#my head kinda hurts rn
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turns out theres a chance i might have both autism and adhd 💀
#my head kinda hurts rn#therapist said she will help getting me a proper diagnosis since all psychiatrists in my area fucking sucks but holy shit#finally getting a diagnosis after all these years would be comforting but im dreading my parents reaction#like i dont have to tell them and i dont care what they think i the end#but since im still stuck under their roof rn itll be fucking dreadful is they go on their anti medicine bs again#“ooooo how could our daughter be autistic and have adhd!! its a scam they just want money!!!”#fuck im scared LMAO#i want my diagnosis and get out#stfu caloppe#mental health
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babe wake up new phil migraine mention just dropped... yeah... yeah, it does suck when your head hurts every day, can confirm
transcript under cut:
Phil: I'm managing mine well. I'm kinda grateful mine just make the room spin rather than being painful every time because the painful ones are horrible. I know people have that everyday so that must suck
#lou is loud#phil's migraine#dan and phil#dnp#amazingphil#migraine#i got a bunch of vestibular migraines when i cold turkeyed my snri#was not fun but weirdly you do kinda adjust? vs the painful ones yeah there's not much adjusting#i mean there is a bit like rn my head hurts maybe a 2/10 and i'm chilling but there's just no real way to get used to near constant 5/10#pain levels like the human body is simply not designed to deal with that#if i didn't have fatigue and brain fog and photophobia maybe i'd be able to cope with it idk#helth
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Nothing sucks more than liking a character(s) but then no s/i idea so I'm just sitting here all >:(( while crushing on said character(s)
#pan rambles#W.orrick from G.angsta you were my first thought when making this post <3#I should talk about my crush on him more but rn my head hurts so-afksnfkdndk#This also applies to The Space Cowboy himself- S.pike#Gksbgkdnfkd I feel like I never bring him up here but man...Ever since I watched it I developed a huge crush on him!#It's one of those situations where I love the original plot so much that I kinda just. don't want to mess with it too much y'know?#I could talk more about him but then I'd get into spoiler territory so I wont-skgnskfdndk#And rn it's also been happening with H.eatycliff and S.inclair#The lack of s/i ideas...They hurt...#😔 Hopefully one day I can come up with good s/i ideas for them#My feelings for two of them in particular are quite strong but if I can't think of a good s/i idea then they're usually stuck in crush jail#Truly a shame😔
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pre-holiday leave crumbs
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#renga#hey. if I give u a bottle labeled wine with somethin else inside. would u drink it#anyways. tomorrow I Travel#The Turbulance evened out alright! so the Traveling could no longer be postponed#three days on da road babeyy (<- shaking and crying)#goin to a market! I'll try to get a new kitchen knife there. will be better than whatever the fucks goin on in our kitchen rn#anyways. post-fic haze has settled in once again I am simply no thought. this will continue for hopefully five hours#until I gotta get up for car time#kinda whittling down the 20yo reki design slowly to get to a point where it feels Correct#20yo langa is already perfect. maybe to nobody but me but I stand the fuck by it#I believe in langa looking like a guy lesbians would hit on by accident in his 20s. I hold myself to it#oh yeah if ur asking. no that was not a cigarette in the first pic. sorry Im a tightass about smoking thats a lollipop#in my head its the pickled mango flavour that alpenliebe already made a hard candy version of here#hard sour candy shell with. chili salt core. it is good (?) but it hurts my stomach (I will not stop eating them)#also if u catch the acc name going outside the panel in the comic. its bc I could NOT leave it at just 'random white girl'#it has to be the full thing I cannot do this fake fictional twitter user like that#literally the only preliminary caution I take for funny comics. nothign else makes sense I dont care. this is necessary however#anyways. it is time for baku to be horizontal and shit. so here we goooo#have a good nite lads! idk what will happen in the next 3 days! will most probably be silent! and then dip pen comms will open again#eat well sleep well! two daysborday until labor day
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I filled an entire sketchbook page recently with just doodles of Simon based on various photos of Jerma I hope you guys understand—
#castlevania#castlevania games#akumajo dracula#akumajou dracula#castlevania ii#castlevania simon’s quest#simon’s quest#castlevania ii: simon's quest#Castlevania nes#simon belmont#art post#my art#shitpost?#uhhhh should I even tag this Jerma or#this idea kinda from post on here that was one of those ‘died (year) born (year) welcome back (person)’ but it was Simon and Jerma#I think about that all the time it lives in my head rent free forever now lol#and also cause I watched Jerma a lot recently#i debated even posting this but then I saw how dead the Castlevania tags are rn and like ya know what#maybe Jerma Simon is exactly what the fandom needs rn lmaoooo#idk it can’t hurt#I wanna animate simon picking up one of those boss monster orbs and being like WHAT IS THIS THIS IS MAGIC POWERS like Jerma and the geode#idk I think he’d announce to a live stream that he’s legally insane and 40% of what he says isn’t true#I gotta animate the meatgrinder rant too oh my goooodddddd—#I feel like my idea of this guy is way different than the common fandom depictions 💀💀💀💀💀💀#welp anyways
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just realized i don’t get this final exam back and if i do its only gonna be a percentage 😐
#sooooo demotivating actually#kinda just focusing on one thing ik is gonna be on the exam unless my prof lied/forgot#but i hate not getting feedback on work like how tf do you expect me to learn#i wish i wasnt fucking sick rn im so insanely mad about that 😄😄😄😄😄 cause id be completely fine and i wouldve started studying earlier#but nooooo my head hurts so bad 😁 and i dont remember anything 😁 and its tomorrow at 9am 😁#like ik it doesnt matter at all but i still wanna do well on it#I wanna learn this stuff and its killing me that im not retaining anything rn
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random fic idea of post-epilogue normal and taylor talking to scary and lincoln again and each other after the reunion and getting closer with each other again, and then one day they're all eating at the li-wilson-marlowe's house and someones like "wait- we're still legally married right?" and they all realize that they don't actually want to get divorced...and also jerry is there and he is very confused about whats going on with his parents and their childhood friends,
i love me some old friend reconciliation turned romantic polycule :))
#i have so many other things im working on but the idea popped in my head so you guys at least get to hear abt it lol#havent posted in a bit because my hands hurt a ton and have stopped working properly so..that makes typing and being lowkey alive kinda hard#but im feeling a bit better and its mostly my legs bothering me rn instead so im spamming#polywagon#dndads#dndads s2#dndaddies#dungeons and daddies#dungeons & daddies#normal oak#normally oak swallows garcia#normal oak swallows garcia#taylor swift dndads#dndads taylor swift#scary marlowe#terri marlowe#scary li wilson marlowe#lincoln li wilson#lincoln li wilson marlowe#linc li wilson#autumn rambling#🍁
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painful blood clots in very inconvenient places that aren't life threatening and can only be treated by popping hella painkillers and putting ointment on the affected area for weeks to months and wait for it to go away on its own is LITERALLY a huge pain in the ass ✌
#also still feeling very suicidal because of the pain <333#it's so stupid but fr pain so intense and so specific in the most uncomfortable way it makes me wanna kill myself sooooo bad#just so i won't have to feel this pain any longer. insane.#ngl this is worse than some of my worst headaches.#maybe even just as bad as that particularly vicious head cold where everything was so swollen and clogged#i couldn't breathe my head felt like a goo bomb ready to explode any second. everything hurt#and i seriously contemplated stealing my father's revolver to end my suffering#kinda feeling just like that rn
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finally getting caught up on the first half of the bbh stream today and i’m feeling so depressed about there being one lonely man alone on server today on the one year birthday of the original eggs, singing happy birthday to his kids that are likely never waking up again :(
#i literally can’t watch the server anymore without just being kinda sad#i kinda just listen to bad talk when he’s on bc it’s just pleasant to listen to him#but today is making my head hurt (more than it already was)#the you are my sunshine where he made it halfway and had to stop is#like i need to think happy thoughts rn#badboyhalo#bbh#q!badboyhalo
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It's always a bit heartbreaking when you find that your authentic, unmasked self isn't as palatable to others compared to your masked persona, especially when it's friends and loved ones that assured you that they enjoy and love you as you are.
#cherry rambles#adhd things#nd things#neurodivergency#just stuck in my head a bit too far#i know i can be a lot at times#i wouldnt expect anyone to enjoy every part of myself all the time#its normal to get annoyed by things or be irked#you dont have to like 100% of someone thats unrealistic tbh#but the specific realisation that people enjoy your masked self more than your unmasked self#esp for me who struggles with social cues and social norms bc i am in general a very chaotic and outspoken person#i ALWAYS “warn” people the kind of person i /could/ be outside my mask#for those i start to get closer to#they always say “its ok you can be yourself around me dont hold back”#and then i try unmasking and its Too Much for them#and i get it#i know im a lot#but being told its a safe space to unmask but then seeing them kinda regret it#kinda hurts a lot#like i told you in advance the kind of person i can be#i understand not everything is “palatable”#but to then see people i thought of as close friends start to distance themselves after i start unmasking hurts#like it proves a point in the worst way#that people cant tolerate my unmasked self#they can only “tolerate” me in “small doses”#which of course makes me less willing to unmask in the future#aflahdoab head thoughts are being terrible rn
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Doctors are such a joke they'll quickly examine you and be like but you don't have a high temperature rn :) and you're like bitch I was cold sweating all night my head has been hurting for weeks and there's weird goop coming out of every possible exit that my head has can you fucking help me. But you have a normal temperature you'll be fine in a couple weeks :) bITCH I haven't felt completely good in months can you help me!! But your temp is fine and every measure I took is normal you're a healthy young adult :)
Then you maybe try the alternative route and find less conventional physicians just in case and they're like have you tried finding peace in your heart :)
#atp im pretty sure its just covid that kinda fucked my health forever bc theres nothing else apparently#my head hurts so often is this normal omg ?? not in a migraine way just in a fever way but theres no fever apparently so :))#idk man if at least they were like yeah idk whats going on sorry instead of youre fine dw#and like sure whatever i can live normally but then it flares up and i have to cancel all my plans bc everything hurts and i have no energy#i hate it here ‼️‼️#sorry rant over im just rly annoyed rn#personal nonsense
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im sorry to hear people are stomping all over your boundaries, big props to you for sticking up for yourself and putting your foot down. I hope you're doing ok (/gen)
on another, hopefully happier note, i noticed your info post mentions that you self ship! I'd love to hear about your favourite self ships if you're comfortable talking about them some time?
i actually never did or had interest in this but then haitham waltzed in so hes the first and only one (this whole thing flusters me so its smth i indulge in for myself in private by reading or daydreaming or sometimes i babble and ramble about him very in depth)
(most hkvthm things i draw is just me going 'wish that was me' and drawing it LMFAO)
ohh also same w kaveh but in a slightly different way than haitham (theyre both the only ones) i want them to hold hands. i want them to hold my hands. there
#i dont feel attraction to ppl irl mostly bc im just not comfortable around ppl#and the ones i am are my friends and theres obv no romantic attraction#so when i saw haitham and learned more and mroe of him and how he and i share so many traits and ideas and things it was#instant comfort and the feeling of being understood#that its like#if he was real i would seek out his warmth and presence instead of getting away frm it like with my ex partners when it was too much for me#knowing that he would understand me therefore knowing how to handle me without making me uncomfortable or upset#uhh so basically. he made me realize all i want is just someone who perfetly understands me and knows how to treat me#when to come close and when to give me space#perfectly knowing me and reading me#i cant speak and in the rare moments i am able to im often struggling to form my thoughts into sentences that make sense#so he would still understand and put together that garbled mess and know exactly what i mean#not misunderstanding and acusing me of things or tones i never said or used#ppl and things messed me up quite a bit in the past that im having trouble w lots of things unless im alone#only when im alone i feel truly comfortable and safe bc nothing can hurt or upset me but even then you kinda realize in some moments that#you actually want someone with you but it has to be smn you trust and who knows you inside out and all that#i dont have anyone like that and idk if i ever will but rn this character is jsut rotating in my head giving me these things i crave and#thats enough#sorry that was a lot of gay rambling there but yea idk if it sounds stupid or nah but my#mental health issues got way better and balanced ever since haitham so he really#grounds me and gives me strength and comfort to deal with things i would have be unable to do in the past year#bc even if i dont have smn who truly knows and understands me#inside me there is someone#reply#tags tbd#in case i get embarrassed LMFAO
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DO YOU KNOW HAVE YOU SEEN THE GO LEAK
I know. I saw it. I saw it at a very disastrous 5-minutes-before-an-important-work-meeting and then I had to sit through the meeting listening to important work information having to act NORMAL like I hadn't just seen THAT. Why would they do this to me. This is a Personal Attack. Oh how am I supposed to be an octopus about it
#ask#anonymous#not normal rn#At first I was like 'oh I haven't seen anything about it maybe it's photoshopped'#And then @hydenine sent me Neil's statement which confirmed that it's true?!?!? At the literal start of my work meeting lmao#Rip me#I'm glad my camera was off bc I was sitting with my face in my heads#Anyways I personally don't mind the spoiler and if anything I think it would get ppl more excited about the show rather than hurting it?#But I understand that the crew wanted to keep it a secret so I won't go around promoting it#Kinda like if ya know ya know#but anyways#ALKSDGHALUWGDLASGDLASDHGALISDUHALIWHDLASUHDASKJDHASJKDHAKLHWLKUDHAKLWUHDAKWHDLASDH#↑that's how I feel
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I am so tired of the couple in the apartment above ours constantly yelling at each other - which then also makes their baby/toddler cry.
they must be SO loud. the walls are really thick, we tested it before everyone else moved in. I understand that the crying baby is loud, okay fine whatever. but the constant arguing? what the hell :)))
#I suppose the thing a normal person would do is maybe go up there and ask them to please be less loud#but I am very very afraid of people who yell#especially when they are in the middle of an argument#and so is my partner#soo nope#kinda want to mention it to the landlord though...#we've heard the neighbour that lives above them complain about them to someone too... so it's definitely not just us being too sensitive#my head hurts so fucking bad rn. can they just shut the fuck up already.#personal
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Would you guys still love me if I stay up past my bedtime <3
#camera talks#I don’t actually have a bedtime#but it’s almost 12#and I’ve been contemplating the meaning behind the song good love and I’m having a lot of emotions rn#(song is by the narcissist cookbook and it’s really good and makes me feel things)#(I’ve been coming to terms with the fact that my last close friendship was indeed very toxic and abusive in fact#and that’s been. rough)#and the song kinda hits me in a weird way#anyways the letters are blurrying together and my head hurts so I should get to bed#sigh#goodnight/goodday <33
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ur bitch gave herself a possible concussion which is actually so funny if slamming my head hard enuff against a brick wall i saw white for a sec did that bc like i have no one but myself 2 blame n it was over messing up cookies i was bakin 4 someone n that was todays final straw
#im doing v well i also opened my skin b4 all that but yeah was gna go out n just scream but turned n just immediately went 4 it#i cant tell fully tho bc already on decent amount of xanax rn n im smoking now bc my head fucking hurts now n i feel slower than b4#but fuck it we ball i also kinda might throw up so gna smoke more#i dont feel like googling concussion info rn either way thats my L n i gotta hold that but im kinda vibin now halfway until i feel like imma#throw up or cry otherwise its like hehe quiet brain#batbaby rambles
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