#my friends and family can live without me and im sure they will be sad but it will be a breath of fresh air not having to deal with a

[moeblob]

Erin, to her crush: You're a dick

Mason, the crush: I won't argue! But to clarify -

[parasitic-saint]

the life isnt worth living thoughts are really loud tonight yipeeee

[pierregazly]

tolerate it ꨄ lewis hamilton

lewis hamilton x fem!reader

warnings: age gap (no specific age, just mentioned), angst, no hea

this is just me projecting my sadness with this song onto one of the drivers, lewis being the best option. there's a chance i may do a part 2 to this eventually, but im pretty content with how it ended for now. i hope you enjoy!

It wasn’t always like this.  

There was a time when you didn’t wake up, clenching your eyes closed in the hopes that it would magically change the outcome once they opened.  

There was a time when you would wake up, Lewis nuzzling his chin into the space where your neck and shoulders collided, peppering the skin with little kisses in the hopes it would wake you from your slumber. 

There was a time when you didn’t have to hold your breath, when your eyes didn’t have to adjust to the lack of light in the room, just to get a small glimpse of the man you loved curled up next to you.  

It was hard to pinpoint the exact moment when it had all changed. Maybe it was at the beginning of the season, maybe it was before that. You couldn’t really be too sure. 

Now, you were lucky to catch a glimpse of him in the morning, lucky to even get the chance to move your eyes across his ink-coloured skin beside you. You were lucky to even get a kiss goodbye in the morning before he left, the sun barely up when he was leaving to go to training, or the factory, or God knows where.  

The words between the both of you were minimal nowadays, it was more like living with a roommate you saw occasionally instead of a lover that you were supposed to be sharing a life with.  

There was a time when Lewis would giggle as he read the words of his books to you in whatever animated voice he could come up with. There was a time when the art he created was a joint effort between the two of you; now, it felt like all he did was tolerate you. 

It was evident neither you, nor Lewis, wanted to touch on the topic. Both of you tiptoed around each other, not wanting to open the door that would push the storm in.  

There isn’t much time spent at the paddock anymore, your career becoming the main focus of your priorities. You still welcomed Lewis home after every Grand Prix, his favourite dinner’s packaged in the fridge, the linens cleaned, and his clothes prepped.  

A battle hero’s welcome, one could call it. 

He always politely thanked you, a gentle kiss to your forehead before he made his way to the office for the remainder of the night. There was a time when he would debrief with you after every race, watching highlight videos on the television while he explained what he did wrong, what he did right, where he could improve and where he got a little too cocky. Now he just did it alone, the door of his office tightly closed, no sound emitting from the room. 

Sugarcoating it to your friends and family was difficult. They understood Lewis’ career took center stage, but they couldn’t understand why he was never around when they came to your shared apartment, why it felt like his presence wasn’t even prominent in the home at all. 

There was no way to explain it, without sounding naïve, without sounding like you were just letting a relationship that was drowning, pull you down with it. 

Everyone suggested different reasons. The season wasn’t going in the way Lewis had hoped. Maybe his age is finally getting to him. Maybe he’s considering retirement and it’s bothering him. Maybe the age difference between the two of you is too much now.  

Maybe he’s fallen out of love. 

You knew the last one was a significant possibility. Lewis was a private person, but he showed his heart on his shoulder, especially at the beginning. Large declarations of love, obnoxious presents, at first, he wanted you to know that he was in love with you, constantly. 

There isn’t a time in the last four months that you can remember where Lewis demonstrated his love for you, quick ‘love you’s’ before the door slammed behind him, a random heart in the middle of the night when he’s halfway across the world; even those had slowly stopped. 

Nowadays he would hum silently when you told him you loved him, he would send a heart back if you sent one to him. He didn’t initiate anything, it just simply felt like he was tolerating it when you expressed your love for him. 

It wasn’t hard to remember the times when Lewis would tell you how much he loved you, how he would show it.  

He would curl up behind you in bed, the unmade sheets wrapped lazily around the two of you as he groaned into your neck, his hands resting around your middle as he eagerly cuddled up to you. 

You could always feel him mumbling words into your neck, but he would never tell you what he was saying. Lewis would just smile and press a tiny kiss to your lips, the kiss heating up as time went on, your bodies moving in sync as he demonstrated his love for you in every way he knew how. 

You weren’t a self-conscious person, you knew you had plenty to offer when it came to your relationship, and when it came to life in itself. You knew your love should be celebrated, celebrated in the way that Lewis used to celebrate it, the way he used to giggle as he wrapped his arms around you from behind, gently swaying to the music coming from his phone as you cooked together. 

You tried to push the negative thoughts away, the thoughts of leaving, of packing up your bags and leaving in the middle of the weekend while he was away. You considered it, time and time again. The suitcases staring at you from the closet, telling you to open them, pack them, and leave. 

Every weekend the temptation grew stronger and stronger. The urge to walk away, to preserve your dignity, sat heavy on your shoulders.  

Every time when you thought you had decided, thought you had made the decision to pull the dagger out and walk away; an invisible force pulled you back. Told you that the season was slowly coming to its end, that the old Lewis would come back to you when the season was up, he was just stressed out and things were hard. 

He never talked about his problems with you. He would debrief with you, sure. He would tell you about the problems in the race, but he would never tell you about his internal problems.  

It’s how you constantly justified his behaviour, and his actions... or lack thereof.  

Your mind always went back to those thoughts when you considered leaving. It always made you think about the fact that he was probably struggling, that he just wasn’t able to talk to you about it and that you leaving would probably make things worse. 

It was the invisible but obvious force, that, you knew. 

Lewis didn’t know about these thoughts. At least he never showed that he knew. The bags were always tucked away in the back of the closet when he returned home, like they were never sitting in front of the open door. Everything was back in their rightful place, as if the thought of leaving had never crossed your mind.  

One of your favourite moments with him happened just before the beginning of the season. You were cuddled up on the couch, the remnants of a ‘Game of Thrones’ episode playing on the television, Lewis’ hand gently creating shapes on the visible skin of your back.  

“Do you ever feel like you’re too old, or like... too wise for me? Like someone closer to your age would be better?” 

You felt him huff against your neck, a small laugh falling from his lips before he pressed a kiss to the spot his lips were before shaking his head. 

“Are you calling me old, my love?” 

Immediately shaking your head with a tiny laugh, you slapped his chest with a gleam in your eyes. “You know what I meant, Lew...” 

Rolling you over, he leaned over you as he pushed a lock of his own unruly hair behind his ear. “I rarely think about the fact you’re younger than me. It doesn’t affect the way in which I love you, half the time I forget that you’re younger than me. I definitely don’t think I’m wiser, that’s for sure. It’s pretty obvious who has all the wisdom between the two of us.” 

The night ended with you below him, the sheets rustling, as if all the love he had for you could be encaptured in the way his eyes connected with yours. You had never felt that kind of raw love before, had never felt like everything you had done had led to that exact moment. 

Trying to convince yourself that everything happening now was all in your mind was easy. The comments that your friends made, that maybe he didn’t love you anymore; was easy enough to ignore when you considered the fact that he did still reply to your messages, that he still came home every Sunday, that he still sometimes pressed a kiss to your forehead before leaving in the morning.  

But then sometimes you let your mind reel, and reel, and reel. Lewis was there, but was he really there? 

The conversation almost happened, after Spa. Lewis was exhausted coming into your shared apartment, his bags dropping down at the front door. You were wrapped up in one of his Mercedes sweaters, his racing number engraved on the sleeves; even if he was there physically and not mentally, you had still made him your everything, you had made him your mural, had dedicated the sky to him. 

The pictures on the walls still showed a love between the two of you that wasn’t obvious anymore. The picture of you wrapped around him after the end of the 2020 season. The pictures of the both of you cuddled around each other at his family Christmas, the collage of his nephews wrapped in your arms. There were hundreds of photos that showed how life used to be. 

Your mind came back to the present when Lewis crossed the path in front of you. 

Like always, he went to press a gentle kiss to the crown of your head, the exhaustion prevalent on his face. As he was walking towards his office, you felt the words bubble out of your mouth before you could control them. 

“Did you want to watch this with me? I feel like we haven’t really spent much time together lately.” 

The words stopped him in his tracks, you could practically see the wheels turning in his head as his body turned in your direction. It felt like his face was mocking you with its fake sympathy as he gently shook his head, his curls moving with the direction. 

“I’m just too tired. I have to go watch highlights in my office. Maybe later.” 

It was always ‘maybe later’, or ‘maybe tomorrow’, or ‘I’m sorry we can’t celebrate our anniversary this year, I just don’t have time this weekend, maybe next weekend’.  

It felt like you were begging him for a spot in his life, like you were an inconvenience that he didn’t want to put the effort into anymore. By now, you weren’t even begging for a line in the story, but a line in the footnotes of his life. A minuscule part, something that he couldn’t even try to give you.  

Lewis made it clear he felt bad after he bailed on your anniversary. He spent hundreds of dollars on you, basically begging you for forgiveness and emphasizing things would be different soon, he promised. 

He was right, things were different. Not in a good way. Maybe that was the point when things really started going downhill. It was still hard to pinpoint it. 

Making yourself scarce when Lewis was home was easy. Your friends were always looking for you to go for lunch, or dinner, or out for drinks. Spending your time at work was always an easy escape, allowing the never-ending flow of work to occupy your thoughts as you went above and beyond. 

If Lewis noticed that you were avoiding him, avoiding your home; he didn’t say anything. He never said anything. 

Spending the weekends at home was therapeutic, your arms wrapped in another one of Lewis’ oversized sweaters. The smell of his cologne wafting up your noise as you pressed the sleeve to your face, the unshed tears refusing to leave your eyes. You wouldn’t cry, not again. 

You knew you would cry, again. You always let the tears fall when you scrolled back up in your conversation with Lewis to when things first started, when he was animated, when he overshared, when he sent you photos of George, of Mick, when he forwarded you along videos of Roscoe when Roscoe was away with him.  

Back when your love was celebrated, when it didn’t feel like Lewis was just tolerating it, tolerating you, tolerating your love. 

Jealousy reared its ugly head every weekend as well. Whenever you saw an Instagram story, or a twitter post, whenever you saw that Lewis was out with his friends, or his team, or his crew. You knew it wasn’t fair to be jealous, that it wasn’t fair to compare yourself to the people that Lewis spent 5/7 days a week with, that it was hard for him to say ‘no’ to them. 

It didn’t change how much it hurt, how much it made your heart ache to know that you truly were something that could be put on the backburner. He was always out building other worlds, but where were you?  

Where were you every time he was out with his friends after a race? Where were you every time he was celebrating a win, or celebrating a pole in qualifying? Where were you every time he went live on Instagram? 

Where was his love for you when you sat looking at the suitcases in the closet, again? 

Gone. 

It was time to accept the truth, that his love for you was gone. That he didn’t celebrate his love for you like he once did, that he didn’t celebrate you, like he once did.  

He tolerated it, and he tolerated you. Tolerating something and celebrating it were too obviously different things. It had never been more evident. 

The bags didn’t stare at you anymore as they laid open on the bedroom floor, your clothes finding themselves folded and inside each of them, your portion of the closet emptying out as the bags grew heavier and heavier. The bags under your eyes growing darker alongside them. 

You couldn’t leave without saying anything to him, couldn’t allow him to come home to an empty home. It was obvious he didn’t deserve an explanation, and you didn’t plan on giving him one. But he deserved a goodbye.  

It was clear the presence of the suitcases registered in Lewis’ mind the moment his eyes found them as the front door closed. He immediately looked at you, the most emotion you’d seen in months shining in his eyes. 

“What’s going on?” 

The shake in his hands was visible as he asked the question, his own bags falling gently beside your own as he stared at you.  

“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t beg for a place in your life anymore, Lew. I’m sorry.” 

The resignation was evident in his eyes, but there was no fight in them as he sat on the couch opposite you. It almost hurt to know that he wasn’t going to argue, wasn’t going to ask you to stay, to not break free and leave the both of you in ruins. It almost hurt, but you knew it would be the case.  

“I’m sorry.” 

He didn’t try to stop you as you went towards your bags, he didn’t look up from his ink-stained hands as the click of the lock sounded. He didn’t try to say anything more as the suitcases rolled out the door. 

You didn’t see the tears gather in his eyes and then fall down his cheeks as the door closed behind you, the longing on his face as he debated with himself internally if he should run after you. Beg you to stay. It was so plain to see now, you were younger, and wiser, and he didn’t deserve you anymore. 

Lewis knew the truth. You deserved someone who would celebrate you, celebrate your love. Not someone who could only tolerate it when their own life was falling apart. He didn’t deserve you, not anymore.  

i really hope you guys liked this!! im really not too sure if i'll make a part 2, but if there's a lot of demand for one i will. thank you for all the love. also i read this like 4 times so if there's any mistakes im sorry lol

tag list

@iloveyou3000morgan @leclercdream @myescapefromthislife

(if you're interested in being added to my taglist for all my works please reach out! i didnt tag anyone who only requested to be tagged for specific parts of my other work!

[plurapony]

explaining cognitive empathy!

i am someone who does not feel empathy. not one bit, i am not experiencing a limited form of empathy nor am i experiencing a different kind. i do not experience empathy full stop. from age 17-20 i had self suspected aspd in myself due to this lack of empathy (amongst other things) but eventually realized it was just my autism.

but i view empathy as very important! this is where cognitive empathy comes in. cognitive empathy is something that is learnt and therefore available for literally anyone to use!!!

there are various ways to learn cognitive empathy, a few years ago i would cope by studying my friends - learning them inside and out, memorizing their emotions, how they dealt with things etc and then eventually i could apply that research to be empathetic towards them when it was required. this... wasn't great though, sure it did it's job well enough but it required a lot of time and effort and if i ever needed to show empathy to someone i hadn't studied i was pretty much fucked.

over time i developed a better technique that relied on relatability (and it definitely helped that i had gone through more shit in my personal life). if someone had an experience even remotely similar to something i had gone through i could apply those feelings i felt to their current situation and feel empathy towards them through a logical lens. it's still far from perfect and there are absolutely still situations i struggle with but it helps to have a strategy.

for example, situations that reliability cannot apply to - very hard to deal with as my method for the most part won't work for those situations. but if i can simplify it and relate the emotions themselves then usually that works fine. ie: "that client is really sad about experiencing a death in the family, i have never experienced a death in the family but i know what it's like to be overwhelmed by sadness I will do what i would need if i was overwhelmed by sadness"

if anyone ever tells you that cognitive empathy is not possible for you, they're lying. it's something that is entirely learnt and not even a tiny bit of it comes naturally to you. it may SEEM like it's something that comes naturally to me but you have to remember that i am 22 and i have lived 22 years without empathy. after a certain point of working towards cognitive empathy im going to have it memorized.

[diminuel]

I know that the baby dragon (roger garp coparents) comics are so silly and fun and i ABSOLUTELY LOVE THEM but i was trying to remember all the characters in the crowd in the live action (im only in dressrosa in the anime) and then i thought too much about about your comics and now im SAD!!!

Garp and Roger at the very least being friends and co parents and Garp essentially KILLING HIM in front of DRAGON. Like roger may or may not be his bio dad but thats his PIRATE dad (a la shanks) and that being the dissolution of their family unit. Also fem!croc (possibly) being in the crowd???? Maybe they meet again there. Do you think roger looked at their "son" when he died? Do you think garp couldn't look at him?? And then for garp to stand there on an execution platform with ace???? His friends kid?? His grandson???? But this time instead of standing silently like dragon did, luffy refused to save himself.

And rayleigh, RAYLEIGH couldnt be there in his best friends final moments, couldnt be there for dragon, his nephew/godson/whatever. But finally he was able to help luffy after marineford. Finally he could help his family after so many years, even if luffy didnt know.

Anyways, love your comics and art, its all very fun and cute, even if the implications get me.

Also i guess this wasnt really a question, but i wanted you to know what you inspired in my brain and kinda get your thoughts!

I’m always happy to know that my silly comics get you to think! I do enjoy drawing fun stuff but as you said, most of them have more serious or angsty implications if you do continue spinning the universe a bit.

Like with the Baby on Board comics (the coparenting one) I imagine that even though Roger and Dagon’s relationship starts out easy and light-hearted, there eventually must be a moment where Dragon no longer feels welcome among the Roger Pirates (most likely when he joins the marines at a young age). I can imagine that Garp and Roger both (not very gently) teaching him that choices have consequences – he chose the path of the marine, which means that pirates like Roger will now be his enemy. And Garp is, his situationship with Roger aside, kind of hard-headed about his sense of justice.

Still, in an AU where he spent a portion of his childhood on Roger’s ship, he’d be upset about watching the execution, whether Garp is up there on the execution platform with Roger as in the live action or not. Maybe Dragon has to endure this without having gotten any closure with a man who had once claimed him as a son. And Rayleigh isn’t there to offer comfort or platitudes. Shanks and Buggy are too caught up in their own emotions to spare any thoughts on the feelings of a guy who occasionally looked after them.

I don’t know if it’s a spoiler to you, but we do know that Crocodile was for sure at the execution in the manga/ anime. So at least Dragon wouldn’t be entirely alone. I don’t know exactly which of my AUs the Baby on Board comics apply to (most of them?) but in some of the AUs this would certainly be a moment where Dragon and Crocodile meet/ see each other again/ enjoy a night together, toasting to the old era and welcoming a new one in their own way ;3

So if Dragon wants to drink his complicated feelings away, there’s someone there to do it with, even though I doubt he’d tell Crocodile that he knew the man who died today as more than just the King of Pirates.

And yes, of course I also like the idea of just how the Baby on Board concept would weave the threads of these people even closer together.

[ellesgirl]

Measure of a man - dramione

for a long time i was wondering if i should or shouldnt post this, i was afraid that people would disagree with me or make fun of some misspelt since english isnt my first language, but i'd like to talk about measure of a man

this is a masterpiece.

this story is so focused on hermiones feelings and thoughts, i felt like i was inside her head sometimes. hermione as a lover, as a mother, as a daughter, as a friend... i feel like her portrayal in M.O.A.M. is the closest to canon we got to see our golden girl getting old.

i love how their friendship is described!! hermione, ginny, pansy, daphne, luna.. i loved all their scenes together. every dinner, every party, every drunk nights and early mornings. hermione is so understanding and also so good at setting boundaries, and all the girls respect it. i love and kind of envy how true and raw their friendship is.

narcissa? what a touching topic. narcissa slowly fading, slowly losing her memory and sanity is so excruciating. everything she ever done for draco and scorpius being crushed by how little time she had last. it happens to us in real life too. we try so hard to get something right, and we forget it is our first time living too. we dont have to do everything right, most of the time we just have to be there. to be here. she was raised on a very strict and traditional way, so did her mother and grandmother and all the women in her family. the way she changed and bent to accomodate granger, to make a better household for scorpius, even for draco. i have no words, im almost crying already. narcissa was my favorite character in this book. i could go on and on about her. her braiding astorias hair when she didnt have the strenght to do it, and then braiding hermiones hair to show her that she is not seen as less important, or as a replacement. to this day i cant wear a pair of jeans without thinking to myself "a proper woman dont own jeans". i'll be back to talk about her relationship with andromeda and teddy.

hermione is truly inspiring. you can laugh, but i have 3 chickens now because of her. i am also taking lessons on planting, i plan on making a big vegetable garden. but back to our girl, she is passionate. her sad pies, her house????????? if i could just snap my fingers and be transported inside a fictional somewhere, it would be her house for sure. all that love and comprehension and tea mugs and late night talkings.

scorpius is such a dear child. what a smart, funny and loving little boy. the fact that he wouldnt talk with words, but did all the conversations possible with his expressive eyes did melt my heart. and what a good autor is needed to express this with words.

astoria is the meaning of love. its like if you take all the love in the world and place it inside someone. the grieve in this book is so intense. daphne lost her sister, draco lost his best friend, scorpius lost his mummy, narcissa lost her hope to see her son happy. but what is grieve, if not the love persevering?

measure of a man changed my way of seeing life. of living life. i truly believe it made me be a better person.

im not sure if anyone will read this, but if you did, thank you! i would love to her your opinion on all of it

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - April 22

grounded anon, folklore anon, Spoty anon (new), crushed anon (new), 100% anon

Grounded anon

Hi! I'm glad things have calmed down a bit at home!

Ugh, yeah. Unfortunately it's a canon event as a queer person to have a crush on a straight friend. And it SUCKS.

Remember that you're allowed to set boundaries, though. Like if it's too hurtful to be physically affectionate and say 'I love you' in a platonic way, you don't HAVE to do that. You can say that you prefer less affection, and that's okay! Put your mental health first! <3

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folklore anon

hii its folklore anon, its been so long since i came here but i think something's wrong with me

so idk if you remember but told you that i have this uncle who i love and this uncle is living in europe(croatia) ad as my godfather he invited me (well my grandma, my aunt and her fam-) to visit him and basicly today is our 4th day. my mom is always checking up on me and every time she says that she misses me i just say "me too" but i really dont feel it, and also before i left she was like "yeah when youll leave its gonna be nice to get rid of us" or smthg like that but in a like funny way but in my mind i was like"ye youre right" but i just smiled and its so idk weird and i feel a little guilty that im not missing my fam

anyways hope youre doing okay<3

Hi!

I mean if you don't miss your family, there's probably a reason for that, and it's not something to do with you. So I don't think you should feel guilty for that at all. But I also don't think you should feel guilty for lying because like...what good would it do to be truthful? Probably not a lot.

Are you having fun in Croatia though?

___

Spoty anon (tw- pet death)

I really need someone to talk to So I hope this is ok.

My childhood dog that we rescued when i was ca. 7, ( his name is Spoty) will probably die soon. Maybe even this night.

He doesn't eat, doesn't stand up and it's just showing. I feel really like I don't know what to do whitout him.

Sure he often was very loud but the house is now so empty even with our other dogs that I also love over everything. Last year my other dog (Aaron) that lived by my father also died and my other dog (Oscar)(also by my dad) will probably also go soon. I don't know how to feel, I know that he will be going without pain so atleast that but I am still so sad.

Since I was 8 I always had 4 dogs (since last year five(Khalil)) I grew up with these dogs, they were/are my friends when I had nobody.

I am just really sad and needed to let it our so thank you

Hi <3

I think people who don't have pets don't understand how devastating the death of a pet can be. Your grief is so valid, and I understand how lost you feel after losing an animal

Please remember to be gentle with yourself. You're allowed to grieve. And if you want to talk about any of your pets to me, please feel free to inbox me!

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crushed anon (new)

So recently I’ve been feeling bad, me and someone who has been my friend got in a fight and that “friend” got in contact with my mother and got her on her side. It crushed me that my own mother one of the most important people in my life would take the side of someone who I had repeatedly told her was mean if not evil to me. On top of that I’m set to move away from my friends to a new place in May. I really, really don’t want to go but it’s our only choice.

Hi <3

First, I'm sorry that your ex-friend did that. That's fucked up, and it but feel so overwhelming that your mom has taken her side too. And on top of that, moving? I can't imagine how scary that is.

As far as what to do from here-- first, remember that people care. Whether or not they act like it, they do. I do.

Second, try to write down things you're looking forward to. Even little things. Breakfast tomorrow, a movie coming out soon, taking a nap after school. ANYTHING. And then just tell yourself that you're going to get to that thing. Like if you're feeling overhwlemed, tell yourself you're looking forward to watching a movie tonight, and you only have to focus on getting to that movie. Nothing else. Once you get there, then give yourself a new little thing to get to. Small increments. Don't focus on the big picture.

And if you need it, my pinned post has a link for hotlines <3

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100% anon

hii its 100% anon

first off ilove my anon name lol, second thanks for answering my ask even though it was nothing<3

anyway i habe been questioning my sexuality for a while and im still nkt so sure

like i know that i like- no love women and i have no problem with being witha non-binary lerson but a man? nkt so sure bc i dnt immagin myself with one but sometime like im walking down the street and i see i guy and be like "damn hes beautiful" or something like that but still i sometimes feel ljke i need affirmation from the male gender if that makes sence?

ughhh its just so weird!

hope youre having an amazing day/night!!

Hi!

I mean, you can have different levels of attraction to different genders. That's perfectly valid, and a lot of people are like that!

As far as needing validation from men- from your last ask, I'm going to guess you're afab? Yeah, that's probably a societal thing. Afab people are taught from birth that we need validation from men, so that's a hard thing to unlearn. That can be different from being attracted to men, though.

[ikeu-ikeu]

im back from the de@d

Notes: Wrote this in a sitting and this is my first time writing… its crap but ill get better eventually

wc: 1672 (woah?)

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Miss your touch.

“Y/n please i can explain!!” Jake said teary eyed as he attempted reaching out to you, soon turning into a fail as u swiftly moved away from his touch.

“whats there to explain Jake?!” you reply back screaming, you didn’t care if you were loud or if anyone could hear you.

You just didn’t give a fuck anymore.

You walk in tiny circles while grabbing your hair.

“Y/n please calm down and i can explain..please..?” voice wavering

Jake knew what he did was wrong, it was too late for him to realize, though.

“explain what?! that i was just a bet for you and your friends? did you even love me?” you exclaimed while sobbing in between your words.

When you said those words, he went blank. So much to say, but so little could be expressed.

“I’m leaving.” it was a simple sentence but it didn’t fail to make Jake’s hairs go up.

He didn’t even reach for you or fought for you. He only stood and watched as you left your apartment, only bringing your purse and your phone.

As soon as you exited the apartment, thats when Jake started bawling his eyes out.

He never meant for any of this to happen. sure, he did it for the shits and giggles at first but he started gaining real feelings for you. He and his friends called off the bet, saying you deserved better than that. He and his friends regretted ever doing that to you, you were a sweet and kind girl, always caring for your friends and family.

You get in your car but you realize you have no where else to go. You contact your best friend, Sunoo. You guys have been friends since Kindergarten and were inseparable. Even now, you guys are still close. Although you guys aren’t siblings, both of you have always treated one another as siblings.

After you told him some details via call, he agreed to let you stay at his house.

The ride to his house was a daze, everything that happened in the past hour was a haze.

You arrived at his doorstep and rung the bell, he opened the door and took in your state.

A mess. You looked like a mess. your hair was a mess, your eyes were so red, mascara running down your eyes. Your lips were swollen from all the biting trying to conceal your cries.

He hugged you. That’s all it took for your eyes to start watering up.

“Shhh, don’t be sad. It’s okay. I’m here with you.” Sunoo said, whispering in your ear while caressing your hair in a calming manner. You cried even harder, you hugged him back and gripped his shirt hard.

All he could do was just stare and listen to your painful sobs, he’s never seen you in such a state before. He brings you in and sits you down on the couch in his living room.

“Wait for me here, i’ll give you some water okay?” Sunoo said, after gaining a nod of approval he quickly sprints to the kitchen and quickly comes back with a glass of very much needed water.

“Drink up, Y/n, i don’t like seeing you sad”

You accept the glass from his hand you started chugging the water.

After calming down for awhile you told him about everything that happened.

“So Jake only got with you as a bet? What about those 5 months you were together?! What a fucking jerk!!” after Sunoo heard the words that left your mouth, his blood was boiling. He never knew someone could be such an asshole.

“Can we move on over this topic please? i wanna forget about it.. can we watch a movie?” you say, frown evident in your voice

Without a second thought Sunoo turns the tv on, ready to watch any movie you desired.

3:56 am.

Jake feels like a piece of shit, He is a piece of shit. He’s been drinking to numb down the pain in his heart, he knows the pain he’s feeling will never compare to what you’re dealing with.

Drinking. He promised to stop drinking once you 2 got together. It was a really bad habit of his, but without, you who’s here to stop him now?

His whole body feels numb, his eyes are so red and puffy, he feels dizzy and his heart ached for you. He feels his heart shattering every second when he thinks back to what happened, the tears that stained your face, your voice was breaking every second. Your eyes, oh, your beautiful eyes that he loved so much, were spilling tears and it never seemed to stop.

Shit, he was crying again. But, he deserves it, does he?

He goes in your shared bedroom, all your belongings were still there, all the photos from previous events hung up on the wall, still there. The plushies that he gave you for your monthsary? still there. All the memories from the past months. It was all there.

He sat down on the queen sized bed, it felt so lonely without you. He missed your cute little snores. He missed seeing you wake up with messy hair. He missed waking up to your kisses on his cheek.

He laid down on the bed and grabbed your plushie from your 1st monthsary. He remembers it so well, you looked so beautiful that day. You were always beautiful.

He looked at the plushie, his vision went blurry.

He was crying again. He hugged the plushie, it smelt like you, it made him cry even harder. He cried himself to sleep like a baby, not knowing what they’re feeling. He had been crying till sunrise, his eyes were swollen and red. After all that he went to sleep, plushie engulfed in his arms.

You woke up at noon, you and had Sunoo stayed up late watching horror movies together and played games. It made you forget about the events prior.

You knew you had to return back to your shared apartment with Jake to get your belongings. It really shouldn’t be that hard considering you have a spare key that he gave you on your 2nd monthsary.

“Are you sure you’re going back there? i mean, i can get your stuff for you, if you’d like.” Sunoo said after you told him what you were gonna do.

“It’s okay, Sunoo. I can go alone, thanks for being concerned though. I appreciate it.” you said as you hugged him a goodbye before you left his house.

“Message me if you need me okay? stay safe y/n.” he hugged u back and patted your back, wishing you well on your journey.

It had been 6pm since you left his house. It’s now 6:54pm, you grabbed your spare keys and tried to open the door. Usually, Jake would be at work in this time, so you weren’t that worried bumping into him.

You entered the apartment. Nothing seemed out of place.

Then you saw it. The beer bottles.

You had forbid Jake from drinking and seeing all the bottles made you feel different emotions at once. Not a problem, you think. You open the door to your once shared room, not expecting to see him but there he was.

Peacefully asleep on the bed was Jake. His eyes were puffy and he was hugging the plushie he got you.

You softly gasp. He looked so vulnerable when asleep, you always adored him when he was asleep. The cute snores and his pink lips forming into a pout.

You’ve always loved Jake’s lips, loving the way they felt on your lips, on your nose, on your forehead and on your cheeks.

Well, seems like the gasp wasn’t as soft as you expected, as you looked at Jake he started to wake up and take in what was happening.

His eyes were blinking from just being newly woken up. His eyes were red from the whole night of crying. Now he had a headache from drinking too much.

“y../n.?” he says weakly, his voice cracking.

You just stand there and stare at him, debating whether you should cry and hug him, saying you missed him so much or whether you should slap him and tell him he’s an asshole and start collecting your belongings, wanting to leave the place as soon as possible.

But, looking at his current state, you didn’t wanna.

He was pale, his lips were dry and he had disheveled hair. He looked like a wreck. You can tell he hasn’t eaten in hours. All you wanted to do was cuddle him, and that you did.

Without another word, you walk your way towards the bed and lay down with him and you started to cuddle him, his face buried in your chest. You start caressing his hair and kiss his head. No words were exchanged. He was trembling under your touch, He started to break.

He tried holding back the tears but he couldn’t. He broke down crying, he hugged your waist tightly, holding you closer as if you were gonna disappear.

You’ve never seen him this broken before, you started crying with him too. His and your cries mingling with one another. He had been saying stuff but it was hard to understand, he had been saying ‘sorries’ and ‘love you’s’ in between sobs and sniffles. It got so bad he started hiccuping.

Fuck, who knew that seeing him so wrecked in this state could break your heart even more?

You just took it cuddled him till he calmed down.

Too bad it didn’t last for long, who would’ve known that was gonna be the last time you 2 cuddled together?

He knew that would be the last time he’d see you, but he didn’t expect you to go so soon.

You left the apartment 30 minutes after Jake fell asleep, feeling certain emotions. You didn’t wanna leave him alone, but it was for the better.

You were gonna miss him, that’s one thing for sure.

—————————————————————————

[pseudowho]

the age gap between your kids is the same as mine with my siblings (i think, unless i’ve screwed up the math)! i’m the oldest and then my brother is 4 years younger and then my other brother is 6 years younger! so it’s pretty much the same i think except we’re not 3 boys.

i think that’s the ideal age gap situation to have, like you bicker and fight a lot when you’re younger (although maybe your younger 2 kids are too young to have reached that stage) but it’s not so big that there ends up being distance between siblings or that the oldest ends up in an accidental parentification situation. my brothers and i are 21, 17, and 15 right now and we’re quite close, but i do have a sister who is 15 years younger than me. which is a lot of years. and it’s a bit of a weird situation because my parents are great (except for the part where they had a kid 15 years after their oldest, that was bat shit crazy) in that despite me being the oldest (and the oldest daughter at that) i was never really expected to be involved in the raising of my siblings which is really common in my culture. but obviously my sister is so much younger than me that it sort of just ends up happening on its own. i always say that my brothers and i grew up together but i (well, we) are watching her grow up. i feel so guilty sometimes because i’m at university now, i’m doing medicine, and i’ve moved abroad for it. so i don’t really see my sister very often except for in like the holidays and all. and i try to call and i try to stay in touch but i’m just so busy all the time that it’s hard. i’m sure you get what i mean since you’re in healthcare but being a med student is a lot. i constantly feel so badly guilty because my sister misses me a lottt and every time i come back to uni from the holidays she literally has like hysterical sobs and it breaks my heart. and then when i am at home it becomes really hard because my sister understandably wants me to devote every second of my day to her and it becomes difficult for me to go out with my friends or even interact with my brothers extensively because they do live with her so they’re not as willing to do things that would humour her and entertain her and obviously it is a lot easier to talk more freely to each other without our six year old sister around who would probably unwittingly snitch to our parents about whatever stupid things my brothers are trying to hide from them. i love my sister to bits but well she is 6 so while i do try my best to spend as much time with her as i can it honestly really is a chore. and i feel really bad that i feel that way but i really can’t help it. i’m really not a kids person beyond being able to take care of their physical needs and occasionally their emotional ones if they’re about to cry or something.

and since i’m in med school and there’s a lottt of years left for me to do which are going to be abroad i just feel horrible about my sister all the time, like im literally going to miss so much of her life. and i also don’t want it to be like that she grows up feeling alienated from me or that she’s all grown up one day and she’s just like “yeah i have an older sister but she’s never been around much, we don’t really talk”. plus my brothers will also be done with school soon so they’ll leave too and then we’ll all be having our own things and our own lives and at that point she may as well be an only child and i feel so fucking sad and guilty about it all the time. i feel like 90% of my thoughts are me just thinking about my sister and feeling guilty. and sometimes i just resent my parents so much because we could’ve just been 3 with normal age gaps and it would’ve been perfect. but no there had to be my sister who’s so much younger than the rest of us, i feel like such an awful person for even thinking that we would’ve been better off without her but i do sort of think it sometimes. i would never ever EVER say that to her or to any of my family and i do love her insanely but she’s just so much younger it’s insane.

i’m sorry i’m going to shut up now this ended up being so long. i just wanted to comment a little on your family structure i did not intend to word vomit about my own feelings that didn’t even fully realise i was feeling.

Me and @mrhaitch can relate to this on a lot of levels; our kids, of course, have the age gaps of you and your elderly siblings as described, but Mr.Haitch has a little brother who is 15/16 years younger than him. A lot of what you've described (the 'perfect' gaps, then the subsequent guilt and resentment towards parents of having a sibling that much younger) is stuff we can relate to.

Ultimately, speaking as people who are further down the line, with Mr.Haitch now 32 and his younger brother approaching 17, the youngest is raised in so many ways, as an only child. The older siblings end up becoming almost parents for them. I mean, Mr.Haitch and I are still named on the will as his little brothers' new guardians, in case his parents were to pass away before his brother is an adult.

Mr.Haitch had absolutely no involvement in his little brothers' childhood. It has forced a completely different relationship dynamic. I think he wishes he had made more effort to be involved, and regrets it now.

It's something you will have to traverse in the kindest way for your sister; while it's unfair for you to be parentified, you, ultimately, are a vital role model for her, and being so much older, you are the one with the power to steer your relationship positively.

Video calls and games you can perhaps do together over video. Asking her about her day and her interests and actually listening. Never forgetting her birthday, and sending her a gift. Be her penpal. Make her know that she's still important to you even though you can't be close. Children that age remember the things that you do, more than the things that you don't.

It will take her until adulthood to understand the position you were in, but you can lay the foundations now for how she perceives you then. I assure you, a little goes a long way to prevent alienation. When she then perceives this big sister who still loves her even when apart from her...well. It will show.

Resent your parents all you like; that's not what's going to help her, and help you, right now. Put it aside-- it's too big for her. Just be her big sister in any way that you can, okay?

Don't worry about the word vomit. Sometimes, seeing real life played out in another family before you, ignites something, doesn't it?

Love,

-- Haitch xxx

[princessfaerygia]

one time i went to court and one the people there had face tattoos. across the side of his face was scrawled: "dead inside"

it scared me at the time (i easily ~ experience delusional paranoia at times)

but i currently feel that way now. dead inside. after all our sweet cuddles this morning and last night, my boyfriend talks real excitedly and happily to his ex on phone. i understand they just friends but am jealous of their comradery. i once had friendly relation with my ex but he said he couldn't be my friend anymore because he doesn't approve of my romantic relationship and thinks my man may end up really hurting me.

and just now or a bit ago my man says, "what is it gonna be like this in a year too? doing nothing all day?"

that's what im afraid of. i myself have no problem doing nothing as long as im efficient and productive to the extent of what's necessary. such as making food, cleaning cat litter, walking dog, sweeping floor, scrubbing counters and toilet, taking out trash, going to the gym using stairstepper for 30 mins.

he only admitted to me using the stairstepper at times. he appreciates so little of the chores I'm happy to do around here. also i bring him his clothes when he must dress himself, do the laundry, bring him his shoes, make the bed.

all these things were good enough for my ex andrew who in turn asked me to marry him. but i only like him as an individual, not a romantic partner or mate.

so my boyfriend wants me to progress he hates his life with me. he says this whole year has sucked because we've done nothing.

i daresay once he loses me that "nothing" may be something sorely missing from his life.

during this year we danced a lot, went on hikes, walked a ton, made food together, and so on...

last night he got too stoned to give me a massage and promised to give me one this morning. but no he did not so eventually i asked in an upbeat tone~ "massage tonight?"

but apparently that was the wrong thing to do and im grievously entitled. he says he was obviously busy and it was not good to ask.

this is learning experience in humility for humility to develop humility and meekness.

i did actually sign up for gym in my parents town and im going to pause/freeze it if this relationship continues . i just didn't think i had such little self respect to come back to him when th only reason he chooses me is because shannon won't forgive him. it's true ive been bulimic and anorexic, binge eating ~ basic issues wit respect in general toward myself and others throughout my whole life.

re-spec-t.

it really makes me sad to disappoint others, especially my bf. i hate video games and books. sure they can be fun but they aren't exactly useful for tuning into our innate intelligence and soul and finding relevant solutions. in fact they do quite the opposite~books and video games are a denial of reality, an escapist attempt to "enjoy" oneself. they desensitize us to our soul and inner intelligence, overstimulating us to dull the pain of human inconvenience.

i don't know how i'm gonna live without my boyfriend to involve my mind in life outside of me. sure there are chores and exercise to be done and family to love but it isn't particularly enriching.

it hurts that my ex found me so marriage material yet this current man finds me worthless and retarded, entitled and useless.

it's just all zen i suppose.

yet now he strokes my back gently im jus so lost and confused. i'm in love with him.

[perlapulido]

That's My Girl

Summary: Skylar and Sienna Blake. A pair of completely identical twins with opposite lives moving to Amity Park. They have their life settle in even the ghosts around the city making all kinds of chaos but theres going back when make most of it like everyone else.

Ch2

In the matter of two months Johnny has been finding ways of goin to Amity Park to just to spend time Skylar from talking to riding around on their bikes. They really enjoyed each pothers company whenever Skylar wasnt busy with school or with her sister but theres a problem that was itching Johnny under his skin. HIs girlfriend Kitty. Kitty has been the kind where she has to know what he is up to from the way he was leaving the ghost zone without her. She soon enough couldnt wait any longer and confronted Johnny about but lads to them having a huge fight having Johnny ride away somewhere in the Ghost zone to relax while she left through the Fenton portal. Back in Amity Park on a Saturday after noon Skylar drove Sienna to the mall to meet with her friends seeing them waiting in front of the mall. "You sure you don't need a ride back?" Said Skylar. She got handed the helmet from Sienna after getting off to fix her hair. "I'll be fine and Dash will be taking me." Said Sienna. Skylar hummed before turning off her bike going over to Dash who talking to his friend Kwan. "Listen up Baxter. Here's two things to know. One if you hurt my sister. I hurt you. And second you better bring her back on time or ill make you never play football ever again." Said Skylar. "Skylar!" Sienna shouted. "Shut up. You hear me Jockey." Said Skylar. "I hear you." Said Dash. "But I doubt you can try to put your hands on m-" Skylar grabbed his groin in a tight grip making squeak seeing her serious face while twisting it. "Okay! Sorry." Said Dash having Skylar let him go. He watched Skylar get on her back with Sienna scolding at her driving away.

Sienna walked with Dash inside with everyone ahead of them going to.the food court. "I am so sorry about Skylar. She's just protective over me and my dad after the divorce." Said Sienna sitting down at he table ith him. "I had that coming. What made your parents divorce if you dont m asking." Said Dash. "My mom has a secret family who she left for when my dad looked through her second phone." Said Sienna. "Thats sucks." Said Dash moving legs slowly. "I'll get you some ice for that." Said Sienna getting to grab a cup of ice.Skylar sped around Amity Park doing some wheelies on a empty parking lot and saw a girl with green hair and a red leather jacket show up out of no where looking mad at her once she stopped. "Can I help you?" Said Skylar taking off her helmet. "You the Skylar that's seeing my Johnny?" Said the girl. "Its not what you think okay. We are just close freinds. I'm so not the type of girl who will be with more than one guy in like my mom." Said Skylar. "Kitty!" Sad Johnny drive over blocking the girl with his bike. "I told you to leave her alone. I'm sorry Skylar. This is my girlfriend Kitty." Said Johnny looking at her. "Look whatever is going on. I want no part of." Said Skylar driving away. "Why are you defending her? She's human. We're ghosts." Said Kitty looking at Johnny. "Kitty. Nothing happened. If you keep this up" "or what break up with me to be with her. How she going react once she finds out?" Said Kitty. She saw Johnny's shadow take off after Skylar having her eyes glow having Johnny kept her from going anywhere wrapping his arms around her tightly. "Let me go." Said Kitty struggling to get out his grip. "Didn't you two fight enough already?" said Danny flying over. "Stay out of it. You seriously cant get so worked over me being friends with a girl like Skylar. She gets me." said Johnny. "Skylar? You two are seriously fighting about her." siad Danny. "Shut up! And I'm not having a human take my man!" Said Kitty. "Well im not your anything anymore. I had it with having fights with you over shit like this. You are so clingy and bossy. Im done. We're done." Said Kohnny making her stop. "Johnny? Please this is a joke right? Right?!" Said Kitty breaking free to face him. "Its not. We both should've seen this coming sooner or later of being together for so long." Said Johnny looking at her sadly. "You two are so going to regret it. Especially with that biker bitch." Said Kitty glaring at him. "Yeah i don't think so." Said Danny sucking Kitty into the thermos and pointed to Johnny but it beeped. "Ghost Thermos full." Said Robot voice. "Oh come on!" Said Danny seeing the screen was red. He then looked up to find Johnny gone and left to empty the thermos with Tucker waiting at his room. "Dude! You won't believe what happened." Said Danny after turning back.

In the parking lot of the movie theatre barely any car around was Sam and Skylar hanging out with their friends. "That was seriously the worst movie ever. Killer Sofa? Are they running out of ideas?" Said a guy with a mohawk with red streaks. "I've better with plot twists like the Malignant and Barbarian." Said Skylar. "Maybe can watch those together some time? Just the two of us." Said the guy looking her way. Shadow growled touching the soda can net to Skylar making it rust for second then back to mortal then heard Johnny calling it. "Are you asking me. Bret?" said Skylar picking up her soda wiping the top clean. "Why not youre the hottest girl ive seen. What do y-" Bret was when sprayed in the face from the soda can that Skylar just opened having her and Sam back off. Johnny grinned at the sight then went down driving over get the the girls attention mostly Skylar while Sam left to grab something for Bret who went to the bathroom to wash the soda off his face. "Can we talk?" said Johnny. "Shoot before Kitty decides to come over." said Skylar. "Shes not my problem anymore okay. We were bond to break up for real anyways." said Johnny. "Oh. Sorry things didnt workout for you two." said Skylar. "I thought she was my girl but i guess i was wrong." Said Johnny. "She never made me feel the way I do when I'm around you. It's different but have you thought about us being more than friends?" He says looking at her rubbing the back of his neck. "If this is your way of telling me that you love me more than your ex then you're a fucking idiot." Said Skylar. "Then I'd be your idiot and there's more that I should've mentioned to you sooner or later." Said Johnny. "Im a ghost." He says waiting for a reaction. "Are you high?" Said Skylar then looked over his shoulder to see Danny flying over. "You shitting me now? Shadow attack!" Said Johnny once he saw him. Shadow flew past them to charge at Danny while Johnny looked at Skylar. "Huh?" Said Skylar then punched his arm. "Ow! I'm not that kind of ghost. I hope this doesnt change things." Said Johnny. "I like you okay. I admit it you dumbass but again I don't trouble with your now ex girlfriend. She looks like that she can more than just scratch." Said Skylar getting on her back to leave. "See you later to tonight for our date then?" Said Johnny looking. "If you kick that ghost twat's ass then maybe." Said Skylar going home with her sister and dad waiting.

[skwunklygwimblu]

Silly quirks and facts about me (because i'm bored as hell and have too much shit to do so i cant draw or write) (more under cut)

1- When i read the lyrics to Kimya Dawson's song "Walk Like Thunder" i tear up bc i'm an empath who cares way too much about other people

2- Sometimes i literally just go lay in the road at night because i'm bored and i want to look at the stars and the only way to do that is to get out in the open

3- whenever i have nothing to do i think of things i can make for people (like art for my bf)

4- i like to watch videos of bugs with my bearded dragon because he's an ipad kid and i also like mimicking his head twitches

5- my grandma's last words to me ever were "it was nice to meet you" and i think about that often

6- i think frequently about how far i've come mentally. in 2020 i was on the border of life and death and now i cant even remember the last time i've cried, i still think about everyone i've lost but it doesn't affect me anymore.

7- My favorite thing to do when i'm down is anything downright outrageous, like for example my favorite coping skill of choice is to do clown makeup and take a cold bath while drawing anything i could shitpost

8- sometimes when i'm really enthusiastic or think somethings really funny i take videos of myself ranting and then act like i sent it to my friends so it almost feels like they saw it and understood, i mostly do it with spur of the moment things that i know wont be important in an hour that my brain tells me is crazy

9- i live close to the beaches and every time i go i always end up leaving with a shell in my mouth.. i don't know how but it happens every time without fail

10- i sometimes talk in my sleep.. like full on conversations and arguments and when i wake up i don't remember anything. i've gotten in trouble at home multiple times for yelling at a family. member to shut my door or fuck off while i was still sleeping

11- i feel like everyone has that one unique thing they do with their makeup or clothes, and mine for a while was that i would only put mascara on a bottom clump of eyelashes and point them together so that it looked sorta like a clown makeup thing

12- sometimes if theres a bird or lizard near me outside i sit completely still to see if it will climb on me. or sometimes i smile at it to show it i'm nice i guess

13- sometimes when i get really into a fandom i get a period of time where i'm so abhorrently sad because i know that universe will never be real and i will never be able to hug my favorite fictional characters.

14- my favorite words are made up words like skrunkly, gwimbly, gloinko, shmorpus, stuff like that, and i say abhorrent, horrid, and flabbergasting a lot irl

15- i'm the clingiest person you will EVER meet. sometimes when my bf takes longer than an hour to text back i get upset because i miss him and even right after he leaves wherever were hanging out it feels like i wont see him ever again. 1 hour away from him feels like a whole day

16- i like to sleep with my sam and max plushies, and occasionally my Viktor and Jayce plushies, but when i do they can never be separated on either sides of me. i need to make sure at all times that they are together.

17- i prefer scratched old records over newer ones from newer band because it makes me feel like i'm transported back to that time.

18- (my lovely bf can vouch for me) i am the worlds most shy person when it comes to touching anyone for literally any reason. i cant even place my hand on someones shoulder, it feels wrong to me. dont get me wrong, i love hugs and physical touch is a major love language for me, but i can never do it

19- everything i have has to be decorated top to bottom. im a MAJOR maximalist.

20- im a little obsessed with tiger statues.. like the mini ones.

ill leave yall with a storytime on why

A few years back i had just gotten out of the mental hospital and had some really bad ptsd from the whole experience (i was like 11 at the time and the school i went to lied to me and my parents about where i was going, i had no idea i was going to be gone for 4 days.) i started seeing a therapist who was new for me, i was a bit uncomfortable at first because unbeknownst to everyone i knew at the time i had ptsd from a certain past experience, but he soon became one of the first and only men i trusted.

i would walk into his office and he'd let me have some rootbeer from his personal stash, then i'd sit and watch the news and walk in for my appointment. One day he pulls this tiger statue off the shelf in his office and says "do you want to hear how i got this?" and me being the curious kid i was, i said absolutely.

There had been a man a county over who was put on death row years ago for murder and theft, and they later had an open house where they sold all his leftover belongings, and among these items was the tiger statue. My doctor thought it would be something fun to buy to start a conversation, and obviously he was right because that's cool as fuck.

Around a year after i started seeing him me and my family got a call that he had died unexpectedly of a heart attack. i was devastated obviously, and began going to my old therapist who i had seen since the age of 10. Now flash forward a few years to 2024 and i was signing up for muay thai classes, and guess what the head coach has all over his gym. the exact same model of tiger statues. like five of them just sprinkled around. i took that as a sign that he was still looking out for me in a way yknow, so yeah i think about that a lot :)

[conanssummerchild]

stranger things characters as taylor swift albums

i saw someone make a post abt this and i decided to make my own lol. ngl it was really hard to decide and im not even sure i agree with myself, if u think smth else feel free to tell me!

Dustin Henderson as Debut

To me Debut is about youth and first loves and messing up and the lessons you learn, its about feeling like an outsider but also about being with the people you love, those who you dont feel whole without. I think that that matches well with Dustin's character, he's energetic and excited to learn and experience things, he cares for his friends deeply but can feel left out sometimes.

El Hopper as Fearless

I think Fearless is about new beginnings and second chances, about being young and in love, wishing for your fairytale ending and being dissapointed when real life isn't like a movie. It's about highschool and being brave, it's about family, found and otherwise. It's about being fifteen. El is such a pure character, she's brave and willing to stand up when she has to, but wanting to be more than that, trying to be a teenager, making the best of something bad.

Will Byers as Speak Now

Speak Now is an album about growing up but never wanting to, it's about trying to hold onto your childhood, about whimsical fantasies, about foolishness and the broken hearts that come with it, about loving and fighting and making up and hoping those special moments in your life are long lived. Speak Now is about innocence and the loss of it. Will isn't ready to move on and grow up the way his friends seem to be, he wishes that things could be how they used to because it was so much better back then, he loves bravely and says what's on his mind, but keeps some things quietly locked away, afraid.

Robin Buckley as Red

Red is kind of a lonely album, that of a people person who never has her own people in the end. It's a coming of age album about the realities of growing up and being forgotten, it's full of heartbreak and fear of rejection, it's a catchy melody with sad lyrics, but it is filled to the brim with burning red love and passion too. From the moment Robin was introduced she was clever and snarky, passionate and confident and lovable. Behind that she was a deep character, a brave one, she is undeniably, iconically her.

I KNOW this song isnt originally from red but i like it :(

Steve Harrington as 1989

If you asked me I'd say that 1989 is about partying and being young and having fun and being in love. It's about petty grudges and and love that feels all-encompassing, but is really just suffocating, it's about what people say about you and who you really are. It's about moving on and being clean and starting anew despite the strangers talking about what's not theirs to talk about. Steve is a character that has constantly bettered himself, constantly having to prove that he isn't the same person he was. He's fallen in love and had to fall out of it time and time again.

Nancy Wheeler as reputation

reputation is about revenge and also karma, it's about killing the old you but not forgetting her, it's about new loves and not letting yourself get pushed around, it's about how delicate life and love can be. It pushes the boundries of cold and seeming like you dont care. But you do. Nancy is an interesting character to say the least, she's brave and strong and she struggles with showing her emotions and care, sometimes hurting people because of it, but she tries.

Lucas Sinclair as Lover

Lover is warm and comforting like the sun coming out after a dark day. It's about doing your best to overcome hardships, it's about who you are because of them, not despite them. It's about letting go, letting yourself forget instead of holding on tight to the hurt, turning a fresh page instead of trying to change an already used up one. It's about love. Lucas is so kind and caring, he wants the best for everyone he loves and he loves so purely, he's a character who has been hurt repeatedly but has stayed strong. He's a lover, both romantically and platonically.

Mike Wheeler as folklore

folklore is a cold winter that seems to go on forever with no relief. It's sitting in a vast field of snow without a jacket by your own choice, it's about constantly trying and failing and everyone around you chastising you for not being better. It's about pulling up to the lookout and screaming into the emptiness to give you a reason for your pain. It's about failing in love and messing up with the one. Other people's pain seems to seep into you and you keep the burden of it. folklore is suffocating despair and the love you can only wish for but never have. Mike is the only one who I knew what album I was going to asign him from the start, he's a sad, lonely character who tries to help everyone but himself. His pain is invisible to those around him because he keeps it close and hidden, he lashes out and digs himself further into a hole he cannot get out of on his own.

Max Mayfield as evermore

evermore is the coldest autumn, the trees obscure your view but you've long since stopped trying to reach for the fading sun. The rain falls but you can only sometimes feel it, you try to pretend it's fine this way, yet you keep venturing deeper into the thick forest. The truth is you are stuck, and as much as you pretend you're not it won't stop the mud from sticking to your soles and trying to pull you in as you reject the branches reaching for you. evermore is what happens when love can't overcome all. Max is sarcastic and fun, but there's always that overlying fear and anger that she eventually falls into, she's hurt and she can't move on from the things that have happened to her.

Jonathan Byers as Midnights

Midnights is an album of staying awake at night, all alone in the haze you thought fit two. The things you've seen and done haunt you, they make you lose sleep, all you've lost and gained, all you never had to begin with and never will. It's simple really, you're on your own. Jonathan is a loner, he's lost so much and matured too much for his age. He never had relief from his responsibilities, always needing to be present. It's a tiring life to live.

[crazyw3irdo]

as someone whos got a romeo and juliet adaptation/sequel on the backburner, i have a question for you: What is your favorite part of this play? It can be themes, a scene, or a character or whatever else! Personally my favorite thing in it, at the risk of sounding cliche, are the themes of destiny and doom. I also like benvolio (totally didnt get him in ur quiz lol)

oooh!! well i mean the obvious answer for me is equally obvious i think lol

i fuckin love mercutio. so much so that even if im watching a version of r&j i don’t care for i’ll stick around at least until he dies lol

he really just cements the tragedy of it all to me. if the story were a romance he’d just be the silly best friend comic relief character, and, aside from the opening narration and a couple fights, r&j really can seem like a romance… up until mercutio dies. his death is a signifier of the tonal shift. the happy-go-lucky guy who brings romeo to a party and cracks jokes just died. you want comic relief? he’s dead.

and of course there’s the fact that he shouldn’t even be involved. he’s not a capulet or a montague. he’s related to the prince. not a part of the families. he’s a casualty. he was a friend to romeo and benvolio- two montagues- and he was invited to the capulet party! he’s how they got in! he had no enemies- he shouldn’t’ve died! hell, had romeo not come between him and tybalt, he might have lived. then romeo wouldn’t’ve killed tybalt, he wouldn’t’ve been banished, juliet wouldn’t’ve had to fake her death leading to well… everyone knows that part.

he only got into the fight to defend his friend’s honor. (well, to be fair depending on how you read the dialogue before the fight, mercutio might be pretty ready to jump into a fight for any reason lol) but still, he got into that fight because tybalt wanted to fight romeo, and he only died because romeo intervened.

what really gets me too is… no one seems to mourn him. sure, yes, romeo kills tybalt in revenge, but then immediately tybalt’s death takes priority. everyone’s freaking out about how tybalt died- tybalt is mourned. i don’t recall if mercutio is ever mentioned again. (edit: mercutio is mentioned when paris dies, romeo calls him mercutio’s kinsman, but that’s. still not much)

there’s also his iconic quote as he’s dying- a plague on both your houses. as he dies he goes out screaming about how both families are at fault, how it’s their own stubbornness that is causing all this. and if anyone listened to him, maybe things would’ve been different. but still, romeo and juliet (…and paris i guess?) have to die before anyone actually listens.

also, on a more lighthearted note, he is fucking hilarious. his whole queen mab monologue to make fun of romeo is a personal highlight, as well as his line like… quoting from memory here, “here comes romeo, without his ‘ro’ like a dried fish.” okay okay so this is when they still think romeo is into rosaline, hence the “ro” but also “roe” like fish eggs, but also meo is a word for “sigh” so he’s sad because he doesn’t have his crush with him all told with a fish pun. love this guy i aspire to be on his level

ooh, also, when a staged production (or other kind? it’s most common staged) uses red for the capulets and blue for the montagues, i love when mercutio wears purple. goes back to my earlier point about him not being either but still being friendly with both.

also speaking about very specific productions of romeo and juliet some mercutio highlights:

-in rómeó és júlia (personal fav version of mercutio) when mercutio gets stabbed, he bleeds, gets his hand covered in blood, and slaps romeo before he dies, so romeo goes through the rest of that scene wearing his friends blood and it really adds to it

-also in that version they give mercutio a rap verse that is in no other version and i think of it constantly

-he also keeps flirting with everyone and kisses both romeo and benvolio and tries to with tybalt

-i made a compilation of him in that version i never posted actually i should see if i can find it

-in the italian version of romeo et juliette mercutio kisses romeo as he dies and it’s really intense lmao

-okay actually just watch this video comparing different versions of le duel from romeo et juliette i’ll stop talking about those versions specifically lmao (and watch les rois du monde & la mort de mercutio on the same channel)

-in romeo + juliet he wears heelys and when he says “by my heel i care not” you can see them lmao

-in that version he also dresses in drag and i love it

-riff from west side story is not technically mercutio but he sings the jet song & cool and i love those songs so hell yeah

-okay i said i wouldn’t talk about versions of retj again but going back to my beloved hungarian version rómeó és júlia the guy who plays mercutio also voices the onceler in the hungarian version of the lorax and if i have to know that so do you

anyway i genuinely plan for my last words to be “ask for me tomorrow and you shall find me a grave man” so yeah love that guy and personally think this could have all been avoided had he started dating romeo and benvolio and hell why not have a toxic fling with tybalt what who said that

[borkborkheresadork]

checking in on friends, mutuals and following list, How are you? feel free to use this ask to talk about recent life happenings, something you're passionate about, or anything <33 remember I and I'm sure others care about you and your posts <33

I'll start with the good bits.

The semester is officially over for me and once i finish up work and once I go on break next week, ill have 3 weeks for break. I get to meet up with a online friend irl and spend time with my family and friends during that time so im actually very excited to go back home for so long! Also, I just gained 2 boyfriends and am in a wonderful throuple now :3. Next semester I'm taking classes that are easy but also fun and are less focus on my degree and more focused on my interest, so I'm hoping that will help with my burnout. Over the course of the semester I also got involved with a progress group up here and have been assigned to be their mutual aid coordinator!

I started writing more (nothing that will be posted to this blog) both with music and fanfic. It's nice that I'm at a place where i can (mostly) freely write my ideas.

There's a lot of bad bits, though.

So I've come to the very difficult decision of cutting off my mom. After break i'm going to get a bank account separate from hers and cut contact. There was a bit where we were both communicating well, but I got into a fight with her after she tried to guilt trip me into calling her on thanksgiving (I wasn't talking to her outside of documented forms of communication since she is a habitual gaslighter and likes to say she didn't say things when she very obviously did, and I like to have my receipts when I call her out). After idk maybe like 10 years or something she finally admitted I'm on the spectrum but only because it was convenient to aid in her argument of 'you never understand me and thats clearly because you're autistic and not because im in the middle of a manic episode and i'm not being rational'. So that will be fun to deal with, especially since I'm worried for her safety if I do cut contact, being her only child and her telling me pretty consistantly throughout my life that im her only reason to live. Scary stuff, but necessary for me to stop holding on to that guilt and working through a lot of trauma.

I finished my semester withdrawing from 3 classes and likely failing another, and feeling burnt out to keep going. I need to go to college for a lot of reasons (degree required for the job I want, first gen student/family pressure), but im considering taking it at a considerably slower pace.

I just got on testosterone but thanks to an insurance complication I might have to go without it for a bit. I was previously getting it through my school, but I just got on state insurance and that fucked with my access to it. The good news is that i will likely have a lower co-pay, the bad is that I'll probably have to wait another month to get back on it. One step forward one step back.

The person I thought to be my best friend dropped me out of the blue, which sucks on its own, but the fact that it's been a consistent pattern of people in my life ghosting/dropping me with very little reasoning or with one's ive not found to be true just sucks. I think I'm a loving person in my own way, and the fact that I was called selfish when I A) show a lot of affection towards my friends and B) know my own boundaries when it comes to my relationships with them, it makes me upset. The other person wasn't entirely at fault, I did handle the situation kind of poorly, but I also contributed more to that friendship then that person ever did. I bought food. I made the plans. I hosted. And I thought when the argument that broke us up happened, we just needed space from each other. I guess that wasn't the case and it's sad that the person couldn't communicate their needs earlier so we could have resolved the situation. That being said, on a less neutral perspective. Fuck him. He claimed to be loving and whimsical and had no patience for anyone. Everything pissed him off and he didn't cope in healthy ways and when I tried to help him he didn't take it. He was uncommunicative and disrespectful of other people's boundaries and expectations for friendship. I wish him the best with the realizations he's going to have later in life.

Even though I'm excited for family during the holidays, my dad is coming to town and I'll have to navigate them with him. I stay with my grandmother during breaks, so I'll have to look for another place to stay while he's in town and crashing with her. I feel a little ostracized knowing that they'll accept a bigoted abuser into their homes and make me wait upstairs until he's gone.

Then there's everything else. I live in a country that refuses to care about it's people. I'm one person dealing with a world full of struggles. Those previous things are nothing compared to what's to come, and I'm shocked that I'm rethinking my morals to live and feel safe. I'm a trans guy fresh on T, who, for years thought guns needed to be restricted, and i plan on strapping up over the break. Everything feels broken and I've been dealing with a lot of suicidality since probably late september or october. The horrors are persisting and I don't have much silly in response. I can't even scrape by with my job. And my physical health is catching up making things worse. I don't think I've thrown up this much since I was getting bullied in elementary school. So, uh, yeah.

Not to e-beg, but if you've read this and wanna help me out my venmo is in my bio. I don't have the energy to link anything rn but there's that.

Thanks for letting me rant o7

[nickeverdeen]

Hii I’m resending this so its more specific for you <3 Im requesting a matchup for Arcane and TLOU (it doesn’t matter which game), only women please <3

My pronouns are she/her, I am Caribbean-American and have brown skin, my hair is naturally really really dark brown but I have reddish brown braids rn. When my hair is straightened (I’ve only straightened it once recently, I don’t like doing it cuz of heat), its like past my shoulders a bit in length. My eyes are really really dark brown as well.

I am 5’4 and on the curvier side, my thighs are on the bigger side with some muscle (I played soccer and danced all while I was younger) so its harder to get bottoms to fit how i want but i make it work :p

Its hard to explain my style but its like a mix of stockholm style, downtown girl, but also pretty simple and minimal. I like lace tops, dark colored jeans, colorful scarfs, linen pants, soft hoodies, low cut tops (I like showing the girls off every now and then :p. I’m a gold jewelry girl but love silver in shoes, clothing, and my bag.

I unfortunately have one of the worst resting faces. Sometimes I look sad (when I’m nott), sometimes I look upset/mad, and sometimes I just have a blank stare. I’ve been told many times from friends and family that they can’t tell what I’m thinking. In reality I have a very silly personality, I like making jokes and being sarcastic here and there but I think this part of me only comes out when I’m comfortable and close with the other person. In general I’m introverted but will usually be the first to start the conversation with another introvert. I’m pretty shy and have never really been approached or approached anyone in a sober setting. I’ve been compared to being most like a bunny or a cat in that sense.

I’m reserved but at the same time love going out with friends. Recently I was working in a group project and when I was in a group project last year, I naturally take on a leader role where I make sure ever is ok but I’m also a bit bossy bc I like getting work done. I admit I can be mean at times but I’m quick to apologize in a group setting. I can get quite annoyed easily but I never let it show unless I want it known I’m annoyed. I’m a big sister. My mbti is INTP.

Interests wise…I loveee the beach. Especially the beaches in California (I don’t live here, visited a few years ago) and the Caribbean for the clearer water. I love cats, my favorite domesticated animal. My favorite animal in general are penguins <3. I like music sm you will almost never find me without my airpods or headphones. I go to concerts as often as I can. I like anime, not into kpop in terms of the industry happenings but love the music. My career interest rn is data analysis and I actually did a data analysis on my Spotify. I listen mostly to dance pop, bedroom pop/indie, kpop, rap, grunge, and a lot more other genres.

I don’t like people with toooo much energy. I love my extroverts but they know when to be chill and serious. I don’t have a preference on whether my partner would be introvert or extrovert. I love someone that can catch my sarcasm and my jokes. I like it when ppl are honest and upfront with me, I don’t like dancing around topics. I am confrontational only when I notice something is seriously wrong in the other person. There are times or days even where I just need to be alone but I still like being checked on. My love language is definitely acts of service and quality time.

Tysm !!

Your Arcane match is…

Mel Medarda

Mel would absolutely adore your fashion sense and gift you elegant gold jewelry to match your style, appreciating your ability to mix minimalism with boldness

She’d love hearing your sarcastic jokes, always catching your wit and playfully teasing you back with her dry humor

Beach vacations would be a regular thing

Mel would book trips to stunning Caribbean beaches where you could relax together in luxury

She’d love watching you in action during a group project, impressed by your leadership and organization

Mel would make sure you feel cherished, surprising you with acts of service like preparing dinner after a long day or organizing your music library

She’d enjoy quiet evenings with you, sipping wine and listening to your curated playlists while you talk about life

Mel would absolutely respect your need for alone time, but she’d always check in with a sweet note or a small gift left in your space

She’d make it a point to understand your data analysis projects and even request you to teach her some basics

She’d pamper you by brushing your hair or stroking your back when you’re relaxing together, making you feel deeply cared for

Your The Last of Us match is…

Maria Miller

Maria would appreciate your bossy but efficient leadership style, often joking, “You’d make a great deputy.”

She’d admire your love for music and encourage you to play it loud when you’re working on something or relaxing together

Maria would surprise you with thoughtful gestures, like fixing something in your room or leaving you notes with little reminders about how much she loves you

She’d encourage your career interest in data analysis and proudly show off your projects to others

Your love for the beach would make Maria to plan trips to beautiful coasts, where you’d both enjoy quiet days by the water

She’d be the one to check on you when you need time alone, leaving you snacks or tea to show she cares

Maria would love your resting face, teasing you gently about how mysterious you look

She’d be upfront and honest in conversations, appreciating your confrontational side when it’s needed

She’d respect your independence but cherish every moment of quality time you share, making sure you feel valued and supported