#but irl the idea of people thinking that im crazy for expressing my feelings makes me never want tot do it

[j-femmescoli]

i had my potential roommates fuck up and make us lose out on our (my dream) apartment by not filing their documents in time before another group swept in and got signed so i sent them a really long text explaining how disappointed i am and how i felt like i did most of the work for this apartment because i wanted to be moved in in like 2 weeks and now i have to find a place before school starts in, again, like 2 weeks and then saying that im gonna move on and look for a place without them because i dont want to go thru this again and now im worried that it's too aggressive.

[libbytwq]

hey can i be sappy for a moment, i feel like getting a thing off my chest (positive vent)

I love you all in the SMG4 Tumblr community so much. Y'all are absolutely epic and amazing and so creative and just. chill.

I've always been so nervous about joining set fandoms/fandom communities, cuz usually the community is huge and overwhelming, toxic, scary, crazy, and the idea of being in those communities and interacting with people in those communities and being in there not just to post a dingle fanart from it and dip, but to help be a big part of the community and whatnot sounded... overwhelming.

Then I slowly began getting super hyperfixated on SMG4, much more than I usually am, leading me to post more about it. Fanart, things I notice, goofy theories... more than just me saying a couple things i like about it, posting a fanart, then moving onto something else.

I started kinda just exploring the SMG4 tags and gradually, I began recognizing most of the people in this community more and more -- recognizing art styles, etc. I noticed how small a community it was.

And it was a mostly chill community. I wasn't really seeing much drama or questionable things, maybe some criticisms about the show or theories or whatever, but nobody was at each others throats. Plus, the fan OCs were super neat.

I had begun posting more and more SMG4 content, drawing fanart, their OCs, and the fact people were so just... chill and welcoming about it was so nice. It wasn't nearly as scary -- we are all just vibing here. Most of the artists you look up to will probably see your work, and give it attention too.

It feels super strange to be considered an SMG4 Tumblr artist, having people literally enjoying the things I make and making things for me when they make things for SMG4 fanartists... its honestly super surreal. But so so exciting and euphoric.

Cuz yall are so awesome!! Yall make my day so bright. Yall are the best.

I'll be honest, when I first was slowly being a part of the SMG4 community -- sometime right after summer vacation began -- I had been dealing with some petty but difficult irl person issues.

I don't want to get into it too much, but I had basically messed up in a pretty bad way (enough to make me feel bad the moment I did it, but not enough that we couldn't move on and mature from it), and the people involved were hurt worse than I thought they were, and instead of trying to talk it out they resorted lying about being my friends for months before school ended, and over summer break, tried to cancel one of my Scratch account and drag my followers there into drama that they had no business being in, for the simple reason being "you don't deserve all that fame".

Despite their attempt at trying to cancel me not really working out very well, it very much affected me negatively and made me very very scared about using Scratch again. I still post projects there sometimes, but i felt weird when i do it. I felt like those people were watching my every move, waiting to try and drag me down again. It felt so strange and scary to feel like the people I once cared so deeply about are breathing down my neck, waiting for me to make another wrong move and add it to their proof of why I'm an awful person.

It sucks ass.

The SMG4 community here on Tumblr, despite none of you knowing I was going through anything at all, you all helped a lot. Just existing.

Being a welcoming community that I feel safe to be silly and normal in.

I've never been the best at expressing appreciation, but let me just say:

I think of you all so highly and I never want you to change.

Keep making silly art. Or fanfics. Or AUs. Or OCs. Or whatever you like doing in this tiny close-knit fandom.

Keep doing everything you're doing to make this community mean so much to me.

❤️❤️❤️

...this sounds like im leaving the community,, IM NOT I just wanted to get it off my chest cuz ive been experiencing the emotions™ yknow, sorry that its not like my regular posts lol, im not gonna post like this much LMAOOO

TL;DR: yall are fuckin awesome please keep being awesome forever and ever ily bye

[nono-uwu]

hi this is kind of random but. ive seen a few posts so far from people in the fandom expressing they don't like/aren't interested in mikayuu anymore and i was curious if you knew why? it's been like a long time since i was into ons (like 2018? 😭) so im pretty out of the loop and was wondering if smth crazy happened ig lol 😭

I'm more of a recent addition to the fandom (watched/read ons for the 1st time in 2021 lol) but here's what I observed I think (not sure if you've read the manga but just in case huge spoiler warning)(also I may or may not be biased against them since my favs are the vampires and shinoa squad without mikayuu lol):

- there is just too much of them. Obviously they're the main characters but ons always had a colorful cast of characters and a lot of them (mainly Shinoa squad tbh) were sidelined during the shibuya arc and basically turned into cardboard cutouts that shout "Yuu!" every few chapters. Though they did get their personalities back in ch 133, it took way too long imo.

- Mikayuu barley changed as people and their relationship stayed basically the same. Once they reunited and Mika 'joined' Shinoa squad their relationship dynamic could be boiled down to: Yuu is kinda stupid and wants to do smth bc fAmLIy or whatever, Mika disagrees, Yuu does the equivalent of puppy dog eyes, Mika begrudgingly agrees, Yuu gets what he wants with minimal consequenz. After a while it's just not interesting to have the main character constantly winning. Heck, Mika's 'death' and demon transformation barley did anything in the long run.

Like at one point, it got brought up that Mika is losing his emotions for everything except Yuu, which was a pretty interesting idea and could have brought conflict into their realtionship. But a few weeks later (in-story, took a few years irl lol) Mika gets turned into a demon, regains his emotions and the former conflict is left in the dust.

Now with Mika as a demon, he lost all of his agency. He is literally stuck to Yuu and the most he can do against him is refuse to give him power but Yuu can just force it out of him so. Pretty fucked.

After they split off from the main group post Shibuya arc, they once again have an inkling of a conflict.

For context, they split off bc Yuu had to either choose between resurrecting humanity or only Mika (at least that's how Guren phrased it). Yuu's gayass chose Mika and at first they had an argument bc Mika doesn't value his life and would rather have everyone revived at his expense. Yuu goes 'nuh-uh' and makes a run for it, devoures Asuramaru/Ashera in the process.

Once they've run off, Mika confornts Yuu and shouts at him, saying he should have a happy life with his human family instead of Mika. Yuu once again goes "nuh-uh" and decides to revive all of humanity, Mika included.

- They restate their goal, plans and whatnot too much. Ons is a monthly manga with ~35 pages per chapter. In Mikayuu centric chapters, almost half (if not all) are wasted on restating the goals they've stated LAST FUCKING CHAPTER. Maybe Kagami doesn't trust the readers memory but man, you didn't do this before, did you? Why now all of a sudden? There's plenty of plot to get through, we can reread old chapters if we forget something.

There's also way too much goofing around. Obviously down-time is needed in any action packed series but we've gotten so much random cut-ins of Yuu needing food in what are supposed to be tense moments. Also we do not need an entire chapter of them hunting, eating and talking about their plans and others plans.

-

This is all I remembered off the top of my head, anyone feel free to add more

[sehodreamsthoughts]

noo i don’t think ur wrong for that, in my opinion fanfiction as an interesting… is just a very grey area type of thing in general, and if u don’t like reading sexual wlw fics (with idols) then like, u shouldn’t be made to do that lol… i get it. tbh i don’t rly read female idol fics, i like a few girl groups that i keep up with and 2 girls that come to mind that i really like are chaeryoung (itzy) and nayoung (lightsum)… like they just give me butterflies lmaooo but like i don’t even rly see them in that much of a sexual way but it’s def like a gay way.. i sound insane but again, i fear you understand me😔😔😔 but bottom line, if ur not into smth in fics.. that’s fine. it would be weird if ppl were like “u have to read [fic genre]!!!!” lmfaoo

i had a slight issue when i started reading fics again with toxic and noncon stuff and honestly i still read things sometimes and am just like… wtf is wrong with ppl😳😳 but i also understand this is meant to be a safe space and it’s all fiction and sending hateful messages to people is not productive so if i don’t like smth i just don’t continue reading it or try to avoid fics with similar content lol.. something more ppl should do! but i obviously like toxic headcanons and such now but it’s.. fiction, it’s like,, a roleplay almost it’s like a story and it’s not something i would ever want to experience irl.. and i think it’s just one of those things that if u get it, u get it and if u don’t, u don’t.

im also slowly starting to understand more and more the idea of dark fic content as a coping mechanism, and i think that’s really cool. it’s definitely not for everyone and that’s okay! but again, if it’s not for u, don’t do it, simple as that.

i don’t want to turn ur inbox into a soapbox or whatever the expression is, so chubby chaser jake time! im just making excuses to talk about chubby!reader but of course this is ur blog though and i like talking to u so if u ever did want to talk more about such topics im down!! im just getting myself away from going on a tangent atm

jake would 100% think it’s really hot if ur collarbones weren’t visible at all because of how soft u were🤭🤭 would go crazy for the arm pudge that sticks out from your sleeves, being pushed outwards by your bra wiring.. and if you lift your arms up and your shirt rides up to expose the underside of your tummy, it’s over for him<333 he looks so soft n sweet in the new enha concept pics.. need that jake to be an obsessed loser boy… again, going dark mode, thinking about him masturbating at home to pictures of u on social media thinking about getting his hands on your soft squishy body and making u all his :((((

- 🥟 anon

Bro that girl from itzy is sooooo pretty, i honestly can't understand how some people call her ugly??? but yeah, fanfiction is full of grey areas and of course I'm not forcing myself to read a type of fiction I don't enjoy. Still, I'm afraid I could be also be categorized with those guys that have the madonna-whore complex which is the only thing I'm scared 😭 I understand that is not a requirement for me or any human to sexualize people. Still, at the same time I hate that my aversion for reading fics with real women idols as lovers could also be seen as a way to project them as people that shouldn't be seen in a sexual light when all women are individuals who deserve feeling pleasure too (okay maybe right now I sound crazy but I swear I have many things in my mind that I can connect with this idea I have). Well, in the end I know that I'm not having any kind of real relationship with them so not the world or any person will be affected by the fact that I don't enjoy that kind of content, I'm just an overthinker who reads and feels too much 😭😭😭

Also, sure people can enjoy any kind of content while not harming others. Personally, I love death dove do not eat, dubcon, noncon, etc, and it's totally okay to see dark fiction as a coping mechanism, but I don't think that is the only reason why people enjoy it or should base liking dark content (not that you said this, it's just a little thing I've had in my head). People, like I said, can like anything they want, and dark fanfiction it's all words and no real act of harm, and writers, and readers, being real individuals in a society with values to coexist, should understand what is correct or not in real life, and we can't control people by hiding or creating certain a kind of content, if they want to find something, they're going to do it, whether is on tumblr, ao3 or any other platform. Also, I find it dumb how the people who go out to defend the morality of fanfiction (not only with dark content but with smut in general) are also the ones sending a ton of hate to people who do enjoy it as if they had a special spot in heaven to fight for 😭. (sorry I'm half asleep so maybe I don't make any sense and I'm just blabbering, I can talk about nothing and just keep and keep going)

CHANGING SUBJECTS, JAKE WITH CHUBBY!READER... I can't lie, the last concept pictures are fucking good. I love the lightning, the palette, THE PICTURE OF HIM UNDER THE TABLE WITH THOSE GLASSES???? It's totally dark fic potential. I can't help but imagine obsessed!coworker!Jake hiding in the weirdest places to spy on you. Jake going under the desk and looking up at you with those puppy eyes and those glasses begging to eat you out. So pervert!Jake too, tilting his glasses and maybe sometimes his eye twitching?! (that maybe sounds insane but with that pretty smile I imagine him looking at your mouth when you talk, his eye twitching and then moving his eyes down to your chest, pretending is because of something he can't control 😭). AND THE SHIRT THAT RIDES UP, ARE WE THINKING THE SAME??? Maybe loser!Jake working in a store with you and asking you to help him accommodate things up just to see your uniform moving with your movements 😭- this boy would totally make something sick too, maybe masturbating with pictures he took of you while you were in the changing room, or what if he's a manager... asking for some help after the end of a shift and convincing you to open your legs for him if you want that special help from him with your schedule since you have an important exam 🥺, oh but, also, if he feels like being kind to you because he likes you a lot, he won't try to fuck you, not at all, yeah, Jake is such a respectful boy, he only wants to see your plushy legs and maybe for you to show him your pretty ass to then slid his cock between your thick thighs... and maybe you could get used to the extra help too, telling him that he could slip inside if he gives you extra vacations day too...

[softer-ua]

in regards to what you pointed out a few posts ago, ngl one of my least favorite fandom things is when they make Kaminari the Har Har Stupid Joking ADHD Bi Playboy Who Is Never Serious Trope. like, he's very smart, 'worst in ___ area of a UA course' is very impressive and I don't remember if it even said that or just that he was studying with some other students, worried about his grades overall, calls himself stupid with implied insecurities about it, and didn't think he was very smart compared to the other people in the course. quirk overuse makes him loopy, incoherent, and think everything's funny. and yeah, he's a bit of a flirt and made a few perverted comments and actions that he clearly didn't think through that well. I'm pretty sure he's not ever stated to be bi in the manga because it was written by a coward, so I think people should think more about why they're associating and pairing together the idea of "hot flirty playboy who if legally able would sleep with everyone he meets" with emphasis or joke in the captions of whatever the content is on him being bi. I don't think this is inherently bad, even put together, but the execution feels kind of :/ and shallow. and I mainly just wish they'd pause to consider if there's any reason (subconscious or intentional) why one of those makes them think about the other, and at the very least lean back to see if they're blatantly making those traits centric around each other and tweak how they're showing them a little. Part of this is also because it's basically his fanon sexuality, but then they stick together "oh he's bi and everyone thinks that" and "he's made flirty or perverted comments and actions in canon at some point" and then mentally exaggerate and have this Canon Image of him as *waves hand at above* and I don't think that's happening consciously in most cases but. again. Cookiecutter Bi Party Playboy Who's Made a Date Offer to Everyone In The Building. not a flirty Person or a Playboy who is bi and flirts with more than one genders

I myself headcanon him as adhd and while the exact sexuality depends on my mood I think of/have him as bi in a lot of my content, but it's the same thing with why non adhd people see how he acts and label "adhd!" Especially about comprehension speed and derpy acting and intelligence and attention span jokes/tropes. Again, not bad in and of itself, but the specific parts of his behavior that make them think he's adhd, or that they start making jokes about or Ha Ha ADHD'ing, or that they think is why we project ADHD on him, (which they aren't necessarily wrong about, but like right in a really disrespectful look at how funny this is oh look squirrel way that's only funny when adhd people are doing it and it isn't all mocking like that) when they see other people calling him adhd, are the wrong ones, I think, and it shows in their characterization of him.

I'm not saying that any of those traits are bad in a character, but as a queer adhd girl with very high annual test scores and Gifted Kid Intelligence but extremely poor grades, focus, and brain damage (admittedly nothing like his, it was a longterm passive thing that mainly just made me have a Lot of Really Bad headaches, and closest thing it did to me was make me sluggish and emotional on bad days and also techincally have the potential kill my language bit if left untreated or the surgery messed up, which it didn't, and it won't be a problem again. but even after explaining that it wasn't cancer or any sort of tumor, and after seeing it do very little at all to affect my behavior outside of irritability and performance, because y'know, constant migraines, gone after the surgery but this was before that, Certain People I Was Vaguely Kind Of Acquaintances With started to treat my like I was a fragile glass thing going to to drop dead and revive myself speaking like a comic relief cartoon crazy person at any moment which was. patronizing.) I've since had surgery for, the way the fandom combines them into stereotypes and portrays them really just rubs me the wrong way- "Flirty Bi(tm) Playboy" "Har Har ADHD Can't Focus Or Get Things After They're Explained To Him, He's Still Confused And An Idiot" "Stupid Person With Brain Damage Who Can't Take Care Of Or Think For Themself And Acts Stupid And Funny For People To Laugh At" which tbh is super ableist even and especially when people irl do fit that description, and also reminds me of the Autistic Person Freaking Out And Being Dramatic sense of humor. And I know it's not helped by canon, because it done for comic relief and to limit his powers, but explored more I think it as a limitation could have been used way more interestingly than canon did and also call me biased but that quirk induced brain frying sounds at least as concerning as Izuku's quirk's backlash.

And it's a shame!! Because he's so much more interesting than that! Instead, the fandom gives me the Cookicutter Funny Bi ADHD Flirt Who's An Idiot and I am sad about it.

tbh it reminds me of what happened to percy jackson, esp with the ADHD Idiot Trope thing. which sucks because apparently it originated in the author making up stories around characters like his adhd and dyslexic kid inspired by Greek myths to tell him after running out of actual myths because it was his special interest and he wanted more. and then the series got kind of all over the place and the fandom processed that the adhd and dyslexic main character who does dumb things sometimes but is very combat smart and great at strategizing and leading gets bad grades and has trouble focusing and has, y'know, adhd, and made him the ADHD Idiot and erased his Gifted Kid girl friend's traits and ADHD and dyslexia into No Nonsense Calls Him an Idiot And Thinks He's Stupid And Has To Tell Him What To Do And Manage His Life For Him and honestly that just kind of sucks and it reminds me of what happened to fandom Kaminari. and now that I think of it people have jirou like that around him a lot too.

im fine with you answering this publicly if you want or have something to add but probably tag as ableism and maybe a biphobia mention content warning for people who don't have the energy to deal with thinking about those kinds of negative things rn because I kind of Went Off About It

I love this! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences 💚(and double thank you for tag suggestions)💚

I couldn’t agree more that a lot of fandom has messed up Kami’s character, which is why I’ve kinda been posting more about him cause he’s just stuck in my head.

I think a lot of fandoms have trouble with characters like this, people have a hard time with duality in characters and fast/fun posts are easier to make if you flatten a character down.

The did it to Kami, they did it to Percy, they did it to Ron Weasley, they do it to Thor, the list goes on. If being the Smart One ™️ isn’t your thing and you can be goofy than you get pigeonholed into the idiot trope.

I feel for Kami a lot(probably because I have adhd/brain damage too)

It sucks when you’re smart but it’s not the traditional, measurable kind of smart(even if by national comparison Kami technically is).

I got terrible grades growing up, and I pretty much got the absolute lowest gpa you can get and still graduate. But absolutely no one would have known if I didn’t tell them, because I’m not dumb.

(It’s okay if you are “dumb”, I love me a head empty just vibes friend. You’re 100% valid, stil worthy of joining discussions, and should be listened to and taken seriously. This just isn’t about that tho)

I joke sometimes that I’m clever and witty but not smart, because that’s exactly what it feels like.

I have lots of thoughts and ideas that I think I articulate pretty well, I am excellent at finding the humor in things and expressing it in a way that’s funny to others too, and there is almost zero problems I can’t find a work around. And the people in my life love it, and they love to use it.

But eventually everyone in my life finds out that I’m not smart. They see the way I have to pause to Google how to calculate a tip, that I don’t know the name of all 50 states or even where to find them on a map, or I legitimately just can not spell (if you ever see a post where it looks like I used a weird word choice it’s probably because I tried 4 times and autocorrect+Google couldn’t help me and voice to text wasn’t an option)

No one ever questions my intelligence until they find out about my adhd and/or catch me struggling with it. After the mask comes off it’s like they can’t even hear me anymore, nothing I say could be true or matter because I’m now just the goofy accident prone spacy girl. My family literally calls me Spacy

And ya know what sometimes I just let people think that because it’s easier, it’s easier than explaining that I’m dyslexic and that I didn’t have a single geography/history clas until 10th grade and shocker the capital of Iowa doesn’t come up much by then. And it’s easier for me to laugh off losing my keys again than dwell on the fact that sometimes it feels like I’m losing my marbles.

And I wouldn’t be at all surprised if after this post I get a lot more “fact checkers” and push back on anything else I post.(not talking about people who want to genuinely engage,y’all are always welcome, I’m talking those people who don’t wanna look it up themselves but no longer trust me to know what I’m talking about)

Kami is a sweet brilliant boy. He’s in a nationally high ranking school, he loves the weather channel, he’s careful about his quirk that could easily hurt his friends in combat, he has a very high emotional intelligence level, he wears dorky shirts with electricity puns on them, and he pays attention to his friends and remembers a lot of little things about them.

He wants to be a hero and he takes that seriously, and the series has tried time and time again to tell y’all that smiling and laughter are an important part of that. Kami excels at this part! So what if his history grades don’t rival the top of the class, the top 5 students would struggle hard to do what Kami does.

Iida can’t relax, Momos rather shy, Todo struggles with social cues, Midoriya is canonically not funny, and jfc where to even begin with Katsuki. I’m certain they’ll all grow up to be excellent heros in their own right, but none of them are going to bring the level of joy and camaraderie that Denki can. You can’t test that into someone.

Kami also just notices people differently and has any easy way of joining in with them, he doesn’t struggle approaching Katsuki or Shinso. Sure he doesn’t hit the the nail on the head the same way Deku does but he’s the only one who has the guts and skills to try. Also he’s not that kinda friend, he’s not looking to a save these guys but pal around with them

I think Kami 100% realizes what a special case and tough nut to crack Bakugo is, I don’t think he’s just careless or too dumb realize his life’s at stake or whatever.

I think he’s purposely testing Bakugos boundaries all while trying to not be a threat to Katsukis actual ego and calling Bakugo out when he needs it in a way that not to serious. Kami knows how to be just goofy enough that he’s approachable. He’s also keyed in that the way to Bakugo is through Deku, meanwhile everyone else is stuck believing the opposite.

Kami also realized how important music is to Jiro and saw an opportunity to let her display her skills and combin the two worlds she lives, and he wasn’t afraid to get some back lash from her for it.

Like Deku Kami isn’t afraid to be uncomfortable. You really can’t teach that level of social ease, you can teach the posture and feed people a couple of lines but it’ll never hit the same. Funny approachable people have spent a lifetime learning the craft, usually out of necessity.

It’s actually what gives me the biggest adhd vibes from him, because adhd is (speculated to be) a dopamine deficiency disorder. People with adhd are constantly trying to raise their dopamine levels, and that means looking for praise and reward and nothing makes the human brain light up faster than postative human connections.

Adhd children struggle a lot with connecting with peers and often find making people laugh a fast way into people’s circles and makes it more likely people will overlook being interrupted or spaced out on.

Also adhd people are pretty much forced by their own brain structures to be genuine in all they do, low dopamine levels make it very hard to do things you don’t enjoy because there no promise of dopamine from the activity and you don’t have enough to spare, plus impulsiveness makes it really hard to not show when you do or don’t enjoy something.

I agree that Kami is also painted as overly perverted at times, he’s a little flirty but in a fun casual way but it’s not the foundation of his personality and it’s really mellowed out over the course of the series.

And while I subscribe to the bi hc from his interactions with Jiro and Shinso, we should all be very mindful that we don’t lump these characteristics together. The are separate facets of his personality that are not dependent on each other in anyway.

Kami deserves all the respect and love, I can’t wait to see our electric king again 🖤⚡️🖤

[angiethewitch]

hi cani ask if you have tip for intrusive thoughts and delusion(??) i am having not a goodtime at he moment thankyou regardless

hey love, im sorry youre having a bad time. I can only give you advice based on what helps me, it might not help you, but I hope it does.

okay, so. intrusive thoughts. theyre shit, aren't they?

remember you are not your thoughts. whatever horrible thing you're thinking, it doesn't mean you're a bad person. I promise, you're not.

the way I think of intrusive thoughts is a lot like how I think of my hallucinations. theyre a part of me. theyre like the self sabotaging part of me, trying to ruin my day so nobody else can. so try and extend a hand of kindness to yourself. tell that side of you that you understand why they feel they must do this, and that its okay. theres no point in beating yourself up over them, because then you're just being cruel to yourself twice. so tell that part of you that you understand, you don't have to like it, but you get that theyre just trying to help you.

try to express how you feel. write it down, draw it, it doesn't matter. it feels better once you can get it out of your head. just angrily scribble on a piece of paper if you want.

try to ground yourself. Close your eyes. put your hands on your lap. feel the weight of your hands, feel where your feet are touching the floor. feel your body moving. where is that feeling of horror coming from? mine is in my chest. describe how it feels to yourself. now think about what you can smell and hear. try and identify it. when you feel ready, open your eyes and bring yourself into the present. describe the room to yourself.

you can rant to me how you feel, you can go on anonymous and I won't publish it. just tell me how you feel if you want to. a problem shared is a problem halved.

I said it before, but it's not your fault, whatever you're thinking. your thoughts don't make you a bad person. intrusive thoughts are actually what you dread.

delusions:

im afraid I don't have many tips for this as I'm still learning to deal myself.

but try the grounding exercise we talked about above. if you find yourself getting lost in your head, bring yourself into the present.

try and look for evidence of what you believe. if you can tell someone else, ask them to help. for example, I get paranoid delusions of people following and gathering information on me. so what can I do to prove that to myself? you'll probably find there's no evidence. and that's okay.

I just kinda...let it flow. I try not to get stuck in the delusion. just carry on how you would anyway.

the fact you know it's a delusion is good. remind yourself of that. tell yourself "I know this is a delusion, it's still scary, but I know it's not real". be confident.

try harm reduction. so a big recurring delusion of mine is cameras in screw holes in the walls. I cover the holes up with stickers. don't encourage your delusion, just do things you know will lessen the fear.

if you can tell someone irl what you're feeling, please do. talk to your therapist or doctor if you can, or a parent, a room mate, a friend, a S/O.

acknowledge how scary it is. it's okay to be afraid. your mind, in it's own twisted way, is trying to look out for you. my therapist brought this idea up to me and its revolutionised my thinking. youre not stupid for feeling the way you do.

I know how terrifying this is, and im proud of you for reaching out. keep yourself safe. please don't hesitate to chat more if you want to. I won't judge you, I won't think youre crazy or stupid. this is always a safe place, and a judgement free zone. I got your back.

I hope you find something in here to help. I love you ♥️

[bubbled-clouds]

hey bee! i’m supposed to be sleeping but i just need you to know how happy you make me? (and you’re worth more than what you do for others, like i appreciate you just for being you, but often you being you happens to involve being funny or kind or creative and i appreciate that)

if i had more time i’d go on the full rant of appreciating you and your asks, but since sleep is a thing, i just want you to know that like. your experience with wwda genuinely means to much to me? like i keep almost going to my one irl friend to be like “I wrote about my mess of a gender in my fic and this amazing person read it and it helped them!!” but then im like ‘oh i don’t want to brag’ but it’s just...a lot of things don’t feel so great, with covid and everything, and in a lot of ways i feel like i wasted my 18th year. but knowing that i helped you? even if you were the only person i helped and it only helped you for a single moment, that makes my year more worthwhile, yknow?

sorry this is so sappy and maybe a little sad im in a weird mood but the point is that i really appreciate you and the enthusiasm you’ve shown for the fic (but also!! if you decide tmrw you hate the fic? that’s cool too! don’t feel any pressure to like it or anything, i just think it’s cool that aang’s gender storyline and iroh’s flower metaphor seem to have meant something to you)

💜💜💜💜💜have an amazing day bee, remember you’re amazing and valid and beautiful

FIRST OF ALL WATCH YOUR APOLOGIES BOOM THERES NOTHING AT ALL TO APOLOGIZE FOR *ESPECIALLY* YOUR FEELINGS ANYWAYS 💜💜💜

*me in tears * *sniffle* i- idek what to say in literally crying rn b o o m - i’m sure you helped So many other people aside from me i just tend to rant to Everyone about things i love i just go bat shit crazy with that stuff hfsjb

i wont up and decide i hate the fic suddenly dw i genuinely don’t think i could Ever hate it (honestly i think telling your irl wouldn’t be bragging you just want to express something you’re happy/proud about yk? but do whatever youre comfy with 💜)

if there’s something you should be proud of doing for your eighteenth year Definitely take credit for helping me (and others!!!!!!!) bc holy shit i can reread wwda and tell you how Every little thing helped me (honestly 👀 i’m not opposed to the idea ,,) wait i need to figure out how to put this in paragraphs um okey anyways just yeah

covid really fucked things up ik but you!!! wrote this amazing fic based on your experience and hm you’ve helped ***so*** many people you say you’re thankful for my experience with wwda but know that im just ‘!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love i love i love’ about it im just. a h h just it helped a lot hfdjf (once again i Can write how/why smthg helped for literally everything but would that be too much? if you’re still reading then lmk)

and!!!! wwda Wont help me for just a moment HONESTLY just know that it has Very much affected me in a way that like ill remember for the rest of my life? that made sense right??? there’s just So much like there’s a lot that i relate with and seeing the characters work through it themselves and seeing That outside perspective on it i’m just like ‘*i* can do that’ soo it’s just really Neat. ooh six paragraphs oops. but i wont apologize bc i would gladly write 1000000 paragraphs for you boom 😌 mwah mwah mwah ily!!!!! you mean So much to me too!!!! i hope today treats you with the Utmost kindest you’re amazing and attractive and soo very valid too!!! (also its literally a given for how happy you’ve made (and will make!!!!!! *screams* hfdh excited) me but !!! just know okay idk how to express it but envision a tiny human (omg also youre basically the same height as me we’re like the same person by default) jumping around everywhere and that’s how happy you make me feel!!!) 💜💜💜💜🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

wait oops i forgot to tell you to try and sleep more tonight 💜 MWAH MWAH ILYSM 💜💜💜💜💜

[softrenjunnie]

Me thinking what should I ask: an anon reading my mind and asking it before me :O

Hi hi hiiiii bby! I'll ask for a ship with NCT 127 and Seventeen! (Of it's too much nct 127 is fine sweets~) oh okokok so i can write a lot, let's do this 😎😎😎😎😚

Personality traits: positivE, a bit stubborn and competitive, a closeted cheesy gurl hahahah (I'm not thaaaat open into pda or expressing verbally my feelings buuuut acts of service are my way of showing love- i give bear hugs <3) I'm constantly moving i need to be actiVEEEEE: I'll help with the cooking, workout, traveL, cleaning while dancinG, etc. Of course the quarantine makes me look just videos of travelling ffs HAAHAHA but it's ok, let's learn salsa! I always try to push myself out of my comfort zone! I mean i randomly blush sometimes so i did theater to blush more :o HAHAHAHA I'm afraid of heights likE really afraid~ i did zip line :D i passed out a bit and probably peed myself mwah~ but I did it! how satisfying <3 i love listening to music that can be dance-able and to happy singing! I am an animal lover~ i love meeting people who i can learn from no matter their age or nothing, just their mind <3 (that sound so airy I'm gonna scream hahaahha)

Age: I'm Charlie, 23 years~ I'm 5'1 almost 5'2 but come on, i give cozy hugs lmao 💅

Hobbies: long walks/trekking, travel, learning new stuff (languages, astrology, history, baking recipes, new workouts, errthaaang), basically i don't like routine so if I'm chopping onions everyday I'll look for a way to another form of chopping them hahaha <3

Zodiac stuff: Aquarius ♒ <3 Sag moon, gem rising~ Basically air Dominant with a lot of earth and fire, no water~ if you want my whole natal chart DM me! :D

MBTI: I'm an ENFP-A! And reading about it, it's pretty accurate~ i have my serious moments too of course, if someone needs me or needs a wise advice I'll be there!

What i look for in a bae: someone i can talk about everything! Deep topics (history, politics, humanitarian stuff), random talking if pineapple should be in pizza or why dogs are so cute! also someone i can do new stuff with! Learn from each other and be crazy together? YeeeS! Someone i can look at their eyes and giggle because we don't need to talk to understand each other? Yeah, that kind! So someone who speaks up their mind and can be theirselves around me because we accept each other weirdness in this house <3

Favorite stuff in the world: little details, sarcastic, weird sense of humor; dogs, long walks + good conversations , citric fruits, crunchy desserts not that sugary lol, sunset,clear sky, rain too, nature and mountains, debates, games, ice cream any moment of the daaY any time of the year, going to bed after a hectic day lmao <3

I'm not sure if I'm missing something! (If I'm missing something tho, DM me!! <3) Hope this is enough hahaha thank you 🥰! Mwah~

im so so so so sorry that this is late, i have had a lot to deal with irl so this blog has kinda come in 2nd prio.... but thank you for including so much info !!! makes it much easier for me to write this :)

in nct i ship you with... 

the member with the best hair (🙈), jungwoo !!

he’s an infj, meaning that you and him would be an amazing match!! as you’re both intuition feeling-types, you’re both warm and enthusiastic. you both have your ideas & the possibilities in life in focus, and this is something that would bring you two closer to each other. your types are types with an idealistic nature and you’re likely to agree on most big and important things, even if there of course can be small disagreements between you two on small matters. you’d often help each other, and i feel like conflicts wouldn’t be common as you both would try to see everything from the other person’s side. you’re both likely to approach any problems you have with an understanding and caring approach, and even if you two wouldn’t agree on everything you’d just agree to disagree and try to move forward. 

neither of you like dull or mundane days, so it would be common for you two to do stuff every day, and especially spontaneous things i think! i feel like jungwoo would be the type to wake up in the morning and just go “okay. mountain-climbing. let’s go”, and you’d just agree bc it’s him lmao. and even if neither of you really enjoy the actual activities, you’d enjoy just spending time together!!

since both of your venus signs are capricorns, you will find that you have great respect for each other, aswell as similar goals and needs when it comes to love. he also loves to talk, and (i feel like) esp about more random stuff like pineapple on pizza (you better agree with him when he says he doesn’t like it heh) and why he loves dogs. and he would be very relaxed with you and could go crazy with you (in a good way)!! would feel relaxed around you bc he knows you wont judge him, and he’s very happy that he can just be himself around you. and you bet there would be many nights filled with laughter, games and random ice cream breaks!!

extra: imagine going to a zoo with jungwoo !!! idk just walking around, looking at the different animals, pointing at an ugly monkey and telling jungwoo that it looks like him, getting drinks, jungwoo pointing at a horse saying it looks like you as revenge, buying souvenirs as memories forever, aka just having a rlly good time !!!!!

in seventeen, i ship you with...

the world’s biggest cutie, minghao!!

as he too is an infj, you would fit well together! he might sometimes struggle to keep up with your energy level, but since both of your types enjoy helping and trying to understand others, neither of you would have any issues adapting to each other. as with jungwoo, you wouldn’t fight a lot, and if you really disagree on something, you’re very likely to just accept that your opinions differ and then go on with it, instead of make it a big deal. you might have some differences in how organized you feel like you need to be, both because your types are often different in that way and because minghao likes when things are tidy, but that’s nothing that the two of you can’t handle. he would like how no day would be the exact same with you; it would be spontaneous and fun. he would need a tad bit of structure as an infj but not a lot to the extent that it gets hard to deal with. he maybe wouldn’t be the one to initiate spontaneous stuff, but would enjoy you dragging him along on it!!

as a scorpio sun, he is likely to be good at solving problems that come to him, as he’s very understanding of himself and how he affects others. but if he were to face an issue he feels like he can’t solve, it is common for scorpios to become vulnerable and feel helpless - which is where he would need you to bring him up again and to make him see the positive sides of everything. his venus is in capricorn, which means that he is likely to think of the end goal when it comes to relationships; if the end result is good, then the way there will be worth it no matter the difficulties he may meet on the way.

minghao feels like someone who enjoys traveling and seeing new places, so he’d love to go on trips with you! and he too likes someone who enjoys learning, so you two would not only be able to learn new stuff together, but also learn from each other. he would enjoy that you’re so helpful and he would really appreciate your advice, and he would do his best to help you too through his wiseness and calm and the fact that he’s good at analyzing situations.

he would loooove to talk to you, both about random stuff and about deep stuff. he seems like someone who enjoys a good debate, and he would love being able to say what he really things and just have a real, good discussion with you, without having to be scared that you’ll judge him. he would be both really amazed and proud of you for challenging your fear when you went zip-lining, and he would admire your courage!! 

aND i know i’ve written a lot already but oH MY GOD HE IS TOTALLY THE TYPE TO JUST GIGGLE BY JUST LOOKING AT YOU BC YOU GUYS KNOW EACH OTHER THAT WELL AAAA IT FITS SO WELL WITH HIM !!! IT WOULD BE SO CUTE !!!!!!!!

extra: imagine your regular every-day life with minghao!! like i can see you two like having a cute lil breakfast together, talking about just regular stuff with the smiles never leaving your lips, and then its time to do the dishes so you turn on some music and just enjoy the time and after a while it turns into a dance battle instead sdjfkhfkdsdfgd

[greatchaosgentlemen]

I think that its great to enjoy the characters and the stories that are told within the Skamverse. Discovered the OG in 2017 and was like whoah this shit is really  cool. Coming from the UK we already had the tales of Skins (great show check it out for British teenage life) but Skam is like life Monday-Friday and then Skins is more like the intense crazy weekend experience. Sorry if no one gets that analogy.

But basically I just think sure it is fine to comment on the shows and say what your liking and what you most definitely don't. It’s all art and I feel like we should all expect and accept that. But just don't stress out too much guys, sometimes I see so much anger and like i don't know if you guys are actually that angry irl but I don't know i hope not because that shit must be so bad. Skamverse is great but hey remember that these are just fictional characters and we shouldn't be loosing ourselves to them and forget to live our own lives. and of course some versions are better than others with their storytelling, acting, cinematography, score, representation etc. and some are just cringy af. Don't know if that to do with translations (shoutout to all the translators out there, Skam is one big reason that I've gotten in other language films and tv, you all do such an amazing job so thanks). But i just want to say I hope that we all remember that we can be the change and work towards creating the right dialogue in which any tom, dick and harry can feel happy and discover an art form (film, tv, book, poem etc) where they feel represented. 

just basically im just like saying A LOT MORE RESPECT NEEDS TO BE GIVEN PARTICUARLY TO THE ACTORS because some of y’all are T-H-I-R-S-T-Y and it ain’t cute. and like there's a difference being critiquing and being annoyed or being angry and expressing that normally; whereas some of you are just really dam rude to people. 

basically i think we all should just be happy that such a good show exists, and take all the positive and negatives that come from living at such a time where the Skamverse exists ( albeit this time is weird because CORONA !!!! Hope that everyone is safe and is practicing social distancing. We will eventually defeat this). We are all so talented and no matter what I want to reinforce that belief that truly you are loved no matter what your race, skin colour, sexuality, belief in religion, whether you forgot when your uni assignment was due and thought you had a weekend but actually it was due on the Friday so you had to spend 12 hours in the library (whoops just me ?!), thoughts on climate change (im just saying that to be inclusive because the science is there and if you don't believe that well im sorry your being ridiculous and i think you should be concerned about mother nature and that we should be fighting the 1% who truly control everything, your academic prowess and a million more things that frankly i can't be bothered to write down but the intention is there

and heck if you want to vent your frustrations just let them out of course because they shouldn't be bottled in, in my opinion. go and talk to someone irl and say how ridiculous you think this thing is that you think happen. or if you don't feel like you have one then hell message me because i LOVE to talk and in particular at this point in the world i got all the time in the world. personally i also like making my own retellings and writings of the Skam stories where i make it better (hahah ;)) and if you want to do that then heck do that and ill be more than happy to read it 

basically those are just some thoughts i had and because my fingers are beginning to hurt im just going to list what im feeling about the shows 

sidenote - i think capitalism sucks and that money and views have to be taken into account by companies etc because i really think all of the four og stories should just be told automatically by all versions. let them stories and actors shine babyyyy

skam usa - bro like being a fellow english speaker yours is the one i can follow obviously the easiest so why are you just so kinda i don't know different and blah. is skam really just an european thing ? i don't know but i think an argument could be made 

skam og - nei vilde. what a ride and what a vibe. your basically iron man and have spewed the Skamverse. in my opinion great actors and great stories, in particular for me my first introduction to someone who follows Islam. also your soundtrack is smashing. though who is perfect ya know and obviously would have loved for you to have continue up to graduation 

skam france - oooo la la la. i do like the french language so its cool to help me learn and stuff but i really feel like you guys have got hit with a lot of bts drama and rules and order so i just don't know. your original seasons i don't know yet. still its only a story so i mean it is what it is. but like also people around this cast need to be a hella more respective of the actors *sips tea*

skam espana- hola amigos. you the edgy one that got everyone on their toes. I like that and i tip my hat to you. just i don't know sometimes i feel it sometimes i don't. shout out for so far being the only wlw representation (don't know if that's the right acronym, so please don't hate me. but i hope that women found some positives there) and with norando i like totally get it with the story told there but still i love to love and just like sad to miss out on the on screen growth of the relationship but still its cool

skam italia - ciao bella - some of you is hot some of you is not. i think the story is good but i don't know i just want more italian flavour. still thats from a foreigner view and in fact maybe it is very italian. hopefully your season 4 will be good, exciting with all this Netflix additions ooooo 

druck - danke- you cool bro just going powering on through. like your a bit of juggernaut really and im like whoah. actually do like a lot of your vibe and stylistic choices. its tres cool. also very exciting about this new season etc that has broken, really vibing a possible skins similarity with the set up. fingers crossed 

skam nl - eskild you crossover legend - ticking all my boxes just so sad for your premature closure. didn't know much about netherlands so cool to experience language and culture. maybe you'll come back to the skamverse again like Hawkeye as he buggered off for first of infinity war. sending you good vibes 

wtfock- yes yes yes. not going to lie so far you are my favourite.overall good vibes and everything. hopefully its good vibes and the proper belgian kids like it. just good stuff and so innovative to discuss lockdown and everything. exciting times and exciting for season 4 when it drops 

basically all of this came from one beer so yolo, still out here living my best life and one day hoping that the UK gets a Skam version. so many ideas so many possibilities

and like if ive offended anyone then i am sorry wasn't my intention. just writing down my thoughts and im sure you will get over it because were all amazing. Just keep it chill and honestly like i wont give any negative stuff the time of day anyway so don't waste your time heheh *sips tea* 

also most importantly i am very sorry for my grammar and punctuation and everything. honestly i am just being lazy and cannot be bothered to go over and rectify it. also sorry for making a very confusing message that probably really doesn't make sense at all. haha 

still alt er love everyone 

*renegades away from the computer*

[spicymcmi-archived]

🥝🥝🥝🥝🥝

This was like the hardest list i ever had to make. i want everyone to know they’re all my faves, but i was asked for five and I esp gave some love to peeps I notice y’all are sleeping on? So I’m bringing them to the light :D

@vancuxer​: lmfao i don’t even know where to start. how long as it been? 2?? 3 years??? damn we’re crazy. but that’s why i love you! lizzy is number one and y’all aren’t even listed in order. she’s just number one and the rest fall into the same category. the greatest writer and probably the closest friend i have ever made on here. i can’t even express how grateful i am in just the rp world? like my muses have grown so much and it is 60% due to writing opposite to you. guys, you have no idea how wonderful this bitch can write and like discover things about your muses you didn’t even know you have. i trust her so much, she can get away with god modding if she wanted bc ik that’s how much she loves and respects my muses. I could keep going on how much ily but just thank you for being in ma life, both online and irl. also i’d probably have had like six-hundred mental breakdowns with you, so the fact you haven’t run for the hills, also adds in a bonus. bc i am crazy. 

@ciphvr​: my teenie, tiny bby!! the little sister i never thought i’d gain on here, but somehow did! But boy can this wonderful little munchkin write! And give advice! And just listen and be such a great friend. Tiny has the biggest heart and I think that’s what I admire most. Past her phenomenal writing skills, once you’re enclosed in her arms, you’ll never want to let go. Plus our threads are some of the greatest I’ve ever written? Like you bring out a side of my muses I never thought possible and it is simply because of how engaging your muses are? And you write so eloquently but still in a fashion that is understandable and legible? It’s a wonderful skill to have. And for you to have it so young still boggles my mind. I still cannot believe you were ever nervous to message me because you are on my level! A Beyonce for a Meghan! You’re the peanut butter to my jelly; the Canada to my Mexico, the Lucy to my Peter. ALSO SHE LIVES FOR DIVERSITY Y’ALL!!! CAN’T FIND THAT EVERYDAY! And yes, my girl Tiny is white, so the point is no one has excuses. Because if this woke baby  can give me some diversity in religion, race, and sexuality?? All y’all can too. The point is Tiny is better in every conceivable way than like 60% of you and you should be ashamed because you’re all at least 5 years older. 

@simplyamplex​: Wonderful starters, dynamic muses, and interesting plots: I cannot believe you have blessed me with your presence time and time again. Also that you keep giving me muses to write with. I never feel overwhelmed when I am replying to you because I have so much love and appreciation for our threads? Plus A, you’re like awesome to talk to. Old as a dinosaur (she didn’t know what drag me meant) but I love her anyways. If you guys need some big sister guidance in your life, this bitch is the one to go to. Also it is so hard to find someone who gives the same amount of attention to my females as they do my males???? You’re amazing sweetie, keep going. 

@regiiium: when i say y’all are sleeping on peeps I MEAN YOU ARE SLEEPING ON MAH BITCH RIGHT. HERE! An entire blog filled with mainly woc and all of their bios intersect? As in the majority of your interactions could overlap and create a broader storyline than you could’ve imagined? Idk what more y’all want. I can HC with Esme for DAYSSSS!! Like we could have two replies out and yet here I am, gabbing with you about everything that can be done. She is also such a great writer? I know I’m saying that about everyone about this list, but her specialty is interacting with your muse. Like whether they’re enemies, friends or romantic - her muses somehow make you explore yours in ways you never thought?? like I am so grateful her blog exists and??? sometimes the shit gets supernatural??? LIKE?? SLEEPING FOR WHAT? FOR WHAT! GO APPRECIATE MY BAE AND GIVE HER THE LOVE I KNOW ESME DESERVES THANK YOU!

@sapphickwrites​: idk what else to say other than she drives me nuts! jk. No she does, but in the best possible way. What is wrong with us??? We keep picking up plots like we’re insane and yet somehow are able to keep up with the plots we have now? Ugh. Anyways!!!! Another bae y’all need to get to know. I just- your muses? Are so different? And it shows so well??? Like even mine overlap sometimes, but not yours. You also write so that everyone can interact with you and not feel intimidated which is so rare in the RPC. Like you do this for complete fun and you make it such a relaxing activity for everyone. Idk if anyone has said it recently, but people like you are vital for the RPC to continue or we’d all be bitter scrubs yelling at each other. AND!! DIVERSITY TO THE MAX AGAIN? I haven’t seen like anyone have a John mofo Boyega which just goes to show you!!! Clearly I have a type (*cough* u use more than white fc’s *cough*). So again, this RPC would crumble without your dedication, compassion, and willingness to accept everyone into your blog??? I just feel so at home with you, whether it’s writing our threads or messaging you through IM. Plus we’re both nasty ;) with our muses so that’s a win/win in my opinion. 

@xleialevinex: PHEWWWWW ANOTHER ONE Y’ALL KEEP SLEEPING ON!! HONESTLY Y’ALL NEED TO JUST WRITE WHO I WRITE WITH OR ELSE YOU’LL BE MISSING OUT ON SOME GREAT PEOPLE?? Like my girl Bri! With one muse, she’s able to make plots that are appealing and will absorb your soul? Dragan is soft with no one but... here we are??? How talented is that? I honestly will read her threads just to get some inspiration because how you are able to mold your muse to fit any dynamic without losing your muse to another person is beyond me. I can only hope to have as much skill as you do. If you’re not writing with her, you’re missing out!! I promise you!!

[onlyjihoons]

onlyjihoons’ first follow forever!

i’m so sorry this took so so long, it was meant to be done/posted on the first anniversary of this blog(25/12/17) but i didn’t have the time to do so:( if i left out anyone, feel free to let me know!

i’ll place this under the cut, so it doesn’t clog up posts:”)

personal mentions

@markleetrashh

cheryl! i can never forget or leave you out honestly, because you’re the first ever mutual i met on tumblr! i remember being uncertain about myself and you cheering me on to write my first fic:”) you have been there for me, be it in the very beginnings of mochamark, to now that we are going to our seperate post-secondary instituitions, you are really really one of my bestest friends irl too. please never ever be scared to just talk to me whenever especially since most of the time i approach you to scream over clinic boy and jihoon if you need someone to talk to! i love you very very so so much, i hope we can last forever till we are old and still scream over markipoo💜 and thank you for teaching me the birds and bees at 12am

@jjeehoon

jennifer! we didn’t really meet through tumblr honestly, i approached you first on wattpad because you opened a graphic shop, and we just hit it off when we talked when you still hardcore stanned jihoon but now you still scream over dorm jihoon with brown parted hair and i like that we can talk about everything under the sun and still joke sm. i love you so so much, even if we’re 18 hours away from each other i constantly want to fly to toronto just to give you a hug:”) here’s to more of me roasting you and our friendship heh

@alliwannado-w1

iris! you’re one of the first people to approach me to make friends, and till now i can never forget that. it’s really crazy how you actually came over to stay at my house for 4 days, i had so much fun with you and xuan it was the best days of 2017. it is a really big pity that you have to leave tumblr like that, i would miss you and your 3am posts on tumblr:( i vividly remember the last night where we just talked about everything and i nearly cried:(( you’re really an older sister i never had, and you filled that void for me even if it was just for 4 days. i’ll try to arrange a trip to KL when i can so i can visit you and your durian farm and your family! i love you and good luck with college💕

@hwangminn

rissa! i don’t know where to start honestly, you’re really mature for your age and i’m so thankful for you, making the constant effort to placate my clingy/whiny ass out of your busy schedule to talk to me. also being my #1 counsellor, and supporter, i really want to visit alberta to hug you, and thank you for everything. even with tricky timezones, you always manage to chat up with me, and also snek with me hahah i hope you don’t stress yourself too much with school, stay healthy and happy! i love you💚💚

@whatabrightplace/ @tinaneggo

tina! i can never thank you enough for being there for me whenever you can, and being honest with me about everything. i really love how youre just so swaggy with everything even when youre busy. you have also helped me through some rough parts of my mental state, and im so so grateful for that. as much as you tell me i’m good, you also excel in many parts i don’t and i’m proud of you for that. please don’t overstress yourself and stay happy! i love you💙💙

@pwjins/ @seo-yeons

allison! you’re someone i can learn sm from, applying for scholarships and juggling everything as a whole. even tho we don’t talk very often, we do go a lil crazy when we do haha, relating to many problems as 01 liners, and talking about anything and everything. i really want to fly over to wherever you are to give you a big hug, and just spend a day out together or something. i hope you achieve whatever you dreamed of and i love you🧡

@cannedapricot

apricot! i’m so thankful for you, when you confessed that you read my works since mochamark days i was really shocked. you never fail to hype me up, and support me through everything. we always have wild conversations it just cracks me up whenever i think of it haha. congrats on getting the classes you wanted, i’m so happy for you, and you worked hard. nEver doubt yourself!! i’ll always support you and i love you please cut down on the swearing too

@hwinkinghwi

xuan! im so thankful for you being there for me for everything, and we just complain about anything and everything its so funny omg. we both have similar traits and we always support each other throughout im really grateful;-; youre also there for me when im really hyper and stuff, im glad you havent actually blocked me asdfghjkl i love you and dont over-stress yourself for school!

@xiupch

shuri! we only started talking like this year and i dont regret it;-; you’ve been always making me laugh, with the venn diagram of winkzee vs jeongzee i cant breathe while thinking of it hahahaah i hope you stay healthy and happy and i love you<3

@wannawrite

L! i really enjoy talking to you as we do know the same people from your school and you’re the younger sister who always has my back! im so thankful for you even tho we don’t talk very often due to school and other commitments, i hope you do well in school! 姐姐爱你多多ok!!

Nic! i know we don’t really talk but thank you for sending me the letter! i was really touched that you sent me a letter and im sorry i have nothing to send in return;-; i hope you do well in secondary school and don’t be like me, a dumb ass who only does late minute studying:”)

@hyunjinh

jas wifey,, till this day i have no idea how i married sucha beatiful being i cry tears of jealousy every time i see your pics ugh. truly, a power couple jasxhyunjin jeongin and i are shaking:”) even tho you always have a bad habit of ghosting on me and sending me 1 second snaps, i still love you nonetheless and i hope we can talk more!! be it roasting/snakeing or screaming over hyunjin i’ll always be here to talk and i hope you can get your biopsych major!! i’ll be your exclusive reporter ok💘

@deepdickdaniel

ariane! youre one of the best moms i have on tumblr, telling and teaching me everything a true mother would:”) even though we don’t talk often, the things we talk about when we do are truly hilarious and im thankful for that. i hope we can talk more often, even if i’m your 1 in 30 children you have❣

@ongnable

jas! even if we haven’t talked often, i always see you on my dash and you’re just really adorable! constantly supporting me, im so thankful for you and i always melt when you talk to me. i hope you do well in college!

@pinksausageduo

dain! i remember reading all of your fics and lowkey fangirling when you followed me back aaaa thank you for creating everyong, and also making the effort to make everyone feel included! you always manage to get me out of my writers’ block, and i feel bad that i havent really helped you with your writers’ blocks:( thank you for also supporting me in everything, it means so much to me. i love you and stay healthy and happy!

@porkjeojang

sum! whenever i see you on my dash my day just lights up because your reblogs always cheers me up whenever. we havent been talking lately, i hope everything is going well! i hope you do well in college and everything you do<3

@aesjae

mia! i really look up to you being able to do well in everything you do, and also being able to put up with my childish jokes:”) please don’t ever doubt/underestimate yourself, you’re awesome honestly when will i ever be as good as you;-; your love for jae is just so pure i want to hug you, i love you and stay healthy and happy!

@7aiguanlin

xue! we barely even talk but i really love your works and its always something i read before falling asleep. i hope we can talk more and i hope you do well in everything you do!

@stormae

mae! i really adore you and cherish the times we actually talk, even if its short. your works never make me bored, and youre a really nice person to talk to! i hope we can talk more as well, please stay healthy and happy!

@day6euphoria

sarah, i can never ever leave you out for this. thank you for being there for me through everything, and my lowest during o’s when i started to freak out really badly. we have so many inside jokes, and i feel like a bitch whenever we roast people hahah. please dont ever doubt yourself, if you need someone to talk to im always here. thank you for your constant reassurance, and i hope you can do well💛

@taehobbie

isti! its really crazy how we really get along with each other uwu everytime i see you i want to burst into big fat ugly tears!!! even though we’re both busy i hope we can meet more often and eventually go for bangtan’s concert tgt yeet i love u sm nasti pls stay healthy and happy<33333

@chaeyolks

jupiter! im so glad we met uwu i really enjoy your company and i really cherish the times we spend together! thank you for being there for me when i needed you and no amount of words can express how grateful i am for you. i love you!!!

everyong:

  @pinksausageduo @w1talks @daehwifi @jsioos @dong-hyucks@deepdickdaniel  @woojiniee @longquos@fromwannaone @whatabrightplace @hwangminn@starrywinters @mongniel @ycungmin @ennergetics @wanna-17 @danieverie @xiupch @hwinkinghwi 

i would like to thank each and everyone of you for constantly making my day with your conversations and being a big supportive family! i love you guys aaa

blogs in bold are blogs i really like, blogs in both bold and itallics are mutuals i hold dearly to!

@jihoonation @wannamoon @xiupch @callmeguks @emperorhwangs @sihyunarchive @jsmmn2002 @ongnable @caisxukun @livingthejeojanglife @cannedapricot @samoyeddaniel @day6euphoria @7aiguanlin @woojiniee @starrywinters @yooneroos @taehobbie @fatenumberfor @wannabl @fluffykth @donghyxns @whatabrightplace @baejinsgirl @mongniel @bbyhyucks @porkjeojang @jihoonslattee @hwinkinghwi @hwangminn @daehwifi @w1talks @dong-hyucks @deepdickdaniel @ennergetics @idaehwi @cheonjaem @wannawrite @bambyeol @wannatales @seung-mins @wannabeone @longquos @danieverie @alliwannado-w1 @pinksausageduo @chaeyolks @fromwannaone @honeytaeyong @aesjae @jjeehoon @thirsty-for-jae @neotechs @nimearv @andreawxng @winwiniswinning @imagineproduce101 @gugulin @seong-wu @wanna1-texts @thenctcults @hey-uta @textingnct @teeyongs @183cmjaemin @hunbomb @babyjungwoo @1aechan @jecngin @chipsandwaffles @koreankollection @sammymunchiecheerios @stormae @suhsexual @gwikimchi @choco-seventeen @squishteen @seventeen-scenarios-blog @warmau @puppetwritings @strayboys @jeongout-sk

if i left anyone out, im so sorry! just drop me a dm and i’ll add your name right away.

it has been a year with me as a writer on tumblr, i would also like to thank my lovely followers and anons! im happy that you guys would actually spend time to read my cringe fics;-; thank you guys so much. 

[slusheeduck]

Rule: Answer 11 questions and ask 11 more

UNLESS YOU’RE SLUSHEE.

THEN YOU ANSWER 44.

SO HERE WE GO, YOU MONSTERS.

@alreadyinmotion (I’M ONLY ANSWERING ONE SET)

Podcast/music you’re listening to right now? Well, RIGHT now I’m listening to “Celtic Music for Sleep,” but recently it’s been a lot of Elder Scrolls. For “Sonance” I listened to Mozart’s Klarinnettenkonzert and the MITJ soundtrack, including just Lisztomania (the theme version) for four hours straight.

You can have anything in the world to eat right now.  What is it? I just ate, so I’m not that hungry. But I guess I could go for some tonkatsu ramen.

Zodiac sign? Cancer.

What’s something you’re excited to do this week? GOING TO DISNEY TO TRY MY LUCK AT GETTING A MIGUEL MUG.

Favorite article of clothing? My oversized flannel shirts.

A food you want to try? Oden. God, I want to try oden so bad.

Favorite food when you’re sick? Plain noodles. Coincidentally also my favorite “It’s 3 am and I’m drunk and starving” food (if chips/fries are not an option.)

Favorite thing to do for others? Make them laugh.

Your best friend/sibling/S.O. wants to hang out! What do you do together? Best friend: Binge on anime. Sibling: Binge either Baking Championship or Real Housewives.

What’s something you’re proud of? Honest to god I am so proud of the fics I’ve put out for the Coco fandom. While I haven’t been ashamed of my fics, I’ve never been like HEY LOOK AT THIS I LIKE THIS THING I MADE before now.

What’s something you want to plug in and have people check out ;)  (Promote your OCs, AUs, webcomics, etc! Or your friends! BOAST, ALL YOU CREATIVE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE) Well, if you want an idea of what my original stuff is like, Wit reminded me today that I have my script Troubadour on my original works page. So, yanno, maybe check that out? I’m constantly ready to talk about “Hates Everything About Adventuring” Caena and Murder Goblin Edrys.

@im-fairly-whitty

1. What part of a creative project excites you the most? Probably writing out intense emotional scenes--any scene where someone breaks down into tears or, more favorably, explodes in a rage that becomes tears is when I’m at my writing peak.

2. If you could teleport anywhere in the world RIGHT NOW but could only stay for 45 minutes where would it be and why? I think I’d go to Paris. I love Paris a lot, but the whole travel aspect is not great. So if I could just pop over and get some bread or whatever, that’d be super rad.

3. Favorite animal. WHY ARE YOU ASKING HARD QUESTIONS WIT. Let’s say a penguin. Because I would absolutely be a penguin if I could.

4. If you where a dog what breed would you be? I’ve actually been doing a lot of dog research lately for reasons, and I think I’d be a shiba inu.

5. Favorite trait you value in a friend. Not being socially draining. It’s kind of a weird trait that is entirely based on my own perception of the person, but as someone who’s almost cripplingly introverted, it’s so nice to find people I can spend time with and not feel like I need to hide for a week afterward. 

6. Favorite season? Moodwise: Fall. Weather-wise: Spring.

7. Coolest injury/scar story you have (if you want to tell it). I dislocated my knee because I got too excited about a boy and I sprained my wrist in show choir.

8. What color would you paint your bedroom if you could choose? Honestly? Like a nice warm brown, maybe with darker stripes.

9. Favorite TV show. Right now probably Mozart in the Jungle.

10. Something you’re proud of? I ALREADY ANSWERED THIS I DON’T NEED TO BE PROUD OF MYSELF ANYMORE.

11.Superpower you would most want to have

Shapeshifting. I cannot express my frustration at having to look like the same person all the time.

@upperstories

If you could have any kind of pet with the means to care for it properly, what would it be? A lion. I freaking love lions.

Favorite time of day/night? There’s about five minutes when the sun’s setting, when it’s just dipped below the horizon, where the sky’s still lit but the trees and buildings look like black paper cutouts against it. That’s absolutely my favorite time of day.

Favorite color palette I’m a sucker for neutral, foresty shades. Greens are my fave.

Are you a swimmer or a sand-castle sculptor? I am a “Why did you want to come to the beach so bad, Slushee, you hate the beach and you know you hate the beach but you kept whining about how you wanted to ‘feel the ocean air’ and now you’re here and you hate it but you can’t go home yet because the drive would have been a waste so I guess we’re going to sit here and sulk for an hour”-er.

If you ever got to meet your hero(ine) what would you talk about? I’m terrible when I meet people I look up to, so I’d probably just stammer into silence and slam my head into a camera. That’s what I did when I met Lee Unkrich.

Clearance Aisle or Thrift Store? Both.

If you had enough money for the house if your dreams, where would you live and why? I’d live in a fancy loft in a hipster-y city. I’d love to check out Boston, but I don’t know if I’d want to live there. Paris is another good option, except that I’d have to speak French all the time. 

It’s raining like crazy outside. How does that affect your mood? TIME TO OPEN ALL THE WINDOWS AND LISTEN TO IRL RAINYMOOD.

Would you rather go on an adventure by yourself and make new friends on the way, or depart on an adventure with the friends you now have? I went on an adventure by myself, and it was a wonderful experience. I think I’d like to go on one of those again, but for now I’m very happy just staying home.

Favorite sound? Moving water. The sea, a river, the rain. So long as water’s moving I’m loving it.

Would you rather journey to the very bottom of the ocean or to outer space? Space is infinitely less scary than whatever’s going on with our oceans.

@calliopesquill

1. What do you wish more people knew about you? I wish more people knew how much I love pretty things. I’m a complete sucker for pretty things.

2. What place or thing in the world would you most like to see? Right now I really want to go to Japan. 

3. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? When I was REALLY little, I wanted to be a dentist. Then I became more sensible and wanted to be an actress.

4. What style of clothing do you think you look silly in? I look TERRIBLE in rompers. It’s a disgrace.

5. What would your alebrije be? (Yes, you can pick more than one!) My cat would absolutely be my alebrije, Pepita-style. Except grumpier and more demanding.

6. What movie are you most looking forward to this year? Uh...I honestly don’t know what movies are coming out. Wreck It Ralph 2 looks pretty interesting.

7. What is your favourite thing to cook? Onigiri’s pretty fun to make.

8. What is one skill you would like to learn? I really want to learn how to paint someday.

9. What book do you think everyone should read? OKAY THIS IS TOUGH BECAUSE BOOKS THAT TOUCH ME WILL PROBABLY NOT TOUCH YOU SO IDK.

I do think Ella Enchanted is a must for most little girls, though. That’s where I learned that main character girls could be angry and feisty and sarcastic, and it’s been a huge influence on all my writing.

10. What is your Hogwarts house? SLYTHERIN.

11. If you could dress like/make a costume of any character, who would it be? Is it cheating if I’m already making an Hector costume for Halloween?

OKAY NOW TIME FOR MY QUESTIONS.

You get to visit any historical time period. Where do you go?

You’ve switched places with your most recent favorite character. How screwed are you and why?

Come up with a catchphrase. This isn’t a question it’s an order.

What’s your usual soundtrack while doing creative things (or do you work in silence?)

What’s something you consider a guilty pleasure?

Tell us about the last book/short story/fic you read.

Talk about an animal. Just like, any animal.

What’s your favorite part about the medium you work with (art, writing, music, chemicals, whatever)?

Beach or forest?

What’s a style you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t been able to get the nerve/money to go for?

What’s a lyric that gets stuck in your head easily?

TAGGING 11 PEOPLE

WELL JOKE’S ON YOU GUYS, THE ONES WHO GOT TAGGED ABOVE ARE PART OF THIS QUESTION HELL.

JOINING THEM ARE @scribblrhob @lacendydreamer @seasidefanasties @humanityinahandbag @beckytailweaver @geod23 @white-throated-packrat

ENJOY.

[nylenol]

ALL OF THEM. 1-50. GO.

1: Do you ever wish you were someone else?

yes and no! i value the idea of fate a Lot a lot and idk i believe things happen to certain ppl for a certain reason whether in this life or others so. yeah. i also think that everything i’ve been thru makes me a certain way, and throwing that away to go like,,, possess another body or some shit makes everything not worth. i wish i had better financial status and had more resources at my disposal tho! so if i could change my social/financial standing thatd be hot as fuck

2: What is your full name?sandra whot (thats what i write on my physics tests)

3: How old are you and how old do you get mistaken for?im 17 but god knows i still look 12

4: Have you ever dyed your hair?no but ppl ask me if i’ve dyed it bc the natural colors kinda wack! also i spray painted it blue once does that count

5: What’s your eye color?healthy soil mmm wormy

6: Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with iti like my body! i used to not bc shes a little chonky but its okay now^^

7: Do you have any tattoos or piercings?i really wanna get an industrial/helix piercing in my ear but im scared of piercings djhgggg i used to have those little asian baby hoops that all asian babies have but it got caught in my necklace and started bleeding like fuck when i was little so i was kinda traumatized, dont wear earrings anymore and the hole closed up on one side ; as for tattoos i want one eventually! maybe something small and meaningful on my ankle/wrist or smth

8: What would you say is your best quality?i’m really tolerant of a lotta bs tbh; a lot of times when my friends cant handle a person/situation i still find myself p okay with it and they tell me that so ya!

9: What are you really bad at?oh my god so many : cant dance; cant sing; drawing mediocre; meeting deadlines? whos she! etc etc my work ethic just sux

10: What talent do you wish you had?i wish i could sing well/play an instrument!! love live renewed my love for music a lot and not being able to express that love for music IN music makes me rlly emo

11: Are you nice to everyone?yeah i’d like to think so,, sometimes i shittalk if they like do something Genuinely Morally Wrong like hello but for the most part i think everyones deserving of kindness even if i dont know them that well!

12: What do you think about the most?i spend a lot of time thinking abt the past and what i could have changed and the future and what i could have been and its ugly dont like it but it nags at me!! thanks obama

13: Things you like/dislike about yourselfi like the fact that i have a lot of passion for certain things and dedicate myself to them!! but i dont like the fact that i get demotivated rlly easy and let things pile up after signing up for too many things that i care about; ; ;  then i dont drop these things and end up in a shithole of responsibility like hello o o o o 

14: What is your least favorite word?i dunno! but any word i cant pronounce correctly is my mortal enemy (colosseum)

15: What is your favorite word?idk but i say hello so much ,, about time i start punctuating my sentences with goodbye.

16: Are you more like your mom or your dad?i look exactly like my dad but i like my mom more! i wanna be like her, that woman works so hard to keep me and my sister alive hello

17: Would you ever smile at a stranger?yeah! but honest to god if the strangers a crusty man then no i aint risking shit

18: A reason you’ve lied to someoneuhh the other day i went out for dim sum w benji and told my mom that only BENJI was buying dim sum but actually he paid for both of us bc im a broke bih (my mom hates owing ppl money) and yeah i feel terrible i dont lie often

19: Are you lying about anything right now?i dont think so ? only person im lying to is myself kek - John 1:14

20: Have you kissed someone older than you?never kissed anyone ! but wheres my milf @ god

21: Do you believe in love at first sight?yes in a way ??? but i think thats a superficial, physical kind of love and the love that matters can only form after like. years of both platonic and romantic bonding

22: Do you believe in soulmates?yes! the definition of a soulmate to me is someone who would fit best for you both romantically and platonically - but while there will always be someone who fits the best, there will always be someone who fits about the same, and someone who fits about the same right under that, etc etc. while we dont end up w/ the OG Soulmate tm in most situations, we do find a variation of them somewhere in the world.

23: Are looks important?a little bit?? but it doesnt matter in the long run, if you love someone then you’ll also grow to love the way they look its a package deal brent

24: Opinion on relationship age differencesi like ppl around my age or maybe a year younger/older but if ur 25 n dating a 35 yo then thats ur business! idc as long as neither party is in their teens and its healthy

25: Would you date someone off the Internet?unless i met them irl? no

26: Have you ever cried over a boy/girl?lol yeah in part, i normally dont cry until i have 6000 different reasons to cry and sufficient hydration (like 3 times a year hello)

27: Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?lol

28: Anyone you’re giving up on right now?lol

29: Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?yeah! my friends disliked one of my best friends for like a Long time, me n her aren’t close friends anymore bc shes kinda snakey but w/e

30: Have you ever liked your best friend?lol

31: How does someone win your heart?be a good friend! same humor helps a lot, if someone’s aura is comfy for me to be in then hhhello ;; also genuine concern and compassion is my biggest turn on yeet

32: What turns you on?having enough food on me to eat every single period of the day, fruit, vidya games, sleeping,,, when teachers extend deadlines mr. geil i love you ? i lo

33: What turns you off?ketchup poured over fries like hello what is wrong with people.

34: Do you get jealous easily?yes cerritos auto square

35: What is your definition of cheating?cheating (noun) - the conscious pursuit of non-platonic relations with a person other than your significant other

36: Do you forgive betrayal?not really but depends on the situation

37: Have you ever been cheated on?nop i gave someone my hw to copy a few times tho

38: Have you ever cheated on someone?nop but i copy other ppls hw on a daily basis :)

39: How often do you listen to music?24/7 all the time always every waking hour right now immediately at the moment, this bitch DEAD without her earbuds

40: First concert you attendedactual actual concert in a venue was the AX one where Aqours performed!!

41: Last movie you watchedCarol it made me sososoos emo i was watching it on a bus next to a bunch of hetties i was Crying. crying

42: Favorite type of movieromance! and for some reason disaster movies,,, also psychological movies r Really up there

43: Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?hoohooheehee

44: Are you good at hiding your feelings?yeah when i need to, its obvious to other ppl tho i think

45: Do you fall in love easily?not really

46: Do you think people say I love you too much?yes and no, it depends on context and frequency

47: What’s your favorite holiday?tet bih

48: Are you a forgiving person? Do you like being that way?im pretty forgiving i think, i wish i wasnt

49: Where’s the most magical place on earth?right here in my bed! wish i could sleep forever

50: What’s your “type”?idk if i have a type but ppl are hot and this lesbian is too weak to go on! i like ppl who are kinda similar to me tho: little crazy little wack but ultimately well meaning

[beboldbebold]

Happy Birthday Pocket Mirror!!!! Thanks so much to everyone who took time to play the game and support the crew over this past year!!! Every single play means so much to me, and everyone on the team as well!!! I’m gonna reminisce and get mushy under the cut, so be warned!!!

I say this all the time and I’m sure people have gotten tired of seeing it typed out but I!!! am! so! thankful!!! I’m thankful to have gotten the chance to draw art for Pocket Mirror! And even more so now that I get to be a part of Astral Shift and work on Little Goody Two Shoes!!

If you’ve been following me for a bit, you know that I’ve always loved spooky pixel games! And it has always been my dream to make one of my own! So when Kira sent me a message in October of 2013 (yikes!!! talk about time flying!!!) and asked if I wanted to join Pocket Mirror I about lost my mind!!! I felt like the message was honestly too good to be true? I actually got up from my desk and did jumping jacks I was so excited hahahahaha But I immediately agreed!!! and even though I knew there was a chance it might not bear fruit, the idea of being able to draw at least some art for the type of game I love was enough for me! I honestly have the dA message screen-capped on my phone so I can go back and look at it for good feelings and good mems!

This also kinda shows you that if you want to put a project together, you definitely have to get out there and just ask!!! Now, the PM group did already have a pretty lookin’ Tumblr with some info about the game in their favor, (though remember, PM was very mysterious and revealed little about its plot during the entire development process) but asking is always the first step to someone agreeing!! I’m sure there’s another artist out there who would do excited jumping jacks just to get invited to your project too!!!

I don’t think I really had confidence in my art until i joined the Pocket Mirror team. I drew because it was fun! And it was something to do! But I didn’t really feel like my art had anywhere to go! And I definitely didn’t feel like I was in a place art-wise where my drawings would fit into a game!!! Did I deserve the honor!??!?!! I didn’t really know! A spooky rpgmaker game, again, was like the pinnacle of success for me? It was the goal!!! An untouchable, unreachable goal!!!!! So while I still drew art in the beginning stages of the game and was really excited to do it, I still felt unsure the entire way hahahahaha It was probably around the time Harpae’s theater got put together that I felt like I had really changed and was more confident in what I could do! And here is when I felt like I definitely deserved to be there! and apart of the game development!!!

Seeing the theaters move though? I still get weepy!!! PM challenged me to draw stuff I wasn’t used to drawing! It really got me out of my comfort zone, while still letting me draw cute girls hahahhaha I think part of the reason people sometimes call my style “unique” is because of the ways I come up with to get out of drawing things I don’t know how to draw? I have my clever ways heh heh heh Anyway! I was able to do so much with my art that I probably never would have tried on my own! Without PM, I probably would be drawing the same spooky girls with spooky hands over and over again! I might not ever of had the chance to see my art move around in a theater/pv? I feel like it’s very easy for me to envision that I probably NEVER would have gotten to see the thing. And very easy for me to think I NEVER would have gotten to draw my own rpgmaker map!!! and make sprites for it!!! School easily drained me of all my free time I would have needed to begin those things on my own! To have learned programs on my own!!! PM was not just something that pushed me, but was a lil bit of a crutch to get into things easier too hahaha

The theaters and the Jes Map were a really rewarding experience for me! And I’m so thankful I had the chance to draw art for them!! Like too thankful...probably obsessed thankful with how much I’ve show them off irl!!! i am so hashtag blessed!!!!!!!!! and I’ll scream about these things any day and any time you remind me!!!!!!

But more important than thankful, I felt really proud of myself seeing my art in-game! The kinda house I grew up in wasn’t a very artsy place and other things were definitely valued more. So art wasn’t really something to feel proud about? Just a fun lil hobby to “waste” time! I had to work up to that pride feeling over time! Fast forward some time and PM’s release is probably my second proudest moment in my dang life!!! That’s pretty crazy but If I try to think about everything I’ve ever done? It doesn’t really compare for me. I’M JUST SO THANKFUL I HAD THE CHANCE TO DRAW ART FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL PROJECT!!! I honestly had one of the easiest jobs on the crew, but I still value the game!! As my baby too!!! The baby I love with my whole heart!!! I’ve never worked so hard at art for any reason in my life until PM!!! So it is so important to me I would fist fight someone over it! And I would win because my love of PM is the source of my muscles and power!

My art has sure changed a lot since I first joined the project in 2013! Yikes!!

I can’t really express how excited I was when I got invited to be apart of PM, but imagine literal screaming for 400 days. And then multiply that excitement by 500 when I got invited to join Astral Shift officially. And then multiply that number by 1000 and that’s how many days I screamed when i was finally able to read players’ comments about Pocket Mirror when it was released.

People’s reaction to Pocket Mirror definitely blew everyone in the group away! tbh some days it doesnt even feel real?? My dream!!!! And I’ll never forget checking for new Let’s Plays every single night to see what people had to say!! I got teary eyed sometimes!!! Happy teary eyed!!! Seeing a comment about one of the theaters always sent me out of my chair shrieking!!! And jumping of course!!! All the comments and support I’ve gotten on tumblr, twitter, dA, or even youtube because of PM have all been my motivation for drawing! I don’t always have a lot of free time because of school, but it is something i make time for. Because I want to get better! And draw more interesting pieces for everyone that’s supported me over time! I think it would be great if people were able to say “oh yeah! That jes girl? I followed her since she was drawing art for X!”

It wasn’t just confidence and endless screaming I got from Pocket Mirror, but i was able to meet so many new people!!! New buddies! and so many insanely talented creators!!! I’d honestly been living in my own little bubble? I definitely feel like PM and mostly Kira took a needle to it hahahaha Add this on to the list of 1000 reasons Im eternally thankful for Astral Shift!

My style has changed a whole bunch since Pocket Mirror, and it’s changing again now that Little Goody Two Shoes is in the works, but I hope everyone will still keep up with me! To the people who have followed me since Sound Horizon times, Thank you!!! To the people who have been with me since spooky Mad Father/Witch’s House fanart, Thank you! To the people who have joined me after Pocket Mirror, Thank you!!!! To people who joined me at some other time, Thank you guys too!!!! Thanks to everyone for taking time to look at my art!!! And thanks so much for everyone who took time to experience Pocket Mirror!!! My art would never have moved forward without all your eyeballs!!!!! Please look forward to even prettier pictures, because I’m gonna keep working hard!!! ^O^

[sanerontheinside]

sometimes i feel guilty at how many hits i end up giving a fic while i read?? especially the ones with super long chapters, like, ill be reading on the pc and then get up make tea and keep reading on the tablet, or have to go to school so i open it on the phone to read on the bus, or i leave something open to read later and forget and read it the day after, or i have to go to sleep in the middle of a chapter, and all of these are separate hits im gonna end up leaving one kudos on

Aww man you’re right, that sucks, now you’ve reminded me 😆  shit

I really do that all the time. I’ve reread various chapters or parts of favourite fics (ReEntry in particular) any crazy number of times, and I keep going back to RE to check things (it’s canon, brain so declared, I don’t make the rules). 

Honestly, in that respect, 10% feels like a very respectable engagement ratio. That’s your first-read, kneejerk kudos count right there. Not bad. There’s no real way to tell how many people come back to your work unless they comment something like ‘rereading!’. That would probably be a nice feeling. Personally, I feel like that would be a very valuable quantity, if such a thing could be measured (definitely not possible tho, I mean my phone browser keeps signing me out). I’d love to know that were my fic a book it would have been creased to falling apart by now. 

With my fic, personally I’m one of the more oblivious people, as far as statistics go. I’d like to emphasise, that’s not meant to a brag. I’m extremely oblivious about any regard my fic gets, largely because… I’ve been very often told that my writing is a waste of time, time I should have spent studying, etc. 

Leave out the fanfiction part of it. That would be even worse. (’If you’re good enough to write, why waste it on someone else’s ideas? write your own original fic!’) 

Weirdly enough, I’ve never been told I’m bad at it (almost the opposite, and I say almost because praise isn’t a thing we do in the saner household). But I have been told, time and again, that I should have my priorities straight, and if I really want what I claim to want, I shouldn’t be splitting myself between two pursuits. So: not a brag, just brain weasels. I’ve learned to love writing; I’ve learned not to feel guilty about writing fanfiction, for that matter. There are very many people I will never mention it to, nonetheless. Certainly not those largely responsible for this blindspot’s existence. 

Thus, the result: at the beginning, it felt important to see that people were reading it. But I started on ffnet (as far as fandom is concerned, I am a youngling, yes). Now, as some people around here probably know, ffnet is a really shitty place to see meaningful stats. They tried to do that thing that youtube did so much better, the viewing tracker for your videos that shows not only how many people watched and the distribution curve and location, but also how many watched your video all the way through. 

ffnet activity monitoring was… bleh. Their software engineers could not possibly compete with youtube. You’d have people reading chapter 16 when 12-15 have 0 hits. I mean, it’s not impossible, but chances are it’s also bullshit. I got fed up trying to extract any meaningful conclusions from that data. 

And then, it didn’t really matter. Ultimately, the project I was working on caught fire all on its own. Now it’s a potential original work I could rewrite into something pretty awesome. I don’t really… I think I stopped at the right time. 

What is an indicator on ffnet is probably how many people follow your story, or you, the author. That was nice. These days it’s just unsettling, when you get an email from FanFiction.Net that informs you someone new is following a work you could probably have called abandoned by now, and fuck, did you forget the password? Probably. I think the last time I posted there was a couple years ago? I freaked out badly about a certain part that I’d written, and what it meant about my mental state at the time. 

But I digress: the first time I’d received more than 1 comment to a story or a chapter, or really to the sum total of my posted works—was on ao3, on the account I officially got… a… year? ago?

OMIGOD. 6/10/16. A YEAR. fuuuuuuuck meeeeeeeee…

Commenting is very valuable for those who started out posting their fic on forums. Forums have much more of a community feel. Comments meant so much more than a kudos count would, or the number of hits. My mom was posting her work on a forum specifically designed by and for Russian-language authors. I know she met, exchanged emails with, occasionally called some people on that forum. I’ve not actually had that opportunity on ao3, only with people I’ve met here on the hellsite. 

Now, of course, if I could get into the habit of commenting, that really would be nice, fuckdammit. 

But for me, the truth is, I don’t know what a respectable kudos count or comment number is. Anything is good. Anything is better than my own personal situation IRL, anyway. I share fic with my friends and they’re always there to tell me it’s good writing if only I could actually believe them. I do everything in my power to make damn certain my parents—my mother, particularly, who is (was, I guess?) herself a brilliant writer—never read it. 

My mother, whom I’ve always seen as that judge I wanted to impress. My mother, with whom I’ve co-written things with fantastic results. My mother, whose brain I really fucking envy whenever we do accidentally fall into a conversation about writing, ideas, or whatever. Whose brain I’ve never been able to predict. 

The same person who can make my writing seem… insipid, with a single word, or a facial expression, all without ever meaning to. The same woman who—the moment certain departments got their heads out of certain orifices and found her applications and files and everything and gave her a work permit—shut off that part of her brain that writes. 

And, fuck, you know how many times my depressed ass, incapable of doing much beyond writing, wished I could do that? Just stop? Just to have time (during which, let’s face it, I could have increased productivity by all of 2-5%—yeah, big win.)

You see the issue, right? 

To be blunt: no amount of positive commenting and kudos is going to fix my damn problems 😂  

uuugh, oh gods… isn’t that fucked up. 

Aaaanyway, apparently we needed to unload a heck of a lot of unnecessary personal shit. Sorry about that. 

[chartheles]

my asian grandma

my mum was adopted when she was 7 years old in 1972, she had a wonderful life in comparison to the 7 years of abuse and fear she succumbed to before she was saved by a young couple called Mr and Mrs Park, who had tried to have a child unsuccessfully for ten years prior to meeting my mum, who was ever since called Hyorin (or Heather) Park. she later married at became Heather Byrne, wife of a young irish lad straight out of university and keen to start a family straight away. That lead to my brothers being born an of course, me. I never felt particularly out of place, because well, i wasnt. i had blonde hair and green eyes with fair skin to match, im as white as they get, trust me. but there was one time when we flew over to korea to visit my grandparents and as we walked the streets of Samdongmyeon with my family, an ajhumma walked up to my grandma, they were obviously familiar with each other as she introduced us all to her as her daughter and grandchildren, and the woman laughed. she thought it was impossible that we were family, she gasped out in what i could only remember with my at the time limited korean to be something along the lines of “but look at them, Hyojin! that little girl has green eyes and white skin, she cant be your real granddaughter can she?” i remember my halmeoni explaining that when she said she adopted her only child when she lived in england with her now late husband, and that my white skin and green eyes were yellow and brown respectively in nature, but not in looks. of course i had no idea what she was talking about, i just wanted to walk on so we could get some raspberry bingsu like eomma promised earlier. growing up i spoke korean with my mother, and my halmeoni before she died when i turned 14. the funeral was before my new school year so my first day at a new school was spent practically asleep after two days of travel. i never told anyone at school about my heritage, and where my mother came from, what languages i speak, because i thought my friends would think im just a koreaboo obsessed with kpop and completely crazy. dont get me wrong, i love a good Jay Park song, and i will admit watching k dramas without subtitles before my best friend is pretty great, but thats about it for my exposure to korean pop culture. i used to hate my korean family, and walking around with my halmeoni in Yeosu, scared to hold her hand and talk wit her in her own language, scared because i thought people judged me. two out four times i have been to korea, i refused to even speak korean for the full month i was there. it was only after my halmeoni died, i realised how stupid i had been. the korean culture is beautiful, expressive albeit slightly conservative but incredibly interesting nonetheless. i barely realised that not all families have their food extra spicy and wear slippers in the house and have kimchi and gochujang with pretty much everything, eve fish and chips. (sidenote, kimchi with chips is really really good, try it.) i need to embrace this other half of my culture. so to start, ill introduce myself on tumblr again. 

Hi, my name is Charlotte Byrne, i am 17 and i live in england and am in sixth form. My Korean name is Park Chaerin, i am 18 in Korean age and my favourite drama is Legend of the blue sea, its seriously underrated and Lee Minho is life. i Dont have a Korean keyboard on my mac so i really should have written this on my phone to demonstrate that my Korean is still fairly good after a year of not atually being immersed in the culture/actually being in Korea. My family are from Busan originally, but my Halmeoni moved to Samdangmyeon when she moved back to Korea when i was 2, My dad speaks very liited Korean, although he does try, its quite funny to watch. I call my brothers Oppa when im feeling nice or want money, and my little great cousins call me noona which makes me very happy as none of my friends do (bot that i expect them to!) and i speak Korean with my mother and havea habit of speaking Korean when im surprised or angry. For example if you know me irl you know i like to shout AIGUU!! when im tired (its aigu not aigo in the south, my satoori is actually pretty strong for some reason.)

no body will read this, its just nice to be open with myself. sorry lol.

Chaerin.

Fun fact, i prefer my korean name but my school doesnt have me registered as Chaerin so when i joined everybody called me charlotte and now im stUCK.

Edit: 안녕!! 박채린입니다 :))) 엄마니, 할마니, 할아버지, 아버지, 일오빠 이오빠 그리고 삼오빠 그래 마지막 채영언니 사랑해요 😘