#more a thing that made me go hmm
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I don't sincerely think that Zhao Zhuliu was Jiang Cheng's father and Yu Ziyuan was high-octane projecting all of the "you were in love with a rogue cultivator and had an affair baby!!" onto Jiang Fengmian and Wei Wuxian, but. It does have a certain internal consistency to it.
It doesn't excuse Jiang Fengmian's shitty parenting, even if he low-key suspected it. Either throw your two-timing wife out of the sect and disclaim the kid, or accept that you've raised him since birth and you're his father in all respects that matter. Don't let the suspicion fester into resentment and stop yourself from bonding with your child, it was extremely not his idea.
That would also mean that Wen Zhuliu melted his own son's golden core. Is it crunchier if he knew that and did it anyway? Or if it didn't occur to him until much later when he's ruminating on his past and then sits bolt upright in bed and urgently goes to find out when exactly the Jiang sect heir was born?
#yu ziyuan#Zhao Zhuliu#wen zhuliu#jiang cheng#jiang fengmian#jiang family#core-melting hand#mdzs#the untamed#mo dao zu shi#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#cql#mdzs headcanons#not really a headcanon#more a thing that made me go hmm
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I made a few new wax seal stamps out of clay (like the ones I did for my worldbuilding stuff forever ago), this time just of random symbols that I thought might look good done in the style of painting over the raised part of the wax or etc. :0c Some of them aren't carved deep enough to really show up that well, but overall they worked okay for being clay lol
#wax seal#crafts#wax stamp#stationery#Window one is kind of stinky.. I was imagining like a swirly night sky sort of looking thing so it would be a surreal contrast of a night#sky with a window in the middle that shows a daytime sky - but the silver and purple wax kind of mixed too much together#with the black and it just looks very plain black and not all that starry or anything hjbhj.. Of course the eye is probably my favorite#since all I ever do is draw eyes and still like eye imagery for some reason. The four leaf clover is very lumpy and skrunkty but also it wa#the smallest in size out of all of them so was easier to do multiple stamps of just to try it out.#The heart with eyes wax is actually more swirly in person. I wanted it to be a mix of light pink and red and white. and the wax#did kind of all blend together but in person you can definitely see MORE of the intentional swirlyness. in this it just looks plain pink.#I was going to do one eye in the heart but it looked weird. but now two seems too plain. i could have done 3?? in a pattern.. hmm#alas. I wish I could make actual metal ones. With the clay i have to paint them in a thin layer of olive oil before stamping because#otherwise the wax just kind of gets stuck in the grooves of the clay and then you can't pull it up. Very wacky ''unprofessional'' looking#set up where I'm hot gluing circles of sculpey clay to short stumps of a wooden dowel that I sawed apart with a serrated bread knife#and then using an old paintbrush to put olive oil on them whilst holding a spoon over a yankee candle flame hjbjh#ANYWAY.. I think if I were middle class/rich/etc. this would be one of the main things in my crafting room is like.. SO many colors#of wax. and all different custom made stamps designed by me. which could be much more elaborate in actual metal.. muahaha.... >:)c#RHGghhh... I actually don't want to talk much about it since (this is probably just my Obsessed With My Own World Artist Delusions) I#think I have a really cool idea for a game that could genuinely be successful if i ever get to make it and I don't want to give#everything away and spoil the whole plot/concept in hopes that one day I can actually do it - BUT - a game that I'd like to make after the#visual novel I'm making now has partially to do with the main character working as a sort of writer/scribe/artist assistant in an elven#city (set in my world/with my worldbuilding species and versions of elves and etc) and I was thinking of maybe incorporating#somehow being able to collect little writing type items like these like.. you can get different wax seal patterns or pens or etc. when I do#stuff like this in Real Life it always makes me think of that like.. ouh... this is good research.. what it shall be like to be a littol#elf collecting wax seals and such.. indeed... GRR i need to be finished with my current game NOWWW... i MUST work on other#thingss... aughh... ANYWAY.. yay. accomplishment to do One Single Thing other than Sit In The Summer Heat And Rot#though also hilarious as this was the first cool-ish day that was below 80F in a while hgvh#waking up like 'wow.. i actually feel okay today?? like I could do things?? how mysterious.. I wonder why..?? :0'' Its The Weather You Fool#Tis Always The Weather
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20/10 stars little guy
#me (scrounging undetected autist whose ideal fashion sense is ''if i have to be seen at all: shrouded'') seeing encanto the other month.....#and on top of it all i LOVE slice of life. encanto being so focused on What It's About that there's so much of that + character / dynamic#also part of what i loved abt pixar luca. ppl like ''simple story but not a problem :)'' like YEAH thank god it's Also so slice of lifey#2021 what a year lol. though again i only Just saw encanto....tfw Studio Creative Control backs off a bit more than usual: Joy & Wonders#anyway i knew going in bruno wasn't an antagonist (fine if he was though b/c slay & b/c scapegoats can do whatever they want)#knew i'd love him b/c again Scapegoat shows up & i'm the Amazing Showstopping Totally Unique Never The Same gif on loop#but what a delight even beyond those expectations lol. love again how Focused the movie is on What It's About & Thee Points it makes#the Characters / Dynamics & the Metaphor & the plot stays right with all of that. the focus & importance re: thee scapegoats....#& bruno being disabled like whole layer of Yay Yay Yay spamming. that even when He's Back we're reminded he's not ''normal now'' or w/e#(i.e. presenting that as The Good Ending for the disabled outcast. vs just being embraced as part of the group again & accepted As He Is)#meanwhile was like hmm chat is there queercoding do we think? like is he queer: Yes. but is there coding? hmm#sure isn't cishet coded though. but i was also having the thought like fellas is it gay to [higher tenor tessitura or w/e] lol#made me go ''do i know this voice? ok do i know this name / face / actor? (i have never seen anything ever / bad w/names/faces/voices)''#indeed was like yeah haven't seen this; heard of this; seen it once ages ago no way i remember more than like 0.6 details#then from ''ohh haha I'm A Mammal That Cares....yeah i hear that'' to ''omg CHI-CHI RODRIGUEZ???? ;;0;;'' waaah fantastic revelation lmao#also the way Literal Future Seer ability was externalized to make it more wrangleable for plot is so impressive & fun & excellent#got a lot of [i like this thing i saw a lot] i got to say....guess i can do that w/the sideblog i made for one drawing i made last night#encanto 2021#bruno madrigal#also the way bruno is so Nervous + Hiding / Bold + Big Personality like yes ha ha ha Yes....tamped down as ''too much'' experience#also the [stuttering stumbling muttering mumbling] line: i fr nigh wept upon going back over a moment like what am i hearing here?#& realizing the answer was: it's bruno quietly stuttering a moment during this one line (& then (& then (& then)) i saw you) ;;;mm;;;#hang onnn....the first scapegoat who's driven off being Disabled is so real so ;m; that again they're like so he got Weirder; Okay ;;m;;#that we get jorge thumbs up nobody having an Aside to be like [ugh; this guy] or Anything. augh always have too much to say for 30 tags#fabric drape there sure not accurate but i was like okay if i try to really reference that i'm not getting this done tonight
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so i started this show and it just gets worse and worseeeee not only did it lift the romance subplot directly from twilight (and not well) but they also are trying to play the forbidden love angle hard in the fantasy racism vein except it's a "cross-species" relationship between the two whitest people i've ever seen in my life and there are three people of color in the whole (first season of the) show who aren't villains and it seems that every other episode (and sometimes ebery episode and sometimes twice an episode!) there is a man physically or magically subjugating a woman and i keep waiting for the big reveal at the end to be stolen from fucking rainbow rowell
#yes i read 'carry on' by rainbow rowell in middle school what else could you have possibly expected from me. anyway she gives me simon snow#vibes and not in a good way and she's even blonde while her british vampire boyfriend has dark dark hair and just. you will never be basil.#also i hate to be that guy but the writing has made me physically recoil and the acting almost reads as silly but mostly as middling :/ and#i wanted and expected more from matthew goode bc i really liked him in downton but i guess this is a 2018 bbc modern vampire fantasty serie#like i guess.#also there's SO much shit about bloodlines and maybe i'm gay with a blood disorder amd a family history of adoption but like. who fucking#careeessssssssss it ahould not be that serious. why is it that serious.#also the fantasy racism kind of reads like it's mesnt to be? homophobic adjacent? like there's a Lot of 'love who you love' talk going on#for the single most bland heterosexual relationship i've ever seen on a screen like there is so little chemistry? so little#anyway it's called 'a discovery of witches' and i'd recommend not watching it 🫶 or if you do then watch it on 1.5x speed#it's been decent background noise for knitting bc i kinda sorta care about the plot but if miss a chunk bc i'm in the lace chart zone i do#not care and i do not have to go back to catch it bc the writing is so transparent#there was another series it stole from that's escaping me atm but when i noticed it pissed me off a touch. hmm maybe it will come back to m#a post#do not watch this show#I REMEMBERED they wanted the juliette holding diana captive moment to be joaquin's 'i want to watch you fuck her' from sense8 SOOOOO BAD bu#it WASN'T bc they were too afraid to lean into anything that would make juliette interesting at all. for being all about the world's most#special blonde woman this show does not seem to like women very much. sad! well there's other shows#OH ALSO ALSO there are 3 magical 'creature' species which are witch + vampire + femon except the demons don't seem? to have any magical#abilities that humans don't have besides sensing the species of other creatures? like witches can cast spells and vampires do their various#vampire things but demons have nothing going for them except disproportionately high rates of homelessness and suicide?? like girl what are#we doingggggggg what are we doing here !! what's their deal why does no one care !! can they do anything or no !! god this show sucks
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speaking of fucked up overly hated female twdg characters i find it Super Interesting how people will say carver was the best villain in the whole series, but when lilly is literally just a successful carver (iron fist leader of a community turning children into soldiers) suddenly shes a bad/lame villain for some reason 🤔
#twdg#hmm im sure this has nothing to do with the fact shes a woman (a woman that a lot of people hated since S1)#AND they gave her a giant boat? thats funny#LIKE if they did originally plan to have kenny be carver in S2 she is LITERALLY JUST THAT IDEA but the woman version of it#also i find it interesting that her speech about larry and the lights is reminiscent of that first convo between shane and rick in the show#i happened to like S1 lilly for the most part and felt her evolution in S4 made perfect sense#she hated being questioned. wanted total authority. ex military and so used to dealing with military types. family/loyalty important to her#which is why her and clem meeting again and clashing heads is so narratively interesting#is this person your family? can you bring them to your side? are they even the same person? when do you let go?#so many themes in S4 mmm yummy#a theme vi/minnie share too#and mitch brings up the sentiment while burning ms martin#but yeah im in the 'lilly was actually the best villain in the whole series' camp i wonder whos in here with me. is it quiet in here#it wouldve been nice to see more of the delta... unfortunately if things needed to be cut its understandable why it was#you dont NEED to know more about the delta than whats been told#but i would like to 😔#like could we have been given more fleshing out of her character? sure. do we actually NEED it? no#it speaks
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pata hai last kuch din i was very busy with my project kyunki final dena tha and binding karni thi etc to wo karwayi then i went to the bookfair bekaar tha then parso submit karne jaa rahi to subah accident hogaya (bhai ki bike skid hogayi and we fell down) and now i have a big ass blue bruise on my upper thigh and my parents don't even know lmao and kal ek science conference thi to i had to sit in an auditorium for 6 hours listening to accomplished people speak. that's what you missed now your turn
omg i knew everything in this except for the accident cause i stalk your blog vigorously everyday are you okay!!!!!!!!!! did you get tetanus shots!!!!!!!!!! also on your upper thigh oh no that's where future jiju is supposed to write MINE na as per our beloved song guilty as sin?
#did u have fun at the conference it must've been cool huh women in stem and all that#bookfair being bad is so sucky i was so excited for you to go i thought you'd send pictures too of books we like#also u already know everything i posted everything and every thought#i ate chinese but it didn't feel that good because my sister isn't here and we didn't eat it together watching#koffee or splitsvilla and i realised that it's not just the chinese food it's the whole hanging out that i love sm :((#kal well i told you pata hai the brownie place we met it's kinda new and cool types so uske bathroom mein#there was a button and it said press at your own risk and when we did it became a dj like the lights went out and#there when flashing spinning disco lights and party songs were playing mere mein wo aaya hum toh naye andaz hai apna purana#it was sooo cool im adding it to the list of places you'll visit when u come here!!!!!!!#also the food was soooo shockingly reasonably priced everything was under 200 rs!!!!! which is big for a dessert place here#and like great quantity great taste too my stupid people from office used to say it's awesome but i didn't believe them and never tried it#because they're all losers lol but i grudgingly admit that they were right#also ummmm hmm okay pata hai i realised ki oh okay im happy with who i am#like bachpan mein i used to feel very sad and loser like because dad was too strict to let me go out raat ko and everyone in school would#go to this club we went to kal and i always felt i was missing out and i wanted to be all cool and fun too#but it was kinda so boring and normal and i was like wow okay i didn't miss out i was spending days and nights reading books being in#fandoms and i was actually very happy!!!!! so like yay idk small thing bt yk i realised that oh it was okay and everything will be okay too#i kinda want to talk to that guy now like i weirdly feel like im longing for what could've been? which is ridiculous because#we were 11 and i barely talked to him back then because shy and friends would tease and i didn't realise it was a crush#i don't want to DATE him because like tbh i already know we're very different people but like wouldn't it be fun to idk make out once#then i got the urge to download dating app but i resisted the urge and won i don't think im made for casual things#me and my bestie were laughing about this yesterday too she was like i just don't understand how people can have sex one day and then#not give a fuck about each other the next day like idk if we have sex im having your kids and i was like ikrrrr like bhai sex is toh very#big im going to be attached if we hug i literally did!!!!! so we decided no more casual/situationships for us#phew okay more rambling on whatsapp love u bye this became too long#saumyuuuuuu
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"average person creates 3 new AUs per year" factoid actually just statistical error. average person makes 0 AUs per year. Alternate Universes Catie, who lives in cave & makes over 2 each month, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
#i think about how many ive made this year and i feel a bit woozy#its so funny bcs ive always been weirdly staunch abt not making AUs for my own characters#<- just bcs i wanna establish them and putting them in different AUs makes it a bit less stable so#and them i start drawing fanart for the first time in my life and go absolutely nuts#let me think hmm i think ive made 8 or so this year 🤔#not all of them have art yet but they do haunt me#like also does it count if you make offshoots of your own AUs 😭#i have too many thoughts ;;;;;#also i think its just bcs i really crave learning new info#and ive learned *a lot* about f1 so its fun to make AUs by learning more abt smth else and then combining them#like hmm how do these real world events fit into early 18th century europe JSKFKGLLVLV#actually i *do* live in cave. me and my dark bedroom 🤧#if you stay on my blog you WILL get a history or culture lesson abt some inane thing#catie.rambling.txt#*i need to start putting 'scheduled' in the tags of posts so you guys dont get a horrible perception of my sleep schedule#well it is horrible. but not horrible enough that im staying up *too* late
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Was wondering why this particular gith face always feels like it suits baldness best and then I realized it IS in fact Orpheus' face model, Orph just has different unique ears.
Anyway welcome back, dreadwolf.
#he almost had purple-blue eyes but I've wanted to use that pink on *someone*#I have vague plans for a gith from creche y'llek who was the first gith to be shown mercy by ko'kuu#think I might use him for that#blasting him with the agonizing chronic pain beam. sorry#might call him solir which is funny because it's actually the name of a sun god in one of my homebrew campaigns#but that could work for a gith born in the monastery basement of the morninglord's temple#also: cleric. for fun and profit.#realized the orph thing when I also made him yellow RIP oh well. maybe he'll be sympathetic to orpheus' plight finally#not playing him yet I have too many other characters on the docket at the moment but I keep turning his concepts around in my head#so I wanted a visual to go with#doubly glad I didn't go with the spots ko'kuu has because I think Orph has the same ones underneath those tattoos#but I like the concept of recognition as sympathy in that sense: why ko'kuu fought for him; why he might in turn fight for orpheus#hmm#we'll see#I also wanted to see what Xa'rok looked like with these spots on because in my brain they have spots on their neck (more along the sides)#but I wasn't convinced#alas#I also like that one spot pattern with the spots on the chin.#also considered a body 1 gith for this concept but again the faces vex me. I think the only face I like is the first one#I'll have to play Kresh's guardian sometime because she's pretty#I almost gave him that same tattoo because it's fun to see which tattoos go all the way up into the hair that you don't normally see#but I was adamant about leaving his face bare because I NEVER do#oh god I don't want to play a second warlock (lii'r'ai is a warlock) but this guy making a pact in the hopes of mitigating his pain... hmm#unaligned cleric/cleric of morninglord to cleric of ilmater or loviatar (once he learns about them) to warlock could be fun...#my tavs#rook's ramblings
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au where through training for the,,, fuckin skate olympics or whatever alejandro did he realizes how shitty his family is and manages to leave the situation (probably getting disowned,, living off of money won through skate competitions or smth idk) and years later reunites with josé on ridonculous race to try and rekindle a real family relationship
#sorry everyone i thought 'hmm skateboarder alejandro????????' and this was born#actually why havent we done more with that skateboarding fact.#scratch that what could we do w that fact............#new fic guys where alejandro has the shittiest time ever learning to skateboard (i do not skateboard)#this also probably has something to do with me currently watching rr who knows#uhh idk who they would replace....... any of the earlier elimination fodder i guess if you switched the order of some things#a shame rr doesnt have 3 person teams we couldve had all the brothers#actually no. carlos comes down to uhhhh wherever alejandro is for sports or something#< theyre on fantastic terms. however José#this is also also partially an outlet for the family dynamic for all three of them which ive completely made up. in my head.#alejandro does not go on world tour im thinking..... now for total drama dirtbags#i could. i could. josé could compete in world tour#too many ideas. too late at night for this#rambling in the tags again hmmm#kijorambles#total drama#total drama au#< horrifying. i am terrified of putting this on main tags#will delete those later if i become too Fearful
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Anyway prohibitedwish dark medieval mystery drama au. The story is interjected every so often by prismo and scarab arguing over what should happen next
#random thoughts#adventure time#over time scarab learns to accept when things dont go his way (especially when prismo has a very good idea)#and prismo gets help working through his depression through the beauty of creating with another person (euphamism for gay sex lol)#hey prismo why do you want to collab with scarab hmm? to create life with another man? pretty gay it does seem#anyway in the beginning they argue because scarab wants stuff to go his way#and prismo keeps bringing up bad ideas and wanting to put jake-esque characters in everything#prismo is. not very creative#anyway their universe ends up following a sheriff and a self-declared wizard in the late-12th century (so around robin hood times)#as the sheriff hunts down a group of bandits#(prismo ends up really liking the bandits and thinking the sheriff sucks balls for hunting them down and scarab's like you just dont get it)#the self-declared wizard is very much a conman hawking snake oil (i do NOT sound like that is. very commonly interjected by prismo)#there is no magic. prismo keeps trying to put magic in there. scarab keeps shutting him down#scarab ends up trying to kill off the wizard for a dramatic moment and prismo gets upset about it#'it's a tragedy! it's supposed to be sad!' 'but WHAT IS THE POINT??? it's just tragedy for the sake of tragedy!'#'if your plan this whole time was to make me upset then congrats!!! you made everyone's friend prismo upset. im gonna do something else now'#prismo disappears and scarab feels. bad. it doesn't feel good.#eventually prismo comes back in to apologize for getting too into the story and leaving in a huff and shit and surprise!!!#the wizard is still alive! scarab LISTENED and he CONCEDED and CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT BABEY!!!#now the ending of the story they were trying to tell is more bittersweet instead of a full-on 'everyone's dead or sad' thing#btw the sheriff and the wizard end up kissing and prismo and scarab are both VERY awkward about it#scarab still likes dark edgy stuff but he recognizes the universe he created with prismo is a SHARED project and he's been kind of a pill
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#hmm some thoughts for myself and anyone who is reading lmao#ok so#having options? objectively a W. that's such a good thing truly.#and there are REASONS i decided to seek out options in the first place.#there was a VERY crystalizing moment where an event occurred and i then DECIDED. to gather other options.#and yall im gonna be so real rn. ive been kinda not great about applying. it has been overwhelming#and im truly surprised and flattered that ppl have reached out to ME. that's WILD lowkey.#i submitted for a couple campaign job banks and applied directly to a handful of positions#and mostly have been fielding ppl reaching out to me from the jobs bank which again lowkey wild#and of course that's just to apply. that isnt an offer. but it is something.#so ive already turned down 2 jobs. i have anothwr job offer rn actively.#i have another Highly potential thing rn. will learn more eow.#and of course i could also choose not to leave. i have a job rn. i MOSTLY really do like my job.#i love the org. i love the people. what i dont love is all the fucking melodrama.#i hate that they made me apply for a promotion to then REJECT ME for a BULLSHIT reason. and try to hire externally instead like WHAT???#and im not exactly overconfident yall but i am fucking qualified for this promotion.#they turned me down bc their internal expextations changed and they wanna hire someone another level above the job itself which is so not ok#so like. that is largely why im like wow ok. time to go#but it also hurts to think about leaving. and i dont want to piss ppl off also. bc i DO value them.#so yeah that's hard#but like this is also the year to jump if i want to in my line of work. the year to move.#if i wait until next year im lowkey fucked. so like. yeahhhhh.#part of me really Really wants to go. but part of me also wants to stay and just chill a bit this year#🙃🙃🙃#i dont want to choose wrong. i dont want to burn bridges.#i also dont want to be in an unhealthy situation AGAIN. been there done that Never doing that shit again#but idk what is gonna be healthy vs unhealthy it's all such a fucking gamble. includes my current job#what do i want?? i want to be fucking HAPPY.#i want to be surrounded by friends and community and enjoy life and make an impact where i can for good#i want to get a dog i want to be paid enough to not worry about rent i want to eat good food and travel and see the country
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there should be older sisters for older sisters so that they have someone to go to for help and advice
#my brother just came to me for help on a very important and big topic#and like it's so so so important and good that he reached out for help before anything really bad happened#i can't believe he's trusting me with this and i feel weirdly honored#but he made me promise not to tell our mom so she won't be mad or worried#the thing is however that i almost always go to my mom for help so now this is my responsibility and i can't talk to her about it#which is good she has more than enough on her plate#and thankfully my girlfriend is there for me and had some really good advice#but i still feel a little overwhelmed and scared that I'll mess up#that's the devil talking tho i'm trying my best I've researched professional help and resources in case we end up needing them#and I'll do everything in my power to help him#not to be deancoded on this spn sideblog but protecting my little brother is literally my oldest and most important responsibility#anyway it will all be so okay i will make it okay#just realized i'm tori from heartstopper-coded hmm#girlblogging
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Well now I just wanna know even more about your ocs and their story! xD Even before all the spooky stuff, Raven being placed in the middle of someone else's life and there's pressure to remember people and things he doesn't... And the watch, is that significant, what happens if Raven makes it to new years (hopefully with his sanity intact)? And what is up with this universe's Raven that just 'ah the amnesia hit him again' ?
And what did Rei do to get people that pissed at him? And but is he still trying to look out for Raven even if he acts like he's not?
-🎀
ribbon anon, you have no idea how happy these questions make me.
there's not a lot of pressure on raven to remember things he doesn't, because everyone around knows he gets these amnesia spells. it's still tough on him because he has to navigate this world anyway, and it lets people be dismissive of him. because—there's no reason to make friends with someone who's bound to forget you in a couple of weeks or months anyway, right? (it also gives a green card to be a shit. he won't remember!) (fun morality dilemmas right there.)
he's entirely lost, made to "play family" with people he doesn't know, live in an appartment that's wholly unfamiliar to him yet he's meant to call it his home, and whenever he steps outside, he has to deal with all these strangers looking at him knowingly while they don't know anything about him, actually. and on top of that there's the voices and shadows and mirror reflections...
add in him being worried about evia as she gets close to rei, because he isn't yet sure what kind of person rei is. and then later on kye telling him he needs to stay away from rei. (that they both do; him and evia. especially evia.) that raven should help them bring rei down—
except. kye's words come at a time when raven's already experienced the cracks in rei's masks. they come at a time when raven's beginning to be acutely aware that rei cares and he's hurting.
and now raven has to decide who to trust and side with, caught in the middle of it all.
... so let's talk about rei.
rei is meant to be a troublemaker, this uncaring character who only cares only about himself... and yet this caregiver role is thrust upon him, where he has to also (begrudgingly) make sure raven's okay whenever he forgets things, right? he's tired of this cycle. tired of doing the same things over and over pointlessly.
i had lots of notes on their childhood and young rei leading to how rei got to be like this, and why. but if you want to know about The Incident that so fiercely set nick against rei... well.
rei used to have a girlfriend. and they were young and stupid, and it was a little bit toxic.
ok, very toxic.
see, rei often felt like he's not paid a lot of attention, and he isn't as loved as raven is. that he has to actively take, whereas it always felt to him like raven is just given things. like he always had something to compete and fight for.
and so when he got into this relationship, he really just dug his nails into the idea that he's now wanted and needed. that this was his.
it was possessive, and controlling, and bad.
it ended on a cliffside in a tragic accident.
rei was trying to prove something. like an idiot that he was. she was trying to leave, and he was trying to insist she needed him, cornering her near the edge as they fought.
he tried to grab her, but she fell anyway.
kye and nick were witnesses, and from far away, it looked like rei pushed her.
from kye's recounting of events, it isn't clear if she survived or not. what is searing, though, is the idea that rei never got any kind of backlash from it. he never got punished. he never stopped treating people like shit, making him a ticking time bomb until it happens again. because he hasn't learned his lesson.
nick wants to teach him that lesson, by any means necessary. even if those means are equally as bad as what he thinks rei did. (to be fair, nick is also a little psycho who enjoys people's suffering and power, soo—) (it's kye who's going into this thinking they can do it right.) (it's kye who's begging raven to help them. to go against rei. to let rei feel some consequences; to teach him that people aren't toys or possessions.)
(rei knows these things.)
here's a fun little note i have on rei:
Rei’s choice to be a troublemaker (to fight, physically, with the world around him) was his way of dealing with the things inside of him. But he never wanted that little sphere of destruction to reach anyone else. He never imagined it would ever affect anyone but himself.
#ange answers#ribbon anon#sor#you're enabling and indulging me and engaging with the stuff i say wahh#you're the best#i'll ramble forever even if you'd be the only person listening#<3#i can tell you more about the whole amnesia thing#what happened to this universe's raven#and what the voices are saying to our raven#it's very fun :3c#or we can talk more about rei#i gotta go eat now though sooo#just nudge me again if u want <3#the whole “play family” with strangers doesn't entail too much#their mom is a nurse and is often gone working long shifts#and their dad is no longer in the picture#so it's mostly rei raven has to deal with#but i had a whole bit about raven and his “mom” that was so heartwrenching#gosh#i should dig it up#the bad news is i can't show you any original scenes and snippets because the story is and always has been written in slovak#but maybe i can try to translate some tidbits hmm#cw toxic relationship#i once again don't know how to cw tag this kjnxckbjn#i hold rei like i hold juni#complicated little bastard who made some very bad choices and hurt people#i love him he's in so much pain that he refuses to show <333
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I do a lot of translation in my job and I've started enjoying it so much more since I started letting myself be a bit more free in my translations. Communicating the message and the vibe is more important than the phrase structure or wording being exactly the same.
#it also improves the quality of the texts because they actually make sense#sometimes these Italians love to put 40000 words that mean nothing and the same thing in a sentence and it's like#girl we don't have to do all that#in the sense that Italian and Swedish text conventions are different and what sounds fine in Italian risks sounding v formal in Swedish#also sometimes I sit there with an Italian origin text that I first have to edit and it's like do I not understand what this says because#1. my Italian isn't good enough in this field#2. this is a complicated field#3. these people don't know how to write#and sometimes when I'm done editing the Italian text and go to do the translation I'm like oh I have no idea what they're trying to say#and think to myself hmm maybe I should've done more editing but oh well eccoci qua#I mean this is like translation 101 but I have done exactly one very bad translation course 5 years ago#that made me go I never want to do this for a job#but my increased freedom now is just I don't care as much about it being exactly the way my boss envisioned#like everything we publish has to go by him first which puts a certain pressure on the text#so when I first arrived at this job I was like uuh the Swedish has to be as similar as possible#but now I'm like man it's more important that it sounds Swedish and not Italian than it being exactly the same#and my boss also doesn't speak Swedish in any case so what does he know#snicksnack#comunque sì queste le riflessioni della serata#domani ho preso il giorno libero perché i miei colleghi mi hanno un po' rotto er cazzo sinceramente so :))
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also it's something (better) like, the exercise of deliberately [art imitates life imitates art] holding up Billions to My IRL Things Perspective and going like whaaat would i want for winston. first answer is you want any character to not have been within the scope of the show in the first place, and to exit it since they are. and you kind of get that in the accidental reward in banishing winston, since like in the end it's just that the show doesn't care about him existing at that point But like it's winston sitting there quietly as everyone leaves & turns out the lights & Then he can leave too; others have peaced out & nobody remembers he exists so Now he can go off & do whatever.
but like in true form i think they definitely accidentally baked in another divine reward for winston in that, like, the way he's kept around as fodder for these fun little [pov: enjoy abusing this guy] asides with him, where it Just So Happens that he's autistic as something they're unaware of but is completely relevant to the expectation we understand him to be inferior(tm), it Just So Happens that he's also ""bad"" at not ""causing"" abuse to be turned on him. he's ""bad"" at staying in line. like well yes Yes that's what i want for him. just like In Real Life it's like yeah Ideally i'd want people to be able to extricate themselves from where they're trapped in power structures & i'd want them to have the perspective about it of understanding they're not Inferior / i.e. they are as much a person as anyone else and they're not corrupting everything good / i.e. it wasn't them Bringing It Upon Themselves and it's not them being Destructive by toppling a jenga tower of a hierarchy that happened to be pressing down on them. and winston is the kind of [the ruinerrrrrr] who is Turned On exactly because he keeps acting like someone who's on the verge of breaking out of the [being in line] someone demands of him as autist, employee, whatever other supposed manifestations of [inferior]
like in the 5 second stretches in which winston's allowed to speak before retaliation, it's because he's like "matter of factly" delivering whatever Information that's useful for another plotline. then he Brings It Upon Himself by making people aware that he's Also existing in his own right as a person rather than what they think serves their own deal / what they want from him at all times, perhaps by expressing his personality (didn't appeal to them! so it was Wrong) or not b/c of anything in particular said or done at present, just b/c people have a constant / accumulating contempt for him so their being in the same room as him & able to see & hear him is already dangerous. the [we're just seeing Any Abusive Dynamic in action] continuing apace.
and it's like, well, right there. he's written as acting like someone who doesn't blame himself for how he's treated, which billions frames as being Rude & Mean, and so too does everyone's abusers lmfao like and that these are his moments that are written to be Bringing It Upon Himself. and it's like hell yeah he doesn't blame himself. hell yeah that his self-esteem can manifest as anger at all. hell yeah that he keeps expressing himself with personality & confidence & doesn't even disguise his having been hurt, & it's this [his ass is Not grey rocking] that billions frames as both him "causing" his abuse & making that abuse "successful" lol, wrow just like real life!! and when like speaking of real life yeah it's not "bad" that people Do engage in strategies to mitigate & survive, including things like blaming themselves or being too "boring" to be anything but a non dialogued background character b/c that's all that goes unpunished, it's bad b/c it's done to them at all, not [ohh they're doing it to themselvesss] and like i'm asking myself like Ideally. what do i want Ideally. and i'd want winston to know that it's being Done To Him & i'd want him to find as much room for his personhood & autonomy as possible. and that's basically how he's written anyways, and billions hates that like You See this is why he deserves it this is why he's doing it to himself. and i'm like my god if that's not Inspiration for like "so what if people don't find you Personally Likable" and not preemptively holding back all personality or anything that'd draw attention as if you exist as a person in your own right & not something that only either gets in the way of or serves their wants of a Real person (someone with more power) like hell yeah you have him out here doing it =']
another fun addendum is like, billions isn't getting into it much b/c it doesn't seem to care much about "what if some people were peers & seem to have a genuine, recipcrocal relationship?" but that it just so happened to be like "oh tuk as the next closest loser who deserves it might be nice to winston" while it's framing winston as the "worse" Loser as being....unconditionally supportive of tuk. while the one downside of billions Also giving bentuk as much as it is is that it also inevitably has that shadow of "but ben is Superior to tuk" and like that it's correct that everyone encourages tuk to Stop Bringing It Upon Himself and start being less of a loser; it's wrong for winston to be like hey let's go have a foursome. like yeah probably don't make a list of the women you work with you'd be dtf but it's not like i'm convinced "ah billions and it's strong anti misogyny stance like" roflmao and billions is Not reflecting on "the downsides of unconditional support?" there when winston was beaten up for criticising taylor earlier like we WILL take his ideas while looting his [beaten unconscious] body there but he WAS wrong to express them as though he's BETTER than taylor!!! mafee's beautiful show of loyalty in kicking his ass even when he might agree with the argument and then benefit when it's adopted by taylor anyways! so it's as usual actually purely based on hierarchy & who gets to be in charge of people. it's correct for ben to be in charge of tuk, unless he has to step aside for that bizarre dead-end subplot about how it's tuk's fault if he's treated badly, b/c it's really his own Failure to have Confidence to know he has good ideas [raising our voice to deliver this message over the sound of breaking desks and chairs and computer monitors over winston because he had the confidence to act like he deserved to talk to someone and because he knows his ideas efforts & results are good & valuable around there] like. and isn't it sooo fucked up to talk about who you're dtf in the episode that has it be neutral if your boss is dtf & lets you know but is nice about it (and you're already Correctly tending to their ego, which you're responsible for!) like hey no possible problem! it's not even so much of a problem for a boss man to have the sex they're entitled to & be rude about their leveraging their power in that acquisition that it Stays a problem into the next season. ew, winston is Known (Inferred) Dtf??? we'll use it to exploit His vulnerability, exacerbate it, & punish him further for good measure in another episode that just revels in abuse & violation with a sexual aspect once again, but like, hey tuk don't do that, winston's such a Bad Influence for being like, shrug, kneejerk intervening with the Good Friendship where the One In Charge leaps in & Tells tuk the Correct thing to do. obviously there's also the tragedy that billions will Never let winston push back against Real Winners like rian or taylor in A Way That Matters (actually gets in their way at all) lol like. one thing that would have really been fun, winston should've literal kneejerk started physically fighting wags in either pertinent scene in 7x03 for real 110%. i wouldn't be like Gasp Violence Is Never The Answer if he just hit someone to hit them b/c fuck you. or broke anything on his way out etc etc. billions would Never let him. which is the other side of the same coin of [why he should get to]
tl;dr how great that winston's being "out of line" means he's basically always noticeably flouting & rebelling against the [He Deserves Abuse] agenda lol. that IS what i want. his being "beyond hope" like ohhh he's sooo stupid he doesn't realize how much he has the bad tastes & wrong interests & annoying personality He Will Always Be This Way like hell yeah!!! billions like oh no winston's personhood will never stay tamped down & locked away such that some godawful person tolerates keeping him in their inventory :( ohhh the ABA will never work :( that's right!!!!!!!!!! although they're not sad about it because it's about relishing the promise there will always be True Inferiors you can enjoy abusing with your righteous power over, but like well you wrote him escaping anyways even while dragging other "better" characters into standing around to serve axe's need for more than 1.8 employees and [crickets, reverberating cough, sneaker scuff] like. another ""wrong"" thing for winston to do, another thing for him to not "deserve," which is itself godawful actually lol like lord what it "rewards" its Good, Deserving characters with, no thanks. meanwhile winston's punishment is that he's autistic and """bad""" at being abused like lmfao good for him, fantastic for him, just what i want
#winston billions#a series that did inadvertently power up the stances of someone who actually is Not a fan of ableism; abuse; authoritarianism; and cetera#real winston billions fans might also get written off the series into the ether....but hey. the power up#the ''i saw the autistic character. i saw the tour de force'' was there & it mattered#myself marked glad to be A Ruinerrrrr; to like be present where other people might be aware & even say & do things & [my personality]#throw it back to the last post like my experience going hahaha >:) but you made one mistake. decade old minivan in my name#enough to Get Outta There....but that naturally if it Wasn't that Would be an avenue of punishing / reeling people back in#hey you Stole this from me. hey winston that's Stolen Time and stolen data who give a shit. it's the principle of [we own winston]#my experience also indeed getting ''''worse'''' at being abused lmao i.e. more conflict & resentment as i was increasingly aware i didn't#deserve it. no thanks to much of anything i learned in; say; interacting with others as an autistic person lmao. hmm!#meanwhile even if exploring like Winston Having Fun Being Himself it's like one thing is just. never having the Site of that be like#first & foremost An Romance lol. like even if it's like sure someone could interpret this as romantic that's like; an extra thing#and it's not The Guideline like; not thinking that for winston to be okay he Needs to get on the soulmate track#(billions does think that lol) and like. while billions says winston Has dated (i do think they meant to imply Multiple Times in 5x05#i just think we see that they usually don't care oh so much abt continuity; certainly not across the board) & that he has a crush#like then uhh yeah sure it's like. well i can readily extrapolate then that he's had abusive dating relationships.#billions does Not put forth that someone treating winston Well is where he gets the bulletproof confidence or anything lol#just cursed like again i'm not. i'm not gonna accept [wild you dropped steph into our Visuals as like 1 Confirmed Winston Ex]#but it's also like well then any Depiction would be The Perspective....not like. the abuse currently happening & in any way that is meant#to be ''''obvious'''' & ''''convincing'''' to someone w/no idea what it looks like anyways. vs the mundane ordinary parts that speak to it#or just the ways that experience & concomitant perspective could manifest outside of it even with No look inside it#running into issues like [good thing riawin didn't even hook up or that'd be More vulnerability in an abusive relationship already]#but what if they did & Montage Of Malaise? well to even brush up against inevitable more ''blatant'' things would then either be like#well immediately move Away from that then. before or after but Exit the [current] situation. Or it'd be like. rian has to Reconsider#but a) the character absolutely does not & based on everything will not. & b) if she actually Does; e.g. in a fic. well it's about her now#but i can think of ''yeah maybe winstuk fic that is also framed with bentuk b/c it's not really about Romance & if it's like sure then why#Not presume winston has experiences w/abuse & violation aplenty b/c that's the full context for the character lol it's then still like#and here's little details in which that could Manifest that would just be [??] or unnoticed to others anyways. just like real life!!''
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my god i am ADORING the fontaine world quests so much they are so good
#personal stuff#thorn plays genshin#i love how they all show different sides of fontaine while also being connected!!!! and we get pieces of the puzzle with each quest!!#all the alice in wonderland imagery too. caterpillar........ also lyris being called the ''red empress''.....like the red queen perhaps?#and taking everyone back to the ordo after each quest is so cool and satisfying because it really feels like it's building to something#and we'll finally get to see the whole puzzle and figure everything out and AUUGH.#just the whole doomsday clock + the ??? domain talking about the apocalypse and how no more civilizations will be made#and caterpillar's comment that maybe we're already living in the apocalypse. HMM. maybe we are#jsut AUUGH. it's so so so cool. i love lore :]#though each one is supremely fucked up in different ways. and i love it#ann's whole thing with Stories and how what stories are told about you shape who you are as a person#and all the alice in wonderland stuff in her quest#the whole thing with elynas and jakob in seymour's quest. plus the book of revealing with canotila.#then everything about the Master that we learn from caterpillar???#me going on the wiki like hey what the fuck is going on. and going WAIT THE INSTITUTE AND THE ORDO ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS#okay that makes more sense. the institute split and the ordo was made of the people who believed in the abyss and apocalypse stuff#OH MY GOD ALAIN AND MARY-ANN ARE SIBLINGS. sorry this is not a huge reveal i just didn't know what their connection was#i'm not reading all the artifact descriptions sorry </3#anyway i'm psyched i love siblings.#ALAIN MADE HER A ROBOTIC DOG TO PROTECT HER. cries and explodes forever i love you sibligns. wtf#but yea the master being a fucked up rebirth combo of lyris and rene.#and caterpillar possibly being created from the master's memory of carter who was also ''prepped for rebirth'' by rene before his dissolvin#NO BUT ACTUALLY WHAT THE FUCK. in ann's story lyris giving up her ''time'' to freeze narcissus. what the fuck was that about#with the context that she and rene dissolved and were stripped of personality to become the Master which caterpillar calls narzissenkreuz#?????????#god. remember when i said i felt like i needed a corkboard and red string to figure this stuff out. still true#i could just read the wiki but the black + white contrast makes my head hurty. thank you <3
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