#my life is stable again

[javierduffy]

just a few javieran horse headcanons because i like them a normal amount

branwen

- tall AND fat. kieran makes sure he’s always fed (maybe even accidentally a teensy bit overfed. just because kieran can’t help but indulge him when he butts him with his head or nuzzles at his pockets when he knows there’s treats in there. but never too much because ‘obesity is a problem, even in animals !’). probably about 17hh, taller than average for a kentucky saddler but nothing too big. especially since kieran himself is quite tall

- VERY well-tempered, both naturally, as well as because kieran has literally made him bulletproof. bagged him, blanketed him, stood, jumped, backflipped onto and off of him. this kindly gentleman of a horse only spooks when he wants to be bratty specifically.

- i think he’s about 6 or so, came from the stables kieran worked at after being orphaned, he was just a colt when kieran was just a kid. kieran learned how to birth foals quickly, and branwen happened to be one of them. with the way that they fell in love with each other and the way that branwen whinnied and pranced up to the fence when kieran came back to buy him after the army didn’t work out, you’d think that horse was born just for him.

- his favourite treats, in order, are rutabaga (kieran’s secret for branwen’s glossy coat. also why he’s kinda fat.), boiled potatoes mixed into his oats, apples, and fresh greens. he’s simultaneously incredibly easy to please because of the simplicity of the latter parts of his favourites list and also very needy and complicated because kieran so loves to make his pony happy with his absolute favourite treats, so he tries his very best to get branwen’s eccentric tastes pleased once falling into the VDL’s.

- i always say “a horse’s favourite thing to do is hurt itself”, and i think this statement holds relatively true for branwen as well, though there’s a 25% chance that he’s actually hurt, a 50% chance that he’s only mildly injured or spooked and he’s playing it up to get kieran to dote on him, and a 25% chance that he will protect kieran with his life when they’re in a dire situation (see: snake on the ground or gunfire nearby. or even god forbid a spare tumbleweed find it’s way rolling nearby.) despite kieran’s last wish being his horse getting injured. branwen thinks that he’s gotta be The Man and protect his dad sometimes. it does not help in any situation ever whatsoever.

- branwen is the PERFECT companion for a trail riding date. he’s settled, calm, has a great gait, and as a gelding, truly is not worried about other horses being “faster” than him, so he never gets rowdy nor has any problems when partner riders/horses crowd him. kieran is allowed to ask for as many kisses as he pleases because branwen will never jump when javier’s gold-tipped boots poke him in the side and boaz irritatedly flicks his flank with his tail. truly a goated wingman. also never complains about long rides, and enjoys being out of camp with his rider for as much as physically possible for both of them, so he’s never barnsour in either direction.

boaz

- as an american paint, he’s naturally short and stocky. saddle ends up being a bit loose, though, as javier isn’t as dedicated to keeping him perfectly fed or groomed. he loves him, sure, but horses are somewhat of tools to him, so he kinda does slightly more than bare minimum to keep him kempt and healthy. around 14.5hh, slightly shorter than average and quite dense with muscle

- temperamentally a bit volatile. this horse has just as much drama as his rider, if not a little more. doesn’t like something ? ridden too long ? that stick looks too much like a snake ? hasn’t spent enough time with kieran that day ? he will snort and grunt and bunny hop if javi isn’t on him, and shudder hard enough the saddle shakes underneath him if he is. boaz likes to please his rider, but he also demands pleasure himself, and has no issue with “accidentally” placing a hoof on his owners nice, intentionally clean boots, and subsequently slowly leaning more and more of his weight onto it when he doesn’t immediately get what he wants. bratty pony. generally, he keeps javier safe, though, when it comes down to it.

- around 5 years old. after dutch found javier trying to steal chickens the first time they met, he soon took him back to that ranch and their first take as gang leader and member was a 1 year old grey paint colt for javi to train and subsequently ride. until he was rideable, javier rode a morgan that was formerly hosea’s, named carolina, while he lead boaz everywhere behind him.

- favourite treats, in order, are corn cobs (especially dried), prickly pear fruit AND cactus, sugar cubes, and sliced apples. will force javier to share his maiz with him. javier has always sliced his apples up since he was a colt, not only because javi simply finds comfort in toying with his knife, but also because boaz will not eat them otherwise. javi will also cut all of the spines off of the cactus before letting boaz eat them.

- in terms of injury, boaz is the most dramatic tank on the planet. this horse could arthur morgan-style run face first into a tree and then fall off a cliff and walk it off. but not before he gimps and limps and whines and teeth grinds his way into javier leading him instead of riding him for the next mile or two. once kieran started taking care of him, there is also a 25% chance of boaz faking a terribly painful injury just to get kieran to dote on him.

- kinda the worst wingman ever LMFAO easily annoyed, easily aroused, easily offended, and as a stallion, HAS to walk in front of the “herd” (his rider’s boyfriend and his horse). pins his ears back, smashes into personal space, flicks branwen with his tail (and preferably kieran, if he can reach him) even sometimes will nip at branwen if the latter tries to calmly make this date a date and not a life or death race (whoever loses, their dad is gay) and walk side-by-side to aid their riders’ hand holdings. will make executive decisions via stopping or veering off for fresh green grass beside the trail, will at points actively attempt to shudder javier out of his saddle (has succeeded once when javi was distracted by a story being excitedly told by kieran), and will also spook and take off running so fast javier thinks it must have broken his neck from the velocity. generally makes trail rides a living hell, but kieran finds it charming, and it makes for some cute shoujo-style “omg … *reaches out to help you up after your horse bucks you off because he saw a log that looked nothing at all and everything like a cougar and pink and white soft bubbles surround me* are you okay ? here, let me help.” moments. maybe some day boaz will be allowed off of the national american terrorist list written by javier “rizzless rider” escuella

ok im tired and that’s all i can think of please enjoy and feel free to contribute 👍 i love them so bad im gona cry

[eri-blogs-life]

Hello internet friends and strangers

Any chance you could spare like $5 so this broke trans girl can buy enough gas to get to work til payday?

If so my venmo is @erikanice and i will always remember your kindness in my time of need

Thursdays payday so i just gotta figure out pay until then

[skunkes]

the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)

but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.

the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore

[lizpaige]

Mister Impossible, chapter ten

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

twisted mind of the j0ker

[klanced]

this isn’t even about my evil agenda anymore I actually just need to hear your dissertation on voltron/klance x first love late spring

you do evil things to my dick and balls. i hope you know that.

first love / late spring is a very keith-core song, but i think it also applies to both keith and lance... but more specifically, FL/LS is keith pre-relationship, and then FL/LS is lance once they have already started dating.

i'm obsessed with that one interview of mitski where she explained that she wrote this song while she was experiencing her vulnerable first love... and first love is vulnerable. you simultaneously reap the rewards of being known but at the same time, you've now let someone else know you, and now you have to trust them to take care of you. and it's so vulnerable. it's more naked than being naked. and it's so difficult as well because now you're learning a brand new way you can be hurt.

so keith, pre-relationship... he's pining for lance and he is MISERABLE. he's lost control! he feels like he's being consumed by the enormity of his feelings. he's eight years old and small and never asked for this, he never wanted to know he could feel this way. he just wants lance to fucking go already. keith wants to spit vitriol and blame and shame and drive lance away so that when lance leaves him (and he will leave him, like everyone else has), then at least it will be on keith's own terms for once. and keith doesn't, he refuses, to say how he feels. he'll spitefully choke on his confession until it suffocates him. he doesn't want to know what lance might say.

but he also is afraid of lance's reaction because... if lance gives him even a sliver of ground, if there's even a promise of a chance -- keith will fold instantly. he will jump into this love headfirst. he'll do anything if it will make lance stay with him.

and then lance, mid-established relationship... things with keith are perfect, everything is going great, so why does lance feel so anxious all the time? why does he feel so scared when keith looks at him like he's his whole world? maybe the problem is lance. because what they have is real. because he's pretty sure keith is it for him. and that terrifies lance. because lance, deep down, knows he's going to screw this up. and it's not just his heart on the line; he's also going to hurt keith.

keith smiles at him and lance feels sick to his stomach. he wants to tell keith that they might be happy right now, but eventually, lance is going to ruin this. he wants to warn keith that lance is going to break his heart one day.

lance isn't always so negative about himself. during the day, it's easy to let himself be buoyed and enveloped by his feelings for keith. he loves being in love with keith. because the love is real. it's real, and it's there, and that matters. but at night, all those poisonous insecurities and anxieties rear their ugly head, and lance finds himself standing on a ledge over a drop. lance daydreams about spending the rest of his life with keith; lance has never felt so young and small.

[suntails]

job market misery

[nbmudkip]

rehyperfixating on a children’s game that came out in 2015, is one of the least popular entries in its series, and has minimal content, the vast majority of which i’ve seen before. the series has been dead for nearly 10 years, nothing has happened recently that would warrant anyone’s returning interest in it, very few of my friends give a shit about this specific game, and those few who played and liked it in the past have no reason to give a shit about it at all right now. i have been coasting through on a playthrough i’ve been doing with a friend who’d never seen the game before and who was kind enough to let me show it to them, but we just beat the game, and after we play the epilogue we will have nothing left to do, and on top of that they really have just been humoring me as they have their own very strong current hyperfixation they would much rather be thinking about. also i am depressed enough right now that literally nothing else except for waiting to play this game with them and playing this game with them and watching them enjoy it at least a little has been able to briefly quiet the constant cacophony in my head screaming how much of a worthless, lazy, constantly-failing miserable excuse for a living person i am and how much better everything would be, especially for myself, if i stopped existing lately. would anyone like to volunteer to 🔨💥⚒️Kill Me With Hammers🔨💥⚒️ because i would really like for someone to 🔨💥⚒️Kill Me With Hammers🔨💥⚒️ right now

[tearlessrain]

I hope even one single person who refused to vote to preserve their Moral Purity realizes the monumental degree to which they fucked up

[belethlegwen]

The Stranding - Chp 68 - O Captain, The Captain

Good morning my friends,

It has been... =looks at calendar=

Y'know what, we're just gonna ignore that.

The Stranding has been updated for all of your reading pleasure <3 As a vague celebration of me finally being finished with the moving-out aspect of my current life stage.

I can't promise that I'll have more time to write, or that I'll even get what I have currently written up on any kind of a schedule, but. I have this, and I am proud I managed to scrape out this much in the turmoil of everything since December 27th.

Please enjoy <3

[jorvikpov]

The night after it happened, the five of you stay at her house in Valedale.

She did not have time to tidy up before she departed for Guardians’ Dale. The kettle is only half empty, two tea-stained mugs and a plate full of cookie crumbs have been left in the sink, and, in the room none of you dares do more with than close the door, the bed is still unmade. Next to the kitchen sink is a full rack of clean, dry dishes, and it will occur to all of you tomorrow morning as you pull yourselves together and begin chipping away at the effort of putting them away that none of you know the inner workings of this kitchen. At times, you find yourself almost calling for her help, as if nothing had changed at all—as if there’s somebody to ask where the muffin tin goes, or where you can put the big frying pan, or where the clean kitchen towels are—but everything has, of course, changed, and there is nobody who can answer.

Anne rode double with you the whole way from the Eastern Slopes: a day’s ride at a pace you were able to keep. She spoke occasionally in some of the rare moments she was awake, too tired to manage concealing the tinge of bitterness in her voice as efficiently as she clearly attempted to, and you cannot fault her for her anger. If you had taken half the time you did to get to her, it still would’ve been too long. The scars cover half of her body by now, trailing from her fingertips up the now-too-short sleeves of the dressage shirt that must’ve fit her perfectly on that fateful night far too long ago, past her unbuttoned, too small collar, and all the way over her face and scalp.

She sleeps in the corner of the room now, bundled under several blankets and equipped with earplugs and a sleeping mask. The world was too much, she said, after so many months hearing nothing other than her own heartbeat and occasional muffled voices coming from outside her prison. The rest of you are sleepless on the living room rug by the fireplace. The knots in this ceiling, you find, do not stare at you as the ones in your own room do, and you almost find yourself missing their company. In the absence of your own home’s distractions, all your mind can do is wander, and tonight it keeps wandering to the same place.

Anne shifts under her blankets again and draws in a sharp, shaking breath, and something twists in your chest. You think back to her first sharp, shaking breaths back on Jorvik, and the look in her eyes like she couldn’t quite believe it was real. You think back to Elizabeth’s hurry to rush after the missing Alex, and how she, in her hurry, did not find time for a quiet moment with Anne—how that could wait until after the chaos had been resolved.

She was so sure that she would return.

The fireplace crackles and a log falls against its metal side with a quiet clunk. You close your eyes, waiting for a vision in the form of a dream, but nothing comes to you. Not even the powers of Aideen herself, it seems, can tell what is next for you now.

[sweebat]

Have an interview in an hour. Normally I’d be excited about considering 90% of my apps them even make it this far, but it’s my first online interview and my moods been dampened after being rejected every time this year

Feelin Quueeesyyyyy

[itspileofgoodthings]

my life is a very slow process of everyone around me telling me not to be anxious and me fighting them all tooth and nail while inching towards more stable mental health.

[oiblackestsheep]

Letters to MBTI: ENTP

Dear ENTPs,

Man, oh, man, if I could choose to be another type, you better believe it would be you guys! It's not much of a stretch with me being an INTP, but still, your Ne-Ti combo packs quite the punch that I've always admired.

So quick to think on your feet, you come up with novel ideas like you just happened to find them in your back pocket like a lost dollar, or something. Not to mention that they aren't just nonsense ideas, most of the time, they work and make so much sense right off the bat. Sure, they might need a little tweaking to optimize them, but for flying by the seat of your pants 24/7, your unique ideas/solutions to problems never cease to amaze me with how functional they are, even in their infancy.

Not to mention that when you find your confidence, you really wear your thoughts and ideas on your sleeve for the world to see, and you're so unbothered by criticisms. If they're valid criticisms, you'll acknowledge and address them, but you don't take it personally or let it get you down, and it's such an admirable trait of yours! You can be so good at being unequivocally yourself, even if you tend to go against the grain. Sometimes especially if you go against the grain.

You're one of my favorite types to joke with, since you're almost always down the play. Anything random or zany I can think of, you can match my energy instantly and the synergy of our combined humor always leaves me feeling more uplifted than I was before.

Your tertiary Fe makes an appearance every now and then when you find little ways to show that you pay attention to your friends' wants/needs. You are considerate and care about other people more than everyone else thinks you do, partially because your reputation of being a jokester sometimes precedes you, and also partially because you seem just a little reluctant to let that side of you show too much.

I've seen you do or say something very thoughtful and sweet, but play it off as not a big deal, or like you didn't really even mean it to be emotional or mushy, and try to move on from it quickly until its forgotten by everyone. I'm not sure if it's because you're embarrassed, uncomfortable with deep feelings, or you genuinely don't recognize the emotional depth you possess, or all of that and more, but let me say this:

Your hidden sensitivity and discretion for others is a welcome facet of your personality. It balances out your witty, untouchable persona that you can sometimes assume because it shows that ultimately, underneath the jokes, the brain-storming/think-tanking, the never-ending debating and problem-solving, you do it all with a kind heart and good intentions for all the people around you.

Personally, I wouldn't mind seeing more of that side of you, but I also realize that it's not your preferred way of interacting with the world around you. If it was, then you wouldn't be an ENTP, would you?

I'd give you advice like "clean your room", or "finish the project you're working on before moving on to the next one", but I don't really think that's necessary. Your mind covers so much ground from day-to-day, that I'm sure you've already considered that stuff. You might have concluded that you could do those things, but you don't need to because you're already functioning well enough with your own methods to your madness. And you'd probably be right! I mean, hey, I'm an INTP, I can relate, you're preaching to the choir. Why fix something that isn't broken, right?

Well, from one xNTP to another, nothing might be broken, but maybe what we really need is the push to acknowledge that while we are doing fine the way we are... we haven't completely reached our maximum potential either, have we? Coming up with new ideas, and switching gears at a moments notice to solve the problems and fit the needs of the current situation is such a gift, but I think we both know that it can be a curse, too. We both can make waves, for sure, but I think we could both learn to move mountains if we made more conscious efforts to finish the things we start and not get bored of them halfway through, or get distracted by a fun, new idea.

You'll never stop thinking of new ideas! Especially in the middle of working on your current project. Write down the new idea so you don't forget it (in as much detail as you need!), then go right back to working on your current project. The new idea will still be there when you're done. You just wrote it down, after all!

Sometimes you might not get the chance to write it down, and you end up losing the new idea forever and you never remember it. And that's a bummer! But even if that does happen, who cares? You're already well underway making progress on your current awesome idea and that needs your attention now more than anything else. And also, you'll think of even more new ideas later that might just be even better than the idea you forgot about. So why waste time fretting about getting started on that next thing before it's too late? We all know you'll come up with something even better later on, anyway. :)

With love, understanding, and appreciation,

Your kindred spirit, INTP.

[hereissomething]

well i never thought it would happen but my wife and i now have a multicooker with an air fryer. and we are eating healthy food???

[rainfxrde]

While this is meant to be a personal blog, apparently it needs to be used to vent right now.

I’ve never felt like more of a failure than I do right now. Not only to my partner but to myself and my family. I can’t tell if I’m choking on my pride or not but I’m too scared to tell my family the real situation and ask for help. I had to move out due to homophobia and I just can’t bear to ask for help.

I went from graduating with honors and high hopes from all my teachers and family to this.

Facing homelessness again for the second time in two years. So embarrassing. I feel like I’ve failed everyone around me.

I shouldn’t be itemizing my limited important items. I shouldn’t be about to sell my most prized possessions because I’m too sick to work.

I really fell through the cracks of the system with this one.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

Wish me luck, all. At least I have my service dog.

Any help, love, advice, asks, or kind dms are greatly appreciated. Going to try to keep my journey logged here so I stop losing the days. At least you all may hear me.