femchef

[femchef]

is this anything

[femchef]

saw an absolutely hilarious animal crossing theory that i now 100% accept and it’s that in the animal crossing world, humans are going extinct, and so all the animals have locked you in an elaborate zoo enclosure and are trying to give you enrichment. and that’s why they give you infinite pointless tasks, hide money in trees and rocks, invented debt that doesnt matter etc. it’s why they always act so happy to see you even after you raze the entire island, relocate their houses twice, and always act so pleased about your choices no matter what. it’s all to keep their little endangered human healthy and enriched. and thinking of it this way has genuinely improved my experience of the game

[femchef]

Me, a Pastry Chef: 👀

My Dyscalculia:

[femchef]

Just so we are clear this is him ^^^

My not-quite 30 lb cat really thought that the shower curtain rod was a shelf he could sit on if he jumped from the countertop and he was not prepared for the disappointment

[femchef]

My not-quite 30 lb cat really thought that the shower curtain rod was a shelf he could sit on if he jumped from the countertop and he was not prepared for the disappointment

[femchef]

[femchef]

A humpback whale lands gracefully on its back after launching its enormous frame out of the depths of the Pacific Ocean.

Location: Australia.

Photographer: Nicholas Holton

Ocean Photographer of the Year

[femchef]

YES I HAVE HAD THREE CATS LIKE THIS IN MY LIFE

I had CC, who just about had to have the breath squeezed out of him and he would rush over so happy and headbutt you like the way I imagine a triceratops would scrape its head on a tree trunk

I had Lily, who desperately wanted the little spots over her eyes just shy of her ears (you know on their foreheads where the fur is a little thinner?) squished a’la Swedish massage - absolutely had to knuckle her little head to make her happy

Now I have Tiger, who is delicate and tiny and elderly, but absolutely HAS to be crushed all over - head, cheeks, neck, flanks, back - I literally take her little head between my hands and squish her skull and smoosh her sinuses and she is absolutely BLISSED OUT

So - my question to you, @foldingfittedsheets , is whether or not your cat is a tabby, because all of these cats are tabbies (tiger is also a tortie, so she has an additional bump in personality, but she is a very stripey tortie)?

Leeloo is a fairly social little cat. When guests are over she’ll generally come hang out and occasionally sit on someone’s lap or chest. This is occasionally passive aggressively done when I’ve refused to cater to her preferred cuddle position (on my chest, kneading my neck) so she lays on someone else and stares at me like, see, someone is grateful for this!

But by and large none of my friends know how to pet her. They’ll do long strokes over her back or delicate fingers between her eyes. We tell back strokers to stop since she has arthritis and doesn’t like it, but everyone else we just let them try to please her. She never purrs.

They ask what she likes and I say she likes cheek and chin scritches but she still doesn’t purr for them. I don’t want to break their heart and tell them what she really likes. I’m also scared to see them misinterpret what I mean if I said, “She likes it rough.”

She’s currently splayed on my lap while I’m sitting on the toilet and I dig my long nails into the fur of her ruff and she purrs furiously, wanting to be absolutely wrecked. She does not want gentle. She wants to feel the scrape of nails on her skin. When presented with a brush to her face she slams into it with all the force an 8lb cat can muster, wanting nothing more than to turn herself into a furry wrecking ball and experience the brush at Mach 5.

[femchef]

every day i think about their sacrifices and feel ill

(lyrics from francesca by hozier)

[femchef]

Post what would've killed you in the tags

[femchef]

this is a terrible time to be alive *remembers the latter half of the 14th century* this is a not so good time to be alive

[femchef]

Imagine a pinecone as heavy as a bowling ball and the size of a chihuahua. Believe it or not, such pinecones exist—and they belong to the coulter pine (Pinus coulteri), a conifer that can be found in parts of North America including California and Mexico. Infamous among loggers and foresters, this tree is nicknamed "the widowmaker" because of the unlucky individuals who met their fate as a result of its falling pinecones. This species produces some of the largest pinecones on the planet, weighing up to 11 lbs (5 kg).

Photo: damontighe, CC BY-NC 4.0, iNaturalist

[femchef]

I’m proud of actually getting the old plates on AND attaching the new ones without electrocuting myself but also this picture shows the closest to the true color of the wall (however the trim is showing like four shades too light?? It’s darker in person).

View from the bathtub - I decided not to pattern stars directly over the bath area because the steam and moisture is probably going to break them down a bit faster; you can kind of see the graded color on the ceiling - darkest in the center and bluer out to the edges!

Here’s a better look at the trim I painted around the top of the wall - I curved the corners so it makes the ceiling look more rounded overall; I painted the base of the trim yellow, let it dry and then readjusted the tape lines so they were a little tighter and went back over it with a wash in cyan and violet to get it to look a little iridescent at a distance (and then went back with a thin brush in wall color to catch a few spots where the yellow was too thick).

I used variegated leaf on the mirror! Originally I was planning two thin pinstripes but when I started putting tape down I really liked how the inch thick stripe looked so I went with the fat stripe. I managed to do the entire thing with only one package of the crushed leaf I’m actually really surprised how far it went? I like how the damaged corners where the mirror is starting to grey out look with it, pre-aging no effort.

I’m going to use gold leaf sheets for the ceiling stars, but I *think* I’m going to use my other bag of variegated leaf to decorate the door panels - I’ve been trying to decide how I want to paint the door but now I think have an idea to sleep on.

So right now it looks like this outside:

All ice. No snow just ice - which means we are not going anywhere (y’all this is SAVANNAH. GEORGIA. ). So anyway - we are doing online remote for classes at least today and tomorrow and clearly I’m not going out so instead I finished painting and limning the boarder below the ceiling, stenciling in patterns on the ceiling so I can leaf them tomorrow, and leafing a stripe around the mirror that’s fused to the wall! I also replaced the old light and outlet plates with moody bronze styled ones. I’ll reblog with pictures!!

[femchef]

So right now it looks like this outside:

All ice. No snow just ice - which means we are not going anywhere (y’all this is SAVANNAH. GEORGIA. ). So anyway - we are doing online remote for classes at least today and tomorrow and clearly I’m not going out so instead I finished painting and limning the boarder below the ceiling, stenciling in patterns on the ceiling so I can leaf them tomorrow, and leafing a stripe around the mirror that’s fused to the wall! I also replaced the old light and outlet plates with moody bronze styled ones. I’ll reblog with pictures!!

[femchef]

i love making spreadsheets. the only problem with making spreadsheets is that i don't have enough things to turn into spreadsheets. the spreadsheet market is in shambles. but i can't just ask people if i'm allowed to make them spreadsheets, because if you go up to someone and go can i make you a spreadsheet they go literally why would you do that. but Sometimes you can social engineer your way into making a spreadsheet for someone and that's the most beautiful feeling in the world.