#think about how much more good we could have done from stable ground

[tearlessrain]

I hope even one single person who refused to vote to preserve their Moral Purity realizes the monumental degree to which they fucked up

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

Hwang Hyunjin Perspective Reading

It has been a while since I connected with a Stray Kids member. It is time for me to get to the next member I want to do. His energy tends to confuse the hell out of me, so hopefully I get more clarification in this reading. The song he gave me was The Story by Brandi Carlile.

You see the smile that's on my mouth It's hiding the words that don't come out And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed They don't know my head is a mess

I feel these lyrics can resonate with his story and what is going on in is life. I get this sense when I read for him energetically. I feel this story fits with lots of idols, but it seems to resonate with his energy the most right now, since I got this song for him. I will now get to the cards.

So, before I pulled the card, I did get the message disgruntled soul. I do feel it fits with the cards I am getting here. We start with the is this me? card. Is this all he is, he may think, now we go the temple of my body card, yeah, never like seeing this. I just hear, am I just a sex object, or used for pleasure. Now, this could mean for the public and not in a sexual favor's way, but not too certain with that one. It is like he may see himself as just his body, like what is he in the inside, he may not know.

I am not sure he was able to define himself, even at a young age. I am not sure he knows who he is. Does he show his body off a lot? I get a sense his body is shown a lot. It is there to entice others. Now, to the anger and chains card, he has a lot of frustration and anger about things. But I also get chaotic energy, like he may like to create chaos. I am not really sure why he wants to create it, to rebel in some sense. To let out his frustration possibly.

Now, the final card is the envious gluttony card. The number on it is 9, which makes me think of the 9 of swords, lots of tormented thoughts he could have, and he may drown that in addictions he may have, what that is, I don't know. Or I am getting a sense that he is there for pleasure, to the eyes of others, how sinister that is I don't know. It could be for the fans or in private. It is like people take away a part of him. Or drain him. They suck away the true essence of himself.

This one card came out in reversed, and it shows a person feeling free and at peace. The number on it is 8, which makes me think of the 8 of Swords. I can see this as him wanting to be freer, to let go of the mask he has and to take action on what he chooses to do, but he tends to constrict himself and silence himself. I look at this card that states, focus on higher truths and I hear, the truth will set you free. I feel he may have to mask a lot of himself. There is a lot of anxiety he deals with and struggles with. Which can be reduced if he allows himself to just be and let go. I know easier said than done but constraining himself doesn't really benefit him.

There are energetic ties he must release, if that is to people or to situations, I am unsure of. A need for him to let go and release things. If he is able to ground himself and stabilize himself. He may need to work more with his root chakra energy. He will have the ability to evolve and grow. He may not have had much security growing up, maybe a lack of a stable childhood, which can lead him to be so confused as an adult. There are aspects of himself he doesn't really like to accept and could feel shame for it. But he's got to work on healing those wounds and learn to embrace all parts of himself. There could be things about his body he may not like and can't accept, not sure why that came up, but going with it.

I don't particular feel as a child he was very nurtured, so his inner child stays strong in him and maybe still longs to be nurtured and cared for. I also see him wanting to protect that part of himself from being seen. He's got to work on finding a good strong support system to help him during challenging times and work on repelling negative energy around him. He could be susceptible to that energy and may need to work on clearing that from his life. I see a lot of cards of success for him in his life but working on removing negativity and this anger he may have would be important, because these can be blockers to his success. This could also mean his focus should be more on his blessings and success he has rather than focus on the negative aspects of things. It is like he can have all these good things happening around him, but this one little thing tears him apart.

Once again, getting that he did not have a comfortable homelife or upbringing or he was brought away from the home way too soon. So, he wasn't able to get a strong sense of self. He just seems out of his element most of the time. He may also feel like an outsider as well. Now, with this cave card and shadow card, both talk about hiding in the shadows, keeping things hidden. There could be a challenge to address his shadow side. There is a mystery to him, things he prefers to keep hidden, but there are also things he represses and doesn't address. I feel there is more to him than he shows. The power of his words is important, he can use them as weapons, can be brutal and harsh with his words. But he can also use his words to inspire and bring light to others. He seems very good at communicating what he wants to share and can be good at getting his messaging out. He can help, but he can hurt. I feel he may have a desire to defend himself and others as well with his words.

So, we end with Tarot, and start with the Devil card, as I mentioned he can have the tendency to have some addictions or toxic patterns and could be someone who has strong attachments to things or people. We also have the 3 of Swords, and as I mentioned above, one of the keywords here, is hurtful words, but there could be hurt, frustration and he may be someone who wants to communicate all that pain he may have felt, but it could be hard. I just hear shh, don't say that, so either he says that to himself or others do so.

Now, we end with the Hierophant, this could indicate he is frustrated with the higher ups or people who have power over him. He may feel constrained to follow orders or what has been done. Now looking at this combination of cards as a whole. I take as he is very confined to the powers that be, his company and higher ups and it frustrates him, how he manifests that frustration and hurt I am not too sure of. He feels he is limited on what he can do and does he really have a say in anything.

Okay, that was interesting. I thought this would be a lot harder on me to do this one, but this helped me understand him a bit more and I enjoyed getting to know a little more of who he is and hopefully you do as well. Sending him healing energy.

[multbasa]

I never got into the Archie comics for a variety of reasons, but one of my issues with it was the portrayal of the future where Silver is from. I really really dislike the idea that the future is "stable" and it doesn't matter what happens in the past even with time travel because it won't affect the future. I honestly hate it.

What's the point in traveling back in time if it affects nothing? It doesn't reflect the actual canon future in the Sonic games which is clearly volatile and changes often in response to present events as we can see with Silver's numerous appearances where he had a good future in Colours but a bad future in Forces.

And this will offend some people, but I didn't like the Article future cast either. Silver having his own crew of friends in some unchanging future really defeats the purpose of his time travel and I much prefer the existential horror of the delicate existence of everyone Silver may meet in any one future.

The idea that some existences will be erased or changed when he goes to the past all for the greater good is much more reflective of Silver to me. He's someone who considers the bigger picture over the few which contrasts him from Sonic who had seen what Eggman has done but still would not go so far as to kill him.

We see this side of Silver in '06 where he and Blaze promised to fix the world at any cost, and he struggles with the thought of killing one to save the world. He ends up being unable to choose the world over his only friend and when the sky clears, he looks away even though that was what he wanted all this time.

We also see this in Rivals 2 (albeit more aggressively because every character is super aggressive in that game) where Silver is very driven to complete his goal even at the expense of others for the greater good. He and Espio end up leaving Eggman Nega to die in the Ifrit dimension.

And even though I hate Forces' portrayal of Silver being a "realist", the fact that he prioritizes the bigger issues over finding Sonic does make sense for that part of his character—my issue with Forces is that he can't be a realist because a realist wouldn't travel back in time, and Silver being pessimistic about Sonic surviving while he was optimistic in '06 even when Sonic was dead in front of him is such a mischaracterization.

Silver is the way he is because of how volatile the future is with how much is on the line. He's an optimist who holds onto hope that he can fix everything (which also gives him a bit of an ego). Giving him a stable future defeats the purpose of his time travel and diminishes his motivations. He is the way he is because the future can be changed and changes often.

The IDW comics have Silver in the past for "no reason" which is fine to keep him around in the main cast, but they are not allowed to show details of the future created which is mandated by SEGA. A lot of people hate this, but since the writers are from the Archie comics, I'm actually glad because I fear they would just tread the same ground and make the future impossible to change because it would affect original characters. I'm happy that Silver can be involved in present events because he gets to interact with the main cast a lot more. In Sonic Team Racing, he is shown to be a bit paranoid about things that could happen with a bit of a strong intuition which I think is something that can be explored in the present. He's so focused on the future that he struggles to relax when there isn't an obvious threat. IDW already touched upon this which I think is great and I want to see them explore his character more.

Also give us more depictions of Silver's power. I love the fact that Silver is threatening but everyone is fortunate that he is so focused on doing good. I like seeing characters in the series like Mimic see Silver as a threat.

I think there's a lot that can be explored without establishing some cushy happy future with cushy happy friends. Silver is alone in his time travel and the people he meets in the futures he creates may not exist in the next one and that is way more interesting to me and includes a moral question that is more meaningful than "Silver goes back just to make the past a little nicer which has zero impact on the future because the future doesn't change."

[ciaossu-imagines]

Chrome Dokuro and grief

Chrome, sad to say, is really so used to being alone and lost in grief. Her upbringing with her mother taught her grief from early on. She’s always been sad. She’s always been alone. She’s been that for so long that those emotions are just so much a part of her makeup that she legitimately does not notice them anymore. Even when she finds a place among the Kokuyo Gang, there’s always been reminders that she could easily become alone again. Even when she makes friends with Kyoko, Haru, and I-Pin and starts to gain confidence and a life, there’s still that part of her that is deeply sad but knows how to continue on.

Because of this, small moments of grief aren’t even noticed by her. Things that would make other people sad, that would feel like loss to them – losing something small and sentimental, failing a test, disappointing someone, having a favourite character die…those are all things that are about the same base level of sad that she’s been so used to carrying around that those things are at most a small blip on her radar. She’ll mostly feel upset at herself and will definitely blame herself only if it’s things that she could have prevented, like the loss of an item or disappointing someone. She’ll beat herself up over it and push herself to do better next time, but it doesn’t provoke a strong grief response.

The only time this changes is if it is something related to Mukuro, Ken, or Chikusa. We see this in canon – the trident breaking during the ring battles, her alone in Kokuyo Land during the future arc. These definitely pull out more of an emotional response from her, but her grief is less expressed through sadness or despair. It’s more often expressed through fear and a kind of avolition. She gets frightened more easily and she finds it hard to know what to do. She finds it hard to make any decisions or even to make herself get up and try. She retreats into herself, huddles into her own little world, and waits for orders from someone she feels is better than she is.

While this will improve as she ages, I do think grief is always going to be expressed as fear in some way when it comes to Chrome. This is especially noticeable when it comes to the times when she will actually acutely feel grief, which is through a loss of someone in her life. This could be anything from someone actively deciding to leave her, such as a friendship ending or a romantic partner leaving her, to someone actively dying who was important to her.

In both cases, Chrome feels intense sadness, yes, but even more so, she finds herself filled with an anxiety and fear that is cloying, almost choking her in its intensity. What is she going to do without this person in her life? Did she do something wrong? Is she responsible for this? Is she still not good enough? How is she going to survive now? What should she do? What even can be done? What’s the right thing to say, to do, to feel?

It’s all a big, confusing, scary mess of a world after a loss in Chrome’s life and she retreats a little bit into herself. She is definitely someone who, after a major loss in her life, could fall into a deep depression. She needs other people in her life during these times to keep her grounded, to encourage her and kind of direct her in what to do. They need to keep her stable while allowing her the room she needs to make sense of everything going on in her head.

Unfortunately, this often leaves Chrome open to being mistreated in a lot of ways, because in the wake of that grief, she’s going to cling super tightly to whoever shows her kindness, mercy or even a scrap of love. She was denied those things for so long that it really does only make sense that when they are given to her, even with ulterior motives, she can’t really see anything beyond those things. Because of this, people with less than positive motivations, or who treat her rather unkindly, can often fuck around with her or mistreat her and she won’t leave, just because she so desperately doesn’t want to lose someone else from her life, not so soon after a loss.

I will say that, as an adult, she is less prone to that and when that situation does happen, she does find the courage to leave it quicker than she would’ve as a teenage girl.

[devastator1775]

Anne's Journey: Two eternal Souls And The Lost Daughter - Chapter 6: Smooth sailing ...into stormy weather

Summary: In this extra long chapter, Anne and Ashley need to find somewhere to sleep, have a phone call to make, deal with some ruffians, have a train to catch and end up somewhere mysteriously familiar.

Also on Archive Of Our Own

“Ahh, A-Anne, please be gentle.”

“Don’t fuss, I know what I’m doing.”

“Is it supposed to feel this- haahh!”

“That sure sounded like it felt good.”

“S-shut – nnmm -shut up!”

“Just relax and let my magic fingers do their work.”

“Innuendo, much?”

Anne looked up from her laptop with a sigh. She had spent most of their time inside the train making changes to their ID chips, just to be safe. “You want us to get flagged as ‘underage runaways’ whenever we try to buy something, or need to check in somewhere?” She asked her friend, who was getting very bored being attached to said laptop. “No? Then let me work. I’m almost done anyway.”

“Ugh, this cable is itchy. What’s it made of? Fiber glass?” Ashley asked, sitting on her hands to keep herself from scratching the data port at the back of her neck. She gave Anne a worried grimace. “Hey, is this gonna work? Editing our ID Chips?”

“Uh, kinda?” Anne could feel Ashley’s gaze trying to burn a hole in her scalp. Anne looked up with a sheepish grin. “Lemme rephrase: when I’m done, we will have overwritten fake identities over our actual ones, but they’ll most likely reset back after a while, since it’s not done with an official program.” Her laptop beeped, signaling that the program had run its course. She gestured at Ashley that she could take out the

“So, what you’re saying ...” Ash let out a sigh of relief when she pulled the cable out her neck port. “-that we’ll need to do this again? Yay …”

“Hey, it’s no fun for me neither, y’know.” Anne groaned and rubbed the back of her neck. Ash hadn’t been wrong about the cable being itchy. “You know, theoretically, to make it really convincing, I should be doing this inside a Cradle Facility. Their computer systems have unrestrained access to the Global Registry. Any changes I’d make there, would be permanent.”

“Yeah, I think we are in enough trouble without us breaking inside a government facility.” Ash grinned and winked at Anne. “A second time, I mean.”

“Yeah, yeah …” Anne mumbled, that warm feeling buzzing inside her core again. She needed to perform an internal diagnostic when she had the time, because it was happening more often. And coincidentally, it happened every time when Ash was looking at h- you know, it is probably nothing, a glitch of some kind. Something completely logical, so there was no need for silly thoughts that messed her head up any more than it already was.

She yelped when a screw hit her on the side of the head. “Hey, what was that for?”

“Back in the land of the living, 2Tone? I’ve been trying to flag down your attention.” Ashley grinned. Anne noticed she was putting her stuff away. “Grab your stuff. The train’s slowing down.”

Almost as to emphasize the redheaded Drones’s statement, the trains brakes suddenly screeched. Anne yelped again when the sudden decline in momentum made her lose her balance, almost making her toppling over. She chuckled nervously as she scrambled up. “It seems you are right!”

“Of course I am!” Ashley shouted, trying to be louder than the screaming brakes. “Tell you one thing: I’ll be glad to finally be out of this bouldering box and get my feet on some more stable ground!”

“Yeah, same!” Anne quickly gathered her belongings, stuffing them inside her travel pack. In hindsight, she really hadn’t realized how boring this part of the plan would have been. They had been hiding in this cargo container for almost an entire day, and the train had only made a few stops, to unload and load on cargo. Luckily for the two stowaways, it seemed that their container hadn’t been on the schedule, so they had been left to their own devices for the entire time.

But there is only so much that they can do inside this limited space, and make sure no-one would find out that they were illegally traveling along. After they had snuck on board, they had taken a long nap to recharge as much of their energy as they could. After that, discussed about what they would be doing next, watched a few movies on Anne’s laptop, or just …talked with each other.

Ashley’s presence had been a boon to Anne, and not only because she was along for the ride. Just knowing that the red-eyed Drone was with her, it just …made her feel safe. She’s always had this feeling around her partner – wow, weird. Why did use that word? – ever since they were little. Anne could always count on Ashley to have her back.

Ashley always had been the one looking out for Anne. Whether it was defending her from bullies who would make fun of her dual-colored eyes, making sure she was taking enough rest between long study sessions, or being a blanket of comfort after she had her heart broken when the girl that she had been crushing on for the better part of a year had harshly rejected her. And Anne knew that the feeling was mutual, and that the strongheaded Drone relied on her as much as the other way around.

Ash’s parents divorced ten years ago, and it wasn’t an easy one, nor without its damages. Her mother, Marlene, didn’t hide that she wanted to have any sort of responsibilities regarding her only daughter, something the cruel woman had stated loud and clearly while she knew Ashley was in the room. After the divorce was settled, Marlene left without even saying a single word to her daughter, and that was the last time that Ashley had ever seen or spoken to her mother. And while Franklin did his best, he also didn’t act completely right towards Asheley. The man, in staunch contrast to his ex-wife, was devoted to his daughter and wanted to make sure that she’d never want for nothing, so he’d work long hours. But in doing so, he pretty much secluded himself in his store and spend less and less time with his daughter, who, in the meantime, was hurting much as well.

The Brinkmans had practically taken Ashley as one of her own during the divorce, and in the time afterwards. Anne sometimes wondered what kind of person Ash would’ve turned out if her mothers hadn’t been there to supplement some of the love that the latter felt she was missing. Nor what could have happened if Naomi, who finally couldn’t take it anymore that Franklin was – albeit nonintentional – neglecting his daughter, hadn’t decided to take matters into her own hands. One evening, after she had picked up the two girls from school and dropped them and her wife off at home, she went straight to Franklin’s Store to – in her words – ‘set him straight’.

Anne never found out what she exactly had done or said, but afterwards, Franklin changed his ways and became a father to Ashley again, instead of someone who just forwarded the cash for her education. These days, Franklin still spent a lot of time in his store, often leaving before Ash woke up, but things were a lot better. At the age of 16, Ash had become a very independent and resourceful woman. She often helped out in the store after school, and had shown interest in eventually taking over the store once Franklin retires. But just as often, she would spend time at the Brinkman home

And that’s why’d you never see the two apart. Where one was, the other wasn’t far away. People sometimes referred to them being as ‘close to being sisters’, but that …never felt right, for either of them. Anne knew their bond was unbreakable, but she never could figure out what it precisely was. Maybe one day she could a tag on it, but for now … she was just happy that Ashley was here with her.

“So, what’s the plan, chief?” Ashley asked, hoisting her backpack over her shoulders with a huff.

Anne, suddenly jolted out of her trip down memory lane, cleared her throat, hoping that her companion hadn’t noticed her zoning out. “Right, uh …so, the next train that we need isn’t arriving until tomorrow, so …I guess we’ll just get out and find a place to rest until then.”

“Okay, where do you reckon we should go?”

“I dunno.” Anne said with a shrug. “It’s not like I’ve never been in Faraday City before, you know?”

Faraday City was the Capital of Omega District, one of the more populated districts on Copper-9. It was like one of those cities you saw on grimy detective movies. Big city, a lot of noise, towering skyscrapers in the City Centre, hustlers roaming the streets who eagerly swindled money of unwitting newcomers, tourist attractions that did the very same thing, people everywhere on busy streets, and two small drones in the middle of it. Luckily, they didn’t need to go anywhere near the City Centre and only be in the calmer and more quiet outer parts of the city. That way, they could avoid any unnecessary complications.

Anne rather would have made someplace more …pleasant her midway stop, but this had been the only train that would’ve taken her close enough to the Zeta District without the need of even more stops along the way.

“Aww, my poor Anne, what would you do without me?” Ashley fluttered her eyes at her friend. “You are so lucky that I decided to come with you.”

“Bite me, Radish” Anne bit back, albeit in the same playful tone that Ashley had used on her, sticking out her tongue at her friend.

Ashley chuckled as she whipped out her phone and started looking up the nearest – and cheapest – place for them to sleep. “So …if I’m reading this right, the nearest B&B is …actually not that far. Hey, it’s got four stars. ‘Food sucked, but the lady running the place was very nice and reminded me of my gran-gran.’. “

“Looks like we’re visiting Gran-gran.” Anne joked, steadying herself as the train started to slow down even more. “And don’t forget: if anyone asks, my name is Ruby Porter, and yours is Abbigail Lecter.”

“Just call me Abby, Rubes.” Ashley affirmed with a cheeky grin.

With a final hiss, the train finally came to a complete standstill. Anne opened the door of their temporarily lodgings and peeked out. Whith the coast clear, they quickly left the boxcar without anyone seeing them and headed into the city.

***

It took a bit of navigating through the unfamiliar city, but eventually the duo managed to reach the little Bed & Breakfast. Too bad they hadn’t reached it sooner, because it had started to rain not too long after they had managed to make their exit out of the station. And to make things worse, it had taken the two girls completely by surprise. By the time they had found their destination, they were soaked. They pretty much rammed the door in, in order to escape the weather. The elderly Drone behind the counter let out a small yelp, startled by the sudden appearance of two wet and exhausted Drones, but let out a soft chuckle and greeted them with a warm smile.

“Well, that’s certainly one way to make an entrance.” The old lady chuckled, shuffling from behind the counter to greet her new guests. “Anything to get out of the rain, am I right?”

“We are so sorry for barging in like that, ma’am.” Ashley panted, doubled over and resting her hands on her knees. “Me and my friend got caught in the rain, and-“

“We’re sorry for scaring you, Ma’am.” Anne panted, pretty much steadying herself on Ashley’s shoulder. That run had exhausted her. She might have enhanced strength and speed, gained through mysterious means, but her stamina was still the same. Which wasn’t much.

“Oh, pish-posh, no harm done. And don’t you ‘ma’am’ me.” She wiggled her finger at them, almost like a scolding grandma, but with sparkles of mischief reflected in lilac eyes. “You may call me Madam Layla, and I’m the proprietor of this little respite out of the rain.”

“I’m Abby, Ma’ …Madame Layla.” Ashely began, remembering to use her fake name. She slapped Anne on the back, nearly knocking her over. “This short stack is Ruby.”

“Bite me!” Anne bit back, giving Ash a playful push.

“Well, Abby and Ruby, how can this old lady help you?” Madama Layla asked, trotting back to her counter.

“Do you have a room free for the night?” Anne asked.

Madam Layla furrowed her brow and let out a sigh, scratching her cheek in thought. “Oh, there have been so many guests arriving and leaving today, I can’t actually remember on top of my head. Hang on, let me check my register.” Madama Layla started up her computer, letting out a chuckle. “Never get old, ladies. By the time you reach my age, your memory storage is filled with wonderful memories, but the little things tend to slip through the cracks. Aah, here we go!”

Anne and Ashley gave each other a look, hoping for the best. The only other place they could afford was too far away from the station, not without spending even money on transport. After spending the entire day inside that cargo box, they were longing for something with a bit more legroom …and comfy matrasses.

“Looks like you’re in luck, girls.” Layla said with a warm smile. “I’ve got one room left.”

“Great.” Anne exclaimed.

Madam Layla looked up from her computer with a grin. “It’s only got the one double bed, though, but I guess it’s not going to be a problem, right?”

“Uh, why?” Ashley asked.

“Aren’t you a couple?” The elderly Drone smiled playfully. “I tend to have an eye for the romantic matters in life.”

Anne and Ashley gave each other a look. Their visors both lit up with a blush and they quickly sidestepped away from each other.

“No, just friends!” Anne exclaimed, letting out a nervous chuckle.

Ashley bashfully played with the straps of her backpack. “Yup, j-just friends. Always have been just that.”

“Uh-huh, right …” Madama Layla giggled, but didn’t press on. “Well, may I ask why a pair of ‘just friends’ are in the capital of the Omega District, at this hour and heaving such heavy backpacks with them?”

“Just passing through. We’re visiting some relatives of mine in the Epsilon District, and our train doesn’t come until tomorrow.” Anne explained, trying her very best not to make eye contact with Ashley. Technically, they would need to pass through the Epsilon District to reach the Zeta District, so she wasn’t actually lying about that.

“The Epsilon District, my my. And traveling so far, all on your own?” Madama Layla asked, glancing up from her computer, an almost worried glint in her eyes. “You two don’t look to be much older than sixteen.”

“Yeah, we get that a lot.” Ashley stated with a grin.

“Yeah, we’ve always looked younger than we actually are.” Anne added, hoping her voice didn’t crack too much. “Good maintenance and regular polish scrubs, and all that.”

“Hmmm, is that so?” Madama Layla hummed and took out a scanner. “I still need to scan your ID chips for confirmation, though. Protocol, ‘and all that’.”

“Yup, no problem.” Anne agreed, very happy that she had the foresight to edit their ID chips. Little alternations like name and age wouldn’t be picked up by a standard ID-scanner at a local B&B.

Madame Layla scanned the two of them and checked the result on her computer. After a few tense seconds, she looked up with a smile. “Everything seems to be in order, ladies. Now, just to settle your payment.”

She waited patiently while Anne paid for the room. Once that was done, she shuffled out from behind her counter and gestured towards the stairs. “Your room is on the second floor. Follow me and let’s get you settled for the night, shall we?”

As they followed their host up the stairs, they listened while she laid down some rules. “Now, you’re not the only guests here, so please keep it down after 10pm. I don’t want to hear complaints from my other guests, you hear?”

“No problem.” Ashley grinned evilly at Anne. “This one does snore, though.”

“Har-har, very funny, Abbigail.” The targeted Drone deadpanned with a roll of her two-toned eyes. “Uh, we’ll be leaving very early tomorrow and we won’t have much time. Will that be a problem?”

“Not at all, sweetie.” Layla stated. “Just make sure the room is tidied up a bit before you leave, and just drop the key in the little jar on the counter.” She stopped in front a door. “This is your room. Why don’t you get in and get dried off?”

She opened the door to the room. True to her word, it had one double bed, a table, a closet for those who spend more than one night there. Just a regular room with the bare essentials. Just what they needed for a good night’s rest.

“Thank you, Madama Layla.” Anne said with a grateful smile. She was really starting to feel the exhaustion of the trip. She stepped right in and threw her back on the floor, by the heater.”

Ashley was about to follow her, when Madama Layla placed her hand on her shoulder. “Oh, Miss Abigail?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“Your friend might believe her own words, but you aren’t convinced by your own at all.” Layla smiled wittingly. “Take some advice from an old lady who has been around the block a few times. Don’t wait too long and take your chance. If you wait until it’s too late, you’ll never stop wondering what could have happened.”

Ashley opened her mouth to object, but …just blushed and nodded.

Layla smiled warmly, patting the redheaded Drone on her shoulder. “Good night, Miss Lecter.” She craned her neck so she could see Anne. “Good night, Miss Porter!” She gave Ashley a final look before she went down the stairs, humming an old love song the former couldn’t remember the name off.

“What did she have to say to you?” Anne asked, taking off her wet jacket and hanging it over a chair.

“Just some more reminders about ‘being mindful for the other patrons’ tranquility, things like that.” Ashley lied. With a content sigh, she flopped down on the bed, spreading her arms in its blissful softness. “Greetings, soft matrass, how I’ve missed you. Never leave me again.”

Anne chuckled, amused by her companion’s antics, taking out her laptop. She placed it down on the little table and stared at it, letting out a sigh, which caught the attention of Ashley.

“Something wrong?” The redhead asked, sitting up.

“No.” A pause. “Yeah, maybe. I was …thinking of calling my parents? They must be worried sick.”

“Oh …” Ashley stood up and walked over to Anne, hugging herself. “Yeah, we kinda left our folks behind, didn’t we?”

“I never asked before, but did you leave a message for you dad?” Anne asked, turning to her friend. “You did leave him something, right?”

“Yeah, a note that I would be sleeping over at your place for a few days. It’s not like he’s been seeing me a lot lately anyway.” She grimaced when she saw Anne’s confused expression. “Pops has been working longer days these last couple of weeks. Like, twenty-four/seven kind of long, and doing these special promos. I think he’s saving up for something for us. Maybe a vacation, or a new car.” She let out a chuckle. “That, or he’s been dating someone without telling me. In any case, until he’s informed otherwise, he won’t be worried about me. That is, if your parents haven’t already put the entire town in an uproar.”

Anne nodded, turning back to her laptop, contemplating her options. Should she just call and let them know she was alright, but risk herself of being tracked again? But the thought of her parents gnawed at her insides. Then, in the corner of her eyes, she saw that the room came with its own phone, and that gave her an idea. She grabbed the phone from the stand, took out some cables and other devices out of her backpack and started to put them together.

“Uh, what are you doing?” Ashley asked, genuinely confused. “I don’t think Madame Layla is gonna be pleased we’re messing with her property.”

“Don’t fuss, I know what I’m doing.”

“Are ya?”

“Shhh!” Anne plugged in the last cable, and …stared at the phone in her hand. She sighed deeply and sat down on the nearest chair.

“Anne?” Ashley walked over, concerned. “You good?”

“Yeah, just …this is going to suck, isn’t it?” Anne winced.

“Probably …” Ashley rubbed the back of her head. “What are you gonna say to them?”

“Dunno …something, I guess?” Anne’s core was buzzing, both of stress, but also with a certain excitement. She turned to her laptop and with a few command lines, activated a program on her computer. A timer appeared on screen. Good, her program worked ...a little too well. Her location was being scrambled, but judging by countdown, it would only give her a several minutes before someone – be it police or whoever the hacker was – could trace them. Still …time enough to let her parents know she is alright … and to find out if they called the police on them yet. She grabbed the phone and gave Ashley a nod. “Okay, here’s goes nothing.”

She took a deep breath and started to dial in the number of her house.

She pressed the dial button.

It was making connection.

It was ringing.

Someone picked up.

“Hello?”

Anne’s core jumped when she recognized Hazel’s voice. Her voice sounded …tired and exhausted. She could only imagine in what state her parents were right now.

“Mom, …It’s me.”

There was a loud squeal. “ANNE! Honey, I am so happy to hear from you! We were so worried! where are you?! Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“Mom, I-“

“Naomi, what are you-?” A scuffle sounded on the other end of the phone, with Hazel apparently wrestling to keep possession of the phone.

“Gimme!” A new voice sounded on the other side. It was Naomi, who evidently had managed to secure the phone out of her wife’s hands. “Anne?”

“Hi, Momma …” Anne gulped, recognized that tone of voice her momma was using at the moment. She had heard it enough whenever she – and often with Ashley – had gotten into trouble.

“Anne! Elliot! Brinkman! You are in so much trouble, you don’t even know! You’ll come home this instant, and maybe – maybe – you’ll only be grounded until you graduate college!” Naomi threatened. “And that’s a big ‘maybe’!”

“Mom, I can’t.” Anne had trouble keeping her voice even. She wasn’t scared, but …this was hard on her. Never in her life had she ever thought that she would have to hurt her parents in such a way.

There was a soft sob on the other end. Naomi spoke again but this time, her voice sounded …broken, desperate and on the brink of crying. “Anne, my baby girl, please, please, please, come back home. I don’t know what I did wrong, but I know I can do better. I will be better. Just …come back. You will have anything your heart desires, just come home to us!”

Anne’s lips quivered, and a digital tear ran down her visor as guilt and regret filled her core. “Momma, I promise it’s not you. It’s me.”

“Anne …please …”

“Omi, how about you let me talk with Anne for a while? Go sit down, please.” Hazel’s voice sounded soft and cautious. After a few moments of silence, Anne could hear how the phone exchanged hands, and a moment later she could hear her other mother. There was a deep breath, and a slow exhale on the other side of the line. After a few seconds of silence, Hazel’s voice spoke up. “Anne …are you somewhere safe?”

“Yes.”

“Are you hurt?”

“No.”

“Are you in danger?”

Anne chewed on her lower lip. She couldn’t really answer that one, because she didn’t know for sure. She had been monitoring her laptop, just in case that the hacker would show their head, but …nothing. So, she wasn’t in danger right now, so could be honest about that. “No.”

A sniffle and a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank the Creators.”

Anne sighed, leaning back in her chair. She took a deep breath. “Have you …told anyone about me yet?”

There was a long silence, followed by a heavy sigh. “No, no-one knows, for now. We …figured we’d wait until we heard from you.” Hazel admitted. Anne could hear Naomi say something in the background, but she couldn’t understand it. There was a dry chuckle. “Well, I wanted to wait. Naomi wanted to call in the military, but I managed to convince her to wait …even if I had to convince myself as well.”

“So, why didn’t you?” Anne asked. She was genuinely surprised about this.

“We almost did, but …something in your message told me that we’d better wait for you.” Hazel took a deep breath. “Honey, what did you do? All those things you said on your message …about your birth parents. Are you really sure that they are…?” Her voice trailed off.

“I am.” Anne stated with all the fake confidence that she could muster. It was so much harder than she feared it would be. Her entire being was screaming at her to return to her mothers. To hug them, to say sorry and promise to never leave them again. But she knew that she couldn’t. She felt Ashley grab her free hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Anne squeezed back, turning briefly to the redhead to give her a smile.

“Sweetheart, why did you need to do it in this way? Why didn’t you tell us that you were doing this …investigation on your own? Why didn’t you inform us?” Hazel asked, her voice cracking. Anne could imagine her pacing around the living room, chewing on one of the ears of her glasses. “We could’ve gone through the proper channels, instead of this …journey you’re taking. Why all this risk? Why leave in the middle of the night? Why the secrecy? You said that Ashley had been helping you. What will we tell her when she asks for you?”

“Ashley, right …” Anne winced. There it was. She looked sheepishly at Ashley, who immediately understood what was happening. “About that …”

Ashley grabbed the phone out of Anne’s hands, and nervously cleared her throat. “Uh, hi, Mrs. Brinkman. It’s m-”

Anne couldn’t hear what was exactly being said, but Hazel’s voice was suddenly loud enough that she could hear it from where she was sitting. Ashley winced, holding the device a few inches from her audio receptors. She chuckled nervously, placing the phone back against her head. “Anne didn’t do anything. Technically, I roped myself into this situation. I didn’t really give Anne a choice in the matter.”

Ashley stayed silent while Hazel spoke again. She suddenly winced. “Please, don’t tell my dad. As far as he knows I am staying over at you guys, and-“ She hissed when Hazel shouted again. This lasted for a few moments, with the red-eyed drone patiently listening, her expression getting guiltier and guiltier by the second. After a few moments, she sighed and handed the phone back to Anne. “She wants to speak to you.”

Anne placed the phone against her ear. “Mom?”

“Is it not bad enough that you are doing this?” Hazel asked, her tone of voice exasperated and tired. “Ashley is with you?”

“At least I’m not alone, huh?” The sigh that came out of her mom’s mouth told Anne that the latter was not amused. She glanced over to her laptop, to see how her program as faring. She still had a bit of time, but she needed to wrap this up soon. “Mom, I’m running out of time here, so …”

“What? No-no-no! You are not going to continue this foolish journey!” Hazel sounded panicked, and Anne could hear Naomi scrambling up from wherever she was sitting to join her wife at the phone. “Anne, you need to come home! We’ll go to-“

“Mom, we can’t!” Anne didn’t want to raise her voice, but she needed to get the message through. “When I was investigating, I had to hack into …” she paused for a moment. She thought it better not to tell them that she hacked her way into private information. “When I had to access some sensitive data, someone …. someone immediately tried to stop me, to trace me.”

“Trace you? What are you-?”

“Mom, think about it.” Anne jumped up from her chair. “How you guys found me as a baby. The inaccessible data in my core. The report about my birth parents’ death that turned out to be fake. Someone trying to stop me when I’m getting close …it must be connected. I can’t put you guys in danger, so I need to do this alone.”

Ashley cleared her throat, but Anne ignored her.

“She can’t be serious.” She could hear Naomi mutter incredulously. Hazel must’ve put the phone on speaker. “Anne, you-“

“There’s another thing …” Anne interrupted her. She took a deep breath. “Something …weird has been happening to me. Something I can’t explain.” Her eyes caught her reflection in a nearby mirror, somehow looking distorted from her angle. “I’m changing, and if it’s connected to my birth parents …I need answers, and I really, really hate to say this, but …I can’t find those answers when I’m home with you.” 

She could hear Naomi letting out one of those typical mother-sighs. “This is ridiculous! Hazel, please tell our daughter-”

Hazel interrupted her wife with one surprising word. “Okay…”

“What?” Naomi cried out.

“What?” Anne agreed. “Mom, are you-“

“Anne, darling, I know when your mind is made up, and when it’s like that…well, it’s not like we can stop you now, can we? So, for now …we’re going to let you do what you think is best. Just …the both of you, be careful and promise us you call us soon?”

“I promise.” Anne let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “Thank you, mom.”

Naomi sure wasn’t convinced. “Hazel, you can’t …this can’t-“

While Naomi and Hazel were arguing, Ashley tapped on Anne’s shoulder. She pointed over to the laptop, where she noticed to her displeasure that the timer was nearing its end. She was running out of time.

“Mom, momma, I …I need to go.” Anne felt he heart clench.

“WAIT!” Naomi cried out, and Anne could hear how the phone got snatched out of one hand into the other. “Anne …”

“Yes, Momma?”

“We love you. So much!” Naomi exclaimed, her voice soft and genuine.

“I love you too. Both of you.” Anne whispered. She glanced over to the timer. It was nearing zero. Her thumb hovered over the END CALL button. “Bye …”

She ended the call.

The sound of her mothers voices vanished, replaced with silence.

A sob escaped her throat.

The phone clattered to the ground, and Anne buried her face in her hands, sobbing while Ashley wrapped her arms around her, hugging her tightly.

Back in Rivetdale, the same thing happened. The moment that the call ended, Hazel’s legs gave out, and she would’ve crumpled to the floor, if not for Naomi catching her in time and letting her down gently.

The two mothers sobbed silently in each other’s arms, clinging to one another like they were afraid they would lose each other as well.

“Oh, Hazel …” Naomi mumbled with a broken voice. “Why did you -?”

“Because …she is right, Omi.” Hazel stated, pulling away from the hug to caress her wife’s cheek. “We can’t help her with this. She needs to do this on her own.”

“Out little girl is out there all alone, Hazel.” Naomi sniffled.

“She’s not alone.” Hazel smiled gently. “She has Ashley with her, and you know that she wouldn’t let anything happen to Anne. And our daughter is smart enough for the both of them. As long as they’re together, they’ll be fine.”

“I guess that’s true.” The pink-haired drone mumbled. “It’s just …, she is my baby.”

“Mine too, silly.” She took her wife’s hands in her own, squeezing them softly. “We’ve always known that this day would come. It was always a matter of time that our little bird needed to stretch her wings and leave the nest.”

“But why this early?” Naomi asked, sniffling again. “And for …people that left her behind? Drones she’s never met, that she doesn’t know? Why does she need to know who her birth parents are? Weren’t we enough?”

“Of course we were.” Hazel wrapped her arms around her wife and hugged her tightly. After a few moments, she broke away from the embrace, her expression serious. “But …Anne had a point. We’ve always known that something didn’t add up about the way she came into our lives. How she ended up with the two Drones that longed for a child of their own, the missing data in her core, the report about the supposed death of her supposed birth parents, …it was always …too convenient.”

Naomi nodded weakly. Hazel had a point. Neither of them had ever said it out loud, but …they’ve always had known that Anne’s circumstances were …too unique. She let out a heavy sigh. “I guess you’re right …” She admitted. “But …why now? Couldn’t it have happened a few years later? And without these drastic actions?

“I know, Omi.”

“And what did she mean that she was ‘changing’?”

“I don’t know, but …” Hazel chewed on the inside of her cheek. “She’s always been special, our Anne. She always seemed to …advance so quickly.”

The pink-haired Drone nodded solemnly. Throughout her life, Anne had surprised them many times with how quickly she seemed to learn new things. “Spoke her first word before even transferring to a Toddler frame, knew how to walk in the same month that she got her toddler body, always picking up these new skills with minimal effort, … she’s our special girl, alright.”

“Yeah, she is …”

“I still don’t like it, though.” Naomi stated, squeezing her wife’s hands.

“In any case, no matter how much we don’t like it, it’s too late to change anything now.” Hazel stood up, pulling her wife to her feet as well. “All we can do now, is decide our next step. How are we going to explain her absence in school?”

“And Franklin?” Noami added. “He might be busy with his shop lately, and he thinks she’s sleeping over but he’s going to want to see her someday. We can’t just say ‘oh, they’re sick and you can’t see them right now’.”

Hazel’s eyes lit up, an actual lightbulb appearing in her visor. “We’re going to do just that!”

“I think I’ve lost you.”

“Do you remember that epidemic that went around, when we were doing our residency at the hospital?” She asked. “It mostly targeted teenage drones, because of a very specific coding in their system?”

“Oh yeah, that virus that spread through the teenagers’ inbuilt wireless transceiver. It took months before a successful vaccine patch was created.” Naomi recalled. “What does that have to do with this?”

“Well, variants of the virus tend to pop up, every now and then, right?” Hazel stated suggestively.

Something clicked in Naomi’s cognitive sub-routines. “Oh, you mean to say-?”

“Yep, our daughter and her friend – in an attempt to download a movie that hasn’t come out yet – accidentally uploaded a similar type of virus into their system, and are now bedridden. In order to curb the spread of the virus, Ashley needs to stay with us for the time being.” Hazel explained, her eyes twinkling with mischievous intent. “We – meaning, you and me – are showing symptoms as well, and we are required to quarantine ourselves, just in case. Fortunately, it seems it’s not that severe of an infection, so we’ll just have to wait until our anti-virus patch has run its course.”

“That sounds …” A grin spread on Naomi’s face. “… quite clever, actually.”

“I have my moments.” Hazel stated proudly. “It would explain why Anne and Ashley are absent from school, why no-one can see them, and Franklin would be assured that his daughter is in good hands. It would give us, at least, a few weeks before anyone would suspect otherwise.”

“But, Hazel, you still need to fill out a report for the hospital.” Naomi warned. “If they found out you falsified reports, you can lose your medical license.”

“That’s why I will be the one who’s name will be on the report.” Hazel explained. “There is no need for the both of us to get into trouble for this. I’ll take the fall. You can claim emotional blackmail or something, and-“

“Nuh-uh! No way! I am not letting you take the blame alone.” Naomi interrupted, grabbing her wife by the shoulders and looking intently into her visor. “It’s our daughter, so it’s our ruse, and we will face the consequences together.” She held up her hand, showing the ring, the one that Hazel had slipped on her finger so many years ago at their wedding. “In sickness or in health, remember?”

Hazel smiled warmly at her wife, pulled her into an embrace and kissed her passionately. Once they finally broke away, she giggled while caressing Naomi’s cheek. “The things we do for our child, right?”

“Wouldn’t do it any other way, Babe.” Naomi grinned, but soon her expression changed to a saddened one. She let out a sigh, resting her chin on her wife’s shoulder. “I hope she’s alright.”

“Me too, Omi.” Hazel nuzzled softly against Naomi’s cheek, a digital tear running down her visor. “Me too.”

***

An hour had passed since Anne had called her parents. An hour since Ash had suggested that they’d go to bed and get some sleep, so they would be rested for the following day. An entire hour that Anne just stared at the ceiling, her mind racing with thoughts and doubts.

She let out a heavy sigh. “Ash?”

A sleepy groan. “Hmmm?”

“Are we doing the right thing?”

The bed shifted as Ashley rolled to her side. “A bit late to ask that, don’t you think?”

“What if mom was right, and we could’ve just …done things another way, instead of trekking across the planet, chasing a pair of ghosts?” Anne asked, rolling over to face her friend.

“We could’ve …” Ashley sighed, reaching out from under the blanket to grab Anne’s hand, giving it a soft squeeze. “But wouldn’t you just end up in the same situation, wondering if you made the right choice?”

“Maybe …” Anne squeezed her eyes shut, digital tears dangling in the corner of her eyes. “I just …feel so guilty right now. I’m putting my moms through hell, all because I-“

“Because you want to know the truth, and because you felt it would be the safest way for them.” Ashley planted her hand softly on Anne’s cheek, smiling softly. “And I’m here, in case you need a shoulder to lean on.”

Anne smiled softly, resting her own hand on top of Ashley’s. “I know, Ash.” She whispered. “I’m so glad you’re here with me.”

“Wouldn’t anywhere else I’d rather be than here, Anne.” Ashley whispered back, blushing faintly.

They fell in silence, just staring at each other for a few moments, before Anne shuffled closely against Ashley’s frame with a content sigh. The latter, slightly taken aback, slowly wrapped her arms around the smaller Drone and pulled her close against herself. She gasped when Anne gently nuzzled against her, but after a few moments she recollected herself and rested her chin on top of the raven-haired head. A few moments later, she noticed that Anne had fallen asleep, her breathing calm and regular. Ashley smiled, taking the chance to let her fingers run through Anne’s hair, smiling warmly.

“Don’t worry, Anne.” Ashley whispered softly, caressing her cheek with a finger. “I’m not going anywhere.”

She planted a kiss on top of the sleeping Drone’s head, who just stirred in her sleep, but didn’t woke up. Ashley just giggled softly and closed her eyes as well, relishing in the warm feeling that she was feeling deep inside her core. A few moments later, she, too, had drifted into the land of dreams.

***

Morning came all too soon, with Ashley deciding that the best way to wake Anne up …was to tickle her, which quickly erupted into a brief pillow fight. Once they had had reached a cease-fire, gotten themselves dressed and all packed up, they went downstairs. Madama Layla was standing behind her counter, beaming when she saw the two young Drones come down.

“Ah, slept well, my youthful Dronelings?” She asked.

“You’re up early.” Ashley noted, handing over the key to their room.

“Oh, I don’t need much sleep anyway.” She let out a chuckle, turning around to hang the key away. “I take more than enough naps during the day. You’d be surprised how much free time I have, standing behind here.”

“Thanks for letting us stay.” Anne thanked, genuinely grateful that they had somewhere safe and comfortable to rest. “You know, without reservation.”

“Oh, pish-posh, wasn’t nothing.” Madama Layla waved the thanks away. She suddenly gasped, clapping her hands together. “Before I forget, dearies, you mentioned yesterday that you were going to take the train to Epsilon District? I assume you arrived in the station not too far from here, and you’d go there today, too?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, there was something nagging me about that, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.” Madama Layla explained. Her expression turned regretful. “And that’s when I remembered: Due to maintenance on train tracks going out of that particular station, all outgoing trains, including the ones you would have to take, are rerouted through the Central Station in, well, the City Centre. And that’s not the only bad news, unfortunately.”

“Oh no …” Anne could feel more bad news coming.

“Let me guess: the schedule has changed too?” Ashley asked, having come to the same conclusion as Anne.

“I’m afraid so, darlings.” Layla admitted, looking very apologetic. “I checked this morning, and I’m sorry to say: the earliest train heading towards that direction left half an hour ago.”

“Oh, sonuva glitch …” Anne cursed under her breath.

“Language, dear.” Layla scolded casually, but her expression soon turned to a reassuring smile. “I do have some good news, though. Next train is this afternoon, so you’ll have more than enough time to get yourselves there. There’s a bus stop right outside that will take you straight to the Centre.”

Anne sighed, somewhat relieved that their plans hadn’t completely gone off the rails. She figured that spending a few hours playing tourist wasn’t that bad of a detour, even if she didn’t like it. “Thank you, Madama Layla.”

“Yeah, you’re an awesome lady.” Ash stated with a wink.

“No problem, dearies. I do hope you enjoy the rest of your trip” Layla smiled. She waved them goodbye as they walked out the door. “Such nice ladies. Polite and friendly.” She raised an eyebrow as she heard a faint rumble in the distance, letting out a sigh. “Too bad that the weather isn’t too kind on them. I do hope they aren’t caught in the rain again.”

***

The drive to the city Centre had been surprisingly quick, and it hadn’t taken them long to find the Station and buy tickets for the train they needed. As Madama Layla had told them, the next train wouldn’t arrive for several hours, so they had decided to wander around, and stock up on some snack for the road. In that time, a storm had started to make itself known.

“Man, they do not have good weather here!” Ashley stated dryly, as she looked up to the darkening sky.

“Well, the weather app says it’s not gonna rain, it’s just gonna-“ Anne let out a surprised yelp when a lightning flashed and thunder rumbled, nearly dropping her phone on the ground as she jumped. She blushed, slightly embarrassed by her outburst. “- do that … Don’t laugh.”

“I’m not laughing.” Ashley mumbled, trying her best not to crack a smile.

Anne rolled her eyes and hooked her arms into Ashley’s. Even with the storm rolling in, the streets were busy, and Anne didn’t want to lose sight on her companion. Sure, that was the only reason she did that, as surely it was the very same reason that Ashley secured her arms tightly as well.

Yup, completely logical reasoning by the two of them.

About an hour after they had arrived, the clouds above them had darkened even more, to the point that they were blocking out the sun and shrouding the city in a grim, cold ambience. It would be hard to believe that it was still morning. The streets weren’t that crowded anymore. In fact, it almost seemed like Anne and Ashley were some of the few that actually ventured out. The dark atmosphere together with the near-deserted streets made Anne feel uneasy.

As they were walking - looking for some shop Ashley had read about in a ’10 places you need to visit when visiting Faraday City’ blog - she suddenly felt a shiver go down her spine, making her glance over her shoulder. She had the feeling that someone was following them. Was it her imagination? Maybe it was just her nerves talking. She yelped when Ashley suddenly yanked her into another direction.

“Hey, let’s cut through here.” She said, leading the two of them into an alley. “I think we can reach the Hot Topic Emporium faster.”

“How do you know? You’ve never been here.” Anne tried to pull the two of them away from the foreboding alley, but it seems her enhanced strength was abandoning her right now. That was another thing about her powers. Her healing powers were always active, but her other enhanced abilities seemed to come and go, depending on the situation. Maybe it was a subconscious thing, because she didn’t want to damage Ashley in any way. But, alas, into the alley they went.

Not noticing the two figures that were following them.

The deeper they went into the alleyways, the more they realized that they were heading into the bad part of town. No streetlights, most windows were boarded up and it didn’t seem like anyone was living in this part.

“Okay, I’ll admit, I was wrong.” Ashley mumbled sheepishly. “This isn’t going anywhere I think we’d like to be.”

Anne let out a tired huff. “Yeah, let’s just head back, and-“

“You ladies lost?” From behind a dumpster came a scruffy looking Drone, hands deep inside his pockets and his gaze fixated on the two girls. “Because, I could be a very courteous guide …for a fee.”

Anne immediately sensed something off about the guy. Alarm bells – quite literally – were going off inside her head, and she tried to grab Ashley’s hand, but the latter took a confident step forward. She has never been one to let someone intimidate her.

“Nah, no need, buddy. We were just leaving.” Ashley stated, giving him a fearless glare. “Thanks, but no thanks.”

They turned around, but their exit was being blocked by two other Drones, one big and burly, the other lean and fidgety, but both looking as scruffy as the first one. They chuckled as they made the two of them back away, back towards the first Drone, who let out a sly chuckle.

“I think you don’t realize what’s happening here, Red.” He stated, casually strolling over to them. “This is my hood, and anyone who passes through here needs to pay a toll. You know, to repay me and my associates here for allowing you the usage of our turf. Ain’t that right, boys?”

“That’s right, Slick!” The lean one answered.

Big ‘n Burly just grunted.

Ashley wasn’t impressed, she walked up to the Drone named Slick, her arms crossed. “Not gonna happen, pal. Me and my friend are just gonna walk away, and you just keep pretending you’re a big shot, alright?”

Slick’s crooked grin turned to a scowl, taking a step forward to get right into the redhead’s face. “Are your audio receptors on the fritz, or are you just dumb?” He growled. “Drop the backpacks, hand over any money you have on your person, or …” He snapped his fingers.

Next thing Anne knew, the burly guy had his arms around her tightly. Before she could even shout to let her go, the lean guy held a knife against her throat, giggling coldly.

Slick chuckled evilly, enjoying the shocked expression on Ashley’s face. “Or I’ll let my boys work out some anger issues on your short girlfriend over there.”

Anne wanted to shout, but Burly slapped his hand on her mouth, muffling her. Anne tried to squirm out of the thug’s grip, but he had too much of a hold on her. Her enhanced strength was failing her. She felt something heat up inside her core, like an ember wanting to become a flame.

“You let her go, right now!” Ashley growled, grabbing Slick by his dirty vest. “Or I’ll-!” She gasped when a knife appeared just an inch away from her throat.

“You really are dumb, if you not realize that I am the one holding all the cards, pretty girl. “He grinned, letting his gaze go up and down Ashley’s body, a dark glint in his eyes. “But I could be persuaded to let both of you go …if you let me have a little fun with you.”

Ashley’s eyes narrowed, but still didn’t show any fear. She spat at the guy, leaving a glob of saliva on his vest. “Go defrag yourself, you big, ugly, sunova- OOMPHF!”

The red-eyed drone doubled over, falling on her knees and holding her stomach while letting out painful coughs. Slick just laughed, something his buddies eagerly joined in with. He kicked her knees, knocking her completely on the ground.

“Now, why did you have to be so rude, red?” Slick growled. “Now, I’m going to have to teach you a lesson. Maybe after that, you’ll be a bit more eager to exchange some quid pro quo.”

The flame inside Anne’s body started to grow larger. She balled her fists, letting out a muffled growl. Something was stirring inside her. Something …primal. She breathed deeply, anger starting to replace any fear, or any other emotion, until it was all that she could feel.

“Now that you are a bit more cooperating …” Slick chuckled darkly, grabbing Ashley by her hair and pulling her up. “Let’s have that fun, shall we?”

Ashley screamed.

Something inside Anne snapped. It was like a veil of red fell over her vision, completely blocking out her sight. It was almost like she blacked out. It was like a mad, euphoric madness took over. All She didn’t know what was happening. she knew was that her friend was in danger, and she needed to act.

And needed to pay.

“A--e!”

They would pay.

“--ne!”

She’d stop them.

“--op!”

Tear them ap-

“Anne!”

The shout brought her back to reality, bringing her out of the darkness. With a gasp, Anne froze. The world was blurry. She was trembling. She was out of breath. The primal anger inside her was starting to fade.

A voice spoke up, cautious and soft. “Anne?”

Anne spun around towards the voice. She saw Ashley, sitting on the floor, looking at her with a mixture of fear and confusion. Slick, who had been standing next to her just a moment ago, was now lying motionless against the dumpster. For a moment, she thought he was dead, but the [REBOOT Y/N?] message on his visor showed that he was just unconscious instead.

She winced when she felt a sharp pain in her hand and gasped when she saw that Slick’s knife was currently lodged deeply into in. With a grunt, she pulled it out, staring at her hand as it started to heal before oil could even start flowing. In a panic, she threw the knife out of sight.

“A-Ash? What …what happened? Where are-” Anne muttered, confused about the situation. She looked around, and to her surprise and even bigger confusion, the two other thugs were unconscious too.

Ashley cautiously stood up, but seemed almost …reluctant to approach Anne. “You ... you don’t remember?”

“No.” Anne took a step in Ashley’s direction, but froze when the latter took a step backwards. “I …I blacked out, and now …! Did I do this?”

Ashley nodded, cautiously approaching her distraught friend.

“How?”

“You …you went berserk, or something. It was like you were possessed. I’ve never seen you act like that. You were cackling and all that.” Ashley explained, hugging herself, nervously eyeing Anne. “You took those two out first.” She nodded towards the two unconscious goons, before turning her gaze towards the equally knocked-out Slick. “You moved so fast; one moment you were standing over those two, and then …BAM! Next thing I know, this guy gets knocked backwards, but not before he tried to defend himself by stabbing you. How did you do that?”

“I …I don’t know what came over me. I saw that thug hurting you, and it made me so angry. “Anne explained, stammering and anxious. “I felt …something inside me, like something wanted to get out and protect you. And when you screamed …I blacked out. And, and …are you okay?”

“Nothing a little rest, and some nano-mending cream can fix.“ She took a cautious step forward. “Now …are you …okay?”

Anne stared at her trembling hands, her breathing quickening, her vision starting to blur again. “No, no, I’m not.” A sob escaped her throat, as digital tears rolled down her visor. She looked up at her friend, desperation and hopelessness in her eyes. “I’m scared, Ash. What is happening to me?”

Ashley, finally overcoming her apprehensive state, quickly closed the distance between her and Anne, and wrapped her arms around her distraught friend to hug he tightly.

“I’m so sorry, Ash.” Anne whimpered, burying her head into Ash’s neck. “I tried help you sooner, but-“

“It’s going to be okay, Anne. It’s over now.” She whispered, nuzzling her cheek against Anne’s. She pulled away, holding the latter’s head between her hands and smiling warmly. “Whatever it was, I’m happy it happened. You saved me. And in the most badass way possible. Even that X-eyes thing you had going on was cool!”

Anne took a deep breath, forcing herself to calm down. Ash was right. It was over. She had no clue what that berserk mode – or however she needed to call it – was about, but she and Ash were safe. Now, if only they could get out of here, before –

“Hello, this is Officer Rook!” A new voice called out, noticeably getting closer. “People heard fighting over here! Is anyone hurt?”

“Oh no!” Panic washed over Anne’s core. Police? Now? How could they react? How could they explain this? If they found out that she had done this, they-

It seemed that Ashley had noticed Anne’s panic, because she grabbed the latter by the shoulders and made her look at her. She smiled reassuringly. “It’s going to be okay, Anne.” She said, indicating that Anne had to sit down on the ground with her. “You saved our butts, now it’s time for me to do the same.”

“But-“

“Hey, talking ourselves out of trouble is my specialty, remember? Just …play along.”

Anne nodded and waited for the officer to get to them. She hoped that whatever tale Ash was going to spin, they would believe it.

***

A little while later, Anne and Ashley found themselves in the Police Station, where the officers had brought them, after they had thrown the still unconscious thugs in the back of a police cruiser. They were currently sitting in the office of one Chief Brick, who had been taking their statements.

The officer twirled his moustache, humming as he went over their statement again. “So, Miss Lecter, Miss Porter …if I understand you correctly, you were just wandering around the city, seeing the sites, when you decided to take detour through the alleyway we found you.”

“Yessir.” Ashley confirmed.

Anne nodded. That part was true.

“And then, those three fine examples of high school dropouts stopped you, and tried to mug you for all your possessions.”

The two nodded again. Still true.

“And when they decided to get handsy, you-“ He pointed a pencil at Ashley, who was pushing an ice-pack against the side of her head. “-decided to – how did you say it – ‘kick their sorry butts into next week?’

Anne shrunk inside herself a bit. That part …was not true.

“Pops always told me: ‘if a guy doesn’t want to listen to a ‘no’, maybe he’ll listen to a fist to the jaw.’.”

“Sounds like a smart man …” Officer Brick stated, a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Still, quite a feat for someone on her own, taking out three guys like that.”

“Yeah, I’m stronger than I look.” Ashley stated proudly, flexing her arms. “Courtesy of martial arts training, and a bit of my pops’ side of my coding. He used to be a construction worker, and his body was modified for heavy lifting. My arms got the same treatment when my body was being constructed.”

Anne had to stop herself from smirking. What Ash was saying was true, minus the thing about having martial arts training – she only had done a few lessons, and then got bored of it. A lot of people underestimated her when it came to strength.

Officer Brick turned to Anne. “You have been quiet, Miss Porter.” It was not a question.

Anne squeaked and chuckled nervously. “Oh, …still a bit shaken up, I suppose.”  

“Well, who wouldn’t?” Officer Brick sighed and leaned into his chair. “It was a good thing that your friend was there with you.”

“Yeah.” Anne turned to Ash, smiling softly when the latter winked at her.

There was a knock on the door, which opened to reveal the officer that first had helped Anne and Ashley, Rook. “Chief?”

“Yeah, Rook?” Brick acknowledged. “How are you three sleeping uglies? Did they have anything to say about all this?”

“They are awake, but they don’t seem to have any memory about their altercation with these young ladies. Seems they memory drives got knocked out of alignment and wiped out the last three hours of their lives.” He stated, standing to attention. “We did find several grade-A magnets on their person, and their breath reeked of gasoline, though.”

“So, these guys were probably stoned out of their minds, when they decided to hold up these young ladies?” Brick asked.

“It’s a high possibility, Sir.”

Brick turned to Ash and Anne. “Are you still sure that you don’t want to press charges?”

Ashley and Anne shook their heads.

“Well, in that case, I believe I’ve heard enough.” Brick decided. “We’ll charge them with possession of illegal substances, and we’ll chalk your actions up as ‘rightful self-defense’ and call it a day. Just a bit of paperwork to sign, and you may be on your way.

“Really?” Anne asked incredulously. She hardly could believe that they had gotten away with this. She eagerly grabbed the report and signed it, handing it over to Ashley for her to sign as well. “Thank you so much.”

“Just doing my job, young miss.” Brick stated with a smile. “About that …didn’t you say that you had a train to catch? To Epsilon district, if I recall correctly?”

“Oh sh-“ Anne checked the time and groaned. “And it seems like we’re going to miss that train.”

“Well, we can’t have that, can we?” Brick stated with a smile, his moustache wiggling. He turned to the other officer. “Rook, would you be so kind to escort these young ladies to the station?”

Anne and Ashley couldn’t believe their luck. Not only did they get to leave without any sort of problem, they also got a free ride. Seems things were looking up for them. With a little help of a loud Police siren, the two Drones managed to catch their train just in time. They had taken seat in a mostly empty wagon, where they could freely speak without anyone listening in on them.

Anne still had no idea what had happened to her. She still had no memory of what happened during her blackout, only what Ashley had told her. Obviously, this was linked with her powers, but this one …this one scared her. She couldn’t forget the fear in Ash’s eyes, after her attack. What if the next time it happened, it would make her turn on Ash.

She didn’t want to hurt her.

She couldn’t.

she wouldn’t.

She’d make sure of it.

One way or the other.

***

A few hours into their train ride, Anne found herself staring out the window, while Ashley was sleeping beside her. They had ventured into Epsilon District a little while ago, and it would still take a few hours before they’d arrive in Zeta. From there, they’d take a bus or something to Little Diodeton. And once there …

Suddenly, she got nearly thrown out of her seat when the train’s emergency brakes activated. Ashley fell out her seat with a scream. Judging by the distant sounds from other wagons, other passengers had the same reaction. A few moments later, the train came to a halt with a hiss.

“What the **** happened?” Ashley asked aloud, her profanity blocker bleeping out her swear word. “I was having the most amazing dream, and suddenly I’m on the ground!”

“I don’t know.” Anne groaned, scrambling up while pulling her friend up with her. “Some kind of accident, maybe?”

The PA system came to life with a series of beeps, and a voice spoke out. “ATTENTION PASSENGERS! DUE TO UNFORSEEN CIRCUMSTANCES, THIS TRAIN CAN’T CONTINUE Its DESTINATION. PLEASE EXIT THE WAGONS AND ASSEMBLE BY THE ROAD. EMERGENCY BUSSES HAVE BEEN CONTACTED TO BRING YOU TO THE NEXT STATION; THANK YOU FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING!”

“Guess we’re getting off here.” Ashley mumbled in an annoyed tone as she collected her backpack.

“Seems like it.” Anne agreed, feeling just as annoyed as her traveling companion. As she stepped out, scanned her surroundings. They were in the middle of nowhere. Just the train tracks, light indicating a city in the far distance, and a forest behind them …which somehow seemed familiar to her despite never have been in this District before.

As they walked over where all the other Drones were assembling, she felt a jab in her sides. She gave Ashley an annoyed look, but the latter seemed to be preoccupied by something else. “Wow, look at that!” She said in awe, pointing over toward the front of the train. Other passengers were looking in the same direction, also impressed by whatever they were seeing.

Anne gasped when she noticed what everyone was looking at. The tracks …were bend. Not a bit, but …. almost like someone had tried to rip them out of the ground. They were sticking out, like one of these miniature car playset tracks.

“Wow, indeed.” Anne mumbled. “What could’ve caused that?”

“Tectonic shift? A drunk guy with a tow cable?” Ashley guessed. “Whatever it was, I wouldn’t want to – Anne?”

Anne had stopped listening. She was staring at the forest behind them. The longer she looked, the more she got the feeling …that she had been there before. Like an old memory, but …that would be impossible, right?

Almost in a trance-like state, Anne started to walk over to the forest.

“Anne, what are you -?” Ashley hissed, quickly following behind her.

“I don’t know …” Anne mumbled. “It’s like something in that forest …is calling me.”

“Did you hit your head when the train stopped or something.”

“I’m serious, Ash.” Anne picked up the pace, her core buzzing with excitement. The snow crunched beneath her feet as she ran. “There’s something here.”

“ANNE!”

Anne ran until she reached the edge of the forest, and kept running. She jumped over fallen logs, pushed branches out of her face, nearly tripped over roots that’d grab her feet. She didn’t care. She felt something was close. Something was guiding her, pulling her into this direction. If she could just find what it was, she’d-

She skidded to a halt, her mouth falling open. A moment later, Ashley, out of breath and very annoyed, joined her. She opened her mouth to complain …and just kept her mouth open, in awe of what she saw. They had arrived in an open clearing, a field with beautiful flowers that only thrived in snowy environments. She looked up to the opening in the trees. The stars were out in full force this night, and the sky that was littered with sparkles and light reflected in her visor.

“It’s beautiful …” Ash exclaimed, a smile slowly growing on her face. “I’ve never seen so many flowers in my life.”

“Yeah …” Anne slowly walked over to the middle of the clearing. She felt a strong sense of familiarity. She felt …sadness. Confusion. A warmth. The sound of a buzzing core. From the deepest parts of her memories, she could hear a voice.

‘Momma is here. See? Momma is here.’

A gasp escaped Anne’s throat as a realization hit her. Was this …

“Ash, I think …I think I’ve been here with my birth parents when I was a baby.” Anne said softly.

No reaction.

“Ash?”

She turned around, and noticed that Ashley was staring at something. Her eyes were hollowed, and her expression was frozen in …terrified horror. With a cold feeling building up in her core, Anne slowly turned around, scanning around to locate the thing that her friend was looking at.

And froze when she saw it.

In the trees.

There was someone in the trees.

A yellow X.

A blue light.

There was a sound, like a buzzing that slowly reached its highest pitch.

A flash of blue.

Something flew across her, nearly hitting her. She could feel the heat on her cheek.

The air tasted of copper and electricity in her mouth.

She heard something – someone – hit the ground.

She spun around, and saw to her horror that Ash was squirming on the ground, clearly in pain.

“ASHLEY!” She ran over to her fallen friend. Ashley’s entire body was sparking, her visor was glitching and so was her voice. Her screams came out distorted and broken.

And then she fell silent, her visor black and empty.

“No-no-no! Wake up, Ash! Wake up!” Anne shook her friend, but there was no reaction. It was then that she realized that their attacker was still there. Anne didn’t think, she just needed to act. She needed to run. Get back to the train. Get help. NOW! She hoisted her friend of the ground and threw her onto her back.

She started to run, and screamed in surprise when a blast impacted not too far from her.

She needed to be faster.

She looked behind her. The figure had vanished from the trees. Where were they? Had they left?

And then she heard something above her, and a shadow passed under them.

Anne picked up the pace.

She needed to go faster.

She heard another charge building up.

Faster!

There was a flash.

Something hit her. She felt an excruciating pain travel through her entire body. She tripped and fell to the ground, dropping Ashely as well. Anne rolled on her back, squirming and cramping up. The pain was so much, she couldn’t even get herself to scream. Her interface showed her a warning.

[WARNING! SYSTEM OVERLOAD! SHUT-DOWN IMMENENT!]

Barely able to keep her eyes open, she saw a figure flying above her. A figure that was getting closer.

There was a thud, and an impact made the snow twirl around the figure.

They were very tall.

In their hand, they held a rifle or some sorts. Or …was it a rifle instead of a hand?

Their visor showed a large, yellow X.

Their mouth was stretched in a wide, sharp grin.

“Got you, creep!” The figure growled, and Anne realized that it was a woman.

Anne tried to say something, but she felt herself becoming weaker and weaker. It wouldn’t be long, and she’d be …

The unknown female Drone took a step forward, knelt down and grabbed Anne by her collar, pulling her closer to her face.

“Now, I give you one chance to tell me. What have you done with –?” The rest of the sentence was a horrified gasp. She released their grip, and Anne fell on her back with a groan. The woman’s visor changed. The yellow X blinked away, showing a pair of yellow eyes, looking at her with surprise and shock. Before Anne completely lost consciousness and darkness overtook her, she could hear the woman say one final thing.

A name.

“Anne?”

Her name.

[autistic-shaiapouf]

What's your opinion on Meruem x Pouf? :3

I saw this ask come in yesterday but wanted to wait until I had enough time to give it my full attention 👀

The short answer is that I support it with a resounding yes courtesy of the illustrious @ravenfeet222 👀✌️💖

The long answer is gonna give me a lot of space to talk about pouf which is why I wanted to wait to answer this 😭 Gonna live up to the url for just a moment 👀

ALRIGHT SO, let's talk about pouf for just a second. I truly do feel that a LOT of people missed the major points of pouf's character just because his arc had a lot of negative growth, plus the more flamboyant aspects of his character also seem to have made some people write him off U_U I've done a few large scale analysis pieces on him but I'm gonna reiterate a few points for the sake of the discussion at hand, and they're all points about how pouf interacts with and perceives the world around himself.

Pouf is afraid. It's explicitly said in canon multiple times that as the arc progresses, he understands everyone around himself less and less and grows increasingly more afraid of all the change. Pouf is also emotionally disregulated, he shows intense anger, he cries like his heart is breaking, all with little prompting. One thing I clung to was a line that seemed to be treated like a joke - pouf commenting that soldiers had no need for memory or emotions, ironic coming from the most emotional character in the arc, but what I believe it hints is that pouf doesn't view his own emotions as out of line. He thinks he's acting in a perfectly reasonable manner and minimizes his emotional expression to not conflict with his own personal image of being a perfect soldier (on his good days - there's still plenty where he thinks very poorly of himself).

Okay so pouf is afraid and he struggles! Where do we take this? My argument is gonna get a little shaky bc I'm a pouf scholar and haven't studied meruem to the same extent but I'm not gonna let that stop me 👀 In my eyes, meruem's arc progresses in an opposite manner to pouf's - meruem grows more stable and trusting while pouf feels increasingly more suspicious and borderline paranoid of the world around himself; meruem's desires become more grounded while pouf's grow increasingly more frantic and based in fear. They counteract each other in ways that would be conducive to each other's growth, with special regards to meruem acting as an anchor for pouf's fears and general anxiety about the world. Meruem, judging from his earlier-arc interactions, could still get caught up in his mind similar to pouf, but focusing on asking himself what he's meant to be doing, what his purpose is, and pouf would easily draw him out of that. I'd also like to believe that, somewhere in there, pouf learns to be more of an individual, likely with a little help from meruem pushing him towards his interests and helping him grow beyond what pouf initially considers to be his purpose.

I'm not generally someone who cares much for shipping (as someone who's aro and ace, though I do have very contrasting feelings for specific fictional guys lmao) but I can definitely see the dynamic between the two growing into something mutually supportive if both of them were given time to grow (which canon didn't do U_U). Let this also be my way of saying that I have strong opinions on the ants and the caa as a whole and I wish I saw it get discussed in a greater capacity but you can't win them all, I put out what I can and am always glad to be asked about them 😤 Also I just think that pouf deserves to be happy, the man entered a mental health spiral and dropped dead imagining himself as a failure; he's. very personally important to me and to see him get put in a situation where he can start to recover and become healthier means a lot to me, so that's also a bonus ✨️

[reversemoon255]

Crossframe Girl Star GaoGaiGar and Goldymarg

Though I usually refer to them as GaoGaiGal and Galdymarg. I bought two copies of this kit; the first to straight build so I can understand its construction, and the second so I could use it for parts for a custom based on my Jupiter Theory, since they're much more slimmed down than stuff like the RG and SMP.

The Good: This set of kits sets out to do a lot, and is quite successful in a lot of it. Starting from the ground up, the base body for GaoGaiGal has many different configurations: standard, Galeon, GaiGar, and GaoGaiGar. They do require parts swaps, but they are effective.

Then Stealth Gao, Liner Gao, and Drill Gao are all Good recreations. And while Liner Gao has some parts forming due to what it needs to accomplish for this kit, Stealth Gao only sheds a few parts, and Drill Gao requires none of that.

This set is also able to accomplish all the minor forms, like Stealth Gao being able to carry Liner Gao, and GaiGal utilizing the alternate forms of Stealth Gao and Drill Gao.

Moving on to the GaoGaiGal configuration, she can do everything you'd expect the real one to do. Use the Dividing Driver, Hell and Heaven, you can use larger robot hands or can swap them for the normal white hands, there's an alternate configuration that gives her four arms. It's quite a lot, and we haven't even started talking about Galdymarg and the Stealth Gao II yet.

Speaking of, Galdymarg also has a few different outfit options: basic, schoolgirl, and schoolgirl with hammer backpack. I believe this is also the first time Crossframe Girl has done this smaller body type? I tried looking, but this was the only one I could find, which is kind of neat it first appeared as a crossover kit, if that's true.

Her larger accessories also have several different configurations, like reconverting parts of her outfit and hammer into a little tank scooter, or adding a few parts to Stealth Gao II to make a sky bike. She also has several hand modes.

Stealth Gao II also adds new functionality to GaoGaiGal in the Gattling Driver and Levitation Rings.

The Bad: While GaoGaiGal does a lot, she's not very stable. While all the vehicles, and even Galdymarg are quite solid in their construction, GaoGaiGal constantly fell apart on me. Head would fall off, hair would fall out, chest would pop off, arms would pop off, etc. And because most of these parts are meant to be swapped out, you can't glue them.

Also, and especially because of the arms falling off, it's very hard to effectively utilize the hammer. The RG has a small base to help hold it up, but this kit only has a little clip that you're supposed to attach to a stand, except it requires a long peg that's not standard for most stands.

The Details: Because of how many different conversions this kit has, I took photos as I went. Because of that, I really only panel lined. This kit comes with a small amount of stickers that I just didn't use because I forgot until half-way through.

Overall, this is a very interesting kit, even if it isn't the most solid. I can think of several reasons to buy it, but I can't really give it a heavy recommendation? I hope this gives you some idea of what you're getting into before you take the plunge, at least.

Also, I definitely took more photos than Tumblr allows on a single post, so this might not even be everything it can do.

[randomoranges]

idk why im so blocked with writing recently. everything is so hard lamao. but here is a thing

October Long pt 2

October 7th 2023

Edward had excused himself to take a quick shower and change into more appropriate clothes and so, when he steps out of Élyse’s washroom, it is to more commotion coming from the living room. It seems that the rest of the family, minus Samuel, has arrived and he realises, not for the first time, that it’s been quite a long time since he’s last properly seen and spoken with Jacques and Suzette.

He tries not to panic as he wonders how they’ll react, but before he can discreetly hide anywhere else, Suzette seems to spot him from the other end of the room and she lets go of Étienne with an ear-piercing shriek, before making her way quickly towards him.

“Edward?! Is that really you?! I haven’t seen you in forever!”

He doesn’t even get a chance to respond and he soon finds himself with an armful of Suzette, who is going on about how good it is to see him and how much she’s apparently missed him. He’d forgotten just how energetic Suzette could be – and how strong – given her small stature, but she nearly picks him off the ground with her embrace and when he gets over the initial shock, he finds a way to hug her back. He spares a glance towards Étienne, silently asking for help, but his boyfriend shares a look with his brother and the both of them shrug, amused.

“It’s good to see you too,” He manages to wheeze, when his feet are fully back on solid ground.

Truth be told, he’d always enjoyed his holidays at Jacques (and Suzette’s). If anything, it had been a fascinating observation exercise in the strange dynamics of Étienne’s family. Compared to his own, Étienne’s family had never felt close. Sure, Étienne was close to Élyse, and sometimes Étienne would spend hang out with his cousin Charlie (even though it always felt as though it was done under duress), and he didn’t mind visiting Jacques on occasion, but Étienne and Samuel were like fire and water and it rarely felt as though any one of them would lend a hand to the other if there was some sort of grave situation.

At least, Edward thought, he had civil relations with most of his own family – to some extent – and knew that if one was going through something, the others would pitch in to help out. In most cases. Or – more so than Étienne’s family.

Anyways.

It had been quite interesting to see that despite everything, come Christmas, everyone made an effort and gravitated around to Jacques’ place, as if Catholic guilt, maybe, pulled them all back together. It was always fascinating how it was Jacques who seemed to be able to pull this, given that he was the quietest of them all, and maybe, Edward reflected, that was the key to the success. A stable force of nature to balance out Samuel’s snark and Étienne’s easy to ignite temper when he was around him.

Still, it had never felt forced, or at the very least, more often than not it had never felt forced, and maybe it meant that deep down, they all wanted to get along in their own ways but years of hurt had stopped them from reaching out properly.

But Edward keeps fond memories of those evenings filled with laughter and good food and that, if nothing else, has to count for something.

“You know, I was starting to think we would never see you again. Does this mean you and Étienne have patched things up?”

Edward spares Étienne another glance. It’s not that he doesn’t want to tell Étienne’s family that they’re dating, but he also has not had this conversation with Étienne either. Technically, he also knows that Étienne’s family wouldn’t bat an eye at the notion, but he also doesn’t know if he wants to explain the particularities of his relationship just yet.

“If you’re asking if we’re friends again, then yes, we are.” Étienne comes to his rescue and Edward lets out a sigh of relief. “We finally pulled our heads out of our asses, rekindled our friendship, and El invited him over.”

“Oh! That’s wonderful; I’m so happy for you!”

“Thanks,” They both manage to say in unison.

Edward is amazed that Suzette doesn’t push it, but he’s also glad. He wonders as well if she’s that naïve, or if she’s giving them both the benefit of the doubt. He also has about half a dozen questions he’d like to ask his beau about where Suzette thought he’d been for the past few holidays and whether or not she’d ever really knew that they’d been sort of together back in the days. He’s not about to push his luck and ask, but he’ll have to have a chat with Étienne about it later; it would be nice to have a clear plan and version of facts for when it’ll be needed.

“You should come for Christmas! Like you used to. I can make you a new stocking and it would be lovely to have you over again. Oh, say you’ll come over for Christmas, Edward, please?”

Suzette looks at him with imploring and pleading brown eyes and she looks so very hopeful and pleased with her sudden little idea. Étienne squawks besides him, babbling on about how he must already have plans and how he has a family of his own and such. Edward appreciates the easy out he could take but at the same time, they had spoken about this last year; about alternating. And – it would be nice. He’d have to speak with Calvin and he knows for a fact that Étienne would tell him that Calvin is more than welcome. Plus, Samuel would be happy to see Calvin and vice versa, but he still needs a moment to figure it all out.

“Honey, tell Edward he can come over for Christmas.” Suzette nudges Jacques in the thigh and Edward still thinks it’s comical how this smidgen of a woman has such power over the quiet giant that is Étienne’s brother, Jacques.

“Of course.” Is all Jacques says and Suzette beams, as if that’s all the answer anyone needs.

“I’ll – that’s very nice of you to invite me – I’ll get back to you once I’m back home, but I would love to be there.”

His answer seems to be good enough for Suzette for now and she hugs him tightly once more, mentioning all the things she’s going to make. Edward lets her, oddly calmed by her chatter, until Élyse calls them over to the dining room.

FIN

[femchef]

Some really cool ongoing research and clinical studies are being done about the affects of what have been recently termed ‘ultra-processed’ foods have on bodies - that sounds like a “duh” project but!!! It’s really awesome because the research is attempting to narrow down the whys and whats and it’s been yielding some cool results????

Short notes:

- researchers are attempting to nail down categories of processed food - I’m not sold on the categories yet, but nothing is 100% and I would consider this still early stage research, though ground breaking

- processed food isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and actually there are quite a few processed foods that aren’t harmful to you, which is good, because people deserve ease of access to food

- ‘ultra-processed’ is a really new term - currently this category encompasses foods that meet a very specific criteria: example, whole-food products which have been broken down into individual nutritive or non-nutritive components and re-configured into another product with the addition of other additives used in place of now-missing natural components - the difference between whole fat yogurt and low-fat yogurt is a good example (full fat yogurt requires less ingredients - literally just milk and a bacterial agent to activate the coagulative properties of lactic acid on already existing proteins; skim or low fat yogurt requires a few additional gelling, preservation and setting agents because in removing the fat you remove a lot of the protein so you have to mimic the natural process with something else; also if you have an instant pot use it to make yogurt it’s fun and easy and tastes good).

- (also please watch out for health influencers and companies throwing around the new term ‘ultra-processed’ and don’t let them make it confusing you know they’re gonna run with that one tbh)

- CARBS ARE GOOD FOR YOU. YOU NEED THEM. That is very important ok don’t stop giving yourself carbs

- on that note - FATS ARE GOOD FOR YOU. YOU NEED THEM. That is ALSO important and something you should not stop eating.

- so the really cool point: research is showing that THE LITERAL PROCESSES we use to manufacture cheap food products are causing issues - because they are too calorie dense!! Example: dehydrating foods concentrates calories and nutrients and makes those foods super calorie-rich (think protein bars before a marathon); the reason for this isn’t necessarily bad either - we have foods like this because food researches and nutritionists have spent decades trying to pack as much nutrition into inexpensive food as possible to ostensibly keep things like pellagra from happening. There are other affects manufacturing has in foods but this point is the salient one

- in terrible, unscientific terms, you could think of it as something like we’ve concentrated the power of our food a little too much and need to pull back - dial it down a bit, as it were.

- additionally, a loaf of sourdough from your local bakery made in house is healthy, as a opposed to a loaf of wonder bread at the grocery store or the frozen shipped in bread at the Panera - both of which have shelf-stable additives, but! That also doesn’t mean that those products are wholly bad - again, see point above about how not all processed foods are bad.

- another interesting part of the research, though to me it reads a bit more speculatively at the moment, is that the hyper-intense pairings of fat -salt-sugar in foods is something that our bodies get super excited about and want to eat more of, because those combinations so rarely occur naturally. I want to see more on that point over the years, but it does tie back to our food being a bit too concentrated in all points thing above.

- in related but slightly separate research we are finding that starch foods - potatoes, rice, etc - if made about 12 hours ahead and chilled then reheated have more accessible nutrients and healthy carbohydrates and also don’t hit your body’s sugar levels negatively.

All that to say that OP is right and should say it.

There’s a nice, condensed article in The New Yorker this week if you want to read a little more and get the names of the researchers - don’t let the title scare you off, it’s written like clickbait on purpose.

‘bread is bad for you’ ‘rice is bad for you’ sorry im not subscribing to the idea that staple grains that have been integral to cultures for centuries are evil. i love you carbs

[gachaparadise]

3.0 review!! It's good.

I'm not done with the update yet. I've heard it's reeeaaallly long (like 12 hours lol) so I've decided to just take my time and go with the flow. I'm exploring as I go, picking up side quests when I feel like it, sniffing out puzzles and generally soaking in the vibes of the planet. I'll try and review all the individual elements so farbelow

Aesthetics (planet) - its all been really beautiful so far. I wrote this section down but I actually genuinely don't have much to say. It looks good. It ALWAYS looks good when have they ever fumbled the bag aesthetically speaking. Stupid but necessary section. I just realized I want to review a couple of the creatures too. The chimera are SO freaking cute. I love them. They're perfect. I want one as a pet sooooo bad. Can't wait to get to the event about them. The durgas or whatever they're called are cute enough. I haven't interacted with them much yet. they add to the atmosphere so that's nice. They're a little loud when they drive by though >_>

Characters - really endeared themselves to me very quickly. I like that they're all part of the same organization so they all have a chance to interact and play off each other. I just think characters are much more interesting when they are in the context of their relationships to others. I'll go over everyone I've met individually but. I'm not looking up name spellings so no laughing.

Angalea is so wonderful. Her accent is beautiful. I love how vigilant and dedicated she is is. She's so so pretty up close its unreal. I wasn't sure on her but now I'm all in.

Phainon is great. He's really giving me 17 mental illnesses under a thin coat of I have to be a hero paint and I love that. There's something really wrong with that guy. I constantly look at him and go who tf decided this guy needs to forsake his humanity and become God, that's so mean :(

Mydei is great too. I haven't spent as much time with him yet but how he and Phainon play off each other is sooo tasty. I love how he's the prince of this disgraced nation that everyone hates, that's so juicy.

Castorice I understand her appeal now. I see. I understand. Girl chosen to be the embasary of death, can't get close to anything or anyone even though she really wants to. Wah. Cute. She seems relatively stable aside from her obvious problems which is cute as well.

Oh I forgot Tribble um. Cute. I like them. I was worried they'd be annoying kid type characters but they're all actually cute and their va goes all in on their lines so they're actually really fun to be around. Still an easy skip but they add a lot to the scenes they are in.

Haven't met anybody else yet, very excited to lay eyes on Anaxa. God I hope he has some kind of repore with either Phainon or Mydei (or both >_>)

Puzzles - good! I like them! It's very comparable to Penacony which is good because I really liked the puzzles and gimmicks in Penacony. I loved the paper birds and I love the Nymphs. I especially like the little beetle ones. They're seriously cute. I like the little goat logic puzzles. Not quite clockie tickers but still fun. The area stuff with the floating hands and the time dilation is all intuitive and straightforward which is nice. Thinking about it now the topsy turvy rooms in Penacony pissed me off quite often so its nice these seem. Less annoying by quite a large margin.

Story- well. I haven't gotten far enough to be definitive but. I like what we have so far! I like how straightforward it is. There are God's. They turned on humans. We have a prophecy that says we gotta kill them. These are the people who need to do that. They'll become God's when they do it. Great. Simple setup that could go tons of ways. We'll see if they keep the more simple storytelling or if things get out of hand the further we go... I think the justification for grounding us without access to the express was well handled and makes perfect sense. I'm excited to see where it goes. Like how far into the god killing journey will we get? Is there even a stellaron on this planet? Will they like... Be okay culturally when we we eventually plug them into the galactic web? We shall see!

Miscellaneous - god I wish Dan heng and Caelus were voiced. I wish that so so so so fucking bad. The first part of this was basically Cae and DH having a kinda shitty but kind of fun PlanetSide date and it KILLS me neither of them were voiced for it. Damn it all to hell. My ship finally gets food and its a silent film. We take what we can get I guess. Wish they'd hugged before Cae went off to kill that first titan, I could've lived off that for months. And like. Putting aside my fujoing the hell out for a moment. It really sucks the tension out of some scenes when half the characters don't talk orz. Especially the mid battle or cutscene comments because like. I have to very very carefully keep an eye out for those or I miss them because I'm notoriously blind when playing games. I've been debating just switching to Chinese but... I LOVE Angalea's en va and Phainon sounds good as well so its like... What do I want to sacrifice :( I'll probably just stick with en just because its easier for me to pay attention when I can read and listen at the same time.

Also! Haven't met Mem yet. Kinda scared to. They really pissed me off with that stupid rabbit thing when it was announced and I've been kinda dreading seeing it in person... But we'll see. Let's reserve judgment until I lay eyes on the damn thing.

[burning-basilisk]

I feel *down*, but in a good way. It's weird.

My energy is low, outwardly. But my focus is intense. Work sucked. It drained me. But I didn't feel overwhelmed. Cognitively, sure, I needed to take some time to rest in the middle of the day. But emotionally, I didn't even question whether or not I could handle it. I just kept on rolling. Didn't ignore my emotions either. Checked in with myself often, felt grounded and stable. A little worried that my mood was consistently on the lower side, but also... steady. Stable.

I have a small stirring of anxiety because this state does feel aesthetically similar to times when I was crawling into a hole. Feels a lot like diving into work to distract myself from other problems... but I'm not running from anything anymore. I'm toiling away at the floor of my mind, not to dig a hole to hide in, but... it's like I'm patting the soil down. Hardening it. Building a foundation for... something. Not even sure what, yet.

I'm so heavily grounded. Nothing psychoactive feels right, lately. Not even caffeine. I've spent so much time in the last few weeks with my closest friends and family, making concerted efforts to reach out, to travel, to visit them however I can, and it has help me shed so much of my own pretense for who I think I am supposed to be. I don't care about that anymore. They don't love me for any of the reasons I thought they did. I don't need to hold on to those images of myself anymore. I don't even need to describe to myself why my loved ones love me back, anymore. I want to be able to do more for them, to reciprocate all that they have done for me.

I want to see their eyes light up as we laugh and dance and make merry together.

To that end, I toil. And when I'm ready, I will invite them over. But I have a lot of work to do.

I really should learn how to fucking cook already.

[emberlynnrayne]

10-29-23

God, I hate you.

Everything that was once good is gone. Every ounce of faith and trust is gone. Everything in you that I thought highly of is gone.

We were supposed to be good for her. If nothing else, she was supposed to be the one thing we worked together for.

Now you treat her as another way to control and hurt me. She is the last thing you can use to threaten and control me with, and you've made it clear- you will stop at nothing to do so.

My mistake was having faith in your ability to be reasonable and level headed. The more time passes, the more like your parents you become. Everything about them that you hated. Everything about them that you swore you'd never be.

God help you if I find out you put hands on her. That is the last level of faith, the bottom rung. Don't abuse our daughter. Be good to her. You've already destroyed my faith that you will be an active, loving parent. I believe you love her, but you've shown how little real work you're willing to put into parenting her. And parenting is so much work. So much. And it's inconvenient as hell.

I don't believe you'll be in it for the long run. You'll let me take the school year because it's so much more convenient than doing it yourself. Not because you know it's best for her.

I hate you. I hate you. I have held love in my heart for you through every shitty, abusive thing you have done to me, but this is unforgivable. You threaten me with her, over and over. You've done the absolute bare minimum for almost an entire year, and yet you think you have any right, any standing to challenge my custody? You think you could actually keep her from me?

You're disgusting.

I have tried so hard to be good and patient and kind. I have tried endlessly to be good, effective coparents for her. I STILL WANT THAT. Nothing else. Not a damn thing else from you. I have taken every step in making 50/50 possible FOR YOU and yet you pull this insane bullshit?? I have done everything reasonable thing I could to help you be as involved as possible over the course of this year, and yet you behave this way! I have worked my ass off to build a life fit for her, I rebuilt from the ground up- I have two jobs, I have clean, stable housing, I have worked on every developmental step with her, I have loved and supported her through every change and transition. I have done everything. Everything.

You think that I lost every right to anything we built because I left. Fine. I don't want anything from you beyond being good coparents. That is all I ask of you. Not for me. Not for my own benefit. But because SHE deserves it. She deserves a team dedicated to loving, protecting, supporting, and helping her through life.

God, I hate you. I do. She deserves so much better.

I hope so deeply, so painfully, that you will step up soon. That you will join the team dedicated to her well-being. That you can get past your angry, narcissistic, controlling ways, and just be the father she deserves to have on her team.

Not because I have any faith left that you will, but because I hope the best for her in every way, and having the parent you have been, having a father failing to do the work required to have a good and healthy upbringing... That's not what's best for her.

You're running out of time to step up and clean up. I'm running out of patience, and I am done being your proverbial punching bag.

Grow up. Get with the program. Stop fighting battles that don't exist. Stop trying to use her to hurt me, goddamnitt. She's not a fucking tool. She's not a weapon. She is a little girl, a whole person, and she deserves a support system that works together for her.

Do better. Be better.

[guhamun]

     HE HAD TO LEAVE as soon as possible.

     That thought stayed in his head

     Despite this, though, he paused, hesitant even, when several Rangers rushed by with an urgency that put him on the alert. Had something happened to Jiyan? The man had been hanging on by a thin thread, only walking about out of what he could consider sheer stubborn determination. Still, as much as he wanted to see what was going on, he wouldn’t have been much assistance as he was. Thus with brewing worry, he stayed put just as they did despite their own worries, the medics assigned to look after him doing so with intense focus. In time, a ranger eventually came by to update the medics on what had transpired, relief flowing through all of them, surely, upon hearing that his condition was now stable. Ah, good... As much as Calcharo didn't want to remain here, had he heard things took a turn for the worse...

     No, he wouldn't think of that.

     The medics were thorough, going through everything possible to ensure that he was stable enough to leave, and thus, once they gave him the ‘greenlight’, he pushed himself up, fighting against a dizzy spell that had come over him as best he could. Transportation had offered to him and his people, but he waved it away and continued onwards, gesturing for his people to follow him. There was no need for that – so he liked to tell himself; a choice he came to regret later. Him and his Hounds had only made it far enough to not be seen by any rangers before Calcharo swayed and stumbled forward, unable to prevent himself from nearly falling upon the ground before one of his Hounds caught him. There were words said, worried with curses sprinkled in, but he couldn’t make out what was said exactly before his mind quieted and everything became black. Everything after that was unknown to him, but he did know from one of the older medics back at headquarters when he finally awoke, that he had been out for three days. That was...far longer than he expected this time...

     ❝You need to be more careful, Calcharo. Had you stayed in that state any longer, not even I am sure how that would have gone for you. You might have fallen into a coma, or worse than even that.❞ The older medic seemed to be writing a few things on a clipboard, glancing up periodically to look at him, then at the beeping monitor. ❝We only have one leader, after all. What would the Ghost Hounds have done without you, hm?❞

     He closed his eyes, a sigh escaping him as he lifted his hand to drag down his face. ❝I’m aware. There are a few reasons why this time was…different from usual, even so, I hadn’t meant to go that far over the edge.❞ Eyes opened once more, his mouth opening to ask the question that had been on the tip of his tongue---

     ❝The General is fine. We haven’t received any updates that his situation became worse, so I can only assume all is well…aside from needing time to recover, that is.❞ What a comfort it was to hear that. Had he not wanted to avoid being trapped and worried over by Midnight Ranger medics, he would have stayed longer and checked on him himself. Alas…he had very little choice but to ‘flee’.

     ❝That’s good to hear.❞ Attempting to push himself up, a quick and decisive hand upon his chest pushed him back down against the bed. The medic gave him a long stare, one that in itself left very room for argument. So…he was going to be stuck in here until he was deemed fit to be moving around, huh? Clicking his tongue, he simply closed his eyes again. ❝Understood.❞ Considering he just woke up, he would have to be checked over more before being ‘released’ from his care, and so, Calcharo would cooperate for the time being (because arguing with medics was like fighting with a rock; more so with those who were older).

'I am fine', he thought to himself, as if that would somehow deceive his pained body into continue pushing itself forward.

Doctors make the worst patients, a saying that applied too painfully well to Jiyan. The general had the medics waiting while he finished giving instructions to the rest of the rangers and, rather than sitting down and sitting as recommended, he insisted on walking to the back of one of their vehicles, as if to show that he was fine. And it was then that it happened. The moment he pushed himself up, the nausea and fatigue hit him all at once, his vision turning shapes into independent dots as numbness spread from his nose to the rest of the face. "General Jiyan!" was the last thing he heard before the world went silent.

When he opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was that his eyelids felt heavy and his body felt numb. Once he got used to the lighting, he recognized a few elements around the tent until the figure of a ranger sighing in relief crossed his vision. "You really scared us back there," the young ranger said. So he really ended up passing out, huh? When he tried to lift an arm to rub his temples, he noted the presence of an IV drip. His golden gaze followed the fine route until it reached the plastic container and tube. He also noted that his arms and part of his torso had burn dressings, which felt slightly exaggerated in his opinion, but he couldn't complain. So, instead of pushing himself to a sitting position, he simply sighed and closed his eyes. "How long was I out of it?" He asked, tired.

Rather than the cheerful and relieved voice of the young ranger, a stern voice he knew since his training days replied: "A severe concussion, suffering from blood loss, and multiple first and second degree burns from electric shock on arms and torso." If he wasn't too exhausted, he would've winced and lowered his head in shame. "It's a miracle you have no fractures in your skull nor went into cardiac arrest. You're lucky you have a common blood type. Jiyan, you're the youngest assigned general in the history of Huanglong. Are you trying to become the youngest general at the Midnight Rangers' cemetery as well?" There wasn't much he could say, so he stayed quiet until the medic was done giving him an earful. Only after the medic left, he looked at the young ranger and asked: "Did the Ghost Hounds return to their headquarters already? The mercenary leader Calcharo was extremely fatigued. He shouldn't be pushing himself, either." As expected, Jiyan was more concerned with the wellbeing of others rather than his own.

The young ranger simply scratched the back of their head. "I mean... we did offer to drive them back to their headquarters once your condition stabilized, but..."

[tangelo-jay]

Tw health stuff, i just need to vent a little

My dad has prostate cancer.

We still have yet to talk to the doctor to figure out what the next step is. Test results seemed to say "low grade" or something to that effect which I'm pretty sure is "good," all things considered. And these days prostate cancer is very treatable. I know that.

I just wish that the ground wasn't constantly sliding out from under my feet. My mom's breast cancer scare back in February. This with my dad. D with all his... idk, bullshit that I don't understand at all because nothing about what he said that night we got into our first fight makes any goddamn sense whatsoever to the point where I'm pretty sure it doesn't have much to do with me at all. I'm thinking it has more to do with some kind of past trauma that he hasn't gotten over yet and now I'm... triggering it somehow? By trying to get closer to him? I asked him if I did something wrong and he said that I didn't. So why ghost me then? Why all that stuff about him calling himself selfish and "looking out for himself" and "not giving a fuck about most people because it's easier that way"? And if that was true and actually did apply to me, why the fuck would he consistently show me a side that cares? Everytime I needed someone to pull me back from the edge of giving up, he's done it. INCLUDING once when I didn't ask him for help. He could have just gotten in his truck and left but he didn't. He knew that something was wrong, he could see it on my face. He stayed and tried to calm me down and reassure me and I didn't ask him to do that.

He always knows when there's something wrong. He always has. He's the only one that has been able to recognize when I'm having a panic attack and he's the only one that's been able to calm me down and talk me through it.

During the fight, I... I turned his words back on him and threw them in his face. I said "So just to be clear, you don't give a fuck about me." He sighed and said "If that's what you took from that..."

I know that he cares. I do know that. I spoke from a place of fear and insecurity and put words in his mouth. Words that he didn't dare repeat or directly confirm. Not even in anger. That's... something.

It's been... weird and tense since that. Last class was the first time we worked together since then. I could feel the tension on him. He wasn't sure about it. Neither was I. By the end of it though it was okay, more or less, and we were able to have a relatively normal conversation after class.

I don't understand how we got here. Leading up to the fight things were good, maybe even great. And then it just came crashing down out of nowhere.

But the universe keeps telling me to not give up. Keep going. You're almost there.

I hope the universe is right.

I hope things will be fixed with D.

I hope my dad will be okay.

I hope my top surgery will go off without a hitch.

Can't I just have a happy and stable life?

Please?

[creune]

I am currently in a VC, watching my partner game with his friends and just thinking, cause I don't have anything better to do

I checked up on some things I haven't in a while and it made me realize something

I have removed myself from friends before for a specific reason

They refused to move forward

They refused change

Still do

They don't seem to understand that recreating something that is impossible to is only going to make them more said

Yearning for better times is fine, normal

But refusing to turn towards the now, to move on, it's not

I have seen some messages that made me realize that

That this place became toxic for me not because they were bad people

But because I changed, moved forward, found my own path

Yet they refused to move

I realized that everything felt so much the same, because it was

From what I've seen while checking in, they only see two options, go back to the past, before change happened, to years ago or give up and suffer in the now

But they don't see that change, that moving forward is another option

Not an easy one, don't get me wrong

But it's the option they need

Not what they want, sure, but absolutely what they need

They made me realize how stuck to "better times" they are, even now

Better times being when most people didn't have certain responsibilities and had more time to hang out, which again is fine

But when they refuse to accept that time moves ahead, that their now is wasted in a past that will never return, that they'd rather be bitter that even just look ahead, that's not the best

I get it, the future is unknown, scary

Sometimes you wish to go back when you didn't know just how scary it can be

But we all must accept that it is impossible

And soon what is now will be the past, and that future is the now

And if you refuse to even look, you will slip, fall, sink ever deeper in the wishes of a time of stable ground

But you will never see it if you refuse to walk towards it

I feel sad, really

Not in a pity way

But more in a "I hoped they would mature and grow, as I did, as those did who moved on (and also away)"

It is also strange how everyone who moved forward eventually left those who didn't behind

They all talk less, or not at all

I think they all know, deep down, that when you surround yourself with people stuck in the past for too long, you will become stuck yourself

Or maybe they all are just busy

Who knows

All I know is, that this realization is as strange as the people there, stuck in a past that will never return

I should have seen that before too

There were times when I noticed they yearned to recreate something, a fun thing that most participated in, over and over, even after it didn't work, every iteration less effective than the last

Like they are trying to recreate glory days

They could have created other things, new things

When there were experiments for those, more people got involved, as it was new, refreshing, interesting

But all those got abandoned in favor of an attempt to recreate the original, the one that involved all

But it never did

It never will

As far as I can tell, only a few are involved anymore

Telling the same story again and again

Playing the same moves over and over again

Singing the same songs over and over again

Yet it all blends together, into something they have all experienced before

Even I have forgotten about the magic of the first by now

It's been done so many times now, and even more since I have last checked

As they refuse to move on

To a new story, a new melody, a new page, a new step

You'd think that with so much time passing, they would learn

Yet they do not

As far as I can tell, they tried to take a look, then refused to look again, even less willing to take a step

I'm not sure tho

I just know what I see

And watching them yearn for times that people know will never happen, it is a sad thing

They will forever remain in that state of yearning, a state of suffering

They do not see the good things in the now, the possibilities of the next step, only the joys of what is now just memories

It is truly a sad state to be in, not able to move forward

Because while moving forward hides pain, it also hides hope, opportunity, happiness and joy

Change most often isn't a bad thing, it's just new

And new is scary

At least until the new becomes the now, then the past

But by then there's new now to live through

Good or bad

I think it's better than an eternity of yearning and hopeless wishes

And to anyone who might come across this and is too afraid to move forward or maybe is just not willing:

Moving forward isn't your enemy

The now isn't here to hurt you

The future isn't coming to rip you apart

Time is flowing forward

Resisting it is just going to cause you more pain

Change is a part of life, for better or for worse, but it cannot be stopped, no matter how much you try

So just, let the river of time take you with it

Let go of the branch you're holding onto

The river is wild, yes

But it will bring you to where you need to be

It will help you go forward, find new worlds to explore, new adventures to go on, new friends to make

It is not a smooth walk in the park, don't get me wrong

You will be knocked around for a while

But the river slows, the water gets shallow

And as you float down the river of time

You will find your peace

Under a sky filled with stars made of your hopes and your dreams

Those might not be what they are now

But you won't be either

Because you grow

Because you change

Because you move forward

[juletheghoul]

Burning Hour (Part 3)

This series has completely taken over my life and I am so happy you are all enjoying it so much - thank you for all of the lovely messages and comments - I treasure them deeply.

So - you shouldn't be surprised that this particular moment on the red carpet absolutely inspired a scene in this story and I regret nothing. Hope you all enjoy this fantasy that's keeping me going lol.

Din Djarin x F!Reader (Virgin reader)

Pairing: Din x F!Reader

Word Count: 4.9k

Warnings: (18+ NO MINORS) Angst, pining, slow-burn, implied arranged marriage, language, age-gap (about 10-11 years, legal, reader is of age) Yearning, jealousy, fingering/touching / slight dirty talk (slightly possessive)

Let me know if I missed anything!

reblogs are appreciated

Masterlist Series Masterlist Part 4

—

You floated through the morning.

Your dreams were full of kisses, of declarations of love and beskar glinting under the sun and it was hard to concentrate on anything.

You smiled to yourself as you broke your fast with warm bread and butter, feeling his eyes on you from his place behind your father.

“Your highness-” Your father’s advisor came through the door holding the usual paperwork, things for him to look over, letters to read. “-A letter has come for the Princess.” He turned to you then with a smile. He was an old man, grandfatherly and sweet. He handed it to you and you noticed from the corner of your eye Din’s helmet turn towards you.

It was a small letter and you noticed how beautiful the script was as you opened it.

Dearest Princess,

I would be honoured if you were to join me here at my home for dinner. My messenger awaits your response and if you agree, I will send my personal household guard to accompany you. I also imagine your knight will be in attendance, I welcome him and whoever else you choose to bring at my table. Ruby as well of course.

Hoping you’ll say yes.

Ever yours,

Poe. D.

“It’s from Poe, he asks that I join him this evening for dinner.” You were frowning at the letter, conflicted because you wanted to stay home, wanted to meet Din in the garden again. A tiny part of you however, the tiniest part wanted to say yes - wanted to see how Poe would behave. Part of you wanted him to do something unforgivable to wipe the smiles off your parents faces.

“Oh but you must go!” Your father’s voice boomed through the room and you imagined that you could almost hear Din’s jaw clenching.

“Yes my darling, you must go. What does the letter say?” Your mother held her hand out and you handed it to her. She smiled as she read it. “Din, you must accompany her.” She was smiling big, excited at the prospect of a match having been made. No one bothered to ask if you wanted to go.

“Yes of course, let his messenger know that the Princess will be in attendance. She will go, Din- I leave her safety in your hands. Take you who must.” It had been decided for you, and you had to accept it. You felt Mila’s hand grasp yours under the table in understanding.

-

“Which gown would you like to wear your highness?” She asked sadly as you put on your undergarments and you sighed.

Whichever one makes everyone leave me alone.

“Whichever you think would look best sweetling, I have no preference.” You said the words and they were honest. Yes - Poe was charming and sweet, handsome and in another life you would have been faint with excitement at his interest in you but you were in love with Din. He was the one you wanted to share a meal with. He was the one you wanted to kiss in the open - to have holding your hand as you sat together in front of the hearth. He was the one you wanted in your bed.

“How about this one?” She held out a lovely powder blue gown. You would have said no, something more plain but you had to be seen to be making an effort.

“Yes, that will do nicely.” You smiled but it didn’t reach your eyes. She didn’t comment on it.

“I will tie a blue ribbon around Ruby’s neck to match, and I think you have some sapphires as well.” She brought over a tray of jewelry for you to peruse while she laced up your gown.

Your mind drifted to an interesting place. You imagined you were preparing for dinner with Din and imagined your knight picking out jewels for you to wear.

Would he prefer diamonds? Would he like me better in opals or emeralds?

You had a feeling he wouldn’t mind either way, but it was lovely to pretend even for a moment. She placed a dark blue cloak about your shoulders and stood back.

“You look beautiful Princess, the blue looks lovely against your skin.” She held up a silvered looking glass and you saw the reflection of a happy woman, although why she was happy - no one could know.

“Thank you sweetling, let's get this night over with shall we?” You smiled at her as you both made your way outside.

---

Din, along with five of his best knights, waited for her to set out for Damerons home. Damerons own household guard waited as well, having been sent to accompany her and he surveyed them. They seemed competent enough, he gave them their space nonetheless.

It was getting more and more difficult to put the future out of his mind - he knew that the Princess would marry at some point, it was her duty as Queen. She might even marry Poe - he knew that objectively they were a good match but his mind simply couldn’t stay objective. Not when it came to her.

This whole thing was moving faster than he hoped and he didn’t know what he could do about it.

You have to face facts Djarin, you’ll never marry her. You are a knight, she is a Princess, there is no place for you. Maybe you should just let her go.

It was in him to do so, to ignore his feelings for her; to find Gisela and ask her to marry him - have a couple of little ones and pray for things to work out. The harsh words to get her to hate him on the tip of his tongue but they evaporated like dew on a sunny day when he saw her come out to meet him.

She was a gem- a bright, glittering thing that he wanted so desperately to hold onto.

“I am ready Sir, shall we?” She smiled shyly and he nodded.

“Of course Princess, allow me.” He guided her into the wheelhouse, dreading and cherishing every single second.

--

The ride was uneventful, the road was quiet thankfully with nothing to see but long swathes of trees and greenery in the gloaming of the evening.

Ruby was napping softly in your lap but woke quickly when you arrived, her little tail wagging happily at the prospect of exploring.

“Yes my little darling - we are here.” She was in Mila’s arms when you pet her, the two of you waiting for the wheelhouse to come to a stop.

Din opened the door for you, he was helping you climb down when you heard Poe’s voice sounding out.

“Princess, I am so pleased you agreed to come-” He was striding over, his squire on his heels. “-I am happy to see you all. Please - be welcome.” He was smiling big at everyone as his guards retreated, no doubt returning to their posts. He crouched quickly to pet Ruby before approaching you.

“Hello Poe, I thank you for your invitation.” You smiled as you took in your surroundings. His home was a beautiful sprawling estate. He must have been wealthier than you thought. “You must give me a tour of the grounds - I would love to see the gardens.” You smiled at him as he offered you his arm.

“Of course Princess, I will show you whatever you wish after our meal - unless you’d like to go now?” He paused for a moment.

“After dinner would be just fine.” You answered as he guided all of you inside.

--

You weren’t sure what to expect about his home when the letter had come in earlier but it was a pleasant surprise. There were fresh cut flowers everywhere, painstakingly detailed tapestries hung up on the walls as you made your way to the large dining room. Lush carpets and plush chairs, truly a man who enjoyed his comforts.

“You have a lovely home Poe.” You smiled as he led you to your seat.

“I thank you Princess -“ He turned to Din and the other Mandalorians waiting by the table. “-Please, sit with us. I meant what I said, you are all welcome at my table.” He gestured to them to sit.

“I do not wish to intrude, we would be happy to eat with the rest of your household guard.” Din replied, his voice was clipped however.

“Nonsense. I insist, I dare say the Princess would be more comfortable if you were to join us.” He said it with an easy smile and Din hesitated slightly before agreeing. They all sat, lining their helmets up before them.

Din barely spoke.

He had never been one for long speeches - you were unsure whether it was because of the helmet, or just his nature. The other Mandalorians were friendlier and Poe took it all in stride. You could see that he took nothing personal and treated them just as he treated you.

Aside from Din’s cool demeanor and Poe’s etiquette, the dinner went well. The food was wonderful and you didn’t fail to notice some of your favourites on the menu.

“I took the liberty of finding out what you like to eat.” He said it quietly, not wanting to draw attention and you favoured him with a smile. It was hard not to like him, he was very thoughtful.

Once the meal was done, he fulfilled his promise and escorted you outside. It was much more open than the gardens back home - everything illuminated by torches and lanterns. There were flowers and neatly pruned shrubbery surrounding the large building. You noticed a stable on one side, as well a modest greenhouse on the other.

“It’s nothing compared to what you’re used to but I enjoy it. The kennels are just behind the stables and there are flowers and different fruit trees just to the right there - that’s where they get the most sun. I’m afraid the night doesn’t do it justice, it’s much lovelier during the day.” He was walking you through the grounds, your arm tucked under his as your party followed.

“It’s lovely, truly.” You were sincere and you couldn’t help but look up, the sky awash in stars. “I would imagine you must spend a lot of time out here.” You let him guide the way.

“Not as often as I'd like to, but I try. Perhaps when we marry I’ll make more of an effort.” He said it with a wink and you scoffed loudly but without malice.

“Oh is that so? Well then I suppose I’ll have to change some things around since in your mind I’ll live here hm?” Your tone was playful but sarcastic and you were acutely aware of Din following the two of you.

“Oh yes Princess, I am quite sure. My home is yours and you may do with it what you will. I live only to make you happy.” He was just as playful and as annoyed as you were that he was so confident in your union, it was also aggravatingly refreshing to be able to speak to someone so honestly - better yet for them to respond in kind.

You ignored it, Poe was charming, that’s all.

Much to your annoyance, the night was enjoyable. Poe was an excellent host and it was later than you had originally planned when you set off for home. The woods were pitch black in some spots, it made you anxious to ride in the wheelhouse while the world outside seemed like it didn’t exist. The soft light of the moon doing nothing to pierce through the darkness of the road at times.

Reaching the palace had been a relief and you said as much when you stepped out.

“You should have told me Princess, I would have ridden in it with you - if it would have helped.” He spoke as he guided you inside. You had wanted to, but the temptation of having him so close would have been too much - and as much as Mila knew about your feelings towards him - you didn’t want her to see you kissing him.

You patted his arm in silent thanks and he said nothing else.

When you reached your room you hesitated at the door, wanting him to pull you away somewhere but he didn’t - instead he waited until Mila got in. He took his helmet off and you smiled at the state of his hair. Your fingers itched to ruffle through it.

“Princess, if it’s not too late, I would ask you to join me for a midnight ride.” He waited for your answer and your smile widened.

“Of course! Would you permit me to change quickly?” You didn’t want to ride in such a stuffy gown - as beautiful as it was.

“I will wait however long it takes.” He motioned for you to go and you did - urging Mila to help you once you reached your bedchamber.

“The soft linen dress I think - with the long shift and the heavy cloak. I want to be comfortable and warm.” You changed as fast as humanly possible - all but ripping the jewelry off and within a few minutes you were rushing out the door. The two of you making your way towards the stables as silently as possible.

You watched him work deftly, his skilled hands saddling his horse with ease. One horse, not two.

“Are we to ride together?” You looked at him confused.

“Is this a problem for you Princess? I thought it might be quicker to get us to safety should something happen if we were on the same horse. I could saddle you your own if you prefer - we just wouldn’t travel too far.” He hesitated momentarily and your heart leapt at the thought that he would be holding you so closely.

“I trust your judgment Sir, one horse it is.” You kept your voice neutral and he nodded, finishing his work quickly. Once he was done - he helped you up and pulled himself up behind you. The cool beskar pressed up against your back as his arms reached around you to grab the reins.

Your dress pooled up around your thighs slightly, but your legs were covered by your big cloak but it was exciting nonetheless. You felt exposed, with his proximity it excited you way more than it should have. It felt forbidden, taboo and thrilling to have it feel like he was holding you. You couldn’t stop yourself from leaning back into his body slightly but he didn’t complain.

The ride through the forest was quiet except for the sound of the night birds, the crickets and the creatures that prowled at this time. The sound of the horses' steps, the sound of its breathing mixing with yours as well as Din’s. He rode through trees, through the little paths only he seemed to know and after a while you were beside a lake. The soft sound of the water kissing the shore added to the nightsong and you were happy that he had brought you here. He had been silent the whole ride, but you felt him take his helmet off behind you and secure it somehow to the saddle.

“You should know that you looked exceptionally lovely today Princess, blue is your colour.” His breath tickled your neck and you shivered. You turned slightly to look back but you couldn’t fully face him, the angle awkward but he kissed you just under your ear to let you know it was okay.

“I thank you Sir, I hoped you would like it.” You leaned back into his arms to tuck your head under his chin.

“You wore that for me? I thought you wore it for Dameron.” His hands came up to hold onto your arms as he pressed little kisses to your neck.

“I always dress for you.” You left it at that, hoping he would understand that despite everything- he was the one you wanted.

“Can I confess something?” His hand came up to slowly undo the cloak tied at your throat.

“Yes, anything.” You answered almost breathlessly, watching his hands open up the cloak to expose your shoulders, the skin of your thighs poking out where the dress had bunched up even more.

“You might think me wicked but, I thought about what it would be like to kiss you.” His hand trailed down as he spoke, rubbing at your thighs over your dress and you watched them in the low light of the moon, mesmerized.

“You’ve kissed me before Sir, you could kiss me now.” You turned a little more but he stopped you.

“I wasn’t thinking about kissing your mouth lovely girl, I was thinking about kissing you somewhere else.” His hands slowly gathered the fabric of your dress, bunching it in his fist - lifting it inch by inch to bare your legs to him. “May I show you where I want to kiss you?” He stopped but you clung onto his arms around you.

“Yes - please show me.” You felt is other hand join the fray and soon he had exposed your lower half to the cool night air. Your undergarments were damp you knew it - the arousal pooling low in your belly at the thought that he might touch you where you most wanted him to. He didn’t disappoint.

His hand trailed up your inner thigh lightly, slowly, up until he skillfully slid it into your undergarments. He groaned deep in his chest when he touched your bare sex.

“Right here. I long to kiss you, taste you here.” His touch was feather light on the lips of your womanhood, slipping along the seam of you. You whimpered, no one had ever touched you here and you felt the slick dripping out of you as you let him explore. “Would you let me Princess? Would you let me bury my tongue right here?” He dipped his fingers low, parting you slightly to dip his fingers just at the entrance - collecting your arousal onto his fingers before slipping them out and bringing them to his mouth behind you. You moaned at the sound of him sucking you off of them and you nodded frantically.

“Yes Din, I would let you - I’m yours.” You moaned the words and his other hand held you in place.

“And I am yours.” He responded before bringing his hand back to where you craved it, this time he spread the lips of your cunt open wide, honing his middle finger on the pearl of your sex. He rubbed tight, slow circles around it and you moaned - trying desperately to open your legs wider. He chuckled darkly behind you.

“Does that feel good Princess?” He turned your face with his other hand, twisting his upper body enough to capture your mouth in a messy kiss, not quite aligned but it sent a shiver of arousal through you and you felt yourself climbing higher and higher- his finger relentless as he sped up a little.

“Yes - Gods yes - it feels so good Din, I thought about you too.” You moaned the words into his mouth. “I think about you touching me like this, when I do it to myself.” He groaned at your confession, his tongue thick in your mouth when he kissed you again.

His finger dipped low to collect more wetness and the glide of it was just right, just slippery enough to send you over the edge and you almost screamed. Your body seizing up with pleasure as your sex clenched around nothing. He cooed into your ear as you rode it out.

“You are intoxicating my lovely one.” He kissed your neck, as he lowered your skirts.

You watched him, blissed out and boneless as he licked his fingers before grabbing the reins again and slowly making his way back to the palace.

-

Mila was snoring softly when you slipped into the room and you were careful not to wake her and as tired as you were from travel it took you a long time to fall asleep. Your heart full of love for Din and a hunger you couldn’t satiate filled your belly. It was a craving for his body, for his kisses, for physical love a woman shared with her husband. You fell asleep hoping - though secretly knowing- that he craved you the same way.

—-

As happy as you were when you awoke the next morning, it was quickly dampened - your father informed you that Poe was to arrive at the Palace as his honoured guest. That he was to stay for a time as a gesture of good will.

You saw right through it.

Your parents had decided that Poe was the suitor they wanted for you and they weren’t being at all subtle.

They informed you with big smiles on their faces, no doubt in hopes of pushing you towards him. It was exhausting - this constant reminder that you would never be truly free to live the life you wanted with Din.

When Poe arrived, he was happy - taking this as a sign that he was winning you over.

“Greetings Princess, I cannot tell you how happy I am to be able to spend more time with you.” He was all smiles and you had no choice but to smile back.

“It will be interesting for sure.” With the way you felt about Din, the intense desire to be around him was at the forefront of your mind. As well as the way Din behaved around Poe, it would definitely be interesting to say the least.

—

Your father invited Poe to dine at your private table, and he engaged him in conversation almost the whole night. They spoke of the future, of how Poe would help rule if he were indeed to marry you. Your mother smiled silently, happy to let the conversation center around the two of you.

Din stood still behind your fathers chair and you wanted nothing more than to pull him to sit with you. To talk to him, kiss him and feed him from your own plate.

“I would want to help people to be quite honest, extend a hand to those that aren’t as fortunate as us. There are people out there starving and that doesn’t sit right with me.” He was honest, to a fault like he said but you admired that.

“That’s very noble of you my boy.” The king nodded.

“It’s very honourable isn’t it my darling?” Your mother smiled at you and you smiled back, nodding around a bite of your food.

“I’m sure the Princess and I could do much and more to help the people who need it the most, if she would let me that is.” He had a shy, genuine smile for you, tentatively reaching over and taking your hand in his. You couldn’t very well snatch it back but you felt Din’s eyes burning into the interaction.

This could get messy.

“Princess, I would humbly ask that you accompany me for a walk through the grounds - chaperoned by your knight of course.” He asked as the remnants of the meal were taken away.

“Oh I’m sure she’d love to join you wouldn’t you sweetling?” Your mother cooed, and you smiled and nodded.

“Yes of course.” You let him guide you, Din following closely behind.

—

“I hope I’m not intruding - I know that the King and Queen are very keen for this to work between us.” He held your hand as you walked arm in arm and you couldn’t help but sigh softly.

“Yes they are aren’t they.” Your tone came out a little more exasperated than you’d hoped but he was well aware that you were not to be swayed by him so easily, you knew he should expect some hesitancy from you.

“I understand that you aren’t impressed and that I am most likely not your first choice. For all I know you might already have your eye on someone else.” He laughed and you couldn’t help but look over your shoulder at Din. “Regardless of that Princess, I know this must be difficult for you but I beg of you to give me a chance to show you that there is potential here. I believe that in time you might come to love me.” He pulled your hand up to his mouth and kissed your fingers.

“You are selling yourself quite hard Poe, I appreciate that you understand that my feelings for you aren’t where you want them to be.” You looked up at him apologetically, expecting him to have a sad look on his face but he surprised you; he was smiling - content to listen to you speak.

“I know, it’s not in you right now but I believe you will see me in a different light. I have faith.” He left the conversation there.

——

It was hard to find time to meet with Din, Poe seemed to be everywhere and his determination seemingly had no bounds.

Your mother found you as you dressed for the day - she had a note from Poe. He was asking you to accompany him into town to hand out some supplies. You couldn’t refuse him, not when your mother had delivered it herself.

“Will Din accompany us?” You asked it offhand, your voice neutral - your face a mask of nonchalance.

“No your father is going on a hunt and Din will be protecting him, there will be other guards with you.” She said it with a shake of her hand as she searched your wardrobe for an appropriate dress. “This will do nicely.” She picked out an off the shoulder, deep berry coloured dress that was not at all practical for a day out in the city.

It would have to do.

-

He had taken you to an orphanage in the heart of the city. There were kids running around of all ages and the older ones ran towards Poe when you entered - recognizing him. He had a big smile on his face as they hugged him around the middle, all decorum forgotten.

“Poe did you bring us anything?” A boy of about twelve years was eager, looking around you to the entourage of guards waiting behind you.

“Of course, brought all of you some good stuff like I always do.” He ruffled the boys hair before he held his hand out to you, you smiled and stepped forward. “I have someone very special here with me today, this is the Princess. Come on over and say hello.” He called them over to you and you saw some of the little girls eyes light up. They flocked to you, asking you if you were indeed the Princess. Asked you if you had a crown, and most importantly why you were there. They were precious.

“She’s here to help just like I am.” Poe answered for you.

A little girl of about six pulled on your dress and you lowered yourself slightly to be at her level.

“Princess, I like your dress, you’re so pretty.” She was smiling at you, her hair was a tangle but her eyes were bright.

“Thank you sweetling, you are much prettier I must say.” You moved the hair out of her eyes and she smiled wide, her little hand clutching at a makeshift cloth doll.

You helped Poe hand out toys and new clothes and there was food for them to eat. You spent the day playing with them and learning about their lives. The women who ran the orphanage knew him and you saw that all of the talk of helping the less fortunate was real, he had already been doing much more than you had ever even imagined.

It was hard to deny the little spark of something that he held within you.

He was handsome, he was kind and smart- funny and generous and with the way his eyes found yours throughout the day; he felt something for you. His eyes were piercing, dark and mysterious and for the first time, he gave you butterflies.

One of the little ones was showing you his space within the building, his bed and his tiny toy horse. He was waxing poetic about how one day he would be a knight. You were smiling at him when Poe stood next to you, his gaze heavy and it sent a flush crawling up your neck to light up your ears.

The fabric at his neck was crumpled and you couldn’t help but reach up to fix it, your arm extended over to him and his gaze focused on it, reached up to hold it to his neck. He placed a delicate kiss to your bicep and pulled you closer. The act was small, but so intimate it did something to you. Melted a tiny piece of you that up until now was frozen to him and he saw it on your face. Felt it in the way you let him hold you close, your arm still around his neck, his hand moving down to hold onto your waist.

The little boy was in front of you now, asking Poe if he would ever give him a real horse and he laughed, not unkindly.

“One day my boy, one day I will give you a horse - only if you promise to behave and be on your best behaviour. Can you do that?” The little boy nodded sagely promising he would. You didn’t pull your arm away, and you couldn’t pinpoint why.

—-

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