#mostly that it's fucking amazing and i cannot BELIEVE how good it is

[thetriggeredhappy]

in summation comic 7 was AMAZING

i want the olivia mann show where she’s running around doing whatever she kicking ass and taking names and doing tiny world domination stunts that are narrowly foiled by signs that say “must be this tall to ride”

i’m a demosollyzhanna throuple truther until the day that i die, first name general middle name patton is wearing the outfit demo used to wear and has an eye patch, i would argue it would be hard to get away with much more than that. i’m also crying and weeping and throwing up over how much georgia looks like zhanna’s younger sister in the group shot panel. holy shit. they’re all so cute.

pyro got the PUPPY,,,,,

the only, and i mean ONLY, thing that i would change about the comic would be to give like another two or three pages of real estate to figure out what pyro and medic are up to now. medic looked way too excited about everything that the administrator had been doing so i imagine mostly they have to periodically chase him away from the trench they dropped the australium in with a stick.

it seems like heavy and sniper are still doing mercenary stuff though, which is good, they both love their jobs too much to settle down entirely i think. i cannot fucking believe sniper knows how to fly a plane. cartoons

[themachine]

Sorry if you don't have the spoilers tag filtered

[quotidian-oblivion]

I've been thinking about Jason's memorial case in the Batcave recently and came up with a few thoughts.

Obviously, there are a few things wrong with it, mainly the title of a "Good Soldier" being attached to a child. And I've been thinking aboit that mostly.

There's no questions of how intensely focused and obsessed Batman is over the war against crime in Gotham, we see him quoting it multiple times in the comics and even the movies, animated and live-action. And so he thinks everyone in the war is a soldier, including Robins. I hate that and loathe it.

Not because I'm a Batman apologist, I'm not. It's because I like to see and believe in the better parts of Batman. The reason why he doesn't kill in the first place--because it comes from a place of compassion and a place of strong belief set by an 8-year-old boy who grew up too fast. Because he believes anyone can be redeemable because ultimately everyone is human, as proven in the older Batman comics and Batman TAS when he helps Harvey, Harley, Baby Doll, etc.

And the biggest reason of all--because Batman, whether anyone likes it or not, represents a strong symbol in Gotham. A burning torch in murky darkness. A hope--one shrouded by shadows--but a hope nonetheless. It's in the psychology of Gothamites, it needs a Batman because of that symbol which is lethal to criminals and a relief to citizens. I'm heavily referencing The Dark Knight Returns I and II (animated movies) here. Watch it if you haven't yet, you'll see what I mean. This is why he can't kill the Joker. It will be completely tainting that hope and we can see its effects in The Dark Knight Returns II.

In any case, Tim was right about Batman needing a Robin. Because in the end, Batman is just that--a man. And Robin is a child.

Lego Batman is really good for this reason. The concept of found family in that movie is just amazing. I love how Bruce fears having a family again after he lost his old one.

Batman needs a Robin because Batman was originally born out of a vengeance scheme of an 8-year-old newly orphaned boy who lost everyone. Trauma lasts. Batman needs a Robin because Robin is a family. And that little boy who lost his parents needs it. And so does Robin.

I love in Young Jusitce when Batman says "So that he doesn't" in response to Wonder Woman asking him if he pulled Robin into this life "So that he turns out like you?". Because Dick was also a little boy bent on revenge. Bruce gave that to him in the only way he knew how, but a better version because he himself has matured and understands how dark he has gotten. He doesn't want that for Dick, or Jason, or Tim, or Damian, or Cass--or any of his kids. He gave them early on what he didn't have--a family. And he received a family back. And having that family keeps Batman from tipping oved the edge into insanity. Because revenge is a poison, even if it's an 8-year-old boy imagining it.

But that still doesn't change that he sees it as a war. And he sees Robin and himself as soldiers.

So I came to a conclusion.

He doesn't.

Bruce doesn't.

Batman does.

Here's how I'm piecing it out:

"A Good Soldier" carved on the memorial case because only soldiers can fight so openly and outwardly. Even if they're dubbed as vigilantes, they are soldiers. And I think Bruce thinks it this way.

So when he sees a Robin or a Batkid out there, kicking rapists in the face and whatnot, he sees how someone so young can bear so much weight. He sees how a child can hold so much bravery--like the soldiers in the frontlines--doing this because of the morals they believe in. He sees how Robin is a good fighter, a good helper, a brave one, a confident person, a soft hero.

He sees how Robin is all that and he thinks "A good soldier." Because Robin is one. With the thing they're doing, he is one.

But yes, it's wrong. Children cannot and should not be soldiers. But a) this is the worst type of fiction, comic fiction 😂 and b) Batman is fucked up himself and considering he started training to be Batman from a young age too, he himself was a child soldier.

In the world of DC comics, the people there need someone like Batman while the people in the Earth we live in need someone like Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks, Malala Yousufzai, etc.

So yeah, Robin is a good soldier--a great soldier, because he holds the bravery, determination and strength of a soldier. It could mean a literal thing, but it could also mean a metaphorical thing. Bruce could have engraved those words to Jason's memorial case because the only thing he can think of to sum up how Jason was as a Robin was a soldier. Because soldiers are brave, and Jason was the bravest.

And I think comic writers after that took the whole "war against crime" psyche of Batman too literally and too much creating the abusive ass prick in some of the continuities.

But you can't tell me that Bruce--not Batman--Bruce has a case of his own for Jason. Maybe a physical one, maybe an imaginitive one. A case which holds Jason's annotated copy of Pride and Prejudice, his first aced test paper, and his favorite hoodie, all kept tidily in the case with the words "a good son, be well loved, Jay lad" written under it. A case which he holds private because it was his son who he lost. Jason.

A little boy who survived so much until he couldn't. A little boy who he tried to protect until he couldn't. His son. Jason.

[thegayloragenda]

Okay my last post before the show starts:

At the beginning of this tour I was closeted. Being an avid Gaylor / ally was the only way I could fathom bringing up queerness in my Bible Belt town. Gaylors get a lot of flack for being delusional, but I’m not delusional. I’m empathetic. The least interesting thing to me about all of this is the muses and I truly would go cold-turkey on Kaylor or Swiftgron or anyone else if I believed she truly was bothered by those things. I support her muses as a way to celebrate her queerness. There’s no one I hope she ends up with other than her own peace of mind because fracturing yourself truly does break you down in a way that feels very isolating and soul-damaging.

In a non-mirrorball way, I have seen Taylor say SO many of the things that I’ve said. Now I’m mostly out and it feels like I’m standing on hopeful yet rocky ground. I know the feelings of hesitation. I know the feelings of regret. I know how it feels to lose the love of your life because you’re frozen with fear about your safety and acceptance. I have felt the deep fear of the relationship failing and being so embarrassing because you took the leap of faith to follow your heart. I have been in self-sabotage mode because of a woman. There aren’t straight musicians who capture that feeling quite like Taylor does. It feels personal. And maybe that’s just how good she is at her craft.

I am proud to be a lesbian and I am proud to go down with this ship if that’s where it’s headed. And if by some chance she’s going to keep playing this game, I’m going to support her when and if she is ready — even if I have to step away from her fandom for a bit. My heart will stay with her and so will my hope.

To me, being a Gaylor is about being receptive and open and soft-hearted towards the possibility that she DOES feel trapped and she IS scared. It’s to acknowledge the effort she has made to communicate her queerness and make a safe space for her to land. Maybe that’s parasocial. I don’t mean to be. I just want to give her back the relief and freedom she gave me. I just wanted to help and to be a part of a movement that could save lives.

And for what it’s worth, it IS cool that you said all that. The coolest.

Thank you, Taylor. For everything. I love you to the moon and to Saturn.

And to this community….God I fucking love you. You saved my life. I cannot repay you. Thank you thank you thank you for giving me the courage to be myself. You guys are amazing and I’m so proud of us.

Great now I’m crying into my day old tea.

[ceilingfan5]

🔒 blupjeans? :) 

🔒I broke into your car to impress you when you locked your keys in and now I have to construct an elaborate lie to explain myself 

“Huh,” Barry says, after Lup breaks into his fucking car. “Thank you, so much, honestly, I mean, I was going to be fucked, the locksmith quoted me like $300-”

“Yeah, no prob,” Lup says, so forcedly casual that she thinks she hears something important pop in her jaw. 

“But uh,” Barry looks at his car, a very, very sad blue Honda Civic belovedly named Crunch, and then at Lup, who is struggling with the knowledge that she is blushing hard enough to burn herself at the stake here. “That’s a pretty impressive skill you’ve got there?”

The how the fuck do you know that, and for why, specifically, is implied. 

“Thanks,” Lup says, opening her gumball machine mouth and letting a tasty, shiny lie ricochet through the spirals and tubes of her fucking idiot central and right out into the air, where she will now be responsible for it. “I learned it in the circus.”

“The circus?” Barry is wearing his stupid sexy strap on sunglasses, which are tentatively attached to his regular glasses, and thus make his eyes a little harder to see. He is, however, obviously having some kind of reaction to this information. Lup grimaces. 

“Yeeep. The circus. You know, the uh, the giraffes loved to steal keys.” 

“Giraffes?” Barry is incredulous. “That’s amazing. What for?”

“Oh, they’re mischievous fuckers,” Lup is just fully in it now. “Never trust a giraffe, I’m telling you. Elephants either, they’ll throw your keys right down a storm drain just to get your attention.”

“Golly,” Barry says. With his human fucking mouth. Lup wants to kill him and keep his soul in a jar. She promises she’ll poke holes in the lid. “I have to imagine you’d hide your keys after that happened once or twice, though?”

“The problem is, you see,” Lup is ascending, to live with the angels. Shame they’ll evict her as soon as possible, for all the lust and gluttony and wrath and so on. She can have another thing lined up. It’s fine. “Circus outfits never have pockets.”

“Really? Never?”

“Total design flaw,” Lup says, nodding, and also sweating so hard she’s afraid it might be audible. “Pockets would pull them down. And when you’re just wearing a leotard, you don’t want it gettin’ pulled down, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Barry agrees, looking dreadfully impressed at all this. “But then what about the keys, did you just hold them?” Him and his goddamn followup questions. Lup could grind him into a paste and study him under a microscope. 

“Yeah, or put them on a chain around our necks. But mostly we had a key boy.”

“A keyboy?” Barry’s eyes go way up. “One keyboy, to hold all the keys in the circus?”

“It was an illustrious job,” Lup says, with her lying, lying ass. “Everyone wanted to fuck the key boy.” 

“Wow,” Barry says. “Because of his access?”

“Because of the jingles, Barr, keep up!” Lup folds her arms. “Also, he was a pretty good juggler. Not as good as me, though.”

“You can juggle?” Barry grins at her. “I’d love to see that.” 

“I’ve been banned from juggling forever,” Lup says solemnly. “Because of the incident.” 

“The incident?” Jesus, can he just do this all day? Doesn’t he get tired?

“Yeah,” Lup says, and winks, and smacks him congenially on the back. “It’s a curse. Shame, cause I love juggling.” And before Barry can ask her another fucking question, she heads back in to work. 

God. It’s been years since she juggled. She cannot fucking believe she’s backed herself into a corner again about this shit. She should have just admitted to being obsessed with lockpicking youtube. 

[therealcocoshady]

Recovery - Chapter 27

Eminem x FemReader Fanfiction

Summary : Reader reunites with Em in Amsterdam, six months after their breakup.

Tags : Fluff - SMUT

MARSHALL’S POV 

He couldn’t take his eyes off Y/N. He couldn’t believe she was here, that it was actually her, standing in front of him. She was smiling, looking shy. 

Hey, she whispered softly. Happy birthday. 

Unable to reply, he immediately pulled her in a warm embrace, engulfing her in his arms. He needed to touch her, to make sure it was real and he wasn’t hallucinating. He held her tight and her face was buried in his chest that was still damp from the shower. 

Is this real ? He whispered, his eyes closed. 

Very real, she said softly. 

Fuck. 

He felt a tear roll down his cheeks. It was more emotions than what he could handle : touring for the first time in ages, performing and connecting with the fans, his daughters flying to Europe to surprise him for his birthday and now, Y/N. He had dreamed of this moment for six months, of the time he would finally get to see her. He wanted to fly to Paris to see her after the tour. There was no way he could be on the same continent and not try to see her in person. He wasn’t sure if it was a good idea or not but he had to try. But obviously, she had beaten him to it and she was here. Actually in his arms, her skin against his. For the first time in six months, he felt able to breathe. She looked up and stared at him with watery eyes. 

Sorry, he said as he wiped the tears from his cheek. 

Is this ok ? She asked as she caressed his cheek with her hand. 

Yes, he said as he closed his eyes. 

He thought her touch would wake him up from a dream or that, perhaps, he would pass out. But it didn’t happen. He was just met with her soft touch, the sensation bringing him to his knees in a literal sense. He dropped to his knees and held her tighter than ever. In six months, she had gotten even tinier and it felt like he was holding a small doll. He heard people come in the corridor and he suddenly became very aware that he was half-naked, just out of the shower. He got up and pulled her in the dressing room before closing the door. 

You’re actually here, he said in disbelief. What… I mean… How ? 

Your daughters flew me in, she said with a smile. Happy birthday. 

His eyes opened wide. His daughters had arranged for Y/N to come for his birthday ? Even Hailie ? It was the greatest present ever. Suddenly, his faith in God and whatever birthday genie that granted wishes was renewed. Not to mention his gratefulness for Hailie, Alaina and Stevie. 

I don’t know what to say, he said, still amazed that Y/N was here. 

I do, she said shyly. Marshall, I… I am so sorry that I left. I ruined everything and I am sorry that I put you through hell. And I’m here because… Well because Hailie can be really scary and convincing, but mostly because I love you and I cannot live without you. In the last six months, I have learned that I can stay sober through a lot of things, but one thing I cannot do is stay away from you. I need you, Marshall, because I think you might be the love of my life. 

Once again, he found himself speechless. The only thing he was able to do was to pull her in for a deep kiss, holding her tight. He couldn’t keep his hands off her. He needed to make sure she was here. She kissed him back with passion. He firmly grabbed her and she automatically wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her to the couch. She was straddling his lap as he kept on kissing her. 

I love you, he whispered. God, I missed you so much. 

I missed you too. 

He ran his fingers through her hair and admired her lovely smile. The same smile that had haunted his dreams ever since he had last seen her. They intertwined their fingers, kissing again and again. He was usually spent after each show, but he felt more energetic than ever. 

Did you watch the show ? He asked. 

I did, she said with a smile. God, you were incredible. No wonder why you have so many groupies. 

None of them matter, he chuckled. You are everything, right now. 

I’m yours, she replied softly. If you want me, of course. 

Of course I want you, he said as he pulled her closer. I will never not want you. I love you so much. 

He kissed her softly and stroked her cheek. 

Are you sure, though ? He asked nervously. I don’t want to deprive you of anything… 

I am, she said. I’ve done a lot of thinking and… Even though I’m a sucker for the white, picket-fence, cliché thing… You’re the one thing I cannot sacrifice. I think that what I want more than anything is stability and safety. You’re my safe space, Marshall. You. Yourself. And this means more to me than anything else. 

I love you, he said. 

They spent a while cuddling, hugging and kissing as they caught up on each other’s life. He told her about the album reception and the tour and how it was the only thing that had prevented him from drowning in the past six months. 

I’m not myself when I’m away from you, he said. If it wasn’t for my girls and music, I would have gone crazy. I hate to admit it but… For the first 6 weeks after you left, I was a vegetable. I barely slept, barely ate, barely showered… 

I’m so sorry, she said sheepishly. I never meant to hurt you… 

I know, he said softly. I got better. I had Jamal and Talia take care of me. I stayed at their place for a few weeks after you left. Talia basically force-fed me. 

They didn’t mention that, she said as she squinted. 

I told them not to, he shrugged. But yeah, I owe them a lot. 

So do I, she said. They’re the best. And I am so thankful that they took care of you. I just want you to be happy. 

I’m alright, he said with a smile. Much better now that you’re here, obviously. 

He kissed her forehead. Having her in his arms felt like everything was alright in the world. She was his medicine, the answer to his prayers. In this instant, he made a secret vow to himself. Whatever it took, he would never, ever let her go. As they cuddled some more, she told him about her life in Paris and how depressed she’d been. His heart sank as she talked about the dark thoughts she had, how tempted to use again she’d been. But thankfully, she had managed to stay sober. This made him proud and impressed. In the same situation, as early in her journey, it was almost a miracle. Or at least, he wouldn’t have been able to prevent himself, had the shoe been on the other foot. He looked at her with love and admiration. 

You’re so strong, he praised her. You can be proud of yourself. 

It’s only because I thought of you. You kept me sane, she said softly as she pointed to the sobriety pendant. It’s the thought of you that kept me safe. 

I love you, he said emotionally. 

Knowing that she had never stopped thinking about him gave him peace of mind. In the six months they’d been apart, he had imagined her with other men countless times. He imagined her being courted by every motherfucker in Paris. He thought that, in no time, she would forget about him. Thankfully, he was wrong. She remained his. He whispered sweet words in her ear as he stroked her hair. There was no way he would ever get enough of this. Time seemed to have stopped. However, they were disturbed by a knock on the door. 

Marshall ? He heard Paul’s voice say. Time to go back to the hotel. 

Coming, he said. Give me a minute, I’ll meet you in the car. 

He kissed Y/N one last time, his forehead resting against hers. 

Do you have plans for tonight ? He asked. 

You’re the plan, she said with a giggle. I have a room on the same floor as you, in case you want me out of your hair, though. 

No way, he chuckled. I’m not letting you out of my sight. Everyone’s having dinner in my suite. What do you think ? Do you want to join ? 

Sure, she said. It’s your birthday after all. We can do whatever you want. 

One word of you, though, and I’m kicking everyone out, he said. 

It’s your birthday, Marshall. You should celebrate. 

I already celebrated with the girls this morning, he shrugged. And I have the most amazing present right here. I don’t care about the rest. For all I care, we can ditch the whole thing. 

I’m fine as long as I’m with you, she said. 

So you’re staying with me ? He asked. 

As long as you want me to, yes. 

Forever, then. 

He kissed her and got up in order to find a tee-shirt and a hoodie. He was on cloud nine. He usually had the biggest endorphin release after a show but this time, it was even bigger. As soon as he was ready, he got his things and grabbed his girl by the hand as they headed to the car. Everyone was waiting for them next to the cars that would take them to the hotel. He spotted his daughters and gently let go of Y/N to go and hug them. 

Happy birthday, Dad, Hailie said with a smile. 

Did you enjoy your present ? Alaina asked with a huge grin. It was either that or a tie… 

You’re absolutely incredible, he told them. I don’t deserve such amazing daughters. 

Of course you do. You’re the best Dad, Stevie said. 

I love you, je chuckled. Thank you so much. 

We love you too, Hailie replied. 

He chuckled and grabbed Y/N’s hand again. At that moment, it didn’t matter that the whole crew was watching them. For all he cared, they could snap pictures and sell them to the press, nothing could keep him from her. Everyone got into the cars. He rode to the hotel with Paul, Y/N and his daughters. His daughters were talking as he simply enjoyed Y/N’s presence next to him. She rested her head on his shoulder as their fingers were still intertwined. He caught Paul staring. 

You could have told me, his manager said with a smile. 

Well, Paul, there’s a shit ton you don’t know about, Marshall replied with a grin. 

Good to see you again, Y/N, Paul said politely. 

You too, Paul, she smiled shyly. 

He shook his head and chuckled. Paul had never failed to show his disapproval of Y/N, especially from the time they were photographed together. On a number of occasions, he had also voiced his concerns about her suddenly coming into his life and taking a lot of space. It was probably his job, as manager, but Marshall did not care one bit. Paul would have to find a way to be ok with Y/N, because she was here to stay. 

When they met everyone back at the hotel, he introduced Y/N to everyone. Obviously, there were a lot of people on the team she had not met yet. She made small talk but she was obviously shy. Knowing her, he didn’t expect otherwise. He gently stroked her back, trying to put her at ease. She seemed a little starstruck by Skylar. He knew she liked her music. 

She doesn’t bite, he said softly. 

But she’s such a star, she whispered. I can’t be normal ! 

So you knew her music but not mine ? He asked, falsely offended. 

Shut it, she said as she playfully rolled her eyes. It’s been a year and a half. I know all about your music now. 

You’re even in it, he chuckled. 

I still can’t believe it, she said. And it’s a track with Skylar Grey ! 

He chuckled and kissed her hair. She was absolutely adorable. He was happy she liked the track, too. He had put his heart and soul in it, it was raw and intimate and it was by far his favorite one on the album. It seemed to be a fan favorite, too. 

So I finally get to meet Marshall’s girl, Skylar said as she sat next to them. Hi, I’m Skylar by the way. 

Hi, I’m Y/N. I don’t want to be weird or anything, but I have to say I’m a big fan of your work. 

You’re adorable, Skylar replied. Dude, how come you never told me you had a girlfriend ? 

I have my secrets, he said in an enigmatic voice - of course he was not about to spill the details about their relationship. 

Did you enjoy the show ? Skylar asked Y/N. 

It was amazing, Y/N said softly. It was my first time seeing him perform. You were incredible, too. Especially for Track 12. 

First time hearing your song live, he chuckled. 

Wait, you’re the muse ? Skylar asked in excitement. 

Shit, he had said too much. 

Well, I-I don’t know about that, Y/N said awkwardly. 

Don’t worry, I don’t mean to pry, Skylar chuckled. But seeing as he’s been a tyrant about this song, I was wondering who else was to blame. 

A tyrant ? Y/N mused. 

Oh yes, Skylar giggled. We recorded it at the last minute. I’d heard that the album was done, but I got a call from Marshall in the middle of the night, asking if I could be in the studio in Detroit the next day. I was about to tell him to go fuck himself, but he sent the lyrics via text and, when I read them, I knew I had to get on this, so I hopped in a plane. He was an ass in the studio because he had a very specific idea of how he wanted it to sound, but I’m happy with how it turned out. 

That’s amazing, Y/N said. I thought you had written some of it, too. 

Not a word. He wouldn’t let me make a single suggestion. It’s very unlike him, you know ? He usually lets me pitch a few ideas, but this time, it was all him. 

Well… Me and you, Y/N, he said with a wink. 

She blushed and he smiled as he kissed her temple, momentarily forgetting that other people were around. Obviously, his friends didn’t wait long before pointing out his unusual public display of affection. 

Is that what turning 52 does to you, Em ? Porter chuckled. 

Shut up, man, he said as he rolled his eyes. It’s my birthday, I’ll do whatever the fuck I want. 

Whatever dude, his friend said. It’s great to have our Y/N back. I’m happy for y’all. 

I missed you too, Porter, she said with a smile. 

They enjoyed dinner and conversation in the suite for a while and some of the team decided to go for drinks to celebrate the end of the tour. They had planned on staying in Amsterdam a couple more days in order to rest and enjoy the city. At some point, he was left with Y/N and his daughters, chatting and resting in the living room area. He kept the PDA to a minimum with his kids around, but he was still mindlessly playing with her fingers as she was talking to Stevie. 

We should let the two of you enjoy your evening, Hailie said with a smile. See you tomorrow ? 

Sure, he said. What’s the plan ? 

Well we were planning on doing some shopping and visiting museums while you rest and enjoy with your girlfriend, Alaina said. Of course, the two of you are most welcome to join. 

You should do it, Y/N told him. I’ll stay at the hotel and let you enjoy it. 

You can come too, Y/N, Hailie said. 

Are you sure ? 

Well, we did have you come all this way, his daughter said with a smile. But whatever the two of you decide to do, you just have to be at the hotel’s restaurant tomorrow at 7PM sharp. 

Why ? He asked. 

Because it’s your birthday, Dad, Alaina said. Y/N, we’re counting on you. And please make sure he wears something decent. It’s your job now. 

Everyone chuckled and he rolled his eyes. He hugged his daughters and thanked them again for the surprise. He was left alone with his beautiful girlfriend. She looked a bit tired. 

Are you alright, beautiful ? He asked. 

Yes, she said shyly. It’s a lot of emotions, that’s all. 

Agreed, he chuckled. Now, how about we go to bed ? Let me cuddle the shit out of you, alright ? 

Sure, she said softly. I’ll go to my room and get my things. 

She left the room and, after a few minutes, he was overcome with anxiety. What if she didn’t come back ? He was staring nervously at the door for what seemed like ages. Thankfully, she came back after a while, looking somewhat troubled. 

Are you sure you’re alright ? He asked. 

Yeah, she said. I’m sorry, I think I’m just a little overwhelmed. 

What’s wrong ? He asked as he took her hand. 

I’m just awfully nervous, she said. I mean… It’s you, you know ? I’m so happy to be here and to be with you but my brain can’t quite process the fact that it’s real. And there were a lot of emotions. I mean, I saw you on stage, and the song, and seeing everyone again after so long… 

Come here, he said as he took her in his arms. I’m so thankful that you are here. And there’s nothing to be nervous about. It’s just me. You know I don’t bite. Well… Unless you want me to, that is. 

She giggled and shook her head. 

I think we just need to process, he said softly. How about we start with a warm shower ? 

Ok, she said shyly. 

He led her to the bathroom and he undressed while she stood there. He looked at her with a raised eyebrow. 

Don’t you want to get in ? He asked. 

Yes, she said. It’s just that… uhm… 

What is it ? 

I’m going to be naked, she pointed out. 

Well, yeah, he chuckled. So ? We don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, you know ? 

No, I want to, it’s just… You haven’t seen me naked in a long time. And my body has changed a little. And… I’m shy, she said as she ducked her head down. 

My body’s changed too, he said. But no matter how much your body has changed, I still think you are gorgeous. I won’t stare if you don’t want me to. If you want, we can even shower in the dark. I don’t care, really. I just want you close. 

She nodded and slowly undressed herself. He tried hard not to look, even though he definitely wanted to. She got in the shower and he turned on the water before taking her in his arms. Being skin to skin with her for the first time in forever was absolutely amazing. Clearly, he was meant to be with her. It was the only explanation for how good it felt. Hot water was pouring over their bodies, as they embraced in contentment. They lovingly washed each other and he got to enjoy every inch of her skin, taking his time. He was in love with all of her and he wanted nothing but to take care of her for the rest of his days. When they were done, he wrapped her in a robe and hugged her. 

How do you feel, my love ? He asked. Better ? 

Yes, she nodded. So much better. 

I’m glad, he said. Now, bed ? 

She nodded and went to put her PJs on. He couldn’t help but think it was a shame. He would greatly enjoy being skin to skin with her. Plus, if she was cold, he would gladly warm her up... However, he understood that she was a bit nervous and self-conscious, so he didn’t want to rush her. He put on a pair of sweatpants and a tee-shirt and they got into bed. They laid next to each other in silence. He found himself nervous, not knowing if it was him or if her nerves were rubbing off on him. Perhaps it was also the fact that he had gotten used to sleeping alone again. He hadn’t been this nervous in bed since his first time sleeping with Kim, more than thirty-five years ago. 

I’m so glad you’re here, he said softly. 

Me too, she replied. Can I come in your arms ? 

Of course, baby, he said with a smile. Come here. 

She curled up next to him and buried her face in the crook of his neck. He wrapped his arms around her, enjoying her presence. 

It feels like I’m home now, she whispered. 

So am I, he whispered back. I can’t believe how lucky I am. You’re my girlfriend again. 

I am, she chuckled softly. I can’t believe we’re public, too… 

Shit, he said as he suddenly realized. I’m so sorry… I didn’t even think twice. I didn’t even ask you if it was ok. Fuck. I’m so sorr-

It’s fine, she giggled. I meant what I said. You’re the love of my life, so I don’t care who knows about us or not. I’m proud to be your girlfriend. 

And I’m so proud to be your boyfriend, he said. You have no idea. 

Are you ? She mused. 

Of course. I’m in awe of you and everything you do, he said. You’re a fucking doctor. And you’ve come so far with your sobriety. And you’re here. And the fact that you exist, being as beautiful inside and out, is proof that there is a God and that he is good. Your existence is as marvelous as the galaxy and you are as amazing as the stars. 

Oh my God, she whispered. That’s the most beautiful thing anyone’s ever said to me. 

She kissed him. At first, it was soft, but as seconds went by, it became more passionate. He was kissing her bruisingly, hungrily. He gently put a hand underneath her tee-shirt, stroking her back. He needed to feel her skin, to touch her. He needed her. 

Let me show you how amazing you are, he whispered. Let me make love to you. 

Ok, she whispered shyly. 

He took his time undressing her and caressing her body, getting acquainted with it again. She had gotten skinnier but she was just as beautiful. He kissed every inch of her, worshiping the goddess that she was. He kissed her passionately as he positioned himself at her entrance, ready to make her his again. 

Wait, she said suddenly. Do you have condoms ? 

Shit, he said. No. I’m clean, though. Are you ? 

Yes, she said. But I stopped taking the pill a while ago. 

Fuck, he groaned in frustration. 

I’m sorry, she said sheepishly. 

It’s fine, he said. I can wait. 

Hold on, she said softly. 

She took him by surprise by pulling his arm and had him lay on the bed as she straddled him. They were rubbing against each other as she explored his body with her hands. She was running her hands across his chest, gently scratching it. He wasn’t actually in her but the sensation of intimacy was incredible. He gently massaged her small breasts, teasing her nipples just the way she liked, causing her to moan. She was rocking her hips, rubbing against him. He was rock hard and, if she kept on going, he might very well come this way. She started kissing him, from his neck to his chest, to his hips, to his shaft. She gently stroked him, looking at him in the eyes while doing so. He was mesmerized by the vision of her going down on him. Six months without her touch was too much. Nothing else compared. She slowly started licking him, taking her time. His hand was lost in her hair while he was completely dazed. Maybe it was the emotions of the day, the fatigue of the show, his undying love for her or the fact that she gave blowjobs like no one else, but nothing had ever felt this good. He gasped as she took all of him in her mouth and started sucking. 

I’m not going to last long, baby… 

Come for me, she said softly. I love you. 

As soon as the words left her lips, he could not control himself. He came all over her pretty face and chest. The sight of his cum on her was extremely hot. Still, he felt a little bad. 

Shit, I’m sorry ! 

It’s fine, she giggled. 

She playfully took some of the cum on her chest on her finger and started licking it. He didn’t know he could be so aroused by this sight, but it drove him absolutely crazy. He pulled her on the mattress and kissed her passionately. She was incredibly hot and he needed to make her his, one way or another. He wanted nothing more than to make her scream his name. He pulled her to the edge of the bed and kneeled between her legs. He kissed the inside of her thighs, asking for permission to go further. He could feel how damp she was. He had missed her scent, the softness of her thighs… He couldn’t resist placing a bite on the inside, causing her to gasp. He chuckled and started licking her, relishing in her taste he had missed so much. He may have had a slice of cake at dinner, but she was the real dessert. Her moans were music to his ears and they only got deeper as he slid a finger inside her. Seeing how wet she was, he immediately added another one. To be fair, he could probably fit two more. He was fingering her as he sucked on her clit, encouraged by her noises. Her thighs were wrapped around his neck, preventing him from going anywhere. Not that he wanted to, anyway. He could feel that she was on edge. He worked his tongue even faster, giving it all he had until she exploded, coming all over his face and chest while she screamed his name. He had to forcefully spread her legs to finally be able to get some air. He chuckled as he saw her face. She looked almost shocked. 

You alright, babe ? he chuckled. 

God you’re incredible, she whispered as her head hit the pillow. 

So I still got it ? He asked with a smirk. 

You know you do, she giggled. 

I love it when you scream my name, baby, he said with a hint of pride. You’re mine. 

Yours, she said softly. 

He kissed her forehead and took her in his arms. Both of them were sweaty and messy but he couldn’t care less. She was his. He kissed her gently. 

Don’t, she groaned. I think I still have cum all over my face. 

I don’t care, he chuckled. You could be covered in dirt, it wouldn’t prevent me from kissing you. 

Mmmmh. Still. I don’t want to be messy.

God you’re such a princess, he said as he playfully rolled his eyes. Come on, let’s take a bath. 

He went to the bathroom and drew a bath, adding some epsom salts he usually used to recover from shows. With time, he had built his own routine to make it easier on his body. It also worked wonders for post-sex baths. She joined him, looking all disheveled, causing him to chuckle. He engulfed her in a hug and kissed her hair. 

I missed this, he hummed. 

The sex ? 

No, he chuckled. I mean, yes, obviously, but I meant I missed your post-sex face. 

I missed you so much, she whispered. 

You won’t miss me anymore, he said with a smile. Because I’m going to make sure we’ll never be apart again. 

They got in the bath and he sighed in pleasure. Before her, he hated aftercare, but he had obviously missed this. Bathing and showering with her had become one of his favorite activities in the world. Not necessarily because they could have sex, but because he truly enjoyed their intimacy. He gently cleaned her and massaged her back as they soaked in the water. 

Thank you for taking care of me, she whispered dreamily as she nuzzled his neck. 

From now on, I swear, I will spend my life taking care of you, he said softly. You are the best thing that ever happened to me and I’m not letting you go ever again.

[briebysabs]

I have to talk about Misha I’ve been holding this for so long. I am not defending him, everything he’s done is fucked up. I just want people to understand him better and idk how coherent this will be but HSVDVXHSBSJJDF

Bc if you hate him, totally justified. But I don’t want Misha to ever be simplified to the jealous crazy younger brother. Yes he is technically that but one thing about mochijun characters is that most of the time, you can always dig further into their psyche. And I feel like not enough people do that with Misha. I haven’t made an in-depth Misha discussion until now mostly bc I’m a potato. He isn’t 2-dimensional and he fits perfectly in the themes of vnc. Misha cannot be saved, he is a hopeless character, he bears Luna’s Mark while using the Book he is doomed. You can say he was doomed the second he entered the story. His brotherly love for Vanitas is twisted. He is the embodiment of tragic. Everything that led him to this point was not his fault. The only thing he chose was to follow Luna and join their clan bc he would’ve died otherwise. Luna and Vanitas are the only good things he ever had.

We all know his backstory. So of course losing both would make him snap. And on top of all this he’s being manipulated by Teacher. Who fucking knows the lies or orders Teacher has been feeding him. All this when he’s like 12....13 at most.

And let’s approach the vanoé situation. We know the depth of vanoé’s relationship and even though Misha might’ve observed from afar, he doesn’t have that context. To be fair he probably wouldn’t care but point is, he sees Noé as some random guy. And again, let’s withdraw ourselves a bit and see things from the outside. How much time has passed since chapter 1? How long has Vanitas and Noé actually known each other? We know that a couple weeks passed since the end of the Gevaudan arc. We know that a week passed after Vanoé got kicked outta Ruthven’s study. If there are any other mini time skips I’m forgetting pls lemme know. But let’s be honest, they’ve known each other for two months. If we wanna push it, three. Of course how long you know a person doesn’t solely decide how close you get to them. You can know someone for two weeks but depending wtf goes on in that time frame, they can become your ride or die. But let’s use Misha’s logic for a minute.

You’ve known Vanitas longer, both of you went through hell under Dr. Moreau. You have the same Mark, you’re gonna suffer the same fate. And from how you see it, he chose a man he met by chance a few months ago, over you. Someone who will never truly get it. He is putting his life in the hands of a stranger over yours. You finally meet again after all this time, and the brother who you believed puts you above everything, points a gun at you. Yeah, Misha fucked up. But that will hurt anybody.

Misha challenges their relationship. He questions how much it even makes sense. It’s not only “how can you chose Noé over me?” But also “How can you kill Father but not him?” Is he more important than us?? And that’s a valid question. Messed up but understandable to ask. Noé has protected Vanitas and has been pretty helpful. But Vanitas doesn’t need him to survive. Noé isn’t essential for this suicide mission he’s on either. Misha cannot understand what Noé brings to Vanitas’ life.

Misha was so dependent on Vanitas that he couldn’t fathom his brother not feeling the same. Vanitas loves Misha, no matter how strained or corrupted that bond has become. But he is not emotionally capable to stay with him. And he is allowed to feel that way. And Misha is allowed to scream and wail and be broken about it. In conclusion, Misha is an amazing addition to the narrative, I love him a lot. But I also love Vincent from ph so that explains quite a bit doesn’t it?

[beesmygod]

i'm a little jealous at how quickly you're mowing through these elden ring bosses but i guess i should have expected that from a more experienced fromsoft player! how does the combat/world feel compared to prior games?

im realizing its mostly a matter of knowing the "language" of the games so i know what to look out for. i've died 12000000000 deaths to learn the true secret of fromsoft games: swing the camera around to look for enemies waiting to leap out at you behind walls. and always check to make sure the elevator is there

it feels great! i have some small complaints but a lot of quality of life stuff they added is a godsend. they finally combined all the good parts of previous games without clipping off any beloved features.

pros: i really like the ash systems, i think they're fun and easy to understand. i understand fromsoft's insane, overly complicated leveling menus more than i think most people would, but i think they've finally whittled it down into something a normal person could reasonably come to understand. DS1 is like trying to read ancient sumerian, comparatively. everything about the map near perfect (i wish there was a way to mark things as "done" but that's like. it.). its astoundingly readable. the increase in "bonfire" locations is very appreciated. they did me a huge favor by cutting down on the repeat minibosses (so far) which was one of the worst parts of sekiro. the enemy and boss diversity is kind of nuts. i cannot believe how massive the map is and how complex it is. when i discovered there was a whole underground part i was blown away. despite these improvements, i do not feel like from is holding my hand; i like figuring things out for myself! i like getting verbal instructions from a character who expects you to remember what they said instead of giving you a fucking quest marker.

cons: (skill issue) dude i think they fiddled with the parry timing across games again (i was fiddling with ds3 before this) bc i am REALLY struggling lol. ALSO FIGURE OUT A CONTROL SCHEME AND STICK WITH IT!!!!!!!!! STOP CHANGING THE ESTUS BUTTON. MIYAZAKI'S WORST PRANK YET. i've also stated how amazing the game runs considering the sheer size of it all but twice now it's locked up on me to the point of crashing/near crashing. this might be an impossible to avoid hurdle considering im playing it on ps4.

also, critically regarding how fast i'm moving: its really getting in the way of comic. the faster i finish it, the less distracted i'll be. i needed a lark.

[thyluvcupix]

Sakuatsu fic recs!

im very picky on what i label to be a 'good fic' most of the ones are amazing but only a few will get bookmarkerd by me and here they are! My ao3 acc that has many more book marks mostly nsfw i diddnt put here

1

A liar's truth 49k words

okay this one is just breathtaking? if you havent read this pls do i cried sm😭

summary:

In which Sakusa Kiyoomi is raised to believe that gay people go to hell but then takes one look at Miya Atsumu and thinks, then why the hell did God make them so fucking hot?

2

I'll see you in court, motherfucker 2k words

its short and funny def worth a read if you wanna giggle

Summary:

“You’re still a fraud. You’re—you’re a scammer, is what you are. I don’t know how you convinced the hospital administration that you’re my husband, or that we even have a relationship, but I have—” Fuck, what’s the word? “Lawyers,” Kiyoomi says triumphantly, “I have lawyers, and if you’re trying to con me for some ulterior motive, I’ll have you know—” “Oh my god, Omi,” Miya says, sounding equal parts exasperated and horribly fond. “How can you be so cute?”

A pleasant side effect of being down one vestigial organ is forgetting the existence of your hot Olympic athlete husband

3

The 28 post cards you left me 8k words

Honestly, if i ever break up with someone this is exactly what i want from them? Like omg?? pls send me post cards, Super cute

Summary:

Atsumu takes texting your ex to a new level by sending Sakusa postcards in Animal Crossing instead.

4

The art of the thrist trap 4k words

naughty naughty, but other than that this fic is so funny? like ask ur brother how to rizz someone up

Summary:

“Samu, I’ve got a big problem.”

“Here we fuckin’ go. What is it this time?”

Atsumu needs to think strategically about how he’s going to phrase this. One wrong word and Osamu will hang up on him and Atsumu will be forced to wade through the hell of his own mind by himself.

“I jerked off to one of my teammates.”

Osamu hangs up.

5

Problem 5k words

super cute sleepy omi is something else

Summary:

Atsumu has a problem— somehow, he finds every version of Sakusa Kiyoomi adorable.

In which Atsumu realizes that Sakusa Kiyoomi gets very quiet and very adorable when he's tired. Things simply go downhill from there.

6

Take me where the music aint to loud 2k words

Protetive sakusa>>

Summary:

Winning against the Adlers must have meant something of a great deal to Sakusa, as usually he wouldn’t even consider going out with the rest of his team after the game.

Yet, here he is, in a somewhat crowded club, wearing a black button up shirt rolled up around his wrists and sweating a little under the bright lights.

Atsumu thinks he looks beautiful.

He wanders over to where Sakusa is standing with Meian, hoping that tonight, with a little bit of influence from alcohol, he might be able to get more conversation out of him than he can usually get outside of practice.

But of course, Atsumu can’t have anything good, ever. Because, blocking the way is his ex-boyfriend.

--

or; atsumu runs into his ex in the club, and sakusa has to rescue him

7

ROAD RAGE 2k words

This is funny on so many levels poor atsumu he fears for his life

Summary:

For a man who preaches at any given opportunity about the importance of good self-care practices, Sakusa certainly displays an astounding lack of self-preservation when behind the wheel.

Sakusa Kiyoomi has a driver’s license. Sakusa Kiyoomi cannot drive.

The two are not mutually exclusive.

8

The ascent to love (or descent) 3k words

Im always a sucker for hurt/comfort and this fic gives me that, its also funny as well so its a win-win type thing

Summary:

Stuck in an elevator with his boyfriend after a fight, Sakusa Kiyoomi couldn't think of anything worse. Working through their issues?  Maybe he could think of one thing.

9

Take me home 10k words

i just cannont stress how good this is, like its soul healing on so may levels gosh

Summary:

Turns out, Miya Atsumu never did a good thing in his life – his love was one-sided. And so, he was running away, hoping to meet some friendly people, take a bunch of pretty pictures and get over Kita Shinsuke.

In which Miya Atsumu is an exchange student in Italy, and Sakusa Kiyoomi is the only one knowing Japanese, forced to take care of the new student.

10

Hope is the thing with feathers 10k words

Two dummies taking care of some birds is honestly to good

Summary:

Kiyoomi wakes to Miya banging on his door, yelling words that put the fear of god in him.

“Omi-kun, get out here, we’re gonna be fathers.”

11

In the stars 1k words

In all honesty it made me think of the other side of love i never thought about

Summary:

Miya Atsumu is a romantic. He always had been. He believes in soulmates and destiny and true love in the stars. Sakusa Kiyoomi believes none of that.

My ao3↵

[atsadi-shenanigans]

Feeding Alligators 65 - Into Thin Air

Y'all walk, walk, walk, walk, walk, run into a gith patrol.

On AO3.

Y’all walk. And walk. And mcfucking walk. You notice Wyll taking a shine to the dog—who says his name is Scratch and you cannot believe you get to talk to a dog, this is the greatest thing to ever happen to you. Y’all’re taking a break, and Wyll still has the energy to throw a ball either he or the dog found. You plonk down next to him.

“I’ve always wanted a dog,” Wyll says, taking the ball once Scratch returns and giving the little guy some really good ear scritches. “My lifestyle never really seemed safe enough for that, though.”

You look at him. Intently.

“Wyll, I think you have a new dog,” you say.

And the man gives you the sweetest smile you ever seen. Even Scratch wags his tail.

All of this draws the owlbear over, and dogs are great, but this little dude seems to want to spend every waking moment when he’s not with the dog, trotting next to you or curled by your side.

You let him scent you before reaching in to give him his own scritches, because that’s good manners. It’s amazing how soft his feathers are. And Halsin nearby smiles as the little dude chirps and trills at you.

“He says, ‘You smell delicious, but I will not bite you. Big brother Scratch says I must not bite,’” Halsin translates.

Scratch wags his tail. Proudly. And you know then and there that if anyone ever hurts this little, feathered murder baby, you will rip their face off.

“Does he have a name?” you ask Halsin.

He does not. So through the druid you ask if he would like one, and his fuzzy ear feathers lift straight up in what you think is excitement.

You consider the tiny ball of potential carnage, and the name pops into your head. It’s stupid. It’s perfect. You don’t even hesitate. “How about Sweetums?”

Someone chokes nearby. Halsin’s grin turns amused and the owlbear tries to crawl up into your lap to nibble at your chin. So he likes it. And now you’ve got a baby owlbear named Sweetums.

And then the trudgery really begins. Three godforsaken days of it. The road turns steep. Turns real rocky. Your thigh muscles shake so hard you start using your whacking stick as an old lady cane. You consider swiping Gale’s so you can go full German hiker with two sticks.

Lae’zel takes point on day one and stays there. She keeps pulling too far ahead, realizes the distance between her and y’all (mostly you) is too far, and stops to wait while muttering swears. Though “mutter” is generous, as y’all can absolutely hear her.

Everybody gets kinda quiet by the second day as the mountain keeps fucking existing. Halsin studies the landscape, pauses to watch birds. You’d write it off as typical hippie shit, except there’s a sharpness to his gaze. The man ain’t just some tree-hugging nature guy. He’s—as he tells you when you ask—fucking four hundred years old and really likes turning into a goddamned bear.

Cool. Okay. You try not to be too intimidated to talk to the guy, which you suspect he picks up on and he starts to engage with you instead. Mostly about stuff you remember from nature documentaries. He seems fascinated when you get to whales and the deep ocean stuff.

So is Gale, who makes y’all take a break so he can bust out his notes. To be fair, the only person complaining is Lae’zel; even Wyll finds a rock to sit against while he fans himself and pets the dog who sprawls over his lap.

Halsin says y’all are making good time; should only be a couple of days more if y’all keep this pace—you assume a bird told him, since y’all been hemmed in on both sides by steep, rock walls dotted with trees clinging at odd angles and can’t see further than the next bend.

The weather holds. There’s less bugs. And clumps of mountain wildflowers burst into color here and there.

Karlach cooes over the first one y’all find. Kneels down and traces the air around the petals just shy of singing them.

“A hearty breed, those,” Halsin says. “Mountain Quartzpetal. The color of the flower will change depending on the type of soil from which it grows.”

“It’s purple,” Karlach says, all soft and awestruck.

Nearby, you catch Astarion roll his eyes. You two ain’t talked a whole lot since he found you shit-faced in the woods. But that nasty tension seems to have eased. Enough for you to say, “You don’t like flowers?”

“They’re rather garish,” he says. “And useless for anything else.”

“They’re aces at being pretty,” Karlach says, not taking her eyes off them as they sway in the breeze.

Astarion only harrumphs and looks away. He’s starting to turn pale again. Looks more like when y’all first met, and you actually notice the faint, dark smears beginning to stain under his eyes. How washed out and chapped his lips are.

Has he been eating?

He still takes first watch when y’all set up camp. You assume he goes off to hunt, but now you wonder how successful them hunts have been.

The words are right there, in the back of your throat.

Then you realize you been studying him too long when he looks back, catches you, and a frown ticks on his brow.

Maybe Halsin can find him something?

You’ll ask tonight. See if there’s prey around.

Naturally, having made up your mind and resumed the never-ending slog, y’all round a bend and come across a bunch of gith. And their—

That. Is a motherfucking dragon.

***

Gith are cunts. You, for an American, ain’t shy about using that word. They got it coming. Only a raggedy ass band of cunts roasts some patrol that was out here. And only a whole bag of cunts listens to Lae’zel trying to turn herself in or whatever, and decides to murder y’all.

The dragon and the guy riding it fuck off (thank god). Lae’zel shouts something, and then the others fall on you.

You stay the fuck outta it.

Baby spiders, you can handle. Short bandits, you can mostly handle if you freak out. Anything bigger than that? Not happening.

Lae’zel is actually the first one to holler for you to get the fuck away. So that’s how fucked y’all are.

The fight is nasty. Lae’zel puts her sword through the head of one of them, splitting off a piece of helmet and a sizeable chunk of skull under that. Karlach chops one with her ax—the lizard manages to get her sword between the ax and her guts, but Karlach hits hard enough the gith gets thrown ass over end. Where Wyll comes in and fries her with an Eldritch blast.

Your ass takes cover behind some rocks. It works pretty well for you, this time. Right up until somebody—Gale—shouts a spell and thunder cracks, and the blast roils through your rib cage even sheltered behind stone.

And the body of a gith slams and skids into the dirt nearby.

You think it’s dead. It don’t move. One eye is cracked open, jaw hanging slack, armor dented to shit.

Then it twitches. You got a second to register that, say “fuck” and then the guy pops back to his damn feet.

He spots you. Snatches a knife from his belt. You scrabble for your stick and hope poison works on these fuckers.

You jab. He only spins past the end of the stick in a tight little fucking twirl, and then he’s too close, knife raised—

An arrow sprouts out the back of his hand. The knife falls. The gith hisses and starts to turn.

The second arrow bursts from the back of his unprotected skull. The gith makes a low, loose sound in the back of his throat. Starts to fall.

You’re on that motherfucker. Swing down again and again, over and over. The first hit catches the chest and the impact from the metal shivers hard up your forearms. So the shining line shifts you down to the knees.

Which you destroy.

The elbows.

You crunch.

The neck.

Three hits.

At some point in there, you end up smashing the face. Over and over, can’t stop won’t stop, he’s a threat. He’ll hurt you. You have to make sure he stays down. Can’t give him a single opening, a single fucking chance to retaliate—

A hand catches your arm. You start to whirl and then your brain registers the white hair.

Astarion stands there. Blood spatters his face, and in the golden light of the afternoon, it’s the same shade as his eyes. He watches you for just a second, and then lets go of your whacking stick.

“I do believe he’s dead, darling,” he says.

You look to the dead gith. He’s a mess. You start to shrink away. This is bad, this ain’t normal, people don’t do this.

But Astarion just clucks his tongue. “Rather systematic, aren’t you? Though he was dead the second I put that arrow into his brainstem. Still, marks for committing to it, I suppose.”

Wha…he…?

He notices you gawping. “Oh, don’t look so surprised, dear. This is hardly the first time I’ve seen you beat a corpse.”

Heat washes up your chest and neck and flares hot over your cheeks.

“Look, even Lae’zel seems less disgruntled than usual.”

Lae’zel glares from you, down to her dead…kin? Oh lord, are they all kin? Then she hocks a wad of spit to the ground.

“Shka’keth!” Lae’zel says. “This is pointless. Kithrak Voss is a traitor, and I will reach this creche and reveal his vile treachery!”

Astarion makes a little humming noise. Unstrings his bow and starts to put his gear away.

“Thank you,” you say.

“Whatever for?” he says, not looking at you—too busy wiping his knives down so he can resheath them.

The fuck does he always gotta make this weird? Can’t just take the thanks or even deflect it like a normal person. It’s like he wants to rub it in your face using reverse psychology. Like he’s forcing some kinda confession outta you.

Part of you want to shrug and walk away. If he wants to play weird mind games, let him. But you’re all adrenalined up, and you been so buttoned down lately, making yourself both small and trying to live up to expectations every waking goddamn moment that you can’t help yourself and you jab back.

Not quite directly. You don’t fight like that. You go for an unguarded flank.

“You been eating?” you say. Classic auntie move.

Because he’s paler than usual and his movements are a touch sluggish.

But his mask is on tight when he gives you a simpering look. “Oh, I’ve had a bite here and there. Why?”

“Just asking.”

You’d…bleed into a cup for him, if he asked. You offered it when y’all had that godawful conversation (is this being too friendly? Is he gonna read something into this?). And you realize you do still mean it.

You know hunger. It’s a vile thing to use against somebody.

Speculation glints in Astarion’s eyes. “I thought we were keeping our distance? That’s awfully intimate, you know.”

“I’d get Shadowheart to open my arm so I could give you a glass of it. If…” You ain’t gonna say “if you wanted.” That’s too close. Too intimate. “If it’d help.”

The glint disappears. And you can’t read him at all. Man shuts up tighter than a bank vault. “To what would I owe such a generous contribution?”

…what?

“Um.”

Owe? You open your mouth to ask what he means.

“Oi, Soldier!” Karlach says from up the trail. “Might wanna double-time it back there!”

Ah shit!

Astarion mutters something you can’t catch, and then you’re grabbing up your shit and hustling after him to catch back up to the group.

Previous - Index - Next Chapter

[pulim-v]

Really weird ask, but you're my only moot thats upish to date on mha, and I wanna yap so hiiiiiii

So bakugo, right? Middle school bully, had a redemption arc, yatta yatta. I personally think that there are a certain group of people hate him for his bullying a little TOO much, y'know? Quality of the redemption arc aside, when he had that big moment and apologized, people were fucking mad that izuku forgave him lmao. First off, ofc izuku forgave him, its fucking izuku, what did you expect. And at that point in the series you cannot deny his character development, whether you think that development is enough is a separate issue, he still developed. But what I'm getting at is some peoples reactions were a bit... to much for what it is. "He's a still a piece of shit" "he doesn't deserve forgiveness for what he did" "all he did was say sorry😒" and like, it feels like yall are projecting a little bit. We get it, you were bullied in school, no one is asking you to forgive your bullies. But the way they talk about this fictional child who would’ve been a middle schooler at the time of the crime is concerning. I am not a bakugo defender, I'm genuinely worried about these people lowkey. You get what I'm saying?

Honestly I'm lowkey really conflicted when it comes to Bakugo's character arc because like. It's got some BALLER moments. Deku and Bakugo vs All Might? Awesome. Deku vs Bakugo 2? Incredible. The loss on the PLE and subsequent moment w the kiddos? Amazing. And yes this DOES include the apology. Maybe we should call Izuku out for being such a fucking doormat that he let Bakugo walk all over him IN UA, maybe we should call the rest of the class and the teachers out for never doing anything (apart from the final exam and giving detention to them after their fight) about it and just going "tee hee Bakugo's such a silly little guy :3", but ultimately those are greater story and character flaws* that don't impact how fucking good the apology is.

*: wrt Izuku I think it's a flaw that doesn't detract MUCH from the story but it does feel kinda weird that even after the two have mostly reconciled and Deku is getting bolder and bolder he still seems afraid to talk to Bakugo

But yeah as much as I think bak*deku is only enjoyed by people who either were into their bullies or have a humiliation kink I also believe that bakugo haters might be projecting 100% of the time when it comes to judging Bakugo LMAO

[jewishdragon]

reccommend any good book series?>

uh, sure

lets start with the three book series i have had on loop (audiobooks through libby) for the last 4 years:

Temeraire. 9 books. alternate history age of sale, an homage to Aubrey Maturin (the author literally stopped posting fanfic for that series 1 year before she published the first temeraire novel). What is the alternate? Well. dragons exist. and they are people. The premise is a human naval captain finds himself captain in the air force because a dragon imprints on him. Explore how the first napoleonic war goes when dragons are involved both in battle and in politics. I love this series because it scratches a very specific itch for humans and giant monsters bonding and interacting at every level of society. A lot of real historical figures show up (napoleon...). but it never feels forced. Im so bad at selling this series. its really great.

Memoirs of Lady Trent. 5 novels. more dragons ! this time a world similar to ours, but dragons exist! however this time they are animals, not people, and the main character is a fantasy victorian jewish woman who is obsessed with studying dragons and breaks her worlds gender barriers (which are the same as victorian englands were) to achieve her goals. also there's a slow burn romance with a nerdy fantasy muslim man (think indiana jones!!!) and they go on ADVENTURES about ARCHEOLOGY AND NATURALISM (books 3 through 5. i dont want you to think i lied when this man dont show up in books 1 and 2. BUT THERE'S STILL BOTH NATURALISM AND ARCHEOLOGY ADVENTURES IN BOOKS 1 AND 2). I did not see the twist of the series coming either. wild stuff. love it. there's a epilogue 6th book where the characters spend 80% of the time translating ancient tablets and somehow this is incredibly engaging, props to the author. this is a first person POV, the author is writing it as a MEMOIR so you have to imagine this old lady writing this down in her study.

The Murderbot Diaries (5 books, 4 are novellas). Sci-fi, out in space! Mostly taking place in literally capitalist hell region of space called "the corporation rim" which is... ruled by corporations. A lab grown robocop cyborg hacks its programming to become autonomous and wants nothing more than to watch soap operas and be left alone, but of course makes friends along the way as it continues to do its job of protecting humans. the snarky humor is FANTASTIC. its also first person POV and feels like Murderbot cornered you in a seedy space bar on an asteroid and just started ranting about shit "you will not believe the fucking year ive had" and then just rants for hours. Speaking of, 4 hours is the audiobook length for each novella, short enough that you can give the series a try without worrying about length

agatha christie. i mean. the queen of murder mysteries is called that for a reason. her stories are indeed bangers

Howl's Moving Castle. its a 3 book series though the books arent super connected. really fun fantasy adventure comedies.

Ok end of the not kids section. here's the kid section

now bear with me on this. Artemis Fowl. 8 books. I didnt read these until i was an adult, in graduate school. They fucking SLAP. some stuff is a little dated but other than that, its action packed, its so much fun. Go on an adventure where a shitty know-it-all genius criminal master mind becomes a better person and also there's fairy magic and fairy tech (which might as well be a second kind of magic). the main villain? amazing, unhinged, megalomaniac to the max. i love her. the minor villains? also amazing. i cannot overstate how great the villains are in this.

Dealing with Dragons/Enchanted Forest Chronicles. uhhhh this is my special interest. fantasy comedy adventure.

thats all for now i think.

[hazstur]

do u have any sam rockwell films you'd recommend….

i've downloaded: moon (seen before) box of moonlight confessions of a dangerous mind everybody's fine galaxy quest (seen before) matchstick men (seen before) seven psychopaths (seen before) snow angels three billboards (seen before) mr right (looks so fucking silly i cant wait for this one)

trying very hard to download better living through chemistry and piccadilly jim but torrent sites r failing me

also i saw he's gonna be in another yet untitled martin mcdonagh film with oscar isaac and christopher walken… slay

i really liked mr right it was VERY silly but he and anna have such good chemistry in it

one i'd really recommend is Laggies! he plays a very tired very hot single dad and he and kiera knightly are extremely sexy together because they are sam rockwell and kiera knightly

The Way Way Back was cute, it's a coming of age film where babygirl plays a lifeguard at a water park who takes this kid under his wing for the summer and teaches him to give less of a fuck, he and maya rudolph flirt a lot and steve carell and toni collette are in it, also here are some choice reviews from letterboxd

let's see ummmmm oh Jojo Rabbit was great! i know a lot of people hate it but they're wrong (if you don't like it you're so correct and valid in your opinion), sam's really really excellent in it and he's blind in one eye and i have a big thing for that (he does play a nazi (who's gay for alfie allen and i assume just gay in general but mostly for alfie allen) which i do not have a thing for)

he stars in Choke as a sex addict which is a novel by chuck palahniuk and in the film adaptation sam plays a sex addict, it is not a good movie but sam rockwell does play a sex addict in this, the sex addict movie in which sam rockwell stars

admittedly there are a lot i haven't seen, here are a few that are on my list but aren't on yours:

- Fosse/Verdon (actually a mini series) where he plays the titular bob fosse and gets to show off his very real dancing skills, i've heard michelle williams is also amazing in it

- The Green Mile, based off the stephen king novel, where he plays a murdering psychopath

- The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (I just know he's in it idk what he does)

- The Winning Season, it looks cute, he plays the coach of a girls basketball team

- Richard Jewell, which had one of my favorite trailers I've ever seen, I believe he plays Richard Jewell's lawyer

i genuinely cannot recommend Blue Iguana EXCEPT for sam rockwell being in it, it is a terrible film, however according to letterboxd he and ben schwartz are making another film together so fingers crossed for that

there's so many more things he's been in but he should be in more things in fact i have a contract right here that says 'sam rockwell will be in everything i watch' but i can't get him to sign it no matter how many times i ambush him or break into his home

[blazethecheeto]

Oh boy, now some things I disliked. Some strongly. Sab s2 was a speed run, yes, and sometimes the plot suffered for it. Mostly, I'm mad about the things that were taken away. Nina was done so dirty. She had the Nina personality and was iconic as usual, but I wish they had used more of her instead of her just...being there and talking about Matthias. She has an amazing personality and a lot of plot armor. Yet, they don't utilize that!

We were robbed of ninej as well. I was so excited for Ninej, and we got like two conversations. I want them to have a strong budding friendship, what happened to her flinching when Nina hugs her? Which could have helped with the lack of Inej trauma addressed this season as well. They were so fucking cute together I needed more. Don't get me started on poor Matthias getting like 10 minutes of screen time. I feel bad for him, but that was a mild complaint because what else is he supposed to do this season y'know?

I was mad at the speed run for Nikolina. They literally put all their iconic lines and scenes that were built up and formed of their relationship developing, and shoved them a into one conversation. They made Alina like him right from the start, and I just feel like in general they needed to flesh out Nikolai like a LOT. He was perfect, emanated Nikolai energy, he just needed more chances to prove that!

The erasure of Jesper's crush on Kaz and the Wesper speed run. Oh boy. Okay buckle up. I thought they didn't build up Wesper well enough, and they made them together for the fan service. I wish they had just made them friends or allies this season. Maybe Wylan was crushing on him a little, but I wanted that banter that they had in Soc. Jesper teasing him was great! This season I wished they had spent a lot more time on Jesper's crush on Kaz. Kit Young and Freddy Carter like to pretend it doesn't exist but it does. And I, (a biased Kazper shipper), really would have loved to see it in its early stages. For Inej and Jesper to bond over it and the utter angst in their scenes because Jes knows he won't like him like he likes her. They seriously cut all of that out, and made Jes say they were brothers which is not true. Kaz sees him as a brother, and it just takes out the whole impact of the Jordie line in CK.

Tolya and Inej better not-*sigh* not getting into that.. David I refuse to believe he is dead. He is a part of the Triumvirate, and he was supposed to get married to Genya before DYING. She cannot catch a freaking break.

I also didn't like how the Spinning Wheel was lame. Like, it was supposed to be in the sky. Buried in the mountains. Instead it's like a small mansion in the ground. The sea whip fetter was kind of lame too. Genya's scars could have been better, and so should the Darkling's Sharpie-drawn scars. One thing I just wish could happen is to show Jesper and Nina being bisexual. Like, at this point, people would think Jes is gay and Nina is straight. Is it too much to ask for them both to show their interest in women?

We didn't get lines like "I am not ruined, I am ruination. " and the iconic "i am become a blade. " I have hopes for s3 though. Flaws and all, I love SAB and I have faith in them to give us a good s3 and Six of Crows.

[baronessblixen]

23. Mistletoe kiss! (I think you know who)

Thank you for the prompt! This turned into a sequel to Christmas With The Scullys, but I think it can also be read on its own. It's very fluff.

Wc: 2,231 | Tagging @today-in-fic

Mistletoe Musings

Gooey darkness greets him as he slowly comes to, trying to blink away the sleep from his eyes. He wakes up languidly, stretching his legs, amazed at how soft this bed is. How quiet everything is here. How wonderful it smells.

Wait.

Mulder opens his eyes fully, looking around. His head is throbbing in tandem with his heartbeat. Where the fuck is he and why is he not alone in his bed? First things first. This, he realizes seeing a picture of a very young Scully and her siblings – Bill may have grown, but he hasn’t changed – on the nightstand, is not his bed, or his home. The memories return to him in scraps. Hospital. Concussion. Scully’s car. Scully’s mother’s house.

The bed he’s sleeping in is Scully’s. The person he’s sharing the bed with is… Scully. His eyes are still getting used to the dark, but now that he knows, he can see her. The lump under the comforter is without a doubt his partner. This isn’t the first time they’re sharing a bed, but it’s the first time they’re sharing her bed.

He doesn’t remember why they put him up here in Scully’s room. Does her mother think they’re dating? Scully, still asleep, chooses that moment to scoot closer to him, sighing deeply. Her scent is intoxicating. So is her proximity. If his mind keeps going down this path, his head will soon no longer be the only thing throbbing.

What he has to do is get a grip. This is Scully. She brought him here because he got himself hurt – again – and he couldn’t be left alone. Like a child. He’s crashing her Christmas because he acted before thinking.

He should thank Scully and all his lucky stars that he’s here and alive, not dead in some ditch, or all alone in a hospital. His eyes find Scully and his mind stops racing. A smile breaks on his face, just watching her sleep. He shifts the tiniest bit closer to her, hoping she won’t wake. When she doesn’t stir, he wills himself to relax. His eyes watching her, he’s being pulled back to sleep, too.

“Why can’t we wake them?” Someone not too quietly whispers. “I want to see what Santa brought!”

“Shhh. Let them sleep a moment longer.” Another voice chimes in, more familiar and more mature. It must be Mrs. Scully.

“Huh?” Scully, who at some point during the night decided to use his chest as a pillow, wakes up and as soon as she realizes how close they are, she gasps. But she doesn’t move away. She glances at him, her mind playing catch up, and then she smiles.

“Good morning,” she says.

“Grandma, they’re awake!” Two Scully children exclaim and both Mulder and Scully turn towards the door where Mrs. Scully stands with the biggest grin on her face.

“You better hurry,” she says, chuckling. “These kids are in a hurry.”

“Aunt Dana and the fox are awake!” One of the children screams, running down the stairs.

“What time is it?” Mulder asks once they’re alone again.

“Early,” Scully replies with a yawn. “Too early. How’s your head?”

“Scully, why is your very Catholic mother not at all fazed that I’m in your bed?”

“I take it your head is better.” Her words don’t stop her from touching the bump on his head and he winces. “There’s not enough space with half my family here. Is your head not better? Do we need to go back to the hospital?” Her hand is still on his head, but now she’s cradling it.

“No. No, we don’t. You’re important to me,” he says, remembering saying the same thing to her last night. He wants to say it again. Needs to say it again. There are no painkillers in his blood. Even the adrenaline is gone. If she didn’t believe him last night, she cannot deny it this morning.

“You told me last night. Do you- do you remember what happened yesterday?”

“I know I said it last night,” he assures her. “I do remember what happened. Well, mostly. I know where we are, and I know who I am, and I know who you are. What else do I need? I just wanted to say it again so that you know I meant it.”

“Thank you, Mulder,” she says, blushing faintly. “I meant it, too.”

“Glad we’re on the same page.” He grins at her, his head moving towards hers. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knows that they were supposed to get up and go downstairs where a plethora of Scullys wait for them. But what he really wants is to drink in Scully’s sleep-tousled hair, her make-up-free morning face full of freckles, and her inviting lips.

“Mulder,” she says, his name sounding like a murmur. Her eyes flicker to his lips, letting him know that she wants this, too. But before their mouths meet, his brain fires another word at him.

“Mistletoe,” he says, right before their lips meet. “We talked about mistletoe last night, didn’t we?” Scully chuckles, her eyes closing briefly.

“We did.”

“I still don’t know if there is any downstairs.”

“I think it’s time you find out.”

*

They draw all eyes to them when they enter Mrs. Scully’s living room. For a moment Mulder isn’t sure whether he’s seeing double. He’s never seen so many people for Christmas. They’re everywhere.

“Finally,” a kid says with a groan, crawling towards the tree and the presents there. Scully takes his hand, leading him toward the couch where her mother is sitting. Mulder feels several pairs of eyes bore into him. Most prominently Bill Jr.’s. He swallows hard, smiling at everyone else.

“Oh dear,” Mrs. Scully says. “There really is not enough space here.” She motions to the couch and Mulder realizes she’s right. There’s just enough space for one more person. They can’t very well ask the old lady with her cup of tea to sit on the floor.

“I can, um, stand over there,” Mulder says, pointing. “It’s fine.”

“Don’t be silly,” Mrs. Scully says. “Dana can sit on your lap. Come on now,” she urges. “You’re going to miss all the fun.”

Mulder and Scully exchange a quick look. If they don’t sit down soon, they will make it worse. Though Mulder isn’t sure things can be worse now.

“Sit down,” Scully says, her voice soft. She touches his arm, letting him know it’s okay. This is at once a dream and a nightmare come true. But he sits down, the couch sinking under his weight. Mrs. Scully nods at him, smiling before she redirects her focus back to the children. The only person still watching them is Bill Jr.

Mulder’s head is throbbing but he ignores it, waiting for Scully to sit on his lap. His Scully on his lap. She’s light as a feather, feeling just right sitting here. His arms go around her waist of their own volition. She leans against him, throwing him a quick smile. As he watches everyone tear through their presents, wrapping paper flying everywhere, he wonders if this is happening or a side effect of his concussion. Last night, he shared a bed with Scully. This morning, she’s sitting in his lap.

“This one’s for you, Dana.” Someone hands Scully a present and he rests his head on her shoulder to watch her unwrap it.

“What a beautiful scarf,” she says. “Thank you, Aunt Sylvia.”

“It’s from Santa,” one of the children reminds her.

“You’re right,” Scully says, laughing. “Thank you, Santa.” She turns around to look at Mulder, still smiling. He’s never seen her like this, like Dana. Being around her family grounds her, mellows her. She’s the most beautiful he’s ever seen her.

“Happiness looks good on you,” he whispers.

“It looks good on you, too,” she says, wrapping the scarf around him. It already smells like her and he doesn’t ever want to take it off. She’s right: he’s happy. It’s been more years than he can count since he’s felt this peaceful on Christmas.

“I know you had no choice,” Mulder says, his voice breaking. “But thank you for bringing me here.”

“I wanted you here, Mulder. I could have left you in the hospital.”

“I need to find that mistletoe,” he says. As much as he wants to kiss her – and do it right now – it might just be the last straw for Bill Jr.

“Look around,” Scully whispers, making him shiver all over. He does. His eyes scan the whole room and then, finally, he sees it. Mistletoe right by the window. He knew he could count on Mrs. Scully. Now all he has to do is be patient. He’s grinning like a Cheshire cat, much to the delight of the other grown up guests. He hopes they don’t know what he’s thinking about. But even if they do, he can’t care. Not tonight. Today he will receive the greatest Christmas gift he can imagine. He will get to kiss Scully.

*

In the end, it’s probably no more than an hour. To Mulder, it feels endless. The last present is unwrapped, the children are happy and playing with their toys, and the adults are refilling their coffees to stay awake and alert. Mulder doesn’t need caffeine. He’s thirsty for something else. But Tara has grabbed Scully by the arm and now the two women are in the kitchen while Mulder hangs around the mistletoe by himself.

“So you are Dana’s partner.” A woman approaches him, holding a plate with cookies. She offers one to Mulder and he politely takes one. “I’m her aunt. I’ve been very curious about you.”

“Hmm?” Is all he can say with his mouth full of cookie.

“Maggie told me all about you and Dana. She was hoping you’d be here. I love Dana, but these last few years,” she trails off, sighing. “It was obvious that there was always something missing. Someone missing. It was you. It’s good to see my favorite niece smile again. Don’t tell Bill Jr. I called Dana my favorite.” She winks at him and Mulder smiles, trying to process what he just heard.

He doesn’t get much time, because Scully returns to the living room, walking towards him. He forgets everything else. There is no one else in this room but them. His head doesn’t hurt. The only reason his knees are weak is that Scully is smiling at him. She has a cup of coffee in her hand that she puts on the mantelpiece.

“Hi,” he says, his voice breathless.

“Hi.”

“I found mistletoe.”

“I see.”

“You know the tradition,” he says.

“I do. You should be glad Aunt Sylvia didn’t look up just now,” Scully says. “I think she might have a thing for you.”

“Hmm, too bad. I’m already interested in someone else.”

“Who?” Scully asks, but he steals the word from her lips. They meet in the middle with her on tiptoes and him slightly stooped. It starts out soft and gentle, a perfect first kiss. But when Scully’s fingers lock in his hair, all bets are off. He forgets that he shouldn’t be upright for longer periods of time. His knees buckle, but kissing Scully takes precedence over everything else.

“There are children present, for God’s sake.” It’s Bill’s booming voice that brings them back to the present, to Mrs. Scully’s house, and the various family members glaring at them.

“I’m, um, we- well.” Mulder tries to find words, but can’t. He wipes his mouth and Bill’s eyes narrow.

“The kids are not even paying attention,” Scully says. Everyone over the age of 12 is, however. Mulder has never seen so many women smile at him. He stands closer to Scully, knowing she’ll protect him.

“I said I’d try to be nice to him,” Bill says, looking him up and down. “But Dana, this is going too far.”

“It was one kiss, Bill.”

“Hey, don’t fight, please,” Mulder says, his headache returning with a vengeance. “I think I need to sit down anyway. I’m a bit dizzy.”

“I wasn’t thinking.” She throws Bill a dirty look and for a brief moment, the siblings battle a silent fight that Scully seems to be winning. She leads Mulder over to the couch where every Scully woman starts fawning over him. His very own Scully has her hand on his head, straightening the hair she mussed up. He grins, thinking about what happened mere moments ago. He wants it to happen again soon.

“He’s wearing lipstick,” Aunt Sylvia says, taking a sip from her coffee. “Looks good on him.” Somewhere Bill Jr. groans while everyone else laughs. Scully wipes the lipstick away with her thumb, pressing a kiss to his cheek. She’s not at all shy with him here, surrounded by her family. Even if she only does it to rile up her big brother, he doesn’t care. After all, he gets kisses. From Scully. He will never complain about that. Though he can’t wait to do this when they’re alone and Bill Jr. isn’t breathing down their necks. Quite literally.

“It really does look good on you,” she whispers, bringing him back to the present.

“Maybe I can wear it again later?” He asks, full of hope.

“Oh, you will be wearing it again later tonight, don’t worry,” she promises him.

[angelosearch]

Every time I finish a writing session, I think to myself, "I can't wait to write again."

I cannot explain how good it feels to think that. I am near tears right now. I've fallen in love with writing again and I am so incredibly grateful.

As a kid, I loved writing. It was amazing to me, how words could evoke emotions. I looked forward to making people laugh or cry with my poetry and fiction, mostly in the form of over-achieving creative writing assignments and cards for family members. When I was 11-13, I lost so much family through death and estrangement, and I lost all of my friends because I moved. I was a weird kid, so I had trouble making friends in my new middle school. I felt alone in the world. Writing and fandom made a space where I could connect with others. A place where I could feel like an insider instead of an outsider.

Writing was my main hobby as a tween and that continued through high school. At that point, writing was a domain that held all my academic confidence. I went to a vocational high school for math and science (my two worst subjects) and literally had the second-lowest grades in my class of 41 students. My STEM-focused classmates made me feel like an idiot (sometimes on purpose, sometimes not) but I destroyed them in English or whenever a non-lab report paper was due.

So when it was time to select a college/major, writing felt like the only thing I was capable of. Undergrad Writing BAs (as opposed to English BAs with writing concentrations) are not common (at least as of 14 years ago, in the US) so the program I got into had basically every teenager who wanted to pursue writing on the East Coast in it.

I went in believing I would write "the next great American novel."

I came out thinking I was only good for writing technical stuff and marketing copy, if that.

Don't get me wrong, I learned a lot from the program, my professors, and my peers, but my peers were so skilled, and some of my professors were so ruthless, and some of the classes were so challenging that my confidence was obliterated. Writing was no longer something fun and expressive that could bring joy to others--no, it was my meal ticket and nothing else.

For years after my graduation, I tried here and there to get back into creative writing, but I was so burnt out on my jobs that creativity felt like a burden. Then, I spiraled downward with my mental health... I forgot I could love anything, nonetheless writing.

Journaling was the first thing to get me back into writing. And then personal essays. But the true joy came when I started writing fanfiction again, and it's been fucking magical.

I am obsessed with taking the ideas in my head and showing them to others. I love having to do deep research to understand something enough to write about it. I'm evoking emotion again! I'm connecting with people! And even my confidence is back thanks to the support of the amazing individuals who read and comment on my writing. ❤️

And maybe (specifically FFVIII) fanfiction is my main focus now, and maybe it always will be. But for the first time since I was a teenager, the idea of publishing something fictional or otherwise--publishing something that I WANT to write--feels obtainable.

It's cheesy, but hell, I feel like I'm doing what I was meant to do. When I write, I feel like I fit in my body, like I can tune out my anxious thoughts, like I am home. What a gift. I hope everyone can find a hobby that makes them feel this way.

And I know writing will frustrate me at times. And someday it may not feel magical to do it. But for now, I am just so excited to release my words into the wild and see what they get up to out there.

Thank you all for being on this journey with me! Now, I'm going to go write. :)