#my dad keeps talking to me
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im so out of it im gonna fucking pass out i feel like im genuinely dying holy fuck
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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been thinking about pok a lot again and that moment when riz told him sklonda was dating gorthalax (in some capacity or another) and pok just went quiet for a bit before he wished her well and like. he's riz's father to such a degree that it hurts. he died young, got to paradise and then said, ok time to go back to work, chop chop. and he does take breaks to listen to riz at his grave and he works in a beautiful meadow when he's not down in hell and -literally speaking- he does sit down but metaphorically he keeps on going and going.
and i'm just imagining that- obviously he knows that he's dead, right? but the human* brain is weird in that way where you'll know things, and you might even sit with them and think you've processed them, but then something will hit you out of left field and you'll realize there are so many aspects of the situation you hadn't internalized yet, and i think that one of those aspects for pok was sklonda, or rather all the dimensions in which her life branched off after he died. because with riz he'd always been painfully aware that his kid was growing up and changing, but with sklonda it's a bit more complicated, it's a bit easier to process the grief of being apart from her, purely on an unconscious level, as being away for work. he's working, she's working, she probably tells him about her work and about riz and riz includes his mom in his stories and it's like, oh this is horribly painful, that i can't be there, but in a way he and sklonda share a lot of what they used to when he was working abroad, no matter how far apart- they're always connected by their love for each other and the quiet but omnipresent nuptial tie and the state of being riz's parents.
and then he's suddenly hit with the reality of an area of sklonda's life that hadn't been on his mind before, considering they were happily and monogamously married. truly just a matter of like, this is not a space you occupy anymore, you're fucking dead, until death do us part and all that, and she might still love you but she loves you like a dead husband like a source of grief like the man she once knew not a living partner. and it's neither of their faults, it's purely a tragedy, and he genuinely wishes her the best because he loves her, he doesn't want her to be alone nor does he expect her to be faithful past reason and the vow they made to each other. but the grief of it still really fucking stings, doesn't it?
#pok gukgak#sklonda gukgak#riz gukgak#the gukgaks#fantasy high#fhsy#fantasy high sophomore year#i have no idea if this makes sense it's an attempt at articulating mush and they exist as multitudes in my brain#and the tenses are all over the place but rly if u get it u get it#im just incredibly abnormal about pok and sklonda ok its so fucking sad#i do hope that at least i articulated that i dont think pok was jealous or anything so benign and unimportant#i do gen see it as him being grief stricken. keep moving keep moving so u dont have to think abt the pain of others moving#and then GAH riz is so much like him. he rly is so much like his dad. help me#dan talks
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the thing about Irondad is that i can make reality whatever i want and what i want is Tony being a cringe failure when it comes to the parenting side of things and Peter simultaneously being like "yeah he is a fucking loser" and "he's super smart though and learning from him has been awesome" and "but if he would be my dad that'd be cool." like Peter is an unreliable and a biased narrator at the same time so he thinks Tony is cool but in my eyes I know what he is. Tony is actually like "i would die for this kid" but having an emotional conversation feels like he's been asked to drag his bare ass across hot coals. he doesn't even know where to begin to accomplish that task. which is why Peter says things like "oh he doesn't say a lot of things to me about how he feels but i can read between the lines" and in his mind Tony says things that mean another thing but never are *quite* that thing. usually jokes that talk about what he means without having to say it or be vulnerable. in his POV he's freaking out that Peter is missing to the point of being physically ill about it, yet Peter couldn't imagine it's that bad or because losing *him* is the cause of that problem. that's how Irondad really is, and i can make it better because canon is my bitch now
#iron dad#tony stark#because enough with tony being emotionally vulnerable in fics#who is that man#let's be very honest here#that man was good to morgan because he had the time to learn#he got HIMSELF stuck in that teenager phase with peter (we're talking about canon)#tony isn't a great dad#but he has the POTENTIAL to get there#they're slightly better in LoF because they went through a whole different phase#peter was dropping ironman in dumpsters and then calling tony stark a bitch to his face#and tony was intrigued#and called him a snot nosed brat right back#let peter bully tony actually#there needs to be more of that energy right back#put them on equal footing#peter parker#my phone keeps vibrating at me for no reason while i type this so im a little distracted#phone people who know phones why is my phone vibrating at me there's no incoming notifs and i dont have vibrate on#i can not afford a new phone rn#ill die
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📸 by Martin Trenkler
#max verstappen#autumn posts#AHHH THE NEWS!! I am so happy for him!!!! 🥹❤️✨#over the moon for them both ahhh#sending them all the best wishes!!!#and omg his comment about already being a bonus dad 😭❤️ MY HEART#he's so wonderful 🥺💞✨#also Martin is a real one for this hashtag 😳 hehe!#that glow ✨🌅✨#ahhh#I usually don't blog about drivers' off track / non sports lives as much since it's not my jam#but with all his talk of wanting to be a dad!! and how hard it seemingly has been? just awww my heart#our boy is speedrunning life 🏎️✨#sad talk potentially ahead but ............#if he does retire sooner than later I get it!! I'll be bummed but excited to follow his career wherever#just like Daniel like bro say the word and I'll get into supercars 🫡❤️#very Fellowship of the Ring 'you have my sword' type beat#anyways!! I gotta run to work!!#sadly office life is keeping me off the insta search 😭#this weekend I'll have a little time!! one family thing and gasp .... a date!!!!!#I met a gal last weekend a local gay bar and now we're getting brunch 😳❤️ we shall see!!#my heart is open and go with the flow#especially since Merc in retrograde has me 😵💫 hehe#anyways!! I gotta run!!#sending everyone the most excellent of energy and happy Friday vibes!! 💖✨✨#hope its a great time of day!! 🌇🏙️🌃❤️
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sudden yearning for time travelling teen jiang fengmian lands at lotus pier fic that winds up being about a perfectly nice kid having a varying series of "oh no. i don't like that. that's a lot" reactions.
#i think in order for this to be satisfying i have to give grace and interiority to teenmian#i'm picturing an older teen like 18ish? maybe even early 20s?#big crush on csr he's already pretty sure isn't going to work out#but at least he'll always have wei-xiong#anyway this is my ploy to give jfm a chance at an ugly crying meltdown#he's trying so hard to be even keeled and like#maybe take this as an evil vision designed to teach him something#but somewhere in between my crush stole my man and then they died#my whole sect burned#my grown ass son who is older than me making the vibe sooooo weird#and my grandson! child of my dead???? daughter??????#is just like yeah he never talks about you. no never never#and then wwx blows into town and idk somehow they all end up at dinner together and jfm politely calls lqr a punk ass bitch in front of lwj#because what???? context clues suggest lqr has the fucking nerve to not like wei xiong's baby after All That#only for adult son with the weird vibes#to imply only filial piety is keeping him from naming the real#punk ass bitch#anyway this ends with jfm crying because clearly he marries yuanyuan and she HATES HIM and then his own son ALSO HATES HIM#and would rather stupid Lan-er-gongzi#be his dad.#if you like lqr so much why don't you just join the lan sect then?????#and that's how jc learns he didn't get it all from his mama#jc didn't mean it he was stressed! this isn't his dad it's an a-ling sized kid. but it's still stressful
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Menelaus rambles a lot about not only Helen, but also Hermione. About how she used to say Olive like "Olifs". How she lost her first tooth running too fast and running into a low branch while out with Helen. How he'd sometimes wake up to Hermione leaning over him and poking his face to say, "Dad, can we go see the horses?" even though it was barely daylight. How she was much nicer waking Helen and how he thinks Hermione did that on purpose because she found "dad's face funny". How her favorite color was every color.
And Odysseus listens.
And he thinks about how his son only had a few teeth coming in when he left, teething on everything. How he could only say one syllable with his babbles. How his son needed balance to stand but Odysseus was so proud that Telemachus was very good at rolling over. How his son loved pulling at his and Penelope's hair.
How his son would be talking, walking, maybe even lost his first tooth by now. And he doesn't even know if he'll ever know his son's favorite color.
#Hi get sad with me :D#Odysseus and Menelaus are the Bros™ to me. I love them. Both simps who love their family despite being different in personalities#You cannot tell me they didn't talk about this and how this was painful for both of them :')#To make myself feel better. I like the thought of Athena kind of keeping him up to date :'D as he's her pet you know?#okay so this next bit ain't angst but imagine Hermione just coming in staring in the dark with the classic:#“Mom. Dad. I frew up🥺”#scaring the shit outta both her poor parents. Yeah I know she had nurses with her most likely but it's cute and fun!!!#I'm sorry but that's so fucking funny to me. I think every Parent has experienced that I'm pretty sure.#odysseus#menelaus#tagamemnon#greek mythology#this'll probably flop but oh well xD My homies can get sad with me >:)#odyssey#the odyssey#telemachus#hermione#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#helen of sparta#penelope#odypen
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@priellan COME GET THE BOY!!! ✨
Some different ideas for how that could go down >:D And me picking something personally self indulgent again asdlfjsdLJSDGLDSJG I wanna see him with a Tangled rapunzel length hair braid... it would be so pretty...
#Trigun Stampede#Trigun Stampede Spoilers#Vash the stampede#vash trigun stampede#Isa's fanart#InsertSomthinAwesome#Isa doobles requests#May2023#priellan#I'm not tagging date asdlfJSDLKGJSDLGJKSDG#i sat down and went. I am not going to out myself as a Somnium files enjoyer through trigun fanart#SDFKJSDLKGJSDGLSD I NEED TO REBLOG SOMETHING FIRST xD#admittedly that would've been funny tho#THis was some good fun :D#Let me know if you need a version without spoilers because I understand he was kinda outta nowhere asdkfJSLDGJSDLGSD#boy needs something to keep all that hair out of his face good GRIEF#Uh xion don't read the tags past this point because I'm rambling about somnium files nonsense WHEEZE#friend 1 talking about date: I love how proud he looks like he did it himself#friend 2: the last one tho Date's been giving pointers I see#Guys my friends are making Date out to be dadding Vash and I can't handle the wholesomeness of that thought#(he would tho)#Lore: Meryl did the third one WHEEZE#the mid head high tail#she did her best. but bless her she also has short hair and no idea how to manage it
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I would find it hilarious if Angel's advances towards Alastor backfire on him at some point.
Instead of making Al a "Daddy", he just becomes a "Dad." And with that comes all the implications where this man is just a needless embarrassment to him.
Angel Dust: After all, I'm one of the hottest, most desirable, GORGEOUS actors in-!
Alastor: Weren't you born right after that dreadfully hilarious little boat accident?
Vaggie: Boat accident? Are you talking about... the Titanic!??
Angel Dust, fuming: You shut your f*cking face or so help me I'll tie your tubes, Radio-head! See how good you talk then!
Alastor, delighted: My! Was that a radio pun, dear? Tell me, did you have a cathedral or tombstone in your time?
Angel Dust: SHUT UP!
Alastor: Poor thing. Probably can't remember in his old age.
Angel Dust: AKJ**!#BFS@3!1JBLQW!*!!!!
#Hazbin Hotel#Alastor#Angel Dust#Radiodust#This is one of those platonic/familial radiodust times I talked about in case you were curious#This scenario gives me life#I want Alastor to be an embarrassing dad#I want all of Angel's flirtation attempts to derail into Alastor just being a FULL dad and ruining them#And then ruining Angel's whole schtick#I either want both of them to bond over the 20/30s or I want the above scenario-- there is no middle ground#I need to think of more scenarios of how Alastor can mess with him#Idk I did some fandom math and figured I could technically place Angel's birth year at around 1915?? Idk if I'll keep that canon in my head#At least for this Alastor dad scenario- it's absolutely canon#Alastor would have loved the Titanic-- think of how many orphans THAT created
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i think its stupid that you can feel lonely yet be surrounded by people who love and care about you
its a fukin scam
#I miss flirting with people#why am I such a loser#ahhhhhhhhhhhhh#I hate everything about myselfffffffff#why am I like thissssss#why am I typing this when I don't want anyone to see it#who am I fucking kidding I wouldn't be making this post if I wanted no one to see it#I cant be depressed when everyone else is depressed they need someone to support them not drown them deeper#I need a hug ;v;#my mom cut contact with me my irl friends have moved on my aunt is busy my grandparents don't have anything in common with me#I just feel so shitty#and I'm definitely not going to talk to my dad#he's a bar creep that only fed his damn kid when he had a woman over#I just need to be someone's favorite person#I need to not be forgotten#but they're all moving on without me#no one can handle me at my worst#I'm tired of this I'm tired of feeling so alone and that's why I've made characters in my head that I've used for 6 years now to keep me#from going insane
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Sebastian had a few days leave from duty so he visited Eloise😇😇
#im literally OBSESSED with Eloise😩#and this AU😇🙏#they are maybe late 20s/early 30s here I wanted to experiment a bit#anyways I was reading A Little Life at the beach today#and ngl I was tearing up literally ALL the time!!! 😤😤😤#it’s just so beautifully written & I find myself relating so heavily and I get gut punches every few pages where I need to stop reading#and just process it#idk maybe I am sentimental today LOL#It’s just…it’s making me think about the fact that I’ve never really Belonged in any one place and neither have the characters#my mom is the product of Bulgarian/swedish immigrants to the US and my dad is a Spanish pueblo man 😂#and their experiences/culture/languages etc etc have shaped my life soooooooo much🙏#but like at the same time. too reserved to truly fit in with the Spanish but too open/blunt for the midwest#idk it is weird to explain#anyways I just keep moving forward & make my own way🙏🙏🙏#thank you for coming to my free Therapy Session in the hashtags (bc nobody reads these😂😂😂😂)#also if you did & you also read a little life please🙏 or if you want to talk about books in general🙏🙏#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#sebastian sallow#hogwarts legacy mc#hogwarts legacy oc#eloise#oh also this is a recreation of a Porco Rosso scene😇😇🙏🙏#but I changed the colors a LOT & also a bit more when I sketched it up
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Do I have the balls to go to a DSA general meeting vote now on your phones
#out of queue#ani rambles#me and my friend met for dinner today#talked about post election anxieties and dealing with republican dads and jazz#and id mentioned to her via text like oh hey a way to keep hope and take action would be to join a mutual aid org#so we looked to see if we could find any in our area#there wasn’t much for her specific area but more for mine (i live in a city she lives in a nearby offshoot town kinda deal)#and theres a DSA general meeting next Wednesday#and technically I could just fucking go I don’t have work that day#but my friend won’t be able to come with me and I’m awkward about doing stuff alone#ani in a social situation is like a horse loose in a hospital#no one knows what the horse is gonna do/supposed to do. least of all THE HORSE#but also…… i could talk the talk and walk the walk i could join a mutual aid org#like im gonna try and go to the FNPS chapter meeting next month but idk if that counts as mutual aid#also turns out there is a FNB in my city but uhhhh im awkward im nervous i cant cook and I dont make THAT much money
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yes i'm finally playing bg3. yes i already have two different playthroughs started before finishing the first mission
#one's me by myself one's me and the bf together#one's likely going to romance astarion#the other is leaning toward gale because i'm actually really getting charmed by him lmao#as in me the player. not even the character hskskdhdjk#my reaction to gale was literally that bit from rick and morty when summer's friend is talking about her dad keeping bees#like ugh gale talks too much... idk it's kind of cute... like at least he's nice... i wanna fuck gale#me#sam plays bg3
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They're soulmates in every single universe and I miss them at the most random times.
#my characters#haha funny thing is that venus doesnt even exist in base plot she is ONLY for AUs#in base plot ego the ginger guy is a prince and serenity the navy haired guy is an energy alien#and serenity takes on the form of a human to be fake engaged to ego and its never meant to actually end up with them married#but serenity falls in love with the prince and feels immense guilt when they meet up#and then ego is like HAHA YEAH my life is the greatest cause i get to marry my best friend but technically youre best friend by default#since i have zero other friends because i cannot leave the castle which kinda sucks but whatever#and serenity can give his life force to others to keep them healthy and usually stops by to heal egos younger brother#so he looks tired a lot bc he is depleting his own life to help others#and and in au versions hes just chronically tired and very much in love with ego who is completely oblivious#and half the time they (bc theyre mine) are pining mutually thinking ahaha theres no WAY hed like me#or in egos case a lot of the time in the au its what if he only likes me cause i spoil him rotten bc im super wealthy and i love gifting#and serenity ! in base plot since he is an alien from like... space.... basically... another realm#he resides with another royal family in a different kingdom and the king there treats him like a son#which plays into the au versions where serenity is adopted and he just really loves his dad a lot#like really admires the man who adopted him and raised him as a single father who almost always has a connection to egos dad since#in base theyre just two kings being buddies and trying to get good relations between their kingdoms#but anyway ego is one of the few ocs i have that will actively say#I LOVE YOU SO MUCH : D very openly and i love that for him??#not a lot of my ocs will be that open about their feelings but ego is very good at communication and talking and stuff#compared to serenity who is an alien who doesnt even have to talk where he originated bc the aliens are just blue energy blobs#and they sense each other and communicate silently#so making him take a human form is like MMMM not sure how to interact like a normal human tbh#i owe art to one person then i am able to get back to indulgent stuff for me and reqs and stuff#this was just so i had something to post today since idk if the art i owe someone will be cool to post or not
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how to explain to your parents that you can't move back in with them because every time you're near them a big part of you buries itself and you're not sure how long that part can stay buried before its hidey hole becomes its grave?
...without offending them, of course
#eliot posts#last time i was forced to move back in w them was when the dorms closed for quarantine#and a part of me DID die then#and i think in those first 18 years i spent living with them so many parts of me died before they even had the chance to be born#they keep framing it as a generous offer. i won't have to pay rent AND they'll get me set up working oart time for my dad's friend#AND they'll replace my car with a newer one#but i do NOT fucking trust it#they act nice while i'm not living with them and am able to freely escape#but that niceness goes away once i have nowhere to go#like that's exactly what happened when i was forced back to them during quarantine#and how hard they're pushing this seems realllly sketchy#i told my mother i'd think about it (to get her off my back) and she said ''don't waste time thinking. just agree to it.''#like hellll no. i do NOT trust like that.#even my sister was trying to talk me into it which i don't get because she of all people should understand.#but anyway. i'm applying for jobs and looking at extending my lease. i am NOT going back there.#i just wish i could tell them that without getting yelled at and guilt tripped and talked to like i'm a stupid little baby.
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ever just get the urge to write everything down?
#i get this quite often#and there are some times where i’ll spend the whole day just documenting stuff#my favorite artists musicians books movies songs shows colors places things#all of my playlists with a summary of each#text messages and conversations i’ve had; some with people i don’t talk to anymore and i feel the need to preserve#songs that my mom jams out to in the car#things my dad says that sound terrible out of context#odd traditions behaviors antics and things that my siblings and i do but can’t explain#inside jokes#as many dreams and passing thoughts as i can recollect#characters and ideas; stories i want to tell#every way i’ve died in outer wilds (which is hard to keep track of tbh)#people’s voices and what instruments they sound like#yea#turns out i’m not just a collector of things; but also. a collector of things.#i got that… writing things down… dawg in me#(idk if there’s a word for that)#stan’s forum
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