#most people dont want to and shouldn't have to do that
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THE HAZBIN LEAKS SHOW THAT S2 WILL ONLY GET WORSE: Characters
OK so my first gripe,
Emily's song is ear bleedingly annoying. Idk who her VA is but omg, idk if she's tone deaf or if they just have her mouth directly into the mic but my gods woman. STEP BACK you are assaulting my brain with these nonstop high sopranos.
Also the literal shot of Sir P trying to kill himself cuz of how either how annoying Emily is being or the fact he misses his friend, regardless it was a WILD fucking scene to show. Suicide isn't off the table for Viv's jokes, i guess.
Speaking of Sir P, his reason for being in Hell is so fucking stupid.
How tf is being scared of Jack The Ripper a sin?! His sin is just being scared of being murdered if he spoke out.
THAT'S JUST NORMAL HUMAN BEHAVIOR, WHAT?!
I hate to break it to you Viv, but not everyone is going to act like a macho hero when they see a damned murder!! Most people fucking run and hide! Why? CUZ THEY DONT WANNA DIE! They don't want to be targeted if shit goes south.
Also what is the thought process here in making his sin being just "cowardice"?? Viv are you trying to say that people who have most def been in Sir P's shoes, [witnessing a murder] are cowards that deserve to go to hell?? What's the motive here? Am i missing something?? Is being too afraid to be murdered, a sin??
Also apparently he was sent to Heaven for "saving Cherri Bomb"
save her from what?
Last i checked, in the final ep; he just kisses her as she's about to through a bomb and then says "i love you, remember me" only to have one of the most anti climatic "deaths" in the show. She wasnt even being attacked or threatened in anyway. So where tf does the plot point of "i saved her" come in??
Also can we talk about these fuck-ass human designs for Sir P and Alastor??
I don't mind Sir P's as much as i hate Alastor's. Its the fact Viv doesnt know wtf she's doing when she makes these designs.
Sir P just looks like a generic guy. One look at him and you cannot tell what time period he's from, same goes for Alastor. They could easily be frickin neighbors in the early or late 90s but no, they're supposedly from different timelines.
Alastor iirc is from the 1940-50s, and Sir P is from the 1800s, [Jack the rippers final kill was 1863-1888]
Why, Viv, cant you do any research for the time periods YOUR characters come from??
Why do they both look like cartoon barbers; not a radio show host and not a genius inventor?? Like did you even look at the differences in fashion and culture for any of these characters?!
Men fashion from the late 1800s looked like this:
This is [white] Men's fashion in the 1940-1950s:
See Viv, their fashion styles are different and shouldn't look the same at all. Why does every character have pinstripes, if it doesnt even reflect that time period in an authentic way??
And to add a cherry on top, this is what African American men would wear in Alastor's time period:
Do you see the difference in styles Viv?
Black men were not given the same nice everyday casual wear that white men did. They often wore hand-me-downs or had to work their asses off to just afford 1 nice looking suit.
you wanna know why?? Cuz Viv, the Jim Crow laws were still in full affect til the late 60s and early 70s. They were not seen as people, black men and women were still heavily discriminated against and were even still being victims of-
[MAJOR TW FOR RACISIT STUFF]
lynching's. Alastor would feel lucky, he only got mistaken for a deer and shot; he could have, and probably did, go through much much worse in his actually living life.
Tell me you didn't do any research for your characters without telling me you didn't do any research for your characters.
TLDR; So not only is Viv using more gross jokes in her next season, but the character designs have gotten even worse.
Lmk what you want the next topic to be about, if i missed anything you would've liked mentioned here, lmk in comments or asks and i'll reply. I reply to everyone as long as you arent being a jerk.
EDIT:
I've been made away that Alastor didn't in fact live in the 1940s and 50s but the 1930s. i will say most of my points still stand, but here the men's fashion for his time period.
also that makes his radio show even more of an impossible achievement, in the 1930s majority, if not, half of the black men in America were out of work cuz of racism, discrimination and segregation, ya know, cuz the Jim Crow. White people called for African Americans to be fired from any jobs as long as there were whites out of work. Racial violence again became more common, especially in the South.
Tell me again Viv, how tf did Alastor even thrive??
#vivziepop critical#anti hazbin hotel#anti vivziepop#hazbin hotel critical#vivziepop criticism#hazbin leaks
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NUMBER ONE! NUMBER ONE! NUMBER ONE!
#beat out even porsche omggg#says kenna#this is why i will never recommend subaru to people even though i will never drive anything but subaru ever again#you cannot neglect them like you can other makes#the article mostly talked about how expensive flushing the subaru cvt is compared to other transmissions#but didnt point out that when you get a flat tire with most cars--even a lot of other AWDs--#you can get away with just replacing the flat + the tire on the same axle#not on these bitches!!#all the same tires or bust#for me personally the crazy amount of maintenence is worth it for a car that swims and doesnt even notice snow and can climb up a cliff#then lives for 20 years#but thats because i get my oil changed before it's due and change my brakes every other year for no reason#most people dont want to and shouldn't have to do that#so tldr buy a toyota#or a honda if you want something that holds its value better
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*politely raises hand* Ayo do you have any thoughts on if fear toxin is even anything to worry about in the face of the Courage of Achilles?
Like Billy Batson would obviously have a terrible time if he’s exposed to it but would Captain Marvel, setting aside the fact he doesn’t need to breathe, be fine?
I don’t have a penny to give but I request thy thoughts.
Hey there!
So my answer here is two fold:
Technically there have been canon comics where Captain Marvel is affected by fear toxin (Shazam #12 i believe), bringing his greatest fears as Billy to the surface despite him being powered up. There have also been other non fear toxin induced events to a similar effect.
But to be perfectly honest, the comic I'm thinking of largely included him being affected by fear toxin as an excuse for a more experienced Batman to save the day and highlight his own inexperienced fighting style.
So as with most things, Cap's immunity to toxins (including fear toxin) varies based on what the writers want to happen in their story.
Personally, I think that he should be immune to standard fear toxin or at the very least be able to power through the hallucinations because of the courage of Achilles. I mean what's the point of having supernatural courage as a power if you can't overcome a chemical to induce fear? Especially if perfectly ordinary human Batman can do it with sheer willpower?
Mostly I think a lot of people have the tendency to downplay Cap's abilities while at the same time hyping up Batman and his rogues. If Cap's powers are actually understood and respected by the writers there really shouldn't be much to worry about with fear toxin (unless there's a a team up with a magical villain enhancing it or Billy is caught in it before he can transform. Then we might have an interesting story).
So that's my two cents on the subject! I'd love to other people chime in!
#ask me whatever you want y'all#shazam#billy batson#dc captain marvel#fear toxin#batman#scarecrow#yes i am throwing some shade on comics writers who dont seem to care about Captain Marvel's actual powers#he can do a lot more than punch things really hard and shoot lightning#Cap should be able to one hit KO at least 75% of Batman’s rogues gallery#that shouldn't even be a question#i love batman and the Gotham rogues but they work because they are (for the most part) non powered people fighting other non powered people#also people (including DC wroters) seem to forget thst Cap is immune to most non magical poisons#sorry for ranting in the tags#but i have feelings about my boy not being respected by DC writers
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Maybe instead of trying to convince people who don't want kids to have kids we should instead be trying to convince people who want kids to not have kids because some of them are definitely not ready to have kids or should not have kids.
#text#the thing is that having kids is permanent#you are putting new lives into other peoples hands and some of those hands are the wrong ones#and maybe we should care more about the possible bad parents then the good ones that dont want to have kids#imo not having kids when you dont want them is the most responsible thing you can do#and knowing that you cannot take care of kids in the way they deserve and not having kids#is also responsible#the moment you have to say “Oh the parental instincts will kick in” you've already lost#you're hoping for mysterious instinct to kick in#well#some people dont have those or their instincts are BAD#you shouldn't bring life into this world unless you know for sure you want it.#none of this “just wait” crap. you dont wait for a life to be born to decide if you actually want them or not#thats a life long commitment. you better have fucking plans for it and you better fucking want it
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Yeah, as a nonbinary person who could get pregnant but never wants to, I find the way fans treat trans cats having litters really weird. Like as long as you depict it with respect because trans parents deserve it, it's not hurting anyone. Plus it's unfair to trans fans who want to have biokids. I saw a Warriors Roleplay outright ban trans cats from having children that werent adopted with the excuse of 'listening to trans voices'. Ok, well not every trans person is uncomfortable with the idea of having children and its unfair to act like thats the case. YOU can be uncomfortable with having kids and thats fine, but just because something makes you dysphoric doesnt mean nobody is allowed to do it.
ABSOLUTELY! Ohhh I have thoughts about that RP... "you can NEVER portray trans characters having bio kids, they HAVE to adopt because trans people having bio kids is wrong!! We're doing this because we love trans people and we know that not a single one has had or wants children! This is helpful!! We're helping!!"
This stuff does have an effect on the real world, too (maybe not our silly little cat headcanons, but the general discussion around this topic in a wider range) When you insist that you can't portray trans people having kids, to the point you ban it in an rp or lash out at trans creators who do so, how do you think that reflects onto trans people who not only want bio kids, but have already had bio kids? That people like them are so uncomfortable, it is an insult to other trans people to acknowledge they exist? That they are an Other, something abnormal, something the trans community should never accept?
I get it. There are a lot of trans people irl who don't want bio kids because of dysphoria, among several other factors. Anon and I are two of them! And there WERE some people genuinely being reductive about the topic and just making a single trans character in a gay ship trans for bio kids. But what trans people are you helping by banning the discussion altogether? We aren't a hivemind. We're all individuals with different needs and preferences. If your dysphoria is SO bad that you can't look at other trans people who haven't met your standard for whatever reason and you demand that they stay quiet and not exist for your comfort... it's time to work on yourself. And if you're not trans and you're saying this, please shut up, holy shit stop telling trans people how to write our own characters or how we should headcanon things.
And to be honest, I've grown kinda sick of being policed around what kind of trans characters we're allowed to write. This attitude extends to stuff like dysphoria, whether a character has taken steps to medically transition (and you'll get snapped at no matter what!), portraying GNC trans people, and more. It's not as prevalent in the warriors fandom, I think, but it's become so nitpicked that I'm exhausted.
#heres the thing. if each and every single gay couple is cis x trans and they all have bio kids. yeah. raise an eyebrow at that#thats fair#but like as long as you portray the topic with respect and care. its fine#hell this is an issue that's generally solved by just... not having a single trans character. have several!#like i said we're all our own individuals and we all have different desires and ways we present ourselves#have one transmasc character want a baby. have another transmasc say its completely off the table and they want surrogacy/adoption#boom! youve officially presented a more nuanced depiction of trans people than most tumblr users can comprehend!#also i didnt wanna say this but um.... yknow. its actually kinda... suspicious...#to say that you can never ever portray trans ppl having bio kids and if they do they HAVE to adopt no matter what#hmmm... why dont you want to normalize that? does trans ppl having kids... gross you out? do you think... we shouldnt have them?#that we shouldn't have the same opportunity as cis people because of our genders?#... there's a word for that. or at the very least... thats a pipeline to some really fucked up shit#mail#anonymous
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Originally i wasn't gonna post this, n was just gonna keep it to myself but it's insane to me how much fandoms or just people in general cannot seem to fathom anything outside of what they know. They've placed themselves into a box of what they know, what makes them comfortable and what's understandable to them. Anything past that is met with hatred and dislike for xyz. You can't have a morally grey character [ESP FEMALE.] Without accusations of abuse of any of fucking being terrorist [Looks at what people say about Mia Winters.] Fiction is not supposed to always be made for YOU. It's made for anyone, they're not nor SHOULDN'T be limited to yourself. This idea that things cannot be bad or gruesome without backlash destroys so much of what sm media is built on... If a ship between 2 characters can be seen as horrible and disgusting when theres no actual evidence of it being that way yet theres still a push when in all actuality you are allowed to write shitty relationships, its okay to write about the relationships that arent squeaky clean!!!! This idea that if you ship it, it immediately means you support it, has gone so far, when i talk about 4525 [David x Simon] or hell Woods x Hackett. Its not to bring this idea that i want real relationships to fucking be like this, its just an interesting viewing of 2 people trying to make something work. They're fictional characters. They are not real. They're little dolls you play around with, to push n do whatever with. A limit of which is okay and isn't should be there, but we've crossed it so much that, the line isn't even there anymore. Like any difficult subject you handle it with care but it doesn't automatically mean you cant ever talk about it or want to talk about it! Just like how real life is not pure, not all media will be pure and that's FINE. You should talk about villainous characters and their complexity and not be harassed for just liking them. <3333
#idk rambles 💟#like idk yall doing to fucking much for a piece of media that you could just enjoy and fuck off#sm of shit im into im tired of seeing the most rancid takes from people who can't even rub 3 braincells together without being misoynist#media is not going to be comfortable for you#and it shouldn't be for every single person#because people are different and have different limits and find different things weird or uncomfy#consumption of media as of now is fucking attrocious#what happened to just..shipping 2 characters for fun and having fun fan theories that people made aus of#now yall wanna have a 5 hour debate as to why you can't like a character from fucking gension impact#yes theres shitty media with shitty representation#not everything is gonna be great#nothing is#but holy shit fucking get a grip#if someone wants to ship 2 adult cookies who gaf#im goin all around the world with these fandoms#idgaf yall fuckers annoy me#consume media with knowledge#consume with different lenses then what YOU know#there's nothing wrong with sitting back with whats comfortable#but dont stick to it forever without testing the waters#text post#fandoms#let’s discuss#screams into the void
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by fuck i WILL make my own AO3 wrapped this year
#i have a plan ok it's going to work#mostly bc you can't properly track ao3 readership in a traditional wrapped format bc what if you dont finish a fic? or what if you reread it#like every visit to the page shouldn't be counted but revisits occasionally should if that makes sense#so what im going to do is make a spreadsheet noting every fic i read#and make a note to finish every fic i start purely for counting purposes#i'll mark how many words it is and leave a spot for whether or not i reread it and if so how many times#i might do some extra classifications for myself like whether or not i recommend it/if it would be a contender for yearly faves list#plus some extra notes section for myself like if it was finished when i started or if a fic got abandoned/was left unfinished#i think i may also note when i read it so i can track reading habits#of course most fics will be linked so i can return in case and for when i do my end of the year info post#i will probably also include images of my spreadsheet for others to try if they want to#im sure other people have done this and will be doing this so i'm curious to see some#anyway that's all
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yesterday i spent 45 minutes of my life watching a video essay criticising the use of cheap shock values and crossing of taboos for a video game and i went from "he has a point even if he's explaining it in a really inflammatory way" to "oh umm... i can see how he thinks that way even if i don't agree" to "oh this guy's just straight up using people on tumblr as material for an audience to get mad at like other outdated people on the internet. nvm he's just an asshole"
#yuu rambles#it was about the coffin of andey and leyley btw - i agreed w him on the first half of the video about how it felt rather noncommittal to it#concepts and themes but i recognise its not really *trying* to be serious which means its not a reasonable#framework to judge the intention and execution of its work - an apple pie does use butter in it but just bc it does#doesnt mean you get to compare it to steak; a dish that also uses butter. this is intuitively easy to understand for me#but nonetheless it was like 3 am i had stuff to do so i just put it on my background to listen#he makes a diss at “people on tumblr” early on that i just raised my eyebrow at but shrugged it off bc its such an old joke#its lost its zinger; and im p sure its just confirmation bias from going into the tags of the thing you dont like lol if you use tumblr#normally you wouldn't come across things you dont like bc you'd have blocked them. But Anyways#then at the end he got sooo self righteous about how people on tumblr are insane and weird and showed screencaps about how twisted everyone#who likes the game are. there were some screenshots of people's post that were like “incest is bad and shouldn't be explored in media.#paragraph break‚ me who is an incest survivor and finds it helpful for working through my trauma: lol”#those types of post. but then lmfao he started going out of pocket and just mentioned the lists of other people he doesnt like which are#a screenie of a video essay about how kink is important at pride#and then some other stuff i dont remember anymore w the tumblr screenies#it was very mockingly written and said and at the end of it i felt sad i couldnt#block people on youtube lmao. like its not i dont want this guy to comment on my videos. i dont want to see his channel involuntarily#recommended to me ever again. just resorted to the most base sort of trolling behaviour he accused and judge other game devs for in his#video essay. good fucking god. the psychological projection is unreal#i dont have any strong feelings towards the game at the end of it even though i thought i would be like Eugh at first#but my bleh for any cheap gimmicks is overshadowed by my disdain for this guy's reliance on self righteous rhetoric#i discovered another new channel i really like tho after that vid!! bc i had to watch smth else to cleanse my palate lmao#they're jacob geller and freddydude! ive only seen one vid from freddydude about his essay on#detention‚ the horror game set in taiwan during the era of white terror under new cn leadership after ww2#im personally quite jumpy so his humour and the way he edits his videos to make it silly even though its Scary#made me like it a lot!! im going through jacob geller's other vids but ive watched three specific types of terror#and the one about pinocchio which made me go :00 wow his scripts are super good!#again everything at your own discretion esp w the whole james somerton shit‚ but i enjoyed what I've seen so far#i just wanted to end this in a somewhat positive note JSHDKSJDJD the ramblings Continue...#theres a pedantic error in one of ky tags but im gonna update it when im on comp bc mobile sucks smh my head
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today in the wild I came across a phrase to the effect "...And this [pair of ethical axioms about what constitutes quality of life for purposes of discussion about disability and coma prognosis, based on the opinion of one person who has not ever been in a coma or disabled thereafter] suggests that maybe, just maybe, [relevantly comatose or recovering or disabled] people may have quality of life sufficient to make them ethically relevant"
that's ... not, um, normally considered to be what makes people "ethically relevant" in the world where all the people are and there's sunshine and grass and things, but, you know what, ok jennifer, A for effort! :) gold star for you, philosopher extraordinaire, moral lodestar for people unsure what to do with granny, paragon of ethical conduct!
#they had to put me in a coma because i declined really fast after pediatric brain surgery#it was not a long coma by most standards but i had to get so so much physical and other therapy about it#like i was out here relearning to walk and speak it was a really long recovery#people like this are of an opinion that people like me are ~simply suffering too much~ to be ~ethically relevant~#which i think is a particularly shit form of pseudobenevolent ableism#what degree of pain do i have to experience before the invisible hand of Ethics decides i shouldn't be resuscitated if I fail#how much does my life get to suck before jennifer here decides it isnt worth living and what will that décision mean#objectively of course i was doing all of this in ukraine so the opinion of this ethicist-panelist would not have been worth anything at all#but i was so close to like being euthanized like a little mop dog#not formally exactly but my mom told me once that she thought about smothering me a lot while i was in recovery#and it was entirely because she was terminally theorybrained about suffering and life-quality in the same type of way#and if it were a medical availability i probably would not be here because i was so absurdly difficult and expensive to raise#and its just like man. i am begging you to remember the humanity of the subjects when you put these things in science papers#im having an ok morning globally i just want to blog about this on the internet to get the thing it brought back to me out of my system#i grew up with meaningful and painful disabilities + the fact that my neurology miraculously knit together into something “more workable” i#totally coincidental actually. what if it didnt? if it didnt + i was still in pain from the sun and wobbled like an earsick kitten then???#that was the thing here like there was a 70/30 chance I would have needed a talking board and power chair#i am glad i do not but i am also very sensitive about this type of covert desire to decide about their right to live for people who do#i dont remember a lot of my childhood but i remember a lot of that pity laced with something i can now identify as revulsion to my pain#and i remember that i didnt understand it and that all i wanted was to be like other kids who were wanted and hoped for and believed in#and i dont know like its an individual thing its a family thing whatever but yesterday i had a weird trauma memory moment#that was about being displaced a little bit#which is an awfully vulnerable thing to put here but i am not asking for your sympathy i am just saying i was tender and a bit insane#and then i stepped on this rake! good morning insane asylum 《sunshine》#today will be a better day than this#im going to make the tags froshgriping and froshplaks for my bitching and personal sniveling feel free to blacklist them#froshgriping#froshsniveling#froshplaks
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Why do I say things like this. Like what was the need. Why do I feel the need to jinx myself. What was the reason.
#lol just looking thru my drawings and i saw that tag#and im like YOU! ITS YOUR FAULT IM BURNT OUT! I BLAME YOU(catie from that specific day)#anyways trying to draw nando and ITS NOT GOING WELL YKNOW#i still really struggle with drawing real people#seb is okay bcs ive drawn him the most and like have stared at his face for hours so...familiar...yeah...#and i do in fact look at a fuckton of nando pics BUT GOD HIS FACE IS SO DIFFICULT#he just has very like odd features i guess. AND HES VERY HANDSOME FOR IT but god they do not lend to easy drawing#i miss oc drawing where theres no accuracy really required since its all from my head#not that im never drawing ocs again. theyre still my beloved but i dont rly have any ideas atm for them :<#wanna draw rüß as an f1 driver tbh bcs ive been maladaptive daydreaming about that for the past few weeks#but as you know im somewhat allergic to drawing racesuits 😭#also im wondering if drawing chibis so much fucked up my sense of style bcs now i struggle sometimes w proportions#i just. dont want to be burnt out anymore. i know its something you cant really force yourself thru#and also that you shouldn't force yourself cause it just makes it worse but#idk. i wanna draw so badly 😭 and i do it and sometimes it works out and sometimes im just staring at the screen like. oh.#i want to also finish the pt 2 to the boy king ficlet. i always randomly add a few paragraphs to it#blah blah anyways just thinking. i feel a bit frustrated and unfufilled atm i guess#like that feeling in your chest of tightness. its the worst. i wanna throw something or break something i guess#PLEASE JUST LET ME DRAW MY PORTRAIT OF KING NANDO IM BEGGING#he'll be so pretty okay 😭😭 i just cant get his fucking face right#ignore me ignore me. catie is: going through it#i miss the sense of urgency that drawing before my flight gave me#i like having that sense of incentive and deadline. like: you genuinely need to finish this right now.#if not then its me creating meaningless deadlines in my head that actually make me have worse burn out 🙃#i love how before texas im like i am going to finsih all my wips!! anf then finished exactly: zero#catie.rambling.txt
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yall can call it a bad take all you want but my own personal belief is this: the sooner you take these celebrities and demote them from the pedestals you place them on then look at them as no more than people who are providing you with a service, you will stop being so distraught when it comes out that they're not as good of a person as you thought they were. when i go to starbucks, you think i give a flying fuck what susie sara tweets about during her breaks? no, as long as my white mocha comes with almond milk, extra whip, we all g and i'll see her tomorrow.
that's the same way i look at these celebrities. they're an actor? cool, can't wait to see their next project but when it comes out that they've tweeted something unsavory, guess what? i couldn't give a flying fuck if i tried but im just there for the movies. what they do in their free time does not affect me. and yeah, many of you might are you "well they have a platform! they're harmful to blah blah blah blah" you know why that is? because yall care too goddamn much! yall give too much of a FUCK what these bitches gotta say and that's yall's problem.
so when it comes out and you're sitting there gagging and crying and throwing up over something that some person that doesn't know you even exist has said, remember how much power YOU are giving them over your life. sit with that. then decide if it's worth continuing or not because i can tell you right now? for me? as a grown adult woman with bills to pay? it's not- their stupid statements aren't going to affect my credit score so why should i let it affect my emotional state?
#i really think too the problem lies with all the BUZZWORD parasocial relationships people cultivate with public figures#they create such ideas in their heads about who they are that once they do something that doesn't fit into that box they lose their minds#same goes for parasocial relationships that are negative- there are people who's entire personality is that they're a 'hater'#and while that can be funny sometimes#some people take that shit too far and some of yall take that so seriously that you dont know how to turn it off#and you make yourselves miserable then sit around whining wondering why you're lonely and shit#these people are out here living the highest of lives and you are working yourself to the bone day in and day out#then wasting what little freetime you have left fuming about them#why would you want that for yourself?#MINIMIZE THEIR EXISTENCE! THEY DO NOT MATTER! THEY SHOULD NOT MATTER TO YOU!!!!#i wont sit here and say that there aren't times when something funny comes out about a celebrity and i don't get in on the laughs#but i cannot remember the last time i let one of them upset me and they be out here on the most heinous shit sometimes hahaha#& obviously it shouldn't have to be said but this isn't about celebs that do shit like abuse and assault people bc that's totally different
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#from kile#vi feel like vi shouldn't call vyself gray-aroace anymore#not because vi don't connect with the term. vi absolutely do connect with the term and it just Clicks in a way that other terms dont#but every post vi see says ''aroaces dont feel love'' ''aroaces dont ever want relationships'' ''all aroaces have 38034083480 qpps and HATE#and DESPISE all allos and any normal relationships'' and similar stuff#and like vi absolutely support people who dont want romantic/sexual/normative relationships! if you dont feel love then thats awesome!#one of vy best friends is a loveless aro who doesnt want any romantic relationships and vi think ze's amazing for that#vi think amatonormativity is stupid and dumb and nobody should be forced to conform to any standards of ''your relationship has to be like#this!''#but vi just. dont feel like vi should be in the community. vi feel romantic love and vi am in an at least semi-normative mono relationship#vi dont hate allos or relate to even most of the ''all aspecs relate to this'' posts or want to be poly or hate all romance or any of the#other things that are defining features of the aspec community. vi feel stupid and privileged and like vi dont belong here and vi feel like#vi'm taking away their safe spaces by being here because vi'm not aspec enough and vi don't share their hatred for romance/love and vi'm#basically the amatonormative person that theyre all supposed to be fighting against because vi'm just so extremely not aspec. if you ignore#the fact that vi dont feel attraction very often then vi'm literally just another 100% allo person. vi dont belong in aspec communities and#vi'm afraid that vi'm hurting people by being here because vi'm not really aspec enough. vi cant really put into words exactly why vi have#this uncomfortable lonely hated feeling?? vi cant even describe the feeling well its just. every time people talk about ''omggggg allos do#this and aspecs do that'' vi relate to both of them but usually vi relate to allos more because its always like. ''allos need relationships#and aspecs dont lol we're so much better and cooler aren't they sick freaks for wanting love and romance wow how childish and gross''#and vi just feel. so alone
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sometimes i think about the way i act in therapy, and the way everyone else i’ve ever known who’s spoken about therapy talks about it, and i wonder if i’m the most difficult patient in the fucking world.
#dont rb#bc i tell ppl about what it's like in there vaguely and they're like... your poor therapist#but therapy is where i'm most honest to how i am as a person#like that's where i'm the most me#so when people tell me that they feel bad for my shrink it's like#if i could act differently don't you think i would#if i was able to not yell at my therapist sometimes don't you think i'd do that#because there's nothing gratifying about losing my shit in that room#but i can't do anything else. you know?#and i wonder why i'm like this#anyway i shouldn't have picked another fight about BPD again but you know#it's over with. all i can do now is figure out whether or not i want to text her
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i had my potential roommates fuck up and make us lose out on our (my dream) apartment by not filing their documents in time before another group swept in and got signed so i sent them a really long text explaining how disappointed i am and how i felt like i did most of the work for this apartment because i wanted to be moved in in like 2 weeks and now i have to find a place before school starts in, again, like 2 weeks and then saying that im gonna move on and look for a place without them because i dont want to go thru this again and now im worried that it's too aggressive.
#help#i DID do most of the work and i signed the papers the night they were sent to us#and the other girls have been sitting on them for like a week now at this point#like babes.#to be fair we didn't know they were still fucking showing the place to other people which is MAJOR BULLSHIT#but even if they weren't at least one of the other girls is also a student and shouldn't we want to move in ASAP#especially before classes if we can.#so i dont understand why it took so fuckign long#and so i did everything asap and no one else seemed to have any sense of urgency#and now my beautiful two storey fireplace shelves porch office space#are all gone to me#as a long lost dream i can never attain#and im mad#and i tried not to be mad#i just expressed how frustrated and disappointed#but now im worried its too angry and they will sense how mad i am#and then they'll hate me forever and call me a bitch#and theoretically so fucking what idc i dont want tot talk to them anymore#but irl the idea of people thinking that im crazy for expressing my feelings makes me never want tot do it#i texted something to my roommates last yr too and the response made me want to curl up and never express myself again#so idk man#idk.#i hate it here#im so mad#and anxious
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#i am reminded of the latest of my old friends to disappear from my life#got a spam text from a local number asking to meet up for coffee and i thought maybe it was her and she just had a new number (again)#the fact that i hoped for a minute... im mad at myself for it#she blames me for abandoning her when we were younger even tho *she* was the one who fled across the fucking country without even a goodbye#changed her number multiple times without contacting me when mine's been the same since the day we met and she could always reach out#and had the gall to be mad at *me* for not talking to her#she would do one super nice cool thing for me but when i can't reciprocate because im fucking broke she'd be upset that she was#“the only one putting the effort in” when its like i dont have the same resources or connections of you i was working 2-3 jobs for years#i would send her gifts and letters and cards she wouldn't write back but if i couldn't make it to an event she invited me to the day of#she'd give me the silent treatment for months#when she sent a package it was always something more expensive than i could gift back#i was vulnerable with her and told her when i fell out of touch again that it was because i was really sick and having difficulty#leaving the house. because i *know* i tend to withdraw when things are hard and i'm working on doing better#i shouldn't want to be friends with someone like that#i shouldnt want to be friends with someone whos always had a rocky relationship with me at best#and yet...#it hurts...#she's not the first friend to leave me she's not the first to walk away without closure she's not even the most painful one i've lost#but it still hurts#it hurts so bad#admin tags >>#text post#vent#venting#friendship#friend breakup#interpersonal relationships#chronic illness#mental illness#i hate mourning people who are still alive
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put “top 5” anything in my ask and i will answer ok go
Top 5 ocs of yours? I'm so curious 👀👀
LMAO. yall so cute <3 so good for my ego and self-esteem.
I've been creating ocs since I was like 14? 15?, bb. That's a lot LMAO. And that doesn't include one off characters from shows/books that I made my own when I played panfandom games. And if I were to do a somewhat honest list [lmao bc top five is genuinely hard.] I'd have to add ocs yall don't know.
But let's see. Um. In no order.
Tai Aeothryn: I don't even remember her. Don't even ask me to say her last name, because I made that SHIT UP. Tai started from a self-insert that became more energetic and meddling and pushy and etc than me. I played her in a Dark Hunters [yes, by Sherrilyn Kenyon] group. Totally lied about my age to get in [DON'T DO THIS KIDS!] and her FC was that actress from Passions. ROFLMAO. This is so funny, because I DON'T remember a lot but so much is coming back to me. ROFLMAO. Psychic damage right now. Tai was 19. And partially Haitian. BECAUSE OF COURSE! [Even tho her FC wasn't.] She was short and mouthy and probably could've done with more fear. She was probably the prototype of a lot of my OCs. She had a few cute nicknames that I don't recall. I know one was 'the Meddler' and I think the other was 'imp'?
So, Ima admit. I very much had a HP phase. A lot of my rp time was HP. It wasn't where I started [see above] but it is where i did most of my writing/met a lot of the people I still write with. THAT. SAAAAID. One OC that ended up surviving That Time was Maxwell B. He had too many surnames, one being Bianchi. How do I solve a problem like Max? Max was charming. I don't usually like to call my characters charming because I feel it's a matter of perspective. If I can get you to feel a character I see/hope will be charming as charming, then job well done. But Max was CHARMING. I feel in an olden days, people would call Max a knave or a rapascallion, but in an 'oh, you!!' sort of way. But the thing is, the most important thing, is Max wasn't half as charming as HE believed himself to be. He was a silly guy. And he knew it. It was part of his personality but it was also on purpose. He was "lazy" and a bit of a prankster, and seemingly, didn't take a lot of thing seriously, so don't go taking him seriously. Which often lead to underestimation of his character and his values [both a matter of his fault and people not looking beyond the surface]; but he was a flirt who was very respectful of boundaries and other's relationships, he was extremely loyal, and while not entirely book smart he was very observant and intelligent. I miss Max a lot sometimes. [Max while not the prototype, he was the culmination of previous prototypes lmao. I haven't done a character like him in a minute tho. Amos and Ferryn are the closest but Amos is an asshole. And Ferryn is -- not a good person. And Max was GOOD. I also don't play either a lot, lmao.]
Andy Yasar.
Kendis [in all their variations]
I don't know who I would give the fifth spot to. There are OCs who I still roll in my head and who's dynamics and exploration still mean a lot to me [like Mason and Desiree, that I still tag. And Mason was proto-Irvin in a sense]. Others whose names I don't remember but who still gut punch me [I don't remembeer my own ocs names werw lmao. I don't remember any names]. However, I think I would have to give this to Spencer
Spencer, I've played in various forms. I loved her because she was basically my bitter, grizzled white man in a young woman's body. She had the daddy issues, the sarcasm, the dislike for socializing, the sharp brain. But she also CARED about her job and was SOFT with like the three [mostly one] people she cared about. She had scars physical and interal, but she still wanted to help people. She had a wicked sweet tooth, lmao. Lollipops were her cigarette. I kind of miss her. I want to write her somewhere but I can never quite get her to fit.
#anon#you're so sweet <3#i did my best not asking my friends and being like which of mine do yall like best give me five#roflmao#want to give you MY perspective#my indecisive perspective#grapes chars#meet my ocs#this was really just nostalgia bouelvard#most of these characters mean nothing to yall#sorry#i probably shouldn't have added kendis and andy but like i re do them too often NOT to include them#lmao#goodness this list COULD be longer and i really appreciated the walk down memory lane#sorry for the fact they mean zero to you anon lmao#wedr#i'd link journals/moodboards but i dont want to subject people to HP stuff lmao#my fave spencer tho was before the worst of the physical injuries [she damaged her leg]#when she was fresh faced and her daddy issues were raw#but she was mor eopen /weeps#tho i do love og antisocial spencer#whew#spencer liek max have been fifty different races and ethnicities ... actually like andy before i settled on can
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