#why am I like thissssss
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i think its stupid that you can feel lonely yet be surrounded by people who love and care about you
its a fukin scam
#I miss flirting with people#why am I such a loser#ahhhhhhhhhhhhh#I hate everything about myselfffffffff#why am I like thissssss#why am I typing this when I don't want anyone to see it#who am I fucking kidding I wouldn't be making this post if I wanted no one to see it#I cant be depressed when everyone else is depressed they need someone to support them not drown them deeper#I need a hug ;v;#my mom cut contact with me my irl friends have moved on my aunt is busy my grandparents don't have anything in common with me#I just feel so shitty#and I'm definitely not going to talk to my dad#he's a bar creep that only fed his damn kid when he had a woman over#I just need to be someone's favorite person#I need to not be forgotten#but they're all moving on without me#no one can handle me at my worst#I'm tired of this I'm tired of feeling so alone and that's why I've made characters in my head that I've used for 6 years now to keep me#from going insane
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Sleeping for 12 hours is always unfun
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guys how do you guys motivation to write 😞 idk if it’s all the stress i have from school or what but lately i barely have any motivation
#WHY AM I LIKE THISSSSSS#someone take me back to july where i was writing like there was no tomorrow
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ADHD brain: Omg that post gave me an idea - gotta draw it right now!
Logic brain: No!! Stop it! We already have a project. We’ve been trying to finish this for weeks. There’s a deadline!!!!!
ADHD brain: noted and ignored 😘
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kinda a vent but sometimes i wonder if i really want to transition cuz like. yeah i’d be so much happier if i were born amab. but i’ve already gone almost 17 years as female and actually transitioning feels like it would be so much to go through, especially if i’m probably still gonna present feminine-ish anyway so maybe i should just deal with my stupid girl boobs and voice?? idkk :p
#idk this is probably the most personal thing i’ll ever post lol#vent#tw vent#it’s like if i were just freaken born amab everything would be fine! perfect even!#but this one stupid X chromosome had to go and fukc everything up lol#and now i gotta question everything daily?? absolute bull#transgender#nonbinary#trans ftm#trans ftnb#why am i like thissssss
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Who’s ready to watch me freak out over the most tumblr thing ever? A girlboss sadboi vampire who goes to therapy <3 No one? Neither am I
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woah there brain that's sure some very very sudden intense feelings
#➳ the fool speaks#why am i like thissssss#i just got the urge to like . leave forever . thumbsup .#i always feel like if i left nobeing would miss me at all lmao#and i mean . I'm too anxious to approach anybun so I'm kinda just . here .#ugh man can my brain chill for one sec 😭😭😭
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what does it say about me the fact that i find greg attractive? and i know most of the charm that makes him interesting for me is that he's such a fucking loser
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The kind of cute aggression where they’re so goddamn adorable that you want to punch a hole in the wall
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fine. i have sat with it for an hour and i’ve decided i will rejoice about the coming of summer purple girl.
#i’m never happy when they add my favorites at awkward times#why am i like thissssss#I’M GONNA BE POSITIVE NOW#HRRRRRRNNNNGGGGGGGGG#bee-speak#fehposting
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Google search how to make myself do thing I really need to do and am capable of doing and can't afford to not do and am running out of time to do
#i have 1/8 pages of a paper due in 6 hours. i took a nap and watched a video about a game i haven't played#and i feel worse by the second but i still am not writing it#and once this paper is done im done with the semester thats it i just have to do it#why am i like thissssss
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am suddenly very sad :(
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there’s another post and the topic is p similar to the headcanons i just posted but i have to explain my reasoning and justify my position so it’s coming tmrw
#WHY AM I LIKE THISSSSSS#tot liveblog#in all seriousness tho. this is a lot of fun.#i realized i was looking forward to talking/typing about this all day and it's just like nice to be excited about sth#and especially to feel that for tot again#i'm looking back at my vyn x fairy tales analysis again and i'm remembering that feeling of having the pieces click together and trying to#to pull out the right story threads to weave into the picture i see#are the metaphors getting a bit messy?#lol gonna stop myself before i get mushy with nostalgia over tot. AGAIN.
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wow im actually. in the mode of longing
#for the idea of having a partner???#it soundsso sweettttt#but then a few months later it's anxiety inducing and i panic to get me out of there#why am i like thissssss#why am i scared of commitment lmao#mage vent
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i have such a nice concept for my francis bacon paper. i just need to write it ;~;
#it's all inside my nogging i just need to get it out somehow. come on. this is an easily earned good grade lisa!!!#it's not inventing the wheel either like. it could be so easy. why am i daunted by thissssss
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not me blearily waking up at 5:30am almost in tears bc I had a dream that Ian had apparently been making more little OK KO shorts on the side and the utter joy I was feeling as dream!me was scrambling to find & watch them only to wake up before I could........ :((((
#there were 5 of them out already apparently#the most recent one had a Ray focus to it so big shocker that that's the one that caught my attention#and dream!me was like ''oh so THAT'S why ppl have been spam-liking all my Ray posts recently!! makes sense 👌''#I actually got to se like a little ending clip for that one where like. he was wearing this stupid cloak & outfit—#—kinda looked a little Shadowy Figure-esque actually??—but apparently he was like. secretly doing hero work on the side or smth??#and then at the end he had this convo with Darrell back at the factory where he monologued about how dabbling in hero work--#--made the villainy they do feel all the sweeter or smth like that & he was all dreamy-eyed pensive staring up at the sky#and Darrell was??? drinking imaginary tea/coffee from an imaginary cup which you could tell bc he had his pinkie up#and then when Ray finished his monologue Darrell just gave him this most unimpressed smirk & dumped out his imaginary cup over the balcony#like pour-one-out style??? and then that was the end of the short 😂😂#and so dream!me was pissing her pants bc HERO RAYMOND REAL AFTER ALL??¿????#and there were some other like screenshots/gifs I stumbled across on my way to find the actual shorts themselves#(Ian apparently had a whole lil youtube channel he was posting them to lol which I only found right before I woke up)#but the only one I can remember now was Elodie doing a Big YellTM towards KO about something 😂😂#broooo there are genuine tears being wiped from my eyes rn wtf is thissssss 🤣🤣 I have work soon I need my SLEEP#but I had to document this bc it was just. so Visceral & now I am so so so soooo bummed that it wasn't actually real TwT#I think my brain & heart have gotten too inspired by how some of my other Big Fave interests have been getting sequels/remasters lately#so now my soul is Once Again I Am Yearning For Justice For OK KO.meme TTwTT#anyways. god it's taken me an entire half hour to blearily tap this out on my phone. time to squeeze another half hour of snooze before work#OK KO#shut up Wisp
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