#because i am!! too broken!!!! to ever achieve any of the things that WOULD give me a real solid tangible reason to keep living!!!!!!

[nbmudkip]

rehyperfixating on a children’s game that came out in 2015, is one of the least popular entries in its series, and has minimal content, the vast majority of which i’ve seen before. the series has been dead for nearly 10 years, nothing has happened recently that would warrant anyone’s returning interest in it, very few of my friends give a shit about this specific game, and those few who played and liked it in the past have no reason to give a shit about it at all right now. i have been coasting through on a playthrough i’ve been doing with a friend who’d never seen the game before and who was kind enough to let me show it to them, but we just beat the game, and after we play the epilogue we will have nothing left to do, and on top of that they really have just been humoring me as they have their own very strong current hyperfixation they would much rather be thinking about. also i am depressed enough right now that literally nothing else except for waiting to play this game with them and playing this game with them and watching them enjoy it at least a little has been able to briefly quiet the constant cacophony in my head screaming how much of a worthless, lazy, constantly-failing miserable excuse for a living person i am and how much better everything would be, especially for myself, if i stopped existing lately. would anyone like to volunteer to 🔨💥⚒️Kill Me With Hammers🔨💥⚒️ because i would really like for someone to 🔨💥⚒️Kill Me With Hammers🔨💥⚒️ right now

[tabbyhoney]

Gorgeous

Inspired by "Fear of you" from @sleepwalkersqueen

Note:The first chapter is done! My current goal is to write a chapter for each week but maybe it will take two weeks sometime but that is an issue for future me. I am really excited to see some feedback and how you guys like it:). On another note, while I try my best to keep a relatively straight line and facts with the original story some things might be wrong, please feel free to correct me if it happens ♥️. My current goal is a total of 5 chapters since I only want these to be a relatively short story that doesn't rewrite too much stuff happening in the original story because I obviously don't just wanna rewrite the fic. Please enjoy!

Next>>

Warnings: I am not a therapist so please take everything written here not as a prime example or as a fact, mention of torture, curse words

Chapter 1

I always wanted to see what more Tartarus had to offer. I wanted to explore every single floor there was. Meeting a new and more dangerous villain each day. Getting to know their thought process, if there really was a bigger masterplan behind it.

Answering my questions that spiraled in my brain like an endless loop. Are they actually wicked? Do they have any sign of humanity in them? Are they just broken souls? Can such a broken mind be fixed? Cliché I know.

All these questions are the real reason why I wanted to work here. Luck was on my side at the time I applied, because they wanted to test out if a therapist might be able to help them with their work (Which basically summarized that they wanted to get more information out of the patients).

But even when I worked with them they still continued with the methods they used before. This did not help make progress since I also had to work with their new experienced trauma which was already bigger than the universe.

If I am honest they were hesitant to hire me, since I graduated young from university and had no experience whatsoever. It took over a month and another month of internship to make them believe that I was cut out for the job. Even now they still don't fully trust me with their whole system. After all, I was a weak point for them.

Once I had the job I was more than thrilled. Finally able to do what I dreamed of since I was a kid. Even though there was still much to achieve. Of course, there is also the aspect of trying to make them stop their own ways for mine to finally be able to bloom just a little bit.

Seeing the number two pro hero walk up to me one day with his mighty steps that sounded like mountains crashing together I would lie if I said I didn't feel my heartbeat stop for a moment. Let alone when he talked to me for two seconds before giving me all I ever wanted with his angry and demanding attitude.

The moment I was granted this wish of mine I regretted it. Not because I stopped believing in my dream but because seeing the actual part of no one should know is frightening. Frightening might even be an understatement.

Their voice, movements, and the way their bodies looked were scaringly disgusting. The air smelt rotten and it was cold not only because of the temperature. People are being drugged out of their brains to keep them calm, they all look like corpses that have been exposed to warmth and air for too long.

From my plain observation, it even seemed like mutants are treated worse than the other prisoners. Which is a common thing even in normal standards of society. I cannot even blame them because mutants can be incredibly scary.

Tartarus. A name that ran a chill down each villain's spine. A place where the moment you step into you may never escape alive. Rumors spread across the underground like wildfire. About what will happen once you are captured and what you have to endure.

The villains that are imprisoned in Tartarus don't make the facility this scary I realized. Maybe the good people think that they are the reason for all this talk, but this is where they are wrong.

"Do whatever you want"

Just remembering those four simple words made my skin crawl. Goosebumps spread across my body. A sentence you might say to a child that you have no interest in dealing with. Or maybe to your trusted hairstylist.

But not to a licensed therapist who is capable of either destroying you or building you back up. Or to the guards who held the interrogation.

The meaning behind the words held something so incredibly heavy I wanted to forget every memory of someone saying these words, no matter who or when.

Because they meant it. They didn't care if I did my job right or not because I wasn't even supposed to be there. I could do whatever I wanted with the person in front of me. The people who have no way of defending themselves because of their chains and quirk suppressors.

-------------------------------------------------------

The air in the small bright room was filled with tension that I created by possibly the worst mistake ever. The guards who were still in the room with me looked at me confused. The only comfort I had at the moment was that the person I directed the mistake to couldn't answer at the moment. But even seeing his eyes shoot up was enough to make me rethink my life choices.

I can clearly feel my face losing its color out of shock from my totally unprofessional behaviour.

"you're so gorgeous"

Whatever ghost possessed me to say that clearly needed new activities to entertain themselves.

With the love for everything I possessed, I cleared my throat and sat down on the chair at the table they provided.

"You can take off the muzzle" my voice rang through the empty room with an echo. It left a chill in my body hearing it so metallic.

The guards hesitated for a moment before they actually started doing their job. They left the room when I gave them another glare, signaling to give us privacy like I asked them to.

Takami-San looked physically exhausted yet his eyes remained sharpness that you don't see very often in patients around here. He had a big grin on his face that I wished I could just wipe off of his face, even if I was the cause of this.

For some reason, he stayed silent. Maybe it was because he was already taunting me or he was waiting for me to introduce myself, I couldn't tell.

"I am Howashi Amaya, I will be your assigned therapist" I introduced myself, a genuine and respectful smile resting on my face.

"Therapist? Sounds fake, they don't care about how fucked up I am" he tilts his head to the side, eyeing me up and down like a bird.

"You're right they don't care, which is why they told me to do whatever I want"

For some odd reason, he seemed to tense up from these words, I wonder why.

"So I decided to just do what I am best at"

"Being a charming girl?"

At that, I took a deep breath. I scrunched my face and looked down at my empty sheet of paper.

When I looked back up he was grinning again god he looked so good stupid.

"Actually no. I meant I will try to help you"

"Help me get out of this shithole?"

"not really I am afraid"

"Ahh shucks"

I waited for a second before actually starting my usual procedure. Which on second thought seemed to be a little too late.

"How has it been?" I click my pen while looking at him, ready to write down whatever I could tell from his response.

"Really? Do you actually ask people this in fucking prison?" His voice sounds raspy.

"I didn't ask how you felt, just how it has been. You could answer nearly everything on it. How you feel, how the people treated you-"

"fucking brilliant, you should get a medal for being a smartass"

"Thank you for calling me smart, I appreciate it"

I silently tap my pen on the paper. Waiting for any kind of reaction from him. As the silence settled I started to notice some weird marks on his neck, they looked kinda infected.

"What do you have on your neck there?" I gestured with the pen on my own neck.

As soon as the question was spoken he tensed and looked more traumatized than a baby chicken that just discovered the big scary world. He broke off the eye contact he previously held with me. His body huddled up in an attempt to look smaller and protect himself, probably with his wings but he wasn't able to do it. Uncomfortable if I need to describe it in one word.

I probably don't need a deeper answer to figure out why they might be there. I silently stand up and walk around the table. He tried to move away from my hands when I reached out but because of the chains, he couldn't move far enough away.

Ever so gently I pulled the collar down and placed my hands on the marks. A familiar warmth spread across my hands and I started to feel how the infected wounds closed and healed.

When I was done I took a step back looking satisfied down at him before returning to my chair.

"Aye... Of course, the doctor has a healing quirk" he mumbles silently.

"Do you have anything you wanna talk about?"

" Aye, why are you here? Never heard of someone like you even working here. Doesn't seem like their style to hire a fucking therapist to fix me or anyone really"

"Good question" I nod in agreement "The answer is simple, I am the only therapist around here. That is why you've never heard of me. The last question shouldn't bother you too much after all you have been here for quite some time and are already in debt worth more than my monthly check"

"Have you ever seen a therapist before?" I ask with a light smile on my face.

"Do I fucking look like it?"

Silence.

"Besides I don't need another bitch asking me any more questions, I have the sparkler for that"

"Sparkler? You mean the number two?"

"Nah I mean the nice guard's captain obvious"

Another silence.

"And I don't need anyone knowing about the stuff I tell him, it's private business." He said in an oddly calm voice.

That certainly amazed me, since I have seen all the recordings of their talk, except the first one. So he wasn't aware that everyone was still listening in. Maybe this will one day be their downfall, why would he be so stern about keeping this a secret if it wasn't necessary.

"Why should no one listen in?"

"Because I said so"

This will be a lot of fun.

"Well with me you can talk about everything you share with Endeavour. No one is listening or watching. I like to keep my talks up to my hands, especially what I share with the government"

And that was not a lie.

-------------------------------------------------------

The room was filled with the sunlight shining through the window above the kitchen counter. The light shone through the leaves of the plants sitting at the window.

It was peaceful. The air was fresh and smelled faintly of fish and rice.

The only sound that destroyed the peace was the TV that played the news

Yet the only real news would be that someone escaped Tartarus and that still isn't public information. I wonder what will happen once the public knows.

Once I turned the TV off the silence that came with it was broken with a call. When I read who was calling I felt my mood drop just a little bit.

"Howashi speaking, what can I help you with today hottest hero in Japan"

"He escaped me!" The man yelled angrily, ignoring my terrible joke.

"who escaped you?" I ask grinning widely.

"Takami! That fucking mutant had his brat stealing my wife's necklace"

He has a child? Now that is a surprise. Even a bigger surprise was that he was stupid enough to let his child steal something from him.

"And how is that my problem?" I ask while standing up and staring out the window biting my nails.

"You worked with him for five years! You know exactly what is going on in his stupid birdbrain" Endeavour yelled. I am not even sure why he is yelling at me, I would hear him loud and clear with a normal tone.

"First of all that is extremely rude talking about mutants like that, I am one as well after all, and not even different from Shinyo. Second just because I worked with him does not mean I understand everything he does"

"But you know where he might go"

I nervously tap my fingers on the kitchen counter. Closing my eyes to contemplate if I actually know where he might go.

If I break it down it comes back to one thing, he has a child and is currently taking care of them. But knowing he has unfinished business makes it counterproductive to take care of a child who has to be at least five or four years old. He probably didn't even know the child existed since he never talked about having one, only about his wife Nitsuki.

Nitsuki? Right, he might be searching for her so he can give her the child. But why wasn't she with them?

"I might have an idea but to be honest it is not crystal clear that he is with her"

"Her?"

"Takami Nitsuki, his wife. If he has a child he will certainly not have any time to deal with it and will try to bring it back. The only question I still have is if she really left the child alone and why he has to bring it back"

"Those are two questions and I want you to come to my agency to discuss this further" he demanded. Almost sounded like I didn't have a choice.

"Alright, I can fly over, when?"

"Now" and he hung up the phone after that. Not even a goodbye.

Once I was dressed and didn't look like I just got out of bed. I walk outside of my apartment building taking off my suppressors.

Once I felt the warmth on my back and my wings regrowing I took a small jump before dashing into the air.

I just hope this story will end on a relatively good note.

[liyazaki]

lessons in survival & innocence lost

I can turn it on be a good machine I can hold the weight of worlds if that's what you need I can do it- I'll get through it…

-human, christina perri

I knew GAP was smart. I knew the writers had an expert handle on the story they set out to tell, because they've been telling it exceptionally well.

I did not expect them to give us a scene that was almost brutal in how quietly and accurately it portrayed the lengths people will go to cope- to survive- living under abuse.

I wrote last week:

"when we first meet Sam, she just seems like a cold, aloof, ever-composed high achiever. the more we learn about her past, the clearer it becomes that this was by design, not by choice."

the writers had already given us enough to piece together why Sam is the way she is, but this scene really pulled back the curtain in heart-wrenching, crystal-clear fashion.

teenage Sam skips into the room, carefree & enjoying being with her sisters. she wistfully watches Nueng on the piano, playing with a borderline-terrifying smile on her face.

Nueng catches Sam smiling & asks:

Sam responds simply, innocently: because Nueng is, of course. if her sister is happy, so is she.

a quick note on Nueng's smile: Mind really going in with her facial expressions here felt so intentional. it's obvious to us that she's forcing it, but Sam in her youthful naivete has no idea. she still sees a smile for what it is, for what it should be: joyful, happy, and most importantly- honest.

it was such a smart move on the writer's part, adding to the weight of the moment that comes next.

Mind's expressions here are the definition of "a picture's worth a thousand words."

the smile fades away, replaced by a melancholy, world-weary expression. like she knows what she's about to do, and the effect that it'll have on Sam, but that it's for her own good.

right or wrong, cruel or kind- in her mind, it'll help Sam survive.

Song pipes in first, though: she knows why Nueng is smiling like that, and what it really means.

Nueng explains that it's a ruse: she's actually under a lot of stress, so she's tricking her own body by smiling.

Nueng’s explanation (understandably) isn't enough for Sam. she doesn't have any concept yet of faking emotions, let alone why anyone would do such a thing- so she questions Song about it, too.

Sam’s still processing Song’s response when Nueng walks up, placing a gentle hand on her head. the weariness is back as she tells Sam she can do this, too.

the look of wide-eyed, innocent worry on Sam’s face when she asks “how?” nearly broke my heart in two.

this is all new to Sam, but she trusts her sisters. this must be an important thing that she learn to do, right? and these behaviors have to be learned- either out of necessity or through loving, misguided instruction, like we're witnessing here.

it was like watching a slow-motion car crash: you know the impact is coming and it’s going to be awful, but you can’t look away.

I desperately wanted to shield Sam in this moment- to keep her from learning how to twist and contort herself into something she isn’t to survive the environment she was born into.

Sam parrots back Nueng’s advice at first before confusedly asking, “what if I’m happy? can I smile then?”

Nueng doesn’t hesitate: “if you smile, you lose.” and I’m on my knees, thoroughly gut-punched.

the final nail in the coffin: Nueng telling Sam that she wants her to do that.

Freen then gives us a masterclass in loss of innocence via expression alone. we can see Sam’s light diminishing right in front of our eyes, fading into the schooled, emotionally numb look we know so well for the first time.

it’s equal parts brilliant and unbearably awful.

I can fake a smile I can force a laugh I can dance and play the part if that's what you ask give you all I am…

this scene powerfully illustrated the pain desperate people will force themselves to endure in order to survive, while passing that brokenness down to the next generation. beyond the inexcusable abuse that prompted it, the real tragedy is that it’s being passed down out of love.

there was zero expository dialogue here. witnessing Sam being brought into the warped, broken fold 'for her own good' was plenty.

it was paradise lost; it was the twilight of innocence; it was the continuation of the cycle. and it made Sam’s openly-expressive, incandescently emotional vows in the wedding scene all the more meaningful.

love, in the end, finally broke the wheel.

side note- not to nitpick but I'm gonna: I really wish they went with the actress who played young Sam for this scene rather than Freen. Sam clearly knew how to force an expression much earlier, so having Freen play this scene felt like a continuity error, even though she knocked it out of the park.

exhibit a ⬇️

[brwnicons]

Otto x Male Reader

PT. 1 Here

☆ Hope you like it! Please, tell me if you find any mistake ☆

"God, Otto, how can you be so soft?" You groaned, your words muffled as your face was buried on his wide chest. It was like lying on a warm pillow that had its own heartbeats and that eventually raised or lowered.

He answered with a loud belly laugh, his body moving with it and so it was your face "Soft? You're laying beside a supervillain, boy. I don't think soft is a very accurate word."

You lifted your sight to look at him, raising an eyebrow as questioning his words

"Supervillain, right? Oh, I am so scared" You joked after you raised your hand to grasp a metal claw that happened to be passing next to you. You started to caress gently the metal pieces while looking into the doctor's eyes.

"For being so dangerous" you emphasized the adjetive with a dramatical hand gesture "You haven't harmed me once, why don't you hurt me right now? I've got your pretty evil tiny gripper right here". The claw chirped confused, first at you and then at the Otto, why would it hurt you?

He sighed, "How could I ever hurt you, my dear boy?" He allowed his proudness walls fall a little. Just for you, just because the comfort of the situation, comfort you helped him achieve. "You're the most precious thing I have"

Ah, what a pity that he noticed too soon how cheesy he was being.

"But... that doesn't mean I'm not able to do horrible things!" He excused himself, "I have terrorized thousands, I have made a hell out of their lives and I do not regret any of it! This city fears me, boy." He continued while slowly raising, his face getting closer and closer to your impassive one, his bare teeth exposed as a primal show of intimidation and his eyes were piercing yours with false rage.

You couldn't help it at his efforts and giggled soundly at how he tried to intimidate you; you had seen him in the most embarrassing situations, you had shared the cutest moments with him and, damn, you just saw him overestimulated under your body, turned into a shaky mess. "Easy there, scary man" you snickered while giving him little pats on his shoulder.

It was physically impossible for him to hurt you or for you to feel intimidated by him, you both knew it, but you just looved to mess around with him about it.

"Sorry, I just can't see you as evil, you're too cute!" you said between giggles, still caressing the claw, just to end up leaving a little peck on top of it.

Otto sighed heavily in defeat and laid back again, closing his eyes, but he didn't try to take the actuator out from your grasp. You lied beside him and looked sweetly in his eyes.

"You know, I still think you're a pretty intimidating supervillain" you said while hugging his claw gently as if it were some kind of plush.

He didn't respond, but you saw how his eyes softened.

He really didn't have had a good streak lately, spiderman always dismantling his plans or taking his hostages out of him without too much effort. In addition, his experiments were not going as planned and his lab was full of scattered scrap and broken gadgets because of his tantrums.

"Also, I think you're an amazing scientist"

"I know" he dryly answered, his brow slightly furrowing. You looked back at the claw between your hands "Sometimes I don't think you really do" you muttered softly.

He turned his head to you with a serious expression, watching how you peacefully traced the pieces of his metal limb. He remained silent but passed and arm around your shoulders, holding you closer. You silently accommodated your head on top of his chest, letting his hand caress your face while your arms still clasped his claw.

"Thanks, for everything" he finally whispered, closing his eyes and nuzzling into you, you smiled softly and reciprocated his gentle love.

"Uhm... I know you like my actuators but, please, let it go -I can feel them and you're really turning me on with all those pettings"

"Oops, sorry. My bad." you snorted as you let his artificial limb free, which chirped sadly but moved away from you to return with the others.

"Although can't believe you have energy for another round, old man"

He ignored your comment and only bothered to roll his eyes. You remained silent and after a few minutes of him playing with your hair and you drawing circles on his chest, an idea popped I your mind and you were eager to share it.

"So" you started hesitantly, breaking the silent atmosphere "You wanna eat out of something? Unless you already have a date with spiderman, or the lab, of course" you said without looking at him. "I think my plan of helping you relax has succeed, so I declare you a free man now."

"I guess I could take the entire day off, did you have something on mind?"

Your face light up and you were fast to nod at his question "Well, since I can't go to a restaurant with my dear boyfriend because he is the most wanted villain in all of the United States and he has, you know, four gigantic metallic claws on his back" You started, earning a roll of eyes and a frown of his brow, "what do you think about a roof date?" You finally looked at him, your eyes shining like little pleading suns.

He just couldn't resist that sight and you knew it too well. Also, he had to admit that it had been a while since you guys got out and the idea of relaxing with you on top of a skyscraper, covered by bright stars, laying on some soft blanket while eating something or just chatting was really something tempting.

"I like the idea. You can go get ready as I go to buy some food, any preference?"

You immediately jumped off the bed and glared at him. You poked his chest "Don't even think of crossing that door before I come back to pick you up, old man. This is your relaxing day and you're not allowed to set foot outside unless it's for a relaxing purpose."

He pinched the bridge of his nose in defeat as he sighed deeply. "Alright, just stop speaking so loud already, boy -you're going to give me a headache"

You giggled and softly kissed his nose before heading out of the bedroom, "I've left your favourite shampoo next to the shower! Also, clean clothes are folded above the drawers in the closet in case you want to use them!"

He muttered a low "thanks you" you weren't able to heard though he knew it wasn't necessary either.

It was only when Otto found himself alone on your shared bed that he felt the unpleasant sensation of a dry, sticky fluid between his legs and the before forgotten back pain. He pulled back the sheets with a disgusted face and headed to the bathroom. It was true, his favourite shampoo was laying on the sink along a yellow post it with a heart on it.

Otto took it off so it wouldn't get wet and made sure to keep it safe. He never said it but he loved your little notes, even the silly little ones with animal fun facts or terrible knock knock jokes.

He got into the shower and turned on the hot water, instantly relaxing and the contact it made with his sore skin. His claws chirped excited as they played with the drops and the soap and Otto finally felt fully peaceful at the lack of their usual, violent thoughts. Though, since he started his relationship with you, he had to admit that his actuators had calmed down and now they even had pretty thoughts about you.

However, he made sure to accept your suggestion and relaxed, trying his best to push the usual million thoughts he would have to the back of his mind. His body welcomed the sensation instantly.

After his shower he did as you said and looked in his closet, where he found the black turtleneck sweater and the dark pants he was wearing just before your...encounter. They were both clean and smelled as if cologne had been sprinkled on them. God, how long had you been awaken before him? He was getting embarrased just at the thought of you watching him sleep —something he was sure you had done more than a few times—.

He took the same sweater since he knew it was your favorite but chose another pair of pants. He wiped his small sunglasses before putting them on and made sure to give himself a quick comb. He even decided to give his actuators a little wipe so they could be all shiny and pretty.

All done! All he would need to do then was to wait for you in the living room, so he took a science magazine that was on the coffee table and gave it a look to kill some time.

-

It wasn't long until you appeared in the front door, a wide grin painted on your face as you showed him bags of snacks.

"I'm here Otto- Oh! You really are stunning" You complimented when you saw his outfit as he got up and approached you. The red that crept to his cheeks because of the unexpected compliment making him even cuter.

"Thank you..." He scratched his neck, "Are you ready to leave?"

"In a minute, I still need to get dressed up all fancy for you", you giggled and winked at him as you let him pick the bags you were carrying, "Why don't you get some blankets meanwhile? I won't be long" and so, you rushed to your room without waiting for an answer.

With the help of his actuators, Otto gathered some blankets and waited for you to return. When you did, dressed up in your favourite outfit as a sweet smell of cologne left your clothes, Otto couldn't help but blush a dark red.

You giggled softly and kissed his cheek before extending your arm and offering it for him for take, just like an old, corny couple. And so, an actuator put on him his dark fedora, that could half-hid his blush too, and you took a jacket for the night's cold.

"Shall we?" Otto asked while opening the door as his actuators beeped and screeched excitedly around. You giggled at his manners and their difference with his actuators' personality and nodded at his question, already taking a step out of the house,

"Gladly".

[not-goldy]

Goldy i am sad. I am heart broken. As much as i love Tae and he is my bias. I am Vmin bias and follow ur blog quietly. I am so happy for his upcoming album and all the mvs that will be released but my heart aches for Jimin. When he wanted mv for every song on his album he was told its impossible by Hye but now look at them. Why are they treating both my bias different. Why is Jimin the one who is always suffering ? Do they want to divide us ? And why are all the members so quiet ? Do they not want Jimin to have what he deserves ? Do they not support each other ? Why is Jimin still in Hybe or why is he not doing anything about it. 😢😢

Hi there vminer, okay but your "Why are they treating both my bias different" hit me in the chest😭😭😭😭

YES WHY WHYY WHYYYYY HYBE😭😭😭😭😭

Look at him. He doesn't deserve any of this😭😭😭

What's worse

Hold on that's not the worse part

Please in which universe would Suga ever ever tell PARK FREAKING JIMIN he sucks and they will kick him out of the group if he doesn't try hard to deliver. THE FUCK DELUSIONAL WHAMY BARMY SICK PHYCHO REDUNCULOUS NONSENSE IS THAT.

WHAT GOES ON!!!!!!!

I don't know about you but I'm really over this whole INSECURE ARTIST TROPE they keep recycling about JM I'm just- I'm tired.

It's never about a young man who's hard work, effort and dedication inspired 6 boys to work hard and strive to achieve his level of excellence. It's never about how the last member of the group felt he needed to push himself to earn his place in a group that created a loving and enabling environment for him to find himself and thrive SOAR ABOVE THEM ALL TO BECOME A LEGACY A ROOKIE BIBLE.

I hate this place.

Thanks for ruining Yoonmin for me thanks a lot

And as if it can't get any worse hybe goes and give V 5 MVs. 555555555555555555555555555

Jimin never catches a break. Just watch ppl twist this into a vmin fanwar. If we speak out we are jealous if we don't we are cowards. We never catch a break out here.

I know exactly how you feel. You just never know whether to be happy for one or feel sad and bad for the other or do both. It's such a dilemma 😫

For JM, I try not to overly victimize him because you just know how much of this is actually his decision and choice to listen to and respect Hybe in such matters in spite of all the screwing they be screwing him.

but you just can't fathom some of these things really. You can't.

I try to wrap my head around this and I can't.

Like would it hurt to treat them equally? Would it? Would hybe spontaneously combust poof into thin air if it actually treated these men EQUALLY?? Equal resources, Equal attention, equal opportunity, equal everything! Geez!

I don't really understand this either Anon especially when they know damn well fans Will forsho talk. Like who are they kidding, of course we will drag their edges off for this.

Why isn't Jimin leaving is such a good question. Some one give him the mic 🎤 he needs to speak into the microphone cos I'm not understanding shit either. Just pack your bags, left foot infront of the right foot and walts your way out of that hybe hell gates. It's that simple.

It's starting to feel like a toxic relationship to me where he's the member that's too trusting of Hybe hence gets the most screws to his ass.

There are times I wonder if when he talks about not getting voice training or the MVs he wanted or this or that- I wonder if it's mistranslation or that he might have miscommunicated but we all know the painstaking care and thought JM puts into his choice of words in order not to be misunderstood.

But I also wonder, if they simply couldn't do all the MVs for JM because they had already burned through his budget or did not give him a huge budget to begin with- so I ask, how much budget did they allocate each member. Like we need to know cos clearly they working with different budgets here.

Also, we don't know how each member chose to spend their budgets- Jimin had western collabs, shot parts of his MVs in the US. The directors he worked with were top tier, the dance crew- That tend to be costly especially if they paying in dollars. For Tae I know he's into minimalist productions, I don't expect much dancing and heavily choreographed performances. I'm guessing some of those MVs are going to be like winter bear. Don't really know but Layover has that type of vibe mi feel

If not then boy would all hell break loose💀

I'm not going to jump into conclusions for now. I mean it's not like Tae did anything wrong in getting those 5 MVs. It's even possible they learned from their mistake with Jimin💀

With Hybe as much as I disagree vehemently with some of the things they do, one thing about them I admire is their propensity to learn, grow, adapt and adjust where their money is concerned. Trust, they not about to fumble the bag🤣

We saw what they did with Jack in the box. We saw them tweak something with each members release. Perhaps Jm speaking up got them quivering and they decided to give Tae as many mvs as he wants. Perhaps they learning from the successes of Jm and the others. I mean Jks song had so many versions, I lost count and we saw how good those numbers were. This is the last Maknae to go out-bet your sweet behind they gonna go all out on him. I think Hybe is maximizing it's profits and scaling. The good thing about having a seven member group, you get to lern 7 times over. Truth is we would never know the reason. And we shouldn't jump into conclusions.

With time we will get to understand why certain things happen.

What I don't want to hear is ppl saying Hybe is favoring Tae over Jimin- I don't want to hear that.

I WILL BEAT ANYONE WHO SAYS THAT WITH A STICK

The company has put Tae through shit as well. On God. I Swear to God they have.

THEY AIN'T FAVORING HIM FOR SHIT

BOTH HIM AND JIMIN PLAYING A LOSING GAME OTHER THERE.

Let's remain calm and positive and give hybe the benefit of the doubt. If they were that bad Jimin would be the first to go💀

I'm happy for Tae. I'm excited for his release can't wait to see what has in store for us on layover

My advice to you would be learn to prioritize. Its the only way you can have some sanity stannng two people at once.

As much as I hate what they doing to Jimin over there, I think this is Taehyung's time to shine😔

Let's give him that.

I think your heart is in the right place and you are definitely right to bring this up. It's not fair to JM. And it's equally not fair to Tae people use him to find dissatisfaction with their favs.

Whatever limited resources Jm had, he set the bar so high with his achievements. And even though they keep rigging the game and moving the goal post, perhaps Tae needs all our support to beat them at their own game. It's BTS against the world, not BTS against each other.

We don't know what really happened and I hope one day JM will turn on live throw everybody under the bus. I want to know how he feels about these things. Just throw hybe under the bus with a tell all episode on weverse. Let the cat out of the dirty bag and set fire to the company 😊

I'm waiting patiently till V is done with his release so we have enough data to compare and contrast and then we will rain hell fire on Hybe's shady ass💀

For now let's be happy for Tae. Let's be excited for him and wait with gleeful anticipation for his Album- We did that for JM. Tae deserves this too🥺

Don't let anything distract you for now- focus on Tae.

As for them haters,

JMs KARMA IS COMING FOR THEM

On God

[sidebaxolotl]

By request, rebloggable version of my thoughts on whether sometimes God will afflict non-believers to get them to repent and turn to Him:

A couple caveats before I explain this:

1. I do not believe every instance of a nonbeliever suffering is inherently a direct punishment from God and i would strongly caution people from using this logic 99% of the time--we live in a fallen world and the consequence of that is pain and brokenness for everyone regardless of faith or lack there of 2. However, as believers we do have assurance from God that whatever pain or brokenness we do go through is 100% not a punishment from God. We will absolutely incur pain and brokenness in our lives but God has promised to use it for our good and His glory (Romans 8:1, Romans 8:32, Romans 8:28). 3. The original question was in reference to a specific situation in which i am privy to a lot of information on a very personal and long term-level. In this particular situation I absolutely believe this is what is happening but would normally not come to this conclusion (in fact it took me a long time to come to this conclusion and even now I am hesitant to declare it) and again would caution people to pray and meditate on things VERY CAREFULLY before coming to this conclusion in yours/others' lives let alone sharing it with them/others

I would say there is biblical precedent for this though, like Saul of Tarsus pre-conversion. God had to physically blind him and knock him off of his horse before he was humbled enough to stop his persecution and give his life to Christ. Or even figures like Pharaoh who let his people suffer through terrible plagues before he was humbled enough by his own suffering to let the Jewish people flee Egypt. This last part is really hard to understand if you haven't fully internalized the character of God and His sovereignty but I'm going to try and explain this too because this is the most important part and the crux of this explanation:

God is good. Like He is everything good and just and holy and kind and perfect. We need him more than anything else in this world. He is the highest good that can ever be achieved. He is not like human beings with flawed and selfish motives. If you told me that any human being in your life: parent, sibling, friend, spouse etc. deliberately let you suffer so that you would have to rely on them totally i would call them crazy and abusive--these are flawed, and sinful human beings. To do something like that would require a large amount of pride and delusion on an unreal level. They aren't perfect, they dont have all the answers, they are biased, no human being could ever be the highest good in someone elses life like that.

But that isn't God. He is good and perfect. He does know all the answers, He is not biased, He always makes the right decisions. He is without flaw. He is your creator and sustainer and is thus the only thing even remotely qualified to be the highest good in your life. Doing whatever it takes to get you to see Him directly is a net benefit TO YOU. You can take some comfort in suffering and affliction particularly as a believer because God cares enough to use it to help you get closer to Him and His perfect love and care rather than let you continue in ignorance unafflicted.

[zhuhongs]

well I thought I was going to fall asleep early, but it seems like I have too many things keeping me up and since its too cold to sit at my desk and write at my journal this thought is going on the internet. Tl:dr: tomorrow is my birthday. send me 50 dollars. i am going to bed. gn

Yea, recently everything just feels so.... much. Like I'm always at a state of just slightly overwhelmed that makes it feel usless to do anything. Like I'm worried about money, and I know that I have credit so I can use it and I have things that I need and things I want that I shouldn't deny myself of just because things are a bit trying (like food I want, things I need to fix). But then I can't help but have that internalized poor mantra of "why are u buying this when u have bills to pay?" which is dumb bc I deserve to use what little money I have in making my life more enjoyable . But I'm also like. sage did U really need to upgrade your phone or buy an interview shirt or hair dye? Like, no not technically, but these are things I should do to just make myself feel better. I don't want to be using a broken phone, might as well upgrade when theres a promotion that sure makes it hard right now but is a smart idea in the long run. And yes while I didn't need the dye or the shirt - it will make me more confident in my interview so I can get a higher paying job and not be surrounded by Stuff all day causing me to want to constantly buy things bc I wont be in a store 8hrs a day 5 days a week. So like, yes you do need those things and its negligible when I consider the credit I have. And even if I have some debts, I know that no one can bail me out becausemy family is in the same situation. And I have time. I just started working. Its a rough month, and the fact that I have a trip planned makes it even harder. Because that means more money. But if I always deny myself the opportunity to go and do things bc I don't have the money then I'd never leave my house ever, and thats how I grew up and I was miserable and the money will be gone and the month will be tight anyways so just go anddon't think about it. But I do think about it, because it's hard, and I work so hard my entire life, for what? To pay rent?? other people my age get to say the money they make and build a life yet I was dealt a shitty hand and have had to spend my time working for something people are given. And it hurts bc I've wasted so much time and worked so much andhave 9 dollars to my name and so much debt. But I will find a way. ANd it will all be paid off. I don' know how but I've done this same thing before, cried about it, and went to work the next day and figured it out. And my mother has done this everyday for the past 30 years, and I feel so sorryforher because I know it's hard. And she deserves so much more and I want to give it to her, and I'm not even 23. And tomorrow is my birthday and I have to go work. Even if I called out I don't know what it would help. And I want to go out with my friends and have a good time but I need to paymy car and I need to pay my bills. And I work 9 to 5 and when I get home I have to walk my dog and make dinner. And it's cold. And by the time all of that is done I feel like I have no time to make art or practice chinese or do any of my hobbies and better myself. I''m so tired that all I do is sleep. And I feel myself falling into old habits. And I hate it, i hate it, I am trying so hard to clawmy way out of it. It's starting with a simple routine. Even if it hasn't gotten to the point where I sit and draw or read or write every day. At least I do the dishes when I finish eating, brush my teeth twice a day, foldmy clothes, make my bed, stay off my phone during my breaks, and pack a lunch. Even if that's something I should have achieved long ago, I didn't. So now I need to do that before I can learn how to do hwat I want sadly, because dreamings costs money and dreaming requires habits. AAAAAA. okay. I need to go to bed bc I need to be up at 8am to get ready for work. Happy bday to me.

[anagramtransitory]

15. At the end of the day, all I’m ever really gonna do is what I put my heart into. And while my heart and mind are filled with anger at the rest of the world I can’t focus on myself like I deserve to be able to. Some people only figure that out when it’s too late, some people don’t care. The power and intensity of things I put my heart and mind into is really something to behold. And when I don’t care, I don’t care at all. So anybody that wants anything from me should make sure to not do anything to signal to my my heart shouldn’t be in my work anymore. It’s happened recently, it’ll happen often, but usually, work is worth putting your heart and mind and body and soul into, because anything you put love into you’ll get good results out of. With myself, good results are infinitely possible. With people who treat others like servants: good results are not possible at all in any way that’s worth it and genuine. Again: I don’t get roped into things, into states of effort. It’s a conscious daily choosing to hold ideas in my head or to discard them and take up others. I know I am nothing to them, but I am everything to myself. If I ever want anything I’ll go get it for myself. If I ever have a problem I’ll fix it myself. There is nothing I can do about other people. I can only ever control myself. I can only ever parent myself. My life will never be fun or easy, but that’s what I’ve chosen for myself. I’ve seen fun and easy lives, and I don’t want that for myself, there’s enough of those around to get you sick of anything fun or easy. Here’s what it will be: a continual improvement, a lifetime of gathering cool things and information, a lifetime of giving and getting kindness, a lifetime where I only get stronger in the face of challenges which I conquer alone. Of being tall, and strong, and able/willing to help with a lot of problems others can’t/aren’t, and not owing anybody money, and having insurance, and having all my teeth, and having non-broken glasses, and knowing and trusting myself and fixing myself on a level few people who are scared/financially unable to be alone ever do. I don’t need easy and fun. I don’t want easy and fun. And anyone that demands my life be that way to stick around in it isn’t my type at all, truly. I’m never gonna sell my soul, and I’ll never be in a position to have to anyways. It’ll be a lifetime of being misunderstood at first. It’ll look like I’m cold and obsessed with money. And I will be cold and obsessed with money. But also, I’m powered by love and live based on a philosophy of kindness=strength and kindness/love=meaning. Right now, I have the gift of obvious problems. Soon, I’ll miss it, when people think I’m capable of way more than I am, or that I’m way more normal than I am. That’ll be a hard one to explain: “oh no, I’m not normal, I’m normal but in an abnormal way with abnormal methods of achieving at appearance of functionality.” That’ll sound like a normal thing to do. Fake it till you make it and all that normal stuff. Not: “I am basically insane and have imaginary parents and have so many issues that would horrify you, I’ve seen the worst things in the world with these same eyes and also the best things, I am very intense very large very androgynous and the least stable normal person you’ll be able to find around here by here. If my soul isn’t in every little thing I do I shut down. I live in silence as I have for many many years. (:”People…do not care. I could say all that and people would be unfazed. That’s their problem. They should be fazed, I am a walking possible large problem that doesn’t go away that they don’t want if I decide I don’t like them. I am very friendly. It will hurt when I shut any possible relationship down over and over for years. I will want it to hurt. People are really bothered by conflict that doesn’t get resolved in a way that I am not. I am a snapping turtle. You should be fazed, or have heard anything I just said, if I explain why I shouldn’t be asked to do normal woman things, and I’m being serious. You know who will always listen, though?

[shaineinin]

The End of the Beginning

a self-obituary

A tombstone of a person scares me the most. Because it is an indication that a life that once on earth has ended again. A mark that one has fallen in the midst of the fog of life. However, what will I do myself if my tombstone will be the one welcoming me at my door? What will be my reaction? How will I endure that kind of scene for the longest time I shall ever know?

Shaine G. Capua, born on ****, died on ****, you will always be remembered. And we shall never forget the words rest in peace. Those are the things I will be reading if ever I am in front of my tombstone today. I never visualized how it looks because I know that its physicality will reflect on my economic status once again. If it is too pompous, maybe I died with lots of money. If it looks ordinary, then maybe I am just a normal person with nothing but loans. 

Disregarding that matter, I know that no matter what economic or social status I have in the future before I die, I assure that I have lived my purpose in life. Because as I believed so, I would’ve changed the world to a better place if I could whenever an opportunity knocks on my door. I would everyday, try to touch someone’s life with kindness and generosity that the world is lacking today. I would channel the heavy weight of cracks in my heart to help people, heal their body and mind, and let them stand for themselves. 

I want people to remember me as a person who put other people’s state first before mine. I want my loved ones to recollect my memories as someone who peels oranges for people so they could enjoy and eat it without minding any trouble. An athlete who has the highest honor for sportsmanship to other athletes who share the same dreams with her. A student-journalist who unravels merely the truth and nothing but the truth. A student and a classmate who engraved a legacy of being good, smart, and cheerful. A loving and caring daughter, big sister, and a girl who gave everything she can for the sake of her family. 

Yet, if I were to be asked, “Who am I?”, with no masks, costumes, or fakes, not my titles, achievements, or praises; just me. I will gratefully answer that I am just a plain black and white person who only wanted to live a good and comfortable life ever since the beginning. I have always dreamt of ending the cycle of poverty in our bloodline. The leech that keeps on sucking us down. Every bit of our blood, sweat, and tears that it keeps on slurping on us to make us suffer more. One thing I kept on praying for is for my siblings to never experience what I had gone through to survive. 

So yes, by constantly saying yes was what cost me to survive. Yes, I have been soft like a gooey marshmallow exposed with fire to be smores, to be able to satisfy other people. To give them credit for what they helped me. To deal with the pressure that keeps on bugging my head. However, that was also my mistake. I became too complacent to things. Too dependent on the word yes that all of the responsibilities piled up and gave me a slap of reality that was so hard to avoid. 

Maybe, in my next life, I would learn how to negate. To refuse people. To disapprove of ideas that will not give me peace and will never help me have growth. To deny responsibilities that I can’t handle. Because saying yes has been too easy for me, when my no’s could’ve been more understandable. 

The people who have held my back ever since. The support, trust, and love they have given me and boosted me was not wasted. I will be missed, I suppose. But these people will also be treasured deep within the corners of my heart. This lifetime was not so good to me, but it lightened a path and made me walk past through wisdom, eminent, and goodwill that I will carry on to the next life I will hold if given a chance.

Without a doubt, I’ve led my life with a league of one’s own. I know that the loves of my life will be reading my epitaph with heavy hearts, flood of tears, and broken souls– “Wind, gentle evergreen, to form a shade. Around the tomb where Shaine is laid. Sweet ivy wind thy boughs and intertwine. With blushing roses and the clustering vine. Then shall thy lasting leaves, with beauties hung. Prove grateful emblems of the lays she sung.” But they shall remember that my goneness is not the end of the world and the pause of their own lives.

It may be an end to some, but it is also a beginning for a few.

[polarisdelphi]

Another character sheet I did of another character from the ~thing~ I'm writing: Elisabeta!

Like I said before, the art, the design, the writing, the character is all mine. And I'm pretty happy on how she turned out in the drawing, because I had a very specific look for Elisabeta and, luckily, I managed to achieve it *cries in artist tears*

Her looks, actually, was very much inspired by Gigi Goode. Gigi is very beautiful and terribly talented, she was the only face that popped up in my mind while writing a female powerhouse that is Elisabeta.

Also, Elisabeta is my first trans ftm character and I was so happy she managed to come out as a fully-fledged character rather than a staple - she actually matters a lot to the story and now I'm so attached I want to give her more book time :')

And I'm only saying this because, I dunno, I don't like writing diverse characters only to fill a quota. I want their characteristics to matter to them, but I don't want that to be all they are - I hope I'm making sense here. I was glad to be able to make a character that reflects her character, hopes and dreams just like any other person and any other characters - and not another one of those "here, have a diversity character whose personality is only that and who'll disappear without any actual consequences to the story"

More on her and the story below the cut!

Olympia is a city that will eat you alive if you give it the chance. Many survive in it, but few actually make it.

The Wolves of the Kárpati are known and dangerous, being one of the most feared mobsters in Olympia. They are a family and can - and will - protect themselves and eliminate everything in their way. The Alpha of the Wolves, their boss, is always one of the most respected - both by law enforcement or mercs trying to make it in the city of broken dreams.

Elisabeta assumed as the Alpha right after the passing of her father, having to prove herself fit to be the first woman to ever lead the Kárpati - born as a boy, she always hid her true self while competing with her vicious brother, Omor, who would take over; having to admit who she really was and face her father, fighting for his approval, wasn't easy - but, in the end, he died happy knowing his beloved daughter would be a perfect Alpha and make the Kárpati thrive.

Omor didn't accept things as well, though. Even if his sister is Alpha, he doesn't lose the opportunity to sting her with misgendering or bringing up her previous past when she wasn't really herself. Elisabeta only accepts this behaviour because of their sibling bond, but, after she learns horrifying truths from Omor's daughter, her most beloved person in the world that she loves as her own daughter, Elisabeta is ready to show how vicious and merciless she can be.

"I don't enjoy violence for violence's sake. But you hurt me - or worse, you hurt one of my own - I will watch you bleed slowly at my feet, with a smile on my face, having you beg for mercy even when you know, deep in your heart, there is none inside my own." - Elisabeta, sitting by her desk, regal posture, cup of tea on her table, watching you with a glint of fire in her glowing red eyes.

----

I am still learning how to write trans characters, though. if something isn't well written or too vague and seeming like I'm glossing over, please, feel free to tell me. I'm always willing to learn and I'm still developing my character writing skill!

(alsoooo English isn't my first language, so yeaaaah, it'll be nice to know if some ideas aren't as well articulated as I thought HAHAHA)

[crowfeatherquill]

Someone and Something

“So...I’m gonna assume you’re aware that breaking and entering is illegal.”

“Call a squad car, then, officer.”

Rowan leaned heavily against the counter in his kitchen and observed the woman that had, for all intents and purposes, broken into his apartment. She was bold -- that much was obvious -- standing near the window in a bright red leather coat, with not a hint of reticence on her face. She gave off the distinct impression that she was daring him to do something she knew he wouldn’t do.

He sighed.

“Great. So long as we’re on the same page about that, who are you, exactly?”

“Kit Carlisle.”

Rowan blinked.

“The reporter? What...could you possibly be expecting to achieve here? There are avenues for interviews that don’t involve--”

“I’m not here for a fucking interview, Grey. I’m here because the word on the street is that you’re pretty on-purpose bad at your job. And the fact that you haven’t been publicly crucified and fired over it yet means you might actually be pretty good at getting away with it, too.”

This caught Rowan’s attention. His posture tensed and he inclined his head just slightly. If she was here to blackmail him, she’d made an interesting choice of target, all things considered. But...she didn’t seem the type for that. Which made him all the more curious what she did want.

“Alright,” he kept his tone low and even, attempting to de-escalate. “So...what?”

“So,” she moved over to sit on his couch, which, again, bold, “I need help. From someone who actually gives a shit and might even have the resources to do something without getting immediately arrested.”

“And your best plan was to break into a police officer’s apartment?” Rowan’s tone had gone entirely flat. “Have you considered, I dunno, filing a report?”

Kit just stared at him. Alright, maybe not the strongest argument he’d ever made. Likely any problem involving the words ‘immediately arrested’ would get buried nigh immediately as soon as it was entered into the system. Even he had to admit that. He scrubbed his hand down his face.

“Alright. Okay. Point. What exactly is it that you think I’ll be able to help you with?”

“I think my friend’s in over his head. And I can’t find anyone else who’s willing to go with me on it.”

Rowan nodded, slowly.

“Alright. And what gives you that impression?”

“Off the record?”

“I mean I haven’t called this in yet. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

This time, it was her turn to sigh. She leaned forward and her gaze got distant for a moment -- just long enough for Rowan to get the impression that this was actually as serious as she was making it out to be -- before she seemed to come back to herself. Her expression set into something hard, determined, even as she gripped her hands a little tighter together.

“Up until about a year ago, he was an active vigilante. One of the best, actually. Had his hands in community movements all up and down the coast. He was...friendly. Kind. Real ray of sunshine kind of guy. And then one day it’s like he just...snapped. Went off the deep end. Dropped off the face of the planet for a few months and the next time any of us saw him, he was running with criminals. Helping them. Like he’d just...completely switched sides overnight.”

Rowan listened, quietly, and restrained himself from commenting. She seemed awfully sure that her ‘friend’ was in trouble and not just a sudden turncoat, and he wasn’t about to fight her on it. Not in this situation, at least.

“It’s...it doesn’t line up. Something’s wrong. I know it is, but I can’t get a hold of him to press him about it and nobody else will fucking help me. So. Here I am. Breaking into a cop’s apartment. You in, or what?”

“Woah woah, what do you mean in? What exactly do you think I can do about any of this? You’ve essentially given me some vague anecdotal suspicion that your friend started acting strangely about a year ago. That’s not exactly pursuable, I’m not a private investigator.”

“Well someone has to do fucking something!” She slammed one fist against the back of the couch and Rowan heard something crack. He winced.

“I’m not saying I won’t,” he said, bringing his hands up to try to placate her, “I’m just not sure what exactly you were expecting.”

The fight seemed to go out of her and she slumped against the couch.

“I...don’t know. Something.”

[jaskierx]

another analogy that made me cry mid lecture at uni i really like is about plants and about parenting that wasn’t good enough but wasn’t deliberately terrible. and it helped me with a lot of my difficult feelings around how my parents have undeniably fucked me up and broken my brain and said/done some things that they should never have done, but they also did a lot of positive things for me and almost definitely think that they were very good parents.

we know that plants need water and sunlight and air in the correct amounts to grow properly. having too much of one is not a substitute for not having enough of another. a plant that is watered every day and has all the air it could ever need will not be able to thrive if it's kept in a dark cupboard with no sunlight.

and i think a lot of us are in an odd in-between stage where our parents weren't actively abusive - mine didn't hit me or starve me or kick me out of the house - but they still weren't good enough for us to thrive. they didn't give us enough water and sunlight and air. and maybe they gave us too much.

i'm putting this under a cut bc it's like 5 paragraphs of me traumadumping lmao don't read this x

so sometimes we didn't have enough money. but i was always fed. my clothes were clean. i got presents every christmas and every birthday. that was more than could be said for a lot of other kids i knew. i had enough air to thrive. they did not. i was grateful that i'd never know what it was like to be suffocating.

and my parents were (and still are) obsessed with me achieving academic success. which was sometimes a really good thing - they read to me, they helped with my homework, they took me to museums, they praised me when i did well at school. i'm the first person in my family to get a degree. i was a plant that got plenty of water every day.

but i'm also constantly comparing myself to others bc they acted like the important thing was being the best, not doing well for myself. if i got 90% but someone else got 92%, they'd react as if i'd failed. they'd rather i got 30% but everyone else got below 25%. i still have nightmares about an argument i had with my dad a full 10 years ago when he said some absolutely scarring things to me about my career prospects. i am 27 years old, married, living independently, and sometimes i get palpitations if he asks me how work is going. i was a plant that got so overwatered that it was drowning.

and the main thing i missed was feeling accepted and feeling loved unconditionally and loved because i'm their child and not because i can adequately get good grades like you're meant to. i saw my friends' parents being proud of them for significantly worse school results than mine and i didn't understand bc i was Better but i still didn't get any kind of recognition that i was good or that they were proud of me. i saw other kids being loved and supported through really difficult times when they'd made bad choices, while i struggled to get help without being told i needed to grow up or learn to fix things myself. people talked about their mum being their 'best friend'. i was scared of my mum. sometimes people would talk about stuff their parents had helped with - needing to get an abortion, or needing support after a sexual assault, or trying drugs and having a bad trip, or needing to borrow money - and i'd find the idea of my parents helping me with that absolutely laughable. to this day, it's so much easier to go through difficult things alone than to deal with whatever shame would be put on me if i asked for help.

i had plenty of air and so much water and i was desperate for sunlight.

i was desperate for sunlight and every time i asked for some, my parents would point at the air and the water and say 'look at all we've given you, you're incredibly ungrateful to ask for more'

so according to the poll I just reblogged 10% of tumblr users were not loved as a child and another 18% are unsure if they were loved. I think that's the main problem right there, guys. I know that tumblr polls aren't scientific and tumblr is well know for uhhh... not attracting the most well-adjusted and happy people, but like, we all live in the real world. we all have had a friend or family member tell us a desperately sad story from their childhood about how they were explicitly told they weren't loved right now. like, this is the thing. this is the main thing. how can we expect to have a society of happy, well-adjusted, engaged, supportive, and community-oriented adults if 30% of children aren't loved???

one of my best friend's parents have a metaphor that I really like. a child is like a piece of glass, and when a parent raises the child they're handling the glass. some parents just get fingerprints on it, others leave cracks, and others drop it and shatter it entirely. everyone's got trauma, it came free with your being born into an imperfect world, but like, maybe we need to be a little more focused on preventing so much shattered glass.

(bc tumblr is the piss on the poor website, to be clear, if you had shitty parents I don't think you're broken forever without any individual autonomy or anything, like obviously adults as individuals can grow and heal and get therapy etc, I'm just saying we should focus on building a world that's better for kids now than it was for us)

[whynotjust-die]

i’m honestly really on the fence about taekook being actually real.

don’t get me wrong. im a huge fucking shipper, but somehow i always end up with doubts about their relationship being real.

hear me out:

1. obviously they have moments where it seems like there could be no other explanation but lets face it, so do so many other ships.

2. owing to their situations right now, where they live separately and (publicly) meet up pretty rarely for an actual couple, i’d say they either never dated or they actually dated in the past and now are broken up and that breaks my heart to even think about so no.

3. even though they have gotten a fuckton amount of exposure, they are still korean. and, well, i’m not saying that there are no lgbt idols or people in korea but it greatly reduces the probability as compared to them being artists in america i’d say.

4. these boys fucking worked so fucking hard to achieve their dream from the start. i doubt ANY of them had the time to start a relationship.

on top of that their dedication shows that they would try to minimise anything they could that would lead to them having problems achieving their dream. dating within the group, i think, would definitely make things harder for them and they would probably want to avoid that i feel.

because obviously if any of them are in a long term relationship with each other, they’re gonna have problems, they’re going to fight, and that absolutely changes the dynamic. plus the threat of them breaking up is too huge.

5. sometimes when you believe something, you try to find it even in the most irrelevant things. with taekook, sometimes stuff that would seem platonic otherwise tends to make me feel like there’s something more behind it. i’m sure many shippers face that.

6. they have been in the same band for 10 fucking years, as friends, as family. OBVIOUSLY they’re very close. and sometimes being this close makes it seem like a romantic relationship but i’ve always believed that you can have that kind of closeness in a platonic way too.

7. they’re in the kpop industry. they have been taught to please the audience and there has been a lot of taekook content i’ve seen online that could easily be a part of the fan service they have been taught to give. i won’t give you the guarantee that it is, but i’d say it most likely is.

saying all this makes me very sad to be honest. because i’ve ALWAYS loved taekook. and believe me when i say, i’d be so fucking happy if they’re actually together, but even if they are, i doubt we’d ever know.

also in no way am i saying that they’re not close. i detest that thought and for sure know that can’t be true. i’m just trying to say that there is less chance of taekook being real.

i too get so confused because of some instances and that really makes me believe that they have to be real.

if in the future, these beautiful people decide that they want to tell us about their relationship being real, i’d jump to the moon and back i swear.

okay enough for now, i should free you from my rant.

goodbye peeps!

[breadbap1]

Under the Blue Sky

Summary:

Honestly, Momo couldn’t be more shocked to see the familiar looking companion just a few feet away.

His sensors keep adjusting, as if he couldn’t believe the sight in front of him. Afraid that it's all just a fleeting dream…. But it's not.

It's clementine, it's really her….underneath the beautiful blue sky…

The barrier between the slums and midtown is gone now. So too the two long lost companions…

(IM BACK AFTER MY MIDTERM-HIATUS 🤩🤩🤩, ill try my best to keep making art, also i hope you enjoy this tiny clemomo fic)

The eternal darkness of walled City 99 has been replaced by the warmth of the sunlight, and the companions are finally free. Momo the outsider, was not here to gaze at glowing balls made of gas, burning many million kilometers away from his current position anymore. No, he was here with Doc.as they tried to fix the broken elevator that hasn't been operational for god who knows how long.

“You know there's a 0.000275% percentage of this rusted excuse of an elevator to actually be fixed, momo” Doc called out, trying to persuade the straw-hatted companion to give it a rest. 

“Then it's not impossible is it not? I'll take that chance anytime” Momo answers with a tired smile on his screen. Doc has never seen such a rare sight, back in those days when momo is the one to give up on the outsiders grand plan. Here he is, hardworking as ever as he modified the elevator’s platform and adjusted the counterweight.

“Haha, I never thought I would see the sight of you other than your cowardice, momo. No offense” Doc laughed as the other companion made a buzzing noise of disagreement and an angry face on his screen.

“I'm not Doc! It's just that….us outsiders have made sacrifices for our cause. You traveled through the dead city to test the defluxor, Zbaltazaar and Clementine have moved on and keep moving forward to the surface. And yet here I am, remaining down here in the slums. Doubting all our causes just because I was scared…”

“Momo…..” Doc couldn't comprehend any words.

“But all is well now, I feel a lot braver now. Seeing the little furball journeying its way outside, gives me the courage I need. And we will fix this blasted elevator if its the last thing i ******* do” now there's a hint of hope in the obscene tone of momo’s voice. And that's all the reassuring Doc needs to help his fellow companion.

“Well what are we waiting for, let's do this!” Doc exclaims in delight as he brings his wrench and fetches his boy, Seamus for a little support and assistance. Together they work tirelessly through day and night, fixing every single scrap of the main elevator. And those days were not all in vain.

For the first time in forever, the gate between the slums and midtown has been restored. The crowds underneath the elevator couldn't hold back their excitement. 

“We did it momo” Doc couldn't hide the feeling of proudness he has for achieving this impossible task. Momo could only reply with a small smile as he looked upwards to the giant wall that separates the boundaries between the slums and midtown. 

“I'm coming for you clementine”

Chapter 2

Clementine had never thought this day would come, Frankly, she honestly lost all hope after her relentless escape from the Sentinels got her on the edge. Nevertheless, here she was, still standing, shortly after all the ceilings were opened. Finally, she smiled.

As she walked through the streets of midtown, She watched as the companions of the city bustled with activities. They laughed and sang and were shocked. Definitely shocked. It had finally happened. The Outside…the sky… Everyone was happy and free. A few started dancing, a male companion started to swing his woman around after a safe landing on the other side. If they were human, they both would have tears in their eyes.

An old looking man collapsed upon setting foot on the grounds of western Berlin. Hesitantly he started feeling the ground beneath his legs with trembling fingers. Same as Ludwig, he had never dreamt that this day would come.

A few young residents of midtown jumped all together and yelled vividly in delight. She could feel their excitement pulsing through her circuits, their thrill as they pushed through the crowd, looking for their long-lost lovers. Friends… Families…she could feel their overwhelming joy and mesmerization upon them.

They threw themselves at each other and laughed and sang and cried together. What a wonderful sight indeed, Clem would love to share it, if only…

If only she didn't leave them, leave him down in the slums. Because honestly, what is the point of seeing the outside if there isn't anyone to see it with you?

Leaving the cheering crowd, clementine chose to return to her hidden residence, scooting through the bustling crowds in the streets and finally made it to her humble abode. Without any more objectives left in her timetable, she merely rested her metallic body inside her object (junk)-filled bathtub and looked at the shimmering light through her window. She merely sighed and finally realizing, that she is all alone up here….

Minutes passed and now days had gone by, Clementine had lost count if it wasn't for the loud banging in her front door. Honestly, who in their right mind would dare to come near the house of a criminal? As she dragged her sluggish metallic body, armed herself with a desk lamp that she used to defend herself against the small companion back then, she gently opened the door and saw a magenta coloured companion.

Bonobot, that’s his name. You might know him as one of the poetic companions that lives behind the beyond-fixed elevator, one of the midtown companions who’s nice enough to befriend the female outsider. But due to her “criminal activities” they rarely hang out anymore.

“What are you doing here?” Clementine quickly puts down her lamp, and suddenly her voice box was hushed down by the other companion’s index finger. Honestly, that makes her want to punch the ridiculous companion down, almost anyway.

“Shhh, hear that? That ebb, that flow” and of course that poetic nonsense she heard tirelessly from the magenta coloured companion.

“What in midtown are you talking about?” clementine asked, as she rolled her sensors. But she immediately dragged by hand as she confusedly walked through the same old streets and finally made it to the elevator.

“Okay now would you please tell me why we're here in the first place?” but again, it's not an answer she gets, but another index finger shushing her up, she swore she really wants to punch him.

“Do you hear that down below?” Clementine was this close to smack the companion’s head if she suddenly hears the distant rustling of metal. That foreign sound comes from down below, it feels like the whole elevator platform is shaking soundly, clementine could only hold onto the railing and tighten her grip on the rusted metal.

“It- it can't be…” she senses the elevator rising up and finally, Finally reaches up successfully. As it stopped, the dust and debris fell through the road, as other companions from the city approached the small elevator, some of their expressions were filled with confusion, and some full of glistening hope, including clementine. 

But then she realized, the elevator door isn't opening (why hasn't it opened yet?). But her questions was answered as she heard the door being forcefully opened, by a single companion. There’s only one companion in all of the slums (besides guardian) who has that kind of hidden strength.

 A Grunting voice with a slight undertone of nervousness and subtlety. A warm voice, full of hope and joy. A familiar voice. So painfully familiar, she had to clutch her chest.

 “Its….”

Chapter 3 

“Darn it, out of all the things that you forgot to inspect earlier, it had to be the front door” Doc grumbles in annoyance as he struggles trying to open the door while momo just chuckles nervously behind. 

“It's no use papa, the door’s seals shut” pants seamus, his energy were all used up trying to open the stupid door, but to no avail.

“Perhaps i could give it a try” 

“No offense momo, but I don't think you're strong enough to even open a can of..”

Not allowing Doc to finish that sentence, Momo scoots to the front and uses both of his hands to forcefully stretch each end of the door with his (hidden) brute strength alone. And with that, the door finally opened.

“.....oil” Doc could only finish that single word, if he had a jaw, it would've dropped by now. And seamus could only muffled his laughter silently until he got a slight tap on the head. But all was silent when the three companions saw the peeping light through the door.

Momo was the first to come out, as he checked the surroundings looking for the one he's been searching for, he only saw the confusing sight of countless sea of companions. His grip on the door loosened when he finally found the familiar sight.

Honestly, Momo couldn’t be more shocked to see the familiar looking companion just a few feet away.

His sensors keep adjusting, as if he couldn’t believe the sight in front of him. Afraid that it's all just a fleeting dream…. But it's not.

It's clementine, it's really her….underneath the beautiful blue sky…

She stood out against the crowd, standing next to Bonobot. Her Gray newsboy hat, orange scarf, black pants and her eyes were blue, bluer than the color of the sky in all its glory. Her Hand grasped the fabric of her pants as she hugged her lanky arms around herself.

She tried to speak but no words came out. All she can do is flashed a little smile to him.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clementine could feel something caught her attention and as she turned her monitor towards whoever it was inside, her mind went blank. Sure, she had expected many things, However, she was not prepared for those eyes she felt herself captured by. She was not prepared to face her and it all seemed to shatter as soon as she locked her eyes with momo.

"Clem?" He moved towards her, hesitantly, wondering, hoping, he was filled with a sense of belonging and a feeling that was the word finally in all its entirety, something that he hadn't known in too long. Out reached his hand, a question mark rising up out of his monitor  and towards the stilled companion.

Her sensors widened again at his familiar voice, Clementine took in the other companions’ appearance; slightly sweaty on the monitor, his Long jacket with tropical pattern are still trashy as ever, but most importantly, he looked different. Not as much of a scaredy “cat” since the last day they saw each other, and not as sad as she remembers. He looked much calmer, content and… cool.

Momo noticed how her entire body had started trembling, that her shoulders had slumped. Despite all this, he could feel his legs moving, approaching her. Faster and faster, until he literally jumped and threw himself into her wide-open arms. He clasped his arms around Clementine, mentally swearing to himself to never let her go again. Simultaneously, she could feel arms closing around her neck and hugging her so tightly like a precious gem. Not that clementine minded it one bit.

“momo…” she laughed, she heard Momo laughing as well, soft tremors rocking through their metallic body. And as Gilbert mustered the courage to finally look at Ludwig’s face, if they were human. she could probably see tears, dripping and running down his monitor. But she knew she herself would be crying as well.

"Took you long enough."

They stayed on the ground, embracing each other for what it felt like eternity, every second to make up for every year they were apart. “You are really here” Momo breathed, then tightened his grip around Clementine and hid his face in her shoulder, if he was afraid that the female companion would suddenly disappear from his sight again. And to let out all the emotions that he had buried inside for those long long years that he had watched and waited and hoped and eventually gave up on her.

“Yes I'm here….”

“I'm so sorr-”

“Hush, not now. Let me enjoy this moment”

“....alright”

Doc could only sigh and smile on his monitor. He places his arm on his son’s shoulder, seamus smiles at him back and returns the favor. The two long lost companions finally reunite as the warmth of the sun shines down upon them. Followed by the beautiful blue sky and the distance birds chirping melodiously.

Truly an unforgettable sight.

[save-the-villainous-cat]

I'd love a silly little snippet with a Hero x Villain, who realize they're the same age and most likely go to the same school, and oh geez they seem to have a class together too, because they have the same shitty teacher, High School or Uni, whatever works for you ^-^

“You are as dull as dishwater,” the villain muttered — more to themselves than to the hero — and continued to listen to the hero’s long sermon about justice. However, the hero was a bit sharper than the villain had thought.

“I beg your pardon?” Why was the hero chuckling, though?

“No, no. My bad. Please, go on.” The villain raised their hand in a somewhat apologetic gesture, or at least they tried with their body bound to a broken streetlamp.

Usually, the You-are-as-dull-as-dishwater-comment was followed by a “I’ve never seen such lazy graduates,” but that hadn’t seemed very fitting in a situation like this. The villain had mainly said it because the hero’s boring ass speech had reminded them of the most deadening professor they had. This professor was always throwing the dishwater comment at his students when no one was torturing themselves by listening to his hour long speeches that could be summarised in ten minutes.

“Oh, right.” The hero grinned and tried to continue but as soon as they opened their mouth, they closed it again, squeezing their eyes shut, tilting their head and clearly fighting the urge to laugh. “Sorry, give me a second, alright?”

The villain arched a brow. “Sure, take your time.”

With their hand on their mouth and nearly teary eyes, the hero turned around and giggled to themselves before they faced the villain again and bit their lip.

“Sorry—” a chuckle “—fuck, this is so stupid. Okay, where was I?” By now, the villain was smiling, too. Not necessarily because they knew the reason of the hero’s sudden outburst but because the hero’s laugh was so damningly contagious. And they looked so stupidly cute.

“…justice cannot be repaid with kindness…?” the villain offered.

“Oh, yeah. Yep. Yes. Cool. Cool. Puhhh—” The hero was grinning, close to breaking again. “Fuck, sorry. It’s just…it’s an inside joke in my class. The thing you said, I mean. The dishwater thing. My professor says that all the time and we all make fun of it.”

No way.

“Wait. You don’t happen to have the laziest graduates ever in your biology class, then?” The villain grinned until it hurt. They had never been happier to cause chaos on campus.

“No fucking way.” The hero let out another one of those cute laughs and they even jumped a bit. “Oh my god. I thought I made a fool out of myself when I started laughing. You’re in that class, too?!”

“You are a fool already. And yes, I am. Have you started the assignment yet?” The hero looked at them and for a terrible moment their questioning look was close to You haven’t?!

Sleeping in this biology class was deadly.

Sleeping in any biology class is deadly.

So, it wasn’t that improbable that the hero had finished it compared to the villain who was a procrastinator through and through. They still had two days left, though. Not that bad.

“Nope. My pages are still blank.” The villain let out a heavy breath of relief. All those years in school they had learnt to love such words. Words of the same laziness and motivation lacking actions the pupils around them were drenched in.

No one likes to do what they’re told. People tend to be incredibly lazy.

Sometimes, the villain wondered why schools even existed, then. But in those times they would remember the value of their education and the importance of academic achievement and holy shit the hero was in their class. Awesome.

“Yeah, me neither. I suck at cytology.”

“I could help you,” the hero offered. Their whole weight was on their left leg now, their hands on their hips. They stared down at the villain who was still tied to the streetlamp. “…but I guess you should stop your little pranks and thefts for a while in return.”

Seductive.

“Define a while, please,” the villain said. They were actually not that bad at cytology. Maybe they just wanted to find out who of the laziest graduates ever was their hero. Maybe they wanted to annoy the hero. They didn’t really know, yet. It was weird, the thing they were feeling. Unfamiliar. They were full of excitement and for the first time in months happy to be in that class.

“…two weeks?”

“Deal.”

The villain hadn’t hesitated.

[cannoli-reader]

"Egwene is many things but above all else, she is unbreakable.”  

- some strange lady with the same name as Nynaeve and none of her character traits, S1E5

This was clearly a fan-service quote based on her performance in the Tower in KoD & tGS, perceived by many readers as an epic achievement.  But even stipulating it is a valid take, that is Book 11 & 12 of a series whose author intended to end with 12 books. “Unbreakable” is supposed to be her end state!  Bilbo does not start out “The Hobbit” as a badass burglar, the Pevensie kids were not worthy rulers when they arrived at Professor Kirke’s house and Voldemort would have mopped the floor with Harry Potter had their duel taken place in “The Sorcerer's Stone”.  The whole point of a story is to get the character to that end state!  

In fact, Egwene, during the time allegedly adapted to the screen, is very much “breakable.” She was broken in book 2 by the Seanchan, and her arc in book 3 is an exploration of how she is broken and gets put back together. 

So much of the development of certain characters on the show smacks of children playing a game and claiming every possible beneficial attribute and superior ability for their action figure or alter-ego, whether they understand it or not, whether it matters or not for the character’s mission or role, they just want it because it’s cool.  In this case, I am sure they have no idea what it means to make Egwene and Nynaeve (possibly? Clarity is another area where they are not super accomplished) ta’veren. 

Basically, Egwene is their favorite and they cannot stand the idea of Mat or Perrin having something she does not. Everything  has to be an accomplishment for her, that’s why they spend time showing her “surviving” her coming-of-age ceremony, when there is no indication of any such ceremony when she got her braid in the book. That’s why they have that Handmaid’s Tale bullshit with the Children of the Light and make Perrin’s abuse at their hands a problem for Egwene, rather than an ordeal Perrin undergoes (Seriously, name one place where the show addresses Perrin’s experience of having been tortured or indicates that he is at all affected once he has physically recovered).  That’s why they inadvertently make Egwene the object in a conflict between Rand and Perrin, despite denouncing that concept in the script, because Egwene is just so great everyone has to be in love with her (Mat was not in the scene, otherwise we’d have a reveal that he had a thing for her too), and also so they can pay lip service to feminism by having Nynaeve rebuke Rand and Perrin for constantly fighting over her (footage not found: Rand and Perrin ever fighting over Egwene. The only manifestation of Perrin’s interest is him asking Rand mildly about her trial, and telling him to give Egwene his best.  The only fight they have “over” her is simply Rand claiming Perrin's affection compromises him in their debate).  

Even Nynaeve is not allowed to have her own toys in the story.  Her unique Healing Talent becomes shared by Egwene as well in the finale, and even her backstory anecdote, used to show her concern and care for her fellow villagers and reveal the circumstances of her channeling (and how those two things are inextricably intertwined for Nynaeve), is repurposed to demonstrate Egwene’s “indestructibility”.  In the books, when Nynaeve first appears on the page, her presence is so strong that it takes Rand some time to even realize that his girlfriend is present as well. They reverse this on the show, as the camera follows Egwene during the opening scene with both women, and when they both arrive on the scene with Rand and the other boys, Nynaeve is the one who is barely noticeable, ducking out of the frame in a split second (9:59 and no more) to make Egwene the center of attention.  

In the books, the Two Rivers is not as important to Egwene as it is to the others, or at most, she learns to truly appreciate it only once she is no longer in a position to go home.  While still in town, for good or for ill, her focus is on shaking the dust of Emond’s Field off her feet as soon as she can. She undoubtedly did not disgrace herself when the Trollocs attacked on Winternight, but there is a reason why Jordan did not show her defending people or standing up to the Trollocs - because that’s not the point of her character.  But we do get that on the show as Egwene tries to shield her fellow townsfolk with her body (poorly, from a technical choreography perspective).  The only person we see Nynaeve trying to protect is Egwene and both of Nynaeve’s efforts to care for injured villagers are futile, as one bleeds out and a Trolloc drags her away from the second.  It is Egwene and her parents caring for the wounded in the aftermath when Rand arrives, and Egwene is told by Moiraine that she must come with the group.  All of these things could not miss the point harder.  Even her chance to be a Wisdom’s apprentice is framed as a vocation on the show, whereas in the books, it was an illustration of her ambition. That is why it is important that Egwene is the one to decide that she will go with the group, makes her own preparations and insists on coming along. But ambition is seen as less virtuous than being simply handed power and accolades, and because some people cite that ambition as a point against Egwene, the show “cleverly” forestalls any possible criticism of their fave by stripping her of all agency in the first episode.  Even her choice to say ‘yes’ to Nynaeve’s offer of teaching is framed as something she could hardly refuse, with Rand taking her acceptance as a foregone conclusion. 

The most annoying thing, is that ta’veren status is neither a power nor a rank. It’s simply a mechanism to effect changes.  It does not give the ta’veren anything in particular, Egwene in the books has as much plot armor and level boosts falling into her lap as the boys do.  What it does is impart a sort of clarity.  It helps people see the truth about one another, and make connections. The point in the story is that all the political factions and competing agendas and divisions among humans are artificial constructs of society that are important some times, but not when the Shadow threatens.  Ta’veren exist to overcome those divisions, nothing more.  The historical ta’veren did this: Lews Therin united the reeling forces of the Light to stand up to the Shadow and brought together the male channelers to seal away the Dark One. Mabriam en Shereed forged the alliance between the Ten Nations that enabled them to fight together in the Trolloc Wars, and Artur Hawkwing transcended international borders in order to ready the world for another Trolloc invasion which he was able to quell at the outset.  We see this with Rand and Mat and Perrin, all leading alliances (Aiel, Tear, Illian & Cairhien) and coalitions (Two Rivers, Ghealdan, Mayene) and armies (the Band of the Red Hand) of men from many nations, making nobles and commoners cooperate and ignoring all the constructs that keep them apart.  Egwene (and Elayne) does not need to be ta’veren, because she has access to an institution that transcend nations and peoples. The boys are outside the power structure, so they are ta’veren to bring others together outside of it.  The girls are not, because they are inside the structures, holding power by virtue of institutional rank of Queen, Amyrlin and Aes Sedai.  But that would entail understanding the work, instead of unapologetically stanning for your faves. There is a place for that - as a reader or viewer.  Not as a writer, showrunner or director (or ghostwriter. Looking at you, Mr. Brandon “Androl is the Bestest Asha’man Evar” Sanderson). 

Honestly, I think one of the reasons the Wheel of Time show flopped was how badly they missed the point of the characters - The most egregious example being making Egwene ta’veren.

I can’t fathom how anyone that has actually read the books could have possibly thought that not being ta’veren somehow makes her less special. She accomplishes everything she does without the benefit of effectively playing with cheat codes on, like the main boys do - That’s what makes her so inspiring, and that’s what makes her sacrifice in the end so impactful.

Yes, she was born with exceptional potential with the One Power, but her channeling is arguably the least exceptional thing about her. Everything she accomplished, she accomplished with her blood, sweat, and tears, and an absolutely inhuman amount of willpower. In my personal opinion, making her one of the Chosen Ones™ cheapens her character immensely.