional way one being an sentimonster and the other an grimwalker)

-They are willing to destroy everything to archive their goals

-Both are also broken and lost their ways in their life and instead of trying to fix their mistakes and move on, is already to late for both of them, their path become dark

The difference here is at least in The Owl House the writers did know what to do with Belos unlike Miraculous, Belos did have moments of sympathy and moments of guilt about killing his older brother, of the little they show about his past we can have an idea how was his life before become this horrible monster, but the show let it clear there’s not salvation for him anymore and he is way far to be redeem

I insist his dead could be handled a little better, but even tho, they did an awesome job with him

But with Gabe, look, they did had good ideas but the execution wasn’t great

I mean, come on, a villain who can take advantage of the persons feelings and transform them in monsters, that’s a cool concept

He been the father of one of the main characters, also a good concept there

But the writers did a terrible and miserable job with those concept and don’t do anything interesting with them, if they do, then they go with time travel or memory erase because this show has something towards consequences and show progression

And the fact in the leaks is show that Adrien won’t be in the final battle with his father and is only Marinette it’s make me angry

And speaking of our bug girl, let’s go back with the plot armor problem

This girl doesn’t has the power of creation, instead she has the power of plot armor in her hands

And Intuition is the prove for that

Is basically

“Gabriel v.s Plot armor” the episode

In this episode is show that Gabriel in fact, did use the power of second chance a lot of times, all the episode we saw he did used it

But the problem was that the lucky charm of Ladybug always change, isn’t the same object, didn’t matter what he do or change something about his plan, the lucky charm always manage to change and give Ladybug the opportunity of win

So yeah, this is prove enough to me that no matter how smart his plan can be, the show is always against him

He is even more of a wasted potential than Chloe is

And I would say it, he is much of a punching bag as Chloe as well

But at least with her they kinda know what to do with her (I say kinda because they did a terrible job, and is mostly because Thomas’s hate boner for her), they want to keep her as a brat, I hate that, but you know what, ok, good for you guys, keep going

But come on, why you keep Gabriel like that??

You want him to be a good villain or not??

The poor man is goin on circles because you don’t know what to do with him

In fact, you know what, I’m happy he is leaving in the season five finale, not like he deserve this or I’m happy he got what he wanted, but more like “you know, good for him, he can finally rest from this mess that this show is, he can be free for now”

Good for you Gabe in that, good for you my dude, hope you enjoy your freedom

And look, I’m not saying this beacuse, who those who don’t know, he is my favorite character (yeah you can kill me for that), but mostly I’m saying this because I want his character to make sense, to be consistent and has deep, which he has but the show act like he doesn’t sometimes

It’s make me sad seeing my favorite character been treated like this, because I know in the right hands he can be a great character

I wouldn’t care is they wanted him to be redeem or not, at least, make him a great an iconic villain

Belos is one of the best villains a I have never seen in a while

And this is why I starting to work in AUs about Hawkmoth, because I know he has potential and there’s a lot of fun things you can do with him, if no anyone can sees it that way, than I can because I care about this character

Let me show some love for my moth boy please if no one wouldn’t do it

I wanted to vent a lot about this main problem I have with the show and why Hawky deserves a lot better like the other characters in this show

I would like to see your opinions about this

Deer out

[dumb-doll-lips]

Yeah I was talking about the family stuff.

You seem to be struggling lots with that. You said there's djstance between you two but why doesn't he help you, offer you advice, or at least some support.

Now of course he could be doing that behind closed doors but it doesn't seem like he is. You're honestly like so nice and so sweet the least he could do is help you instead of just use you and discard you.

Oh he definitely helps in that way. Like if it wasn’t for his help, I’d have def been stuck at my parents longer while finally selling the house I had w my ex. There’s been a bunch of times when I’ve been really upset and he’s making me feel a lot better. I really don’t have the best memory so it’s hard to put together a lot examples… especially since the family drama stuff isn’t stuff I particularly want to remember.

But like also all the family stuff is like the vast majority of what I talk about in therapy. She said in one of the last sessions that I was making a bunch of progress from where I was. A part of that is how I’m like finally being angrier about things instead of internalizing everything and feeling like I’m some really horrible person. Def have gotten lots of support from him when I’ve been in that feeling like I’m horrible place. And like yeah I’m still having a hard time with things, but Im also soo much happier than I was before I met him.

Another thing tho too is I tend to be cautious about sharing a lot of things on here about anything w him. Like I def strayed from that lately, cause it feels nice to talk about him more. But literally anytime I do that for a bit, it’s end up getting hate mail on here, and while he def has helped that not feel as bad, it’s still not fun. So, to say that my blog def doesn’t give the full picture.

I super appreciate you caring about me and thinking I’m all nice and sweet. That sentiment is really nice. And it’s sweet to know people care, even if they are anon people lol.

[princessaurorasdiary]

Diary 2/26: life update cause it's been 6 months at least

Hi 👋🏼, It's been a long time, about 6 months about. I'm 23 now

I have a lot of up and downs and haven't felt like writing, and my main creative outlet has been TikTok because to be honest, I feel less alone when I can see that people saw my video, and maybe ever gave it a like or comment

I guess I'll talk a bit about the last 6 months, I work at a craft store now, quit my old horrible job that mistreated me constantly, got COVID soon after quitting the old job, went and saw a medium sized artist I like in concert, second ever concert, her name is Tessa Violet, dragged my bff with me cause we planned it for her to come down and visit me during Spring Break.

I also confessed to my crush, they said they like me too and have just as long as I have but she thought me flirting was pitty compliments cause ADHD runs through both of us lol, it's been moving really slowly cause things keep happening to her, the universe is just slapping her weekly bro.

I don't hate my job at the craft store, but I miss doing a version of my chosen career as a baker/cake decorator, really wish that place wasn't so toxic and that I had a car already.

I'm still trying to get a car, it took me 3 months to get a new job after quitting my old one, the COVID thing was a month of that but also just this job market sucks, origami current job was seasonal, but I have really good numbers on the register and I'm good at the other parts like stalking and sorting and fixing things on the shelfs so I got kept on. I make sure not to give a ADHD 100% anymore, it killed me at my old job and whenever I only had a normal person's 100% they acted like I was failing when I was just doing a normal amount instead of a crazy amount, so I learned not to grind myself to the bone.

I can't remember if I've mentioned this, probably not tho, I go to a weekly crochet club for months now, it's all older ladies and me but it's better than nothing with how I don't really have friends other than my best friend. They care about me and I care about them and it's nice to talk to others once a week.

I kinda ran outta steam for finding friends the last 2 months, I was trying and trying and I'm just tired after months and months or trying 🤷

I think about making a post all the time, but also feel like I'm writing into the void, which has been terrifying me lately, the void that is, long story short, I was stressed AF and couldn't sleep for days the day before Halloween and tried to smoke to fall asleep, but before I'd just taken a hit or two of my brothers sleep type vape, but actually smoked it that night for the first time and instead tripped horribly and it's still affecting me mentally, the memory of the horror that was that night.

Editing a note: I was basically trying to test for a bit if a sleep strain of weed would help with my at the time rampid insomnia since sleep meds either don't work on me or give me bad side effects, but after that night I'm probably never touching it again so ✌🏼

I also am just not feeling great medically, I just got my broken tooth pulled through and did my wisdoms at the same time and already feel better even with the jaw pain, so hopefully some of the not feeling well was because of my teeth, I've been working on trying to finally fix my teeth as well and I think it might actually happen now

Anyways, it's after 3:20am so I'm gonna go lay down even if I don't sleep till 4 cause laying down is better than nothing

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

Does Ingo magic Ever get UNblocked? Mayeb its an emergency and He overwhems the block trying to use it so hard bc Someone is in danger(maybe dying and he can heal them) or maybe its undone (Which I say Irida should have done the moment they gained his trust which makes me think that maybe its not very simple easy or possible)

The broken bond is gut-wrenching I cant stand it, maybe instead being in Hisui means hes too far to SUMMON Chandelure but Its still there,just faint and faded. A soul bond is a soul bond its not 'till death do them part' its 'Where you go I will follow' , a thing that goes beyond death which does lend it toward being more an ace only type of deal. The ONLY reason that Emmet knows Ingo is alive is that Chandelure is still there. Its empathetic tho so maybe pain or distress can filter through the bond as strained as it is which Does Not Reasure Emmet.

WELL, i mean i can't very well say he has this crazy powerful magic and then not ever let him use it, can i lol. the question is just... how.

though re: irida, i think it's also not so much a lack of trust as just like. i mean like i said before, it feels like playing catch with high explosives. like, ingo doesn't even remember where he learned light magic, what if he tries to use it one time and screws up and something goes horribly wrong?? what's the guarantee he can control it perfectly every time? that his instinctive memory of how to use it is guaranteed to be right? it just feels safer for everyone to not even try. plus it's not like he's ever complained about it so he must not mind, right? ...right?

i do love the idea that he can undo it himself tho and just... hasn't yet out of courtesy. i mean, thinking about it, someone must have been around to soulbond them with their aces the first time, and if light is another primal force on the level of space/time/sky, maybe they can just make that tap themselves. and i don't remember if i've really discussed this before but reshiram/zekrom are deeply humanistic gods, so it's entirely possible that unlike others, an accomplished light mage doesn't even need a divine object to act as a conduit. light magic is already so responsive to human desire. so ingo's left it as it is because irida's clearly concerned about it, but then he has very good reason to use magic and he just. rewrites his own personal truth to not include it, like it's nbd. and irida's like (suddenly even more terrified of him) YOU COULD DO THAT THIS WHOLE TIME??

though funny as that mental image is if he's just forcibly overpowering it like you described, i also feel like that would be very taxing. especially if he's also interfering with or working around his soulbond with sneasler (or whatever her name is in this world). like he succeeds in whatever healing magic he needed to do, and then passes out immediately afterwards. and now whoever was dying isn't anymore but he might be, they can't immediately tell, and everyone's got a lot of questions that apparently only irida can answer

...another option, if the original soulbond with chandelure isn't broken (maybe just like, repressed or very faint) is that in his moment of panic, it's actually chandelure it self (or emmet, through chandelure?) that reaches out through the soul link and undoes the block. and it's like, the first approximation of proper contact they've had with him since he disappeared, and their only new information from it is that someone not only fucked with chandelure's soul link but completely locked his magic, what the fuck are they doing to him?? whoever's doing it is pissed the hell off but the link isn't very stable so they really only have time to unlock it and for ingo to get a vibe that someone somewhere is Very Angry, and then it's gone and the link is dead again and he's got bigger problems.

[ Anonymous: I think I need to clarify when I said "Where u Go I will follow" bc its. Late and I wasn't quite thinking all my thoughts onto the page. Bonded dont die the moment thir other does. Its just like a broken heart that bleeds for them. Chandelure however Is a ggost and probably immediately follow just by nature of being ghostly. most creatures DO die of a broken heart bc Bonded are very close Partners. Not all. Some pick up the pieces and forge on but their is a grief to them for the rest of days. ]

i do think that if the bond is there, it should be so faint as to be almost imperceptible bc otherwise it gives too much away/leaves too much of an open lead re: ingo and his past, and especially considering the mechanics of adding more than one soulbond might interfere with his being a warden. unless it's so dim and repressed that irida didn't even notice it at the time. though thinking of it, that could be a potential answer to "why is ingo joining this party:" he's trying to pursue this vague lead as to his past, and figures traveling with them is as good a way to do it as any.

[catxolotlz]

ive accepted everything thats happened, not completely but at least to some extent and more than before. i get it that i wont always be compatible with some people no mattwr how long and how close ive been with them. im mentally ill and not everyone will and has to understad that. i cant form long term relationships, i have a hard time with human interaction and socializing, i can be a genuinely horrible person.

i can never forgive myself for what ive done i get it its my fault. sometimes i feel like im an abuser. i never intended i never wanted for this to happen. i didnt manipulate or trick anyone for enjoyment or atleast didnt mean to and never realized, i dont know what ive done, i cant judge from my perspective. i regret it all of course and i wish it never had happened and i wish it will never happen again.

i was just hurting. i was hurting so much and sometimes, i still am. i cant understand myself but i tried to control myself. i didnt fully give in, i still had it in me to be better, to change for others so others wont get hurt anymore, i wanted to be better to get better. i didnt wanna be this mess of a human. i didnt want to be a bad person.

it just never sounded right for me however. i cant exactly change something thats out of my control. i cant really get better all by myself when my whole life ive been depending on others for my happiness and worth. its almost impossible to 'change' when you have a disorder. i only masked myself for others. i only repressed all my negative emotions and bottled them up to myself in fear of hurting my loved ones again. fearing what could happen next might be the last.

i was really dumb. i never realized how bad for myself i was doing, and eventually for everyone. my emotions spilled,i was hurtng so much it sometimes became phyisical pains. id feel jolts in my chest and my head was pounding every night from so much tears i cried. i couldnt bottle up anymore and eventually every negative emotion burst out, i hurt everyone i loved, i hurt the person i loved, ive never felt so ashamed of myself. it didnt feel like myself, thatwas the scary part. everything was so drowned out, all i could think of and all i cared about was hoping the person would understand me. that was all i ever wanted.

i know what couldve been done to prevent all this, but its too late now. everytime i would vent and explain myself it always comes out a mess, and everyone avoids me. theyre all scared of me snapping or getting mad. which icant blame them because it has happened before. but i never intended to be mad at them personally. my emotions are just raging all the time, especially in a bad mental state. but during the calmer days, i shouldve took those time to explain myself, my struggles, say everything i wanted, anything for them to understand. but honestly tho i dont exactly remember if ive done that before but didnt work so i just stopped. memory loss is a bitch i guess.

but still, i feel like i couldve just. tried again. and again. and again. i dont know rlly know if it would get me anywhere and i will never know. im starting to space out and forgetting what im supposed to be saying right now. sorry.

going back to my point, i understand now. im not meant for everyone. as much as it hurts, i have to accept this painful truth, that im disabled, and it prevents me from achieving things i want. and i think thats okay. im finally accepting it now. not all, but still. its something.

now i just wish all of me can accept it too. i wish the others can swallow the pill too. i really do feel bad, that theyre still hurting, that theyre still stuck in the past, thinking this was just another one of those days and can be easily fixed. i have to stop myself sometimes from messaging people again. i have to tell them that its done. its finally happened. our biggest fear has happened. theres nothing much to be afraid of anymore. (apart from the stuff like death, of course.) you can listen to music, you can backread messages, you can browse your files of screenshots and pictures. but you cant live that life anymore. and thats okay. they may forget about you, they may think youre a bad person, thats okay. at the end of the day, theyre moving on with their lives, they have their own people, youre going to have to move on with your life too. you can change. you can stay the same. you can just be yourself. whatever you want. its all gonna be okay. no one can tell you who you are or who you are supposed to be.

im happy to still have a few friends, even if we dont get to talk much, or i never talk about my problems to them anymore, its enough that theyre comfortable with me.

im very glad for my best friend online. my friend for the longest time, even before anyone else, that stayed with me. im glad i stayed with him too. we've changed so much, we've moved on from a hundred fandoms. it's such a pleasure to experience you.

and words cannot describe how much i love and appreciate my best friend. i genuinely cant put it to words. thank you so much for being there for me. for still being with me even after the friend group had dissolved. i want to talk to you about my cringe problems and i want you to scream yours too. id love to listen to more music with you. watch more shows with you. maybe even talk to more people with you. i want to grow up with you, i want to experience life with you by my side.

i think thats all i have to say for now. this kinda got a little carried away frm my original idea lol. cya

[mik-mania]

i think also. letting go of my dream of like, going to art school/having an art career/getting an art degree helped in the long run.

theres such a huge difference between having fun for yourself and like, the actual industry (always wanted to go into animation specifically). ive destroyed a lot of my body over the past decade working hard jobs, and i cant really imagine putting my wrist thru all of that. (actually, im realizing that a part of why i didnt draw much at all this past year is because i had/have horrible tendonitis and its taken a long time to recover. so its kind of good that my job i had for ~2 years didnt require any tedious wrist-work.)

letting go of that was pretty crushing at first tho. as far back as i can remember, being an artist and a writer was what defined me. and it felt like i was letting a part of myself go. i always wanted to go to ringling or scad--i actually got accepted into scad and got a scholarship, but a 10k scholarship is hardly anything against 60k in yearly tuition; i also got accepted into ringling, but only into the illustration program, not the animation program.

i felt like i had it all planned out. so it was hard letting that go, and for a bit i genuinely just didnt know what i was going to do with myself.

i personally feel like the universe has a way of guiding you if you keep an open mind. but kind of in a bastardous way, where things only happen when they need to, and its never clear if or when something is happening for a reason.

i accepted my last job because i was desperate and had kind of a shit resume at the time (id had a good track record, left party city where id been for a year to work at the funeral home, only to get laid off less than half a year later the day before i was supposed to start mortuary school; employers looked at that and only saw a job hopper).

it took me a lot of places ive never been, doing a lot of grueling cleanup (army-crawling through sewage in a ~1000 ft literal crawlspace is up there). it also took me to UW Madison, where we (on like, three separate occasions lmao) had to do cleanup in the engineering department. so, i saw a lot of genuinely interesting behind-the-scenes. and it got me thinking.

well, a year later, i just got thru my first semester of engineer school. i left behind my other job (it had served its purpose), and ive had. a lot of free time. (sorta-kinda. midterms were brutal.) a lot of time to rest and kind of just, like... be.

bills are always stressful ofc. but lately, combined w/ my job at school, ive actually been paying bills with my own art? which is amazing and, honestly a dream lol.

its kind of funny that i wouldnt be here if i hadnt like, let go of that dream. i think i was dealing with a lot of artblock and burnout because ever since high school, itd been drilled into me that as an art student, everything u make must be an example for potential customers/employers. everything must be original with the purpose of being presentable in an art portfolio.

and tbh that sucked a lot of joy out of art and writing for me. everything i made had to be part of a portfolio. everything i made had to somehow have the potential to be capitalized. it also was a huge mental drain, because art had always been a way for me to like, cope with shit (never realized this until later though--like 18 or 19). it became a chore.

and it also sucked because like... id grown up always being the best artist i knew (in school, at least). so i had a pretty inflated ego lol and when i actually started going for an art degree, it was crushing that 1) i was Not hot shit--i was barely cold diarrhea. and 2) (later on, post-associates) i really didnt fit in with the fine arts crowd.

ive gone thru a lot of mental shit, which i think has taken a huge toll on my memory, and there was definitely a bit of snark and giggling when i couldnt remember the name of some fuckin monet painting that someones art reminded me of. (mostly from the teacher--my classmates were pretty kind to me, thinking back, but the snark from my professor made it feel more widespread. she was one of those 'anime isnt real art' kind of people)

but like. yesterday for the first time in years, i was reading like. actual fanfiction lol. (i dont really count ftc fic as fanfiction cus, idk, its all pretty original to me). just some pretty self-indulgent mass effect fic. it brought me back to when i was 10, obsessing over meta knight and desperately google searching for more information on the guy, before i found 2 chapters of some incredible fanfiction detailing his past. (never updated past those 2 chapters, of course.) it was a real ratatouille moment lmao.

i dunno. i dont wanna jinx it, but i feel like im doing better and feeling happier than i have in a while. and i think that this is real happiness right now, because the happiness doesnt overshadow all the other worries i have in my life. im still scared and stressed and worried, but i feel like i can manage.

applogies for the rambling, ive been thinking a lot and i havent seen my therapist at all this month. which, damn, i didnt realize id hit my yearly deductible on my insurance until i was looking at bills last week, or i would have been cramming those appointments in one after another -_-

i was having a crisis of "oh my god am i even an artist" but i scrolled thru my art tag and im ok now

[sunshinexlollipops]

ALRIGHTY— I'll say it once and I'll say it again: on this Tumblr we are 100% honest and open, and we love to make appropriate corrections and apologies when needed!

so, you're probably wondering why I've started with this disclaimer.

thanks to another user (I don't know if you wish to be mentioned in this post or not but thank you either way!), I was alerted that Strauss and his "myth" had a issue with the Myths to Legend series.

unfortunately, I didn't do any research on this aside from googling up mythological "creatures," so I made the obtuse mistake of making Strauss a g*bl*n originally. I didn't do any further research, and that was a misstep on my part!

because it was kindly brought to my attention that such a being isn't really lore-based, but rather an anti-Semitic depiction of Jewish people.

and of course, in my dumb fashion, I unintentionally managed to make the Jewish character said depiction.

[ID: a gif with a white background and a collection of purple, red, and yellow flowers overlapped with twinkling sparkles and the words "fucking yikes." I think you can get why I chose this one.]

--------

I did a word search on both installments to the MTL series, and saw no mention of Strauss and this flub aside from the A/N on the first story.

I have since went ahead and redacted this term, corrected the author's note, and made a notation on the second installment as well clarifying my mistake and offering my sincere apologies for it.

as I stated, I am not afraid of realizing that I've fucked up. while I do not have any ill wills or jaded opinions of any of you all, it doesn't change that my ignorance could or has offended anyone.

so, while learning of this information and my mistake, I wanted to post on here about the issue and my alterations, as well as offer up an apology to those who read the story and may have been affected by that depiction, or my overall uninformed use of this!

while I've already apologized for what happened with Charles' mythological creature, I just want to say I have forgotten about that slip up too, and still offer my apologies on that as well!

my stories are meant to be inclusive and respectful to everyone. and if a character is a dick, I try to make it clear they shouldn't be listened to, or their words shouldn't be respected. I want my stories to make you feel welcomed, thought of, and to give you a good time while you read. the last thing I would ever want is to say something or write something that is offensive or in bad taste!

while I have old fics up that I would NEVER write now (by this, I mean my age gaps in previous Sterek fics, writing certain tropes, etc etc— I may start putting a disclaimer in my older works that they don't represent my current opinions or overall way of creating a story), I want you all to know I am always willing to grow and learn when I still make the wrong steps in my journey to learn more outside of my personal perspective, and the culture I was raised in.

while naivety is innocent ignorance, it doesn't change the harm it can cause to others.

so once again, my apologies!

I hope you all are having a great day and are staying safe! love you all! ✨💛

[pizzapizzadickz]

.

[mayullla]

Title: Wonderland March Hare

Character(s): Itachi Uchiha (Naruto)

Summary: When an Alice leaves wonderland (Be that they died or managed to escape the place), a new Alice falls from the rabbit hole. Faith strings pull and look at your memories and thoughts and decide how the residents of wonderland would look at the new Alice. The first Alice was loved and cared for, after they died many grieved their death. The next Alice was hotty, spoiled and uncaring they died because they were abandoned by the residents. The next died becoming an experiment of a resident they too were not loved and the next and the next and the next. The residents adopted the idea that whenever a new Alice comes they would experience a horrible faith in the end... well that is when you came along. A small 10 year old child.

Today you will meet the March Hare.

Warnings/tags: Yandere themes (Platonic), Kidnapping

Itachi watched you eat the cake in such a delightful expression, you remind him a lot of his brother Sasuke. When the adults were 'kind' enough to Sasuke to keep his innocence for a little longer than most kids at a young age. It has been a while now since the boy saw everything with his very eyes, how there was so much death did he started to become stoic and pushed people away.

Itachi had sad eyes looking at you and you noticed that.

Apparently, you and Itachi were waiting for Madara the mad hatter to come as the man was running late.

“You look sad.” You said in concern tilting your head cutely as you watched the man who looked very pouting sad for you.

“I am alright Alice,�� Itachi said, shaking his head, he was fine, just a little sentimental remembering the past.

You pout at the man, “Please eat some cake! Sugar can make people happy and it gives you a boost in energy. That is what my mother told me when I was sad!”

Itachi glanced at the desserts on the long table, chocolate cakes, birthday cakes, mango cakes, peppermint cakes, pies, cotton candy-flavored milkshake, brownies with a lot of ice cream just sugar galore. Itachi liked sweets but he wasn’t in the mood for it for some reason, he ate this every day and it became a little boring.

“You don’t like sweets?” you asked when you see Itachi hesitate. Itachi again shook his head and like a gentleman declined sweetly “No, I am fine. I am full enough but thank you, Alice. I am fine with just green tea.” The only thing that wasn’t sweet on the table.

You tilt your head thinking “Hmm my father doesn't like sweets much but he likes green tea.” You said, to which Itachi nodded with mild interest. It would be rude not to listen to someone talking after all. “He likes to eat his green tea with mochi or dango tho.”

“Mochi?... Dango?” Itachi tilted his head, curious about what you just said. You nodded as you took a chomp of your strawberry muffin. “He likes Japanese sweets the most! He even made a few of them: hmmm.. Monaka, Daifuku~” You continued to ramble about these Japanese sweets that Itachi never heard about and his interest peaks.

“Can you tell me how to make them, Alice?” Itachi asked hopefully he was really curious about what they taste like.

You nodded excitedly hoping off your floating chair you trotted to where Itachi is seated far from the ground. You excitedly motioned him to come down and he didn’t understand what you wanted from him and just looked at you curiously as his chair touched the floor.

You grabbed his hands and smiled up to him. "Let’s make them together next time, I want Mister to smile!"

Itachi felt his heart still at your words, they were innocent from a child who most likely doesn’t know what they are saying but somehow it hit him right in the heart.

You reminded him of Sasuke.. no you are different. Young Sasuke is different and you are different, both are different beings and maybe you were much more mature than his brother. But that doesn’t change the fact that you are very adorable and heartwarming and managed to claw yourself into his heart.

Itachi smiled at you. It seems it would be hard to let go of you.

Madara walks into the dining room excited to meet the new Alice. He was busy for a moment.

What Madara didn’t expect was for the dining room to be bare with only Itachi and sweets at one side drinking his green tea. Where is the new Alice?

"Where is the Alice?"

"They left, unfortunately, they wish to leave wonderland as quickly as possible it seems"

"Ahh." Madara sighed, how rude that Alice is. To just up and leave like that!

Madara was about to leave, but he took notice of the smile on Itachi's face.

[natewriteslol]

Hey! Could i request the dorm leaders with an esper MC? Kinda like Mob psycho or Saiki k :) and maybe they don't really use this ability of theirs that much since in their world they're literally a teen who's trying to live a normal life(like Mob basically), so nobody knew about their psychic powers except Grim since the mirror said that he couldnt sense any magic in them(i'm pretty sure that psychic powers don't really count as magic but idk lol).

Feel free to ignore if you don't wanna write it! :)

 A/N: Ooh this was a fun one! I haven't watched Mob Psycho (I know about that fine ass blonde man-) but I have watched Saiki k and I loved it, still need to finish it tho jlafljhdas 

Characters: Kalim Al-Asim, Riddle Rosehearts, Leona Kingscholar, Vil Schoenheit, Azul Ashengrotto, Idia Shroud, Malleus Draconia

P.S: I’m so sorry this is so long omg but I guess this is a strong comeback-

Warnings: none except for language

Riddle:

-You wanted to stay as far away as possible from him

-Riddle was part of the trio of people you wanted to stay away from: Riddle, Vil, and Azul

-Riddle paid so much attention to fine details that if something was up, he'd definitely notice it

-But unfortunately you were best friends with the two goobers of Heartslabyul: Ace and Deuce

-And Riddle had started to pay attention to you and your habits, and something was off with you

-It's almost as though you tried too hard to be normal, like Jamil

-And he could never let something like that happen again, so yes he was watching you

-One day you accidently slipped up and was irresponsible with your powers

-Grim was bothering you since he got into a deal with Azul for tuna and they were standing outside with the twins, since Grim lost

-You told him to fend for himself and teleported, however you didn’t plan where you would go

-And you teleported into the Heartslabyul dorm

-What sucks is that your teleportation power was literally flashy with a bright ass green light every time you popped in somewhere

-Just when you thought you were lucky since the whole dorm was uninhabited...except for Riddle who watched the whole thing

-He was completely shocked, he didn’t know what to say other than “What did you just do?!” 

-You explained to him, and that just pieced everything together

-How you solved overblots with such ease, and that one day you had a “strength potion to test for Azul” was such bs!

-Riddle ends up keeping your secret, since he values your privacy but if you do something major and mess up then he will tell!

-”I understand but please be more careful with your powers. I need to institute discipline and you are no exception, Y/N.”

-He really does care about you and doesn’t want you to be found out 

-Goes the extra mile to cover for you often, and in exchange you help him out with things :)

Leona:

-He didn't really care about you at first but as you started to hang Jack and Ruggie, Leona started to get more suspicious

-Your scent had proven that you had some trace of magic, but Leona just couldn't put his finger on it

-So he sent Ruggie after you for a couple of days

-If you were a threat to Savanaclaw, Leona would crush you

-But Ruggie had only reported back that everything with you was perfectly normal

-"Just give it up Leona, they're just an ordinary human. The scent is probably weird because they're from a completely different world."

-But Leona still had that feeling, so he was keeping an eye on you

-You had made a deal with Crowley to keep your powers secret to solve problems on campus (it did cut repair costs and handymen costs in half so-)

-Your new quest was to rid the forest of the Angolo fungus that was manifesting into living fungus blobs 

-The one thing that gave you away was Grim, as you both had to stop by the Greenhouse to read some info about the fungus

-The cat beast was being far too loud, not understanding why he had to go and mess around with the icky fungus

-You simply replied “It’ll be quick, I’ll just use Hydrokinesis and dry out the fungus since they’re mainly filled with water. They become fertilizer once dried so we can just leave them there.”

-And there Leona was, ears perked up once he heard your voice

-Hydrokinesis? What are you talking about?

-So he set off, following you to the forest

-You started to fly, turning the once green and lively fungus to brown dust while Grim napped against a tree

-Leona for the first time in the while, was left speechless

-Once you noticed him, you realized you had to talk to him

-Confronting him later on, luckily Leona didn’t spill to anyone 

-He promised to never tell anyone about what he saw, and had no clapbacks for what you had to say 

- Leona doesn’t even benefit from this secret...besides mayyybee one day asking for your help if his pride lets him

-By the Great Seven why does everything have to not be in his favor-

Azul:

-Another one who you have got to be careful around, since he’s incredibly observant

-More observant than Riddle

-Azul noticed that you’re an incredibly average person, and were incredibly relaxed even during the most stressful situations

-And almost every single time whenever you were in a tight spot, it works in your favor

-Just how is that possible? Solving overblots left and right? Every single time you disappeared the infestation of magical beasts are gone? 

-One day, you were getting picked on by a three guys, their stature far above yours and incredibly strong. How could you possibly win?

-Just as he was about to scoop in a save you, you slammed one of the men into the concrete, taking on the other two by electrocuting them, the blue lightning buzzing in your palms

-They were completely knocked out, dusting off your palms and picking up your things only to face Azul’s eyes

-After giving an explanation of what that was, he was still speechless

-Azul at first was incredibly shocked and then since Azul is Azul... later on realized this had benefits

-He could just blackmail you to be his new bodyguard!

-Oh how he always manages to bend life to his will-!

-So you could just wipe his memory... or turn him into stone...nvm

-You’re now Azul’s arch nemesis since you end up saving people from his scamming and you’re basically untouchable and there’s nothing he can do about it

-But he does find your great strength admirable (and a lil hot, I mean what can u say seeing someone floating in the air with electricity flowing through them is a nice look okay Nate shut up)

Kalim: 

-Oh Kalim my beloved

-He just thinks that you’re incredibly talented and a little mysterious

-You have your little quirks and he has his! Who is he to judge?

-Until one day you wanted to make the load lighter on Jamil, since the berries that Kalim had requested for were only in season in one country

-You decided to just teleport and then come back with the berries so Kalim wouldn’t be pouty 

-You were outside the door ready to teleport when last minute you felt a hand on your shoulder

- “Oh Y/N you forgot-!”

-And there both you and Kalim were, in a berry field thousands of miles away from the Scarabia dorm

-Kalim screams, falling to the lush green of the field

-What happened?! Where are we?! How did you do that?!

-You quickly gathered all the berries at light speed, making sure that you got back before Jamil realized that you were gone

-Kalim wasn’t scared of you, rather impressed that you were able to keep a secret for that long, he could never!

-You’re already super cool, and on top of this you have otherwordly powers!

- “It must’ve been stressful living your life like this! But don’t worry, I’ll keep your secret!”

-Yes he sometimes asks you to perform some of your powers for him, sorry Y/N-

Vil:

-While you were his friend, he was incredibly suspicious of you

-Even though you wiped everyone’s memory, he still had the faint memory of when he was in overblot mode of you blasting him with a beam of light

-Vil was incredibly upset as one of his assistants had mixed up his items, and left one of his vital skincare items on the set of where they were filming a new commercial

-It was being shipped and would take 3 days to reach NRC

-His mood was horrible and you had to do something about it to give grace to the Pomefiore dorm

-So you went to the second story of the Pomefiore dorm, ready to use Apport (the power to pull anything before you) 

-However, Vil felt incredibly guilty

-He was acting like a child and he shouldn’t have taken it out on the people who he loves and values

- “Y/N, how I was acting was incredibly inappropriate and- is that my moisturizer? How did you get it?”

-Starts freaking out as this was impossible as it was on it’s way from being shipped from another country

-This was the last straw for him ther was no justification for this that wasn't done by some form of magic

-He takes you to his room to make you sit down and give him an explanation for this

-Once you finished, Vil understood but was still freaked out

-He cares alot about keeping your powers a secret and will cover for you

-"So my aport powers need to exchange something of equal value so... I exchanged it with that Scucci purse over there-

-"MY LIMITED EDITION SCUCCI PURSE?!"

-He loves you, but you're dead to him, Y/N dear

Idia:

-Before he knew you, he didn't really notice anything off with you

-A little quiet sure but he minded his own business, he had bigger things to focus on

-Until you hung around Ignihyde more often for a project, fixing a huge generator by yourself for one of your partners for a project

-They took a break only after you told them that they could and apprehensive went to go get food and water

-Anyone with eyes could see that there's an overbearing amount of energy flowing through the fairly large sized cube

-Wait, you were wearing no gloves, you could get electrocuted! Why would have your bare hands on something like that?!

-Just as he was able to yell, it was too late, your whole body was flowing with the bright blue energy... and then you let go

-You were walking completely fine, you went and held a random wire on the ground, placing the electricity inside

-The static from your hair was gone, and you looked completely normal. . .

-Just what the hell are you?

-He did hours of research trying to figure you out, even sending Ortho to monitor you

-Yet there was nothing, you were just a “regular teen” 

-Was ready to get S.T.Y.X.S on your ass- (is that too soon to joke abt my bad overblot boys-)

-Until one day he caught you again bending electricity to your will

-Is incredibly impressed with your power (lowkey wanting to experiment on you)

-After he realizes that you can read minds Idia is so damn frightened

- “O-Okay I promise not to say anything, just don’t tell anyone what I’m thinking a-alright?!”

Malleus:

-You were one of the only people who he trusted

-Malleus had always detected some form of magical aura that was otherworldly from you and it never seemed to fade

-And it wasn’t often, but it was almost like you knew what he was thinking

-Whenever he was deeply upset he felt a twinge of energy from you, and then you would insist and help him out with his problems

-And he flat out says “Are you reading my mind, Y/N?”

-You had never been directly outed like this before, you felt horrible 

-You never read people’s minds unless it was very necessary

-whenever Malleus felt deeply gloomy you felt like it was important to just read his mind and help him with the problem

-You explained it to him and apologized, but he wasn’t upset

-In fact, he was smiling?

- “It seems like we have alot of things that we’re hiding from each other. But... you always had the best intentions whenever you used your abilities”

-He let out a sigh and reluctantly admitted, “And, I know that I’m quite stubborn with revealing my feelings.” 

- “I will keep your secret as long as you keep mine, Child of Man,” the dragon fae said, you both shaking on it

- “I always had a feeling that you were special, but I never thought it would be something of this caliber...” 

[drawlfoy]

4/1

alternate title: the 4 times i wanted to break up with draco malfoy. and the one time i did

masterlist request guidelines

pairing: draco x reader

request: yes...almost a year late tho this has literally been sitting in my drafts since june

summary: draco malfoy is your boyfriend, but he has a funny way of showing it. the end is very “good for her” vibes. 

WARNINGS: themes of gaslighting, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, implied sexual content, explicit language. my loves, this is my take on draco as a little bitch of a controlling and toxic bf. so plz keep this in mind whilst reading

a/n: so i’ve sat on this request for a hot min. idk why i stopped writing it but i’m pretty sure i stopped bc i was like damn i did not need to go this hard on a request and put my whole drawlfussy into making draco a horrible human being fjkd;salf. this is the most negative portrayal of him on my blog. i am legally obligated to tell u that if any of this draco’s behaviors or sayings remind you of your partner i implore you to leave him/her. not to wax philosophical or anything but my last relationship was not super great and i left without getting to say anything that i rlly wanted to say to them. the ending is a bit cathartic for me as it’s everything that i wish i had a chance to do :) i hope u enjoy. 

wc: 5.6k

tags: @writeandtranslate @sycathorn-slush @gruffle1 @missmultifandommess @cleopatera @hahaboop @accio-rogers @geeksareunique @eltanin-malfoy @war-sword @cams-lynn @itsivyberry @ayo-cowbelly @nerd-domland @yesnerdsblog @shizarianathania @evanstanfanatic @strawberriesonsummer @hariosborn @night-ving @straightzoinked @imintoodeeptostop @naiomimoonshard @jejegu @ophelia-enthusiast @alwaysbeanunknownfan @nearly-memories @litty-dumb @callieclearwater @malfoy-wife15 @charlenasaxen @belladaises @fiantomartell @yiamalfoy @crystalox @dracoismybabey @dreamcxtcherr @decaffeinated-turtle @marrymetheonott @felicityofbakerstreet @daedreamss @sycathorn-slush @writeandtranslate @erisdogwood @loveissupernatural @sycathorn-slush @big-galaxy-chaos

music recs: 

burning pile - mother mother

no children - the mountain goats

i want you - mitski

jobless monday - mitski

drunk walk home - mitski

She couldn’t believe that she used to like how it felt.

Her relationship with Draco started like a fairytale, like the beginning of a great romantic story that would make even the most seasoned rom-com writer swoon. Soulmates weren’t real, not to her knowledge, but somehow he was perfect for her. There were too many things that added up--like how they had the same lucky numbers, the same type of wand, the same way that they used their quill as bookmarks when one wasn’t available, the way he always managed to finish her sentences and guess what she was thinking…

They had been perfect together. At least, perfect enough during the first 3 months that she only took the mentions of Astoria with a grain of salt. It didn’t hurt that he sweetened every comparison.

“Wow,” he’d say as he looked down at the gift she brought him from Hogsmeade one weekend when he wasn’t feeling well, “No one has ever made me feel this way before. I mean, Astoria would just leave me alone when I was sick. She never got me anything. Thank you. For making me feel...special, I guess.”

He’d always press the pad of his thumb into her dimple and let her try on his rings that were far too big for him, bringing up how Astoria would always insist on him shrinking them to fit her. It always gave Y/N a little bit of an uneasy feel, but if Draco said that they were over, they were over. 

“Love, you have nothing to worry about,” he told her one day after she expressed her nervousness to him. “I told you. We’re completely over. Plus, she’s gone completely mad. Keeps sending me owls telling me how she can’t imagine herself with anyone else. It’s pathetic, really. You, on the other hand...well, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”

She glowed up at him at the sound of this, filing away the note about Astoria owling him and instead basking in the joy of his praise. Y/N had never been with someone who saw her in such an amazing light. Draco Malfoy, the cold, sometimes cruel, aristocratic Slytherin somehow looked at her and decided that she was the best thing that had ever happened to him. And there was nothing that could feel as good as that.

It couldn’t get any better. So, naturally, it got worse.

I.

Y/N understood that Draco and Astoria had to spend at least some time together--they were both on the Slytherin Quidditch team and their families were very close--but it seemed to be getting excessive. 

“Listen, Y/N,” he said to her after she voiced her concerns once again. “There’s nothing going on between me and Astoria. You know that I can’t cut her off. She’s basically part of my family at this point.”

“I just don’t understand why you had to be alone in your room to study,” said Y/N, fighting back her tears as she sat cross-legged on Draco’s bed. “I don’t understand. You didn’t have to do that.”

“Her roommates were being loud and the common room was freezing,” he said as he searched for a sweatshirt in his drawer. “I know she’s worried about the Transfiguration exam. My family would disown me if they knew I didn’t offer my help and she failed.”

Y/N swallowed, allowing the silence to engulf them for a few seconds. 

“Draco?”

“What’s up?” He didn’t even bother to look in her direction.

“What did you tell Astoria when she sent you those owls after we started dating?” 

Draco ceased all movement for a second before resuming his search. “Er. I told her that if she didn’t respect our relationship we couldn’t be friends.”

“And did she? Respect our relationship?” 

He stood up suddenly, the drawer slamming shut. “Obviously. We’re friends now, right? What’s your point?”

“Nothing,” said Y/N. Why was he being so defensive all of a sudden? “I just realized we never talked about that is all. I never told you how much it hurt when she sent me that owl after you first asked me out calling me a rebound fuck or whatever. I wanted to clear things up.”

“Oh,” he responded. “Sorry. Glad I could clarify things for you.”

“Thanks.”

He leaned over to desk to grab his shower caddy full of his shampoo and various other toiletries before pausing. “But you know what? I get why you might be concerned about Astoria, or whatever, but do you have any idea how much it hurts for you to imply that I’m a shitty enough person to cheat on you? Especially when you’re still talking to Potter?”

“Whoa,” said Y/N. “What? He told me that he got into his dream medical program. That was it. That was all it was. We’ve hardly spoken since you asked me--”

“And what does ‘hardly spoken’ mean?” he spat, glaring at her from the desk. 

“As in we’ve had a few conversations,” said Y/N, staring down at her hands as her nails dug into her palms. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you. They were nothing. He just said hi to me in the library once.”

“Good to see you so invested still in his career opportunities,” Draco drawled. 

“That’s not--”

“And now you’re going to deny it?” He scoffed. “Wow.”

She bit her lip as tears started coming to the surface. The guilt she felt for not telling Draco about the encounter in the library was quickly covering up any worry she had about Astoria. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say. I made a mistake, but I broke up with him a year ago.”

“I would be more inclined to take your apology seriously if you weren’t constantly trying to justify yourself,” he said. His composure was clearly regained. 

“I’m just trying to explain. I’m sorry. I understand where you’re coming from and I shouldn’t have done that.”

He sighed, keeping his eyes locked on her for a few seconds. “Okay. I think I need a little time by myself. Do you mind?” He sidestepped away from the door, tilting his head towards it.

“Oh.” Y/N wasn’t sure what she was expecting--maybe a hug from him, maybe make-up sex--but whatever it was, it wasn’t this. “For what it’s worth, I really don’t think you’re a shitty person. Or that you’re cheating on me. I just get nervous sometimes. And insecure. I’m sorry. I love you more than anything.”

He let out another deep exhale. “Thanks for listening. I’ll let you know when I feel comfortable talking again.”

“Wait. Are we breaking up?” Y/N asked, her voice becoming shrill at the end. 

He shrugged. “I’m not sure yet. I need to think.”

About what Y/N had to keep herself from saying to him. 

And thus concluded their first real fight. Y/N went and cried herself to sleep in her room, mostly out of confusion, while, from what she heard after the end, Draco and Astoria were seen chatting away the night in the common room.

II.

The second time was much more blood-boiling. Looking back on it, Y/N wished that she could throttle him then and there. But only hindsight is 20/20.

After making up, Y/N brought Draco a bouquet of flowers that she knew were his favorite after the Quidditch Match. He’d grinned down at her, sweeping her off her feet and peppering kisses around her cheeks. 

“Just who I wanted to see,” he crooned, setting her onto his bed and running his fingers through her hair. 

“Can we nap?” she asked, leaning into his touch. He beamed down at her, pulling her into a hug once again. THIS was the Draco she knew--not the one that exploded at her in his room the week before. He’d just had a bad week. 

“Of course.” He turned around to go fishing through his dresser again. She tried not to flinch at the memory of what conversation had ensued the last time she watched the scene before her. “Want a shirt?”

“Yeah.” She failed at holding back a giant grin. His shirts were always so soft and smelled like his cologne--a dead ringer for her Amortentia. 

Draco turned and tossed her a sweatshirt from the top of his dresser as he quickly changed into sweatpants. Y/N laid back in his bed, examining his room in the dim light. It was moments like these that she’d be willing to give everything for. Her boyfriend’s bed was so, so soft and the sweatshirt was so cozy. She felt the bed dip to her side and arms fold around her, pulling her into Draco’s warm chest. 

“I wish I could freeze this moment in time and live in it forever,” she whispered, letting her fingers trace up and down his chest as she felt it shake a bit with his laughter. 

“Me too.”

From her position, she had a perfect vantage point to look at the corkboard hanging over his desk. Out of sheer curiosity, she squinted at the notes pinned to it. As far as she could see, all the notes had some incredible sentimental value, whether it be from his mother or an artifact from a special day of his. A grin stretched across her face as she wondered if she’d be able to find one of the many notes she’d written to him pinned up. 

“What are you smiling about?” Draco teased, leaning forward to press a kiss to her forehead. 

“Noth--” the words died on her tongue as her eyes locked onto the final note. The tell-tale fancy cursive and signature was most certainly not hers. But she knew whose it was. The nausea that followed was immediate. Why was he saving notes from her?

She squinted a little harder to make out what it said in the low lighting. 

“Dearest Draco,” it read, “My parents wanted me to send this fruit basket to you as a celebration for your final year at Hogwarts. I hope you know that we’ve always got your back. No matter what. Yours, Astoria.”

“Is something wrong?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowing. He looked so concerned that Y/N thought that maybe telling him wouldn’t ruin the moment.

“I’m looking at your corkboard,” she told him, not trusting her voice not to shake. “And I’m seeing that you kept a note that Astoria wrote to you after we started dating. And you don’t keep any of mine.”

The energy immediately shifted as he sat up. “Are you actually serious?”

“Yes?” said Y/N, more confused than anything. “Can we please talk about this?”

“You know how it makes me feel when you imply that I’m cheating on you,” he said.

“I never said--”

“Then why bring it up?” he asked. “Honestly, at least she was never this sensitive. At this point it seems like you’re trying to get me to cheat on you.”

“Oh my god,” she said, pulling his covers off her and sitting up. “You’re seriously going to say that after you know how insecure she makes me feel?”

“Listen, Y/N,” he began, “If you’re not the type of girl who can handle my friendship with Astoria then that’s okay. But if that’s a deal-breaker I need to know now.”

“No! No, I want to be with you,” said Y/N, feeling her hysteria rise. “I respect it! Little stuff like this worries me, though, and I just want your reassurance. That’s all I want from you.”

“I shouldn’t have to justify what I keep on a corkboard,” he said, shaking his head in disbelief. “She’s just a family friend. It meant a lot to me to hear that from her and her family. I don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal out of this. If you can’t deal with this, then just say so. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Oh.” Y/N swallowed, pulling her knees into her chest. Why was everything so confusing? When things were good, they were perfect. Astoria was just...a constant obstacle for her to overcome. But he was worth it. He was always worth it, and she would do anything it took to make things right again, even if it meant swallowing her feelings. “I’m sorry. I know I’m overreacting.”

He reached out to cup her cheek. “Hey. It’s okay. Thanks for telling me. I guess I’ll try and distance myself as much as I can. It might be hard though, you know. Just because of our family. I’m sorry if it’s not enough for you.”

“No, no, Draco.” The guilt flowed into her as she realized just how much of a problem she was causing over this. He never cared if she talked to any of her exes, and it wasn’t like she had strong family ties to them. “You don’t have to do that if it’s a hassle. I trust you. You’re enough for me as you are.”

I want to trust you she thought as she looked at the boy in front of her. I just don’t know if I can. 

III. 

The Yule Ball brought all sorts of festivities. Y/N felt her worries slip away as Draco asked her to the ball in extravagant fashion, filling her room with her favorite flowers and giving her a locket with their initials etched into it. His devotion to her was clear, and she felt it as he twirled her across the floor of the Great Hall.

“I’m so happy I got to spend this with you,” she whispered to him as she rested her head on his shoulder while they swayed. “And I’m so excited to spend the holidays together.”

“Believe me, me too,” he whispered back, spreading out his fingers on her back to hold her a bit closer. “You look beautiful.”

“I couldn’t let you blow me out of the water now, could I?” she teased, relishing in the feel of his smile forming. 

“You mean the world to me, I hope you know that,” he said a few beats later. “I’d do anything for you.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“Of course, love.” He pulled away to frown down at her, his eyebrow slightly furrowed. “Is something wrong?”

Y/N sighed. She couldn’t pretend the be the perfect girlfriend any longer when this was eating her alive. “It’s just...I saw you and Astoria together at the Three Broomsticks.”

All the softness immediately disappeared from Draco’s face. “We were just going over Quidditch strategy for our next game.”

“But why with her?” she asked. “She’s two years younger. Why don’t I ever see you talking to Pucey? He’s the one who’s going to be captain when you leave.”

“She wanted extra coaching.” His voice was flat. “You know my family will be angry with me if I say no to that.”

“But we were supposed to go on a date that day!” she exclaimed. 

They’d stopped dancing, and Draco finally let go of her and stepped back. “It was a family thing. Don’t make this a bigger deal than it actually is. You always do this. Can you please just let this be a good night for us?”

“Excuse me?” she hissed, feeling her cheeks grow red. “Maybe you shouldn’t blow off your girlfriend to go out for drinks with your ex.”

“I told you,” he began waspishly, “She’s a family friend. She’s hardly my ex. Either way, you’re being completely ridiculous and you’re embarrassing me. I think it’s best that we spend the holidays separately.”

And with that, he left her alone in the middle of the dance floor. 

IV.

Dearest Y/N,

I’ve been thinking of you this holiday season. I really miss you. It seems like it’s been forever since I’ve gotten to see you. I’m sorry that we weren’t able to spend the holidays together. At the time, I thought I needed the space, but now I really regret it. I know I’ve been reactive lately. I’ve just been stressed. I’ve been such a shitty boyfriend to you, making you worry like this. I love you, Y/N, and I can’t wait to see you this January. There’s a package with this letter. I hope it made it to you. Wear it and think of me, will you, love? I annotated a few of the books I sent you, too. I am seeing if I can come visit this weekend if my schedule allows it.

Yours forever, Draco

Y/N sighed as she ran her fingernail over the stones of the choker he’d given her. The diamonds glittered under her fingertips. It was a beautiful, beautiful gift. He had included a few wizarding books—one on herbology, something he knew she liked, and another contemporary fiction book that all of her friends were talking about. She glowed at the thought that he was paying such close attention to what she liked. This was what made all the pain worth it, she thought, as she gazed lovingly at the note in her hands. He loved her. He was right, she had nothing to worry about. She was choosing to trust him, like you did in any healthy relationship. 

Seeing him later that week made her heart skip a beat. Her parents had left for dinner, leaving her and Draco to have some privacy. She leapt into his arms moments after he’d stepped out of the Floo. 

“Hiiii,” she said, pressing kisses into his neck. She could feel his smile.

“Hiii,” he echoed. “How have you been?”

“I’ve missed you more than anything,” she admitted, bouncing once on her bed as she sat down. “I have so much to tell you. I want to hear all about your winter break first, though. How was Christmas?”

“It went well,” he said, walking over to her bookshelf. “It was great to catch up with Edward. He and Father argued the entire night over the credibility of Rita Skeeter’s work—”

“Wait,” she said, sitting up ramrod straight. He turned to her, his eyebrows raised. “Edward? Like, Edward Greengrass?”

“Yeah, the Greengrasses were there,” he said slowly, a frown forming on his face. 

“I didn’t know about that. Why didn’t you tell me?”

He sighed. “Love, I did tell you. I guess you weren’t listening. Or you just don’t remember. Your memory has never been the best, has it?”

Y/N swallowed, racking her brain for any remembrance of that mention. She came up with nothing. Had she really just…forgotten? No, she wouldn’t have forgotten about that. “Oh. I guess I don’t remember.”

Draco’s smile was strained. “I see the books I sent you on your bookshelf already. Did you get through them that fast? I know you only put them there if they’re finished.”

“Oh, no, I’m still getting around to them,” she said, reassurance flooding her once again at the feeling of being recognized.

“Oh.” Draco went silent.

“Is there something wrong, love?” she asked, leaning forward so she could see his face better. He was wearing a deadly serious expression. 

“No, it’s nothing. It’s fine,” he said, running his fingers through his hair. “I just…I spent a lot of time annotating those for you. I just hope you actually get around to reading them. I know you have a habit of just forgetting about them.”

“No, Draco, they’re on my list!” she said, trying desperately to lighten the mood. “I promise I’ll get around to reading them. They made my week. Thank you.”

“If you say so.”

“Anyway,” rambled Y/N, “I’ve been dying to tell you something. I’ve come to the decision that I want my concentration to be on Potions and Arithmancy. I wrote to Snape over the break, and he told me that my plan would be excellent if I wanted to go into healing. Isn’t that great?”

“Yeah, yeah, definitely.”

“You don’t seem like you agree.”

Draco dropped his hands to his side in a dramatic swoop. “I’m sorry. I’ll try and be more enthusiastic. It just seems like a lot for you, you know? Like, you’re a History girl and you always have been. Why do you want to go into healing? You don’t have the skills for that. Most future healers start helping Madame Pomfrey by second year.”

“I know I don’t have experience in healing,” she said, deflated. “But Snape told me that my grades were exemplary and that he’d be willing to write a stellar recommendation to the program of my choice—”

“Ok, ok, I’ll shut up,” he said, holding his hands up in a surrender. “I’m happy for you, doll. Even if I don’t agree with your career choices.”

Y/N’s mouth felt dry as he came down to kiss her forehead. Something felt horribly wrong within her, like she was homesick. But she was in her childhood bedroom, with the love of her life—there was nowhere more like home. 

I.

She had to be dreaming. She had to be dreaming. There was no other reason as to why she could clearly see Draco and Astoria studying together in the library, Astoria giggling while Draco threaded his fingers through her hair. Especially after Draco had owled her, telling her he didn’t feel well enough to walk around the school grounds with her like they’d planned. 

Fueled by nothing but rage, she approached the table. “Draco,” she said, nodding a greeting to Astoria. The girl seemed unbothered by her presence, turning to give Draco the slightest eyebrow raise.

“Y/N, how good to see you,” she said, sending her a little wave. 

“Do you think you could go? I need to speak to Draco. Alone.”

They shared glances. “I’m sorry love, we really need to get this project done for her Runes class,” explained Draco.

“She can do it herself, I’m sure,” she said. 

“Sorry, doll, but she can’t. I gave her my word that I would help her.”

“Like you gave me your word that we’d go on a walk together?”

He shrugged. “I caught a chill. I didn’t think I could handle the winter air. I’ll come by your room after. It’ll only be a bit longer.”

Stunned, Y/N stared at him. Draco gazed back, his face devoid of any concern. “Er, right then. I’ll see you later.”

The homesickness was coming back, full force, like she wanted to vomit. But more pronounced than that was her fury. How dare he lie and cancel on her? How dare he snap at her for having one conversation with Harry when he turned around and did that with Astoria?

Y/N skipped dinner waiting for Draco to come by her room. One hour passed, then two, then three. It was just past curfew when a knock finally sounded at her door.

“Come in,” she said. Draco opened the door, stepping in. 

“Sorry for the wait,” he said briskly, setting his satchel on her chair. It occurred to her that he hadn’t even had the chance to stop by his room to drop his things off. He’d been with Astoria the entire time. “We ran into a bit of a snag with the—”

“I don’t care about the fucking project, Draco,” she said, her voice cracking. “I need to talk to you about this. I was okay with you being friends with Astoria. I was fine with you keeping contact. But I’m not okay with you lying to me—”

“I have never lied to you about Astoria. Stop overreacting,” he snapped. It was like another person had possessed the sweet Draco that was her boyfriend, any semblance of affection leaving his expression. “Don’t you ever try to blame me for the fact that you have a piss poor memory.”

“I don’t understand!” Y/N cried out. “I don’t understand why you insist on prioritizing Astoria over me but then blow up when I so much as look at Harry—”

“That’s different,” he interrupted. “You know it’s different. We’ve been enemies for years. You have to understand—”

“I’ve tried to understand,” she said. “I’ve tried so, so hard. You don’t even know how much I’ve tried to twist these situations around to make sense. But I’m tired of it, Draco. I wish I could just trust you. I can’t.”

He scoffed. “Are you seriously going to break up with me over this? That’s ridiculous and you know it.”

“Of course I’m not—”

“You are so ungrateful sometimes,” he continued, cutting her off. “Most people wouldn’t put up with this kind of bullshit accusatory behavior from their partner. Grow up, Y/N.”

“Ok.” She looked down at her palms, interlacing her fingers together for the much needed strength. “Ok. If I’m so ungrateful and such a pain to be around, then you don’t have to be anymore. Consider it done. We’re over.”

Draco froze. “Um, sorry. What did you just say?” 

“I said,” she began, fighting back the tears that were welling up in her eyes, “We’re over. I can’t do this anymore.”

His mouth shut, his face void of any further emotion. “Oh. Well, I think you can. You just don’t want to.”

“What I want is for you to leave,” said Y/N. “I want to go to bed.”

He spared her one last glance before yanking his satchel off the chair and slamming her door shut. 

~ 

She wasn’t sure what she expected from Draco. Maybe a bouquet of flowers, an elaborate apology, or a knock at her door at 3am to reveal a sobbing and heartbroken version of her now ex-boyfriend. What she wasn’t expecting was nothing except for the sight of Draco and Astoria together everywhere. He didn’t give her a second glance, just flouncing past her.

That was all before Astoria met half-Veela Beauxbatons transfer Hugo and left him in the dust. There was a sort of morbid pleasure in seeing Draco sit at the breakfast table alone, glowering over his toast. 

“Y/N,” said a familiar voice behind her. 

“Oh, hi, Harry,” said Y/N, turning around on the bench to see him. Harry looked somewhat concerned, his messy brown hair looking more ruffled than usual. 

“Can I sit?”

“Yeah, yeah sure.” Y/N couldn’t help but feel the pang of guilt at seeing one of her oldest friends sit next to her for the first time in almost a year. After she began to date Draco, she tried her best to avoid Harry to keep Draco from getting upset. She wasn’t quite sure how to even begin apologizing for what had happened.

“I heard about you and Draco,” began Harry, picking a crumpet off of her plate and buttering it. The familiar, friendly motion almost brought tears to her eyes. “I want to say I’m sorry. I know we haven’t been the closest lately, but I noticed you become a lot more reserved while you were with him. I don’t know the extent of which he caused that, but I hope you’re feeling better now.”

To her horror, a sob began to climb in her throat. Without knowing what else to do, she launched herself forward, throwing his arms around his neck. “I’m so sorry, Harry,” she mumbled into his shoulder. “I’m sorry for cutting you off. Draco—”

“I assumed he had something to do with it,” said Harry, patting her back awkwardly. “It’s really okay. You’re here now, yeah? Let’s start over. Friends again?” 

“Let’s.” She sat back up, wiped her eyes, and managed a watery smile. “I missed you, Harry. You’ve always been my best friend. I’m sorry I haven’t been yours lately.”

“For our debut back into society, do you want me to hex Malfoy’s balls off or something?” asked Harry casually, spreading jam onto her crumpet.

“Harry…”

“Now that I’m into the healer program, he can pay me to fix them in a couple of years,” he said.

“Did I tell you?” She grinned at him. The sick, homesick curdling in her stomach had vanished. “I think I want to apply to the healer program, too.”

Harry’s smile got even wider. “No way. You’d be great at that, Y/N. Snape likes you, too. You’ll definitely get in.”

Harry had been right. A month after she had ended things with Draco, her acceptance letter had come. It was all her friends could talk about. News apparently had gotten around to her Slytherin friends, too, as that night she heard a knock at her door.

“Come in,” she said.

Draco stepped in, looking somewhat uncomfortable. “Hi, Y/N.”

“Hi, Draco. Can I help you?’ She thought that when she saw him again, she’d feel regret. Looking at him now, though, she felt nothing. 

He cleared his throat. “I just wanted to say congratulations on your acceptance to the healer program. I knew you could do it. I’ve always believed in you, you know.”

She watched, her lips pressed into a thin line. “Thanks.”

“Also, I wanted to give you this.” Draco set a box down onto the desk. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, love, and I’ve realized that what I did wasn’t right. I didn’t listen to you and I regret that every day. You’re amazing. You’ve always been too good for me, which is why I feel so unworthy asking this of you.”

“Asking what?”

“I want to get back together,” he said, crossing the expanse of her room in a few steps and clasping her hands. “I can’t imagine being with anyone else. You’re the one for me, and I know that you feel the same way.”

She pulled away from him. “No.”

“Why not?” 

“Because our relationship wasn’t healthy, Draco. You weren’t good to me.”

“I…” He ran his fingers through his hair. He was stressed. He hadn’t prepared this far, Y/N noted. “I know, love. And I’m sorry about that. But when things were good they were great, weren’t they? Remember how great things were for the first few months? We could have that again.”

“You hurt me, Draco. That’s a risk I’m not willing to take again.”

“But think of how amazing we were together,” he said. “And we have a chance to do that again. But only if you give me another chance. What do you think?”

“What do I think?” Y/N stared at him for a few moments. “I think the trajectory of our relationship was concerning. It was controlling, unhealthy, and borderline abusive. I would have to be mad to put myself through that again.”

“But I want to change for you. You know me, love. You know I’m a good person. I want to be better for you. I’m capable of it. I’ll cut Astoria off. I won’t ever speak to her again.”

“I don’t think you’re a good person,” said Y/N, her voice cracking. “I didn’t realize that until after I ended things, but you’re not. If you really were one, you wouldn’t need me to end things before you had the magical ability to defy your parents’ wishes and cut off Astoria. No, if you had loved me independently of what I offered you, you wouldn’t have been so peeved by the parts of me that weren’t of your choosing. A good person wouldn’t treat me like that. You did.”

He scoffed. “Is that seriously how you see me?”

“Yes. Unlike you, I don’t lie.”

Draco straightened before grabbing the jewelry box off of her desk. “Forget it. I don’t know why I bothered. You were always a rebound. You know that, right?”

“I’m sorry for you,” she said suddenly. 

“I’m sorry for you,” he fired back. “Imagine how pathetic it is to be someone’s rebound.”

“No, that’s not why I’m sorry.” She met his eyes. “Draco, the 6 months I spent with you were the most unhappy months of my life. You sucked the life out of me. But I got to leave. I only had to waste 6 months of my life dealing with your fuckery and your inability to genuinely love other people. But you? You’re stuck with it. You have to live with that for the rest of your life. So, yeah, I’m sorry. It must be sad to be you.”

He slammed her door. 

Time passed quickly. Her short relationship with Draco drifted into the past. By graduation, she was so focused on planning for the healer program that he hardly ever crossed her mind. But that summer, when the annotated book that he’d written her was left on her bed, halfway finished as she’d left it in January, a sort of bittersweet anger washed over her. She opened it up to the very last page to see a long letter he’d written her that she’d never read, depicting how much he’d adored her and how much he’d loved her.

She sat on her bed, the annotated book pressed into her chest as she stared up at the ceiling. Did he ever even mean those words? Were they just hollow? Was she ever more than just a rebound fuck? 

But beyond all of that anger she felt for him, there was always an underlying sense of love. It didn’t matter how he felt. What mattered was that she had truly loved him.

Her fireplace roared to life as it was charmed to at 10 every evening, making her jump. After one last glance at the novel in her hands, she tossed it into the flame. 

She remained awake, watching until every page was reduced to ash. Then she slept.

final a/n: ooh! i almost forgot to mention. shoutout to my ex gf, the only woman i would ever consider calling a c*nt. i wish i’d had the chance to! this one goes out to u girl, thank u for being my muse <3 

[aparticularbandit]

21 of the angst ask got me thinking about Agnes and Agatha. (Curious what you could with pairing one and two tho)

well, i mean, i can also do the other one. (and by can i mean plan on it just. will post it separately.)

also idk why it decided to double small the stuff i copy-pasted from word. alas.

dialogue prompts - angst edition

21) “You made me miserable and I still loved you.”

tw: discussion of rape/non-con

“I was…I was you.”

Agnes says the words, but she doesn’t understand them, can’t comprehend being the lived in prison for a woman as wonderful as Agatha is, refuses to believe that the memories she has of her parents – her siblings – are an entire false construct, that if she tries to call her mother, no one will answer.

That is, unfortunately, what prompted the entire conversation.  She has no mother to call for the holidays, no large family with whom to share Thanksgiving now that she and Ralph aren’t together anymore and he doesn’t insist on keeping these sorts of things to themselves, no children who are happily spending their holidays with their families, which should feel better because it means they aren’t actively ignoring her for years at a time, but doesn’t because it means she has no children and no grandchildren, even though she can very clearly remember each of them and each of their names.  There was—

She flinches, and something like static flicks through her brain, and almost immediately she senses a need to change the subject of conversation, except she’s her own person now – apparently she wasn’t before, apparently she hasn’t always been – and she can remember the subject and she doesn’t want to change it, she wants to remember her sons’ names, only there’s an absence where those names should be—

Agnes bites her lower lip.  She turns away from Agatha.  She crosses one arm about herself and raises the other hand so that she can chew on her fingernails.  It’s a bad habit.  Her mother used to paint her nails so that she would stop chewing on them – the fingernail polish tasted horrible and kept getting stuck in her teeth – except…except if Agatha is right, none of that really happened either.

“I can’t…I can’t have been you, hon,” Agnes says, trying to convince herself more than Agatha.  “I would have felt you, crawling about in there.”

Agatha sighs – and Agnes can’t see it, turned away as she is, but somehow she knows that Agatha is pinching the bridge of her nose – before saying, “The day after Wanda disappeared from Westview, your husband Ralph came home drunk on tequila, told you that if you wanted to save your marriage then you would suck his cock, and then proceeded to choke you while fucking you up the ass because he couldn’t handle how much you told him it hurt.”  Her eyes narrow as Agnes turns to face her again, but the hatred Agnes feels wafting off of the other woman has nothing to do with her, she’s sure of it.  (At least, she hopes.)  “For two weeks afterwards, you wore turtlenecks and scarves to hide the bruises, which was perfectly acceptable, given how cold it was outside.  In the third week, the bruises finally faded, but dear old Ralph came back late, even more drunk than usual, his eyes so bloodshot red that they terrified you, and this time you didn’t complain, not because you didn’t want to, but because you couldn’t breathe—”

”Stop.”  Agnes wraps her arms so tight around herself that it feels like the morning after again, sitting naked in her bed with Ralph long gone, sore in places she’d never wanted to be sore, trying to breathe around sobs that wracked a throat that felt like it had been crushed under her husband’s hands.  “Ralph wasn’t so bad, you know,” she whispers, more to comfort herself than to defend her ex-husband to Agatha.  “He brought home flowers every day for a week after that.  Violets.  Daisies.  My favorites.  If you were there, then you would remember how he tucked one of them into my hair and told me that they made my eyes pop.”

Agatha steps forward, reaches out, and cups Agnes’s face with her warm hand, fingers just stretching into her hair.  “Your eyes are like the ocean,” she says, mimicking Ralph.  “I feel like I’m drowning in them.”

Agnes shivers and steps back out of Agatha’s touch.  “That’s not funny.”

“I’m not trying to be funny, hon; I’m trying to—”

“Read my mind and learn all about my past and the thing you use to make me believe you is that.”  Agnes can’t spit the words out because that would be harsh, aggressive, and she still doesn’t know how to be either of those.  Anger may not be a four letter word, but rage is, and that’s close enough.  She knows what it is to be upset and frustrated and hurt, but she’s never once used those emotions to lash out at someone, and she certainly isn’t going to start doing it now.  Still, she can’t meet Agatha’s eyes, can’t stop her own shivering, can’t stop the tears she knows are rolling down her cheeks.

“I’m not reading your mind, hon; I’m—”  Agatha cuts herself off.  She hesitates and then tries again, voice much softer.  “After Wanda left, your back started killing you,” she says, gentle as anything.  “You went to the doctor – to a lot of doctors – but none of them could ever tell you what was wrong.  Your back was just fine.  You were completely healthy.  But whenever you leaned up against it just wrong, you felt a sharp stabbing of pain, and whenever Ralph pressed his fingers against—”

“Please don’t mention Ralph, dear,” Agnes interrupts.  “I think you’ve said enough about him.”

Agatha nods, accepting this.  She turns away from Agnes and then slowly lifts up her shirt until her back is exposed.  “Look.”

Despite her instinct to turn away from Agatha, to give her the privacy she must need, Agnes obeys, and what she sees makes her eyes widen in shock.  She steps forward, one hand outstretched, and then stops herself.  “May I?”

Agatha glances over her shoulder and gives a little nod.  As Agnes runs her hand along the thin white scars etched into Agatha’s back, feeling each tensing of her muscles as she does, Agatha explains, “They don’t cause me pain the way they once did; Wanda fixed all of that, but when she made you, she didn’t know they were there.  She made your back look normal, but she couldn’t just take away scars she didn’t know I had.”  She flinches again.  “Your hands are cold, hon.”

“I’m sorry, hon, I—”  Agnes steps back, swallowing.  “You’re saying my back hurt because it was your back because I was…I was a curse for you.  Wanda cursed you to be me.”

“Yes.”  Agatha pulls her shirt down, straightens it.  “That’s why your mother isn’t answering your calls.  She’s not—”

“You must have been miserable,” Agnes says, slumping down onto the edge of their mattress, hands on either side of her.  “That’s…that’s horrible.  Everything Ralph did to me—”

Agatha turns to her.  “I thought you didn’t want to talk about him, dear.”

“—he did to you, too.”  Agnes’s voice grows even quieter as she says this.  She starts to shudder, her entire body shaking in a way she cannot stop and cannot control.  “You weren’t…you didn’t….  I….  But you—”

“Shhhh.”  Agatha stepped towards Agnes as she spoke, and now she sits on the mattress next to her, taking one of Agnes’s hands in her own.  “Don’t yourself by thinking too hard, darling.  It won’t do you any good.”

Agnes presses her lips together so hard that her teeth draw blood from her soft flesh.  “You never would have let him—”

“That was part of the punishment, dear.  Part of the curse.”  Agatha rubs her thumb gently against the back of Agnes’s hand.  “You had to give in, dear, and he had to hurt you.  I needed to live through hell.  That was hell.”

Agnes glances up, stares at Agatha curiously, and can’t help but ask, “If you hated being me so much, dear, then why are you still here?  Don’t I just….”  She looks down, unable to keep her head up.  “Don’t I just remind you of all of that?”

“Sometimes, yes,” Agatha admits.  “I hated you at first, you know.  I wanted to kill you as much as Ralph did.  But the longer I spent stuck in you, seeing how hard you tried, seeing how much you wanted, seeing how good you were….”  Her voice trails off, but her thumb continues to stroke the back of Agnes’s hand.  “You made me miserable,” she says, voice soft, “and I still loved you.”

Her words send a spike through Agnes’s heart.  She ponders them, echoes slow, refusing to believe, barely glancing up, “You love me?”

Agatha meets her eyes, and a sad smile creases her lips.  “I suppose I do, dear.  I suppose I do.”  She reaches up, tentative, and then slowly wipes away Agnes’s tears.  “You deserve so much better, sweetheart.  So much better.”

It’s instinctive, the way Agnes curves easily into Agatha’s touch, how she places her hand over Agatha’s and holds it there, against her cheek.  She’s never been very active in these sorts of situations – although, given what Agatha has just told her, that’s less her and more a construct made of false memories that Wanda had given her, a personality that she holds to that doesn’t truly have to be hers (although, if she’s honest with herself, she isn’t sure how much she would change, isn’t sure that she can change that much) – but she can change this in this moment—

Agnes crosses the – admittedly small – distance between them and meets Agatha’s lips with her own.  She thinks on how, really, they’re the same person and kisses Agatha the way she would want to be kissed – gentle, at first, delighting in the feel of Agatha’s warm, soft lips plush against her own, before parting them just enough to let her hot breath mingle with Agatha’s in the softest of invitations, only moving her hand from Agatha’s when she accepts the invitation, when her tongue slips gentle across her lips.  Agatha’s had moves through her hair, cups – cradles – the back of her head, holding her so, so gently, and on instinct, Agnes nips the tip of Agatha’s tongue.  Her heart races with fear, but Agatha purrs, “Oh, Agnes, hon,” with such pleasured longing before kissing her back that Agnes is sure her instincts are correct.

The heat rises in more than just Agnes’s cheeks as Agatha’s free hand moves to her waist at the same time that Agnes’s moves to hers.  But Agnes doesn’t feel the same hesitation, the same care that Agatha does, and so her hand moves beneath the edge of Agatha’s shirt, fingers searching for sensitive spots she knows on her own body, waiting for the gasp of pleasure as she traces one fingertip, slow, across Agatha’s skin.

“You won’t hurt me, will you, dear?” Agnes asks, voice quiet and afraid, pausing just long enough to meet Agatha’s eyes, to search the pupils already grown wide.

Agatha doesn’t flinch away.  “Never.  I would never hurt you, angel.”  She doesn’t drop her gaze, only asks, “Is this what you want?”

“You don’t have to ask—” Agnes starts to say, but then remembers you deserve better, and instead, she nods, says near breathless, “Yes.  You’re the only person in the world maybe who has ever loved me, so please.”  She hesitates, searches for the right words, and then says, “Take care of me.”

At her words, Agatha slowly begins to lean Agnes back along the bed, and although Agnes’s heart races, she does not stop her.  “I will take such good care of you, pet.”  Instead of letting her fingers slip beneath Agnes’s shirt, they begin to trace the inside of Agnes’s thighs.

Agnes takes in a sharp breath.  “Be gentle with me.”

Agatha brushes her nose gentle against hers, breath hot on her lips as she says, “Always.”  Then she covers Agnes’s mouth with her own, swallowing the soft moan into her mouth as her fingers move beneath Agnes’s skirt, a moan that only grows louder as one runs along the pad of her underwear.  But it doesn’t stay there; Agatha cups her ass and squeezes, slowly moving her thigh between Agnes’s legs until Agnes whimpers.  She stops, searches Agnes’s eyes, waits for a nod to continue but doesn’t get one, only gets Agnes grinding against her leg, eyes wide and hungry.

Agnes flinches as Agatha’s fingers brush her waist when she removes her shirt, and her muscles tighten as Agatha’s lips find the soft skin of her stomach.  “Agatha, please, dear, I—”  But then Agatha hits that spot – that spot – and Agnes’s hips rise, grinding harder against Agatha’s thigh, and she’s always been so good about her language, but here she can’t be – a gasp followed by “Agatha, fuck, fuck, Agatha, fuck me, fuck me, please, Agatha, please—” – and then Agatha’s hands are on her thighs, spreading her legs, squeezing her skin, and despite it all, Agnes wants – she wants – and when Agatha returns to kiss her lips again, breath hot on her skin, Agnes presses her hands beneath Agatha’s shirt, finds where her bra cups her breasts, and palms them, squeezes them, just as she bends to suck Agatha’s collarbone.

Agatha breathes her name out – “Agnes” – and she sucks harder until she hears it, hears “I love you,” and then she peppers kisses along Agatha’s neck, across her jaw, until she finds her open mouth again, and tugs on her lower lip.

You’ll love me more, Agnes thinks, when I do something other than make you miserable, and this time when her hips raise, she wraps a leg around Agatha’s waist and pulls her down flush against her, grinds not against the thigh she’d been given but against the spot she hopes is just as wet for Agatha as it is for her.  Agatha rocks slow against her.  Much better than an unmoving thigh.  Agnes lifts Agatha’s shirt off, peppers kisses along her exposed skin.

When Agnes takes Agatha’s hand and guides it where she most wants it, Agatha interlaces their fingers and tugs their hands away, murmuring, “Not yet, babe,” amid Agnes’s most desperate whimpers.  She just smiles, kisses her neck, and purrs, “You told me to take care of you, hon.  I’m doing just that.”

And for not the first time in her life, Agnes believes her.

[zafirosreverie]

Hey can you make a Agatha x reader where Wanda hurts the reader on accident and Agatha goes full witch and kicks wandas butt and then flys reader home and takes care of her wounds please. Love you fics by the way.

Aww you're so sweet. Thank you so much, love! I had so much fun writting this ❤.

I got another request for Agatha with a vampire reader so i decided to do both in one. I got a little carried away tho, so there will be at least two parts. Let me know of want more. Hope you like it!

Share my infinite (Agatha x Fem!reader) part 1

“Thank you” you said to the man in front of you as you left the grocery store and walked to your house. It was a pretty day in Westview, as always. The sun was bright, the birds were singing, the grass was green and everyone was trapped in a horrible pain inside their minds. Yeah. Beautiful. 

You sighed and groaned, covering your eyes from the light as you kept walking. God, you hated being here. Sure, it was nice at first, having the opportunity to see another scenery, one different from the forest you lived in. But having sun all the fucking days? Your worst nightmare. You loved being in the dark, the rain, the grey sky. It calmed you like nothing else could, with the exception of your girlfriend. 

You smiled at the simple thought of her. You and Agatha had been together for the past 100 years, and every single day, you fall in love with her a little more. How could you not? She was smart, passionate, funny, beautiful and powerful. You knew she wasn’t exactly a good person, but you weren’t an angel either, and she was hot so she could get away with it. She was just perfect. 

And she was so patient with you, always teaching you new things and happily answering your questions about everything. She even taught you some magic tricks, even if you weren’t a witch. Actually, you thought it was one of the things she liked about you, she could teach you everything about her culture because you were not part of it, which meant you always found everything she told you pretty amazing.

But, it was also one of the things she feared the most. You not being a witch, meant you weren’t biologically immortal like her. Somewhere on your genealogical tree was a dark secret. You had vampire’s blood on your veins. Just a little part that allowed you to heal quickly and age pretty slowly, but you were not a full vampire either, and still had a date of expiry. And that knowledge broke Agatha’s heart.

She has been trying to find a way to make you immortal like her, but she hasn't found one yet. That’s why she was always so protective of you. She was already fighting against time for you, so the thought of you being injured and taken away from her even sooner, scared the hell out of her. 

When she felt a strong magic coming from this part of the world, she decided she needed to know what it was, because maybe, just maybe, this could be the answer she needed to make sure you’ll stay with her forever. 

You chuckled at the memory of her trying to convince you to come with her. Of course you would have come even if she didn’t ask you to, but you always found too cute how her baby blue eyes lit up with hope whenever she found something that, perhaps, could give you eternal life. It made you feel so special, that Agatha loved you enough to keep searching for a way to make you immortal, even after all these years. 

“Y/N!” a little voice came from behind you and you turned to see Billy and Tommy walking up to you, bright smiles in their faces. You waited til they were by your side and smiled too. 

“Hi boys, how are you?” you asked while they hugged you. The twins were the only other thing besides your precious witch that helped you endure Wanda’s ordeal. They were pretty good boys and they adored you and Agatha Agnes, they even called you “aunties” sometimes.

“We’re fine, you? How 's aunt Agnes?” Billy asked and you smiled. He had always bonded better with your girlfriend, while Tommy was totally yours. 

“She’s fine, thanks” you answered “what are you two doing here tho?” you asked and frowned a little. It was strange for them to be wandering around by themselves. 

“Mom and dad are arguing, again” Tommy said and shrugged. Your frown deepened. 

Wanda and Vision had been arguing a little too much lately. You knew it all started because of Agatha, who wanted Vision to be conscious so it could distract Wanda and let her be closer to her and her magic, but this, you were sure it wasn’t just Agatha. This was Wanda losing control of her own ilusion and it was hurting her sons.

“Well, my arms are getting tired, so why don’t you help me and we can make a cake with Agnes when we get home?” you asked jokingly and their faces lit up. You just had bread and milk on your arms, but that was enough for them. They just wanted an excuse to spend time with their aunties.

You chuckled when Tommy took the milk from you while Billy took the bread. Each one of them took one of your hands and the three of you walked home. Deep in your heart, you knew these kids weren’t even real, or at least, they were not supposed to be real, and when the time comes, you’ll be heartbroken to say goodbye. But for now, you’ll enjoy the time you had with them.

This thought made you think of Agatha. Did she feel like this too? She had been dealing for years with the knowledge that you will be gone someday. You always assured her that you still had time, but now that you were feeling some sadness at the thought of losing the twins, you weren’t so sure anymore. You really had to make sure your time with her would be worth it. 

You were still thinking about it when you heard an explosion and felt the twins freezing at your sides. When you looked up, you saw Vision flying away and a big red smoke coming your way from Wanda’s house. Your reaction was instinctive.

“Y/N!” you heard Billy screaming as you hugged them both, covering them with your body. 

You didn’t need any powers to feel their fear. The way Billy’s hand grabbed your shirt as a life saver and how Tommy hid his face on your chest, was enough. 

When the smoke hit you, you screamed. It felt as if all your body was burning.You couldn’t move, even when you wanted to run, so you just hugged the kids tighter. Suddenly, it all stopped.

You blinked and quickly looked at the twins, making sure they were fine. Something inside you, told you this was just the calm before the storm. 

“Run” you told them “Run to the park and hide, now!” You could feel they didn’t want to leave you, but they nodded and obeyed you anyway. You started running to your house, wanting to make sure Agatha was fine. The house was literally next to Wanda’s house, after all.

You barely made it to the front door when another wave of red hit you and you fell to your knees, screaming. This time it was so much worse. You could feel Wanda’s burning rage and desperation. She was trying to keep everything in control, but was quickly losing it because her husband wouldn’t obey her anymore and her grief was giant. 

This is an accident. She will stop soon. You tried to calm yourself, but the pain was too much for you to handle. 

Wanda went outside her house just to see you crying on the floor, red strings around you, like chains. She gasped and tried to help, but her magic didn’t respond. She wasn’t in control anymore.

“Y/N!” You heard Agatha’s voice from somewhere near you. 

She sounded desperate and angry. You have heard that tone just once before, and it didn���t end well for the men that had hurt you. You knew she was about to unleash hell, and the last thought you had before passing out, looking at Wanda, was Run. Run, Witch, run.

[all-my-love-for-harry]

Not the future you want.

summary: You don’t want kids and that’s a deal breaker for Harry, until it isn’t.

word count: 3.3k

warnings: angst, happy ending tho.

a/n: long time no see!! I missed writing for y’all SO much but lately i’ve been so busy, here’s a little something i wrote after finishing all my homework, please tell me what you think!

You can find the rest of my masterlist here.

///

Y/n didn't know how they got here.

Not even ten minutes ago they were wrapped around the covers of Harry's bed after making love, both still naked and sweaty from the previous activities. Harry was showering her with kisses all over her face, paying special attention to her nose and lips. The silence that covered them was comfortable, warm.

Right now all she felt was cold, iced silence filling the room as Harry stared at her with startled eyes. Suddenly, the once safe space they had to feel comfortable being naked in front of the other, was long gone and replaced with an awkwardness in the air. Y/n pulled the covers up to her chest, sitting down on the bed as she watched Harry do the same.

"What did you say?" He said. Although he heard it the first time she said it, he wished with all his being there was some kind of misunderstanding and he got it all wrong.

"Are you upset?" She asked cautiously. "Because you sound upset."

"No, I'm... Fuck, Y/n, I'm not upset." He passed a hand through his face. "Excuse me for being a little offended you don't want kids with me."

"I don't want kids with anyone, Harry." She said, growing upset. "Don't take it personally." Y/n started to look for her clothes that currently were laying on the floor, knowing what was going to come.

"But... baby, why? wouldn't it be nice to have mini us running around?" He sounded out of breath like someone just kicked him right in the stomach. He figured he could at least try to convince her otherwise. "Imagine how cute our babies will look. They'd have your adorable nose, maybe my eyes..."

"H, I'm sorry... kids have never been in my plans, it isn't something that I want." She said slowly, not knowing how Harry will take it.

"Wouldn't you willing to at least try?"

Sighing, she shook her head. "I don't want to do that to my body. I've worked so hard to look the way I do and, honestly? Pregnancy takes a toll on you both mentally, and physically and I don't want that." Y/n got out of the bed dragging the covers with her as she grabbed her clothes and started to get dressed.

At that moment Harry didn't know that, what came out of his mouth next, would either save his relationship or end it for good. "That's so... shallow." He practically spat.

"Yeah? Try carrying a human being inside of you for nine months!"

"If I could I'd do it since you're being this selfish!"

"Am I being selfish?! Listen to yourself! I don't owe you any explanation regardless of what I want and don't want to do with my body!" She finished putting her clothes on, silently thanking herself for wearing a dress and make it easier to get dressed in between all this mess. "I am not a baby machine, Harry. I don't exist just to get pregnant and be a fucking mother. If you want a baby so badly, then find someone who does as well!"

"But I love you!" He said, not realizing he was being childish.

"Then we can get a pet! It's the same responsibility."

"I can't believe you just compared a human being to a pet, Y/N! Don't be so stupid!" He threw his hands in the air.

"I honestly don't know what you want me to tell you." Y/n crossed her arms across her chest. "I'm sorry that you feel that way but I'm not changing my mind. I understand if..."

"I need time to... think."

"H..." She tried taking a step closer to him, but he backed off.

"Leave, please."

She didn't know if that was going to be the end of their relationship, and she hoped it wasn't. However, guessing by the look on Harry's face, this was it.

//

Harry's been miserable. He thought he'd only feel like these the first months after breaking up with Y/n but as the fifth month rolled in, he realized there was no way he'd ever get her out of his head... and out of his heart.

Even though he stopped crying in the shower in month three, he was still unable to go to the same places he used to go with her, his heart hurting too much for all the memories that hit him right in the face as he walks into the coffee shop they used to go to every Friday, or the place on the park they used to sit on after buying ice cream from the lovely old man who always gave Y/n a flower. He was slowly losing his mind and everyone around him could tell exactly what was happening. He missed Y/n.

The problem was, he took way too long to realize he made a mistake, probably the most tremendous one of his entire life. He couldn't stop thinking that, if he answered those calls he declined from her, the love of his life would most likely be wrapped around a blanket in his living room, watching the notebook for the millionth time as they cuddled closer and closer to each other. She always let Harry chose the movie, despite she always knew what his choice would be and although she used to get bored at the movie, after a few times watching it with Harry, she grew to like it.

That was who she is. She's always pleasing everyone else, often growing upset when she can get the people around her what they wanted. And that included Harry. She used to put him and whatever he wanted first, always. If Harry wanted to go out, they'd go out. If he wanted to stay in, they'd stay in. And deep down, Harry knew that the reason why he lashed out at her he way he did seven months ago, it was because he knew Y/n wouldn't be able to fulfill the one dream he wanted the most. Or at least, the dream he thought he wanted the most because when his anger went down and he was able to see clearly, he realized there wasn't anything in this world he wanted more than to be with her, and that if he ever went and married another woman just to be a father, that baby wouldn't be half the love of his life, therefore nothing would be perfect and his life wouldn't be as happy as he was when he was with Y/n.

"You have to get out of bed, H." Gemma said as she opened the curtains of the bedroom, making him let out a groan. "Although you're an asshole, it hurts me to see you like this."

"Thanks for the pep talk, Gem." His words came out muffled as his face was still pressed to the pillow. The one from the side Y/N used to sleep on.

"That wasn't a pep talk, knobhead." She sat at the edge of the bed. "I'm just tired of seeing you like this, Har. You fucked up, stop mopping around and own your mistake."

"She hates me."

"She has every reason to," Harry gave her a dirty look. "but, I don't think she does. You know her, she loved you more than anything."

"Yeah, she really did." Harry's eyes filled with a new wave of tears and he choked a sob. "I was so wrong, Gem. I can't believe I yelled at her the way I did." He cried. "I had the love of my life and I made her leave." Now he sobbed.

His sister sighed. Although it was very clear who's fault was, she couldn't help but feel bad for his baby brother. Everyone could see how happy they made each other, always saying they were it for the other. And they were true. That was, of course, until Harry fucked up.

"I'm telling you this because I love you," She started. "You have to move on. It's been five months, H. You made it very clear you both wanted different things, and that's okay. But you have to accept that."

"I don't mean it anymore!"

"It doesn't matter. You meant it back then, and you're not gonna change anything staying in bed and crying all day."

"You're right." He suddenly sat up, pulling the cover off of him. "I should go see her."

"No, that's not-"

"You're a genius, Gem." Harry cupped her face and gave her an obnoxious kiss on the cheek.

"Ew!"

"I will get her back!" He jumped out of the bed and trotted to his walk-in closet, stripping out of his pajamas and into whatever pants and shirt he found. "I'll apologize and she will understand, right?"

"Baby brother, I think you're being a little too optimistic." Gemma stood up and walked towards him. "Don't be stupid, an 'I'm sorry' will not fix anything. Also, you don't even know where to find her, or how is she... or who she's with." Harry narrowed his eyes at her. "What? You have to consider all the options."

"I check her Instagram every day, she's not dating anyone."

"She can hide posts and stories from you, dumbass." She crossed her arms. "And every day? Creep."

Harry sticks his tongue out at her. "I also check her friend's profiles, believe me, she's single. And I'm gonna win her back."

"Harry," Gemma started, but he was already out of the run and running down the stairs. "Wait! Where are you going?"

"To her house!" He yelled back from the bottom of the stairs, grabbing his keys.

"Hang on, I'll take you!"

"What, really?" He stopped his tracks, turning around to face his sister.

"If you suffer from humiliation, I have to videotape it." She smirked, grabbing her purse and opening the front door.

"You're horrible."

"Chop, chop! Let's go, Romeo."

//

"I..." Hiccup. "I hate..." Hiccup. "... Men." Hiccup. "But I love you, Nolan."

"Alright, It's three in the afternoon, Y/n/n. Cut the tequila."

"What?!" She gasped. "It's never too early for tequila." She raised her finger at her best friend.

"C'mon, darling. Let's get you into the shower. Hannah should be here soon too."

"I love you guys." She said as Nolan practically carried her up the stairs and to her bedroom. "And I love Harry."

He sighed, finally entering the room, sitting Y/n on her bed where he immediately collapsed. "I know you do, sweetheart. Now, I want you in the bathroom."

She groaned, extending her hands at him. Nolan rolled his eyes but grabbed her hands to pull from her. He didn't know how she managed to get this drunk at three o'clock, but then again after five months of pretending to be okay, a breakdown was meant to happen sooner or later.

"You're the bestest friend ever."

"Mhm, repeat that when you're sober." Closing the door behind him, he helped her take her clothes off.

"Is Marcus mad at me because you left him to come here?" She asked, pouting. Marcus was Nolan's boyfriend.

"Of course not, don't be silly. He wants to take you out tonight though."

"Yes! Thousand times yes. Count. Me. In."

"What you want is your head on the toilet all night, don't you?" Y/N stepped into the shower but let out a squeal when she felt the cold water hit her skin.

"Let me out, let me out."

"Nope, we need to sober you up so you stay there." He leaned on the wall, waiting for her with a towel in his hands.

After a quick shower, Nolan wrapped her in the fluffy towel and left the room to go downstairs, he figured Y/n could handle herself for a bit while he waited for Hannah to arrive with food. He hasn't seen her this drunk since the day she and Harry broke up, so she still had a lot to let out.

There was a knock on the door and Nolan hurried to open it, thinking Hannah was finally here. To his surprise, instead of their blonde friend being there with loads of food for them to eat, Harry Styles was waiting on the other side of the door, holding the biggest bouquet of pink roses he's ever seen before.

"No, handsome. Go back to where you came from."

"C'mon, Nolan. Is she home?"

"Nope." Nolan crossed his arms, trying to look more intimidating. "She's out there, living her best life."

"Then why are you here?"

The blonde man opened his mouth then closed it again. "None of your business. Look, Harry, let it go. Do you seriously think showing up here five months after with a huge bouquet of flowers will magically fix everything?"

"I need to talk to Y/n, please. I-I messed up, okay? I was horrible to her and I know it, but I want to make it right."

He sighed. "Right now is not a good time, trust me." Harry frowned. "Do you want my advice? Move on."

With that, he closed the door on his face and returned to the living room. He was not going to allow his best friend to get her heart broken all over again over a pair of pretty eyes.

//

"When you said we'd be going out, I thought you meant to get fucked up, not to sing karaoke." Y/N said as she took a long sip of her drink, resting her cheek on her palm.

"Who says we can't do both here? Besides, I'll be fun." Marcus said.

"I don't sing, my loves. I came for the alcohol." Hannah finished her drink and stood up to walk to the bar to get another one.

"You're alcoholics, both of you."

"I call it, drown in your own sorrow."

"Cheers for that."

After a few rounds, Nolan was up serenading Marcus, completely out of key but no one cared since they were all already a little bit tipsy. Y/N was having a great time with her friends, completely forgetting the reason why she got drunk at three in the afternoon. No one knew what she did to not be hungover right now, but nonetheless, they were glad she was there having fun too.

That was until Nolan noticed Harry walk into the bar.

"Pst, Han." He whispered. "Wait ten seconds then turn around."

She did what he said. "Oh, so he did come."

"Wait, what?!" he whispered-yelled.

"I told him we'd be here." She shrugged.

"Why the hell would you do that?"

"Because they need to talk." Nolan rolled his eyes. "Cut the crap, you know I'm right. Y/n deserves an apology and Harry has one, easy peasy."

"You forgot the part where he broke her heart."

"Hey, I'm not defending him. However, they're crazy for each other and unless they talk things out, we'll have our best friend become an alcoholic."

"What are you two gossiping about?" Y/n said, returning to the table after going to the bathroom.

"About how I need another drink!" Hannah exclaimed.

"Ugh, me too. I'll go this time." She got up again.

"Wait!" Nolan grabbed her hand but Hannah kicked him under the table, making him groan.

"Are you okay?"

"Uh, yes. Can you bring me one too?"

"I got you, babes."

She walked to the bar while humming the song someone was singing up there. "Oop." Y/n tripped over her own feet but before she could fell face down on the floor, someone wrapped a hand around her forearm. "Oh, thank you..." She looked up to see the stranger who saved her and her breath hitched when she saw him. "Harry."

"Hey, love."

"What... how-? Wait, don't call me love!" She crossed her arms, annoyed.

"Y/n, wait, please. We need to talk."

"Oh, no, no. We-" She signaled the space between them. "Have nothing to talk about."

"Listen to me, please. I know you don't have to, and I know that I was horrible and behaved like a proper dick five months ago, but I want to apologize to you, I'm begging you."

She sighed. She looked into his eyes and saw a flash of hurt and regret, his hair also looked a mess and he looked like he hasn't shaved in a while. Maybe he's been feeling as bad as her. Deep down, she hoped he has.

"Five minutes, then I'm gone."

Harry wasted no time and pulled her towards the bathrooms, entering the ladies one and double-checking it was empty before locking the door. "First of all, you have no idea how much I've missed you." She opened her mouth, probably to throw a sarcastic comment but he interrupted her. "Let me finish, please. Last time I saw you... I wasn't nice, at all. I lashed out at you for no reason, honestly. You were right, I've got no say in whatever you want to do with your body. I was a brat and I was mad at... honestly, I don't know what I was mad about. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize this, but I don't need anyone else if I have you, Y/n. You're the love of my life and-" He grabbed her hands. "I love you with my whole heart. If kids isn't something you want, then we don't need it, baby."

"Harry, you don't know what you're talking about."

"Excuse me?"

"You love kids! I know you've always wanted to be a father, and you'll be a great one, one day. You deserve to have the future you've always dreamt of having." She offered him a tiny smile. "I'm not the future that you want, H."

"Y/n, listen to me, you're my dream. You, no one else."

"If we stayed together, one day you're gonna wake up and realize you missed your opportunity of having a family of your own and you're gonna hate me forever."

"Of course not." He said, offended. "How could you say that? I could never, never hate you. I'd hate my life if you weren't in it."

"We want different things. And despite me knowing that, I still walked into this relationship because I was selfish. Selfish because I thought you... you would change your mind."

"You're the most selfless person I've ever known, my love. You're not selfish, I'm an asshole. I didn't listen to you because I always want everything to be my way. But we're a team, we got each other. We don't need anything else."

At this point, Harry was ready to drop on his knees and beg for forgiveness. He was trying so hard to not start sobbing right there, but Y/n looked like she's made up her mind and he felt like his heart was breaking more and more as the minutes passed. He didn't know what else to say to convince her to be with him, and that terrified him.

"I don't know..."

"Please, give me one more chance. Please, baby."

Y/n was really trying to think this through. On one hand, she missed him more than anything, and she's been miserable these past months without her, no matter how much she tried to put on a happy face for everyone around her. On the other hand, she felt like she needed to let Harry go so he could be happy with someone else, someone who shared the same dreams and plans as him. Her blood boiled at the last part, feeling jealous of even thinking about Harry, his Harry, being with someone else.

She had him right in front of her on a silver plate, ready to rebuild their relationship because he loved her too much to let her go.

"I really missed you." She finally collapsed into his arms, holding him tightly. "And I'm so scared of losing you."

"You're not gonna lose me. Not now, not ever. You're stuck with me, okay?" He cupped her cheeks, looking at her straight in the eye. Her eyes were filled with tears but a little smile was forming on her face. "My pretty baby. I love you so so much and I'm so excited to spend my life with you."

"I love you too, I can't wait to be with you forever."

[arllenn]

image des: I really loved the fact that your brought their past into the light, that you made them actually effected and reflected on it. So often I just see stories focusing on their relationship with the "new" characters (Caesar, Luminous, Johann, The Gen fam) so following that line of thought.

Can I request a flashback scene? Like when we get requested to make it snow (at the beginning of the game) the group of friends reaction to it snowing makes you reflected on your past. In which a fluffy meeting/promise happens between Z, Renata and you. Or even any fluff you can think of between the three? It can be when they were kids or the age they were at during the game.

Admittedly I would love it if you can really focus on Z and the Character interaction/relationship because we all know he cares for Renata; they have that slacker x mother hen childhood friend vibe going on. But the idea that Z and you are ACTUALLY close (it just LOOKS like your friends with Renata and only friendly acquaintances with Z from the outside) makes me happy and bittersweet.

Sorry this got so long!

Tags for this chapter: fluff, hurt no comfort, bittersweetness, pure angst at first tho Tw: mentions of death and cannon typical violence, puke, death Time setting: pre japan like imagine if the mc got an adjustment period at cassell before they got shipped off to dragon war

You smiled happy to be of help to the friends who were separating today. Their cheerful giggles and cries of happiness as they raved over being able to leave on a snowy day just like the one from when they had met made your insides bubble with warmth and nostalgia. Z, Renata and you had been the same once..... before, before Herzog had...

You shake your head, now isn't the time for this. You wring your wrists, it's a habit you picked up from Z, though you two do it for different reasons. You feel a bit light headed, your knees are weak, it's so weird to see snow and not see your beloved friends among it. It just felt wrong to not feel their warmth around you in this cold tempature. The others giggling is getting too loud, it's beggining to ring in your ears and bounce around in your head at the same time as the memories of Renata and Z pour out of your head and spill in front of your eyes. You stiffly walk over to Claudia, left foot, left hand, right foot, right hand. Back and forth back and forth. You want to leave, but it’d feel wrong just going without checking with her.

“We met and departed on a snowy day.” She sounds so happy and while you’re glad that you were able to help them you also can’t help but feel cloying jealousy at the fact that this trio, Claudia, Susu and Leah get to be together, to meet and depart on snowy days filled with joy, while you can’t. You want to be able to see Z and Renata, you want to be able to tease them while jumping for joy and promising to stay in contact. You want to be able to send them off with a smile on your face and a promise to be well.

But you can’t.

And that’s it.

There’s no going back and searching, there’s no making up after an argument, there’s just nothing. Renata is dead Z is dead everyone is dead! And you can’t do anything about it.

Staggering away you start walking towards one of the benches in the courtyard that face the library. To say that you collapse on it would be an understatement. It’s like all the bones in your body liquified then disappeared at that moment. You clench at the snow on the bench, using the all too familiar feeling of it to guide you through your memories. The day you arrived at the orphanage, the first time you met Renata, Z and you arguing over who would get to hold which of Renata’s hands, the day Vera had arrived, so small and only a year old. You remembered her small finger curling around your own while Z helped you readjust how you held her.

Just Renata, Z and you.

But now it’s just you. You clench at your throat, clawing at it as if that’ll destroy the lump forming in it. You bring your knees up to meet with your chest. Burying your head in your arms. It hurts, you want to see them. At this point you’d even take Anton and Khorkina’s belittling of you or even Ivan and Sherkman failing horribly to hide the fact that they were dating over anything else that could possibly occur right now.

Rubbing your face on your knees you try to get rid of the few silent tears that have begun to spill. It doesn’t work, in fact it just makes everything so, so much worse. Memories of your childhood fly by, you’re loosing your grip on reality you know that. You don’t want to do it here. Not on a bench where anyone can see, if you’re completely honest you don’t want to confront them at all. But that isn’t an option, it’s never going to be an option for you, because you’re trying so hard to push them down and stamp them out right now. And it’s not working.

One of the wandering vending machines come up to you, clawed arm holding something in it. You can't see it at all, your line of sight only contains your legs after all, but you can hear the distinctive beeps of the machine, the whirring of its mechanical organs that allow it to move. You can feel the jagged edges of a wrapper lightly scratching at your leg through your uniform. The robot beeps twice shoving the snack into your leg once again before dropping it and skittering off. Lifting your head up you stared down at the snack you had been left with. Maybe the world really does hate you. Maybe you deserve to constantly have your mind ripped at and heart torn apart, because laying there in front of you is a cookie a chocolate chip one at that. The second your eyes land on the bubbly font that spells out chocolate you cant help but watch in horror as Vera falls in front of you, mere feet away, body still warm as she hits the snow, dead. You feel the bile rise in your throat, it isn't something that you can just swallow down either. Hand clapped over your mouth you stand, getting ready to run.

-----------------------------

You have no idea how you've made it back to your dorm room without puking on the way here, but now you're sitting over your toilet dry heaving into it. You stare down at the item that made you like this the choco- you spit into the toilet. Cookie, you'll just refer to it as a cookie. You consider tearing off the top half of the wrapper but then the smell of the cookie and the chocolate might just tip you over the edge. Instead you settle for smacking it away from you. In some small way it makes you feel better.

You hate that Herzog has ruined this for you. You hate that you can’t even see the word chocolate without feeling your insides churn, you hate that you can’t see snow without seeing your friends bloodied corpses staring back at you, eyes glassy and unfocused. Cookies were the first dessert that you had ever tasted and the last one. You remember the day you had first tried to bake them.

That day Z had let you in his room, Renata was sick, and neither of you were allowed to be around her as per Herzogs orders. With the knowledge that you have now you think you understand why you weren’t allowed to see her back then. Rather than actually being ill Renata was probably suffering from the side effects of the incomplete evolution pills. But either way natural disease or not it had been just you and Z. Sitting side by side on his bed, you laying with your torso hanging off his bed partially, practically upside down, and him crisscross leaned up against the wall that his bed bordered, a hand close enough to your leg to catch you if you started to slip. You two had been mindlessly talking, reading some book that you’ve forgotten the name of now, alternating turns each chapter. When you had gotten to a part where the main character was making cookies for their friend as a get well gift.

“Hey Z, have you ever had a cookie? I mean I’ve heard of them but I’ve never even seen one.”

“I can’t say that I have,” he yawned, “I’m not a big fan of sugar in general. That combined with the fact that the orphanage doesn’t even get the ingredients for them makes it obvious that I’d never even have the chance to try them, same as you.”

“That’s too bad, based on the description I think they’d be pretty good. You think Renata has ever had one?”

“I’m not her, I wouldn’t know.”

“I mean fair enough, but I kinda expected that you would, you guys spend forever having those late night talks after you send me to bed.”

You haul yourself up and spin on your ass so that you’re looking him in the eye, “Speaking of~, I won’t allow you to marry my daughter young man!” You cross your arms in an ‘X’ in front of you shaking your head. “Absolutely not don’t think I’ll allow anything of the sort!!”

Snorting he had pushed on your forehead with his finger until you were laying down the same as before and used his foot to roll you away from him. “2/10, If you’re going to give me a shovel talk then you should at least be intimidating, 1, and 2 you should do it in front of Renata so that you can embarrass her, who just gives that kinda talk straight to the supposed,” he raised his hands and gave out finger quotations “boyfriend?”

“Is that back talk I hear sonny? Don’t make me get up there!”

”Yeah because you haven’t already.” You can’t see him from your position but you can hear the smile on his voice. An accomplishment if you’ve ever seen one! You mean the stoic eternally tired Z was snorting and smiling because of what you said! You always loved times like this, when you would manage to break through his exterior and draw out a reaction, (preferably positive!!), out of him. Tapping his knee you grip onto his leg to pull yourself up once more, you can see him contemplating rolling you off the bed, thankfully he chooses peace for once.

”No okay but dead seriously, let’s go make cookies for Renata. We just got the shipments a little while ago, there’s got to be some of the stuff we need in there! We’ll just ask Herzog,”

“Or steal”

“Yes, or steal, come on it’ll be great!”

“Normally Renata would be here to stop you, which I am always grateful for since it means that I don’t have to be the one to talk you out of these things,”

You snap your fingers, “Speed it up Z, do I have a partner or am I gonna have to start running before you catch me?”

He claps a hand over your mouth which you look down at “Don’t you dare lick me,” is what he says in response to your stares. “As I was saying before someone cut me off,” if gives you a pointed stare, “Normally Renata would be here to be the voice of reason, however since she’s ‘sick’ and I don’t want to have her on my neck about you getting in trouble later here are my words of caution,” He takes his hand off your mouth and pats slaps your cheek twice before bringing the tips of his fingers in between the book page that you had been on and the next, folding it over and closing it. “Don’t, and if you do don’t get caught.”

It was your turn to snort, “What the heck, you suggested stealing in the first place!” You laughed. He shrugged his shoulders and set the book down on his bedside table getting up off the bed and bringing his arms above his head to stretch.

”I never said that we weren’t going to steal if that’s what you decide to do I simply offered you a word of advice about you stealing alone.

”AWWWW Z I knew there was a reason I put up with you!” You cried jumping up off the bed and attempting to latch onto his back,

He turned to face you swatting your hands away, muttering about you being “too big for him to carry like that anymore”

“What was that!?”

He pinched your cheek with one hand and used the other to ruffle your hair in a way that you knew wasn’t meant to be affectionate but instead to mess it up. “Look at how big the babies gotten! It can walk and talk now! Go ahead say ‘papa’ again!” You knew that you could never win against Z in a fight, all attempts left you on the floor with him sitting on you, or you hiding behind Renata and you exercising your lying and puppy dog eyes abilities. But boy oh boy did Z have a way of activating your Cain instinct and making you want to slap the shit out of him (affectionately of course). You heaved out a long suffering groan, and pulled Z’s hands off of you. You walked over to where his dresser was and sucked your teeth as you stared at your reflection. You tried your best to undo his damage to your hair, but it was a lost cause, hanging your head you turned to him with what you hoped was a horrifying, knee shaking, earth quaking, chicken baking, glare.

“This is why you’re an orphan.”

“Fair enough.” He said with a shrug before motioning towards the door, are we leaving now or what.”

“I’m coming, we’re going.” You said waving your hand at him in a shooing motion.

The minute you stepped outside it had been like you were ass blasted into one of the shipment containers mega freezers. You rubbed at your arms, lamenting the fact that you lived on a hunk of ice in the middle of a polar bears ass cheeks. “Okaaay so,” you clapped your hands together, “Do we know where Herzog is?” Z yawned and shook his head no from beside you. “Alright thank you for your participation! Gold star! I’ll go ask Anton, you stay here. And don’t fall asleep!” You ran off to go find Anton ignoring Z’s comment about you acting like a stray dog.

Heaving you clutched at the toilet, sobbing over the loss of your friends. You couldn’t even think of the times back then as being over, you just can’t.

No, that’s not right, you know they’re over, you know those peaceful days of snow and teasing are over. And yet you still long for them, you want to feel Z’s hands in your hair once more, want to feel the thrill of catching him off guard and running to hide behind Renata. You want back the times that you had spent, absorbed in watching Vera as she took her first steps, your young self amazed that anyone could ever be so small. You miss those moments when you seriously contemplated smashing Antons face into the ice under your feet, missed the random times when Ivan would pull you away to look at something cool that he had found. You just missed being homeyou miss the safe feeling that you had been provided with daily back then. Ignorance truly is bliss you suppose. If you had survived not knowing about what Herzog had done, if you survived thinking that all of this was just some randoms attack on you and your family would you have been happier? It doesn’t matter now. What’s done is done.

You dry heave and spit into the toilet, bile rising in your throat but not to the point in which it would spill past your lips. Your vision is blurry from the tears and your head throbs with the pain of the pressure your tears are both building up and releasing. “I wanna go home…” you mumble slowly laying yourself down on the floor, hands clutched into your hair, fingers threading themselves in with the strands and pulling at them like a tide. You would yank at your hair then let it all fall out of your grip, massaging your scalp slightly, and then yanking at it again. You continued in this way as the blurry memory of that day played in front of you. Anton being no help, Khorkina doing her best to goad you into punching her, Ivan being somewhere that you swear was unreasonably high up. Eventually finding Herzog and asking him, him granting you permission as long as you cleaned up after yourselves, running back to Z with the good news.

“Z! Z! Listen to this!” He looked up at you from his spot on the stairs, clearly bored out of his mind, but hey at least he hadn’t fallen asleep like you asked!

He made a twirling motion with his hand “What is it?”

You placed your hands on your hips and grinned, “Herzog says we can use the stuff in the kitchen as long as we clean up afterwards!” You gave an overzealous thumbs up afterwards to make your point even clearer.

“That’s great!” He said all too sarcastically. Getting up he put both hands on your shoulders resting all of his weight on them before finally standing up straight shushing you and your whining.

It hurry you so much to know that everyone is gone. It hurts to know that you’ll never get that chance to just see them again, to hear their voices, catch a glimpse of them on the street. Instead they’re all dead and there’s nothing that you can do about it. You had watched everyone die, you had seen their eyes glaze over and go out of focus. You had seen how their blood stained the pure white snow a bright and somber red. You had run past them as you registered them as dead, praying to nothing but everything at the same time that at least one of them would live. That you would get to hold at least one of them in your arms as you two promised to stay with each other. But you didn’t get that. Instead you got to watch as Renata faded into the distance, your last hope, you got to claw through icy waters, pleading your legs to move, to allow you to save your dearest friend….

”Z, Z, Z! Help me I have no idea why the egg keeps cracking like that!”

“Maybe it’s cracking like that because you keep squeezing them until they explode.”

“Don’t use that tone of voice with me young man! I’ll have you know that Dr.Herzog says that I’ve made great progress in my home economics studies.” You proudly bumped your chest with your fist only to look down and see your uniform covered in egg goop. Z snickered before handing you a rag and motioning for you to hand him the bowl and the eggs. You slid it over to him with your elbow and focused on cleaning your hands and uniform up.

”Here,” he held up one of the eggs,”I’ll show you how to crack an egg, so that you don't end up wasting all of them.” He hit it lightly on the edge of the bowl, holding both ends of the egg with his fingers and pulling his palm so that the egg slowly slipped out of the shell before proceeding to throw the shell somewhere off to the side of him. He pushed the bowl back towards you with a smug look on his face. "You get it now?"

"Yep, yep, yep," you waved your hand at him dismissively before turning back to the book. "Okay so now we mix wet ingredients and dry, then we add in the chocolate." Getting the chocolate for the recipe had been the hardest part. With how rare chocolate is at the orphanage and the fact that you weren't allowed into your room because of how sick Renata was it had been hard to find any. Eventually after bribing Z and way too much effort on your part, you had ended up on Z's shoulders searching through the backs of the older and dustier cabinets, in one of which you had found a chocolate bar that was a week off from its expiration date. Not the best but it could've been 10 times worse you suppose. Z pushed the chocolate towards you with this hand before resting his head on his hand.

"So how much longer do we have? It's getting late." Z stifled a yawn.

You glanced at the book and back down at the cookie batter that you were currently scooping out and onto the baking sheet. They didn't hold their shape as well as the book described them as being able to but you supposed that it was just a matter of reality vs. idealized fiction. "Um I don't know. The book says that they need 25 minutes to bake properly and who knows how long its going to take to clean this all up."

"Well good luck with that." He said slapping his hand down on the table, turning around on his stool, and standing up.

Even if it was just the memory of the sound, the slapping of Z's hand on the table sent a wave of nausea scorching through your body. Everything was a blur, reality, what you were really seeing, cold white tile and the rug in front of the shower were blending together with the cold white of snow, the rug that was in you and Renata's cabin. You felt hands on your face, were they from the memory of Renata checking your temperature or were they your own? Your vision was swimming, you were underwater, you were lying on the bathroom floor. You were drowning, you're lying on the bathroom floor. You're dying, you can't see.

You clamored up in a haze, you have to run! You have to get to Renata and Vera and Anton and and and and! And you slam into a desk that was out in the middle of Hezog's lab. Z is right there, Renata is right there, Vera is right there! All you need to do is reach out a little further and you'll be there! You'll be able to save them! You finally latch onto Z's uniform begging him not to go, begging him to stay with you, because if you go alone then everyone will die. "PLEASE Z!" You yell out. "I need you, I need you, I need you, everyone's dying, dead, dying dead, dying, dead, I can't save them! PLEASE!" And then the Z you're holding onto collapses, leaving nothing but a pile of clothes behind. His uniform lies bloodied in your hands. Renata lies bloodied in your hands. Anton lies just out of reach, dead. "Come back, please." You clutch onto Z's uniform harder. The tears don't falter as you trace your hands along the sleeves of the uniform. "The sleeves are too short you should get Herzog to make you a new one." You chuckle fondly. only...

Only...

Only the uniform has too many mistakes for it to have ever been Z's, theres too big a difference in size. It doesn't smell the same. It's not his... it's yours. You're not at the orphanage, you're in your dorm at Cassel. You're sitting on hardwood floors right now, not the powdery snowfall of home. Its warm, not cold, theres no dead bodies, only you and the mess that you made when you stormed through here earlier. You choke on a sob, tears coming down in even thicker streams, your headache had bloomed into a splendid migraine. You can barely see straight, but you know for sure that this isn't anywhere near, by or in the orphanage. And it can never be. The orphanage is gone now. Everyone's bodies are probably still lying on top of the snow, glassy eyes unfocused and unseeing, faces twisted in fear. Or maybe they've been charred to ashes, with nothing left to remember them by, their remains carried by the winds or at the bottom of the sea. You clutch your uniform tighter, biting down on it to muffle your screams and sobbing.

You have no idea how long you've been here. Your tears have faded now, only leaving the uncomfortable burning of the dried tear tracks in their memory. You don't stare at anything in particular, theres nothing left of your emotions, just the dull ache of apathy. Your vision is spotted with dancing black circles and lines. They look a bit like what you imagine TV static would look like but you really have no idea. Your conscious waves and ebbs like the tides from back home. You can't think of anything other than the feeling of the cloth clutched in your embrace right now. Sighing you bury your face in it, resigning yourself to a night on the floor.