#mental health venting
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Truly one of the more frustrating recurring experiences of trying to navigate life as a grown-ass person with ADHD is that like… it’s so goddamn hard to keep my brain (which is, y’know, diagnosably deficient in Reward Self for Accomplishing Task juice) motivated to put forward the effort to take care of chores and errands and shit, because I have so many unpleasant memories of failing at that sort of thing and I feel so little sense of reward (or even relief) when I do get things done that it’s this huge effort to not just… ignore tasks until they develop into a Bullshit Avalanche that I can no longer ignore? And when I do force myself to Do Something, running into obstacles can make me feel so frustrated and embarrassed that it’s almost as if I’m being punished for trying to accomplish the task and it would have been better not to try in the first place
Like today I noticed that I’d worked about an extra hour over the last few days, and instead of doing overtime I was like “ok, it’s payday and the ‘get your oil changed, bitch’ light has been on for a while, let’s clock out at the 40 hour mark and go do that before it’s time to pick my wife up from work so I don’t have to try to make that happen this weekend”
Which meant not just the actual task of taking the car to the oil change place, but also sheepishly explaining to the folks there that a) I did not have the financial means to be upsold on anything that was not likely to be a life or death issue before tax refunds come in so please don’t bother unless you are literally afraid for my life if I don’t get the additional service, and b) I actually already know about the headlight that’s out and the old-ass air filter but please don’t replace them, I have the replacements in the car and just keep forgetting to install them myself and only remembering about it when I don’t have time or the engine is too hot for me to go feeling around for where the fucking headlight bulb goes
And to add insult to that injury, they finish up and I’m like, oh. Right.
I lost my debit card like 2-3 weeks ago (yay, absolute garbage perception of time) and KNOW it’s on the floor of the car or maybe in my apartment somewhere so I haven’t reported it lost to get a replacement I just need to find it but the car’s a huge mess and I keep always being too tired or busy when I think about it. And also it’s hard to not be underemployed when I don’t have the spoons to look for a better paying job on top of holding down the job I have, and my wife has similar issues, and the cost of living these days, guys, am I right?? And we’ve got a little windfall coming soon that will help us pay off our debts, but crucially. That is still ‘soon’ and hasn’t happened yet. Anyway so the credit card is apparently maxed out from us having to use it to get around not being paid a living wage the last couple of years :))))))) And the “emergency use only because the bill goes to my parents’ house and I don’t want to abuse the privilege of having parents who can afford to and are willing to help financially when I really need it or to keep being a burden on them, and also they WILL judge me if anything unnecessary is on there” card in my wallet is expired and the new one is somewhere in the kitchen (or living room?) mess at home so I can’t use that right now either
So I had to explain in front of the other customers that I just straight up forgot that the only functioning card in my wallet was maxed out and like, stand there while she looked at records to confirm I was a regular client who’d never pulled shit like this before and also put a note on my file so they could like, know about it and refuse service in the future if I didn’t make good on my promise to come back and pay once I pick my wife (and their debit card) up from work in an hour and a half
And the embarrassment of all of that so thoroughly outweighs whatever minuscule satisfaction my brain can derive from “but I got the task done!” that it feels like I didn’t accomplish anything and also like I put myself through a shitty awkward experience for (what feels like) nothing. And it’s that, but with like…. every fucking thing that I have to deal with when I get home from work and I’m tired and my meds have worn off. So I just have to keep powering my way through a wall of experiences telling me “you will have all of the suffering and experience none of the reward, OR you could not bother and do something that does make you feel nice instead because wow fuck that” for EVERY GODDAMN LITTLE THING.
Anyway I love my brain for so many things, but goddamn it would be great if the “positive reinforcement machine broken” issue impaired me as little as ableists seem to think it should
#long post#well. longish#personal#actually adhd#adhd#adhd problems#adult adhd#mental health#executive functioning issues#venting#mental health venting
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Depression comic
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yeah, sorry i exhibited symptoms of the disorder i told you i have. it will happen again because i have that disorder and will continue having it. hope this helps!! 🫶🫶🫶
#bpd#actually bpd#actually borderline#bpd vent#bpd safe#bpd thoughts#bpd problems#bpd blog#bpd mood#borderline personality disorder#actually mentally ill#cluster b#i don’t have access to treatment/meds 🫶#cluster a#cluster c#mental health#mental illness#disability
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when someone doesn’t wanna tell me what i did wrong and suddenly i’m 8 years old wondering what i did to make my mom mad again
#bpd safe#bpd thoughts#bpd vent#bpd#mentally exhausted#actually mentally ill#borderline personality disorder#tw depressing thoughts#depressing shit#sadgirl#sad thoughts#bpd shit#shitpost#mental health#mentally fucked#mental illness#mentally unstable#tired
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On Isolation
#alina tries to draw#vent art#isolation#actually adhd#mental health#childhood trauma#rejection sensitive dysphoria#RSD
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#menhera#mental health#actually borderline#actually bpd#actually mentally ill#borderline blog#borderline personality disorder#bpd#bpd thoughts#bpd vent#borderline problems#bpd feels#bpd meme#jirai kei#jirai boy#jirai danshi#jirai#jiraiblogging#jiraiblr#地雷系#mood swings#mentally exhausted#mentally unstable#mental health awareness#mental illness
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i thought i was at my lowest but holy shit it gets lower
#woke up feeling more lost and out of touch with myself.. my surroundings and my partner all in the span of a night.. what the hell..#i really need a new therapist. specifically a dbt therapist but i have really weird health insurance so there's not many options..#i just really need someone that i feel open enough to talk to about anything and that will actually help me and not just use the dumbass#worn out therapist lines..#bpd shitposting#actually bpd#actually mentally ill#bpd#actually borderline#bpd vent#bpd fp#bpd favorite person#bpd mood#bpd problems#sorry 4 the long rant in tags :/
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#mental health#mental illness#mental wellbeing#positive mental attitude#adhd#mental wellness#positivity#self healing#therapy#body positive#narcissistic personality disorder#npd#actually npd#cluster b#cluster c#borderline personality disorder#bpd#actually bpd#bpd vent#bpd thoughts#aspd#stigma
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#bpd#bpd blog#bpd meme#bpd memes#relatable memes#bpd life#bpd mood#bpd problems#borderline memes#bpd episode#bpd stuff#bpd splitting#bpd vent#actually bpd#mentally insane#mentally unstable#mental illness memes#mental health blog#mentally fucked#mental health#actually mentally ill#trauma posting#trauma vent
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#tw sui ideation#tw s3lf harm#tw self destruction#dissociation#tw depressing thoughts#depressing quotes#depressing shit#depressing life#mental health#mental illness#actually bpd#bpd#bpd vent#bpd thoughts#bpd mood#bpd problems#bpd stuff
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#bpd safe#bpd thoughts#bpd vent#bpd#mentally exhausted#actually bpd#sadgirl#depressing shit#mental health#mental illness#mentally fucked#mentally unstable#actually mentally ill#disordered eating mention#self h@rm#suic1de#bpd stuff#substance addiction#sad thoughts#substance abuse#anxienty#addiction#actually borderline#shitpost#trauma#eating disoder trigger warning#ed culture#bpd feels#tw depressing thoughts#tw drugs
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sorry I ghosted you I wanted to see if you cared about me and would miss me if I was gone
#bpd vent#actually bpd#bpd thoughts#bpd#actually mentally ill#mental illness#mental health#mentally fucked
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"You'll be fine" - Dude, it's been 10 years...
#bpd#actually bpd#bpd thoughts#tw sui ideation#actual bpd#borderline personality disorder#actually mentally ill#bpd vent#mental illness#tw self destruction#actually borderline#borderline blog#mentally insane#mental instability#mentally unstable#mental health
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My Podcast
Hey, hey my beautiful people. If you don’t know I have a podcast you can listen to and catch up with me more often if you are following our journey. You can find the podcast on Spotify, Apple, Google, and other platforms as well. Or you can follow the link https://anchor.fm/parentingmentalillness and it will take you directly to all of my episodes. You can start from the beginning when I was at…
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#Bipolar#Coaching#Disabilities#Disabled#Life Coach for Parents#Mental health#Mental Health Positive#Mental Health Venting#mental illness advocate#mental illness supporter#overthinking#Single mom with mental illnes#Single parent#Struggle
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#menhera#mental health#borderline personality disorder#actually borderline#actually bpd#actually mentally ill#borderline blog#bpd#bpd thoughts#bpd vent#borderline problems#bpd meme#bpd feels#bpd problems#personality disorder#jirai boy#jiraiblogging#jirai kei#jirai#jirai danshi#jiraiblr#landmineblogging#landmineblr#landmine kei#landmine type#mentally unstable#identity crisis
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my soul is too sensitive for this life.
#bpd fp#bpd feels#bpd mood#bpd stuff#bpd vent#actually bpd#bpd thoughts#bpd problems#bpd#bpd safe#bpd culture is#bpd shit#depressing quotes#tw depressing thoughts#tw depressing stuff#depressing life#sorry for being depressing#depressiv#depressing shit#sad writing#mentally fucked#mentally insane#mentally unstable#actually mentally ill#mental illness#mental health#sad words#sad sad sad#sad but true#sadnees
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