#mild sa

[effy-writes]

Addict (Blitz x Reader)

10: Ozzie’s/Queen Bee:Methamphetamine

cw: narcan, mild sa

~~~~~~~~

 "Woo! That was a fuck ton of lumberjacks!" Blitz yelled.

You panted, holding yourself up with the metal pole, "Fuck this stupid coke lungs." You whispered.

"I'm so jazzed up!" Millie screamed.

"Well you better stay jazzed, babe. Because, guess where I'm taking you tonight?" Moxxie pointed finger guns.

"Don't you dare finish a filthy pun in my presence Moxxie. Besides, drinks are on me tonight. Let's hit up the new dive down the street." Blitz put his arm around you.

"Actually, sir, it's our one-year marriage anniversary. So, I'm taking Millie to Ozzie's in the Lust Ring!"

You grinned ear to ear, you absolutely love M&M's relationship. Every once in a while you'll get jealous over their relationship, wishing that you will have your Moxxie, or even your Millie.

The couple started to make out in front of everyone, you looked amused but Blitz was annoyed.

"Ugh, can you two not?"

"I'm sorry, sir. Maybe another time?"

"No, it's fine! I-I can come with the two of you, help you celebrate your boring as fuck monogamy."

"Can I come?" You butted in, Blitz had to take a second glance, "Uh, No"

"Why?" You leaned onto the pole.

"Because I like stalking M&M, I don't actually want to go on a date."

You slouched, dragging your pole and sat down on the chairs at the table.

~~~

You and Blitz stayed quiet during the drive home. Once arriving he quickly cleaned up, throwing the bathroom hygiene out so he can get what he needs.

You on the other hand sat on the couch, rubbing your temples.

"You okay?" Blitz startled you.

"Yeah. Are you actually going to Ozzie's?"

"Yeah? I gotta see what M&M are up to." Blitz rushed to the door but turned around and went over to the couch. "Oh shit I actually forgot something." He pulled out a box from his jacket pocket and handed it to you.

You raised your eyebrow and opened the box, it was a new phone. "What's this?"

"What are you fucking blind? A phone! You deserve it."

Your smile gotten bigger, "Really! Oh thank you!" You pulled Blitz into a hug.

"Please don't make me regret this." He groaned, pulling away from the hug. "Everyone's contact is in that list. Anyway I gotta go byeee!" He ran out the apartment.

"At least I won't be bored." You mumbled, but perked up.

You went on the dark web and clicked on some links that will send you drug dealers from miles away. Your heart felt heavy, Blitz gave you a phone because you haven't done drugs in a while, but now you're breaking his trust by doing the first thing he begged you not to do.

You debated on it for a while, but decided to say fuck it and find some people.

~~

"Fuck yes!" You shouted, grabbing the baggy of coke. "That was actually easier than I thought." You shrugged and made two lines with the new coke, snorted, and stumbled back. The euphoria automatically hitting.

Your phone rang quickly answered it, "Hi Blitz!"

"Hi yeah, can you come over to Ozzie's? I need a partner."

Oh shit. "Sorry, I was going to run some errands."

"Since when did you do that?"

"Now."

"Boo you whore." Blitz hang up.

15 minutes later your high worn down. You were tempted to do some more lines. You hesitated, and then made 3 more lines, snort, and exhaled in relief. You got a crazy idea, you wanted to see Blitz.

You took a quick shower and put on some better clothes, a plain long sleeve shirt with a skirt. It's not much but it's better than your regular clothes.

~~

You snuck your way into the building, found Blitz and started walking to his table.

"Stolas?" You mumbled.

Fizz quickly caught your eye. Him and Ozzie was singing to what it look liked to be was Moxxie. You didn't care, you just wanted to sit with Blitz.

"Hey guys what did I miss?"

"Y/n! What are you doing here? And how did you get in here without a partner?" Blitz whispered.

"Metal rod."

"Eh fair enough."

"Darling! Y/n! Haven't seen you since the last full moon."

"Yeah, been busy Stolas."

You looked up to see Fizz. You haven't seen him since you left the circus. You know he's disabled and have robotic limbs, but this is the first time you saw him in person.

"Holy shit Y/n?" Fizz yelled, the light shining onto you. "There's one thing me and Blitzo have in common. We hate for what you did to us. Coked up and left us." He laughed as you gulped. Fizz extended and got to your face, "Pupils big, somebody is on coke again." He teased.

You looked at Blitz with guilt.

"I gave you a phone and not even 3 hours later you got high?" Blitz stood up.

"Is that Blitzo? So, you're showing your face!" Fizz laughed. "Hey, everybody! This guy's a total disgrace!"

You didn't take your eyes off of Blitz. Stolas put his hand over yours, "Since when did you do drugs?"

"Since I was four fucking teen!" You yelled, bringing everyone's attention to the three.

"Stolas, is that you?" Asmodeus got a closer look.

"Are you sleepin' with two imps?" A bystander interjected.

The constant taunting was starting to end. Blitz looked away from Stolas and you. Angry that Stolas looks ashamed to be with the two, disappointed with you for breaking his trust.

Stolas reaches his hand to comfort Blitz, but he pulled away.

"You know what? This was a mistake. Alright, let's just -- let's just leave."

"Oh. Right, of course."

Your breathing slowed. The two males got up and started to leave. You still sat at the table, sulking in what you've done. You began to think that you never learn, cursing at your parents for making you addicted, and cursing at yourself for not breaking it.

Stolas realized this and walked over to the table, putting his hand on your shoulder, "Come on," he said in a soothing voice.

You got up and walked with Stolas, Blitz was already gone.

The two got in his van, Stolas in the passenger seat while you sat in the middle of the back seats. None of you said a word to each other.

The van stopped at Stolas' mansion, the owl got out and peaked his head through the window. "Thank you, for... inviting me out tonight. Despite everything that's happened, I...I enjoyed spending time with you."

"Yeah." Blitz got irritated, he clenched his grip on the steering wheel.

"You know, I have some more wine in the house. Octavia's with her mother this weekend. So, we could--"

"We're not fucking you tonight, okay? I'm really just.. I'm really not in the mood, Stolas."

"Because of what happened or because of Y/n's currentship." He pointed to you.

"Both." He spat.

"We could talk, or... watch a movie, or... maybe cuddle?"

"Stolas, don't act like what we have is anything but you wanting us to fuck you, okay? You make that really clear all the time." His voice broke. "But, I just, we can't do it tonight, okay?"

"Okay." He sighs, "Goodnight, Blitz. Goodnight Y/n."

"Night." Blitz drove off, not giving enough time for you to say goodnight.

The high wore off, inducing you to have extreme fatigue. You stretch in the backseat and laid down.

Blitz looked at you through the rear view mirror. You were sound asleep, the only noises in the van was your soft snores.

"You're killing me, Y/n." His voice cracked, shook his head and kept his eyes on the road.

Occasionally staring at you sleeping soundly.

Blitz picked you up and carried you to the apartment room. He was struggling to unlock the door since he was trying not to drop you.

He shut the door with his foot and gently laid you down on the pull out couch and covered you up. He took off his shoes and laid down beside of you.

Blitz pulled you close to him and looked through his phone gallery. He swiped through the pictures, pictures that he took of Stolas, you, M&M, him and Fizz, and then his mom. Tears filled his eyes, pulling you closer and cried quietly into the crook of your neck.

~~~

Blitz ended up falling asleep, and his phone dinging woke him up. Loona had texted him to pick her up from the party.

He shook you to wake up but didn't budge. "Y/n." He began to panic. He raised his hand and slapped you.

"What the fuck, Blitz!" You held your cheek.

"Sorry, thought you were dead. Come on, Loona needs us."

~~

The van came to a sudden stop in front of the entrance. Loona was waiting outside impatiently.

Blitz rolled down the passenger window. "Hey, Loonie. How you doin', you alright?"

Loona got inside the van, sitting behind the passenger seat. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just wanna go." She sighed.

An Imp pointed out Blitz, "He-hey, that sounds like Blitzo!"

"O is silent, asshole!"

"He-hey, I knew it was you! Fuck, man, where've you been? Are you here for the party?"

"N-no, I'm just here picking up my daughter."

"Oh, shit! Do you have a daughter now? Wait how does two imps have a hellhound?" Blitz's old friend pointed at you.

"Adopted!" Lonna growled.

The others was trying to convince him and Loona to not leave. You rested your head in your hand.

"I want to meet this pretty little lady." The same imp said, giving you lustfull eyes.

"Watch it!" Blitz yelled.

"Well, these people seem to know you. Come on! I think I wanna give this another try. Pleeease?" Loona begged.

"Okay, fine. Maybe one drink."

The three got out of the van and made their way into Beezlebubs mansion. Blitz gripped your arm and pulled you aside, "If you think about doing any type of drug I will hurt you."

"How about drinking?"

"No, Y/n. Drinking after coke? That sounds like a bad idea."

"It left my system-"

"Don't care." Blitz let go of you.

Minutes later Blitz was drinking from a keg while everyone was cheering his name. You rolled your eyes and stomped off. Trying to get far away as Blitz from possible so you can either A: find stimulants, or B: get wasted.

"Oh shit, Y/n!" Beezlebub said.

"Oh, hey."

"You haven't been to my party's in a while, how have you been?"

"Good. Hey do you have stimulants per chance?"

"Fuck yes! Come on." She took your hand and led you upstairs to get the stash. "Meth, Coke, Molly, Molly laced Meth, Adderal, Adderal laced Meth-"

"Molly."

"Molly? You haven't done that one." She winked.

"Ha, yeah well, trying to expand my indulgences."

Beezlebub handed you the pill, dry swallowing, then smiled. "Thank you. Also don't tell Blitz, okay?"

"Sure thing, have fun!"

"I will!" You ran off, trying to enjoy this drug.

Beezlebub looked at her stash, "Oh shit, gave her Molly-Laced Meth, eh it's whatever."

But you didn't know that. You ran downstairs and saw some kegs. Some Imps surrounded you, "Want us to lift it up so you can drink?"

"Fuck yes!" You cheered, lying down on the ground the Imps tipped the keg, and the honey flavor drink washed down your throat.

On the other end, Beezlebub and Blitz are having a drink off.

You never felt like this before. You wiped your mouth with the long sleeve shirt as you felt your heart race, beating way faster than normal. "This feels like Meth." You slurred, having no thoughts in your head.

The drinking mixing with the molly laced meth was doing a number on your body, making your vision become blurry.

You searched for Blitz but couldn't see him. "Blitz!" You shouted as well as stumbling and fall right in the middle of the dance floor because your body became too weak. Beezlebub quickly flew over to you, kneeling down. "Hey hun, you doing alright?"

"I don't feel good." You mumbled, your heart slowly decreasing in speed.

"What else did you take?"

"Drinky."

"Oh shit." She panicked. "You came with Blitz and Loona right?"

"I came on Blitz." You quietly said.

"Okayyyy straight forward, love that about you." Beezlebub helped you up. "Blitz is over there, somewhere."

You wobbled over to where Blitz may be. You caught him making out with some dudes, almost having an orgy.

"Blitz!" You slurred.

"Y/n! Oh thank Satan. I missed you." Blitz was too drunk to realize you did something that he told you not to do. In addition, not knowing you took Meth/Molly. "Fuck, you look so hot right now."

Blitz forced himself onto a very drunk/high you, who doesn't even know what's going on. All you know is that you're enjoying this while your body is shutting down by the minutes. The other guys saw that Blitz was making out with you and  joined on in. The guys slipped their hands up your skirt as you whimpered, thinking it was Blitz. "Fuck, Blitz. Not here."

Confused, Blitz looked and saw it was another guy.

"Oh you FUCKER" He slurred, punching the taller imp.

You felt disgusted. With everything happening your body couldn't take it anymore. You slid your back on the wall and your eyes slowly shutting. You weren't dying, and you didn't fall asleep, but you felt so heavy, yet your heart was racing because of the stimulants.

Blitz not reading the room got down to your level, his lips attacking yours. You grunted, and wrapped your legs around Blitz.

"Oh, piss on a dick!" Loona picked Blitz up, not seeing you underneath who looked like you were about to go in comatose. "What the fuck are you doing, Blitz?"

"Y/n!" He pointed to you, your skirt raised a bit and your legs spread, as well as your eyes closed with your mouth opened a bit.

"Blitz it looks like you fucked Y/n while she’s asleep!"

"No I didn't," He wobbled, "She’s awake."

"Yeah? Well did you know she took Molly laced with  Meth AND drank a whole keg? She’s clearly not doing good physically."

Blitz came with a realization. He turned his head and looked at you. "Oh shit." For the first time he wasn't mad at you for doing drugs, he was worried for your safety.

"Come on." Loona picked you up and swung you over her shoulder while dragging Blitz.

The hellhound laid you in the back seat, Blitz got in and sat beside of you, slapping your face to wake up. "Come on, Y/n."

"Does she need to go to the hospital?"

"No, I don't want her to leave again."

The two argued but Loona eventually gave up.

"Do you need to throw up?"

"Mmm... no."

Loona scoffed, "Yeah, you do"

Blitz carried you inside and laid you down, keeping your head up.

"Loonie can you go to the bathroom and get Narcan?"

"Since when did you buy that?"

"If Y/n ever OD's. Bought it the moment she moved in with me."

Loona gave him a sorrowful look before grabbing it. She threw it to Blitz, he pulled the cap off with his teeth before lifting your shirt up so he can inject it into your chest. He hesitated for a bit but even he doesn't know why. Seeing you in this state breaks him, and it breaks him even more that he has to give you narcan.

He pierced it "into" your heart, gasping and getting as much air in you. You glanced at Blitz and then Loona.

"Welcome back." Loona chuckled. You were still trying to catch your breath. Blitz was in deep thought while staring at you who was hyperventilating.

"Fuck, Fizz was right. I'm gonna die alone, aren't I? Just a wrinkly, old, withered waste. Will you be there, Loonie?"

"I think you got bigger problems, Blitz." She motioned her head towards you.

"I'm gonna die alone...lonely." He mumbled.

"You have Y/n, dad."

"If she dies because of her addiction...I'm gonna die alone."

"She’s not going to die."

The two looked at you who was too out of it to join in the conversation. Blitz could see tears pooling in your eyes because of the light that the TV emitted.

"Now go the fuck to sleep, both of you." Loona entered her room and slammed the door.

Your breathing was back to normal, as well as your heart.

"Blitz I'm so-"

"It's okay," He slurred. "I'm not mad."

"You sure?"

"I'm mad, but I don't hate you. I'm just afraid."

"I know,"

"We can talk about this tomorrow, I'm too drunk."

He laid his head down on your legs. Mumbling some words that you couldn't make out.

Blitz started to gagged, you looked down at him, "You okay?"

Blitz vomited in a split second. "Fuck..yeah I did need to throw up."

You’re afraid this was gonna happen again. Over and over again.

[shy-raccoon]

The damsel in distress slowly starts getting more and more unstable from the unaddressed trauma of being frequently kidnapped. One day they completely snap and the villains start being found mysteriously murdered with increasing brutality.

[longing-for-rain]

Genuinely think some of these new fans posting things like “why do people hate Aang so much uwu meanies!!!” have absolutely no context of what non-canon shippers have been putting up with for the past nearly 20 years now.

We have been harassed relentlessly. We’ve seen these fans, and even the showrunners, make fun of actual children for drawing fan art. We’ve had misogynistic insults hurled at us constantly. I had someone literally spam me with kataang rape/“breeding” porn on Reddit after I said I liked Zuko and Katara together, when I was about 16 years old. I’ve seen my friends called racial slurs for being women of color who dared to like Zutara. I’ve seen kataang stans tell myself and others that we were lying about our own experiences of sexual abuse because we dared to say we felt uncomfortable with the language they used to defend their pookie.

So sorry, but if fandom is “ruined” for you because you saw an opinion about a fictional character you didn’t like, I struggle to have sympathy for you. You care more about the imaginary feelings of a fictional character than actual human beings.

[ghostsessioned]

YOU THINK I WANTED THIS EITHER ?

[time-is-restored]

im seeing so many people say that sophietexas said shit she unequivocably Did Not Say so like. just for my own peace of mind.

when dream asked what she'd said about him/george, she explained that she had tweeted a friend's misogynistic experience with george (without details), which she took down because it 'caused more harm than good' and 'it was becoming more about me [than the victim]'.

they shared a screenshot of the tweet with him

dream, assuming there was more to the story (apparently he'd been told she was talking shit about him?) asked what else she'd said. he also asked why he/george wouldn't know what incident she was referring to if it was 'that bad'

sophie clarified they only tweeted about george, and said the interaction in question was not assault, and they wasn't accusing george of that

dream asked for more details, accusing them of not wanting to 'hear another perspective'. basically saying it wasn't fair that they'd say this shit when it could be a 'miscommunication' or not true

sophie said again she wasn't going to say anything else because it wasn't her story to tell

dream said that was ridiculous, and asked why they'd had positive interactions in the past if she was so negative towards them now

sophie explained george had ignored them + therefore been rude, didn't mention the context, and DREAM said it 'probably happened' in an among us lobby. made a comment about how he'll 'never know' why they don't like him

sophie said she didn't like his attitude. dream said it was hard to have a nice attitude when he was getting texts from people asking why everyone on twitter thinks he's a 'serial rapist'

sophie said that the conversation was getting unproductive, and that she wasn't going to expose her friend. she said she doesn't wish for dreams downfall, and she just wants the creator space to be safer

now, about what she DIDN'T say/do:

she did not accuse george of 'being a misogynist because he ignored her in an among us lobby'. she mentioned that they had been in among us lobbies when dream said he didn't remember her. separately to that, she said that george had ignored her when they'd spoken. seperately to that, the misogynistic behaviour accusation was her sharing a friend's personal experience. all she ever said was that george was rude to her.

they did not accuse george of assaulting anyone (aside from expressing support for caiti), and they clarified that their friend's negative experience was Specifically Not Assault before they deleted all related tweets.

she did not accuse dream of literally anything. i cannot emphasise this enough. dream clearly thought/was told that she said something abt him, and kept asking what 'else' she said apart from the tweet (which she willingly showed). again, all she said about dream was that she thought he was nice, and now thinks he has a bad attitude.

sophie did not share her friend's story in detail because that wasn't what the friend wanted. if you think that's shady, please consider that dream went public in order to accuse connor + sophie of saying shit about him/george without having proof. if sophie had named her friend, or given details, that knowledge would've become public too. then please consider the reaction that caiti has received these past few weeks, after accusing george of something george admitted to. consider the ways people are still calling her a liar, or a clout chaser, or of exaggerating/changing her mind and calling it assault after the fact, after george has agreed that what she said happened happened. would you, knowing that context, want to expose your friend (who already didn't want to come forward personally!) to that level of scrutiny and judgement?

leave sophie the fuck alone come on guys. their 'crime' is not liking george or dream and expressing that to dream's face. they made a tweet on behalf of a friend which they took down bc they felt it was detracting from caiti's story. that's literally it.

[sunny6677]

WARNING FOR SA? Just a thought I had regarding Antinous and Calypso as a survivor of sexual assault myself.

..to be honest, I like.. hate Antinous more than Calypso as a survivor myself? Like not a mouth-foaming severe hatred or anything, but I defintely hate him more than Calypso. I understand why those who believe it was implied Calypso assaulted Odysseus in Epic hate Calypso so much since she uses phrases and behaves in a way that makes people more triggered into hating her character, especially since she may remind them of past abusive relationships. I've been assaulted by a girl before too, so I know what it's like to have a female abuser. However, no one can ever seem to make up their minds on whether she assaulted him or not? So anytime I think of her, I don't know how to feel just because everyone never has a clear answer, and some insist Jorge says she didn't assault him—but that it's still wrong of her to trap Ody. And it is. I just.. haven't been through the type of treatment Calypso puts Ody through? And my abusers haven't acted like Calypso, so I take her less personally.

..however, Antinous, on the other hand.. I've never been triggered by his character since I knew Hold Them Down was coming. But, Gods.. I hate him so much more. He reminds me of everything that hurt me. I tend to dislike some men in general due to how much more men I've been assaulted by than women, and also because of the general way some men behave. He talks in such a disgusting, vulgar, blunt way about Penelope. Not to mention how much of myself I see in Penelope. How much Antinous reminds me of disgusting pervy guys I've met, and even of one who assaulted me in the library when I was younger. Fuck. I just fucking hate Antinous. I like using him as a character for AU's, but holy shit I hate him. With how much of myself I see in Penelope, it makes Antinous feel so much more personal. The type of abuse I've been through is not like how Calypso treated Odysseus, but how Antinous treated Penelope. And Penelope being surrounded by suitors who all want to assault her remind me of all being surrounded by men who just wont take a fucking hint and leave me alone and stop harassing me and godbsayahzysussughhhhherhrhrhdhdghhh

I hate Antinous. I hate him so much more than Calypso. /neg

[saspitidy]

expression sheet wip

[lins-creations]

girl with one eye 🪱

[atticantlers]

learning how to use apple freeform.. (all photos are mine, painting is my own.)

[weltato]

Rating: Teen and Up Category: F/M, Gen Relationships: Paul Matthews/Emma Perkins, Paul Matthews & Ted Spankoffski, Paul Matthews & Peter Spankoffski | Hot Chocolate Boy, Peter Spankoffski | Hot Chocolate Boy & Ted Spankoffski, Paul Matthews & Bill Woodward, Paul Matthews & Alice Woodward Characters: Paul Matthews, Emma Perkins, Peter Spankoffski | Hot Chocolate Boy, Ted Spankoffski, Melissa (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals), Bill Woodward, Alice Woodward

Additional Tags: round 2 electric boogaloo here we go!, Nightmare Time: Hey Melissa!, Fix-It of Sorts, Paul Matthews Needs a Hug, He needs so many hugs, Paul Matthews Loves Emma Perkins, Emma Perkins Loves Paul Matthews, Paulkins - Freeform, how is that not a tag yet? they're the absolute best for each other, the next two need to be tags too, Dead Ted Spankoffski, Traumatized Paul Matthews, Angst, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Nightmares, paul's nightmare is the hey melissa ending, POV Alternating, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, he's still having problems with eating but there's a bit of progress, please stay safe everyone!!, Food Issues, Vomiting, mentions of vomiting, Hurt/Comfort, But also, Hurt No Comfort, Mild Gore, (Ish) - Freeform, without the fic this was inspired by this fic wouldn't be as in-depth as it is, so go read that one it's so good!!, Break Up, BUT NOT REALLY. EMMA IS JUST OVERWHELMED AND PAUL IS CATASTROPHIZING, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, i think i've tagged everything but if not pls let me know and i'll add it :)

Series: Part 1 of 'The 12 Fics of The Holidays (2023)'

Summary: Paul sees Ted's little brother at Beanie's and suddenly he's consumed with thoughts of what Peter knows and if he knows that it's all Paul's fault. Seeing 'Little Petey' ties Paul's stomach up in knots, and nightmares reign supreme.

[A semi-continuation of 'My Home, My Saviour, My Firefighter', but can be read as a standalone.]

PLEASE READ THE TAGS

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

For @lilacthebooklover <3 We just keep running into each other :)

INSPIRED IN PART BY LILAC'S FIC 'Punishment' SO GO READ IT IT'S AMAZING!!

Paul is our traumatized little blorbo and either we heal him or keep him that way >:)

tws/cws also in the Tumblr tags, pls let me know if I've missed any <3

[intomybubble]

From a manga where the supernatural seemed to be more about ghosts thatn youkai, I honestly wasn't expecting full on fucking aliens

Like although the first arc (Ch 1-3) was pretty edgy, it's probably the scariest thing (although not played straight) that could happen to a college girl living away from home for the first time (going to a drinking party, getting your drink spiked, and getting taken advantage of). This poor girl is just a fucking magnet for the supernatural and this all started with her wanting to get a cute boyfriend.

The manga still is an ecchi seinen, but the supernatural encounters have been interesting (especially in comparison to Ghostly Things that I read yesterday) and the exorcist thats been helping her out is hot (I love him) and he's pretty nice despite being standoffish.

This series is called Scary Campus College University

[margo-mania]

Oopsies!

[kirnet]

I said I was gonna rest my wrist today lol but I want to draw all of the illustrations for the actium website that I’m gonna use for buttons/navigation teehee

[still-nix-d-goffic]

This manga needs to stop calling me out like this.

[phoenix-positivity]

vent art, portraying a visualization I had during emdr where I became feline and attacked my abuser's arms in a feral state of panic and self defense, clawing and biting to try and get his arms to let go of me and not touch me anymore

[unuhuuuurg]

ED talk

I keep getting these flashback of when I was 12 up until 15/16 yo in the waiting room at the docto,there was a comic about this girl who went on vacation with her friends and over the course of a few day developed an eating disorder.

I always have been a fat kid and well eds were part of m'y life since forever because of bullying,diets that my mom would put me and SA by a family member.

And every god damn time I go to this waiting room every time I would pick up this damn book and read again and again and again.

I remember saying to myself,"welp guess my goal would be to eat less and less each meals up until I loose enought kilos and all my problems will be gone :D"

And it's stuck with me,I'm now 21 yo and remembering how obesse I was with all of this makes my sick brain even more fucked up.

Like relapsing hard hard hard atm, ED,self-harm,bad self,ect

I am again at the starting point of romantization of this pain and all of it and feeling some kind of weird comfort.