daydreaming-scheming-demon

[daydreaming-scheming-demon]

hey i found this in the corner of your room

[daydreaming-scheming-demon]

Estrogen sucking Vampire Queen

[daydreaming-scheming-demon]

[daydreaming-scheming-demon]

Also, call the cops to report wage theft versus stealing from work and having them call the cops.

[daydreaming-scheming-demon]

celebrating my 5 year top surgery anniversary today, so I wanted to draw something that reflects the bliss of feeling your chest for the first time. happy pride 🏳️‍⚧️⚧️💙🩷🤍

[daydreaming-scheming-demon]

my mum’s trying to get me to do something with her for christmas the day after she admitted she wont be giving me any of the money she owes me and called me a parasite. she’s not even trying to reconcile, she just expects me to go along with generic christmas events as if nothing happened yesterday. fuck offfffffffffffffff

[daydreaming-scheming-demon]

personal mental health posts never blow up, huh. or even get many notes. my happy fuckin posts do, and when the issue affects more than just me it blowsup, but oh never ever ever when it’s a personal issue i actually care about, neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[daydreaming-scheming-demon]

i hate my mum and dont trust her at all, but i thought i could at least trust her to give me money back when she 'borrows' it, and she's borrowed a lot of money.

i didnt trust her when i gave it to her, i only did it because i was afraid of the punishments awaiting me if i didnt hand it over. but i at least trusted her to give money back, because i thought that even with all the bullshit she's put me through, i thought i knew her enough to trust her with that very specific task. because that's the kind of person she is, she sticks by morals like those even if she can be an asshole and a hypocrite.

but nope, she hasn't. and ive lost quite a large sum of money to her now. money i was saving for surgery, or even just to not end up homeless. i feel like i was being coerced into handing it over, i did at the time, and now that ive realised im not getting it back, i feel even more coerced.

i dont know how to describe this feeling perfectly. it's just like, having this very untrustworthy person in your life, but you think you know them well enough to predict most of their actions, and thus think them trustworthy when it comes to very specific tasks. and then they break even the trust you gave them for those specific tasks, and it's just like, okay then i guess. cant even trust you to do what i thought was in-character for you. you're really just a wild card designed for fucking me over, huh? yeah well fuck you too i guess.

[daydreaming-scheming-demon]

[daydreaming-scheming-demon]

i kind of want to die again

[daydreaming-scheming-demon]

i wont be able to get surgery any fucking time soon i guess

i hate my mum and dont trust her at all, but i thought i could at least trust her to give me money back when she 'borrows' it, and she's borrowed a lot of money.

i didnt trust her when i gave it to her, i only did it because i was afraid of the punishments awaiting me if i didnt hand it over. but i at least trusted her to give money back, because i thought that even with all the bullshit she's put me through, i thought i knew her enough to trust her with that very specific task. because that's the kind of person she is, she sticks by morals like those even if she can be an asshole and a hypocrite.

but nope, she hasn't. and ive lost quite a large sum of money to her now. money i was saving for surgery, or even just to not end up homeless. i feel like i was being coerced into handing it over, i did at the time, and now that ive realised im not getting it back, i feel even more coerced.

i dont know how to describe this feeling perfectly. it's just like, having this very untrustworthy person in your life, but you think you know them well enough to predict most of their actions, and thus think them trustworthy when it comes to very specific tasks. and then they break even the trust you gave them for those specific tasks, and it's just like, okay then i guess. cant even trust you to do what i thought was in-character for you. you're really just a wild card designed for fucking me over, huh? yeah well fuck you too i guess.

[daydreaming-scheming-demon]

and she’s not even admitting to lying to me. every time i tell her she lied to me or tricked me she just responds with ‘i didnt lie to you’, then i respond ‘so you’ll give me the money back?’ and she always responds with ‘so you’ll give the money you owe me back?’

which to be clear, i never took any money from her, nor did i promise to give her any money. the money i ‘owe’ her is just already paid rent she’s added up into a very big number from before i was paying rent, and she just decided i owed her that. so she’s basically using that as an excuse to not give the money she promised me back.

so she lied and tricked me and wont even admit it. she can’t even admit to a tiny portion of the bullshit she’s done to me. even when telling me to my face that she wont be giving the money back, she asserts she wasnt lying when she promised me the money back as if it’s an established fact of life, as if she didnt just tell me she wont be giving it back. so according to her, she’s not giving it back, but she wasnt lying when she told me she would give it back, somehow.

fuck her. fuckherfuckherfuckherfuckherfuckherfuck heurnruidvrnuhrefnuutdvuhntdvuhndtv I HATE MY LIFE I WANT TO KILL MYSELF I HATE MY LIFE I WANT TO KILL MYSELF FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKJCUFNFUNHIVTDTVJJ

i hate my mum and dont trust her at all, but i thought i could at least trust her to give me money back when she 'borrows' it, and she's borrowed a lot of money.

i didnt trust her when i gave it to her, i only did it because i was afraid of the punishments awaiting me if i didnt hand it over. but i at least trusted her to give money back, because i thought that even with all the bullshit she's put me through, i thought i knew her enough to trust her with that very specific task. because that's the kind of person she is, she sticks by morals like those even if she can be an asshole and a hypocrite.

but nope, she hasn't. and ive lost quite a large sum of money to her now. money i was saving for surgery, or even just to not end up homeless. i feel like i was being coerced into handing it over, i did at the time, and now that ive realised im not getting it back, i feel even more coerced.

i dont know how to describe this feeling perfectly. it's just like, having this very untrustworthy person in your life, but you think you know them well enough to predict most of their actions, and thus think them trustworthy when it comes to very specific tasks. and then they break even the trust you gave them for those specific tasks, and it's just like, okay then i guess. cant even trust you to do what i thought was in-character for you. you're really just a wild card designed for fucking me over, huh? yeah well fuck you too i guess.

[daydreaming-scheming-demon]

i try to respect other beliefs, i really do, but i want to voice some thoughts on the concept of an afterlife. from my perspective it looks obvious there’s nothing after death. all sorts of fiction has been made to ease minds or explain the unexplained: changelings, vampires, etc. but then society advanced, and science advanced, and people realised that was all bullshit once they got scientific answers to what’s really happening. most people these days have accepted a lot of scientific discoveries, even most modern christians believe in a round earth and dont believe in anything like vampires, except maybe demons and angels. and the answers science gave about phenomenon were usually so much simpler than the fiction written to explain said phenomenon.

an afterlife is one such fiction. isn’t it obvious? if it were true surely science would’ve found some slither of evidence at this point. the tales only exist to put minds at ease once humans were advanced enough to realise they would die, it’s a coping mechanism. same with the heaven and hell thing, are bad things happening to good people and good things happening to bad people? well no worries, it’ll all be fixed in the afterlife.

but it’s madness. to think you’re so special that the universe will make room to store you after death, there’s been quadrillions of human lives, and an unquantifiable number of lives of all sorts of other species, a number so big it looks infinite from a certain angle, and let me get this straight, you think the universe will make a special little space for all of those lives in some afterlife? dude, if the universe wanted you around forever you’d simply live forever. no, you will end to make room for more lives, lives which will also end.

and it feels kind of self-centred to me too, or at least human-centric i suppose, usually coming with the idea that human life is so very important compared with everything else in this vast expanse of a universe. like i said, the simplest answer is usually the correct one. when a window breaks nobody says it’s gone somewhere else, because it hasn’t gone anywhere else, it’s simply broken, ended. why would it be any different for humans or any other life? in the grand scheme of things, none of us are much more significant than a window, one could even argue a window has more significance.

science has advanced so far, surely it’d have found some sign of a soul at this point if one existed. the simplest answer to that is there is no soul, the soul was yet another fiction, created to explain everyone’s seemingly coherent consciousness in a way easier to cope with than the simpler explanation; that humans are nothing more than bodies, that nobody is anything more than bodies. a meat body with a meat computer, that is all, and when that’s destroyed, just like a smashed window it has simply ended, it has not gone anywhere, it has ended.

and to think there’s not just people who believe in an afterlife, but that said afterlife will judge them based on morality; a concept dreamt up and believed purely by humans. that sounds utterly ridiculous. sure, other species can have sympathy, but never a morality system. to think the universe will judge you based on a concept you made up is insane. to believe the universe gives a shit about if you helped an old lady across the street or not is insane.

to say it once again, im fine with people who believe in an afterlife. just have a lot of opinions on this, ones that i probably wouldn’t tell them. and as said, i can clearly see how believing in an afterlife could help a person. damn, sometimes i wish i believed in an afterlife, finite existence is fucking terrifying. in fact i may be writing this more out of fear of my own finite existence than i am out of hate for the concept of an afterlife. which may not make much sense but whatever.

[daydreaming-scheming-demon]

suck, and i cannot stress this enough, my cock to the fucking base

[daydreaming-scheming-demon]

Kikuri Hiroi supremacy

[daydreaming-scheming-demon]

a black trans girl was murdered in tuscaloosa... she was only 18. Cameron Thompson.

link to her family's funeral fund

[daydreaming-scheming-demon]