#my life is stable again

[skunkes]

the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)

but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.

the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore

[lizpaige]

Mister Impossible, chapter ten

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

twisted mind of the j0ker

[klanced]

this isn’t even about my evil agenda anymore I actually just need to hear your dissertation on voltron/klance x first love late spring

you do evil things to my dick and balls. i hope you know that.

first love / late spring is a very keith-core song, but i think it also applies to both keith and lance... but more specifically, FL/LS is keith pre-relationship, and then FL/LS is lance once they have already started dating.

i'm obsessed with that one interview of mitski where she explained that she wrote this song while she was experiencing her vulnerable first love... and first love is vulnerable. you simultaneously reap the rewards of being known but at the same time, you've now let someone else know you, and now you have to trust them to take care of you. and it's so vulnerable. it's more naked than being naked. and it's so difficult as well because now you're learning a brand new way you can be hurt.

so keith, pre-relationship... he's pining for lance and he is MISERABLE. he's lost control! he feels like he's being consumed by the enormity of his feelings. he's eight years old and small and never asked for this, he never wanted to know he could feel this way. he just wants lance to fucking go already. keith wants to spit vitriol and blame and shame and drive lance away so that when lance leaves him (and he will leave him, like everyone else has), then at least it will be on keith's own terms for once. and keith doesn't, he refuses, to say how he feels. he'll spitefully choke on his confession until it suffocates him. he doesn't want to know what lance might say.

but he also is afraid of lance's reaction because... if lance gives him even a sliver of ground, if there's even a promise of a chance -- keith will fold instantly. he will jump into this love headfirst. he'll do anything if it will make lance stay with him.

and then lance, mid-established relationship... things with keith are perfect, everything is going great, so why does lance feel so anxious all the time? why does he feel so scared when keith looks at him like he's his whole world? maybe the problem is lance. because what they have is real. because he's pretty sure keith is it for him. and that terrifies lance. because lance, deep down, knows he's going to screw this up. and it's not just his heart on the line; he's also going to hurt keith.

keith smiles at him and lance feels sick to his stomach. he wants to tell keith that they might be happy right now, but eventually, lance is going to ruin this. he wants to warn keith that lance is going to break his heart one day.

lance isn't always so negative about himself. during the day, it's easy to let himself be buoyed and enveloped by his feelings for keith. he loves being in love with keith. because the love is real. it's real, and it's there, and that matters. but at night, all those poisonous insecurities and anxieties rear their ugly head, and lance finds himself standing on a ledge over a drop. lance daydreams about spending the rest of his life with keith; lance has never felt so young and small.

[wickjump]

i kinda want to live again

[suntails]

job market misery

[nbmudkip]

rehyperfixating on a children’s game that came out in 2015, is one of the least popular entries in its series, and has minimal content, the vast majority of which i’ve seen before. the series has been dead for nearly 10 years, nothing has happened recently that would warrant anyone’s returning interest in it, very few of my friends give a shit about this specific game, and those few who played and liked it in the past have no reason to give a shit about it at all right now. i have been coasting through on a playthrough i’ve been doing with a friend who’d never seen the game before and who was kind enough to let me show it to them, but we just beat the game, and after we play the epilogue we will have nothing left to do, and on top of that they really have just been humoring me as they have their own very strong current hyperfixation they would much rather be thinking about. also i am depressed enough right now that literally nothing else except for waiting to play this game with them and playing this game with them and watching them enjoy it at least a little has been able to briefly quiet the constant cacophony in my head screaming how much of a worthless, lazy, constantly-failing miserable excuse for a living person i am and how much better everything would be, especially for myself, if i stopped existing lately. would anyone like to volunteer to 🔨💥⚒️Kill Me With Hammers🔨💥⚒️ because i would really like for someone to 🔨💥⚒️Kill Me With Hammers🔨💥⚒️ right now

[tearlessrain]

I hope even one single person who refused to vote to preserve their Moral Purity realizes the monumental degree to which they fucked up

[belethlegwen]

The Stranding - Chp 68 - O Captain, The Captain

Good morning my friends,

It has been... =looks at calendar=

Y'know what, we're just gonna ignore that.

The Stranding has been updated for all of your reading pleasure <3 As a vague celebration of me finally being finished with the moving-out aspect of my current life stage.

I can't promise that I'll have more time to write, or that I'll even get what I have currently written up on any kind of a schedule, but. I have this, and I am proud I managed to scrape out this much in the turmoil of everything since December 27th.

Please enjoy <3

[jorvikpov]

The night after it happened, the five of you stay at her house in Valedale.

She did not have time to tidy up before she departed for Guardians’ Dale. The kettle is only half empty, two tea-stained mugs and a plate full of cookie crumbs have been left in the sink, and, in the room none of you dares do more with than close the door, the bed is still unmade. Next to the kitchen sink is a full rack of clean, dry dishes, and it will occur to all of you tomorrow morning as you pull yourselves together and begin chipping away at the effort of putting them away that none of you know the inner workings of this kitchen. At times, you find yourself almost calling for her help, as if nothing had changed at all—as if there’s somebody to ask where the muffin tin goes, or where you can put the big frying pan, or where the clean kitchen towels are—but everything has, of course, changed, and there is nobody who can answer.

Anne rode double with you the whole way from the Eastern Slopes: a day’s ride at a pace you were able to keep. She spoke occasionally in some of the rare moments she was awake, too tired to manage concealing the tinge of bitterness in her voice as efficiently as she clearly attempted to, and you cannot fault her for her anger. If you had taken half the time you did to get to her, it still would’ve been too long. The scars cover half of her body by now, trailing from her fingertips up the now-too-short sleeves of the dressage shirt that must’ve fit her perfectly on that fateful night far too long ago, past her unbuttoned, too small collar, and all the way over her face and scalp.

She sleeps in the corner of the room now, bundled under several blankets and equipped with earplugs and a sleeping mask. The world was too much, she said, after so many months hearing nothing other than her own heartbeat and occasional muffled voices coming from outside her prison. The rest of you are sleepless on the living room rug by the fireplace. The knots in this ceiling, you find, do not stare at you as the ones in your own room do, and you almost find yourself missing their company. In the absence of your own home’s distractions, all your mind can do is wander, and tonight it keeps wandering to the same place.

Anne shifts under her blankets again and draws in a sharp, shaking breath, and something twists in your chest. You think back to her first sharp, shaking breaths back on Jorvik, and the look in her eyes like she couldn’t quite believe it was real. You think back to Elizabeth’s hurry to rush after the missing Alex, and how she, in her hurry, did not find time for a quiet moment with Anne—how that could wait until after the chaos had been resolved.

She was so sure that she would return.

The fireplace crackles and a log falls against its metal side with a quiet clunk. You close your eyes, waiting for a vision in the form of a dream, but nothing comes to you. Not even the powers of Aideen herself, it seems, can tell what is next for you now.

[sweebat]

Have an interview in an hour. Normally I’d be excited about considering 90% of my apps them even make it this far, but it’s my first online interview and my moods been dampened after being rejected every time this year

Feelin Quueeesyyyyy

[itspileofgoodthings]

my life is a very slow process of everyone around me telling me not to be anxious and me fighting them all tooth and nail while inching towards more stable mental health.

[oiblackestsheep]

Letters to MBTI: ENTP

Dear ENTPs,

Man, oh, man, if I could choose to be another type, you better believe it would be you guys! It's not much of a stretch with me being an INTP, but still, your Ne-Ti combo packs quite the punch that I've always admired.

So quick to think on your feet, you come up with novel ideas like you just happened to find them in your back pocket like a lost dollar, or something. Not to mention that they aren't just nonsense ideas, most of the time, they work and make so much sense right off the bat. Sure, they might need a little tweaking to optimize them, but for flying by the seat of your pants 24/7, your unique ideas/solutions to problems never cease to amaze me with how functional they are, even in their infancy.

Not to mention that when you find your confidence, you really wear your thoughts and ideas on your sleeve for the world to see, and you're so unbothered by criticisms. If they're valid criticisms, you'll acknowledge and address them, but you don't take it personally or let it get you down, and it's such an admirable trait of yours! You can be so good at being unequivocally yourself, even if you tend to go against the grain. Sometimes especially if you go against the grain.

You're one of my favorite types to joke with, since you're almost always down the play. Anything random or zany I can think of, you can match my energy instantly and the synergy of our combined humor always leaves me feeling more uplifted than I was before.

Your tertiary Fe makes an appearance every now and then when you find little ways to show that you pay attention to your friends' wants/needs. You are considerate and care about other people more than everyone else thinks you do, partially because your reputation of being a jokester sometimes precedes you, and also partially because you seem just a little reluctant to let that side of you show too much.

I've seen you do or say something very thoughtful and sweet, but play it off as not a big deal, or like you didn't really even mean it to be emotional or mushy, and try to move on from it quickly until its forgotten by everyone. I'm not sure if it's because you're embarrassed, uncomfortable with deep feelings, or you genuinely don't recognize the emotional depth you possess, or all of that and more, but let me say this:

Your hidden sensitivity and discretion for others is a welcome facet of your personality. It balances out your witty, untouchable persona that you can sometimes assume because it shows that ultimately, underneath the jokes, the brain-storming/think-tanking, the never-ending debating and problem-solving, you do it all with a kind heart and good intentions for all the people around you.

Personally, I wouldn't mind seeing more of that side of you, but I also realize that it's not your preferred way of interacting with the world around you. If it was, then you wouldn't be an ENTP, would you?

I'd give you advice like "clean your room", or "finish the project you're working on before moving on to the next one", but I don't really think that's necessary. Your mind covers so much ground from day-to-day, that I'm sure you've already considered that stuff. You might have concluded that you could do those things, but you don't need to because you're already functioning well enough with your own methods to your madness. And you'd probably be right! I mean, hey, I'm an INTP, I can relate, you're preaching to the choir. Why fix something that isn't broken, right?

Well, from one xNTP to another, nothing might be broken, but maybe what we really need is the push to acknowledge that while we are doing fine the way we are... we haven't completely reached our maximum potential either, have we? Coming up with new ideas, and switching gears at a moments notice to solve the problems and fit the needs of the current situation is such a gift, but I think we both know that it can be a curse, too. We both can make waves, for sure, but I think we could both learn to move mountains if we made more conscious efforts to finish the things we start and not get bored of them halfway through, or get distracted by a fun, new idea.

You'll never stop thinking of new ideas! Especially in the middle of working on your current project. Write down the new idea so you don't forget it (in as much detail as you need!), then go right back to working on your current project. The new idea will still be there when you're done. You just wrote it down, after all!

Sometimes you might not get the chance to write it down, and you end up losing the new idea forever and you never remember it. And that's a bummer! But even if that does happen, who cares? You're already well underway making progress on your current awesome idea and that needs your attention now more than anything else. And also, you'll think of even more new ideas later that might just be even better than the idea you forgot about. So why waste time fretting about getting started on that next thing before it's too late? We all know you'll come up with something even better later on, anyway. :)

With love, understanding, and appreciation,

Your kindred spirit, INTP.

[hereissomething]

well i never thought it would happen but my wife and i now have a multicooker with an air fryer. and we are eating healthy food???

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

i love my family so much. @actuallylukedanes had plans to go with their spouse to the state fair yesterday, and i planned to use my alone time to work on projects. but when i idly mentioned that i wished i could go to the fair too, because smaller local fairs were an essential and literally-every-year part of my life growing up, my best friend said there was no reason i couldn't--and their spouse's reaction to the idea was to be enthusiastically in support.

these two people, my own chosen family, not only gave me a ride so i could enjoy the day, but spent as much of it with me as possible just because we could all have fun together. and they never once made it seem like i was crashing their couple time, and when i chose to try and walk the grounds rather than using a mobility device (like i do during zoo visits that make leander happy) they never once treated me like i couldn't handle it and enforce my own limits or like i was dragging everything down by needing breaks.

so this is just an appreciation post for my people, who were happy to invite me at the last minute for a day of sun and strangers and entertainment and curly fries and testing my limits. it was nice to be reminded that i'm capable of more than my everyday routine, and also to be reminded of the way i used to live, that i miss. spontaneous plans, and trading spoons for experiences without regretting it, and not assuming that i need to stay home while everyone else does things (or assuming that i should avoid being around two people who don't get a lot of time together, cuz i don't want to bother them).

yesterday was a really good day.

[arsenicflame]

genuinely, how do you learn to cope with the idea you'll have mental health issues for the rest of your life? how to you learn to find peace with the fact that rock bottom is always going to be just around the corner and theres nothing you can really do to stop it?