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#maybe I need to message first idk
shellyseashell · 3 months
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*chants to myself that it’s midnight and i need to go to sleep*
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#im not dead quit asking#I'm just really really really not doing well#sorry if i scared anyone. that wasnt my intent#things got. let's say worse. for me irl. more complicated for sure#i hate to publicize my breakdown I really do. but maybe i... need this? in a weird way?#i haven't really been adjusting well to having a platform online. that's not anyone's fault but mine ofc#i feel that my 'fans' (if ive earned the right to call them that) dont and frankly cant ever care for me as a person#i dont know you and you dont know me. you dont know all of me at least. just what i make public. what i allow others to see#i had it kinda bullied into me that i need to keep my mouth shut abt my own issues. and ive spent a lot of this year trying to unlearn that#maybe publicizing this is a bad idea anyway#I just know ive been more honest abt my emotions and my personal life with my friends and my partner#and not everyone enjoys it but i know I'm not like. traumadumping so i feel somewhat assured that anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt my life-#-probably wasnt all that interested in forming a close relationship w me to begin with. even if theyre friendly at first#everyone else; the people who I know care about me; have shown me that through their actions#my point is being honest abt how youre doing w other ppl is a good idea. revolutionary i know lol#and i still don't know a lot of you personally but#parasocial or not i got some very genuine sounding messages while I was gone. and i. feel really bad that i worried those people#I guess theres my proof that people would care if i disappeared suddenly. people would notice pretty quick it seems#im never gonna kms btw. even if i didnt have the support i have im simply too stubborn to die lol. to put it lightly#and to those who thought this was abt fandom drama: it's not. those who shall not be named are genuinely the least of my problems these days#I'm on a journey of self actualization. or something. im trying to get my shit together. im trying to stop being clinically depressed lol#but god keeps throwing wrenches in my plans and. i beat myself up about it too much#but that's just life. they say you make a plan and god laughs#im. trying to be okay with just riding the wave. im impatient but if i keep trying to somehow speed up time im just gonna exhaust myself#which I think is where im at now. burnt out#and on top of all that i still feel this need to like. perform for you guys#if i dont keep making content everyone will forget i exist. if i dont make another video essay this year can i even call myself a youtuber#etc etc. its the spiral its impostor syndrome we've all been there#im trying to end this on a positive note but idk. i dont have all the answers yet#hoping i figure it out soon. i hope you dont forget me in the meantime
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vaugarde · 9 days
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okay so as a gen 5 stan who does adore the story in bw and bw2, and now that gen 5 has experienced both a vicious hatedom that wouldnt hear a single positive thing about the games, and now a super protective fandom that insists they were perfect and had zero flaws... can we admit now that the bw1 story at least was. a little mid.
#just a little. just a little.#i am saying this as someone who adores it and loves the characters a lot#...... but good god team plasma kinda sucks ass as an evil organization#bw2 is sorta better about them with the split factions but in the first game theyre so obnoxious and come across as strawmen#the game talks about how the world is nuanced and not black and white and its not good to take extreme sides#but then. it sorta does that with the protagonists? by refusing to talk about abused pokemon that werent hurt by team plasma?#obviously they are wrong. the game hammers it in with a mallet. but is it really nuanced if our stance is ''ha ha thats silly''#and yeah groups like plasma exist irl but like. as someone who cares abt animal rights and stuff a lot. i feel like they fumbled it here#the answer shouldnt have been ''well ig some pokemon get hurt. we wont talk about them though. watch the grunt kick a munna''#it shouldve been about animal welfare. like maybe instead of becoming assistant professor; bianca couldve become a nurse joy#or she couldve joined some organization that rescues and rehabilitates pokemon from abusive trainers. maybe the reformed plasma from bw2#and before someone goes ''erm its a kids game they cant do that :/ thats too complicated'' first of all- the anime showed a malnourished te#tepig#kids can handle a bit of text next to a skittish lillipup thats like ''its scared of humans'' or something and its being cared for by someo#someone''#plus the side games were tackling much heavier shit at this point#also again they were apparently fine with a grunt kicking a munna and bragging about how he loves doing that so.#like even as a kid i felt like that scene was really over the top and stupid#team plasma feels less like an attempt to do commentary on harmful animal rights ideas that lead to ecofascism and dont care abt the animal#true needs#and more like gamefreak read a lot of obnoxious critical pokemon posts like ''lmao training is like dogfighting'' and ''this promotes anima#abuse!'' and just made a strawman out of those people. and like i agree thats all stupid but it sorta hurts the message of the game#that the world is very nuanced and taking extremes is bad and reductive.#and this isnt getting into poor story and gameplay integration and other stuff like underutilized characters (you know exactly who i mean)#idk. again i still adore the story and have a huge soft spot for it. but i think the only reason people say its perfect is out of defensive#defensiveness and not having engaged with a ton of video game stories. and pokemon stories not being fantastic in general#like i think pla is better put together story wise than this game and its got less going on than this#echoed voice
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jrueships · 2 months
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guess whos not going in at all this week, actually
#MY MANAGER EMAILED LIKE 2 HOURS B4 I HAD TO GO IN#she finally changed my schedule (1 day) to the night shift today#(i emailed her to be safe just kinda casually reaffirming im going in at the new time & then asking if any other shifts wanted 2 be changed#bcs that sounds great to me whstever option she goes with#she ignored that question & i get a new email from her asking if i completed a training. lets called it DOC#basically a long time ago she said 'i will send you DOC instructions soon' .. a few days pass and i get three 50 paged packets#one is called NAVIGATING DOC#im like oh ok cool that must be the DOC training shes talking abt bcs the other 2 packets were abt various trainings#NAH BRUH. APPARENTLY THE DAY IM SUPPOSED TO GO IN. SHE MESSAGES ME SOME ENTIRELY ALIEN PROGRAM#and is like 'u completed this right? cus if u didnt u cant come in today.'#LIKE?? MAYBE I WOULDA IF U SENT THE SHIT#but it's also like. dam i shouldve emailed prompting her to send what she said she would n clarifying BUT FUCK#WHY DO I GOTTA?? IM NOT THE MANAGER#she literally told me the name of the program rn thru email so i type it in and see like four hour long modules to complete#mind u i aint never even been informed a WHISPER abt this new program. nothings even labeled DOC TRAINING#but my struggle is. was i notified this?? and i just didnt see??? was i supposed to clarify with her what the DOC training was exactly??#the only thing ive heard abt doc training b4 this is 'i need to send u DOC training soon' in EMAIL. so i expected an alert#abt THE DOC TRAINING... in an EMAIL notification. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS#idk man#i dont even care bro like im busy as hell & the work is just to build clinic hours so i dont care abt the money factor#it's just like. can we get this first day jitters thing over with already?? im so over this bro#yaddayadda i emailed her an apology n ill be on that ASAP shit. but i did let her know i am basically justnnow seeing this site#n if there was any email or notif that couldve/tried to inform me of its existence 2 pls let me know / figure out how to find it#so the issue doesnt occur again & i dont have to keep botherinher which im so srry of bcs med is stress n shes just trying to get by#but still bro im a lil miffed bcs she probably thinks im stupid now and now im wondering if i AM#bcs WDYM ONLINE MODULES. AINT NOBODY SAID SH IT EVEN ABT THE EXISTENCE OF THEM!!! i wouldve pressed harder 4 clarification#if i knew it was an ONLINE MODULE i had to look out for on some randomass site i didnt even know the name of until now#instead of the EMAIL UVE BEEN 'COMMUNICATING' WITH ME ON#ARREGHHHHHHHH IM NOT STUPID. I SWEAR IM NOT STUPID FUCCK MY BAKA LIFE
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godnectar · 1 year
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How do I becum a good writer like you
wouldn't know if 'm actually a good writer tbh,, but ig that if you wanna improve, some things u should try to do are:
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♡ ── (obviously) write because you like to and want to, and definitely not because you feel obligated to 😭
i know it's impossible to always be happy doing the same thing over and over again and always be inspired, but as much as it sucks whenever author's block gets to you, don't push yourself to go and finish that work that has been sitting on your drafts for weeks because, 1) I can assure u most of the time it still probably won't convince you completly even if it's already finished, and 2) it's ofc bad for your physical and mental health >:
♡ ── have at least some basic knowledge on the topic you wanna write about and spend some bits of your time learning more about it 🫶
this certainly depends on what is it that you specialize on, in my case being yandere babes :D evidently, I wouldn't be able to write about yandere archetypes and everything that it involves if I don't know shit about what that is– and even after knowing the essentials, you will have to make some research and learn about it in a more developed level to add depth and accuracy to your writing. doing this can help you understand better the nuances and intricacies of the subject matter, which will def make your writing more engaging and compelling.
♡ ── expand your vocabulary, correct on grammar and spelling mistakes & make sure it sounds nice 👆
👏 literature 👏 is 👏 a 👏 form 👏 of 👏 art 👏 and yeah, this might probably sound cringy and obvious and whatever bs internet uses these days to describe everything,, but I learnt about it since I was seven and it never went away — art is made to express, communicate and entertain. in literature, a writing will appeal more to a reader with it's coherence and cohesion, with it's fluidity and with it's artistry. by correcting those things, you will not just make it more attractive, but will also develop a certain style depending on what tone u use while writing.
♡ ── read as much as you can and keep whatever feedback you receive (as long as it's constructive) in mind! 💬
it doesn't matter if what you read are just smutty fics on this hellsite or if you adore collecting and having entire bookshelves filled with classics. the thing is that, even if each author is different, we all want to reach an audience if we publish our works. if you find someone who writes about the same topic as you, if you pay attention on what makes them successful, or what does their audience and followers like and dislike, you will learn about small things that will make your own work more pleasant and entertaining. of fucking course, this doesn't mean nor refer that you can or should plagiarize anyone's writing.
♡ ── make drafts and take notes,,,, a big ass amount 🤡
don't be afraid or think it looks awful having +69 drafts unfinished deep in your acc,, absolutely all practice is good practice. even if you don't have your phone or laptop around, if you're on class or at your workplace or something, if you have an idea – no matter how small – write it down wherever you can and develop it as much as you want. it's impossible to improve without practice 😭
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viridian-rat · 1 month
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thats not true, you should always be willing to ask for help, to rely on others
thats part of the trainer journey after all, making connections and friends and relying on one another during tough times
rat, you have a community that is willing to help you, dont take that for granted
but. but what will i do when its just me? and theres no one around to help?
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g0thsoojin · 2 months
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#i dont understand why he everytime has not wanted to actually tell me how he feels for me#like... ???#idk...#i feel like even as a friend if i told him abt my romantic feelings#isnt it only right to say that yes i like u too or no i dont like u that way#bc it really bothers me that he just wont talk abt it#he just wont tell me how he feels#he just says i mean a lot to him#but i need to know more and i've wanted to know that for so long#like i've told him that i love him and want to be with him and want to work thru issues together#whh cant he just tell me how he feels#why cant he just say that no i dont want u romantically anymore but i did at one point#or no i only thought of u as a potential option#like idc what it is i just want him to tell me so i can fkn know how to deal with it#but it tortures me that i have no fkn idea#and when i read back old messages#i get so confused i dont know what he means or thinks or feels#he's told me that im the 2nd closest to his heart but then when i told him i was in love he said that he couldnt make me feel seen the way#i'd need to at that time but then i wait and give him space and then he suddenly has another gf without even thinking to tell me!#idk sometimes im like yeah maybe he cares abt me thats true#but it feels like he doesnt even respect me enough to talk to me? i told him i was scared everyday for weeks after his first gf#and that i checked everyday in fear that he'd have a gf again and not tell me#and then he went and did that again... like i just dont fkn know#i dont know where tf i stand with him#and i've tried asking him but then he said that he feels close to a panic attack so i back off#and then he has a gf out of nowhere#and then i cant ask bc every single fkn time i ask him to talk abt smth#he just says he cant deal with it right now but 'now' never comes and he never talks abt anything w me#but with someone else he can be in a relationship with#the more i think the more i realize that this isnt what i want
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bunnihearted · 2 months
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🍓
#for how long am i gonna wake up.. and have my first thought be him#and then wish that when i look at my phone i will have messages waiting from him#where he said gm and told me abt his day like i had every day for a while..#and then suddenly get anxiety pain in my whole chest and stomach#bc i know i dont have any messages from him. and that we dont really talk anymore#and now idek if he would want to keep message me every once in a while#am i gonna keep living off of the high from one message from him now and then?#like idk :((( it's just so painful#and it does hurt more now bc... for a long time i still hade hope that like ofc we will talk!!!!! when he's ready to talk#we will talk abt everything and it will all be fine ^-^ i really really had trust and belief in that#like i genuinely thought that would happen. bc to /me/ this is the most real and strong thing i've had#which truly i understand is also naive and unwordly of me and also im very intense and emotional abt things#so truly i cannot get mad abt it only have been the one thing to want and to wanna fight for#bc yeah.. ig it just stings a lot more than just a crush bc to me.. like i sound so silly and naive but i should just vent#bc like yeah... i dont have any friends to talk to or a therapist or anything and i need to talk T-T#it's embarrassing but to me i really felt like i had found my person.. the person who i wanted to be the closest to in the world..#felt the kind of love where i would do anything and fight for it to even have a chance.. and yeah..#ig i was very naive to have the 'certainty' that .. i was just waiting and being patient and giving him space. maybe that wasnt actually#what he needed. but w my avpd i didnt know how to be pushy or.. like how to be enough pushy like he would need#without being too intense to push him too far away from me. bc im intense.. so i know that even if he's right for me#im not right for him bc i could not give him what he needs.. :(((#but yeah.. everyday i wake up w so much sadness bc i know i wont get to talk to him all day#and now the sadness is coupled with intense dread and anxiety#bc honestly i have no idea if he'll ever reply to me again or how much we will talk if we even will at all.#and the thought of life without him and not even have him in it even a little makes me wanna die lol#idk.. idk... bc i wont get to have what i want.. which is to simply be with him. but yeah idk... idk#it pains me sm that ... we never did talk to find out whatever was between us. and regardless of intent on his behalf that does make me fee#*i* am the one who valued and cared abt our 'bond' more than he did... but it is what it is it is what it is#it just hurts... bc i found someone i both thought and wanted it to be real with. but... i never even got a chance to try or talk abt it#which also is life.. if he found someone (twice) that he did like enough to want to try with but not with me.. that's just how he felt..
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chiistarri · 4 months
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whos initials am i supposed to look for in slideshows now
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dullahandyke · 8 months
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the thing is even as my version of the ace attorney universe is heavily modified to fit the themes of the characters within it, idk if thats even the right choice for the place to put them in bcos its not quite working. but also sooo much of it plays on aa status quo that id have to entirely reinvent parts if i wanted to preserve that effect
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blk-xniverse · 11 months
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This year's just... yearing.
#So tired of folks thinking they can play in my face + continue to be disrespectful with little to no consequences in return#I am NOT the same girl I used to be#I'm not just gon sit on my hands + take it AND that infuriates them SO bad#cause it's like... 'who do you think you are??? you think you allowed to take up for yourself??? defend yourself?? set BOUNDARIES???'#and that shit blows bc then they feel like they can challenge me to see if I'll fold or not which is even more disrespectful on top of the -#- shit that was already going on in the first place#like if I gotta go through AAAALLL that for a weak ass connection then I gladly let it go but don't let me say that -#- bc then it's an even BIGGER showdown bc I be letting em know that if they gon keep disrespecting me + my folks then they need to get tf on#very simple terms imo but mfs want to fight + be passive-aggressive all day like.... ain't nobody got the time nor the energy for allat fr#and as soon as me and my sisters stand our ground we magically become the villains and the bad guys#and this shit is spread to whoever is willing to listen and this shit irks so bad sometimes ngl bc idfw ppl lying on our characters#this year has completely SUCKED in terms of my connections with ppl and that makes me real life not want to talk to anybody ever again bc#ppl always pretending to be something they not to get what they want out of us#+ as soon as we fall short/make a mistake/unable to do a thing then the mask falls off + they become the most disgusting person ever!!!!!#and it's like... who tf is this person???? this aint who i befriended???? hello?????#and the lamest part about all of that is that we are always 1000% ourselves so we automatically expect folks to do the same with us#and maybe that's our fault for thinking like that idk but at the end of the day the shit is wack#and I just plan on being in hermit mode for as long as time permits + until i get a sign/message to do something else#if anybody read all of this: thanks for reading + sending you so so so much love + kindness into your life! We for sure all need it 🫶🏾✨️✨️#abtme#4:26 pm
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shroomierambles · 11 months
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why’s it so embarrassing when u start catching feelings for someone aaaaaahhhhhh
#he’s simply a Silly Goofy Guy#not beating the Goofy Bi Guy stereotype lol#I do feel quite silly waitin for his ig notifs since he started dming me tho#unfortunately I do be Experiencing Feelings 😔#but also fun vibes cause it’s been awhile since I Started Talking To someone irl (like not including dating app chats)#not that we’re Talking™. idk if we are. idk. social interactions are confusing lol#maybe we are maybe not ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#we messaged a bit yesterday when he messaged first#then today I sent him a meme & we’ve been messaging for awhile#he’s working on a play & we we’re chatting before the show started & I thought that might’ve been it#but he messaged again after it finished & we’ve been talking a lil while now too :)#he’s rly friendly tho & we were kinda just becoming friends so it could well be just Next Stage Of Friendship#cause it’s not like either of us have said anything flirty or anything. just talkin & joking#plus he’s a few years younger than me- not in a creepy way. both legal adults in college-#I just usually have a weird thing with age gaps over like 2 years because of a personal negative experience#so it would just make me feel better if I don’t initiate anything first#I’ll let him do that if he wants to & then ask if he had any thoughts about the bit of age difference#if anything were to get that far. who’s to say. he’s a v chill platonic friend too if that’s where things go :)#need more funny goofy friends in my life :)#ok I’m done lmao#shroomie rambles#shroomie long tags
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iinvisiblelockt · 1 year
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there is something about the way barbie explores the dynamic between women and other women—mothers and daughters, friendships, sisters, whatever—that just made me feel so warm and peaceful and understood after. of course it just gets it so right. it gets so much better the more i think about the movie, but nothing feels better than the bliss of sitting in the theater bathroom stall smiling to myself, feeling like i left the equivalent of a celebratory hug of girlhood.
thinking about that time my therapist suggested i go to a gynecologist after opening up about my pregnancy scares, and how it was advice “coming from another woman.” feeling hesitant but also knowing there was a mutual understanding that i was really maturing, she watched me mature, she saw her experience in my own.
thinking about the time i called my mom and she talked to me for the first time about dating and told me she just wanted to protect myself and i insisted that i could. then i ended up sitting at a table with my roommates and swearing i was imparted with generational knowledge and that my mom really was just like me.
there’s a lot said in the barbie movie and i think there’s just a lot to be understood from it too. its so feminine in its entirety and that’s just my favorite part. it’s hard to really get it all into words and even putting it into words can’t get everything—
there’s so much you just have to feel.
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pepprs · 2 years
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ok. im officially on winter break. 🥲
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unreadpoppy · 1 year
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Hope this doesn't sound weird but anyone who has auditory processing disorder could help me?
Like, after reading some stuff about it from articles, and looking at many people's personal accounts, i feel like i might have auditory processing disorder but I'm not sure so I want to ask a few things.
Can someone send some good resources on the topic.
Can you self diagnose with auditory processing disorder?
If not, what doctor do you go to, to get checked?
And if there were exams, how were they like?
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caruliaa · 1 year
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need to clean up my room so one last listen to speak now og version
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